The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#380: Day 16 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Day 16. Under heavy quarantine, Olivia Grace Skypes into the FunHouse to ask Doug and Shane Gillis for insect advice.Recorded April 18th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Shane Gillis (@ShaneMGillis), Olivia Grace (@olliviadoesbits), Ms. Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Check out Shane Gillis at - Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/matt-and-shanes-secret-podcast/id1177068388Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast good morning it's another beautiful day in bisbee arizona how are you handling the uh the current crisis or is it still going on i won't know for 14 more days uh it's day 16 it says on the board i lost a couple of those but uh who's counting i'm here with uh shane gillis in studio uh my producer greg chaley and on the line on skype we have olivia grace hello live from another quarantine yep that's me down the street. Down the street. Did you listen to our yesterday podcast?

I did. I was actually listening to it right when you called. Did you get to the point where I absolved you? What's that? Did you get to the part where I absolved you? Yes, I thought that was great. All right. Thank you? Yes, I thought that was great. All right. Thank you.

Yes, the Shane story was great. I really wanted to read that, too. What? The Shane story was phenomenal. Oh, it's insane. Yeah, no, that's such a crazy story, dude. It's a nice memory. I really actually do hold that memory fondly in my heart.

Yeah, it's a great story. Yeah, I never really delved into the crime aspect of it until we were just hanging out. It used to just be kind of a fun thing, but maybe it was worse than I thought. Now, you know.

You gotta look back on things with maturity, I guess. Yeah, I've evolved. Yeah, you've evolved. I certainly hope so. Barely since then. Evolved enough. That's the important thing.

Yes. Hey, we get Joby and Chad over next podcast, all of us. Maybe we start spanking off together. Gotta get a couch. No, that's the thing. You don't even need a lot of couch. Some guys are on the floor. I'll floor it. I'm the new guy. I'll hit the floor.

I understand. Can you see Shane's haircut? No, I can't. I can't. You have the camera. She can't see these. You're on Skype.

There's only one camera for Skype. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. It's all right. You're not missing anything. I feel like I am. I made a mistake. He came in with this

mo haircut this morning, this bowl cut. Shaved around the... It's just a circular mop of hair. He walked in the kitchen and said, I made some mistakes last night. I thought, what did I miss? I wasn't even looking at his hair

because everyone's got fucking weird fucked up hair. I thought something happened after I went to bed. He pointed to his head and I go something happened after I went to bed. And he pointed to his head. I go, oh yeah. That's funny. He was wearing a cowboy hat too, so it looked like

he had a fully shaved head except for a couple of tufts hanging out like a cancer kid. Oh boy. Oh lord. It's not great. I do regret it already, but I can't dwell on it.

No, you can't. You can't. You got to live with it. Yeah. How did you feel when you shaved your head? I loved it. I was so happy because I don't like styling my hair, and this solved that. Well, that's nice.

Yeah, you had quite a do before you shaved it. Yeah, I had a mohawk for a while, but the problem with having a mohawk is if you don't style it, then you just look insane.

When you were doing the Comedy Central roasts, you had the maid's hair. Yeah. You mean hair. Yeah. You mean long? Yeah. It looked like it was quite a bit of work is what I'm saying, like the maid. Oh, yeah. No, I hated doing my hair.

Yeah, even when it was like really, really long. And then I'd try to do bangs and then they'd cover like half your face. Yeah. and like, and then like, I'd try to do bangs and then they'd cover like half your face and yeah. Olivia, I saw that you, I watched your Instagram story and I saw that you had a bug that you were hanging out with. Oh yeah.

You gotta leave that fucking house. Dude, there are so, I've killed, I killed four spiders last night. Just take a walk.

To where? To a, a large gathering of people and shake hands. Go kiss everybody. Yeah. Yeah. You made it this far. Let's have a kissing party. Everybody that had it is fucking dead.

You can come out now. I'll lay off. I'll lay off the topic. That whiskey is hard. I've lay off. I'll lay off the topic. That whiskey's a power went down the wrong way. Yeah, there was a... I'm glad you watched that story, because I put a lot of work into it. And when I started posting it, I was like, God, I hope I find this bug, and it's not just, like, dead.

Because I really wanted to, like, get it outside. Because I felt so bad about killing so many spiders that I was like well maybe I can help this one. You can save one. Did save them. To save one is to save them all. It's to save the whole world or something like that. I don't know. Something those bugs came up with.

Yeah. I mean Tracy would you say that's pretty unusual to have like four spiders in your house even down here? Not this time of year. Yeah, they're waking up. That's not the answer she wanted, Tracy. No, sure not. But, I mean, if it were unusual, that would be worse, wouldn't it? Like, they're only going to... Oh, like there's

a nest. Like, there's a nest underneath the house. Yeah, like, it would be worse if it was only me, and it was somehow personal. You know? You don't want to internalize. You're going to get bit by one and just waste your powers just sitting inside.

You're going to be the laziest Spider-Man ever. Spider-bit a fucking hermit. I don't have to touch my front door anymore. Super Zero. Did I tell you where I went today? Where'd you go? Farmer's Rogue Farmer's Market. Did I tell you where I went today? Where'd you go? Farmers, Rogue Farmers Market.

You went to the farmers market? Yeah, they kicked them out of the park, of course. You know they shut down the swing sets at the park right down there? There's yellow tape around them. They locked them up with chains. They pulled them to one side. It's like what hoodlums used to do to swing sets. So they moved the Farmer's Market Rogue over to Lowell,

where the Bisbee Breakfast Club is. That street is an empty lot, and it's like going to score junk at one of those hamster dam from The Wire. And there's a bunch of people in masks, and they hand you gloves at the door, and you have to wait spaced out. There's only three booths, and two of them sold eggs, which is what I was there for anyway, so it worked out. There's no line, no waiting for eggs.

Nice, okay. I found a breather mask somewhere when I was cleaning up under a couch, and I was like, now my lungs feel like I've just been inhaling dog hair from wearing that for five minutes. I need to bring you up on the Betsy's. I can't believe you didn't hear me drive by with the parliament blasting at full

volume out of the Suburban. No, I was, yeah, I was, I must have been dead asleep because it was like six in the morning when I was trying to help that bug get out of my bathroom. Oh God, that's asleep because it was like six in the morning when I was trying to help that bug get out of my bathroom. Oh, God. That's what time it was? I didn't even check the time on the fucking Instagram story.

That was at 6 a.m.? Yeah. How do you feel mentally? I honestly wish I could go to bed earlier. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's a good answer.

