The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#439: Hollywood Comes To Bisbee... And Fails

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

Doug and Olivia deliver a pitch to Hollywood and "What happened to Tracey?" Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded March 29th, 2021 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Olivia Grace (@oliviadoesbits), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off  your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast hello good morning oh yes it's ladies night and the feeling's right yes it's the ladies night we have uh well it's great chaley and i are here but we have olivia grace and uh fresh out of rehab tracy warner uh i i realized i sing so poorly that i could sing entire albums and they could never sue me like uh like vanilla ice no mine was do-do-do-do-do-do. Mine is completely out of key. How are you going to sue me for fucking ruining your song?

I'm going to open this show by opening the envelope. Everyone at home, all the listeners in your cars, in your cubicles, yet another check from SAG-AFTRA.

That's the union that you're forced to join if you want to do like a Tosh.0, etc. What was the thing that made you join SAG-AFTRA? You have to. What project was it? When I first moved to LA, one of the

first whatever stand-up comedy, it might have been Evening at the Improv, the first thing I did, where you go, oh, well, you don't really get a first check because the union eats it and you owe us money just for doing more. If you're new to the podcast, every time I get one of these checks and I'm in the mood, I like to call SAG-AFTRA, the Screen Actors Guild, and AFTRA is American Federation of TV, radio, whatever it is.

It's a union. And I don't know if you're in a union and if it helps you. Maybe you're a fucking prison guard and you go, oh, yeah, the union helps us because they lobby Congress to enforce fucking stupid laws for victimless crimes that keep us in business. So, yeah, they're good for us. And, yeah, and then when we beat a guy half to death and leave him pissing blood in a cell, yeah, then we're not responsible. So the union's good. I know unions, yeah, when there were textile workers in the 19-fucking-13 burning to death and half of them were-

A pink triangle waistcoat fire? Yeah, when nine-year-olds are doing forced labor, maybe unions are a good thing. And maybe the fucking Chicano beanfield war or whatever i don't know but unions suck as far as i'm concerned oh man see that's where you and i are different because i still get really excited when i get my checks like i'm like oh my god i'm part of something like it's that's what i've dreamed of how much are your checks well it depends like like well okay see here's what i didn't I didn't know anything about residuals for writing.

And I had one staff writing job in my life. And a year after the show aired, I got a check for like $10,000. Oh, yeah, yeah, I would enjoy those checks. It came out of nowhere. And I was like, is this what it feels like to like be a real writer? And I was so happy.

And then I got another. They would come in once a year, $700 a piece usually after that. Then recently I got one and I was like, I could really use an extra $700 and it was for $1.97. Yeah, okay. Welcome to the union.

I just opened the envelope of yet another check, which the smallest ones, and I have a stack. We should just do one eBay. Maybe let's do that on this podcast. Do one eBay yard sale purge because I have a stack of checks. Like what's your cutoff where you go, I'm not bringing this to a bank.

17 cents? No, I sell them on eBay. That's how i get by but the point is my union that every time when i get these checks and i call them i go what do you do for me because when i call the power company they know what they they go oh we give you power this is the same refrain if you've heard the podcast i'm pretty sure they set the rules for like how much someone can hire you for a gig for like you know what i mean like if you book a gig that's sag after and you hire an actor that's in the union then you have to pay them like x amount and if they're not in the union and you're a sag after scale i think they call it yeah so i think that's like

what it's for is to make sure that you don't do it... So when you get a check... But it also legitimizes productions too. You'd have to explain that to me. Because most productions are union projects. Most legitimate productions are union projects. Yeah, because they have to be because a fucking union... It's a real chicken and egg, isn't it? Well, let's just go to this.

Okay. When you send me a check for, I think I've had them as low as four cents. I think my cutoff is double digits. Nah, I'd probably cash an $8 check. You'd cash an $8 check. The lower they are, the funnier they are to sell on eBay.

The point is, it costs them. And as you can see, without showing you the amount, this is two pages of paperwork with a check in an envelope that costs them, I don't know what a stamp costs, because I'm out of touch with the common man. Did it say it on the? Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's 44 cents, 48 cents. Oh, great. 42 cents. It costs them. That's the other game. High, yeah. Whatever. It's 44 cents, 48 cents. Oh, great. 42 cents.

It cost them. That's the other game. High, low. So not only are they spending 42 cents to send me 8 cents. No looking. No looking. But that's the other game, high, low. Is your check higher or lower than the stamp?

All right. Good game. Good game. Everyone, you can guess at home. Yeah, I got one for $25 the other day. I went, oh, I'm going to have to cash this because the amount of money, actually, I could count that up because with that stack of fucking, yeah, you got cut out of Chris Rock's movie, but we still are going to remind you that you're on the editing room floor, thankfully, because I don't think I was very good.

They wanted me to riff. Well, you should have told me that because my riffing is writing it down days ahead of time. That's how I riff. That's so true. Yeah. So I get these, like how much money of ours, us union workers, is just being spent on not only the stamps, but the fucking paper that you're sending me. Two sheets of paper in an envelope. And the labor that it costs. Yeah. I mean, to write it.

My money is going to me being reminded of how much money you're fucking me out of. Yeah, my union dues go to pay for the fucking paper to insult me with an eight cent fucking check. So I call them and I say, yeah, I got the bill, my union dues. What is it you do for me?

Because I know my car payment goes towards my car and they've never had an answer of what they do for me. And yeah, get those things. Hey, vote for the new president. I'm not involved. You know who fucking, I think Justine Bateman is involved heavily with SAG-AFTRA, if I'm not mistaken. Like Scientology?

No, she didn't sign a billion-year contract. She just is involved in the union. In what capacity? In the union part of it. On the SAG-AFTRA side. Yeah, I'm not going to drunk dial her. Like behind the desk at the union. Yeah, no, I think she's involved in the union activities.

An advocate, probably. Is it Ed Asner? Is he the president of the actor army? Yeah, he is. He tweets all the time. See, that's another game we don't play, which is Joby doesn't come around often enough, is are they dead or not for a celebrity death pool?

A lot of people... The one that just died, the arrested development lady. Oh, my God, I love that woman. I know, I didn't know. George Segal, too. Segal, I knew. Her, I didn't know by name until I saw her. And then when it said 80 years old under her picture, I'm like, wow, she looked great.

No, yeah, she looks amazing. And she's like one of the funniest people ever. She's so funny in that show. To make such a hateable woman so lovable to watch is like, because I grew up in Orange County. I know that kind of mom, the mom that drivesmw and only says terrible things to her children like yeah it's a man i love that show sorry it's a tangent but yeah she died jessica walter jessica walter yeah she's the mother in on uh archer the cartoon well go back to like the 80s is she the one what was that fucking show that was one of the original Showtime original

series I think she was on that it was like a like an early Ben Stiller like the bumbling idiot that's fucking outside his weight class that's every Ben Stiller yeah but he's been this was before it god damn

it what was that Showtime show? I'm looking up. I'm looking up. I know, but it's also fun when the listeners go, if we don't get it. Oh, they're yelling right now? This was in the 90s? No, this was the 80s. 80s, Jesus.

