The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#441: NFT's for Dummies

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

Doug finally gets an interview with Vodka Juicebox. How far will Raider Fan Dave go to get his cheese. Oh, and NFT's explained by Chad. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded April 11th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Raider Fan Dave, English Jonathan, Bingo and Tareq (@vodkajuicebox), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off  your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

So what are your second shot blues, Dave? My, sorry. Second shot blues. Any problems with your second shot? Oh, my second shot blues. Yeah, actually, I woke up feeling not too terrible, but then passed out somewhere around 3 o'clock, woke up somewhere around 7 p.m. I just, I'm like, I'm getting warm, and I felt my head, and I'm sweating,

and I just have a fever. I'm like, all right. So I took an Advil. You and I texted, Doug. You offered to have me come over. We were going to sleep in sacks underpants together. Yeah. Vaxxed in our sacks.

Right. And then I woke up in the middle of the night. I was shivering so hard that I was just, my entire body was sweating. But I eventually fell back asleep, woke up, and felt fantastic. Were you shivering like, you know, if like you were about to get, let's say, raped

in prison? You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Oh, my goodness. What a special day. You are in for such a treat. We have British Jonathan is co-hosting. In lieu of Chad Shank, I don't know if we had a miscommunication, but British Jonathan will try his best to have a husky voice.

And our guests, for the first part of this podcast at least, there's a whole bunch of people floating around the funhouse right now. But Ask Vodka Juice Box, you know, the band that premiered their single here, Vodka Juicebox, has now, after one hit single went to number one on the charts, they started a podcast, which went to number one on the charts in the podcast charts. Ask Vodka Juice Box, unprecedented that two relative unknowns paired up, and now they're sweeping the nation.

Now, Ask Vodka Juice Box is kind of like Dear Abby or Ann Landers. It's a, what do you call it? Like an advice column. Advice column. That's what I was looking for. I was asking for advice. And you started this. And my God, gangbusters.

How do you feel about your newfound fame? Honestly, it's just really surreal. Had i had to make some just serious uh serious lifestyle changes and uh but it's really great man it's it's it's i can't believe it it's it's it's been a very very cool experience thus far bingo no honey where's that fake energy? I just chewed up a Xanax and then chewed up a Xanax. It'll set in a minute. I'll be fine.

That's one of the things you're known for, professionalism. Yeah. Hey, I'm not on mushrooms right now, okay? Go fuck yourself. I hope this is how you treat your guests on Ask Vodka Juice Box. No, not at all. So what platform are you on? Are you solely on YouTube?

So we are on YouTube now, yeah. That's our only platform. Yeah, and we put out two episodes thus far. Because you signed an exclusive deal. Yeah, they were like... For an unknown amount of millions of dollars with YouTube. With YouTube? They were like, we don't know how this is going to go, but we really believe in you guys. And we're like, okay, we'll take it.

And you have full creative control. Full creative control, absolutely. Have you looked at your numbers and have you read the comments? Whoa, you're not supposed to read your comments, but we have read our comments and, uh, you know,

so far it's been good. It's been, you know, overwhelmingly positive. Um, but I'm sure that'll change at some point. So, uh,

yeah, we're ready for it. Yeah. You should not let Bingo read comments. That's the worst thing in the world you could do. Because there's always going to be some asshole that would devastate the poor girl. And it only takes one comment, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you're going to see what it's like to be us. One negative comment leaves you fucking rolling around, unable to sleep. I'm washed up. I'm bad at this. And then you're going to get another question asking Vodka Juicebox,

and you're going to think, oh, good googly moogly, I can help someone. If I can just help one desperate soul out there. First of all, how do people ask Vodka Juice Box? What's your social media? Where can people reach out? Ask Vodka Juice Box at gmail.com. Yeah. So we have that in the description for all our videos I think also we're going to you know it's a learning experience but

also what we've done so far is we've featured a different song that's been that makes sense for whatever topic we're talking about whatever questions are sent with us and who we're interviewing but we'll also include that and in

the video at the very end for um um yeah anyone that has anything that they want to talk about whether it's advice or like an interesting topic or something that they'd like to explore and and so we're open to all questions have you had any questions yet that you are afraid of? Because if you haven't, I'm hoping that you get some based on this podcast. Great. Now we will. Well, we had the, didn't we put like a medical disclaimer on our last one? Probably sensible.

