The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#392: Fuck You and Thanks for the Comments

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

After the 30 Days New Blackout we received a lot of comments, some praise and a couple of boxes of booze. Doug still needs a title for his book, Amanda Knox might not like him anymore and a couple more suggestions for you quarantine viewing pleasure.Recorded May 12th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Tracey Wernet (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope 2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Join Chad on TWITCH. Go to TWITTER.com/hdfatty for link and instructions.Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian Hennigan - @MrHenniganBingo Photo Credit Gretchen Baer - @GretchenBaerSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast and here we are here we are again hold on i forgot to switch it. There we go. Here you go. We're here. One. It wasn't you, it was me. All right. Shadydell. TheShadydell.com. Come to Bisbee's. Stay at the Shadydell.

And if you can't figure out how to get in, all you have to do, evidently, is drop off a gift basket. I was staying in bed today. evidently is drop off a gift basket. I, uh, I was staying in bed today. Every fucking day I try to stay in bed. Like today. No, I'm just gonna stay in bed for one full fucking day. And

people showed up. The maid showed up because I thought we had a project we were gonna do. And then I said, I don't want to get out of bed. The gas company, I don't, they keep coming around. I said tonight, yeah,

because Chaley, you said, I go, the gas company's out there. Did you question them? No. Maybe they just rented gas. You said they got a signage on the side of their truck. I go, we got 20 of them piled up out here.

What do you want? But you get immediately paranoid that it wasn't really the gas company. But you didn't get up to go fucking vet them like you usually do. I did see him when he walked by. He went right to where the gas was. It wasn't a guy who was like in your house going, I just thought I smelled gas. It checked out.

You weren't worried. No, he said, I'm here to change the thing. The meter. Yeah, we change out the meters. And then today when they came back, oh, well, we have to drill like through a foot of concrete because of the new construction we did. And I still said, yeah, just go ahead.

And then he came back and said, can you put the dog inside? My partner's afraid of your dog. I'm like, who's a fucking 14-year-old dog? Did another dog get in our yard? Generally, he just lays at the worker' feet to rub in my face. He'll get you a cup of water if you ask. Hates me, loves workers. Well, they came back again today, and I noticed where what they're talking about is not the newest construction. They're talking about older construction, which was new since the home.

Because there's a foot of concrete, but I guarantee you there's more concrete under where they think it stops. I didn't ask a lot of questions. I didn't have my glasses on. I thought, and this is why we started with ShadyDell.com, because a fan is in town, Kevin, thank you for your, he dropped, he said he was coming into town, and I go, I don't leave the house, enjoy the town, what's open, what should I go see, I go, I don't know what's open, report back to me, and then he said, I'm gonna drop off some stuff for you and chaley and uh chad so when i get this fucking banging knock at the door there's nothing more terrifying in this house than someone knocking

at the door either you're outside the fence or you know you're okay to come inside the fence if you come through the fence into the the door, this is a fucking danger. And that's when I pump my shotgun that I don't own, but in my mind. And I shoot through the door. And I say, stand your ground, anyone? Stand your ground. You shoot through the door and say who's there. So I was just in my underpants hiding from the open windows that's

more scary than a shotgun by the way doug so no one's coming through that door but the fucking i didn't know he's a gas company guy because i don't have my glasses on and uh he just looks like something and i think it's this fan who said he's dropping shit off and then he comes to the back door and wails on the back door and then he's yelling is anyone home in the fucking driveway i'm like what the fuck this guy seemed cool when he emailed and now he's and now it's like 9 30 in the morning or something and he's yelling around the yard and banging on every door and helping himself to the yard was yeah that was the gas company when I put my glasses back on

I caught him in time but then the guy that's in town hey I'm coming from Kansas City Kevin staying at the Shady Dell he dropped off a fucking gift basket of a fifth of bullet bourbon a handle of vodka

spinach jalapenos. Spinach? Yeah, for shakes, smoothies. Yeah, he listens to the podcast that much that he knows everything. He brought you fresh produce? He brought Chad Shank a baggie of cash and me cigarettes.

Like, all right. Yeah, you can come over from a distance we sat on the patio eight feet apart what that reminds me of the the apollo guy who came over about two weeks ago he drove in this like crazy like like a urban tag box truck it was like urban tagged i'm like what's going on and uh he brought that box of uh liquor from like BevMo, like dropped off a ton of stuff. And the whole time never tried to do a fist bump or like you guys stood with – didn't he have – I had my mask on. I don't know if he had his. But he stood apart.

It was very like respectful of – Out on the street. Yeah. It was very cool. And I guess that's kind of your fantasy. Well, this guy just left the... Fan interaction. He emailed that he was coming.

Then he emailed, what should I see? I go, I have no idea what's open. Because we're doing some weird fucking soft open of Bisbee. Things are kind of open, right, Trace? Things are opening. But he said that he went through Old Bisbee and a lot of the stores said not till the 15th. That's supposed to be the date.

But he's a fucking great kid. He's only 25. He's from Kansas City. I asked him if at night he hears Inman ranting in the night. Kansas City. Echoing. Through the whole city. But yeah, he's a fucking great kid.

And obviously he listens. So I said, yeah, come over for happy hour cocktails. going through the whole city uh but yeah he's a fucking great kid and obviously listens so i said yeah come over for happy hour cocktails and then i i drank was he drinking the sierra nevadas yeah he brought his own beer okay because we got the sierra vadas from the some uh wedding in june october was it october and they've been they were sweating for months oh yeah yeah and then i finally moved them into the shade but they should be all right i mean you go wipe off the rust yeah the bottle yeah we've talked about this someone wants that beer yeah like if i was a kid and i found that beer when i was 14 but i can't put it out

in the street and say free beer because that's litigation. But I think about the kids. I was watching. Yeah, today was another stay in bed day, but unfortunately, I told the maid last night, yeah, we're doing this crawl space thing tomorrow. And she showed up without.

Usually she texts me in the afternoon and says, I'll be there soon. And then she gets here like five o'clock at night. I'm done. Well, hold on a second. She showed up at like fucking noon without texting or anything that she's coming ready to work. And I'm like, no, this is my day in bed. Get out of here. Because the crawl space, you need me.

We have to do that together. And I'm not working today. Since we haven't done a walkthrough with the video yet on the property, the crawl space, your house was built in 1910, 1915. Yeah, it might be 10. your house was built in 1910, 1915. Yeah. It might be 10.

And there's a crawl space, which is like, I guess people were smaller back then, or they're, they were minors. So they're used to hunching over. It's perfect for you, but it's, it's a small ceiling and it's really mostly dirt and like under a house.

But the crawl space is a catch-all for just about everything that you don't want in the main house and it needs to be gone through because we're looking for some equipment that you lost on the road and we need projects yes i'm so close to like my list of things to do i realized is for the rest of my life i don't have gigs i don't have gigs. I don't have anything. Yeah. Okay, so let's meet out. Oh, I have to write the introduction. I have to write 300 words, which is nothing for the introduction.

Well, 300 words is a page? Two pages? I don't know. What's a page? Doesn't matter. This is an Audible exclusive. You know what I mean? It's like it's not a lot, but it's not. It's not and i i wrote last night i get a little bit high on edible and i wrote i i know it needs a drastic rewrite but i put a lot of words down it's so easier to rewrite something you wrote than to start from

scratch and figure out what i'm gonna write and i And I, this morning I woke up and I went, oh fuck, I did the two things, like expenses on my taxes. Like I went through all that. And then the fucking opening. I'm like, those are the two reasons I was saying I can't quit smoking until like, maybe do I do a quit smoking 30 days again? Do I do 30 days of trying to live off what I have in the house? Like, I'm just looking for fucking gimmicks just to make it fun. That reminds me of last night when I was looking through some of the Patreon questions. Oh, it reminds me of last night when I was fucking hot under the collar

because you were hot under the collar about a couple of fucking... And then one tweet today. One fucking tweet today. And I'm like, oh, fuck you. And then I just set my computer down and I went back to Netflix. Don't fucking let one guy...

