The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#362: Organizing Tupperware

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Arizona Gov. Ducey finally issues a “Stay At Home” for the state and Doug is just fed up with this quarantine already.Get a BONUS episode each month by subscribing through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. ALL levels of support will get direct message access to the podcast and instant access to a Bonus episode every month plus all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).Recorded March 31st, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Ms. Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Until further notice, check out upcoming dates at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. Just get on the Mailing List so you can keep up to date for new shows.LINKS -OMAX HEALTH – If you’re looking to get rid of nagging muscle and joint pain immediately while providing long lasting recovery, then you NEED to try the natural, breakthrough pain relief solution, CryoFreeze CBD Roll-On developed by Omax Health Get 20% off a full bottle of CryoFreeze CBD Pain Relief Roll-On, plus free shipping! Go to omaxhealth.com and enter promo code ‘STANHOPE’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and sitewide!Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast is that a point did you point at me you gotta look at me did you point at me i did that's my attitude did you just point at me as these days wear on, waiting for the hurricane to the center of the storm? The eye? The eye of the storm, waiting for that, waiting for the apex. The curve? Yeah, waiting for the curve.

The apex of the curve. Tracy's mic'd, by the way. Yeah, Tracy's lav'd up. Lav'd up. Are you still getting interference? No, it's good. I like that you said that, that we could actually do this all on lavs.

We could walk the dog and podcast. Kevin Nealon taking on, what is it? Hike with Kevin? That video podcast? We were watching it at the shop, GRP. Kevin Nealon meets people up in the Hollywood Hills. They go for a hike, and he's holding a selfie stick with a GoPro on it. Yeah, it's good.

I almost listened to a podcast today, but I spent two days just working on the book, which is his perfect timing i wish this pandemic had started when i started the book and everyone left me alone then but uh yeah my attitude has changed the first uh you know many days i was on Twitter. I was happy. Now we put out that high podcast, which I barely remembered the next day. All I remembered was forcing your hand. Put it out,

Chaley, no matter what. Yes, this is good. Don't edit a thing. And then I get some good comments, but the one I, the first fucking comment,

Nikki fits. You know what? Go. He's the guy. it a thing then i get some good comments but the one i the first fucking comment nikki fits you know what go he's the guy he sent me that time square album oh one of the best soundtracks from the most obscure movies ever time squared is the name of the movie unbelievable soundtrack that song like i just know it because of that one song by Saul. Saul Williams? No, no, no. That's a documentary. That's also one of the best soundtracks.

Oh, Your Daughter Is One. Yeah, Your Daughter Is One. Yeah, a lot of backstories, a lot of history in my life with that album. And he sent it to me. And then he said, hey, did you get that album? Right after we'd done, like, two podcasts ago. I think the first one back from all of us back quarantined here. me and then he said hey did you get that album right after we done like two podcasts ago i think the first one back from all of us back quarantined here uh in the fun house and i went oh shit i'm

really sorry i forget to thank you on yesterday's podcast and then he wrote back at both you know email addresses that go to the same place hey if i wasn't looking for a thank you you guys you know the nice email you go this guy's nice and then it was turned into one of those things where he just now he thinks we're fucking buddies and he can just wake me up by saying don't ever do a podcast hi again it was fucking awful you sucked oh he's a he's a show consultant now yes yes, yes, he is. And I don't have a turntable to play. I'll look up those songs on the internet because I'll send your fucking album back. I kind of I had fun. I remember laughing my balls off and I got some good compliments on Twitter after that went out.

But all I remember is you, Nicky Fitz, with your fucking unsolicited advice and uh yeah it kind of queered my whole face sour again because people were being very positive on twitter and as this wears on people are losing that kinship for fucking humankind and then everyone's getting a little fucking nasty and it rubs off on me. That was one thing. That was one exchange. I know, but I think it's because I've been working hard on that book. And that fucking book is good. It's good. But then I run into notes.

Alex gave me great notes and like Alex gave me great notes and Audible gave me great notes and then some of them suck and you go no I have to learn how to ignore them I've written I know what I'm saying and this is an Audible book

so I'm getting notes about grammar I don't know grammar it's an fucking audible book. No one listens to a set of mine and says, oh, yeah, that's called an ellipses. Are you married to the Oxford comma? Right word, Tracy. English major.