Yeah, and we make it very clear that we're definitely not experts whatsoever. We're smart people. Yeah, I mean, so... The episode that I watched was called Seizure Salad, where you had a neuro... Surgeon or scientist. He was a PhD candidate in neuroscience, yeah. But that also had just recently had two seizures in a seven-hour period himself. And I thought it was fascinating.

Like watching the two of you, because this is video. So to see you, I don't think that anyone would have to have a disclaimer that this is not real medical advice. Yeah, coming from the medical advisor, right? I mean, this guy's getting a PhD in neuroscience. Bingo's got fucking glasses like Tom Petty and don't come around here no more

and a yellow top hat with feathers. He separates me from the camera completely. And Tarek has purple hair. He's done his hair. You've done your hair very well. I did. I did. I don't know if metrosexual is still a term, but I feel like that defines me very well.

Yeah, I wonder if that's still a term or if that's become like a slur you can get canceled for overnight. Like, no, that was the thing they said. We have you on tape saying metrosexual. You're fucking, ask vodka. YouTube is canceled. Ask vodka juice box. Yeah, but it was really cool that, you know,

you have this guy that's, you know, ready to be an expert in neuroscience um reach out to someone else reach out to bingo because they clearly don't have based on what he says they don't have an answer for why that happens or exactly how to treat it so i mean the next thing you do is, you know, you look for someone that's had a similar experience that you just had, and it was fascinating because it was coming from a neuroscientist. Yeah, I recall his sort of, to paraphrase, was basically,

yeah, well, I'm a neuroscientist, and yeah, the brain's really complicated. Fuck knows what's going on in there. Which I think sort of like surmises the science as it is. Yeah, like we're not really sure how that works. What do you think? I was walking the dog, and I ran into Joan, who you mentioned on that episode, and she said, I watched the vodka juice box seizure thing.

Cause you brought her up. Listen, I have seizures. Thanks for talking about it. And I've got to a place where they teach me how to fall down when I'm about to have a seizure, but it doesn't work for me. Cause she's like six foot two. You're going to find out a different way. I fall a lot further.

Than most people. Yes. So, yeah, we walked dogs together yesterday. We ran into each other down on the knob. When I was a kid, I remember seeing other kids in padded helmets who were obviously prone to seizures, but you don't see that anymore, do you? It's just something I recall from my childhood, that occasionally you'd see a kid in padded helmets.

You're right, and I haven't seen any of those. And I haven't seen that for years. I guess they just keep them low to the ground. I haven't seen them on leashes. I was seizure-free for four years, and Stan wanted me to wear a helmet on my birthday just for funsies. Because it was your birthday. Because it was my birthday.

Maybe it's a fetish. Gross. You could not look less interested in being here than right now. So more about the comments, because comments are dangerous things if you're on any kind of social media.

But you do Twitter a little bit, don't you? I see a tweet from you every couple of weeks. But you don't engage. I mean, that's my advice. Don't engage with people on social media. I don't very much. I do read the comments there, too. Yeah, you put stuff out there,. I don't very much. I do read the comments there too. Yeah, you put stuff

out there, but you don't. It's the same as Hennigan puts up our dates on Facebook, but I don't go to Facebook. That's just there to promote. It's too confusing. Oh, we made it! Chad Shank made it!

Yeah! Chad Shank in the house. Yeah, we thought that was a definite no. I didn't know you were here. All right. If you want to ask Vodka Juice Box anything, there's a mic open. They're not carrying this thing.

I see you guys. That's all right. Hello. Hello. Hello. Yeah, you can be, there's so many of us that you can be Greg Chaley while he's cooking stuff. That's what he said. He said, grab my mic, I'm cooking. Oh, yeah, you're not.

Oh. I'm glad you're here. I thought we were doing Zoom. I was all ready in my underwear. Oh, no, I got gotta go over there fuck yeah i was i was gonna try to turn this into a whole like one clusterfuck and then chaley like you could see the editing in his face on my poorly fetched idea and he's like no i go all right well we'll turn this into a lot of podcasts i double checked with him i was like are we we zooming? And he goes, no, Stan Hope has a rotating idea.

My head has been like, you could check my pulse from the top of my scalp for the last three days since I got that second shot. My head has been just foom, foom, foom, foom. So, yeah, I go, oh, this is great that there's like 12 people here that are podcasters or professional guests. Yeah, yeah. It'll take a village to carry this. So we were just talking Vodka Juice Box and their video of the Ask Vodka Juice Box. Have you seen it on YouTube?

