The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#410: Doug Stanhope's Pig Party

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

Comedians Shane Gillis and Sam Tallent make their triumphant return to the FunHouse and Doug throws a party.Thank you to MyBookie for sponsoring this weeks episode. Click the link and use code STANHOPE to get up to $1,000 in free play! https://mybookie.agDoug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559Doug's latest comedy special, "Dying of a Last Breed", is now available on Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B08CY4XDMC/ref=atv_dp_cnc_1_5Recorded Sep. 9th, 2020 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Shane Gillis (@shanemgillis), Sam Tallent (@tallentsam), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Pickup a signed copy and Re-Order the Audio of Sam Tallent's book, "Running The Light," from Sam directly - https://www.samtallent.com/Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - https://mattandshanessecret.libsyn.com/Chubby Behemoth Podcast with Sam Tallent and Nathan Lund - https://becktown522.podbean.com/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Thank you to MyBookie for sponsoring this episode. At MyBookie, winning season means watching live sports and betting live sports all season long. Get in on the action. Use promo code Stanhope and double your first deposit. New players get up to $1,000 in free play. Designed to add more excitement to the sports you love and the games you bet. and the games you bet. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Banner day at the Doug Stanhope Podcast.

We have Shane Gillis, Sam Talent, Chad Shank, Chaley, and Tracy. No room for social distancing on this one. No, this is a lot of meat. This is probably pound for pound most guests you've had. Where Chad is the smallest one at the bar? Yeah. I had no idea how gigantic Sam Talent was until Chad Shank walked in beside him. Yeah, Sam's huge.

Yeah. I'm here to bully Chad. Not a lot of people stand next to me and make me feel small. That's for sure. Yeah. I'm more afraid of you than you are of me. Don't worry. The other thing is we rarely stand.

Either Shane or Sam's been here, but we just sit on the patio the whole time. So it's not a lot of standing Well you played the national anthem before we started so Our duty Yeah Support the troops Oh I thought I thought you were saving your A game for this podcast

I didn't know you were throwing fucking clunkers out like you did on We just did two and a half hours of Just nothing but fucking bombs out of the sky Well yeah I won Big bomber dude Oh my god dude We did Burt Kreischer's previous and a half hours of just nothing but fucking bombs out of the sky. Well, yeah. I'm a big bomber, dude. Oh, my God. We did Bert Kreischer's previous. I had to walk it off, man.

You serious? Oh, man. I was just fucking with you. I didn't even notice anything except Shane fucking with you. I didn't notice any bombing. Yeah, Shane got in my head, man. He wormed his way in there and laid eggs in my brain. Well, no, it's just because Burt would look at his phone or something when Sam would talk

and it was just... I would try not to laugh. Sam would say something funny and just no one would respond. I would just look at Sam off camera and be like, Ooh. Ooh, this is bad. It was a slow death. I was already nervous about doing Burt's podcast and like,

am I an author or a comedian? What do I do on this thing? And then I would be like, oh, here's a fun story. I was already nervous about doing Bert's podcast and like, am I an author or a comedian? What do I do on this thing? And then I would be like, oh, here's a fun story. And he'd be like texting someone. He's looking at his phone. Oh, my God. Turns out you should have wrote a book. Dude, I should have just said some hate speech or something.

Kept him listening. Yeah, that gets you going. God, I fucking wore the leather on that one. No, you didn't. I promise. Oh, dude, no. I know what happened. All right. I was there. Yeah. You don. No, you didn't. I promise. Oh, dude, no. I know what happened. All right?

I was there. Yeah. You don't have to pad my stats. All right? No, that was, yeah, that's a tough spot to be in. Yeah, no shit. I was in it. It's a hell of an advertisement.

I'll tell you that. I want to listen. God, I'm still in it, man. If you watch it, you're going to be like, what the fuck is he talking about? Not at all. No, I'm not watching it, man. I actually deleted YouTube off my phone. The comments? Yeah. like, what the fuck is he talking about? Not at all. I'm not watching it, man. I actually deleted YouTube off my phone.

The comments? Oh, dude, fuck. I know. That's definitely the biggest thing I've ever done. And they're just going to be like, who's this guy? He looks like Zach Amico. When they were both sitting there talking to Bert on Zoom, and I was standing behind him, it was the first time when they're goofing on each other. Oh, that fucking joke sucked.

It was the first time I felt like i am 20 years older than them they're fucking kids when when i i finally started your book sam on on monday and uh on tuesday i well what i was gonna say is when i i think you wrote it about Stanhope but I'm sure a lot of different comedians think that but all since Stanhope's the only old comedian that I know like that I just keep picturing Stanhope through the whole thing so it's funny when you say that Stanhope with your body that's the guy yeah I I wanted to tell you I started it Monday evening and uh read till late and couldn't stop. Started Tuesday morning and read. I actually had to take a break because I started feeling fucked up.

Like I was the one, like I was exhausted. I'm like, am I doing drugs and drinking? Or is it just the guy I'm reading about? Like I started feeling the physical effects of it. So good job, man. It's fun. I'm glad that people have such physical reactions to it when people are like oh your book made me have a panic attack i'm like good thanks put that in the amazon review

that's literally what happened on the way here i was listening to doug's doug's book and i had to stop just the anxiety of it i was like oh my god dude am i hungover yeah do i have this guilt as soon as you brought up the guilt i was like like, yeah, I have that. For sure. Am I friends with Johnny Depp? That was a quick reality. Yeah, that bird pod, I'm gonna... Dude, you're in your head about it. For sure. It was totally fun.

Yeah. It was totally fun. There was a bunch of hobos camping in my head. Yeah. They occupy Wall Street, it's in my brain. It's alright, man. I'm bouncing back. There's a bunch of hobos camping in my head. Yeah. They occupy Wall Street. It's in my brain. It's all right, man. I'm bouncing back. Hey, just so people know, we're going to just run this podcast into two. And at some point, this will be the Shane Gillis' podcast. Yeah.

About an hour. So I'll say goodbye. Yeah. We're just going to do it two hours, and one of them is going to be Shane's. Oh, okay. Yeah. So keep track of the timing. So we'll do our break hours and one of them is going to be Shane's. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's all. So keep track of the timing. So we'll do our break at 20 and then we'll wrap it at 55.

