The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#442: Leaving The Swamp

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

The Bretchells are leaving the swamp and heading to Austin. Who will be the new Alpha Comics once the Comedy Store opens up again. And, when is Covid really over? Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded April 11th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brett Erickson (@ibrettmypants), Kerry Mitchell (@kmitchtweets), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Mack Weldon offers the best in Men’s basics and you can get 20% off your first order, visit https://mackweldon.com/stanhope and enter promo code stanhope.  Brett, Chad and Chaille can be heard on Andy Andrist's podcast, Issues With Andy. New episodes every Friday.  - www.patreon.com/issueswithandy  Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast '1998' with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty  Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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your first order. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast right now it feels like I have a hard time eating in a busy restaurant where everyone's stressed out like can I get ketchup I asked for ketchup I don't want to

I'll just fucking eat a shoe in the parking lot and it's that level of stress right now. We're on. With fucking their shit cooking on the barbecue. I feel like I'm responsible for everything and I can barely get out of my chair.

We are on Issues with Kerry. The Bretchels are here. Chad Shank is with us. Brett Erickson and Kerry Mitchell on one of their forays in and out of L.A. to the new Texas. It's like the gold rush.

The comedy gold rush in Austin. Yeah. And the food is beeping. That's the problem with the stress level of the food the shaley's walked away from the grill and it's beeping like an episode of 24 yes like a flatline when is when is it going to go yeah we're just waiting for something terrible well he's uh he's he's there now he's back all right he'll be in here to yell at us that's all right listen the podcast will go smoothly without Chaley. The grill will not.

Vern means several things on that level. Carrie Mitchell, all-star bartender with her partner reunited Tracy and Carrie Mitchell, legendary bartenders. And so you are on your way back from Austin. We are. Waiting for calls from real estate people. And the most terrifying thing that I was, Brett Erickson actually let you drive part of the way

oh my god for like 3 hours it might have been 2 and a half but I might have upped it to 3 just to make it look a little better I would do that just for stats and all of that first time driving does that mean you don't want to move

and you just were hoping you guys would die it was a passive death wish what happened is we had to fill out First time driving. Does that mean you don't want to move and you just were hoping you guys would die? It was a passive death wish. What happened is we had to fill out a couple of applications for the houses we're trying to get into. So it's an online application. So I'm driving and she's filling out the online application. And then we did that for a while. And then we decided that a better way to do that is if I did the online application. The lesser of two evils.

Before my phone went out the window. I know what I don't want to do. Talking Carrie Mitchell through the online application while I'm driving was like piloting a plane and also helping someone else land a plane from the tower. It just keeps repeating the same questions. Pull over. land a plane from the tower. It just keeps repeating the same questions. Pull over! No, I just kept hearing this. And you can only hear those sounds for so long.

And I'm like, well, what's it saying to you? He's like, I don't know. I drive to Sierra Vista. I'm going, oh, what's it saying to you? Like, I don't know. I drive to Sierra Vista. I'm going, oh, we'll stop at the Mexican place because Jen down there, she doesn't get out. We can get her a carne asada. Hey, text Raider and see if he wants some Mexican food. And she's like, oh, can I just call him? He says tamales, but I don't know.

Well, look at their menu. But I don't know. We were watching this movie. It's called Dark Waters. Came out a couple years ago. It's about the- Lost in the Ocean? No, it's about DuPont poisoning West Virginia.

The Devil You Know. Mark Ruffalo. Oh, the Ruffalo. Yeah. Yeah. I said to Raider, I go, oh, powerful is the fart smell that lingers under Mark Ruffalo's nose when he has to act. His face is always curling up from a terrible fart. curling up from a terrible fart. But there's this scene where he's like the beleaguered lawyer underdog that's fighting, and the wife is like,

you don't spend any time with the family. And he comes home at Christmas, and the kid had just, and the little kid says, Daddy, guess what I just did? And he goes, what'd you do? He goes, I just put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. And I rewound it for Raider and I go, imagine this as bingo. Dad, look what I just did.

