The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#405: Sam Tallent - Running On Bisbee

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

Doug enjoyed the book "Running The Light" by Sam Tallent so much he invited him down to Bisbee. They talk about the book, the road, and all the dirt. Shane Gillis found out and had to call in. This is a long one.Want more Stanhope? Subscribe at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast to get an extra BONUS podcast for as little as a $1 a month. Plus, video, insider communication with the podcast and more.Get a signed copy of "Running The Light" by Sam Tallent - https://www.samtallent.com/Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - Doug Stanhope's Miller Lite Beer Electric Sign - https://www.ebay.com/itm/Doug-Stanhopes-Miller-Lite-Beer-Electric-Sign-from-the-FunHouse-wall/203075655108Doug's latest comedy special, "Dying of a Last Breed", is now available on Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B08CY4XDMC/ref=atv_dp_cnc_1_5Recorded Aug. 9th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Sam Tallent (@TallentSam), Shane Gillis (@Shanemgillis), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS -  Bid on Doug Stanhope's eBay Yard Sale item of the week here - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Sam's Podcast – Chubby Behemouth - https://becktown522.podbean.comClosing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Hello. Well, this kind of ruins the thing. I was going to start with Tracy reading this letter and then we can get on. I have Sam Elliott, Sam Watterson. That was a conversation we had yesterday about have you heard that George Bush commercial? I mean, George Bush, Donald Trump.

Wow. We got to start this over, man. No, no, no. We start like this fucked up all the time. But there's a Donald Trump commercial that sounds like Sam Elliott doing it. You know, Big Lebowski. Did he do it at gunpoint? I know.

Yeah, but no. We had this. Derek was saying, did you hear that commercial with Sam Watterson? Like, you mean Sam Elliott? Yeah, it's not really him. Wait, Sam Watterson is from? Killing Fields. Oh, I thought, well, Law and Order.

Yeah. No, no. I'm sure everyone knows Killing Fields, that seminal piece of film. I would go with Law and Order if you're going to go for a reference. You mean the longest running drama? Yeah, I think that's the one I never watch. There's 70

of them playing right now as we speak. You mean TBS's entire lineup? Yeah. Killing Fields. Sam Talent is here with us. Hey, everybody. Sorry. Tracy, I'm sorry we have a guest, but I have to make you read this in full

to start this out, because I opened this this morning. It's been sitting on my table. I can read it if you'd like. I have a lot of thank yous I didn't bring. We'll do that tomorrow. You had nothing to do but prepare. Yeah, but I was preparing for Sam.

I know. He was doing his stretches. He was getting all lubed up. I got here, he threw me in the shower right away. He's like, you stink, but not in the right way. No, you had an issue. Hang on.

This is what I read this morning. Fucking great letter. He's going to pass it to me if she can't read it. I'm going to go piss while she is. He's pissing on me. I'm going to lay on the ground. Why didn't he just have us? No, he should be here when you're doing it. He can hear you.

This started last podcast. This is the second time we podcast in here. Yeah. And at one point, he just got up and went peeing. I can hear you. I hope you can. It's embarrassing. He has a weak stream.

He can definitely hear it. He has a very strong stream. Oh, yeah? I assume his prostate was an old wrinkled glove. But he wanted to keep asking questions as if we had the bathroom mic'd. I thought you guys did. Well, it is now. That's for the Patreon.

That's the only fans. All right. So what are we doing here, Doug? Just read it in full. Dear Doug and podcast family, hello from nowhere indiana i've been your fan for a long time i've listened to all the episodes from the very beginning my favorite episode is the one where bingo sister shit herself that was a good one good times my son is also your fan we enjoyed watching and listening to you my son's name is daryl Jacob Vitor Vedder.

He was found dead in a cornfield. It's Indiana, August 1st. We don't know why. Awaiting coroner's report. He was 21. He was the kid always being picked on by the teachers. He wasn't great at athletics or academics. He was the kid always tripping over his shoestrings.

He was the kid who didn't know how to be quiet. He was the kid constantly being harassed by small town police with nothing better to do. He was the kid that got a mom tattoo with a heart around it. He was the kid that used his Christmas money to buy kerosene for his buddy's grandma who had no heat. It's Indiana again. He's a kid that would take a friend out to eat if they were hungry and had no money. It was usually off the dollar menu at McDonald's, but no one went hungry.

He never had more than a couple dollars in his pocket. He gave and shared freely and willingly. Would you please have a shot in his honor on the podcast? Dear Doug and podcast family. Hello. No. Did you finish it shared freely and really? Okay. Would you please have a shot in his honor on the pod for all the kids never given a chance for all the kids who are. For all the kids never given a chance. For all the kids who are different.

For all the young kids being kept down by the establishment. For all the kids who will never be able to please their parents and the establishment. Please raise your glass and be very drunk when you do and honor my son. To Dar.

Is that? Keep going. I didn't pre-read this. Keep going. That's what his friend, oh, Tudar, D-A-R-R-R. That's what his friends called him. Feel free to accentuate the R's. I should have put that first. He would love it.

P.S. had $20. He had $20. The letter came with a $20 bill. Oh, no, fuck. Yeah, read it. P.S. had $20. He had $20. The letter came with a $20 bill. Oh, no. Yeah, read it. Read that. He had two $20 bills in his pocket. Here's one of them. All my love and friendship. Thanks for all you do.

Jennifer V. Raise your glass and take a shot for Dar. Dar. That's some strange viral marketing for the Children of the Corn reboot. Take a shot for D'Arr. D'Arr. For D'Arr. For D'Arr. That's some strange viral marketing for the Children of the Corn reboot. No, take a shot of Applejack.

I didn't have shot glasses in here. I forgot the shot. I drank Applejack before a couple weeks ago. Yeah, but not for D'Arr. I stopped drinking on the next podcast after that. Yeah. I'll do one for next podcast after that. Yeah. I'll do it for Dar. I tried to read that out loud this morning, and I failed miserably.

Didn't have your glasses on? No, I cried like a fucking bitch. I cried like a bitch, and then I looked him up to see if maybe, and then I found his Facebook, and his mother, Jennifer, who sent the letter, had on the Facebook, hey, if you have videos or photos, call me and had her number. So I talked to her.

Usually they want a T-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. He died wearing your shirt. I feel bad. I immediately made a joke about children of the corn. But yeah, I mean, 21 in Indiana. That's an old age, you know?

Yeah, congratulations, man. Is that your worst? 800 block. Their crew is called the 800 block. I looked at his Facebook page. You did research for a podcast? No, it wasn't for a podcast until I talked to her. And I said, don't worry, I'm going to have that read in full by Chaley to see if he cries.

But you came up hot from an Andy Andrus, so I wanted the surefire cry from Tracy. He wasn't doing research. He was trying to steal the kid's identity. He bought some Cardinals tickets with his credit card. I'm going to mine something from this.

I'm 21, but I don't look 21. You can pass me. I'm a Mohawk, kind of. You're an Indiana 21 for sure. What's your worst state? Is it Indiana or Iowa? Indiana. You agree on that? Yeah. I'm 100% there. Absolutely. Oh, man. The whole time you're in Indiana

feels like you're waiting in line at Taco Bell. They're racist and educated. That doesn't work out And fat And very skinny At the same time They're awful

Fat and skinny They cover The fucking Home of the Klan Yeah Not the good Klan The South gets all the credit But no

Indiana Iowa Fucking way worse racist Yeah Not a big fan of Indiana Oh I'm wearing I'm wearing the drop comedy club

T-shirt though From South Bend South Bend. South Bend. Thank you for the $300 for the six shows. Thanks to Drop. Can't wait to come back. It's Comic Run, so it's fun. Then they give you the check.

What was the place? I remember it was Hoosiers. Was it Snickers or South Bend? No, that's Fort Wayne. It's Fort Wayne. There was a place. I remember we went in, it was close to Halloween

because we would just run into the thrift stores and then someone noticed us, you, as we were walking out. Goodwill. At the Goodwill, yeah. And I even got such a good coat that day.

But they were talking about it and I remember that was the place where you not only yelled at corporate but you may you might have made me drive back to yell at steak and shake for like not having oh the proper a1 sauce this is not real a1 this is your version of a1 it was like when they have flavored vodka. Yeah. I remember some vodka we got. Was it Hanger One or somewhere or a label where you have to fucking

say this is blueberry vodka. Honor the brand. I thought you had A1 flavored vodka. No, but it was like that. It would have been better. Brutal and savory or something. A1. bold in something yeah and it was uh their brand of a1 and it was it was it had the a1 branding but it was like this is

clearly it was like a milky version of a1 where like you even look at it you're like this there's this not right yeah and uh i think you made me drive back to yell or you definitely got on corporate but it was the hotel where we could look like there were handprints on the window and then looking down was another part of the hotel that was now no longer safe for people to go in

it wasn't handprints that's where they yelled at us he made us open the door of the van to make sure that we didn't have more people in the car. There's four people. And it looks like five to me. Oh, Patel Motel Mafia. Of course.

Sorry. Shout out. Yeah. Yeah. They're a sponsor of the pod. They help. They help. Send me a t-shirt, man.

And so after there, I go, sir, I'm a 50 year old man. Yeah. I'm not here for the, cause there was a college game. It's one of those Indiana towns like Notre Dame plays there. Shout out Shane Gillis. Fuck that guy. We're together now. We don't need him.

You got a new fat moon face kid. You got a new impressionable opener as you keep calling me on your fucking podcast all my friends were like hey he likes your book by the way he keeps calling you an opener i was like oh brutal well no you said you had to tell me that you've opened for me a couple of times well that's how good i was that's how hard i crushed and you don't even seem familiar no well i mean it was greeley colorado i remember that gig, but that's what I said. If he was opening for me and he was local, that means I was outside smoking. And Greeley, I remember, was a basement.

Yeah. So I had to go all the way. What was the club in Greeley? We saw a guy that was... Greeley's like where they kill all the chickens, right? It's a huge slaughterhouse. Slaughterhouse, yeah. It smells like blood.

You'll remember this, Jaylee. Scoping out the gig early when we got there there was a guy that's really fucked up in a wheelchair this guy we kept circling around because we couldn't find the entrance don't let him see you looking fonseca was trying to get a guest set we kept going around to the front because the gps was, you're here. We're like, we're at a fucking supermarket. Yeah, man. But the place was behind the supermarket. The Down Under Comedy Club.

The Down Under Comedy Club. And they had, well, I'm not even going to talk about the PA. But they had the best. They had a checkerboard floor. And the best, the 8x10s on the walls were the fucking best yeah cause they were open

we were just talking about Snickers is like that these throwbacks or Looney's Looney's Comedy Club oh yeah oh I heard that closed no they're fine

what? they're still washing money they still got that coked in posing as a go-kart track first club to ever headline me

Looney's dude that would be a good go-kart track oh First club to ever headline me, Looney. Dude, that would be a good go-kart track. Oh, it's great, dude. That sold Coke. Yeah. Hopped up Malibu Grand Prix. Yeah, the claw machine really gets you, though. There's no claw.