Do we have sponsors? Why don't we take a break? I love how the producer asks questions in the middle. I'm glad I came up here to get ice. Wait, what's happening? We're just doing two hours that separate the file. That's why I said it what I love about this place is

Chaley just popping out of places like when you came in he was down there he just popped up yeah is he a ghost he popped out of a trash can or like a podcast bagger Vance yeah he's a magical shows up and he's like here's what you need to do here's this mic it's like god damn and you still

bombed yeah I did hear the whole thing. I was down there the whole time. That's why I was hiding. It was in the bomb shelter. Your fucking podcast. It was max occupancy. It's weird. No,

dude, it's fine. It's all the hobos. I'm okay. It's weird sitting in like that. I'm okay. I wasn't on the podcast. just said hey i'm doing birds tomorrow can you do it with me which i'm happy to do but you were in here when it started yeah

i know but that's because sam asked me to be on it yeah i want people to listen to it they're gonna be like who's this guy yeah but that's the the problem is this i'm it's about you like immediately he said oh i'm in macon georgia, immediately he said, oh, I'm in Macon, Georgia, and I have a fucking story about being stuck in Macon, Georgia. I'm like, this is not my podcast. Shut up and let Sam talk. No, you should have talked. We saw what happened.

You should have done the talking. Clearly. Yeah. No, it's going to be better than mine. He told me mine came out today. So I spent a lot of it, I think, defending Chris D'Elia. And then, you know, in the meantime, an think, defending Chris D'Elia. And then, you know, in the meantime, an article came out where

D'Elia took his dick out and like came in his own pants. I was like, ah, this isn't going to look great when this comes out. That's a bold stance to take either way, I guess. Another good call on a podcast. I know, I keep fucking up. Every podcast I go on. Yeah, these

drinks will help. By the second hour, it's going to be rough, dude. It's going to be rowdy. What's the Macon story? Just some shitty comedy club. It was like a Friday, Saturday, very porkies. It was like a country western dance club, but they did comedy, and they put you up on the premises, and it's

just a cinder block. It should have been a walk-in cooler or something, but it was a cinder block, gray, with a bed and a TV. Nothing. The only thing walking distance was going down a highway with no sidewalk for a

mile to a Waffle House or wait for the kitchen to open at night. And I remember just sitting there because there's nothing to do, nowhere to go. And I was sitting in that room watching an all-day marathon of one of those prison lockup A&E things. And after about six hours, I recognized that the TV blended in. My walls were gray cinder block, just like the prison cells. I'm watching for fucking six hours. That was it.

But I'm just saying, when you're trying to be second fiddle and shut the fuck up, and you go, I have a story about almost everything you're bringing up. I have a story about almost everything you're bringing up I have a story about but this ain't mine yeah you were like I have interesting stories I could tell

or I could just let Sam have more rope to hang himself I felt like I was in prison I should have fucking wrapped the towel around my neck I had no idea you were going through this I would have stopped sticking the knives in no it wasn't you it was me being like oh god what's happening and that's why you think I left immediately.

I'm going to get something to eat. I was just driving around, blasting music real loud, swearing. It wasn't bad at all. The only thing wrong with it is when Fuckface here kept saying you bombed on that joke. He kept pinching my arm.

You were getting a lot of compliments, dude. I was sick of it. You gave me a wet willy. It was a conversation, not a set. No, dude, but still, it's like, I don't know where I'm at as an artist, quote unquote, because it's like, am I supposed to be funny on this podcast or be poignant and sound like an author? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. That was not the problem, but no, Bert was talking to you about the book and your motivation

for writing the book. And that's not telling road stories and talking shit. So yeah, you had to play it one way. Yeah, talking about your process. Sam, you're talented enough as both an author and a comic that you can be poignant and funny, man. I tried to be both and I failed. You're good.

I thought I had some hot story about Entertainment Max and he left the room. Oh, I was over there for that one. I remember where I was for that one. Bert Wings heated up a burrito or something during the podcast? Yeah, he was like, I want to see something funny. So he went and looked himself in the mirror.

Watching YouTube videos. It's the first time I've... I literally punched myself in the thigh. What? Yeah. I was like, damn it. Pull it together. Yeah.

Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, you didn't help. I didn't help, dude. You kept... My house was on fire and you fanned it. And laughed. Yeah.

Not even like out loud, but just enough that I could hear it. He was like. Okay. Well, then I tossed out some bombs, too. And he was quick to be like, well, that sucked. Yeah. That was the first Kreischer I've done or seen where he's not laughing hysterically. And that's the thing.

I know. First one ever. I was expecting him to fucking swallow his tongue giggling like he does on every other thing I've seen him. Instead, he would just be like,

oh, okay. He looked a bit wrung. He looked a little, probably, I mean, he's working on a TV show and that's a lot of fucking work. Yeah. So he looked kind of hungover,

work hungover, if nothing else. It went so rough that he called Ari Shafir at one point. Oh, yeah, they just started a podcast. They had a 20-minute conversation. They just talked for like 20 minutes. Fade to black.

Yeah. Yeah, the fucking Curb Your Enthusiasm music started playing. It's good, man. You need that, you know? You do the biggest thing ever, fucking eat your own dick. It was cool. He sold your book, son. He did, man. You need that, you know? You do the biggest thing ever, fucking eat your own dick. It's cool. He sold your book, son. He did, yeah.

So hopefully. Also, thanks, obviously, to all the Stanhope people, the termites, for buying the book. Appreciate you guys. Some of them are reading it. Yeah, I know. I only read it for two days, but I'm more than three quarters of the way through. It's a page turner, man. I like it.

Yeah. When you find quotes and they're on every page, tweet them. And you're at Talentsam underscore, right? No, all together. Yeah. Talent with two L's. That's right. The Latino pronunciation.

And a new L after that podcast. Yeah, big L, dude. Tattooed on my forehead. That's a capital the Latino pronunciation. And a new L after that podcast. Yeah, big L, dude. Tattooed on my forehead. That's a capital L. Yeah. Hey. And also Von Miller's out, dude. It's a tough time for the talent family, all right?

My sister was very upset. Football weekend. Yeah, dude, it's back. Big time. Can't wait to lose my ass gambling. All this money I get from the book. My wife wants to check my phone during football gambling, and I'm like, no, no, no, no. She'll be like, why?

It's like, I'm having an affair. Go look at my fan duel, whatever you do. God. Here we go. My upset picks. We're back, baby. Yeah, man. Just like that, man.

