The Doug Stanhope Podcast - EP.#377: Day 13 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

Day 13. The Gillis Has Landed. Shane Gillis arrives at the FunHouse in Bisbee.Recorded April 15th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Shane Gillis (@ShaneMGilllis), Ms. Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Check out Shane Gillis at - Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/matt-and-shanes-secret-podcast/id1177068388Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast in the early days everyone thought it was a joke i'm going i'm going uh yes Yeah, Shane Gillis is here. And he just did the trek from Pennsylvania. Yeah, man. Cross country. Just got out of my car from four days.

Welcome. This is good, man. I'm happy about that. You know about the news, but tell us about the roads. The roads are... It's like a Mad Max. What's it like out on the road when you can use gasoline?

It's crazy how cheap the gas is. It's crazy. No, I don't know. I mean, pretty much I just drove through the middle of the country. I didn't stop near cities really. It's kind of all the exact same. I was a little disappointed in that. Maybe driving across country was cool like 30 years ago. Now it's kind of all the exact same. I was a little disappointed in that. Maybe driving across country was cool like 30 years ago.

Now it's just McDonald's and Starbucks. It's crazy. Yeah, it was just, I noticed it was just like pretty much just truckers and me. That was it. That was the only one. And some black people. It was by me. Black guys and truckers were the only ones really.

Yeah, it was Denzel and that kid. Still out there. That movie. What was it? Ezekiel or something? The Book of Eli. Book of Eli. They were out there. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, I thought I'd get some material.

None. Just listen to the same ten songs for four days. You're staying at hotels were open. The hotels were open and but most of them in a couple states the ones i stayed in last night i stayed in new mexico last night yeah and uh they have like a rule that like this the hotel can't be 25 full so i went to this one that was empty and they were like no we're sold out so i'd drive for a while and then i went to it was rough then i went to another one and this lady – it was, I guess, her first day.

It took me like an hour to check in while she was typing. And I was – but that was like – she could tell I was – Hard to type with those gloves. She could tell I was hesitant. Winter gloves. Clack, clack, clack. Yeah, it was – Really?

A touch screen? Yeah, that was something that bothered me is everywhere – like Whenever you get gas or something, using your debit card and you have to sign shit. And just all this. Yeah, touched a lot of pointless shit the whole way there. You don't need it. Apple Pay seems to make more sense now. Apple Pay makes more sense. Yeah.

But then you still have to fucking type in your PIN or sign something. your pin or like touch like sign something. Also right before this all hit all of the Walmarts all of a sudden had pickup groceries. Like right like in November, December they were building those structures where you can

pull in and someone brings your groceries out. Well they did. Super cool they had the ads for it. It's like conspiracy. I mean, they probably knew around December. Well, the only one who didn't know was the government. Yeah. The U.S. government.

Big business knew. Yeah, they knew. They all knew. I don't know if you – you should see the news right now. It's great. No, I haven't watched it. It's the same shit. You're not missing anything. I promise.

I haven't watched it. It's the same shit. You're not missing anything. I promise. My phone's been blowing up all day with Twitter notifications of 95% James Inman going, Fuck you. No, you guys are fucking stupid. Fans are stupid.

I don't know if you get a chance to listen to that podcast, but I'm going to actually listen back to it. Why? What did he say? We'll just say. We'll save that for tomorrow. All right. Nice. That would be good. He just gets really wound up.

He's basically our, what's his name, from Windy City Heat. Yeah, yeah. Scary Perry. Yeah. Perry Caravella. Yeah, Caravella, yeah. That guy is incredible. I just started watching that again.

I forgot all about that. Such a good movie. It actually, like, I think it's kind of really mean. Yeah. Maybe you're not going to like the podcast with him. No. I'm all right with it. But Windy City Heat, like, looking back on it, it's like, god damn, you guys were fucking with, like, just a retarded guy the whole time.