Yeah, it's... Well, notes are suggestions, aren't they? Mm-hmm. I mean, that's really what it is. I know, but I'm finding places to be bitter. Like, when I was just quarantining and not working, just cleaning up the house, I've invented some food.

I don't know if you guys have done anything with your stores of shit that you go, ah, we'll probably never eat that. But now, yeah, we're going to make something out of it. I made mashed cartatos today. Mashed cartatos. Yeah, because I had some mini carrots. So I steamed them.

Mini carrots like the little tiny baby ones? Yeah, like if you had a full set of teeth, you might eat at a happy hour spread. But no, I like them fucking smooshy, like pot roast. So I'd steamed those up last week, and they're just still sitting there. For a week? Yeah, in the fridge.

You laugh, but I was right. I guess it's a week. I don't know. I'm on like day 10 or 11. It just bleeds together. But I had potatoes, so I steamed up potatoes and re-steamed the carrots until they were equally mushy you double steamed the carrots yeah i steamed them again yes with new potatoes

in equal portions are you feeding a baby like a newborn with no no teeth yeah like smushy things what do you eat raw potatoes? I eat raw carrots. I enjoy a nice par-cooked carrot. No, they're terrible. But if you smush them together like mashed potatoes and mashed carrots, it's like butternut squash.

You put in salt, pepper, butter, and a little bit of cinnamon. Fuck, it tastes just like butternut squash. I woke up. Are we out of butternut squash. I woke up. Are we out of butternut squash in the community? Do you want to try it? No, certainly.

You're selling it. What's the opposite of salivating? Dehydrating. Why don't you just do butternut squash? They've got frozen butternut squash. I don't go to the store. I'm in a fucking quarantine, you weirdo. He was talking about using the last of his stores okay yeah i get it i i mean i

gave her a mic dave raider who was the original person that said oh i won't even talk to anyone who's seen stanhope if he doesn't quarantine when he gets back. So hence my quarantine. When I heard that rumor going around that I'm some fucking typhoid Mary, which worked out perfectly, but he's been kind and texted me when he's going to Safeway. Is there anything you need? Yes. Club soda for my vodka.

So we have plenty of vodka and club soda. We hoard differently than other folk but he came over four of us all go to the supermarket at this at different times and we all get the same thing it's not really hoarding right we're just we just didn't communicate it's not hoarding if it's not in demand yeah so yeah there's plenty of vodka on the shelves and there's plenty of club soda on the shelves. But Rader comes over in that. He's wearing the Breaking Bad respirator. The same one.

That's the one Joby had to borrow to do his hot wing challenge with the fucking ghost peppers to cook in his own house. It was that violent. So, yeah, he shows up at up at like 7 30 in the morning dave raider with a fucking that mask on for real did you wear that to the store yeah he wears that fucking too safe way i thought he was just being funny dropping shit off now so but he's he's very kind if he thinks the risk is that bad and he's still delivering things it's very kind someone at safeway today when i was walking in uh without a mask without gloves just just as a human would and uh i'm not saying i'm not discounting you know

that's fine if people if that makes them feel secure but people forget that they're wearing what they're wearing and someone walking out with a like a like a uh dust storm budan budana thing and uh glasses like wraparounds and and i had oh sorry i'm like hey and i'm like who the fuck is that oh that, that was the other thing. Raider brought over Beats because he's made two runs. And I just, and Joby made a run to Walmart today. Oh, wow. But he calls me last night and like, is there anything you need? And I just say the first two things that I can think of.

One of them with Raider was Beats. So he's got a case of club soda store brand cans of club soda under his arm and then a bag and he's he's it's like tom you know how uh the the the uh when tom was doing yard work his face mask would dull his theremin whistle well he's trying to say i got roots i got roots like what roots and then he had to show me beats before i could understand him it's fucking funny oh that was another that i i took uh saraquil which is why i'm kind of fucking out of my mind today it's you don't rebound well from a saraquil you don't take Seroquel a lot, but you talk about it a lot.

