The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#436: Working Class Hero

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

Doug finally lands a real job. After his first shift he fills in Raider, Tracey and Bingo what it's like to be employable in this time of Covid.  Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Feb 28th, 2021 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Raider, bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@egglester) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - ExpressVPN - Stop paying full-price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction of their content. Get three extra months FREE when you sign up at  ExpressVPN.com/stanhope BetterHelp.com - As a listener, you’ll get 10% off  your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE Check out Dot's Diner on Yelp - https://www.yelp.com/biz/dots-diner-bisbee?osq=dot%27s+diner Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Ggreg ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Don't forget to use my link so you can get three extra months free. That's expressvpn.com slash Stanhope. I stood outside handing out fucking golden grams or some shit, like the trial-sized packages of cereal. Small ones where you cut the box open. Yeah, I did that for a day, and then I got a job, because I was all hooked on that, the perfectly good stuffed animals girl, Christina Sparolini, that I was so fucking infatuated with.

She worked for the auto trader, and I saw an ad for telemarketing at the auto trader and this is after she's like yeah i think we should just be friends so i went and got a job at her work telemarketer i'm walking out after the interview he's like okay we'll see you on monday i go i'm looking to it. And then she sees me shaking the boss's hand after I've just got hired. And she's like, ah, fuck. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. And bingo, you can take a seat next to Dave Rader. You can share a mic if you want to chime in at any point.

No, we're not. It's not video. It's not video. You don't need a hat. I know what's going on. Unbelievable. I'm worried. Hey, welcome. Dave Rader is here with Chaley and Tracy and Bingo and I. Bingo and I just get done work.

Yeah, just we're doing fine. Yeah, I'm going to be selling some cars. And I just did a four-hour shift bus and dishes down at Dodds Diner attached to theshadydell.com. We got to get people to fucking Yelp the Dot's Diner. It's crazy, because the Bisbee Breakfast Club I'm not disparaging

them, but it's got a name, and people go to, oh, where do you go for breakfast? Well, you go to the Bisbee Breakfast Club, and there's always a line on the weekends and people waiting, and they don't know walking distance 100 yards away is Dodd's

Diner but it's so the Shady Dell and Dodd's Diner are hidden behind the fucking the old gas station like you do have to cross highway 80 it's in a road but I'm saying it's right there and it's a charming walk

and it's fucking beautiful. Because you're going down Lowell, which is all the vintage cars and the frontage. Yeah, it's not bad. I want to get a sign spinner going, hey, 100 yards away. You're waiting to eat indoors? They have an outdoor patio even in February. It's fucking a beautiful day today. Until the wind kicked up.

It was a little difficult when the wind started taking umbrellas off the patio. Tracy, they lost two umbrellas since we were there. Wow. Yeah. Goddamn Danielle across the street. Panther. She was, no, no, it wasn't. It was Steve Drew's Sonia. Yeah. She was when the, she was eating at dots when one of the umbrellas went. And she said, when she's a personal trainer, she said when they were doing outdoor at the Arizona street gym, they had to do,

they could only do outdoors because they have all their equipment. Yeah. She said there was a, like 50 feet in the air. An umbrella was launched from somewhere in a windstorm and flew over their gym. Like Mary Poppins? One of those giant patio umbrellas. Dangerous.

So, yeah, backdoor Mike, he runs the kitchen there at Dodds Diner. And last night, pretty pickled with an edible. And there's two nights in a row where I've done the edible drunk, where you go, oh, this is a whole different brand of drunk. The first night was after we did the Zoom happy hour with Chad Shank. Chad and I are like, all right, this is like old school. We're playing Dr. Hook, singing songs. And then last night, back door, Mike was like,

I got to fucking get a new bus person because the kid I usually use dropped out or whatever. I was like, no, we'll do it. We'll bus dishes. What's our hours? 10 to 2? We'll be there. Then I woke up going, ooh, this would be a good day to spend

all day in bed. Oops, I said that thing. Then I made him tweet it. He called me last night too and I'm like, up going, ooh, this would be a good day to spend all day in bed. Oops. I said that thing. Then I made him tweet it. He called me last night, too, and I'm like, Tracy, is he serious, you think? She's like, wait, was he drunk? I go, oh, he was drunk. Yeah. She goes, yeah, he'll probably forget or think it's a bad idea in the morning.

No, that's why I made someone tweet it. I guess from my account. You tweeted it? No, you made me make sure I'd get you up at 9 a.m. Oh, but yeah, I had someone. When I came up with the idea, I made someone tweet it, I think, from my account, just so I would be beholden to my tweet. I have no idea.

I might have done it myself. You called me last night and said you were taking a Cerebral. I guess that happened. It didn't happen because then I got a job. Don't want to be late on your first day. That was the thing. I said that to Chaley because Chaley is doing that meandering drive.

He always drives like that when you have to piss when we're like pulling into a... When we're on the road, we're pulling into a pilot station because everyone has to piss and then he does the slow crawl looking for a good parking. You're like, just fucking. It is 25 miles an hour from here to Dots.

I'm saying just when we pulled out. When we were just pulling out and I said, can we get, because I knew I wanted to be there. Even Fred said that. What are you doing? You're late for work. Because Fred walked by and he had seen my tweet or heard about it i heard you're bussing dishes today down at dot's diner and i went yeah he's you're late for work i go see this is what's gonna happen if i'm even

even if i'm a little bit early the first fucking person i see is gonna go you're late for work i see your bad jokes coming i do this with twitter when when I go, okay, I'm going to make this tweet, and I'm already calling all the stupid fucking jokes that everyone's not going to read the responses and realize, oh, everyone else made that same joke. So I get to do that live, and it got there at 10 o'clock. It was 10 o'clock on our fucking dashboard. Safely.

You got there safely. And then what did fucking backdoor Mike, standing out front smoking a cigarette, going, you're one minute late. I go, I already called. The fucking stupidest person is going to make that joke. It doesn't matter what time I fucking show up. And it's the second time I've heard it. A pedestrian friend walking by already made that joke 10 minutes ago when I was leaving. So, yeah, I got to get an apron.

They only had one apron. It was like a French maid's thing, and I felt like I was being a little fetishy around. Yeah, kids eat there. It seems a little fetishy. Bingo has an original Dots Diner waitress's outfit. I do. But she did not want to wear it. Because you said it was going to be 39 to 40.

This would be great if you were on a microphone. Yeah, well, don't eat on a microphone. You just finish your food. You argue or eat. Use your two choices. No, her and Tarek showed up dressed completely vodka juice box.

Top hat, yellow suit, turquoise undergarments. Yeah. They did the hosting and busing and I did a lot of busing and dishwashing and we were both filling coffees and whatnot. Fortunately, I did not start drinking until the last hour because I didn't eat.

