The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#395: Look Who Is On The Line

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

(Updated 6/4/20)Binged out on riot coverage, Doug longs for the human touch of friends through Skype.Want more Stanhope? Subscribe at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast to get an extra BONUS podcast for as little as a $1 a month. Plus, video, insider communication with the podcast and more.Recorded May 31st, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank @(hdfatty), Brett Erickson (@IBrettMyPants), Andy Andrist (@andyandrist), Geoff Tate (@geofftate96), Bobby Caldwell (http://https://www.notesfromthepen.com/), Sonny, Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new special, "The Dying of a Last Breed", is out now on Vimeo.com - https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thedyingofalastbreed. The AUDIO ONLY is available on Amazon at https://amzn.to/3d7MFjv .We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/.  When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Doug suggests you take a moment and check out https://www.notesfromthepen.com/Follow Geoff Tate at https://www.justanotherclown.com/ or tune in daily to Doug Benson's Periscope Movie Trivia (on the periscope app) @DougBenson.Andy, Brett, Chad and Chaille can be seen 2 times a week on the ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast. Every Wed and Friday on YouTube and an extra bonus podcast through their Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/IssueswithandySubscribe to Chad's Twitch Stream by using your FREE Amazon Prime membership option. Just go to Chad's twitter (@hdfatty) for a link and instructions. Thanks.Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I hear you guys. What you drinking? Vodka, soda, cranberry. Yesterday, Jenny made me a whiskey strawberry iced tea. It was basically a whiskey sour, but then iced tea on top of it. A little whiskey sour with iced tea added. Fucking good. I drank the whole bottle of whiskey yesterday. Get her bartending skills honed.

That's an interesting ad. Iced tea. That's what we used to drink when we stole liquor from George Galvez's parents' bar. We would grab the booze, Cheves Regal. Cheves Regal? Cheves Regal. Cheves. Cheves?

Cheves. Thanks, Doug. We would steal the Cheves, but then we wouldn't have anything. We would find one time we just drank out of the hose behind the Vaughn supermarket. Wow. Yeah. It's iced tea. Yeah, but the sweet, man, that helps with the whiskey. Wow. Ice tea. Yeah, but the sweet, man, that helps with the whiskey.

Yeah, well, and then the whole thing was refreshing. It had fresh strawberries cut up in it, so it was a real refreshing drink. It was not as... Those are the worst, because they go down so quickly. Well, that's why I ended up streaming for nine fucking hours

yesterday and drank an entire bottle of whiskey. And I had people in the chat who were aggregating Riot News and posting it in the links in the chat so we could just sit there and click on all the best fucking videos. The dude that stole a horse in Chicago. A dude got it. A dude got it. Yeah. I guess someone stole a police horse in Chicago and rode off on it. Fucking.

That's fucking brilliant. Yeah, I was getting way better news. One of the videos showed a burning cop car. And then one of the protesters runs over and jumps in it and takes off down the road while the cop car is on fire. It was some good ones. We had it set up in the Funhouse with three different networks, MSNBC, CNN, and Fox on three different TVs. And they'd be jumping to different cities, and it was like watching Red Zone. It was fucking fantastic.

It was the best football Sunday we ever had was Saturday night in May. That's what I said. You were so giddy about it a couple nights ago. It's like, what, you don't like fun, Shaylee? What's wrong? Yeah, get out of here. No, I really do like fun.

On the fourth screen, I had Blackhawk down, and it looked exactly the same with the military vehicles and the helicopters and the helmets. Then it went to Amistad. Naturally, no one looked for this. No, I did. You looked for Amistad? No, I looked for something that was appropriate to have on a fourth screen.

With the riots. What about headline news? Headline news is never news. look for something that was appropriate to be have on a fourth screen because like what about headline news like headline news is never news it's all fucking forensic files except for in the morning with that fucking girl with the nuclear white teeth soft-serving you fucking that's a press secretary right no no headline news i don't think i've ever watched it when there was news on it yeah it's in the morning there's news i forget her name we tried to uh she had a hashtag and we tried to sky candy it what are you doing with the oh i see oh sorry that's all right i forgot you're looking at that no i i still get a thumbnail of chad shaley's been i spent more time just setting this podcast up.

I thought it would be a seamless transition from issues with Andy to this, where I'd just fill in one of the screens, but it took him like two and a half hours to transition. Well, Chad knows how long, because we just ended the issues with Andy, and then now we're doing this one. It took long enough for me to complete a phone call with customer service about my goddamn internet.

To which their answer is, yeah, it's fucked up, but I don't know. I noticed on the podcast that it was degrading. It wasn't cutting out. It was just getting worse and worse. And then it would come back. So, yeah cutting out. It was just getting worse and worse. And then it would come back. So, yeah, I'm glad you're calling them.

I was trying not to say much because it was fucked up. Your internet's not working. How's your TV working? Do you see what's going on in the fucking world and you're worried about your internet? I fired my maid this morning. Wait, is that what happened? What?

What happened? This, country crock. What? What you have this monitor sitting on is a tub. It's a fucking 45-ounce tub of country crock. I said... Give me butter. I asked her to bring me something

to put that monitor on that was the white light and you just fired her because she did exactly what I asked her to do? I woke up, I saw country crock in the refrigerator where there should be butter. Country crock is not even margarine. Margarine is fake butter.

This is fake margarine. Fake margarine. Margarine is fake butter. This is fake margarine. Fake margarine. And so I texted her immediately and told her she's fired. Wait, but you told her. And then she came over. She goes, so what did you want? Because she got me whipped butter last time. And I said, no, I want actual butter.

She goes, oh, you hate the whipped butter that much? And I said, no, but it's going to run out quickly. It's like fucking whipped cream. Oh, because the air. Yeah. Yeah, it's full of air. So then she went, oh, wait, you want stick butter? So I hired her back.

But for a minute, she was fired. So I wanted to start this podcast with my white privilege. I fired my Daisy Dukes wearing 22-year-old maid for bringing the wrong kind of fake butter. I have all sorts of notes here, Chad, from the first night. We watched, I guess we started, we got in late on the riots. We didn't start till Friday. Is it Friday night? And then I was.

Yes. Oh, yeah. I did take an edible now. Just so you know. Wait, just now? Yeah. When I was getting an irritable edible, I was getting irritated from waiting for this fucking podcast to start. So I thought, if I'm in a bad headspace, why not apply weed?

Because on Friday you took some too. I like your thinking, sir. These are notes I was writing down. A lot of these index – oh, shit, there's two sides to some of these. I might be able to help with some of those. Yeah, well, that – but I was high and i was writing on a cleveland browns uh microfiber throw blanket so there's gone through on a lot of these you were using that as the back yeah and i couldn't figure out how to you weren't writing on a blanket well i put my contacts back, and so now I'm back to, oh, wait, do I put my glasses on to read or off to read?

So I couldn't fucking – I was writing a lot of this blind, not figuring out that I needed reading glasses. And high. And high. All right, I did finally tweet that. The 102,000 people who have died saying I can't breathe. I like to think it was out of solidarity for George Floyd.

And Chaley, I don't know why I wrote that down. Chaley was, we were watching the riots in the main house, that little couch area. It was kind of nice. It was kind of like a Thanksgiving kind of feel to it. The Chaley's were up

and the three of us sat there watching the riots in the living room. We never watch TV together in the living room. That's as weird as me going down to your house on Black Knob. You're welcome anytime, Doug. I know. It's just I

wouldn't feel comfortable there. I mean, smoking and all. It hasn't I wouldn't feel comfortable there. Why are we smoking and all? It hasn't stopped you in the past. Yeah, well, have I ever been down there? Yeah. When? To hang out. Last week.

I hung out? Yeah, you walked through with a cigarette. I walked through, but I've never hung out there. Well, yeah, you're right. You haven't. I can't remember any time I've ever hung out down there. Not since we podcasted down there. Well, yeah, you're right. You haven't. I can't remember any time I've ever hung out down there. Not since we've podcasted down there. Oh, the podcast. He would feel uncomfortable hanging out. He'd feel uncomfortable

hanging out with a cigarette. He doesn't feel uncomfortable at all walking through with a cigarette, though. The last time Doug spent any time there, Chad, you were there. It was the first time we ever scared any kids from our doorway. When you called Suzanne to bring her kids by Halloween,

we podcasted from down there. Oh, all right. Yeah, that was the last time you asked me to come up there. I remember that. And it was to do a podcast. It wasn't to have pie. I remember smoking in the mall when they made it illegal to smoke in the mall or against the rules.

I don't know if it was a law but i would light up i was basically a teenager i'd light up a cigarette and they'd go you can't smoke in here and i go okay where's an ashtray to put it out it's outside i go okay just keep walking towards an exit you're in the gray period i woke up up. Well, we should go through these. I have a great picture of me and a tell being removed by the Minneapolis police. Who are very friendly and recognize that we're having a party in a hotel and no knees game. Yeah, they were very polite. I have a great picture.

I got to find that's that what that note means. Chaley was snoozing in the living room. He was wearing a T-shirt with suspenders. A wife beater. if that's what that note means. Chaley was snoozing in the living room. He was wearing a T-shirt with suspenders. A wife beater. And he's got a good gut going on. A pandemic gut. Barefoot with his feet up from the recliner on the arm of the couch,

going into his narcolepsy. Like, all you're missing is the hayseed coming out of your fucking corncob pipe. Tracy can Photoshop that easy. I was going to take a picture and you woke up right in the middle. Yeah, I didn't get it. Chad, what Doug is trying to say is

Shaylee was comfortable in his environment and completely relaxed. That's why it had a Thanksgiving feel to it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Ma and Pa and the step-nephew all watching the rats. When you said that, I felt the same way.

It was like, Doug's inviting us up to his house. Are we getting fired? Like the maid? Did I buy country crock by accident? I told you, only rolled butter for Mr. Stanhope. Chris Cuomo was fucking irritating the shit. I hate that. Remember the word?

The drink word? What was the? Phalanx. Phalanx. Drink. But he kept saying phalanx. Drink. Yeah, Chris Cuomo, you know when someone, he interrupts the reporter he's talking to.