My upset picks of the weekend are Cleveland at the Ravens and Cardinals at San Francisco. Yeah, you like that Cardinals game, and I don't know why. I have faith. Cardinals. You're a good man. Yeah, I know. I think they beat San Francisco both games last year. That could be true.

Kyler Murray's an exciting young man. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I've seen Stan Hope root for the underdog when he had money on the other guy, though. He always roots for the underdog. Yeah. Depends. I know.

I see who's in the room with him. You assembled me and Shane here. You guys are on the road. Well, you kind of. I came off the road. I was in Durango, Colorado for two shows. It was great. I never told this story, man.

This was been fucking perfect Chrysler fodder. Fuck. I did an outdoor show in Durango on Friday. There's this big fat guy sitting in a lawn chair, like one of those camping chairs that's collapsible. And I was like, man, you fucking, you're brave sitting in that chair. What did they make the chair out of? The material they make the black box out of? And he's like laughing.

Right at the end of my set, the chair explodes. Yeah. I was like, oh, that was your 9-11. You know, I got to get off on this huge laugh. He was turtled. He couldn't get off the ground. God damn it. Call Kreischer.

That shit always happens in my shows after I've gone into a fucking long tirade of put your phones away don't film this yeah like god damn it i wish they were filming that part yeah i liked your caveat in your book put your phones away unless some shit starts to go down and then you can take them out yeah that was a that was a fortunate one where this this uh heckler i just like the entire show i i'd met her before the show shit faced and she's talking to me in the street yeah we're coming to see you and i'm like oh you're gonna be a problem front row talking to me because now we've established a sidewalk relationship. She's my friend. And just,

and I tried to be nice and I got to that. Like I go, I have 90 seconds left and I'm, I'm, I'm not doing it till they throw you out. I know it's stupid. I could just wait 90 seconds and shut it up. Yeah.

But no. And so she went on, it turned into a big fucking scuffle and the husband and the doorman. And she went on social media when she got home and said she got groped by a dozen men on their way out. God damn. And then her friend is attacking me on Twitter. Just a dozen at a stand-up show. Imagine that.

It would have been wild if she got groped by one woman at a stand-up show. Good for those guys, though. No, no. They're getting carried out. No, it was all bullshit. It was all bullshit. It was all bullshit. Of course. Well, no, some guy did film her entire fucking exit and posted

it and her friend had to come back and apologize to me and I don't know why she'd make that up. She was gently escorted out by an elbow and you go, fuck. Thank God this guy has footage. Yeah. It makes it sound like she was crowd surfed out of the room.

Whenever a woman's crowd surfing, anything goes. You get in there. I do not. I do not get in there. Everybody will just watch you grope. One handed. I've never understood why women crowd surf. Every other guy jumping for titties like it's a pinata that hasn't given candy yet.

Just leaping. Sam Talent one-handed over. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, I'm done with comedy, guys. No. Yeah. No, this is crazy. Full-time author?

Yeah, full-time author, man. I'm pivoting. How about the show? What was it like in the venue? Was it outdoor? Bring your own lawn chair? Friday was in someone's front yard. And I didn't make any money because it was all the friends of the person who lived there.

And the lady was like, I had to run a porta potty in a tent to take tickets. So here's 60 bucks. I just split it with Nathan Lund. It was a seven-hour drive for $60. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good-hour drive for $60. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good show. No one bought a book.

Yeah, books are different than T-shirts. You have a backpack full of T-shirts. You have to carry fucking two boxes of books up. Yeah. Then you leave with the exact same amount of books. And you're like, fuck. She didn't get us an Airbnb. It was hell.

Jeez, dude. Yeah. That's how the other side lives, Shane. I'm It was hell. Jeez, dude. Yeah. That's how the other side lives, Shane. I'm sorry, dude. What are you talking about? You're an elite. True. Yeah.

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Salt Lake City. Keith Stubbs Club. Shane Gillis just came from Wiseacre, Wisecrackers, Wiseguys. Wiseguys. Wise people. I think all of those are actual comedy clubs. Or were at one time. Yeah, Wiseacres, I know.

Wisecrackers is in Pennsylvania. All right. Wiseacres was D.C. Wiseguys is a bunch of them, right? Don't they have like a handful of clubs? Yeah, they have a couple, I think, in Salt Lake. I think they have like three at least. I think they were connected with Chili Dog, too, for a while.

Yeah, Chili Dog was the Stubbs opener flunky guy for a long time. No, but Wiseguy's Great Weekend made a ton of money. They gave me extra money. Yeah, they gave you extra money. Sold a ton of books. I sold a ton of Sam's books. Yeah, I know. I sold all the books he keeps giving me that I won't read.

Oh, this is a fucking first edition, dude. This is a real copy. No, I gotta read it, dude. Everybody. That was great. What are you talking about? No, fucking first edition, dude. This is a real comedy. Yeah. No, I got to read it, dude. Everybody. That was great. What are you talking about? No, it's good, man.

That podcast was literally just two comedy legends sucking your dick. Yeah, yeah. And you were here. Yeah. Well, yeah, of course I wasn't going to be there. Also ran. I tried to stay out of it, but I saw they needed to bring in the reliever. Oh, yeah.

Why did you come in? Because I literally invited you in because you gave up like three home runs no no I was like

come in give me the righty give me the big righty you're lefty yeah I am no man it's because because yesterday

we excluded you because we were reading Stan was reading the chapter of my book yeah yesterday was supposed to be the day we got shit faced

now I'm going to be very hungover for this drive tomorrow. Good. What are you driving to? I got to go to Phoenix. For fuck's sake. It's three and a half hours. If I'm hungover, it's going to be a bad show.

And I was also supposed to do fucking this interview with ABC in Australia tomorrow. But I just canceled it. Good call. Yeah. It would have been fun, dude. They were like, Australia is like pretty conservative. conservative they were like this whole cancel culture is bullshit that would have been the interview i'd be like yeah give them hell i read the questions i was like damn dude you guys you guys don't give a fuck is that why you hit me up last night like

2 a.m and you're like we gotta go to aust Australia, man. Oh, yeah, true. Shane and I are coming to Australia. Get ready. I remember in Melbourne, I think it was, saying that well, you guys are like wicked racists and they're like yeah! Yeah, dude.

No, it wasn't a good thing. Yeah, they support me because I got in trouble for Asians. They're about that over there. Yeah. And they're racist. And they're racist. So, look.

I watched a documentary. It was about call centers in India. And they said that the most racist place that they had to deal with was Australia. The whole documentary was about how racist Australia was. Damn, dude. Did they have any clips? That'd be the funniest thing ever documentary to hear voice the clips from those calls of like hello i'd like to talk to anybody who the fuck is this it's better not be some indian motherfucker oh christ i want to talk to somebody who speak i

don't know who they speak australia do they demand like an american I want to talk to somebody who speaks. I don't know. Who do they speak? Australia? Do they demand like an American? I want to speak English. Is that what they say? They demand an American. I don't know. They want a Native American. Yeah, I'll do that interview for you with Australia. Oh, yeah, dude.

That's nuts. Whoa, dude. Whoa, dude. Crazy. Crazy. I can't believe this happened. That's a great shame. I have to say. Oh, I don't know.

I didn't mean to. It sucks, dude. I can't make fun of you because you use big words. I'm trying to imitate you. Dude, I said plaintive on the podcast. Oh, man. That was good, though, because then you looked at me and said, Google it the podcast and it was... Oh, man. It was... That was good, though, because then he looked at me and said, Google it.

Yeah, I said look it up. That was funny. When we were... Sam's book is working on the Audible now. Audio, not Audible, branded yet. Perhaps. So you have 11 different comedians reading the 11 chapters. Yeah.

So I did my read yesterday, painfully. But I have to read a lot of dialogue, and I don't do fucking characters. But one of them is Norm MacDonald. Yeah. And I'm like, all right. And Shane said he could do a Norm MacDonald. Well, they texted me while I was driving. And I was like, yeah.

I said, can you do Norm MacDonald impression? And he said, yes. And I said, good to hear. See was driving. And I was like, yeah. I said, can you do Norm MacDonald impression? And he said, yes. And I said, good to hear. See you Monday. And that was it. And I got here and they're like, here's all the dialogue you're reading. I was like, I can't. I can't do it.

I read it and it was terrible. Wait, you passed the audition. No. Well, the audition. The audition. Yeah. I just finished that chapter. It was great to read all of those parts

in Norm's voice in my head yeah that's the chapter I had to read oh that's a long one yeah I knew he gave me the fucking longest one well I gave that to you because there was two hate speech incidents in there and I know you wouldn't balk at that I also gave Ari Wednesday because there's hate speech in there

I had to do urban dialogue. You were like, y'all motherfuckers. And I was like, yes. This is the best prank ever. Perfect. When we read Stanhope's first or the second book that we read, the audio book, Stanhope specifically said,

I highlighted all the gay chapters for you to read because I thought it'd be funny. I had to read all the gay chapters for you to read because I thought it'd be funny. I had to read all the gay stuff. Well, gay people are probably more likely to listen to your voice. Yeah. That was an idea. No, I saw you and I was like, never mind.

We had some kind of gay phone sexy idea what was the idea for you for to do gay erotica audio books

you were gonna write them and uh submit them and I was gonna read them for audible damn I think that's a good idea fuck

you would have made a million dollars very easy maybe we'll make half of that now yeah I'll write one yeah but they have to,

because I remember having really funny ideas that, you know, how they make cartoons for children, but they actually steer the dialogue towards adults as well. Yeah. This would have, we were going to, I was going to write gay erotica,

but so, so people that would get the joke, see where Chad Shank is demanding he's straight and hate fucking these boys. His swallowing. Yes. Here, read this. What? Oh, you're doing a fucking Bert Kreischer down.

Uh-oh. Second paragraph? Yeah. He began to answer, only to get cut off yet again by a hold on that doesn't even make sense did you write this? no

ok good cause I've made that mistake before I just googled gay erotica this guy needs an editor it doesn't even make sense he began to answer only to get cut off yet again by as Andrew sucked his prick into his mouth. Jordan couldn't resist. He arched his hips against the chiseled face and shivered.

Chiseled is spelled C-H-I-Z-Z-L-D. I'm only reading top shelf gay porn, Shane. At least something that's been spelled right. I'm not reading this unedited tripe bullshit. Joran. That was probably a miss. Joran stared at his steamy friend as he nodded over his dick, savoring it, worshipping it as he blew him.

That's good stuff. I like that, dude. I'm getting hard. I think we all are. Hey, what's up with chicks? Aren't they hot? I like chicks. Man, Shane, that bit bombed.

No, it didn't. The gay erotica bit? You can blame it on me, though. Yeah, that's right. That's why he did it that way. You're the fall guy? Yeah. Yeah, I listen to his podcast.

I know how it works. No, I'm not worried about it. Good. Let's on why he did it that way. You're the fall guy. Yeah. Yeah. I listened to his podcast. I know how it works. No, I'm not worried about it. Good. It's on to the next one, dude. I'm Bill Belichick when it comes to podcasts. Just to me,

I don't care when I lose, I'm just on to the next, on to the next one. Next question. On to the next one is a thing too, that your book has reminded me of one of the most, uh, uh,

the best mental health lessons I've ever learned in my life was when I went on that road trip with Stan Hope and Shaylee. Because it would be a whirlwind of fucking everything. And then the next day, you were just going somewhere else. And you'd have to go, all right, I guess I just let all that. Just push all that out and just start again today. And it was like a basic training you know of how to do that shame in the rear view mirror yeah whenever we went to uh i think i told this story before but when we went to the uh i think we were in albuquerque they had an after party and we

went up on the roof for this apartment and uh people are museum of tolerance people are yeah downtown people are breaking out cocaine and they're like, you want some? I'm like, yeah, I'm on the road to Sanob. I'm going to do some fucking cocaine. I go downstairs, do some cocaine. I come upstairs and there's a bunch of little groups talking. And I'm like, all right, which one of the groups am I going to get in and talk? Shaylee comes up, ready to go? Yeah, but I think I fucked up.

Sanob goes, goes here take this you'll be alright went to sleep crashed right out but I learned right away that was an early on trip and I oh yeah it's not it's not that and that would have been the first or second gig on the tour

yeah it was early on yeah I love that Holocaust Museum in downtown Albuquerque where all the Jews go how do you know what rooftop we were partying on I love that Holocaust Museum in downtown Albuquerque where all the Jews go. How do you know what rooftop we were partying on? Well, because I know where that museum is. It's next to the launch pad. Yeah, it's right downtown. Museum of Thomas.

Yeah, on Central. Albuquerque is an ugly motherfucker. Not if you talk to that Cody guy from last night. True. He loved Albuquerque. Every place I said was dangerous, he's like, no, man, that's where I go to be free. He wasn't that Indian. He was not that Indian, dude.

He was like, no. Same town, racist author. Racist author. I called it. He had great hair. That's when I knew he was native. Yeah. That's when I knew I was drunk because his hairline came down like Eddie Munster's.

And I said, your face is growing back into your hair. And I don't know this person. Give me some context for the story because I want to hear more about what happened. Is it here? The maid came over and she brought a friend who's a local professional, let's say. Busker. He needed to spend some time at that museum. He did, man.

He needed a couple trips through that museum to get some tolerance. Yeah. He came in sweet. He said, I hate Native Americans. And we all kind of... We all high-fived. Well, once we found out he was Native American, we were like, alright, sweet. You did the voice to his face. He's like, no, I'm

three quarters Cheyenne and I fucking hate Native Americans. Yeah. We were like, go on. Yeah, why? Give me some stereotypes. I don't have any. He said wagon burner, that rule. I've never heard wagon burner before. Yeah, he was like, the Lakota are wagon burners.

He didn't talk to me. Sam, this is offensive. This is offensive. They have a proud tradition. Yeah, it was weird to hear someone say the N-word with that cadence. Yeah. It was really long. God damn, bro.

Yeah, it was relaxed. He did hit the N-word. He did hit one all the way out. And none of us knew him. He was new. He did hit the N-word. He did hit one all the way out. And none of us knew him. He was new to the crew. You wonder how many people overcompensate if they know they're going to a comedian's house. That's what I was about to say. I've seen it happen before where people talk to Santa and they're just overly fucking unfunny racist.

And you're like, I don't know who you think you're impressing with that. It's uncomfortable. I was glad that you came in strong, though. I was, too. In fact, I didn't like him at first. Of course you didn't. He was your enemy. He won me over.

There's nothing there. Don't do that. Don't do that. We're not doing that. We're not doing that, Samuel. Why is he on the property? He came in with the maid How is it I'm what?

20 years older than you And the girl that you had a mild flirtation with Yeah Thinks you're too old for her Because you were telling her that How fucking old am I? You're old, yeah I'm 20 years older than a guy that's too old for a girl

That's legal old for a girl that's legal and in a bar. Well, and also sometimes when girls say you're too old, they mean you're too ugly and they're just being nice. So that's probably what it is. Look, there's that. I agree. I agree. I'm not hurt about

it. It's okay. You're not ugly. Don't go down some Sam Talent pity party. I'm not looking for a pity party. Sam is pinching Shane's elbow. Are you kidding me? You can call this podcast ugly. Whose fucking ego are you trying to stoke here?

Doug looks fucking... And it was funny. I was looking at you a minute ago thinking like, damn, Doug looks fucking good. He does. The last time I was here, he had patches out of his fucking head. Oh, yeah. So now I'm looking now i'm looking like god damn this guy's turning around and he's more tan than any of us he looks healthier he's got a shirt all open down to his chest he's the best looking guy on the podcast and you could still call this podcast ugly that's the fuck yeah if d That's the fucking... Yeah, if Doug's the fucking handsome one of the guys... That's bad. That's bad, man. Doug Stanhope's pig party. Got the title.

That's two, Sam. You got two big ones on this one. I'm the king, man. Get out of that. You want me to kick him out of your head? I'll get him right out of there. I see him. No, I don't need you to defend me.

Yeah, that does make it worse. I'm a man. That does make it worse. I'm a man, Chad. Chad, you were trying to do the right thing there, but you did make things a lot worse. I didn't realize you guys were men. Oh, damn. All right, Chad, take it easy, bud. Slam dunk.

How tall are you? I'm 6'4". All right. Yeah, I used to be 6'5". Yeah, you're so dumpy I didn't never notice the height. Dumpy. Dumpy. What?

That's what you say about girls. I'm a boy. I'm a boy. Yeah. I can picture you Saying that In a Boy Scout uniform At 12 years old You think my shorts are short

No you should have seen me In that Boy Scout's uniform I was ripping the thighs Out of those things man Yeah if those of you at home Sam's an absolute Fucking wagon Yeah dude

Thick Some would say He's a wagon burner True Yeah Cody Yeah, dude. Thick. Some would say he's a wagon burner. True. Yeah, Cody. You don't have to delete the name. Everyone's named Cody at that age. Yeah, his last name's Wyoming.

Come on. His address is listed. No. Is that a minus one, Shane? Did that take one of the two back to one? This is a path I want to go down. But it's here and I can't stop.

No, it's good. I'm glad you're being funny. Thank you. Yeah. You need a stooge. I listen to your podcast. I know how it works. What a nasty thing.

No, it's just trying to get Matt to be racist and you're going, no, no, Matt. No. Yeah, that ended works. What a nasty thing. No, it's just trying to get Matt to be racist and you're going, no, no, Matt. No. That bit ended poorly. We were both very racist. It brought us together. Yeah, true. We wouldn't have been hanging out if you were successful.

It's true. God damn it. You know how hot the group of dudes I'd be with right now would have been? Yeah. Not this. Fuck. Yeah. I've just been with hot guys in cool outfits. You're here with the fucking desert mutants now.

Still in the gym shorts. Everybody's in shorts and that. Fuck. Chad's wearing camo pants. Yeah. Chad's. It's the only pants I have. I was.

Chad. Career wise, I was so close, Chad, career-wise, I was so close to never seeing or being in the same room with Chad ever again. God. That is sad. I vomited back into

only rooms with Chad's in it. I'm so sorry, Chad. Oh, fuck. Tracy's taking a photo. Yeah. Yeah.

And we've all just been body shamed. She has the anoramic to get us all in. So subtly cheated my turn into that while you guys converse, so I wouldn't interrupt the flow, but we're not supposed to be posing. Again, we've just been body shamed. It's time for a photograph. Act natural, guys. I'm going to put my hoodie back on.