Like I was telling you, you are reading some Patreon fucking comments. Just assholes. I should have been editing, but instead I got into this little rabbit hole of seeing what's going on on Patreon because it's a direct connection. People, they-

I didn't even know there's like a forum or something on Patreon. I have no idea. It's a direct connection to us and I like to look- No, a direct connection to us and i like to look no a direct connection to you okay yes i do sign it shaley especially when it feels like they think i'm talking some cocksucker was saying oh like some of these are bullshit when i did 30 days of news blackout yeah i promised you that so he's bitching about some of the fucking lame episodes.

He's saying that the 30-day news blackout was bullshit compared to the rigid 30 days Tin Can Rehab. Yeah. Which was as bullshit as this one. We're making this up, motherfucker. There was some of those episodes I said, oh, we shouldn't even put this out because some of these i have nothing to fucking talk about i don't know the news i don't know anything and

i'm doing nothing with my day like you but i said i'm gonna do 30 days so if i don't do fucking 30 days if there's a fucking day where you go oh that podcast sucked there'd be other assholes and i was telling chaley last night when he's yelling about fucking fuck this guy just he's only been on this for two months at five bucks and fuck this guy and i was talking you down and then this morning when chaley i made up hennigan put out just a teaser of the new special that trailer listener uh when you say when's it coming out this is ask itunes and amazon when it's coming out because he submitted it it's all fucking ready to go and they just keep saying because of coronavirus uh we're delayed in whatever he just keeps getting this message when yeah this was supposed to be out last week ask amazon and

fucking itunes that's what it is they've got less support staff on their side yeah yeah so that i mean that seems like a catch-all like answer for why you're getting shitty service. Yeah. It's not like we're teasing you, but we are with... That was a trailer he put out. It was a 37-second trailer. And one guy I read... And then, fuck Twitter. One guy is like,

Fuck, and that's like driving a parkway, parking a driveway shit. What? The teaser is like fucking that's like driving a parkway parking a driveway shit like the the teasers making fun how is that a negative that's the like that's after all the dark shit i've just made fun of and some guys just one fucking guy i hate that fucking one guy and i i i wanted to block him fight with him or suck him in that's the easiest thing to do is go hey that's the low-hanging fruit because you you there's half of you that knows that guy's trying to get you to engage and that's yeah but that guy's such a fucking a mooch we would call him in telemarketing. Like if I just went, hey, there's a lot more to it and I wish you'd just give it a chance. Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't believe you talked to me. Yeah, because you're a little fucking cunt. You're a little cunt that thinks a little cunt like me is something special and i could just fucking destroy you people don't know how how like they've dodged a bullet sometimes when you've decided that ain't worth it because you get pretty hot under the collar on some of these things and you got nothing but time whereas right now they don't either i mean i mean they've got they've got all the time in the world as well so it is one of those things where you are an expert. I've seen you do 180s on people that were ready to fucking fight you and it ends up that they're buying you a shot.

And it's because you know how to read people and you know how to do this and these people don't know. Yeah, but it's – They engage you. It's more so the fact that I... God damn it. It's from a... Fuck. Sorry. It's some quote from a fucking...

I know you because I am you. It was like a prison version of that. But yeah, I know what being that kind of a cunt is. If I wasn't vaguely famous, I would still be the best troll ever. You'd probably be running a boiler room if they still allow those. They have those in something, right? Like in some forum, boiler room if they still allow those they have those in something right like in some form boiler room well oh political season well the 420 scams they're all in nigeria now all of the vegas me and tom kanopka hey tom kanopka bring me my car and my

phone god damn it is he all right i don right? I don't know. I don't know what he's doing. He came over here and did yard work and then left all the equipment and said, I'm done. And I looked and there's still weeds. It's like, I think you mean done in another way. He's done. He should be. He should be. Yeah, but you got to give me that phone back because my old phone I keep talking about uh that uh i don't use anymore

yeah that now i have to transfer all those numbers into the phone that tom's gonna give me back because that phone doesn't work it just when whenever we put out when are we putting out drunk dial podcast it went out today at 4 35 in morning. I'll get to that in a little while. Well, you should have fucking included me in it because I would have known to retweet it because you didn't add Doug Stanhope. It's Patreon only. No.

You're not Patreon. Oh, yeah. I don't have a dollar anymore. By the way, we've... Well, we'll get into that as well. We've got a lot of questions and I'm going to try and get through as many as I can today. Raider had a title for my book that will never work, but it was very clever.

Hindsight is 2016. I like it. I'm fucking clever. He goes, yeah, no one will get it. Yeah, absolutely. It's a little too clever. Yeah. But good.

Yep. So the special is coming out whenever Amazon and iTunes. It's going to be on Vimeo, too. He could put out the Vimeo right now, but we're gonna wait till all the ancillary people that would take us i fucking so wanted to snap on that guy you know really really that's a fucking yeah that's a teaser you fucking dummy yeah you want to know what's on this special here Here. Give him fucking track titles. Do you want to talk to him right now? No. You could do it right into the camera.

Fuck. I don't even have my glasses. Your glasses are right in front of you. Yeah. Do you need like a leash around your neck? Like a librarian for your glasses? No. You looked down but you didn't grab them. Yeah, but I have to take these off to look down

and then put them back on it's the opposite of reading glasses did you take your contacts out? yeah they've been out I have fucking chalations again that's why my eye went funky and gross yeah a lot of those

podcasts sucked but if I say I'm doing 30 in a row yeah I said lot of those podcasts sucked. But if I say I'm doing 30 in a row, yeah, I said that on those podcasts. Let's address that right now. I'm going to punch that fucking guy. Tilted Sun said, is there an ETA? Okay, he's not the only one.

A bunch of people want to know what happened to day 25, 26, and 28. He says, is there an ETA for those days? Or are they lost in the mire of legal things? I enjoyed the walk around the neighborhood and the attempted harassment of Olivia even though she claimed to not be home. There are no episodes 25, 26, and 28 because we were stacking. That's when we – 25 and 26 were the days after we did the Drunk Dial podcast. And you were doing podcasts with Shane during the day.

I was doing issues with Andy. And you said, let's take a day off. So I took a couple. Yeah, but I thought we were doing double episodes. It doesn't fucking matter. No, because you didn't want Drunk Dial to go out as a regular episode. You wanted that to be Patreon. Actually, you didn't want it to go out at all.

And now I've made it a two-parter. All right. So that's it there is no 25 26 28 Blame me if you need to blame anyone Doug said let's fucking take a break But he misunderstood that I thought We had more in the bank but we didn't Because the drunk dial is definitely Can I do a whiskey sour

The drunk dial is definitely something that I want to put Off the Patreon because I have to spend a little more time Putting all the pictures of all the people you follow. Full disclosure, we did not get a lot of people on the phone, but it was fun. I was very tempted to put in the credits and in the description of the people that were on the podcast to include the people like Roseanne Barr, Todd glass and all these people that we just got their message machine. Yeah.

That's, that's probably why you had to do the most editing. Yes. I had to do, you have reached three, one. We did pretty, I was surprised because we were pretty drunk at that point.