CNN. And he goes, what that's called, what the police are doing, what that's called is a phalanx. And then he kept saying it. We're like, all right. To other reporters. He just learned it. Yeah, he just learned a big word and he did the pronunciation key on fucking Wikipedia. And now he's – it's a phalanx. And here the police are doing a phalanx.

And he kept saying, well, the protesters are wearing masks. It's incredible what we're seeing. Because even under these trying circumstances, they still care about COVID-19. I'm like, no, they wear masks in protest because you're getting fucking tear gassed, you fucking clit nose zero. You fucking. We kind of fell into it, too, when they were breaching the CNN world headquarters, which CNN can't stop saying CNN World Headquarters. But we were from the vantage point of a – In the lobby. 20 steps up, vantage point down into the lobby to where there was a phalanx.

And he says, oh, this is what they're doing, what they're going to do here. And he set up this whole scenario that never happened. They're going to move forward as a group. As the Phalanx moves forward, the group will move back and it never fucking happens. It's like sports commentators. Is he trying to Joe Rogan it?

Is he Joe Rogan it? He's trying to be a sports commentator. Well, what they should do is they have a wide out here and now they ran it up the middle again, didn't they? Why are you in the booth? Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck. What? I'm trying to remember the other drinking things we were doing. He kept mentioning you have a family. You have a family. Remember, you have a family. Yeah. To the reporters. Yeah. We really care about you. You have a family. Remember, you have a family. Yeah. To the reporters.

Yeah. We really care about you. You have families. Get safe. Yeah, get safe because you have families. Get out of there. Go somewhere safe. You and your producer and your director.

Hey, Chad's really good there with the thing. It was too much information. But he kept repeating family. I'm like, so if someone's barren and doesn't have children, no, you stay where you are. Get in the fucking belly of the beast, dick. You couldn't get that shot? You had a miscarriage.

Are you kidding me? All right, here's a couple ideas. Chad, I was thinking, Hennigan showed up here once with one of those flashlights that's ultra bright that is used for self-defense. It blinds you. It's so bright. I'm like, that's the perfect thing for a protester.

Because how good can a cop aim rubber bullets if he can't see? And I shined a flashlight on him. You can't fucking arrest... Well, you can arrest people. Chad, you know what he's talking about? Yeah, yeah. It's like military type fucking non-lethal... They had a racist name whenever I grew up, those lights did.

Of course. I looked them up online. I don't know if there's a law for that. The listeners can do the fucking research for us. I don't know how long these protests are going to continue. We have them on in the background. We still have all the channels on, and it's Sunday protests, and it feels like an after party where people are dressed up for a walk.

It's like a brunch without the food. We were talking on the stream yesterday that we'd like to see some more daytime protesting and sure enough yesterday they started lighting fires right in the middle of the day. Three o'clock Pacific time, yeah. I just turned it on like it was going to be warm up to the Super Bowl.

It was pre-gaming. They're fucking swinging batons in L.A. It's round three. Shit. It's not even 2 o'clock. They're doing a double header. Chad, during the Issues with Andy podcast, above me is a screen that I never even look up. It just is one of those things.

It's just on. But in Philadelphia, during our podcast at noon, they were pushing a car, a police cruiser, with nobody in it to get enough speed and then just ghost ride it into a bunch of other cars that all had their windows blown out. And that was at noon our time that was philadelphia yeah so yeah you guys uh you guys made it happen

you're twitched i told i i told andy he's going uh uh full inman conspiracy theory because he says uh the uh uh it's convenient that those cop cars are just sitting there with nobody around them for those people to light up fire and roll down the hill. 20 of them. Yeah, I was curious how those cops got home if they all had to take the bus. In L.A., the guy was counted nine cars that were in camera view that were completely destroyed. LAPD cruisers.

Like, how did the cops get home? Well, they're not going to replace them with 2008 cruisers. You know how everybody always asks, where are the good cops? Those are the ones. That's why their cars are abandoned. Fuck this. Those guys went home a long time ago. They just parked.

They don't know where I am. I'm going home. Here's my other brilliant idea that I was fixated on when I was high on Friday Night Riots. Bluetooth. The same way the Bluetooth

became a thing you can just put in your ear so you have two hands. Why isn't the camera, why don't they have an accessory where you can clip on a body cam like a Bluetooth so you don't have to film the cops with one hand. You're already filming them on your

lapel pin. Because it's always weird. There's been times I want to film some shit going down, but I don't want to be the guy that, hey, go film this. It's like when we were in Edmonton and I always weird there's been times i want to film some shit going down but i don't want to be the guy that hey you don't want this it's like when we were in edmonton and i had the fucking selfie kind of camera and we are in our robes during the edmonton no winnipeg i'm sorry winnipeg i just want to rub it into tracy winnipeg and i started taking a picture of us in a mass of people all

wearing white because it was a whiteout for Winnipeg and we had our robes. It was a sports thing. It wasn't a white supremacist rally. Not this time. It might as well be in Winnipeg. Get on the Patreon. You'll see the white supremacist thing. Hashtag whiteout. But you were

like, put that fucking away. I'm like, but I bought this camera to do this. I didn't think it would be a problem. There was a show where that girl passed out in the bathroom and they panicked and called the EMTs. We have the merch table set up. Oh, it was in – oh, fuck. Andy was there.

He got a fucking ton of Adderall. I remember that one. The guy handed me this huge fucking, like, just-filled prescription bottle that he put the other ones in. It was, like, to the top. And then I had to give Andy something. Anyway, they wheeled her out. And I wanted to film it. Actually, I think I made Tracy go film.

Yeah, there was a thing where, like, the manager. Is that not a brilliant idea? What? A fucking body cam like a Bluetooth. Yeah, your fucking iPhone. It's attached to your film. Yeah, there was a thing where the manager... Is that not a brilliant idea? What? A fucking body cam like a Bluetooth. Yeah, your fucking iPhone, your Android should come with

like a clip on fucking... That way you can film people without... You don't need a Bluetooth. You just need the camera and then have it connected to your pocket that has the...

I'm saying it should be an accessory that comes, because everyone's filming everything all the time. Have it on your fucking lapels so you're not obvious. Elon Musk, come on. Why not just have the old glasses at ease? Glue it right in the middle of your forehead and that way you can always aim it.

And it's always there. Just an adhesive that just stays there. Chad, what he's talking about is he doesn't want to look like he's filming. He just wants to be filming. You know, like Big Brother. Always there.

I agree with you, Doug. Because that is the best way. When people see a camera, they change. They change what they're doing. Yeah. You're going to get way better police footage if they think that you're just some hump that doesn't know how to film stuff. Staring at them from the sidelines. How do you know that?

Yeah. Jesus Christ, can you imagine the footage? The first hidden camera show I did, my segments were all eyeglass cam, but they're big. Glasses. Hey, buddy, Holly. Yeah. Where's your telecaster? Your stratocaster.

where's your telecaster your stratocaster actually I don't I don't even think it matters if they think you're filming or if they don't think you're filming because that one they had the one clip I saw it was a news reporter talking back to the anchors and then all of a sudden the cops just started

blasting the shit out of her with those pepper balls and they're like they're like, they're shooting me. They're shooting me. And they're like, what the fuck do they know that you're reporters? And they're like, of course they do. There's a camera. And right about that time, one hits the lens of the camera.

Just smack. Money shot. Jesus Christ. That guy was targeting the reporters. It's been crazy clips. I was just on Twitter. I think David Cross retweeted a Vice News reporter at a gas station, and cops came through.

Get on the ground. And he's like, I'm press. I'm press. I don't give a fuck. And he's holding up. He's laying down with his press card up, and they just came over and maced him out of fucking practice. Yeah.

Yeah. That one, they had cop cars crossing through an intersection, and that one, all of a sudden, you just see a stream of mace come out of his fucking window. He just shot it right out generally at people as he was driving by. Yeah, that was like a best of clip because the best shit is on the internet. That was like a best of clip because the best shit is on the internet. For all the fun we had watching network news on three different TVs, the best shit I've seen is on Twitter. Unicorn Riot.

I put it on Instagram. There's another one on Twitter, Smoke and Scan. And this guy does a bunch of different police scanners and the video so you can listen to the, yeah, that one's cool. Yeah, anyone who's culling the best of clips and putting them on YouTube, you're the front line fucking people that we

admire. I mean, if you look at every camera in every riot, everyone's filming, and one guy got something good for a second. so if you're the guy that's out there finding that editing it and putting it into a great reel of i don't have to watch eight hours of riots i can just wake up tomorrow like a riot aggregate like a newsy for right i was about to say aggregate and i didn't know if I was using it right. So if you got it wrong, then it –

No, that was right. You guys are cheating because I just used the word aggregate earlier when I said yesterday my Twitch channel was just an aggregate of the best news clips. Oh, no, that's a VIP aggregate. Yeah, that's way better. Chad, are you air-conditioned at all? I just think of you in 102 degrees in that box out there, like you're cutting weight for a fight.

This studio that Joby basically built, I wouldn't say Joby and I, but I just handed him stuff and tried to stay out of his way. Bought beer. This studio. You want another pizza? Jenny fed him, yes. And I'm still indebted to him forever, but it's super insulated

and yeah, I have one of those stand-up air conditioners that exhausts out the window, so it stays super cool in here all summer because I don't ever turn the fan off. It just runs. I didn't hear a lot.

Inside, I have just a swamp cooler in one window, an evaporative cooler. And they work good. It works good until I have a few fans. It works good until monsoons hit. And then it's worthless. Yeah. Humidity on top of humidity. That's where you need AC.

That's where, yeah, our AC has one setting that just says dry. And that's just to take out the fucking humidity. Yeah. That's invaluable. Hey, Tracy, I remember group thing where

it was holy shit, look who's here. Woo-hoo. Come here. Look who it is. Oh, shit. She got scared off. I love you.

I love you. I love you. Oh, yeah, it's 4.30. You guys are just getting up. It's riot time. Party over there. He's looking for his microphone, I bet. Yeah.

He's looking for his microphone, I bet. Yeah. Yeah. They're looting Santa Monica right now. Yeah, we're looking at that. It's so awesome you're so close to history. I knew someone that was killed in the riots. It feels like... It feels like...