Okay. But we were just talking about kind of like whether they read any of the commentsVodka juice box. Have you seen it on YouTube? But we were just talking about whether they read any of the comments with social media and the inherent dangers of reading comments and feeling the rage from it and engaging. Usually I would

since I started doing this with you guys, everybody's been super nice to me and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was like, people start being mean to me. I'll just delete all this and go away. Fuck that. I like this for my ego, but I don't need to take abuse for it. But then on Issues with Andy

on YouTube, there was... I started to read some comments. Yeah, don't read YouTube comments. Fuck. It was brutal. The worst. I remember Brandon Walsh would go on just random YouTube videos. And just a three-year-old dancing, a ballerina.

And he's like, oh, this is bullshit. I can dance way better. I can dance circles around that kid. This is bullshit. And people are commenting back, why would you? It's a three-year-old kid on her birthday. Why would you do that? I'm just better is all I'm saying.

Isn't the rule is you're not supposed to reply to that or let everyone else engage? Well, if you don't read it, then there's no rule. Right. Also, if you've got enough fans, they'll wade in for you. Exactly. You never have to do that. Right.

So to get to that sweet spot where you've got people to wade into fights on your behalf. Yeah, and that's what, yeah, for the Killer Termites, Seal Team 6, and other, police, anytime you see Vodka Juice Box videos, go police those fucking comments so they don't have to read them. That'd be very much appreciated. Fury was just telling me the other day about a Henry Phillips video where he made a vegan-free gluten pizza

and the comment thread, he's like, you have to read, and I read through that thing. People were so mad. This has chicken in it. It's a vegan-free gluten pizza. then I read through that thing. People were so mad. This has chicken in it. It's a vegan free gluten pizza. It's the fucking greatest YouTube comment. God damn it. I miss Henry.

I have to go find his number and get it into my phone because I never put it in. And every time I go to call Henry, I'm like, nah, I have to go find the old phone and fucking try to turn it on to get his number but yes Henry Phillips Henry's Kitchen

the videos are fantastic and what's the I haven't watched the Highwayman god damn it I miss Henry but so so ask Vodka Juice Box. Are you going to do this weekly? Yeah.

We put out an episode every Thursday. Okay. Nice. I think, well, you haven't taped. I know the next one is a guy who walked in on his best friend fucking his girl. And you're about to record that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's sent in some questions.

I think it's something that I think a lot of people have experienced and maybe not that exact same thing. But it's really cool because every episode we've had, it's been a completely different topic. But I am looking forward to this one. And I think sometimes the best answer is just asking the right questions, you know, because I don't think there's any definitive answer for a situation like that. Sometimes people just want to fucking tell their story. Yeah.

You don't have to have an answer. people just want to fucking tell their story. You don't have to have an answer. They figure it out just by asking and having a conversation about it, which is why people making fucking 200 bucks an hour to have you sit on their couch. I don't know if that's still a thing. I don't know if they actually have you lay on a couch.

No? No, I usually just sit in a chair and watch from them. Tracy, you've never gone to therapy so what do they do i think i think now the there's so many goofy people that they don't have individual therapy anymore you just sit in a room with therapy with seven or eight other people now yeah group therapy is the thing that was the va all they can offer is group therapy yeah well i remember bingo when she got out of the, when we first got together, and she was fresh out of an institution,

just bitching. And when she's gone back into institutions, like, they always say, well, group therapy, and she's like, no. It's like a fucking AA meeting. Well, I don't want to hear anybody's problems, and I don't want to share my problems with anybody else. Exactly.

It's bullshit. Well, one of my problems is I hate people. So now you're going to put me in a room with a bunch of people and make me listen to all their fucking problems. And one-upping each other's problems. The first time they did it, I think I told this story before, but they had a big fat lady was in there and she would hardly talk. And she was, I just, I feel like I'm going to die.

And I got so, I was like, I wanted to just get up and scared. Blur! Fucking shut up. Oh, yeah, you suck, Chad. Go home. Chad, you can bring that microphone up. I'm leaning down. I don't want Shaylee to have to move it up.

You're talking into it like it's a bug in the embassy that you know is there, but you're feeding false information into it. But yeah, the Greek therapy at the VA, they've obviously done the number crunching on it. Loads of these guys, they're really upset about, they're really sad about all those Iraqi children in the villages they murdered.

Get them all in the room at the same time. Cut, cut. I imagine that would be kind of a bummer. Yeah. Come out more depressed than you were. I didn't even see action. Fuck, man. Why do I got to listen to this shit? So anyway, Vodka Juice Box.

Question. Ask, ask Vodka Juice Box. Right. Who would be your perfect guest? Obviously, Idi Amin and Michael Jackson are both dead, so you can't have them. ask Vodka Juice Box right who would be your perfect guest obviously just thinking of Idi Amin and Michael Jackson are both dead

so you can't have them but who would be your perfect guest Getz that's what I was just that is it his name Getz

the congressman Gates Gates Matt Gates I've got one I got a perfect guest for me but do you have

do you have one you go first. I can't say his name correctly. How about John Gnar? Gnar. He would be my perfect fucking guest I would love to have on. I'm sure that could be arranged. John Gnar, we're completely mispronouncing it.

Even with a tutorial from him, we could never say it the same way. He was a comedian that was the former mayor of Reykjavik Iceland and uh just a brilliantly he's almost like the mattoid in that I can't tell if you're kidding or not because of the accent and the stoic face and Yes, we haven't talked to Yon Nahr quite a bit. He would be mine. I want Tracy to fucking ever... That would be my favorite guest

is Tracy telling you about a problem she's having because she never has problems. She would have to really drop her pants to find a problem that's serious and let you tell Tracy how to be the best her. Live the best life.

How does that saying go? Be the best you can be? I don't know. Live your best life. Be the best you. Live your best life. Jonathan has it. So, Tarek, your dream interviewee?

I think my dream interviewee would be someone that no one knows because then you wouldn't have to be like oh shit i have to come up with a bunch of questions that have never been asked before and it would probably be someone that because that person was an unknown a lot of more people maybe would be able to relate to that person so you would it would take all the all the the homework out of everything and just open up a conversation without having to worry about okay is this something that people have or have not heard before and you can just really get into it and um i think that would be the perfect guest kind of in every man or every woman or every person sorry sorry

good fucking shutting that down i am learning very quickly this sexist broad bitches so so so uh so jaylen to fucking hit the pause button, get ready for it, because we're going to, please, give them your social media again. So, we're at VodkaJuiceBox.com. And you can pretty much, you can send questions to AskVodkaJuiceBoxBand at gmail.com. And we do go over everything every day. Again, that's AskVodkaJuiceBoxBand at gmail.com. And can you plug your music as well? What do you got coming along?

Oh, actually, I totally fucked up. It's VodkaJuiceBoxBand at gmail.com. I'm going to have to repeat. What's that? It's AskVodkaJuiceBox at gmail.com. Oh, but you said I did it wrong. What did I do? It's so confusing.

Okay. You're right about that. Oh, shit. Okay. Please send your questions to AskVodkaJjuicebox at gmail.com. You fucking idiot. Wait, you fucking idiot is not part of this. Oh yeah, don't write you fucking idiot.

Sorry about that. But askvodkajuicebox at gmail.com. I second that. Askvodkajuicebox at gmail.com. I'll second that. Don't use that, no. It was a pleasure to have you. We're going to pause, and when we come back,

we're going to have our Raider fan Dave, I think we'll call you, since you have a job interview in the morning. All right, we'll be right back after I take a dump in a urinal. Let me pee in there first. Hold on. This podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp. You ever have one of those days where you wake up in the morning at 4 a.m., but you don't actually get out of bed to piss till 3.30 in the afternoon, but think, fuck it, it's drinking time. I've been awake for almost a day.

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have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Now, Chad showed up against his will, let's say. As always. Yeah, but you can put on the face. That's why we had Raider here because I could tell by Bingo's face she did not want to be asked vodka juice box at this moment. But she also wanted to leave, so I go,

all right, we'll just start with you rather than wait till the end. Yeah, I could tell she didn't want to be asked. She does not have the fake sunshiny face that I can put on as I'm fucking reeling with the second shot

blues that second one affected you? Jenny too I never have headaches ever I'm taking Advil that's for old women that have never done drugs. That doesn't work on real people.