That was my third podcast for the day. You looked at Shannon go, wow, we've been drinking for like seven hours.'m like motherfucker i've been drinking for like 12 i got up and did issues with andy and uh yeah it was i was surprised going back through it uh it gets a little yelly and uh you are uh a mean at some point that'll be in part two where you really get mean and then uh i don't i know you don't remember and you're not going to listen to it, but I'm teasing it right now.

But we've talked about this on a podcast they've already heard. But you wouldn't listen to me because we did the podcast as a, hey, let's just do it. Fire it up, Shaylee. So I get it going. And then at the end of like a regular podcast,

you guys go, hey, let's start. And you start dialing and I don't have any of the equipment set up for that to where we could have both phones hooked in and felt fucking stupid that if we just took five minutes here's the james inman thing again but it is one of those things where then you continued to try and say no i'll just put rosanne bar on speakerphone and it was and even shane was like come on, you don't want to, you get Roseanne Barr or Bill Burr or

someone on the phone, Andrew Yang you get these people on the phone you teased it enough I'm just saying, you don't want to put them on speaker, you want to put them through the board and give them a chance yeah, no, I heard you laugh when you were editing

it, and I'm like, wow, you laugh the entire Issues with Andy podcast live, and you just once said, oh, you said something funny right here on a three-hour podcast. Well, we drank on our podcast Issues with Andy. Fuck, I wish I could remember all the things we had dart night here on the uh twitch uh i finally found some good shit i asked everyone on the uh uh i did a twitter poll should i binge narcos mexico or ozark ozark won by like 75% to 25% or something like that.

Everyone loves that Jason Bateman. But most people that actually responded on Twitter said they both suck. So I found new shit. Have you seen, did you at least add to your list? Which one? I watched half of it. I'm watching, B i watched half of it i'm watching bingo watched

half of it and so i just watched the half this thing you're talking about last night the have a good trip it's and it's all these like comedians and musicians talking about fucking promoting hallucinogen use it's fucking great like you just like i cheered daytime in my bed i was like yeah don't look in the mirror yeah the set and setting all these things is fucking brilliant so i'm 43 minutes into that and then the other one i i was overly confident when I tweeted. I'm three minutes into this. It's already great.

It's still pretty good. It's Trial by Media. And if you read John Ronson's book, So You've Been Publicly Shamed. And Butterfly Effect, too. Remember? Yeah. But this is, so you've been, it's kind of similar to that. And it's, I think it's six episodes it's fucking really good so that was what i tried to stay in bed today and

like when i i think no one's coming over here that's how it was for a minute it seemed i was fucking tanning in fucking man panties when this coronavirus started because no one's coming over that first month I was quarantined now people are coming over the maid's coming over, the gas man's coming over well listen, the day after the gas meter swapped out at your house

and the gas man's frantically trying to find someone at home you want to be home and you want to tell him to fix whatever he thinks is wrong yeah i just didn't want to get out of bed literally like i i had my laptop on my chest for a minute because now that i don't have contacts and reading glasses i have to have it like like 10 inches from my face do you want some of those glasses from I've seen on TV that the old people wear?

Like the wraparound. No, that's when I had them. Bionic eye glasses or something. With the lights. With the lights, yeah. I'll put my contacts back in, but I don't really need them. No, you should wait

because that was pretty bad bloom that you had in your eye the other day. You said you still feel chilly. Yeah, I'll get a couple more of those. Don't touch your eye. Why? Just because I fucked that kid. There's a lot of reasons not to touch your eye.

Just because I fucked the kid who brought us hummus and cash? There was a That's like a week ago I don't know if Amanda Knox still loves me Why? God you do this all the time She's right

No I sent her a long DM Did you creep her out? I don't know Is DM dick male? I don't know. Is DM dick male? I don't know what DM. No, I just love that she said, I listened to, it was Vigilante Justice, her podcast that season. I listened to the whole thing while I was doing fucking tax expenses. I need a lot of thank yous. I did all my fucking

taxes for 2019, expensing everything, and I'm like, holy shit. I need some fucking thank you letters for things I spent on you. But that's alright. I'll recover. I have gigs coming up. I'll make that money back.

Where was I? Oh, Amanda Knox. I just had a fucking very weird day. If you don't follow Notes From The Pen, or go to the website, Notes From The Pen, that's Bobby Caldwell. He's become a friend. He's in jail for murder in Michigan, avoiding the real horrible shit that's going on outside of prison.

Bobby Caldwell, like half that prison has gone through COVID. They've all had the fucking virus and no one wants to get tested. It's not that no one wants to get tested they're not giving them tests no they do not want to test the prisoners because then they will show that there's an outbreak no the prisoners when they think they have it don't want to get tested because then they'll get put into isolation he goes yeah we've had a bunch of people that went to get tested and they've never come back. I love that.

That's fucking. That's. Well, yeah, that's the fucking old timer. The bird man from Alcatraz is fucking probably. They disappeared. They disappeared him. Bobby Caldwell. He's a fucking great writer.

He's a brilliant guy. He just got no fucked up murder situation. Actually, it's not even murder. It was involuntary manslaughter. He's trying to kill himself and accidentally missed and shot his wife behind him. Oh. Behind every great man. Let's kill the podcast.

You just won. You won this podcast, Jaley. Let's have a drink. Mama C, fucking repeat that to Bobby. So, yeah, I talked to him on the phone. It's 15 minutes. We're trying to. We have to schedule.

Hold on. You said 15 minutes. He gets 15 minutes of We're trying to... We have to schedule... Hold on, hold on. You said 15 minutes. He gets 15 minutes of phone time at a time? Yeah. And you're taking a call from the... If you feel like you are being fucked with on this phone call... Hit nine. Yeah.

It's weird like that. Are there people listening or do they only listen when someone says, hey, I feel threatened? They tell you the 800 number to call if you feel threatened. No, no.

It's before you accept the call. Oh, okay. I get it. And then at the end, you have one minute. Yeah. But he's such a good dude and he's funny and he's a great writer.

Is there a parole in his future? 2024, I think? 25? He's got a nickel? And he's already done seven. Of what, at 20? What was the actual? Well, she's done that.

She's cut it in half or less four so 13 i think seven and four is 13 11 11 74 is 11 maybe 2025 and i don't it's roughly that he's yeah but yeah he's a fucking good dude yeah and then i got sunny we call him we'll still call him sunny until he's out you know the kid that we had on the podcast that murdered his mother in a psychotic thing he's got fucking way more freedom but not now because of the virus so i did i i know i i've done a few things where i've said hey set up a zoom that I can just click on a link and I tweeted it. Yeah. I tweeted that like five or six times and then talk to people in the UK and

around. But right after I hung up with fucking Bobby, the wife murderer, then mother murderer texts me, Hey, I'm doing a fucking Twitter open mic and then as I'm reading that, I'm DMing

with Amanda Knox, who didn't murder anyone, but she still has a fucking, I'm like, wow, this is a triple fucking murderer afternoon. And I like that. I like that. They say, surround yourself with the people you want.

Well, Amanda Knox, like that was one. How did that happen, by the way? Because you like this. You are. Amanda Knox, I listened to her podcast because she said, what podcast should I start with? And I tweeted out to people, hey, which, and overwhelmingly, it was the Cliffhanger 1 and 2 podcast.

Which, by the way, that's the first one I tell people to go to. And people have commented under that saying, no, they have to ease into it because that's a little rough. But that is a good one. I was thinking that. I was a little cock but that is that is a good one i was i was thinking that i was a little cocky when we started this i was thinking if i put out a fucking uh like a a wave your dick

kind of uh poll all right what's the best podcast one episode but that But you have to listen to one, which is kind of weak to appreciate two. For Cliffhanger. Yeah, yeah. You can't listen to Cliffhanger 2 without listening to one. Because one is kind of weak. It's a series that builds in two episodes. Well, it's a two-parter. It isn't really one episode.

