The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#433: The 5th Night of the Super Bowl Party

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

This podcast may be late but with a good reason. The new "New Year's Day" kept getting pushed back and Doug has plenty of excuses.  Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusive...ly at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559 Recorded Feb 11th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Raider, Tracey (@egglester) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - HelixSleep.com - Helix is offering UP TO 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. BetterHelp.com - As a listener, you’ll get 10% off  your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - TraceySupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Big shout out today to Helix Sleep. Take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Find the perfect mattress at helixsleep.com slash Stanhope. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Are we doing the intro again? Okay, this is intro number two, because as I said in the first intro,
Starting point is 00:00:34 this is the Super Bowl party. Don't worry. Don't think this is a dated podcast. This is Thursday going out Friday. If Chaley can maintain it enough to uh don't even edit it i always say that but yeah if we want this out tomorrow today all right we'll make it brief that this is the drunkest i've been before a podcast this uh well it's not like the old parties because we only had maybe a dozen people spread out over three not houses. I don't want to
Starting point is 00:01:07 give a false impression, but a patio and a fun house. Crash pads. Us and you guys that were on the Patreon. I spent two or three quarters of that Super Bowl the beginning at least. I didn't at least have time talking to all the
Starting point is 00:01:24 Patreon people. Andy felt a little shanghaied when all of a sudden you put Reverend Derek on. Oh, yeah. That poor kid. It just kept going. And it's like, Andy, you're not in the room. You could have just walked away from your fucking, put the Gary Busey face back up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:44 So, yeah. So what happened was that Super Bowl, I did an edible, and then I did some mushrooms, which I haven't done in, I think, a year and a half. And then the end of the game and after the game were way more fun. Until 5 in the morning. Tracy. Tracy had this incredible jacket.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Raider tweeted a picture. If you follow at Dave Raider, is it? Yeah, it's locked. Yeah, it's locked. Follow me anyway. So they can't see the pictures? What? I retweeted them.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Somebody else. No, Olivia posted some pictures too. Olivia Grace was there. She posted the picture after you grabbed, you stole my jacket. Scurrilous accusation. I grabbed what? Yeah, Tracy had this fucking jacket that was like a tripper's wet dream. It was, how did you describe it, Chaley? It was like a wet dream. It was,
Starting point is 00:02:47 how did you describe it, Chaley? It was like a caterpillar. It was like a, no, a porcupine with hot pink and yellow quills. And it was, it wasn't just a regular
Starting point is 00:02:56 like sport coat that was made. It was all furry. And it had, it was like a three quarter length too. So it was a very, like a, it was very cozy.
Starting point is 00:03:04 Yeah. Comfy. So it was as good inside as it was on the outside. Okay. What I remember... Shut up, Meatwig. We're having a Super Bowl party still. What I remember was thinking,
Starting point is 00:03:19 this is the best tripper's jacket ever. But in the morning i'm gonna know that this is just some kind of six dollar like halloween cheap shit china looks like a fur coat that's made out of like cheap shit halloween costume but not when you're tripping oh my god the colors were amazing the feel was amazing i slept on two different floors. I didn't sleep. I kept yelling up from underneath bars and or tables. I'm still listening.
Starting point is 00:03:54 I'm just enjoying curled up on the floor under a table. In my porky. Yeah. No, I was calling it a centipede because it reminds me of the giant centipede. Yeah, porcupine skin is what I was trying to say. We have giant centipedes here, and it reminded me of that. You know, you're right. I could be the centipede.
Starting point is 00:04:12 I could see that, yeah. They're like a furry caterpillar. Yeah. Centipedes are scary, and they're not furry. I know, but in the moment, I had transformed my fear into power. Power I had. I did it. I had transformed my fear into power. Power I had. My goodness. These poor people that just woke up on Monday and went to work.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Thursday, that's when the Super Bowl party ends. I know I keep extending the end. Thursday night. Not even Thursday. Monday morning. It was fucking atrocious. It's amazing how 12 people can just destroy your house as much as 80 people like we used to have. But it's all in the eye of the beholder.
Starting point is 00:04:52 There was a few pieces of Seth Brashear's pizza left. I'm like, they didn't eat the pizza. I'm like, should I feed it to the dog? By now there's bees on it because it's still nice weather. And I just opened up a new batch of mimosas. I woke up still high, still tripping a little bit, whatever. I can't tell the difference between edibles and mushrooms now.
Starting point is 00:05:23 So I started mimosas again. This Super Bowl party doesn't have to end. Everyone's gone. I can enjoy the Super Bowl without watching it. Just by myself with mimosas. And then when you start your day at 10 a.m. after you went to bed at 5 a.m. by starting out drinking, well, now you're really
Starting point is 00:05:45 going to have to power through. And then you wake up even more hungover on Tuesday. So how do you alleviate that? And then you go, I remember that old drug commercial. I do cocaine so I can do more work, so I can make more money, so I can do more cocaine, and so I can work more, so I can make more money. And he spins around in circles, which is way more accurate than this is your brain on drugs with marijuana. But the idea is that you just, all right, I'm going to stave off this hangover until, oh, wait, we have to podcast another thing on Wednesday. We have to do our podcast on Thursday.
Starting point is 00:06:30 Well, I'm just going to be drinking anyway. And here we are. Thursday Super Bowl party. Cheers. Who's playing? Wait, it's Sunday. And it's the first Sunday without Super Bowl. And I don't know what to do.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Keep drinking from Super Bowl. And then go, oh, wait, drink all the way till the next Sunday and go, thank God there's no more football because I was going to die. Wow, you guys seem fucking like partiers. Fucking Dave Rader, stumbling through the night, looking for his keys. Dave Rader's story is so kind of lame compared to Henry Phillips, the comic, and Brian Hennigan.
Starting point is 00:07:27 the comic and Brian Hennigan both have fucking brilliant stories about walking in a hotel room into their bathroom, but not realizing they walked out of their room naked in the hall and the door shuts behind them. I know Billy Babb's done that too. Yeah. Yeah. So they have to go. I think it's Hennigan's story where he went into a...
Starting point is 00:07:46 Hennigan's great. It's a Three Stooges story about having to go into a housekeeping room. He couldn't find a uniform, but he found a towel. They both have... Dave Rader's story is kind of more lame, but at the same time, more Dave Rader. Because he just went outside of his house to smoke a cigarette and locked himself out without his phone or keys. Naked?