I had three tater tots for breakfast and that was not enough because I drank two drinks, shift drinks. Sneaky drinks. I mean, the management didn't know this was you as a private citizen. Oh, my goodness. Aren't you getting sanctioned? Yeah. Well, I think I'm an independent contractor. Bingo, cut a private citizen. Oh my goodness. Aren't you getting sanctioned? Yeah, well, I think I'm an independent contractor.

Bingo cut a knuckle. They were... Is that a euphemism too? That sounds like a euphemism. Her fuck knuckle. She cut her fuck knuckle. Targ had this giant gaudy fuck knuckle. It's an Australian thing.

Listen to the podcast. Yeah, he had this gaudy... What do you call that kind of jewelry? The faux jewelry. There's a name for it. Costume jewelry. He had this giant, like, 17 diamond, diamond fake ring. And he posed

for a picture or something and slapped Bingo's fucking hand with it and cut her open. Get on the mic, Bingo. Yeah, stop stuffing fucking cheese dogs in your face. First of all, guess whose ring that is. I don't know. Is it his grandmother's or yours?

Given to me by Ms. Sweet Susie Bazell. All right. Yeah, that's my ring from Susie Bazell. The point is, you guys were full of horseplay. I got through that day. I didn't i didn't mess anything up i did do a lot of dishes without my reading glasses on so if if you found a little bit of egg yolk on a plate or a fork that's probably because i i couldn't see close enough

but it's tight quarters back there this is like an eight seater. This diner is probably 125 square feet. That small. That includes where the employees are. Yeah, you can't eat inside now. Even when it was open before COVID years ago, to eat inside there, if it's full, there's eight stools and they're touching each other, basically. You're jammed. And just having four employees in there, fucking jammed. So, yeah, I don't know that I did my best work at dishwashing, but I tried.

I had an eye on it. I know I have notes to myself, don't do dishes at home without your reading glasses because when I do have them, I'm like, oh Oh my God, I didn't get that quite all clean. Did I? Uh, so, uh, yeah,

Bill Kelso was there. Yep. Oh, cool. Uh, so yeah. Oh, Hey,

I know that t-shirt. That's our t-shirt. I go, that guy looks like Bill Kelso who I know, uh, from the zoom happy hours. He's, he's getting Arizona flag in the back,

but I don't know if he's actually... He lives in San Jose. I assumed when I saw him, I thought, that guy looks like Bill Kelso, and then he introduced himself to Bingo and Targ as Bill Kelso. Don't you know? I'm Bill Kelso.

Oh, fuck. You look like him. But it was fun. I met another celebrity that just moved to town. I don't know. He's an MMA fighter. He's like, that's Frank Da Tank from MMA. I YouTubed him. He knocked this guy out.

I'm like, so they just moved here. That's the people that just moved here seven months ago. They live up on the Bisbee Road. I'm like, hey, Frank the Tank. You're the second Frank that we've met, MMA fighter in Warren. The other's Frank Meir. Dropped that name during my allotted smoke break.

I had five cigarettes in four hours. I actually did cut out early when Chaley, my dad's coming to pick me up from work. I was fucking fun. I was working fun. Got you out of the house. You could smoke. Yeah. You got to wash

dishes, which is something that's part of your routine here. Yeah, someone left a fucking half of like a turkey melt sandwich. What? You told me what you ate. You ate off someone's plate? Well, no, I didn't. I would have if I was in the mood for a turkey sandwich

because they left a fucking full half, not bites taken out of it. It's funny. Bobby called from fucking prison. He's like, yeah, I used to eat off a plate. I go, I just stole a half a fucking turkey sandwich off a plate. When we were dishwashers, my brother and I and a bunch of two other surfers from our high school, we were all buddies that got a job at Cask and Cleaver in Fullerton.

And Friday, Saturday nights, man, it was in the 80s, and there'd be lobster tail coming back. And we would be lucky as dishwashers if we got a piece of it. The waiters were fighting over it the waiters like clearing tables the bus boys couldn't get to it because the waiter's been fucking just eyeballing that chick ain't eating that lobster and that's that's half a filet right there that's it's weird bingo you're not leaving angry are you gotta get some okay okay yeah go she's making sure she's not leaving angry. Food off the plate.

Because I hand sanitize so many times. I'm like, okay, wait. I keep opening doors and shit. So I kept it. I never thought once, oh, I shouldn't eat off someone else's plate. That's probably the worst thing to do. But I didn't eat that. I brought that back for Henry.

Well, I brought it back for Henry because what I got was a mistake. They made some over easy eggs that were supposed to be different, scrambled or something. I go, anyone want? I go, yeah, I'll eat mistakes. Fuck yeah. So I ate two over easy eggs. It was delicious.

It did remind me of when we were driving there and you're like, come on, Chili, I'm going to be late. I was talking to Tracy after we had breakfast there. I'm like, when was the last time I had to worry about getting somewhere on time? For work. Listen, I appreciate the life I get to live. But it is one of those things where I remember, oh, shit, and I got a shitty fucking Datsun 510 that's overheating and I'm like, why am I cutting it so close every fucking time?

Yeah, it's been a while. When I woke up at 8 a.m. last night, I'm like, okay, well if I fall asleep right now, I can still sleep nine and a half hours. And I did. I slept

a solid eight and a half. I woke up at 8 a.m. and I did. I slept a solid eight and a half. I woke up at 8 a.m. and I went, oh. And then I remembered, oh, I agreed to bus tables today. But I was doing that. Okay, I can still stay in bed for one and a half hours.

And then I'll have time to wake up. What am I going to wear? Doesn't matter what I wear as long as I wear my Dodds Diner t-shirt. Listen, you guys, please get on Yelp and let everybody know about Dodds Diner. Even if you just take a second, get on Yelp or Google Review, wherever you go, and find Dodds Diner. You don't have to say a bunch of shit. Just, you know, hidden away. It's fucking authentic, Bisbee.

It's a total greasy spoon diner in the best sense. And beautiful. I mean, it's right next to the graveyard. You're in this. It is beautiful right there. Yeah, it's just... I'm sorry. It's right there, except you don't notice.

No, you don't. It's hidden, but it's still right fucking there. And, you know, that four-top of ladies we had, they said, oh, yeah, we went to Bisbee Breakfast Club, and we're not going to wait in line, and we were almost going to go all the way back 30 miles to Sierra Vista because we're not going to just sit and wait. And then my friend here, Birdie,

she fucking found this on Yelp. Yeah, it's 100 yards away. It's right there. It's open patio. The fucking best food. I was watching them cook shit. It's amazing food. Joby and I got their pastrami sandwiches yesterday. Amazing.