Uh-oh. ...the play. There you go. Plug in that microphone. Doug, what were you saying? I don't have any idea. Oh, poop thing. Oh, you were saying,

they're throwing water bottles, and I said, it's probably full of piss, and... Oh, yeah. And she goes, poop. And then... And then the guy... bottles and I said it's probably full of piss and she goes poop and then

the guy it was this rapid fire delivery of you saying water while I'm saying piss and she's saying poop and then the guy on TV says no one knows what's in those water bottles you know what that stems from is someone said something

and then they go, or this. And the or this was way worse, but no way – you couldn't substantiate it from the footage. And it was like, well, no, you plant the seed of how, look, you got a splinter, but that tree could have fell on you. And it's like, wait a minute. There's – that had nothing – but but no he's not incorrect he's not incorrect and we were just we were lamenting the fact that we have no news here there's like we have the bisbee observer once a week that has no content so no one knows what the fuck is going on locally and tracy said yeah i get all my local news from Facebook. Oh, yeah.

From Denise and Dave. We heard there's been a Bisbee death. There's been the first Bisbee death from COVID. Yeah, the mayor posted that on the Bisbee page. Oh, wow. You're even on Bisbee pages? Because I don't use Facebook. No.

No, what's funny is I'm not on it at all, but since my Facebook, since I think I told you guys, I unfollowed every single person, so now I like it because I just see the groups that I've joined. It's about Chevys and voiceover and different things.

It's about Chevys and how they're like, that's it. I don't have interest. It's a Bob Seger fan group. Do you guys picture me with fucking hobbies? Hobbies?

So, what happened? You were saying something. I was going to give you a trivia question about Chevys, because I just started to listen to a thing waiting for fucking issues with Andy to wrap up.

Jason Lawhead has a new special out on Vimeo, which I would love to watch, but like a lot of you, I don't know how to fucking make Vimeo. Jason Lawhead. He's a fucking... Yeah, he don't know how to fucking make a video. Who's that? Jason Lawhead. Comic? Yeah, he's one of the fucking Bill Burr. Paul Verzi and Jason Lawhead.

Oh, they have a podcast together. Yeah, I think so. But either way, I'm listening to, he was doing an interview with a guy that sounded like Emo Phillips. What was my point? Now I forget. Something about not knowing how to. Chevy.

Chevy. Yeah. And the Emo Phillips interviewer guy says something about, yeah, when you're sitting in your 83 Chevy Nova. And I go, I don't think there was an 83 Chevy Nova. And I looked it up. And they ended at 79 and started it again in 85

so there you go and I wanted to write that in the tweet stream hey there's no such thing as a I was going to be the dick that I hate that I found one inconsistency and pointed that out I think you just qualified to be in Chad's Chevy

group on Facebook you just answered to be in Chad's Chevy group on Facebook. You just answered the question that gets you in. Trick question. There wasn't a Nova in H3. I've had one of those where I don't want to be that guy, but it's

been really fucking hard. I listened to the last live Stern show last week and uh howard stern and robin were making fun of baba buoy yet again for how he became baba buoy and they're talking about you know the cartoons he wanted the cartoons and he wanted to buy these cells and everybody heard the story and he was like and he doesn't even know quick straw McGraw. He called him Quick Draw McGraw. It's called Quick Straw McGraw. Baba Booey and him and Robin both are making fun of Baba Booey that it's Quick Straw and not Quick Draw.

And I'm like, oh, I want to tweet you motherfuckers so bad and tell you how wrong you are. And then I was like, no, I don't. I'm not that fucking guy. Quick Straw McGraw sounds's a nicely quick product. Yeah, a quick straw. Come on. Or solo straws. The motherfucker has a holster on his fucking head. And he's constantly messing up his draw.

That's the fucking irony. Quick straw is Andy's Coke name. That's something I want to talk about. Erickson, just so I can catch you up. Chad already knows. We're working off Doug's list of I don't know, whatever he's seen since the last time we podcast. Friday night. We're kind of going and we just

finished up with enjoying the sports bar coverage of riots and now we need more TV screens because there's too many towns. It is like sports.

You can watch it with the sound down. Hang on. He's got a call. Plug it in. Hang on. I'm plugging in. Hold on. We got fucking Bobby Caldwell calling in from prison.

Oh, shit. Hold on. I got to make sure I got it. It's not in there. It's as deep as it goes. You might have to take the cover off. Liar! You've got to take the cover off.

Push it. We'll just use speakerphone. Okay, go ahead. Here, this is great. Not bad. It's a lot of ramen. Your current balance is $63.30. Not bad. It's a lot of ramen. A lot of calls.

Thank you for using GTL. Hello. Hey, you're on the podcast, Bobby. Oh, shit. Panic mode. Just going to embarrass myself. What's happening? Bobby!

Hey. We have Brett Erickson and Chad on Skype, and Tracy and Chaley are here live. And you are on speakerphone, because we couldn't get the Bluetooth to work. Well, fuck it. We'll take what we can get, right? Can you hear me? What's going on? Yeah, I can hear you guys. I can hear you at least.

No, I'm talking to Chaley. We're good, we're good, we're good. All right, your audio is good. Bobby Caldwell at Notes from the Pen and notesfromthepen.com. He's at Parnell Prison in Michigan somewhere, wherever the fuck that is. Michigan? Jackson, Michigan. Jackson.

That's what I'm talking about. Jackson. Well, I'm in the fucking big time, ain't I? Just made the big leap from having to go to prison to get some fucking recognition. It was worth it. Twelve years, it was worth it. What are we drinking tonight? What's everyone drinking?

I want to hear some fucking... Port wine, my friend. Chaley's on port wine. He's in his fourth hour of podcasting. Hour of wine. Oh, wait. Oh, they can only hear it if I repeat it. They can hear him, but he can only hear you if you repeat it.

All right, that's confusing. I shouldn't have taken that fucking edit. He's only hearing... Doug, he's only hearing you on your phone. Wait, what's going on? Wait, how can they not hear? They can hear him. He can't hear them.

You have to repeat what they say. Oh, okay. Got it? That makes more sense. Okay, yeah, you can't hear Chad. We can hear him. Okay, so I'm drinking a vodka soda fresh squeezed grapefruit. Chaley's drinking port wine.

Miller Lite from Brett Erickson and Chad Shank, the usual. The usual. Vodka soda cranberry. What are you drinking? What are you drinking out of your toilet bowl, Bobby? Let me get toiletilet line? I drink a shot of instant coffee

like in fucking cocaine. It's way too much. Just jittery, shaking. I get talking too much to people I don't know. Wait, how are there people you don't know? Erickson

asked, how are there people you don't know? Well, this is a fucking, it's a big facility, and there's a lot of people you probably don't want to know. You know what I mean? Most of my time, I'm looking at people on the phone.

You know, comedians and whatnot. Comedians? Are you seeing another comic? Well, I'm building it. I'm really trying to work behind your back to get the... I was using you to get the Andrus. Owie. Can I, uh...

Has everyone been keeping... I won't fuck it. My people know my Twitter. Me and, uh... Doug, you know this. Me and Andrus, I challenged him to a most molestable kid contest. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because I put your picture on there. I sent a bunch of taunting tweets out of the J-Pay, the prison kiosk J-Pay. You know, basically shitting on Andrus to tell him, like, look, if you want to back out of the J-Pay, the prison kiosk, J-Pay, you know, basically shitting on Andres Natal.

And I'm like, look, if you want to back out of this competition, like, now's your chance because I was a way more fuckable kid than you. So, you know what I mean? I was like, I'm half Asian. We were huge in the 80s, the Goonies. Anyway, they sent her, I sent the mail

out yesterday, right, just a bunch of vulgar kids touchinging tweets. And about two hours later, I have a J-Pay mail notification. I go, cool, click on it. Your mail has been censored due to a sexually explicit... There's some guy up there reading this shit like, what the fuck is going on? Now you're a target. Now they're going to start investigating me.

Like, are there charges we don't know about? Yeah, I know that guy. That guy's a kid fucker. He's sending out pictures of underage boys. And then I got a picture of Andrus in a fucking top hat and a Botox when he was like nine. Yankee Junior Randy. Yeah, he's a dandy. Yeah, Andy was a seven at best.

He was just a Botox. Wow. That's a coquille tan, Noah. In one of the tweets I said, I don't know if you guys know the Andrus molestation story, but I said, in one of the tweets I said, yeah, if I were there, do you think you really would have had a chance? That guy would have gave me the car. Yeah, that's a trigger for him. Bobby, we'll get you scheduled at some point so people can hear your backstory.

Because it's a... Yeah. But yeah, you've been in since 2013. You get out in 2025. Yep. Yep. Been in maximum security prisons for the first three years because you have to be if you come down with a certain amount of time.

And now I'm into this 100-year-old prison at Parnell that looks like it's just fresh out of a fucking cliche movie set with bars everywhere. But it's a level one, it's a minimum security, it's fucking Candyland. I got my own cell, though. Stan Holt, let him know that it looks like there's going to probably be a lot of construction jobs

by the time he gets out. Chad Shag says there's going to be a lot of construction jobs by the time you get out. Pass it on. Yeah, we'll set this up right. Notesfromthepen.com. If our listeners start reading your work, where would you start them? What's the story you would tell them to read first? Oh, shit.

I still haven't read the one about Make Porn Great Again. Tell us what that's about. Okay, that's a great one. Make Pornography Great Again is, you know, when I came to prison, I was in my 30s when I came to prison. It was the first time. I'm not a career criminal. And I noticed all these weird fucking little nuances about prison. And I was like, I don't think anyone fucking knows about this shit.

And so that's kind of what the website's about. It's about just expressing and kind of telling stories that you don't see or hear on like the cliche fucking movies and stuff like that. And one of them is what pornography is like in prison and how hard it is to attain. And, you know, the ubiquitous nature of it out there and how it's kind of, you guys don't appreciate porn because it's everywhere. And when you have to go ask some guy you barely know

for some shady Xerox copy hard core when you want to jerk off. It kind of reels in your fucking... So that'd be a good one to start with. You know what I mean? Dude, that's awesome.