Starting point is 00:08:16 No, worse, in sweatpants. Yeah, but I ended up at Joby's, jealous. Yeah, but I ended up at Joby's jealous. Yeah, remember the podcast where I got a super 70 milligram high at Joby's and you go, I can't believe you walked home in the middle of the night. I still don't know how you made it home alive. Well, you just did it kind of vaguely drunk. No, but I don't do anything. So did you take your sweatpants off before you went into Joby's?
Starting point is 00:08:42 I rocked myself out naked, Joby. Can you help me? Dave Rader wasn't naked, but he also had to walk like a 20-minute walk. So, yeah, I got locked out of my house last night. First time I've ever done that. And I just said, all right, Joby's got a spare. So I walked all the way over to Joby's, figuring out my key. And so I start banging on his door.
Starting point is 00:09:06 And as I'm banging on the door, I go, oh, wait. The last time somebody banged on his door, it was a cop to tell him that his other sister was found dead in the Safeway parking lot. Maybe not the best idea. So I just go, it's Raider. But he didn't hear me because he's got his TV on and he's on muscle, whatever the fuck. So he opens the door looking at me like, what the fuck, because I'm not somebody who just shows up. Well, you're shirtless and wearing sweatpants
Starting point is 00:09:30 and a boner, so yeah, that's gotta be kind of weird. With a hatchet. That's how I opened the door. So he's just like, what the fuck? That's someone else's joke from 1990 that I opened for, but I don't know who anyway no worries so I'm just like hey I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:09:48 I got I locked myself out I need my spare and he goes I don't have your key Joby if you're listening you absolutely have my fucking key it's somewhere in your house so he goes how many drinks have you had like can you drive no I can't
Starting point is 00:10:04 so he drives. Maybe he shouldn't have. Wait, I thought you had no phone. I didn't have a phone. Wait, neither of you have a key. No, neither of us have a key. You walked to his house. Yeah, I walked to his house, and I'm banging on his door.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Oh, okay. So he's like, can you drive yourself back home? Right, but I can't. So he drives. We go to my house. He brings all these tools. We try to break into my house. We can't. I mean, if you're really breaking
Starting point is 00:10:28 into somebody, yeah, you can smash a window. We're trying not to do that. But where was your original key? Oh, in the house. You didn't leave. He did like a Hannigan. Henry Phillips had walked out. Door locked behind him. I'm sorry. I thought you were leaving here. Yeah, I got it. Something like that.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I did say I was pretty drunk. Yeah. No worries. So we can't break into my house. She's like, all right, just come sleep in my house. So I do. Oh, it worked perfect, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:54 Just like you said. Exactly. Just like you said, bro. I've been planning this for fucking years. Finally worked out. So we wake up. We have coffee. Well, I have coffee.
Starting point is 00:11:04 He has tea. Still pretty romantic. Right? It. Well, I have coffee. He has tea. Still pretty romantic. Right? It is. Sounds lovely. We both take it black. Are you at the bar? Are you at his bar?
Starting point is 00:11:12 You know his bar makes me jealous. We built that bar together. We could rebuild this. This is like a letter to Penthouse. This is a fucking Super Bowl party. So Joby pulls his hair down. And then shakes it. Yeah, shakesoby pulls his hair down. Oh. And then shakes it.
Starting point is 00:11:27 Yeah, shakes it side by side. Fabio or something. In slow motion in real life, which was weird. Oh, if you did mushrooms, I've seen that on mushrooms. Joby's Fabio hair in the fucking full moon behind him. Oh, yeah. Keep going. That's how I met him.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Yeah. Why do you think I'm still hooked? I completely understand. He's a very handsome man, ladies. And men. And he's gotten more handsome. He falls for the I locked myself out of my house thing.
Starting point is 00:11:59 So if you want to sleep at Joby's. So this morning I didn't want to wake my landlady up. She's the only one else who has my key. She's 150 years old. She's 150 years old, and it was like night. I couldn't do it, so I slept at this house. So this morning, like 7 o'clock, we go to her place.
Starting point is 00:12:20 I ring the doorbell. She doesn't answer. All right. So you smashed her window in. Are you okay? Hey, I have a question. Are you wearing one of like Joby's button down collar shirts?
Starting point is 00:12:33 I may be. Like the next day. Oh, can I borrow this shirt? Because I came over with no shirt. It's down to his knees. But you look so cute in it, little guy. He can't even see his hands when he puts his hands down by his sides. The sleeves cover him. So, I am wearing a shirt. He smells it
Starting point is 00:12:49 when he goes to the bathroom. He's like sniffing in Joby smell. From my earrings. Smells like welding and crying. That was not washed. That's cool. I guess I'll take one that smells like you. Did you say it smells like Joby and Weldy? Never getting washed again.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Crying and welding. Suicide and woodworking. Yeah. That's good, man. But anyway, finally at 7.30 we went back, rang the doorbell. This poor 80-year-old woman. Gunpowder and plastic jug vodka. I meant to say tequila keep doing this and that it's very funny no i love it like the english muffin and tears would be a good
Starting point is 00:13:33 one too yeah that's why they taste so good what is that what is that movie the share movie where you put tears in the dough oh that's why it tastes so good. The Cher movie? Is that how you wrap up a fucking Super Bowl, five-day Super Bowl party? That's how I get into it. Referencing Cher movies? What was the movie? It was Nicolas Cage and Cher. Moonstruck.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Moonstruck. Yeah. She cried into the tears to make Nicolas Cage fall in love with her. That's how they get you. Yeah. I'm never going to make a woman cry again. And that was my passion in life. I cried all over Joby's apartment.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Mostly because he grabbed my neck. Inside joke. Stay tuned for whatever date. So you guys go to the landlady's house. You didn't smash the window. What happened? No, we tried. You tried to smash the window?
