The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#363: Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout - Intro

Episode Date: April 3, 2020

Stanhope is taking 30 days avoiding any news from the outside world whatsoever.As of 4/3/20 I am extending quarantine 30 days including complete #NewsBlackout of any kind. @MrHennigan will be running my Twitter. I will not be seeing responses, texts or leaving the house. Daily podcasts. Use hashtag for suggestions to @gregchaille or email [e-mail]~Doug StanhopeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast sakes alive if i knew i was going to be on camera i'd have gotten my orange reading reading glasses they fixed my hair yeah Eh, they're inside, but I'd rather have you here. These are good readers. Are we going? We're going. Oh, this is on.

Hey, this is Doug Stanhope on the Doug Stanhope Podcast along with my good friend Greg Chaley and Mrs. Chaley Tracy. I wrote a lot of words about Tracy last night. It was a note I got from the people who give me notes for the book. They need more Tracy.

And they need more Tracy on the podcast. So she's laughed up. And this is where I'm going to duck out tomorrow or today when you're listening to this. I have 24 hours left of my 14-day quarantine. I don't know if you guys count, but it doesn't matter because I'm going to extend it for 30 more days. This is the hope. I'm planning to extend my quarantine, stay at home for the next 30 days and i'm gonna do an entire complete news blackout nothing in if i tweet i'm gonna i'm gonna put uh i'm gonna do a what uh what's her name tig notaro you know how she she has a twitter but she just assigns it to a different person or comedian every week or something. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, Hennigan's going to take over my Twitter account. If there's a tweet from me, I texted it to Hennigan, but I'm not reading the replies. 30 days from now, anyone who comes over, only people who are vetted dropping off groceries that know to tell me absolutely no news of the outside world. I'm not going to be glued to fucking cable news, not local news. I did consider the Bisbee Observer. The Bisbee Observer comes out once a week. It has no national news.

That would be my only news source is the local, local what's up with the fucking Bisbee schools. And, but I think not even that maybe just the police beat. Yeah. Maybe I could, that's my only news source is the police rip out the back page. Yeah.

So you get to tear out the back page. All my circular with the, with, you don't, you don't want the, the coupons for the, I'm not leaving the house. Not leaving the yard.

You're still in search of a good deal. Yeah, but I'll trust you on that or whoever's bringing groceries. I'm not leaving either, man. Good. You found that pound of flour? That'll go for a couple more days for us. Yeah, that's what I want to keep rationing.

I'll get fucking like 30 cans of tuna or something. Plenty of mayonnaise. Yeah. Yeah. We get lots of frozen shit dinners. Yeah, I can make it 30 days probably without going to the store. We have enough booze. For God's sakes, we have enough booze.

Well, don't jinx yourself. No, come on. A fucking... If no one's coming here, yes. Yes, no one's coming here. What else? Yeah, emails are screened. I'll just put Hannigan on top of everything.

Check my emails if I need to get back to it. If I get a text message and if it's not someone I know that is going to fuck with me. Yeah. Yeah, I don't need to talk to anyone. We're treating it like someone who missed, like a sports fanatic who missed their favorite team's big game. And they, they don't tell me I've, I missed it.

This is going to be really difficult. Like I'm, I'm on the news as much as everyone. This is, I think this is going to be harder than quitting smoking. I think this will be tougher than fucking the tin can rehab 30 days in the hole. Just to know. I don't want to know

any. I don't care. Fucking Chaley dies. Well, I'm going to infer by the way we're not doing our regular podcast. But we'll try to do I say daily, but I'm not counting weekends.

Wait, you're going to want to do this daily? Yeah, like tin can rehab all right even though well let's yeah fuck it we'll do seven days a week even if it's just fucking a 10 minute update we'll do seven uh and i'll update you on you know combing knots out of meatwig the cat whatever i'll give you local news from inside 212 van dyke street inside the fence uh have some fun with it yeah stretch i can't see where it would be all that bad and it will be a fantastic unboxing on day 30 when you guys can tell me

all the shit i missed like right now wait you you committed to 30 days now yeah fuck it unless i you know fuck up or someone ruins it but why not what else am i gonna do yeah i shouldn't go out anyway again the 14 days that's to see if i have it, evidently, not if I can still get it. What the fuck? My lungs are shortness of breath. Oh, my God. Just getting just the six pounds I've gained since I've been home. My gut's pressing on my fucking failing lungs.

How are you fixed for smokes? You're a slave to a couple of addictions. Alcohol, at least we share. Yeah, I think I have like five packs left. And one of them is like three of them are Marlboro Lights, which fucking burn quick. I think I only have a couple packs of spirits left. But yeah, if I run out, I think I'll try quitting again for a while.