I put the star on the top of the Christmas tree. So yeah, that's what I imagined. Like you can't say, okay, bingo, you drive for three hours. Oh, fuck no! Yeah. 80 miles an hour across West Texas. Yeah, well, and not only that, but then also you're doing an online real estate application in the no cell tower service of West Texas.

So every time you lose your internet, you have to start over. Yeah. And I was like, well, we could just drive to Bisbee and I could just do these tomorrow. And she's like, the look on Mitchell's face when I said that was like, no, no, no. A second later, without her saying anything, a second later, I'm like, no, well, or I can just do it now. I got it. It was that bad that I drove.

You know what I mean? Like, yeah, let's fucking switch, dude. Pull over. Please. So for three hours, I was queen of the road. How many people that from L.A. do you know have now moved to Austin in this migration?

It's got to be in the dozens. I mean, there's a heavy force moving over. Yeah. And from all over. You know, like we watched Kill Tony where kids are coming up from all over saying, I moved here a week ago. I just moved here on tuesday it was nearly yeah you know every other person there was a guy on spoiler alert 500th episode of kill tony

uh there was a guy who came up in suspenders and his name was like it wasn't jebediah but it was something like that and he was he was legitimately from Altoona, Pennsylvania, and an Amish kid who wants to do comedy. And they're like, well, where are you from? He's like, well, I live here now. I just moved here from Pennsylvania. There are fucking Amish comedians moving to Austin because Joe Rogan is opening a comedy club there.

Like, what the fuck? It's insane. It makes me happy. At what point is Austin just going to become the place that everyone's fleeing? It won't be long. Quickly. Yeah, quickly.

Austin really has some of the worst traffic only because of the way the fucking roads are built and the fucking turnarounds. You go get to go under the under. Yeah. If you, if you don't want to take I-35, then just leave Austin or sit in traffic. And Austin at least seems to be kind of a bigger city,

but I like Joe Rogan and I like Joe Rogan's podcast, but I would not want to live in a city with a bunch of people that listen to Joe Rogan's podcast. You know would not want to live in a city with a bunch of people that listen to Joe Rogan's podcast. You know what I mean? That's a real fear, I would think. So Charlottesville's out.

That's just a joke. Comedy purposes only. Yeah, it's... I mean, I love the idea. fucking hate new york a little more than la but i love like drain the swamp is what i think about la is as an entertainer la is our dc yeah drain that swamp like at some point fucking all the suits are going to be going to Montreal and saying to the new kid from Altoona you had a great set Amish boy when are you gonna be ready to make the move to Austin right because as a comic when you did festivals from the road

they'd go when are you gonna move to LA? Because we'd love to work with you. And then everyone moves there and they go, yeah, I forgot that I said that. I was drunk when I said that. Festivals are the only time I can get drunk. So I say a lot of things to prospects. Jeff, I'm very excited for you because i gave you shit that a couple months ago i i stepped in on the issues with andy podcast this is brett erickson from the issues with andy and chad shank from issues with andy and we thought shaley would be here also from the issues with andy's

he's on every podcast right now's on the grill right now. Every podcast that you listen to. Has a piece of Shaylee. Shaylee's there. If you're listening to Bill Burr's Monday morning podcast, Shaylee's squatting under his desk like a gnome. He's clipping toenails. Shaylee. There he is.

Oh, Chaley just came with a bucket. He's literally coming in hot. Great. That's going to melt the fucking funhouse. What do you even call those? No, no, no, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

One job. Hey, Chaley, he's part of the podcast. I'm exaggerating. It's for entertainment. part of the podcast. I'm exaggerating. It's for entertainment. Theater of the mind. Shaylee just brought in all of the barbecued chicken and corn. By the way, everyone. Oh, sorry.

I was just giving the play-by-play to everyone out there that Shaylee brought in food from the grill and set it down on the bar. So I gave you shit on issues with Andy once. And you're like, no, I'm fine with L.A. I love L.A. Literally three days before Joe Rogan contacted Carrie Mitchell and said, hey, you want to be the bar manager of my new comedy club?