I have read that one. Hang on. Go ahead, Chad. Oh, I was just saying I have read that one, and it is a very good one. I recommend it. It's fucking hilarious. Chad has read that one and it is a very good one I recommend it it's fucking hilarious Chad has read it and he's recommending it Bobby you know what we need to tell

tell Bobby what we need to do is do questions for the pen where we submit Patreon questions to someone who's locked up yeah I'll do that right away. I'll tweet that out.

Absolutely, that's a good idea. What did he say, question? And working on getting this podcast started, got the bumper music to intro, so that way it'll be another little medium to get people an inside look at what's going on, to humanize people in prison, because if we want to make some changes

and do some prison reform, I think the first step is making us relatable and realizing we're people. If your idea is to get people to not murder people, then having them have a podcast is not the way to do it.

That was funny. I'm sorry you couldn't hear that. I was going to say the same thing, Brett, is this adds a new level to everybody has a podcast. Technically, you're not in for murder, are you, Bobby? It's involuntary manslaughter? No, no, involuntary manslaughter.

Yeah. Oh, someone else. Yeah, we'll give the listeners the backstory at some point, but... All right. But it's always good to talk to you, sir. All right, I love you guys. Be good.

Be safe. I think I fucking crushed it, so... I think you did too, Bobby. I'm going to go drink some more coffee. You guys have fun. I love you guys. All right. Love you, Mike. That's got to go drink some more coffee. You guys have fun. I love you guys. All right. Love you, Mike.

That's got to be some good coffee, right? Oh, man. Is there an eclipse in Hereford right now? No, Chad just turns his lights off. Tracy, you know how ugly I am. I don't like to. I tried putting light in here. It just made me look uglier.

Maybe some rose-colored lights. You're kind of like... Some Rubenesque burlesque dancers use. You look like Apocalypse Now. You look like... Oh, the colonel? Yeah. Yeah.

I like the Erickson. Erickson once said, he goes, eh, fuck it, it suits you. Because I was like, I don't, my square is real dark on issue then. He's like, fuck it, you're dark, it suits you, it's all right. I'm like, all right, good, then I'm not putting lights on. He's like our dark passenger. Hey, does, you need to ask Bobby Caldwell. What I want to do is I want to have questions submitted for someone that's in prison.

I vetted him as much as I do anyone when I started communicating with him. No, we remember Gump. We remember Gump. I think it was Traverse City. No, no, the news stories about his case. And even the cops said, yeah, it was an accident. He was trying to kill himself and misfired the gun and accidentally killed his wife, who was stairs above him telling him to not kill himself.

And even the cops, like, yeah, he didn't mean to do it. And listen, none of that matters anyways, because we don't judge people based on those sorts of things. Yeah, no, I wouldn't judge, but if he was lying to me, I'd know it. Yeah, no, no. I mean, Sonny, our other murderer, he murdered his mother. He doesn't say, it was an accident. I stabbed her to death. He had mental issues.

A little different. But I'm saying, he's not lying to you. You know a lot of these guys. Just saying. We have a good thing going. I don't want to grind this up. Stanhope has a type. guys don't even know we have we have two right now one actually did get into rehab, and one is in a mental institution. This is not something we should be talking about.

No, I'm not. I'm saying, yeah, we thrive when fucking people get fucked up. That's not a good thing to say. What? You're not trumpeting your success because other people are down. No, I'm saying we're fucking, we're thriving. Like, we take care of our own. Okay, that's different than we're thriving. Yeah take care of our own okay that's different than

thriving yeah no I'm saying yeah and those people are good where they are they're happy to be there and we your type is extenuating circumstances yeah where else is the

conversation how's the weather hey by the way Andy's not answering where else is the conversation? How's the weather? Hey, by the way, Andy's not answering right now. You know what that means? He probably had to go make some sort of errand in his car to go get bark dust or do something to get

out of the house. I think a crossbow arrow is in his head. Oh, Jesus, did you see that one? The guy firing arrows at protesters and they beat the fuck out of him? Of course we did. This is with Andy. It wasn't in the video,

but did you know right after they beat the fuck out of him, they flipped his car over and set it on fire? I heard that. Insult to death. Oh, the sword. I heard that. Insult to death. Oh, the sword. I saw that. It's really shitty footage. The guy protecting his own store with a sword.

Don't bring a sword to a kick fight. This is the thing. I didn't say this during our podcast, but when you have a sword, it looks very menacing until you take that first swipe and everyone goes, he doesn't know how to handle the sword.

Yeah, he has no backhand. I know this tennis match. They hit him with a trash can from behind and then he's on the ground. He's like, hey, just stomp on him. Just keep stomping. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, that was when even Chad was like, I miss, what is it, gore.com or something?

Best gore. Best gore.com is off the air. Wow. Do you remember rotten.com? Yes, I do. There was another one, steak and cheese. Steak and cheese? Steak and something.

That was really gross. I keep forgetting that Tracy's mic'd. Oh, sorry. Forever she was not mic'd, so I'd have to repeat what she's saying. I know. I forget that. All right, we walked Erickson. No, he's just getting a drink.

Mm-hmm. I suggest it. Maybe we will do another podcast. Say, yeah, fucking weird night. Wow. Ever since 30 days, doing one or two podcasts a week doesn't seem like a lot feels like we're letting the people down

hey speaking of I can't promote my god damn special during this second pandemic of fucking racist shit way to frame it well I was the first two nights of riots

I didn't know what was going on. I was in... I got some really good pics. Did you watch that... The platform? The rocket that went up in the air and then dropped at the International Space Station? No, the platform.

I was watching some good Netflix. I found some really good movies. Oh, I want to see that. The platform is fucking brilliant. Jack Dino recommended me that one. I'm telling you right now, it's one where don't have anything in the way

of watching it because the trailer sells it to where you know you're just going to watch the whole thing all the way through. That trailer is perfect. The platform? Yeah.

It's subtitled or dubbed if you can figure out. Can I do both? I'll do both. I did both with Dark. Have you seen Dark? Dubbed titles. No, but Freaks is the other one.

Todd Browning? New one. The new Freaks. It's not like the Gooble Gobble Freaks. It just has the same name. It has nothing to do with that. But, yeah, Freaks is great. Who did you say was in it

there's somebody in it that the name is recognized yeah he looks like Jack Black but it's the kid from Into the Wild but he's kind of fat so he looks like Jack Black did that other one yeah and Snowpiercer was fucking brilliant

that's episodic though right no Snowpiercer they made it into a show fucking brilliant. That's episodic though, right? No, it's coming out. Yeah, they made it into a show. The movie is the guy who did Parasite. See, that's the one I haven't seen.

Parasite's great. No, I fucking gave it to Valentino. I get this Oscar screener. You should see it. It's fucking fabulous. The Oscars sent Doug a movie that he still hasn't seen after the Oscars.

Yeah, he's doing a good job. It's now on Netflix. And it won the award, too, didn't it? Actually, it also won, didn't it? The one they sent you was the one that won and you still didn't somehow watch it. You know, Derek, I have to freeze that pot roast.

I gave him some pot roast in a Tupperware. I said, return my Tupperware, and he did. But every Oscar screener I gave out, give it back. Yeah, it's in your hoard. Parasite's great. Yeah. We had a new TV show that came out, a series that came

out on Netflix a couple of days ago, and I was kind of looking forward to it, even though it seemed formulaic and dumb because the premise seemed funny. Space Force. I want to see that one. I didn't know that was episodic. That's great.

Ten episodes. It is fucking horrendous, you guys. Steve Carell. I usually don't. If something's bad, I usually don't even say anything. I just keep my mouth shut about it. It's so bad, I want to warn you guys off watching it. It's so bad, I want to warn you guys off watching it.

It's bad. Oh, wow. The potential is there because it's Greg Daniels from Parks and Rec and The Office. And the potential is there, but I have to agree with you, Chad. It's like I watched it and the whole time going like, no, it's all right. It's like, no, you don't say that to something that's good. Are they doing it like The Office where they have, like, a confessional camera that they talk into and shit? It's a guy who's rich who wrote it.

You can see where the joke is supposed to be in the thing. Like, you can watch the joke supposed to happen, and you're just going, no, it's not funny, man. Chad, back me up on this. The whole thing is predicated on boots on the moon by 2024.

That's a funny joke. Yes, yes. And the premise that POTUS only tweet, you know, that he rolls from tweeting. The whole premise, the thing could be fantastic and it's just really not. They do a running joke. I guess that's what I would call it.

Shaylee, the one about the guy letting people in his office? He said not to say anything. There's a guy in your office. He said not to tell you. It's the government. Fire the fuckers. It's just not funny. I'm telling you.

All right. This is what I had it in my list. Now with my expectations lowered, I will watch it. You should watch it. I just realized a problem that I've created for myself since

quarantine. In the last two plus months, I have followed a lot of people i've done like zoom chats with people when i was drunk so i have all these people that i'm talking to now that i don't know who they are so so i saw a tweet for about space force from one of these people that says uh yeah i'm 15 minutes in and this is already great. So I'm like, oh, yeah. I don't know how I know these people.

Like, hey, do you want to do the Rushmore podcast? I know you guys. I guess I said I'd be on it. I have nothing to say. You would never say you'd be on that. Well, when I'm shit-faced, I would. And I think maybe we did

a Zoom thing with them like when Shane Gillis was here we did a lot of fucking stupid shit and then it continued. What? Oh, Jeff Tate! Jeff Tate! Hey, Jeff Tate!

Oh, what's up, guys? Hey, man. Wait, that's Jeff Tate. What's up, guys? Hey, man. Wait, that's Jeff Tate? Yeah. That looks like Poseidon, the god of the sea. Well, we got to pick. I'm just picking up shifts, man. It's like Poseidon.

Hey, Jeff Tate, do you know Chad Shank, the co-host of the Doug Stanoff podcast? Yeah, yeah, we've met in Bisbee. Oh, that's right. He came out here. Yeah. Yep. What's happening, guys? Hey, man. Yeah, come in strong.

Throw some heat. Did you head down to, weren't you going out to Cincinnati today? Did you do that? Yeah, I'm in Cincinnati right now. But I thought you were going to walkabout. No? Never mind. Sorry. Are there riots in Cincinnati? Yeah, yeah, but

mine's not until tomorrow. Riots aren't like a Zoom comedy show you're doing. Oh, my riots are too. Wait, hang on. They're not? We were talking about that last night watching the riots. Like, oh, well, they started in the afternoon in L.A. Is there a second string with fresh legs that's coming in for the night riots?