And your Advil's probably five years old, at least. It must be, yeah. When I take multivitamins, I take five because they're so expired. Maybe they have some juice left in them. Vitamins like drugs? I got a tolerance. I they have some juice left in them. Vitamins like drugs. I got a tolerance. I'm built up to take some more.

So what are your second shot blues, Dave? My, sorry. Second shot blues. Any problems with your second shot? Oh, my second shot blues. Yeah, actually, I woke up feeling not too terrible, but then passed out somewhere around 3 o'clock. Woke up somewhere around 7 p.m.

I'm getting warm and I felt my head and I'm sweating and I just have a fever. I'm like, all right. So I took an Advil. You and I texted, Doug. You offered to have me come over. We were going to sleep in Saks Underpants together. Yeah. Vaxxed in our Saks.

Right. And then I woke up in the middle of the night. I was shivering so hard that I was just, my entire body was sweating. But I eventually fell back asleep, woke up, and felt fantastic. Were you shivering like you were about to get, let's say, raped in prison? I was shivering less than probably had I come over and slept in your bed with you in the Saks underpants. So yes, raped in prison. Yeah, we need to plug them because we need to always be plugging Bisbee businesses.

But this was a new one that we went to yesterday. What's it called? mac and cheeses it's uh high high moon i know it's munchies munchies m-u-n cheese but i think it's high moon munchies is the full name c-h-e-e-z no s-e-z cheese goddamn british No, S-E. Cheese. Goddamn British. Zulu. Zulu. We went there. Zulu Tango Roger. Not to brag, but Bisbee has a cheese store. Which Dave is a fan of the cheese to a point where at 116 pounds, I think you are. Your cholesterol is...

COVID, I've been working out about 117. Yeah, but your cholesterol is twice that. My cholesterol, I clocked out at 254. In all seriousness, I'm a buck 53 soaking wet. And I was at 254. With a brick and a boner, Sean Rouse used to say in his younger days. Hey, it's mile high munchies. Mile high? Mile high munchies. Mile-high munchies.

We always forget that we're mile-high as well. We just don't have an NFL team. Are we betting on how long it takes before they realize there's not enough people to sustain a cheese store in business? Since Dave and I have been hanging out,

he's bitched about the lack of good cheese. Because I get the high end of what Safeway has, which is still shit cheese. And so when we read about this in the Bisbee Review slash Sierra Vista Herald, that there's a new cheese shop in town. We went and Dave literally said as we're walking in, I'm shaking. Wow. And we spoke to her and I knew so much about it. She goes, at one point, she goes,

did you still work in a cheese shop? And I said, no, I just have really high cholesterol. So the day wears on and at some point, British Jonathan proffers the question to Dave, Raider fan Dave. Oh. Would you... Would you... Go ahead.

Would you rather never eat cheese again in your life or spend two weeks in prison after which you could eat as much cheese as you liked. With no health concerns. Wow. And I'd stepped out to piss, so I missed a lot of the discourse. I don't know how long it went on, but I guess Dave

immediately went to, would I get raped in prison? And then accused me of, why did you ask me the question of, would I rather eat cheese or get raped in prison and then accused me of why did you ask me the question of would I rather eat cheese or get raped by a convict

I said and I said that wasn't technically the question Dave so I think what we've unearthed is some kind of

deep psychological issue you have about getting bumped by a convict well then I mean it doesn't have to be a convict. I just don't want to be what you call bummed.

You got it in your head and then you said, hang on, are you saying that I'll definitely get bummed by a convict? Well, you could be shanked or raped. It could happen. What if he raped you but he used cheese as lube? Oh, we did not think about that one.

So like an hour goes by after this discussion, and then there's a long pregnant pause after this. This is a very old conversation, but there's a pause, and Jonathan goes, what if? And then it just carried on to, okay, what if you had to rape someone in prison to be able to eat cheese? Oh, wow. So now you've slept on it. Have you got any conclusions on the original question?

You know, surprisingly, I didn't wake up with this in my head and put a lot of thought into it after. You didn't keep it up very long? No. Did you? Because I left early. I did leave pretty early. You were coming in with a pizza and I waved goodbye to you as I was driving. Yeah, I took your

parking spot. Okay. You were pulling out and I pulled right in. But then I texted you a picture of a medieval chastity house and you didn't get it. No. And then I had to explain to you. Well, you just put that on backwards. It was like an hour and a half later. Answer the question now. There was no't get it. No. And then I had to explain to him, well, you just put that on backwards. It was like an hour, hour and a half later.

