The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#381: Day 17 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Day 17. The chicken has landed.Recorded April 19th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Shane Gillis (@ShaneMGillis), Ms. Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Check out Shane Gillis at - Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/matt-and-shanes-secret-podcast/id1177068388Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. but we will we have a bunch lined up including Nickelback how fucking cool is that guy we just get off a fucking long speaker phone conversation with the three of us Shane Gillis is here Greg Chaley

and we got a distance packed house the Uphills are here Uphill Kim and Dave Valentina's here And we got a distance. Backed house. Yeah. The Uphills are here. Uphill Kim and Dave. Valentina's here. All separated by a socially whatever they fucking call it.

I don't know. The Chaley's on their third attempt to get Kentucky Fried Chicken. And I don't know why. That's not even something you do on the road? No. You had a hankering? Do you want to tell the story, Trace? Started with smoking.

Every time he'd catch me smoking, he would get a piece of chicken, and it turned into a bucket. Oh, here we go. Two piece coming up. Only one problem. 59 miles one way well it started with you went to sierra vista which is a roughly a 60 to 70 mile round trip to go get kfc and uh they were closed for remodeling so a few days later after a podcast you go you go, fuck it. We're going to go to Benson, which is 100 miles round trip. And you get there. Go ahead.

You tell the story. Well, I mean, exactly what you would expect happens. You get there, and they're closed. What? By three minutes. No, it's three minutes after. I pulled into the drive-thru, and the lights are on, and I pull up to the thing. Well, you called ahead of time.

I said, hey, will we make it? Yeah, that's right. We were in Sierra Vista. We said, look, we're going to drive out. We're about 30 minutes away. Do you think we can make it? She said, sure, you'll be fine. We'll be fine.

She even asked what we were going to probably order, and she's like, oh, yeah, we got it. Because I found out later, they only make up to a certain hour because they're trying to time it to where there's nothing. And why wouldn't you, right? Well, we get there and their timing was off because as I get the guy to open the drive-thru thing and he goes, sorry, we're closed. He's giving me the cut neck thing. He opens it and I see behind him there's a guy with tongs throwing chicken right into a trash can one at a time as if to fuck with me. And I go, there's nothing we can do?

And I'm just watching chicken go one at a time. What time did you throw that trash? Yeah, true. So yeah, that was, sorry dude, you missed it by five minutes. It's like, man, if I could jump through that window, I ain't missing a thing, but it just wasn't going to happen.

And so today you went early and you went back another hundred miles round trip to Benson and you got your... That's 260 miles. That's like driving to Phoenix. It's like

driving from LA to Vegas, I think. To get KFC. And I could have told you the Sierra Vista. I think I did tell you as soon as I got here that that one was closed. No, this was before you got out here. Douglas is the one. Douglas is closed. I just assumed you went to Douglas, but he said that's closed permanently.

Douglas was closed. I was going to pick that up as a gift on my arrival. I knew you guys loved KFC. I didn't know they loved KFC. I don't like it. It's just I don't like her smoking. And I've got to do something. She doesn't like meat and chicken either.

I said, get me mashed potatoes and gravy because really that's all I've ever liked from KFC since I was a kid. The skin on the chicken and the mashed potatoes and gravy. And you did all that work, and you showed up, and you brought me a chicken breast.

And I went, yeah, I think I'll just have a few bites of mashed potatoes because it started drinking early. Henry Phillips. Tracy, by the way, you are in camera shot every time you turned around and smoked. She still tries to hide her smoking. Yeah, why? So poorly.

I don't know. It's a habit. Really? Yeah, I did it for a long time. Just sneakies. Why did you hide it? Because I didn't quit for 10 years. Oh.

Yeah, that sucks. Yeah. And you bragged? Were you bragging? What about quitting? When you quit? Oh, no. I wasn't one of those.

I hate those ex-smokers. Yeah. They go 180 degrees and they're just... Because that would be fun to see them relapse. Anybody that brags, it's good to see them. They all do. Well, the uphills were the first ones where I was about to run out of cigarettes. And I go, well, when I run out, I'll quit.