No. You put your hand in there. It's just a big weight falls down. You lost again. I'm always losing. We've talked about starting a drunk-driving go-kart track because it's so much fun to drive drunk, but where you can do it legally. Again. I'm always losing. We've talked about starting a drunk driving go-kart track. Yes.

Because it's so much fun to drive drunk, but where you can do it legally. I cracked a couple tall boys on the way here. I went to Hatch, had a burrito, bought a couple beers, made it across the border. And then I kept passing- Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hatch? Yeah. Where did you go in Hatch? Just a place on the side of the road.

Oh, man. Tracy said she knew a great place. I didn't know about it. Oh, my God. We dream of- a place on the side of the road. Tracy said she knew a great place. I didn't know about it. We've gone to Hatch and stood in line and then said, fuck this. And they just went to another restaurant because they're all serving the same thing.

They do a green chili burger in Hatch at a place called Sparky's. And at every other place. And at every other place. Because we're standing in line and there's like German people in front of us. And like they say how long is it? We don't know. They don't care.

They're going to stand in line. I go, that place across the street has like I can see seats in the window. Yeah. And we just walked right across the street where people are waiting 30 minutes just to order. Yeah. And we walked right across the street and had a fucking fantastic. But hatch green chili burger is the way to go. Well, Colorado is so white they appropriated hatch green chili. Yeah. And we walked right up the street, had a fucking fantastic, but hatch green chili burger is the way to go.

Well, Colorado is so white, they appropriated hatch green chili. For the listener, hang on. You just drove from Denver down to Bisbee, so you had to go through New Mexico. I drove through from Fort Collins, Doc. I came a long way, man. Yeah.

The boot. What was the place? The boot something? Yeah. They don't do comedy anymore. That's where. It's in the book. That's where The Boot, yeah. They don't do comedy anymore. It's in the book. That's where Victoria lives.

Because they had Sinbad there, and he used to make racial slurs. No, I'm kidding. He killed comedy? Yeah. He wore a pantsuit. In the book. I don't know what they changed Victoria to in the book. It's Victoria. Oh, all right.

Good. Yeah. I listened to the new book on the drive. Excellent book, man. Your best book so far, for sure. At least the prose, because the first book you had, the subject matter with your mother was so enthralling, but then you really figured out how to write a fucking book.

Like, your sentences really shine in this new book. Wow. Very good. Wait, hold on a second. Doug, I'm looking at you. From this guy, he says that? I've written one book. He's pumped out three.

Dude, your book is... Doug's gushed about it in the last three podcasts, and then I just read it. Did you finish it? I'm to the last chapter in two days. All right, so we don't tell the ending. But I want to tell you, that is high praise, because your construction of a book.

I'm not going to say Hunter S. Thompson. I don't read a lot of books. It really is a good book. Thanks, man. Because you've been on the road. You guys get it. Like, the fact that Stanhope liked it so much. Like, originally, Andrist was you in the book when I dropped Andrist.

But you were too successful to be working that gig. So I had to cut you out of it. It didn't make sense in context. It's the story of my career. The story of Andy's career. He's too successful. Well, your character on Louie, you mentioned it in the last podcast.

That was definitely, like, I remember watching that and being like, holy fucking shit. I was going to tweet about that when I read your book. Is this, if you want to know what happened to Eddie, this would be the extension if he lived to my age. Dude, that character was so excellent. How close are you with Louis?

Like, did he call you to do that? Yeah, yeah, but that's as close as we are. That was it. You crushed it, dude. You were so good. Yeah. I know you don't think you can act or whatever, but that was excellent. Well, I can act as Billy Ray Schaefer in your book. Well, hey, let's get the movie made.

With you attached? I was going to ask you that. Has there been any contact with, was your mom your agent? No, no. Just kidding. Jesus Christ, man. We just met. You're going to spit in my mouth before you jerk me off?

Come on. My dad did edit the book. That's Bisbee style. You said your dad did your text. So has there been any inquiries? So it's like I'm debating trying to get it made with a production company versus selling the book as like a screenplay. And have someone else have control.

Yeah, because if you make the book yourself, if you make the movie yourself, you make a lot more money. But if you just sell the rights to the screenplay, you make a lump right away. I would, this is what I was starting to say about Hunter S. It's not Hunter S, but you read it like,

oh, I'm the first guy to read an undiscovered fucking author of that level. It's that good. I'm going to tear up up you dickhead but oh just what i'm saying whoever your favorite author is dennis johnson imagine not i'm saying to the listener whoever vonnegut like imagine reading an undiscovered fucking vonnegut you're getting me fucking hard doug like no one you know knows this guy. Yeah. And then it's that good. Thanks, man.

Like I just got done with issues with Andy and they've all got the book coming to them. I'm like, I'm not even going to talk about it. Yeah, I spit in Brecht. Until all of us.

I hawked a big loogie in Brett's book. I was like, get me booked at the jukebox, you dickhead. But when he said that about a screenplay, you know, Depp did that about a screenplay, yeah,

you know, Depp did fear and loathing, which was justice to the book, but not a great movie because you can't do like the pros. When I got your book and I was just shitting on it. Cause Mishka Shibali's name is on it. I love to cover them. Yeah, I know.

And on the back, like Mishka can't wait to get his name anywhere. Mishka. Iali's name is on it. I love the cover. I know. And on the back. Mishka can't wait to get his name anywhere. Mishka, I know you're being funny, but Mishka did. He was like the biggest champion of that book. Oh, you acknowledged him first on the thank yous. He was number one in helping me get that thing figured out. Which raised him in my status. Look, I know the guy from a different way.

I know him. But it uh one of those things with that that's that's how i pray is because of what what i've been reading well he got he got me an agent that didn't get the book sold so you know i guess thanks for nothing mishka well you know no he was great he was that's a long process though right of stuff right yeah uh i i i read the the back like what this book is about and i like all right it's about a 53 year old shitbag fucking washed up alcoholic drug doing comedian yeah and i just assumed it would i would like it just because of the genre and you mentioned shit that happens in clubs. And that's in the book, but the prose is so fucking brilliant. Thanks, man.

I don't know how you could bring that to this screen, like Fear and Loathing. That's exactly what I thought. It's like making this a movie might ruin the idea. Cheap in the book. Yeah, because it is like making this a movie might ruin the cheap in the book yeah because it is like the the dialogue i'm reading this thing going like how the fuck did you even do like i don't i've seen doug write books right i understand mostly crayon right yeah well i mean a lot of magic

marker it goes to india and then they put it into text yeah it's a lot of tablets markers. It goes to India and then they put it into text. Yeah, it's a lot of tablets. And then it goes to Korea and they type it, right? He has a whip. It is one of those things like it's so detailed, the minutiae that you have. From my experience of being on the road with Doug and Mitch, it's like it's so right on that it's like this must have been taking years 18 months but that doesn't make sense to me i've been doing stand-up for 18 months that's what i'm saying oh no i'm kidding no but i mean like i've based my career honestly off of guys like doug like doug canane like these diy guys like

i've done all the fucking shitty gigs that doug has done clearly much less money. You have to understand, he's 33 years old. That is amazing to me. So when he would go into details about cocaine, you know, just the depressions, the road! From a guy who's 33!

You had to base this off of someone. It can't be you. But then as we've talked while we were waiting for you to come up, I'm like, I think this is a lot you. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I've been doing stand-up as my only source of income since I was 20. I'm 33 now. And a lot of that income was making $100 in fucking Rock Springs, Wyoming,

opening for the worst comedian we could all think of jake sharon um so nice name drop but anyway like yeah like i've been on the road 44 weekends a year since i was fucking 20 you know um so a lot of it's me a lot of it's you know stories have aggregated from people who are kind of like people I don't want to turn into, you know. Observation. You notice a lot of things in the green room. Clearly. When you go to a town or a club, they'll tell you the worst story of every comic who's been there.

And the bartender will tell you. We solicit it. Yeah, me too, dude. I always ask the bartender. I'm like, who's eaten the biggest bag of shit? That's what Doug does every time. Who's eaten the biggest bag of shit? That's what Doug does every time. Who's eaten the worst bag of shit you've seen recently? No, we do improvs

where they have an assigned wait staff for you. We go, who's the biggest douchebag diva that you had to work with in the green room? Unlike triple gigs where you just, who ate the biggest bag of shit? Right, and they have 12 names ready to go improvs are big comedy clubs

oh yeah I've heard of them it's that kind of corporate yeah yeah you'll get there I'm a big crackers guy I'm the one who shut them down no but I don't do a lot of those corporate clubs

because I'm like I'm able to work in the world where I'm like you know I can go to Casper Wyoming and do well and sell t-shirts and then also I can go work the fucking like all festivals like i work both worlds because i respect guys like doug guys like troy baxley guys like rick you know troy troy was the king when i started

comedy dude see in denver comedy he is on the mount rushmore there are like five guys that you mentioned yeah in your book yeah that are guys that I booked to Anchorage in 95. Dude, Troy was the first guy I opened for on the road. Troy is so awesome. That was a badge. He is awesome. Wait, Todd Jordan. Todd.

I booked him up in Anchorage too. I'm trying to figure out if it's the same Todd. Is there another Todd? There's Todd Johnson, who's a little fat guy. No, no, this is a bipolar guy. with the jaw, right? Yeah. Todd Jordan's huge,

big jaw, loves... Been doing it longer than me. Looks like he could be on a love boat. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

Real classic face. But all those guys, like those were the guys I would go to New Talent Night at Comedy Works, and those would be the guys who would fucking,

you know, do the classic, like, you go up yet? Oh, good set? Like that kind of shit, you know? They were the guys shitting on you, and those were the guys you wanted to who would fucking you know do the classic like you go up yet oh good set like that kind of shit you know they were the guys shitting on you and they were those are the guys you wanted to like you you know so like coming from denver we have a great alt scene we also have all these old fucking dudes who can do the goddamn job yeah and you want them to like you as much as you want the fucking you know meltdown comics to like you so we're very lucky in denver

to have that yeah there's a lot of back of the room at the comedy works. Dude, so much back of the room. Brutal back of the room. You ran from the forest where the bees attacked you all the way home, and you still had bees in your hair? Yeah. And then on key, motherfucker shows up. And yeah, like I had him. I shouldn't have so much glassware around here.

I could kill these fuckers. Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, killer termites. And we hope you'll tune in and check us, Issues with Andy, on YouTube. Yeah, it's not a podcast, right? Isn't it a vodcast? You're right.