On a whole different level, too. Like, no. Yeah. Like, no remorse. And then they MeToo'd him years later. Oh, did they? Yeah, they MeToo'd Perry with like... And they got Keith Olbermann. No, what's his name?

Keith Olbermann from Remote Control MTV? Not Dateline. I got the wrong guy. Hannity. So they have Hannity. Sean Hannity? Yeah, doing like real live news broadcasts of him being Me Too'd that they just recorded and sent to Perry. And he like –

I can't imagine how you could talk Hannity into being mean. Or to be – have a joke. Have a sense of humor. Fuck with someone retarded. But yeah, it's great. Oh, that was the angle. I get to fuck with someone retarded? I'm in. I'm in. Can I kick a sense of humor. Fuck with someone retarded. But yeah, it's great. Oh, that was the angle. Oh, I get to fuck with someone retarded? I'm in.

I'm in. Can I kick a baby? Yeah, it's great. Yeah, ever since you called me from the Ohio Turnpike saying how empty it was, we were talking about how great a COVID road trip would be. Yeah, it'd be fun if I had somebody, although I probably would have rather done it alone. It's a long time to be with somebody else in the car.

But no, it was nice. I remember once going, I was living out of my car as a kid. And I was in Phoenix and I wanted to go to a bar. And you're going, all right, how many beers can I have and still have gas money to get to OKC? That's where I had to go for my next gig, and I drank an extra beer probably. Oh, no. So I drove at 55 miles an hour and across nothing from Flagstaff to OKC is nothing. And I remember I had a David Letterman biography, just some pap fucking paperback shit.

But I read it. It was doing 55 on those roads and no one's on them. I read an entire book on that drive. Balanced on the steering wheel? Yeah, because I thought – I stayed on social media. I literally was on my phone that whole – from OKC until here, I was on my phone. It was fucking crazy.

You can't even do that locally without half driving off the road. Just texting, I'm driving. I drive off the fucking road. Somehow going 80, it's easy. Well, it's when you have to wear reading glasses. Good like this, not like this. No, this is surreal, though, being here. This is, yeah, it kind of just seemed like a drunk idea a week ago.

And here we are. This is where they're born, drunk ideas. In fact, you might want to fire up that oven early because I think we'll make this a short one and then fuck around. Yeah, get a couple drinks. We're doing them every day. All right, all right. Yeah, I thought, you know, I was hoping I'd have more to give you, but the road was fucking nothing.

It was just truck. We're back. Sorry. What were you saying? I don't know, but the town, Old Bisbee is like full. Driving through there was like, I was kind of surprised. That's right. I've gone out three Sundays in a row, I think.

There's always people in there. I forget which park it is by the stock exchange there. Gore Park? Yeah, whatever that is. But yeah, they're home. They're in the park because that's where it is. Yeah, they are. This is a really interesting town.

Got a lot of weird motherfuckers walking around here. Oh, yeah. You came at Douglas Way. You didn't even come through the tunnel, right? No, I didn't go through a tunnel. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah, that's at the top of Old Bisbee.

All right, nice. Yeah, the town's fucking awesome. We did want to do a tour of not only the new addition in the house and the compound here, but we also wanted to do a road trip to look at the sites of Old Bisbee. I'd love that. Yeah. And then film that. Yeah.

See, Olivia will come out for that and so will Bingo, but in different cars. I've done it with Olivia and Bingo on speakerphone. And now they have this new app where you can put eight people on the same video chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's really been locked in that whole time? Yeah. I think that's why she canceled going on tour with me. Because she's been following this shit.

Really? That's surprising. She needs to fucking lighten up a little. Have you guys told her that? You can tell her. Yeah, I'm sure she'll tell her. She doesn't like that. Yeah, I bet.

She doesn't seem like she would like that. What the fuck has she been doing? Just staying in her room for a month? She rented another place. Yeah, she was staying in the guest house. Oh, she's not even here? She moved out. Block and a half down.