And then I found a full pack, almost full pack in the mailbox with some... I go, what is this? This is like, oh wait, this has to be the uphills. This is some they put frozen food in the mailbox and I gotta give you my new number because when I figured it out, I go, oh, she must have

left me a message on my old phone and I turned it on. I did catch it while I was No, they contacted me. I knew it was going to be there. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just drop off fish into your mailbox. Yeah. And so then I had that one pack left. And then Brad and Cheryl...

See, when you send me cigarettes, I remember your name. Yeah. Then they sent me a carton. And then that was running down. And he's driving through Missouri on his way from fucking pennsylvania to here and i go oh you're in missouri get that's the cheapest cigarettes in the country grab a carton so now i'm down to about six packs of that carton and that might might last me to the end of a news blackout and then maybe we start another 30 days in the hole i don't know olivia grace oh yeah we had kind of a party here

a very social distancing Olivia Grace Andrew Nelson who's a friend of ours I don't think he's been on the podcast but he's built a lot of this place we talked about him yesterday yeah he came over from a distance

wearing a mask and then Olivia Grace pops her head over the fence you're out of the house over and from a distance, wearing a mask. And then Olivia Grace pops her head over the fence. Like, you're out of the house. Hee hee hee hee. She's so adorable. And then right after that, like within minutes,

seconds, uphill Kim with her mask on over there, pops up beside Olivia and Olivia goes scurrying eight feet away from her. Well, I needed a cigarette too. Now Dave

is here. It was a fun little get together from a distance. Olivia did get chicken as well. Yeah, she got wings and we had to wait for her. I put on the mask and I put on the gloves just to deliver the wings

to her place and as I'm approaching the gate she's from the door she opens and she's behind the screen she goes just put it on the hood of the car I get it yeah Bingo's doing the same thing Bingo's like ah it, I'll just... When I delivered her fucking...

What was it? Seven dozen eggs? 72 eggs. Bailey's whiskey coffee. Don't panic, I'm drinking. Can I get a beer, please? I had to reinvigorate. Please.

So yeah, it was a kind of fun reunion of a few of the folks. We have so much space out there to do. Yeah, it's not bad. The little lawn in front of your little house and the rape trailer couch and, yeah, the deck. Yeah, we could... You have some people spread out. You just take a stick that's six feet long and then swing it around and no one can get in that area.

Yeah. It's six feet, right? That's what they say, but we'll go eight for Olivia's sake. Olivia, we almost talked her into coming through the gate. Yeah, she got close. It's baby steps. She was close. It felt like she got close. She was close.

It felt like she was close. She was standing there and she was like, I want to do it. Just fucking do it. I got to work on it. I got to work on my patience there. Yeah. Bingo is calling and I don't want to tell Bingo.

Because the Chalys, when they got back from the road. Well, you guys are having fun over there. So I don't want to say, Oh, well, yeah, a bunch of people came over. Yeah. And make her feel left out even more than she is. But she could walk around the neighborhood, but she

won't even leave her fucking gate to go to the dumpster to get rid of her trash. You guys have made me scared to go outside now. You got fucking scorpions and pigs? You got worried about fucking pigs here? Last night after the podcast with Olivia, Shane and I were liquored up and we decided

to go out and just say hi to Olivia Grace. It's cold as fuck. Oh wait. Did we even talk about that? No, that was after the podcast. I didn't even know. I'd left already. So Shane and I walked down two and a half blocks. First off, right when we started, we both walked into each other immediately. Yeah, there's no street light down there.

I almost walked into him, and I stood there, and I was like, oh, I almost walked into you. And he was looking at his phone and just walked right into me. Well, because I'm wearing glasses now, and I forget that these aren't reading glasses. I took my contacts out. So I'm trying to text Olivia that I'm coming and I forget these don't work. So I think my vision's fucked up and I'm trying to. And it was dark as fuck. Yeah.

It was very dark. Yeah. So I walked into you. You walked into me. None of us can see Henry Phillips. She's a black dog. Henry's blind also. Yeah, so I walked into you. You walked into me. None of us can see Henry Phillips. She's a black dog. Henry's blind also. Three idiots.

So we get down to Olivia's. It's fucking windy and cold as fuck. And so we said our hellos. And then we see a pack of Javelinas. Like, oh, we shouldn't go that way. Let's just go directly back. And Van Dyke is an incline like this. So for two blocks, we walked back up Van Dyke.