It is a two-parter because it is long point being fucking tell me one episode like mark maron like he was putting podcasting on the map just for comics if nothing else with getting uh carlos mencia oh that was a two-parter carlos mencia was a two-parter that fucking put him on the map about joke theft and that kind of started the whole thing from what i remember but yeah give me a fucking episode or two episodes that rival Cliffhanger 1 and 2. Not in my talent, but in – Content. Yes, the meat.

You know what? I really – when we first started, it was Goose Kirk and Andy Andrus, which was at – this was over seven years ago. That was something comics weren't doing. They're not putting non-comics on a on a podcast opposite them it was that's really what was happening and you were putting on like kind of weird material perfect for you i mean it's not normal but it's not the normal for a comedian to come on with some heavy duty shit a guy locked away in a fucking South American prison for years, Andy being molested with his lawyer there, you know, and all that.

The people ask, I've got questions about updates on people in Bisbee, like Margo. Margo's a very interesting character. And like I've said in the past, I thought this would probably go 50 episodes. And then I forget all about, even though I've been writing about it, Washed Up Willie and Bingo's Como. Like all that shit.

That was another. You know what? That could almost be cliffhanger as well because we were recording a couple back-to-back during that time because we didn't know what was happening for a time we didn't know where Bingo was and then there was the extraction of Bingo from Louisiana

and then while she was maybe she's going to live, maybe she's going to die, we're at the Aloft Hotel. Jesus Christ, yeah and then went to LA we should have had 30 days of coma. I think she could have stretched it out.

Dug in the doorway. Stretch it. Yeah, and then I realized, yeah, we haven't had much fucked up things going on for a couple years. I don't know. What are you doing? Spitting in the fucking god's eye here

you did say something very interesting last night in that could you imagine if bingo went into a coma a month ago how different 2016 would have been i was writing the intro for this book I've just finished as coronavirus may or may not have peaked about what I thought was the most fucked up year ever. And it was. 2016 was just

perfectly bookended. Beginning to end. It started out great. Yeah. High hopes. We got high hopes. Oh, wow. Excess to fucking... Brutal.

Last time I talked to Shawnee Rouse and Ralphie May. We were just talking about that trip to Ralphie May's when we went through there and stayed at his house for a couple days on issues with andy trying to piece together what year was that yeah well i have to go back and look and because i look on the on dougstandup.com there's past gigs

where i reference quite often like where we were when because it goes back to i think 2012 right now but yeah it was it was very interesting because andy being there had a whole different and he's spinning in his own fucking you know whirling dervish of life i think we all are well i mean his is spinning though i forgot he was even there i forgot he was there and then he was talking about how him and Ralphie were like smoking. And then he realized that this was a contest. Oh, I remember that now. To which you were never going to win. And I just remember how gracious Ralphie was.

And Andy had a story about. About his barbecue, buddy. Oh, my God. Andy had a story of where he was going to do. Because we were there for a couple days. And Andy went down to do wash and he had to pull a pair of Ralphie Mays pants out of the washer and put them in the dryer. And they about pulled him back into the washer.

And then he said, when he pulled him out, he noticed there was stuff in the pocket. There was like a bunch of lighters. Like he was hoarding lighters in a pocket. It's a very funny story. I love how you laugh at Andy still even when it's just on my podcast. No, I laugh at you, not with you. But it is interesting.

Ralphie, yeah, I forget forget he was a gracious host we had a lot of fun there and uh i fucked i actually forgot that andy was on the tour and that everyone had experiences at that house i mean bird cloud was there we uh his manager was there they sort of tiptoed around insurance fraud with a bus it was really a pretty – it was a highlight. And then did we not podcast during that? I don't know that we did. I think we did. Not with Ralphie. No.

I had to ask you about 2016 because there was that October tour that you said, yeah, we did that. It was just you and me with local openers and then I found out oh no we did that with Junior and Andy and still came home with no stories so that's how ragged out we were in fucking

September like by the most fucked up year yeah I remember 2012 Like, by the most fucked up year. Yeah. I remember 2012 a bit, because I wrote about it. And then those missing years, those four years between. I had to ask him tax questions.

I'm like, what is this? And he's like, yeah, you paid me for that Because I'm very bad at bookkeeping Let's just say that You kept calling the bank And asking, hey, I need a check for this amount And it's like, Jesus Christ Then you call back It's another fucking high dollar amount And I'm like, that person thinks you're a fucking idiot, Doug

Well, what I would do is I'd take checks out of my checkbook. Yeah. And I'd just write wallet. Yeah. So I'd always have a check in my wallet in case I needed to get out of a jam like buying a car I didn't need. And then I go into the checkbook to get a check to pay the contractors. And I go into the checkbook to get a check to pay the contractors. And I see four blank fucking like four checks gone.

And it's a wallet, wallet, wallet. Yeah. Well, sometimes like if I'm going to see Hennegan, I got to write him a commission check or something. So, yeah. But then I always have one. And then I buy a car or something. Or two. Yeah, or three or four.

I think we bought four cars last year. But I did trade one in, so it's three. It's like three. Yeah, still four. It's not like they're not buying fucking Hummers I feel like the I feel like the Transit is underused I keep trying to think of a way we can

Hang on Let me get back to fucking Amanda Knox I'm sorry No no I just remembered that I started that So In her podcast The Vigilante series, which is fucking brilliant. At one point, she talks to this guy and he's like, she said, you have some questions for me.

He's like, why aren't you angry? And as a guy, an innocence project, fucking aficionado, All these people that get let out after fucking 28 years in prison. They've rotted their whole life. And then they do the press conference. And they're never angry. And this guy asked her, why aren't you angry? Because she's a very sweet person. She goes, no, I'm fucking angry.

So I wrote her a long d on saying thank you for finally being the person who says i yeah i'm fucking angry as shit because i was always angry for every prisoner who was wrongly convicted and she was the first person to go yeah i'm fucking angry and i wrote her that and she didn't write back. She hates you. I think she hates me. Maybe it's the edibles. She and Todd are talking about me right now. She and Todd are talking about

me right now? Todd Glass. He's the other one that you're always worried that he hates you. Oh, yeah. No, I don't think Todd hates me. I just think I annoy him and I call him at the wrong hour. Alright, so are we going to do this him at the wrong hour. All right. So are we going to do this thing at the Shady Dell on Saturday? Because I got to book the trailers. Yeah.

Are you down? Chad's going to come out. Chad, Jenny, Tracy, and I. And you want to come over there, but you're not going to like leave. You're going to stay the night? Yeah. Because we're going to do issues. We're going to do issues with Andy.

I love any excuse to stay at the Shady Dill. I've never stayed there. You have never stayed there? Never have. We had breakfast there. I had breakfast there last weekend, and that was the first time I've eaten there since right before Dots closed, what, in 2007 or something? It was so long ago.

You and I went to breakfast there back when you could smoke. Yeah. And I think that, I don't know. I love it. And Jason Justin's doing a fantastic job of like,

I'm going to push the fence back, like make it a thing where people can go there without staying there, which is awesome. And the drive-in. Well, yeah. They had the drive-in there he's moving the screen i'm like what happened to the screen like an actual drive-in

where he's got somehow he found old dvds of if you're our age and you remember old drive-ins let's go down to the snack bar those are all all on YouTube. Yeah, you can get those. Yeah, so he had that plan. He did that once for us just as a private showing. We didn't watch a movie. We just watched all the fucking- We went there and watched the movie with the people that were staying there. You and I did. Yeah.

