The Doug Stanhope Podcast - EP.#367: Day 04 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

Day 04. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea.Recorded April 6th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Ms. Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope is taking 30 days avoiding any news from the outside world whatsoever.As of 4/3/20 I am extending quarantine 30 days including complete #NewsBlackout of any kind. @MrHennigan will be running my Twitter. I will not be seeing responses, texts or leaving the house. Daily podcasts. Use hashtag for suggestions to @gregchaille or email [e-mail]~Doug StanhopeSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hello, this is Robert Briggs, President and CEO of American Bible Society. I'm calling to thank you for your ongoing support and to share with you an urgent prayer request. Right now, we have an important opportunity to provide 200,000 Bibles for hurting people in China. As the coronavirus has brought so much suffering and fear to China, the U.S., and around the world, people in China are open to the gospel like never before. I'd like to ask you to please pray that the Lord would provide the resources for this critical opportunity, and for those who are impacted by this dangerous virus, thank you for your support of the Church in China and American Bible Society. God bless you. church in china and american bible society god bless you well so so much for uh trying to uh do a news blackout the fucking bible people are telling me about this corona thing in in china

and i walked in on chaley today whoa whoa whoa what do you think i walked in on you doing the bad bad thing looking at that news i saw the word pandemic on the screen, and then I ran out screaming. It was CNN. Come over here. As soon as I saw you coming in, I gave you the warning, and then you, like a good boy, backed off. You feel better now? Well, it did back up the uh bible bible salesman's uh pitch yep uh fuck i need cigarettes tracy's not even miked up joe be sorry uh chaley was uh

more than 45 minutes late starting this and i don't know what to do 12 30 and then i you said in one hour, and that was 11.15. I said, I'll see you here at 12.15. You also said whenever you want. You said whenever you want, and I threw out an hour, and then I remembered I had stuff to do. And look, you're not even ready. You're taking this off the minutes.

Taking this off the minutes. I'm talking. I just had to go get my cigarettes. Hey, I... Which we got while we were out. It just took longer. It was our first day of wearing masks at Safeway. All right, I don't... It felt like we were robbing the bank. Like, you're getting the mask on,

and we're going, are we going to do this? Are we going to do this? We're going in. We're going in. Was that your first time? First time with masks. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. I'm out.

Were most people wearing masks? Well, like, I'm not doing it. I'm out. Were most people wearing masks? Well, you go in and you feel better. If you did this in December of 2019, it might be a little weird. But if you do it now, you walk in and you're like, oh. It's the old people. This town is 80% old people. Yeah. So they're wearing it and they're wearing it for a reason.

Trace, I got to turn your mic on. Can you come back over here? I had a text message from Sam Tripoli. Old phone. But Sam Tripoli had a good point. He goes, I saw you have Patreon. I've been doing it for a while. You should really get rid of the fucking small dollar. five bucks he said i did that i switched got better fucking audience people fucking got rid of the riffraff i don't know

what kind of riffraff you get for a dollar on patreon but you fucking we should move it to a dollar we're gonna have to have you have it to a dollar i We do have it to a dollar. I mean to five dollars. We do have a five dollar. Yeah, but we should eliminate it. It should be a minimum of five bucks. Who doesn't have five bucks? Well, Tracy disagrees. We're going to have this conversation. If you do it, if it's per episode, the next 26 days, you'll be getting an episode a day.

Plus, we're also doing the once-weekly shows as well. Chad's coming over in a little bit to do that. Yeah. All right, we'll talk about it. It's what we did with the road. We were parking low-balling ourselves. That makes more sense, though, because there you're dealing with people who are yelling

and being disruptive and being dickheads. I don't know. She has a good point. We can talk about it. I see the emails. I see the people from Patreon and they say look, I had to bust down from 25 to 5.

I don't have a job right now. I'm like, geez, that's fine. I appreciate anything that anyone's got and the people that are putting in $25 a month, are you doing a shot? She does.

Oh, my God. And all my vodka, freezer vodka is gone. Oh, that's bad. Fucking Tracy and her shots of hot vodka to start the day. I know.

I gag watching it. Well, I told you, my freezer vodka is gone. I gotta make another bottle. We have ice. I know. I gag watching it. Well, I told you, my freezer vodka is gone. Gotta make another bottle. We have ice. I've been up there since like 6am. I'm done. You know, you can't fucking... Joby, you're a cook.

Why is it you can't salt unsalted butter and make it better? It just doesn't work. Yeah. You fucking just load it with salt and it still just tastes like fucking paste why didn't you buy salted butter someone i don't know if they might have been out of butter yeah wait i need salt and butter i love it i don't know if i talked about i love it when i did go to safeway before i got back to bisbee the one in benson because i didn't mind infecting them if for some reason i had the virus um all the bread

was gone except for the kind i eat yeah the dave's killer bread the green thin sliced small slices there were three loaves of that not another fucking piece of bread on the fucking shelves except my brand that's how unpopular my bread is not even in a pandemic do they want my bread that's but no that's

that's corporate bread now you know Dave's is bought by whatever General Mills or whoever yeah he went out on some other psychotic rampage didn't he go back yeah i think we talked about it because that's good bread great bread expensive i uh i think i only have yeah i think there's only one special i watched since yesterday i haven't even finished it this is a tom segura that i started oh i told tracy i totally forgot go ahead i forgot what we

watched because i was kind of jealous you got to watch comedy and i forgot i said yesterday i putting him and burt back to back was just too many fucking kids but after about that right where i had stopped it i went back to it this morning i don't know the kids went it was very fucking funny tom segura you know what he does you know, you always have your fucking lady voice or your other dude voice. He has some really fucking weird voices that he does for hypothetical ancillary characters. It's very, very strange, very unique. Like Maria Bamford?

I can't even do it. Like when Doug like an old person sorry that wasn't good enough it's in front you know what i yeah i can't do an impression of but fucking yeah it's a ball hog yeah get the fucking new sagura going i kicked out of it but i only i i think i uh but it was sensitive to the uh the uh kids talk and everything in the beginning and then it was you know something came up and i just turned it off but you said uh after that hump then yeah i mean it's not like the kids stuff was bad it was just too much in a row after chrysler like, all right, I need something different. But I watched a fucking documentary.

And it's Ronda Rousey. Have you seen it? It's something I forget the title, but it's search Ronda Rousey. You'll find it. Ronda Rousey doing it for her WWE star. Something about her father is in the title. Oh, shit. That's right.

She's already got it in there. Is it? Yeah, I thought it was new, but I just hadn't seen it come up before. It's 2016, but it starts with this guy like reading a fucking poem that didn't seem applicable at all

to Ronda Rousey as something like an old man trying to remember his years like how does this fucking apply maybe it's about the father and then it goes into the opening montage and with the the credits and it closes on a picture of him hugging ronda rousey so it's her back to the camera and it's just his big stupid smiling face and it says directed by gary stretch and then it freezes on his face i'm like is this a fucking documentary this is going to be one of those documentaries it's about you you made this about you using ronda fucking rousey as a vehicle. And I was fucking right.

And I was just very hungover. So I woke up full of hate. And I needed that. I mean, I could have watched comedy I hate, but I'm not doing that. I'm enjoying the comedy I've been watching. But I needed to hate something. I go, oh, this is going to be it. And if that guy didn't put his fucking head into every shot where they're interviewing her, but they do completely unnecessary cutaways to this douchebag, Gary Stretch. He was a boxer.

I don't know. And I guess he was some assistant coach for her for a few years for striking, which she never did. She didn't strike. She armbarred. Get the armbar fucking coach on there. But he looked like an old rock and roll guy. He had hair plugs, but he looked like

rock and rollery from an old band that sucked, and you don't remember any of their songs, but he still carries the look. They cutaway to him just like nodding with his stupid like fucking sun-worn old rocker face just

nodding like why do you have to put your fucking face in there like he was in Quiet Riot but he was like the rhythm guitar player when they were only doing the the fair circuit yeah so as I'm getting unmemorable but like yeah we open for rat oh i don't yeah uh and when he did when he was talking at all he's kind of interrupting her she was already on a roll and i don't know what that's like oh my god

he's the fuck and then as now i'm all ramped up with rage against this guy then he's cut away where he's in like a wife beater that's almost down past his chest plate it's like that like what the fuck are you doing in this fucking why is there a single shot of him in her documentary yeah unless he killed her i mean that's how a documentary works if you don't know generally they will prompt you like i'm gonna ask you questions but try to repeat what i asked you into your answer we just did that yeah i've never done that before and i i'd sat through uh two hours of it with matt collins when we were up in uh seattle and you came in and fucking just nail like you were pro right off the bat and i'm like because i never

had to do anything like that so it was kind of a little squeaky at first you know it was so fucking distracting is if he literally just did cutaways to his cock like he just said a dick pic and she's talking about and that's why she got into the fighting and she did this for and then the then the cock. Yeah. And you're like, stop doing that. So I get to the end of it. It's not a bad documentary. I mean, it would be so much better if he wasn't in it. And I get to the end.

And I'm like, it starts this really terrible song. And I go, I fucking guarantee you this is this guy. So I'm like, I'm going through the fucking credits of this. I have fucking like five notes just from the credits. He just keeps coming up in credits. Like in everything? He puts himself in as master chef. Like it's just a little private joke from, you know.

Hey, we're ready to roll, Stretch. Hold on. I've got to get these crepe Suzettes hot onto the craft services table. One of the first credits is, yes, he wrote that song. Of course. And then the song appears three different times in the credits. What is this? Joe Exotic?

Joe Exotic. Just the song he put in three times. God damn it. I just remembered something I needed to tell you. Oh, it's dedicated to her father who died. Yeah. And that's why she... Look, Doug, the reason you do your own music is because then you don't have to pay anything.

So that's a cost decision that he probably made because he's broke. It didn't need a song. It's a terrible, terrible song. Even if there's anything rolling in the background, if it's public domain, but you can't really have America the Beautiful. Maybe it worked for Ronda Rousey documentary.

But I understand that part. But all the other stuff. It's dedicated to in loving memory of her father. Ronda Rousey's father. Which is integral to the story. He killed himself when she was four. Spoiler alert.

That's the wrong order. Spoiler alert goes first. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I fucked that one up. Well, here's another spoiler alert.

In the credits, at some point, he decides it's also dedicated to his father in loving memory of his father oh my god what the fuck are you doing oh there was uh uh there was uh you know in the thanks and the credits yeah there was very special thanks for like four people and then underneath special thanks. We get to do very. We have to do very for some people and then just special. My super, super thanks goes out to me. Thanks of the week.

Yeah, so that was my morning rage. Yeah, I looked him up. He was a boxer in England or something. Gary Stretch. Documentary about Gary Stretch. Starring Ronda Rousey. That's all I have for this morning. Well, I had stuff, but I had to go to the store. I have to say thank you

for everyone listening and watching. If you're on Patreon, then I'm posting these as video podcasts. And I am getting your suggestions. I'm going to give those to Doug. And we got some stuff. But it really is like when I was on a morning show.

You have some show prep now. There's some show prep in the morning, which we can do. It's not a lot. No, not a lot. I mean, I just didn't have time to do it today. But it's starting to come in now because there's three episodes that are out. I wanted to say to Tom Segura, if you're listening, and it's a really funny bit. I'm going to burn the premise because it's the kind of thing you'd put on a

trailer but it's he just says he says you ever talk to any ever talk to someone that's so boring that you feel like you've been poisoned and then he goes into the bit the i i the only uh thing i'd point out couldn't you have said uh have you ever worked a merch booth? Yeah, no shit. But he's talking about a specific fucking pet peeve he has with people on airplanes. But he says, and then the guy in 16C, that's an aisle seat, not a window seat, which is really- Oh my God. Did you notice it? No.

I was like like hold on hold on a second 16 there's not someone there's not someone who says hey by the way c would be on the yeah that's not right that's that doesn't work with the other one the other one i thought there's not so oh louis during louis yeah i'm like chase is like what's all that on the screen and i go what on the screen she goes what's that stuff on the screen? What's the what on the screen? She goes, what's that stuff on his shirt? I go, no, it's on the screen. And then I'm like, uh-oh, no, there's like a fleck, something on his black shirt.

And I'm like, no one has a fucking lint roller in the wings of a big theater like that? Are you kidding me? There's not one guy that goes, hold on, last looks. Last looks. It's too bad. That's like the way you and I straighten each other's ties. It's like, come on, you're not going out like that. Come over here.

Yeah, I know. Our fucking wives always let us go out with a fucking collar all fucked up. Not me and Chaley. We got each other. It's the knot, too, man. It's that knot. You got to make sure. Because, I mean, I do.

My neck's so fat. We were talking about that before you. Well, we always talk about that. Before I came in the room, how fat my neck was? Yeah. I'm not cool with that. Yeah, we were drawing, like, trying to do caricatures of your neck and stuff. Wider.