Yeah. You want to do Seroquel Sunday with me and Shane tomorrow? Oh boy. I don't think so. Sleep for 18 hours? That's Seroquel Sunday and Monday. That's a fucking two-day experience. Mm-hmm.

I don't think I would like that. I think it would freak me out if I couldn't wake up. Yes, that's weird. But you wouldn't know that you couldn't wake up. Yes, that's weird. But you wouldn't know that you couldn't wake up. The maid has been on Adderall since she was nine, and I said, what happens if you go off of it?

And she says, well, I could probably sleep for days, and then you have really weird dreams. I go, this sounds perfect. The perfect high is not taking drugs is a perfect high. So you just have to get addicted to Adderall for a couple years and then... Yeah, I guess only a couple at her age.

Yeah, I think the withdrawals to that are actually pretty fucking shitty. Those are hard withdrawals. It's not just like, oh, I'm lethargic. It's like, oh, I have headaches and fucking, yeah. That's a rough one, dude. Adderall is a weird thing to be just dishing out to kids all these years. Yeah, no, I was on it as a teenager and I just one day just...

Oh, you came out fine. And I was insane for like a year. Jesus. Meh. But it was fun. You should try it. I wrote the last book on it because of it. It wrote the last book.

Or it copied and pasted a lot of shit that I'd already written. Adderall? Yes. Nice. Yeah, one time I snorted Adderall? Yes. Nice. Yeah, one time I snorted at Adderall. Shut that fucking bird up. That sounds lovely. Are you talking about

the birds? Yeah. My birds? Yeah, those chirping birds that fucking annoy the shit out of you. That's a classic Bill Hicks bit

about the fear in the news and then I look out my window and it's chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. that's a classic Bill Hicks bit about the you know the fear in the news and then I look out my window and it's chirp chirp chirp chirp yeah but he didn't have the fucking angst that I have I want to shoot those fucking birds they're ruining my peace and quiet the beautiful birds are disrupting your

quiet that's usually what people move to the country for they go I can hear the birds the beautiful birds are disrupting your quiet. Yeah. That's usually what people move to the country for. They go, I can hear the birds. So what do you do with your day or your long nights? That's going to be the worst, to have those hours where you're not going to bed until 6 a.m. You're locked in anyway, but what is night? That's a whole different kind of fucking lock-in.

Yeah, I... I definitely drink. Really? You've been getting fucked up in there? I mean, not like fucked up, but, you know. That's funny. Yeah, I was wondering what the fuck... What do you do?

Well, I'm... Let's see. I'm learning how to cook. That's nice. I'm learning how to cook. That's nice. I made Brussels sprouts. I know you hate Brussels sprouts, but I made some the other day, and they were really good. They're really good. I learned to like them later in life, so you've got to jump on me. I have to do what?

We all let it go, and you reanimated it. Yeah, I don't know I'm trying to read the news less because it's just like a pit of like it's like you keep thinking you're going to find an answer or draw a conclusion and it's just like

a waste of time. I wouldn't know. I was going to ask a news question. Are you allowed to know how many people have it here? I don't want to know. Don't want to know. Thousands.

In Bisbee. In Bisbee alone. Produce the body. Show me one. I have not met one. Oh, no. We're off to a hot start. There's my cat.

He's coming after you. He heard your birds. I don't know. I've been trying to write. I've been avoiding bugs. That's been fun. Avoiding or helping bugs. Yeah. I haven't been writing as much.

Just that everything's so distracting. It just feels like everything's weird. Hang on. I can't see, Chaley. Remember, I took out my contact. Oh, shit. Something's wrong with this SD card. It's giving me an error again. Can we just take a break?

We have audio issues, but we'll stay with you on the Skype. Yeah, stay on the Skype. I'll just... Please hold. Did you get your bangs, like, fringed, too? No.

No, I had longer hair on top. Oh, we're back? Yeah, we're back. All right. Chaley just gave me the we're back sign. Trace is making us delicious, frothy whiskey sours with egg white. Bingo today got delivered not one dozen, but seven dozen eggs, which should last her for a week. Actually, ten eggs a day, she says she eats.

And that's it. Just eggs and cheese. Training to fight Drago? What the fuck is she doing? Oh yeah, she texted me like a week ago something about eggs. She probably wanted eggs. Okay. Something about eggs. Okay. Something

about eggs. Yeah, well, she was like, did you talk to Stanhope? Did he tell you about the eggs? And I was like, I don't know anything about the eggs. Is that what the eggs, is that the eggs thing? I guess so. She's eating a lot of eggs.

Oh, that's good They're good for you You didn't ever tell us what you do Let's see I've been learning how to cook I've been cleaning a lot Cleaning what? How are you doing laundry? Do you have laundry over there?

I do have laundry, yeah It's great I've been trying to write And trying to read the news less Do you have laundry over there? I do have laundry, yeah. It's great. I've been trying to write and trying to read the news less, but I haven't been writing as much as I should. How much do you love our president? He's a great leader, isn't he? I feel back into a corner.

We've been watching some Shane Gillis. Are you drinking off the jug? these times. We've been watching some Shane Gillis. Are you drinking off the jug? It's water. Yeah, but still. Get a glass. Some fucking hobo in a train car.

I like drinking out of the jug. What's the issue? I clean it. It's not like I just drink out of it all the time. Clean it? How do you clean it? I clean it. It's not like I just drink out of it all the time. You clean it? How do you clean it? You fucking take soap and you put it on it. I thought you meant the inside. Where you soap the jug that you're drinking out of while it's still full?

No, it's like when I'm done drinking out of it. Sometimes I put soap in it and then clean it and put more water in it. If they had a non-toxic hand sanitizer that was delicious, would you drink it? Just to be sure. IBS friendly. What are you hoping to gain by this? Filling time. Okay.

I don't think there's too many scenarios where I would drink hand sanitizer. All right. I didn't do a lot of prep work for this podcast Olivia so I'm just telling you this is kind of funny this happened earlier this guy watched a clip of my stand up that I put up on Twitter and then he tweeted he was like this guy's hilarious how come he's not famous

I was like oh that's one thing you know this one thing happened so we got that going for us today that Trump thing was hilarious This one thing happened. So we got that going for us today. That Trump thing was hilarious. Oh, thanks, man. What was the Trump thing?

There's a clip. Go on his Twitter feed. He put up a few clips. You probably have seen it, Olivia. Oh, your Trump bit? Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Thanks.

He does a great Louis C.K. impression. What was that guy in alaska chaley that craig craig gas craig gas he would go on the he did impressions uh and he was also kind of a fraud isn't the word but uh he'd go on the morning radio as one of the impressions he does like adam sandler and go yeah i'm yeah, I'm just in town. I was filming a movie, and I'm going to see my buddy Craig Gass tonight at Chilkoot Charlie's. And they'd do the whole interview straight like he's really in studio. But he'd be on the morning show for a week straight. He would do the entire morning show as different call-in, different guests.