Starting point is 00:14:25 No, we tried to break in without destroying anything. Didn't happen. So that's why I slept at his house. But this morning, 7.30, poor woman. Oh, God. I don't want to say her name, obviously. I'm so sorry if you happen to be a Stan Hope fan and you're listening to this. You're 131 years old up at night
Starting point is 00:14:45 listening to Doug Stadhope podcast. It gets me through like Art Bell used to get me through. Where is Art Bell? Maybe she is, I don't know. But we went back. I imagine Diane Rehm being this. If anyone's listening to this podcast
Starting point is 00:15:01 in town and you see me at the farmer's market, please tell me you listen to this podcast. Because occasionally you find out someone in town listens to the podcast and you're like, it's just fucking weird. It's kind of like your mom going through your dildo drawer or something. You know, when that happens, everyone remembers the first time. Oh, I remember when that happened. Your parents found your dildos. Okay. Point being,
Starting point is 00:15:28 yeah, let me know. Go ahead. I'll apologize to you in person at the farmer's market, which I'm glad has moved off city property. I like the new fucking farmer's market. Fuck them. That's a different podcast.
Starting point is 00:15:43 There's not much left. I scared the shit out of an 80-year-old woman at 730 in the morning who came out in a bathrobe, and I apologized profusely. And I'm sorry again if you're listening to this. And, yeah, she had my keys. We went over and locked the door. But you took a day off work. I asked Dave Rader when he told me, Chaley, when he told me this story about how they tried to break in and failed, I thought, oh, what if Dave Rader succeeded in breaking into his own house?
Starting point is 00:16:12 He would leave that house thinking, oh, I thought. If I could get in there. Yeah. Yeah. I'd move out of Bisbee. There's no way I could say that. It is odd because I think any person who lives in a structure for an amount of time knows the vulnerabilities of living in a structure. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:16:37 You said anyone. I'm saying Dave Rader knows every vulnerability. Have you been to his house? No. Well, I go when he's not there. I break in. Super easy. Didn't check the chimney.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Dave Rader is like, did you come by my house? Because the gate's open. I went and knocked on his door early in the morning when I'm walking my dog. Ring and run is what we used to call it because we weren't racists. That's not what you called it. No, we did call it ring and run is what we used to call it because we weren't racist you called it no we did call it ring and run i didn't hear the racist version of ring and run until i was older so uh so i'm not gonna did you come by my house he didn't hear me ring the doorbell he just noticed the gate was slightly ajar so So he's gone through it.
Starting point is 00:17:26 Like if there is a pregnability. Is that a word? Impregnability. Yeah, but that's why I got confused. Super Bowl! Is it still on? Until that drink's done. I am still less drunk than Tom Brady
Starting point is 00:17:43 in those videos, which were fucking beautiful. Wait, he's got drunk videos? Oh in those videos, which were fucking beautiful. Wait, he's got drunk videos? Oh, my God. You got to look them up. No, I haven't looked at anything since. Yeah, there's fucking hammered. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Just look up drunk Tom Brady. Oh, my God. Yeah, their after party's already over. They had a whole boat parade in Tampa Bay with Tom Brady's shit face. He's not podcasting right now. You know why? Because he's a fucking pussy. He's not podcasting right now. You know why? Because he's a fucking pussy. He's a cleft-chin fucking Nancy.
Starting point is 00:18:09 That's what he did. He got drunk one time. You stick with us. You start with mimosas. You end with a podcast that's coming out way too late. Go ahead, Dave. On what? He finished.
Starting point is 00:18:24 They got in. The landlord. We got in. Every real estate we ever after. All right. So what? He finished. They got in. The landlord. We got in. Every real estate we ever after. So what do we do now? We all go break into my house. Just see if we can do it. I can't believe you didn't get in. Well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:18:37 I could have broken a window. No, there's always a way. There's always a way. Without breaking glass. Well, they went back the next morning and thought, oh, now with the daylight, maybe we can see a window that might be on. Yeah. No. Dave Rader knows when his little tiny gate built for a little tiny Bichon Frise kind of dog that you know he fantasizes
Starting point is 00:19:06 about one day having if it's his own house. The little tiny dog could jump that fence. He notices when it's slightly ajar. So he would probably notice there's a window someone could break in and steal his fortune of matching
Starting point is 00:19:21 glasses. Too many coffee cups. No, not the right amount of matching glasses. Too many coffee cups. Oh, the right amount of matching coffee cups. That's why he won't get a Doug Stanhope podcast. That's one of the reasons. He needs six. We sell them six at a time. I have four.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Yeah. He has one of me and I'm very small. I only need four. why would I need more and I bet that you have thought about adding a fifth because that
Starting point is 00:19:57 I'm not gonna trash her nature but you fuck her, but she won't stay over, and she's not coming over for dinner. So I don't know why you have all this. Anyway, not going to talk about
Starting point is 00:20:13 your romantic relationships, because they're not romantic. Why don't you just go to her for the key? She won't tell him where she lives, probably. I couldn't walk there from here. I can't have you showing up at my house at Old Biz because I'm pretty and I have a reputation. So I come over to Boring Warren, I fuck you in your house and leave repeatedly. All right. Did you have to lock me and leave repeatedly. All right.
Starting point is 00:20:47 Did you have to lock me out? Anyway. Moving on. Hey, let's take a break because Chaley just gave me the let's take a break sign. We're at that time. Uh-oh. We have sponsors. Oh, let's do sponsors.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Hey, when we tape the sponsors tomorrow, because I know you won't let me now. They're already done. Oh, good. Okay. Hang on. Let me put on my sober voice so it segues well. Okay. We're going to take a break now into my tomorrow yesterday voice, and it's going to sound like, hey, we have the sponsors that we have.
Starting point is 00:21:24 I'm very excited about. So let's play them right now. And then let's get back to the Super Bowl. Come on, Peyton Manning. Helix the bed, the wonderful, wonderful bed. Nobody gets that reference. Hey, Helix, sleep. You know, they say that you spend one third of your life in bed, but if you're a comedian, an invalid, or a prostitute, that can go all the way up to 80-85% on a banner week. What can Helix do for you? Are you having a hard time sleeping because of the pandemic
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Starting point is 00:22:37 quiz and depending on my mood, I fit in all the categories. I have three different Helix mattresses and I treat it like Goldilocks. Sometimes I'm really drunk. I want a soft mattress. I want to feel like I'm disappearing into the depths of hell. Sometimes I want a medium mattress. If I'm filming pornography, I want a firm mattress. The Dawn mattress works for all my shoots.
