The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#382: Day 18 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Day 18. Day Drunk Doug answers Patreon questions and listener email.Recorded April 20th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Ms. Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the some questions. Not all of these can be full podcasts. I'm a fucking wreck. I watched a thing. I was high. Then I watched some other things. I fell asleep. Alright, so let's get to the questions, Chaley. That's it?

Yeah, right up fucking way. Look at me. We have video now. Look at my fucking face. Do I look like a... Yeah. I can't do 30 goddamn days of this and be fucking cogent

and coherent every goddamn time. What's your fucking question? Well, the first one I have to bat is a... You're the worst. What? I should have stopped drinking, but I still had some fresh squeezed orange juice, and I'm not going to waste it.

I'm going to watch that Michael Jordan thing. Damien Nopolis wants to know if there's any chance that you would do a podcast with Johnny Depp and who else? Johnny Depp keeps asking

to do my podcast and I go, well, we have a lot of people like Nickelback. Every day for 30 days I'm going to drop Nickelback's name. I would do a podcast with Johnny Depp. Oh, and with Johnny Depp and Manson. Yeah, sure. Get all three of us in the same fucking place. Awake at the same time.

Yeah, I would do that. But it would be unlistenable because we would be incoherent. By the time they agreed to do it, by the time I asked them to do it, yeah, we're pretty fucked but uh yeah it's coming up absolutely it's in it's in the plans now now that you mentioned it i was thinking about doing it with meat wig and the neighbor but now that you mentioned, oh, Johnny Depp and Manson, that would probably draw more viewers. Shut the fuck up, James Diplomopoulos. Damien.

Michael Sabbath. Fuck that guy. Well, he asked a question at an earlier podcast, and we never answered. It was why we're not using the mattoid for music anymore. Well, that's a Chaley question. Yeah, everyone gets, like, there's, people have rights to songs and shit. Yeah. But the mattoid will be coming out to America in 2021.

That was the last we heard from Phelan. If there's one left, if there's an America left, they'll be coming here. Wait, did you see the news today? Yes. America's over. They canceled it. God damn it. You were so close. America said retargeted, so they canceled

it. It's off the air. It's pretty close out there right now. I've got to paraphrase some of these because they're a little wordy. No, it's a short podcast, so read the entire thing. Let's see. Shane loves the video format.

I hope it sticks around. Don't hold your breath. What about a drunk dial to Bobby Lee? Wow. Is that someone where you have his number or you could get it? Bobby Lee is one of those guys. We have one story together, and every time I see him, hey, remember that time?

And I'm sure I've said it a million times when I walked like 600 people at 4th and B trying to follow Bobby Lee by saying, don't boo the fucking MC. You want me to bring Bobby Lee back out? Oh, wrong question. What about Fitz Dogg? Fitz Simmons. Fitz? Yeah.

What about him as someone you would call not necessarily drunk dial but someone well the new special is about to come out yeah fucking

yeah Craig Fitz Simmons of course but yeah I'll do I'll do podcasts I hate I don't know any podcasts I hate

because I don't listen to podcasts except the ones I like so yes we brought up the name Dag Soros the other day because of the story you guys, when you went whaling drunk

or you tried to steal a boat. Is that someone you would, is he a comic? Because someone said that you should. Yeah, he's the one that I stole his bit accidentally. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know he was doing his fucking, like he was doing his routine in Norwegian.

And then I started doing the bit that he had been doing in front of me they go dog you're stealing a doug stanhope but i go no he just told me he was doing that bit in front of me through norway and i just didn't understand that question was from espen the other norwegian guy so there's only two over there is that there's uh there's four at least i didn't meet the other two i stole a boat well we we we boarded a boat we didn't actually steal it because they don't leave their fucking keys in their boats like we do our cars but we did board a boat but it was with dog and a female doctor that's who you can get to fucking hey let's jump that fence let's vault it and fucking steal a boat

and a female doctor was one of the two of my compatriots that was ready to fucking go down on this I've fucking vaulted that like a puma I vaulted a fence that's how drunk I was

I was athletic yeah this is gonna be a short podcast I vaulted a fence. That's how drunk I was. I was athletic. Yeah, this is going to be a short podcast. Yes. Not if you keep answering like that. Damien also had a question. He's a mail carrier, and he's wearing his swollen Valor shirt that he got in Harrisburg on the mail route. As a mask?

No, on the mail route. I want to picture him wearing it as a mask. Not guaranteed to stop by or something. Pulling the neck hole down to here. He says, here's a question for Doug. You admittedly have no memory. How does that affect remembering material on stage? Well, if I repeat shit often enough, yeah, when I have no memory,

yeah, I listen to last night's set that you record. I go, okay, I'll write that down. But yeah, shit that I repeat every night on fucking stage like a fraud, like every other goddamn comic. Yeah, I remember that after

three weeks in fucking Mudtown, Pennsylvania. I... But I don't remember what I just said on the last question. Yeah. I think it was about Norway. How much of what you do in a night is routine? I have the same hecklers every night. But, I mean, it's a good question because, like,

you do some spontaneous stuff, but the majority of what you do in a night. That's why you record. Yeah. Because, oh, fuck. Yeah, you said things. Tag and, yeah. Yeah.

So. As much as possible. I say as much new as possible and then rely on what I remembered. Yeah. I fucking hate all of you. I hope all of your COVID fucking... I'm sorry. I'm just...

I'm tired. I'm tired as fuck. So this guy wrote a long letter, which I'm not going to read, but he definitely became a killer termite after his girlfriend died of addiction and she was dead for 10 hours before he noticed that she was dead.

Do you think I'm going to have some kind of decorum because my girlfriend's dead? But he was at the Elkhart show in 2019. Oh, all right. I remember that show. Why do you remember that show, Doug? Because we thought it was going to be so bad. We got haircuts there. I ate at a terrible place and you ate down the street.