And it wasn't until afterwards. It wasn't until like two hours later when we were back here drinking. And we both confessed. Yeah, like, my lungs are so fucking bad. And yours, you're just fat or whatever. But we just got one block to the stop sign

and these are small blocks. Yeah, this was sad. Very small blocks on a very vague incline and we both stopped talking. Yeah, we were both dead. It was a dead silent walk back. But the reason it was silent

is because both of us were trying to hide how hard we were breathing. You know when it's pitch like it's pitch it's so quiet and you're just trying to like just fucking and I was like man if he can hear if he hears me

breathing this is gonna be really embarrassing which it was nice to know that he was having the same dilemma that was one of those when we both copped to that yeah oh you were doing that the whole way back I was like of those when we both copped to that. Yeah. Oh, you were doing that? I was doing that. The whole way back.

You're going to die. I'm going to die. How am I breathing like this? But there was some excuses. The altitude. And I was slightly trotting with Henry to catch up every. Yeah. She lags behind that old dog.

She hangs out with you like i went into your house fucking shane is so great that like it's not like having company and that's what i was worried about when you showed up like oh i don't we can't be fucking drinking ourselves to death every day like it's a fucking party it turns out oh trust. I was... Shane just fucking... He's playing video games. He's fine. I laid out today. That was big. I don't think I've ever done that in my life.

Do you go up on the deck because you're ashamed of your body? No, I didn't want to lay down. All right. Well, I didn't know if it's because... No, it's a bed. It's like a lay down thing. Yeah, yeah, no, but...

Like, you got weirded out when I was fucking sitting out shirtless. I didn't get weirded out by that. I don't know. I thought it was funny. Shane has all these fucking idiot like the New York comics as funny as they might be.

They have no goofy in them. So he's been getting all sorts of shit from his friends about his haircut. Like, what the fuck are you doing? people are not yeah they're not even not even like in a friendly like what do you what are you doing they're like you're an asshole yeah no there's no friendly in a lot of those guys yeah it's very yeah for skank fest people that fucking show up once a year and staple their fucking balls to their chest on stage well yeah well you did that for goofy and it wasn't at skank yeah that's i think the thing is is i'm not really that goofy

so when i actually do something goofy this is some i'll be honest this is something i would make fun of somebody else for so now that i've done it i think people are very eager to be like look at you, you dumb piece of shit because truthfully that's what I'd be doing but it seems to affect you it does because I would be doing it, that's the thing I'm being slightly hypocritical it's just when I'm hungover

after one white Russian tonight I'll be like this haircut's fucking great who cares I wake up in the morning hungover just like, who the fuck are you? Just like laying in bed like, oh, were you being silly? Are you silly?

You're an adult. No, we're not adults. I understand. You don't have to be. I know. We chose a career we never have to be adults. Right now I agree. Yes.

In the morning I won't. That's all I'm saying. Then I reinforce you. Yes, yes. You did do that and that was nice. Wait, you wake up in the morning i won't that's all i'm saying then i reinforce you yes yes you did do that and that was nice wait you wake up in the morning and you don't think so and then you immediately get on your video games and then now the video games are good throughout the day and that kind of melts away is that what yeah yeah i'm too focused on rome talks to his friends and they go what the fuck you doing yeah you hair, you fucking fag? Yeah. Yeah.

And, yeah, I FaceTimed my friend and it was, his look of disgust, it was like a, It's not even a weird haircut. It was a very paternal, like I was FaceTiming with him and he was out like working and he was like, what the fuck is that? Like it wasn't even like a, oh yeah, nice.

It was genuinely like why what are you doing like why would you do that and i'm like oh fuck you're right i look like an idiot and then i walked out and i saw doug standing out there and i was i was like i think i'm an asshole for this he's like no they're assholes i was like yeah you're right i just went whiskey of my coffee i remember the whole fucking like tough crowd era where like yeah those are the guys those are my guys pro death penalty and shit and like you guys are like kind of fucking like wrong you're like wicked wrong yeah i laugh at your jokes but you're wicked wrong yeah that's they it's funny to go back and listen to that because they were fucking conservative, which is funny.