Answer the question now. There was no anything with it. You just sent me this weird thing, which I'll show you guys, and out of context. But in order to eat cheese healthily for the rest of your life, would you rape someone else in prison?

Yeah, probably not. Because it's rape. And that's bad. Jeez, though. I know. In prison, it's not. I mean, it's... It's not bad.

It's accepted. Okay. His answer when we asked him yesterday, before he left, was, I'm not that strong a guy. I go, no, we're going to set some gump-like character up. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's a shivering child.

Jonathan went on to descriptions of him wearing a tie and a jacket with a patch on it like an English private schoolboy. That's right. And that's why I had to leave out Henry. We planted drugs on just to get him Into the hypothetical prison So Dave Rader could decide Whether to rape him or not

Rader's raping a guy that looks like little lord Fauntleroy Oh my god Nobody fucking That was exactly the name I was thinking of Fauntleroy And they didn't even know who it was British Jonathan didn't know fucking little lord Fauntleroy. And they didn't even know who it was. British Jonathan didn't know fucking little Lord Fauntleroy.

I had to pull up a picture. Let's not go to where... That was actually from a different discussion altogether about kids with long hair. Let's not get into it. I forgot about that. I mean, you've got an interview tomorrow as well. I mean, what if they pose such a similar tricky question to you there?

You think that's going to happen? What if they text me that picture that you texted me? Which probably should be the cover of this podcast, but anyway. Where do you see yourself being raped and imprisoned five years from now? You can never be too prepared for an incident. I think we're helping you out. You probably are. I wish I knew who you were interviewing with,

because I might try to find the person that is going to do the interview and go listen this is becoming a running joke so stay with the theme hire them don't hire them but just put one prison rape question with a straight face into the interview if you had to if you had to rape a wheel of cheese what kind of cheese would you prison rape question. That's the thing that flies my mind. It evolved into that. If you had to rape a wheel of cheese, what kind of cheese would you rape? Am I a Gouda?

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Enchiladas Istan Hobbs Especial Dolazi tamo burritos the enchiladas is that hopes especial you know what? I won't get into it now. I'm definitely not naming the company, but what actually is funny from following Chad's tweets lately is it's for an NFT company. Oh, so we can get into that later if you want. You probably don't want to, but I do get it.

Can you explain what an NFT is? It's a timeshare of clip art. That's how I describe it. You can buy a timeshare of a piece of clip art. It's kind of strange. It stands for non-fungible token. Yes. You can own digital things, whether they're like video clips.

No, no, no. That's how you pay for stuff. That's how you pay for stuff. Yeah, it's how you pay for stuff. But you can own if somebody, yeah, draws a digital picture or whatever it is. They draw the digital Mona Lisa. Well, you can own that. And, of course, the question becomes, well, wait, can't you just sort of copy it and then like other people can have copies of that?

Because it's digital versus an actual physical piece of art. And the answer is yes. But somewhere on a ledger, you are listed as the owner. Imagine how nerdy your friends have to be that that's what you brag about. Hey, look, I'm the owner of a Snoop Dogg clip art picture of a roach clip. That was one of the things that I saw that he sold like 250 of them for $10,000 a piece. I'm sure it's just a massive money laundering.

The main point is that you can't reproduce it and resell it. No. Yet. That's what non-fundable is. But here's the thing. So I work, technically speaking, in anti-money laundering and counter-terrorism financing, which sounds a lot sexier than what I do actually is.

It'd be more sexy if you're on the other side of doing those things. Yeah, probably. And I had to move all the way here actually to get a gun because I used to ask my last manager in New York, can I get a gun, probably three or four times a week, and he would just say no. But it is something that is absolutely ripe for money laundering because I'm just a dude and I draw up some weird digital,

I probably shouldn't say this on a podcast, but I draw up some weird digital picture of whatever it is and then I go and sell it for $20,000. All right, well, am I actually that good? Or is there just a drug exchange for $20,000 on the other side? Oh, I never thought about that. And the money is tight, punk. It's good to have a narc in your pocket.

That makes so much more sense than just people having... It's weird to me being a poor person for my whole life that people just have so much money that they're like, Sure, I'll spend $25,000 on that fucking piece of clip art. And here's the thing. Right now, it's not regulated because it's brand new. There's nothing surrounding it. So being in the field that I'm in, I can't even imagine the number of dollars that are going back and forth for illegal shit.