Ben, God damn. Yeah, you can edit out the pause. I'm not editing anything. All right, then fuck it. Magnum PI? No. Hotel? Trapper fuck it. Magnum PI? No. Hotel? Trapper John?

Mm. Three's a crowd? The love boat. She was in a ton of love boats. No. The flamingo kid? No, no. It was a series.

It's probably not even her. Oh, okay. But I think it was her. She was Fiona in Going Ape. Anyway, let's get to the check. Yeah. Are you going, let's get to the check. Yeah. Are you going, let's say $2.50, high or low? That's not the high-low game.

Higher or lower than the cost of the stamp. Oh, that's right, yeah. I say it's lower than the cost of the stamp, which is $0.42. I'll say higher. Higher. I'm going to go higher just because I've had so many lower, except for that $25 one. Let's see.

Oh, shit. It's another $25 one. We're back in business. There we go. Jeez. Cancel the podcast. Go women. Doesn't work.

You can't yell now. You got 50 bucks now. Do you want to? I can bring out the stack of the ones that are going on eBay. What do you think it is? You think they're just rerunning more shit? Well, this is why

I thought this would be a good way to get into this because Olivia and I just got off a pitch meeting. That's true. First meeting ever to a network. Oh, yes. This is 25 bucks for the editing room floor. Oh, okay. Yep. This is 25 bucks for the editing room floor. Oh, okay. Yeah, this is a Chris Rock movie. Top five, it was called.

Congrats. I got 15 bucks, free TV, 552 internet rental, another 299 free TV. Just looking at this, when you look at your cell phone bill and there's 18 different charges for local fucking cervix cancer awareness tax and fucking a million well how much is uh i think that's what the unions do what's that figure that out the unions figure that out like who gets paid for what like oh every time someone plays the dvd version of this should get a check. You know what I mean? Yeah, but the amount of checks that they are very aware that no one is cashing,

where does that money go? Betsy Salkind, I know she was hugely involved. Give me someone who has a fucking answer because they don't. Where does the money go for a million eight cent checks that you send out

and then people, they just keep on their refrigerator because it's cute until the stack is too thick for a fucking magnet to hold onto the refrigerator, and then they use it to prop up a wobbly fucking table. What do you do for me? Give you a table that works. Well, that's why it came up, because Olivia and I just pitched the show that we've been,

well, you've been working on. You work on it so much more than you think you did, though. You wrote like half of it by just complaining. That's why I stopped working on it, because you always felt like I might be trying to rewrite your stuff. Like I didn't like it. So I just, yeah. Point is, you did a lot of fucking work.

Yeah. Where I did not. I have an excuse. That was my excuse for not working that hard on it. Yeah, that's okay. But we pitched it to a network that we had a great pitch meeting as far as we're concerned. Yeah, no, I think you and I were in sync. Maybe that network is probably not the right network.

Maybe not, you know, maybe not. I don't know. I would say like one, I actually didn't know going into it that we only had half an hour to meet the whole time. I thought it was like therapy or like a headlining set where it's like, oh, it's kind of an hour, but it's really more like 45 minutes. Were you waiting for the light?

That's how I timed it out in my head. It was like, okay, talk. I know what 45 minutes feels like. I haven't been in a pitch meeting since it was a big long glass table and this octagon box in the middle that

Charlie from Charlie's Angels would talk to you. He's the main person, but he couldn't be bothered to be there, so you're all talking at a small box in the middle of the table. Yeah, like you at one end of a conference table and then a bunch of suits and then a phone in the middle. We had seven

boxes open on the Zoom. And of course... Like on your screen, you can see six boxes. And we're together on the same box. We're sitting side by side. Four executives and then the two producers we've been working with for the last two years.

And they're just... I said to Olivia after I go, I wish we had a screenshot where you played. Yes, the talent, because we're dressed up. I'm suited up. She's suited up, at least from the waist up. And we're in the main house. So we get all the colors and lights and fucking bling.

And we put Easter eggs in the background. Yeah, we had fun decorating the background. That was like probably the best part of the whole pitch was you and me. For like four hours. Four hours of like. We both woke up at 7 a.m. for an 11.30 a.m. pitch. Yeah. And you were like,

I'm going to put my Comedy Central cookie jar in the background. And then you lit a candle and then you were like, wait, wait, wait, not a candle, telemarketer trophy, right? And then I'll be like, it's an Emmy, right? I gave him shit. I go, yeah, every time I used to go to pitch meetings in your office, you'd have all the Emmy awards in the background to try to threaten, not threaten me, but to intimidate.

Thank you, Tracy. Yeah. And I go, now I have my telemarketing trophy in the background. So, you know, I don't fucking need you. You got a big laugh on that one too. That was pretty funny. But when I said cunty, that was maybe not the best idea. She threw out something about a character, but not too cunty.

And you go, oh, and then you felt that. And I go, no, no, she can use that word. Cause she is one.

Yeah. That's what I love about you. You have my back and you double down instead of being like, whoa, Olivia, we don't use that kind of language. Like even jokingly would have been like humiliating. You kind of gave away the network,

but. Oh, did I? The cookie jar. Oh, the cookie jar. Fuck. That's right. We, you kind of gave away the network. Oh, did I? The cookie jar. Oh, the cookie jar. Fuck. That's right. We're not supposed to say that. Sorry.

Either way, we had fun. And everyone else's background was... They didn't even get the angle right. They're upshot in a white, boring fucking room. And here we are in fucking bright suits in a bright house with the queen of england statuette besides a cookie jar and a fucking canister of helium well our show is about two people who want to kill themselves and decide that since they don't have anything to live for they're gonna go on the bender of a lifetime so it's sort of like a weird sell. It's obviously like very dark. Is one of them the queen?

Why was she in the meeting? It all takes place in London. Well, going back, after I did the Eddie episode of Louie's show, Louie, and people would ask, oh, so are you going to try

to pursue an acting career? I go that's my range. That exact character Eddie who is a washed up fucking blown out alcoholic comedian who's going to kill himself. Yeah I'm only going to play that

character. I'll entertain all offers so when I did. If it's a guy named Eddie who's going to kill himself.. I'll entertain all offers. If it's a guy named Eddie who's going to kill himself. That was your hard... That was in your rider. So when I did the Carl Pilkington show, I got

the producers on the fly, hey, can you change my character's name to Eddie? Because it doesn't matter. I don't think they even used my name. Just allow me to throw in an errant, I'm going to kill myself. And they did. The next day the new script showed up,

I was Eddie and they put the line in. Did you have to go to Mr. Pilkington first? No, no, he has people. But did you run that in front of like Gervais or anyone? It was just a throwaway line. I was exasperated anyway in the scene, so I just threw in a I'm going to kill myself. But I'm

Eddie, and I'm going to kill myself. Yeah, I totally... First time I watched that scene, I didn't realize that's what you said. I didn't even notice. And then I watched it again, and I was like, oh, that's where he says it. You're just like, come on in. Have a nice day. I'm going to kill myself in a second or something like that. Yeah, it's just like, that's cool.