Yeah. Wider. You got a fat felt tip marker? wider yeah wider you got a fat felt tip marker all right it's a fucking another beautiful fucking bird chirping day that fucking cat's just laying there he could be killing those fucking irritating cocksuckers we feed him the cat and the birds oh you know who i saw he headed a fucking dove the other day i think i might have mentioned fucking big dove carcass right in the office I have to recommend and I told you this

and Hennegan corroborated Sam Morrell and it's free on YouTube and it is so fucking good very funny guy I look forward to it finish up the Segura still have to do the burr

he's another guy he's been putting them out once paper tiger yeah that's uh it's one of those that i shouldn't have read the fucking like you know of course it was like he's gonna talk about shit that's upsetting and so like huff poe or whoever writes a whole article and they put half his fucking act in there and you go, you're kind of ruined. I want to watch him do it. I don't want to read this. So I feel like I've already watched it, just articles about it. But I did that one Chappelle. I watched Chappelle a couple of years ago and it was the same thing.

I'm glad I watched it because they really fucking assassinated it in the article after. Now I see it. Come on, Doug. Someone telling you how a comedy special yeah that was lenny bruce the only thing i know of lenny bruce that i thought was funny was when he talked about the cop that busted him doing his act on the stand and he's like you don't even have timing or anything like you can't have a non-comedian do my act and then then tell me that it's not fucking art. Because, yeah, the way he does it sucks. Look, the jury, they're not laughing for a reason.

Yeah. All right, so. No, I had something. What was it? Was there something else? Oh. No, we can't do that. I have to do the show prep on that. Oh,'s right yeah we're gonna talk about oh i want to say uh uh i was having a bad day

yesterday let me say and i was after we get done i go this is just stupid isn't it i needed feedback is what i need i needed positive reinforcement that i'm doing the right thing and evidently yeah people did chime in on that hashtag and sent some emails and whatnots and uh well they're tuning in every day which i i ever since we did tin can rehab i mean that's the the numbers went up a lot i keep forgetting to switch over sorry the numbers went up because of that because it was it was episodic every day like you would talk today about something that happened yesterday and there wasn't even a pandemic not in this country at least back then and it's that thing now where i i'm hoping people get in the rhythm that's why i'm trying to get these things out well i am getting

them out every night now so there's a video for patreon and then there's the audio also goes out uh early in the morning our time but that's i'm getting things from people in england this morning when i woke up i had things from people in england episode day three which i just put out like hours before right so it is it is they're listening and whatever fucking thing you and watching and watching these were all watching get that patreon while it's still cheap because i'm fucking i'm i'm i'm putting my hammer down on fucking let's jack it up i i this is what i told my brother like hey you know uh everyone is giving big huge discounts right now your your stuff is quality and so like hennigan says oh ghost ride is quality this is a good time to be behind quality that's the best hennigan i

got right now but uh i don't know how much quality this is wait but i i know i i'm extending the metaphor to the fact that we we are kind of like that well i called hennigan when i was like i should just fucking ditch this whole thing because i started getting curious about some things and he said well you know this is like bingo's coma if she came out of it the next day it's not really a story is it good fucking analogy yeah this way to save it yeah because this won't get interesting to like 15 days in. Well, my point was- It's going to build. My point was, and I love that everyone is commenting because that just reinforces, is

that when we did the Tin Can Rehab, the episodic thing got people into it and they were following, looking forward to it. My stories. I need my stories. Right? So I like that part of it. And I've been trying to do that in some way. We've talked about doing tin can rehab, like a redux or something like that.

And now it's forced our hand. But to do the video, it's getting better. I mean, I still have to do all the switching, but we're getting there. We're working out. I'm not getting complaints. That's the thing. And I don't want to fucking jinx myself. But I keep getting this.

I told Tracy this morning. And I go, it's really weird that it's all positive and i know the shoe's gonna drop something's gonna happen but i mean i went through the last month of editing myself drunk breaking things in the fun house if you didn't complain then i'm not giving you the ammo going forward so alright well let's let's wrap this up and then we'll do a fucking our weekly podcast Chad Shank is on his way Joby's here

Tracy Bingo is quarantined if you've been asking over at the quiet house exercising and losing her mind but she says she has great abs. There's your update. Take us out, Bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. guitar solo Thank you. Joby, throw a dart for my haircut.

That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one that's a good one who has a good one Joby you