Maybe these lungs will get stronger. Fucking walk Henry. again for a while maybe these lungs will heal up stronger fucking walk henry yeah there's a lot don't go crazy flat ground i'm not taking an incline shayla i need a ride over to the uh vista park where it's flat yeah no no uh fucking guests over tweets all come from Hennigan. I'm looking for the tough part. You waiting for the shoe to drop?

Where is this going to be hard? I think it's going to be more difficult for you. Cigarettes, not so much. I think it's going to be more difficult for you. Me or the listener? You, coming over here. If someone cool dies, you cigarettes not so much i think it's going to be more difficult for you did i just yeah me or the listener you oh coming over here if like someone cool dies yeah and i'm gonna be able to read your faces all right some shit is up it's a fucking liar's dice yeah no i just like i was just on twitter fucking tiger king guy is just either it varies he's

either just being isolated for coronavirus or he did test positive depending either way either way yeah that's that's something you go oh fuck i want to be part of the gossip mill so yeah it will be difficult but uh i'm to get a lot of shit done. I just washed a Cleveland Browns microfiber throw rug that I want to put on that ugly ottoman in front of the couch that I moved in front of the TV. Yeah, I'm going to give you lots of updates every day. Hold on a second now. You're going to still go online and stuff?

No. You just said you're going to order something. Cleveland Browns throw run. No, no, no. No, I said I just put it. It's in the dryer. Oh, you just. Yeah, I'm going to do a lot of fucking fidget work.

Yeah. You just said we could give people a virtual tour of the. Well, in Patreon, after the last Patreon episode, which was entitled Patreon episode number 10. Don't listen to this podcast until you're as drunk as us, which it would be tough because that was the last of a drunken fucking spree before we went on tour. One person suggested, well, they had questions about the fun house and the compound. And one person suggested, Craig Miner suggested, oh wait, here, I got a screen for this. What am I doing?

Let's do this right. Here it goes. Craig Miner said, I shoot 3D models that you can walk around in. You could tour the compound, like the Taj Mahal or something. Very nice compliment, I guess. But like realt nice compliment i guess but uh like a realist realtors do that where you like a virtual tour you walk through so yeah maybe we can do something

like that i've got a camera made just for that 3d kind of gives me a reason to tidy up yeah there you go um do you want to go through some more patreon questions i don't know where you're going with this i have no idea where i'm just i'm letting you know by the time you hear this i will be on a fucking quarantine news blackout i don't want to know what's going on for a month it's got to be fun when is it starting officially uh tomorrow morning when this goes out when this goes out is this going out as video or is this going out as... I have no idea what you're doing. What do you want to do? You're playing with all sorts of toys.

I don't... I just talk. I let you do whatever you want. I don't even want to hear news about what you're doing. I'm going to finish my fucking book. Okay, well... I'm more than halfway through the final draft. This seems more like a production meeting than a podcast, but do you want this to go

out on video every day? Whatever you like. We have a stand-up TV show. People want it. People are demanding it. Certainly. I mean, the chorus of people yelling, Stan Hope, we want video.

Yeah, it's crazy. But did you want to put it out as an audio podcast and a... I don't... I'm just going to stand here no matter what. No matter what I say. Yeah, whatever you do just do it all right well you're gonna be in charge of a lot of things Chaley I'm giving you more jobs hey you gotta turn that mic around Trace oh yeah she asked you

it flopped oh said is it is this too floppy and flippy flop there you go like that there you go yeah it's very good yeah you're kind of out of frame though That's alright But you can't move too close to Doug Your feet are probably touching that tape I put on the ground to keep you away I look down Let's see

Let's do some questions Unless you have something else No no I was going to say This is poorly thought through Absolutely Here, let's do some questions, unless you have something else. Yeah, no, no, I was going to say... Well, okay, look, what I want to do is... This is poorly thought through. Absolutely. Yeah. Much like a Johnny Depp production.

Wait, I said what? What? The camera crew's here. Hey, how about this? We'll start putting the video out on Patreon for sure. Because I want to figure out how to roll that in to be able to put it up there for Patreon-only video. But then we'll figure a way to tease the people that aren't Patreon

so we can put it out as well. But we can actually put it out like we did with Tin Can Rehab as bonus so it doesn't fuck with our regular long episodes. So, yeah, we can do this. Read some questions. Hey, Nicky Fitz. That was from the last podcast. I shit all over him on the last podcast, but it was something to fucking start with.

And then I got like nine emails from him. You fucking broke my heart and then you're a cunt until Chaley's hair is stupid and fuck you. So I just apologized to the guy. Wow, he dove in deep. Yeah, I apologized to him, and then fucking I've got nine more emails from him.

Did you put the ghost tequila in this one? No. It seems kind of spicy. No, no, I used this. All right. I'm thinking that this might make, because like I said on that other podcast, I've been getting more and more negative like I used to be

and waking up hating everybody on the news and just my usual morning rage that kind of dissipated. I mean, to a large extent. Yeah, let's fucking fucking quit the news. I ain't going anywhere. We said that on the last podcast. It's probably better just to watch it once.

One little tidbit in the morning and don't get in the cycle. Yeah. But yeah, not at all. Just, hey, what's happening out there? It will lead me into a childlike wonderment. All right.

Well, let's go to some questions, Doug. I can't read. I know you can't read. I'm going to pull them up here. A cigarette. Someone did comment. This is on the Patreon. This is the comments on Patreon.

You can get on the Patreon subscription through patreon.com slash stano podcast. And it's as little as a dollar a month. And we've been doing extra stuff. And apparently we're going to do more. I just found out today. Someone did say, CrispyIA commented that 10 minutes on where to put your food when you need to take a shit at a party who would pay for this it's like but who's who's say that again you don't remember any of this do you what i was the patreon podcast that just went out

was right before the day before we left on to go to bo, okay. And we were in here all fucked up with McKenzie and Chad and Olivia and Tracy and I. And we were talking about Tampa style. When you walk into a party, this is what I learned in Tampa, is that you take, you bring a half rack of beer and you immediately go to the freezer or a fridge and throw it right into the salad crisper. Because they open the beer and go, we're out of beer! But no one looks in the crisper.

And someone's talking about what we were talking about with Chad, like when you have to take a shit at a party. And I said, you don't fucking just put your food down. Someone's going to fuck with your food. And we went into a very descriptive, well, it was very detailed of like why you wouldn't leave your food there dummy and then where you would put it i'm explaining the podcast let me uh let me just say that since we're just kind of free balling this whole news hashtag news blackout

uh i'll i'll take uh any anything you see that's fun on Twitter or Patreon questions. You'll vet them. That I do? Screen them. You're talking to me. But I'm saying you can bring those to me. Because other people have said, I just proffered this question on Twitter. I'm considering doing this.

And everyone's all for it. They missed the 30 days in the hole, the tin can rehab. So this is another way to kind of rehash that. But yeah, if you're doing it, hashtag news blackout. Chaley can look at the hashtag. Oh, that's a good idea. And that way I can talk to you because I will miss Twitter a lot. Can you get emails still?

Screened. I'll have Hennigan do all that. He'll tweet for me. Do you want to set up an email account? Stan Hope Blackout or something? Well, I was going to say, because I want to put a pinned tweet up saying this is what I'm doing. If you have any fucking serious matters, email Brian Hennigan or Greg Chaley.

Mostly Brian Hennigan. Well Chaley. Mostly Brian Hennigan. Well, I mean, for podcast shit. Yeah, that's true. Don't you already have a podcast email? Stan Hope Podcast at Gmail is how you can get in touch with us. That's a good way. If there's something, yeah, if they want to get in touch with Doug indirectly by going through me, Stan Hope Podcast at Gmail.

That's good. Right there. We don't give that out enough. That's a solid way I mean you're pretty accessible so not for this next month that's true

but uh yeah I'd like to know if people are playing along just tweet at that hashtag don't fucking check your feed don't check your trending

yeah that's why I can't go on it at all just trending shit this is a good idea right? we just have to have the fucking nuclear option like at what point do you go alright the National Guard is

coming into town pull him out yeah this has gone too far bigos passed away but i couldn't do anything anyway someone i know gets fucking sick of the virus what am i gonna do what is in this drink i don't understand what the problem is there is something that is uh stingy to my throat this This is what it's going to devolve into. I mean, it tastes good, but it's not.

Is there any jalapeno or something in there? This and classic margarita mix. Oh, shit. I bet that Bandolero plastic jug tequila tastes even worse than the ghost pepper tequila. It tastes like there's a like jalapeno or something in it it's the same one as i made all right yeah i didn't get that same thing i'll make a different one she might have put the ghost pepper in there i bet she did i bet she did yeah that's right no because i want to drink the ghost we can't fire her we couldn't hire anyone else no

one will come on the property to be interviewed i don't want to share the ghost tequila so i guarantee you okay yeah that's the when i did the 14 day quarantine i agreed to that because people were afraid of me now i'm afraid of them now i don't have it but they don't they might have it yeah you're in the clear they've been walking around in the wild like a herd do we tell you like How dangerous is the fucking mail? Well, this goes back to the last podcast, the regular podcast we were talking about.

If you really sit down granularly granularly and think about how many people touch something before you grab it off the shelf and there's hours between all those people touching it, not days.

I mean, anything on the front. Mailman is touching everyone's mail and your mail. And yeah. And if they're wearing gloves, that just protects them. Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not.

I'm not opening fucking mail for three days. Pick it up with your gloves. Get it out of the box with your gloves. Yeah, if we had gloves. They it up with your gloves. Get it out of the box with your gloves. Yeah, if we had gloves. They're in the laundry room. There's a whole box

of them sitting there. Oh, really? Is that where fucking Olivia Drey's left them? No, no. Those are the ones I left out for Tom when he has the mask on

and the... Yeah, Tom's gonna have some work. Fucking weeds are growing no weeds are growing everywhere there must have been heavy rainfall he does not want to be on the property because of what the interaction he had with you the last time you saw him what part of quarantine don't you understand he he wanted he wanted to borrow the leaf blower and i said oh yeah come by because we got tools in there in a common area outside of the compound and uh he goes i go i'll just leave them up and uh leave them what i know

where it's at i'll get it don't let anyone know i'm coming over have you started the pickup uh that's the only one i haven't started but i need to take uh recycling which they've stopped you know that right yeah i never did it i just have to now i have to take it there which they've stopped. You know that, right? Yeah, I never did it. I just have to... Now I have to take it there to the dump, but I don't know... Are they going to charge me?

Anyway. No, no. I left you all those free dump things. No, that's different. That's when I got concrete in the back. I'm not taking it

when I got cardboard. It'd burn it if this fucking wind stops. Yeah. I forget. Bisbee is only really good in June. They say it has the best median round year temperature, but that's including a lot of fucking highs and lows.

No, it's spring. You go, oh, the temperature is perfect, but it's fucking windy all the time. It's windy as fuck. It's not usually this windy until like May, right? May, that's when it starts to quiet down. But yeah, March, April, May, then June. Perfect.

Hot as fuck. Dry as fuck. Then the monsoons come and bugs come and bugs stay until the first freeze in November. I like the monsoons though. There's nothing wrong with those. Yeah, well you're a homeowner now. Well it is. I gave the Chaley's the house they live in because it's too much of a hassle to fucking write out that check every year for property taxes. Fucking Hennigan just sent me a commission bill and it was like, whatever it was, it ended in like $587.21.

I just made it fucking $600 at the end. I just made it fucking 600 at the end. So it's worth $12 and change for me to not have to write out all those fucking things on a check. It's so antiquated to write checks. You're welcome, Brian Hennigan. That fucking $12 and change, donate it to your hourly workers fund. Do you have that website to i don't there's a fucking million mike berbigly is doing one for comedy clubs specifically well this is a good chance for people to solicit you uh some other uh worthy causes just go to stanhope podcast at gmail.com. Send it there and if it's vetted.

No, I just chucked in a grand. I'm done. I'm out of fucking work too. But you can recommend other ones to people if they want to donate. Yeah, that's another thing. I'm going to put Hennigan in charge of all things Twitter. So if you see a retweet,

anything, promote, that's all fucking Brian Hennigan. If it's from me, it will be texted to him to tweet. I am not watching. I do not care. I do care, but I think this is fun. Let's be honest. I'm doing this for fun.

Or I have something to fucking do. I'm not going to, I don't know how to do all this shit. I want to shave my fucking head, a quarantine haircut. But I don't know how to do, like, what's it, Instagram they do now? Yeah. The videos, or?

I don't know. We can do that for you for an Instagram video. What's this haircut thing? What are you talking about? You say everyone's getting their haircuts. It's like everyone always gets their haircut you know they say people's cutting their own hair i've seen it like it's kind of like a thing oh this is going to be the quarantine haircut and it's a picture of some guy with an awful bowl cut like tiger king or

yeah i want to shave my head live on a fucking camera for you i'll do that yeah uh joby and chad we're still talking about doing twitch stuff live i'll do that i'm not gonna fucking look at your questions on the feed does he know about this no i didn't know about that well i'll figure out how we can get some uh live questions while we're doing this but i didn't know about that. Well, I'll figure out how we can get some live questions while we're doing this. But I didn't have time today to figure it out. But yeah, we're pretty good. I really have no idea what to believe. I mean, I have people that are in my ear about this is going to be the worst thing ever.

This is not that big a thing. Who knows? that big a thing. Who knows? I worry about like, alright, well, if I'm off the news, like any news at all, like,

how does that affect my comedy notebook? Probably not at all, since I'm not doing comedy, nor is anyone else. And anything you could write in a day is going to be irrelevant tomorrow, so. So, yeah, I like this idea. I can get closer to you two. Oh, we're all in.

This is, I mean, Bingo is quarantined over at the Quiet House. But she has a lot of company in mushrooms. Seroquel and mushrooms. We were just talking about the amount of people that are basically quarantined just in this block. Did we already talk about this on a podcast? I can never fucking remember.

What do you mean? But yeah, like Olivia Grace grace she's fucking a block down down the street i'm making valentina's at the end of the block bingo's fucking quiet house two blocks over neighbor dave yeah how is he have you talked to him i have not talked to neighbor dave i should uh i should reach out yeah but I'll have to do it. Don't tell me anything. I'm going to have to start every conversation. Yeah, let's just see what fucking Bisbee quarantine is like.

With the police beat. The birds chirping. It's that fucking Bill Hicks bit about turning on cnn and seeing fucking death and war fucking starvation whatever then i look out my window chirp chirp chirp chirp if i could get audio on the bird right outside that fucking door yeah they're on fire right it? It's fucking beautiful. Yeah, it's really nice. Yeah, well, let's have some fun. Tracy and I were talking about,

maybe we just do the daily podcast, like the local news, and we have world events that will be centered on both the Chaley's house and my house. Local events, which is just my house, local events, which is just my house. Yeah. Sports.

Maybe like if I sat up on the deck on top of the fun house. I like that. And then just got like Kenny and who would like play like ping pong or something. Yeah. I'm just saying if we, if we structured the 30 days in the hole, Chaley, this 30 days in the hole,

we'll have to come up with a clever title for it. And then just did the podcast, like local news, the most local, very local news, just international news is your house and my house. Super local. All the people that are quarantined within this two blocks.

And then we, but like to just have a sports section, if we could get like Kenny and whoever to play poker. Yeah. Yeah, poker, that's still a sport in play. No one's going to come near you right now. But I'm saying I could like, I could do an update daily. Yeah. Yeah, poker, that's still a sport in play. No one's going to come near you right now. But I'm saying I could do an update daily. Yeah. Just like local news.

He folded. International news with the Chalys. Local news with just what I cleaned today. We could have Olivia Grace call in on Skype. Oh, that's right. She does have Skype. Skype to see what's going on. Oh, that's right. She does have Skype. Yeah. See what's going on in a block south.

We could pull her in on this. Yeah, we have cub reporters. Bingo, Valentina, neighbor Dave. Who else is... Oh, the Uphills. The fucking Uphills. They're at fucking... They're way above sea level up that hill.

Yeah. All right. Is that different? Is that different? I'm telling you right now, that stingy, something's off taste is not happening. So, thank you. All right.

I mean, I'm not blaming you. I'm saying, hey, if something's not right, see something, say something, right? I switched it out completely. So, yeah, tweet at the hashtag newsblackout. Chaley will follow that. And anything you want to add into the mix

here of what I do on my 30 days that does not tip what's going on in the world, because really this is the fucking world. We fought hard and fucking long to make this happen, not knowing a goddamn pandemic was coming. Who knew we were preppers? No shit. Yeah. Yeah. Just call preppers? No shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Just call me a hoarder now. You know what we need? Oh, fuck. We don't have an ice machine. We got rid of it. Yeah, but I have an ice machine. It's called a freezer.

And what I do is I refill the ice trays. No, we had that ice machine. It was not very good. No, it's like the one in the closet. Yeah, it's terrible yeah that is the plaza but yeah i you know i've often thought it would be interesting we don't have people here you can keep up with 10 ice trees that's right that's right that's right i do miss people like backdoor mike his fucking sister just died not of coronavirus just a regular old cancer old school death and now it's like he's

right beside you he's part of basically he's part of the compound i include him because his house is painted but yeah jen i haven't talked to jen is right next door to backdoor mike and you yeah come on over no you can't you can't. You can't. It sucks because Backdoor just started like right when we were on tour like two weeks after we left they opened Dot's Diner. At the Shady Dell.

At the Shady Dell. And it sucks so bad because they did a soft opening and then the fucking thing hit and I don't even know what they're doing. I think they might be. Tracy, didn't you say they're going to do curbside food? I mean, you got to do something, right?

Well, they're doing it for. You hear that? You hear that? Hey, Doug, did you hear that? I just got a two-piece meal from KFC right there. I heard it. His hands are busy. He needs somebody to light a cigarette. Enjoy that cigarette. Castle Rock kenny because i i this is

what i put on twitter considering extending quarantine for 30 more days including a complete blackout of any news whatsoever screened emails texts only from vetted people only outgoing tweets daily podcasts etc and then castle rock kenny just tweeted back bye sir oh no kenny oh no kenny field reporter i'll let you come over when i'm up on the deck staring down at you doing a fucking sports report of maybe we put in the fucking basketball hoop that morgan murphy always wanted a hoop a hang loon that whole area has never been used for anything well that's why we cleaned it out and uh we did a little tree trimming over there but you don't want to get rid of that tree that tree is a this would be a coronavirus we'll get rid of the tree

there's a perfect companion to the 3d tour. You're talking about something. No one knows what we're talking about. No, no. It's just the back area of this house. We had paved and we put up that table. It's now on the patio is back there for a year and we never used it.

Did we do the first chicken drop back there on the Hingland? Yeah. Maybe a couple. Yeah. A couple. The, a couple. The last one was right here out in front, though. I have no idea how this is going to fuck up the audio book, audible book. It's going to affect it because part of the audio book is going to be. Audible book?

Yes. Part of that project is to do the side conversations and the follow-ups and the up-to-date um interviews with people in the book but they're going to want to send someone out here to do the recording yeah to direct it and i i suggested how about chaley which you want no business being part of no No, we need someone. I can run audio. I know, but they need someone who says, hey, try that again like this.

They have an in-house producer. We worked with Bruce the last two times, and we don't know. Yeah, he's not there anymore. He's not there, but I mean, they're going to send someone because it's their dime. They're going to make sure that happens. Tracy. Yeah, don't give him the visine like you gave me on my second drink.

Yeah, that last podcast. Again, I was fucking wrecked. I was on my first drink when you were putting the gear together. And by the time we're done, it was two podcasts, to be fair. It was three podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. No, it was two.

We did two. Two. Yeah. Thank you. What? No. And she put fucking ghost pepper fucking tequila in that last drink. You know, you give her a voice and she starts taking over.

I was really ready to write today. I fucking did three solid days. I did like 18 hours in three days. And today I was going to write today. I fucking did three solid days. I did like 18 hours in three days. And today I was going to do that and I went, it's fucking beautiful out, except for the wind. Let's just have fun today. And I don't know how to have fun

anymore. Maybe that's what will happen in 30 days. I'll learn how to have fun again. I read an article this morning that was talking about something that I'm going through is that when I realized we're going to come home and have time that no one

they're going to shun us, we're going to shun them. Now it's even. I thought, oh, I can put that artificial turf down behind our place. I can get the downstairs organized. I can do that artificial turf down in front of our – behind our place. I can get the downstairs organized. I can do all this stuff.

And then I've done nothing but watch The Wire starting from season one and constantly fret over what I'm not doing. And I read articles that basically – I don't know if it's right or not, but it is totally in line with how I feel right now. It's like, Hey man, you're not supposed to do everything. There's a lot of stress going on. Yeah. A lot of stress going on with what's happening in the world. Relax.

Yes. Not our fucking problem. Don't go do everything. Yeah. Don't, don't fucking think that now's the time to fucking, to paint the shelves. Oh wait,

I didn't even build the shelves. Now I got to build the shelves to paint the shelves. Fuck that. Watch the fucking wire or watch fill in the blank and and fucking take care of yourself relax a little bit enjoy things this is part of what i've said from the beginning is i hope a lot of this stuff sticks that people realize what you've said for years it's not about about creating jobs. It's about creating leisure. Well, you haven't said that. It's creating leisure time is what it is.

We don't need to keep working. We don't need, we need to go, how do I fill my day with something other than sitting in front of a computer and making money or doing whatever? And I like that. Yeah, we are very fortunate to be in a position where, yeah, we can take three months, whatever, off and not be scrambling for food and fucking live inside the fence but a few people said oh be yeah be great if you could afford it i'm not trying to rub it in your face but uh yeah it's because of

you ticket buyers and patreon subscribers that uh yeah we've found ourselves in a position where the only bad thing that could happen is i get coronavirus with fucking coal miner black lung disease and i'm dead in a minute but we didn't plan this this is no we're not that smart we just spread a virus cause a global pandemic how dare you say we're not that smart it is one of those things that just happened, man. I feel very fortunate that we're able to take some time. And, you know, like you giving light to charities or something going on, I think that's great. I don't know how all that trickles down to people.

Yeah, that's the end of the charity shit for me. No, I'm just saying. I'm being realistic. But my point is, like, we're bigly doing something. Yeah. Like, giving light to those things I think is interesting, and I hope it trickles down to people, because I don't know how people are going to get by on stuff like this.

Birbiglia, Birbig's thing is comedy clubs. But I went to the website, and there's, I don't know, a dozen comedy clubs, or the Wilbur Theater was one of them, where you could, like like you pick the one. Your Boston gig that got postponed. Yeah. And then there was none that we play regularly. So there's a question for you.

What club would you like if that club was up there that we work regularly on the road? Would you go? Okay, that's the one. If we have to pick one comedy club to fucking oh i know which one well i'd say this too i have two just and i just came up with the question so it's not like it's something i've been pondering but the two that come immediately to mind hold on i think a little bit more now do you hang on the first. Give him a pen and have him write it down like Jeopardy. Separately. You're going to do top three.

Well, I think of one that I fucking dig, the owner. And I love it. It's a rock venue. Don't give it away. See, this is what's going to happen with the news. I'm not teasing it. I'm going to fucking read you like a fucking poker face. All right.

How many? Three? Three. Well, I know one, obviously. I don't think my first one will be your first one. Fuck. And my second one is... It's a fucking...

Hmm. I'm going up and down the map in my head. So... No. No. I got a lot of no's. These are comedy clubs. I'm doing comedy clubs, not venues.

Oh, I'm doing a venue. All right, I'm doing comedy clubs. Mine are venues. Two of my three are venues, and I've got one to pick. Yeah, but you have more experience with the comedy clubs in that you toured them for... one to pick and uh yeah but you have more experience with the comedy clubs and that

you toured them for yeah but i've i have been with you and we do shitholes we do rock venues we do comedy theaters we do some nice ones the wilbur but i don't like i don't like that's the wilbur is different that's a theater you don don't even meet the staff. Wilbur wouldn't even be on my top ten. It was on Birbiglia's. Yeah, yeah. Hmm. Alright. Well, I'm gonna Yeah, no.

I'm struggling to find a third that we play regularly where we're like over the years. We do improv. what there was one remember there was one I think it was called the comedy attic remember that it was a we had a big car fuffle at steak and shake because they didn't have actual

a1 sauce and that was but that's what I remember after the gig but I remember the guy that ran I think yeah they had a comedy attic it was upstairs Bloomington it was a Indiana or Illinois hazy motherfucker town

yeah yeah but it was a oh we looked we looked out the window of our of our hotel room and it was dilapidated like next door hotel

or no that's the one in Louisiana no no this was one where like there were handprints of someone no that's where that was again Illinois or Indiana that's the one in Louisiana. No, no. This was one where there were handprints. No, that was, again, Illinois or Indiana.

That's where. It's Indiana. Yeah. Hoosier. It's a Hoosier. Yeah, that's where the Patel Motel Mafia fucking said, I think I see more than four people in your car. He was looking in the van while you were filling up the car. I'm a fucking 50-year-old man.

Do you think I'm trying to smuggle fucking teenagers in here for fort lauderdale dude yeah and then after he gave me shit we went upstairs and in my room they had written like something in the dust on the window and dated it a year before i'm like that's it that's it yeah yeah you're really worried about someone trashing your shitty fucking motel and it was on the outskirts because again there was some big game that's what he was worried about yeah yeah there was some college football game that was happening at whatever fucking podunk notre dame i don't know where all those shithead indiana you fucking suck it's the fucking worst okay you've made me you reminded me of another place because of that. So I've got four now, but Comedy Attic was in that town.

I won't put them on there, because I don't even know if it's a club anymore. I think it is. I just saw that. When you said comedy, I thought attic, and I just read something about it. In fact, that's actually one of Burbidge's things. If you look up fucking burbidge's thing yeah comedy attic i was thinking yeah that's where i that's why i remember that i can't wait to hear nicky fitz's feedback on this oh my fucking god that's the thing that's

why i go yeah i'm getting more fucking angry all the time. I mean, when I've been working on the book, I'm so fucking happy. I keep anticipating problems in it where that's clunky. But Alex gave me notes. Adrian gave me notes. Publisher gave me notes. And they're all right. Notes I would have had for myself. But otherwise, I'm getting fucking cranky again.

That's normal for you. But I wasn't. Oh, because you had gotten positive? Is that what you're saying? Well, yeah, in bits and pieces. More positive. And I was enjoying fucking quarantine and now it's not like i do have serious withdrawal fucking mornings from uh safeway because that's the only time i have an appetite is when i wake up especially especially if i slept with an edible

it stays with you i'm like oh, oh, I want to fucking. That's what I would do every morning. Go to Safeway every goddamn day. See Susie. I had a. Didn't she retire? No, no, that's on a move. She moved to Phoenix.

Safeway the other day visiting. She was on. It was back. Just visiting. All right. Yeah. I was at Safeway the other day visiting. She was? Anna was back? Just visiting. Alright. Yeah, I fucking miss Safeway. I have a list a mile long of things I want

but a lot of it's perishable. Like, I got perishables. I can't eat it that quick. Well, hold on, man. We can probably trade. What do you got? Why, Joby brought me fucking... I'm going to Walmart. Well, hold on, man. We can probably trade. What do you got? Why? Joby brought me fucking. I'm going to Walmart. Anything you need.

And all I could think of was tomatoes. When you say going to Walmart, I just picture the scene of like Mad Max having to leave the petroleum facility to go out. Like that's that's kind of. Joby doesn't give a shit. I know he doesn't. i'm thinking about me now i don't want to go anywhere walmart's i mean even to order online then you you bring it you introduce the wait a minute they've that's came from the place where it's like the mail yeah uh but i i said uh you know jalapeno and serrano peppers and tomatoes and spinach.

I have plenty of beets for my smoothies. I'm very, I'm going to give you recipes. We're going to fucking, once this podcast is done. That's why when you hashtag news blackout for Chaley to watch, Tracy to watch, and give us suggestions for our fucking nightly local news, localist news. Oh, there we go. Yeah, we could do a fucking cooking segment. Finish this, and then we'll do our list, and then let's get out of here.

Yeah, let's, all right. Sunny outside. Let's just fucking get out of here anyway. No, our list. What was the top three? Oh, shit. I had Go Bananas. The top three of...

Oh, shit. Comedy club staffs that I would... Donate to. Yeah, donate to. So Go Bananas is always my go-to favorite comedy club. That's a solid one. That's really good. Is that the one that you bartend at after your show?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then Skyline, even though it's... Fuck, yeah, those are great ones. I didn't even think of those. I know, but all we're doing right now is making other clubs upset that we're not thinking of them.

Who is it? I was going to say who it's not, and then I was going to say a club, but that would... Yeah, I still work that club. There's one improv specifically though like this is not like other improvs which is unique in itself all improvs are exactly the same but that one i like yeah we didn't even sell merch there last time and they're late caught on fire once. I don't know why.

It's not that people are bad. It's just there's some negative vortex about that improv. That was a weird. Especially the last time. The crowds suck all the time. I've been there three times with you, and progressively it's been, yeah, man. It has nothing to do with the staff there. No, not at all. They're very welcoming. It is. It's just, yeah, man. It has nothing to do with the staff there. No, not at all. They're very welcoming.

What it is. It's just, yeah, there's something dirty. Something dirty there. Anyway, you got Go Bananas, Skyline. I didn't get a third. I'm fucking off the mark. I'm going to say right now, the two clubs that. Give me the venues that you were before you knew the rule about comedy class.

I was going to say Machine Shop. Oh, fucking Flint. Yeah, we even blew them off last time, and I still love them. But that has nothing to do with that. Coots. Whose water's dirty now? Coots is the only reason you and I met,

and it's been a venue forever. Don't dare you. How dare you? I got thrown out of there once. You know what? You're fucking right, Doug. Fuck coots. They threw me out too.

And I was a promotion director. I was a promotion director and I got kicked out of that fucking place. Chaley just read. I don't know if you're reading Patreon questions or comments, but someone said, fuck coots. I get thrown out of there once and Chaley's in here going, me and Doug have both been thrown out of there before and chaley's in here going me and doug have both been thrown out of there before while we're working there seriously i got thrown out while i was promotions director they fucking one of the security came up and goes like chaley you gotta go and he threw me he threw

me out the back door because he knew i could walk upstairs to the Sean Rouse suite the bloody stairs so Machine Shop in Flint Coots obviously and Comedy on State in Rochester I fucking love that place I was talking to Hennigan when we were just out there in Vegas that was one of the best nights on the tour and he's like

what why I don't know how to how would Henn would you say why how would hennigan say why what why why why because they the low ceiling and they pack everyone in the front and make it all like everyone has to sit up front before they start moving the back and it's nice and big and wide and you can't see shit from there it's like on the stage it's like a a it's a cylinder of light and you enjoyed it so much and you could smoke on the dock like way like way away from everything all i remember was that's when i yes september when i was sick as fuck which i assume i'm going to say that I brought coronavirus from my 2018

tour of the Southeast Asia. I brought coronaria. Coronaria. Did we talk about renaming it the fucking New York virus? You already did that. So Comedy on State, I love that place, and

it's an old Shure microphone facility from back in world war two. And honestly having that back dock, it's like, well, our, our green room is like off the kitchen. It's like, well,

what about this? And there's like two chairs, a coffee can for an ashtray. And Oh, wait, that's not comedy on state. Were you talking about the loading dock? That's a place I'm thinking of.

Yeah. Wait, Madison is comedy on state. I was trying to look look it up but we're filming madison is where the green room was upstairs they're great too what's the one in rochester it's no it's comedy it's the new yeah it's a new club we've been there twice yeah i was pissing i was pissing in fucking bottles yeah yeah which is not that's not a bad thing no that is like fuck i don't i gotta piss what is this let's just wrap this up hey listen i was gonna also say spokane comedy club they're the same people who own the skyline and they've done a great job uh actually building

clubs that are uh really good for the performers so uh send your uh comments and suggestions on Twitter or to what was the email? The email for what? I'm going to piss. Hashtag. That's good. Yeah. It's 10-0 podcast at Gmail. Just throw it to Bingo.

We can get out of here. Bingo from absentia and quarantine. Take us out. Okay. Bye-bye now. I'm going to make it. and quarantine. Take us out. Okay. Bye-bye now. guitar solo សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you.