I've never had anything bad there. And sitting outside there, it's beautiful. It's nice. So please, even if you just write Bisbee's Hidden Treasure, don't copy exactly what I say. But yeah, get on Yelp so people know that it's there. And on Twitter, I don't

see anything for Dots Diner associated with Shady Dell, so it's at the Shady Dell. S-H-A-D-Y Dell. Yeah. And their website is theshadydell.com. And you can tour all their 50s trailers that you can stay in. Yeah, it's fantastic. And it was a lot of fun.

You were busting my... We just went through this, and I don't think you were even there for the conversation about our first jobs. Well, I was going to ask, like, how many years has it been since you've had your last blue-collar shift? Last job you had. I don't know if it's... That's not technically blue-collar to do. It ain't white-collar. Yeah, but it's a service industry.

Bang! I sanitized that hand you just high-fived a lot of times. I know you went and got your own hand sanitized. What was your last normal job? My last normal job was actually while I was doing stand-up comedy. Actually, while I was doing stand-up comedy, I went to Minneapolis where Knuckleheads at the Mall of America was a huge scene at the time. So I went back there. I lived on the road.

And then I had a bunch of time off. So I go, I'll go back to Minneapolis and kill time there. And I was staying with a friend of mine, a waitress lady and her kid. And I got a job. I worked. I had two jobs there part-time. One was, remember if you were a paper boy, you remember the satchel that you'd carry with your newspapers in? It was like that. Not Honey Nut Cheerios, but some new brand of cereal that I was standing out in front of the Metro Dome. I remember it was a preseason Vikings versus Steelers game.

And I stood outside handing out fucking Golden Grahams or some shit. Like the trial size packages of cereal. Small ones where you cut the box open. Yeah, I did that for a day. And then I got a job because I was all hooked on that. The perfectly good stuffed animals girl, Christina Sparolini, that I was so fucking infatuated with. She worked for the auto trader. And I saw an ad for telemarketing at the auto trader.

And this is after she's like yeah i think we should just be friends so i went and got a job at her work telemarketer i'm walking out after the interview he's like okay we'll see you on monday i go i'm looking forward to it and then she sees me shaking the boss's hand after i've just got hired and she she's like, ah, fuck. And I did show up to that job and then I worked a few hours and then did the, I'll be right back. Alright, the joke's over now. I'm stuck

you into your work. So yeah, that would be, but my first job was busing and dishwashing at Newport Creamery in Worcester, Massachusetts. And I felt like that today. I noticed my posture because I remember when my mother came in.

I was like 17, 16, 17 when I got my first dishwasher job. And she goes, you walk all hunched over like an old man. My posture was always like this. At what age? 16, 17. I always walked like that. I always like this. At what age? 16, 17. I always walked like that. I always had this posture. But the first time

someone points it out and it's your mom, you go, oh, wow, really? And then another girl said that and I reinforced it. Can we second the motion? He walks like an old man as a teenager. And then I found myself walking like that when I was humping bus tubs.

Like, oh, I'm doing that thing from when I was 17. But you do that anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But I tried to straighten out. It wasn't because you had a bus tub in your hand. Yeah. I was hoping to be more social.

But first of all, I was triple masked. So you need more coffee? What? Coffee? Who said that? So yeah, I was trying to make jokes with customers. I'm not in the mood for jokes. Get me in the fucking back.

Let me wash dishes. Yeah, but again, that's why we brought cocktails, in case I had to be social. But I don't want to fucking drink it. Just doing the hackneyed joke. Hey, if you enjoyed your experience here, make sure to mention it on social media or Yelp. And if you didn't, we're the Bisbee Breakfast Club. That's an old comedy staple.

Hey, if you enjoyed yourself tonight, my name is Jim whatever. But if you hated your time, my name's Jeff Dunham and Peter. Yeah, it's a stupid joke on stage, but not when you're working fucking retail. No, that joke fucking has legs, baby. New crowd every 20 minutes, too, man. You got to keep working on the same material. Did anyone recognize you? Like people you don't know? baby. New crowd every 20 minutes too, man. You got to keep working on the same material. Turn that room over. Yeah.

Did anyone recognize you? Like people you don't know? Well, there's a lot of people in town that know me and I don't know if I've met them or they just know who I am. So yeah, there's a lot of people who said, hey, thanks, Doug. And it helped that Bingo was there wearing tantamount to a neon sign. Yeah.

She was dressed like a banana. And Tarek was full purple. Yeah, yeah. He was great. Yeah, Tarek goes way beyond Bingo where he's wearing like wrestler. Tight. Yeah, like a singlet. Yeah.

Furry. Yeah, he's dressed like Queen in 1979. Ooh, you're my best friend. I was thinking Elton John, but yeah. Same thing. Freddie Mercury's got that kind of... Elton John never had the build to wear fucking spandex pants like that. Not like those, no, no, no.

For sure. He has Freddie Mercury legs. He owns it, though. You gotta give him that. Yep. I used to think Bingo made him dress like that. Yeah, that's what I thought at first, too. And that might have been the case, but he took to it. He's like, oh, you gave me a reason. I can always dress like that. Yeah, that's what I thought at first too. And that might have been the case, but he took to it. He's like, oh, you gave me a reason. I can always dress like this.

Well, when you find that no one is objecting, you kind of just go with it. It's like when we go to the desert that one time and that one guy thought he'd be a naked guy. And no one gave a shit. Because big deal. And it's the same thing out here. Whatever you wear, you wear it here. It's not going to be like, guy. Yeah. And no one gave a shit. Yeah. Because big deal. And it's the same thing out here.

If you, whatever you wear, you wear it here. It's not going to be like, oh, Jesus. You know? He's obviously embraced the fact that you can let it fly here. Yeah. Yeah. It was, yeah, it was a good morning. Yeah.

I liked it. Hey, we're brought to you by better help help what am i talking about betterhelp.com what interferes with your happiness are you just out of your fucking mind with covid oh it's our year anniversary what do you get someone for a anniversary present for one year of going out of your fucking mind? Betterhelp.com. That's what you do. BetterHelp. It's online counseling. Oh, I don't need a counselor. Yeah, you fucking do. You're losing your shit. This is how it works. You connect with a counselor in a safe and private online environment so it's convenient. You do it at your own time and your own pace. You communicate with your therapist as often as you want and whenever you feel it's

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Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, help.com slash Stanhope. I thought you were very professional. I did my best. I didn't know why. Because I don't think they thought I was going to show up. Probably not. I thought you were joking when I saw the tweet. And then I came out of my house this morning, did not lock myself out this time,

and there's a box of tomatoes just sitting on my step. Oh, no. But the gate was closed, so I was very confused. Yeah, that wasn't me because when I called you, you said, thanks for stopping by. That wasn't you? No, because I said, oh, when I was in the storeroom at work trying to find toilet paper for the ladies room. Good for you. Who the fuck left me tomatoes?