I don't know. To me, it's very funny. I like a conservative comic. It makes me laugh. There's like a guy on stage that values Christianity, but is funny. I like it. It's funny. Yeah, those guys were great

yeah them supporting the death penalty in a funny way hilarious fucking Nick DiPaolo is the best example of like everything you say is fucking absolutely wrong and detrimental to society and it's hilarious fucking love DiPaolo

oh man yeah he's awesome the best bitter comic I've ever worked with like that brought bitterness to a fucking another level and he's saying he gets away with it which is like i i opened for him at mcgoobies and uh he was like there was these two like indian people he's like what part of the fucking he's like where you from hoppa dabba jabba it's like get out here with that fucking bullet i was just sitting in the crowd like, holy fuck, dude, this guy's going to get destroyed for this. The whole place laughed.

They were laughing. It's like, damn, dude, he's just that fucking funny. Yeah, and his bitterness is fucking real but not hateful. It's an old bit, so I'm not fucking giving away his material. Yeah, fucking testing on animals animals medical testing animals yeah uh if uh if uh hooking up a fucking monkey's brain to a pair of jumper cables is gonna solve aids i got two things to say red is positive black is negative yeah i don't i don't know if this is i think he had one that was like this could be wrong

I might be fucking this up but he had one that was like if you're a white person you claim you've never said the n-word you've never had money on the jets something like that that's just well you had a bit kind of like that I remember when I looked it was about hamburgers or something like that. That's just, yeah, he's... Wait, you had a bit kind of like that.

I remember when I looked at you, it was about hamburgers or something. Yeah, it was like being racist is like being hungry. It's like, yeah, you're not right now,

but a cheeseburger could cut you off in traffic and you'd get hungry real quick. And now I have to add a caveat. The cheeseburger

is not Asian. And then I say, yes, it is. Of course it is. What's funny is when I started doing that joke, it used to be the cheeseburger is Asian. Like, don't worry. Because there would be black people in the audience. And it's like, that's the one race you couldn't make fun of.

So I'd be like, don't worry, everybody. The cheeseburger is Asian, if that helps. Like, it was a commentary on the fact that you're allowed to make fun of Asians. And that's like, oh, does that help you? Because it was white people like, oh, you're offended because you thought the cheeseburger was black. Yeah, then I actually went and made it so you're not allowed to make fun of Asians now. That was me. I was the Jackie Robinson of making fun of Asians.

I broke that fucking barrier. Now it's illegal. Yeah, that was the first bit I saw when you said you were coming to Harrisburg. And I did some, I wouldn't say due diligence, because I looked up a clip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should know more about him before I talk to him. Nah, we're comics. We can just talk.

Yeah, it was good. That was a fun night, man. Very fun. Hang on. Are we doing it with this? I'm shaving this fucking hair before we forget. But we're doing it with this? What happened to my regular shavers?

Wherever your other shavers are, you can get them, but that one's... Yeah, but that's got a fucking... Just do this while we talk, because I'm done with this. There's not enough. You want to be careful with that guard off. No, it's a one. No, we'll leave the guard on. Alright. Well, yeah. We'll leave it down to this, and then

tomorrow this will come off. The Kewpie doll. It's funny. LeBron James has a show on HBO that's barbershop, so he brings people on. Oh, yeah. And it's basically a podcast where it's just a couple black dudes getting their hair cut. And it's funny to see the white version. Where it's just a shit face with mousse on the table. They're eating mousse and drinking white Russians.

The upholes are from Alaska, so they always bring down the best fucking salmon dip with real salmon that they caught with their own hands in a crick. And moose. I've never had moose. That was my first moose. Thank you, guys. Moose smells like when you first fingered a girl in eighth grade and you go, eh. So this is the future? No.

Eventually they'll shave them and clean them. It's funny, yeah, to say, it's a very mean insult to, oh, your pussy smells like a fucking moose. Beat it. Beat it. Were we talking about, was it on the air that we were talking about

where I thought everyone hated me or was that after? I think that's been kind of all of our conversations. But that might have been late night after we were out of breath. Oh, yeah. Walking the dog. Yeah. And it was the same thing where you go, oh, I thought you hated me today.

I thought everyone hated me because it started with James Inman and then Olivia Grace, I thought, hated me. She hated me for a minute, but she gets over it. Yeah. And then Todd Glass hadn't got back to me. And I'm like, oh. Yeah, two whole days without hearing from Todd Glass. Throws you in a tailspin. And then in the morning, I woke up with a fucking text from Todd Glass.