Two blocks down. While we were on tour. She just rented a place down the street. She knew where we were coming from. We were coming from fucking Seattle. Oh, yeah. You guys were coming from a rough place. Boston and San Francisco and Vegas.

How long ago? We played the last show in Seattle. Really? In March at the Neptune and Doug was at the merch booth both nights till the last person was through. Shaking everything. Damn.

Well, you guys lucked out then because it was – It's clean living. It's been around since like – Especially in Seattle and shit on the West Coast. I think since like November. Yeah, it was the hot zone before fucking New York stole its thunder. Fucking one-upping motherfuckers. Seattle was doing all the shit that everyone else started doing with the hotels and the,

and the social, just, it was so, it was very new. It's like, it's like any new technology that comes along. All of a sudden everyone's into it. This was super quick.

You had to wrap up to, to learn, to stay back and to wear masks and all that stuff. But Seattle, when we were there, it wasn't, it wasn't so cool to talk shit. Yeah.

Doug wanted to do something on stage where you wanted everyone to high-five or something. And he thought, man, they'll go back and go like, it all started with a guy that fucking asshole on stage. The Neptune had us all high-five for hijinks. Oh, that's funny. No, I thought of that on the way here. Like if I – because I'm driving here. If you guys happen to all die from my arrival, I'll be known from fired from SNL and also killed Bisbee. I killed Bisbee.

But, you know, I had nothing else to do. I gave her gloves and a mask to take to Safeway. And I'm like, that's a 22-year-old girl. You can tell spends a lot of time getting ready. I don't know if she's actually going to put on a fucking mask for vanities. She could do it for the selfie though. Maybe for

one picture to be like Corona. See I did it. She's not wearing it at the market. I'll tell you that. I came around the corner and scared the shit out of her. I looked like I was robbing the place. Because I got like a big black bandana type thing. And yeah, she didn't know it was me. And I came right up on her.

Like that thing where like, oh, you're here. But yeah, she said, you, what the fuck, dude? I was wearing a mask. I do feel like a fucking idiot wearing a mask. I was wearing it. I'd wear one. I wore it into every rest stop. Good.

You should. But I'm not wearing gloves. Yeah. But hand sanitizer. I caught myself when I was still on the road, I'd do this with my jacket and press the elevator button. And then later on, I'm touching my face with the same jacket.

And put my sleeve on to touch my face. You can't live in the fear of it. Otherwise, it's non-stop. Then you're Olivia. Then you're shut in. I was thinking of a job opportunity or a revenue opportunity of a dry cleaner that specialized in sleeves and cuffs. Cleaning them. Because everyone's – oh, no, the elbow.

The elbow has got to be the dirtiest part of a coat. Right? Because everyone's coughing into it and sneezing into it. I thought, yeah, and then you could also make it non-Asian. That would help sell right now. Oh, look at you. I'm back. Look, Corona's here, dude.

I'm done. I'm done pretending. I'm back to my old ways. Yeah, that's... Fuck it. Well, that didn't take long. What, are we five, eight minutes in? Yeah, yeah.

Look, I tried to say sorry. No one cared. I'm back. Fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. What are they going to... You can't get fired now.

You're fine. Yeah, that... Yeah, it's a fucking complete cancel culture for all comics. Yeah. Welcome. It sucks. Everyone's like, oh, my gigs are getting canceled. I'm like, yeah.

What's that like? How about a year canceled? Yeah. Well, yeah, you're right there, too, right? Yeah. If you're out of the loop on these jokes and you don't know Shane Gillis, just Google search Shane Gillis SNL.

Or our podcast from Harrisburg. True. I'll put it in the show notes, the link, because I can't remember which episode that was. I don't know the number, but it was called Saturday Night Live. And I started to talk shit and you were like, save it for Rogan. He never helped.

He never came, dude. I was like, come on, Rogan, help, dude, help. All right, well. Nothing. Window of opportunity is over now. It's here. It does prove I look out. Yeah.