Yeah, because when you do take it, that fucking cat, goddammit, Meatwig. When I take a Seroquel, I really have to, hang on, let me light this. I really have to self-isolate on a different level

because that cat, meow, meow, meow, and I was paralyzed have to self-isolate on a different level because that cat and i i was like paralyzed from syracuse but fantasizing about taking that fucking cat by the scruff of his neck and hurling him like a soft ball over the fence in a gen's yard but But I did wake up with a brilliant idea. I went, oh, I'm fucking starving for French toast. And all I have is Dave's killer bread. Although, wheat. Yeah, it's wheat.

It's not good for French toast. Nine-seed wheat bread, not the best choice. Did I tell it? No, I've often had that same kind of thing. Like, oh, I know what I'm going to make. French, no eggs, and all we got are biscuits. There's nothing you can do. Well, that's why I realized, oh, I have English muffins.

I'm going to make French-English muffin toast. I think that's illegal. Over there. over there. But yeah, then I woke up again in a fucking haze from that silly anti-psychotic drug

that makes you sleep so goddamn well. Yeah, I didn't see the English muffins assumed I was out and that's why I made mashed carrotatoes. So tomorrow,

hey, send us tweet at Dougoug stanhope tweet me your favorite recipe of shit you found i can't believe i don't have fucking tomato sauce i bought this some other horrible thing potato gnocchi however you say yoki yeah i bought that oh then take it we'll take you for some tomato sauce it lasts forever yeah oh yeah tomato sauce it is interesting finding out the things that uh other people find so disdainful either in price or what's in it that they won't buy it and i'm i'm usually buying the things that i usually buy at the store so i'm like on fusilli so now we buy fusilli pasta all the time because it's a thicker pasta and i never really we've never had that right with penne and it's left on the shelves

yeah and it's fun to say well that's how i got the the dave's killer bread i buy that anyway the fucking small slice super thin slice yeah 70 calories per slice and And then when I came, it was coming back from the airport to start this. When I hit the Safeway up out of town where I can kill those people, not in Bisbee with my disease, my plague that I might be carrying. Yeah. That was all that was left on the bread shelf. Other than jumbo wonder bread,

hamburger buns. There was three of those and three of the exact brand that i like that no one else evidently likes in a in a scourge pandemic apocalypse what's tracy what's another thing we we picked up recently it was something well i got the pickled beets that uh that just i've got new eyes going into safeway it's you know what i mean it's like now some of the clutter from the shelves the staples are gone so that you start looking at other things i do notice that uh uh they're not trying to refill any of them shelves like the big swath of toilet paper well we put a sale item there something everyone's gonna go there first

they're gonna look there first why don't we put something there item there? Everyone's going to go there first. They're going to look there first. Why don't we put something there? Maybe put the coupons there. We'll go there. Maybe we should put a Doug Stano podcast. This space provided by Doug Stano podcast. Put up some billboards. Rent this space.

Again, this morning when I woke up cranky, I couldn't find anything that I was looking for. I thought, fuck this, I'm just going to Safeway. It's kind of like when you quit smoking and you get to day fucking 10 and you find some excuse. Someone lipped off to you. Some fucking Nicky Fitz ruined it for me.

You blamed them. And I woke up fucking cranky. Fuck it, I'm just going to Safeway. Fuck it. I'm close enough to 14 days. And then I thought, if I did go, I would wear, we do have like three face masks that Tom wears when he's doing weed whacking.

I go, I'll put that on and maybe some fucking dumb goggles. I'll put that on and maybe some fucking dumb goggles and I go I would look like such a pussy if I went to my Safeway wearing a fucking mask I would have to and I go wow

your hubris your ego would stop you from looking I think Olivia Gray stole all of my fucking latex gloves because i had a lot of them do you need some no no because i'm not going to safeway all right when i do go to safeway yeah i did do i i did go get water from one of those windmill water stations yeah and uh i just like the like the five gallon jug or the dog the one gallon jug you put it in there

but it's a standalone like someone's hose is hooked up to it. Yeah, it's not a social interaction. You're just angry if someone else is fucking cock-blocking you by being there. You're not shaking hands like the fucking farmer's market and chatting. But I found one dollar store gardening glove just to push the button for one gallon and put the fucking quarter in you bought one glove no i found one i was gonna say in a cabinet that i cleaned out i can't buy one egg or one piece of toast i can't buy one glove here at the dollar general i'm fucking tired of this you know I

kind of got up in my head about it the other day thinking about it like how you take precautions and like we go to the market in the afternoon or late afternoon because no one's there I mean everyone at Safeway they're all hanging around like the bosses on vacation they're all at the registers you know

so I asked her when's everyone here oh in the morning so they're still lining up yeah no I told you that it's? So I asked her, when's everyone here? Oh, in the morning. So they're still lining up. Yeah, no, I told you that. It's 6 a.m. I asked her. It's still happening. So I thought about it. I'm like, well, what they say is that the virus can stay around two to three days.