They have a couple old vintage metal chairs and then an old golf cart. But it's one that looks like like security at Disneyland and Tomorrowland would use. Almost like a... The ride. The go-karts. It's not go-karts. Fuck. Whirlyball? No. Bumper cars.

Oh yeah. With like a single bar. Like a horseless carriage steering wheel. Yeah. It's great. So we went there for breakfast and I thought, fuck, man. They're open for business. They've been open for business the whole time because they're not a hotel where people are getting in an elevator or down a hallway. Every fucking trailer is 15 feet apart. TheShadyDell.com.

TheShadyDell.com. Because you can going to look At all their shit Great reviews too So I was looking at that And then we We came We had the podcast

We didn't do a podcast You guys did the Twitch thing here On Chad's Twitch channel And then I was talking to Chad I go hey Would you guys want to do that We'll just do Issues with Andy

On Sunday morning But we'll go there On Saturday night And get fucked up And have a bonfire Maybe we'll get him To do the movie or something. And then you said yes, and then I realized this morning, I gotta get both of them

to say yes again when they're sober because you said yes when you were drunk. No, I remembered that. You said yes to that haircut at one time. Yeah. Didn't you say you ordered red? No, I just ordered yellow for me. You said before I did this say you ordered red? No, I just ordered yellow for me.

You said before I did this that you ordered... No, I was going to, but I didn't. But... That falls into the category of I don't want to fucking order red fucking hairspray and have an Amazon guy die because I had fucking red hair dye. Do you want it red?

Well, everyone says this is really ugly. And that's two people. That's why you do that. But that's everybody in my life. That's why you do that. But it's not green anymore. Now it's yellow. No one got a bohawk because they go, everyone's going to love this.

Well, I was hoping for a good color. And red would have been the color. Because you guys, you have purple. Give me a couple days. Give me a couple days. I'll get you red. You got blue. And I love the green screen, but...

The what? This was supposed to be green, but I wanted it red. Let's fade it out. You know what else I want? We need a fucking thermometer. Have one. And... Wait, what kind of thermometer?

The one that works. We have the one on the house of the fucking little house that was broken so you want a weather station I want to look outside and see what the fucking temperature is but I don't want to fucking kill an Amazon guy don't worry about it I'll kill him we've been ordering you've seen a number of packages

I know you're fucking Tracy Wernit is the new bingo and how much fucking we've been ordering you've seen a number of packages i know you're fucking tracy warnett is the new bingo and how much fucking shit she's getting in the mailbox it's all no it's not fair because i'm trying to get everything into one uh order one order so there's only one delivery but it's on their end that they're like well this isn't going to come till then this isn't going to come till then and even if you check the things, like put as many things into one order as possible. We got a delivery at 8 o'clock last night. But what do you need?

I don't know how they're doing it. What do you need that you're getting like eight packages a day? It's cooking stuff. Cooking stuff. Well, listen, Doug. Tracy cooks differently. And you can't even get the shit she wants at Fry's. So you have to.

That's it. But red hair dye, you can get at Walgreens. Get over to Sear Visting. Take care of that. I'd rather kill a fucking Amazon guy or a UPS guy than myself. I'll get you some

red hair dye. We'll do that. And a weather station. I like the idea of a weather station because you can put it on your phone. It'll tell you exactly. Doesn't April Madison tell you every day what the weather is? No. Actually, I used to have three weather girls so now I'm

off the news blackout so I get April Madison. April Madison at April Madison, I believe she is. I always miss your drunk dials. Well, now I'm back to watching

you. Big Al the weather guy. I mean, the traffic guy. Big Al the traffic guy. Traffic guy in Tucson. On KGUN 9 in Tucson. I'm like, why is he just shilling fucking barbecue? And I go, oh, because there's no traffic anymore.

But they kept him on. Looks nice. He's still on. Yeah, he had one thing. Wife and kids. Local morning news. It was so funny. Because he's not, like, they're all doing it remotely,

but he's just on the phone. Yeah. And then they probably go to a traffic cam or something. No, they just go to a traffic cam or something no they just go to a map of and all green dots on all the highways no it was like some like road construction that doesn't affect anyone yeah they're pouring the cement and it should be dry by friday or something like nothing and then the next time the weather comes up, and here's Big Al, the traffic guy. And he's like, yeah, go down to Bob's Barbecue.

They have great briskets. It's a comfort food. Wow. So barbecue. That's a podcast. I hope we entertained all your fucking fantasies to people that pissed me off. Hold on. Let's do this.

Tommy says, I feel like you and Doug would get a kick out of this if you haven't seen it. And it was the nickel bot on YouTube. Yeah. Just go to YouTube and hit nickel bot and it's nobody died every single day i fucking i stand by it i called i called mike from nickel back and told him to fucking look that up i haven't talked to him in like three days maybe the next podcast would do a nickel bot nickel bot they go back update i want nickel back and amanda knox to talk to each other,

and if they both hate me at any point, just tell me. I'll stop taking edibles. All right. Okay, you can always send us questions. Oh, wait, hang on. Hold on. Before you do that, while you're finding your stuff, you can always send us questions to stanhopepodcast at gmail.

But I prefer if you get on the Patreon, just put a message up there, and I'll look at it. Make it brief. Don't give us a book because I got a lot to go through. So you got something? Yeah. There's nothing legible on here. It's a burned thing.

Here, hold on. Hold it up to the camera. Yeah. And then they sent a piece of art. It said it had like cut out pictures of like uh hamburgers and pizza and then it said snack snack snacks and it was taped over and i thought it was the worst piece of art i'd ever seen so i told bingo to bring it down to the grand to steve drew and tell steve drew her friend that she had spent weeks making this.

This was her art. And Bingo couldn't hold the lie for long enough. But Steve Drew loved it. We have pictures of that. Steve Drew, regardless, said, oh, I want this. And he put it on the wall of the Grand. So whoever you are, your art is appreciated

even though I just shit on it. Steve Drew loves it. Two thumbs up. Nice. Are you reading mail? But I don't know if that was all in the same package. Annette. Thank you, Annette. Oh, someone sent all these. Oh, my God, Chaley.

I fucking hate you for not putting out my disease T-shirts. That's not my job. For fucking 15 years. It's not your job to fucking follow, direct. Just make the goddamn T-shirt. I'm not a graphic artist. I know, but've sent you the graphic not sent them to me 2004 okay i have this god damn it chuck the intern was gonna do this yeah

no one can do this look at this this is exactly they're sending me uh these are and they don't even know about my disease t-shirts brendan walsh do you see his corona strong t-shirts he's trying to sell oh we could like my mesothelioma with the s as a dollar sign we could do that with coronavirus with the s as a dollar sign and appease all the fucking uh conspiracy theory people oh Oh, just Bill Gates. These are cocaine special K postcards. And there's every drug with on the back. It tells you all the bonuses.

Be careful. The real, the straight talk. What's the dosage? Yeah, it's fucking great. Someone sent me a bunch of these fantasy cash dollars. Listen, I'm not going to be able to mention. I'll give you an address. What's fantasy cash?

From a strip club. You know, I fucking buy shit. Wait, what town? This is from Portland, but I don't know. I get a fucking bunch of. Someone, what town? This is from Portland, but I don't know. I get a fucking bunch of... Someone sent me pins from Russia. I think that's a long time ago. Putin

sent you that a week or two ago? Doug, enjoy this shirt and sweater. Oh yeah, this guy sent me a terrible shirt and sweater. Thank you? Is that your thank you? Joe. Oh, that's the guy. What what guy that i had taped his name taped down yeah oh kyle from minnesota i don't know hey kyle from minnesota i don't know what you sent that's old yeah this is old those are from the 30 days yeah

all this away yes Yes. Yes. Put it. Tracy will put it in the merch. I want nothing from you. I have nothing for you. You're so sweet. A picture is worth a million words. Yeah.