Damn. And he would do the whole wind-up to the week, and then he'd do three nights at Coots. Saying that he's going there as whatever star he's pretending to be, so the place would be mobbed with people thinking they're going to meet Adam Sandler. We'd have disclaimers at the front door.

And then he'd just be like, that piece of shit Adam Sandler didn't show up, huh? Well, anyway. Well, they'd put up disclaimers. Go ahead. No, that reminds me. One time I was at the Improv in LA and it was like a showcase show where they had a bunch of people in a row and

the host goes up and goes, everybody, give it up for Adam Sandler. And I was like, what comic is about to go up and do an Adam Sandler impression and then it was really Adam Sandler and I was so like it was like that's how like that's how like bitter I was at the time was just like assuming it was just someone doing an impression instead of being like oh how cool adam sandler but yeah i was thinking today it would be funny to have louis ck on one of these podcasts without audio only when the video didn't work yeah louis doesn't have skype

he can't afford it now. He can't afford free Skype. No, I don't know if I can hold it up. I can't keep it up that long. You know what I mean? Well, we could just have you on as a call-in and then audio issues. Do the whole Inman thing again. Yeah.

Louie, you don't know how to use fucking Skype? Is the audio working? Fucking stupid faggot Skype. Fucking piece of shit. Fucking. I don't know. No, I'm fucking. Louie, can you just check to see if it's plugged in in the back, the speaker?

No, I'm not... I can't do it. I lost it. I lost my confidence. That was great. That is some faggot Skype. That's all you got to do. Just fucking retarded black Skype faggot.

It's amazing. It's amazing it's amazing skype it's amazing we're uh there we go we're getting along well uh the kid uh he uh he goes and he plays with his toys in the guest house so i don't have to entertain him all day. But then I start drinking because I get to talk to that 22-year-old maid when she's not working. And then I don't really have anything to say. So I just start drinking, hoping something comes or it just becomes less awkward internally.

But yeah, he can amuse himself and shit. It's perfect. Yeah, I'm styling off Meatwig. I go with him. Don't do shit all day. Occasionally walk in, fucking yell at everyone. Come downstairs. And then leave.

For a little food. We got our first bender out of the way. It's like getting the fuck out of the way with a girl you're dating. Like, let's just fuck so we don't keep dancing around it. Yeah, we had a horrific bender the first night. Yeah, we're good now.

You got scratched and that was your bad hangover, right? Yeah, that was a rough one. I was drinking boxed wine for some reason. Late. That was the nightcap. After white Russians. A lot of white Russians. Yeah. That was the nightcap. Yeah, after White Russians. A lot of White Russians. Oh, boy.

Yeah, it was a disaster. Were you puking the next day? No. Oh, okay. That's good. I did feel very bad about myself. Oh, that's the worst. It's like the hangover shame. Yeah, especially in a new place where you don't really know the person.

Yeah. Is there breakfast at a certain hour? Should I be getting up? Yeah. I was laying in that fucking guest house that's painted like everything else in here. And I was just like, what the fuck am I doing out here? Where the fuck am I? And I was like, oh, this is actually pretty sick. Never mind.

Just got up. Things are good. Good. Okay. I hear you guys have sick. Never mind. Just got up. Things are good. Good, okay. I hear you guys have been having baked potatoes. We had that. That was great. That's great. It's nice to get Doug's portions.

I needed some portion control in my life. So he makes one piece of chicken. I'm like, all right, this is a fucking diet. It's a good diet. I'm happy I'm on it. If you eat like him, you will definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just eat what he eats. Well, drinking what he's drinking'm happy I'm on it. If you eat like him, you will definitely... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just eat what he eats.

Drink... Well, drinking what he's drinking is taking a toll on me. Well, just the egg whites alone and these whiskey sours is... We're on the bingo diet. We're going to drink fucking ten of these. Perfect. But you do get the violent shits in the morning, don't you? Or you just go running.

Did he not tell you that? No, no, no. I get them. It's not everyone., don't you? Or you just go running. Did he not tell you that? No, no, no. I get them. It's not everyone. Well, we'll see. You're the control. No, I was going to have those regardless. Did I talk about that?

One of those, I don't know if it was a Seroquel night, one of those downer nights, I woke up with the thought of having a Tracer food races, where I ate like corn and peanuts and see who wins. That's hilarious. How are you the first person to have ever said this? I've never heard this. Well, you have a lot of free time now to think.

Yeah, what can you race corn with? I thought about doing it on Skype for the payoff. I've got a lot of thoughts. What could you race corn with? Is there anything? Peanuts are tracer food? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you could. I mean, to win, I'm more competitive, I think, but I would probably swallow a bunch of Spanish peanuts straight just in case. I bet Kenny would do this. Oh, yeah. I bet Kenny would. Yeah, yeah. All right, Kenny, we're going to gamble on you.

You're going to eat a bunch of corn, a bunch of nuts. Wait, two handfuls, one of each, and then see which one comes out first? Yeah, at the same time. I thought it was two people racing against each other. No, no. I like that idea, too. Oh, wow. We can all get involved.

Well, then you could do just corn. Yeah. Right. Yeah, then you wouldn't have to. What a disgusting group of people. My mom texted me. She was like, how are things? I'm like, it's normal.

It's not that crazy actually you were right you didn't know how right you were get done with the text and we're back to the conversation of adults like yeah we should

race our shit we gotta finish up that bowl cut we just gave Shane and then we gotta race our shit nothing to see here so funny dude

just thinking about my fucking mom it's so just her being like oh no oh we gotta get her on the podcast no no

come on no no no why I guess we could I don't give a fuck yeah she would ah god she's a sweet lady

she would be happy she'd be very happy if we put her on this. You know, the screen is usurping your face, and the reason you can do such a good Louis C.K. is you kind of sound like Louis C.K. Ever since you did it, I go, oh, he kind of sounds like him anyway. Your face is blocked. And especially, it was funny, too, when I got nervous.

Like, when I started doing stand-up, that was the guy I watched. Yeah. So, like, I would get nervous on stage in all my, every single thing I had. If I got nervous enough, I would just sound like him. And then during the SNL thing, Louie called me, which was, you know, or I called him. Either way, we got in touch and had a conversation. And I was nervous to talk to him. So, it literally just sounded like Louie talking to Louie.

