The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#402: I Can't Keep This Bit

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

Doug gushes about Sam Tallent's book, "Running The Light", the Covid beef and what to do with the Rape Trailer.Doug's latest comedy special, "Dying of a Last Breed", is now available on Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B08CY4XDMC/ref=atv_dp_cnc_1_5Recorded July 17th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/.  When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Get a signed copy of Sam Tallent's book, "Running The Light" here - https://www.samtallent.com/book/signed-copy-of-running-the-lightClosing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast i think that's it i think we're on that we might be on my first my first song was uh sunshine sun we're talking about the fact. Sunshine of your love. I don't know where it started, but the point was, I think everybody learned when their brother was learning guitar how to do the bass line of do, do, do, do, do. I could probably do it now. Do, do, do, do. 50 years later or, I don't know, 70 years later.

It's pronounced. It's like you can get those single notes. Yeah. And then you realize music stinks. Why don't you do some real fucking art form? Can you hear me? What? What'd you say?

She said, can you hear me? No, I'm talking to you. She's doing a mic check. Would you do some real art form? Music isn't an art form? No, it's not. This is exactly. Doug, you don't believe that.

And I'm going to fucking hammer this. This fucking kid, Sam Talent, this book that I'm reading, that's emasculating me on the book that I thought I finally wrote a good book, and now I'm reading this fucking kid's book, Running the Light Sam Talent, I'm reading this going, oh, Mishka Shibali

who I love to fuck with but honestly, Mishka Shibali and myself Mishka, I fell in love with because he wrote like four good lyrics in five different songs. And I thought I usurped that by writing maybe a dozen things I've read to you while I was writing this book. This fucking kid kid every fucking sentence almost is brilliant and that's

296 pages and Mishka is still milking pass me the lampshade I'm drunk again you haven't been drunk for a while you might have been on something else.

I could point being when you fucking read a book that is this consistently good. And then you go, oh, I could play a song. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I could probably play that. That would be funny. Fucking words. Me teaching you how to play Smoke on the Water. That would be funny.

Couldn't remember the name of the song. I know. I just remember. I finally had to throw it out there. I think everyone in our age range probably could figure that out. It is like when you're learning to play music, you go to the easiest things. Usually it would be an older brother would show you,

or he would have a guitar that he hit you with, and then he finally picked it up and learned how to play it. But it was one of those things where you would play the easiest thing at the time. And when I was growing up, even I grew up, I started playing guitar in the late 80s, but it was playing Sunshine of My Love or the one we just talked about,

Smoke on the Water, because it's this shit that is so fucking... Accessible. Not only accessible, easy. Fucking easy. That's accessible. The point being, I will never understand what it means to make a chord structure or something.

But I'm saying, when it comes to the simple words, the poetry, whatever, the fucking rhyme, something that affects people. I mean, I did this as a bit with Chicken in Your Sleep. You have three minutes to fill a fucking song. When you can fill fucking 296 pages with this fucking brilliant prose. The fact that, and nobody reads books anymore. Well, in this day and age, it's that and Audible. Yeah, Audible is great.

I tweeted that, that I have read like almost every other page. I've found anyone that's available to listen to read out loud just chunks or tweet chunks of the prose. And then you go, oh, I just quoted three sentences, but there's eight more sentences that make it even better. quoted three sentences but there's eight more sentences that make it even better and that's after i finished my book that i thought was good and i'm like i'm shit i'm dog shit from sam talent's book sam talent it's called uh uh running the light and it's the i would say it's the best representation of sorry road comedy because even movies if you've watched any movie about comedy which there are very few they're not at all representative and if they are you mean the movie stand up or punchline the movie punchline yeah yeah no one remembers it that's like the bane of comics who remember it but funny people with adam sandler is the only

thing close but it doesn't represent road comedy that's how close is funny people to the like the the real your experience well I'm not even experienced in that because that's Adam Sandler plays a very well known comic that has people write for him but it's very you said it's the closest to yeah but then it goes into a fucking plot

that's the worst thing about every comedy there has to be a love scene that's why I love bad Santa because bad Santa is fucking morose as a comedy not about stand-up comedy but or Christmas yeah

but it's just like bad bad bad and it ends like kind of awful, happy, bad. It doesn't have to devolve into plot and a love story. So you have a reason that your wife wants to go there with you. It's so fucking formulaic in playing the sexes. Not that you're talking about. Ugh.

Not that sound. You're talking about like the Hollywood. Nothing has ever been portrayed what road comedy is, which is what we've done forever. We've tried to. Yeah, yeah. But we've never tried to graduate from that. What do you mean? Like we never go, oh, we did our road time,

so now we're going to go to L.A. and... Be in movies. Yeah. You purposely did the opposite. You circumvented that whole fucking bullshit. Even when I lived in L.A., I was still doing the road all the time.

You were getting writing deals and then going out on the road all the time you were you were getting just you were getting writing deals and then going out on the road and when you decided to leave hollywood is because this is stupid you're on a treadmill that goes nowhere when i lived in hollywood i was still leaving to go do the road and it wasn't but you would still get 25,000 to write something that you knew was going to go nowhere. They knew it was going to go nowhere. But it was the Hollywood machine that they needed to have something to churn out. I'm not very good at math. And at some point I realized, okay, they're going to pay me $35,000 to do this stupid pilot that's never going to get picked up.