Doug Stanhope's like, yeah, everyone's moving to Austin. I'm like, dude, I love it in L.A. We hike every day. There's no one here now. It's fucking good. It's how LA should be. It's empty of people. It did get pretty prime. And the only

problem with LA is stand-up comedy. And I've always hated stand-up comedy. Not a fan. That tracks. Oh, I don't have to do it? I love this town. I am. But to your point, you are right that it is a drain the swamp situation.

And that's how it, like, when the whole Joe's moving to Austin thing started, we were very much in the, oh, ew. You know, like, I don't want to live thing started. We were very much in the, oh, ew. You know, like I don't want to live in Texas. But then it just slowly got worked. Like, no, like the idea is that comedy sucks in LA because it's filled with actors

who have failed at acting whose agents said, hey, well, try stand-up. And there's bringers, it's filled with bringer show people and like the stand-up comedians get mixed in with those people and the real stand-up comedians get mixed in with those people. And the real stand-up comedians are one out of every ten.

Fucking strong point. So you just get fucked. So this is going to be, this is pulling all of the stand-up comedy out of that area and plunking it down in another area. And leaving all the actors or fucking Kato Kaelins. It's actually leaving the swamp. Like we're just going to leave. We're going to pull all the shit out and let the swamp be the swamp. What's a bringer show, man?

How long? A bringer show is if you want to perform, you have to bring 10 people to the. Ah. So you got to fill the room. Otherwise, you pay to play. Yeah. So how long do you think before industry goes, ooh, we should have an Austin office of CAA?

I bet it'll be pretty quick. I did a bar show. I did a bar show. They're probably already there and we don't even know it yet. I did a bar show Wednesday at Vulcan Gas Company with Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband. And Joe was there. And in the green room was an agent from U2.

But it's Tony's agent. But that's still. They're there. They're already sitting there. They're already there. What's that big Texas show that's all big? Yeah, that didn't start off what it is now, did it? I mean, yeah, that's.

If you build it, they will come. it is now, did it? I mean, yeah. That's, if you build it, they will come. And it's a mecca that Joe wants to build. I mean, it's... It's... I wonder about the weed situation

with Comedian. Well, you're next. I mean, like, Willie Nelson and Joe Rogan get a pass, so you get, you know, by proxy there, you're alright. I'm gonna get a pass. So you get, you know, by proxy there, you're all right. I'm going to get a laminate. Right. Right.

Right. Just so I can just not even roll my window down. It's got a picture of you guys. Like a selfie hanging out. We're good, bro. I thought we'd had to be legal there. Unbelievable. It's just, it just terrifying outside of Austin.

Austin is a bit progressive so that in, like, I think the minds of the people of Austin. I think in Texas they call it the Bisbee of Texas. Exactly. They do. Where it's a bit criminalized and like, all right. It's not a priority for the cops. Right. They have other problems.

We'll find out, though. We're going to. But, yeah, that's a more, it's a much more progressive town. Outside of Austin, we've already been worn like, watch your ass, you know, which is, Austin's a bubble. I don't see why we'd leave the bubble. It might be kind of fun to go back to being secretive about smoking weed again. You know, like it would be and not only nostalgic not only that chad but we have now got clearly uh demarcated roles like

now this precious breadwinner managing joe rogan's comedy club if we're ever in a situation i will be the one holding all your drugs i'm to do the time. Listen, I can put in a stretch. No problem. Mitchell starts with, put it in your pussy. Put it in your pussy, Erickson, right now. My ass pussy? You know what I mean. Put it in.

It's deep. It's deep. Your South Dakota pussy. Not yet. Not yet Not yet It's his turn basically Yeah So

We'll find out about that But that's the only Bad part I've never I guess It's also hot and humid In Texas Which sucks

We'll find out The weather in LA Is fantastic Yeah They've got pools in Texas But there's I mean That's true