Buddy, I need to go slow. I've got to drive home. Okay. Sorry, you looked like you were getting up to go around. No, no. I'm trying to. I'm cussing myself for drinking it so fast. So, and there was also, because I was trying to work out what NFTs were.

Yeah. Not fucking tangibles. Yes. Yes. It's one of the things that I've seen. There's the woman who has made one or maybe more paintings of you, Doug. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now she had got a painting of you, Doug, that she had got a painting of you.

You know the name? I know it. Brittany Fanning. But she didn't explain whether you'd actually also get the physical piece of art as well. And that's what confused me. Well, no, because the whole thing is it's not a tangible thing. So it must just be a high-risk

scan of that. Yeah. She would give you. Something like that. But there was somebody recently, I think it was a comedian, that released some material, and it was NFT,

but he also, for the people who bought it, he was like, I'm just going to give them the actual regular version also. Okay. Because he was like, I wanted to do the NFT, but also I wanted to do the NFT, but also I was assuming with her, with the

paintings, that you would get the full thing as well and that the NFT was just a psych-gasty thing. You'd also own the digital rights to its image. I know we bring this up a lot, but I'm not generally a suicidal person, but

these are the times where I go, I'm never going to understand the new world, so maybe I should just go away. Rather than even... Just fungible sounds like one of those toenail fungus fucking commercials.

I read an article I saw that was explaining why NFTs are bad for the environment, and I read every single word in there was explaining why NFTs are bad for the environment. And I read every single word in there. I knew all of the words. I didn't understand one bit of the fucking article at all. They went together. I was like, I don't know what that means at all. Yeah.

I can't learn. At some point, I can't learn anymore. That's what happens to old people. I watched them when I was younger. I studied their species, and then I became one. And I go, oh, this is why dad never got my jokes. So you know like Bitcoin mining takes a ton of energy? Sure.

That's bad for the environment. Sure. Yeah, can you explain that? Because it's really weird. The whole Bitcoin thing and all that? Yeah, it's ridiculous. Because you have these like computers, your machines, they are overclocked to be Jesus. So they are running.

If you walked into a room where somebody had a Bitcoin server, it's the loudest thing you've ever heard in your life because of how fast they're running. That takes energy, which, of course, fossil fuels, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, give me an analogy. I read an article a while back about a Bitcoin mining machine that you could get, but it was also a space heater. Yep, no, that's correct. They would be like, this is like three grand, and it'll heat your living room, but it'll also make you Bitcoins. Create your Bitcoin.

But I thought Bitcoins were just like... They're supposed to be in the air, ethereal. Yeah, it's just an idea. I'm such a big fan of these. It's the idea you give these ETHs away to people and it mines Bitcoin for you and you warm up the house of a poor person and don't send them any bills.

Making money on the backs of poor people? The American way? There's multiple startups trying to do that. I don't understand. It mines something that doesn't exist. It's a new world. We're not going to understand if they explained it to us. I hope I know that.

You can do it and not understand it. Here's the thing. It exists. Bad guys are doing it to launder money. And so you need people like me. Is laundering money a bad thing? It can be, Doug. If you have human traffickers who are selling fucking nine-year-old girls

off into prostitution. Yeah. What if... I'm spitballing here. What if we started like a non-profit, which I don't even know what that means. I know it sounds like you don't make money, but they must because there's a lot of them. Isn't a nonprofit profitable?

What if you were to set up like a thing where you go, okay, I'm going to buy nine-year-old girls and set them free like a rescue? Yeah. Right? Yeah. Could you do that? Could you go, oh, hey, let's buy nine-year-old girls. On the internet all day long. The same as a rescue.

Is that how you're advertising it? And like, that's it? I'm just, hey, let's buy nine-year-old girls, period. Well, you resell them. I mean, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep a pile of them? I mean, Jesus. It's got to be a profit.

We can use them to warm the houses. But like, they set up a non-kill shelter. Like, hey, you already have these humans that you're trafficking. What if we buy them from you through Bitcoin mining?

Non-fuckable teens. Yes. And then we have a no-kill shelter and we put them in new homes. I might be interviewing for the wrong position. I'm not sure after what Chad said. We're just trying to prepare you for your interview. More prep. More prep.