Yeah, you would have gotten a lot more exposure on fucking Rogan exactly yeah the whole time you're like wait save Rogan he's got a point Rogan will probably be next week I wonder if I killed those chances all together by having you on I think Rogan got some drunk texts from you while we were hanging out at the bar afterwards

gotta get him on he was probably like these idiots you should have said you were thinking about getting into elk hunting or something. True. Like, hey, I want to get outfitted. True. I think, yeah, I don't want to speculate because he doesn't fucking owe me anything. It was just me hoping to be on something.

That was all. But, yeah. This is good. The guest house is phenomenal. I was honestly expecting... I wouldn't try to use that stove top. Just use the microwave. The kitchen in the main house. I'll show you around.

If you don't worry... I wouldn't want Doug to work a stove. But I've lived there too. Everyone's lived in that place. But there's no pilot light. It's an old stove.

So you have to use a lighter. If you use the top, don't use the oven. That might be good to replace that. Use the main house kitchen. I'm on the other side of the house. I'll never see it. Nice. We'll figure all that stuff out.

How many stoves have you left on, you think, in your lifetime? I'm not sure. It seems like a drunken accident. I'm not a big eater. I'm not one of those guys that when the bar closed, I'd go out to Denny's. I'm fucking done. But you'd also light cigarettes from someone's stove

at a house party. Oh, well, yeah. You don't think of that. That's one way to... At a house party, there's other smokers. It's when you lose your lighter and you're drunk. This is a fucking permanent lighter in your house. I don't mind risking your eyebrows.

You ever try to light a cigarette off a fucking glass top stove? No. Yeah, you have to hold it there until it glows red. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's desperation. So you're like, why are you in a house with nobody?

You don't have a lighter. You just said you're at a house party. No, I'm saying that it's when you're alone and you can't find your lighter that you light cigarettes off a stove.

But then I thought about when I had to try to light a fucking cigarette off one of those glass tops. Like when we were kids, we had the electric, but it was the element, the coil. Oh, that's what I was thinking of, actually.

Like a hot plate? The glass where it just gets red underneath the glass. And I don't know if I succeeded at that. I think that's tough. That's, uh... You go to some extremes when you're a smoker. I had a friend in high school.

His hand was all fucking jacked up. It looked like – I mean it was like someone had put a glove on and pulled it off. Like it was wet or something, right? And I finally asked him what happened. And when he was a kid, he saw the glowing of the glass top stove and put his hand straight on it. And he had like 30 operations to put his hand straight on it like and he had like 30 operations to get his hand back

yeah what's that that show the British show with the two teenage kids and one's a fucking serial killer

oh the newer one you've been watching it Netflix yeah fuck I know what you're talking about but in the opening the kid sticks his hand in boiling grease just to see what it feels like. Anyway.

Makes good writers. This is good. This is an interesting move to go straight to a podcast. You guys are fucking nuts. I literally just got out of my car. They're like, all right, come on. I didn't even like say hi. Nice. Yeah, I just wanted come on. I didn't even, like, say hi. Nice.

Yeah, I just, I wanted to hear. I just. I wish I, you know, I really. No, just empty roads. Just seeing those pictures of fucking Times Square with no traffic. It is crazy. Like, yeah, I was in, I don't know. I liked Shamrock, Texas.

I liked, like, the north section of Texas. I stayed inianapolis first yeah so i'm from harrisburg to indy and then indy to oklahoma city doug's like talk slower pay it out don't get to the money shot my road atlas right out here but it doesn't fit follow along at home trucker atlas fuck gps i like it trucker atlas. Fuck GPS. I like a trucker atlas. And then- But we're in New Mexico because I told you last night, fucking those old Route 66. I know. I know. I went to-

I stayed in like a regular fucking hotel. The Alamogordo? Alamogordo? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's horrible. Yeah. It was- Was that on 25 or is that the back road through Hatch?