For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka. If you love the shit you're getting here on the Doug Stanhope Podcast, get more shit with us on Issues with Andy on YouTube every Friday. And, yeah, you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting. Uh, there was a,

a part of the book where you took, uh, a piece. The book is fiction, but there's so much said the name of the book? Running the Light which for the listener in comedy parlance running the light

is when you get the light to say you've done your time and running the light is people who go over their time it's gone too long yeah for sure blatantly and also real quick thank you to to termite nation like the killer termites have been so responsive doug talked about the book i sold books not only in america

but fucking sweden i sold 30 books in one day because of fucking doug we actually have like great britain and sweden i got books in the uk in bookstores because of doug and i don't yeah yours are all sold out dude i heard your book you were number 666 on the fucking amazon the UK in bookstores because of Doug. And I don't. Yeah. Yours are all sold out, dude. I heard your book. You were number six, six,

six on the fucking Amazon list. I cracked the top 4,000 and screenshot it and sent to everyone. Oh, that's fucking great though. Like I said, don't buy the book off Amazon. The fucking publisher said, if you make the top 10,000,

it's rare. Yeah. Uh, but again, uh, but I was going to say, there's a piece in the book where you take something from the Denver newspaper

that you go, that has to be real, but then you insinuate the fictional character, Billy Ray Schaefer, that's the protagonist of the- They're talking about like- Roseanne's kind of rise. about like so Roseanne yeah right like

Roseanne rose up and them all getting the people yeah there it's like a an anniversary yeah yeah so is that was that a real article no it's completely false really every bit of it nothing in that book is like word for

word no like that oral history you're talking about that Denver Post thing is all made up by me. And then I had another one that I cut out that was all the Texas comics, like Ron White, Joey Coco Diaz, like Jimmy Pineapple. I had all these fucking weird old dudes who I also made up all their dialogue. But, you know, like, you guys know Hippie Man from Denver? John Novosad? He's mentioned in the book, though, right? Exactly.

So, like, there's all these people that I like studied at the fucking altar of like on my knees like watching them crush and then I was able to you know cause I've heard them talk a hundred hours each watching them on stage it's easy to translate that like Norm Macdonald's in the book Norm Macdonald I

did my two hours of due diligence with fucking to tell at 2.30 in the to tell at two 30 in the morning to four 30 in the morning, depending on whose time zone. And I just kept fucking hammering your book to him. I got to send it to him,

man. What? I got to send that book to him. I know. I'm sure he was buying it that night because it tells the fuck he's just to get dug off the phone. Yeah. Doesn't it tell call you guys and be like, Hey, you got a joke about like a lady wearing a hamburger hat. Yeah. Ohell's the fuck. He's a god. Just to get Doug off the phone? Yeah. Doesn't Attell call you guys and be like,

hey, you got a joke about a lady wearing a hamburger hat? Yeah. Oh, no? All right. None on a pogo stick. Don't you do that. No. Sam, you want a drink?

Yeah, I'll take another. I'll do a red stripe if you have one. Hey, Tracy, put that on Doug's tab. Yeah. Actually, when I got here, the first thing I asked was, Tracy, do we tip you? I've always wanted to know. I don't want to be rude.

But yeah, dude, all those Denver guys bled into the book. It was easy to write a book about comedy. Like the way you wrote. Wait, wait, that's where I was. Norm MacDonald. Yes. Where you wrote Norm MacDonald so spot on. If anyone knows Norm MacDonald.

You're saying his voice in your head while you're reading your words. Yeah. And you're saying you made all that up. Yeah. Thanks, man. That's really good. But also, I've listened to Norm Macdonald talk for hours because he's my favorite comic. Like, no offense, Chaley.

But like. No, none taken. I understand. Thanks, man. You're really good. I'm an acquired taste. Yeah. I like the bass guitar solo shit.

But Norm's the best. And the best book by a comic I've read until yours. Norm's book is an insane post-modern novel. He takes the memoir, he tears it apart,

he makes it his own thing, he battles God and the devil, he's a fucking fisherman in the book. Norm's book is a spectacular work of literature. And also, if you buy his audio book,

he reads it, so it's even better, you know? Well, even like, because I know Rick Kearns. And his snarky fucking comment, that is fucking him. But you ping-ponged all these people in that Denver Post thing. Like the people I know, you sounded right on. And I could just assume that the people I don't know was the same.

Yeah. It wasn't the same tone all the way through. It jumped. It was really good. And the Norm MacDonald thing was. Fucking Andy Andrist was the first name of a real person that he drops in the book. That's early in the book. Andy, don't sue me.

Andy goes, yeah, I'll probably get it and read it till I'm in it. I go, you're in the first 10 pages. He goes, well, that's pretty good then. I don't have to spend much time. And it's not even Andy's voice. They're talking about Andy fucking up a previous gig where. Because he's too smart. Because his jokes were too smart.

It was good. In the crowd. But it's so like spot on everything. Yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah. I mean, like Rick Kearns has looked out for me

so much. Like Rick used to sell jokes to John Panette. I don't think that's like out of school to say that. Like, you know, that's what killed him. That's what it was.

Yeah. Rick's bit about fucking the comedy was too good coming out of his mouth. Yeah. Rick's bit about CrossFit killed him carrying the cross on his back no one's

done that bit before curds but yeah like rick would have us all come and like he would buy us dinner and pay us 100 bucks and he would just spit ball and then he would take whatever was funny and yeah send it off you know so rick how many guys at the table there's about eight guys and i never had a place to that table i shouldn't have been there you know it's like all the guys you like really admire when you start comedy who have either been really successful or work at bennegan's like whatever happened to them you're watching them and you're like shit if i get three jokes in this dinner session like i'm the man yeah so rick's the best and uh a lot of those people who've helped me a lot have worked their way into the book because, you know, they're important to me. Because I haven't even heard Rick Kern's name since it was a terrible event.

Well, Rick and Mike, you know Mike Long, right? Yeah, yeah. So Mike Long. It's the first guy I've booked in Anchorage. Really? And with PJ. Oh, really? Who is?

Yeah, in the book. Yes. Yeah, RIP. Yeah. So I never met PJ, but he lived with Mike and Rick. And I think that Rick found him, like when he killed himself. Yeah. When he came up in 95, Mike Long was the headliner and PJ was the feature.

Yeah. I don't know who the fuck fell on a sword at Coots. I'm sure that DJ buried Mike. Oh, but no, they were both, I was very, that was my first, I threw every money,

all the money I was making playing cover bands, I threw in to do comedy at this club. Right. That had three. Legendary Coots, by the way. Which I've heard about

as a young comic, hearing about fucking Coots up in Alaska. What a great gig it is. You stay in a trailer, there's stri, which I've heard about as a young comic, hearing about fucking Kootz up in Alaska. What a great gig it is. You stay in a trailer. There's strippers. I heard all those stories, dude. For real. I'm the king of the world! This is the only way that we could get people

to come up there was what you just said, which we never gave them. Lies. They still tell those stories. I know, it's fucking great! They're lying to us About it still But Mike Long Was the first one

And with PJ And PJ was fucking They were great But they went by me So fast I lost so much money And I couldn't I can't

Someone just asked me About doing a This or that About a comedy festival Up in Alaska And I go No don't do it but the reason i'm happy and the reason i've done everything i've done in the last 15 20 years is because i

lost 10 000 asking to do well written house was doing your booking for a minute roger man roger written out to do the book you got me all the denver comicsal? No, old school, Matt. God damn it. It was my first triple gig run. Becker? I can't believe I'm spacing his name. There's a family of nudists that moved in near my neighborhood. Built a 14-foot wall around their house. Like I don't have a 16 16 foot set of stilts

fuck can i ask you guys a question do you guys remember the denver comic don becker who had he lost his arms he put his arms on the railroad track oh and they got run over because he was like schizophrenic or whatever but and slow. Yeah, real slow, man. Not a good reaction speed. Slapjack. Not good at ping pong, let me tell you. But they would always talk about this guy, Don Becker, my dad's favorite comic. He also liked Mudflap, Steve Mudflap McGrew.

Oh! You know Mudflap? Before Flap went all alt-right. I love that it's not just Mudflap. It's Steve Mudflap McGrew because there's a Mudflap. Before Flap went all alt-right. I love that it's not just Mudflap. It's Steve Mudflap. Yeah. Because there's a Mudflap in Georgia. Before, he was like, I hated him from a news group from 1999.

That's how I know Christine Levine. Yeah. ACS, alt.comedy.standup So Flap, if you don't know, he's an alt-right comic. Wait, Flap? Yeah, we call him Flap in the business. Isn't he like a morning radio shithead?

He was, and then he lost that gig, thankfully. But anyway, I hate Flap's comedy. But that's the thing about working the road. You see these guys, you hate their act. But then you see him get a standing ovation in the middle of his set. And you're like, look, I fucking hate what you're talking about, but you're an excellent comedian. Do you have those guys?

Well, yeah. Well, Dane Cook was my guy. I don't understand. Jimmy fucking to make show. Fallon. Fallon. Yeah. Me and Becker watched him as a

young comic fucking white people falling literally falling onto their face on their knees in the improv like upper class white people and there's no act they're acting like they're in a black crowd

they're wild and they're running up and down they're fucking completely Apollo on a sunset. They're taking their shirt off and waving it around their head like a helicopter. Jeff White people. Yeah. It's just so funny. Like, when I started, I was like a very, like...

I was a big, like, Hedberg, like a one-liner guy. And now I do a bunch of riffing. I'm like a big improv guy. But you watch these people and you're like, they suck. And then you get older in the game and you're like, fuck, they suck. But they're excellent at comedy. They're still there. They're still working.'re still working they're still working crush yeah you know like chaley brought this up about the book earlier and i had noticed the same thing

because the the protagonist billy ray shaffer in your book was a big shot had his comeupp and fell down. Now he's back to doing shitty things. Uh, 10 years on top. The way you wrote it slow down. He's a, he's a brilliant comic still.

And you would just go into crowd work. Cause I was thinking the same thing. Chaley was, how are you going to write a brilliant act without not going? No, I'm going to keep that for my own act act i'm not wasting this in a book yeah there's a couple of old bits i don't do anymore that are in there like the bit about uh when he's at the shriners hall and i think trinidad or pueblo he does that bit about pueblo pueblo yeah it's him and his son go to see his dad at the fucking old folks home and he has alzheimer's it's that bit about his

grandma like he has a boner that bit was in my act and then i like what the grandma says yeah the grandma's like uh the grandma says oh you're laughing at the boner i've been laughing at it for 60 years yeah that was my closer forever yeah and then i kind of like it's like i can't do this anymore it's kind of like hacky you know because you're like playing on people's like oh they're going to cry because it's old people with Alzheimer's and then you do a boner joke but for comedians like if you read the book

you understand why this guy kills even when he's just doing you don't need the jokes crowd work like but it's it's it's such a brilliant display of comedy that i've never seen road comedy not new york la but road comedy it's the best depiction of that and i know that guy and you know where he could do well rather than well let me ask you this, Doug. With the book, do you want to hear a guy repeat jokes?