I asked Joby. I said, oh, fuck, because I was in the refrigerator to get eggs or something. I'm like, oh, fuck, I can unload all that. Joby dropped off a case of tomatoes, like 40 fucking pounds of tomatoes. Roma tomatoes. I don't know how many pounds. It wasn't 40, but when I pureed them in the Vitamix, who

should be a sponsor, it was five gallon bags of pureed tomatoes. Five gallons worth. And I thought, oh, they can maybe use it. I don't, Joby brought those here, not knowing that I'm fucking psychotic about waste.

And I'm like, oh, I could probably pawn them off here. They cook from scratch. And I said, oh, do you need some pureed Roma tomatoes? And backdoor said, no, someone just dropped off a case here. They dropped off a case to you? Where's this plague of Roma tomatoes? Someone's randomly tomato bombing people? Tomato fairy.

Yeah. Alright, that's weird. Yeah, it was not me. I ate one. I'm still alive. Yeah, they're fine. It's just... Are they? I don't know. The ones I made spaghetti sauce out of some of them and then froze five fucking bags. Joby had a plan.

He was going to cook up like a whole sauce thing. I know. You let him leave during the thing without... I was going to make him take... Fucking hump it in, hump it out. Burning man rules with your food here. Don't bring... Pack it in, pack it out, bro.

He's bigger than me. Yeah. But who buys extra cases of Roma tomatoes? Well, they've been giving away all the the food thing like i pulled in at the where they do the vaccinations yeah testing the hospital across it i pulled in there once when the farmer's market had just shut down it had like a week before it moved to the new location yeah they go yeah we're giving away food you just get in line i go i don't food. I thought maybe you were doing a, like a, when the farmer's market first shut down at

the beginning of COVID and then they were doing these. Rogue, gorilla. Yeah. Gorilla spots. Go up on Lowell Avenue. Yeah. So I thought that, I go, I don't need free shit. I just thought this was a makeshift farmer's market.

But that's where Joby got them because his uncle's all blind and so they brought him like, oh, you're disabled? Here's a Here's a shitload of stuff you have to cut with a knife. How long can you live off Roma tomatoes alone? Do you have your own salt?

Because they're going to suck without salt. So evidently there's a fucking plague of... I remember it used to be peaches out here. And pomegranates. Yeah, peaches and pomegranates. Do you mean nectarines? No, peaches.

People would go, ah, we got a bunch of peaches. Like they all get ripe at the same time. And so they have to, hey, you need peaches? I'll freeze them and put them in smoothies. Who's got peaches out here? But it's been years. Okay. And then David across the street.

Oh, he does have fruit. He used to get tomatoes and they would all, but the fucking good ones, it tasted like tomatoes did when we were kids and he'd bring bags of them over. He's got fruit trees too. Don't know, it's been a trees, too. I don't know. It's been a while since anyone's tried to offload.

That freaks me out. I'm calling probably the police. I'll be in the police beat next week. Man called saying somebody dropped tomatoes off at his house. It's fucking weird. He's pretty sure he's dying. I know there's something wrong here. Go ahead.

I forgot what I was going to say. I'm fucking pumped. Oh, Cincinnati. That's what I was going to say. Every time we play Go Bananas in Cincinnati, Sneaky Pete's, it's actually called, Hey, I'm wearing your t-shirt underneath my long johns

and my Dots work t-shirt. The bell and the bear, is it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the new name of the bar next to Go Bananas. It's the one across the walkway. Yeah, Go Bananas. Yeah, so every time I play there, in between

shows and after the second show, instead of setting up a merch booth, I go over there and bar back. It's right next door, and all the crowd just leaves. It's in this really weird remote strip mall. It's like a condo complex or townhouses, but they're businesses. Wasn't there a sushi bar in there, too? Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, I think it's Montgomery.

I think it's the suburb. I think it was. Oh. Yeah. And I would go back there, but it's slammed because it's a Friday-Saturday. So between shows and after shows, all the crowd just goes to that's the bar that's close. It's like that close right there. And instead of fucking glad-handing people like a politician,

I'm fucking right in the same headspace you come off stage. That's the headspace for bar backing. And I'm like, fuck, yeah, make sure you put the ingredients in the drink. I think we just talked about this. I can't make a screwdriver. I can make a vodka orange. Tell me what ingredients in the drink. I think we just talked about this. I can't make a screwdriver. I can make a vodka orange. Tell me what's in the drink. The ingredients are in it, but you're humping, like fast-paced.

And it was the perfect way to say hello to people from the show, but not have to sit and act like you put on a fake smile and listen to their stories. What do you want? What are you drinking? Okay, 20 bucks. They keep the change, right? Yes, that's a good temper. What do you want? What are you drinking? Okay, 20 bucks. They keep the change, right? Yes, that's a good temper right there. Boom.

And what are you drinking? I fucking love it. And that's what I was kind of thinking this morning would be like. Did you get tipped out? No. Jesus Christ. Well, first of all, it's kind of- They gave him tomatoes.

Because it's outdoor seating only, and you order almost like at a ballpark. Yeah, like going to a Little League game or softball game where they've got the old snack bar inside of an old trailer. Yeah, except they have really good food. So I don't know if people tend to not tip if it's takeout, even though you are sitting there and there is a waitress. I wouldn't fucking take tips. The point is I was hoping for a hectic pace where I sat down like, what do you want me to do? There's so little space.

Like this bar in the fun house makes that place look expansive. This is easily two to two and a half times the size of that. So is that like the size of the birdhouse? So there's three people behind the counter already. The waitress and the cook and back door. Cook, cashier, and back door. You have to do dishes back there. So you have to wait

until no one's at the window so you can do dishes where someone would be taking an order. And I don't know... It's like running a business out of the rape trailer. It's a trailer. Yeah, we're going to have to rename

the rape trailer. You want to call it Dot's Diner? Trailer of consent. Oh, because we're going to have to rename the rape trailer. You want to call it Dot's Diner? Trailer of Consent. Oh, because we're selling it? Yeah, the Trailer of Consent. In a Me Too era? That doesn't go well on Greg's list. Yeah, I have a bright green Ford Fiesta that will be going.

Focus, Ford Focus. Oh, by the way, that is a, I didn't know which one we were going to do. It's a 2018 Ford Focus Titanium. Yep. That's the highest level of the package deals. Great. So, yeah, it's a four-cylinder. Why does it still have roll-down windows then?