Sorry I didn't get back to you right away. I'm like, oh, maybe everyone loves me fucking wholeheartedly. It's one or the other. Yeah. Yeah, that or the other. Yeah. Yeah, that was the same thing. I was like, I thought you didn't... Is there an audio issue with this, Jalen? What's that?

Is there an audio issue with this? No, I'm riding the faders just so when it gets close. Because I can't. You're all blurry to me because I don't have my glasses on. So I don't know if you're giving me the fucking hot shot. No, no, don't worry. I'm watching what she's doing because I want to make sure she's close to that ear. Are you going to keep the top?

I'm just going to keep this tuft, and then tomorrow I'll shave that off, and we'll start from scratch. But you have some work to do. Yeah, I got a lot. He's going to get product. That's why Tracy needs to get involved. What are you talking about? When Tracy talks into it, you'll do it.

Tracy will talk into it. Wait for like three more drinks, and I'll start fucking spiking my hair like a dickhead. I'm sure Chaley has product. Oh yeah, I got plenty. I can't do it. Egg whites too, you could use that. Can we get him some temporary color?

No, I can't do color. Guys, this is as far as I can go. No, fuck with your friends. It's just temporary and go, no, I'm keeping it. You can't keep being a fucking... You have a middle-act mentality when you're... No, this isn't a middle-act mentality. It's a...

Just say, yeah, I've changed. I've changed since I've been here. Just fuck with them. And then just call them back in a minute and go, kidding. I washed it out. Chasey, that looks good. Oh, it'll also be copying Big Jay a little. What?

Big Jay, he puts the color in his hair and shit. Oh, does he? Yeah. I don't... Yeah. He's evolved. He went from BET uniform to...

Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson? We've talked to some big bands. Yeah. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, it's fun. It's fucking nuts. So I want to spell out.

Hey Chase, that's good. We decided with the drunk dial people out of our phones, we're going to list the people that are in our phones drunk dialing for charity. If we haven't already gone over this. I don't think we have. Oh, maybe we haven't.

No, I think that was late night conversation. That was all. Remember, I was screaming last night. Why are we not recording this? Because you guys, just you guys talking about how you want to do it. We should record the draft where we pick who. I mean, when we were writing them down like that.

Yeah, no. Fuck, do I still have that list? Yeah, it's there. Both your sheets should be there. Oh, West Point. Yeah, that was about it. Oh, yeah. That's your list. We don't need to talk about that.

So we have a list. So we'll pick, I guess, maybe five apiece. Yeah, we'll see what happens. Yeah, actually a few more than that. So what we're going to do is we're going to grade them personally on how

bad you would feel about drunk dialing that person. Yeah. And that way, okay, we'll start with, I'll just tell you right away, like, Mike Nickelback is going to be one of the first. Because he's... Yeah.

Since we first drunk dialed, he's like, Oh, fuck, I fell asleep for your drunk dial, and I missed it. He's cool as shit. So that's not a problem. But we're going to grade them ourselves on who you would be most embarrassed about.

And then just dare each other. Okay, you want to go to the next level or do you want to quit? Who wants to be a millionaire or something? I'm going to walk away immediately. My higher level is... But that's the thing. We're going to drink on the low levels and then drink as we go up.

Oh man, if I could... You got some good upper levels there, Shane. I got some really dangerous upper levels that they would have answered months ago, but now they've all moved on. But I mean, like Bill Burr is like, he would be in my like, oh, fuck, I don't know him well enough.

Or a Louis C.K. Yeah, but if Shane throws one out, you might have to go the Bill Burr route because you've got to get up there. You've got to try to reach that level. He's going to have to go with certain people. Like, all right, if I do this, you have to do that. We're working out the rules on this. It's going to be fun.

That's fucking – that's iffy. It's sketchy. But that's the point. You can bail out at any time. It's sketchy. But that's the point. You can bail out at any time. It is for charity. That's what we're going to tell people. Hey, we're drunk dialing for charity. And they're not going to ask

what charity and how much of a percentage and where is this money coming from? There is no money. We're just doing it for charity. There's not even a charity. Yes, exactly. Yeah, it's fucking the 10K fun run for your own ego. I feel goddamn good today.