Oh, I need that. Oh, notepad. Yeah. That's what people should send you. Little notepads. Notepads for that. Just little ones like that. Jeff Anderson. Thank you. Two-epads. Notepads for Doug. Just little ones like that. Jeff Anderson.

Thank you. Two-tool Van Dyke. Nina, Wisconsin. I think I... Mina? Nina. Nina. Yeah, I don't know if...

I think I fell in love with a Mexican girl there once on a bus. Cool. Lansing, Michigan. All right. I got some good questions here Doug let's roll through these are you good with your pile? I want that pile out of here yeah we're going, we're done

I'll take those bucks put it all into this is what we do with your fan mail is when you buy merchandise I put fan mail into your merchandise from other fans. I is not.

Yeah. I is we. I think it's funny that people think Doug rolls t-shirts perfectly. I used to. You never did.

Your mom did it with the help of eight cats and cigarettes. That's personalization right there. So, hey, Doug, someone from – who is this? This is Karen.

C-I-A-R-A-N. Karen. Karen. A recommendation called Breaking the Case, and it's about historic unsolved NYPD murders. This person works in the criminal courts in Dublin so they generally hate most true crime podcasts as they are not really true life but this is a fantastic from start to finish

called Break in the Case. So, I don't know. That's a podcast though. You probably wouldn't. Break in the Case. Alright. After you're done with Amanda Knox True Crime Podcast and Karen Kilgariff. Haven't heard that yet, but know a lot of big fans.

Karen Kilgariff has a fucking true crime podcast that is like one of the top ones. Oh, wow. It's like NPR or something? I don't know. I haven't listened to it. Oh. Jesus, put me on the spot. I just plugged it. I just't listened to it. Oh. Jesus, put me on the spot. I just plugged it

and then you made me look like a fucking dick. Familiar to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, hold on. Okay, good. All right. Hey, Sally Watts says,

will all future Patreon drops be video only? I only ask because I like to listen to Doug while doing other things and it doesn't seem like I can download them to avoid streaming charges.

Okay. The killer termites dollar tier will have audio only link. So when we put something out on Patreon, it will be audio only for the dollar. For $5 and up, we give the audio link plus video plus whatever else comes in those tiers. So that's the way it is. Thank you, Sally, for your question. And that's my favorite murder. Oh yeah, that's why it sounds familiar. My favorite

murder. Karen Kilgariff and her partner whose name I don't know. I covered Tilted Sun who asked about, among other people, asking about the day 25, 26, 28. There are no podcasts. We're not holding anything back. Everything's out there. Believe me. Except for the

Drunk Dial. No, part two. It's going to go out this week. Doug, David DiRenzo asks, apart from dated jokes, have you ever done a bit you later regretted or were embarrassed of? If so, which one and why?

Well, the one that comes to mind which is weird that one would come to mind these are the uh the the uh uh midget nigger no that's it's out there it's sorry it's already fucking taped is it a midget said calling a a a a midget a midget is like calling a black person a nigger and then like eight other people did that after and then the comedy police would find these fucking relics of bits and say oh arty lang stole your bit and so and so no i i did that and it wasn't that clever a fucking idea. It was, yeah.

So that's one. And then, yeah, there's other bits that you go, yeah, it's filler. All right. It's filler somewhat like the fucking teaser that we just put out on twitter for the new thing that's a teaser yeah it's filler all right doug you don't put the fucking punch lines out on the fucking trailer you cocks how come the trailer can't be an hour and a half uh steve jr the third says i'm relatively new to the podcast And I've been listening to older podcasts

And I heard Doug mention That he enjoyed the book Ministry, The Lost Gospels According to Al Jorgensen Would you ever consider having Al Come on to the podcast I'm sure you two would have some great stories Didn't you talk to him?

No, Al Jorgensen He was on the same label of my book Roadrunner? No book Whatever the last one was The first one Or the last two Anyway that's why I got the book

They do a lot of fucking rock and roll books And those are the best ones, because... Like the NoFX. Yeah. Tell me one fucking comics biography, memoir, that's anything like rock and roll.

I don't care that you overcame a fucking affliction, or you... You said that in the past. It's like you hate it when a person, any person, Sobers up at the end of the book. And Al Jorgensen does not. And that was what was great about that book. Actually, I think he kind of did, but not so much.

But it was. Like he would die. It wasn't because he wanted to be a better person bad santa is a movie that's unapologetic throughout the whole thing no one and at the end he's still kind of fucked up yeah i want those stories yeah i kept going i did not quit i want a fucking hunter s S. Thompson fucking comedy story. Who's still out there? Who's still drinking that can write a fucking book? Because this new one, I appreciate.

This is a good one. All right, Doug. We've got a couple people who have asked questions through the Patreon about the new book. Because it's coming out. I mean, you've already written it yeah you're looking for a title and jeff zuhone says if i could read some of the book i could help book titles how fun my favorite title of any book is it came from schenectady that's not a good way i think that but it's just as cheesy as it sounds. Whatever. He suggests it came from Bisbee.

That's not a good thing, Jeff. But what is the status of the book title and what are you doing to get it? Well, I was writing last night the intro and I go, they said, oh, we need like 300 words as an introduction of why you felt you had to write this book. And I go, well, that's I could probably find the title in doing that. Yeah, I wrote a bunch of shit with you guys last night, and I told you, this is shit, but I can rewrite this. If you write it out as shit, but you still know the angle,

I was doing an edible, and I'm just writing it all, I know it's shit, but it gives me a beginning and an end to, and I can rewrite that. It's so much easier to rewrite and punch up than it is to write. So I wrote and now I can punch up. I have a question. It's a, it's a, yeah. Is that the theory behind a comics notebook?

In that you just spill everything onto the page because later you go back and then you revise and revise and revise. I've always likened a comics notebook to thrift store shopping. Where how many fucking swipes do we have to do through the fucking coat rack the shirt rack the pant rack to find one gem yeah any notebook i've written over 30 years you go shit shit shit shit oh maybe no doesn't fit quite right shit shit shit god, shit. God damn it, that's gold. Doug, here's a thought experiment. Right now, in your mind's eye, picture your favorite jacket in your closet. Okay. I know you've probably picked five.

How many did you have to touch before you found those five? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That would be – If this pandemic goes on, I can put my closet next to a notebook from any given year and go, all right, which of these turned into a great bit? Because a lot of the great bits were just this simple, the note is fucking dog shit. And then I worked it out on stage. The note became a thing.

But it was that whole process of just putting anything down to get to knowing this is stupid because later on you're going to go back and refine that yeah some of them started out stupid some of them like i have a whole travel shelf of shit i've written and then we're going to put that in a merch too whenever i get that travel shelf worked out are boarding passes that i would take notes on because my worst notes of what the fuck does this even mean are when you when you fly and you drink the altitude makes you way drunk way quick and you're already angry because you're on a plane and the angriest fucking notes of bits i don't know that i've ever gotten a fucking good bit off an airplane you've gotten angry but i keep those to put into

fucking either ebay yard sales or merch is yeah i'm gonna enclose one of these bits i thought was funny on the back of a fucking we've. We've landed and gotten to the hotel and then there's like, just settling in at the hotel. You're usually drunk. We do this right. We're a day or two days in advance. We get there.

And there are scraps of paper that I'm like, no, this is nothing but i can't throw anything away because there's there might be something that jogs you or what and like you said nothing ever but you you feel compelled to write because you've asked me for paper and a pen and everything except the words on a plane because you thought it was that important at the time. You also thought it was important to turn around and yell at the people and coach. That's funny.

That's really funny. We're just letting, I mean, this is the process. They don't know I'm with you. I have to identify myself. So I at least have that cover. Do you read the story I sent you about? No, I did not because I was up all morning after going to bed at five working on issues with Andy because we're trying to get the Patreon thing going.

So Doug, Mike says, I can't fart as easily when I stand up as when I am sitting. Any thoughts? And then after the question mark, it says, Boner Yogurt. Well, that was Boner Yogurt is from the Twitch stream. He was a person that's big on the Chad Chang's Twitch stream. If you go to Twitter, you go to at hd fatty you can you can figure out how to do that yeah well you thank you boner yogurt for plugging the twitch stream i don't really

have a answer for your fart question you like poop so i thought i knew tracy would laugh so i got that out of her go ahead okay so uh benjamin has a question about being on the he's been on the wait yeah he's been on the mailing list for years and he's on patreon any reason why there's no heads up to fans about doug's august 22nd show at foxwoods i think that's the illinois that's the one that hennigan keeps saying that might actually happen well because foxwoods is an indian casino and maybe they don't give a fuck about the coronation i kind of do so uh ultimately i'll blame hennigan always blame hennigan if i get shit tickets but this is the thing the emails go out i shouldn't say that doug the emails go out based on proximity like doug doug and his management crew they don't send emails to uh absolutely everybody uk about a uh

a gig in foxwoods so maybe you didn't add in your zip code. I don't know how the fucking thing goes. Just check it out. And maybe it's going into your spam. I don't know. I get them all the time. That's how I find out when you got gigs. Do you know when you're working again?

I don't. Yes, when I see a fucking email. I'm talking to the listeners. Yeah. We canceled the date in March and it's moved to july no it's not gonna happen in july and it shouldn't so yeah don't worry you'll get your money back if you fucking need it otherwise yeah this isn't brown paper tickets is your savings account this isn't a huge grift uh niky fitz has a question do you want to

hear it yeah nicky fitz uh hey doug what's the subject of your current book i'm a title generator when i was recording music in saint pete with my band god's waiting room i'm gonna bleep that because i don't want to promote bands we don't listen to it we were strictly studio so we would make up fake band names for every song. I've also written a bunch of so, so short stories. Nikki, listen. The titles were the best part. I would love to throw out some ideas.

I have nothing better to do. None of us do. I'm trying to avoid doing any work. When I got through the 30-day thing of not just no news, but no Twitter, no email, then I get a bunch of Nicky Fits because I fucked with them early on.

Yeah. And, oh, there was a lot of Nicky Fits. So, yeah. No, I don't want you to send me any titles because you would feel even more empowered. This is the thing. I've never, I'm not a comic, but I'm around a lot of comics. They don't want to hear your fucking jokes. Hedberg would get every night at the merch table if we did it.

It would be, hey, I got one for you. He goes, don't want to hear it. I don't want you to think I heard yours and then made a joke later on my own and then you would blame me. And it was just, I don't, that was his answer every single time. It was a different day and time.

Yes, it was. I hate to say that, but when there was so few comics that if someone stole your joke someone would go oh that's so-and-so's joke because there's now i could steal like all the jokes i want off netflix and you don't watch those comics on Netflix, and I could just steal their jokes. So, yeah. Stealing is not that big a thing anymore.

No. I always felt like you could go to Rooftop Comedy, that website that was out there for a while that was in all the clubs. You could get the middle acts and create a career being a middle comic just stealing middle comics from the Midwest and work the West Coast. Yeah, I think people do that just on Twitter, getting followers just by stealing comics jokes. That's why I keep my bits 20 minutes long, so you can't steal them in a tweet. Long form, motherfucker!

Oh, did that happen when you were in the news blackout? Where Elon Musk stole one of Morgan Murphy's jokes? Oh, yeah. Including a picture of her dog. Of her own dog. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I should have added that one.

Yeah. Yeah, mixed reviews on the 30 days. Some people were like, oh, that was great. Other people were like, that was shit. Who? Shane Gillis? No, that's a whole other thing. Oh.

The 30 days. Some people really loved the 30 days in like total blackout. Yeah. Nothing happened. It really didn't fucking matter. Sorry. It's not my fault. Yeah.

I thought it was a good idea and then I had to commit to it. I thought it was a good idea. That's all an effort commit to it. But I thought it was a good idea. That's solid effort. I mean, I wish. 30 fucking days in a row. I wish I was 30 days. Now that I'm back, I'm on fucking Twitter all the time. You know what?

We didn't talk about that. What happened the first 24 hours after the blackout was lifted? What happened? For you. What did you do? I just kept getting drunk. Jesus Christ. You were on your fucking, you were on things forever.

Yeah. You were just rolling through Newser or whatever you usually do. Yeah, Newser sucks. Hey, can we, is that a screenshot? Can you tell? It's not a shot. It must not be. I thought you said, is that a screenshot?

I don't have my glasses on. It's just all the moss flying in here, I just realized. Wow, it's getting summer. You did kind of deep dive into news for the 48 hours after. I've been doing too much Twitter, waking up feeling bad. It's so much better to not know or care. You're not going to leave your house. What if you did 30 days, no phone?

No internet, no phone. That'd be great. But the special's coming out and the book is coming out. Well, you take care of that. Well, actually, you know what? Except for writing, anytime you have to write something, you could do no smoking. You've said that in the past. Yeah.

No talking to people. I mean, there's so many. Like the fucking kid. We got that nailed down. The kid that came over today. Like, I can't fucking socialize with people. Got to start drinking. You did all right.

Bingo's been coming over all the time. She goes, I know you said you're taking a fucking downer, but I came over a couple times to watch you sleep. Oh my god. That's creepy. Well, because she's on a permanent news blackout yeah and she doesn't

drink since 2016 not doing downers Jesus Christ how do you not drink in this fucking pandemic actually she is doing downers she's doing twice what I avoid on a you know mushrooms might be a good night

for the Saturday Shady Dill did I just say that? Yeah, when I watched that. When I watched the second half of that. When we were listening to How to Change Your Mind on that last road trip, I don't know, one of the last road trips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That got a little too technical, but it was all right.

Yeah, but it just made me want to trip. Like, just listening to people talking about tripping, I get the sense memory of fucking tripping, so I need to do that. But I have to have my mind right. And yeah, watching that documentary, I'm like, yeah, there's nothing going wrong. I wake up every fucking day thinking,

I have shit to do everything's bad i could have gotten a positive state of mind cut out the everything's bad part you have things to do but everything's not bad i know i have to enjoy something sometime man come on man so hey i got a couple more and then i gotta i gotta get fucking i gotta start editing because this fucking computer is slow. I got to go. It's fucking killing me. Ham and Cheese says, hey, boys, Charlie the intern. Let me guess.

Ham and Cheese wants to take his spot. No, no. He says he has that level of bullshit where he'll either be governor or dead in 10 years. I was wondering in the time of COVID how the frog venom trade is going. Do frogs wear masks? Also, in general,

how are the Bisbee folk? Blah, blah, blah. But Charlie, we just saw him on a Zoom. Yeah, the Bisbee folk that you talk about are few and far between, and anyone else I don't keep in touch with. So, Charlie, however he's doing, I hope he's doing well. Charlie Carter, I think that's his Twitter.

If you're not in front of me in that chair, I don't talk to you. I don't keep in touch with people. So, sorry. Doug, Ryan Walker asks, I agree Jaeger is for kids. Why not shuffle over to Absinthe? It's the Arch Deluxe of Spirits. Because it's Manson's thing.

Absence is bullshit. We did that in Seattle, and then I read up on it. It was a way to get them to eventually get into Prohibition because they manufactured this whole fucking history of what it is and hallucinate – It's like mezcal. Yes. Of what it is and hallucinate. It's like mezcal. Yes. Oh, the worm in the bottom.

Oh, the worm. That's what you want. It's bullshit. Science says it's bullshit. Everything that the distillation of the absinthe, everything that happens in that distillation ruins any of those wormwood properties that you want. It doesn't happen.

But fake news. It's the Trump era. I'm definitely doing a Sarah quote. I keep threatening everyone to do Sarah. No, after this, we're free until, well, I got a podcast tomorrow, but we're free until Saturday. So Jordan Pierce Reeves says i'm

not hold on let me see if we need to do this uh you have to now i'm not trying to be pushy asshole but the two podcasts people have been waiting for for the last month haven't been posted this is i think what what Jordan is referring to is the bonus podcast, right? Could you at least give us an update? Can we expect to see them soon? Much love. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, you can expect them soon. I try to

get the end of the month podcast, the Patreon podcast. Just lie to the people. No, no, no. I've got it right here. I try to get the end of the month podcast out by the 10th because billing and transfer takes place. Pop that up. Thanks, Gary. We got the maid coming?

Oh, my God. I faked it. Come on. You can't fake that. I try to get everything out by the 10th because the transfer of of the money for the patreon everything usually takes that long episode 10 i just i want to mention that we we we all me and chad and olivia grace all got our paychecks for this month for the podcast, which is all that we make now.

And I go, oh, this and Bingo's disability money will have us living in your house soon. So send us your address if you are quarantined and have a spare bedroom because

you know. Thanks, Patreon. It'll pay for my u-haul episode 10 don't listen to this podcast until you're as drunk as us was posted on march 30th 10 days in advance 11 episode 11 drunk dialing for Charity, part one, posted May 12th. That was last night or this morning at 4.30. Part two will be an extra podcast this month with audio and video links. And not to mention 25 daily podcasts and the free James Inman is on the line podcast. All happened in the month of April that's fucking Chaley throwing down the gauntlet you could have heard a pin drop when Chaley stopped and locked the door

everyone considered him the coward of the podcast fuck you don't care about you all these fucking like Twitter that was the thing that I don't know if i've said it but the one thing that was the most surprising after the fucking 30-day news blackout and email and twitter blackout is how angry everyone got on twitter and it took me a few days to notice like it was a goof when i went into twitter blackout and then now fucking people are angry and talking shit like i don't want any of this and then i i i was drunk and i posted something about hey let's all go to bed happy i'm serious and then in the morning i got all these responses like fuck you really you're angry about me saying let's be happy?

Ugh, jeeps. I don't know what your life is like, but I can see where people are getting a little twisted. Bingo is even a little fucking aggressive with me. Are you aggressive? Probably. Just like like hey fill the ice tray she's like I'll just leave

Tracy can I get one of those I've never had one of those you've never had a whiskey sour with egg whites I remember when we were in Flagstaff and we had that Negroni at the bar that I first played I remember we were sitting outside We were in Flagstaff, and we had that Negroni at the bar.

That I first played? Yeah, yeah. That was it. I remember we were sitting outside. There was an outside bar there. It was a San Francisco street. I can't remember the name. It used to be a hotel. It was the Green something we played.

Oh, yeah, but that's not where we played. I remember the Negronis because they were during the day, and the show suffered because of the night. The show suffered because of the Negronis. Yeah, yeah. Because they were during the day, and the show suffered because of the night. The show suffered because of Brett Erickson. The Negronis. Being so wasted. We walked back. We walked with the merch from,

we were across the street from the venue. We walked down an alley, and then across the street, a block away, right? Yeah. And we load the merch into the van, and Brett Erickson starts to get in the car. And I go, we're fucking here, dude.

He goes, how far till we get to... Like, dude, get out of the car. We're at the hotel. He was so lazy. He had no idea. I have no recollection. I know, you weren't there, but it was one of...

Tracy, we went there after that. Yeah. And we saw the bear and someone... We saw a bunch of rock and roll bands. And a wolf. Bernie and the Wolf. Bernie and the Wolf. And that bar, Doug... Oh, she's good. That bar is not a comedy bar,

which I hate when I see comics on podcasts or on YouTube talk about how comedy has to be this. Comedy has to be that. No. Comedy can be anywhere. It doesn't have to be in a comedy club. It doesn't have to be relegated.

It is one of those things. We do so many rock and roll bars. You can't be in your living room on a fucking Zoom. Sometimes. Well, that's the thing. The one thing you do need is an audience. Whether they pay it or not.

Alright, let's fucking kill this because I think I have to fall down for a long, long time. Hold on, let me switch to the dramatic shot. This is the end shot, Doug. This is you talking to the camera. This is the end shot, Doug. This is you talking to the camera. This is Stan Hope's final thoughts. Listen, we're all going through this together,

even though we still hate each other. And you're a dick, and I built a compound with a wall to keep you out. So let's keep it that way. Go out, hug a friend, lick their mouth, vote for Trump. Well, that's a fucking another weird thing where people... Wait, you don't mean that. Trump won't fucking wear a mask

and all these fucking Trump supporters are hugging each other with fucking sharing, sawed off fucking shotguns at the state capitals. And yeah, let them fucking spread that virus amongst their own support. Why would you, don't you understand they're building their own demise? Yeah.

Let them go. I don't support anyone, but I, there's a lot of people I don't support anyone, but I, there's a lot of people I don't support openly. And those are those people. Yeah. Let them let, yeah, spread, spread it. Spreaders.

Dare people. Dare people on Twitter. Oh, I dare you to fucking lick that guy's face. Dare people. Dare people on Twitter. Oh, I dare you to fucking lick that guy's face. You big man with your fucking automatic rifle at the Michigan State Capitol? Yeah, lick his face next time if you're such a big man.

I wake up every morning angry and think, if I had a cult, what would I tell you to do? I have some ideas. We never started that fucking SEAL Team 6 of our fucking vetted Twitter followers. There is a SEAL Team 6. Wasn't it SEAL Team something else?

No, it was SEAL Team 6. Was it 6? But there is a SEAL Team 6. Was it 6? Yeah. But there is a SEAL Team 6. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of our Twitter followers. They can go out and start spreading disinformation. Oh, it has to be branded Doug Stanhope's SEAL Team 6. I think the fucking... I don't want you to get sued, Doug.

By the U.S. government. By the U.S. Space Force. I'm going to bed. It's early. No, it's not. It's fucking almost 10. Oh, to bed. It's early. No, it's not. It's fucking almost 10. Oh my God, it's 10. I'm an old man.

I don't even have a tan anymore. How many edits in this podcast, Doug? What? How many edits in this podcast? None. Zero. All right. We're just waiting for the sign-off.

Well, Bingo has to sign us off. Where are you, Bingo? Wait. Now I got to get Bingo to say where she's at? That's not... Give it an answer. Let's do this again. I put a bleep in here.

Hey, Doug. We just need you to sign off. See, now you just made an edit just to make me feel bad. No, I just added a sound effect. Oh, my hips are fucking old. I gotta walk around or something.

Let's end this. Oh, I thought we ended it. No, you have to... I thought I said, take us out, bingo. No, you said, bingo, where are you? Tracy, back me up here. Tracy, take us out. Tracy, take us out of here.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Bingo will be crushed. No, don't ever... Oh, yeah. Bingo will be crushed no don't ever oh yeah bingo listens to the podcast oh it'll get back it'll get back are we done talking

cause I was gonna about to say something talk no off the air oh okay okay here I'm gonna just here we go da da da da da Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. Thank you.