Huh? Or maybe it doesn't. It doesn't have roll-down. It's got power windows. The Cruze or something you had not that long ago had roll-down windows. Even the Crown Vic, the fucking 94 from the police auction has power windows. They're dangling from where there used to be a door panel, and they found drugs in a Rico fucking...

Yeah, even that has power windows. Though the pickup truck has roll-down windows. That's for sure. Yeah. So, yeah, we're selling off stuff. Just trying to stay afloat here. Wish we had more Patreon people. Yeah. So, yeah, we're selling off stuff. Just trying to stay afloat here. Wish we had more Patreon people. Yeah.

Please. Go to patreon.com slash standoffpodcast. Maybe we won't have to sell all the cars. Running out quickly. Or the houses. Sell the cars first, then the houses. What? You don't have to whisper?

Well, I do have to whisper because I have a 4 o'clock conference call. Oh, shoot. I thought you were joking. No. All right. What time is it? It's 3.30. All right.

Well, you can take it inside. Let me just open this club soda real quick. Flavored. Mm-hmm. flavored. But God damn, at the end of... The wind picked up and people stopped coming around 1.30

when they saw the umbrellas fly by. And then we're just hanging out. It was fucking great. Just hanging out with... Josh works there, Mamu's son, and Danielle, our neighbor across the street, local musician. Do you know

Danielle, back when I first moved here, she was a waitress there. At Dots? Originally? Yeah, like 15 years ago. And they used to have that, where that platform is towards the street, that used to be a covered patio. Yeah, it's like almost like

a mash tent. It had like a... Wasn't it dark green? It had a makeshift roof and then they had green netting. Bisbee construction. Yeah. So it was indoor-outdoor. It was netting, but you could smoke. So I would

go there and she was our waitress. I didn't remember that until she told me. I was the waitress. That's how we met. I'm like, ah, fuck. told me yeah it was the wager that's how we met i'm like oh fuck uh so yeah it's just the four of us like after a shift yeah that's the best yeah i got a back door is supposed to come over i was gonna say yeah you should all come over for the uh after shift podcast where i can talk about what it's like to be a working man. Yeah. A working class hero, motherfucker. That's right.

I do remember I had a job. Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say, jobs are great if you don't have to do it. Doing it as a lark. You're not. Hey, I want to tweet common people. When I tweet that I just got done a four-hour shift of bussing tables.

You want to live like common people do? You want to live like common people do? You want to live like common people do? You want to dance and drink and screw? Because there's nothing else to do. Ah, go ahead. What were you going to say? Jacked up. When I stopped working at the radio station

and moved back from Alaska to Los Angeles, or Fullerton. I was taking care of my dad. So it was kind of COVID because I was indoors all the time taking care of my dad. But then after he got up, after an hour or two, there was nothing to do until lunch and then nothing to do until dinner. And then after dinner, I was bored as fuck. And I was used to playing in the band, being on the radio and stuff like that. And always seeing people doing stuff.

Now it's nothing. I'm back home taking care of my dad. He's not doing so hot. And I remember the drummer from my band, he was from Fullerton. He went back and opened a bar and saw him. He goes, dude, come on down. I'll put you on bar back. I'm like, fuck yeah.

That's the best. I didn't look at the fucking calendar. It was Cinco de Mayo. My first like, fuck yeah. That's the best. I didn't look at the fucking calendar. It was Cinco de Mayo. My first day behind the bar. It was fucking insane and I loved it because I didn't have to

think about whatever I do during the day with my old man, keeping him clean and healthy. I'm just scrubbing and cleaning. And, you know, I'm sorry. I can't. No, I'm not your bartender.

Just keep washing dishes and shit like that. Yeah, it was fucking fantastic. That's Coaching Horses, which became the Pikey in L.A. I'm sure I wrote about it in a book. It went from Dive Bar. It was just Joey Diaz's podcast. We just talked about the coaching horses. It went from that old lady, Ginger, the bartender, was just this miserable, the woman from throw,

mama from throw mama from the train. This isn't a bus stop. You don't want to drink it out of here. Just sit there and not drink. So it was always empty. And then they finally fired this poor woman. And they put a cute girl, April, behind the bar. And then it became dive trendy.

And then everyone was in there. I'm like, fucking, you ruined my bar. I could sit here. And just to get out of the crowd, I would bar back for April for free. I just don't want to be in the crowd. the crowd, I would bar back for April for free. I just don't want to be in the crowd. That's when Janine

Garofalo was in there and Chris Kattan, who's still legendary, most punchable face, fucking clit-nosed, fucking... I don't know anything about it, but that night at the Roxbury, you just see a trailer for it. I want to fucking smash

this guy's face. Can people keep bothering Chris? Can you tell that person who was a regular, I'm behind the bar. I'm fucking stalking fucking Miller Lights in a cooler. This is a tiny English-ish pub. Can you tell him to stop? I go, I'm sorry, I don't work here. As I'm stocking the cooler,

and then she just gave me the fucking dirtiest look. I really don't work here. And that's a regular. I'm not going to tell a fucking regular to stop bothering you fucking newbies. He'll be here over the next year. You guys will never be back here. He's been here for years. He'll be here over the next year. You guys will never be back here. He's been here for years.

He'll spend more money over his lifetime. You're in his space. That's his table, actually, so fuck out. Yeah, so I guess this is not a new gimmick. I like to fucking work occasionally. It is kind of what you do here. Just no one sees you cleaning up the bar and bussing.

You do all the dishes in the morning and then leave them up here. I mean, yeah. You do come out with a tray. Do you have a name for it? No, that's... That's why it was... This morning was perfect. Usually you have a drunk idea for tomorrow morning. That's a terrible idea always

let's go hiking until you see the falls but but that it was perfect in that that's my morning routine i wake up i go immediately to dishes because that that's a good head thing for me. Like just doing quotidian fucking line work. I don't have to think. I'm doing something. I'm being productive. I'm cleaning. So that's what I was doing there.

Okay. You tell me what to do. I don't want to just sit here. And I certainly don't want to be out fucking glad handing people. Bingo was perfect at it. Her and Tarek all dressed up silly, doing all the shit. After two hours, I'm like, all right, we have to make some changes around here. You've already figured out what you're going to do. Busboy to manager in two hours. I was.

That sandwich, that half sandwich I stole. Dude, you're giving the house away. Look how much meat is on here. No, I was fucking completely bar rescue guy. I'm like, hey, Josh, this is a problem. When food comes back, that's a problem. Fortunately, I was wearing three masks, so he didn't hear me. What's going on?