Or do you want to hear what is going on in his head as he's coming before he goes on stage, which is killer, and coming off stage? Because I always thought when I was reading this, which I'm up to the last chapter right now it was always more important to me to know the mindsets but what what were you thinking the same thing yeah no like how you would write that like how are you gonna how would you like write a great set if you can't write it for yourself which i'm not a good joke writer and so that's like a good question because like when i had the first draft of the book he would repeat jokes like every city you'd go to because you got your jokes you do but that's comedy yeah but i didn't think that was good for the reader but you

but you mentioned that in the book of like repeating things ad nauseum yeah like having to keep doing these things and to make it feel fresh and that was the thing i didn't fucking i was tweeting doug or texting doug uh quotes yeah but that was one of the things is that you talk about like i'm up there faking this right and the only real part is when i can get away from that to make the rest like digestible 100 to get in there and you did and you did the same thing which made that seem it was such a touchstone to people who are connected to comedy in that sense in that they like tracy would would be at coots and she would watch six shows yeah and she would get the timing she would understand those things but you pick up on those things that come out of just the laugh.

When they're setting up the fake bit of crowd work they do. They're like, oh, you got an orange shirt on. And they do the same bit every night. That shit. Big Jay Oakerson. Who's the other guy? Louie Gomez. Are you talking about fake ass?

Okay, Big Jay. Oh, you're talking about the- Kurt Metzger. Not Metzger. Metzger too but there's also that guy who's from Canada Ian Bagg

Ian Bagg's the king of that where you think he's doing a brand new set every night and then you host for him and you see that he's doing the exact same set every night just different order but he's able to

yes so good yeah yeah Kurt Metzger and Big J Gino came up together Tracy's saying you're talking about gino no it's not she doesn't have a mic no no but that is a thing we all know yes i'm like

i'm guilty of that but you don't know that unless you watch six shows right exactly right and then you get that and then that's the that's the sensibility i come into this and that I am not a comic, but I'm behind the scenes enough that I really appreciate like the, the detail that you come into this thing. But that's what I thought the book was going to be. All right. It's about a old drunk comic. I thought it was just going to be the staple that they fucks his stripper. And I,

I'd still enjoy it, but no, you go into the fucking mentality of it. And I've, the depravity is so fucking spot on. And you don't have to be depraved. No, you've worked.

If you're a comic, you've worked with this guy. If you're an audience member, you've seen this guy suspected. And every comic who's read the book has been like, Oh, you wrote about this guy and it's a dude i've never heard of who only works like maine new hampshire and vermont

or it's a guy who only works like alabama mississippi new orleans anyone who works maine new hampshire and vermont only works maine new hampshire yeah yeah you were talking about that i don't know if that was on the air or off the air about east Coast comics, they stick to it. But Boston comics are the most regional motherfuckers. They don't have to leave and you're not welcome in. Bob Marley kills everywhere he goes. Yeah, but he was LA forever. But those old relics, you were saying Denver's kind of infiltrated

with old Boston comics. Well, I think that Boston comedy, because I don't know Boston comedy that well. I do there. I perform there once a year. But from what I understand from hearing from Boston comics and then also watching when stand-up stood out, great fucking.

If you haven't seen that, if you're a comedy fan, watch that shit. Boston comics kind of put killing above being good at comedy. And then don't ever question, why is Janine Garofalo in this and also in a bill hicks houston documentary like she's a houston comic yeah yeah those people who do that credit card anyway but yeah when stand-up stood out as a brilliant documentary right but i think that like

boston comedy was they wanted to kill so bad that their act would suffer and that came to denver where it's like you have to kill you have to be fucking smashing the entire time or else you're not going to get work so a lot of those guys came to denver and then the people above me learned from them then the people like in my class learned from those people so it was like you have to kill kill kill kill kill kill and it's so much pressure man like you understand, you understand. I played the comedy works once. No, but just the pressure of having to kill. Oh, yeah.

Doesn't that drive you insane, man? That's why I never do sets. Like, we go to the comedy store and visit LA. Hey, you want to do a set? Yeah. Or the Cellar in New York. No, I just know there was a seat out I could smoke out front. Right.

We went to the Cellar and we were waiting for, I think, Mike D. And I'm like, well, this is- Mike D. Stefano. And I go, let's just go down- I thought you meant the guy from Beastie Boys. Whoa, nice name drop, J. Lee. So we were going to- And we go downstairs and there's a cover charge.

And I go, Doug, I'll get us in. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. Doug's like, we're not throwing my name out don't do shit so we went up and we sat on the fucking wrought iron fucking stools out front and waited for someone for like an hour or two

to tell us I'm not coming and then we just fucking walked around I don't do sets unless it's my audience he won't even go into a comedy club to watch comedy. Yeah. Yeah, it's maddening when you want to go watch comedy. But it is one of those things.

It's like you don't need to. No, I understand most people would not like my act. Well, yeah. So I do. Yeah. I fucking spent 30 years to develop my own audience. Right. I'm not going to lose all that fucking self-esteem

by playing to some fucking college kids in the fucking village. And I like you. Obviously, we're leagues apart in our careers. Not in authorism. Well, I'm much better writer. Yeah, which career? Not joke wise. But you can avoid that. So you don't have to do those shows. Well, I'm much better at it. Yeah, which career? Not joke wise.

But you can avoid that. So you don't have to do those shows. But now whenever I'm anywhere, I'm trying to get welcome back to fucking Dr. Grin's in Grand Rapids. Oh my God, I fucking love Dr. Grin's. You know what I mean? When I'm there, go bananas. I have to fucking kill now. And before when there was no pressure,

because I'm not worried about getting welcome back. You're featuring, right? No, I'm headlining. You're headlining? Yeah, yeah. I'm a fucking kill now. And before when there was no pressure, because I'm not worried about getting welcomed back. You're featuring, right? No, I'm headlining. You're headlining? Yeah, yeah. I'm a headliner only. Sorry, we read the intro by Kyle Kinane. And I thought that was going to be the best part

when I actually, to tell you the truth, Kyle Kinane's opening of the book, I thought, well, if nothing else, this killed. Yeah. Two pages. I opened for Kinane. I opened for Ron White. I opened for other old hacks like Doug, you know, this killed. Yeah. Two pages. I opened for Kanae and I opened for Ron White. I opened for other old hacks like Doug, you know, when they remember me.

But it's just like that pressure that I have to be welcomed back totally ruins any kind of creative process that I have. Because I can't try out new shit when I'm at Appleton, Wisconsin. Oh, this is Saturday night in your book. It is Saturday night, Wisconsin. Oh, this is Saturday night in your book. It is Saturday night, dude. When he fucking realizes the pressure of what's going on, he's like, none of this matters. Exactly, dude. He figures it out.

I'm nothing. No one's anything. This is nothing. I am nothing. Right, yeah. That's fucking deep, man. Thanks, man. Very cool.

But like, you know, Doug's the king. He's one of the goats like doug norm bilber like all these dudes that i grew up admiring and then you're in their house doing their podcast it's very surreal this is very surreal for me so i'm talking oh yeah the fun house is still under construction this doug doesn't know okay this is his mom's name somehow but yeah dude it's just like that pressure totally ruins any kind of creativity sorry does it does it i just yeah nowhere nowhere you are because i just want i i just this fell out of the frame but that is a postcard from the triple gig in rock springs

wyoming oh shit you brought it up yeah i had to pull that over. Is that Mingles? No, that's not. Yeah, Mingles. That's in Gillette, Wyoming. Oh, no. Yeah. It had some shitty name like that. I played there and I wrote on that postcard, which I later bastardized into my first CD.

Wow. I wrote, I found the postcard on eBay. Yeah. Lamplighter. Lamplighter. Yeah. Lamp lighter. Lamp lighter. Yeah. Yes. There was a waitress I fucked that had been shot in the face.

She had a bullet hole in her face. And I wrote from that gig. Yeah. In this era to my mother on this postcard that was in the room. Dude. Here I lay in the ass sweat of a thousand whores and truck drivers the first time i fucked anyone on the road was in rock springs at that same gig huzzah yeah at the i think it's called the green doors the strip club and i went there and i knew that this stripper was dancing

to a cramp song what cramp song i don't remember dude fly early no it was like maybe goo goo muck a goo goo muck girls with machine no that was later that was 1986 okay this was this was like 1979 cramps like oh wow early shit and i was this is a cramp song centurio was in his stride yeah and fucking poison ivy but yeah come on come on brother so i love the cramps i'm an old hardcore kid but i called it out i was like this is a cramp song. And she was like. Oh, that was it? That was it, dude. Yeah.

Anyway, we went and fucked. And I wasn't very good. But, you know, still, I got to tell my friends, like, yeah, the road is the best thing ever. I made 75 bucks. I got a head. It ruled. They bought half my drinks. This is wild.

It's right here. Yeah, dude. I know. Yeah, it's weird and that's the thing is like doug is part of this like that book is a part of like the big c comedy like it speaks to this entire idea of what stand-up comedy is that people don't think about you know like they think about like like chris delia they think about these fucking theater gigs the real comedy is a bunch of people you've never heard of who had TV credits 10 years ago, 20 years ago.

And they're the guys and girls doing the fucking work, you know? It's just cool to be connected to this lineage. But you also have the guys at the Norm gig who are the new guys.

Those are my friends. Nathan London, Kevin O'Brien. Yeah. You are introducing that as this is also comedy. Right. Because he's like, oh, yeah, in 10 years,

you hope to never see that guy again. For sure. And he's your opener. And also, Billy Ray doesn't know what podcasts are. And they're like, we heard about you on Joey Cocodias' podcast. Oh, oh, oh. And then he faked that he, like, oh, yeah. But he faked that he, like, well, I probably know what it is.

Right, exactly. Well written. I mean. Thanks, man. I have know what it is. Right. Exactly. Well written. I mean, thanks man. I have to ask you this. Doug's going to fucking push out. Doug, go pee right now.

Cause I'm going to ask him a question. You referenced the plague by Albert Camus. Yeah. And when I, when I saw that, I'm like, what the fuck? Why would he say Norm is reading the plague?

Yeah. And then I started while I'm reading it, I'm thinking about the whole book. I'm two-thirds of the way through at that point. I'm like, you are in the vein of Albert Camus. That's a huge compliment. Existential writer.

Yes. And that you are consumed with the details of the day and nothing from yesterday and nothing tomorrow. And that is the thing that he's thinking of when he goes and does that fucking shit on stage

that he thinks bombs. And Norm goes, hey, last night was shit. This is it. And I have to tell you that, that I recognize that, that when you said the plague that threw me into this is it. And he's one of my favorite authors.