I think that's 25, right? Yeah, that's the one. Or you're on a highway. I don't know. That's the bottom one. The bottom, whatever the lowest highway is. You went through White Sand? Yeah, I went from there to low.

Okay, so two lane. I liked it. It was nice. No one was there. There was literally no one on the road. So, you know, I was expecting some sort of fucking self-reflective deep moment. If you saw a hitchhiker out there, would you have picked him up? No.

I did see, as soon as I got into Bisbee, again, they're just drifters fucking walking around. Yeah, they used to call them hippies. But then the tweak came around and they lost teeth. Yeah, I guess now they're just... Yeah, I saw some lady carrying a bunch of trays of food from up by the Safeway and I was like, I should help her. Wait, so you've been all over?

I went up to the... Yeah. Alright, so you already scooped out fucking Old Bisbee and San Jose and we're in Warren. Those are the three main districts of Bisbee. Old Bisbee, Cool, Safeway, Safeway, and Warren is boring. The town's fucking... It looks like a movie set. Strix of Bisbee, old Bisbee, cool, Safeway, Safeway. And Warren is born.

Yeah, it's not. The town's fucking, it looks like a movie set. Yeah. It looks like it's awesome. And then you've got giant holes. That's good. Those are terrifying. So, yeah, it's good stuff.

You know, that's another thing. We talk about it all the time with putting the zip line over the lavender pit. Yeah, good. God, no. Yeah, that used to be a mountain who's doing that what we want to oh don't do that we get the right mayor in office ken budge i'm looking at you ken budge for mayor yeah two terms of david smith with no fucking world's tallest zip line over the lavender pit we handed it to him on a platter no kidding wait it's a little lavender pit that We handed it to him on a platter. No kidding. Wait, it's a little lavender pit? That's what it's called. It's copper, right, though? Isn't this like a copper?

No, that's where they mine all the lavender. No, isn't this a copper town? I know it's not lavender. Right next to the Dr. Pepper pit. Yes, it's a copper pit. You guys have one of those? Yeah. Lavender, I think, was one of the guys who was a foreman or a guy that was working there. I want to take Shane Gillis on a trip right now.

No. Just these two streets. All right. We'll go and beep in front of Bingo's. We'll beep in front of Olivia's. Go buy Bingo's. Yeah. Oh, I would like to see Olivia.

Yeah, that'd be fun to... Don't, really don't tease her. Don't approach the fence. Why? She's really touchy. She needs to relax. Yeah, but it's not in her nature. She's got a hot tub you can check out. She's a hot tub? Yeah. Yeah, it's empty and it's on the front

porch. We can't touch it. Wait, you guys went... Oh, so you... See, I thought... I heard you guys had licked the doorknob. Oh, by the way, this is great. You called me. I don't know if you remember this phone call we had a conversation at night and you explained to me the whole we licked the doorknob thing and then you woke up in the middle of the night at like i definitely saw the voicemail you woke up i think here it was like 1 30 or 3 a.m.

Somewhere between there. You woke up at that time. Fifth meal for cocktails. Yeah, you woke up and you're like, fuck it. I figured I'd start drinking again. And you left me like a two-minute voicemail explaining the doorknob story again. Yeah. We had just got done talking about.

So basically we had that conversation. You went to sleep, woke up, had a drink, had that conversation again. Pretty great. And then I had to, you know, I was just like, no, I'm still coming. I'm all right with it. I'm not worried about it. But I thought the doorknob was here. I thought it was one of these. I didn't know you guys literally left.

You went to her house. Yeah, we walked down there. We decided she needed to, you know, lighten up, like you say. I wouldn't have gone that route. Well, it's when she didn't answer the door, and we know she's inside, and then we get a little rambunctious. We did a podcast and Joby and Chad was here.