You meant that the portions are obviously too large if people are leaving half a sandwich. Yeah, or they didn't like the sandwich. They didn't want it to go. Didn't even want a doggy bag. But that was the four top that was going to go back to Sierra Vista. They're not from here.

Yeah, we do that all the time. Do you want it to go? Is there something wrong? No, I don't eat that much because I'm not a fat fucking pig from Wisconsin. And you just gave me like 18 pounds. Do you see the fucking breakfast burritos they put out? I did not.

I did not. I had the breakfast plate. I was like, that's like eight portions of food and it's going to fit inside of a triple X fucking tortilla. This is insane amounts of food you're putting out. Well, it fits into a Triple X person. Well, it is Josh that's putting that food out there, but he's a Triple X. He's a big boy. Yeah, he's not his mother's size.

She doesn't listen to this, does she? As I said, we're brought to you by ExpressVPN. You know what's not fair? The fact that Netflix hides thousands of shows and movies from you based on your location, and then has the nerve to increase their prices on you. That's right. They just raised their prices once again.

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ExpressVPN.com slash Stanhope. ExpressVPN.com slash Stanhope to learn more. So when's your next shift? I'm going to fucking buy an apron on Amazon. I'll do that again. I've got it. We have a lot of aprons. I've got aprons.

You want the half apron or the full? I was thinking the full. I got the full like Gordon Ramsay wears. They wear it in the UK, the black with the white stripe, the pinstripe. Slick. I have the Henry's Kitchen one. Got a Henry's Kitchen. I have the Henry's Kitchen one.

Got a Henry's Kitchen. No, I'm sure a listener will get a perfect photograph put onto an apron and send it to me. Just put that out there. 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona. 85603. Send it to us. I forget my point. I got lost in song. You got a next job coming up.

Your next job shift. And then you had suggestions on things at the diner. Well, first of all, people, they should reinforce. Hey, put us on social media. Bingo was great about this. When people are taking selfies because it is a very picturesque spot. Yeah. Like, oh, you want to take a picture?

Come over in front of the Shady Dell sign. The big mirror. And I'll take the picture for you. Don't take a picture of this. And then Tarek comes up behind and goes, hey, you want me to take a picture of all of you with bingo? And boom. It's like two Cirque du Soleil characters are saying, hey, let me help you.

I hate to say that I learned anything from Bar Rescue because it's a fucking cunt show. Because they will get the postcard that's painted on the side of it. It's gorgeous. Shady Dell. And they will put that on their social media. Yeah, always be branding.

Come on. People take pictures in front of the Shady Dell sign on the side of the wall. It's a big mural that looks like an old 50s postcard. Yeah, we'll take a picture in front of that. You see someone take a selfie, say, hey, take it over here in front of the Shady Dell sign. And then they're going to put it on Facebook. And then people will know to find the Shady Dell.

As my fans are right now doing Yelp reviews of how great Dots Diner and the Shady Dell. As my fans are right now. Doing Yelp reviews. Of how great. Dots Diner and the Shady Dell are. Just fucking throw up a five star. You don't have to be creative. If you are creative. I will look for it. Yeah because it's.

There's a fucking sign. For. There's a circle. A rotary. In town. Turnabout. Turnabout, turnaround. Roundabout. It depends on where you are. Turnabout is fair. Everyone knows

well, we call them rotaries in Massachusetts. When you hit the rotary, you fucking take the third off. So yeah, it's kind of right off the rotary in the center of Bisbee. Not Old Bisbee, but... It's right in between Warren and Old Bisbee, basically.

And San Jose. There's a bunch of different names for the Bergs in this town of 5,000. There's like 13... It used to be a mining town. So, everywhere, every little neighborhood is called. Okay, that's Saginaw technically that the Shady Dell is in. But it's right across the street from Lowell, which is 100 yards, one street. Oh, you're over in Lowell?

We're in Saginaw. Across the roundabout. But yeah, they should be telling people, take pictures here. We'll do that for you. Everything we were doing, they should have some. Yeah.

But I mean, they're working. You're fucking around going, you know what would be great. And then, you know. But if you have a second, yeah. Sure, absolutely. Take a picture in front of that. Put it on social media.

Just drop that in their heads. I'm trying to think of something to be like, if you take a picture and post it on social media, small fries. Their fries are fucking delicious. I love their fries. Double fries. I had them yesterday. Yeah, so good. But if there's something like that where you can go, look, if you do this, we'll give you this.

But I don't know. I'm not familiar with their menu enough. Just say it. Hey, thanks for coming. Remember, it is a. Hey, remember this. It is a nice thing, but if there's something... Mention us on social media. I know it's kind of hidden away back here. So, yep.

Oh, maybe they can have a free Doug Stanhope deadbeat hero. Give them a case. Give them a case. We'll just give them a couple cases. And a cutout of a fan. You know, I was thinking, not to change the subject, I'm sure we'll get back to it, but the eyesore across from the B&D hardware store on Bisbee Road, what if we just, for a photo op, we just go there and put, like, zip tie,

all of the cutouts around that fence that's around. Okay, this is what we talked about this a couple times today, and I'm just going to steal from Brendan Walsh. You don't want to talk about that. What? You don't want to say that now. All right. Yeah, yeah.

People actually listen to this. Yeah, that's right. I forget that. Why? Anyway, it's just a Brendan Walsh gag. One of his pranks. I'm like, why not just fucking steal it outright? It's funny.

But if we're looking for something to do with the cutouts, we could just go down and just quickly zip tie all those around that chain link fence and then take the picture. That's why I talked to Suzanne Walsh drunk last night. Whoa. Like, she showed up at the, and I'm like, hey, Suzanne. And then

I'm like, oh, fuck, I talked to her last night, and I can't remember why. It was because I don't have Laura's number, the principal of the school across the street, and I haven't seen the lights on over there, but I want to offer that up. Hey, you can use all these cutouts for

high school yeah for she's the principal of the school and i'm like well you could probably use these if you have unattended games i can donate 50 fucking cutouts of my fans to put in your games and uh i forget how that went but then i forgot that i talked to her until I saw her. So you still don't know. Yeah, yeah. I still don't know. But I put it out there into the world. Yeah. If you throw a pebble into the pond.

The ripples will come back? Ten times. Tenfold. Oh, no. That's not. You can't get higher after you throw a pebble. You throw a fucking rock and it's a fucking... Call Mike Greitz.

He told me this. The butterfly effect? Is that what you're... If you fucking throw something positive out there is the analogy. And then when you throw a pebble into a fucking pond... Throwing rocks is not positive. Yeah, there's 10 fucking ripples that come back to shore from one pebble being thrown into the thing. Okay.

It's some analogy like that. It was my first time doing acid. And then he tried to tell me the fucking thing about the frog and the scorpion. Oh, yeah. That's a good one on acid. But he couldn't tell a story at all. And we're all tripping. My first time tripping.

