The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#366: Day 03 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Day 03. Is Stanhope having second thoughts?Recorded April 5th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Ms. Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope is taking 30 days avoiding any news from the outside world whatsoever.As of 4/3/20 I am extending quarantine 30 days including complete #NewsBlackout of any kind. @MrHennigan will be running my Twitter. I will not be seeing responses, texts or leaving the house. Daily podcasts. Use hashtag for suggestions to @gregchaille or email [e-mail]~Doug StanhopeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast here we go it's uh day three and it's earlier first of all we'll get to uh you just finished uh watching louis ck we'll get to that story in a minute but this is day three of absolutely no outside news other than someone did tell me that amanda knox tweeted that she had her first shower beer. And I don't think that really breaks a fucking news blackout. Wait, you mean something as tame as drinking a beer in the shower is news? No, I'm saying someone actually, Mackenzie, she told me that. Mackenzie loves the fact that Amanda Knox and I are very, very, very close.

We've shared three sentences in a DM feed. So other than that, I know something happened today. Because I was talking to Valentina. She's like, oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Here it is. Can I tell you? I oh shit here it is can i can i tell you i go no no you can't tell me anything she goes even my mother thinks what you're doing is stupid and then i thought that's news well i thought uh yeah it's gotta be fucking really i'm not the guy to that's it it's maybe this is a stupid thing to do it's just a i thought it might this is a stupid thing to do.

I thought this might be akin to if the first plane hit the Twin Towers and I go, okay, I don't want to know anything else for a month. Blackout. Yeah. Okay. It seems like it's probably just a pilot error. Don't tell me anything for a month. Maybe this is a dumb thing because i would not want to hang around with that guy during 9-11 that you can't say anything that's all it's all there is to fucking talk about why would i take myself out of that well people are asking that but other people are uh doing their own news blackouts too i've seen that

in a couple oh really fuck it's not even original now? Well, I don't think they've gone to the extent that you have. No, they're not. They're not talking weekend. Oh, yeah. Well, that's all I've done. I'm already starting. Like, alright, what the fuck? Fortunately, Valentina is fucking high-strung,

so it might have just been, yeah, fucking shoelaces on sale. You got toilet paper bags. I don't know. But I know. I know. It's something. She had to go fucking.

All right, I'm hanging up. I'm going to go call my family on a fucking conference call about this. Like, okay. Still. So, yeah. It was fucking dumb. You guys will fucking tell me if I at some point

like he should really be around for this second plane we have rules in place you said deaths why did you even

relate that there's nothing to it I don't know you already said famous people I'm used to fucking American spirits and now I'm

where are they I'm down on my last two packs of spirits so I have a couple packs of Marlboro and Marlboro Light. It's the end of days. Let's get, because Chaley. He's crashing quickly. Three days in.

I'm not crashing. I'm just one, I'm second guessing myself. It's not even about needing to know. It's like, what if I, what if i get i'm i mean everyone's gonna have to be doing fucking coronavirus material when we come back what if i'm missing all the things that i spot that are different than other people well then that'll fucking change anyway so why would i be writing bits during this time when i can news blackout i i'm thinking i was even considering like how about just fucking news blackout

complete like hennigan don't tell me anything that's going on with my career or my special here uh i don't want to i don't want to have any idea what bills are due. Cat food, not my problem for a month. Don't you get that delivered on a regular basis, though? No. No? No, and when I did get shit delivered, that cat won't eat it.

The cat's a dick. He likes our food. Only likes fancy feast medleys. Not the $10.99 box. It needs the $12.99 box. There's fancy, fancy 12.99 box there's fancy fancy feast and then there's fancier feast and it has it won't even sniff the other shit dog loves it

dogs that dog's great did we say tell him we bait the fucking dog you really it was yeah it was yesterday 24 hours I uh when I get done, I got high. You ate some edibles last night after podcasting. Yeah, and then I was going to go back to all the stand-up,

and I put on fucking Nate Bargatze. I don't know how you pronounce it. Yeah, it's fucking phenomenal. I want to say that I've never seen him before but you know my memory maybe we toured together for four years that i forgot but no i hadn't seen him it's fucking brilliant uh but i was high and then i just i'd find myself not listening to the words and then just looking at his weird face and it's that stoic he looks kind of like Max Kellerman, but not in a way that makes you want to hit him in the face with a hammer.