I mean, we were basically a mob, a drunken mob going down the street looking to lick a doorknob. So it wasn't, yeah, not cool. I mean, I know I wouldn't feel bad. In context, we all felt remorse after the fact, realizing that. Almost all of you.

Who didn't? I didn't feel remorse. Oh, Tracy. Tracy says give a fuck. Yeah. Good for you. Thanks, man. Yeah, she'll be all right.

Unless when you had it. Then it would be. Then it would be. Actually, then it would actually be funny. Tail the tape. We'll see what happens. Yeah. How long ago was it?

Uh, it was, uh, eight days ago. Oh, there's time. Nine days. There's still like four or five more days

for you to have possibly killed her. What was that? Was that a cough? Yeah, a little bit. She doesn't go out of her house. She doesn't even use, she only went out of her house

to disinfect the doorknob. And then she said, I did it so much that I could smell Lysol when I was back in my shower. She Lysoled her door. In between. Like a plumber. Plumber, yeah. And then the plumber came and then left. So she went out with her hazmat suit and fucking lysoled the entire outer door

and as she's doing it, the plumber came back and went, I wasn't done. I just took a lunch. I took a lunch. I don't need a job. We're in Arizona, right? We're six miles from the Mexican border. You can be correct and still be considered wrong.

You notice how we didn't stop to do an ad during this podcast? We can't lose a sponsor. Ooh. I just like doing that. It's funny. Because we're all adults, so it's funny when people get upset with words. Yeah, they don't get upset here much. Well, yeah, man.

Except for that lady. What? She gets upset at the fuck word if you scream it when you miss a shot at basketball. Oh, Linda Barnett. Yeah. In Saginaw. In Saginaw. What's going on?

We have nextdoor.com. It's nextdoor.com. And it's like a, nextdoor is like a neighborhood Facebook. So you can just post, found a dog with a red bandana. And this lady was this teenager he yells fuck when he misses a basket and he plays rap music with obscene lyrics and I don't know what to do about it but you're right yeah they're like that's how you get canceled in Bisbee yeah yeah you're black you'll never work here again no one works in Bisbee. All right. Nice, man. Shall we just wrap it up?

Don't worry. We'll do it again tomorrow. But let's see. Before the sun goes down, let's go take a tour of just these two streets. Yeah. We'll get our rapport down. Oh, yeah. We'll figure it out.

Listen. We've got to get our fucking mojo working here. I feel a little, you know, new. We'll figure it out. We've got to get our fucking mojo working here. I feel a little new. We're doing these fucking daily, and all we do is this daily is sit around and go, Well, I didn't do anything today. What do I talk about? How I rearranged my fucking sneakers?

Podcasts are very hard to do right now. But we come in here, there's no show prep. And then all of a sudden, it's an hour later. And then I'm editing video and audio to go out. And it's like the next. We're going to do short. This is a short one. He goes, I got nothing. 58 minutes later, we're doing it.

And I got no problem with that. But it's. We don't have anything that like questions or anything. We're good. We'll stop those. If you're listening to this and you haven't heard the James Inman... Oh, yeah, I'm going to do my head. Oh, let's do a guest shave. Yeah, let's have Shane do it.

Oh, pick a spot. Do you want to explain what's going on? He knows. Do you know what's going on? I shave my patch every day. I need to join in, man. I need a haircut very badly. But no, not this. Well, we can catch his up.

You can do it just over the bar. Don't worry about it. It's fine. He's got angles. Give him the one spot he can't shave. I'm going to keep this tough right here. That was yesterday's. I love that one.

It's getting to be slim-shaded. I've been trying to get sun. Look for perpendicular shaves, like cross-hatching. Think of that because that looks crazier. Maybe go perpendicular to that one. Yeah. Maybe Tic Tac, too. Yeah, I got it coming around.

I'm coming around. Okay. I almost need a remote camera for this. It's crazy. Well, because he's like seven feet tall. No, just because we... I don't remember he is that tall, but I don't remember things. Olivia said, yeah, because he's so tall.