That was cool. But so when that was the production company that said, hey, if you have an idea, we would love to do a show with you. And that's when we were staying up in Tucson in the basement at Homestretch. With a cat and a- Evil cat. I remember that. The evilest cat.

That's when you got Charlie the intern to stay here to help you and then you left him here with me. Yeah, that's right. I totally remember that. Yeah, he did a lot of hump work. I got him to do a lot of work and he ended up working out really well. But it is one of those things where when you told me that and I'm like, we don't know what's going to

show up at the door. He moved concrete. He did. He did not get us a whiskey sponsor or help us with the fucking system. Yeah, Washington Federal. If you have a Washington Federal account, I should send you schwag for canceling it. He dug holes

and moved rocks, which is exactly what I needed at the time. Yeah. That was the summer that I got the email. Hey, we still want to follow up about if you have an idea. And I threw it at Olivia and she said, well, Eddie. I'm like, yeah. Because Eddie never killed himself at the end of that episode.

He drove off into the sunset. So, yeah. You can just keep being a suicidal guy named Eddie through any iteration of a show ever. Yeah. So you can just keep being a suicidal guy named Eddie through any iteration of a show ever. Exactly. And we had a fucking blast pitching it, even though we know that it's probably... I think one of them really got it. I looked at the whole time he was nodding. Every time I looked at him when I was talking, he was like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Like, mm-hmm.

Like, you could see him making the faces of someone who was engaged and sort of like, oh, I see now, you know? And so he was in it. But I think the other three guys who were like a bit younger and I think newer, you know, I think they were sort of more like, is this, are they going to be okay? No, it's dark as fuck. It's dark as fuck. Yeah.

It's like. It'll fly somewhere, but. It's a notch and a half lighter than like Leaving Las Vegas. Like Leaving Las Vegas is funny because of how like melodramatic it is. The fact that you said Leaving Las Vegas is funny says a world about us. Yeah. I've never seen that movie, but I've never heard anyone describe it as, you know, that comedy romp, leaving Las Vegas.

Well, I mean, it's a dark comedy because it's almost like cartoonish how depressing that movie is, you know? It's one of the only movies i can watch nicholas cage in yeah he's so annoying to me really yeah i don't know why raising arizona nicholas no didn't i hated it really oh he was i liked uh the one where he's an arms merchant i i i liked oh that's a newer one. Yeah. It's Dogs of War. It's not War Dogs, but... Something like that.

Anyway. Yeah, that was... But generally fucking irritating as fuck. Yeah. You know what I have OCD about? Movies about people with OCD. Really? Yeah.

Are there a lot? Like what? He's in one that I would have loved because it was about scam. I don't know if it's telemarketing necessarily, but it was scams like what I was doing in my telemarketing days that were around. Lord of War. Lord of War. Yeah.

Yeah. The one where he's, it's not Boiler Room, that's Ben Affleck. Also could have been good without Ben Affleck. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not sure if they liked our show, but I know we like it, and I think that's what matters. Yeah. Yeah.

We're lucky to work with a good production company, too. That Richard guy is pretty cool. Even after the meeting, remember, you, me, and him were the only ones left on the Zoom call, but we were still on this CBS network Zoom, and we started talking shit after. I go, oh, it's were the only ones left on the Zoom call, but we were still on this CBS network Zoom, and we started talking shit out there. I go, oh, it's just the three of us left. He goes, but it's still their Zoom.

Sorry, go ahead. No, no. Wait, was Hennigan there? No, I did Hennigan. Oh, you slipped into Hennigan. I did Hennigan when I was trying to do British Jonathan. Oh. Well, you cheered up Richard afterwards.

Afterwards, he was sort of like, kind of like, ah, you know, I mean, I think we all had the same sentiment afterwards. It's like,

maybe they didn't like it as much as we thought they might, but he was trying to be positive about it. And you were very reassuring. You were like, let's send them a gift basket and say, sorry, we found another network. Yeah.

Listen, thanks for meeting with us. We decided to go in a different direction before they could do it. Send the network a gift basket. Here's your cookie jar back. Today's podcast brought to you by BetterHelp. Are you

feeling blue? Are you a little bit more glum than normal? Do you feel like you might be losing your fucking mind? BetterHelp.com. This is therapy that you can do right in the privacy of your own home. Connect in a safe and private online environment. It's so convenient. You do it at your own time, at your own pace. Communicate with your therapist as often as you want and whenever you feel it's needed. Help is available at your time and your place. It's more affordable than traditional online counseling and financial aid is available. You pay a low flat fee for unlimited counseling with your counselor. Counseling doesn't have to

be expensive. BetterHelp is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist, and you're allowed to connect with them in a safe and private online environment. Anything you share is confidential. You can start communicating in under 48 hours. Send a message to your counselor anytime, and you can switch counselors at any point

if you don't feel like you're getting enough benefit. Find the particular expertise you need online. Don't limit yourself to counselors located near you. Licensed professional counselors who are specialized in relationships, anxiety, depression, anger, family conflict, sleeping, grief, trauma, self-esteem, and LGBT matters, or if you simply feel like you might be losing your fucking mind. Thousands have benefited from online therapy.

Just check out their reviews. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Join over a million people who've taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash Stanhope. So, yeah, that was the that was that was our pitch it was fun i had fun with you honestly i think we did a pretty good job we were rampantly smoking i said listen uh i'm gonna smoke this entire time even if i don't want a cigarette just just because I can. Because of Zoom. As I'm swirling a whiskey Coke.

At 1130 in the morning. Yeah, I wanted to sell it. It's like, no, this is what it's like to paddle around. It's like day drinking with your heroes, like you always talk about. Like, oh man, who would you want to day drink with? And it's like, that's this. It's a drunk day drinking with... It was a bad sign. One day we'll become a drunk.