But he called me and he was like, hello? I was like, hello? He's like, how are you? I'm like, I'm alright. How is your thing? Your thing is... How is your thing? It's just that back and forth.

I was like, fucking Lorne Michaels faggot. Retarded Lorne Michaels. But no, great guy. Great guy for doing that. That was thoughtful of him. Anyway. What's up with you guys? I got nothing.

I know. I actually feel really bad that i like don't have anything funny to talk about i didn't expect anything i just we're just we have to do a podcast every day and i wanted to get you back on you did not cancel the tour because of coronavirus and even though you knew everything about Ebola virus and you give me all the details. And today, what was the one I, or last night? There's something else you like. You knew all the fucking details. Serial killers.

No, no. I think it was another disease. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, because I understand why you would think that I would not want to go on tour. Oh, bedbugs. Oh, bedbugs can live up to a year. Without researching.

I go, well, how long can bedbugs live? And she goes, up to a year without feeding. God. We had bedbugs this year when I moved to New York. And it was just, it was a, I literally have like PTSD from it. Was it like an apartment? Now what? You moved into a furnished apartment? No.

We just had probably from a comedian coming through and staying on a couch or something. Really? You had a fucking comedian stay on your couch? Yeah. I've never in my entire 30 year career in New York City ever had anyone offer me

oh you can stay on my couch really? no never one time Joe Vernon offered up his place he's not a comedian though and he wasn't I don't think anywhere near the club it's not that I needed it really? but it's

stay at my place in New York is like drive me to LAX in LA. You just don't do that. Oh, that's interesting. Because no one has any fucking room. Yeah, we have a... Our apartment's okay. It's kind of big because it's out in Queens. All right.

It's not like it's in the city. But yeah, we had comedians come through all the time, and that's how we got bedbugs. And then we literally threw out fucking everything we owned. Like every piece of furniture. our living room was our living room was two folding chairs and a tv for probably like five months it's very depressing it's a depressing time thankfully i got a couch in time for the snl thing if i was coming home to fucking folding chairs during that i don't know if i would have made that how long did it take for you to figure out that it was actually bed bugs uh my one roommate was like a ocd oh kind of guy like i i would see them and i didn't know what the fuck

they were i never ever had bed bugs or even thought of having bed bugs uh but when you get a pet you have to think about those things. No, you really do, though. Now I'm obsessed with it, and it kind of sucks. Would you rather have bed bugs or coronavirus? Honestly? Yeah. We don't lie on this program. I swear to God, I think coronavirus is actually not that bad of an option in this.

Yeah, you're 32. Yeah, but I am fat, so this thing could fuck me up. But if it was just like a three or four day thing where I'm like real fucked up for four days, that's way better than bedbugs. Bedbugs is like, you is like seven months of just like, I threw everything out. It's just a fucking nightmare. What would you go with? That's tough because my lungs

are so bad now. And yeah, you don't just die quickly of coronavirus like you do suicide. I think you do bedbugs because I get it first and then you just go get a hotel somewhere. Chaley's known for getting bedbugs

on the road, even in hotels that we're sharing and no one else does. I know it's nervous vibes. Rash or something. Not bedbugs. They fucking welts all over them. We slept in the same bed spooning. I don't know why I didn't get it and you did.

The hotel at JFL this year had fucking bed bugs. Glossed right after the kiss the other night. He just glossed right over the bed, sleeping in the same bed, spooning. I don't want to be weird. Yeah, you guys need to stop kissing.

Alright? Tell my heart. Doug! Yeah, man. Are you worried, Doug, about when you check the news that it might be worse than you think it is in your head and it'll freak you out? No, it's a problem because I have

people around me. If I was doing what you were doing and completely isolated, I guess you talk to people on the phone, but yeah, I think I would if something really major happened, there's bad poker players in

this fucking room and they'd be I could see their eyes darting around. Trump died of coronavirus. How do we fucking keep a straight face? And I'd know something was up. Okay, okay. Brian would call me and have a query about something to test my fucking temperature

to see if I'd accidentally stumbled upon some big news. Yeah, they're terrible liars. Shaylee, how come a band is setting up on the patio? Yeah. Do you have a guess about how many people in the world have it? Just a number. Do you have any idea how little I care or ever think about it? I think about fucking going to Safeway all the time.

Today, I saw Andrew Nelson. He's a guy that does a lot of work over here. One of our really good local friends. I was driving Shane around, showing him old Bisbee. That was before I showed you around. But I saw him at the Gulch and he was at the stop sign and I stopped beside him and I said hey

and he jumped out of the car like he hadn't seen a human being in fucking a year and he like ran to hug me and then stopped and so Joby doesn't give a fuck I walked in and he fucking gave me a handshake this morning i was

like all right and then i was doing that i'm doing i'm doing dishes in the kitchen and uh he came back in from meeting joby in the fun house and came in with his hands up and just said hang on i just shook hands with joby and dipped him in my dishwater yeah this is just a complete outsider just walked up to me and was like, hey, how are you? It shook my fucking hand. I was like, you don't do that anymore. Yeah, well, the ladies shake his hand

because he's dreamy. Get them dreamy cooties all over you. Come on. Who? Joby. I was going to say, who? You're talking about me. I was like, no, not you. You look like you're from 1950. That's what I'm going for. That's when America was great. You're dreaming

in your own way, Shane. You got that haircut. Shut up. Stop. You look like you'd try to find a way to fuck a motorcycle if you could. Shut the fuck up, Olivia. Don't hurt my feelings. You definitely have the Peaky Blinders thing going on now.

Which is kind of... That's better than the Oliver Tree thing you had going earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely had that going. You know. It was like a priest-y bull cut? Yeah, exactly. Exactly right. Okay.

What do you call those kind of monks? Franciscan monks? Franciscan. I knew it wasn't Palestinian. Palestinian monk? I knew it had an inian at the end. Franciscanian. Well, we really miss you.

I miss you, too. I miss you, too. I miss you, too. Should I make a drink? Yeah, do it. Olivia, just come up here. No. I forget what I was talking about with Andrew Nelson. What was my point about that?

There was a goddamn point. Oh, that he had been kind of out of touch with what was going on? Yeah, Andrew ran... Shawnee said he ran into Andrew and he'd been working on his house for like the first 10 days I was in this news blackout.

But he was honestly in it where he had no fucking idea. Wait, that's a big thing? He'd heard about the virus, where he had no fucking idea. Wait, that's a big thing? He'd heard about the virus, but he had no idea. I don't think he's a TV guy, too. He listens to podcasts, and he's been working on that one house up at the end of the gulch for six years or something. Yeah, we gave him a bunch of DVDs when we found out he didn't have Netflix or TV. Terrestrial radio.