And he's like, and then there's like a scorpion. Then he stings him and he dies. And he's like, and then there's like a, and the scorpion, then he stings him and he dies. And he's like, that's what, that's it. Like, I don't get this at all. Then I heard the parable later on. Yes. Yeah. But he was just the worst storyteller.

And I remember that we were recording it on one of those old micro cassettes. Oh, yeah. Our trip. Yeah. He had never, never record a trip. I don't know if that's... You know that kind of... It's a lighthearted...

It's a Netflix thing. Guide to Tripping or something. It's like Sarah Silverman. It was about psychedelics. Don't look in a mirror. I don't know if that was in there, but never record it and listen to it back is definitely your guide to it back.

It's definitely your guide to tripping. If you're going to trip, don't think that this is going to make sense. Right. It's a one-way street. Just keep it that way. Yeah. You're just going to watch yourself or listen to yourself seem foolish. Yeah. It will buzz

kill all the memories. In retrospect, yeah. Oh, I thought I was having fun. I was a complete douchebag. Which is kind of probably what drinking is too. It's called Have a Good Trip on Netflix.

I liked it. I remember when I tweeted about it after I watched it, people were like, eh. Yeah, but for a person who's never tripped, it makes it,

like, it's not fucking, what's his name, DMT guy. It's the writer that writes about DMT and the spirit molecule or some fucking... Anyway, it's not heady. It's not...

It's light. Yeah. I mean, it's Sarah Silverman and Sting talking about doing mushrooms. Huh. Well, there you go. Yeah, it's kind of like if you thought pot was this fucking gateway drug that leads to fucking raping white women or something. And you go, oh,

well, you should listen to doug benson it's a it's not it's not gonna break down it's gonna make you know that it's okay to smoke pot and you're getting it totally into movies yeah getting dug with high that it's it's it's that level it's not breaking down what hallucinogens are all about and it's it's great advice for your first time tripping. It's like a Dr. Seuss Netflix special for so you're 15 and you want to do mushrooms. Yeah. Don't look in the mirror. It's going to freak you out.

But look at the bathroom tiles. Look at the bathroom tiles always. Wash your feet while you pee. Yeah. Not your feet, but the tiles around your feet. I'm all over the map you are fucking love it it's like why is chaley putting free on in a used car when i get all these ideas in my head i still needed it it's something i have a life yeah we're all so we're all selling. Let's fucking just start a used car lot. I sold it. I know, but we still have to teach.

He sold it, but we still have to teach that 26-year-old kid how to drive. He's never driven in his life. Lessons not included. I should have wrote that on the for sale sign. We were about to teach him. We were so excited to teach Joshoshy how to drive and then he got covid like ah fuck yeah but i'm like wait you still haven't he's the cook at dodd's diner and i go wait you you never learned how to drive he's like no but uh i i'm gonna because i just

bought chaley's fucking used car we should have a used car a lot here i don't farm our place is great nice and level people can walk around yeah but this would be the showroom at the funhouse driveway oh yeah that's like yeah it's all right can i help you it looks like yeah it's good yeah i did wash the car off too i washed off the engine there were a lot of black widow spider webs in there whoops the egg sacks. I'm like, geez, I really don't drive this car a lot. You should have rented it to Olivia Grace. I talked to her this morning. What's the update on her?

She's no longer in business. No, she's in Tucson and very happy. She had texted me at 1.42 a.m. Hey, you up? So I called her, of course. Wait, you were up at 1.42? No, I called her when I got off shift. Off my working shift.

Working class hero. Don't you know I gotta work on Sundays? No, sorry, I just got off work. I just saw this. Yeah, I'm up. Yeah, she's fucking adorable. Morgan Murphy is coming to town. That'll be tomorrow's podcast. We're gonna... Oh, we can do the tomorrow's podcast. We're going to...

Oh, we can do the Patreon. Yeah, we're going to do... We'll do Patreon. The Chaley's are... You're going to Boise, Idaho? Yeah, probably two weeks. Chaley's birthday. Chaley and his brother's birthday.

For two weeks? Probably. Total time will be gone. Who's going to feed my cat? I don't know. I know. We'll just leave a bag out there. He'll figure it out. A bag and a bird. I don't know. I know. We'll just leave a bag out there. He'll figure it out.

A bag and a bird. I've got to go do compliance things. Can I get a club soda to go please? Certainly. Thank you. Try the raspberry. Yeah, raspberry? I don't know. I like the green apple. Is this a phone call or do you have to do a Zoom? Fuck. Hopefully just a phone call. Well, my laptop's in there. Zoom might give me away. No, I have my phone over here.

See if you guys are on when I get back. Oh, you know, on the desk in the office, there's one of these things that American Express, not a sponsor, they should be. Let's do a fake commercial for American Express. It's a thing you can set your phone in. It's a wooden thing. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, so you can use that.

All right. Get a good backdrop in there. Thank you, sir. See you guys in a bit. See you. People do not put enough time. For all the zooming you're doing, you should have a nice backdrop. I figured out a plausible one.

What time are we at, Chaley? Fifty-five. Oh, all right. That's almost a full podcast. We're actually five minutes over the threshold. Yeah. Well, the time that we're contracted to do. Oh, really?

We have a contract? No. I didn't sign anything. I might have. Yeah, just because you didn't sign it doesn't mean you didn't sign it. Well, you know, if I tweet it, I live it. If I say I'm bussing tables at your restaurant, I wake up and I'm there on time.

And I said that. I go, no one thinks I'll show up, so I want to be there at 9.59. But then I said, oh, Jen had to drop off spaghetti to a neighbor. And he's like, all right, we're going to be one minute late, which we weren't. We actually got there at 10 a.m. And you go, you should have an excuse ready if you're going to be late

because you're going to make the joke regardless. You're late, you're late. Yeah, and I go, okay, my excuse is I was dropping off free food for the infirmed and housebound which is exactly true. Shut in. Shut in meals. Yeah, I had to fucking, I had to just one minute out of the way, I had to drop off some fucking spaghetti.

Good job. I know, I fucking, people don't understand what I do for my community. I bust dishes and I drop off food for the infirmed and housebound.

And then I start drinking at 1.30 while I'm waiting for my dad to pick me up from my bussing job where I had bad posture. What is your mom saying about me? Yeah, we're going to have to make some fucking not changes, but we have to listen. People have to have to make some fucking changes. But we have to listen.

People have to know about Dodd-Steiner. I know you've already left Yelp reviews. Why would you fucking wait in line to sit inside? There's way better food 100 yards away. You just have to find it. You know, even a sandwich board out in front of the gas station on the road there saying, turn right here. No, I think I started to say that.

I don't think I finished that sentence. The little road that you take off the rotary. Oh, that's why. Yeah, I get lost in figuring out the name for rotary. Right down from the breakfast club. We only have four corporate chains in Bisbee. What? Safeway? Safeway.

And one is actually two, because there is a Starbucks inside Safeway. True. So, well, it's not a Starbucks. That's not run by Starbucks people. That's a franchise that's owned by Safeway. But it's still a Starbucks. It's still a Starbucks.

So you do have Starbucks. They've licensed it. Someone's, yeah. Yeah, well, it's still a Starbucks. It's still a Starbucks. So you do have Starbucks. They've licensed it. Yeah. Well, it's still the same shitty coffee. Fucking Starbucks is awful. It's burnt, man. There's nothing I like about Starbucks. Dot's had really good coffee today.

I got to tell you, even though you gave me what was basically the dregs of the pot. I made him make new pots of fucking coffee. I was management today. Well, you didn't give it to me. And I don't want you to teach me any difference. It's the pot because what they do

is they brew a pot and they pour it into one of those pump things. What do they call it? Air press? Air pot. I can't bring that out to the outside patio. So I'm like, brew a pot of coffee. Yeah.

Because I was putting out the dregs. See, that's another thing. It's a good point you bring that up. Because that would be, that's an attention thing that when I go to a restaurant, I'm like, oh, they're fucking on it. They're coming by with the coffee. Because until you put your hand over and go, no, no, I'm fine, that is all it's doing is getting cold. All it's doing is getting cold because you're sitting there talking,

especially outside, right? So if they're just doing air pots, there's no one servicing the coffee like that on the reg. You really got to keep up on it. And you did good. I mean, I got the dregs, but you give Tracy the hot stuff. It's not like there was no, I was going to say rinds, grounds. There was no grounds in the bottom.

It was hot. It was on the, I made sure it was. I'm giving you shit. Just relax. No, I'm fucking. I know this is your vocation. You take it very seriously, but. I have time to take it seriously.

I have time to go. How come no one... We've talked about this a million times where, okay, the Shady Dell, it's at the Circle. So if you want to go get drunk in Old Bisbee, you can't walk there. You could, but you wouldn't. It's pretty far. But they have the fucking lavender Jeep Tours. Why is this not a stop that someone could get picked up here,

have a reason to get dropped off in Old Bisbee, and then come back? You could skirt a bunch of fucking... Oh, you can't. I don't think he really looked into this. It's a chauffeur's license or something. There's some fucking thing where if you're taking people back and forth, you have to have some kind of insurance. Yeah.

Because he's got that yellow cab there, that actual New York yellow cab from DC cab era. But that's just for funsies. I think a lot of people in Bisbee just go, okay, I put the plate in front of my, what do they call that with lawyers? I put the- Sheepskin. The plaque in front of my- Shingle. I put the shingle. Yeah, yeah. I got a business Sheepskin. The plaque in front of my shingle.

I put the shingle. Yeah, yeah. I got a business and that's it. They just... What? No, you can do more. Yeah. Like I should have done

with my career. Yeah, I should plug merch more. You can do more. Yeah. What could you do? Look within. Yeah, buy my book for fuck's sake.

No encore for the donkey on Audible. I need to make a living and I'm not doing it by bussing dishes. I was really afraid every time I washed fucking egg yolks. I'm missing an egg yolk. I don't have my glasses on. I'm going to put out a dirty fucking dish. I learned how to roll up the silverware.

Oh, in the napkin? Yeah. I did that. Side work. You did your side work. Yes, I did a lot of side work. I saw a lot of problems. I John Taffer'd the motherfucker in my head.

Well, I got a job for you. Yeah. I was going to head down to the trailer and get rid of some stuff out of there and then load up a bunch of stuff in it. Let's go do it. I think maybe since you got like a- Head full of steam? Yeah.

You're ready to go. Oh, we finish each other's sentences at the same time. That's a 66. What? Instead of a 69. We're both trying to suck each other's dicks at the same time. And we're getting carpal tunnel neck. No, both of your dicks at the same time.

No, we're spooning. He's whispering into my ear. Oh, wait. That's a 69. I think that's 99. I think you guys are trying to kiss. Yeah, all right. Yeah, it didn't work.

I just realized sucking each other's dicks is a 69. Tracy, thank you for ruining another video. Yeah, no, she's Dean Blandino. What do you think of that call, Tracy? Well, actually, if they're sucking each other's dicks, that is a 69, and they should call this back. Dean Blandino, he's the guy on the NFL fucking when there's a review of a flag. The official guy, the guy who knows all the rules.

We're going to go to Dean Blandino in New York, and we would boo. We audibly boo you, Dean Blandino. I think it's the name. He's got a punchable name. It is. Hey, Dean Blandino, how about you go fuck yourself, you fucking NFL corporate lawyer? Okay. All right.

Well, I guess we're going to go to the trailer now. Oh, we don't have to, but I mean, it's who sucked out the feeling? Oh, I love that song. I'm playing that before we go down the hill. We're going to do 10 more podcasts tonight. That way when Greg Chaley's in Boise and I'm fucking blissfully alone. Yes, you're going to be alone. Yeah, it's the new pandemic for me.

I'm going to fake COVID. Nobody can come over. The Chaley's are gone. You can write your epilogue. Epitaph, perhaps. Either one. You already figured out your epitaph. Either one.

One of them should be done, and so I can read it when I get back. You just leave me with a blank marble palette and a chisel and a hammer, and I'll tap out my own epitaph on my stone. Oh, you're going to do the whole headstone. Yay! I thought you wanted, like cuniform and he's going to do like a clay tablet and a cuniform stick. You're just looking for a crazy

cuniform. He just said cuniform and cuniform. He's covered his bases. He knows all the words but he mispronounces them all. He's like bald-headed John from the Frank Zappa song. Talks a lot and it's usually wrong. That girl be cracketing rich craft.

Look it up. Google dong work for you-da. Dong work for you-da by Frank Zappa. You look that up. Listen to the end of it. Well, bald-headed John, that's Greg Chaley. Getting there. to the end of it. Well, bald-headed John, that's Greg Chaley. That... Getting there.

Bartender, get me a water. Better yet... Oh, no, no. Bartender, give me a colada and milk. Better yet, make it a water. H-T-O. Sorry, John. Sorry, better try it again.

You guys go look that up while you're googling dong work for you to make sure that you get on yelp or google review or whatever and fucking leave a five-star review for dots diner and uh we appreciate you and you appreciate bingo taking us the fuck out of here okay bye-bye now. សូវាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.