Yeah, it was a bad sign when the... I guess the head guy of the ones that we were talking to said, yeah, I just saw your cigarette and I all immediately went, oh, you can't do that. Oh, that's right. And I go, yeah, we're also

sitting beside each other without masks on. You should have some visceral reaction to that as well. Yeah, I don't think that guy got it, but that's okay. He just was like, well, I mean, maybe he was their question guy. Maybe he's the guy who's

like, so what's this all about? You know, like maybe that's his role in everybody, you know what I mean? They're like, all right, you ask the questions. And there's another guy who just goes, well, our production guy afterwards, I said, listen, totally, what is your network going for?

And they named a lot of their shows that they, I don't think we're changing much from that. And I go, yeah. They're giving their direction going forward. Like we're changing much from that. And I go, yeah. They're giving their direction going forward. Like, we're doing more like this. Yeah. And your production guy asked that so that we could figure out if this fits in. And when he brought up the shows that were staying kind of with this,

he had some other industry fucking buzzwords. Yeah. Premise driven. fucking buzzwords. Yeah. Premise driven. But no, this is sold as the dark fucking show

that it is. Dark comedy. Because it is funny. But you're not going to try, don't try to tell us, well, if we could make it like a more lighter feel. No.

Yeah, you were saying like, yeah, now's the time to get rejected because like you don't want someone to buy into it and then try to walk it back. Right. Yeah. So this is episodic though, right? There's multiple, like a whole season?

Yeah. Right on. And then ideas for subsequent seasons. So in the pitch, do they want to know like the whole arc or they just want to know like you take one? That's what we didn't know. Because I hadn't pitched in forever and this is really your first series it's my first one yeah like and and they had the material but some of them had read it and some of them hadn't so at some point i stopped olivia from talking'm like, this is where we should probably get questions from the audience, basically.

Like, how much do you fucking, at the end, after it was over, you saw the wall in there that they didn't see. The suits couldn't see. God damn it. I wish I remember. Charlie Day. I called them suits at one point. I go, but you don't even have suits.

They're all just sitting around in their fucking T-shirts. Like sneakers and board shorts. So they're all in LA. Yeah. They were all really cool. I just, like, I honestly did not, I did, I was, none of us, the last time we talked to Richard, none of us were banking on the fact that they would just put us on the spot and mute themselves and go, okay, tell us about your show.

We did not think that was going to happen. We thought it would be a little more conversational. We'd talk about one part of the show, and then they'd have a question, and then we'd talk about the next part. And it would be sort of more like, oh. There was no riffing. No riffing at all. No. And I did not expect that.

And I don't think. But it was from. I should have expected that. and I don't think... But you could... It was from... I should have expected that. What I do remember of pitching is you could see them cranking out what's a good question to ask. Like if there was a Q&A at Sundance

and afterwards, oh, I'm going to watch this movie and I'm going to think up a really cool question to ask. You can see suits doing that in a pitch meeting. Well, are we going to address mental illness in this? Okay. At least you're trying.

And it didn't even seem like they were trying to do the, I want to be the coolest person in the meeting thing that they used. Again, it's been a million years since I pitched, but it's been a million years since I've had to it's just a different generation i think that like it's like a lot of the people that are like in tv in the positions now that were there 20 years ago it looks like it's just a new generation of people i think they're more like ironic and comfortable and sort of like well that's i think that's why on louis he had his agent was like a 13 year old kid that's hilarious i i didn't realize that when i did my

episode of louis and they did the flashbacks to when we were kids and like i'm like the taller red-headed guy the other guy doesn't look anything like either of us. I'm like this is who we used to be it was before I realized Louie was going an absurdist route with that. Does like that weird abstract type stuff. Oh

all of a sudden this chick who doesn't like me is gonna get on a helicopter. Like yeah silly things. Yeah. So that's it. Oh, yeah, I got back from Texas. Time for this. Time for a... You got back in time for your birthday.

Yeah, but I didn't want a birthday at that point. After 14 hours on the... But they put so much effort into it. There's a lot of balloons. That was funny. I'm so sketched out after 14 hours coming back. That's a long time. Were you just like, did you listen to anything on the way back?

Yeah, no, a fucking audible. What'd you listen to? Well, I'm still listening to it. It's Prince of Providence about Buddy Cianci, this fucking jerk-off corrupt mayor of Providence, Rhode Island forever. Fucking dirty deals and mob. I even got to the mob part. I still have like fucking five hours to go, which is great.

The next one, I'm like, when am I going to drive 26 hours except on the next gig? Which I don't know when the next gigs are going to be, but it's in my face. It's like fluoride in my drinking water that I am going to have to work again. And I'm faced with that. But yeah, that road trip was the way out. I was listening to smart fuck books on Audible about evolutionary psychology.

And, of course, Zha Zhang. Rejection proof. Rejection proof. I always thought it was Zha Zhang, but it's Zha Zhang. Zha Zhang. It sounds French when you say it, but I know he's Chinese. I'm not saying you're wrong. No, I learned it from listening to that book.

That's probably why I brought it up on Rogan so much, because I just wanted to be accurate in my pronunciation of this Beijing name. Yeah. But yeah, even that, like, again, it's soft. The premise of the book is he was afraid of rejection as an entrepreneur, so he forced himself into positions where he would get rejected on a daily basis for 100 days to overcome rejection. But it's soft.

Like, I'm going to ask a guy for $100. Yeah, it's not anything like crazy, crazy ballsy. It's just more silly. I went to PetSmart and asked if they could trim my hair at the pet trimming thing. Yeah, it's cute. Yeah, but it's cute and it's authentic to the writer. Right, yeah. It's not like

it's not a gimmick. That guy really thought he was putting himself out there and I thought, oh, fucking me. Because you're the one that turned me on to the book, Olivia. I go, we should do this, but drunk. You want to pitch that to Comedy Central? They'd buy that in a second.

You think so? Yeah. Like a prank show? It's like drunk history, but drunk. I'm going to call Mark Maron and ask to be on his podcast. Nobody wants to do that. Everyone thinks Mark Maron hates them and 80% of them would be correct. So would it be like you and me coming up with dares for a guest?

It's like impractical jokers. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what it is. No, but we're riffing it. We're riffing it. It's a good idea.

Yeah, but you include the alcohol. Yeah. Like, what did you do last night that you wouldn't do this morning? Oh, did I call? I'm not even supposed to have Andrew Yang's phone number, but I do. He's never answered, but occasionally I get drunk. Do you have ideas besides drunk dialing? Yeah, no, no.

That's what I don't have because Because we did this with Shane Gillis, where we're daring each other to call famous people out of our phones at a drunk podcast. I just got in touch with Shane recently, and he says he misses us. And I'm curious when he's going to be back out on the West Coast gigging. Because he should be, right? I told you that was a... Did you make it work?

