The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#389: Day 27 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: April 30, 2020

Day 27. Doug calls his old pal Brendon Walsh to see what he is getting into these days. Shane is still hung over from last nights Drunk Dial Podcast.Recorded April 26th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brendon Walsh (@brendonwalsh), Shane Gillis (@shanemgillis), Tracey Wernet (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope 2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Brendon Walsh's World Record Podcast - https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcastMatt & Shane's Secret Podcast - http://mattandshanessecret.libsyn.com/Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian Hennigan.Music - Highway Kings by Elliot Holmes. Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Is this him being on as shit it's making you wait taking his post oh he's doing the same thing he did during the drunk dial podcast he's not even please leave your message for

I got it don't worry about it thank you you want to leave a message for... I got it. Don't worry about it. Thank you. You want to leave a message? No, no. I'm going to just cancel them. Cancel. Alright. I might have misspelled cancelled. Two L's or one L? It can be either.

I know. There was a comic that said that. Is your ringer off so you don't wake that ugly baby? ugly baby? Oh. I assume his baby's ugly because he's ugly. That doesn't always happen.

She's cute as hell. It's a baby. They're not cute as hell. They're fucking... She's a toddler now. She's not a baby. Whatever. He has...

I remember that from drunk dialing. He has his stupid baby on the outgoing message and that's just gross. Like, who... Wait, like... has his stupid baby on the outgoing message. And that's just gross. Like, who? Wait, like Goo Goo Gaga on the outgoing message? Yeah, she's...

Like, fuck you. Maybe that was him. Maybe he was working on a new voice. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Answer. Is that Brendan Walsh? Yeah, this is me.

Hi. Hi. What's going on with you? Yeah, I can hear you, but I didn't hear you when I called you when it was post time, as they say at the track. So we've been just killing time here waiting for our guest, who's a little prima donna-ish. You know, we scheduled it at 445. My people told me 445. You called me at 1130 a.m.

And you know what? I'm going to tell you the truth, Brendan. I looked at your fucking name on my phone and I went, I'm watching Last Call, the Chicago Bulls story. I'm not taking this. And then you left me a rude message. I talked to you last night.

I left you a message. We wanted to do a pre-interview because we've had some hinky interviews. I don't want this to go like James Inman did. Oh, well, that's a problem. So... Well, okay, let's get the...

Go up on the roof. What do you have, T-Mobile? Is it bad? No, I'm in my garage. Do you have a garage? I didn't know you had a car. I thought you pawned all of your stuff. I needed to keep the car so I can go to auditions.

All right, well, let's go through the beats of how this podcast is going to go, because we've had big names on. I don't know if you know we're big shit now. We've had Nickelback on. Doug, it was the bass player from Nickelback. Yeah, yeah. We've had Nickelback on, and we've had Pauly Shore. Okay. So we're still good. Pauly Shore.

Okay. So, we're still good. Yeah, I'm saying we don't want a series of problems now that we're hitting an apex on the podcast and you're in your garage? I'm in, yeah, my garage. Well, you know what?

Mark Maron does his podcast out of his garage, and it sounds a lot better than what you're doing. I did not do that into my elbow because I'm a maverick. All right. Let's just pre-interview a little bit i'm going to ask you some questions you know not to tell me any news but i want to know how you're dealing with your situation let's say i were to ask you hey brendan how is it being stuck with that stupid baby and your wife in a small I guess hovel or section 8 housing wherever you live

like what's your day to day how would you answer that question well first of all you don't want to pause like that you want to have an answer immediately ready because this is when we go to the actual podcast,

you have to fire guns on all cylinders. All of your pistons have to fire like a six-shooter. We'll try it again. Hey, Brendan, what's your day-to-day like and what upcoming things do you want to promote? I can't tell if he's being serious or not. I'm going to be doing my online comedy show. I do it over Zoom. I get a lot of good guests.

It's called Quarmity Club. Get it? Like quarantine. Quarmity Club. It's club with a Q. Quarmity, P-U-L-U-B. And you can see that on Zoom and Snapchat. It seems a little derivative to what I coined a month ago, quarantinians.

So I really have the market on anything that is quarantine-related, as a pun. I have quarantinapalooza. Like the COVID-69. All right. all right we're really well i was hung over but now i think i'm drunk again let's let's let's cut through the nonsense is this really that bad a connection I mean I can hear you fine but if you can't if this sounds shitty on your end then I'll go back

now well yeah I want to talk to the baby this is yeah this is really fucked I thought you were maybe fucking with me and doing a bad connection like the Inman podcast, but no, you're serious. Oh. Okay, let me, you know what, I'll call you back in a minute.

All right. I'll just go back upstairs. Okay. Upstairs, yeah. Yeah. That'll work. You know your connections better than I do. I knew Brendan Walsh was nothing but a problem.

From the minute... Like, I don't know why we booked him. If he doesn't answer a drunk dial... You didn't call him last night. I do remember leaving him a goofy message about pre-interview. Yeah, about pre-interview, but it was late and he's got a kid. Yeah, but what's time to a kid? Well.

See that callback? Works. Yeah, I thought he was fucking around with like, had a voice box thing that was making the, annoy your callers. Annoyatron for the phone. You're always starting from a losing position if you try to do pranks with Brendan Walsh,

because he's the best. Well, yeah. It's not going to end in your favor. I wonder what he's got going on because I haven't heard of anything lately. I do know that he has a new podcast coming out that he's working on. I don't know about the one he just brought up. I don't believe – I don't know if that's true or not. Corrin Comedy or whatever it was.

You never know if he's yeah cormity cormity cormity club with a q q l u b

q l u b i am so taking a fucking seracul tonight oh here's brendan walsh

on the line hey brendan uh this is doug stanhope you're live on the doug stanhope Comedy Podcast of Comedy.

Quamity, I call it. Oh, fuck. Easy with... I meant to call Scott Aukerman. I really would appreciate if you'd watch your language. Okay. Charmin is our sponsor. I'm sorry about that

oh oh how appropriate are you really I talked to a toilet go ahead I talked to a toilet paper CEO on my podcast

he's doing really well sorry I'm I'm all out of breath now on my podcast. It's doing really well. I'm all out of breath now. I had to lug my whole little bar that I made in my garage up into my office. But now I'm here. You can hear me? Yeah, I can hear you a lot better.

Great. Is your new podcast from the garage no I can't you see I don't have wifi it's a problem no it's not I can't I can't do it in my garage but the garage is a good it's a nice little hangout spot I just need better technology in there.

I'm going to get, I'm going to figure out how to run the wifi over there. Is there trouble in paradise that you have to hang out in the garage? I mean, I don't want to go directly into the problems with your wife. Uh, there's, yeah.