And then, yeah, we just thought it was going to be terrible it was fucking great and that's where Olivia Grace her burn victim bit and there was a burn victim in the crowd and yeah and that guy sent me that picture you're going to get

framed once framing is back in business yeah I remember Elkhart so he writes like down after thank you for your story i read it it's a long story but i love cut to the part where you moved out of elkhart you fucking asshole like it was a great show but it's not a reason to live there well derrick goes on to say that he loved hearing the whole olivia telling the story of the burn victim and then there being a burn victim there, which is what you just said. And

he introduced himself to the burn victim guy because he was wearing an ICP shirt in St. Clown Posse. And they talk about juggalos and stuff like that. A month later, they met up and went to the ICP Hallow Wicked Clown

Show in Detroit. Fucking, in St. Clown P in Detroit. Fucking Insane Clown Posse. I don't know if it was someone from the band or a manager years ago asked me to go to their big fucking Burning Man shindig. They had their own... What is that thing called? I can't remember what it's called.

It's like in Indiana, which is like the worst state if it is. But it's Midwest somewhere. It's like a terrible... I'm like, no. No, I don't... I don't have fucking jokes. I have a thing. It's not going to work there. I can't see how that

would... And I don't want to be covered in fucking Figo. No. Like, I'm... If I went to Burning Man, I'd be the guy with the biggest fucking... I would have an RV that was all shower and toilet. I don't care where I sleep. I can sleep on the fucking floor. But I want to be clean, and I want to take a dump without anyone in line.

So, yeah, I've seen a documentary or whatever video of that. What is that thing called? I don't know. The Juggalos? Something. The Gathering? Whatever it is. It looks sticky.

And I'm too old to be sticky. Stacey Becker asked if you've seen No Safe Spaces with carolla and dennis prager no no i haven't yes or no i saw the trailer you should see it all right yeah it looks pretty good i love adam carolla yeah dennis prager i've heard the name uh steve tinsley asks well he says the james imman podcast was so good i'm beginning to think that he's a character you guys created in the same way some people think Carl Pilkington was created by Ricky Gervais. Oh, no, Carl Pilkington I've met. And Steve Merchant.

Yeah, I've met Carl. And when I watched Idiot Abroad, I go, that's me. Like, why would I climb Machu Picchu when I can look at a picture? It doesn't make any sense it's dumb and when i met him yeah we had everything in common no james inman unfortunately is not a character he's he's a retarded prick we've gone over this like as soon as amongst you like you go i feel bad for winding him up And then he's immediately a fucking prick about how... We've been over this.

We've been over this. I'm starting to respond to some of the tweets because I'm just so tired of it. And the one where I'm like, no more podcasts. I'm like, that's it. You're done. No, I'm not recording you on any podcast I have anything to do with ever again. We should just take all of his old podcasts down. I bet you if I made that claim,

if I said, Doug says we're just going to remove all of them unless you stop, he would stop. Yeah, but he doesn't listen to the podcast. He listens to Twitter. Oh, here,

next question from a James Inman. Anthony Plant, let's see what he says. He suggests norm mcdonald's hitler's dog have you seen that oh yeah yeah that's fucking great norm mcdonald when you guys always torture me hey when's the new special coming out which is coming out very soon in the next week or week and a half or something i need to to see more. Yeah, when I started watching Netflix streaming, whatever, comedy, like he's only got one out there.

I'm like, come on, Norm, I need more Norm. He's so fucking good. So yeah, I'll have a new one out and Norm should, and that's a fucking, Hitler's dog is great. Oh, I do want to say that I just'll have a new one out, and Norm should, and that's a fucking Hitler's dog is great. Oh, I do want to say that I just put up a new date. It's in Chicago, September 18th. So, Hannigan is still booking some stuff.

I don't have the... Hannigan, always the optimist. It's funny. I said, hey, what about those other dates? And he goes, every day the landscape the horizon changes when we know you'll know that Denver date I'm sure is not

happening they moved it from April to May hey good positive energy we might have to give you an update on some news no you don't really no alright okay update on some news. No, you don't. Really? No. All right.

No, I don't. All right. Okay, I'm going to watch the Dennis Prager and Adam Carolla thing for sure. I'm going to watch that Michael Jordan thing that I missed last night because I got high and watched Mary and Max, is it? Mary and Max. I got fucking high as shit and watched that did I already say this earlier?

not on the podcast yeah and I laughed and I had no idea what was going on so silly high you did say hi so if you want to submit questions get on Patreon and I answer all those messages on Patreon

that's a direct link. Or you can go to standuppodcast at gmail.com and submit your questions there. I try to look at... Is there any leftover KFC fucking stuff? No. Mashed potatoes and gravy? Fuck. That was good.

That was good. You're in no condition to drive to KFC. I could drive a hundred miles round trip three times to get chaos fresh squeezed orange juice get a big straw cause this pulp is clogging up my fucking cocktail

it is very snotty Chaley clogging up my fucking cocktail. It is very snotty. Chaley, tell us about your background. Alright, let's just fucking close this out. I'm sorry, kids. They can't all be gems as they say. Am I getting browner? I've been laying in the sun.

Am I getting browner? I've been laying in the sun. Here's something I wanted to say. Shane Gillis went to West Point. Let's talk about it. All right. On a future podcast. I thought you were going to say that. All right.

Shane Gillis is walking Henry Phillips around the block. He couldn't be here, or this might be a whole long podcast of me being this annoying. Hey, your stupid questions, I hate them, and go fuck yourself. All right. Thanks for listening. I hope you're as drunk as me. Hey, Pablo, do you think you can get yourself out of here? Hey, take us out of this. Somebody get us out of this.

Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. music music music music