So Shane says hello. Cool. When he gets back in this area, I hope he comes by. If it wasn't a pain in the ass, I would pull up the messages we've been leaving each other that are really homoerotic packed. I wish you were here. I just bombed in Alabama, and I wish you were here. I just bombed in Alabama

and I wish you were wrapped around my face doing those things that you would do to me. Oh, wow. Boy, he's desperate. Well, I'm desperate in return. I send messages back in kind. Did he play

a comedy club in Alabama? I didn't talk to him. We just swapped some voicemails. I don't want to get off topic, but I want to talk to... There's no topic. There is. Tracy. I want to talk to Tracy

about the drunkest anybody has ever seen Tracy in the world. And that was after the birthday party that I came in high strung, like, no, don't keep balloons away from me right now. I have been trying to not hit a deer for the last fucking 500 miles.

Don't. Hold on. Doug has a phobia of like balloons. Things that could explode yeah cause they could pop like the fucking helium tank next to the candle I didn't even want to

hold it near the candle to see if it would show up in the camera shot so it's a couple hours before he gets here and Colleen is fashioning a cape

of balloons oh with sentiments written on them oh how sweet like memories like we've all known each other but almost like 15, 18 years now. 25.

Yeah. What? 25? 95. I mean, everybody, at least, not you, but everybody 20 years. Yeah, that's 25. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right.

I stand corrected. Sure. That's part of my rejection thing. I said the wrong thing. I corrected you. So his cape was being being fashioned and they were using safety pins oh no to fasten the balloons onto the the thing and tracy's tracy's wearing the cape and i had already i had already told them that doug hates balloons they're like oh

just uh bingo so there's like there's probably about 15 of like the 30 balloons that are on it there's been some time spent and they're starting to get around the collar line and tracy brings it up one more time just just to like so everyone knows i was i said this and it was right next to my fucking face and she goes you know if one of these things pops doug is really averse to even being near a balloon but a balloon with a pin like a bunch of them around his head. It's like a fucking, like a weird horror movie thing. They were making it to give it to Doug?

He was trying to wear his birthday cape. Oh, oh no. Yeah, if you remember 1984, that's how it ends, with his worst fear of rats being put on his face. That would be, yeah. So Tracy's like giving one more chance to pull out of this nosedive, right?

And a balloon pops right next to her face. Everyone shrieked. And it was like, come on. This is exactly what we're talking about. And the minute Doug saw it when he came in, it looked impressive because it had things written on all the balloons and it was a full cape of horror.

Yeah, people's names and whiskey sours was on one. Panamint. Yeah. You know, ex-parties. Just all these memories. I appreciate that, but just don't fucking – balloons just sitting there didn't bother me. But when they're being lifted around around where they're going to pop,

they're going to touch a fucking ceiling fan. They're going to touch grout work. But no, I don't like things, especially after 14 hours on the road, trying to fucking dodge jack rabbits that are trying to commit suicide under your brand new tires. Leash and curb your balloons around Doug.

There's weirder phobias to have. No, I'm with you. I actually don't like balloons either just because the idea of them popping and me having a bad reaction to it is embarrassing, like the way people panic about panicking on planes. Yeah. Yeah. So that party, I'm like, just give me like an hour.

I'll start drinking. I'll catch up with you guys because the party was already going on. First of all, you guys didn't even think I was coming home. You thought I was, and everyone is leaving the next day, but they had extended one day in case I came home that night. I kept saying that too. It's like, we don't know. There's no guarantee. He's not answering his phone.

And I know he's 14 hours away. So we'd have to really, just really rush it to get here in time. And I said that a bunch of times because I didn't want anyone to think that there was an arrangement for you to come home. Because I didn't know what your headspace was.

Yeah, my headspace was, yeah. So we continued on. We soldiered on. So I stayed up as long as I possibly could. How late? Be polite. I don't have any idea. Okay.

Everyone I knew was in the room, so I couldn't check my text messages to see what time I went to bed. Okay, fair enough. in the room so I couldn't check my text messages to see what time I went to bed. Okay. Fair enough. But I slept probably three hours or four hours and then I woke up and I looked at the security camera from my bedroom into the fun house and I saw, oh, they're still partying. So you got to have two birthday parties. Yeah. Good for you.

So I came up. A morning and a night. Yeah. Birthday parties. Yeah. Good for you. So I came out. A morning and a night. Yeah.

And I had a cocktail and I realized at some point, at some point everyone went to bed for a few hours except for Tracy. And I have never seen Tracy. Tracy, have you ever looked at the video? Nope. She's not going to. Even if we did it right now? Nope.

I wouldn't show you how to do it. Why? Just go on my Twitter, on my phone. If you want to learn how to put a video up there, and it's that important to you? No, on my phone right now. I like that Tracy just is okay. I'll leave it out there. I don't want to see it.

But it was hilarious. I respect that. It was fucking hilarious. You even said, and her husband- Wait, wait. I said this is hilarious that you videotaped this? No, that you said you've never seen her that drunk. Nobody's ever seen Tracy.

And it was perfect drunk history. That's how I tweeted it. Yeah. I did cushion the blow a little bit by saying this was bookended with Colleen on camera and Doug explaining. And then whatever. She was just trying to explain the North Ireland, the troubles. And just kept repeating herself exactly like drunk history works. No, no.

Okay. Top. Okay. Top of my shot. Just a little more. Okay. There was a ceasefire there was a ceasefire I'm gonna kill you

I'm gonna kill you cease fire and then not on video but then she just started knocking over random shit on the bar going yeah and then she knocked over something she didn't mean to and then went out of her way to explain,

I didn't mean to knock that one over. I was trying to knock everything else over. It was to the point where Chaley is going to walk her to a place easy to get to, the guest house or in the pink room in the main house. Okay, there's a ramp to the pink room because you couldn't really walk. It was so adorable.

But then there's steps everywhere. Well, the good thing was that Raider and I, Raider showed up at some point but whatever it was I had started drinking again so I was

starting to get drunk for the second time when she was falling down this is 1.30 in the afternoon well not me I mean I was done that's 1.30 when I come up here to drive everyone back.

Oh, I thought I went down early. No, I took you. I had to take you. I thought I went home at like 9 or something. It was a debate of whether we were going to put you in the little house, but I go, there's steps there. There's steps to get to our house. I go, I'll drive her. He had to drive her because we have

the secret door. That's eight steps down. Three up, eight down. So he drove her around the block to get her and she still fell into a wall. But the thing is, the good thing

was, if you had left her in one of the guest house or the pink room, we continued to drink and we would have fucked with her. You were concerned that she would get back up and start drinking. We get to the point where I'm like, I want to go fuck with Tracy because I've never seen her that drunk. But now I can't walk down the eight stairs and no one's sober to drive me around the block what would you do if you did go i don't know i don't remember he didn't want to go down there to even check on her because he thought if she woke up and then be like oh great now she's up

and she wants to drink again oh because i mean that's what doug does all the time he goes lays down for two hours and he looks and he goes, oh, there's still, covers one eye and goes, oh, there's still people in the fun house. And then he comes in and he has like three more cocktails. So. Okay. That you forget about. That you forget about. I didn't drink that much.