Third shift, fifth meal. Man, I'm trying to figure out how to... Well, it looks like you did it. If you wanted to get out of being on a podcast, you did it. I think what he was trying to say... I went into a tunnel. I think what he was trying to say is, I'm trying to figure out how to get the fuck out of here. But he figured it out before he could finish.

Geoff Tate. I'm calling him again just to find out what the fuck happened. But Tracy listens to him and Doug Benson every day. They do a trivia thing. Yeah. There he comes.

There he goes. That's why you did that. I forgot his name is Tomorrow. They were rescheduling Tomorrow's game to later. Hey, wait. Is that my poster in the background? No, man. Was it Statue of Liberty?

Right here? No, that's this guy from New York. Oh. Didn't we have a statue of liberty poster? We did, but his whole thing is movies. Oh, it had a ball gag. Yeah. And it's not that at all.

Hey, Jeff, I have to tell you, Tracy watches you and Doug Benson every day. Like, religiously, we're all like, oh, hey, Tracy, do we need to get any more? And then I have to stop because she's engrossed into her boyfriends, her internet boyfriends until you guys stop. So I just want to say it's captivating. Love the show. It's on I think he's saying you're fucking my

wife. From quarantine? What kind of question is that? Did I fuck your wife? I'm saying plug your thing. People are into it. How we play on Doug Benson's Periscope.

That's the plug is Doug Benson's Periscope. Yeah, if only Doug was paying Jeff, that'd be awesome for Jeff. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, you guys have figured out how to get money? Put your Venmo up right now. You need a green screen background. You can put your Venmo up right now you need a green screen background

you can put your Venmo up on dude we already figured this out for Andy yeah I got the escape from New York man that cost $25 it's the opposite of a Venmo how's LA man

Brett you're like real close to, I heard Melrose and Fairfax was on the news, those roads. Yeah, it's right there. It's a couple blocks away, but I mean, you know, it is, we're fine. Can you hear it? Well, it was, it's weird

that, like, last night it was a situation where I could sit in my living room, look at the TV, and watch a store being looted and think, man, the store that's being looted, I can see the helicopter that's filming the store that's being looted. I can look out my front door and see the helicopter that was filming the looting of that store. It was like this weird fucking triangle that I was involved in. I remember, man. I remember being in junior high or high school and Rodney King. Those were the coolest stores, man. It's got to feel pretty cool that you're so close to those stores.

They did loot a tennis shoe store. I think it's called Flight Club. It's on Fairfax Avenue. Apparently, it's famous. It's right next to Cantor's Deli. I've driven by it a million times. There's always a line outside, usually a line of people sitting. That's how long they've been there.

And it's custom-made $3,000 tennis shoes. And people are like, fucking, they've got this gate open and people are streaming out of that place. And on Channel 7 or whatever the fuck we're watching, they're like, isn't it terrible that they're looting? These are mom and pop stores that are just trying to make a living. And then,

about a minute later, some guy comes on and he's like, actually, it turns out to be this place called Flight Club with $3,000 custom-made tennis shoes. And everyone's like, yeah, fuck them then. Get them. They're not all mom and pop shops in fucking West Hollywood, you know. I saw on Twitter they had somebody who was flaunting that, look, Target is on our site.

Target having released a statement. Hey, look, we don't care about property. It can be replaced. People is what, man? Target's just got some good motherfucking marketing and they know that they have insurance. They're not on your fucking side. They're making money off of this.

Yeah, it was high as shit the other night. I tweeted, like, all the people are saying Target's got insurance. Well, then fucking burn down an insurance company, because that seems like who insures insurance companies. And again, I'm a new high person, so when I get those stupid thoughts, I don't know. Well, that's like you predating the predators. Yeah, but I don't know. I didn't know if it makes sense. Well, that's like you predating the predators. Yeah, but I don't know if I didn't fact check

my own thoughts. Well, it doesn't have to be fact checked to be funny. Imagine getting to this part of Doug Stanhope's life and finally having those stoned, like, what if this isn't outside

and that's inside? I know, I love being silly. Mushrooms or fucking weed. I love being a fucking kid again. Alcohol just makes me jaded.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Dude, can I get that on a shirt, please? You can, but you'd have to give It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Dude, that's... Can I get that on a shirt, please? You can, but you'd have to give... You'd have to give credit to Tom Robbins, the person who thought of it. Oh, no.

Not in this day and age. You just feel rampantly. Loot ideas. Loot it. Loot ideas. I want to triple-side it. I want to triple cite it. I want it to say it's never too late to have

a good childhood or whatever and then cite it as Tom Robbins as quoted by Brett Erickson on the Doug Sanho podcast. It goes really mud to the water so Tom Robbins read the fine print.

How you attribute it is like way bigger than the T-shirt. Oh, yeah, it keeps getting bigger. We only have this in double XL. It's the only one it fits on. Or a hoop skirt. You can get a hoop skirt or a double. It's big in the south. Yeah.

In the 1890s. That tweet, I had a fucking existential crisis because of the weed. About when? A fucking tweet about 102,000 people have died saying I can't breathe. I'm like, I don't know if I can tweet that. Is this the bad? Is that the one you deleted? Did I delete?

No, no, no. You did not want to do it forever. I woke up with a fucking thousand notifications because a bunch of people responded to you to a tweet I was mentioned in. But by the time I woke up, that tweet no longer existed. Yeah, I vaguely remember deleting a tweet last night. That's Twitter, man. That's Jack Dorsey. That's the fucking deep state right there.

You mean that my own friends are getting shadow banned from me? I don't understand this. Now they're taking on the alt-left? The funny alt-left, which isn't even tinier than... Where are the editors? Who's editing the editors? There's so many people. I'm disappointed in you for buying into the hype

of the virus i go there's a fucking virus that would kill me i have fucking 40 year old smoker lungs i wake up going i'm having a hard time breathing anyway yeah so yeah right and i also like an excuse to not let people over to my house. That's the tweet. I can't breathe, dot, dot, dot, anyway. How hard do you have to laugh before you can't breathe for a little bit? That's the opposite of having a knee on your neck. I took the sneaky stairs up from Chaley's yesterday, and I was out of breath. That's the opposite of having a knee on your neck. I took the sneaky stairs up from Chaley's yesterday and I was out of breath.

That's eight stairs. I played tag with a couple of five-year-olds last week and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. So, yeah, I can't breathe. That's because you're fat. Well, I'm out of shape, yeah. As soon as you take an Uber home from Shaley's, that's when you know you've got to really make some changes.

Instead of walking eight steps up. Oh, fucking neighbor Dave lives across from the Shaley's, and he has to drive over for football. Yeah, you can't do eight stairs. I like how Stan says that's because you're fat. Like, my horrible life decisions affecting myself drowning in my own fucking self is different than your stupid life decisions that make you drown in your own self. Well, the difference is it's easier to buy clothes.

Well, I don't go anywhere. I don't know that it is i have gym shorts and t-shirts and i fucking sit around like a big fat comfortable dude in a moo moo all the time and life is great chad i will i will back up on my comment and say because i keep thinking i should quit smoking if i'm ever going to go back on the road again because this fucking virus is always going to be around uh but it's too late like you can lose weight I will always be out of breath and a fucking ready to be put on a fucking incubator that's what Winston Churchill said that right or wait who was it?

That was one of those like, you're fucking gross now, but I'll be gross forever. I mean, it's just regular history. This podcast is like actually having friends. Now I know how the listener feels. the listener feels. Just smoke weed, man.

That's how I got off the cigarettes. I just switched it for weed. How long since you smoked cigarettes, Jeff? It's been four years. No, in pounds. Good for you. How many pounds since you smoked the cigarettes? Oh, man. Good for you. How many pounds since you smoked a cigarette? Oh, man.

I stopped looking. I'll start smoking again if I get a scale. Yeah, he stopped looking when he couldn't see the scale anymore. Well, it's upstairs. This is how we make this podcast funny. Get comics on it. Yeah. Why didn't they learn from Bob and Tom?

We did pretty good. We did the Bob and Tom joke. Those guys made millions. I'll just be the conduit. You Skype in a bunch of comics, and I'll go take a nap. I need more numbers. I ran out of numbers. Andy's not answering his phone. James Inman is not answering his phone.

Good. They're answering their Skype. That would be a funny thing to get Inman on, James Inman on, and then in the podcast. Andy's probably doing Inman's podcast right now. That's why they're both. I'm calling Sonny.

No, hold on. Before you do that, why not? Let's put it on Bluetooth and then it'll be on the fucking thing. No, because it's going to take you, it's going to be a quick call. You're right.

It would take almost two seconds. Well, you said if I want to make a phone call. Let's do the thing where he hears you and he can't hear anyone. Yeah, I'm going to do it quickly. Shalom. Hey, you're on the podcast with you can't hear.

They can hear you, but you can't hear them. Who are you talking to? Twyna. All right. I mean, Sonny. It doesn't matter at this point. Yeah. How are you doing?

We're having fun. We just talked to Bobby Caldwell. So I thought, are you jealous I'm talking to other murderers? No, not at all. You know that. Yeah. I gave you the new phone number in confidence. And then I said, that's for emergency only.

And you texted me a joke that's terrible. So tell the people your terrible joke. Tell the people your terrible joke. And let's punch it up. I've got a new joke that's even better. Okay, go ahead. All right. My girlfriend used to fuck to Nirvana.

Smells like teen spirit. Just wish I was there. That's fucking terrible. Suck it up, guys. But it's new. It is new. It is new. I mean, it's...

But, you know, I try my best. I'm trying to get away from dick jokes. When? A friend of ours is in a mental institution briefly, and that person said, I'm thinking about doing stand-up. And I said, well, you should talk to Sonny. And maybe... doing stand-up and I said, well, you should talk to Sonny and maybe, because he does, Sonny does open mic in his mental

health facility and I said, maybe you can franchise like a mental hospital fucking improv. Crazy bones. Improv groove. How about this? It's turned out well, which is good.