You know, we don't really know for sure. On a hard surface. Yeah. Stainless steel. And then I go walking in here after everyone's walked through and done everything. And you go grab a Diet Pepsi off the thing and it's at the front. So someone touched it to move it from the back to the front face off. And then I put it in the cart and then move it to the thing where they take

it and they hand it, handle it across the scanner. And then it goes down the belt to another person who takes it and puts it in the thing. And then I go, Oh, six feet. Cool.

Yeah. But I mean, everything is a merch booth. Yeah, exactly. Oh, is Sherry still working? I haven't seen her. I haven't seen. She's a high risk. Finally.

I know. What's her name? This is like people in L.A. that are finally the 101 is open and not jammed with traffic. I can go out and enjoy this, but no. Fucking stay at home. Lock down. Well, you can like you do. Drive around.

Yeah. That's part of quarantine? Yeah. No, you said it in the last podcast. Yeah. That's valid. Totally valid. But the fact that I can't go to Safeway and enjoy Sherry not working there.

I didn't say she's working there. I didn't say she's not working. I haven't seen her there. They might put her in the morning. How many times have you been there? You've only been home like four days. No, we've been home. How long have we been home? A week? A week tomorrow? A week tomorrow. Yeah. Wow.

Oh yeah, we got back on Wednesday. Yeah, we've been three times. Time gets confusing. Yeah, we've been three times. Time gets confusing. Yeah, Wendy Liebman tweeted that on Friday, whenever that was. But it was just very succinct. She goes, I think that it's Friday. That's worth a retweet. Are you spending time on the Twitter?

I usually wake up in the morning and see what you wrote but not for the last couple days i mean i probably i probably retweet here and again but i yesterday i spent like eight and a half hours on the book today maybe five yesterday was fruitful today backsliding like i'm going back to you know different notes from different people going yeah you're right that is clumsy that paragraph today yesterday i was writing like i was fucking high and on adderall and mushrooms and could see every word coming and today it's just been walking through fucking thick mud just trying to find one right word or one different way to say this. But I'm making progress.

Is that new, that experience? Or is that something that comes in waves? Working? Yeah, it's new. It's new again. In the writing process. Is that something that you've written? This is your third book.

And this one, you've had a lot of fits and starts. Don't say fits in my book. Oh, sorry. Shut up, fucking Nicky Fitz. Hey, maybe you could read a fucking rough draft and give me your stupid opinion. Sorry, Nikki Fitz. I'm taking this out on you, but it's all internal. But is that something that you experienced before all this?

Like pre-virus? Pre-Nikki Fitz? Every year that I have to do my taxes, which again, I do not do. I have to prep them for my accountant to explain shit. When you have this lifestyle yeah well is that a write-off or not i don't know but yeah but i have to relearn it every year every book i write i have to relearn yeah like all right what did i do last time what was my schedule uh and i'm getting back into that like started start sober around now when you start to freak out after five cups of coffee or an adderall which i have been

i only have like two quarters of adderall left and i'm waiting for panic situations to go to mexico yeah i'm. I got one hidden away bottle of vodka, doomsday prepper, one case of club soda, one lime. Actually, I don't. I gave you the limes. I fucking hate limes.

How did you get limes? Why did you buy extra? Because fucking... Limes aren't cheap. Well, I asked... Raider? Yeah. Limes aren't cheap. Well, I asked... Raider? Yeah.

Produce. When I asked Joby, I go, now I'm complaining about people bringing me shit. I go, yeah, like some hot peppers, because I use those on scrambled eggs. Flop sweat. But you know I get a fucking weird thing about waste and that's why i'm trying to use up all of the uh perishables yeah and

joey brought me today a fucking like 30 fucking peppers like 15 seven uh jalapenos and 15 serranos and how am i gonna i'm I'm the only person eating here. How am I going to fucking... And I just got back from Safeway where I bought two Serrano peppers. Yeah, two Serrano peppers. I used Serrano peppers, and I bought two before I left on that road trip

that were still fine when I got back after almost three weeks. Those are Joby Groza, though. No, no, he went to Walmart. He's fucking indestructible. Break? Is it break time? I think it's break time. Yeah, I'm drinking the same as you.