Oh, except for the ones I forgot I drank. That was a long night. It was. It was a long. A day was. It was a long day. But I don't think you have any idea how adorable it was for all of us, I think. Like, even Chaley wasn't mad. I wasn't mad. He wasn't mad at all.

I didn't think he was, but I'm glad he's not. Well, because you hit a precipice that you've never achieved before. For sure. Like, if you were that drunk tonight, he'd be mad. Like, didn't she learn a lesson? Well, if you overachieved that kind of drunk and hit a new level,

a new high and made the hall of fame. I've been sipping on red wine. No baby shots. She, she tried to punch me once and she leaned in to where she's way out of range and to where oh she's doing a face plant but somehow

stood up where she was as surprised as all of us that she maintained a standing position but then the chair fell behind her and almost scared her into getting knocked down and then we all went I'll get the chair. You just stay there.

And then we'll see. When I saw her try to punch you after that, around 1.30, that's when I'm like, I'm driving her. I'm putting her in a car and driving her because there's no way. Because she stood up again and, like, she, like, missed you and then fell into the bar. I'm like, ooh, here we go. Well, thank you all for taking care of me. That's pretty impressive though because you guys have known each other for what, like 20 years?

Tracy's legendary for you don't know Tracy's drunk. No, I know. That's what I mean. I never really visibly that fucked up. But it was really long. I mean, if it was 1.30 in the afternoon and all I had to eat was a little bit of rice. I went to bed at 4 in the morning. When I got downstairs, I looked at the clock and I mean, if it was 1.30 in the afternoon and all I had to eat was a little bit of rice. I went to bed

at 4 in the morning. When I got downstairs, I looked at the clock and I go, motherfucker, it's 4! It was just fun. We were having a good time. But I had to drive everyone. And I knew Randall, our friend Randall, he had to go back to Detroit. I knew that since he took care of his

arrangements, there was going to be a snafu somewhere. So I may have had to drive him to Phoenix. So I wanted to be alert enough to drive back and forth. And yeah, at 8 in the morning, I woke up just to see, you know, she was down here with Randall still. And Doug, you were up. And Colleen was up. And I think Bingo was in the room

and everyone was like the party never stopped. They were just like talking and bullshit. You guys are watching videos. Tracy said, oh, Bart went to bed because he's being responsible. I said, no, Chaley's being responsible for having gone to bed last night so he could drive all you fucks to the airport so early at four well relatively speaking but the reason i bring that up is is that no one

left tracy here alone she always had an overlap very nice and uh there was always someone here drinking with her but it was like that it was like when uh the band black pussy is like you never you're like god they just party the whole time it's like you never, you're like, God, they just party the whole time. It's like, no, no, the bass player and the drummer switched off like three hours ago and then the keyboarders would come in and go high five and they'd tag out

and you'd go like, we drank with those guys all night. No, you drink with one member constantly throughout the night. I mean, they, but they have to do the same thing. They got shit to do. Super bowl parties like that.

I remember one where, I think it was me and Becker and Chad because we had the patio party going on for the smokers and the funhouse party and then we go, well, no one's going to notice if we go into the main house and just sit on the couch quietly and watch

the fucking game because everyone will think that we're just at the other patio people. Yeah, no one notices you're fucking gone. How many times have we done that with strays? Oh,

don't. That's not a good example. But people that come over and, alright, well, someone's talking to them the whole time, they don't notice that you just went to fucking make lunch or go do a fucking treble gig. Sex! Rulers of the underpants universe sex

keep your balls off your legs and such sex underwear don't have sweaty balls was that good? I don't know I got an email saying hey heard you doing triple gigs again. When we were talking about the possibility of our first run back on the road.

They're not actual triple gigs. We call Wyoming, Montana, Idaho. We call them triple gigs, but they're not booked through triple. So clear that up. What a bully. What the fuck? Darn it. What?

Well, you cleaned up things. I have thank yous. There was nothing. There was one card from somebody. Yeah, there was one card. Anyone? Yeah, someone. Thank you for sending me shit.

All you people who send me shit. I knew I shouldn't have moved that one because it was sitting right there. Yeah, Lena G sent shit. I think I forgot to thank her. I get your stuff and thank you for sending it. I want to say thanks to Jerome who sent us some more beef jerky.

Do you want some beef jerky? She does. She's been eating beef jerky all day yeah? Yeah. You want some beef jerky? She does. You want some beef jerky? Sure. She's been eating beef jerky all day. And I had a question on the Patreon. Well, there's been a couple of questions, and since I knew there was a recent answer, this is why I'm bringing it up. Gump, what is he

and what's he doing? Not what is he. We know what he is. He sent me pictures of him being sworn into the Navy. So he didn't go through with it. Wow. Did they go through with it? Yeah, the Navy went through with it.

The Navy did it. Maybe the Navy was drunk. Yeah, well, will he last longer than Kenny did in the Marine Corps? Did we bring this up? I know we brought this up, but it can't be on a podcast. I'm going to say yes, he will. You think he'll graduate boot camp? I think they want everyone.

No, I think he'll bail out. I really do. Yeah, I do. I wish we had Chad here. We could ask him the terms. Because there's ways to get out if they know you want to. I don't think he will graduate boot camp. You think he's in the Navy SEALs? Is that what you think?

No, they all have their own way of bailing out. You don't just disappear. Doug, throw the fucking lighter away. I want to get the last light up. Where's those matches? There's three around you. So if that's the drunkest you've ever seen, Tracy, what's the drunkest you guys have ever seen Doug?

That's like saying, what's your favorite song? There's a lot. Okay. There are nights on the road where I can't believe he finished a show. And then there's more drinking after. And he gets up the next day and gets on the road. Well, yeah. I brought it up on Rogan again was the Ron White night.

We've talked about that a lot. That was when Brett and I were Tracy that night. Yeah, yeah. That only came up because Ron White is evidently two months sober after fucking ayahuasca therapy. He was the greatest host that night because he came downstairs in the morning, me and Brett naked, sitting on his fucking dining room set, still drinking. Wait, you were naked or he was? I was and Brett. Brett and he were.

Didn't fucking, didn't bat an eye. Really? I gotta get out of here. Yeah, you gotta get an Uber. You gotta get an Uber. You guys were naked when he said that? Me and Brett, yeah. That's so funny.

We were out on the ninth hole. He lived on a golf course. Yeah. We were on the ninth hole jumping in the jacuzzi or whatever the fool. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. That's really, what a class act. Thanks, man. Appreciate itzi or whatever the pool. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. That's really,

what a class act. Thanks man. Appreciate it. We brought the party. Oh, I meant Ron White for like being so cool. Like I know you're naked in my dining room right now, but can you like get the fuck out of here please?