The Stranger is my favorite book. Stranger changed my life. Yes, me too. When I was 17, I read The Stranger. And I'd been reading a bunch of like Chuck Palahniuk books and thinking I was smart. Yeah, joke. Yeah. And then I got The Fucking Stranger and it blew. Wait, you read Chuck before you read The Stranger?

Yeah, because my dad's a big book nerd. Like my aunt was a librarian. My grandma was a librarian. My mom was big into reading. My dad like turned me on to cool books and he would like hand me like Geek Love or like Father and Son by Larry Brown. Yeah.

And I was like, cool, cool. I don't want to fucking listen to you. My dad's a hipster, dude. My dad's a little punk rock guy, like a Zappa fan. And he was like, wait, listen to like fucking, you know, The Clash and Minutemen growing up. We're just on in the house, you know?

Yeah, D-Boom, dude. Mike Watt. This is a Minutemen tattoo. That's from the anchor. That's all the anchor, dude. So my dad, one time I was like rebelling against my father by listening to Green Day very loud in my room playing drums. And he's like, if you like this, you'll like this.

He slid the Buzzcocks underneath the door. Nice. So like my dad turned me on. So I was like, okay, I'm not going to read your cool shit. I'm going to read, like read fight club,

you know? And then I got, I got the stranger in the street. I mean, that's the highest compliment I've gotten on my book is the fact that you compared me to Camus, which I get a chance. Okay.

Yeah. Your book made me read the whole book all right that's a win too yeah it's not about civil war history so it's like brent brent tobler uh with better references but there is so much existential dread and stand-up because you have one hour or two hours you're necessary for the entire day. Then there's 22 hours you have to fucking kill. And no one knows where you are. You're a ghost on the highway existing.

I'll tell you what it is. I'll tell you right now. Because we've connected on the Albert Camus thing with the stranger. It's when he is in the kitchen cooking food and eating straight from the pan. when he is in the kitchen cooking food and eating straight from the pan, it's like that whole moment of like, this is, this is my life.

You know what I mean? And I get that from your book. It's like, you are, you are basically in the moment of this guy's life. Every fucking page. Thanks man. And I, I,

I noticed that once Norm said The Plague, it started me thinking, as I'm reading it, and I picked it up. Thanks, man. It really struck me as I love, Doug, I go, I don't read. And I've gone through your book in two and a half days. I could not get to the last chapter because I had other shit to do because you were showing up but it is one of

those things was like that is that is a real that's a strong fucking way to write that connects with me i don't know if anyone else likes it but i like it so i mean i it's been cool because people will be like i haven't read a book, I haven't read a novel since I read Post Office by Bukowski in college. And then people who read a bunch also love the fucking book. So it's just a big compliment that anyone can like it. And if you also like books, you can like it too, which is really cool.

That's good. Thanks, man. TheShadyDell.com. Thanks man I want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself. But if you're staying at theshadydell.com, vintage trailer park with all 50s, 60s trailers that we live a mile away from, and we look for reasons to go stay there, come to theshadydell.com. Sponsored by... I might even come in and clean your toilet.

I don't know. clean your toilet. I don't know. Yeah, Killer Termites, make sure you subtly, not aggressively, let Audible know. When you've read the book, hey, Audible,

I'd love to have the Audible version of this. Yeah, this yeah please samtalent.com look killer termites pause this podcast quit sending that mail bomb to the post office quit shining up your rifle and go buy the book at samtalent.com you got a chance to change my life i make 17 bucks a book off of my website sales. So thank you guys. Just, you guys are always really nice. I legendarily issue fiction.

I don't read fiction. Don't send me fucking fiction. And I only, you like the real life stuff. Well, I did at a point like, yeah, the,

the, the, we were talking about Vonnegut last night and I used to read. And then, uh, yeah. then I got into a nonfiction. I think it was because I was always reading something to get some knowledge about something I could do a bit about. You don't lie. Yeah.

Like, that was my only need to read something was to immerse myself in something that I could put a fist-fuck joke at the end of the knowledge that I found from it and put it out on stage like I know anything at all. Yeah. But, yeah, so, yeah, I'm a fiction guy again. Yeah, man, thank you. Just for this one. Yeah, this is it.

I love that none, none of it is like for real. Like he, like the dialogue with Norm and like Doug, you were saying, it's like so spot on. I knew that.

No, I know. But like, even like the post thing, that wasn't a transcript from the post or something like that. Like he's, you're creative enough

that you've written in the voice of so many different people. Yeah, it's really good. Thanks, man. And before anyone thinks that I'm pitching this book because Sam Talent is a friend of mine, you've opened for me a couple of times.

I have no recollection of you whatsoever. I don't remember the Greeley Club. Yeah, it was down in a basement. And I drove there. Oh, no, no, no, that's right. I remember that one the Greeley Club. Yeah, it was down in a basement. And I drove there. Oh, no, no, no. That's right. I remember that one. We just talked.

It was May 26th, May 2013. Because my mom sent me the thing today. She was like, remember this? I do remember that. Where else did you open? Oriental. Oh, I think I lied about that in my book. I put Greeley in when it was Fort Collins.

No. What? I don't know. Your new book does have Greeley in it. Yeah, but that was 2013, not 2016. Greeley's also a bigger shithole. It makes more sense for the book. Yeah.

In the new book, when you say I'm working the shittiest town tour, it's all mountain times. Yeah. I wanted to, because there were shitty clubs on that tour, but they're mostly Montana, which I love. I love Montana. It's fucking the best. Like, I can't.

So I made up some. But Greeley, I definitely remember driving around and going, look at that guy, that fucked up guy. The last time I opened for you, you gave me a vial of you thought it was DMT. But it ended up being Molly. And you're like, I don't want any DMT. And you gave it to me and my wife. And we were like, cool.

And then we tried to smoke and it didn't work. And we ate some and we were like, oh, let's fuck outside. Oh, we're doing it. We're doing it wrong. Let's go have sex on a boat, baby. There should be instructions on this violin. It was a bunch of molly, too. Like, it riled.

That's the amount of drugs that we've just like, no, I can't. And also a cool thing for Stanhope fans is you had a bunch of beer in your green room, but at the time you weren't drinking beer. You were only on vodka. So you gave me all of the beer. There was like 120 beers in there like you and your friends take this just get it out of here i was like yes this guy's the king uh the green room everything in there yeah that's not plugged into the wall uh belongs to us so we can give it to whoever we want I took the plastic tub dude you sure I took a seat until someone says no

yeah you have the okay perfect man yeah and I definitely do that Brad Garrett's Comedy Club in Vegas the best sandwiches in the world oh that's good yeah

I used to with Hedberg we ended up because he would I would go meet him on a Thursday and he'd pick me up at a hotel or not a hotel an airport With Hedberg, we ended up, because he would, I would go meet him on a Thursday, and he'd pick me up at a hotel, or not a hotel, an airport in the motorhome, and then we'd go do Thursday, Friday, Saturday with Stephen Lynch,

and then Sean Croft was with us. And at one point, all Hedberg wanted was sandwich fixings. So we would get all these sandwich fixings backstage and and it would be a thing of mustard thing of mayonnaise and then cold cuts yeah and then after three or four weeks we had like 20 fucking things of french's mustard because everyone buys one right yeah and then i would i ended up buying a mesh knapsack to just take everything because i i was on a tour with another band like a long time ago and they're like everything's ours back here and it's like i just believed him yeah and that became my mantra and then we would rape everything from the fucking backstage area

village baby yeah when if did you stop collecting hotel soaps and shampoos because you thought you might need them in the future? I steal every towel, dude. I'm not beyond that yet. Who steals towels now? I steal every towel and robes. I'll come off the road with like three new robes for my wife. She'll wear them once. They don't fucking charge you for that?

Because the club's paying for them now. Like they buy the room. Oh. Anyone's paying for the room but me. I'm smoking cigarettes in there. But do you still do soap and shampoo? Because I did that for years. And then I'd have a bag. Gilbert Godfrey still does it.

In his documentary. Oh, I haven't seen that. He has things under the bed. Like big containers full of soap. He has this Ronnie Gingerfield's Young Comedian soap. I used to shower back then because I thought I'd get laid. So that's probably why I stole this shampoo. That is crazy. To be married on the road is so much different from being single.

Because the road kind of lost its appeal. Not appeal, I still love. Oh, how married are you? Very married. Wait, how long have you been married while you were doing comedy? I've been monogamous with my wife for eight years. But you started comedy single.

Yeah, for sure. Have you ever, that's the Chris Rock bit, a man is only as faithful as he has options. Have you been approached on the road where you went, oh, fuck, I can't believe I'm turning this down. Of course. Well, no, it's not of course. I'm looking at you.

He asked the question. This is audio only. I'm looking at you. Yeah, no, like anytime a woman is nice to me on the road, I'm like, fuck, dude. We could have the craziest night tonight. I would cook breakfast tomorrow. You probably live in a much better place than whatever shithole I'm staying in.

Yeah, but no, it's like I like the idea of women saying you're really funny, but the idea of actually inserting anything in a woman, I can't. I don't think I get hard for it. It's pretty gross. That's why I'm strictly dickly. That's why we why we're fucking man that's why you brought me and shane out here yeah i have a tattoo it's she calls it a tramp stamp it says entrance only on my tailbone with an arrow to my asshole we'll see about that watch for the patreon tomorrow listeners but yeah dude i've been approached a bunch

when when you say approached as any up here's here's my address let's fuck go yeah uh especially the pajama gigs as you call them dude oh when they know you're staying in the hotel yeah yeah it's brutal but i've never once pulled the trigger yeah i mean i want to i don't think i'm better than anyone but like i don't think i'm smart enough to lie my way out of it you know what i mean i'm just kidding baby but uh she won't listen like a female listens to this podcast yeah exactly yeah my wife's a doctor she's it's so funny all i complain i'll come home off the road about like a rough show and she'll be like twins died in my arms

i'll make dinner hold on let me get my joke book but yeah man i've never pulled the trigger it's a lot more of a guy wanting you to fuck his wife that's a lot what it was in the back in the day. It'd be like some rich dude and his hot young piece of tail and they'd be like, come back to the fucking boathouse.

Oh my God. And Andy has a story about it and you have a story in the book, don't you? It's so good. Oh yeah, oh fuck. The couple.

I'm stopping, I'm sobbing myself. There's a few times I go, oh, I'll give away a point. You can give that away. No, it's just from the beginning, I was worried about him losing the bankroll.