But why would I leave LA well because you're spending that much on rent that you wouldn't have to spend in LA when you're a fucking road comic and that's what I did and that's when I moved here and I've done nothing but bloomed it's interesting that your wants and needs go down.

That was interesting. Your wants and needs go down when you're not in that rat race, when you're not in that thing with $35 hamburgers at Standard. You were out of that whole fucking that that mill let me get back to my point now that i found it was this kid wrote a book and i'm only a third of the way through that represents road comedy where you're playing crackers in Indianapolis and the laugh stop in Spokane. Like, that's never been addressed in any film or any book. And this kid fucking nailed it.

He's a comic, so. Yeah. And he would have to be to nail. I just pre-interviewed him. We're going to have him on the fucking show. You said it's fiction, right? Yeah. But it's not.

It's so not fiction. That's why I asked you that. But it's not him. He's writing about a guy like me. That's why Ron White was the first to tweet, you're going to read this book because Ron White was the first to tweet you're gonna read this book because Ron White and I will identify

a lot more than a lot of other comics but every other comic would if you were never this guy you worked with this guy it's fucking brilliant and if you don't even care about comedy,

he writes so well. Like, I have to every other page say out loud, we're going to have him on the podcast, so let's stop talking about this. You're the one talking about it. I know. I can't stop. Let's talk about COVID.

Wait for it. Let's take a quick break and plug some shit that you're going to love it. Great news, kids. The Much Neglected merch page on my Much Neglected website has been taken over by Greg Chaley. So we have tour t-shirts, podcast t-shirts. We have Pop-Off Vodka Presents t-shirts. Get them before we get sued, before we get the cease and desist. And a whole shitload of CDs and DVDs that span a lifetime.

A whole shitload of CDs and DVDs that span a lifetime. A sad, tragic, bloated lifetime of my fucking horrible thoughts and pontifications. So help me get that shit out of my crawlspace. Thanks for that. And now, back to the podcast previously recorded. recorded. I'm doing a brief news blackout because I get the Bisbee Herald

review. I hope you guys are doing what I told you to do about fucking jacking up the votes on Best of Bisbee. But I don't care but I hope you're doing it I voted but I get that fucking paper delivered

and it's always the same shit that they have online from two days ago they don't even update it it's like a fucking website that's gone defunct but you can still vote on it It's like a fucking website that's gone defunct. But you can still vote on it.

The COVID thing that bothers me is when someone... There's a million stories. This is your COVID beef? Is that what's going on? Yeah, COVID beef. Were you looking for a title for this podcast already? No, I was thinking of

putting some music behind this. Stop over... These are the top ten! These are the top ten! These are the top ten COVID beefs! Stop overproducing! It's every now and then where you see someone who is a COVID denier

like Chuck Woolery I guess oh he was like going all it's all fake and it's all lies he's made all his money in his life he's done everything he's going to do that's relevant and he still has to get on Twitter

but then his kid got diagnosed with COVID and he still has to get on Twitter. But then his kid got diagnosed with COVID and he's like, oh, I'm sorry. It's a real thing. But the kids, this is what hurts the most is when you hear this gratifying

schadenfreude story of some virus denier getting the virus. What hurts the most is when they're fine. Like, oh, he didn't die of it? No, he's doing fine. If I were a COVID denier, I would say I got it. I would lie and say, yeah, I got COVID.

And yeah, it's like barely a cold. I'd just lie and say I yeah, I got COVID, and yeah, it's like barely a cold. I'd just lie and say I got it. I coughed a lot and wanted chocolate. Yeah, yeah. It's like a sleepy day in bed watching a Netflix binge of Hollywood. That Hollywood show on Netflix, it's kind of weird. It doesn't make sense. That's what my COVID.

Like, I would just lie and say I had COVID, even if I didn't. Are you tipping the fans of the Doug Stanoff podcast? No, I'm saying when people that were virus deniers get it and then they're fine. It just empowers people to think, oh, it's all bullshit. That's no big deal. Yeah, everyone should die of COVID. C, C, nothing. I don't want to go back on the road.

I know you don't. It's really weird. I mean. It's weird. I've retired 18 times in our career. It's weird for me because I know that as much as you complain about being on the road, there is an excitement in you when we're like, not when we're doing it, but when you're on stage, you have an excitement that I notice. I've said before, the first 10 minutes of a show with either you or with Hedberg,

which I've managed, it's the best because you get to see a kernel of your life that happened since the last time you were on stage. And those are the things that I... You go through your comedy you do your bits you do your routines you're building up to what you're going to do but you still have an excitement about you that i've i recognize well you have to fake that and force it no you fake

the other stuff that that you're that there isn't a bit there is a bit of I'm live and spontaneous that isn't your comedy. I think any comic of tenure would agree, or maybe they wouldn't even know, I don't know, is to reinvent yourself, you have to find whatever, even if it's one minute, something new in the moment, in the day, in the news, in the venue that you can say, okay, here's something funny that's immediate. This is right now. And that makes all of your old bits. Palatable. Yeah, you can sell old shit, but it's such a fucking trick. I hate to say it, but he talks about this in the book, and this is a fucking...

Sam Talent's a fucking opening act. He shouldn't know this much, and he should be memorable. this much and he should be memorable point being yeah you you need to fucking reinvigorate your act on a daily basis because you know you're a fraud for you you need to reinvigorate it i should just say for me yeah you do love it when there's something awful that's happened in the news that day when we get or on the street yeah something that's going on right then that you can all right i can't keep this bit those are the worst are those bits that are fucking brilliant oh and you go you remember you remember new orleans new orleans yes oh fuck that's what you think about no she just said it but new orleans with the hard rock yeah yeah we passed

that place by and we made jokes about it not knowing an hour just an hour after it happened it was like so soon after all that happened i I was just thinking about the other day. What's happened with that? No one cares. Nobody gives a fuck. Just what did Doug Stamoff say about it? The Howlin' Wolf. All those great stories are basically what was the end result?

As much as anyone reads we have to print a retraction. No. We all saw As much as anyone reads, we have to print a retraction. No, no. We all saw he's guilty of fucking kids and blowing up fucking temples. Retraction. He was not guilty of any of that. In fact, he was. What was the guy that was accused of blowing up the Olympics?

They made a movie. Richard Jewell. Yeah. No one knows that he was completely innocent. No. He was fucking pilloried. Good word. That's a great word.

I didn't say vilified. You know why? Sam Talent. Pilloried's good, though. Oh, my God. This fucking guy's good. I want him dead. We shouldn't.

Invite him here. You got enough COVID floating around. We have a big announcement. I am the executive producer. Do you want to talk about that? Can you talk about it? No. No, I can tease it. See, there's a difference,

Chaley. Yes, I got some friends of ours that might be dead. Hey. Most certainly dead. Well. They're living in their house. We weren't at the crime scene. We were on a plane

we have an alibi Chaley we were at breakfast actually yeah no I can't believe this documentary hasn't been done

do you remember that place had the best pie oh my god they won pie competitions what town Nyack ah

how do you know you weren't even there I was there the next time you were in Nyack yeah oh wow but we didn't stay there. We were staying at that hotel that had a

restaurant attached to it and they were bloviating about how much they fucking won all the pie competitions. The pie was good and the breakfast was good, but it was interrupted with a phone call. Yeah, yeah.

So they're doing a documentary and now somehow I am an executive producer in one phone call. Yeah, yeah. So they're doing a documentary, and now somehow I am an executive producer in one phone call. Of who? Of that documentary that they're going to do about them. Of who? Wait, you don't know this? You haven't said it yet.

You were teasing it. No, I'm teasing it. Okay. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, I'm back. I'm back with a project. I thought I was washed up. Suicide.

No, you're still washed up. You're not going on the road. You're done. You canceled your own culture. That lady over there, the neighbor, says, oh, this is the best project. You're going to be. She said something like. Who's she? Fuck your book. This is the best project. You're going to be... She said something like... Who's she?

Fuck your book. This is a good project. Fuck your book. This is the one. No, she didn't say that. She said, this is going to put you back on the map. I go, I just put out a new special and I fucking just finished...

Who said that? Your neighbor? You know, the lady. Oh. I go, I just did all that. I'm washed up in a day? She goes, no, no. Who do you sit at a table with who says you're washed up?

She didn't say that. It sounded like that. He says it in his head. She was trying to fucking pump me up, but she said it in the wrong way. Running the Light by Sam Talent is available on Amazon.com. No, no. At Sam Talent is available on Amazon.com no no at SamTalent.com

he makes more money selling it through his website he makes more money jams listen I was the guy begging for fucking Amazon to finally put my special up

dying of a Last Breed on Amazon because it was supposed to come out at the same time that it came out on Vimeo and no one wants to fucking figure. I wouldn't figure out Vimeo to see fucking Jesus come

back and masturbate on the masses and turn it into wine. It was a two-parter. I'd wait for Amazon because it's an easy click. So your special is now available with video on Amazon. Yep. Great. Video, not Vimeo, right?

I said video. Okay, it sounded like Vimeo. Dot IE is Ireland, I assume. But some guy says, hey hey is your new special coming out on cd and is your first ever uh what was it called the white great white stanhope still available on cassette i didn't even reply i would love oh no. Oh, no, I said no on both. That's what I need to find. I'll find on eBay a way to record. Because remember you used to get the old cassette players

that had a double cassette so you could bounce things over? Yeah. We should do that and just do one-offs of like, what do you want? What bits? That's one thing I've always... Doug, I did see you on Russian. Russian. Russian?

The day your thing came out on Amazon? No, I want the same. I'll take a white Russian. If you didn't drink from the milk. He's not having a white Russian. No, I'm having a whiskey sour. You were going to say something, but I just remembered. Do you remember what you were going to say?

sour. You were going to say something, but I just remembered. Do you remember what you were going to say? I remember what I was saying, and then you went completely in a different direction. No, I don't remember it now. I remembered it as I was saying it. Go ahead. I'm sorry. The day your

DVD release was actually available, video on... Go ahead. That was weird what you were doing. DVD release was actually available video on go ahead that was weird what you were doing I know I was doing something weird just to fuck up your head so the day it was released I searched it on YouTube to see if anyone

else is releasing it and it was available in Russian and in Russian you are talking straight up, like Chad Shank introducing you and everything. And straight up over the vocals in American are the Russian. So it's like the same, like in tandem, they are speaking at the same time. Closed caption. No.

Oh. No. It's audio and audio. tandem they are speaking at the same time close caption no oh no it's audio and audio like layered over each other and it's like that's what you do when you want to watch it in Russian is you have to fucking just figure it out we have a lot of Russian fans and I like that

but I will never go there I'm too old I am a a lot of Russian fans and I like that but I will never go there. I'm too old. I am a creature of comfort and I've never I've never even seen a seen a photograph of Russia where it doesn't look

cold including a beach that was a rocky beach that fat Russians were sitting on. Like, no. It's a fucking grotesque place. Most of Europe I would never want to go to.

Everything I have prejudged that I've been to, I've been right. Rome? I will do Spain just because I love holiday in Spain by the Counting Crows. It's a fucking good song.

It's a great song. You know, the song I've had stuck in my head all afternoon. But you can't hold that against Spain. Is it like the only thing that is worth Spain is a song from the Counting Crows? Well, it's also south, so it can be warm. Yes. Everything else in Europe. South.

Seems cold and fucking stony and ugly and fucking... The UK is everything I needed to see and then everything else. You never saw anything. You were on tour. You admittedly don't get outside of your hotel room much. No, especially in the UK because it's all the same mossy fucking

stone. It's terrible. The fucking Amsterdam is boring as fuck. Come on, let's be honest. It's great. It's great. It's nice. You don't have to worry about fucking hoopoe head, fucking dented skulled fucking football hooligans like you do the UK. Oh, my whole life sucks.

So on Saturday night, I drink a bunch of pints and I fucking punch someone. Yeah, they're nice. And they're boring as fuck. Minneapolis, Amsterdam, Norway. They're boring as fuck. We had so much fun the night before we did the festival. You did. You were with us?

When I arranged the guy to get us Coke? In Netherlands? Yeah. Yeah, didn't like it. One of my worst fucking oh my god i did more drugs in those two days than the entire high school couldn't wait to get out of there it was a fucking music venue like a festival wait the music festival was like 25 30 miles brett erickson always they woke up in someone's tent where they did fucking

2CB or something like we're fucking adults I don't want to wake up in a tent I want breakfast from a I think Andy fell on a tent I just realized that Doug has no idea what happened at the Lowlands Festival

not you guys no Andy at one point they said, you are no longer VIPs. If you enter the other area, you can't come back till the morning. And we fucking came back in the morning and Andy smoked fucking meth

out of a light bulb from someone else's green room. So that's what you get when you fucking throw a gauntlet down to us. We had done everything we could do and Andy got, he entered tents he was not allowed to enter. When did I change?

I don't know. I think it was 2007. I was going to say it was definitely before that because these guys had the time of their lives. It was the last desert party and then I became an adult. I think it's when I started making money, honestly. Like, I'm in charge of this shit, and then I'm buying too much.

That's interesting. I think about it all the time. What do you think about? What do you mean you think about? That 2007, running for president is when I got 2008. The the presidency. Yeah, but it was 2007 when I was doing it and then I bailed on it. But I never got fun again.

Do you think? But why do you think you didn't get? It's not. I mean, we did a lot of drugs after that. I just because I think I started making money and I'm in charge of this. We started buying more shit and more houses. But did you think you weren't in charge of it before? No, no.

Come on for the ride. Before that, when I first moved here and Bingo came before we had dogs. What year did you come here? 05. And then when Bingo was here, we'd just go on the road and fuck off. That's when Walsh was in Tampa and we did all that shit. But yeah, once I started buying more shit and building this place up Joby

do you remember early Joby Joby was living out with his fucking cousin in Hereford didn't have a care in the world he went down 15 miles where Chad lives he lived out there he didn't he went down 15 miles where Chad lives he lived out there he didn't he went to

Belize just to fuck off and see if he could start a diving company remember you could get on a plane and go somewhere he did a lot of shit he was having fun no I'm saying then he decided to buy a house

in sierra vista then he get a job with some fucking hump fucking corporate job city job and then he bought a truck and then he had to keep up with the payments and then now he's walking around with a bullet in his pocket trying to match Chad Shank's suicide fucking. With a couple properties and money in the bank from selling. Well, the things that you own end up owning you. That's true. So, yeah, we've built fucking brilliant shit, but I haven't been nearly as happy

as I was tripping my balls off on mescaline in the desert. That was pretty fun. I blame the pets. But... They are a big responsibility.

I mean, so... So you're bringing this up, so this is a thing. How do you get back to that? Or do you? Yeah, you don't. You just realize this is what aging is.

Well, now I'm an executive producer on a thing. So that's going to be fun. But, I mean, I don't want you to not be happy. I mean, every day I wake up, I want to be happy. Hey, let me do a hackneyed, the hackneyest old line from any triple one-nighter. Hey, sir, with the yellow hair. Are you having fun? Well, let your face know it. When do you ever

think Greg Chaley is having fun if he doesn't outwardly tell you so? He always seems fucking miserable. You're asking the wrong person. You're asking Tracy. Well, because she's the only audience we have, but you always look fucking angry and miserable.

I am so. I love you so much. I'm with you. That I'm almost insulted by you thinking I'm not happy. I really I love the place that you've accepted me into and I could bring Tracy here and then we could build this. I could go- Tracy and I were hoping you weren't showing up.

And I said, hey, you know what would be great, Doug? You said, let's strip all the signs. I go, no, let's not just strip the signs. Let's do electrical and HDMI runs to all the TVs and I got this whole thing going this i'm saying that your face doesn't look it don't worry about my face i know i've learned that but no you obviously haven't i'm just saying you look angry all the time and i've learned to accept that should Did you tell him about the trailer?

Oh, no. What are we doing? You know, I was really drunk and I said we should get rid of the rape trailer. Which we can't even say anymore. I said we should and you agreed. Yeah, yeah. And turn it into a permanent podcasting place. A studio.

My God, so many things. When I tell you the details about this documentary and how all of these serendipitous things have fallen into place, both with the documentary guy and the sister of the person, all of a sudden, I get a call from Shawnee. Hey, do you want to get rid of... No, no. Do you want to get rid of the fucking trailer?

There's fucking no way. Tracy goes, oh, she picked up your phone. It was on the fucking thing we were doing, the issues with Andy's podcast, and your phone kept ringing, blowing up. And Tracy's speaking to me. The old phone. And she goes, oh, hey, this is Shawnee.

I'm going to take... Yeah, get it out of here. So what is... Yeah, no no he's got someone that wants to buy the rape trailer and i go i i go you gotta wait till tomorrow because i'm drunk and chaley's doing the issues with andy podcast and he goes what's that i go nobody cares that that part didn't happen but yeah so I told him yeah tomorrow when

Chaley and I are sober you're fucking shitting me that really happened it's gone I mean we'll sit out for the best price believe me he was shooting prices that I go no it should be like a third of that

I go that's why I have to talk to you let it be sold I sold the other two remember that guy showed up at a fucking gig who bought one of the trailers yeah that was fucking awesome and he didn't punch us oh shit

those trailers are now that I think of it now that I think of it... They were finally left here. Now that I think of it, wait, yeah, it should cost more because a fan would buy the rape trailer just because it's the rape trailer. These are just local people. They don't have any kind of... It's not eBay yard sale. Rape trailer has some cachet, and it might end up being relevant. Yeah.

Depending on news stories. If I sold a suit I wore on a special end up being relevant. Yeah. Depending on the news stories. If I sold a suit I wore on a special at a yard sale, $3. eBay yard sale to a fan, $7,000. All right. I went thousands instead of hundreds. Dude, that's awesome. I mean, that's... Someone write it on Sharpie on someone's head. I got it. What, that's awesome. I mean, that's... Someone write it on Sharpie

on someone's head. I got it. What's that? Write what? To remind me that a rape trailer sold. I got it. Tracy, I got it. Wait, it sold? No, no. I'm saying... Sell. Sorry, I used...

So we're doing that? We're building a podcast studio? I don't know. That's what I told Shawnee. I go, alright, listen, I'm... So we're doing that? We're building a podcast studio? I don't know. That's what I told Shawnee. I go, all right, listen, I'm drunk, but... God, that's so weird. And I told them the story about how I... Somehow I... Fantasized.

Somehow I recollect someone that is important to me said something at one time... For the listener, I looked at the rape trailer, which is under an awning, and I said, we should get rid of that and build a permanent podcasting space up there. And then a day or two later, I see Chaley out there in the hot summer Arizona sun with a tape measure. And I go, what are you doing? He goes, I'm measuring out like what we could build here for this. And then he reminded me, I said that I say a lot of things when I'm drunk. I don't know.

Yeah, we should all. Yes, Doug, this is a great. We should call Elon Musk and see if we can make a podcast on the moon. Well, I'm trying to build a rocket ship to go to the moon. No, I was drunk, Chaley. You said to me when I recollected you and I talking about it, you're like, ah, it's the fucking target basket. Yeah, yeah, that's in the, I knew you were going to bring that up, but they don't know what I'm talking about because that's the fucking Target basket. Yeah, yeah. That's in the...

I knew you were going to bring that up, but they don't know what I'm talking about because that's in the new book. But it is one of those things where I think that, like, the bar is the bar, and I've got just a clump of fucking podcast stuff here, and I thought, I was talking to Tracy one night, wouldn't it be better if we just built another shed

over where the rape trailer is which is oh this is your idea well I mean and then you said and then Doug I seem to remember Doug said hey why don't we just replace that's what it is how about we just replace the

rape trailer I go oh that's a great idea Mr. Stanhope you have all the best ideas there you go, oh, that's a great idea, Mr. Stanhope. You have all the best ideas. There you go. That's what you say, because this boss has an iron fist. Iron? Arm fist. Aramitan?

Like the strength of an aramitan. Strength of an aramitan. Still my favorite podcast ever. Anyway, so yeah, that's great so yeah i i don't know how he's gonna get that fucking thing out of here no that's that's part of it i think it's 11 years old that's what he said he goes uh would you be willing to sell that because i have friends that want something like that and i go yeah as long as you get it out of here the way you get it in with

a 168 point turn that he blew out his fucking radiator his radiator he had to repair a car in the midst of and the whole time neighbor Dave who's done this for

a living goes I could do that in like three turns and I'm like don't tell Shawnee that Shawnee is super Shawnee he has to fucking so yeah the rape trailer I'll talk to Shawnee before this goes out

dude that's awesome because I I forgot my point my point was okay he's like they're willing to pay this to that and i'm like i was thinking a third of that like by the way you remembered your point you didn't forget your point i said i said whatever he goes now i go whatever you negotiated that, you get 10% for yourself if you come up with an idea of what to replace it with. Because the fun house that we're sitting in,

I thought was going to be what you had for a merch house down there. Just some Home Depot lot kind of... Tough shed. Tough shed. It's a corporate thing. there just some like home depot lot kind of tough shed tough shed corporate yeah like tell me what we can put in there that will fit underneath that awning that is permanent i don't know i told him he gets 10 of nothing if he tells me what the fuck we can replace it with, because we can't just pull that out and have a fucking awning. We have a documentary to film here. The awning goes and we build a podcast studio that's double high. That's why I told him to talk to you when we're both sober.

You said you get 10% to fucking fit something in a fucking puzzle piece that we don't. We're blowing up the puzzle. We're getting rid of that awning and we're blowing up the puzzle we're getting rid of that awning and we're gonna build all right hold that thought we'll be right back i think we can do away with the phrase butterface after this long of quarantine i don't think that phrase has any business in the new world. Hey, everybody.

It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us every Friday. Issues with Andy on YouTube. Yeah. It's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right. For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka.

If you want to join our Patreon, it's $5 a month, and we do this twice a week on there, too. So that's where we're going to go right now. We'll see you. All right, we're back. Tracy? Sir? Between Greg Chaley and Shawnee, who both overthink everything,

who would you... We already had the conversation, though, about putting a podcast studio. If you just wanted something quickly to put in there for a podcast studio. Why would you do something quickly if you want it done right? I can picture it. Remember Richard Dreyfuss

in fucking the third configuration? What? Ninth encounters. And he just drew a sketch. And I can picture this. Yeah, this is... Oh, my fucking God. Hang on.

It's a fucking circle. And it's... Yeah, I can picture it. All right, I get to go. So tell me, you want Shiny to build something there? Is that what you want? No, I didn go. So tell me, you want Johnny to build something there? No, I just said an idea. Yeah, we already talked about this.

Do you have an idea? Yeah. Tell me. 16 by 24. It's a fucking podcast studio. Square? No, it's a rectangle, but it's barn height, so it blocks your rectangle. It blocks that side over there,

and then we build the carport in between there and the funhouse, which also blocks pointing to the left or to the right, to your left. And all of that takes care of anything we might have a problem in the future. So that's what we talked about. All right. Do I get 10%? Shawnee wasn't really looking for 10%. I just said 10% for any idea of what you're going to put in to replace it.

I already have the plans for it, actually. I went on Tough Shed. We've looked at places at home. Wait, why do you fucking keep saying Tough Shed until they sponsor us? They're not going to sponsor us. We're going to pay for it. Because when people sponsor us, they want something. Why don't we do that?

Why don't we do that? If you don't sponsor us, we're going to shit on you and say, Tough Shed fucked us over cancel culture we have to use cancel culture on our side listen I heard tough shed fuck small children

with fucking cleft pallets and I heard they didn't yeah you heard that but what how does that contradict my hearing that? Like, hey, if you don't fucking sponsor us,

we're going to say really horrible shit about you. Don't you understand how I'm trying to start a mob here, but none of you are mobsters. Doug, I'm going to give you our rap over at Tough Shed, and I want you to negotiate the deal. I'll call in as the guy that says,

hey, I'm from what's Tough Shed's competitor? Brian Shed. Tougher Shed. Toughest Shed. Listen, I know that we've been at odds with each other over the years of who's the tougher shed, but watch out for the Doug Stanhope podcast because they have crippled and hamstrung us

and we're filing for bankruptcy. So you should capitulate to their fucking demands because right now my kids are prostituting themselves to try to pay for our mortgage don't ever ever go against build them something for free and they'll

go what and then I'll say in my best telemarketing voice seriously don't get fucked like I get fucked and then I'll make In my best telemarketing voice. Seriously. Don't get fucked like I got fucked. And then I'll make a gunshot sound like I killed myself. And then TouchAid will buy it.

Buy us a nice thing for our podcast. And then we'll shit all over. I'm saying this is the worst podcast studio I have ever podcasted out of. For upgrades. I'm touching my own bare bottom. I pulled my pants down. I'm touching my own squishy bare bottom. I did build this. I did put together

this podcast studio. My pants are all the way at my ankles because of your wife. You must be wearing sacks. Well, you pulled the sacks down too. Are you serious? Yeah, look.

No, I'm not going to look. No, no. Everything's covered. Yeah. Wow. Your sacks shouldn't be that loose. Why don't you start eating them? And they're smalls.

That's why they're loose. That's what John Holmes said. Oh, shit. That was my other podcast. They're smalls. That's why they're loose. That's what John Holmes said. Oh, shit. That was my other podcast. They're smalls and they just fell down. No, because my fat has burned out the fucking waistband. Sacks underpants. Shit.

You know what? Do you want to talk about sacks? We used to be friends, but sacks for a man of my 142 pounds, but with my long balls, I have to buy the smalls. The whole point of Saks Underpants is they cup your balls. They have a fucking cup in there.

Cradle is a... What do you call that? You would know where women, they have the period thing, but they can put a cup on their fucking cervix or their uvula. Yeah. What's it called? That cup. It's a fucking

genie cup or something. What is that? It's called a cup. Listen, you girls don't know what we're talking about. Diva cup, I think. That's a brand name. I guess. They're not going to sponsor us

anytime soon. It's where it caps the fucking... Yeah. We know what it does. Yeah. Well, you don't know the name of it. Yeah, you don't. I don't know a brand name, no.

They're useless. Listen. It's different to girls that don't... Yeah, it's useless for you because you're a woman of a certain age who hasn't bled in 15 years because you're an old, haggard lady. Believe me.

Point being, if you're fucking pouchy in the belly... It is called the Diva Cup. Thank you. That's a brand name. It's a menstrual cup. Yes.

Wow, that's so weird. I don't know anything about women. It's actually what they use to give you communion oh really one laugh one laugh i get in a podcast one out of two you get 50 it's better than a lot of your shows it's a it's it's a wafer dispenser. A wafer thin mint. It's the blood of Christ, whatever. It's the blood of someone. Sacks underpants. We're going to call it Christ.

If you're doughy in the middle and you have long balls, you go, sacks underpants are for the balls. They cup your balls. But if you buy a medium, well, they don't fit your balls well, but they fit your gut well. So I have to worry about the balls more.

And then it busts out my... Oh, now she's gonna take a picture. Well, I tell her to. I tell Chase to take pictures during the podcast. Yeah. Because I'm a medium in sacks. And before we went on the last tour.

Do you have these balls? No. I'm not looking. Seriously. I'm not looking. He's so looking. Chase, he got a picture from behind. So that'll be funny.

You can see him from behind from the front from space before we went on the last tour I said I've bought plenty of cupping underpants from other

competitors batwing and finally I said cupping underpants from other competitors. Batwing underpants. Batwing, right? Oh. And finally I said, you know what? I'm not going to Marshalls anymore.

I'm going to buy them. And I bought them straight from Saks. Saks does not sponsor us. Fuck Saks. But their improvement over the last time I bought straight from Saks was crazy. They had improved But their improvement over the last time I bought straight from Saks. Technology. Was crazy.

They had improved, like, just in even the material they're using. Saks? Yes. Oh, I don't like the new material. It's like polyester. Love it. That's ball rash. I don't like it.

No, it's the opposite of ball rash. They do a really good job. They lift and separate. Did you get the, I guess it's probably a year ago, where someone sent me the one where it holds your balls, but your dick goes through the hole? Yeah. That's great if your dick's always the same size. I agreed.

Wind blows and Doug's got a problem. No, your're dead stuck. I said, someone sent us, they want to say, hey, do you want to do this? Yes, send it. We'll check it out. And you got a couple pair, I got a couple pair. And it's like,

I think the person that designed those underpants never saw a dick or balls. It's like, this is not the way the physiology works. That's not what's happening here. I'm trying to find a female analogy for Tracy that you would know. But yeah, your vagina is probably always the same size. It doesn't get dangly in the heat.

Sometimes it gets engorged. I'm probably not around, but, you know. Yeah, that's probably one of those late-age female things where it swells. Fingers crossed. Oh, that's

when meatwigs start mooing. Mooing. Oh, that's when Meat Wig starts Wow Wow Oh, it's Tracy Tracy's engorged Sounds the alarm That's fucking not right It's not right But it's probably true

I have to go Can you guys wrap up this whole podcast? No, it's your podcast you wrap it up no I don't have podcasts anymore listen this is the Greg and Tracy podcast wrap it up next

next time we do like some 30 days in the hole where I was about to do that but now I'm an executive producer on a documentary which is i'm very excited about that was but uh that would be very funny if if we just instead of just issues with andy we just did a million different podcasts. Like late nights. One offs.

Late nights with Derek. I just did every podcast. Like I made jokes about Bobby Caldwell. At notes with the pen. Sorry I missed your call today. Valentina was by my phone. She goes, there's a call from Jackson, Mississippi. And I go, that's a bot call.

She didn't know MI was Michigan. I know that's Bobby. I don't know anyone in Mississippi. But yeah, we should. MS is Mississippi.

Yeah, let's just start this relentless Adderall-fueled string of Kenny takes... Ask Kenny relationship advice. I mean, I would engineer a podcast with Ask Ken. Cooking with Backdoor Mike. Just every single person that's ever been on this podcast

just have this relentless stream. Dude, I think you're right. One podcast a day, and we just put it out there. We could just stream it. We just put it on the YouTube channel. No, 16 hours a day. We do one hour of each person who's ever been in bisbee i'm out i'm out well yeah you haven't snorted adderall i've snorted plenty

i didn't really think this was gonna be a strong idea jams you guys i thought it was a great idea to have why is it every day great idea To have Why is Every day All we need to do is put that Let's put that up there On the fucking thing I'm sorry I'll get it up tomorrow You overthink everything

No I think things The right way That's why you hate me I wish you'd have come out And got me I would have eaten a steak With you in the middle of the night He wanted you to come out

I was there Oh my god you guys You're the of the night he wanted you to come out I was there oh my god you guys are the worst fucking boyfriend girlfriend I've ever seen I know because he always looks mad he was hoping that you

would come out and then you found out the next day I started a fire in your yard and no one came out I was so high I was tweeting like

fuck and I think I won everything I don't think I was wrong about anything I think you were alright last night I started getting fucking angry and fighty and I stopped

I'm glad you didn't talk to us that night I drank a bottle of wine and four red stripe beers and then I bought I bought almost $300 worth of audio equipment and sent it to an address I lived at six years ago.

And then I went out and I took one of your Omaha steaks and ate it. I built a fire in the middle of your yard. Omaha steaks are pretty good, but they fucking- They should be a sponsor. Oh, but they fucking rape you afterwards. Why? The calls?

Yeah, calls flooding you with fucking, oh, please. They're all right. They're good steaks, especially now. They're like the Amazon of steaks. Honestly, with our phone bank of callers, they get everyone to go to our Patreon. That's how we get Patreon subscribers

because they go to Stan Hope Podcast at patreon.com and then they figure out they get an extra podcast a month. A freebie that's out there. It just costs you a dollar. God damn it. I had something to say and I'm out of it. You're watching Tracy. Last night

when you were tweeting angrily last night. No, I had something else to say. You were super angry. I was angry when? You said You were super angry. I was angry when? You said you were super angry. No, last night. The night before when you were whatever night you were cooking a thing. I was having fun. I was trying to

be nice on Twitter the last night. Oh, no, no, no. Really? You got crazy on Twitter that night. No, he was nice the whole time. Yeah, it was pretty good. He was prolific. I'm sure of it. I don't know what I said, but I was high, and I'm very nice when I'm high.

You were nice. Last night I was high, but I... Yeah, I wrote... It doesn't matter. Take me home. Nothing matters. That doesn't matter. Take me home.

Nothing matters. Hey, listen, don't wear a mask. No, no, that's wrong. No, don't wear a mask because people who don't wear masks are virulent homosexuals who think, I want to suck cock at any second. So anyone you see without a mask, like I was trying to figure out the math on that, like how to use... How to use?

How to use... What do you call it? Homophobia. That's the one. To shame... Yeah one to shame yeah to shame fucking oh oh you want to suck cock too no put on a mask there's a way to do that it's the same theory as is it wrong to use racism to stop gang rape? Do you not know that bit? Then you haven't watched my special,

which is finally out on fucking Amazon. So you can now buy it without bitching about Vimeo. Yeah, the video. The whole thing. Yeah, the dying of a last breed is now out. So fucking watch it. And then tell me that it's not as good as what special? I'll tell you.

My book's not as good as fucking Sam Talents. But my special is better than the shit that you're watching. Your book's great, man. Yeah. I can't wait for it to get out there. I think you sold yourself short on how you were reading it. I think you were better prepared for reading it. I was in a bad

place when I said that. Oh, that's always good to go into reading a book going into a bad place. No, when I talked about it on the last podcast, I was... You were in a good place when you read it. we had a lot of compliments on like they love angry stanhope but also they love edible stanhope so that's that's the thing

oh podcast wise yeah yeah i ate some edibles last night or an edible uh but i yeah i can't uh i can't i I can't give credit where credit is due why not because he makes edibles see stupid I will so fist fight

Shelly right now after a nap you don't want to do that actually I was busy all day working hard. Oh, well, that means he's tired. A little tired. Oh, I thought you thought because you were using your saw muscles that you were.

All right, I got to go. Everybody has to go. Everyone out of my house. He's painting himself into a corner he can't get out of. You're in a corner. Oh, I'm gonna take you down so hard. You're gonna take your out card. You will not make that far.

No wrestling. You guys are old. No, we're not. Last time we wrestled, we both got hurt, but we didn't admit it to each other. Wait, we wrestled? Yeah, we were in a hotel room. Ooh, sounds familiar.

We were in the same room. Sounds very probable. Oh my God, I've masturbated to this exact same memory, but you were blank in the face. Yeah, you're just a... You were Slender man in my memory.

No, that wasn't it. All right, can I go now? Say goodnight, Gracie. Chams. It's 10 p.m. Is it all at 10 o'clock? Yeah, I have a fucking... I filed a goddamn insurance claim that makes me an adult

I'm four hours into drinking let's go take us out Doug bingo take us out okay bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.