The first time we went up, the only time we went over there, he had a band set up in his living room where a TV would be. I'm like, are you in a band? He goes, no. And then we just ate. We didn't go any further than that.

Andrew's great. He might come over tomorrow and have cocktails from a distance in the yard. Okay. We have a big yard. No, you do. You do. Yeah, I'm not saying...

We have a big fun house. We can be very safe here. Olivia, you could... I'll stop. You could do that. She could be on the other patio on the new addition. I've got power dropped out there. She could Skype from there, and then Tracy can run her drinks with tongs

so she's not touching it. We got it all worked out. With tongs. Sterilized. Yeah. Hot towel. Hot towel. Hot towel.

Jeez. Yeah, I... I offered to drop you off baked potatoes and I go there'll be like 180 degrees yeah they're good potatoes you should have gone with the potatoes

should have risked it all potatoes look I gotta this is a fucked up thing, and I don't want you to think I'm, like, hexing you, but I bet... If anybody here is going to get it, it's just going to be you. It is going to be you.

Bisbee, Arizona's going to have one death. Just the one person that cared the most. What do you think of that? There's other people in Bisbee that are taking it seriously too. Like Raider with his fucking gas mask. No, but he says you would be the one death in Bisbee just because you're the one taking the most precautions. Yeah, I'm saying that I got.

But I'm also saying there's other people taking precautions too. Like, you realize that you're the crazy one, right? Who? I don't do... You're all crazy.

I think she's looking in the mirror. You trust Walmart people. I trust my friends. I don't trust Walmart people. Well, you go there to pick up your groceries. She does the drop-off. Yeah, but I go there to pick them up. I don't, like, go kiss them on the mouth.

Yeah, but I trust that my friends, I trust that fucking Shane Gillis has not been fucking going to Walmart. And I haven't. He also let Tracy shave his head last night drunk. That's alright. Shane Gillis has a career.

He doesn't work at a Walmart. He has something to live for. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know what you're... I don't know what I'm saying either. I have a question for Olivia.

Because you're in the house and Doug has a nanny maid, is there anything you need there that you're not getting? You mean like stuff? You don't leave the house, right? I order stuff from Walmart online and then go pick it up.

And then I go for a walk every day. All right. I thought that was a special thing that one day you went to Walmart. This is not news. It's factual. But Shane asked this today. How long can the virus live on mail or clothing? Or Walmart bags.

Yeah, that's a... Where they hate white people in Douglas and they spit into it. Yeah. Yeah. Spit, yeah. Spit, oh yeah. Oh, you're going to get me going, Doug.

Doug, you're going to make me pop. Sorry. Sorry, we're still talking about spitting. Okay. Sorry. We're still talking about spitting. Okay. Yeah, no, I fucking, if any of my groceries, oh, I'll show you. I can show you. Does the CDC answer the phone and say, stop calling here, Olivia? We'll let you know when we know.

Yeah, no one knows anything. That's why I'm not going to say anything. I was going to say, Olivia.'m not going to quarantine these groceries here. Oh. They're in quarantine. So you leave fucking Brussels sprouts out for three days? No, no, no. I just put those in the fridge.

Well, then they're not quarantined. They're going to contaminate all the other food. Your fridge is probably crawling with corona. I'm not with this line of questioning. I heard Corona can live on Brussels sprouts for 15 days. That's what they feed on in the wild. That's where it came from. Feeding Brussels sprouts to a monkey in Thailand?

I'm not going to let the whiskey sours go to my head and then start joining this group of rabble rousers and teasing you I'll stop, I'll stop, but Olivia of all the research you've done, have you found one isn't it funny that no one knows yeah, that's the one

there's literally zero facts the whole time or they change they change, yeah Doug wouldn't know that. That's why you just gotta close your eyes and trust our fearless leader and know that he's gonna guide us correctly. Dude, Donald Trump is here for all of us.

Oh, I thought you meant me. I really did. That's crazy. Starting a cult over here. True. You keep saying that. I thought you were starting a cult like but mckenzie from bird cloud keeps uh threatening to pull the trigger i gotta get out of here i'm coming i'm coming i gotta get out of here what maybe that's what we do with our drunk dialing idea. We're going to do a podcast, like a long, just drunk dialing celebrities out of our phones.

Or just people like your ex-girlfriend kind of things. But maybe that could be the thing. What comic can we talk into coming out next to make it look like we're starting a cult? There's got to be a million people fucking wayward. Not like a middle act. Like a headliner, right? Or someone with potential. Or if the middle's...

If it's like a hot middle. You could bring a hot female middle, right? Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to, yeah, who would actually come out? I was surprised because all my New York friends, I was like, why don't we just get a fucking house? Or like come down to the house. I had a fucking beach house. And I was like,

just come down here. They were all afraid. I don't know. They'd rather stay in New York. They were all making pussy excuses. Like, oh, my parents live close by. It's like, what, do you need to see them cough to death? Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, if they get it, you can't get near them anyway. If they get it, you're not going to be able to see them.

You want to look out through a window? You're going to look at your parents through a fucking Ziploc bag, watching them cough to death with people that don't care. There's going to be somebody there saying, all right, they don't need this ventilator. And you're going to say, that's my mom. And they're going to say, get the fuck out of here. And you're going to watch your mom die. This one's done.

She just got here. It's just one day. She coughed once. Killer. Killer. Is there anything? What if we, Instead of all the comics are doing Zoom shows in their living room

for people, if we did a comedy show in front of your house in the back of the pickup truck, would you watch? Would I watch if you guys came by in a pickup truck and did a comedy show? Just for you?

Or would you stay in the house? Because you never even come out of the house when I drive by. I drive by sometimes three times a day at your house. You don't stay long enough for me to come out. I heard you earlier and you were like... You never once come out before. The only time you came out was when we went driving. Yeah, I'll come out.

You just have to tell me that you're here. I'm not sitting here waiting for you to pop by. What else happens over there? I just came by your house. Just got to take pictures of bugs. I'm not going to work on my... Yeah, that'll be my material when I get over there.

You got to relate to the audience. Be like, what's the deal with these spiders? Do they live under the house? Yeah, no. I hear you come by and then today you drove up and I heard the car stop and I was like, well, that's probably Doug. And then I heard you yell out the window, that's my

friend Olivia's house. Yeah, I was on the tour. Before I could even stand up, you were gone. Yeah, because you never come out. Yes, I would. You just have to tell me when you're here so that I know to come out. I'm not just sitting around like, sure hope Doug pops by for three seconds

so I can catch him. You heard his intro. No, he drove away before I... There wasn't even a stirring. There was enough for you to move a blind. Yeah, why are your blinds always shut? Aren't you even interested in waving at neighbors like Bingo does?

She at least sits on her wall with a goofy outfit on. When Shane and I went over to her place to pick up a desk out of the bunker, Bingo was in a full one-piece blue cheetah print onesie with a hood

and a blue breather. I don't know if she... Respirator? No, no. Like a hospital mask kind of thing. It was blue or was it N95? Those are collectors. It was light blue, but it matched her outfit. She just looked like a Teletubby.

She was fucking adorable. Yeah, that was great. And she told me a good joke. She was like, what did the O... Should I ruin her material? I don't want to burn through her material. She's like, what did the O say to the Q? Hey, buddy, your dick's hanging out.

She's like, okay, great, goodbye. Okay, bye-bye now. I was sitting there trying to, I thought it was going to be like a cute joke. I was like, are you Q-R-T? I was trying to think of U-Q-R-T-S. I'm just like, your dick's out. I was like, hey. I could have got that one.

Hilarious. All right. Yeah. I feel you, lady. I'm getting a little stir crazy here and again myself. Yeah. You can only drink so many hours of the day, and I thought I'd covered them all.

Turns out there's new ones. There's new hours. Yeah, that Safeway hour. Like, what do you drink during that when I used to be at Safeway? I have a giant bottle of fucking champagne, and there's never enough people to pop it open for mimosas. You can't drink fucking 80 ounces of champagne by yourself. I bet we could. We could, but there hasn't been a we.

You bailed out. Joby already had a cocktail this morning. Oh, this morning I bailed out. Okay, three of us, maybe we could make a dent. Oh, I could have done that. I had to. I did. Sunday is a brunch day. And then Monday, back to work. What are you doing Monday?

Well, I'm just drinking mimosas. I'm working at Safeway. Finishing the Magnum. I should get a job at Safeway. You'll die. Yeah, that's right. Forget that part. I know you haven't seen the news, but

don't get a job at Safeway. Don't be a hero, Doug. Those are our heroes now. Remember? Oh, yeah, you haven't seen it. Yeah, it's not in the news, but the way firefighters and police were treated after 9-11. That's how we're treating fucking... Front line.

You know, people that... Hang on. God damn. Walmart greeters. Oh, shit. You know what? I didn't even think about it. They had to let go all the Walmart greeters. Oh, shit. You know what? I didn't even think about it. They had to let go of all the Walmart greeters.

That job is not essential. They just fired a bunch of old and mentally handicapped people. How many people have died of unemployment versus? Do they have that stat up on CNN yet? It'll come.

It'll be... The first unemployment death. You like what? I love your new character. Angry and informed guy. It really suits you. I think that was a jab at me. I'm going to send you fucking texts in the middle of the night.

That was inappropriate. You made fun of me. Did I hurt your feelings? Yes. Yes, you did. You was inappropriate. You made fun of me. Did I hurt your feelings? Yes. Yes, you did. You always do. I'm a sensitive man. Yeah. We're both sensitive boys. Are you sensitive?

No. Me? Yes. Yeah, I spent all yesterday thinking that nobody likes me. I even thought Chad Shank doesn't like me anymore. Todd all yesterday thinking that nobody likes me. I even thought Chad Shank doesn't like me anymore. Todd Glass didn't get back to me. I thought. So I think I annoyed him. And then I woke up this morning and there's a message from Todd Glass saying,

sorry I didn't get right back to you. I was having family problems, but it's all okay. And I went, okay, everyone loves me. Every single person in the world. Everyone hated me yesterday. Well, because, you know what, James Inman, I thought maybe we went too far, and you confirmed it, and then we went too far with you,

and then I thought, oh, this is a fucking streak. I'm just hiding myself with the fucking blinders that everyone hates me. No one comes over anymore? Oh, wait, that's the virus. That's great. Everyone that annoys me stopped annoying me? What's wrong with me? Yeah, dude.

I don't know what to tell you. You're great. You have to say that because you're on a podcast. You're just trying to ride my coattails. You're using me. Dude, you're not going to have coattails if you keep... I don't have any coattails anymore.

Be careful who you shit on on your way to the top because you're going to live with James Inman in a month. Yeah, I definitely ran into that. Not living with James Inman but shitting on people. And then you just got to meet them.

You know, in a podcast just shitting on people and then you got gotta shake their hands and be like, I hope you don't fucking listen to anything. I hope you're in the dark. I hope you're in the dark.

I hope you didn't look at CNN. Do you have a good story about that? I have a couple good ones. Calling Judd Apatow, I called Judd Apatow gay or the nicest.

And then they kept running that headline. And like it got, obviously it got back to him and he actually he handled it well he didn't fucking he didn't shit on me hard but Chris Gethard kind of me and him had a conversation

about it I felt bad because I called him gay too oh and I just I didn't mean anything I was just you know I was like drunk who was it? he's a comedian Chris Gethard did he have a cable access show? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's great. Yeah, yeah. He is pretty great. He's kind of a nerdy-looking dude with glasses. Yeah. He's like, remember Bo Laughman came here? He's a young comic, and he was coming through and stayed here on his way to L.A. Bo Laughman?

Yeah, but it's Laughman. Oh, I was going to say. I thought it? Yeah, but it's Laughman. I thought it was the most... Yeah, like, really? That's the goofiest fucking made-up comedy name. Bo Laffman. He goes, no, it's Laughman, and it's my real name. And Chris Gethard was the same thing. Like, really? Gethard?

No. It's Gethard. Yeah, it's a real one. I like this show. It's like kind of a Tom Green kind of live studio audience kind of anything can happen yeah but yeah

I had to own up to a lot of podcast comments whoever has to do that has anybody ever had to apologize to somebody off this? It's crazy. I did in my book because when I was making CDs in the CD day,

I didn't know that this would still be out there and the Internet didn't exist. Oh, yeah, I made fun of fucking Doug Flutie's fucking child that had a fucking disability. Yeah, it's a rough one. And I go, wow, he could just Google himself and find that. Yeah. Definitely. Oh, Flutie definitely hates you. There's one.

I apologized in my book. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, hilarious. Flutie was going to fuck you up, dude. And that would have been embarrassing. He's little. Yeah.

But he's definitely an athlete. Well, his hands were worth money. He probably would have had other guys doing it. And he's doing that in centigenics or whatever. I see him on those commercials. So he's ripped for a 65-year-old man. He would fuck us up. He won a Heisman.