And I'm like, oh, this is where he's going to lose the bankroll. The bankroll is all that matters when you're on the road. You know, you established that in the beginning with the boot. Yeah, right right away first sentence yeah and then i'm throwing what no no just the boot i was gonna say when i started reading it as i'm going i'm like this is not about me and i just find anything well i don't try to find coke everywhere i go yeah i don't wear cowboy, so it can't be about me. Where the rest of it is glaringly me.

99.9% is like spot on for the road comics. But it's like, eh, it's not me. I don't wear cowboy boots. I wouldn't rub my hand through my hair before the show in the mirror because I don't have hair. That's not me. It's him washing his hand instead of going to the towel rack. because I don't have hair. Wait, that's not a point. It's him washing his hand instead of going to the towel rack.

He runs it through his hair. Which is my move. There's a lot of Troy Baxley in this book. See, I pictured Ron White 80% of the time. Ron's too successful, I think. I've opened for Ron a lot. Still, the character. The character, successful, I think. I've opened for Ron a lot. He's been very generous. Still, the character. The character, just his...

Yeah. I mean, for sure. It's an amalgam of, like, 12 different people. Was Troy that successful? Troy in Denver was the king. But, I mean, like, Billy Ray has, like... I don't think Troy had the rise. Like, I think Troy has all this old, like... Billy Ray has

Carson credits, like 12. Billy Ray was in Beverly Hills Cop, too. That's right. Cut from the... I think he was cut because he was too funny. I think he hosted the Grammys at one point in the book. Yeah, Eddie Murphy had him cut because he was too funny. He stole the shot.

He stole the shot. Now I'm looking for flaws. It's just like Ozark, where I'm looking for flaws. I can't find any that's such a fucking great detail that he got cut from Beverly Hills Cop

but no one remembers him even though he was hosting the Grammys yeah yeah I had a guy tell me that once that he was cut

from Beverly Hills Cop too because he stole the shots I don't remember his name I when we we needed a bass player in in my band and i was

flailing as a rhythm guitarist and we had we 50 guys in orange county california and these guys would come in and they'd have this fucking story of things they've done yeah and it's like they're setting up you know they're plugging in and everything and they're gonna run through a couple songs that we wrote and it's like you're listening to them and they're like well yeah i played on that kiss album but you know i'm uncredited and you're like oh okay and then he's like you go plug your thing and it's like that he's fucking lying yeah but how do you substantiate that and when you're in that position where you're opening for that guy you're're like, oh, this is the best guy in the world. For sure he was in the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones at one point. Oh, no doubt.

Oh, before the lead singer? Yeah. Hello? I knew you'd come crawling back. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, Chaley and Sam Talent are having a podcast, so I just thought I'd call you since you texted me. Shane Gillis.

Oh, Shane. I knew you'd come crawling back to old Shane. Shane, there's a new right tackle in the room, bud. We don't need you anymore, motherfucker. Samuel, Division 1 kid.

Oh yeah, I signed with CU Boulder. Where'd you go, Elon? Yeah, and then I went to Army, and then I quit right away. I know. Quit! Yo, Shane, what's up, man? Hello. Did you pause your game for this? I paused The Sopranos.

Don't date the podcast. It's evergreen. Yeah, what, uh, what, uh, are you guys live? Yeah, we're live. I'm trying to figure out where the microphone is on this phone to put it. All right, I get the. I know exactly where you're standing. No, no, we're inside.

You were never allowed inside the main house. They let me in the house, big dog. You don't wipe your feet. If you keep talking like this, I'm not coming back in September. All right. Well, you're going to sleep in the wet spot. We're not cleaning the sheets, Shane. Yeah, Sam's a squirter.

Not out of the hole you think. Have you read his book? No. Yeah. And he sent me a rough draft, like a first copy and I got it

at my house in New York. I've read it back. Hey Shane, put out your parents' address right now on the pod and I'll send you

a new one. No, I'm going back to New York this week. Oh, nice. Cool. Who are you opening for? Pauly Shore? I'm opening for Pauly Shore. No, I'm going back to New York and then I'm headlining

in Rhode Island at Providence Comedy Connection. Finally! Yeah, dude. Atta boy. I'm actually headed out there because I'm headlining Wise Guys in Salt Lake and then Phoenix House of Comedy. I remember the old days where I used to have to confirm I was headlining. When are you going to write a book? Me?

Yeah. It's the only way you can compete with Sam Talent. I'll say this. I know that Shane's a reader, and that's why I liked him, because I listened to his podcast, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Oh, wait, he's a reader, but he hasn't read your book? No, because he's busy playing NCAA 2014 on Xbox 360. Hell yeah, Sam. You're really listening, man.

Brother, I'm with you, man. Shout out Billy. Shout out Spud. Whoa, dude. Dude. Shane, dude, I'm war mode all day. Shane. Don't bring up war mode. They won't like it there.

They'd love it here. Shane, Sam Talent's book is one of the best books i've ever read in my life fuck i know i know well i thought you were lying so i'll read look look sam admit the one you sent me was like a fucking binder yeah yeah i sent you one that i printed i couldn't i couldn't i couldn't have read read that off a fucking bunch of paper hey shane yeah the one he sent me i was like all right well this guy just sent me trash yeah this guy's insane yeah and then the reviews came in and everyone's saying it's it's a really incredible book And I miss him a bunch enough to know that he's very smart and very funny. So I am definitely going to read it.

Yo, Shane, big fan. Do you remember in Montreal? You don't remember. But we were drinking fucking Coors Lights all night after you killed. And do you remember when you came out of the bathroom and yelled, Faggot? Yes. I don't remember.

I was there, dude. I was one of the ones that pulled you away. The guy from, yeah, I know, it's so funny. You don't imagine all those industry people being like, that guy's an asshole, and then like three months later seeing me get destroyed. Hey, Shane, you yelled faggot at who? According to the guy who's the manager at Helium who was there, I walked out of the bathroom and saw Drew.

Drew, fuck, what's his name? Drew Dunn. No, the kid with the stutter. The kid from America's Got Talent. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, was it the group of agents? It was all a bunch of agents, and we were drinking beers all night. And I'm pretty sure you were blackout by the time I met you in front of,

like, you were standing with Big J and Dan, and you were bothering them. You were like, let's do up-downs, man. You wanted to, to like run block for Big J and I dragged you away and we went and drank a million Coors Lights and then you came out of the bathroom at like 2.30am and yelled faggot

in front of a bunch of very powerful people and the rest is history it worked out man but I did walk out and the way Jerry the guy from Helium, said was I walked out, and there was just people standing right there, and I was like, what's up, faggot? Yeah, it wasn't like hateful. No, you shook your head like Nixon and did the peace signs, dude.

It was insane. And also, in my defense, I did piss my pants that night. You did, and also, I'll say this, dude. I saw you do your unwrapped thing because your agent got you and my act got me in, so we were different. But I remember you crushing that night, dude. I appreciate it. You earned it, dude. Yeah, I earned that faggot.

For sure. Yes. That's the only one you earned. The rest are, yeah, I'm running up a tab on those. Yeah, all the Old Testament faggots don't count. Hey, I'd love to keep talking to you, but Andrew Yang is calling me on the other line. All right.

I love you. See you in September. What up, Bull? I love all of you. I'll see you guys. All right. See you soon. Yeah, that was a wild move.

He came out and yelled hate speech and I was like, this guy's not going to go anywhere. I'm pretty sure I benefited more than anyone from Shane's downfall because I'm the next fat guy in line. How did you... I did Unwrapped. I was a new face unwrapped

what's that so that's like not represented oh okay yeah I didn't have I still don't have an agent or a manager and Shane was up there

it does sound like unwrapped yeah I don't know what it's called but you went up to Montreal at the what the fuck the big one what's it called

thank you Tracy just for laughs just for laughs yeah you went up there and did you know Shane before that no

no but he was always my number one suggested friend on Facebook Just for laughs. Just for laughs. Yeah. You went up there, and did you know Shane before that? Mm-mm. No. No, but he was always my number one suggested friend on Facebook, was Gillis. Interesting. Yeah, and I never, like, knew who he was. And then I, like, met him on the elevator, and we talked about football, because we both were, like, very good football players. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. That's definitely him.

That's all he talks about. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm going to keep pulling up props from my shelf. Just for laughs. Oh, nice. You got the little guy. You met him? Yeah, I got Rock Springs, props from my shelf just for laughs. Oh, nice. You got the little guy. Yeah, I got Rock Springs, Wyoming.

I got just for laughs. You're covering everything. So, Doug, he met Shane going up in the elevator. And they started talking about football. Yeah, it was like, oh, you're Shane Gullis, right? Because they had an orientation. Oh, so you, but you. Asian.

Sorry, I was trying to find an oriental thing. Shane loved it. His eyes lit up when you said orient. Hey, there's no open mic here. So Doug tries out a lot of things. No, it's okay. We'll definitely cut this. No, no.

This will be something. Doug is killed a couple times. When you see me do this, I'm putting a marker on the audio and it's yeah because yeah he's he's he's in a weird little thing yeah that's okay doug yeah that's a picture of you and andy yeah that's right he's wearing his daughter's t-shirt that's good and you have a cesarean scar somehow. Is that from the hernia? Oh. No, he had an umbilical hernia.

I had a lot of hernias. I probably have a few more. But you don't have a C-scar hernia. No. No. He's seeing something in the picture. It's probably cat hair. Look at this wild scar on his gut. No, that's my bloated fucking belly button.

That's what you look like shirtless? Not anymore. I'll go shirtless and you go shirtless. You went almost assless. You showed up in tiny shorts. I love tiny shorts, man. Are we going to talk about what happened? Did it get in here?

Oh, yeah. I popped a flat tire outside. In a rental car? Yeah. Do you not have a car? I have a car now. They gave me a new car. No, but do you not have a car to... I didn't want to put the wear and tear on my car.

All right. Yeah, you're not paying me. I'm not going to put... Well, we were until you just said that. You're not paying us. No, I'm not. You guys are paying me, though, because of all the character remits

who bought the book at SamTalent.com. Oh, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Make sure to buy the book on SamTalent.com. That's with two L's. Yeah, yeah. T-A-L-E-N-T.

It's signed, too, for me. Yeah. Yeah, we do the same thing. If you can go through Amazon, I don't know if going through your website is a pain in the ass versus Amazon. It's right on the front page. And then I send it out the next day. I do all my own shipping because I've emulated Doug's business model since day one. So, yeah.

Yeah, buy it off me, man. Or else. You could definitely get it cheaper somewhere else, but when you buy it from you at Sam Talent you can get it five dollars cheaper

off Amazon but you're supporting you yeah I make seventeen bucks as opposed to eight dollars off Amazon so

buy it off me man international I do that he does it with Doug's book it's cheaper for me to buy it through Amazon

and to resell it to people that want to support the podcast than to buy it from the publisher. Yeah, definitely. Which is, what the fuck is going on? I don't know, man. I had a walk. You sell hundreds of books. They held my hand through publishing,

and it didn't get published because the offer wasn't good enough, and now I'm raking in the money, baby. I know. Yeah, hell yeah. Well, you should keep going because it's a good book thanks man Doug's in there pooping in his own hat I am peeing standing up standing up you can hear me

this is when I wanted to ask the Alper Camus question because I knew there would be a moment at this point. I'm sure all your listeners in prison tapped out for the Camus question. Maybe not. Yeah.