All right, Doug, turn around. And then he'll... Where? Well, I... We need the camera shot, though. Yeah, so then we want him... Yeah. You might have to get around you. This is good.

That is horrible. Just shave it. I've never done this. I don't want to hurt you. How's that? Go a little bit further. Go Bowie B. Bowie B?

Don't clean it up. Go a little bit further. Go bone deep. Bone deep. I want to leave it. Don't clean it up. He's shaving it like he's shaving his balls. Like there's wrinkles. I don't know. I've never cut someone's hair. I don't want to hurt anybody. Holding the skin taut.

Yes. Bat wing it. I'm giddy. This is good. Oh, God. That's great. There's a little stripe of hair that's left. Bingo might be doing a photo shoot right now. Is it good?

Yep. And if she is, she said she's, yeah, next couple hours. That was a couple hours ago. Does Gretchen have a telephoto? With the gas mask, the same gas mask from her family picture. Yeah, she goes, oh, that would be appropriate right now. Fuck, I keep forgetting we have gas. We have a telephoto lamp? With the gas mask, the same gas mask from her family picture. Yeah, she goes, oh, that'd be appropriate right now. Fuck, I keep forgetting we have gas masks. We have a bunch.

My brother sent them from a ghost ride, but they're all child's masks, which is sad. They'll look funnier if we take a group photo. But they're like really tight because they're made for like- Pretty hard to get on. Yeah, elementary school kids. Yeah, my head is not going to fucking work. What size is your head? I've got a big head.

I have no idea. I'm going to get a 7 and 7 8s, but it's all awkward because of this fucking hump back here. It doesn't work. Only like a knit cap. What size is your head? Yeah, I don't know. Well, he's a giant guy. 7 and 5 8s?

What are you supposed to say? 7 and 7 8s. That's what I just said. Hats don't work on me. All right. Pete's will be ready by the time we get back to this fucking five-minute tour

of the neighborhood. Exactly what I was thinking. Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing. I just saw on Twitter Todd Glass is doing a Zoom comedy show from his living room sponsored by Helium on the 18th. Oh, cool. So we should probably get him on the podcast to at least promote that. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. That's a reason. Yeah. I've given him a couple days off, so I think I feel strong in calling him back. I've been doing real bad drunk dials. I've heard.

I've also been a part of it. Why do you think I'm here? I'm not only a member. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's good. Yes.

And questions for Shane. Where do they send the questions? Questions go to – well, you can – first of all, we're still in the news blackout. We're still in the news – hold on. I got to get this on there. We're still in the news blackout and you can go to Twitter and do hashtag news blackout if you want to flag something in there and then I can bring it up. You can go –

And it's at Shane Gillis. Oh, yeah. At Shane M. Gillis. Yeah. Shane M. Gillis. you can go and it's at shane gillis oh yeah at shane m gillis yeah shane m gillis and then any questions for the podcast you can go through patreon patreon.com slash stanhope podcast if you remember this is as little as a dollar a month uh you can uh submit uh questions right through the uh right through the interface there or you can go to stanhope podcast at gmail and uh we'll next one we'll do a bunch of questions next yeah yeah i i have i have questions like uh what fucking characters did

you do to even get accepted at saturday night live and what did you hope to accomplish on that piece of shit maybe i already asked you last millions of dollars that's really it we have a stage all right we'll save all that for tomorrow I didn't think you'd get paid that much you don't get paid that much unless you get the church lady yeah you gotta

you don't get paid that much right alright we can keep going I don't know you wanna save that for tomorrow yeah let's just save it

for tomorrow I don't wanna run out of shit too quick yeah that's kinda all I got good alright take us out bingo we're on our way to see you I don't want to run out of shit too quick. Yeah, that's kind of all I got. Good. All right, take us out, Bingo.

We're on our way to see you. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. music music music music