It is good, and you're doing good. There was a, what was Arthur, Dudley Moore movie where he starts an advertising agency in a mental institution. Remember that movie? True.

Real People? I don't remember the name. Real People. Hang on. Erickson has a question for you. I have to repeat it for you, Sonny. Okay. I was just going to say, my wife likes to fuck to Smells Like Teen Spirit.

It should be Smells Like Tuna Casserole. Oh, wow. be smells like tuna casserole. He says the punchline should be likes to fuck the teen spirit should be smells like tuna casserole. Yeah, I fucked that. This is a fucking one man Chinese telephone.

We're in a pandemic, everyone. It was a hard premise to work off of. I'll go back. I'll go back to work. Everyone's talking. Call you after the podcast. I mean, Sonny, whatever. I love you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined that. It was more interesting to talk to that guy than for me to do my joke about his dumb joke. Is that guy really a murderer? Well, he just stabbed his mother to death, but he had voices in his head. He's in a mental institution. Yeah. As far as I know, that joke is

incredible. I wouldn't touch a single word of it. How about smells like poon casserole? My wife likes to fuck Nirvana's smells Like Teen Spirit. Last night, she called me from Florida. And I could hear that song playing in the background, and I was like,

damn, you're done already? This bitch. The dichotomy is this. My wife likes to fuck the nirvana smells like teen spirit i found out via long distance dedication the odd thing is he actually stabbed his mother to death in a psychotic state, and he's got a phone. He's only back in the mental institution because of COVID. He was out on a house arrest.

He had a halfway house. He has a job. He's got a bank account. They only had to reel him in because of COVID. Conversely, Bobby Caldwell, who accidentally killed his wife while he was trying to fucking kill himself.

Yeah, he's doing many years. A dime. Yeah. Hey, let's welcome to the podcast Mr. Andy Andrus. Hey. Andy Andrus? Really?

I wasn't trying to kill myself. Oh, my gosh. What did I win? It's a city-wide curfew. Mayor Garcetti wants you to know, 6 p.m. Oh, Arizona enacted that today, too. You got 40 minutes to get home.

Arizona enacted curfew, yeah. Oh, my God. When white people want to go to the mall, they don't give a fuck what time anything happens, but when black people want to stop getting killed by cops, you got to be home by 6, and nobody says fucking boo.

Black people want to stop getting killed by cops. You got to be home by six. And nobody says fucking boo. We should turn that flag upside down, Andy. It is, I think. It is. It is. It is. Jeff, he just didn't frame the whole flag in the book.

It's perfectly framed. It's amazing. I would like to welcome you to every one of our problems on the podcast. Wait, is this going on? I have a nice anecdote about almost killing my wife. But I wasn't trying to kill myself. This was years ago at our old place place and we had squirrels up there again, little squirrels.

And I was like, uh, uh, one night I heard a ruckus up there. Apparently a raccoon was up there, uh, ravaging my squirrels up there. And,

uh, and we were out, we, it was like a lot of screaming and shit. So we were like here and then we're both out there. And then I picked up a brick and I chucked it up like that i did the arrow the other year i chucked up a brick to scare the raccoon off of my squirrels and then it bounced right by just about hit my newly uh i was just fairly new into the marriage then so it would have been like oh well huh live and learn

uh don't throw bricks up in the air. Somebody could get hurt. Oh, my God. That was the fucking footage we watched. The CNN footage. Three nights ago. Friday night. Yeah. CNN World Headquarters.

The camera shot is coming from inside the lobby. And there's a phalanx of police. And there's a phalanx of police. And this guy, someone throws a fucking brick at the window. And this guy catches the rebound just reflexively, just boom. And then throws it right back in. It was fucking great. Good hands, by the way. Yeah, not his first race war.

What about the guy kicking it? Yeah, yeah, the one where the guy launched it, that's right. That could seem like... What was he kicking? What was that? Like a smoke bomb? Yeah, that was from a different protest in a different country.

Oh, really? That does not fucking matter. Yeah. i was trying to find some doubts in the i'm doing this i'm doing this because i'm about to talk about this the what i retweeted someone tweeted uh like this is how they do it in hong kong because they're so practiced so they have like hand signs like okay we need helmets we need this like they're so practiced. So they have like hand signs like, okay, we need helmets. We need this. Like, they're fucking good at protesting. So let's do that

when you have something to say since we have 18 people on this fucking podcast. If you want to chime in, throw up a finger. Inman, can you hear me? He says Skype baby and he's already learned to walk. We're 55 episodes into this.

We do this all the time, Stan. Know your role. We got this. I love that Andy's making fun of Stanhope. I do it on MySpace all the time. What's that behind you, Andy? Is that one of

your gun targets? Your crossbow targets? It's Mitch McConnell. Brett Brock drew him up and then i was like looking for something to make archery fun and uh and he had that so i was like yeah put a ring around him and then so i got that's like you know i've got like five of them but it's i'm getting real good at the neck shots from a distance and i just come out like you know i got the crossbow by in the bathroom and then I open the door in the morning and go, what's up, McConnell? Or, you know, here's your bagel, Mr. Senator.

And then click. Do you do a different line every day when you burst open the bathroom? Like, you take a shit every morning and then the bathroom door bursts open and it's fucking... Even though Fix This Yeah, even though Fix This...

This was an idea. There was one beautiful drunk afternoon day drinking on the patio where we were drunk dialing Sal and Q from

the Impractical Jokers. And that was like we were just pitching ideas of things they could do on Impractical Jokers and that was one of my ideas was inappropriate targets to shoot at at a shooting range with a mother

trying to hold her kid protect her kid running away that would be brilliant and then there was another shooting Like trying to hold her kid, protect her kid, running away. Like that would be brilliant. And then there was another shooting. Right? 40 kids behind school desks?

Yeah. Wait, hang on. They keep popping up. A priest? Yeah, yeah. You're taking care of the problem there. Yeah. Yeah, it's almost hard to choose targets without upsetting somebody. That's why

the school shooters have the best idea. They just random, you know. It's like a lottery. Hey, it's just a silhouette. But that's what I have on Twitter. Shooting me. It's a silhouette. Remember whenever

we filmed that pilot, whenever you had me go out there with Bingo and we shot Watermelons and they had the faces of assassinated famous people on them. I guess those would fall into the inappropriate target category too.

John Lennon, Ronald Reagan. Yeah. Phil Hartman. People who died by gunfire. Archduke Ferdinand. Classic Archduke Ferdinand. Archduke Ferdinand. Natural. Who's the congressman

or the city councilman who blasted himself at the table? Bud Dwyer. Shoot him before he shoots himself. He's holding a gun to his head and you're like, city councilman who blasted himself at the table. Bud Dwyer? Yeah, Bud Dwyer target. Shoot him before he shoots himself. He's holding a gun to his head and you're like, I can take care of this. You can't kill yourself because you're already dead. Boom.

I shot about 30 fucking watermelons with a shotgun that day. It was one of the most cathartic days of my life. Well, so some good a shotgun that day. It was one of the most cathartic days of my life. Well, so some good came of that shooting. Yeah, right? I mean, those goddamn watermelons

have never taken us over. You really put them in their place. I just did what I was told, sir. I just did what I was told. Just following orders. All right. Let's breach this subject. What?

I think we're going to... I think it's time to strip the funhouse and redecorate. That came up last night. Yeah. You want to buy the McConnell? It's in a fairly original print. Some superficial damage. I will use fluids of your choice to decorate it.

No, no. That's a problem. It's going to be in black light eventually at the Stanhope Funhouse. You're not going to want to see the McConnell. Yeah, it's going to be kind of gross. Doug, explain why not going to want to see this. Yeah, it's going to be kind of gross. Explain why you want to. Well, you know, with the Museum of Intolerance that we have in our signage here. Be Pride, White Power.

Well, if you just look over Doug's left shoulder, you're right. Yeah, I'm looking at it. There's plenty there. Yeah, I mean, we have all sorts of terrible things on our walls because we find it funny. But it's only a matter of time before... You've been jumping into a lot of Zooms and stuff. Oh, my God.

This happened last night. What happened? Hang on. Last night, I tried to take a picture of the four TV screens with Black Hawk down and three different riots from MSNBC, CNN

and Fox and I go I can't tweet that picture because we have a lot of like right there. People will pick it apart. This is how a weather person works.

Yeah. That's like an authentic sign of a minstrel show that says whites only. But we have all sorts of... I have a John Ashcroft album. Women... You're not helping your cause.

Not just and John. That's Not just John Ashcroft. That's the best John Ashcroft album. It's not just John Ashcroft albums. Just shitty things that used to be. And colored only.

Picking any frees. I found one. Oh wait, it might be right here. Why don't you just black rag dolls? The new one. Oh, wait. It might be right here. Why don't you just bring something into the new one? Yes. This is why I

hate what I do. Yeah, that didn't even make the wall. You just put up stuff that you like. Like actual stuff that you like and are proud of. This started at a place with Shawnee, who built this entire fucking place.

Who swung the hammer, who hung everything here, didn't put that last thing up. There's one that says, colored people served carry-out only. And I go, that's so great for the times carry out only but maybe you should have had a bigger audience of black

guys than just Shawnee to go hey do you find this offensive if this is on a wall of a room you came in or whatnot like that there's a whole back story to how this all got started and it was Shawnee one of our few black friends.

There always is, man. There's always one grandpa who goes, hey, here's a book I like. And the next thing you know, you're fucking holding a tiki torch. Gasoline-filled water balloon. Yeah, I remember that oh fuck I'm getting high

so yeah I think we're gonna how do you how can you tell our neighbor our neighbor across the street Bruce well yeah he's got kids and they were little tiny kids when i moved here and now

i saw i was walking the dog i was high again 15 years ago no recently no they have signs in their window she's like graduated fucking whatever from high school and you've been here 15 years yeah people don't know that. I'm probably as stoned as Doug. I was just getting high when you called. So I'm following this perfectly. I knew exactly what he meant.