Shout out to that guy Bobby, right? Bobby Caldwell. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to Bobby. And by the way, I think his mom bought a book. I'll send a book to any prison. If you hit me up at sam.town.

Don't say it. I'll send it out, dude. I got a lot of friends locked up. My books are in prisons all over the country. I guess, yeah. They get passed around, too. So when they're in there. And the books do, too.

Word them out. Yeah. Come on. You can see me at crackers. We're going to have to do another podcast tomorrow yes uh patreon we'll uh continue this on from there

on philum and uh yeah I'm gonna have to say did I say this last night did I already say this probably don't wrap it up yet I know I'm just I'm teasing the patreon which is part two also

shout out tracy nicest lady in the house no offense yeah we're we're getting a lot of no offense my favorite comedian no offense my favorite lady in front of your face no offense doug you're the fucking goat dude i'm trying not to be a fucking kiss-ass Evidently, I'm the second place at best goat. After Norm. Norm, fuck Norm. Norm fucked with me on Twitter

and it still haunts me. You lose a lot of money on golf or what? No. At one point, he tweeted it's like five years ago. Maybe longer., he tweeted, it's like five years ago, maybe longer. And he said, watching you on TV, watching Doug stand up on TV, gave me an epiphany that changed the entire course of my comedy. Something like that bold.

Yeah. And then. What was the punchline? Never. Never. No. Never. Punchline... What was the punchline? Never. No. Never. Punchline. So he was just sincere?

Don't know. Don't know. I don't know Norm. I've met him once. I've never met Norm ever. Yeah. I met him once. He saw him at the Magic Castle.

Yeah. Like in 92. Yeah. I've seen him a bunch, but I've never met him. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Are you serious?

Mm-hmm. You've never talked to him? Never once in real life, no. Goddamn it. I only met him at a round table at Aspen Comedy Festival with me and Rogan and Phil Hendry. Oh, I fucking love Phil Hendry. Maybe that's... Oh, fucking Phil Hendry's the best.

I think you spelled his name right in the book. I might have. It's I-E. Is it? Yeah. I feel wild. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I'm growing up, dude, listening to Phil Hendry is the best I might have it's it's A.T.N. is it yeah right yeah yeah listen to Phil Hendry

he's great the best especially I want to know what happened that was sorry no it's

Southern California when I was listening to Phil Hendry I didn't know it was Phil Hendry I was one of the people going who the fuck

is this guy you know and it was he was so. I was one of the people like, who the fuck is this guy? You know, and it was, it was, he was so fucking, I can't imagine a program director in Los Angeles

putting him on the air. Trusting him to do that? Like, be just, like that person would have to be so fucking smart. Yeah.

Like way above the room because all you do is get complaints. Yeah. You know? Yeah yeah he's fucking brilliant and I never really appreciated him until we were on the road with Doug you met Phil though?

yeah but it was it's a fucking better call Saul guy Odin Kirk yeah we're doing a round table interview of all these people that are featured at Aspens and me and Joe Rogan had just gotten the man show we weren't fucking

piping off not our version this is so unfunny I can't even jerk off to the jugs I didn't listen I was on mute you guys talked during that no no we didn't no one talked during that whole fucking

round table except for fucking odin kirk just just overrode that's probably why i don't like odin kirk he just steamrolled the whole thing yeah the entire fucking thing didn't let anyone talk and yeah norm was there so do you remember you on was it uh paul provenza's thing oh dude you fucking crushed on there genie garofalo and yeah dude and uh belzer and you call him out for his book dude what's merch yeah he's like what's merch his sunglasses and you're like motherfucker i bought your book and he has blackface on the back of that book by the way oh really one of the headshots he's in blackface as like the urban comic he's like humping a stool or whatever yeah in that book he's like yeah it's something in that book i remember oh magic johnson

has aids oh you think taking it up the ass a thousand times a day won't give you a fucking something like that clip is passed around I mean I think I've been sent that clip like once a month by like every opener I've had like have you seen Stan Hope on Green Room it's like yeah I'm familiar but dude legendary shit that show the one

with Patrice and uh Bob Saget and Roseanne. Say something funny. Yeah. And fucking Bob Saget responds in kind. Bob Saget has been like, do you know Chuck Roy from Denver? I do know. So Chuck was like the house emcee in Comedy Works, and he would crush all the time.

And I was hosting once, and then Chuck was featuring, and then Bob Saget. And I was on stage hosting and doing well, and then Bob Saget, when I got off stage, he was like, why the fuck would you try and hot dog me from the host spot? What the fuck? These are my fans. You're going to try and bury me from the host spot?

And then Chuck was like, I thought that was bad. Check this out. Chuck went up fucking standing ovation from the feature spot. Saget had both of us removed from the shows for the rest of the weekend. Yeah. Fuck Bob Saget, dude.

Wow. Yeah. Billy Ray, when he was like saying that, Oh, I know my spot. Yeah. I don't,

I don't, I don't bury spot I don't bury the fucking headliner by going up front by doing crowd work it was interesting someone left a refrigerator open

door it's one of those things where like you don't know that unless you know that I mean it's like when the headliner will be like, don't do anything about the room. Yeah. Don't do anything about dating or black people. Step on my dick. Yeah.

It's like, all right. I've definitely been like, you know, in a tough spot from openers because I won't tell them not to do anything because. Yeah. It's dog shit. Well, the key is that's why I fucking hate when local openers use. All right, we'll use a couple. You help promote the show. Our business model is we go out and it saves us money to be able to have you headline and then grab some local openers. Or sometimes we know we'll grab someone regionally and they'll go on the tour with us for a little bit. And then we'll move on.

Like Jay Wycott or something. Or like Carlos Valencia. Valencia, yeah. But when you have local openers and they just come back to talk to you, I want to listen to the person in front of me. Right, yeah. So you know they're going to do something. So if they step on my dick, I can segue from it. Because pretty much no one's going to do the same material that I'm doing.

Yeah. Because you're so good at stand-up, dude. I mean, it's not like you're going to be smoked by some local opener. But I'm saying, if they step on a subject, I can, it's not like you're going to be smoked by some local opener. But I'm saying if they step on a subject, I can, like Fuckhead was saying, and then I segue into the bit, which actually makes it fresh because I can make it sound like I'm just thinking of this. Right. Well, Billy Ray does it when he says, oh, Kevin lives in so-and-so's beard. Right. Yeah. Well, Billy Ray does it when he says, oh, so Kevin lives

in so-and-so's beard. Right. Yeah. You know, I mean, you, you have a touchstone to what just happened

which kind of brings that energy, that laughter into your set. Yeah. And it's, it's one of the things, he'll just kick the door open,

he'll put his foot in the fucking door, Doug will, so he can hear and then someone will chirp something. No, the fucking door, Doug will, so he can hear and then someone will chirp something at him. No, the guy, the MC comes off, and he's

like, yeah, I fucked up that bit, and I'm like, I'm trying to listen to you. You said that to me before, you were like, hey man, I want to listen, and I was like, I get that. Oh, good. You weren't a dick about it, you were like very amicable, and I was like, I get that completely. It is one of those things where there's a –

when the show starts, there's things that are happening. There's a progression of things that everyone's not aware of all of those things, but they're all still happening. But they're in your book. The headliner is – like when he gets there, like Doug, he will wait to get there until the last minute because he knows

he's going to run up against this fucking bullshit. Right. And all he wants to do is smoke a cigarette and be able to hear from the stage. And you got these

fucking comedy clubs that have no fucking speakers in the fucking green room. Right. Or there's no way you can see the fucking stage. It's, it's,

in this day and age, it's what? You can get your fucking cousin to come in and fucking change the setup right and you're probably dealing with not even the openers it's like the openers friend or like the fucking door guy who wants to bother you no no they're not well no because like i'll do shows on the road and they'll have seven fucking openers we we we still run into those problems stop Stop it, Chaley. No, no.

Listen. Well, no. It's usually my friends and then they have three friends and then two people show up and I assume they're friends, but no, they're people who snuck backstage.

And then we'll tell you about the last time you were in town and you guys had drinks at this bar and you met this guy's wife and she did this thing and you're like, I don't remember you and I have to focus on earning my dollars for this

I wish you could be that honest I don't remember you but I mean I get that dude because I work a lot and it's like I'll have these wild evenings with people then you go back the next time and you're like oh I don't remember you at all but you have this very

important memory with me and I feel like a dickhead, I don't remember you at all. But you have this very important memory with me. And I feel like a dickhead because I don't remember your name. I hate going out in town because the lady that said she was CIA, if that's what she said. I can't see you. It just got dark. And I don't know. Yeah.

It gets to be embarrassing when you don't remember shit, but isn't it also on them to know that you do this? No. Fucking 150 nights of the year. They don't give a fucking rat's ass. I know, but they should know that. No,

they will never care. The opposite side of the coin is the people that you obviously remember. I'm the one that was writing the book about the yeah Adrian Nicole LeBlanc do you not no I remember you you've been in my house a million times we're friends like I don't know if she's ever done that but

the point is the people that are smart they do remind you about it yeah I remember you you fucking made a it. Yeah. And you're like, oh, I remember you. You fucking made a souffle for breakfast. Yeah, you're fucking talking to me like I'm some Alzheimer's patient. Right, yeah. Which I am to most of the community of people who think.

The thing is, is that when there's a comedy show going on, the people in the audience, it's their fun time. Yeah. And you address that in the book. They don't ever put themselves in the mindset of the performer. They're thinking that they're having fun, he's having fun, we're all having fun. Isn't this fun? Because it's their night. They don't think about this guy.

They bought this guy. He worked last night. They bought Stanhope for the night. that's there is their night they don't think about this guy they bought this guy he he worked last night for the night we we drove 400 miles and now we're here tonight and we're gonna drive 300 miles tomorrow and then we're gonna drive 300 miles there's there is a there is a work ethic that i don't think the layman understands i was uh i was just thinking about that probably because of your book was when I remember Austin, Cap City where I was just

like at some apex of where all these people but when that happens when you get to a place where people are coming to see you and not to see stand-up comedy, you have to work.