That was a bird, bird cloud party that night. And yeah, we podcasted too. We probably did. We squeezed a lot. Probably a few hours. So. We probably did. We squeezed a lot in those few hours. Sounds really fun. It's been a good day.

It was a good day. Yeah, no, it's weird to be in this flux situation where I spent the entire beautiful year of COVID. So no, I'm not thinking about the future. I'm tending to my house. I'm enjoying all the things I haven't enjoyed for 30 years, being at home. And then all of a sudden, once that first shot, once we get our first shot, it was like solidified in my brain. Oh, the vaccine. Yeah. We have to go back to work. But I don't know how that starts. So I'm in this weird place

between, okay, we should be thinking about work, but I also, I'm milking the second shot that we get in a week, I think, roughly. Yeah, you got a different date than I do, but yeah.

Somewhere in the second week of April. So I'm milking. Okay, I'm on vacation until the end of April. But in the meantime, I still have to think, all right, where do we start? How do we go? What do we do with this bitch? It's a fun fucking place in your head. I'm having to look at a calendar now, which I haven't done.

Like, all right, when we have sponsors on the calendar, and I neglect it all the time. Now I have to look at the calendar and go, like, I've got something to do that day. And it's like, this is a month in advance, and I'm having to look again. So then I finally realized it. I came to the same realization as you, Doug. It's over. Yeah. It's over.

The party's over. it's definitely weird to have things to do again like i gotta i got a job oh yeah olivia grace got a day job i'm so excited about like me just doing like a day of busing dishes as a goof no i got an actual day job it's a corporate bartending job like i won't say, I guess, what corporation, but they're all the same. Seagram's? Seagram's? It's a movie theater. She's a bartender at a movie theater.

And, yeah, it's, wow. It's funny because I'm usually the bartender when I go to a movie. Right. Sneaking booze in. Oh, yeah, I just had to watch a video on how I'm supposed to be like, hey, you can't do that Did they have a picture of Doug In his His cruise ship

Yeah Booze bags I remember Look out for this guy I remember Colorado Springs What was the fucking name of that club Looney's

Yeah Looney's And Where someone's Snuck in their own beer, but they brought in like the 24-ounce tall boy Budweiser, like something no bar sells.

Oh my God, yeah. Like a 40. Like one of those that stands out, yeah. It's one of those you have to stop the show because someone's getting thrown out and then you realize why. So yeah, I drank his beer for have to stop the show because someone's getting thrown out.

And then you realize why. So, yeah, I drank his beer for the rest of the show. After he got thrown out. That's so ballsy. Did you take the job just to... No, I keep running out of money. Because I have to pay rent in like a city now. Oh, jeez. I know. Let's have to pay rent in like a city now. Oh, geez. I know.

Let's respond. Doug, that's what people do. There's a whole world out there. I didn't know that was still a thing. Paying rent? Yeah. I bet. Well, I have tenants that don't do that.

No, I got it. And I also just started applying because I was like I'm I want to start like I like to I also just like to work and if I'm like gonna get vaccinated I want to like work you know and so I've always wanted a bartend and it seemed like like a reasonable place to start was like oh in a movie theater you know and I was so excited it's not high pressure it's not high pressure but it's like I want to I want to start at the lowest end of the bartender journey. It's like, movie theater is such a weird thing. Well, I've also always wanted to work in a movie theater.

That's true. So for me, it was like a bonus. It's like, oh, man, I want to like. Crossing the streams. You want the double-double. Yeah. Yeah. And I was actually amazed.

It was the first job I ever got where I like sent in a resume and a cover letter and they called me like right away. Well, like I didn't be like, hey, can I come in for an interview on Monday? I sent my resume and you know, like I never followed up. They called me right away and they were like, dude, we want to hear from you. And I was like, okay. And then they interviewed me. And one of the questions was, they were like, oh, have you ever walked into a bar and noticed it was dirty how did it

make you feel as a customer and i was like um i don't know if i'm supposed to give like an interviewee type answer but like if i walked into a bar that was dirty i'd probably just feel like i went to a dive bar feel at home i'd feel like is it doug's fun house next question and he started laughing and then they called me like an hour later and they were like you want to come in and see the bar and they showed me the bar and they were like are you sure you want to work here it's like not fulfilling and there's not no one ever comes in and way to sell yeah they were like they were like um yeah it's like it's not like most people don't like most people think they're going to make money here. So if you have really low expectations, then you'll be fine.

Then you'll be fine. And I was like, I love it. And they were like, yeah. And I was like, yeah. So that was pretty cool. And so I got the job. And it's like just movie nerds. Like my boss has worked at a movie theater for 30 years.

Wow. And they're just movie nerds. Like after my interview, we did all the paperwork and, and you know, Oh, this is cool. Okay.

So. Hold on a second. Is this a, like a first run movies or is this all like, like Turner classic movies, black and white? No, it's like first run.

Yeah. It's like, like it's not like an art house type thing. No, it's like a corporate movie. It's like the place that you'd invest. If you didn't want to invest in GameStop, you would invest it pretty much and um and i i don't know i just like it it's also in an abandoned mall which is interesting like aren't they all the whole yeah i guess so

but this mall is like really abandoned like like 95 of the store space is just garbage bags like just black garbage bags like lining the windows. Oh, I thought you meant a store that sells garbage bags. Garbage bags are us. Yeah. I get them online. I didn't know they had a brick and mortar. Every size. Every canister. We sell it.

And anyway, so I thought it was really sweet that like they asked if you wanted your gender pronouns on your name tag and then they they asked if you wanted your gender pronouns on your name tag and then they also asked if you uh wanted to put your favorite movie on your name tag as the conversation piece and i spent like an hour figuring out like okay what's my favorite movie that would also be like a family-friendly conversation piece that's still subversive and i picked punch drunk love and then i thought it was a good because then you can go paul thomas anderson because i wanted you like you can't put boogie nights you know and then someone's like what's boogie night

that might be that might get a wink and a nod from the guy in the trench coat sneaking in his own booze i hate to be drunk and go off topic but uh this morning uh olivia and i saw an ad for a fucking new action hero kind of fucking movie. Oh, starring Bob Odenkirk. Bob Odenkirk. Give me back my book. It's called Nobody. Yeah, it's like Taken, but like with like kind of.

Oh, no, I've seen movies for that. I think it was great. Yeah, I know. He's like a guy who was in the business. A wet works guy or something, right? Wasn't he like like he worked in like like covert operations I thought it was just like a

like a guy that's always shit on and then he no that's that one with with Michael Douglas no Bob Odenkirk is yeah he's

he kept a double life he's killing people with all sorts of yeah he had like fucking weird weapons big ass guns and he kept a second life

his family life was not aware that he was doing this and he got out of the business and then now he has to get back in for some reason. Oh, okay. Like the accountant or something. Yes, totally.