I mean, it's, you know, we haven't spoken in two weeks but um we still have all our meals together and do everything together i've heard i've heard you've had arguments where you fight over the baby and you pull on its arms and legs like no it's my baby no it's my baby yeah well we go i she what i say is i go mine mine mine mine mine

and she's like she's just like stop it stop it give it to me give it to me harder. And then, you know me, you know me, going on 20-year-long feature act. I got to get a joke in there. So I say, that's what she said. And then we fucking laugh. We throw the baby in the air.

We have some Bud Light seltzers lemon lime bud light it's uh bud light seltzer naturally flavored with other natural flavors only 100 calories per can and uh five percent alcohol uh this is what we talked about in the pre-interview you cannot do sponsors because we do uh we have bear claw is that a thing white claw okay because we have Bear Claw. Is that a fucking thing? White Claw. Okay, White Claw. Yeah, we have White Claw,

so you can't mention brand names. Went through this in the preview. I'll flip them in. You won't even notice. Honestly, Brendan, are you drinking that because it... God damn it. He fucking burned me again.

Zing. I'm asking you honestly God damn it. He fucking burned me again. I'm asking you honestly, because Mac Bird Cloud, she's been drinking all sorts of shit that I go. Is that by choice? No, that's what I'm down to. Are you drinking what you're drinking because you're out of other shit no no i go to the store practically every day really so i don't you know if i run out of

something i just go get more yeah what store do you go to i live close to there Trader Joe's and then there's a Gelson's. And then there's also a liquor store called Bogey's that if I don't want to deal with the grocery store, I'll go and pay a little more to my locally owned friends over there and get a bottle of Jameson or some White Claws or, you know, some Tito's vodka. Do you wear the gloves and mask? Is that a good thing? Is it a big thing in L.A.? Yeah, I mean, that's something. I wear a catcher's mitt and a purge mask.

So it's like a clown mask that lights up. And I have a catcher's mitt. And then just kind of one of the, you know, those like old timey Audrey Hepburn style gloves that go up to your elbow? I have one of those, too. That's how you inseminate bulls if you have a fetish. Yeah. I wear one bull insemination glove, a Richard Nixon mask, one roller skate, and a scuba diving flipper. And I'm all covered.

We have to do that at Safeway. It's only funny if you do it. Yeah. I mean, they don't really tell you what kind of mask you have to wear yeah like a diving mask bingo i've repeated this story but since i haven't talked to you i'll repeat it again bingo when uh she was still going out she was not quarantined yet she was still going to Safeway they had a two package limit on toilet paper so she went in as Bingo saw she bought two

packages of toilet paper and then she said I went home and I changed costumes and went back to buy two more oh I bet you're fooling a lot of people Bingo your fucking turquoise hair oh the dinosaur came back as a fucking ballerina.

With a top hat. In a town of seven people. That would be the most funny mask to wear. Just one of those, like, an old-timey burglar mask, you know, like Robin from Batman and Robin. It covers your eyes. And there's a cutout for each eye. You're not really covering anything.

It covers your cheeks and eyelids. And if they tell you that's not the right kind of mask, just say, exact word. Exact word. We did some drunk dialing last night. You know Shane Gillis? Yeah.

I have a question about him. When you're talking to him on the phone, can you understand what he says because he's wearing those, uh, those, uh, buck teeth, like the,

uh, the costume. Like Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Yeah. And the eyeglasses with the slit, slitty eyes. Like Mickey Rooney from a breakfast at Tiffany's.

He's, uh, he's, uh, I just, I just made a pot roast this morning. He can't cook. He, he's out here. You know that, right? Yeah. She only told me. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, I made a fucking gorgeous pot roast and he just and he just ate half of it and then threw it up.

He goes, I'll eat that whole fucking thing. I guess you will if you're going to puke up the first half. You fucking hump. I haven't even touched the thing. Even Chaley, the vegetarian, fucking ate some. Yeah, it's a good time to make pot roasts we've made two roasts

so far let me get back to that point how fucked up is it to be stuck in the house because you see that I've seen the commercials even fucking YouTube TV oh no no it's ESPN.

They have commercials. Oh, mothers, how can you work at home and teach the kids? And I go, I don't know those kind of people, but I know you. So you do have a wife and you have a kid, and you're stuck in a fucking house with them. Is it contentious? Yeah, I mean, you know what? It's not

that bad. I go on walks all the time. Amanda's family lives in Burbank so she'll go over to her mom's house with Marley.

It's kind of like business as usual over here, except like when I do need to, you know, like I can't go anywhere to like go work really. Like, you know, like I can't go to Sizzler, which was, Sizzler was my office where I would go and work. Sizzler is the best. I mean,

I don't, I don't want to blow it up. I love Sizzler and Golden Corral. I love all those fucking places. Well, let me tell you, the Sizzler here, the one that I go to is huge.

It's never full. You can go, like people go to coffee shops to go and work on their dumb fucking scripts or whatever. And you go to a coffee shop, there's a hundred assholes. You're going to bump into some fucking person you don't even want to talk to. So then you have to talk to them for a fucking half hour. At Sizzler, you don't have to talk to the guy in the motorized cart.

Yeah. Yeah, you don't bump into anyone you know. You get there, I'll get there at like 1130 in the morning. you don't bump into anyone you know you get there i'll get there like 11 30 in the morning i pay 10 for the salad bar buffet or whatever and uh and then i post up in like a giant booth there's wi-fi and uh and i'll i'll hang out there till like three or four in the afternoon and work on stuff and then get up and get some soup or fucking salad or chicken wing whenever i uh i don't like it i i don't like i don't want you to narc on your local sizzler but if people wanted to park outside and work from their car what's the password

uh there is none there's just a uh wi-fi it says like sizzler guest wi-fi pop up and then you yeah and then you just you join it and i don't i mean i don't know if it's i mean or maybe maybe it is open still maybe they're doing like takeout fucking steaks you know before all this started there was a guy I was doing, like, I started working on a submission packet for Jimmy Kimmel show. And then I was just, like, trying to write fucking monologue jokes about Trump and realized pretty early on, I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I don't want to do this. and uh like right before what really kicked it in that i was like this i don't know if i should you know i like i need a job but like what this isn't right for me jesse joy sent me his submission packet i got him hired and i read it i was like this is great i could never do this

i don't have that skill set and um as i'm there kind of just like going at it. I don't know. This fucking sucks. Depressing. A guy in the Sizzler choked to death on a fucking piece of steak. And I saw I look up. I look up while I'm like kind of frustrated. And I noticed there's like seven paramedics doing CPR on a guy across the fucking restaurant. It's a pretty big place. I didn't even see it. I didn't notice until the paramedics doing cpr on a guy across the fucking restaurant it's a pretty big place i didn't even see it i didn't notice until the paramedics were in there and they did like uh cpr or whatever chest compressions all that shit you know with the cpr i guess yeah and they were fucking doing

chest compressions for like 15 or 20 minutes where i was just like that can't be a good sign and um and then they wheeled the guy out on the stretcher we're still doing that shit 15 or 20 minutes where I was just like, that can't be a good sign. And, um, and then they wheeled the guy out on the stretcher and we're still doing that shit. And then I went over to, uh, the guy was at the table next to him. I was like, Hey,

what happened to that guy? He's like, he just choked to death on a piece of steak. That guy, that guy was like, I tried to do a Heimlich maneuver. It didn't work. So we called 911 and they came in and they cut his fucking neck open and stuck a pair of tongs down into his throat and pulled out a big piece of fucking steak.

And then and then he I mean, hopefully the guy's OK. I don't know. I took that as a as a sign from God to like, yeah, you know, don't bother trying to do this. Jimmy Kimmel submission. You're going to die someday. What are you going to do? So, but I did go back. I probably was back there the next day,

two days later. It didn't really ruin Sizzler for me. Well, you got a bit out of it. One time on my old podcast, we called. I went to Sizzler earlier in the day and I stole a bottle of their steak sauce off the table.

And then I called and told them what I did. And they didn't care. The guy didn't care. And I told them I was going to come back and steal I told them I was going to steal a chair next time I was there well I don't I don't know if Sizzler is like Golden Corral they don't have A1 sauce which is the only

steak sauce they have their version so I don't know if Sizzler Golden Corral has Golden Corral steak sauce that looks like A1, but it ain't. How do you have a fucking steak sauce? I think it tastes the same, more or less. I think it's a fucking, it's almost like comics stealing bits. When you have a fucking similar looking bottle but that's not A1.

I don't know if it tastes the same. I just bitch that you don't have A1 sauce. Because I like to complain, Brendan. I wonder if it's like a licensing thing because they got Hellman's mayonnaise and Heinz ketchup. Like why fucking draw the line

at the one sauce your restaurant's revolving around? And Steak and Shake has a version of A1 that it's A1, but it's their blend. No, no, they were fucking trying to push that out of Smokehouse, like some other. No, it was A1, but it wasn't A1. But it was a different flavor of A1. Like a blend. Fuck you. I remember Chaley frowning on me

when I went batshit on a fucking Steak and Shake in the Midwest about, don't fucking try to pawn off this fucking fake A1 hickory blender. I don't know what it was. Jelly bean flavor. You've never seen that side of me,

Brendan, where I sometimes get angry on the road and yell at people through a fucking drive-thru speaker. No, I don't think I have. Never. Never. And I've never seen you pee a bed standing up.

No. Some of these things go to the grave with us. Yeah, someday we'll use it. I wound up drinking a fucking too much whiskey last night because I was I turned on the, because there were two new

episodes of that last dance you know, basketball documentary and every time they Don't give away, I'm halfway through episode four so don't fucking news bleep. Okay, yeah that's the last one I mean I don't know what I

could give away, I mean it's like it know what I could give away. I mean, it's like it's all history. I watched the first two and I forgot that I watched. I will give you one spoiler. Dennis Rodman has like, he starts dying his hair weird colors when he goes to Houston. But when I was watching, every time they cut to Michael Jordan throughout the whole series, he's in his house with a glass of whiskey next to him. Yeah.

And so last night. Yeah. He's fucking hammered. It triggered me to, I was like, Oh yeah. I'll have a glass of whiskey too. It was starting at 1.30 in the morning, first drink, 1.30 in the morning, watching, about to watch two hours of basketball. And then that turned into a four glass of whiskey, I guess.

I also get triggered when I play that Red Dead Redemption game. Anytime I go into a saloon, I'm like, oh, you know what? Maybe I'll have some whiskey too in real life. And before you know it, it's 4 a.m., and my bottle of Jameson is empty, and I have to go back to the store. What's the last real fight you had with your wife? You have to be fighting with your wife because you don't.

Oh, shit. Joby's calling on the other line, but we're going to have to blow him off. No, you know, nothing real. You know, I started this new podcast and I have a Patreon for it. And one of the bonus things that you get on the Patreon is a thing called Voice Memos with Amanda, where she just kind of like talks into her, you know, record something on her iPhone for like 10 minutes and talks about how trash

trucks are too noisy or whatever. And it's like, it's a funny, it's a funny little thing. And she was doing it before, like kind of as a joke. And I was like, Oh,

why don't you keep doing those? And I'll just, that'll be like an extra thing that people get on Patreon. And, um, so she's been fucking lazy with it so that was probably the last fight that we got into well i was just how many times did you all right um i grabbed her by the neck today but that was like a joke that was one of my jokes i I thought you were going to say it was sexually related.

But yeah, once you have that baby to remind you of what sex leads to, I bet you probably don't fuck anymore. Yeah, I mean... Hold that baby up by its head and go, you really want to fuck again? Really? Look at this. You know, I like my baby. Yeah, that ruins most comics. Yeah, well, you know, I mean, I was already on a fucking downward spiral anyway.

So might as well have a unique life experience. It's unique to me to watch you do it i made the kid uh yesterday we were like zooming with my uh dad and uh she was sitting in the chair and i made her say i grabbed her and she i made her say stop you're hurting me how old's that baby? She's almost three. I'm trying to get her to do, I'm going to, I'll make a thing where I, she wouldn't do it yesterday for some reason, but I want her to say,

uh, I know it's you high pitch. And then I go, who's high pitch? You had a baby as a prank. This is the long con of Brendan Wallace. Wait, I had a baby for real, but wait until you see how this pays off in 18 years. Wait until you see our Eric the Midget, high-pitched Eric skits on Instagram Live.

I'll make her say it. Alright, here's another episode of Brendan and Marley. Okay, take it, Marley. I'm fucking flooded, you asshole. Fucking Brendan Walsh is the best Omax cryo freeze living with chronic pain is the worst it's not as bad as dying from chronic pain but in the meantime it's a terrible terrible situation it's not just a feeling of discomfort it can affect your whole life many of my listeners and my friends jobey uh today came back from shooting uh guns

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and enter the code stanhope to get 20 off cryo freeze and site-wide products. Yeah, we never talk anymore. I know. I don't talk to anyone. That's one side effect. Yeah, neither do I. I think that's just part of, like, aging and not caring anymore about anyone or anything. Yeah, unless you're at the bar with me,

I don't chat with people on the phone. I mean, now we have to. Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's gross. All these people wanting to, like, Zoom. I get these, like, hey, let's all Zoom. Like, my family.