I'm just following Chaley's lead on the Sailor Jerry's and Coca-Cola. It's my first drink since I left here. Yeah, with an actual amount of Coca-Cola. I usually, with the whiskey, splash a Coke, one tiny can, the eight ounce will last me a fucking bottle of vodka. That is really whiskey when you do that,

because that's the drink I bring you during the show. And it really is one of those things where I tell the bartender a double whiskey and just tap that button, right, just catch that, tap that button. Right. And it's always too much, no matter how it, because it is really, you like just like the eye dropper full of, that would be funny. Just can I get an eye dropper of Coca-Cola in there for Mr. Stanhope?

Looks like you're dosing my drink. What are you doing? Hey, listen, we're're gonna take a break i'm gonna try to turn my frown upside down for the second portion of this podcast hey stay with us you're in the fun house with us we're all quarantining together and we're all beautiful beautiful people that we're we're gonna make it and the rest of them are going to fall by the wayside. Please hold. Living with chronic pain is the worst.

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And we're back if we ever went away. I called Andy. One of the publisher's notes was, hey, can we get a few examples of this Andy Andrist? I was talking about writing about Daytona in 2016. Fucking Sean Rouse Jr. Stopka and Andy Andrist. We went out to watch that show devolve. Well, it's your birthday. I wrote about how these are like all three of those are people that I've had on the road with me, but individually not, you know know because they all need to be babysat differently

but uh and so i wrote just a very short chunk about andy like you have to understand if you take andy on the road these are the fucking problems you're gonna have to clean up on a daily basis if you listen to issues with andy please listen to issues with andy watch you can only watch well no what it's fucking subtitled like a fucking charlie chaplin movie no it's fucking yeah you listen to yeah you do you can close your eyes but it is it's on the only way you can get it is on youtube so i needed like a few examples of why andy is difficult to have on the road and i'm trying to find some that are not well worn on the podcast already like most of the book i don't want to just repeat the podcast i want to get deeper so i was and i made the mistake of calling andy today like i'm i can't fucking listen to this many words i know i i realized my

mistake i tried to call erickson erickson could boom boom boom give me three examples of andy being a complete fuck up and on the road on the road where you're like come on we can't deal with this shit on top of just the road life in general is hard enough and you know getting the new material out there and driving between gigs and so yeah erickson doesn't answer his phone i don't know if he thinks he can get fucking covid through a text he did just start watching the wire. Well, it's been two days. He's not getting back to me. That's five seasons. I did five seasons of The Wire in a weekend coming off the road. And I just sat in bed.

So what happened? Anyway, yeah, Andy calls. He does just what he does on Issues with Andy, which is funny if you want entertainment. I just wanted a succinct three beats. And I go did i fucking do this i'm not killing time i'm trying to finish the book i answered the phone with fucking hey listen this is what i wrote and i need the they want a couple of stories and he's like well okay well i guess well how are you doing is out of the question and he tells me about his day like oh no yeah this is

one of the things like taxes you forget every year oh i'm gonna have to sit through andy talking for 25 minutes and never getting to a point and then i realized oh just like the other audible books we've done yeah this is better in the podcast off script parts. Yeah, so they want a little bit more about Junior, a little bit more about Sean Rouse. And yeah, I have the nuts there and then

we can end that chapter going off script podcast style. I don't know how that's going to work. Because we're supposed to record this, I think in april or may and i don't know come on everything's i know look now nothing nothing is on schedule yeah it's it that's kind of debilitating and that's why working now and you're trying to factor all of this stuff in but you have to finish the book finish finish what's finished

done done it's just gonna be done done right now right now you need to finish it before you can do i know but up until now yeah i've been again organizing tupperware which is fucking beautiful yeah today i get to clean out a lot of tupperware of shit that's probably spoiled get to clean out a lot of tupperware of shit that's probably spoiled not the carrots felt the carrots were good for one more try but but that was fun stuff that was oh it's quarantine there's nothing i can do except for taxes and write a book oh yeah those those are all gonna. Yeah, my fucking attitude changed. That's what I'm saying. Jason Lindstrom, our friend, sent an email, which I really get a focus on that. He's running for some superior court.