Ugh, wow. That's what I got out of the trailers. Yeah, that's pretty cool. My goodness. Fucking, look at her. Look at her. What's she doing? But look at, look at her what's she doing but look at she just walked outside doing the arms spread

jesus christ superstar because the weather has become great it's in the 70s 77 and yeah it's fucking life is starting again the only time i had a problem with COVID was the winter. And it was a very mild winter. But still, I was here the whole fucking time. Like you couldn't go to Hawaii or something? No. I mean, you usually in the winter go out of town. Yeah. Yeah.

And now it's a year old. Our year is over. We're going to have to go back on the road. That was a fucking weird year. But I'm actually looking forward to going back on the road. Good for you. Because it feels like I'm starting comedy over. I wrote more notes when I get to my first stop on the way to Austin.

Alpine, Texas. I stopped there and I had to fucking transcribe. Because I write notes on the road. I haven't figured out my recorder on my phone and to stare at your phone is as dangerous as so I wrote notes on a small pad staring at the highway hoping that whatever I'm writing down. Like writing in the dark. Like a blind person. Like writing in the dark or writing blind. Yes. Writing blind.

But I have to transcribe these immediately because even if I don't get it, I know from the first letter. But I wrote more notes on that drive than I have in a year being home. Amazing. Do you feel like you've evolved as a comic after a year of being at home? Is there new ground you want to cover that you haven't before or a new perspective? There's ground I don't want to cover. Interesting. Okay, so you're-

That I think every- I wonder what's going to happen to all the comedians that were comedians that talked about comedy and comedy stuff that became political comics where now I no longer have to have any kind of socially relevant point of view that every

comic that was just talking about ah, it's weird dating in the 90s. It's 2020! That became political comedians and are angry people. So, yeah, I'll go a different direction. Okay, so you're... I used to be the guy, and now they're the guy, even though most of them are women. Yeah, go ahead.

Pick up where I left off, and I'm just going to talk about whatever. Yeah. I don't know left off, and I'm just going to talk about whatever. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, it's interesting. Well, I mean, like, you have to be, like, a person to continue being a comic, because then you become, like, self-referential if you don't have time off. Like, when you quit comedy or, like, this year of COVID, like, where you just, like, get to be in your house and stuff.

Yeah. I thought that on that drive where I've spent a year organizing my Tupperware, sharpening my knives seven times in a year. I remember every time I brought out the electric sharpener and I sharpened my knives. I go, I think this is six. No, this is seven. Seven times in a year I've sharpened my knives. The manufacturers suggest once a year.

And I realize if they're going to do a reboot of Roseanne, I'm the new domestic goddess. Because, yeah. You also know where everything is in your refrigerator. I did until your Alaska friends came down and I couldn't find all my funny bone glasses. And fucking one glass bowl was missing. Nothing's missing. And then they weren't missing.

They're not missing. They've just been misplaced. And they put all my pans up top instead of where I keep them. And that's fine. Except the idea that it caused me consternation is fucking weird. Where, yes, this fork doesn't belong in

this drawer. It belongs in the other drawer. You connected with your home, man. Yeah, I might be a fucking, I might come back as the most boring comic ever, and I don't give a fuck. I have a question. Yeah.

Relating to comedy, like the material you were working on when we stopped in March. Yeah, you got to send me a Dropbox of my last set. I have the recordings of that, but how much of that do you think, oh, shit, you don't remember. I was going to say, you'll continue. Every now and then I do remember, oh wait, this bit I can fucking recreate in a COVID environment. Yeah.

Where like, whatever. But yeah, I do go, oh yeah, no, that will still work even better because of this. Yeah. I just, I'm always like, you know, my hangup is repeating the same material in a venue I've played. And I go, I don't know what venue I played when,

back in the day when comedy and people talked and stuff. Yeah. So yeah, it'll be fun. Because, you know, COVID reminds you of your mortality, and you go, I don't care if my material sucks. I'm going to go out and do it. All right, that's probably not a good way to go about this. I think that's it.

I think that's all. Do you have anything to say for yourself? It's really gorgeous outside. Yeah, we're going to go out. Yeah, we're going to go to the patio. I'm going to try to find someone to take those brats off my hand. I'll take them. Oh, that's right, Randall.

I'll take them. Yeah, he'll take them. He'll cook them for you today if you want. I'll cook them on the... I don't eat brats. Do you want to grill? But I didn't know if they were... Do you want some steaks for tonight?

No, no. It's a summer day. I still got paschetti sauce. Oh, no. It's a summer day. I still got paschetti sauce. I just want to throw out that I love steak, but I know my place. She did say she was going to get day drunk with us today. I would love to. Wait, does that mean you want steak? Oh, I don't.

I mean, if steak is an option. Omaha Steaks, filet mignon in the freezer in the main house that we can defrost in a second. Lovely Olivia Grace. I love your tenacity. I really thought you were going to say I love your tits. That's what it sounded like until you said the tenacity part. Sorry. Thanks.

Hey, why don't you have another shot of booze, you booze bag? I'm not doing any booze. Tell us about the troubles. Yeah. And tit-nacity. At least I wasn't nasty. I know. You rubbers, you can go fucking suck shit

because I'm about to cash a $25 SAG-AFTRA check. If anyone out there is in the fucking union world and can tell me why I should bother fucking with SAG-AFTRA, I think I stiffed them on it. I think I haven't paid them their goddamn bill. I was going to pay... Oh, wait.

Don't forget, we get to sell those things on eBay. That's you, Tracy. I already got that. All right. Yeah, we're get to sell those things on eBay. That's you, Tracy. I got you. I already got that. All right. Yeah, we're going to sell all our fucking eight-cent checks on eBay and put this house back in order. I'll talk to you about this afterwards. We have a budget meeting.

It's on my list. All right. Hey, Vodka Juice Box, don't they have a new segment on Vodka Juice Box where you can ask Vodka Juice Box? Go to at vodka underscore juice box. I think it's askvodkajuicebox at gmail.com. Oh, for it. Yeah. All right.

That's not a Twitter. Yeah, that's way easier. So, yeah, Bingo and Tarek, they're doing their own podcast now because everyone has a podcast. So they're taking your questions just like Ann Landers or Dear Abby, so please send your questions, but make sure you can carry a 30-minute-ish podcast with your dumb question. Just send them fucking.

They're both kind of retarded. Well, they kind of are. Don't send them goof questions that's going to confuse them. I'll tell you what they should have done. They should have put the link to the email. Just have them take us out and we'll talk off the air about them being retarded.

Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី