The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#440: Tim Dillon's Underpants and Other Conspiracy Theories

Episode Date: April 8, 2021

The Guest House mystery of Tim Dillon's underpants and other conspiracy theories are discussed. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded April 6th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Tim Dillon (@TimJDillon), Raider, English Johnathon, Steph, Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - ExpressVPN.com - Visit ExpressVPN.com/STANHOPE and get three months for FREE. The Tim Dillon Show - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4woSp8ITBoYDmjkukhEhxg Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with Ggreg Chaille, John Norris, and Matt Collins - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Express VPN. If you're like me, you believe that your data is your business. Did you know there are hundreds of data brokers out there whose sole business is to buy and sell your data? That's why I use Express VPN. Secure yourself with the number one rated VPN on the market. Visit expressvpn.com slash Stanhope and get three extra months for free. That's expressvpn.com for three months extra for free. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast.

I'm recording now, but I guess I'll just put the intro in later because I don't want you to think of a reason to fucking yell at me. I think this is the last two times that... You know, it is. It's all right. It's not all right. I can repeat everything that I said. We're with British Jonathan, Greg Chaley,

who can't hit the button correctly. I'm able to touch a button that's colored red. Dave Rader is the man who cannot be named, so I won't say Dave Rader repeatedly. Good job. And Steph is the significant other to British Jonathan, who is the official person. And you have made a great name for yourself, Deconstructing QAnon.

Jonathan and I have finished the HBO Q Into the Storm, is it called? I think so. Something like that. Whatever it is. HBO. It's a six part series, which I thought was a four part series. Because I watched the week ending. I watched the middle two, which I thought was the first two.

And then the next week I go, this seems a little out of the ordinary. I think I saw that oh no i was watching the first two after i'd watched the middle two and i finally watched the last i think the chronology sort of like uh kept skipping around across the six episodes which is something i'd see like now in documentaries because that came in with that fucking anthony hopkins the uh robot cowboy thing westworld westworld oh and it's just like that jumps around in time yeah no i i realized i realized no i i was i had missed the first two but when i you record on dvr record series but i think the narrative in it is trying to copy a modern trend of jumping

around in time it's like westworld's just like look i'm a drinking man i can't keep up with this i think i nodded off when you just did a like a smash edit to the next thing yeah it's q into the storm all right it's probably hbo max because that's the only thing they i think that's why it fucked me up because i think hbo max put it out a day before and then anyway so i finally watched the last two and i think jonathan and i are the only ones who've watched the whole thing but your wife steph is that's your beat. Skeptical Inquirer. Yes, published author Stephanie Kemmerer, front page of the Skeptic Inquirer about QAnon. Yeah, so she's been telling us about QAnon forever.

But I had to see it succinctly and then read whatever. Yeah, I mean, one of the things... You're cute, Jonathan. It was a very good sort of succinct sort of documentary, mostly over about like the main characters in it who were making up this shit for idiots. But I think they kind of missed some beats with actually interviewing the lunatics who sort of played it out

and believed this stuff. So it's a good documentary, but I think they missed some beats with interviewing lunatics. Before we realized Chaley forgot to hit record, I was saying that... They don't have to keep talking. The filmmaker...

What color was the button? Actually, it's green before we start actually i i do have to bring this up doug don't forget your point okay uh wasn't making things up for idiots the original name of this podcast the only person in that six-part series whose head I did not want to stove in with a fucking tire jack was the filmmaker. Because too many times I watch documentaries where the filmmaker is trying to make this about them. Like, oh, here's the documentary. And the reason I care is because my dad.

And this brings me is because my dad. And this brings me back to my dad's suicide or whatever. This guy was actually everyone else in the entire QAnon. Even the people you're supposed to have empathy for are fucking douchebags. Even the little tiny guy that was just a head and a torso, a tiny torso. Like, all right, well, you're also a fame whore fucking, nah, I'm self-effacing. Yeah, but you're also self-effacing to be famous. But the fucking, the douchebag, I can't believe Steph has not watched this except for the fact that you're probably bored with it because you are such, what do you call it? Immersed? Yes.

Savant. I saw the first thing. I think your wave is broken. It ends with, spoiler alert, pause if you haven't seen it. We've all seen it. I mean, what happens in the end? I'm talking about the listener. You know, we do have listeners on this.

This is not just us. Thanks. Is it more than one season? Because it says here season one, six episodes. Yeah, but they always say it's that. Oh, is that? Okay. six episodes. Yeah, but they always say it's that.

Oh, is that? Okay. I've noticed that on DVR where they stop telling you the original air date because they don't want you to go, oh, this is old. COVID dating. COVID dating. I really think that's a thing where they consciously

thought, oh, stop saying originally aired in 2018. Oh, no one's gonna watch that everyone thinks they've watched everything because of covid oh if it's old no i i just want to see the new release on i'd never thought of it like that because because i i have noticed that like something's super old like 2016 that's super old yeah and it. That's super old. And it's like, that wouldn't stop me from watching it, but if I went and said, I want to see things from 20...

I would never look for something from 2016. It would seem like there's got to be something newer, you know, everything coming out. Anytime I see where they're... Like the new season of Impractical Jokers, I'm like, well, they're not wearing masks or anything.

So is this like found footage? Oh, no. I realize, okay, they're standing far enough away from the mark. They've developed the gags where they are social distanced without dating by wearing masks. Hey, can you hand me that? I mean, how do you? Everything is proximity. They develop a practical joke where they're not having to stand face to face.

But it can't be the only one that notices. Oh, are they hugging? Are they shaking hands? Masks is the cue. Anyway, so Steph, you haven't even seen the last. Do you know who Q is? I'm going to have to have you share a mic. Have you been vaccinated?

Yeah. All right, good. Then you can share a mic. So do you know who Q is in QAnon? Because you haven't seen the last episode of Q into the storm. She hasn't seen the last three. Yeah, yeah. But they presume to know at the end who Q is.

And everybody in the fucking, except for the filmmaker, in this entire six episode series, you want to smash their fucking head in with a golf club till one eye pops out and their other eye is gone cross-eyed looking down at the eye that's popped out. However you fantasize about it, except for the filmmaker. For the first time I go, oh, I love the filmmaker and I hate everyone else. That's called a Marty Feldman. Oh, no, no. So wait, what was the question now? I don't know.

Do you know who Q is? Do you have a hypothesis of who Q is in the whole QAnon. If you don't, the listener, have any idea what QAnon is, don't look it up. I hate the fact that we're even dredging this up so you might fall victim to the dumbest fucking conspiracy theory of all time. Well, machine learning stylometry determined that Q has been two different people. Wait, hang on, hang on. You're talking to a listener.

Okay. So explain. I don't even know the first five words you just said. They did a study based on the linguistics of the Q drops, and the study was able to determine that... Hang on, hang on. You're going to have to back up again. Does he need to talk slower? I don't understand.

Okay, my two biggest problems with Steph... Laundry. Laundry. Steph comes to visit with Jonathan. They stay at Morgan Murphy's house. And Steph does laundry about 17 times a day. 17, that's cute. Yes, it is.

17th letter of the alphabet. Doug thinks you're picking up laundry from Tucson to here to do laundry. Totally. That's my side hustle. That's good. I've never seen someone do more laundry. And I go, do you shit your pants quite often? Not do you shit your pants.

Do you shit your pants quite often? This is more than a safe job. I have to get to a machine. Listen, people, I'm not a... I have no problem with you doing laundry. You're not invasive of my space. You don't have to come into my house. My laundry

is outside the house. But I'm like, what can she possibly be doing to do this much? What percentage of that laundry is mine? Wait, Jonathan, you have laundry? I have to, I will take full culpability in that I don't do laundry because I don't change my clothes because I have no reason to.

I don't leave the house. And off the road, you rarely shit no reason to. I don't leave the house. And off the road, you rarely shit your pants. But you don't leave the house either. When you come and visit, you're here for a month. You're doing laundry like three times a week. And you don't come in. You don't bother me. And I don't care.

Like the water bills. Another problem I have in Arizona is our water bills are so minimal. Charge us more. We live in a desert, for fuck's sake. It is full of arsenic, but it doesn't hurt the clothes. And fluoride. Just fluoride, yeah. So my second problem is that you come in hot.

Tim Dillon came down. Speaking of, I already brought it up on the Bill Burr and Bert Kreischer podcast that I did today. That's why I'm in such a good mood. I did a fucking podcast with comics that fucking I love and never get to talk to that wasn't awkward. I get to have a two-hour podcast.

I don't know when that podcast comes out, nor do I know when this podcast comes out. This is already out. Point. When they're hearing this, it's already out. We're time traveling. Oh, so when you don't hit record, it comes out. This is already out. Point. When they're hearing this, it's already out. Oh. We're time traveling. Oh, so when you don't hit record, it comes out early? How do you know I didn't hit record? Shh.

Go. Wait, should I hit record? She comes in hot. Thank you. She comes in hot. So Tim Dillon gets here like 7 or 8 at night. He flew in. I didn't even realize he had flown in to Phoenix, which is four hours away,

just to drive down here to do the podcast. And I woke up at 6.15 in in the morning and he was already gone i have brought up on the bill and burr burton burt listen explain it to me explain it to me because i i did i wasn't at the bill burt podcast okay well you were here when Tim Dillon came with Ben, his producer. We did a podcast, and then I said- You made plans to go to Mexico. Walt Bisbee, and I'll show you around tomorrow. I woke up at 6.15, and they had already beat feet.

AM. Yeah, and of course, I didn't know Tim Dillon doesn't drink, nor does Ben. Bad research. So I wake up with the same, you know, Chad Shank, me, Joby. I have to get out of here? Like, oh, I had too much fun. I must have done something wrong. And the fact that they're not here anymore, I must have said the bad thing.

So you woke up at 6.15 thinking you'd maybe toast some muffins? No, no, no, no. I woke up at 6.15 and I had taken an edible. So now I wake up with the munchies and I walk past the pink room where one of them is staying. In the main house. I go, yeah, the main house. One of you stays here. One of you stays in the guest house. You figure it out.

And then I passed out first. So I'm walking past the open door of the pink room in the main house going, oh, one of them must have slept with the door open, going, oh, one of them must have slept with the door open, so I'll tippy-toe to go make a fucking bunch of stupid, awful food that's going to kill me. And then, like, around 9, I still haven't heard a fucking, so I call Bingo over at the quiet house. I go, hey, come over and see if these people are still here.

They're dead? I don't know if they left. i don't know if they left i don't know if they're really quiet sleepers because they said they wake up really early but i haven't heard like a twitch or someone taking a piss stuff you would hear they're from austin so like nine o'clock would be like 11 a.m for them them. Well, I was already pretty drunk when they got here. Yeah. And then when I confirmed that they don't drink, then you immediately feel awkward,

like I'm pretty hammered. Non-drinkers are up early. That's just... Yeah, that was the point. I know. Hang on. But like 9 a.m. for you and no one's stirring is 11 a.m. for them because they're two hours ahead of us.

That's crazy. I think they were dead. Nope. Bingo went and checked and nobody's here. I'm like, oh, fuck. Did I say something wrong? I get these paranoid states like you get in after you wake up off a bender around non-drinkers. And then eventually Tim Dillon did text me back saying, I go, hey, did you guys bail?

And he goes, yeah, we found a really cheap flight out of Tucson because they had flown into Phoenix, come down, and then found a cheap flight out of Tucson. So we figured we'd jump on it, get out of here early. Still haven't heard back from Tim Dillon. But then Tracy said, wow, yeah, the fucking toilet was destroyed. Like, the toilet. In the little house. Yeah, in the guest house that we figured out later.

Stay with me. Well, we had to clean that we figured out later. Stay with me. Well, we had to clean it up because we had more people coming in. Yeah, she went in to do cleanup because we had new people staying and it was obvious that the toilet had filled up to the rim with an

overflow because toilet paper was around the tippy top of it. Tippy top. Sorry. Tippy top. We'll get back to that. And then I went in and I checked the bedding because Valentina's parents

were going to be staying in there. And I looked in the fucking the trash to see if it's been emptied. And Tim Dillon, I know because the size of him versus Ben had thrown away like brand new underwear. I know

we're sacks under pants people here, even though they have never fucking sponsored us. We are sacks underpants people. I know what a brand new pair of fucking... I know when my sacks underpants are blown out and the fucking waistband is finally given way after four years,

how difficult it is to throw away a brand new or a good pair of under... He was throwing away not just his underpants, but the T-shirt he was wearing were the only thing in the trash can. And I'm like, and it's not like he had shit his pants because that's not how a backed up toilet works. Yeah. At first I thought, oh, this explains the backed up toilet.

No, no, that's counterintuitive. Like if he shit his pants, he wouldn't have backed up a toilet. It's a bad clue in a poor world. I don't. I have never met Tim Dillon in my life. And I waited to meet Tim Dillon. And I thought we had a beautiful night. And I'm like, why would he throw away?

Did you inspect them for seepage? I did of course he did of course i mean i didn't do a deep dive but it was i i i looked at them enough to know that it's not ben he's not a fucking you know he's the jack sprat in this example. Yeah. He doesn't wear underpants that size unless he's pulling them over his head out of fear of a goblin. I can't believe that you made Bingo look to see if someone's there when you should have made her check to see the underpants. Well, here's the thing. Because it could have been scary. to see if someone's there when you should have made her check to see the underpants. Here's the thing. I had promised them that tomorrow I'm going to take them around Old Bisbee. I'm going to take you

to every place, but I was shit-faced at the end knowing they're going to wake up sober and I woke up going, oh, fuck. I am going to have to get out of bed. I don't know if I'm sober enough to drive. I'm going to have to get out of bed. I don't know if I'm sober enough to drive. I'm going to have to show them around town.

I'm going to have to plaster on a face. And then so at the same time that I'm terrified they left because I might have offended for some reason, I am so thankful that like a decent whore, I am so thankful that like a decent whore, they beat feet before they thought they deserved breakfast. That's good. That's good. They didn't steal your wallet and they left. Yeah.

Still haven't heard back from, except for, Hey, love you, buddy. We got a fucking flight to Tucson. We jumped on. I haven't heard if,

or when that podcast is coming out. But then I found the fucking weird underwear. This is, and I think since QAnon is kind of over, I think Steph should look into this conspiracy. Well, that's what I was thinking. I was thinking from a conspiratorial point of view that Tim Dill isn't actually a famous comedian, but what he is is an ISIS actor

who is trying to destroy America's fabric of society by destroying every individual toilet one by one. But the throwing away of, keep in mind the shirt. He threw away the shirt and underpants into an otherwise that's a forensic mystery and it's called non-linear warfare is he is he trying to send a sign is he warning he's trying to crush the spirit of your nation and then you'll be right for the picking. Let's go interview Ben because Ben, if we could create some kind of division between Ben, Ben might say the wrong thing

and tell us what Tim Dillon was really up to. I don't know. All I know is he threw... And if you remember, listeners, when, I don't know if it was Shane Gillis or Sam Talent we were doing weekly eBay yard sales

and one of them it was after they left someone left their shirt and underpants and we sold them on eBay but they didn't draw a good price my first thought after seeing that there was no shit in the underpants and we sold them on ebay but they didn't draw a good price my first thought after seeing that there was no shit in the underpants that tim dillon left oh we could sell this on

ebay but then i go ah well if uh if sam talent's underpants and shane gillis's underpants fetched no price worthy. Well, yeah, probably Tim Dillon. I just don't know. Sorry. Wow. Your phone went off at the same time as mine. There are no coincidences. No.

All right. So, yeah, well, I don't know Tim Dillon well enough because I had just met him that night to just call him up and say, Hey, why did you throw your underpants and shirt away? I don't even care about the toilet. I understand the toilet. You shit a lot. Just doesn't make sense. It just doesn't make sense.

You're welcome to tweet at us and give us your conspiracy theories. Hey, Doug, what's up? There you are. I just want you to know that I not talk shit about you. Well, actually, technically, I talked shit about you. Not just my podcast, but the Bill Burr and Bill Burr right bill burr bill burr podcast that's okay what did you say well i don't know you well enough to have called you and said hey what the fuck because uh after you left first of all you were here for less than 12 hours. You were here for like 10 hours. And then I woke up at like 6.15 in the morning.

I waited till 9 a.m. And I made Bingo come over and go, I get up and I went to get something to eat at like 6.30, and I noticed the door to the pink room is open. Oh, did I leave it open? We tried to close. I thought I closed it. No, no, no.

I know. Stay with me. I know you weren't in the pink room. I let you guys choose I was very drunk and fell down first and then when I woke up I'm like I still have that fucking Rogan paranoia

like did I say something wrong no no wait wait wait stay with me so so three hours later I have bingo come over because I'm a coward. I'm like, can you see if they're still here? Because I think they might have left.

I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you up. So Bingo comes over, realizes you've gone, which, thank God you were gone, because I knew when you got here that you don't drink. And then I feel like I don't have home field advantage.

Well, we would have drank. I think if we stayed another night, we would have drank. Well, it's good you didn't. Yeah, probably. tracy because the guest house that we know you stayed in later on the toilet was fucked she could tell because there was toilet paper all the way up to the rim of the bowl. Alright, someone blew out the fucking bathroom in here. So we assumed it was

you, but no one knew. Then, because our friend's parents are about to stay in there, I checked the I checked the... I checked the fucking trash. You had thrown away...

Yeah, I dropped my shirt. Yeah. Your underpants and my shirt. It smelled like smoke. Yeah. It smelled like smoke so bad that I threw them out. Your underwear smelled like smoke? It was so bad that I was just like,

I feel like let's just throw it out. Legit. Legitimately. I figured no one would notice. I figured it would be filled up with stuff and it would just be, you know, nobody would notice. Well, there was nothing

else in the trash except... That was my, that was the era of my ways. That was my... That was the era of my wave. That was my one mistake. This is the thing that gets you caught. It's like the one detail. Well, because we

were doing forensic science of... Wait, hang on. Like, I thought, oh, maybe he diarrhea'd his underpants and threw them away, which does not explain the fucking shirt. Yeah, it was smoke. It just smelled like smoke. And it does not explain the fucking blowing up the toilet and clogging it.

Because that is a plumbing yourself. And then after the fact, that's true. Blow up the toilet. So so it came up on two podcasts. That's OK. Listen, I talk to all of it. I'm not innocent. I will not claim innocence, but I will say that we just got a cheap flight and we, and we knew you had friends coming.

So we, we, and we didn't want to call you or text you because we didn't know what time you were the point is I brought it up on both podcasts that I don't know you at all except for that night and I wanted to call and say hey what the fuck like just

in a funny fuck with you way of course but I don't know you well enough. And I'm like, oh, wow. Well, you call me, you were right. I'm guilty. You're not guilty of anything. I just didn't.

You're guilty of being polite, turns out. Well, you listen. Clogging the toilet is not polite. Throwing out clothes in the garbage is not polite. It's really like what a hooker does. It's hooker behavior. But if you look at me, that isn't shocking. But I appreciate the heads up.

Because all my fans are going to go, why did you do that to Doug's house? You're a piece of shit. I inspected your underwear. Yeah, there was no shit in the underwear. They just smelled like smoke. That's what... Hold on.

No one checked it for smell. He checked it visually. I didn't pull it apart like a crime scene. But then I had to reverse engineer my own thinking where

if he shit himself, he wouldn't clog up a toilet. That's correct. Yes. Yes, you're absolutely right about that. You're right, my friend. I don't know

if it was Sam Talent or Shane Gillis. One of them left their fucking shirt and underpants here and then we sold them on eBay and once I realized there was no shit in... Those were like brand new underpants.

Are you fucking serious? It was Sam Talent's underpants and Shane Gillis' t-shirt. Yeah, okay. They didn't sell for much on eBay, so I quit that. Yeah, neither will mine. Neither will mine. But they were... It will not be the retirement score. What did he say? it will not be the retirement score what do you say it

won't be the retirement score god damn it yeah you're still gonna have to work there was there was there was no sign of i shit my pants and then i realized well you can't I do not shit myself, that is correct. You shit your pants ahead of time. Anyway, so I want to apologize for leaving early because it was shitty but we got an early flight and I didn't know if you were up or not. So I said we should wait till like 10 o'clock to text us.

At first I thought I might have offended. No, I'm not offendable. But next time I come, I'm just going to take an eighth of mushrooms. That's allowed in AA. You're allowed to take an eighth of mushrooms. I'm making that up, but it's down there. Oh, for Christ's sakes.

I knew you were sober, but I didn't know you were AA. I'm not. I'm making that up, but it's down there. Oh, for Christ's sakes. I knew you were sober, but I didn't know you were AA. I'm not. I'm kidding. All right. Well, I was not kidding. I thought as I held your underpants going, these are brand new, and I threw them into the outside trash going, oh, we could sell these on eBay,

but if Shane Gillis' underpants didn't sell for a decent price. And, you know, Shane's weren't smoke damaged. But that's the most fucked up thing is my underpants smell like smoke. I still don't understand if you're really gay or not, and I don't care, but I don't know what any gender would care about the stink of your underpants. Smoke stink. Well, because if you put them in the bag,

they ruin all the other clothes. True. They will do what? They'll taint the other clothes if you put them in a suitcase or something. Listen, Doc, I just got to Taco Bell. I have to go to the drive-thru. I appreciate it, my friend.

We cleared up the whole subject. There goes the more underpants. I appreciate it. Thank you, brother. Taco Bell will stink up there goes some more underpants I appreciate it thank you brother Taco Bell will stink up your fucking whole life more than any smoke I can smoke I love you bye

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Go to expressvpn.com slash Stanhope for three extra months free. Go to ExpressVPN.com slash Stanhope to learn more. Let's get back to QAnon. You had a point you were going to go back to with stuff. Yeah, I forgot it. The two problems you have with him. Yeah, oh, the other problem is when Tim Dillon showed up, you do this thing, and I know you're socially awkward Tim

Dylan shows up we've been trying to meet each other for fucking eight months Tim Dylan finally he only flew out here and immediately left just to podcast and meet me and you were fucking

you you come in and you just start conversations you don't walk into the room and see that other people are in the middle of conversations you just walk in and have the conversation like andy andrews i compared the two of you where you just have conversations that you've void of context already were conversations that you avoid of context already conversations that were in your head and and you're talking loudly over other people going hey we have a new guest that we can't wait to meet and you're talking to anyone who will listen about whatever's in your fucking head and then several of us which is three of me want to fucking murder you i tell you to shut the fuck up and just pretend to be social like just lie about

oh i don't care about your conversation but i will smile and nod and then i'll have my own fucking dumb conversation about q anon which which it's always QAnon. So now finally, last night I said to Jonathan, I want to watch the last two episodes of this free of thinking that Steph is going to come in during this and give me director's commentary talking over what I'm trying to listen to. So now that I've already watched all six episodes, it's your fucking turn to talk. And I hope Tim Dillon calls in in the middle of this

and I'm going to put him on speakerphone and have him fucking bloviate over your point. Who's Q? Who's Q? Who's Q? Studies have shown that there are that there have been

two different people posting as Q and that's based on like the forensic linguistics like you see with Like audio clips. Yeah, well, no, not the audio clips

but the writing, the textual style. Let me take one thing back. I was going to try to clue the audience into the whole QAnon. No. If you don't know the QAnon whole thing, pause this podcast. Go watch the whole fucking thing.

And now we're going to break it down. Pause, and we're back. There you go. Okay. They've done linguistic studies on all the posts by Q. And they fed it into a machine. It's called stylometry. And they found, you know, it's kind of like the stuff that Noam Chomsky does with the linguistics.

They found that Q has been two different people. And based on… Handwriting analysis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's quite possible that the first cue, if it wasn't actually Paul Ferber posting his cue, that he was helping to disseminate the QAnon posts before it got big. And the second cue is... I mean, I didn't see the last three episodes,

but, I mean, just the stuff I've heard, I'm really, really, really certain that it's Watkins, the father. Yeah, Ron. Jim. No, Jim. Jim. No. Yeah, because Q was talking, started talking about pens.

Follow the pen. And remember in the HBO series, they even bring this up, that Watkins is obsessed with pens. Yeah, but then the watches come up. You have to watch the fucking last episode. Well, she already said she hasn't. I know, but I thought she would already know way more because she's a q so a q tard so this linguist analysis is that the same pivot when they think it moved to a different person

that that south african guy was claiming all the way through the documentary yeah it used to be that's the same pivot that's the same point yeah as far as far as I know, yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I felt slightly Jim Watkins is the older one. Yeah, and Ron is the younger one. He was the one that was on OAN talking about... But Jim's the one with the massive mantics. Yeah, yeah. Ron's the kind of attractive one. Yeah, and the...

Oh, God, who's the artist with the... Salvador Dali. Thank you. The mustache. The twirly. Almost twirly. He didnirly. Almost twirly. He didn't quite get it twirly. Well, he didn't have to.

When he fellates a fucking- Piece of pizza. I retched when I saw that. If I knew how to make a gift- What's going on here? What's going on? He's this, a fet? Is that the right word?

Who? Ron? The dad. Jim. Jim Watkins. Yeah. If I could make a gif, I wanted a tweet last night on that last episode where I've never been molested as a child, but I felt like-

It would have been him. Yeah. Yeah. But find a phthalate pizza crust. but I felt like... It would have been him. Yeah, but... He looks like an insult. Find a fellate pizza crust. I don't want to type that. Fellate pizza crust? Yes, because he...

At one point, like he's already a very pedophilic vibe guy and at some point, he takes a pizza crust and pretends to suck it off like a penis and I wanted to make a gif and say

I've never been molested as a child that I know of but I feel like this is a triggering event. It is the most disgusting creepy and you know I don't get creeped, you know, I don't get creeped out by much. I don't

like needles, but that guy pretending to suck a fucking pizza crust like a baby's penis. Oh. Well, I guess that. A moil. A moil? That's not actually true.

They don't do that. First of all, someone came to life. A mohel? That's not actually true. They don't do that. What are you... First of all... Wow. No. Someone came to life. There was a fucking high-profile case of a... What do you call him?

A baby getting herpes. Yeah, getting herpes. In New York City. What do you call the... The mohel. Yeah, the mohel. Rabbi. Rabbi.

Yeah. the the moil yeah the moil but rabbi yeah moil is the person that does a jewish circumcision and in the ancient times up until recently if you're fucking yeah the guy they they they they circumcise the baby and then they suck its dick yeah no he's not supposed to well to do that i i you pay extra for that google it it was a fucking major news story where he the fucking moyle gave the baby herpes because he sucked the fucking blood off this circumcised dick, which is something they did in the old days. And now you just do it. My God, I can't. I think they get along with the Catholic Church better. Such things in common, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I first heard about that in Chris Hitchens' book, God is Not Great. He talks about that. You call him Chris? You think you're that close? It's Christopher. It's a godfather. It's a godfather. It's a godfather.

That actually is a great book. Apologize to Douglas. I'm sorry, Doug. No, I own it. I've read it. Having had one myself, having been to a couple because of my family. Wait, you've sucked baby sticks? No.

My God. We are the Hollywood elite. We are sucking blood out of fucking baby's cocks. You like to call me a mud baby? Not every night. I can't believe this has come full circle where we are the people QAnon talk about. Do you do a little frazzle drip first? That is not part of a normal circumcision.

That's a frazzle drip. You've been through two circumcisions. You said a couple. Well, I did have my own. The first one didn't take. Bingo has had two labia reductions, so it's not uncommon. No. By a rabbi?

Measure once. Well, we didn't ask. It's impolite in this day and age to ask his religious beliefs. So what happened to that person is not normal. That's not part of it. I've been to circumcisions. The rabbi doesn't suck the baby's dick under normal

circumstances. What's normal to you? You're a person who's been to two circumcisions as though they're parties. They are parties, actually. So your normal is not normal whatsoever. I don't know what that means.

It's a genital mutilation party. Hey, you want to go to a circumcision at six and then we can still hit happy hour for fucking half off fucking cheese wings. I was hoping you said you want to go to a break. No, you're into the night. It's not like a christening at all. It's cutting the skin off a penis.

That's not a normal thing. It's not in a sterile environment. It's genital mutilation. Yes, it is. That much Manischewitz, you don't go out after. You're done for the night. That's it.

Listen, I'm going to go watch your baby's penis skin be cut off, but if anyone starts sucking it afterwards, that's wrong. I know it was a different day and age when that was fine, but this jalapeno popper is waiting for me at TGI Fridays. I don't even want to be witness to it because I... Anyway, so QAnon. Well, you basically just summed up QAnon. It's just this non-ending stream of nothingness.

The QAnon is like the thing ends with obviously it's the boy Watkins Ron Watkins where he kind of outs himself and I don't know if it's clever editing but yeah he's like ha ha ha

with his blinking eyes I've been trying to, I know that guy from so many times. You know, we're men of a certain age that you know a personality when you see it. And that guy, I can't place how to put that. He's a bully nerd. Remember when I used to do the bit about surfers

are like bully, hippie? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that bit. This is like a bully nerd. Like he's a complete fucking nerd, but oh, oh, yeah, I could hack. And he just has this constant blinking thing where he's just such a douchebag the whole time. And then he's like, it's me the whole time.

But no, it's not me. I'm sure there's a character. I can't fucking pin him down to like a character in a movie. I can't find the analogy of that guy, but he, yeah, if he's not Q, which he kind of admits to being at the end, I still want to stove

his fucking head in with a tire jack. I thought I had a little bit of sympathy for the younger one because... Ron. Yeah, Ron, because he struck me as somebody like who could be a normal decent human being if his father wasn't an overbearing, terrible human being. Oh, no, I think he is the terrible, overbearing human being that made his dad the feet fucking felon in a pizza crust. No, his dad definitely was was they never bring up the mother

like yeah that was i have to i have to remind the listener i i was fucked up and i watched the middle two of six at the beginning thinking it was the beginning. Then I watched the first two before I watched the last two. So I'm like, wait, they're both named Watkins, but one's like half fucking Japanese, and the dad is Salvador Dali. But then when I watched the whole thing, they never bring up why that kid's half Chinese. It doesn't matter, or half chinese it doesn't matter or japanese it doesn't matter but when they both are named watkins and they're taking over a thing

i mean are they related i didn't know but yeah that guy obviously is uh allegedly in my mind, that guy's a fucking pedophile. And they go into how he went from the military into making maybe child porn websites. Wow. And that's when he starts sucking a pizza crust like it's a baby stick. You're like, oh, this is the most grotesque thing well one of the big uh q anon things is symbolism will be their downfall and they they talk about like hiding in plain sight and stuff and and there was a yeah he was running for like some political office which one um somewhere out west some guy He was a QAnon supporter and he was running for office and they found

like child porn on his laptop and there's kind of been this weird pattern of these QAnon followers like getting busted for pedophilia. And what better way to hide from what you really are than to

support a supposed cause that's supposedly like to save children. That's Elliot Spitzer. The guy cracking down on massage parlors in New York and he ends up getting caught going to him. Yeah. Or Robert Kraft.

That's the reason that I overtly rape people. So people think, oh, no, he wouldn't be a rapist. And when I say people, I have to do every gender. So people go, oh, if I was against raping every person, they would go, oh, he's hiding something. So I rape

everybody that I think I can take down. I think that's how otters were. They're big into rape otters. Or a rape otter? And ducks. And ducks. A rape otter? That should be a comic book. Oh yeah, ducks as well. I think that's a new NHL team. The rape otter? That should be a comic book. Oh, yeah. Ducks as well. Ducks as well. I think that's a new NHL team.

The rape otters? Yeah. Coming up. Like, not this season. We're mid-season. We decided to change the name from the Redskins to the rape otters. He's an otter of rape. Sorry, I'm trying to get into writing jingles because I don't think I can do comedy anymore.

Go back to criticizing. Rape otter. I like that. Criticism of what? Of me. I love it. I'm trying to get into writing jingles because I don't think I can do comedy anymore. Go back to criticizing. Great mother. I like that. Criticism of what? Of me. I love it. No, that was it. Oh, damn it.

I'm going to have to work harder. You fucking walk into the room. People are just showing up, meeting each other. And then you walk right up to Jonathan and start having the loudest conversation about something nobody, including Jonathan, has any idea what you're talking about. And you ignore the fact that, oh, I'm sorry, the family has just shown up. And everyone's like having a, and then you just go into whatever you've just been reading about on fucking line. Rape otters.

Rape otters. Steven Madden. Otters ofters. Rape otters. Steven Madden. Otters of life. Otters of rape. We like to rape otters and they like to rape us. Anyway, so yeah, you do that. I don't care about

how much laundry you do. Welcome to my life. I'm curious about how much fucking, why you need to do so much laundry. I don't care that you do laundry. You do it all day here. I shower about three times a day. That's what he said.

He said four. That seems a little extreme. Four is a little extreme. How dare you, sir? One does tend to exaggerate. I'll do my laundry in intervals exaggerate. But yeah, no, it's just, but yeah. I'll do my laundry in intervals of 17 days.

No, no, no, no, it's, it's, it's when you come in and you just start

loudly talking about what you're into and ignoring the fact that, oh wait, we have a social situation. Stephanie, I say this because I'm terrible in social situations. So when Tim Dillon shows up and I realized Tim Dillon doesn't drink,

so this puts me at a disadvantage. I no longer have home field advantage. I have to deal with, I have to deal with, oh, God, this guy is not ever going to get drunk on the same level. And then you come in and start bloviating about fucking whatever. And you do what I this is how I described it. Comparing you to Andy Andrist. Andy will get fucked up and just start talking about whatever's in his head. And that's his show. That's called Issues with Andy, hopefully on a good day. But Andy, like in a party situation, like people will get tired of listening to his story because he doesn't know where it's going.

So they don't know where it's going. a story because he doesn't know where it's going so they don't know where it's going but someone new will walk into the conversation and andy will start talking about the same conversation to the new person with no context you kind of do the same thing where you'll just find anyone who's making eye contact with you i just start fucking going off about whatever you were just on the internet for a thousand hours about we like to call ourselves neurodiverse well i like to call you annoying as fuck welcome to my life i get this we've got a new rule i think stuff where i get like the data download of just random information the moment I've woken

up but now that's your alarm clock but now we've come to an agreement where I have an hour of defecating and drinking coffee where I'm not ready for a data download about loads of shit I don't care about or know what it means

but those data downloads after now often come when i'm listening to a podcast and the other morning you said something to me which was you're an alcoholic but you don't beat me which i thought was very good you kind of give yourself away as a bottom. Actually, Steph, if I can give you some advice. Start it off with a positive and then go to the negative. You don't beat me, but you are an alcoholic. But no, there was the case in point where, as usual, I was listening to a podcast and you don't have the attention span to listen or watch anything on

the television or listen to a podcast or anything because you just have to talk and i was listening this podcast which is the blind boy podcast which is fantastic and the irish one yeah and he was interviewing a sort of doctor of psychology about something and this they were there having a conversation about something. And she said, this doctor of psychology said, oh, and that's just a microaggression. And being a good interviewer, yeah, being a good interviewer, Blind Boy said, oh, so like for the audience, what is a microaggression?

And then Steph said to me, as I was trying to listen to this, he said, yes, what is a microaggression? And then I just had to jump up and down on the spot and scream at her. If you shut up,

he's explaining. She's just about to fucking tell you. Just listen. Yes. Yes. This is, that's what i was saying where i was terrified of trying to watch the last of q now without her saying i'll tell you like no let me watch this special but hang on you just said a fucking trigger word for chaley so weird how that happens i know we never heard that ever just can i get a baby shot too yeah i i'm gonna piss and chaley's this has nothing to do with any of this but microaggression it has everything to do with the fact we never heard this term before

and now it's come up three times just yeah so so chill the cabal. So go ahead. Go. No. No, you. I'm going to read this. Yeah, go. I'm going to. We just switched on Issues with Andy from being free to just the Patreon. Ah, okay.

Because that's how hopefully we can make some money. And Andy Ronan on Twitter said, no more full YouTube episodes, huh? Was good while it lasted. Thanks for the stories, guys. And I'm like, all right, but the YouTube, that takes a lot of work to put the YouTube thing out. We pay a guy to do that, and we're just trying to keep things going, right?

So I go, weekly full At Issues with Andy episodes every Friday through our Patreon channel. Only the free ride is over. And then I give the link. Andy Ronan replies, calling it a free ride is microaggression. Ask Bobby Lee live about that. I don't know what that means. And insulting to the fans that don't want or can't pay.

You could have opted for ad reads like a lot of other podcasts do. What you're doing by going Patreon is narrowing your audience. First of all, ad reads, you don't just go like, hey, we're ready for ad reads over here. Everyone throw them at me. We were on the air for five years before we got our first advertiser.

Okay? That's all free content, right? I mean, Andy's not what corporate sponsors are looking for. Absolutely not. I mean, and we're not kidding ourselves when we go, this is a niche audience. Perfect for Patreon. Yeah.

And then what do you say? Oh, and then someone else is like, how the fuck are you a fan of this podcast and carrying around the word microaggression in your pocket? I love that. It's the whole Marilyn Manson thing. I don't have to say anything. Other people will.

When you were reading that to me, I was responding in my head with the same thing. Like, you have the word microaggression. So then that was Michael Phillips. Thank you, Michael. And then Andy Ronan replies back, because I'm also a fan of the Bobby Lee podcast, That was Michael Phillips. Thank you, Michael. And then Andy Ronan replies back, because I'm also a fan of the Bobby Lee podcast,

which I didn't get with the thing. Expand your comedy world a little. You might enjoy it. And my reply, now who's microaggressing? I'm fine. No response, I take it. Nonsense. Bobby Lee guy looks a lot like Ron. No, we know who Bobby is. Bobby No, we know who Bobby Lee is.

Bobby's great. Do you podcast more like him? Here's a... Was clearly talking to Michael. It's not always about Greggy. I don't... I think that was Bobby Lee. And then both of you are taking that microaggression remark way too seriously.

I'm sorry. I took it literally. Not seriously. I took it literally. By the way, my mistake, I admit, should have released... Literally, I wouldn't I took it literally. Not seriously. I took it literally. By the way, my mistake, I admit, should have released. Literally, I wouldn't know what it means. That not everybody listens to Bobby and is in on the joke. Well, yeah, you should recognize your audience.

And then you put it on fucking Twitter, so then you're free game. I woke up. My best mind is when I wake up at whatever hour after a nice quarter of a Xanax sleep, and I have my best clarity. Tracy, that's distracting. Meatwig getting fed. Tracy, that's distracting. No, no. Meatwig is distracting. We're podcasting. No, she's doing. Meatwig getting fed. Yeah, no, it's fucking. That's distracting. No, no, Meatwig is distracting.

We're podcasting. No, she's doing the right thing. Stop. I can't yell at the cat. Shut the cat up. You fucking yell at the cat. I can't yell at Tracy. I can't yell at the cat.

You're not aggressive. I'm sorry. I'm macro aggressive. But we're like, the worst thing I can do other than drunk tweet is wake up and check what I did the night before. Being off social media is the best thing ever. As much as I enjoy getting drunk and tweeting stupid things, that I'm laughing when I'm doing it. But Wendy Liebman fucking tweeted.

I didn't know. I said this on the Bert and Burr thing. So excuse me if you listen to both. I tweeted something about suicide last night that I thought was funny. And today I get a DM from Wendy Liebman, who I love, and I don't know if I've ever actually met her. Yeah. And she's like, please don't ever kill yourself.

And I'm like, oh, fuck, I have to go check what I tweeted. And it was something I said in a jovial way when I was drunk but it could be misread because there's no tone to Twitter there's no inflection and so what was my point

help me microaggressions and how we're going to add that to our oh yes just having nothing to do with social media, which is... When you wake up and you go, oh, what did I tweet? Yeah, stay off fucking social media. I've never had a better sense of calm than the month I went off of all fucking news. I don't watch any news.

Yeah, I woke up one morning in the last couple weeks where I go, you create your own reality and Twitter creates a reality for you or whatever social media you're on. And you go, oh, this is something I have to care about. And so-and-so is being... That doesn't exist if you don't look at it. And we had this conversation with fucking John Sky tonight.

Fucking... In my head, an arch nemesis for years. You fucking... If you don't take that shit in shit if you don't look at social media that's not fucking i know all my neighbors i i know their dogs names i know if they can eat a certain food i know if i can yeah that's a fucking reality and i love it and i hate the fact that I'm going to go back on the road and deal with fans and deal with a different reality than what

yeah we have a fucking family situation here in our own little tiny weird neighborhood and yeah stop stop don't look at newser don't look at twitter DMX has been trending for days he's still in a

vegetative state yeah that's not gonna know that i was thinking over the weekend about with it being easter i was thinking that maybe hopefully sort of social media media influences will see the effect of getting yourself nailed to a fucking cross really does an uptick in your followers it's it's the observer which i don't know i'm hoping you'll kick in about this time next year in next easter but it's a fucking guaranteed one once the vaccines yeah well it's it's basically the observer effect. What you're talking about is... The Bisbee observer? Heisenberg's uncertainty principle? Yes.

Yes, thank you. Here comes chicks with the smart talk. It's basically like scientists did this study in a laboratory about particle beams and they found out that their observation of it actually changed the outcome there's a great futurama episode where like they're at a racetrack

and he's like that they're like oh it's it's shudder's cat yeah they're like oh it's too close of a race to tell we have to break out the electron microscope and like the professor like his horse loses and he goes it's no fair you change the outcome by observing it and it's like the best joke in that entire series and like whenever i watch it i'm like the only one laughing everyone's like i don't get it i i love the fact that you said the smartest thing that's ever been said on this podcast, but you said like seven times. And it's like Shrodinger's Cat is just like, and then the Prism Bee, but yeah.

And it makes sense that the smartest thing said on this podcast was by a woman. Because we are full of shit and drunk. Those are men talking mostly. But not your underpants. Talking of the Bisbee Observer, have you done the police beat? Have I done it? No, we haven't done the police beat. He posted it on Twitter.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that was great. Next time we have Chad here, we'll read that one, because that's fucking epic. That was pretty damn good. This is funny. I've been working on my Steph impression. Yeah, I always talk out the side of my mouth.

Yeah, because you always look like you're smoking a cigarette. You know, was it Hunter S? Whoever had the filters. He chomped down on the holder. The filter, yeah. Remember Junior Stopkite for a while had the holders Of a cigarette Isn't it like Popeye when he's just drunk With a pipe

I don't know if it's because of the Piercing which is gone It's the stroke No I'm just kidding Your palsy? Didn't you have a lip piercing? To even the other one out I don't wear them anymore.

You talk like this a lot. Okay, I'm going to need a mirror in front of me all the time. No, no. I'm fucking with you so it'll be in your head forever. I know. And there's no mirrors at the Doug Stout compound. Anyway.

Dave Rader's the impressionist here. Do your impression of me. Yes, he does. You did that the other day. Are you doing this, Jonathan? All I have is, Dave, do you have a bear? That's all I have.

That's all I ever say to you. Say squirrel. A squirrel. Squirrel. No, I think all of us can do a British Jonathan impression. You can just do Hennigan. He's Scottish. No.

He is very pronounced. No, my Hennigan is completely different. No, we should try to fuck him for 25,000. No, you shouldn't say that. There are still negotiations on that one. You don't want to. Yeah, it might be going up to $50,000. No, British Jonathan, listen, would it be all right if I stopped by

and did all of my work in the funhouse because I can't fucking tolerate Stephanie anymore. You're getting very Scottish. What the fuck? It's just Hennigan. No, Hennigan would go, Oh, fuck him. No, fuck that guy. Hennigan would have evicted

Steph and had her put into some kind of incarceration. Listen, if Hennigan could make money off of firing me, I'd be gone. Oh, yeah. I fired him.

When you say that, I just picture a leprechaun rolling in gold. He's fired and still making money. Oh, my lucky charms. We obviously haven't podcasted since then. We had a karaoke night where Chaley, for the first time, where I had to get back up out of bed because Chaley hasn't had fun since he was a child.

It's been a while. And he started doing karaoke and we all, with the new neighbors. Wait, were the new neighbors Saturday? No. No, no, no, no. All right. This is crawdad, the crawfish boil. Yeah.

Yeah. Which was amazing. Which was incredible. I think we all killed it. That was fun. We all tongue kissed. What? Meaning you and I.

Didn't you tongue kiss, Chaley? No, we didn't. All right, someone else did. Raider? No, we didn't tongue kiss. We did kiss, but it was on the tongue. I don't remember that. Well, yeah, Chaley and I tongue kissed.

Thank God I remember that. I don't remember that. But Chaley was having so much fun. That's a good thing. And it's so rare to see Chaley do anything other than work heavily and make it feel like it's at your expense. Oh, I mean. hold on a second. You don't do that.

I don't make that. You don't. I feel that. I'm doing my job. I'm grateful for the work, to be honest. Dave snapped a picture while he was cooking of Jamie actually smiling. You can see his teeth.

And I said, I didn't know he had teeth. Oh, you thought I was from the UK? Or the deep south. It's the happiest I've ever seen him. Saturday was fucking fantastic.

The only reason I did that, I bought crawfish. The only reason I smiled was because I bought crawfish. The only reason I smiled was because I bought crawfish from Louisiana. Got flown here overnight. Was because Raider was walking into the bar. You could have saved a buck or two by

sending it fucking... What do you call that? Fuck, never mind. The joke is fucking dead. When you send a book. Media mail. Media mail, yeah. Yeah, that's not the way you want to send live crawfish.

But Raider. That was the joke. I was editing over here, and I can't remember what came up. But something came up about crawfish, which how does fucking crawfish come up? I don't know. And he's like, I'd be totally down with that. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And then they had an Easter special.

It's the only reason it happened. And it turned out to be the best day in the world to have 10 pounds of crawfish. And all the fixings. Because you had, Valentina's parents were here. And I don't know how the day was going to progress, but it went swimmingly because we got, and the Brussels were here and we had 10 pounds of crawfish.

Taric came over. He's from New Orleans. And showed everyone how to eat crawfish. Taric will just, he's since Derek and Kenny don't come around anymore, Becker used to have

a joke one in open mic days oh that's how I clean out my fridge I invite all my stoner friends over and I'll eat everything which is what Denny Derek and Kenny would do and now Targ is since Derek and Kenny

don't come over Targ is Targ will he's very and Kenny don't come over, Targ is a guy. Targ will, he's very polite. Anything but blue cheese, he will fucking eat. And yeah, that's how I get rid of food. So he was great. He spent six years in New Orleans and then showed everyone how, we threw the whole thing out on the table like you do in the fucking video. Newspaper.

Like corn and everything. It was fucking, it was fantastic. like you do in the fucking video. Newspaper. Like porn and everything. It was fucking, it was fantastic. Dave Rader said, hey, that old New York Times, yeah, I'm sitting out there, don't throw that away. And he taped the entire fucking New York Times across a 10-seat fucking patio table. Yeah, it was good. Everyone got into the fucking, it was fun.

It was fun it was fun eating with your hands is fun yup in a group environment and then we did karaoke into the wee hours I stayed up

dude you did a you pulled a Chad Shank Chad Shank the last time he was here was leaving and we put karaoke on no he was here too hold on

that night Chad Shank stayed like three hours later than everyone. So the night of the crawfish, Raider goes, I'm out of here. And he's getting ready to leave. And then I put on fucking Oasis or something. And they sucked him back in.

Was that today or was that yesterday? The night of the crawfish sounds like a horror movie. Hang on. The days are blending into each other, but was it today or yesterday where it was daytime and Chaley was singing Frank Sinatra by himself? No, that was today. It was Elvis yesterday when I tested out the microphones for the new karaoke system that I put in.

It was yesterday. And it was... Because we all went to bed. system that I put in yesterday. And it was... Only fools rush in. Whatever that song is. I wanted something... I wanted something so annoying but definitely karaoke

because I got everything set up. But you were doing it in the doorway because we're over there on the patio 30 yards away. Doug points to his right. You were doing karaoke by yourself like you were hoping someone would come join you. No, no. And you're like, no, that only works at 9 o'clock at night.

Hey, this is Doug Stanhope for Sabra Hummus. Did you notice that Sabra had a giant recall for an outbreak of listeria? Did that queer you off of Sabra Hummus? Then you're a fucking cunt. You're a pussy. Sabra Hummus is better than any other store brand hummus without listeria. is better than any other store brand hummus without listeria. I'd rather eat straight listeria than stray from my branding of Sabra hummus. I would eat Sabra hummus if there was a curdled pile of baby shit in the middle,

which is actually better than the garlic flavor or the pine nut. What are you fucking thinking with the pine nuts? Hey, listeria Sabra, better than pine nut or garlic. But the fucking one with the olive is great. I can't get it at my store. So take a hint from someone who knows. I'm Amy Bing-Bong Buttercheese Bingaman, and I eat Listeria and dream about hummus even being part of it.

I'll eat... Alright, forget it. I'll eat straight malaria from the anus of a dead dingo just on the hopes it tastes as good as summer hummus. So Listeria it up, kids. That's what I was born to do. So did you put the karaoke system in because it is Busby Invite Your Parents Week this week?

That would be interesting. that is not why but the beans are coming back to town and that was a prerequisite to them coming back Michael Bean and I are going to reveal why we live in Bisbee on our new podcast but you're going to have

to wait I love that he's going to reveal your scene in Aliens 2. That's not true at all. Aliens. That's right. That's not true at all. Michael Biehn and I have secrets. I think he will reveal your actual scene.

He was the queen. Come on, Steph. It's Clifford. I don't like when she picks on me. I think her skin is actually body armor. Very delicate. You're a delicate little flower. Yeah, I don't pick on you.

Never. Okay, hey, can you turn over my laundry? I really do have to turn over my laundry. I'll go get it for you. No, no, no. It's a process. I have to leave because

the New World Order has me on a what do they call that when you can't go out after hours? Curfew? Yeah, curfew. See, now they're going to fucking hunt me down for not. Do you have any thank yous, Doug? Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Oh, the one I always forget. Do you have anything other than this? Some guy, I think his name was Barry, sent me a $50 bill. Some guy, I think his name was Barry, sent me a $50 bill. And I go, I should. Usually what I do with thank yous is I leave them right here at my microphone. Oh, yeah, the matchbook. Yeah, no, I get that one too.

But yeah, I'm like, I don't want to leave a $50 bill out here with all these fucking vagrants hanging around. So I think his name is Barry. Someone just sent me 50 bucks. And I love 50s and 2s. Like bills. As far as dollar bills, I love 50s and 2s.

Who sent you 2s? No one sent me 2s. Number 2. She made a poop joke. It took a long way to get to with no payoff. So, I think his name was Barry.

I just got that. That was funny. That was an honest laugh. He's not even being sarcastic. Oh my God, my teeth are showing. Someone punched me in the mouth. Nobody can read this. I think it says Nick. It's down at the bottom.

It's printed. It's on the bottom. It's printed. Yeah, no, but I can't read his phone. Well, that's your problem. It looks like Nick, Gal. Gladden. Gladden.

It doesn't matter. The guy sent me because he read Digging Up Mother. The guy sent me because he read Digging Up Mother. And the Coach and Horses was the bar that me and Hedberg found. And we were afraid to go into on Sunset. It became the Pikey when Brett Harrison. That's when you saw, what's his name? Quentin Tarantino. Yeah, that came up.

Yeah. Actually, it didn't come up. I go, I'm not going to say on the Bretton Bert or Burton. Who the what? Who the what? Anyway, he realized that the coaching horses was a seminal place in my life in my LA days. And he found this very old school matchbook framed, tiny framed. So I can actually put it up.

Custom framed. Fucking gorgeous. Yeah. It's an old school coaching horse's matchbook framed. It's beautifully framed as well. Yeah. Very good work. But also, unfortunately, it's fist sized as well.

So when you have an emergency and you really need to light your cigarette, you can punch it straight through like a firearm. It should be a break glass in case of emergency. Should we take this? Shawcroft. It would go off. Have her call back and do a Bluetooth. I can't put it on the phone. No, I would do it.

I'm doing it. I'm doing it. We're doing it live. Shawcroft, we're a podcast and you're on speakerphone. Hey, how are you, sweethearts? We're all perfectly drunk. How are you? Oh, my God.

I would love to be perfectly drunk. I haven't been drunk in a year and a half. Really? Yeah. All right. How's your fucking Hedberg thing coming along? It's coming along finally and good. I've been learning how to deal with emotions and dread,

so it's all coming along really good. Thank you for asking. Hey, listen, I thought about an idea for maybe special for you. All right. You're pitching it to the world right now. You're on the air. You go back to an old special and take every point of view and argue it the opposite way.

Yeah, I thought about doing that years ago, and then some comic in the UK did that. You know, in Edinburgh, everything has to be themed. So a comic did exactly that, and I go, oh, well, now I can't do it. But that was 15 years ago, so now I could do it. You could do it. I mean, I don't know if you'd want to, but because like, aren't you having, aren't you looking at things from 350 points of view now in complete and utter concise, crazy thought?

Anyway, that's another conversation. But I just thought that would be a cool idea for you. But everything you do is cool anyway. Shawcroft, the one thing that I love the most about you is you and I are the only one that get each other. So this will go nowhere on a podcast. No, I don't hate you at all. But I have a whole relationship with you, even though I don't talk to you anymore, Hartman.

I have a whole relationship in my mind over things with you. But I don't talk to anyone who's not at the bar. All of my best friends, I don't talk to unless they're here. I don't fucking hang out with Andy Andrist on cell phone calls. I don't blame you. Okay, good. That's all I needed to know. You know how we get a little paranoid?

Yeah. That's the point. Unless I can see your face, I don't want to have a conversation. But yes, I have other ideas. But yeah, no, I could do an entire fucking album disagreeing with everything I've said in 30 years. But in a severe way. But obviously so hilarious. but completely, yeah. That would be fun to do anyway.

Anyway, I'll let you go. I love you and I'll come visit soon. Why is she calling? I wondered if there was a point to her call. That was it. I get it. Thank you, Lynn. Sorry. That's Chaley and Tracy's here and

everyone else doesn't know you. But we love you. Why is she calling you? Chaley just said that like, hey, if you're going to be part of the podcast, she doesn't know she's part of the podcast. That is weird to call you randomly and not have a point. But she did. You know what? I'll keep it short.

But next time I talk, I want to just like, I want to know your phases of lockdown. What phase you went through. I love it. I love the point that she did. You know what? I'll keep it short. But next time I talk, I want to just like, I want to know your phases of lockdown. What phases you went through. I love you guys. Talk to you soon. Yes. I love you too. Bye. Bye.

Bye. One phase. Lockdown. Shawcroft, as goofy as people might find her, when we just sit and talk, we're always on the same page, basically talking behind people's backs and shitting on them. That kind of, the stuff you love.

The day-to-day. The bullying. And she sounds like she's off her tit, but we communicate so well when it's on that level. But when it's on the level of, listen, I told you, you have to be ready at 5 o'clock to go to the gig. And now it's 630 and she runs out of the shower with wet hair and forgot her teeth, her partials. She's got one tooth in her head. I'm like, where's your teeth? Oh, I left them on the plane.

We were on the road back east, and it was Rob Cantrell was the opener. Yeah. And it was Hedberg and Lynn and Rob Cantrell. And this is when we got pulled over and then we bought the Kung Fu geese this is when you were tour managing for Mitch Hedberg Shawcroft is

the old witter Hedberg I call her so we were we did the show that night and I think it was Connecticut I can't remember Wilkes Bar I think. I think it was Connecticut. I can't remember. Wilkes Bar. I think that's where it was. Wilkes Berry. Whatever.

That's Pennsylvania. Yes. All right. It's not Connecticut. I get it. That's where I'm from, Pennsylvania. Oh. I knew that.

No, I didn't. So in the morning, I get down and Rob Cantrell and I have breakfast. And it's a nice hotel. And there's this open atrium. Oh, back when you worked for Hedberg's. Sorry, rub it in. Oh, I used to work for a comic that stayed at nice hotels. Breakfast was on the house.

That's how fucking... But it was a nice atrium. We had breakfast. It was really cool. And then I go, all right, I'm going to go grab my stuff. And Rob goes, I'm going to grab mine. And then we come back down to the lobby because we have to drive to the next gig. And we're in a little car, not like you, Doug, like high roller with the fucking van.

Soccer mom. And I remember Rob and I standing there like in the lobby going like, fuck, should we call him? I don't know what's going on. And then I turn around, I look, and there is like six like Safeway plastic bags, like in the middle of like where you check in. And I'm like, nope, they're coming down. And it's Lynn just bringing like shopping

bags full of just like heroin the other stuff the stuff that like didn't fit in the suitcase it says Safeway no one would ever look yeah and then we looked at that

and it's like alright we're good we'll go grab the car that was a vehicle for your heroin joke apparently I think I have to shut this podcast off because I think I have to fall down can I say something? a microphone

I just want to say hi to Aaron and I hope you're feeling better and love you oodles shout outs? like meh my friend's been sick he's been in and out of the hospital does he listen to this podcast he's a huge fan he's a huge fan

hey Donnie with the fucking brain cancer I know you're only five but we're thinking about you and and Karen with the opioid addiction. I hope you beat that.

Doug, we have a last minute request from Spooky Eyes to Net Tattoo. Hang on. What are we doing? Sorry, Shawcroft called. i fucking love this lady annette in portland annette i i think she's the one that uh was complaining that you did not address her anyway annette sends like she just sends dumb cards and letters that are star spangled and fucking.

That's great. She's nice. She's nice. Yeah. Is this the biting hand that Fiji sent you? Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. I don't know.

Gene, I don't know how to pronounce his last name. Gregoritis. Gregoritis. Gregoritis. He's a guy. He'soridis. He's a guy. He's a writer. He's a fucking asshole that you know from his writing. He's a Bukowski-esque guy, but he's from the Treasure Island, St. Petersburg, Tampa area.

One of those places where the cops fucking hated him. I read a couple of his books and they are very Bukowski-esque. He was like a meth-heady fucking beach bum guy

from Harrisburg. Actually, what's his name from Harrisburg? I actually, I fucking, what's his name from Harrisburg? Shane Gillis. Yeah, Shane Gillis. I'm like, do you know this guy by any chance? Because they're from the same hometown. Anyway, I read a couple of his books, and now he's in prison.

So he sent me. That's how bad the cops in St. Petersburg hate him? Yes, it's exactly how much the cops in St. Petersburg, and we've had our own problems with St. Peter's hate him? Yes. It's exactly how much the cops in St. Peter's. And we've had our own problems with St. Petersburg's cops. Well, he's now in prison for a lot of years for fucking a 17-year-old girl. Oh, that's not. Yeah, that's not. Didn't Matt Gates do that?

Allegedly. No, he just smuggled them over state lines. Oh, sorry. Point being, his excuse is, I didn't know she was that age. Sure. Which, when you're a fucking meth head, fucking alcoholic, yeah, you probably don't check IDs. Doesn't matter if he's guilty or not. What?

What do you mean it doesn't matter if he's guilty or not? I mean, of not knowing. Okay, okay. You forgot to add that part in your fucking statement. The point being, you basically entered into the Q&A. I had read a few of his books, and you go, all right, these are like latter-day Bukowski. Drunks. Yeah, except Bukowski got away with it.

Like, you fucking, everyone who loves Bukowski, and you watch that fucking documentary where he punches his fucking wife in the face in the documentary. Well, it's because of what she was wearing. She was asking for it. She was asking for it. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I put racism into fucking wife beating? She was asking. The point is, yeah, you give him a pass because it was a different day and age.

Point is, yeah, I read a couple of his books, and in his books, just like Bukowski, you know, this guy's a fucking asshole. I love that phrase, that, yeah, the Cups hated me in that town. Yeah, because you got wasted, and then you burgled the house of your quadriplegic next-door neighbor.

No, they got it in for me. They got it in for me, man. Can't cut a break out. From what I remember from the books, he just had all these fucking... Remember when we went to Key West, and there

was that fucking crazy Asian fucking dominatrixy lady? But I'm saying, if... You forgot to put in hot. Hot is Listen. Beauty is

subjective. No, she was a fucking crazy cunt. Anyway, point being. You also forgot cunt. I don't know. The point being is that he wound up in prison, and then I heard about that. So I J-paid him, if you know prison fucking etiquette,

a couple hundred bucks when I found out he's in prison, not knowing. I thought it would be an anonymous donation. And then my name. So for years, I swapped emails with him a couple times. I don't want to be in contact with you because I know from your books, you're a fucking asshole. If I was talking to

Bukowski in his day, you'd go, this guy's a fucking asshole. I like your writing. But why did you send him money? It was one of those things you do. You're impulsive. Yeah, you go, alright, this guy's... Well, first of all,

he's in prison as the worst possible person in prison that's not a fighter that is a sex offender because he fucked someone that was 17. I don't know if you want to broadcast that. No, fuck you. You were there when I almost became a sex offender in the same city. So I had... Not the same. Not the same, Doug.

Well, I... Michael's... Okay. Some cunt that... Hang on. Wait, wait. You tell the story, but if it was... If I was not an appropriate person, if you did not have pictures to prove my

innocence, I would be in the same position as that guy. This is what I'm saying. But the situation we're talking about... Okay, so Doug is jacking up a jockstrap that he's got under his shorts, cargo shorts,

and some leather-faced rubber plant pushing my fucking distended belly out. It's as ugly as you could imagine and not sexual at all. And we're at a place called Icky Woo Woo's which is a bar

in fucking Treasure Island in the same kind of area. It makes it sound like that kind of behavior is appropriate. A fucking some lady did not. We've been drunk since fucking noon and now it's sunset. Brendan Walls called her like Robert, like leather face, Robert Plant looking. No, no, no, no. Hey, you just destroyed his joke.

I will do it justice. He's like, you know, those Florida women that, you know, they used to be really good looking, but now they are leathered and they look like Robert Plant. That's kind of what I said. One of these women called the police because we were having too much fun. She's pecking away on a fucking computer at a place called Icky Woo Woo's on the fucking-

Cheeky bar, outdoor bar. Where,os on the bar, like outdoor bar where like everyone is like getting fucking memory. You paid two extra dollars. So they poured like straight rum into your straw, which is like, that's not a deal. That's a horror. We're going so far up top. I'm going to lose my point.

Everyone's drunk at this thing. So she calls the cops. So, so at some point, is my point. Everyone's drunk at this thing and she calls the cops. So at some point, Chaley is taking pictures of me yanking my jockstrap up over my distended

belly. I can push my belly out like a pregnant woman. Is that the picture from the book? Yeah, probably. Black jockstrap. Hey, thank you. Thank you for plugging that was in Digging Up Mother. The first book, probably, or maybe the second book. I don't know. Point being, we got out of that.

The cops showed up because she called and said, I was exposing myself in front of children. And cops showed up ready to make me a registered sex offender and the only reason i got out of it is because chaley showed him the pictures of me he's taking pictures of me being ridiculous and the cops went uh okay that woman should be in jail for why wasn Why wasn't it like a false report? She should face the same charges that I would have faced. She should be a registered fake sex offender fucking

reporter. She's the sick one because she was imagining shit. No, she knew. She hated fun like Shaley. It's like it's like the bird watcher in the um central park with the woman who claimed to said she was gonna call

the police oh yeah yeah because you're black and you know how that'll turn out it's very similar but is that the same one where you'd only show the pictures to the police if if shaley could navigate through the pictures in some weird there was a picture. In some weird...

Brandon, he's standing on his nightstand urinating on his own bed. I'll show you the pictures. If I can hold the camera the whole time. Yes. And the reason being that if you want one picture passed, it shows Brendan Walsh standing up pissing on the hotel bed. On his own bed. In a motel, like a motel six arcing a p

like for where the pillows are to the foot of the bed because we got tired of playing fucking baseball in the fucking room all right so so there with me when when you read about gene gregor dis gregor dis whatever however we he's a white man but white privilege also has a a monetary value to white privilege. And are you an asshole or not? So he did not have the, oh, hey, we can talk to you civilized with. Yeah, that's the guy. So yeah, he's a fuck up.

He's a Bukowski-esque. He's a fucking great writer, but he's also a drug addict fucking asshole and a user and abuser. And so when I read his books, I'm like, yeah, I like this guy. Then he gets arrested from fucking a 17 year old and goes away. Cause those St. Petersburg's cops that let us off only cause we had evidence and we're, we're of a privilege of money. Yeah, no,

that guy had been an asshole to these cops and a scourge to the community for so long that he, the point is he just sent me and i've only i i've read his new novel how i, 522 pages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Handwritten. I got this giant envelope of notebook paper, handwritten, 522 pages. Mr. Noble.

I'm like, what the fuck? You think I'm going to read this this and then i started reading it and yeah i got like the 100 pages through not the best thing i've ever read but like i feel compelled on the bright side doug i've seen you on two occasions now where you can actually use that 500 page handwritten manuscript as a comedic prop to flop on the table and then pretend to other people that you've just written this. Oh, yeah, I did. I did do that. Yeah.

For the listener, you had to be there. I would love to close this podcast down right now. This would be the perfect point. But Chaley just left to take a piss in the yard. So since Chaley forgot to hit record for the first few minutes of this, we're going to just let this die in an awkward silence while he pees. Jaylee's yelling, bingo, take us out of this. No.

Yeah, no, I want people to wait for you to... Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប�នបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Terima kasih telah menonton!