Yeah, this is good. What am I drinking? Whiskey Spashto. Oh, okay. I was going to do another one of those coffees, but I think I'm good. Tracy, Doug's hair looks like that one bouncer at Coots. Dale? Yeah. oh okay I was gonna do another one of those coffees but I think I'm good Tracy Doug's hair looks like that one

bouncer at Coots Dale yeah it actually doesn't look that bad no it looks pretty good she's bartending if you need

cocktails down there alright fucking Alaska huh hooray yeah Jesus Christ

man yeah I never had moose I've only I've never were you guys afraid I don't know why yeah Jesus Christ man yeah I never have moose I've only I've never are you guys afraid of I don't know why I'm fucking interviewing them they can't

talk to the microphone were you guys afraid of moose in Alaska don't they fuck you up up there they can yeah if they have a kid

in the backyard that you stay away from them yeah I'm more afraid of the cow moose actually than the bulls yeah you know

if they got a calf around them they're just like people if they fucking don't you fucking look at my kid I'll fucking kill you

yeah alright fucking small guy I understand you get retard strength when your kid's involved yeah it's interesting to be in towns where animals

can kill you. I'm not used to that. I'm not used to being worried about animals. Shane Gillis, I drove him past the Lavender Pit. Named after Herbert Lavender. We stopped at the pit so he could look. He was scared to be out.

Look down. That thing is fucking terrifying. The lavender pit's very, very scary. How about the sales job they did there? They have a plaque that's a timeline of why people needed copper. World War I started and they fucking really started digging and then World War II

and air conditioning and all that shit. Now it's like you never know. Somebody could come back for this very, very poor quality copper. It actually says that with very in all caps. Will the mine come back? Well, if there's a demand for copper and whatever. Yeah, it's like very bad copper.

And they need very low quality copper well yeah good but very is all cabinet pit needs to work on its fucking self-esteem no shit i don't know why would they even want i don't know if i said it to you or just thought it because it was windy as fuck yesterday and you're reading all these fucking plaques around the lavender pit. And I go, I get a better idea. Read it on fucking Wikipedia. I didn't even hear you. I did not say it. I felt bad because I was giving you a tour.

And then I was done with the tour once we got outside in the world. It was cool to see the history of the copper demand in Bisbee. It's the copper demand in the world. I was thinking you can read this on Wikipedia and not stand outside beside a kid with special needs. You do look like you're my chaperone when we go out. I'm usually in a track suit and have this haircut. But then again, you were in the suit that day. We probably both looked like retarded guys.

I was suited up yesterday. Just two retarded guys standing by a pit. My fucking tie is blowing. I'm like, all right, let's get out of here. Looking at a giant hole. No, no, I'm talking about the kid with special needs, the mother of the kid with the kid. Oh, yeah, an adorable kid.

Yeah, she's walking away from us like we're going to fucking vid her up. Vid? Is COVID, is vid yet a short version? I'll tell you in 13 days. I ain't get the vid. Is it like the hiv? Yeah.

Is that a thing yet? My friend Matt does a good joke about that, about, I was just going to copy his joke. So he does. Copy it. Steal it. Like the HIV thing.

He has a joke about how he like, his doctor told him he was allergic to gluten. And he, he responded like the guy in Dallas Flyers Club getting diagnosed with HIV where he's like, I ain't no fucking queer, doc. He's like, you're gluten free. He's like, I'm not gay. Matt McCusker,

Man Chained Secret Podcast. Come on. Yeah, that's a plug for your... I forget that. It's in the show notes, but I mean, it bears mentioning. No, we'll do a fucking... That's actually a funny gimmick. Let's just

steal other comics' bits and do them as though they're our own and that way people will start listening to our podcast to see if we stole their fucking jokes. Audit or stream. Hey, they fucking stole my shit. Look at this fucking episode.

And all the comics will fucking tune in. Yeah, that would work. Mm-hmm. A James Inman update? Get on Twitter. Brian Hennigan. Brian Hennigan, of all people,

actually watched that podcast. And he never... I go, you don't fucking listen to any of our podcasts my manager no but he and he watched it and he thought it was brilliant and james hey james inman if you're not listening again because i get your first voicemail after that went out on my old phone he's like that podcast sucks you look stupid and then after when i actually talked to him he goes i can't even watch it i won't watch it well your first message said you watched it hennigan watched it and thought it was fucking brilliant and he said his quote was the brilliant

thing is if nobody knew any of you it's still brilliant because of you, James. You fucking kill it the more you melt down. There's been one complaint from James. Not anyone who's watched it has been like, well, you know, lighten up, guys. Some people do complain about James. Like, fuck that guy. Don't even have him back. No.