Yeah, you have to give them their ticket. The tone changes. And then I'm in the green room using it for what a green room is supposed to be, a place to study. And then all these people that used to be in the green room, all the local comics and the friends. When it was a shit show. I'm like it was like no you gotta fucking stay out i have to focus yeah and well now he became a dick because

he's famous you're a dickhead fucking yeah oh no hollywood dude you're all hollywood and shit hollywood oh look at you all fucking hollywood right yeah it's like dude i got this good and that's why this place is sold out because I've done this before my shows. But you can't tell that to someone who goes, look, no, I understand.

I just want to say hello. Right. Especially when it's 15 minutes to showtime and you're hurried. Like you got to get the fuck out. I'm sorry. And also we've lost friends hours to get fucking hinty. You're hung over from the night before. You haven't had a good meal

yet your fucking bed at the motel six sucks you're mad at your openers there's hair that isn't any of ours in the bed exactly there's a million different variables to doing stand-up that are not you in front of a microphone and it doesn't portray the comic as a prima donna it's like this is what it takes to get to the end of the show yeah the like to do this requires an amount of focus and i'm so happy you wrote that fucking book it is the world to me dude it's i think it's the only depiction of road comedy that they should hand it out to bachelorette parties before they book... Before they book their 18 fucking tabletop at the fucking underground.

With their dick-balling hats on. Why is it only bachelorette parties? Why don't bachelor parties ever fuck it up? No, they do. Do they? Fuck with Dave! It's a little different well especially since we're men

fuck with my friend guys want to keep it under wraps too well bachelorettes would hate me anyway girls just want to teach me alone on a date they're going to fucking hate me it's just crazy all the thing people don't

think about because like i'm at the point now where i'm like getting 50 to 100 people when i go to a town they're coming to see me and i'm selling tickets and shit but on your scale man i can't even imagine well i was about your age yeah and depth yeah as far as when we started four walling barnstorming. Right. It's the best business model. Yeah. Because of 50 people owning everything in your, I mean,

you have Chaley to run everything. I own Chaley. You're right about that. Yeah. Sorry about the light switch. No, it's all right. I don't need the lights on in there.

I still don't know what that was all about. I came up to, like, have a chat with you guys and drink. It was like, hey, there's no lights working, and there's this, this, and I'm like, I'm I did not do that at all. You guys jumped on my fucking shit. I'll take another shot. I came up high. I came up high from the issue.

Hey, shot. Dar. Dar, y'all. shot. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.

Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar. Dar.. I'm a good. I'm a good. Nice, man. We'll do a voiceover for it because we're already an hour and a half in. We'll just cut it off and we'll do the Patreon tomorrow. No, we can still do that. We can do it two-parter right now. This is too much.

This is fun to see. I don't think it's too much. Come on. This is half a Rogan. We're not even... I'll tell you when we're at half a Rogan. That's true. I'll tell you when we're at half a Rogan. Get her a fucking shot. My wife was like, yo, you gotta have Stan Hope call Rogan, dude. She's like, you gotta have Ron White call Rogan to get you on that podcast.

I'm like, you don't really know how any of this works. I would never ask anyone to do that. It's insane. Do you want to do phone calls tomorrow? On the Patreon? Yeah, we'll talk about it. We can do some phone calls.

We were talking about how my wife will come to shows on the road and try and help. I'll be on stage and she'll be complaining. Like merch? No, not even merch. She'll be like, why do you light them now? She'll be watching like, he's a 43-year-old. Yeah, yeah.

You know who we're talking about. Don't drag the bag. Is it Saturday? No, we already talked about it. Don't drag the bag. She's coming to fucking Fort Lauderdale to see us. Oh, wait.

For the rest of the tour? That's what brought it up. No, no, no. My wife has been guilty of that shit. to see us oh wait for the rest of the tour that's what brought it up you know not your we're good no no no but someone else my wife has been guilty of that shit where she's like

maybe yeah yeah she's driving with us for the next six gigs what you didn't want to tell anyone

if you're a young comic and you're listening never let your girlfriend or partner or husband anywhere near whoever has your check in their pocket. Don't let them have any access to your money or the person who has your money because...

You can't talk to my boyfriend like that. Yeah, fuck off, dude. How come no one lit him? He didn't light him. Oh, my God. Have you ever had a girlfriend fucking address hecklers yes yes dude yes wait it's a thing oh yeah yeah where they like fuck you i know yeah someone heckles you and they're gonna help solve it for you i'm are you kidding you've been doing it 30 years. I assume it happened once or twice. Renee?

I'm sorry. I just got it. I think it bingo. No. Bingo doesn't get you. No. No. Bingo's gotten into some shit. Remember early on in Fredericksburg, Virginia?

Yeah. And someone fucked with bingo, and that guy had to, like, he's this doughy kid that ran the shit and he punched a guy in the face yeah there's been a lot of shit that's happened that's why his book and yeah someone got

involved because your partner is the most vulnerable they're ever going to be on stage and they're like I have to protect this fucking you know she's the right gal or they're like i have to protect this fucking well you know this she's the right gal or they're like you suck yeah you should see him in bed do some new stuff oh that's true i've had that happen before oh were you at the the palms oh my god renee came Renee came up on stage. No way. Yeah, the poems in Vegas. Renee walked up on stage and started fucking.

Punks had a comedy club, right? Yeah. Longer than I was invited back. I'm like, I don't know what to do right now. My wife is drunk. She's fucking yelling at me and you. It wasn't going well to begin with. I wasn't killing.

You know what's great in your new book that I listened to today? Make sure you guys buy it when it comes out. It's an Oklahoma City story where you're like, I'm 90 seconds from closing but you still read her the riot act because i've been there where you're just gonna put my head down i'm gonna do that rule it was so good and the fact that someone i was there like a month later not the same venue but comics who were at that show told me that and they were like it was a bloodbath man but stanhope still closed and it went fine.

And then the aftermath, which was perfect in that year. Johnny Depp heads, if you're... Yeah, the long version is in the book. Comes out on Audible, evidently August 20th. It's called No Encore for the Donkey. Dude, that donkey show passage, that's as good as anything

I've ever written. Here's a backstory to that. Seriously, that was brutal. Here's the backstory to... People were asking about the title on Patreon and I couldn't remember if we could say it or not, and you just did.

Yeah, yeah. That's your answer, Patreon. We went through a million titles, but no encore for the donkey came last summer with me and Olivia Grace trying to come up with some title for the tour we're about to do. And we just came up with a million and i i thought of no encore for the donkey yeah dude and randomly we as a million ideas this is over

a course of fucking hours of drinking and what about this best writing in that entire book is that passage. For sure. What happened was I loved that so much that when I'm writing this book, we drove back down where I was staying in Tucson. Olivia Grace was staying in this weird basement where we were house sitting and we drove back down here and I go, I reverse engineered No encore for the donkey.

Cause I saw how that is the last sentence. And I go, I'm we're going to drive down to Bisbee to pick up some shit. And I'm going to write the great American paragraph. And it ends with none. I listened to it three times in a row, that entire thing from the donkey show. I mean,

it was startling dude, because you're a very good writer, but that thing was like, holy fuck. Excellent. Excellent prose, dude. And it also sums up the entire thing about being a road comic.

Like the donkey show analogy to being a road comic is so good because no one fucking thinks about the donkey or the girl. They're there to see this spectacle. They don't care. No. Yeah.

Yeah, they don't care what happens to either one afterwards. They bought this moment and it's going to haunt them or turn them on the entire time. It was, dude,

that was fucking great, man. Should be stoked on that. You were so self-deprecating about your book, but it's very good, dude. This is your best book yet. I don't think I was self-deprecating at all. You were to me. Well, after I read yours.

Yeah, after I read yours, I'm like, thank God I didn't read that first because I would have to go back and go, oh, I have to be smarter. You can give me a shout out in the audible it's cool it's already done well i'll write the afterward but yeah stand up's new book is fire y'all let's uh let's kill this and go drink like gentlemen without microphones. Yeah. SamTalent.com.

Two L's. S-A-M-T-A-L-L-E-N-T. Buy that book, y'all. But backwards for Twitter, at Talent Sam. Yeah, I don't do Twitter because it's so toxic. That's fine. No, you fucking promote on it. I don't like it, dude.

I've gotten hurt so much. Just don't read it. That's what I have to do. Well, I know, but you said online, you're like, a crowd can give me the biggest ovation of my life or one comment can break me open. It's like, yeah. Don't read the comments.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, isn't that so funny? The one person not liking it, you're like, I'm going to ruin this entire show by making this person murdered people online like i've tracked them down and murdered them in my head one fucking and the most innocuous thing yeah like i i can murder you yeah i can find out where you live and murder you you can't write that yeah on twitter or you get bumped off right you lose the blue check i didn't get that goddamn blue check they won't give me one on instagram

i've been on viceland come on people that forgotten network i love vice vice is cool viceland failed wait what that's different viceland replaced history channel for a while oh i'm okay that was my first tv credit all right let's just this is after after market all right so uh we're gonna continue this uh this is a long one for the regular podcast yeah fuck it yeah thank you guys for having me for real rogan's studio is still being built they need extra content all right yeah oh uh uh get on to uh ebay yard sale yes uh stanhope underscore podcast on ebay and uh check out the new item oh yeah the new item this week. Go to the show notes. The new item this week is one of the original Funhaus decorations. And we're all jerking off on it.

That's what Stan Hope said. We're going to go out there and play sloppy cookie with it. I never said that. He said it a bunch with his eyes. Sloppy cookie. It's gookie cookie. Jesus, what are you, 33? It's an original name, so it doesn't matter.

That's a New Hampshire thing you're saying. Cookie cookie. It rhymes. You said sloppy cookie. Well, in California it was ookie cookie. You said gookie cookie. Yeah, that still rhymes. Sloppy cookie doesn't even rhyme.

That seems a little racist. Gookie cookie. Yeah. Gookie. Messy biscuit. Whatever it's going to be. I guess it's spelled the same as gook. Yeah.

Whatever frat house you were in. Oh, now I'm in the fucking goddamn Shane Gillis and I fight back together. Oh, yeah, my podcast. Sam Talent. Yes. Listen to Chubby Behemoth with me and Nathan Lund. Chubby Behemoth. Why don't we make it a swap cast?

Oh, that'd be insane. Yeah. So this is a swap cast. Holy fuck, dude. Sorry. You're so generous, dude. I know everyone thinks that you're like this like misanthrope and you don't really like care about shit.

Don't ruin the brand. No, this guy cares about community. He's built this entire world here where people can be together. My phone's ringing. Sorry, dude. Hennegan's calling me to tell me someone's disparaging my brand. 800 Block. D'ar.

800 Block, we love you. Fucking sorry about your kid. Fucking D'ar. We look forward to the new Children of the Corn reboot. Yeah. You know, if you're 21 and you're not going to die, fucking tell me while you're alive that you enjoyed the thing. gonna die you fucking tell me while you're alive that you enjoyed the thing take us out bingy okay bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.