Yeah. One pass, won a Heisman. But now he's on those fucking centigenics. No, he'd hit you with the Heisman? Yeah. One pass, one a Heisman. But now he's on those fucking centogenics. No, he'd hit you with the Heisman. All right. You know what? We do these every day. You take what you can get.

I miss you. I miss your big moon face. But now that I took my contacts out, I can just pretend he's you. Yeah, thanks, Olivia. Do your little dance move for Chaley. I know what it is. Yeah, you guess she's been on the road with us for a year. When she used to go on the road with us?

Yeah, she gets her twinkly eyes and does her thing. Yeah, the maid was doing that. I go, no, that's Olivia Grace's move. Yeah, I do it sometimes because I just don't have anything to say, but I'm like, I'm happy. That never happens anymore. It's like a dog.

What? Can't really say anything, so it just... It's like, I want people to know I'm happy, so it moves. You have a dog brain. Hi, kitty. See, there it is. Ow! Ow!

Ow! Kill some spiders. They eat scorpions. Do they? Yeah, well, they can. I don't know if they do generally, but the scorpions... You said they do. Yeah, but the scorpion's poison does not affect them.

Cats eat a lot of shit. Yeah. But when Shane was helping me move that fucking table desk thing out of the bomb shelter over at the Quiet House, I was lifting it by the metal legs, and he was going right under the fucking wood and i'm like i didn't tell him that you don't do that because scorpions especially in the fucking bomb shelter over there really yeah oh he's telling you now hey what the fuck well i didn't

want to freak you out i was sticking my hands in like the drawers and shit yeah you don't do that that's a terrible thing i do. I didn't know. Why would you do that? How would I know? Tracy told me that you've got to check your shoes. You've got to check your shoes for scorpions. Oh, absolutely. Really?

Yeah, yeah. I've left that door open all day. I'm terrified of the inside of the house. That's how you get mice. Scorpions. No, that's how you get a fucking room full of fucking leaves. I do have some leaves in there. I apologize.

Like the windows blowing directly into his door. All right, I'll close the door. Just feels nice. That's all right. You can open the windows. No, the windows don't open. Yeah, they don't. The back window.

The AC. No, the fucking units in there. We can work on that. I'll be all right. You know what we should do? A comfy bed. The bed's very comfortable. Everything's great in there.

Yeah, they were saying, let's move that. Not that day, I was. It was me. It was 100% me. That bed is awesome. It is a good bed. We're good. Yeah, I made a will be in about 10 months when the bed bugs died.

Yeah, I'm so glad we got to douse that thing in bed bug juice. Wait, what happened? Nothing. Does that room fucking have bed bugs? Olivia? Well, tell us, does it? I'm Does that room fucking have bed bugs? Olivia? Well, tell us, does it? I'm going to rent a fucking house. With spiders.

Yep, that place is fine. It's all right. It doesn't even have mice now. I got rid of the mice. Yeah, mice are dead. Temporarily. Yeah, have meat wigging a lot. Yeah, mice are dead. Temporarily. Yeah. Have meat wig in a lot.

Eat scorpions and mice. Yeah, the scorpion thing is not that big of a deal as long as you run your hand up. But then you get stung in your fingers. I never understood that. So I just hit the heel down so if it's... Anything's

in there, it'll drop out? It'll just drop out, yeah. Oh, my God. And I have found scorpions in the... I take my shoes every morning. Yeah, you should. You know the bingo story? Bingo put on a pair of shoes naked over here in the main house. Hell, yeah.

You haven't seen her naked yet? He's only seen her, like, for five minutes. And that's overdue to see her naked yet. He's only seen her for five minutes. That's overdue to see her naked. She went to check the mail, and she put on a pair of my fucking underwear, and there was a scorpion

in my underwear. Yeah, it stung her six times in the inner thigh, like an inch from her vagina. Jesus. I was on the computer, and she's right outside the door. thigh, like an inch from her vagina. Jesus. When was this? I was on the computer, and she's right outside the door

jumping up and down. I said, how much attention do you need? Didn't know. Did she have to go to the hospital? No. It's kind of like the virus. Only the elderly have to go to the hospital. Oh, so it was just like a bee sting or something?

No, no, it's like a bad bee sting. No, it is. It's not. Really? It's not that mellow. Super Sean, he got stung when he was building this shit working and said he felt like he was tripping on acid and he just started hammering tequila

back when he drank. He hammered a few tequilas just to take the edge off and rode it out for nine hours. Andrew told me just take Benadryl, take a dose of Benadryl and he had some clay or something. I don't know about the clay. How many fucking scorpions are here? What are we doing? I'm 15 years

knock, knock, knock, 15 years and haven't gotten bit. You'll usually find them in a sink or something because they're attracted, I think, to the moisture like the centipedes. And the hornets and the wasps. Like really hot. They'll get in the little house sink.

That's it. No biggie. And just call me. I mean, you don't have to deal with it. Or call me. We're two old queers hitting on the fucking chicken meat in Pennsylvania.

I was seriously going to take care of it. You're right. I freaked out about pests to Jaylee before once. Remember that mouse? Yeah. I remember every mouse I kill. I honor them. We eat every part of the mouse. I remember every mouse I kill. I honor them.

We eat every part of the mouse. That's why she's always knitting. She's making mouse skin fucking muckalucks for us. Sorry, I interrupted you. No, it's fine. It's fine. I'll remember this forever. I was taking a nap in the guest house, the one you're staying in, Shane.

The little house. In the little house. And I heard, like, a, like, a, and then, like, a, and, like, a crash. And I'm, like, still half asleep. And I walk over, and there's a mouse with a mouse trap on its leg, and it's running around in a circle. Oh, no. That's the worst.

Dragging the trap. Dragging the trap around, and I just, like, I was almost crying, and I just poked my head outside, and I was like, Chaley, please help me. You got gotta stomp on it. I know it sucks, but you have to. You put it in a cardboard box and you took it away.

It was just the most insane thing. I got my mini repair kit. Eyeglass repair kit. No, he took out a hammer and smashed it. You gotta do what Duran does don't worry Olivia

I'm gonna take care of this mouse don't worry we're gonna we're gonna send him to the farm with the other mice he's gonna live his life

with the turkeys from Thanksgiving picnic you're taking me on a picnic no the Duran solution is stick it in a plastic bag

start your car and put the bag on the tailpipe. Too much work. Wow. It's euthanasia. I held the box over the fence and turned it 180 degrees, and I let him live the rest of his life limping after food.

What are you going to do? I really, yeah, I mean, because what are you going to do? You should have smashed him, because now he you going to do? It's, like, yeah. You should have smashed him. Because now he's going to get fucking eaten to death, which that really sucks. Well... I mean, he was definitely going to get eaten to death regardless. In fact, smashing a mouse is doing him a fucking favor. Well, this was really...

He just barely got caught. It's almost embarrassing to the other mice how he got caught. I really saved him because if they would have seen him they would have just fucked him. Oh, so now he's just

socially shunned. Totally. They'd be lining up to fuck him because he can't move. He's dragging a trap behind him. Wait, you think

he's going to get ass raped by the other mice? Goofing on him. Why would you just go straight to ass rape? I just thought... So funny, that's what, yeah, that's an untold part of the three blind mice. Why don't you all just go straight to ass rape? I just thought... It's funny.

That's an untold part of the three blind mice. They got ass raped the whole time. You know, ass rape. So they met the three-legged mouse that would become their leader. Hey, guys. Are you guys tired of getting ass raped? We got to fucking do something about this.

You guys are blind and I've got three legs, but together we can stop one of these fucking mouse rapists. The four of us can make a difference. The four of us. Then one rapist got a hold of four perfectly in a five way. In the land of the blind, a three-legged mouse is king. Yep. That's a podcast.

That's how it is. Dude, come visit tomorrow and don't ding-dong ditch me. All right. We'll come down there. Yeah, it'd be nice to see you. You got a fucking state-y living right down the block. Makes me afraid to drive really drunk.

You're on state streets, right? Oh, and it'll be a Sunday and we've got the Magnum in the morning. That's right. Blackknob's not a highway. Call a local. My friends don't have coronavirus. They can't.

They can't? No, I wouldn't book them. You get coronavirus, you're not on the next tour. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. See, that's... That's what I'm trying to avoid with all of these precautions I'm taking, is the stigma. It is a fucking stigma, though.

It really is, somehow. If somebody coughs and you're like, oh, you got it, they're very quick to be like no it's fucking that was a wet cough everything's fine i'm not dirty yeah i know i was doing that funny on that tour i even if though you can't smoke in bars i left my cigarettes on the bar so when i call yeah you'd be like that's it guttural cough they'd go oh smoke oh he's just disgusting yeah which is he's just disgusting. Yeah, which is... He's just regular dying. Don't worry. As soon as this news blackout thing is over, you and I are going to quit drinking and smoking

for another 30 days. Really? No. We are? I was going to say, that sounds like shit. I might quit smoking. Well, yeah, you finished your book. Now's the time to quit smoking.

That was the only time that you really got back into it. Unless fans send me more cigarettes, American Spirit Yellows, to 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. Shane smokes them, too, so double up. Yeah, I'll start smoking. Yeah, you start smoking as soon as it's fucking hard to get them. Wait, these are rare? I'll take one.

Oh, Shane, are you smoking now? Yeah, lightly. Don't tell his mom. Nah, she'll be alright. I dip. Nice. So smoking's better. Yeah, dip'll be alright. I dip. Nice. So smoking's better. Yeah, dip's pretty gross.

So gross. Nah, I like it. Okay. I like it. It's not gross. Do you have like a... You carry around like a... You have like a spittoon?

Yeah, you don't use a spittoon. You just use like a You carry around like a You have like a spittoon Yeah you don't use a spittoon You just use like a plastic bottle Wait you've been chewing since you've been here Wow we didn't I'm dipped out in the common area Wait there goes the security deposit on the little house Yeah it's just no dipping Yeah when I'm in there conquering Rome I'm dipping

That's right your game I have a very cool computer game Yeah, when I'm in there conquering Rome, I'm dipping. That's right, your game. I have a very cool computer game, and then I come out here when I'm done playing my computer game, and I get drunk. Why don't you fucking get on the Twitch stream? We talked about it last night. They're on right now. They're live right now.

Yeah, but we didn't talk about it on the podcast. Last night we did. Oh, we did? Wait, did we? No, I don't think so. I thought we might have. Either way, we're plugging them again, aren't we? Yeah. Yeah, twitch.tv, i don't think so i thought we either way we're we're plugging them again aren't we yeah yeah twitch.tv but don't worry about that just go to chad's uh twit twitter

page and it's what uh hd fat at hd fatty and it's it's how to get on there and they're doing it uh uh what is it twitch stream not twitter what yeah they know they did it today no she was trying to correct you for his Twitch stream, but no, his Twitter is at HDFatman. That's the best way to get to it. It's a pinned tweet.

You'll find it. It's way easier that way. And yeah, they do Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. So he's on there quite a bit. And I mean, Joby was over here today like pre-gaming

to go play games with a bunch of other men. With a bunch of other men? It's just funny. It's just one of those things where like, like, like, that is how.

What would he be doing over here? Ladies night? No, I'm just saying. It's like he was over here drinking and then he's going to go play video games with a bunch of other men yeah Chaley you homophobic

piece of shit hate has no home here how dare you did you guys just kiss did you guys just kiss oh Jesus stop everything hold on a minute that is a stop everything fucking moment don't turn on that. Stop everything! Hold on a minute!

Hold on. That is a stop everything fucking moment. Don't act like I'm wrong for that. No, don't. Look, I see you guys locked eyes again. And we're like, there's nothing wrong with men kissing. Yeah, we gotta kill him. You saw Joby today, and then he's like, what do you mean he's gorgeous?

No, I didn't say that. I kissed Joby. And fucking Chad Shank, I didn't say that. I kissed Joby? And fucking Chad Shank, you don't say no. Really? Even if you are the one that instigated it. Even if there's not a knife up to your throat. All right. Let's maybe build something in effigy of Olivia Grace

and put her in the chair, and we could party with her and talk to her. Aw. Tape a screen to my face so that I can Zoom or Skype in. Sorry, this is a dude party. We're leaving this to go party with other dudes. Just hot guys drinking. I really miss them. Yeah, I think I'm going to guys. Drinking. I'm going to have a kiss party.

There's going to be a kiss party. There's going to be dancing, kissing. There's going to be dancing and kissing. This will be like The Bachelor. I'll give one of these guys a rose. They get to titty fuck me. They get to titty fuck me in the guest house. Ball tickling.

It's going to be... There it is. Oh, that's the Rosie. That's the Rosie. You have been chosen. Yeah, someone's getting titty fucked. Yes! There's only one that gets to titty fuck,

but it's going to be good. Keep hearing Louis C.K. Yeah, I know. I was just going to say the same thing just keep hearing louis ck this is fucking negative titty fuck me then one of them was a big dick with his little fucking tiny fucking shitty dick. He fucked me. He titty fucked me. It was amazing.

Alright, beautiful. I'm going to talk to you. I'll call you right after we hang up. Bingo's going to take us out of here right now. Bye-bye. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you.