I'm like, you know, I like my family just fine. But we never talk. I haven't lived in Philadelphia for over 20 years. And now all of a sudden it's like I'm getting texts. Oh, wait, you did for a 20 years. Now all of a sudden, it's like I'm getting texted. You did for a minute when you shaved your head and went, bad shit. We'll skip over that. That's true, yeah.

13 years ago, I lived there for about nine months again. Hiding under my bed in my mom's house. Those are the good old days. That's when a party meant party. That's when people were following you through the Las Vegas airport.

I want to be there when you tell your kid about that. Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe someday. Why don't you do acid together? Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. That's going to be, yeah. She'll be like, oh, she'll be in high school. And she'll be like, I just did acid with my 80-year-old dad.

Oh, she'll be in high school and she'll be like, I just did acid with my 80-year-old dad. How's the feud with you and Henry Phillips going? What feud? Well, I'm making one up. I just got off a fucking podcast. Shane Gillis just threw up half of a fucking beautiful pot roast. But I did a podcast with him and I

don't know the name of the podcast, but I sat with him because he was really in bad shape. And I go, I'll do the Skype podcast with you. And they're like guys that talk shit about comics and they're like guys that talk shit about comics and they get like way

better fucking views than we do like if we just talk shit but I don't do that I don't talk shit about comics I will about musicians as soon as anyway was it that guy in Chicago

no no it's Mersh is his name he opened for me when i uh filmed it from across the street they're both comics both the dudes are something like the revenge of the sis oh yeah uh that's yeah you're you're cis yeah i don't understand what it means but it turns out I knew the guy. And, yeah, I want to, if we just talk shit about people, I forget my point. You were sitting with Shane for the shit-talking podcast.

Yeah, I forget my point. Was it because you tried to drum up a fake feud with me and Henry Phillips? Oh, yeah, that's what it was. Sorry. Yeah, my attention span is that long. It's Royce Lopez and Mike Merschel? Yeah.

Mersch. Point being, yeah, they talk shit. So I thought maybe I'd start a fake feud between you and Henry Phillips. I got my fake... My Twitter... You know, I have a wife and kid on Twitter, Trish and Trevor, that I fight with all the time.

Trish got her account closed again because she threatened to cut off Henry Phillips' dick. Which baffles me, because the last time she got it suspended she threatened to throw a pint glass through a window at a bar to the bar so i assume the bar reported her because they thought she was a real lady but uh i don't know how the henry one guy i know henry didn't fucking report it so i don't know how that happened. That would be a beautiful feud between you and Henry Phillips. It'd be the most just like no voices raised.

No. It would just be like both of us would just wind up agreeing with each other to avoid arguing. I miss you kids. I wish you would do a Shane Gillis and come here to my cult. My cult right now is only Shane Gillis. I had Bird Cloud down here for a minute, McKenzie. And then she left and Shane took over the guest house. But yeah, this is a perfect time to start a cult in Bisbee and I'm just

really bad at selling it. Well, I think when all this you know and I think that's what's going to be happening. Communal living is going to really kind of take off again.

No, no, you don't wait for this to peter out. You've got to take advantage of panic and go, you have to get here now. This is the only safe place to be in America. And then you have to work for me and pull weeds. Or whatever. Again, I don't have a dogma. I'm terrible at cult leading. Who's on split bath duty for Rabbi Stanhope?

I don't even think I could get Inman at this point. Yeah, you could. I don't think you can find transportation to get here oh well yeah I guess I can give him

a title if I gave him a title you're gonna be the grand pooh ball or whatever and just make up a title

that makes him think he's a man of authority and then yeah then we'll just beat on him when he gets here. How long has it been since you've been here?

I've been there I mean it's been fucking I don't even know. I don't know. Maybe like seven years? Something like that? I don't even. Maybe like seven years. Something like that. I don't even remember what the occasion was.

Maybe a New Year's situation. It was always Super Bowl or Fourth of July. Oh, maybe it was Fourth of July. I don't think it was. The last Super Bowl I think I did was when I was moving out here. And I stayed at your place for like a month. Oh, I remember the Super Bowl or one of the Super Bowls was before Super Bowl parties. It was you and me and neighbor Dave and Evil E and her mother.

Yeah. Her 80-year-old mother. And you just kept saying, fuck, because Steelers were playing the fucking Arizona Cardinals. And every time Arizona was scoring, you'd be like, fuck, and Evelyn

would give you the evil eye, and you'd apologize. It was just the five of us. Oh, that's right, because we couldn't cuss around evil. Evil-y, but it was her mother was there yeah double double swear jar uh donation i yeah that's right i forgot about that well i mean i was losing money probably that's one uh one benefit two benefits of this whole pandemic world world peace and uh because i don't think there's any wars

right they have to stop the wars and I'm not losing money betting on UFC or baseball I guess it would be now the betting company that we

both use I won't mention their fucking name because they won't sponsor us. And then we have a shitty betting company that wants us to sponsor. And they're like, no, you have a really bad rating. But yeah, our company. And I just talked to them again. All right, it's betonline.ag. That's who we go through. And they won't to him again. All right, it's betonline.ag. That's who we go through.

And they won't fucking sponsor us. And they keep saying, oh, yeah, let's talk about something. But they don't fucking put up any money. But they're doing all sorts of weird fucking basic, not death pool bets, but like, hey, what's the temperature gonna be in indianapolis last time i checked twitter boring exotics yeah like just anyone who's gambling here here's something we can give you what will be the best at-home Saturday Night Live? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. This week. You just said Saturday Night Live as our vomiter is coming back into the studio.

Brendan Walsh is on the line. Shane Gillis is coming back in. What, you set him up? Yeah, set him up. I was looking for my keys. Wait, you're going to drive? Yeah, I probably should. What are you going to do? I can't participate today.

That's all right. You don't have to. Brendan Walsh says he hates you. Todd Glass loves you, though. Yeah, we thought Shane Gillis was going to get on, and he just needed his keys to go to Burger King. Kid can't cook. I've been making him meals.

He's in a bad way. How long has he been there? Like almost two weeks. How'd that all come about? We had him on the podcast right after his thing in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania in October. And then we just send homoerotic texts back and forth. And then he was stuck on the road when all the shit went down and he didn't want to go back to New York. And we talked him into coming out here.

Nice. He's a fucking good dude. I really like that guy. Yeah, I watched some of his uh he made there's a group of guys out of philly or right outside of philly that made like uh these like uh online shows for comedy central like john cheever i think his name is, or Mick Cheever, or Tommy Pope. I don't know, but he's a New York guy. He's like Legion of Skanks now. I don't think those guys like me.

Really? Because I was just catching on to some of this stuff. Like there's an East Coast, West Coast thing with comedy, it seems. Your sound's all fucked up now for some reason. Yeah, I'm only getting you in one ear. Can we stop down and call him back? All right, we're going to take a break because I have to piss anyway.

So we're going to take a break. Chaley's going to work out the audio issues. And we'll call you right back. I love you. Please hold. I love you. Please hold. Me too. City morgue. You kill them, we chill them.

Eagle cleaners. We clean eagles. We talked about this in the pre-interview that you're not supposed to do any of those. Well, I'm supposed to crowbar. You said to crowbar as many bits in as I can. And you still haven't led me into my Lamborghini bit. But I guess we'll wait. This is not the time to be bragging about your wealth i don't have a garage well my and uh my dad owned exxon

your dad is not you and you have to stop reflecting on your family when you haven't produced shit well the checks that i get every month are mine and that's from a little thing i like to call a trust fund and um i'm very wealthy yes i did nothing to earn it but my dad owns exxon and um i do comedy as a hobby so i can make friends. I don't know the price of gas normally, but I've heard it's really low. So your checks are probably going to get a little bit slimmer and you're going to be one of the normal people. You're going to be one of the common people. You're going to do whatever common people do. Well, I've been watching roaches climb the wall yeah um hey during the coronavirus

uh episode if it's still going on i wouldn't know because i don't watch the news uh do you keep in touch with uh dannyuce and Tonya Harding? Like, hey, how are you holding up during this? Yep. We do a Zoom chat once a week. Todd Bridges, Tonya Harding, Danny Bonaduce, Frank Stallone. What's his face? Teen heartthrob from the 60s

Leif Garrett listen this went poorly yesterday oh fuck we're on the phone sorry I was gonna call Gretchen Bonaduce you know she's my neighbor now Danny Bonaduce's ex-wife no

yeah she's got an Airbnb right beside the Loma Linda you know the biggest state on the Vista Park yeah she's gonna airbnb right beside the loma linda you know the biggest state on the vista park yeah she she she bought the greenway estate to start a airbnb and hopefully a reality show and uh oh yeah she she's she's my fucking neighbor how do. How well do you know Danny Bonaduce? Has he been on your podcast? No. I think I only met him once. I met Todd Bridges one time.

Because they would just bring us in one at a time to do that show. Hang on. Hang on. Shane Gillis is back. He threw up half a fucking expensive pot roast. Did you get my thing about the cheeseburger? Yes. As soon as I found my keys. Just take one of the cars out front.

Well, now I want to find my keys. That's more what I'm interested in. Well, just take the green car. I haven't thrown up like that since it's been years. Yeah. That was rough. I've told Brendan that you're real sick. Brendan, I got fucked up.

Yeah. Sorry to hear that, Shane. You know, it happens to the best of us. Yeah. Is this good? I don't know who can hear in the best of us. Yeah. Are you... Is this... I don't know who can hear me and who can't. Yeah, no, no, Shane can, because Chaley left. So Shane just took over Chaley's spot.

Oh, okay. He doesn't... I just alluded to a sore spot with Brendan, where, yeah, when Brendan got really fucked up at one of our parties, it took like nine months for him to recover. Oh, really? He was just talking about living under

his mother's bed thinking people were following him. I had a, yeah, I guess you'd call it a mental breakdown. Yeah, I think I'm getting there. You know, it's still like, it's still lingering. I mean, I think I'm getting there. You know, it's still lingering. I mean, I still have

a very questionable relationship with reality. But it's beautiful. It's a beautiful mind. Is it? I don't know. Yeah, Brendan turns

tragedy into hilarity. Nice. But that nine months was tough. So what were you guys doing that it fucked you up mentally? Were you just taking like acid or something? Mushrooms. It was like a lot of mushrooms. Death Valley.

And, you know, just like it was a combination. It was like really a recipe for disaster going on like i was going through like some really bad personal stuff and uh was just yeah just kind of like in a really deep self-loathing state of mind and then the um i guess the mushrooms just amplified that and just was like, you know how much you hate yourself?

Everybody else hates you more. Now I'm going to keep looking for my keys. It was nice to talk to you. Just take the green car and just push that seat 15 feet back.

I mean, maybe Shane. Shane, stay on brand and take a rickshaw. Shane has left the podcast. But just take the fucking green car. You just push the button and step on the brakes. The keys are in everything. You can find them when you get back.

I can't believe he left behind the keys. Oh, fucking. Yeah, now he's fixated on finding his keys. Well... Or have a drink. Yeah, he should really have a drink. I told him that earlier. If I drink, I'm going to kill myself.

If I drink, I'm going to kill myself. Does that sound familiar, Brendan Walsh? Don't eat any more meat. If you're just going to kill yourself. You know why I... I was never going to kill myself. No, no. I'm talking to Shane Gillis. You know why

I asked you for a cheeseburger? Because I'm going to make you the best fucking hamburger you've ever had in front of you while you eat Burger King, and I'm going to make you eat my burger. I make the best fucking burgers ever. He just slammed the door

and walked away. You could have heard a pin drop. Sounds like a fun house, Jess. Great podcast, Jess. It was a three-hour drunk dial podcast last night, and that was the second one we did last night.

I don't really think it should probably go out. And Joe DeRosa, I'm very sorry. I was a jerk, I guess. I don't know. Oh, is he mad? He's a sensitive boy. No, no. Everyone else is telling me I was a dick. Joe DeRosa didn't think you were being a dick.

It just seemed like you were. I don't know. He didn't take it. I love to be a addicted to Joe on Twitter we did not drum around Todd Barry because I don't ever know how serious he takes it I know you guys

have a thing Todd is yeah I don't know I don't know how playful he is we were texting we were texting not too long ago about something but uh yeah we don't really joke around

too much I mean we do like we'll fucking tweet shitty things or text shitty things to each other too off the clock but has he ever taken something too serious? No.

No. Do you ever see the birthday gifts that I send him every year? No. I'm not usually at his house on Christmas or birthday. Oh, I mail them to him. I have a picture.

Let me find it. Sorry, Joby just showed up, and I knew because of the silhouette of the hat through the door. Brendan Walsh is on the podcast. Sorry. Hey, Joby. He can't hear you. We're on headphones. He says, Hey, Joby. He can't hear you. We're on headphones.

He says, hey, Joby. I'm about to drunk dial Todd Barry. Why are you doing it on the phone? Plug the phone into this and he'll be on the air with Brendan. Well, because this is the shitty phone that just reboots itself and you said never use this phone again. But this is my old phone.

I'd like to hear about the birthday present oh yeah sorry thank you thank you Tracy for getting me back online no tell us about the birthday present um there's I'm trying to find a picture I can text it to you

there's one of them was, I mean, I sent him a mug that, I mean, basically it's just different products that say I'm not funny on them. With his photo. I sent him a pair of socks that say I suck.

A picture of him. Where the fuck is... You see, the visuals are so much better. And he took a picture. He'll take photos of him wearing them. I sent him a Christmas

card of my family. We get the Christmas cards made with Marley's picture on them. And I sent him a thing. It says, like, happy holidays on the front and on the back. I just wrote, fuck you. I sent him a mug that says like I suck at comedy a photo of him

and then there's a t-shirt there's a good photo I'll find it and I'll send it to you later because you'll get a kick out of it it's just a t-shirt that says I'm not funny and there's a photo of him wearing it and then the socks I forget what the socks said on them I started a

change.org. You know, they do those like petitions. Yeah. I started one to make him stop tweeting and quit comedy. Like, how did that start? Because Todd Barry to me is like, he's a sensitive guy. So when I try to jump in with fucking with you two on Twitter, I think Todd might take me seriously.

I don't know my place. You ever go, is this not my place? Yeah, no, I'm in that position a lot, too. I don't know. I don't know how at all. I mean, we did a couple tours together with Neil Hamburger. I was going to say, there was that one. Oh, yeah, you got robbed in Cleveland.

But you were hitting towns before us like a day or two. We were kind of tag-teaming towns. And I remember the one, you guys were just fucking with each other in the car and tweeting stuff. But tell us when you got robbed in Cleveland on that tour. That was, God, I haven't thought about that in forever. That might have been, that was maybe 2011. I have a poster from the first one. I think it was 2001, but we were in Cleveland.

We did the Grog Shop, and we had just driven from Chicago, I think. Either way, we were in the car for, we had like a six-hour drive that day in the minivan or whatever we had. And so we get to the hotel which is a decent you know it's a nice hotel and then we went to the gig i actually i think we just drove we might have just driven right to the gig and then um did the show and you know todd you know todd's not a uh you know he doesn't like hanging out drinking or whatever unless there's a lady oh yeah yeah

that was one of my he used to have a joke about where he's like you're not allowed to smoke in my apartment unless you're a woman but yeah so we went we did the show and then um hung out you know hung out at the bar for a little bit and then went back to the hotel and i was just you know antsy like we didn't hang out that long we really just sat in a van all day and went back to the hotel and i was like you guys

want to like grab a drink somewhere or whatever and And Greg was tired and Todd didn't want to do anything. So I was like, well, I'm just going to see what's around. I don't feel like sitting in my hotel room. And it wasn't even a matter of wanting to get fucked up. I just wanted to do something. And I was walking. I was like, I'm just going to go for a walk and see what's around here. And I just left the hotel and randomly,

this was probably before like Yelp or anything like that. So I couldn't, you know, I didn't check to see what was in the neighborhood. And it was just, we, the hotel we're in was like in a decent place, I guess. But it was just one of those areas where it's like, you know, if you make a left, you're not coming back alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like three blocks of like, we were on the border. And so I, uh, go, I walked down and I see a bar and, um, I go into the bar and it's all black guys in the bar and there's a door guy. And I go, and he's like, yeah, can I help you? And I was like, I just want to get a drink.

He's like, no, you're not allowed in here. And I was like, why not? He's like, you're wearing a sneakers. I was like,

well, what if I buy you a drink or something? Like, I just want to have a couple of drinks. He's like, no man, the same place for you to get out. Like,

all right. So then I leave and, uh, I like that you bartered for a minute uh the fact that you oh is a bar full of fucking black people in a bad neighborhood but i'm still gonna try to get in well i think that's a that's a side effect of like growing up where i grew up like i'm I'm just, I feel comfortable, you know, I mean, like I grew up in a semi bad neighborhood and like, you know, just, I'm not that intimidated. Actually the tenderloin in San Francisco is one of the few places that I'm

like, just get, walk through this as fast as possible. But most places I'm just kind of like, Oh yeah, you know, I go along with everybody and yeah, oh, yeah, you know, I go along with everybody. And, yeah, check the place. You know, the guy wouldn't let me in. I'm like, all right. And I had walked for maybe like 10 or 15 minutes. And there was a gas station up the street. And I go, well, I'll go see if that gas station has any beer or anything.

Like fucking two feet thick bulletproof glass that you can't go into the store and um and i go hey you have beer they're like no and i'm like yeah you know what fuck it i'm just gonna walk back that that's all i needed anyway and on the way back there's two guys across the street and like yelling you know and i just thought you know whatever they were just like trying to sell drugs or whatever and i'm like nah, nah, man, I'm cool, whatever. And I kept walking and then they yelled some again. I was like, nah, it's fine. And then one of the guys kind of comes like trotting across the street towards me.

I'm like, you know, like he's going to try and tell me some fucking watch he just stole or something. And he's like a 17 year old kid and he you got a fucking like 45 or nine millimeter you got a real serious gun and uh he just has that in his hand he goes hey man what do you got and i'm like i just fucking plastered a smile on my face. And I said, whatever you need, buddy. And he's like, and he goes, your wallet. Oh, I was texting with somebody, too. I had my phone. And he goes, your wallet, your wallet.

How much money you got? He goes, put your phone on the ground. Empty your pockets. Put everything on the ground. And he goes, your wallet what how much money you got he goes put your phone on the ground empty your pockets put everything on the ground and he goes your wallet how much money you got and i had i had like you know 250 bucks or something like i just this was like the second stop on the tour so i like the entire ranch yeah and uh so yeah i just wouldn't have cash you know like the anyway so i had like 250 bucks and i go like well you know you're in luck i mean i didn't say i was just like oh yeah like it's funny the stuff that goes through your head too because like your impulse is to be like hey be cool because the kid seemed fucking not chill and um and he had a big fucking gun so I'm just like don't tell him to do anything

don't say be cool don't say anything just be fucking a happy guy and I go you know I have yeah I have some money give me your money and I reach in my wallet and I take out about

2882 I didn't even give him all the money I took because I'm like this motherfucker thinks he's going to get like $30 so I'm going to give him he's going to fucking

his mind's going to get blown and it did I handed him a fucking like you know $180 whatever like $1020 or whatever and he uh and handed him a fucking like you know 180 but whatever like 10 20 or whatever and he uh and his eyes he was like what and um he takes it and he goes all right pick up your shit and i feel like that might have saved me too if i did only have 15 bucks you know maybe it would have been like give me your shoes get fucking naked i don't know you know maybe you would have fucked with me and uh so i give him the 180 or 200 but i did i did i think like i don't really know what the thinking behind that was but i because like when i got back to the cell i'm like

well i still got 45 bucks um and uh i give him the cash and he goes, all right, pick up all your shit off the ground, which was just like a phone and maybe my wallet keys or whatever. And, um, and he goes, pick up your shit off the ground, turn around and run. And I'm like, all right. And I'm picking this stuff up and I'm like, you were a lot thinner than you could run. Yeah. You were a lot thinner than you could run. Yeah, I was a lot thinner. But I picked it up and just was like, as I was picking it up, I was just like, you know what, this fucking guy could shoot me in the back.

Like, you know, I watch First 48. And so I was just kind of thinking while I was picking, I took my time a little bit picking up because I was like alright if this is the last couple minutes you got what do you need, what's a good thought to have in your head

because I think there's a good chance this guy's going to shoot me and I picked it up and turned around and it was just like I can't believe I'm going to turn my fucking back on this guy's gonna shoot me and i picked it up and turned around and you know it was just like i can't believe i'm gonna turn my fucking back on this guy and um didn't i didn't run i kind of just like kind of started trotting and um was like don't turn around don't turn around but turned around immediately and then he was gone he they, they took off. Um, so I was, uh,

I was like, all right, well that's, you know, I mean the two, the two things I was thinking, I was like, God damn it.

This motherfucker is going to steal my phone. He's going to take my whole wallet. I just started this fucking van tour. We're in a different town every day. I don't know how I'm going to fly home. I don't know how I'm going to get a new phone, but he didn't, didn't take any of that shit.

So then I, and I saw there were two cop cars parked in this parking lot, like, uh, you know, maybe like five blocks away that I took note of when I was walking around. And, um, I like kind of jogged back to the parking lot and the cops were still there. These two lady cops in their cars, like park next to each other, talking to each other

and i'm like hey i just got robbed by two guys like five blocks away and they this was an annoying thing because then they're like okay get in the car and they start asking me all kinds of questions about myself and i'm like hey can we fucking drive like they're right up there what do you need my fucking information for right now let's deal with that after we catch them. And then we went, uh, I think one of them like took off and then I was in another car and then she radioed and we drove up and they had these two,

uh, black guys that, you know, fit the description in that, in that gas station parking lot actually. And, uh, and I went up and they, they were, is that them she turned them around and it it wasn't them but i was like yeah you know who cares they're probably up to no good too so i was just like yeah

throw the book at them and uh you're an awful person no I didn't do that I was like no that's not them I was like no that's not them and then they made me go to the fucking police station and they gave me a pamphlet like a booklet about how to deal with being a victim and I had to fill out

a bunch of shit I I was just like, you know what, let's just fucking, you're not going to catch them. They fit the description of 90% of this neighborhood. I'm going to be in fucking, you know, Pittsburgh tomorrow. Whatever. It's $180 less to fucking

talk to this front desk. I have them ready to dial. Should I call Todd Barry on speakerphone? I... No? It's up to you. I mean, I don't know...

No, just like, hey, why didn't you fucking handle this? Well, you know, I do... He probably won't answer anyway. We've been through this. Okay. Yeah, no one

answers my goddamn fucking drunk dials. Is it a strange number? No, it's a strange phone. It'll probably hang up. This is my old phone. You're on my new phone. You're special. God damn it.

It's a repeat of last night. I just did a... You're on my new phone. You're special. God damn it. It's a repeat of last night. I just did a, that was actually, you know what though? It didn't just put a, like a not very funny cap on that story was I had texted Todd and Greg and just was like, Hey,

I just got robbed. And they thought I was joking at first, but I was like, no, I'm like, you know, I really am. The little boy that cried wolf over and over again. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I get it. I get it. I'm not, yeah, there's no, I didn't think they were being an asshole. I was like, hell, I really did. And then when I got back to the hotel, they, like, as I was walking in, they came out of the elevator, you know, and they, like, as I was walking in, they came out of the elevator, um, you know, and they both look actually Todd's face, the look of like concern on Todd's face. That's when it all finally kind of hit me.

Cause I was like, fine with the whole thing. But then I was just kind of like, Oh yeah, I I just that was really like, I don't think Todd, like with a human expression on his face, kind of got to me a little bit. And then I was I was then I was a little shaken up by the whole thing. But I did. Aside from that, on your phone, you calling people that don't answer. I just did a podcast the other night where I was recording it from home with Sean O'Connor. Do you know Sean? No, well, Sean O'Connor is the most fucking benign name.

People go, hey, do you know Jim O'Connell? Probably. I don't fucking know. He played for the Astros. No, Sean, he's a funny guy. He used to work with Norm Macdonald all the time. Either way, it doesn't really matter. But I was trying to record a bunch of podcasts because Amanda and Marley were gone for a couple of days.

See, you did have a blowout. I'm going to my mother's house and I'm taking the kid. Give me the legs. No, it wasn't. It actually wasn't anything like that. Her brother's girlfriend's parents have a ranch in San Luis Obispo.

So they just kind of went up there with her because she's been seeing her family and stuff. She's got to help her dad out. Either way, they were just like do you think it's a good idea to go up there I was like yeah I think who cares I mean it's a whole thing with this whole fucking

plandemic you know if they even said like if they said it's like killing kids then Jesus Christ I'd be fucking you know I'd be in a whole different mindset. But I'm like, you know what? I don't even know what the fuck's going on.

You can go away for it. You know, whatever. It was nice. They had like a nice little vacation. There's no fight. But so I was trying to just record a bunch of stuff while they were gone, which is when Shelly, when you guys tried to call me the first time, it was a few days ago.

Um, but I was calling Sean and I, we were on Skype and, um, I was like, you know, I like to play with the phone. So on my Google number,

I was like, let's, you know, crank call some people. And then I was going through my phone and I was like, let's go through our phones and just call like the most famous people we have in our phones and see if they answer. And then we'll just hang up if they answer and um we should have done that we would have done just as well so then this is what we did so then it turned into this because

then i was just like you know what let's call people that like the game just turned into like let's call people that we would actually like to talk to, but see who answers a strange number. Because I don't fucking answer strange numbers on my cell phone. So you've got a Google number that is forwarded through your personal phone, right? No, no, I do it all through the computer. Okay, so you do it through Google. I make the calls on Google.

Yeah. And then I have, you know, the skype thing so it's separate and so then we just started calling people seeing who would answer and then we were making side bets of like do they have an outgoing message that they recorded themselves or is it just the message that comes with the phone like you've reached seven five six oh and um and we dealt with that, Brendan, where I would forget to stop the call when I'm giving out. All right, I'm going to call Drew Carey.

And it goes to, you've reached 3-1-0. Oh, fuck. You can't give out the number. Go ahead. So then we kept calling people. I'm like, yeah, nobody's answered. But then we did get a few people and like yeah nobody's answered but then we did get a few people and then as

they answered we would add them to the Skype call so we called Andy Haynes Andy Haynes it didn't even ring once fully he's like hello that's the

fastest answer on a strange number so then we were just telling him he's there with his uh fiancee and um we're telling him what we're doing and i'm like well do you want to join our skype and then we'll just continue doing this and anybody who answers will add to the skype so then we just kept calling people and whoever answered, we would add to the Skype and Cornell read answers. And then at the very, you know, by the end, this was getting, it was getting late too, and drunk, um, on my end. And, uh, I was like, look, okay, so we have like six people on Skype. Let's just call phone sex now. And, uh, and just ended with that. So then we called phone sex.

Send Chaley a link. I had like seven. Send Chaley a link. You'll put it in the podcast notes so people will hear this. Yeah, I have to edit it. I just did this like on Friday. I'm sorry.

And it's like, it's going to be a lot to sift through. You're probably a couple days away anyway, because tomorrow we have off because we're back loaded with the fucking drunk dialing, which I don't probably think should go out, but it's gonna. Yeah. Yeah. No, I have, I'm in a similar, I have a bunch of stuff that I have to sit through and put something out tonight. But you know what? I'll start, I'll talk to Shaylee about it later but I can

put together little clips of like funny crank calls and stuff that I do and send them to you if you want to play them on the podcast I have a really good one where I call a karate studio and tell them I need a new karate studio

because my old one kicked me out because they hired this like grandmaster of karate from Japan. He's like the best karate guy in the world. And I kicked his ass. So they kicked me out. And the lady, it's a 12 minute long call. And the lady stays on the fucking phone and she's like, well don't do that i'm like yeah but you know people are going to challenge me because i am the best at karate and uh it's just and amanda's on the line too and she kind of like i feel like having a woman with you or somebody with like a

rational attitude like amanda um really keeps people on the horn. You're the best. But I'll send you, you know what, I can just send you that. I mean, it's like I said, it's like 11 or 12 minutes, and you might not want to play the whole thing, but it's a fucking app on you. Oh, he's definitely want to play the whole thing. Okay. I want to hear the whole thing.

Let me. Hey, Brendan, what's your podcast these days? I saw there was one. World Record. Yeah. World Record Podcast. Yeah, we talked about this last night on the podcast. That's a three-hour podcast.

You probably don't want to listen to it. It's no Joe Rogan. There's not a lot of fucking content. It's a lot of dial tones. It's ringing. All right. I'm drunk as shit. And it's fucking still not even sunset. I'm going to fuck off.

Oh, you know what? Shelly, you can get the, that karate call. Yeah. Is on the, where did I post that? The League of Extraordinary Comedians. No, no. I can send you a link right now. Yeah, I'll put it at the end of this podcast.

So when we wrap it up, then we'll just play your phone call. I'm wrapping it up because I've got to go throw up or eat or something? I did one with Shane Moss where we called a bridal store, and I said that I was getting married, and we need a new bridal store because the last place insulted my wife, and they said she sounds like a man. Oh, yeah, no, we heard that. Yeah, we heard that. And I said, I'm going to put my wife. Yeah, we heard that.

And there was one that I realized later. Oh, that's definitely Amanda. Yeah, no, that was the bridal store. Yeah, we heard that one. No, no, Amanda wasn't in the bridal store once. She wasn't in the bridal store once. It was Shane Moss. Yeah, Shane Moss. And he gets on the phone.

I say, I'm going to put my wife on the phone. And he's just like, hi, like with his normal voice. And I was like, no, she doesn't sound like a man, does she? And they're like, no, no, my God, that's so rude. And like, again, it's like a 20 minute long, like they would not hang up and they would not admit that my wife was actually a man um but i'll say yeah if we're gonna wrap it up i'll just i'll just email uh shaley some uh

a dropbox link or i'll just send you a link to the karate call. Yeah, that's great. That's actually not a bad one. All right. Well, this was fun. You know, I'm up for anything. I mean, I think you guys still do the all things comedy. Are you still on there? Yeah, that's where we upload our podcast. It's Chaley's job.

Yeah. Yeah, we're under the all things comedy umbrella. That's where we upload our podcast. It's Chaley job. Yeah. Yeah. We're under the all things comedy umbrella. And we also do our Patreon as well. I'm drunk, Brendan. Yeah, that's fine.

I'll, I'll let you guys go. Well, my thing's on all things comedy too. So it could be like some good cross promotion if I uh cause I'm trying to make make a living off my patreon some dumb fucking shit um but nobody you know likes

me um give me back my daughter motherfucker I'm talking to Joby Joby's sitting here uh yeah after after you got back out of your fucking freak out you went shooting with Joby and uh so yeah after you got back out of your fucking freakout you went shooting with joey and uh so yeah i'm calling back give me back my daughter motherfucker

and shot a can of nacho cheese all right well i'll send i'll just send you i can't do two things at once so i'll just i'll figure out the uh the link to the karate call and um and i'll send, I'll just send you, I can't do two things at once. So I'll just, I'll figure out the, uh, the link to the karate call and, um, and I'll send Shelly stuff as I, as I find it. That's great. I love you, sir. Once you get rid of that fucking wife and baby, you join my cult. I need, they're all good people.

You know, they do. No, I'm ready to take even awful people. I just want a cult. Marley. Marley, you want to do... No! Don't talk to that baby on my podcast. Hate that baby.

Yeah, get pizza. Joby just made a vomit sound when he heard baby. You need to grow up. You guys need to grow up. Yeah, we're growing up. Did you ever hear a baby talk like Eric the Midget, though? Yeah.

Sell that to Funny or Die, but around here. All right, I'll see if I can get them on the second phone alright well I love you guys I miss you we're always here for you when it all falls apart oh yeah it is that is the

not even a plan B it's a plan 8.2 8.2 I mean goodbye sir even a plan b it's a plan 8.2 8.2 i mean goodbyes or you've ruined my podcast yet again apologies all right i love you guys bye goodbye bingo i mean say send us out, Bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. Thank you.