That's the wrong attitude to take. I know. Because, I mean. You were compelled to respond. So, yeah, that's good radio. Yeah, Andy was talking about winding him up today when we did issues with Andy. And I'm like, guys, back off a little bit. He's still pretty hot on this stuff.

You guys got to watch issues with Andy. I've'm like, guys, back off a little bit. He's still pretty hot on this stuff. You guys gotta watch Issues with Andy. I've only watched a few. But I've only watched a few of my own podcasts, and three of them were James Inman. But yeah, Issues with Andy. I'm purposely

not even coming into the room when you're doing it because of the news blackout. And I know you're probably talking about shit that's going on. But yeah, it's fucking Andy is just a bottomless source. He's the fucking lavender pit of comedy. 900 feet deep. A lot of levels. All right.

I got nothing else. I just got back from the chicken run, so I didn't get any mail. Morgan Murphy, we drunk dialed her last night, and I don't remember what... The only thing I remember is she said she was worried about being on the podcast because of her sinuses. And she does that fucking Felix Unger thing. Oh, that's Plains Trains. I want to talk to her about because she did this ketamine thing. So I do want to talk to her about that.

Oh, that's what it's about. You fucking Shane Gillis. We'll get to it at some point, but not tonight. But he fucking went to West Point? No, I went there. I was there for a month. Yeah, you went there. I quit.

It wasn't a tour. You actually... It was close. It was as close as you can get to just a tour. But you could admit it. That's a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

These are our fucking drunk dial people. Morgan did say she wanted to be on because you talked about the ketamine thing. Do you remember that last night? Yeah, that's the ketamine. That's why I wrote it down. Man, I will say this about the... I'm sorry. I'm sorry to cut you off, Shane.

No, no. The thing I'm most excited about the drunk dialing is the two athletes. Oh, yeah. The athletes we have on there. We each have one that is very entertaining. A polarizing athlete. Yeah, two polarizing athletes very entertaining stuff so and yours is legit like one of my favorite people and yours is one

that i like i don't even watch that sport uh and i would i fucking hate that guy uh so yeah that's gonna be fun we have this we're gonna to have to just we have to schedule this shit we talk about all this stuff like fucking Nickelback he's ready he's fucking talking to us on speakerphone we need to interview Nickelback tomorrow is Chad's coming over

yeah but Glenn Wool we're doing an early one yeah so we're going to do Glenn Wool and then Chad. So maybe Tuesday. Let's do Tuesday. Let's just fucking put it out now. The 21st. All right.

I think I can do it. Are you checking your calendar? I think I can do it. Are you playing fucking World of Warcraft or something? No, it's not World of Warcraft. It's Total War. It's very historically accurate. You learn a lot.

I'm in there learning, guys. I love when you're in there learning. It's nice. Yeah, you separate. I feel a little compunction. Yeah, it feels like the right move. Yeah. Separate, get alone time,

then at night come out and get fucked up. And the dog is hanging out in the doorway. And me and the dog hang out. I the dog is hanging out in the doorway. And me and the dog hang out. I went in there today. Old yeller. I haven't even seen the dresser you put in there. I just poked my head in to say something to you. And I go, oh, fucking Henry.

Just like when Henry Phillips, the dog, would sit underneath the fucking palm trees, the metal palm trees that Shawnee welded. Palm trees, the metal palm trees that Shawnee welded. And the dog always likes whoever's new, whether it's people working. She's a bandwagon. Yeah. She would sit underneath the metal palm trees when Shawnee was welding them, sparks raining down on her. And she didn't like me, but she liked the fucking guy working on those.

Anyway. It's a pleasure, listeners, having you with us. I'm glad you keep up with this. Who knows where anything's going. Yeah. And, yeah, we're having fun. Yeah. Maybe these fucking podcasts last through the summer or into next year, or maybe we're all gonna be dead yeah but we'll do it together thank you uh and thank you uh we have a a small

audience at a safe distance uh all right take us out, bye-bye now. Thank you.