The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#387: Day 23 - Doug Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 26, 2020

Day 23. Stanhope calls his manager Hennigan in a last ditch effort for content. Recorded April 25th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Shane Gillis (@shanemgillis), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope 2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Matt & Shane's Secret Podcast - http://mattandshanessecret.libsyn.com/Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast hello brian hennigan you're uh as far as we know on the line wow i am on the line wow you're feeding back like James Inman. Don't even try it. Is that the only podcast of ours you've ever listened to? No, I listen to more than you do. I just like annoying you.

I listen to more than you do. I just like annoying you. Also, I did watch that one. That was definitely a visual one. Yeah, a few people said they listened to it. I go, no, you have to watch it, because when James Inman's audio cuts out, he goes fucking ballistic like a silent ape. Yeah, yeah.

He's like the fucking, he's the world's shittiest Voldemort. Like, he's just, yeah, he's not good. Are you on speakerphone? I'm cold. No. All right.

Do you have one of those, you have a goofy phone like Chaley. You have like one of those Google phones, huh? No, no, I've got a brand new phone. What he means is your service is with Google Fi. My phone is an iPhone. It's through Google Fi. No, I'm team mobile, but I've got a phenomenal signal here.

I can actually, let me try to make it better. Yeah, try to make it better. Just a little squeak. Hold on a minute. Okay, hold on a minute. How does that sound? Does that sound better? It sounds like my impression of you.

Well, that's me, you motherfucker. Oh, I see what you're doing there. Oh, go for it again. You know, I... I am James Inman. I sent the new special, the rough cut you sent me, I sent it to Shane Gillis, and he said, I started to watch it, and I've never heard another word.

Well, Shane has learned to bite his time. I like that kid, but I forget. I try to remember what I was like at 32, but I wasn't nearly as successful as Shane was. I guess at 32 I had some irons in the fire. At 32? I drove Shane the back way to Sierra Vista. I drove five hours today, Brian.

Uh-huh. That's halfway to L.A. I know. Yeah, if I kept going, I'd be at your place right now. Near Salmon Pool. Yeah. So, yeah, I drove him to the back way to Sierra Vista and then kept going the back way to Tombstone.

He wanted to see Tombstone. And, you know, I don't really talk during the day, and I wonder if it creeps him out. Hmm. I don't know. I mean, he's probably still filled. I mean, even deep down, he's probably still filled with some sort of hope, you know, and like aspirations.

And therefore, he's like, you know, oh, Tombstone. This is a cool thing to see. Well, I told him about our time when we thought we should check out Tombstone. But it was Thanksgiving Day. It's almost as empty now. Oh, wow. Hennigan and I, we watched football, you know, Thanksgiving Day football. And then they were going to close the bar down, the only bar that was open.

Fucking Tombstone on Thanksgiving. And then we just kept buying any strangers' drinks that wandered in. Because the bartender said, I'm going to close down the bar as soon as no one's here. So we tried to keep people there. Yeah, it was that fucking dead. And you were tipping him ridiculously just to stay open. Yeah, and buying everyone's drinks and trying to keep customers in.

And we met this awful actor from LA who had his entire teeth replaced. And he was there with his... He had all his teeth replaced in fucking knuckle. And he was there with his, he had all his teeth replaced in fucking knuckle. And he was like recuperating in Tombstone with his dad.

And he was everything you'd imagine about a non-successful actor who'd gone to knuckle to have all his teeth replaced with his dad. It was awful. And then, and then, but we did find, we went to some, remember, we met these guys. Yeah,

we kicked the shit out of some guys. We're employed at a prison. We kicked the shit out of some guys on the fucking pool table at that other bar we found later. Yeah. But then, then remembered, remembered almost as the last ball in the pocket that kicking the shit out of the locals isn't a thing to do at pool.

Not in Tombstone? Not when Hennegan's drunk and cocky. Yeah, and we sort of had to rapidly sort of backtrack on the fuck yous and yay, you know. so I'll be able to backtrack on the stock use and yay, you know. So that was our one and only night out in Tombstone, to my knowledge. Yeah, and today was not a lot different. Aw.

Buddy, you get to see it. He didn't even take a picture. Wow. I know, but he's trying to be, see, that proves it. He's young, and he's trying to be see that proves it he's trying to be too cool for school your phone is so fucked up Brian

hang on hang on let me try something else hold on yeah go up on the deck hold on yeah this is terrible how's that better better

I don't know if it'll that's as good as it'll get yeah that's great yeah that's good comparatively I know we could be doing this on whatsapp or something

yeah I'm tired Brian I'm just tired I know but Chilly I mean I mean you could go out of the room, and Charlie and I could work it out. You know what you did with James Ingram.

Good callback. Thank you. Yeah, I think I've only sent this special to two people, and one is the producer, Joe Rogan. Never heard a word back. And Shane Gillis said I started it. I understand that with my book.