Who's Max Kellerman? Max Kellerman's that douche on ESPN with the other douche. I carry my old phone because I can't get the TV be gone on my new phone for some reason. I can't get that app. So I carry my old phone on purpose sometimes to turn off universal smith and max kellerman they're the two douches on that show no you're not watching this sorry airport no never when i'm around are they gonna be on tv fucking grotesque but yeah

so yeah it doesn't look grotesque like that but he's got a very, he's kind of like Sean Rouse in that if you could do a great impression of him, you'd still need to see the face. Even though the face doesn't do much. It's the face that is part of the act. It doesn't. So after a while, I go, all right, I'm kind of half listening and then kind of tripping on things he says and then thinking of other things because I'm high. So I turned it off and watched the rest today when I was normal. It's nice. Very fucking funny.

And then I tried to watch Kreischer's. I watched Kreischer's new one, Hey, Big Boy. Yeah. Chrysler's new one uh Hey Big Boy and then I tried to watch cause it just seems right to watch him and Segura together back to back but there's a lot of Burt that's about his kids I know his kids so it's fucking

I don't know if it's extra funny to me because I know the kids and I know the house and I know everything I have a picture of it but then I tried to watch Segura right afterwards and he just comes out of the shoot with the wife and the kids and I'm like, alright, this is too much fucking

family. I'll have to break this. You think it was because you were doing them back to back? Yeah, I did them back to back. There's this overload of kids? Yeah, there's too many fucking kids in this Netflix. It's like you don't want to watch Planet of the Apes 1, 2, and 3 in one afternoon. Yeah, that's a lot of Apes. First time. Yeah.

So I'll break it up later. But yes, having fun. And you got to watch Louis C.K. the day after I did. It almost didn't happen. It almost didn't happen because the first thing we had in here to broadcast from a computer was

the Chromecast. That was the first dongle device that we had the first thing we had in here to broadcast from a computer was the Chromecast. That was the first dongle device that we had. You're talking about the issues with Andy that you did right before this. No, I got drunk and did issues with Andy, yes. That happened first. That was fine. But then I went to download the

Louis CK. Go to louisck.com and you can, right on the front page, super simple, right there, boom, you got the first one right there boom you got the first one right there oh man the fucking the chromecast it used to just fire right up you could go right from this podcast computer fire it right onto the main screen or you could do it from your laptop you could do it from your phone you could put it up there but then it got folded into Google Home, which now the app has to be downloaded. And there's all this fucking problem with it.

And it still doesn't recognize it. So I ended up having to – I mean it took an hour for me to get it. And it's not Louis C.K.'s fault. But when you pay for it, you get to download it. But you can't stream it. Or I couldn't figure out how. It was not streaming. It said you could download either an HD or an SD.

So I had to come over here to the computer to do it. But it was one of those things where... But once it got going, it's fucking great. Yeah, it's great. But the problem is you just spent a fucking hour with issues with Andy before this, of Andy evidently bitching that Louis C.K. stole his bit. Soft bitching that Louis C.K. stole his bit. Soft bitching. I was very clear when I said that,

that Louis C.K. did not steal my bit. Louis C.K. does not watch me, and I'm pretty sure he probably hasn't picked up Andy Andrus' 1999 fucking release from Dad Schlissel. Sure, done the glove box and on a long run, just kind of. Did Andy really think he stole? It's funny because Andy thinks he stole parts of the same bit that I thought were similar to my bit, but different parts. And it's about how you don't take retarded people out drinking,

and you don't, you know. Well, on Tuesday, there'll be a- That was Andy's premise. Yeah. And, of course, it's Andy. So he had a thousand different punchlines that I remember from 20 years ago. I just got- First of all, yeah, because retarded people,

they're the best drunk drivers, you know the normal drunk driver they'll over correct if they start to get into one accident a retard he'll just ride that guardrail 15 miles blowing sparks till your exit that's just one of his punch lines that he'd forget on a regular well i just got off the podcast with him with him bitching about it and then i watched the the episode or the the special i don't really recall anything other than they both had parts about retarded people it's really it that's it you know and it's like well mine was pretty much on the nose with you know they don't call them that anymore that used to be the medical definition but then you make fun of your stupid friend you know and

use that word which was just a kickoff to my bit thank you but if you even olivia gray suffered a fucking sling and an arrow in that special i go uh because she called while you're watching i said i wonder if she's calling because she saw louis ck special where he does that same joke she does about that's why her favorite part about fucking an older guy is when they get on top of you and their face melts off of their skull. Louis C.K. just kind of did that bit about himself. But that's him. I mean, that's his life.