He ran for something, I think, two elections ago or something? Like a county judge or something? A couple times, yeah. Yeah, he ran against what wasn't it officer bob friendly for justice of the peace no they weren't against each other no it was a different uh that was a different election or a different election yeah yeah anyway he's like hey i need signatures and i'm like well we could figure out how to do this but that was not in this era well that was two days before the fucking now we're locked down and there's got to be a way to do it.

I don't know if that's pushed off. I don't, it's too much to think about. Well, it's the, say the 31st? I have to alphabetize my shoes. No, today at five o'clock it happened. Yeah, five o'clock today. That's when I was down at the corner store. Arizona just locked down.

So even harder to get signatures. Six foot pen. Oh, a pen duct taped to a broom handle. I haven't really looked at the news today and it's good. We really should figure, I should figure out how to even just to give myself a fucking haircut with my fucking shavers

I got some good wall shavers yeah yeah cordless too yeah just do a Instagram thing I guess that's how you do the things nowadays I thought you just wanted a haircut yeah but to do it how about we all do our fucking buzz cuts together and post them thing. I guess that's how you do the things nowadays. I thought you just wanted a haircut. Yeah, but to do it,

how about we all do our fucking buzz cuts together and post them? Shave your fucking head for the virus. And what does that do? It's not lice. No, it doesn't help the virus, but since you're home alone and your hair is becoming unwieldy and you don't shave anymore,

let's shave our heads together. I don't fucking know what to do. I'm not creative anymore. It all went into the book. I want to read you some. I'm not going to. I've burned out all those sources of people that want to hear my book. It was better than I thought it was going to be when you read it.

That's what the uh publisher said well he's got more skin in the game than me i didn't really think the writing would be that good is that a compliment me no it's a publisher oh well i mean for me it's because how disjointed is you've been in uh starts and stops for so long a period of time over the summer and you just you haven't really sat down and remember the first book you sat in a

fucking basically a closet and you wrote it. The bunker yeah. So you've gotten away from that but you know proof is in the pudding. I mean publisher didn't have much to say other than you know a couple of notes here and there so i'm yeah i'm excited to uh i was worried about that first new year's eve i was just trying to give some backstories to some characters and the first new year's eve

that we lived in bisbee what year was that 2005 6 new year's eve so around and he goes what did people bring that was one of the notes no fucking what's the matter like ice and chili dip no idea what did they bring yeah i don't i don't understand this guy's gonna fucking weird but it did it did open up a window wait i should talk about more about that's when i had chump storage in that $1,500 RV. Oh, my God. That was the first time like Norm Wilkerson and Austin people, a bunch of people came out. Shaw Croft was here.

Andy was here. That RV was parked right where we're standing right now. Yeah, I know. That's fucking cool. That's what I rode. Okay, that opened up something. Your stupid note made me think of something else because everyone was showing up here no one they just knew that i

out of the blue fucking disappeared from la and moved to some weird town and everyone was expecting a compound of some kind and this was a skeletal version of this which is still not a big fucking place it was an undeveloped version of this there was yeah before the rv there was a dilapidated garage that was being held with wires so they wouldn't fall down into the yard below yeah i mean and cinder block yeah but this was the uh also the period of time that the desert party was happening so you had this sphere of friends who were like now i'm gonna come down or where are you at i'm here inman stayed in the crawl space where he belongs yep you should just call it the inman space oh yeah there's some fucking ghosts in that

crawl space just from that one night uh stains uh yeah That one night. Stains. I keep getting somewhat maudlin and melancholy and wanting to get on Twitter and say, you know what? Thank you guys for the years of support that made this not as much of a financial burden as it might be for you. It sounds like you're dying when you say that. Well, I feel like I'm fucking dying. Really? Yeah, well, I mean, I always do. How different is Doug?