Because it's reading. Yeah, that's a lot of work to fucking read a book. But a special? Yeah. You get bored with it after a few minutes? I don't know. I mean, it would have been more worrying if he said, I started it, and then the next day he was packed and gone and there was just a note.

That almost happened. Are you serious? Well, he's been tempted by his New York friends to go back east to an Airbnb to some kind of Bohemian Grove fucking comic retreat. Uh-huh. All I had to offer was Tombstone. Uh-huh. Oh, dear.

Nah, I think he's fine. Yeah. He's got his own, like, mobile podcast studio here. I mean, he's in the little house. I know! He's literally got all the means of production he could possibly have aspirations for at this point. And he's booking some hours, too.

And today was 88 degrees. Wow. Yeah. I'm looking at my fucking skin, and I'm getting old man skin on my arms. I just look at the crook of my elbow, and I'm like, oh, maybe I should just go fucking out and

inhale. What do you mean, old man skin and the elbow? An elbow is always wrinkly. Yeah, but it's you're a fucking old guy, but you stay fat. Alright, thank you? Yeah, you stay fat

and that's a nice compliment. Yeah, you stay fat enough. Nice compliment. Yeah, no, I'm getting, like, fucking old smoker skin. Well, there. That could be something right there. Well, I'm not as fat as you. I'm still soaked in the smoke that you emit. Yeah, that's true.

There was a movie about that where it was two writers and one of them got lung cancer because the other one smoked all the time in a small room. I think of that. I think of that, too. I don't care, though. Yeah, I know. That was the entire movie? That was the premise. I was young. I didn't care.

Was it Russian? I was young. I didn't care. Was it Russian? I'm not sure it's the most appealing concept for a movie. It's not for everyone. That's when they used to make pictures. Have you watched this movie called The Platform?

No, I want to watch that, but I have to do it sober because it's subtitled, and it's on my list. Called The Platform? Yeah, it looks good. It's kind of like The Cube, I think it was called. Yeah. It's this puzzle where they fucking torture people. Yeah, it's got a good trailer. Is that Portuguese or some shit? Oh, I can't remember now.

It may have been Portuguese, you're right. Do you need can't remember now. It may have been Portuguese. You're right. Do you need a drink, Doug? It may have been Brazilian. I'm going to make it. I'll make it. You stay on. All right. I'll stay here.

I need a drink as well. I'm going to have to call down to my Jezebel. Oh, yeah. Hold on. That's right. Where you live, you have those old-fashioned 1970s buzzer speakers. That's right. But they don't work.

The good thing is I have a staircase that works. That's so great to have two stories. I know it fucking is. Aubrey! Where are you? Aubrey!

Chaley's not on his headphones he's screaming Aubrey Aubrey I think she's outside smoking a fag that's alright you'll be dead before she has old man smoking a fag

can I have one of those blue lagers, please? Blue lager? Thank you. I thought you were more of a whiskey man. Someone sent Shane Gillis a bottle of Yellow Spot whiskey. It's a high dollar bottle. It's got the shit like you wrote on the Macallan 12 on the box. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Young Spot is just a fucking horrible name. It just makes you think of the snow. I don't agree. And I feel like it's trying too hard, you know? It's like, you know, yeah, I think that's not a good name for a whiskey. That's just me. 12 years. Oh, it's fucking Irish.

Oh, Jesus. What? It's a fucking Irish whiskey. What, did you just Google that? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it is Irish. Gross. Okay.

You hate the Irish. Why do you hate the Irish so much? Because they're detestable. I mean, no nation of the Arabian is so full of itself for no good reason. New York City.

There you go. Thank you, Aubrey. Aubrey has brought me the blue lager. Thank you. Get back to service work, Aubrey. Get back to service work, Aubrey. Get back to service work, Aubrey. Oh, there we go. That's what happens when you let them out of the fort for like two weeks. What happens when this podcast comes back to haunt you and the Irish...

They win! Like when you shit on the Irish and they cancel culture. Brian Hennigan said detestable things about the fucking Irish. I know, but that's what, again, I'm kind of, you know, inoculated there because of what you just said, i.e. my name, Brian Hennigan, could not be more Irish. I don't know. What's in a name?

That's what I say. I know, I'm just saying, like That's what I say. I know. I'm just saying, like, it's a fairly fucking Irish name. My new book is all just Shakespeare written with... Oh, brilliant. Finally, you write the book I've always wanted you to write. the book I've always wanted you to write. Exactly what you said.

I don't know where I was when I was 32. I was like, yeah, you were about to come to the UK to work with me for the first time. Now, when I was 32, I was still with Christine Hodge. Really? Yeah, I didn't get... That was 2002 2002 so do 67

to 2002 30 well wait well 2002 wait 2002 you did come to the UK yeah that's yeah alright

35 I guess is the same as 32 I don't fucking know yeah by the way yeah so um

yeah Shane is I mean oh yeah, the special. Yeah, the special. So we're working on that and we're going to put it out. It was last fucking Memorial Day. I know it was. Believe me.

Jesus. Oh my God. Let's get a shot of Memorial Day sold out. On the market. That's right. I know. And then he goes, well, if we put it out right after Memorial Day this year, it'll look current. That's a quick turnaround.

I know, exactly. They wouldn't know. Except for now, Vegas, all of Nevada is closed. I know. No, but we could just pretend there was a gig is closed. I know. No, but we could, again, we could just pretend there was a game that they wouldn't know. They'll never know.

They'll never know. Oh, God. People are, everyone's asking me, or not you guys, I'll let you know. Like, everyone's like, what's Vegas like? It's fucking shut. Like, can't like, what's Vegas like? It's like, it's fucking shut. Like, Kaylee saw it, but every fucking casino had a cop car at the end of the drive,

yellow police tape. You know, there's nothing to see. The entire city, as people know it, like the Strip, is shut. Remember when we went by, we were driving down the Strip because we were there right when Vegas shut down, and we were going by a couple of hotels on the strip where like there was

a one single hotel room in the middle of the building. Like they put security in the middle so it's equal distance from the top and the bottom or something. But it would be like Tropicana had one hotel room lit up, like the windows lit up, right in the center.

It was weird. And every hotel had that because as you and I worked out, you'd put the one security guy right in the middle of the hotel. I would assume, Brian, that you're enjoying the fuck out of this. Not really. Really? Enjoying the fuck out of what? This whole apocalypse, whatever you want to call it.

No, not really. Isn't that what the whole premise of The Stand is? Like all evil is in Vegas. I know, but I don't seem to have much power. It's not like it's not it's not like as if I was the evil thing in the stand.

I almost spit a drink on that. You know, you know, you know, I mean, if I was if I was truly, I mean, ideally, you know, if I was if I was truly I mean ideally if I had any sort of

you know emperor palatine fucking power I wouldn't be shouting Aubrey Aubrey get me the blue lager

over the fucking over the fucking balcony you know some fucking indifferent girlfriend who's semi-comatose because of five fucking Medellos.

This is not the fucking world-beating empire I envisage. This is not fame. Exactly, yeah. Makes you wonder. Makes you wonder if fucking Hitler was up there walking up and down the Eagle Nest shaking the King's rifle sprites or burned, you know.

Anyway. It's gotta be good. Hey, Brian, it's gotta be good for, you know, editing editing there's nothing to do yeah i know unfortunately as i explained to doug one of the one of the slight burdens of this lockdown is that one like your principal power in management is the ability to bully and cajole people relentlessly and even I am not immune to the fact that people are going through hard shit right now and you never know

the person you're dealing with, what exactly they're going through and why they've missed the fucking deadline you agreed on so that when you pick up the phone to them, you have to be all fucking nicey-nicey as opposed to saying as opposed to saying where as opposed

to saying where is the fucking file you said would be here today and you know you have to be all sort of like oh i understand you have to imagine that half their families either wiped out or in quarantine or on their way to the airport or something. Who knows? That is one of the benefits that the three of us share, you, me, and Chaley, is we don't have families. We have no family to speak of. That's true.

Because we have no families, especially children, we have enough to fucking tough it out in the bank. If they still have banks, don't ruin this for me. They might not have banks. Quiet, quiet. It's like an abacus

being moved. Yeah, unfortunately, even you have, let's call them tangential family, in the sense that if Bingo's mom and pop were to succumb in any way, you would become involved. No, that's part of news

blackout. If Bingo herself dies, don't tell me. Oh, that's right. I only have a week left. It'd just be the distant sound of a tuba going... You do an impression of Bingo's tuba better than I do

an impression of you. Oh, thanks. People say I don't have talent. A lot of them. Yeah, yeah. People say I don't have talent. A lot of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I care. Will you stop taking questions from the fans because they're all about your talent?

And they don't mean that in a biblical sense either. I don't know. I didn't read that book. Oh, right. Because talent was the old-fashioned term for money in the Bible. Well, smart fuck magazine. I guess you're getting two copies a week. Yeah, I'm fucking...

I'm mainlining it, baby. He's rereading old issues. Yeah. I'm correcting them. Oh, that's not right. Yeah. yeah I'm correcting them that's not right what time are you going to bed lately once the fucking over the counter you know liquid medicine

sleep stuff kicks in basically oh yeah good not mentioning a brand because we're looking for sponsorship. Yeah. Well, mine is whatever it says Walmart compared to ingredients.

Yeah, so probably like 12 or 1 or whatever. Yeah, see, I'm... Oh, fuck. I've been awake for seven hours now, and it feels like it's time for bed. I don't know what to do. I drive everywhere. My sleep is completely fucked.

I need to start taking sleepers. I went to bed last night at four but i slept for two hours in that chair draped over two like gaming armchairs waiting for stuff to render on the on the video but it's it is a thing where it's starting to now affect me yeah i thought the the other day i think there's thursday where i go oh i thought this I thought this was a full day. I was sure it was Wednesday. It doesn't fucking matter. Because it starts over again.

I'll watch the news. I won't care. Five days left. Five days? Five days. Oh, good. We're ending on the 30th, Ryan. Oh, good. Yeah. It's a month. It's fucking whatever. It doesn't matter. But, yeah, I want

evidently something big happened today. What? I don't know. I think you may be overfed, but anyway. Well, fucking I was going to call him Jasper.

Shane. Where's Jasper? I don't know where that came call him Jasper. Shane. Where's Jasper? I don't know where that came from. Yeah, he said, he goes, oh, I almost fucking said a big one that just happened, but no one's paying attention to it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. So I'm really looking forward to that day, and then I'll just be back to zero. And then I'll quit smoking and be a little bitch about something else. I want to get back on Twitter. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. In terms of the family thing, you do have a brother.

Yeah, but I don't talk to him. It's in the book. I know. I know it's in the book. Yeah, always be don't talk to him. It's in the book. I know. I know it's in the book. Yeah, always be plugging. Yeah. And I do have my birth mom and that whole side of the family as well.

That's right. You have your brother. Yeah, my brother. Yeah, but they're like scars. They're fucking duplicates. We can live without one. I can't live without this one, but I can live without fucking haunted house shit.

He slips in pretty good when he took over for me that one time in Seattle. Yeah, yeah. If you were to pass, unfortunately, yeah, I'd take your brother on and I'd just treat him like you. I'd make him dye his hair and stuff. What, are you getting fat, Brian?

I must admit, I've become less svelte. Less svelte. Yeah. I would not say svelte is my overarching characteristic right now. I would not see stoutness as my overarching characteristic right now.

I would love to see Brian get fat like that Eddie Murphy movie. Oh, yeah. Nutty Professor. Nutty Professor. Chaley has a lot of fat. I would lock myself in my house until it ended. I wouldn't leave the house. Oh, I need cancer.

I need cancer to drop the fucking baby weight. You know, Brian, I just realized because of the news blackout, and you're doing very well because I almost asked you a question about your town, and I'm glad we don't have to knock the headphones off of Doug really quickly so he can hear about what has happened. I know exactly what you're referring to. I would love to talk to you about that because it's fucking crazy, but we've got five days, and then, yeah,

It's fucking crazy. But we've got five days. And then, yeah, we're definitely going to have to talk to you to get what – I don't even know what's going on out there. But, yeah, you'll be one of the calls. Have you thought of this? Here's an idea, right? Again, shoot me down, but something like this, where Doug has to write down a list of 10 things that have happened.

Hang on. You keep talking to Chaley. Oh, yeah. That's my idea. He can't hear you right now, but you know what I'm talking about, right? Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. That is just fucking crazy to me.

I mean, she should be run out of town. Hold on. He's back. He town. Hold on, he's back. Sorry, he's back. I have six things that I have questions about. Are you saying that I should have Nostradamus predictions? That's a better idea.

That's why you're in management. Yeah. You have to say what they are on the second to last podcast of the Blackout. On the 29th, next Wednesday. Yeah. Here are

my predictions. What I will find out when I resurface. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've found out one. And if both Chaley and Jasper... Jasper's a great name. I think it's his haircut.

Yeah. I think it's his haircut. Yeah. I also think it's tailor-made for on old-school marquee, like the comedian Jasper.

You know? He's had enough trouble. Next show says. Alright, yeah, we'll work on says. All right. Yeah, we'll work on that. Go on. Yeah. So this special is coming out how?

How do people find it? That will be announced in due course. All right. Well, yeah, not during Blackout. I think that's probably a wise idea. Yeah, or in concert with it. Yes. You figure it out. Parallel to the breakout.

Either way. Yeah. I still haven't finished the epilogue for the book because yeah. What happens at the end of this? Because that was the end of the world. That's the working title.

And now I'm finishing the book in the other end of the world, everyone else's end of the world. Yeah. It's an audible exclusive, so I can write it that day. Yeah. so I can write it that day. Yeah. Brian, he did tell everyone the day that he finished to the point where he's at right now

that if the corona gets me, I'm happy with what's done. So even if he doesn't get the epilogue, we can get someone else to do that. Oh, I already had that. Maybe Jasper. I already had that as a policy anyway. I've got a signature on multiple documents that he doesn't know about.

It's pretty easy to forge my signature. Yeah, you've got an expert right here. But the intro, Shane and I were going through our phones of famous people we could drunk dial. And then I looked at that list and I said, oh, I should ask one of these people

to write the intro for my book. Uh-huh. And? And I don't know. I want to go weird. I just thought of someone. What about someone who's not on your... I mean, I don't know if he's on.

What about the fucking Mr. Steely Dan? Donald Fagan? Yes. Yes, we did. But here's the thing, is I want someone who actually read the fucking book this time. Oh. Well, again, he probably did.

He strikes me as the type of guy that doesn't have much going on in his life. And you can just send it to him. Jasper's out. He didn't even watch your special. Or he did. Yeah, Jasper. Even worse. I'm expecting he did.

He's holding out for a tour of Douglas. I did show him the spot where we... I was doing a sober week, and we went to Douglas and watched Mark Skippy Price, who was actually very entertaining. Oh, at the Roaring Twenties? No, no, not the Gay Nineties. Gay Nineties. No, no, in Douglas. Oh, in Douglas. That's Knocko.

Knocko. Yeah, I gave him a tour of Douglas. He's seen all the hot spots. I don't know why he's not out here fucking hanging out. The hot spots. Yeah. Douglas, Sierra Vista. He hasn't seen Knocko yet. I'm Douglas, Sierra Vista. He hasn't seen NACO yet. I'm holding that as a carrot.

The problem with NACO is once you get there and you can't cross the border, there's nothing to do but turn around and leave. Oh, I have a really good video idea. We keep having these ideas but never following through. video idea. We keep having these ideas but never following through. Just to do the Bisbee news as a

video and go to the Bisbee airport and say, yeah, it's dead empty. And then in Lowell, they have the fake Greyhound station that they have. And there's no buses running and the bus has a flat tire up front.

And then the bars are closed, and go to the Gay 90s in Naco. Oh, yeah. It's dead. That place is dead empty anyway when it's open. And then just cut to the Gay 90s sign, and then to Shane in his shorts giving me the wink.

Like that's an actual gay bar. It's a hundred years old. The gay 90s was a thing a hundred years ago when we moved here. Oh, gay 90s. Is it gay bar? No. No, it was actually from

that era when gay meant something else. Right. Chaley's making me a drink. I'm going to cut this one short. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, unless you have more to offer. No, not with

ruining stuff. I mean, there was that thing about a blue butterfly. A blue butterfly? Yeah. Is that bingo related? Just hear blue. No, it's just, no. Are you talking, have you been talking to Bingo at all?

Not using, not using her phone. Oh, did you fucking retweet her things? She had pictures. All right, because she asked me. I said I asked him. I don't know. I did. She keeps asking me.

She keeps asking me questions to ask you or Chaley that are technical. I'm like, why would you have me as the fucking conduit to this? Oh, so yeah, also, she texts me dumb jokes all the time. So I don't know why she wouldn't text me a technical inquiry, or like, can you retweet this or something I mean like yeah I mean she texts me fucking why did the goat go up the mountain and things like this

you know oh Jesus I took her out this morning for a two hour drive just Bisbee we went down and you know that the red little minivan anything the transit oh yeah yeah it's good like it's gonna it's a glass bottom top so

yeah she sat in the back not quite six feet but and she was tripping her balls off and i just drove down streets I have never seen in old Bisbee because it's a small enough van that I can go up those streets and we went two hours of all of fucking Bisbee and just seeing shit

it was fantastic I don't know what my point is but that was a good point though well I mean this is following a day where you also drove her out for two hours in a different part of Bisbee. But you guys were in separate cars, were you? Yeah, the first time in separate cars. But this time I said, I'll get you in the van.

I was going to put her in the way back seats, but I couldn't figure out how to open them. But yeah, she gets to sit and stare through the big windows of that fucking... That's the coolest fucking car ever. I love that. But yeah, she was very happy today. She doesn't get out much. Uh-huh.

What does she wear when she goes out? You know. An outfit. The gas mask? No, she did have a mask on, but yeah, she was dolled up. Fuck, I gave some, I gave two broads the finger.

They were fucking tailgating me, like, fuck, coming down the hill through the tunnel, like, right on my ass, and I started break-jobbing them and fucking giving them the finger, and they're giving me the finger, and then I just turned out. I'm like, this is not... What the...

I don't understand what the rush is nowadays. That's the big thing. It's the same thing as someone's fucking... I know. I didn't pass anybody today. I was like, all right, let's just go fucking five under. It doesn't matter. Who cares?

And these nine in the morning fucking well by this time we we we oh you know i gotta give a shout out to magic matt allen he does the he's a 70s at seven that's why we went out because i i i listened to america top 40 with Casey Kasem. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fucking great. That's why we did two hours, because I picked her up. It was at 30. I didn't get early enough.

Yeah, you're listening to Casey Kasem, what I grew up with, America's Top 40. And here we're playing the hits from coast to coast. And here coming in at number 27 and it's fucking great so we what year was it today was uh 420 of 1974 and the number one song was a band with acronyms not acronyms but uh is this clue? Is this Casey Kasem's The band was MFSB and it was all instrumental and I'm like this was a Motherfucking son of a bitch

Yeah we learned that from Black Pussy when they changed their name to alright that's kind of obvious to Chad Shank Black Magic So what was the name of the band? It's MFSB. That's it?

And the song was like T-S-O-P. And it's an instrumental you'd know. I'm like, what the fuck? How is that a number one song? It's not even quite the disco era. That was like 76. Yeah. Anyway.

I was eight, and I don't remember It was so fun to watch fucking Bingo just tripping and fucking it was a blast. And then we did 3 hours with Shane going through Sierra Vista.

Let's give a shout out to Magic Matt and he's at Magic Matt 70 on Twitter and his last tweet was October the 12th, 2014. Oh, no. They kept saying, like, I'm not going to get any news that I don't want to know from 70s on seven on sirius xm but they kept asking for if you know someone who is like gone out of their way to be a good person during this fucking pandemic uh send us uh god damn it uh what was it uh on the air at SiriusXM.com OnTheAir. And I go, this is

Magic Matt. This is Matt Allen. I fucking know this guy. We can write anything to Matt Allen and he will say it on the air. It's kind of like Anchorman. Whatever shows up on the teleprompter,

he'll read if he sees Doug Stanhope. He was here at this house playing poker. Magic Matt? Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, before any of this was done, you know those rusted fucking helmets out there? Yeah, yeah, the Viking hoes. Yeah.

The loves. Yeah, we were wearing those playing poker before any of this was done. It was like within six months or so of us living here in 2005. He was here with his gal who was Morton Downey Jr.'s

ex-wife. Yeah, they're fucking great people. Oh. Chaley's going to take over while I piss. We're done. Yeah, I know, but I'm going to piss now.

Yeah, Brian, it's weird when he does this because he doesn't... It's like for a second he forgets that it's his podcast. Instead of just taking a break. Uh-huh. We could just... We could talk about... podcast instead of just taking a break. Uh-huh.

We could talk about the blue butterfly now when he's not there. Well, I was going to say the Kim Jong-un thing is what it is today. Yeah. He's right outside the door peeing. Yeah, but it's not a big deal though Oh I know but it's news That's a I know but it's interesting When you put yourself in the shoes of someone

And you're imagining what they're going to have missed Yeah It really boils down to really not that much Nothing It's trivia You're right And you know what really not that much. Nothing. It's trivia. Yeah. You're right. And you know what? That's the upside of this social experiment.

Is that there will be something and he'll go, huh, so what? Yeah. Yeah. I'm back. Yeah, I probably won't care about a lot. But I should quit smoking.

That should be the next thing. Did you, you didn't hear because you only listen to one podcast a year, but Shane's fucking brilliant idea

was I go from News Blackout to I only get my news from Alex Jones. He's a fucking, Shane is a plant. He's a fucking plant. He is.

You have to watch the night manager, okay? So I'm just letting you know. You know, I remember Magic Matt when he was Mr. Cigar. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, he was Mr. Cigar. Hey, I have my old phone. I don't know if I have him in my old phone. You need to sit down, Doug, because you're out of frame.

Oh, yeah, sorry. I forget this video thing. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, did he just say foam? Why would he say foam? Did he say phone? He said foam, and then he picked up his phone. All right, context. I don't know if I have Magic Matt in here.

Wait, but you're calling on another phone? All right, drunk dial for another day. Yeah. Is that what you've considered for the Drunk Dial podcast? No. I think that's a good... Yeah, I don't have them. Lower tier celebrity. No offense.

Someone can find Magic Matt Allen. No, it's... Send in at ontheair at SiriusXM.com. On the air. And just listeners, send in what a brilliant fucking person I've been during this.

And just make up a fucking lie. Shane was saying, oh, I'll tell him how you took me in because he was saying true things. I'm like, no, no, this is going to be a fuckway. Don't waste this opportunity to lie. Yeah, just, yeah. On the air and send it to at

Magic Matt Allen. I think that's his fucking... I'll look it up. I'll put it on the screen. That's right. That's his name, Magic Matt Allen. Yeah. On the air at Magic Matt Allen. Yeah. On the air at Magic Matt Allen.

My God. I've done four hour on the phone podcasts from here when I first moved here. Just sitting there, just getting shit-faced for four hours talking to them at the Nevada-style lounge.

I don't know. Anyway, all right, I'm going to go make tuna melts. Tuna melts. Okay. Do you have any recipes, Hennigan, that you've made out of the shit that was in your cupboard? Yeah, well, I mean, Julie and I and, Julie and I,

and Aubrey and Tracy, we did a cocktail night when they were passing through Vegas. Oh, shit, that's right. What do we mean? Explain that to Doug, because I was going to ask you about that. Here's the thing.

There was a local restaurant, which is really good in Vegas, called Sparrow and Wolf, right? And when all the shit went down and everyone's trying to stay relevant and alive, they came up with this thing about, hey, why don't you send us your cocktail recipes of

shit you have in your house? Okay? That you only like to make a cocktail with stuff you have in your house. Now, obviously, with a lot of people, including like, let's say, the Doug Stample area, you know, you've got a lot of shit in your house. Now, obviously, with a lot of people, including like, let's say, the Dunstanhope area, you know, you've got a lot of shit in your house where other people don't have necessarily that

quite range. So, either way, we did have enough, but not like a spectacular range. So, we did three different cocktails, which were all meticulously measured out and made and photographed, and then after Kaylee and Tracy left,

it was like, oh wait, apparently these were meant to be fucking videos. It's like, fuck that. But either way, we have got fantastic photographs and also really fucking good cocktails. So I'm actually going to put them out soon.

Hey, retweet them under my account. I will. Please do. Yeah, and they're really fucking cool. No, there was enough drunkenness to get us going on that, but there was a lot of thought put in for taste and add a little of this. There was a little whimsy thrown in there, I remember, with some of the candy that was put in there.

Yeah. And those were good drinks. Those were things... They were fucking good. Yeah. And there was a variety. And there was a variety. There was a shooter and there was like a martini style.

And then there was like a... Cocoa. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll be honest, Kelly killed it. His first, the first one was the one that kind of Kelly mostly like quarterbacked

and it was the fucking best like chocolate, like martini style thing. With sake. It had a little sake in there too. Oh, yeah. That's the problem is we will have to contact you

to determine exactly what it was we put into it. He'll never give away the recipe. Always leave an ingredient out. Patreon. Patreon people get the recipe. Patreon people get the recipe. I think we're all splitting

$700 a month four ways. Anyway, so yeah, I would say for a nice tuna melt, you just put in some a splash of A1 and some jalapenos, and that'll be it. I got jalapenos coming, but celery.

Celery, I actually, the maid is bringing celery, so I can. Jalapenos sounds good. I'm going to dial Shane real quick to close this out. Hang on, I'm going to call him real quick. Shane! Shane, come on in here! I really despise him. Shane!

Jasper! Did you try Jasper, Doug? I did not try Jasper. I guess you would have heard it. He probably masturbates a lot. He's probably asleep. He's asleep? Yeah.

What? No, no. I think Doug's... No, you woke him up earlier. No, I think Doug's nailed it. It's fucking... It's fucking... The little house door is glued shut with his jizz.

I mean, it's just... Shame! He's an awful producer. I'm calling on the other line now he's yelling out a window instead of the door he's probably doing a way bigger podcast he's probably on Adam Carolla right now alright so

stay tuned Brian Hennigan is getting this done. What you told me, and I know exactly what you were saying, but I don't know if I could translate it to the listener. Oh, yeah. Apparently, the platform we're going out on requires subtitles. Closed captioning. Closed captioning. It's mandated.

And what you told me was, I'm going to quote you. You said, in the last week, I have watched your special at least 15 times. And I said, and it holds up every time. And you go, it's painful. You don't say that. What you were referring to is watching what the closed caption people are doing to my closed captions. Yes.

I could imagine that they're used to, like, doing, like doing instructional videos and things and typing things out. They're not used to typing your stuff out. Yeah, once and all, they've got to put it out there, right? So are you correcting it, Brian? So are you correcting it, Brian? You obviously have to fucking correct. I mean, yes. Yes, you have to correct everything. And you can't assume anything is correct. Yeah, Brian, Brian, here comes Shane.

Okay. Here he comes. Here he comes. He can see me whispering. Okay. I have my glasses on. Ask him about the blue blooder pie. Oh, fucking Henry Phillips is barking because... No, stay.

No, Henry will figure it out. You know how Henry loves everyone more than me? And he shows it? What, does he like Shane because he's so fat? Oh, shit. No, here, just put headphones on him. We're closing out with Shane. I don't remember why I was yelling Shane.

To close out? Yeah, I know. Did you say were you? You were yelling it? Yeah, I was just screaming Shane, and I can't remember why. We've been talking about you a lot. What were you saying? Jasper.

Jasper. I kept calling you Jasper for some reason. It's Brian Hennigan. Oh, nice. Yeah. I don't know if you know each other. He knows of your work. Thanks.

Thanks, Chaley. Yeah. I said, oh, nice. He goes, do you know him? Great. Thank you. thanks thanks chile yeah i said oh nice he goes do you know him great thank you all i remember i was gonna i'm gonna make uh fucking tuna melts for us yes but i don't remember why i just why did i fucking start screaming shame probably because you were doing the podcast i thought you wanted him to close that's what you said said. You were going to close, Doug.

We were done. Yeah, but I was going to close with a question for Shane. Oh. I don't remember what the fuck it was. God damn it. It's only 7.03. That's only three minutes later than the last time I checked my watch. I'm getting in joy tombstone. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tombstone, tombstone. It's all right. It was like a... Oh, my God. I want to fucking release a bad, bad detail. I won't do it. What's that? I'll tell you.

It's a local thing. No one cares. Oh, okay. But if you heard it, Junior Stopka Tombstone. Do you remember that? Oh, that's a thing to tell. Yeah, that would hurt someone's feelings. Oh.

Local. It was kind of like if the boardwalk was in the desert. Just a bunch of shit. It was like, here's a haunted hotel. Here's fucking weird dudes reenacting the okay corral i don't know i mean i loved tombstone growing up but yeah i mean it was cool to see but do you understand that i don't talk during the day like i i was proffering this to hennigan i go yeah we drove around but i don't really talk during the day and i don't know

if that creeps you out because i don't really have anything to say creeps me out yeah no no i was going back into my youth and what i was like at 32 and i didn't have the success that you had but i kind of did and yeah i don't really talk during the day and i don't know if that's what makes you want to leave every day. No, I don't want to leave. I said I'd leave in a week. I said a week. Yeah.

It's crazy. Yeah, at the end of the 30 days. I was like, yeah, I've already been here for 10 days. I get fucking weirded out too, son. Have you guys seen the movie the music of chance no but we're gonna cuddle up in bed and watch it tonight

I think you'd find it creepily reminiscent of the conversation you're having I was very happy that Shane found his weird citrus flavored chewing tobacco that you can't find anywhere yeah that was a big victory for us he smiled coming out of the speedway

in Sierra Vista do you remember we had Thanksgiving dinner alone in that fucking diner oh my god it's not the diner it's. Yeah, he brought that up. Oh, my God. It's not the diner. Oh, my God. It's fucking the Crystal Palace.

And Shane said, this is where fucking so-and-so gets shot in that movie. I don't remember that movie. Yeah, it was where... It's a saloon. Is it Bill Paxton? I know which one you're talking about.

Is he the one in Tombstone? Yeah, yeah. He's one of the Earps. Well, the brother, the Earps brother got shot. There's two different Tombstone movies that came out at the same time. One of them sucked and one of them had Kevin Costner. Wait, there was another one?

That came out at the same time. Wyatt Earp. There's Tombstone and there's Wyatt Earp. Was Kevin Costner in Wyatt Earp? Kevin Costner is in the shitty one. Yeah. Yeah. The good one's Val Kilmer.

Doc Holliday. Yeah. The good one's Val Kilmer. Doc Holliday. I get that cough. I can do Val Kilmer impressions. Oh, yeah. You're fucking longer. Yeah. Longer. Yeah, I mean, what are you guys talking about before I got here?

That's it. We just talked about shit. Nice. That's a podcast. What are we at? 49? 55. Fuck. All right. podcast. What are we at, 49? 55. Fuck.

All right. You're out of here, Brian. Okay. You'll be hearing from my attorney. Yeah. I'm waiting for a Yelp review of my special from fucking Shane Gillis. We're talking about how many people have fucking... I gave my special to you and and rogan and you just said i started it and then nothing and nothing from all right all right i'll give you the i'll give

you the full review go not right now no i want to finish it i didn't finish it yet yeah it's not a fucking book it is every special is a's a book. He said he started it. I started it. I guess it's a wicked dick move. No, it's not. I started it and it wasn't interesting enough for me to fucking continue. I think I jerked

off. I think I stopped and jerked off and went to sleep. We did talk about you jerking off. I think that's what happened. That's a compliment. Yeah, we did. We did talk about you jerking off. I think that's what happened. That's a compliment, Doug. We did talk about you jerking off. How so? And the fact that sometimes you just disappear into that room. I forget that at 32

you probably jerk off quite a bit. No, no, no. Only one, maybe one a day, and it's at night. It's not when I'm sneaking off. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jasper. I mean... I'm sneaking off. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Jasper. I mean... No, I'm just...

I'm not gonna, like... No. I'm not gonna admit to something I'm not doing. It'd be weird if I was, like, hanging out, and then I was just like, all right, I'm gonna go hang in my room and jerk off and then come back out. No, it's not like that.

Chaley's the worst about that. Like, he'll just come into the house because he's gonna fix something and you can't go hey fucking knock first oh no i don't jerk i got heavy steps i got heavy steps man i'm very aware that this is that's your place and when i go in there it's because i've got to do something like you have to something. Just a bunch of dudes jerking off in the desert. That's what this is. Just three different dudes jerking off at separate times. What is that in the background?

Is that a husky pup? Oh, you have a dog? Yeah, we have a dog. Did you have a dog when I was there? No. All right, good. Because they just remind you of how old you are. It was only once you sanctioned the building that we felt empowered to get a dog.

It was very people. All right, I'm going to let you go. I have to go make tuna melts for the family. Yeah, I got to jerk off. We have to jerk each other off because we're out of mayonnaise. Okay, well, I love you all. Wow. I love you.

I love you. I love you all. Wow. I love you. I love you. I love lamp. Brick, are you just pointing out things in the room and saying you love them? I love lamp. You're making a hung up on us. All right. It's tuna melt time as soon as celery arrives. All right. Bingo, take us out of this.

Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you.