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Starting point is 00:24:01 Because we'll get to Steve and cat and Sean and that, but the cat this cat meat wig fucking he went flying Hawaiian kitty today as he came in doing this shit which he's kind of stopped doing over the like he understood
Starting point is 00:24:19 pandemic it's like alright I should stop being so fucking annoying but he did it this morning. I'm like, all right, you are going. It was the exact same throw that Tom Brady threw the fucking Lombardi trophy into Gronkowski's boat. Only I didn't have a bay that the cat might have sunk to the bottom to if I missed. I was pretty accurate on my throw. You're fucking getting thrown onto the couch so I can lock two doors behind you
Starting point is 00:24:53 so I can sleep, which I barely did. The cat's been at our house a lot, and this is the only 24 hours he hasn't. You chaly fell in love with the cat back when Barnabas was here. That's why it's a fucking problem for you now. It's because he spent 24 hours with you. It's only been 24 hours. He's been fucking. He's doing the same thing he always does.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Bitches be chirping. That, yeah, that cat. I mean mean it was a soft landing there was plenty of uh plenty of uh blankets on top of the couch because uh sometimes i've fallen asleep on the couch and not realized i was not in bed uh there was a i had a this dream sequence oh oh that oh wait we were talking off air about shit we've watched this is the second time I've watched
Starting point is 00:25:54 this and fallen asleep to it but it's about I don't think it's really that good without please tell us more the Challenger space shuttle thing on Netflix. You know, the space shuttle that blew up. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Yeah, and it hints at the beginning that there's a conspiracy theory. They knew this was going to blow up, but it never really gets there. But the problem is I wake up out of a funk or a a jag or whatever drunk yeah but i have my uh my eye mask on so i'm just listening i look for oh that's something you can tweet at me uh documentaries or uh that you can sleep to on Netflix where you don't need to see. Anything Civil War.
Starting point is 00:26:50 That's why the Civil War, Ken Burns. Well, there's no footage that I'm missing. World War II in Color is another one. Erickson often sleeps too. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:02 I started Pandemic with that. That was the first one I remember binging. But that still has footage. There's nothing about the Challenger other than some miles away explosion in the sky and people, the families are watching it, but they don't get it. There's smoke trails going in a few different directions now.
Starting point is 00:27:24 I think they just lost the booster rocket. Is that a booster? Yeah. I can't believe I'm laughing at the Challenger explosion. No, no, but I'm sleeping with my eye mask on. This podcast is brought to you by O-Rings. There you go. He watched it.
Starting point is 00:27:41 So I'm sleeping, you know, when you're half asleep and half dreaming, but you think you're awake. So I have my eye mask on. So everything they're talking about I'm picturing in my head. And at some point I think, oh, I'm listening to this. And then I realize,
Starting point is 00:28:00 Henry Phillips, my dog is not on a space shuttle. Because I am picturing this with Henry Phillips sitting in her collar, a younger Henry Phillips. I go, that's not real. I am kind of dreaming, and I'm kind of not dreaming. And I'm not tripping anymore. By the way, this was nights after the mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:28:24 And what was your... What did you watch? Sorry, you're all staring at me. Because you've never fucking had a dream before. I'm done with the dream. I just kept coming in and out of half sleep. I thought you had a ban on people telling dream stories in front of other people.
Starting point is 00:28:43 This is a half dream. It's different. I got it. When the TV gets in on your dream and it makes it really funny. The narration on the TV becomes part of your dream and you fill it in with it.
Starting point is 00:28:54 You were going to talk about Sean and Nat, Steve and Kat. Oh, yeah. Hey, Sean and Nat and Steve and Kat. Because when we did Super Bowl party and they sent me another Zoom link to join them. Yeah, and I think that was on Monday. I didn't even click on it because I know I'm still fucked up.
Starting point is 00:29:19 So I'm afraid to click on things where I go, oh, I'm going to have to disappoint someone. So, yeah, I really want to do the Zoom thing with you, but it's not going to be this week because Super Bowl. Blame football. I have CTE from watching too much hard hits. Too many, I know. Too many hard hits.
Starting point is 00:29:44 That's all right. I'm not fucking writing a book, you goddamn editors. You many, I know. Too many hard hits. That's all right. I'm not fucking writing a book, you goddamn editor. She didn't say anything. She said it with the eyes in the back of my head. That is true. That is true. We felt it. The look of disdain.
Starting point is 00:30:00 What are you going to remember the most from this Super Bowl? Because I will remember that I don't like football, but it did save... Don't you laugh at me. I'm laughing because you just took a big pull off of that drink and it looked like you just put on a 70-pound backpack when you put your eyes up. And I'm like, wow.
Starting point is 00:30:26 How drunk is he? I have to do a fucking really a real podcast tomorrow. Oh, what's that like? Then I have to do one and then I have to, Saturday and Sunday, I have to go back to the farmer's market once. I don't know. Are we on the farmer's market on Sunday again? Saturday.
Starting point is 00:30:42 It's not on Sunday. I'm too afraid to even go to Safeway because I'm afraid to see people that weren't even here. Like an M. Night Shyamalan movie? Yeah, like after a party where... No, a fucking... Doug's walking around. Is that person real or dead?
Starting point is 00:30:57 If Chad Shank was here, for God's sakes, he would tell you, you had too much fun. I don't want to show up the next day because if you have too much fun, you feel like you must have insulted someone. But we've had too much fun for four days. I'm sure you've gotten some shit accomplished during the day. That's because you're you, but you were hungover.
Starting point is 00:31:19 I've talked to you when you were drunk last night. On our Monday, New Year's Day, I was really dreading what was going to happen. But then I realized you tweeted that New Year's Day is postponed to New Year's 2nd or something. You pushed it off until the Tuesday. So I'm like, oh, then I'll fucking stay in bed and fucking watch my stories. Dave Rader took a day off of work,
Starting point is 00:31:43 which is like Cal Ripken going I can't run around the bases Cal Ripken never did that he did that when he retired I'm saying Dave Rader has that much commitment to being
Starting point is 00:31:58 anal retentive as Cal Ripken did to fucking whacking balls between the shortstop and third base. How about this? Hey, Dave Ray, give me your address, your honest address. Don't give me a phony one. On the podcast?
Starting point is 00:32:14 No, no, not on the podcast. I already stopped myself from doing that. And if I can get into your house. 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. And if I can get into your house. You break into my house by waving into the security camera if I'm awake and I feel lonely. Let me see if I can get into your house. And then Doug will pay for any damages.
Starting point is 00:32:36 I'm not going to bust a window like with a wrench. But I think there's a way. Do you see this? You're a lawyer. Yeah. He said with a wrench. Yeah. He didn't say,
Starting point is 00:32:46 I'm not going to bust your window. Hey, fuck you. What are you doing here? This is how fucking Trump gets away with shit. I'm talking to my friend here. I said it in a way. This is how I fucking,
Starting point is 00:32:56 oh, I tweeted this. I won't break a window to get into your place. Okay. But there's got to be a way. There's always a way. And if you know you're not going to get caught by the cops, it's easier to try and figure out a way.
Starting point is 00:33:08 Of course, there's always a way. Don't you want to know if your house is breakable? Yeah, he does. But if you break into his house, you know that means he's going to leave Bisbee. Yeah. He'll just move next door. I know how to break into his house, Chaley.
Starting point is 00:33:23 Do you want to break into his house? This is what we do. We tell the fans. Because there's a lot of people I thought, no one sent us cutouts. If someone sends us a thin cutout of you, we put flat Chaley underneath the door, Jam. Oh, go ahead. That's it. Oh, go ahead. That's it. Oh, I have...
Starting point is 00:33:47 We slide you under... Like Wile E. Coyote? Yes. Exactly like Wile E. Coyote. Joe, we had a great idea, and we all key our locks to be the same. Oh, that's a great idea. All of us.
Starting point is 00:34:01 That's a good idea. Thieves have locks. Just call up anybody. Hey, I have a great idea for what to do. Oh, yes, I do. With all of the cutouts. And I'll tell you when this podcast is done. But I'm so excited about it because it's something that involves the entire town of Bisbee and all of the cutouts and us.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Wow. You're kind of... I think what you're doing, Greg Chaley, is thinking, we'll never do this, so I won't give away the thing. We'll do this. All right.
Starting point is 00:34:37 This will be fun. I don't like to cock-tease the audience, but if it keeps the... I love that the cutouts are here. I want to do more with them. The Super Bowl thing was great. And the more things we can do with until you get back on the road
Starting point is 00:34:53 with the cutouts is fucking awesome. Keep sending them out here. If we lived in a city... What's that? Where they still have jack booths. What? I would... I would would cut out the mouths of cutouts and then put them in weird glory hole situations.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Put it over the coin return? Andy would do this. Andy, you talk about Andy is just such a fuck up, but he would follow through on a gag of going and taking every one of those cutouts and putting them with an open mouth in a jack booth. And then the story would veer from there.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Like, all right, you already had a funny story, but now you're in jail and et cetera, et cetera. Matt Collins, we're going to pull your kids. He's going downstairs with us. He's living with me now. We're going to pull your kids. He's going downstairs with us. He's living with me now.
Starting point is 00:35:46 We're going to keep your babies cut out with us. This is not what we're talking about. You're drinking tequila. Hand sanitizer. Yeah. Who do you not hang on? Tracy's putting on hand sanitizer. Everyone's doing well.
Starting point is 00:36:02 I'm making your drinks. Don't you want my hands to be a little bit clean? Yeah, but you've been here for hours with us. Did you touch someone dirty outside? I wish. All right. I had a good day yesterday. The listeners will know.
Starting point is 00:36:22 I don't want to go into it, but I made a drunk dial. No, but when you make a drunk dial that you wake up and you go, oh, that worked out really well. Yeah, I quelled a situation from town that's been going on for fucking over a decade, or at least in your head. And I, yeah yeah I made friendly
Starting point is 00:36:46 I go oh that's not a fucking a synapse that's gonna turn into brain cancer anymore cause yeah we had a short conversation and worked out some beef that you always think maybe is haunting you I'm sorry I'm talking
Starting point is 00:37:02 to you Valentino like like you're old enough to understand some past past I was shocked when you told me that so was I I'm very glad for that
Starting point is 00:37:17 I don't know why you're bringing it up here because you can't really go into any more detail than that I know it's too late to introduce Valentina into this conversation I think we've shut her out too much. I was going to say, do you have a situation where someone that you slighted in your past, you go, oh, fuck, that still sticks in my head. I should make nice about that.
Starting point is 00:37:44 It's such a good feeling. I know everyone's being cunty to me. Or four people on Twitter once. Oh, this new HiDougStanhope. Yeah, it
Starting point is 00:37:59 fucking feels better to mend the bridges and shit like that. Yeah. And I did a big one yesterday, and it was good. And sometimes you do something drunk that you wouldn't do normally, but it's positive, and you wake up like, oh, fuck. I made myself feel so much better.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Thank God I had a five-day Super Bowl fucking runner. I know who you're talking about that smokes half cigarettes, Bonnie McFarland. Read her book. That has nothing to do with anything. That has nothing to do with anything. That has nothing to do with anything. Something I said on a... You mean, Bonnie McFarlane's You're Better Than Me?
Starting point is 00:38:50 Yeah. That's the third time I've had to remind you the name of the podcast. Yeah, but that one podcast we started, and then I go, I'm not ready to do a podcast, and we dumped it. So I'm trying to plug Bonnie McFarlane's book, which I'm so into. We, I downloaded it on the road, and we never got to it.
Starting point is 00:39:09 And then the road stopped. It's one of the books that we were going to listen to on the road. Hey, guess what the road is now? Sitting at the fucking end of the bar, trying to write the epilogue to the... No Uncovered Donkey? Oh, my God. Yes? Yeah, but not hard copy. Yeah, it's fucking drunk because we're drunken.
Starting point is 00:39:32 You call that the Eyes podcast. Or the Eyes The Eyes book versus the Ears. The Eyes book versus the Ears book. Was that in this podcast or the one we bailed on? I think we're, yeah. Bonnie McFarlane, reader book.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Farlane. I've realized I couldn't spell like three comics that I know personally their names because McFarlane is, and then when I read the book, or if I didn't read the book, I'm audible. I, fuck, I get a very't read the book, I'm audible. Oh, fuck. I got a very important text.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Okay, we'll pause. No, you're not going to pause because we might drunk dial someone. All right, we're paused. And say, okay. We're paused. I'm going to pause it right now. I'm going to pause. Pause.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Yeah. Oh, no. Doug, you're on pause. Hang on. Do you want Bingo to come over and play her song? Well, yeah, but we're on pause right now. No one's hearing what you're saying. We're on pause.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah, but Bingo says that we should... She's been... Bingo doesn't understand. Do you want me to unpause it? No, no. I want you to keep it going. Unpause it right now. Okay, we're unpaused. We're rolling,
Starting point is 00:40:48 Doug. Go. Oh, man. So, bingo, they have a new song, and they want me to come over and listen to it. She called me this morning, and I'm trying to say, I just, like,
Starting point is 00:41:04 I've been up since 2, and then had to take downers to go to bed. No. I said no, which is really rude. Is it Lily Rose? Yeah, it's Lily Rose, which is very awkward. I have it. Because that's Johnny Depp's daughter's name. And she said, this has no affiliation. This is about a song we were, then why would you call it Lily Rose?
Starting point is 00:41:32 And she goes, I'm having trouble with the lyric. Lily Rose, Lily Rose is what we say, but should I, in the chorus, should I? So I just kept calling her back, going, Lily Rose, I'll strangle you with pantyhose. Or as your mucus flows, boogers will fly out of your nose. These are all good. You're into the rhymes. You're into the rhymes. Well, she's like, do you want to hear this?
Starting point is 00:41:57 I go, no, I don't want to wake up and hear a song. I don't like songs. I like Sean Mooney and Shea Sorensen in the morning. I don't want to listen to a song while you stare at me with vulture eyes to see it's the fucking same bingo telling me to listen to her song at an inappropriate hour is as uncomfortable as a lap dance like i never like lap dances because they look at you like i'm only in a titty bar because the owner brought me here and said i'm gonna pay for all your shit and i'm impressing my friends but there's a you know 15
Starting point is 00:42:43 naked ladies i don't want to have to focus on you for eye contact. Like if you're doing this right, the same way I have a lot of people have told me over 30 years, they don't like stand up comedy, including Joby, who will never go inside my show. He'll come to them. But it makes them feel uncomfortable. People feel uncomfortable. Like, all right, you're looking at me and I don't know how to react. And that's how I feel when A, I'm in a lap dance that the owner bought me so I would mention them on my next show. And I don't like
Starting point is 00:43:19 listening to Bingo songs because she clomps around and stares at you to look like I don't know what to do with my face. Oh, good transition. Oh, is that a minor chord? I did fuck with her about that because she's like, oh, well, Tariq and I, well, I know you don't want to hear
Starting point is 00:43:42 this. She always starts out with the takeaway. I know you'll't want to hear this. She always starts out with the takeaway. I know you'll say no, but I know you don't want to hear this, but I want to explain this, but you won the lottery. We're working on this new song, and it's about this seven-year-old girl named Lily Rose. But what I didn't know is that Tarek made 22 different transitions from 4-4 time to 7-8 time.
Starting point is 00:44:08 And I'm like, but because I pick up on the thing two days later during Super Bowl party that never ends, she's like, will you listen to it? And she puts it on. It's only the first verse in the chorus. And when it ended, I'm sleeping on the couch. Listen. And I go, yeah, I love it.
Starting point is 00:44:37 It's weird how you made that 4-4 time blend in with the 7-8 time. She's like you remember me saying that you're just fucking with me she goes it hadn't even gone into the fucking like it was still all four four time I don't fucking know
Starting point is 00:44:57 so uh yeah maybe maybe maybe we take a break and make her come over and play this fucking song. All right. Do you want to put her on the Bluetooth? Do you want to hook it up? Oh, wait, no.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Brag to everyone? It's too late. I'll just... No, no, I'm going to have her come over, and then we're going to break until she comes over. Hello? Hi, you're on speakerphone. Do you want to come over and play this song for everyone, or just play it for me tomorrow?
Starting point is 00:45:32 We're on a podcast. Yeah, let's come over. All right. We're tripping on mushrooms, but we can come over and play it for you. That'd be fun. All right. Oh, I insist now. Now we insist.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Okay, we'll be over. This is one of the last days of the Super Bowl party. You have to understand. Okay. Certainly one of the last. All right, bye. Hurry up. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:00 Let's take a break. Hey, do you have a drop where Bingo says, okay, wait, no. No. All right. Please hold. Today's podcast sponsored by BetterHelp.com. That's BetterHelp. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash Stanhope.
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Starting point is 00:48:42 Again, that's BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. I'm so... We're back. It would have been a smite. Oh, we're back. Hi. I'm sorry. There was a technical glitch in the Super Bowl party.
Starting point is 00:49:02 technical glitch in the Super Bowl party. We're a vodka juice boxes here, but as you've seen on TMZ, they're known to be hard to work with. So they will not perform live
Starting point is 00:49:17 now. My management is talking to their management. I can play the demo. But we thought they were going to play live. Do we have a... See, Raider left. I know.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Because he goes to bed at 3.30 in the afternoon. He left. He's our lawyer. Our other lawyer is... Well, she might come into play because this Kuwaiti is, I don't know. Point being, do we have permission? Ringo Bingaman, can you sit down and give us... Ringo?
Starting point is 00:50:04 She's the drummer, right? You said Ringo Bingaman. Yeah, Ringo Bingaman. She's the drummer, right? He said Ringo Bingaman. Yeah, Ringo Bingaman. She's the drummer. I'll go with that. It's like the worst part of the band. Like Beatles. I mean, I think everyone would agree that Ringo was the worst
Starting point is 00:50:20 part of the band because I don't know music. I don't know that he's the worst part of the band. He's the worst drummer in the band. I don't know music. I don't know that he's the worst part of the band. He's the worst drummer in the band. I think Paul McCartney. What? Paul McCartney never did one thing musically ever in his life
Starting point is 00:50:36 as a fan of music. I say this. Huge fan of music. My god. Did you guys bring me cigarettes? Because there's a fucking payola thing in this podcast. You don't get your fucking number one hit song played unless you bring me cigarettes. But I still have one left. Gringo Bingaman.
Starting point is 00:50:58 Gringo? I don't know what you're saying. I'm repeating what I hear you say. You said blingo or something and then he said blingo. We have to close this fucking Super Bowl party out with a halftime show that ends it five
Starting point is 00:51:14 days later. And I thought the best, like, what the world is clamoring for... What the world needs now... Frank Sinatra. Here's another. Frank Sinatra. Frank Sinatra.
Starting point is 00:51:30 I stole it from you before you said it. A hole in your cracker. Good man. Bungo, sit down. Sit in that chair and tell us why.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Slingo, get over here. First of all, why? No, don't you fucking... Listen, that guy's going to go on a solo career. I don't know what you want. I think we're in a better situation than you are. I don't know what you want me to say. I don't want you to say anything.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Okay, I'll just say. I just want to say that that guy. Yeah. Tarek. T-Rex. T-Rex. T-Rex. He's going to go on to a solo career and leave you fucking wanting more.
Starting point is 00:52:21 So fuck what that guy says. You wrote a song called Lily Rose. No, what that guy says. You wrote a song called Lily Rose. No, we wrote it together. Yeah, you wrote all of it and that guy just sat there tugging at your curt strings. What?
Starting point is 00:52:37 Yeah, you don't ever. Listen, I have my own version of English. Don't you mean purse strings? Purse strings? No. Skirt strings. Skirt blings? The thing.
Starting point is 00:52:50 Yeah. Tampon strings. That's it. All right. Coattails. Coattails? How dare you come up with the right answer? Why?
Starting point is 00:52:58 This crossword is only supposed to last for a while. I bleep that. We don't put that word on. Coattails is what they used to call. Never mind. That would go nowhere but positive. Okay. So you wrote a song titled Johnny Depp's Daughter's Name.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Yeah. I came up with it before I remember that it was his daughter, but it's not a name that's used very often. I was taking one of eight shits I took today. No. Oh, I have to shit again. I don't know why. But I thought, that's really like that you would name that song that
Starting point is 00:53:47 and not change it. It's about a seven-year-old girl. Well, that's in the song. Yeah, but we know, like, where did you get the fucking name Lily Rose from if not Johnny Depp's daughter? I love the name. And it's not used very often.
Starting point is 00:54:06 That's it. There's no other reason. Can I offer a suggestion instead of... No. I want this awkward silence to last. Give me a name that rhymes with rose and I'll change it. I've got it. I've got it.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Instead of Lily Rose, I used to work at a plant nursery, and I think going with the rose, like that idea of like a plant how about this lily spathophyllum now that could work spathophyllum yeah I want to defile them
Starting point is 00:54:39 there we go I want to defile them is a fucking easy rhyme with here's another one lily pothos There we go. See? Writes itself. I want to defile them is a fucking easy rhyme with... Here's another one. Give me another one. I got another one. Lily Pothos.
Starting point is 00:54:50 Pothos? Pothos. Pothos. It's called Pothos. It's another one. It's creative. Is it in Greek words for passion? Yes.
Starting point is 00:54:59 It's a double meaning there. Tracy knows it all. I want to poon you in your athos. Actually, it's not pathos. It's pathos, P.O. This song is not about pooning. It's about a seven-year-old child. Well, how are you going to fucking strangle a Lily Rose with pantyhose as you asked me for?
Starting point is 00:55:20 Fair enough. Hey, I need some of his rhymes. Yeah. I got another one. Booger out your nose. I helped you with his rhymes. Yeah. I got another one. Make her out your nose. I helped you with all this. But yeah, go ahead, Chaley. Here's another one.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Here's another one. Instead of Lily Rose, Lily Star Jasmine. Jasmine? Yeah, it doesn't quite rhyme, but it has three of the letters. Jism. Well, it doesn't. Now you're helping them out too much, Doug. They need to do it on their own.
Starting point is 00:55:51 God, bury in the lead, they say in the newspaper racket. I got another one. Okay, give it to me. Instead of Lily Rose, Lily Leilandi Cypress. See, I got the alliteration with the Ls. Give me a rhyme for Leilandi. Leilandi Cypress. Wait, hang on.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Cypress. They banged me in my anus. Leilandi Cypress banged me in the anus. I don't know. It doesn't quite fit, but you're putting me on the spot. You don't fucking write songs by putting someone on the spot. You have to have some meaning to it. And how did a seven-year-old child that you had to write a song about start?
Starting point is 00:56:39 It started by... Bingo behind the music. No, it started by us tripping on mushrooms, like as we do. And we came up with this. He wrote a killer fucking guitar riff that I loved so much. And then we put a story to it, and then lyrics came later. What I found, and this is what got me fired from Rolling Stone magazine when I was a popular author.
Starting point is 00:57:08 I don't know if you saw Almost Famous based on me. You go from four-four time to seven-eight time, but it slows down in the middle. It's confusing. To a music connoisseur such as myself, what made you make that choice? The choice? What choice? To use 7-8 time?
Starting point is 00:57:32 To go from 4-4 to 7-8, it confuses the listener. Shut the fuck up, you dumb dick. It's true. Everybody hates it. Okay, tell me about your perfecter pitch. Hates it. Okay, tell me about your perfecter pitch. I, well, if people out there don't like music, like me,
Starting point is 00:57:56 it's because I perfected music. When I, because there was perfect pitch, and then I did perfecter pitch, and then I did perfectest pitch, and that's why I've been shunned from the music industry. Oh, is that true? But I can listen to your music and see where
Starting point is 00:58:15 some Rathscallion numbskull would go, oh, I don't care if it goes from 4-4 to 7-8 time. Do the slap. Tracy can do 4-4 to 7-8 slapping on a bar mat. There you go.
Starting point is 00:58:35 And then go to 7-8. And like. See, does that sound like a good song? I didn't know. I didn't know that at all. That's a terrible song. I think it's 8-8't know that one at all. That's a terrible song. I think it's 8-8, which is 4-4. That's a terrible song.
Starting point is 00:58:48 I think I just doubled it. I didn't actually do. I did, I think I did 4-4. Well, we brought a terrible song, but look at your fucking act. Excuse me, look at your career. Okay, bye-bye now, fucking asshole. Okay. Bye-bye now.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Fucking asshole. I'm just saying it's offensive to a lot of people that like music. I'm not going to do cultural appropriation by saying that your music offends musicians because musicians are a minority. Nobody likes that anymore. It's kind of like vaudeville or tap dancing. No one really likes music. Oh, like minstrel shows. Yeah, it's no longer in vogue.
Starting point is 00:59:36 It's very offensive. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump in with him. I was just trying to get to his thought. I'm agreeing with you, Bingo. Do you do this in blackface? Because, I mean, your partner has purple hair to try to offset the fact that he has purplish skin. Purple skin?
Starting point is 01:00:02 He's a weight. Waddy. Kuwaiti. I thought you said a weight. Well, it's like how we made up new racist names for Central America.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Or maybe we didn't. I did. You definitely did. Yeah. Nicos. Guats. Hondos. Guats. Yeah. We haven't done this with Kuwaitis yet, but we can come up.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Yeah, probably something we don't do on recording. There had to be a point in history where all these, you can't say that word anymore, started way back before we were alive. say that word anymore started way back before we were alive so i try to come up with the newest racist thing for a country i don't even know where it exists on a cutting edge i i want to be known as the forefather of racial slurs yeah for people who don't listen slurs yeah for people who don't listen people will not know where these countries exist on a map if you don't give them a racial slur that they haven't even earned because no one knows where honduras yeah call them the fucking hondos and then all these trumpians will figure out on a map where a fucking hondo lives. Maybe?
Starting point is 01:01:29 And I'm trying to teach people geography. Oh, that's what this is? Yeah. I thought we were going to play bingo in T-Rex's song. Yeah, we're going to do that. Book ended with fucking racial slurs? I don't think that's how they want to be presented. Oh, do you know where
Starting point is 01:01:46 um, uh, god damn, what was that country? Do you know the name of that country? Guyana? That's close. Guyana? It's not Guyana. It's, uh, it's, uh, uh, but yeah, we're fucking, yeah, it is Guyana. Wow, you
Starting point is 01:02:02 got it. Off the coast of Africa? And they call him guys? See? That's where he fails. What? Where did Jim Jones invite all those people into murdering themselves? I'm a fucking... That's in Africa.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Oh, really? Where is it? I don't know. I thought it was South America. It's not South America. It's Africa. Oh, really? Where is it? I don't know. I thought it was South America. It's not South America. It's Africa. Yeah, Guyana. It is Guyana.
Starting point is 01:02:33 It's in Africa, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. I used to think that too, Greg Chaley, when I was a silly little person. You want me to look this up now? Is that what you want me to do? No, it's in South Africa. Your wife knows. I said Africa. I had to say South Africa? silly little you want me to look this up now is that what no it's in south africa you your wife
Starting point is 01:02:45 knows i was i said i said africa i had to say south africa so south america did i say south whatever the point is i thought guiana was uh uh africa too but no it's uh on the upside above Columbia in South America. Really? Which is the one continent that I have not ruined with my brilliant comedy. Geography with Doug Steele. I'm going to bring him to the fucking Super Bowl. Fuck, you're right. We don't even have the Super Bowl.
Starting point is 01:03:19 It's on the northern coast of South Africa. That is crazy. No wonder. Yeah, that makes sense now. Oh, man. Yeah, you're right, Doug. For once during this podcast, you're right. It's where exactly?
Starting point is 01:03:38 The northeast coast. Well, it's kind of if you split South America in north, south, east, and west, it's like almost due north and then like just east of that north point. Yeah. Interesting. Well, look, the more you know. Yeah. Look at this. I know that because I've always looked for a reason to go to South America to click one continent off my box.
Starting point is 01:04:13 And that was a place where Jim Jones killed... No, you don't... No! I know. I know. The lawyers have left. I can't say he killed them because of libel issues. He invited people in to kill themselves with Kool-Aid.
Starting point is 01:04:33 And I don't know if... Has anyone ever Google searched if Kool-Aid was actually the product? Or was it an off... I think it was an off-brand. It has to be an off-brand. I think it was an off-brand. It has to be an off-brand. I think it was an off-brand. Like Wyler's? Not an off-brand.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Wyler's Grape Juice? Not Rated, but I think it was an off-brand. Let's fucking, let's sue them. Ask Andy Andrews. Let's do a lot of weird shit. Chaley, I'm serious. I'm fucking done with doing stand-up comedy. I know.
Starting point is 01:05:02 I looked at your tour dates. Oh, no. You fixed them finally. Not finally for me. What do you mean? No. Alright. That goes nowhere. Hannigan says,
Starting point is 01:05:20 I get these... Alright. I get these emails, I was gonna say, but what I'm saying is I get two emails saying, hey, will you sign my book in April? I'm not going to be anywhere in April. What the fuck? Yeah, the dates are updated now at DougStanup.com, and check that out. If you thought you were going to see something
Starting point is 01:05:45 in March or April, wrong. It's late 2021 and 2022 for the UK dates. Yeah, when I was tripping, I thought, I need to stop doing comedy that seems to matter and go back to just being
Starting point is 01:06:02 stupid. Fart jokes. Poop jokes. Yeah, that's funny. I said everything that matters. Maybe I go back to that. But that's what happens at the end of a fucking five day, what is it? Six day Super Bowl party? We'll call it five.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Yeah. Maybe I have to just take a nap. I'm going to take a Seroquel. And I wake up or I don nap. I'm going to take a Seroquel. And I wake up or I don't. But yeah, let's just go back to being silly. I don't know if I ever was. Worst geography lesson on the planet ever. Actually, no, I learned.
Starting point is 01:06:43 Vodka juice box is here. I forgot. I got the song queued up. We'll play it. Wait, no, I learned. Vodka juice box is here. I forgot. I got the song queued up. We'll play it. Wait, what song? Lily Rose. She didn't want to play it on the air yet. Let me delete it. I just deleted it. She just wanted to play it for that. Yeah, we're not done with that at all.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Hey, listen Patreon listeners. Eventually, you're going to hear this song. We're going to do it right now, and I'm going to lay down under a table with a beautiful fucking feather jacket. I'm stealing your jacket. Okay. Okay. Hey, next year, bet.
Starting point is 01:07:24 Browns against the Lions. That's going to be the Super Bowl. Solid. And I'm going to try to stay alive until then. Until then, here's Vodka Juice Box not playing. okay bye bye now សូវាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ូវាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Thank you.

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