Really? I know. I'm saying I always do. That's why there was some fucking newser story where a 90 something year old woman refused a ventilator because someone younger that needed it should have it someone with potential someone for the life ahead of i think i would like to do that logan's run opposite of logan's run just go take a you can't smoke incessantly for 40 years and you're already corona ready to go and then go oh fuck i've seen my mother on a ventilator i don't want to be intubated i've seen bingo on intubated i don't want to fucking do that

that's claustrophobic as fuck i just i i i don't know if people are hoarding helium tanks. But the garbage bag. For the party, obviously. Yeah, for the Clark Adams party that I would take. I don't like explosions. So, yeah, a gun. Helium tank. And then when Shannon emailed that people are coming into her dollar store wearing garbage bags i go even a fucking garbage bag to put around my neck to put a helium fucking tube

in that's probably even gonna be a i don't deserve a garbage bag to die that's some low self-esteem right there i've been that right. I was supposed to come back. That's next level. I don't even deserve a garbage bag. Chaley, honestly, you seem short of breath

for 15 years we've been working together. Short of breath. He fucking wheezes all the time. He has a bad cough all the time. It's he and his brother both. I'm mildly asthmatic. I was diagnosed from a doctor

that was actually checking my dad. And it's always freaked me out. And being around smoke probably isn't good for me. But yeah, short of breath is probably just carrying a little extra weight more than anything else. Why are you, what's your diagnosis, Dr. Doug? I'm wondering if you are at all afraid of, if you get the virus. I am.

You're afraid for me or you're afraid for you? Yeah, because your cough that you normally have, you're obviously affected. or you're afraid for you yeah because you're your cough that you normally have you're obviously affected but i've been to the doctor plenty of times i just had a cat scan but the chest mri chest x-ray because i was supposed to do that too and i never got around to it because i showed up there and they wanted my insurance card you know we're we're like in the same environment most of the time my chest x-ray is probably the same as your chest x-ray i mean just you know no no no no i mean yes i'm worried in that uh i don't like not knowing what can happen but at the same time what there's what what can you do i mean we we have been basically in rather small controlled

environments since like the like the week before they shut down the shop i mean we've really just been around my brother his his wife and uh driving down here and then everyone here and then like i said i got in my head about who touched the can of pe last, and then I set it on the conveyor belt, and three other people touch it, and then it goes into a thing, and then I put it in my fridge, conserving the virus that's on there. I mean, I don't fucking,

I'm not a doctor. I don't know. I'm really glad. I watched Brooke Baldwin, some clip on CNN, talking to some clip on CNN, talking to some girl, lady, nice lady, who had to watch her mother die via FaceTime because she couldn't be...

I'm glad that no one can be in a hospital room with you when you fucking die. And that goes both ways. my friend if you fucking die at the copper queen up the street the hospital well i have an excuse as to why i can't be there holding your hand because there's nothing worse there's no being in a hospital it sounds so gruesome i don't think there's holding hands i think there's uh we've done what we can do he's feeling no pain i think that's the kind of thing you're gonna hear like he knows you're in the room i don't think there's a thing no i read a fucking story well i don't everyone who's died me some fucking nurse guy

said everyone who dies in my hospital, at the end, they have to be fucking physically restrained because they're drowning to death. Like pulling a fish out and laying it on the sand, flopping around. Frothing at the mouth

with some fucking blood in the froth. That's pretty good. Yeah. Throwing a little blood and a bunch of people stand around going, I ain't touching it. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I vacillate by the hour depending on how much news I watch. Well, I think that's part of the problem is watching too much news. And I think I got a cue from you and Chad, who Chad never watches the news, and yet he gets a little bit, but I can tell on the Issues with Andy podcast, he's only recently realizing that, you know, he should probably catch a couple of things.

But don't watch too much news. Go do something else. If it's just like us, we're watching The Wire right now. I look forward to that rather than clicking on CNN to see what's, which I would be on five times a day, like walking down into the room. And that is just too much. I mean, if you sequester yourself and you stay away, what else can you do? I'm not going down with fucking Erlenmeyer flask and beakers

trying to fucking figure things out down in the fucking basement. What can you do i'm not going down with fucking erlenmeyer flask and beakers trying to fucking figure things out down in the fucking basement but what can i do you know i'm not going i'm also not going to the fucking farmer's market which is now closed after our last is it because they closed it down it starting today at five o'clock arizona has been shut down would that fall under the same category as the grocery store essential it's it's that's and there are people on facebook that are that are claiming that that is essential because that's where they get their groceries so they're pissed that the pharmacy oh the lady who sells persimmons from thailand no that's the only place go to where she gets you it. You have to understand, Bisbee is a...

We only have two real corporate places. Safeway and... The Funhouse. Corporate America, man. The Starbucks within the Safeway and Burger King, which if you go to Burger King and get coronavirus,

I am the happiest person in the world. If there's one good thing that could come out of fucking coronavirus, I am the happiest person in the world. If there's one good thing that could come out of fucking coronavirus, it would be to put fucking Burger King out of business. You know my distaste. Tabasco, Burger King, there's a lot of things that I hope die. They do sell a plant-based burger

called the Impossible Burger and I totally support that. I'm not even against veggie burgers i've been doing the fucking beyond burgers from safeway back when i used to be able to go there yeah it's fucking fantastic if you put actual cheese and bacon on it fat it up hey you know the uh starbucks in my point was hang on my point was about the farmer's market. Yeah, there are people in Bisbee.

This is a hippie town where they would never go to a Safeway. They'll go to a farmer's market where a guy is selling fucking mangoes. Really? That's locally grown, you fuck? You have everything in the world. What they do is they go to a food city. I don't know what brand you have wherever you live, listener, but there's that.

What's the other one? Albi or Aldi? Aldi. Aldi. Yeah, real like Eastern Bloc kind of produce. I forget the one that was close to our place in West Hollywood. There was like Ralph's and then there's a mouth next door. Mouths.

It's not that Ralph mouth, but it's Ralph mouth, but it was like, they, they just copied the name, but they, yeah, they're produce like food city.

Okay. If you're going to spend fucking a dollar 99 on a green pepper here, they have it for 33 cents. Yeah. Uh, and it's fine. It's ugly, ugly fruit, man. Yeah. So that's bruised. You can buy all of them for $1.99. But it's fine. It's ugly. Ugly fruit, man.

Yeah, so that's what the farmer's market, at least that one guy has here, the farmer's market. He's got, oh yeah, really? You have locally grown fucking pineapples? He's picking out the blemished fruit. Yeah, it's blemished. And that makes it look like,

oh, this must be farmer's market. Because it's not. Ooh, no that makes it look like, oh, this must be farmer's market because it's not. No pesticides. Look at those brown spots. Unbelievable. When I think of the farmer's market, though, I'm thinking more of the lady who does the chakra and the back rubs, the ripoff artists that are circulating around. Like the produce people? Well, you brought up a good point.

Well, that's over. Now everyone will have to figure out how they're going to fucking survive, and they will. Yeah, no. All right. We have another podcast coming up, so let's just...

We're good on time. What's time to a pig? All right. You're quarantined over there. Take us out. Are you good? I'm good. Yeah, I'm just fucking tired.

Using your brain, that takes a lot of effort. It doesn't win you. That's why I don't come up here until later. Because I know you're working. I don't want to get in your way. I want you to be able to get a big chunk done. So when I texted you earlier, I got on the intercom. Scared the fuck out of me.

Sorry about that. I'll blow a whistle really loud next time but it's also weird to like try to come up because there's no sports on the tvs yeah so i mean that's the use is there's three tv screens with sports on them belarus over yeah he sits over there and you can sit over here and over here and we all just vaguely look at sports but are really on computers or phones. So I don't know what your process is up here. Just that I want to leave you alone to write.

So that's why I got in touch with you so late today. Text next time. That fucking ring scared the fuck out of me. My phone wasn't doing it. It wouldn't go through. I had like three cups of green tea and four coffees. That's dumb. Yeah yeah and then the fucking ring hey what are you doing how the fuck

I said hey bumble tart the ring sucks unless they're a sponsor I'm going to be honest the ring why? because you can't understand a word you say and you can't understand what we say and then you go

if you're looking for someone breaking into your house a ring will help you out can't understand a word you say and you can't understand what we say and then you go yeah if you're if you're looking for someone breaking into your house a ring will help you out but for a fucking phone call conversation you could have just called me and not scared me you know i'll do i'm gonna i know what i'm gonna do i'm just gonna do it it'll be funny okay great all right get out of here get out of here. Get out of here. Take us out. Okay. Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.