So they have signs they put up in their window. Their front window. Congratulations, the oldest daughter graduated fucking top of the class, busy high going. So I knocked on the door and I said, Hey,

someone left this a hundred dollars in my mailbox and said, congratulations for graduating top of the class, but I only have a GED. So they must've put it in the wrong mailbox. And then they put up a sign. You don't think Dane Cook left that for you? the class, but I only have a GED, so they must have put it in the wrong mailbox. And then they put up a sign. You don't think Dane Cook left that for you? Hang on.

Sorry, I did that for the back of the room. Hang on. Oh, I held back on one. We're live podcasting. You don't want to be on it, do you? Nobody wants the hordes coming for them because of the old time comment I have a way for the phone

to go right to the fucking board and Doug won't take two seconds for me to fucking get it going where you are and everything tell him that I don't think he knows that you can do that all of this should be clipped out as an ad for weed.

Get your fucking parents high because as soon as Doug got high, he was like, you think this shit on the wall is bad? Hang on one second. Here's the booze and it's hilarious. Two weed specials on speakerphone. This might not be the best. I did LSD

and I stared at my phone. Hang on, our friend is on speakerphone from the mental institution. Once again, sorry, guys. Sorry. Hello, bingo. Listen. Let me give you the situation. No, no, no, no, no.

We have Andy, Jeff Tate, Chad Shank, Brett Erickson all on Skype. They can hear you, but you can't hear them. We've also talked to Bobby Caldwell, Sonny, we call him. Who are you talking to? This is the mental institution in Tucson. Hey, bingo. Well, it's not the same. Hey, bingo.

Hey, that's at the VA fucking One West. Chad Shank is saying that's the VA One West. Chad knows where you are, evidently. I've been there. I have not. I've been talking about we have one friend in rehab, finally, and you in a mental institution. And then we've had, yeah. And we're the good people.

Yeah, everyone's winning. Everyone's doing great. But you're having a great time in the mental institution. Yeah, it's basically college. I'm thriving. Yeah, never want to leave. But I'm probably discharging tomorrow. Could you make me a wallet?

A $105 is great. And yeah, thinking about going to Mirasol. But eating disorder clinic that we're familiar with one of our own? Yeah, with horses. I never met the horses there. We did buy them a giant... Remember when we went to Mirasol and we brought... No, we never went there. You never went there? We dropped you off. All right. We were...

Yeah, we... All right. In one of the bins there at One West, there's a VHS tape of The Waterboy. It's the only good show to watch while you're in there. Chad is talking to you, and he's saying in one of the bins, he has a VHS of The Waterboy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Really?

Yes. Oh, my God. People are god! Really? Yes. Oh my god, people are going to be so excited. Oh my god, we've seen so much Indiana Jones. I go, are you watching the riots? And she's like, no, there's a Spider-Man trilogy on. Oh, the Spider-Verse is really good. That might actually be the riots.

I'm not a, yeah. The riots are a reaction to the Spider-Verse is really good. That might actually be the riots. I'm not a... Yeah. The riots are a reaction to the Spider-Verse. It's horrible. Yeah, this is too confusing. Anyone who could even... Jeff Tate, you watch movies. Spider-Verse is horrible.

I love the Spider-Verse. I was really high and I thought it was all right. Shaylee watched until you kick out and go, this is horrible. I have a lot of empathy for our timeline Spider-Man because he's got his work cut out for him.

Did someone just leave? No. No, I think I might have to piss. I'm fucking weird. Go take a leak. I'll talk to my friends. No, I think I might have to piss. I'm fucking weird. Go take a leak. I'll talk to my friends. No, I'm good. Great.

We met a guy in Vegas that wore a diaper, and that was his whole shtick. The guy you kick in the balls? Yeah. I'm just saying diapers aren't, you know, there's worse things than incontinence. Look, man, you could be incontinent and do a lot of drugs and still be president. So you're saying there's a way to make money. So it's fine. You're wearing a diaper, isn't it?

Here's what I've always thought. Doesn't incontinence imply you're wearing pants this is gonna go on this is gonna happen if you don't wear pants you don't I just found out from Kerry Mitchell that Sunset and Gardner is now having some shit go on

so now the shit is on the other side of us too because last night it was Melrose and Spalding it was Melrose it was Melrose and Spalding. Melrose. Yes, it was Melrose. So now it's on the other side. It was Melrose all directly one block south of us. Now it's directly one block north of us too.

So they've got us outflanked. So I'm going to go, much like I was protecting Kerry Mitchell during our slide down the side of the mountain at Panhandle, Much like I was protecting Kerry Mitchell during our slide down the side of the mountain at Panhandle. I'm going to go save and protect Kerry Mitchell and leave you guys to the podcast. If we die, I'll skyrocket. Let's just wrap this up. I know.

No, I got to go. You guys keep going. It's like a horror movie. She's missing and now you're going. No, she's right here. She's right here. Just cancel the fucking call. I feel the side moving in and I'm just going to peace out.

Every when? Bye. There he goes. What a thoughtless gesture that was. I was going to say something, but I thought it was Andy that left. Because I said something. I can't imagine any podcast I was going to say something, but I thought it was Andy that left. Because I said something.

I can't imagine any podcast that could be funnier than Issues with Andy. He's on the line. But I said this to you in person. Pull his headphones off. Andy, stay there. I don't think there could be a podcast that's funnier than Issues with Andy. Chad, you and I. If you're trying to talk me out of suicide, you're going about it the opposite way. Andy, take those headphones off for two minutes.

We're talking about you, not to you. Chad, honestly, this is a treat. This is a thing where I have to fucking figure out how I'm going to get through with all the drinking like you know what I mean help me out here this isn't issues of Kaylee

I had a point this is I mean every podcast is I just have to get through this and like not get so shit-faced I can't do anything else. And then that's all I do is go shit-faced to where I can't do anything else.

And I call that Sundays and Wednesdays. Yeah. And now it's 5.30. Is there any podcast that's fucking hilarious like Andy? I don't think there is one that exists. I listen to 10 podcasts.

That Malcolm Gladwell one's got some big laughs. The Laughing Point? Is that what it's called? The Laughing Point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get the reference, but... The tipping point is one of his books. Malcolm Gladwell.

Well, hey, Jeff Tate. Malcolm Gladwell isn't funny. Very good. Hey, Tracy, you don't... Tracy doesn't realize she's still on. Her mic is on. She's out there fucking feeding the cat. Let's do a fucking fart near the fucking urinal.

Wet food? All right. I tell you, your fucking podcast is great. Your Periscope every day. Fantastic. Very engaging. I'm your captain. I'm your captain. I'm your captain.

But I've been drinking port wine for five hours. He's been doing it longer than we've been doing. I'm talking about Chaley's drunk as shit. But the 30 days of the whole. We've been drinking since noon. But the 30 days we did, the 28 days we did with the video podcast, they've been doing it the whole time. Him and Doug Benson have been doing this huge fucking podcast every day.

Every day on the hour. And then when it doesn't work, they have a backup hour that they go to. Leave that open. It's fucked up. Yeah, we're using our backup hour tomorrow, but every day at 4. Yeah. It's like we do a show every day at 4. And we have for like 65 days or something, 67 days in a row.

That's fucking dedication. I appreciate that. My gal. That's wild. I share you with her. So don't ever come back. Well, I get real jazzed when I see Egglester in the comments. when I see Egglester in the comments.

She's been banned from Brendan Walsh doing George Washington. Tracy's comments on Egglester have been banned from the George Washington. Hey, let me raise a drink because I realized I never reached out to Brendan Walsh when fucking

Richard Bain killed himself. That was his podcasting partner. But he's always still funny on Twitter and I'm like, I should have probably made a call to Walsh and said,

are you good? Nah, he doesn't expect it. I mean, you can. Do it tomorrow. I can do it now on the podcast. I'm trying to find him right now. Sending some sarcastic remark on Twitter is the same as a personal call, really. I just like his last five tweets.

He'll get the picture. I count on that tate i like i liked it i liked what you said like i don't want to fucking have a conversation i enjoy the solitude that i'm not getting enough of i'm gonna i'm gonna just find a reason no one can come over or talk to me even bingo or the chalice, no. Just give me a fucking week. I should reach out to Brendan Walsh. You should quit smoking then. If you quit smoking, no one will talk to you for that first week. Not

after a while. Yeah, I stopped by to say hi and he told me to fuck myself and he threw a racist fucking metal plate at my head. And then you put it up on the wall. Yeah, we're going to have to. Oh.

Here, listen. Me wig. Thank you, ma'am. So I got a question, Stan Hope. What are your ideas for interior decoration if you want to take down? I like the racist stuff because it's funny because nobody there is racist

and that's what's fucking hilarious about it. But there's also, there's a million things. Faggot. You could do racist stuff up there everywhere but make it pictures of racists throwing shit or like the biggest fucking douchebags out in the front line.

I have a kind of a pedophile sign I'm looking at right now candy for children and it's an actual sign from yeah that's that's true man if you just took it all down and did something else you wouldn't think about it again yeah no i have a million signs that are really cool like vintage signs Yeah, no, I have a million signs that are really cool, like vintage signs. I'll keep the fucking John Ashcroft. Yeah, what would John Taffer do there? He'd yell at you for laying around and cross-contaminating cat food. Did you wash your hands?

She's your bartender and she just served cat food? Before she was in the mental institution, she had a couple friends come down to visit and I made them breakfast. Like, come on, I'll make you breakfast and sit on the patio. We threw eggs at them the night before. Yeah, I didn't remember that until too late. Justin Bieber?

I was smoking a cigarette and I didn't have a shirt on, and I go, what would Jon Taffer say about this? I just served you... If you went to a restaurant and someone served you breakfast without a shirt with a cigarette dangling from your face,

yeah, Jon Taffer sucks. Yeah, I give Riley that treatment with John Taffer because she's got different toys, and one's a hamburger. I'm like, what's the ticket time? Would you get that? There's still no hamburger. You call yourself a manager or whatever.

It's just like I can't yell at anyone else around here, so I deal with the dog. John Taffer is a role model for being verbally abusive for no reason going way over the top for nothing right right how many times do you like every every one of the ones i've seen it's just been like just get a couple more lights and maybe some new chairs you'll be fine yeah go to target making everybody cry i know yeah the way there was one guy he was he was just all up in his shit and then the guy went into the bathroom and sobbed and had a bit of a nervous breakdown I know, yeah. There was one guy, he was just all up in his shit, and then the guy went into the bathroom and sobbed and had a bit of a nervous breakdown,

and then Paffer was good cop. After he broke him, he immediately switched hats and was like, oh, I see you're overly stressed. You were calling him a fucking loser, and how do you like getting fucked in the ass minutes ago? And now you're like, oh, yeah. And all of that on Spike TV. Yeah. Yeah.

I've been watching the riots and then waiting for them for years. It's like it's finally here. It's like, how has this not happened already? happened already that what bothers me about the riots is i was the entire time watching all these anti-mask people no fuck it we're gonna have a trump thing i'm like good they'll die and that now you're taking away voters that are gonna die from the virus because they're fucking protesting like all the trump people are the ones that are going to die. Fuck you. I'm going to hug my fucking friend in a church.

Remember the good old days when we outraged over those white trash kids dry humping in a pool? And then just weeks later, the whole country's on fire. Like, I hope they had a good day, them kids. You know? Oh, yeah, they're already starting to test positive that's going to run rampant

right through their Memorial Day weekend plus all this other shit I think it's a mass extinction event I hope not completely because I still like to be around and I like all you folks yeah

it's just a little it's just a little shake I still like to be around, and I like all you folks. You're part of the completely. Yeah. It's just a little. It's just a little shake. It's got to shake off some chaff or whatever. You know, I don't want to be anywhere near those wards where people are moaning. You know, it's got to be fucking horrible to hear the population die as a group, you know. Hey, earlier when I said something that Brandon Wallace didn't want to be on the podcast, and then I went back outside, he just came back from a memorial. Oh, for Richard Bain?

Yeah, so he'll be on the podcast. We're going to do something like Tuesday or Wednesday. Hang on. I got another call. That was my fuck up. Come on. Bain came out to That was my fuck up. Come on. Bane came out to one of the desert parties. Did you guys know that?

Nope. Bane was at our fucking Death Valley party? Yeah, I did blow with him. Hang on. Bingo, you're on the podcast, but this is an inappropriate time. I didn't know he was in Death Valley. Yeah, Augie said he had a great time and he talked about it all the time. Big O, say hi.

You can call me later. Hey, Bingy. You're on with Jeff Tate, Andy Andrist, Tracy, Chad Chang. I love them all. Okay, bye. Bye. Well, I can't have all these

murderers on. Give me your phone and we'll put it on Bluetooth so when you call Todd Glass to end this podcast, you can do it right. Hang on. Andy, when I... Like, I don't know if I know Richard Bain from anywhere. You know, we know so many people at some point.

So I searched and I found where he liked one of my tweets from 2014, where I had predicted that the Arizona Cardinals would destroy the L.A. Rams or St. Louis Rams back then. And he liked it. I was searching to see if I know this guy on Google. I don't know if anyone's at that point. Not only did he like it,

he bet his whole life savings on that outcome. And they did win. They won 12-6 and destroyed the Rams' streak of winning, blacking, goddammit. A winning streak? Yeah, but not just winning streak, but they had beaten everyone

scoreless. Oh, wow. Fuck, I gotta get off this podcast. Shut him out. Shut him out. Thank you. And I was gonna tweet that, like, hey, this is as close as I can make this death about me. And I go, this is inappropriate.

So I didn't do that. I didn't make it about me, but I took my ropes down after it. First Brody, now this. It's like nobody's going to believe I came up with the idea now. You know? Yeah. It's like a second copycat

or something. Walsh brought him to the party? I don't know. I don't know who he... I thought it was the year Augie was there, but Augie said no. But Richard talked about that party. It came up now, and then he had a great time. And I know we had drugs together.

I forget the... It's like all those years kind of went together. You're not a good source. Well, no, doing drugs together. I forget the, you know, it's like all those years kind of went together. You're not a good source. Well, no, doing drugs together is I think that's why Andy remembers so much more than I do is because he does more drugs than I do. Because you remember shit

on drugs. But if you remember who you did drugs with, yeah. Well, if you remember. But that particular drug was hard to find some years there. You know. Not when you're around. Well, no, I'm not.

You know, it blew in. You can't, you know. This second podcast is never going to happen because I did have a fucking weird night last night. And that's what I was going to talk to Chaley about. No, we'll do another one after this. No, there's no doing another one after this with you. All right. You don't want to tell us about your weird night?

No, it's too weird. Were you writing in your sleep? No. I have dreams where I've done something horribly wrong. I killed someone or something. The cops are finding me. I'm being found out. Are we talking about that?

But this was like, I started to doze off last night, fucked up. And I go, oh, no, that's a memory. And it's just, yeah. So I went on Facebook. Is this a confession? I think we're off air. No, it's just so weird. I think we're off air.

Yeah. Yeah, that'll be the next podcast. Thanks for hanging out. I think that's you being a little new to weed. I think the Joker just... Oh, no. I don't remember shit about my past and this was like i was 19 or something like yeah we we were gonna let that guy die we fucking

is a nine millimeter well it's a long time ago and it's probably not a an issue no it's not an issue it's just it was a weird memory like just like a vivid oh fuck i remember that whole thing where i don't remember shit usually like oh my god and i almost remembered his name i know his first name was mark all right we'll save this one all right i was gonna say did the douchebag make it out of the party ask emory emory because he invited him you know fucking emory emory invited fucking that guy wow did you know that at one point on the mescaline i was running away from the party because it seemed like the trial broke up and it was all gonna get bloody and i was going to lead the thing and then somehow that dude ended up

behind me a few minutes later and he asked me to kill him and I was looking for a rock because I was like, man, I'm trying to get away from this shit, but if I would have found a proper different parties, you know, bludgeoning rock I would have given it to him. Mescaline was a different party. Mescaline was a good party. No, that was Andy when we had the RV.

Oh, it was the bad party. You didn't go anywhere. You were under the back of the RV, tucked behind the wheel, the back wheels, and screaming like bloody murder that birds, which is interesting, Chad, that he thought birds were always constantly coming down at him. So he had his hands up as a defensive mechanism to birds for over three hours while gay cousin Eric and I tried to either get him to think birds weren't attacking him and bingo to try and put on one pair of flip-flops. It took three hours. You don't think I mean, dumb Indians didn't do any kind of voodoo, did they? Because that's where it started is a crow matrix over the fire.

And then I looked at the Indians and they saw it, too. And there were no Indians there. Thinking about Darwin? Bullshit. There were no Darwin Indians. Right. Yeah, they were. They were.

I just remembered this. I got to go. If Andy's right, I have to leave. Andy brought Indians to the powwow. Yeah, well, you know. They were sitting in the bushes. They had a defensive stance. They sure, yeah, of course.

All right. What's a crow matrix? Is that where you recreate the movie The Matrix using only crows? No, a crow came down, and then it just froze into the fire. Where do you recreate the movie The Crow using only theows? A crow came down and then it just froze into the fire. Recreate the movie The Crow using only the Matrix. Oh my god. That's heavy. I'm going to do that pissing thing.

Let's wrap it up. Tell Bingo to get us out of here. Bingo, let's get to some looting, man. I like your tank girl vibe. You got any welder's goggles? Oh, so many. The Mohawks got a real...

Yeah. And the fact that you live in the desert. That helps, too. I loved you in the Fifth Element. Cheers. Oh, my God. I watched that fucking movie. Alright, this is just banter. This is filler material.

Florida Project. That fucking girl looks... Did you guys piece together old, like, previous evenings? Some of it's real heavy, and then one of it was a party, and then one of it was Doug going, I fucking saw the fifth element. You wait until the morning, and you don't know what happened. No, this chick from Latvia. She's in the Florida project.

She looks like Mila Jojovich. Like, you know, when you go, oh, I thought she was hot. And then you see her now. But this is like a new Mila Jojovich from the fucking Fifth Element. It's the Florida project. I watched that movie. He's our favorite ageist and our favorite racist. It's Uncle Doug Cracker.

Yeah, I agree. That was like the fucking, you know, it's a hot role. She can't speak English. She's a sex doll or whatever, but with a mission. But, yeah. I liked her in Days Unconfused, too.

She was great in that. Or hot in that. Andy, just keep talking. Doug's going to walk away and pee. Everybody's gone. We're done. Everybody's out of here. The room's closing.

I will tell Doug I said goodbye, whatever. But don't tell him tonight. He won't remember. Jeff Tate, I love you. Honestly, I think your commitment with you and Doug Benson is admirable. How many days? 90-something?

100? It's been 65 or whatever we've been doing this particular game, but we did stuff for like two weeks before we switched to this. So we started a couple of days days probably like around March 15th. Yeah.

Yeah, you're in it. Like you were still in it at that point. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. I was like – I was just terrified. Now I'm bored and scared, and it's an interesting combo. So, hey, we'll call you in the next two weeks.

Alright, man. I love all you guys. It was very nice to see you. Nice surprise. Thanks for having me. I will see you tomorrow at 3pm. Chase will see you every day at whatever fucking time that I can't get someone to fucking put ice in my drink.

Tomorrow's a new time. 4 p.m. Eastern tomorrow, right? Let's walk the dog. All right, Tracy. I'll see you in the comments. Love you guys. Bye-bye. Andy? Yep? The fires are getting closer. You can see the smoke.

There you go. There's some. This is the wind down. So now is when you say something and you leave because Chad has to be the last one to leave. I'm the last one out of here. No, Chad, hold on.

Andy has to say something poignant and then leave. Hey, everybody. There's a lot of craziness out there and, you know, you do you. Let's walk the dog over to Joe B's house.

I don't know. I don't have any fucking, you know. Not just the kids. Just fucking drop the mic and get the fuck out, Andy. Oh, that's it then? I've never seen it like that. Looks like a gas. Jack, what I love is all he did was get away from the mic.

He doesn't even know what the mic is. That's the first time he's ever closed a Skype call since we've been doing Skype. He usually just leaves them open. On cue. Alright. Take it easy. Sponsored by Country Croc. I love you, sir. Love ya. Take care, you guys.

It was great hanging out with you. I really appreciate it. It's a fucking much needed letter. Listen, that was... I know you were annoyed by the phone, but... I wasn't annoyed. The fact that we've got both murderers and loony bin... Thank you.