Yeah. Act natural, guys. I'm going to put my hoodie back on. Yeah. I'm glad this weather has turned. I'm no longer sweaty. I was going to ask Shane, because you were here at the beginning

and now I'm like, it's a where are they now kind of thing. What has happened since you left here? Like, what's different here than when you left? Because when you said, last time I saw you, it was patches of hair. And I thought, wait, when I was a young comic, I had alopecia areata, where from stress, like, clumps of hair would come out. And I immediately thought of that when you said, oh, wait, no, yeah, when I shaved this.

Yeah, you're shaving chunks out. Yeah. And in fact, I think I took a chunk out the first night I was here, which was nice. It was at the 28 Days News Blackout and for a while we were cutting a chunk of Doug's hair out every night until it got just. Yeah, it was wild. Cleaned it up.

Nothing. Nothing has changed. Here is, it looks nice. The fun house looks great. You guys seem to be good. You seem to be in good spirits. Yeah, but I realized I have not left here since you were here. And that seems like we're talking about gigs from fucking 2014. Yeah.

It is crazy. But you left here. Didn't you go back? I left here. I went back to my parents' house. Then I've been going to just New York and Philly and doing the road. Yeah.

And they're on the East Coast. So you basically- Yeah, my parents live like three hours from New York and two hours from Philly. And so I just bounce around in there. It's been good. The road's nice. You left here

and you were here for almost three weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you left here it was still just COVID. Black Lives Matter hadn't even happened. No, no. That hadn't begun yet. We were still cheering for nurses. We were still clapping for them and then the race war started and we were like, alright nurses

chill. Alright. Just say it's so much has fucking happened with nothing happening. I haven't done anything but four months ago was, go ahead. No. He didn't raise his hand.

You have a question? Hot potato? I'm a little bit high. Luckily, a lot of nurses are Haitian. It's like the majority of nurses are Haitian. Shout out to the black nurses right now. Filling out their pants. Balling out.

Yeah. As far as... Well, not balling out, but you know what I mean. They've been getting a lot of props lately, so good for them. They're buying new hair. It's fucking good. Whoa, dude. What?

They are. Sam, take it easy. Oh, my God. Jesus. my wife's the doctor is she haitian no all right well take it we're married don't you ever oh my goodness don't you ever talk about their hair they have great hair sam talent weren't you telling me that they wouldn't uh people yeah well that's true that has nothing to do with me. You said it was because the hair smelled funny. I didn't say it was because it smelled funny. Yes, you did.

I said the Comanches wouldn't scout black people. And it was funny to me that Native Americans were racist. Yeah. And then Cody proved it. And then Cody showed up. He's the most racist dude I've ever met. We're going to get him on your pod, man. We got to call him. We got to get him over here for the next.

Yeah. Just let him spin. Light a fire? Yeah, true. There we go. Release a raven, Chaley. Oh, man. Doug ate that edible a little early.

Yeah, I think so. Does race always come up with you or is it because of the misstep, whatever happened now, everyone thinks that they need to talk about it. Yeah. Which is a tough brand to have. Yeah. No,

I don't like it. I think it's But I'm saying Does it come up all the time Guys like Sam Guys like just punks Yeah I'm an edgelord Swinging at me

Trying to bait me Into saying something I'm an alt-right Clown prince Fucking edgelord Bothers me so much Yeah it's tough Yeah it sucks

My wife said I was trying To be an edgelord one time. It hurts. It hurts more. Wait, what's an edgelord? It's like a guy who's taboo purposely. Like the people who come over here and try to impress Doug. Yeah, exactly.

Like more shock than funny. Yeah. Like not funny at all. That sucks to be that. Yeah. Every open mic-er at Coots. The week after Doug leaves leaves doing a week there I put cunt and retard in the same joke

it still sucked I think of that guy that we did that unpublished podcast that broke out a meth pipe right on the podcast that might be he might fit the on the pod he was trying to spin

on the pod, but we were at his place. Yeah, that was really sketchy. That was weird. He just started doing meth? Yeah. Did he steal all the light bulbs? In his own house? No.

He probably stole them originally. But, I mean, he's not going to take them out of his face. That's probably a great podcast. Yeah. Couldn't get a word in on that guy. I lived in a big punk house and we hosted the Rollerblading Olympics,

their after party in Denver. Like the X Games? No, no. Just like this like, I don't know, smaller thing. Fringe thing? Yeah.

And they all came over and they smoked meth and stole all of our light bulbs. So Rollerbladers fucking rule. They party. Yeah. Oh, they also stole

all the copper wire out of our fucking dishwasher. They're known for that. Out of a party. Yeah. Oh, they also stole all the copper wire out of our fucking dishwasher. They're known for that. Out of a dishwasher? Yeah. Or washing machine, maybe. I don't remember. Either one, you got to really get in there and open her up.

Yeah. During a party? Yeah. It was like, they went till like 6 a.m. I remember my sister. Wait till everybody else is asleep. I guess, yeah. My sister went down to the bathroom.

Well, that's why they took all the light bulbs. You couldn't see them doing it. Yeah. That's why you hang out with stoners. They only steal the little screens out of your sinks. Yeah. Out of the top. Wait, that's a thing?

Yeah. Jesus. It used to be before there was head shops everywhere. Yeah. My sister threatened them with a fake gun at like 4 a.m. She went downstairs in the backyard with a BB gun. It was like, get the fuck out of my house. And they just kept raving.

Wow. Yeah, they disrespected my sister who had a gun, to their knowledge. They didn't care. They did not fear death. No, they didn't. Or any staircase. You wanted it to fail, but it did not. What are you talking about? I want you to succeed. No, no. This is crazy, man. No, we're good. I'm sad. You're making me sad, bro. Don't be sad. I come out here, I support you. succeed. No. This is crazy, man. No, we're good. I'm sad. Don't be sad. You're making me sad, bro.

Don't be sad. I come out here, I support you. I care about you. I know. And you treat me like a dog. This was the East Coast, West Coast coming together. It was. It still can be.

Yeah. Well, we'll see. Sam's decided to drive a wedge between us. Let's take a quick break. No, I'm still in Eugene. Smoke Valley, waiting for the fire to come over the hill. How close is it to you? It's in Springfield, so it'll probably do a bunch of meth and lose interest.

Once it gets in there and it smokes all that meth up in Springfield, it'll probably just fizzle out after burning there. You don't think it'll start a bunch of little projects it never finishes before it gets there? It's possible. They might try to get help. Then they could send a hot garbage sack over to warm the rest of us. Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us, Issues with Andy, on YouTube. Yeah, it's not a podcast, right?

Isn't it a vodcast? You're right. For once, Andy, you're right. It's a vodcast, which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka. If you love the shit you're getting here on the Doug Stanhope Podcast, get more shit with us on Issues with Andy on YouTube every Friday. And, yeah, you keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting all right we're back i'm still curious did you read the norm mcdonald parts or did stan hope have to read the norm no he uh sam oh sam did it very soon how's it going let me hear it i'm norm it's me norm y'all hey y'all

yeah what up gee i don't know ask dr gonzo there yeah it was it didn't go well it was one i thought but then there were others i tried i go this doesn't sound i tried to read my read the billy ray shaffer the the main character i tried to read as ron white yeah it was because when whoever said that all they could think about was me being that guy all i could think about was ron white being that guy i pictured other comedians picturing other comedians so that makes sense to me so I hit my wrong. I can do a pretty good Ron White, but for that much dialogue, it was going into all sorts of

country fuck. It's not Ron White at all, but who cares? Who cares? It's not my four-star review. Like Norm Macdonald trying to talk him down. He's fucking the ledge. He's like, oh, no, don't do it, bro. Which is funny, because I've actually received that call from norm you should have done it there it is comedy used to be men is that what he said now it's

that was one of the quotes that i liked too when they were having the conversation he's a legend like a funny woman the norm mcdonald characters yeah in the book oh that was that's in sam's book that's friday night like bigfoot or a funny woman yeah like bigfoot or a funny woman that's it it's fun to put words in norm's mouth. Yeah. Sounded apt to me. Thanks, man. Yeah, I walked in right before we started recording a couple hours before

and Shane's in here and... Oh, no. Sam said, yeah, we can't do Norm MacDonald. Whoever said it, I thought, oh, you just got served

with an injunction? Oh, yeah. I said, I can with an injunction oh yeah I said I can't do it I was like I can't do Norm McDonald he was like ah yeah I hope Norm sues not because he disagrees with the content of the book but because how bad my impression of him was I think that'll be your out

clearly this is not Norm McDonald this is just a guy named Norm Macdonald. Desert attorney, Chad Shank. I'm good at alibis too. Let me know. Scorpion lawyer, Chad Shank. He's black lights. I thought you were just doing Norm for the continuity sake.

I thought you were going to find someone who can do a good Norm. Everyone can do Norm but us. Everyone can do norm, but us. That's what you think. Under the gun and in Bisbee, we can't, we can't scrounge one up. But I'm saying you're going back to Denver.

There's a, and you don't even need to be in Denver. If there's a comic, I'm trying to get someone who does a flawless norm impression to offer their pro bono services and just fucking record it. Someone with a podcast can record it and send them a file. Yeah. If any Norm heads out there, the number one Norm impersonator in the Southwest is available.

Please contact me. I'm sure they listen to your pod. If only there were one in the room. Thank God you got fired from fucking Saturday Night Live. You can't even do the easiest impression in the world. No one can do it. Knock it off. Norm.

I'm just an old chunk of coal. Against the world. Shane does have the perfect Louis CK, which I think we exploited for three weeks while I was here. I think that slipped in last night when we did the voice. Oh, we should do some fucking Stern kind of shit and have you call people as Louis CK. That's what we should have done with our drunk dial thing. Call people as Louis. Call Andrew Yang.

If you did it from Doug's phone, they would know. Well, no, you'd star 67. No, but they would know that it might be Louie. If they just received a random number. But if they knew you and they get a call from you. You're like, hey, I'm here with Louie. Yeah. Ah, yeah.

You do the fucking Richard Christie part where you prep the prank phone call. I'm going to put my friend Louis C.K. on right now. He has a cold, so he might sound a little different. Shane just does the Ethel character that Richard Christie does. It's called Chick Comics. I knew in the 90s. Hey, Louis C.K. wants to apologize yeah

breathing hard while he does it I'm sorry just fucking retard that's all you gotta do that's Louis fucking retard piece of shit you should have Shane call Margaret Cho Margaret Cho did not answer my

call while we did drunk dial her. Oh, brutal. There's someone that you just brought up. I don't know who it was where I thought, wait, you know, because it's someone we did not drunk dial, but I would have suggested it. Fuck. Now I'm not going to...

I won't remember till your podcast, which is coming up. None of us are going anywhere. We're just going to – I won't remember until your podcast, which is coming up. Oh, yeah. None of us are going anywhere. We're just going to call an audible and then you're going to have to go – Yeah, we'll switch over to Matt and Shane's. Yeah. What's that? Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

Secret Podcast, right? Yeah. It's still on the same link. Yeah, everything's good. Yeah. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. We'll switch over to that. Do you have Drew Bledsoe's number?

No. Oh. What? I don't know. I assume he might. Do I know any football players? Drew Bledsoe's number? No. Oh. What? I don't know. I assume he might. Do I know any football players? Because he's from New England. I thought you knew a couple of football players.

A.J. Hawk. A.J. Hawk. I know A.J. Hawk. I don't think he answered. I think we called A.J. Hawk. Yeah, I don't know. He did not answer. Damn.

Did that thing get released? I didn't even listen to that. Yeah. But I know him. I met him once for five minutes. That was good, though. It was, yeah. Was it? Yeah. It felt great at the time. I was like, man, this is good.

It was fun to edit it because I was drunk, too, and I was surprised how many people. You clearly won. Oh, really? Yeah. His were more famous. Yes. We were heaping on after-the-fact extras. I got Tim Dillon and Soder and just my friends. Your friends after your phone call.

Did Stan Hope whip out Johnny Depp or did he just leave? Oh, yeah. No, I'm sure I did. I think we tried. Yeah. I was on the receiving end of one of those nights while Stan Hope was hanging out with Johnny Depp. So I got a drunk call from Stan Hope and Johnny Depp one night. And it was pretty cool.

I talked to him and said a few things. And then the very next night, I got the exact same drunk phone call because they forgot they already drunk called me. I had to tell them, we already had all these conversations because you guys drunk called me yesterday. That's how I got out here

the first time. It was like 10 drunk nights, drunk phone calls together where we were both hammered. And then we'd call each other and have the same phone call like a couple times for like weeks. Where it was just like, are you going to come? It's like, yeah, I think I might. I didn't believe him until I looked at the time the text came in. Oh, 1053 AM?

I guess he's coming. Yeah. And then he overstayed. No, not at all. Well, I felt that that way it was that fucking guilt i was talking about there's too many hangovers in a row that's i started i had a fucking that was a rough i had a rough time i've done four days here in a row shannon i know what you're talking about it's hard to keep coming back i'd go into that guest house i'd go into that guest house and just be like, holy shit, I'm a loser.

For like five hours at a time. And then come back out and drink. Be like, I'm back. I'm the best ever. Were we naked last night? Why did we get naked? Jesus Christ. I gotta come back and hang out with these people again. The first night that we were here,

Shane and I went up on top of this place to look at the stars, because Shane's a star expert. There's a deck on top of the funhouse. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, right away, I was like, I'm taking my shirt off. I was like, wasted. And Shane was like, oh, fuck. We didn't really know each other that well. I immediately started looking for the Big Dipper on the other

side of the porch. I was like, I think it's actually this way. It sounded like you found him. That definitely sounds like a come on. It was like, I think it's actually this way. Sound like you found him. That definitely, that definitely sounds like a, a come on. It was dude. We're going to look at the stars. I'm going to,

I'm going to take off my shirt. I was like, yeah, let's go up there. And then he was like, I like to, I like to come up here. He took the shirt off and I was like,

looking at stars and shit. And then he was like, I got, that's great. Jade's face. As soon as I did it, you said, it'd be so funny

if you raped me right now. Oh, no, that was after. I did say it would be very funny if you raped me. If I was like, yeah,

let's go look at stars and you just got naked and raped me. That would be one where I'd have to be like, yeah, I kind of had that one coming. They'd be like,

what'd you do before that? I'd be like, I said, let's go up onto the roof and look at the stars. That is pretty fucking gay, dude. Look, I went stargazing the night before. I guess that's also gay now that I'm thinking about it.

Stargazer, huh? I was out looking at stars. He grabbed me by the wrist. I ended up being gay. Man, it's crazy. I thought I could do that. The star thing? No, the fucking Norm.

Oh, yeah. It was a major letdown. Well, I mean, it's not like I built it up to you guys other than saying yeah. Yeah, you said yeah. Hang on. For the record, since I put this out there, if you're going to – this is for a book read. The Norm MacDonald impression we is a for a book read the norm mcdonald impression we need is for a book read it's not over the top it's not a saturday night live fucking sketch someone that

can do norm but also do norm they're actually having somewhat of a normal conversation yeah yeah if you can do thoughtful introspective norm please let me know but still a little goofy yeah yeah you can put some slap into it wrote Wrote him perfectly. Artie Lang could probably do it. There was one thing I had to ask you about. Jay Moore can't. No, we don't like Jay Moore. Nobody likes Jay Moore. What happened to that?

Bert didn't like him either. Everybody doesn't like that guy, apparently. That's a bummer. Norm would probably do it. You just ask Norm. You have his number. I do have his number. Hit him up.

No. I told you, there's been too many unanswered texts. I'm not going to send it. My best friend needs a favor. Tell him you got a gig to do his voice, but you feel like you need some pointers. True. And then have him say, how would you say this?

And then he reads it to you, and we record the whole thing. Again, again, I would have no problem calling him. Single party consent state if you can get him to read it on the phone. Get this lawsuit started. Make him aware. Put it right up on his radar. Damn.

No, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't worry. Wow, I was the voice of fucking reason. When Doug said it too much. How high is Doug? Oh, that's a bad hangover. You texted something stupid to someone famous? I did that fucking two nights ago.

I texted, because Roseanne, there's a piece in the book that I had to ask Sam. Well, that seems real. And it was in Sam's book. In Sam's book. Running the Light. Available at samtalent seems real. And it was- In Sam's book. In Sam's book. Running the Light, available at samtalent.com. And it's- Three L's. It's the weekly doing an interview.

And so it's good. I assumed it was a real interview that he just insinuated Billy Ray Schaefer into. But Roseanne- Because he had a lot of other comics in there. Yeah. So Roseanne's one of them so I just texted again too many unanswered texts

leave it alone but I texted Roseanne hey I need a favor exclamation and then I woke up the next day going probably shouldn't have done that come on no no no he's saving it for his hour.

Yeah, I'm saving it for mine. All the good stuff is going to be on mine. Sometimes I feel that way when I answer one of your texts to me. I shouldn't have even talked to him. He didn't really mean to text me. You know the hours. I responded. He didn't expect a response to that.

Just shut up, Chad. Do you still do that? I do that with everybody. I've texted Wendy, and then she'll respond with, like, way too many texts. The owner of Comedy Works, Wendy Curtis. And then I'm like, oh, fuck, I don't really want to talk this bad. Oh, call her right now. I'd talk to her on speakerphone.

Call Wendy right now? Yeah, ask her what she thought about you. This is really integral to the book, the entire Denver comedy scene. I have a question. That's whose house we podcasted at with Bert Kreischer. Okay, when I was reading the book. I always thought she hated me. I know what this is talking about.

She does not hate you. Yeah, well, Bert brought me to her house and she's like, I don't know why you thought that. Well, I had a fucking bad week at the Comedy Works and never went back. Yeah. A lot of people have. Sean Patton, most famously. Why? What did he do?

He banged a waitress in a park and someone stole their shoes. And then he did an hour about it the next night, but he didn't know that she was a waitress. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's, that's almost better than any Billy Ray Schaefer.

I was going to say, that sounds like a Billy Ray Schaefer. How did that not make the book? Because, I mean, it's deeply personal. He didn't want to get banned.

And then, and then they saw her waitressing with no shoes and they all knew who it was. Yeah. Yeah. Shoeless Ho Jackson. Yeah. Yeah. Ho Jackson. Yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Damn. Damn, dude. That's how it's done, Sam. See, I do podcasts. I do podcasts. Look, this isn't writing, bro.

This is talking. This dude got to really. You can't just Google how to do it. The people love puns. We're wrapping up The Doug Stanhope Part of the podcast We're switching over to

The Matt and Shane Secret podcast We're gonna switch it We'll go over I mean it's gonna be this conversation Just longer Well no you're gonna find out Is that girl still a waitress

at the Comedy Works? We'll find out after this. Man Change Secret Podcast. Sam T. We're closing our podcast. You gotta have Bingo close. Take us out, Bingo. Okay. Bye-bye now. Thank you.