I think I stole this line, but it was so funny because it was so spontaneous. When I was a kid comic in Vegas, just starting out, scrawny Ronnie, big fat Ron Putnam. We went out with a friend of mine's, Jackie Trinker's friend. She had just passed the bar. So we took her out partying. I was probably 24 or something. Drank through the night. Ron Putnam worked at a

gay bar in Vegas. We went there. We went to a titty bar after that. We went to every decadent fucking place. As the sun's coming up back at Ron's apartment, the girl who had just passed the bar, she goes, wow, I guess

I'll never hold a position on the Supreme Court after this night. And without a fucking beat, Ron says, you'll be lucky if you could hold a wino's balls while he takes his shit. I'm sure I stole that because he wasn't a comedian. I'm using that tomorrow morning when they ask me the rape questions. It's a succession of rape questions. This is not a job interview at all. This is one of

Stanhope's friends. Well, we've got a chance to barbie about this one because we need to get more details about it. A loose date on the question that we've posed to Dave. I, uh... Well, we'll talk about it off

the air. I, like, the Bobby thing. Chad should really be fucking Bobby's new co-host. I don't know how to do it. Is he hot? Bobby? Oh, I know you said I should be fucking his new co-host. I didn't know how to do it. Is he hot? Bobby. Oh, I know you said I should be fucking his new co-host. I didn't know.

I don't want to go with some ugly dude. I told Bobby, I'll take over one 15-minute chunk a week because that's how often Bobby, notes from the pen, Bobby, notesfromthepen.com or at notesfromthepen on Twitter. I go, I'll do an episode a week, just the 15 minutes you're allowed to call. But Chaley's leaving, and they're trying to figure out how to set up an app so I can do it myself. It's like the same as a single mother who has to work two jobs,

A single mother who has to work two jobs, and she teaches the kid how to make his own fucking birthday cake, microwave macaroni and cheese. That's what they're trying to do for me, is make it simple for me to hit a button and record a 15-minute phone call, and I'm already, like, I just, yeah, I want to quit and kill myself. I think it's J-Pain's fault and not yours. It's not your inability to learn anything new in the technical field. I think it's the J-Pain who's the one to blame.

They can't make it easy for you. Yeah, yeah. Fuck J-Pain. He works in computers. Who's J-Pain? What? J-Pain. Oh, J-Pain.

Sorry. Yeah. It's the prison fucking. Explain J-Pain. Yeah, it's the Monsanto of fucking prison. prison fucking... Yeah, it's the Monsanto of fucking prison. It's almost like they don't want their prisoners

doing podcasts from inside prison telling everybody how fucked up it is. I think we're gonna wrap this up. We appreciate Chad Shank for showing up out of the blue. British Jonathan.

Raider fan Dave. He's a fan of the Raiders. No, it'll crack that code. Nope. No, it's my password for all of my bank accounts. Raider fan Dave. All of my bank accounts. So many.

Offshore. The Swiss, the Antigua. All the places I launder money. Don't say this in front of me. Yeah. When I say launder money, I found a five in the lint filter. I've given you at least $20 out of the washing machine. That's my savings account.

All right. Thank you guys for listening. And please get on the Patreon and go to the merch page. Tracy, where do they go? They go to DougStanhope.com slash store. All right. Everything you can find. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry to do this. It is legitimately Doug Stanhope. I'm sorry. I meant to tell you this for a while, not years. So you and I, we follow each other on Twitter, and your thing says, like, I work merch or sell merch through DougStanhope.com. Are you kidding me?

I thought that was on purpose. I meant to tell on purpose I meant I'm so sorry it's d-o-u-g-h you're fucking kidding me and now you're telling me I'm sorry thanks guys they know where to go

but your thing does say doestanhope.com I don't know if this came up on a podcast but we're just talking about it I would play the uk for fucking years uh making uh referring to the queen as the queen mum and i thought that's just what they said about the queen and someone finally said you know the queen mum is the mother of the queen. I go, you let me fucking, Hannigan! He said every king, he never

corrected me. Alright. You're going to get a lot of pictures in your profile. Oh boy. Alright, so now we know. Oh no, you're going to change it before this goes out. Alright, you're good. We all look like assholes here and again. Just suck it up and be it.

Thank you, we'll see you on the next podcast. Take us out, bingo. Okay. Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.