She goes, that's all right. I'm not worried. I'm trying to get away from my fucking old men material anyway. We watched the. What was that? we watched uh what is that oh uh this is a chaley question or both of you you were in the car i swear we were listening to some podcast i watched a documentary called all red about gloria all red who we just listened to some podcast i think on the road where like she was defending harvey weinstein or something on the daily or something it was like the daily but it was yeah i think it wasn't the two chicks that wrote the book for the new york times about the

me too thing that i don't know if it's the same oh no those two gals from i think it's from uh the new york times York Times they wrote about Weinstein and like kind of blew it all up yeah those two skirts from the New York Times that wrote that what was it a cookbook but I remember like as because I'm high and so as I'm watching it I'm like

because this is the documentary is all pro like she's fucking Martin Luther King of women. And I'm like, I'm waiting for the fucking worm to turn. Because whatever we heard about her defending Harvey Weinstein was so incredibly damning. And then she passed it on to her daughter. That was it. Her daughter picked up the case.

Yeah, there was something about that. Yeah. And they had, like, maybe a four second allusion to that and then brushed it under the rug and went right back to what a fucking hero she is because i remember hearing that because like most people you it's like fucking alice sharpton you don't want to be represented by him if he's coming out on your side it's for self-interest that's what i always thought and they address that about gloria all red but then they then they make it okay and i'm like there's a part that's so not okay because when i heard that i go oh all my preconceived notions were correct she became like

a reputation uh that's what it was like a reputation coach or something like uh somebody who takes over it's like somebody who takes over your uh ray dunovan your social media your social media and and protects your uh your online presence yes well she must have done that to her own documentary because she looked like a fucking i don't know i can't remember what i watched last i was up late putting up all the videos if you're on patreon you know that you get this in video form i've put uh all the episodes up zero through two so far but and i've also got them up on our regular all things comedy channel uh doug stanhope this is how you get a hold of me now listen to the podcast and then uh yeah just like stand-up comedy it's

never your turn to talk how was your day not my problem i didn't get a chance to look at the emails but i'll have a lot for tomorrow day four oh yeah the the Hashtag news blackout and stanhopepodcast at gmail. Wow, I shouldn't have rushed this thing, or I should have had more notes. All I can make notes is about what I watched on TV. Washing the dog. I already did the washing the dog bit here on day three. I got to knuckle under and come up with some fucking material you went to it kind of quick yeah i was up till i don't know i actually bathed last night so i

didn't have my watch on and so it's probably four in the morning i just kept watching shit waiting to be high enough to sleep and i just kept getting eventually less high and then i go i should probably have some more cocktails because i'm not sleeping didn't want to take a downer yeah not late i'm not late not your downers yeah so i probably sent a drill but i was yeah i even skipped that because i i watched shit i've seen before alpha dog is such a great movie. Alpha Dog, I remember because Justin Timberlake was still like some douchebag, like a Justin Bieber that you would never take seriously in a film. And then you watch that movie and you go, all right, fucking Justin Timberlake. If Bieber could get a fucking role like that and kill it, like fucking all of a sudden Timberlake's legit in one movie.

What is it about? It's a true story about drug dealers who get in a beef and they kidnap the fucking kid brother. It's a guy from near the wild, into the wild. Yeah, I can't remember his name. Yeah, he's a good actor. He has what they eat, I can't remember his name. Yeah, he's a good actor. Because with an E, I think. Something stupid.

It's not Ethan. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You got a phone, Trace? Look it up. I just turned off. Let these people look it up. Let these people look up what that filthy shit Gloria Allred did for Harvey Weinstein and tweet about it. Just so you know about it.

The more you know. Do you remember how many troops were in Luxembourg in Korea? 44? 44. You're goddamn right. Learned so much. I didn't know until the Louis C.K. special that Hungary was never occupied but still gave up their Jews. And I'm a guy who goes to sleep to fucking World War II documentaries.

That one escaped me. Sometimes you have to go to Louis for the fucking cold hard facts. Maybe your small country is underrepresented in the Netflix media machine. your small country's underrepresented in the Netflix media machine. I want to watch fucking, I want to watch like

repeats of news. You know, they have like ESPN Classic. Like on your birthday when you were 15, like what was it? I forgot about that, like this day in history, we should do a little snippet of this day in history for him every day. Last month in history.

Well, yesterday was, like, MLK's assassination date. Huh? Yeah. I just watch random news, like, local news from whatever. Fucking 1982, September 15th, whatever. It's all archived. You can watch it somewhere. Yeah. I mean, they... I think they archived. You can watch it somewhere. Yeah.

I mean, I think they're running fucking repeats of Jeopardy on Netflix. I swear I saw that. Like the Ken Jennings ones? It's kind of ageless, I guess. It's still trivia. Yeah, it's still questions. Did he die? No. Don't tell me.

No, but his are- I don't know. I don't know. I know there's one big thing that I got a ooh and I couldn't know it. And that's just going to keep happening. Because you said something. I said one today. I would really like to find out if this is a joke or not.

Because you have a direct connection. You could say, come on, really? But, you know, I need to come up with a list. Wait, is it news or gossip? Well, it was in the news. Oh, all right. Well, fuck. Won't matter by then.

I don't know how long I can do this. Come on, you're only three days in. I know, I'm going to do this. I don't have any idea what either one of them are talking about, if that helps you at all. But I don't know if this is just stupid to do. Maybe fucking, well, you know what? You're going to hashtag whether it's stupid to do or not when you hear this.

And then Chaley will bring those notes up. He was supposed to today, but he got drunk with his other podcast friends. Have you looked at your emails today for that one? No.

For this one? None of them. I was watching Bert Kreischer while watching you on security camera watching Louis C.K. I tried to time it so while watching you on security camera watching Louis CK. I tried to time it. So right when you were done, I knew you were drinking through the other podcast.

And I didn't want you to have that fucking afternoon slump and then have to start again for me. So I try to come out here with the few notes that I have. And you were already fucking. No, it was that hour. It took an hour to get the fucking Louis CK thing up and it wasn't Louis CK it was the device that we have here that I haven't been home so I haven't been using that

the Chromecast and it's going it's coming right off the fucking wall we'll go with Roku or something I just got it straight online yeah but you did fall asleep during yeah definitely yeah But you did fall asleep during this, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I expended an hour of frustration trying to get that fucking thing to work that's worked for four years, and now it doesn't work. I don't think I got it taken care of by myself when I watched it yesterday. That took a fucking hour or two.

Oh, really? And three different tvs and then eventually a fucking laptop that's what made me furious was because i'm like god damn it fucking stanhope saw this and i can't get it to work he didn't fucking call me once yeah that's pretty bad yeah not my

doing i just said that i was not getting frustrated because i didn't have to do it you know what uh yeah not just because we're doing one every day doesn't mean some of them are gonna be fucking clunky like this it's a beautiful day out i should be getting a suntan. Do I look tan in that camera? No. See? That's wrong. Well, you look red in real life, but you got a lot of red in here, so maybe that's part of it. Blister up, get some cancer.

Today's a good day for that. Don't do that, but it's a good day. I want to shave part of your head today. Oh, yeah. Oh, shoot. We didn't get the... I know, but can't we just use, like, the... No, no. I'll get it for tomorrow. I know the one. I want to do this fucking ear. Wait, you got your glasses on.

Good catch. That fucking would have said shrapnel everywhere. Wait, are you going to catch it on something? Put an ashtray under it. Yeah. I got a lit cigarette in there. It'll smell like fucking Treblinka. There you go.

Treblinka? Yeah. With Chernobyl? No, Treblinka. Like, you can't always say Auschwitz. You're going to fucking break up your, you know, Belsenburgers. I think that's actual burger chain. Belsenburgers is a place

to order a burger you think it's Bilderberg no Bilderbergs are different from Belson something alright get on that I'm gonna get the whole ear can we use that in your nose too yeah I gotta get the fucking nose hairs

yeah I know but I'll get nose hair trimmers for that these don't work you try and you try. Yeah, I was thinking about getting a fucking mascara brush, because my nose hairs are not just excessive, but a lot of them are white. Do you want to color your nose hairs? Well, I thought if I had a mascara mascara brush I could at least color the white ones Because even if you trim the white ones

You can still see the fucking things Mascara also makes it longer and thicker More luxurious Well that's fine too As long as it's luxurious black nose hairs I don't want fucking shock white Powder nose hairs Albino nostril

Yeah Piff Piff powder nose hairs. Albino nostril? Yeah. Piff. Piff. Piff. Piff. Would knowing anything fucking change my day? I'd still be bored.

I'm still taking this as a Sunday. Because you don't feel like you're missing the news on a Sunday, except for the Sunday paper, which that's really just looking at the... Oscar? No, what's... Well, like the New York Times Sunday paper, they put shit that's not... It's like long-form articles about stuff that doesn't necessarily have to be timely. Here's an expose on how, know yeah like frackers sunday the sunday section

in the times in la used to be like they'd have the longer pieces and human interest stuff man but you don't but you don't get the paper no but they're online oh uh but yes it just seems like it's a fucking non-newsday anyway. I'll probably be a little bit more fucking sketchy and jumpy tomorrow. I went through my email. Because I haven't talked to Hennigan yet about dealing with my email. So I didn't look at anything except the stuff I know is spam. I just looked at who sent it. Okay.

I don't need anything from fucking nextdoor.com or Expedia. Tell us how we did. Nextdoor is mostly just one lady now. Yeah, that lady in Saginaw. Jesus Christ, yeah. Yep. Nextdoor is lady in Saginaw. Yep. Next door is fucking great. Local news! Local news. Next door is great in a small town. Just that whole thing.

Yeah. There's a black dog with a red kerchief. Have you seen it? Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. It's mine. Tootsies, come back. I do have the device So we could do a walkthrough In the funhouse

Camera to follow you around Once you get the house cleaned We could do the We could do something just in the Courtyard here and then if you want to Get the house all cleaned up and put together Yeah, maybe that's something to do today Yeah

We could do a walk with Henry up and put together. Yeah, maybe that's something to do today. Yeah. Reclean the house. We could do a walk with Henry. Yeah, we could do that. Oh, I found out something today on Issues with Andy. Henry Phillips, the comedian, not the dog, has a new web special called The Highwayman.

Yeah, we'll watch it after the podcast. The intro, I watched it after Issues with Andy. It's fucking hilarious. It's kind of... I can't remember what it says. It's like Highway to Heaven meets you and your

fucking coffee. Comedians in cars? No, no. It's like Highway to Heaven, michael landon thing where it's all but he's helping people on the road okay yeah and it's shot kind of 70s style yeah it's good whatever you're doing out there on your weekend i hope you're enjoying it i'm not having a bad day i'm just having a lackluster podcast. Otherwise, my day's been great. Laying in that fucking bed. Eating shredded beef.

Mm-hmm. Sorry, I hope you have good no-wiper recipes for us, but Chaley was real busy with Louis C.K., other podcasts, naps. Don't put this on me. I wasn't. Did that come across? That I didn't look at the news blackout

hashtag thing or whatever? Your email? My email? See, I get a camera now. They can see my face. They know I'm smiling. I changed that in post-production. Put a yellow frowny face.

Put a filter on it. That yuck symbol from Poison Control. The yuck symbol? I don't think that's technically yuck. That's a thing. I don't think that's what it's called. Yes, it is. Hell yes.

Not even mail today. I ordered some shit on Amazon. This is not even a podcast. This is for you guys. All right. Don't worry. We're going to come back strong every day. We can come back strong.

I should have gotten high for this one. Maybe I'll get high now. We'll do tomorrow's today. No, that doesn't work. Maybe just do an extra one today. Oh, Chad. I do an extra one today. Oh, Chad, I talked to him earlier today. And he's down for a podcast tomorrow.

Regular podcast. Oh, good. Yeah. All right. Good. I was going to start my book again tomorrow. That gives me an out. We could do it late. Tomorrow's his only day off.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Because of all the recordings and the twitching and the issuing. We're in. We'll delouse him at the door. That guy's clean.

Alright, hey, thank you for doing this with me, if you're doing this with me. Thank you for doing this to me, if you're the people responsible. Take us out. Bingy. One, two.

Coronavirus. Okay. Bye. Bye. No. Thank you. guitar solo Thank you.