You know Leaving LA For something That is so incredible What Joe's starting yeah we've got pools in Texas but there's I mean that's true you know leaving LA for something that is so incredible what Joe's starting and he's starting it from

ground zero building this thing up to where it's going to be this you know comedy he's not here don't worry about it he's not going to listen

for comedians you know where it's going to be something beautiful and something so special and unique where it's, you know, it's unrivaled. I like whenever he explained it to Stan Hope when Stan was on the podcast

and he was talking about how the industry there influences comedians in different ways and this will change that. That was pretty interesting because I, of course, wouldn't ever think about that. Yeah. So, I love the fact

that like yeah alright this became something I have no idea why but yeah we're going to do something fucking great with it like I wish I had that commitment to anything like just finishing a book or something

yeah it's a great book but fill me in on the last few I had that commitment to anything. Like just finishing a book. Yeah, it's a great book, but fill me in on the last few chapters because I get drunk. Yeah, he's doing everything that we would do with the money. Right, and he's a hard worker, clearly. I mean, this guy like currently has so many fucking jobs

that he does really well. And now he's ready to take on one more job, which is like a life, love, legacy type job, which is the best of them all, where this is going to be his baby, something that he's dreamed of since he started comedy. I mean, isn't that something every young comic,

like big dream would be like, and then one day I'm going to do this and this and that, and then I'll have my own club. Generally. Generally. And we've all worked for them, comedians, is the comic that was kind of middling and then failed and goes, I'm going to open my own club. And they go out of business so quick. You have free drinks, but they're

booking their friends that were popular in 1987 that are completely irrelevant. They're all 60 years old and they golf together, but the fucking shows suck. We're doing it, boys. Bad Santa.

That scene in Bad Santa where it's like, at the opening, they do a bank robbery. I'm going to go to Key West and open a bar, and then I'm never coming back to the business. And it cuts to Billy Bob Thornton behind a bar in Key West. And the fucking bartender's like, what the fuck are you doing behind my bar? Get West. Stealing. And the fucking bartender's like, what the fuck are you doing behind my bar?

Get the fuck out of here. Again. He's trying to chug booze before he runs. Yes. The fuck was that movie? You bastard, I'll get you. Bad Santa.

Bad Santa. Oh, yeah. The opening. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they do the first bank heist. Yeah. That's the general comedian turned club owner.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Worst business skills, but everyone drinks for free. Why are you leaving? Customer, come drink with us. Right, right. Hang out with me, please. I'll give you free coupons to come back.

We have Screech next week. Oh, he's dead? Doesn't matter. No refunds. No refunds. Doesn't matter. No refunds. No refunds. Nobody will notice. No refunds on a free comp. Mack Weldon.

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Stanhope and enter promo code Stanhope. That's macweldon.com slash Stanhope, promo code Stanhope for 20% off. Mac Weldon, reinventing men's basics. for 20% off. Mack Weldon, reinventing men's basics. Oh my God. It's so fucking great to have you here. I love the Brett Erickson hair.

Yeah. Even though it looks like it's like he's wearing it ironically like it's a wig. It goes like this. Yeah, I'm like the fifth monkey. Very. I heard it.

Isn't that a Brad Pitt movie? It might be. No, that's a fifth element. Seven monkeys? Twelve. Twelve monkeys. I don't think Brad Pitt's in any of those movies. Twelve monkeys.

He's in Twelve Monkeys. Yeah. He had a lot to do with it. I knew where we were headed. Oh, my God. Yeah. You got a lot to do. I knew where we were headed. Oh my God. I feel, and it's completely wrong, that it's the end of COVID. I know. Once I got my second shot, I go, oh, okay, the world is normal.

We should start booking gigs. Yeah. And I said to Hennigan, I might road trip to Palm Springs because it's getting in season for me where it's hot as fuck. So no one goes there. And he's like, no, California is still the worst lockdown in the country. And I'm like, I guess I should read national news rather than just the Bisbee Observer police beat. Yeah, they're like, as far as I, you know I sort of looked a little bit while we've been traveling, that they're about to start to go into a lower tier

where the Comedy Store might open in the next couple weeks where it might be 25% capacity and it might be... It does feel like it's over once you've gotten your second shot yeah you feel much yeah whatever guys you guys worry about it let's hug it out yeah i was never really worried about it i was more worried about all the people that were worried about it and i enjoyed the fact that people wouldn't come over and now i'm like all right now I can do the fuck you thing. But I don't want to do shows that are 25% capacity.

Well, now you can tell people that you have to be, leave me, leave you alone, because you have to get ready to go back to work. I got writing to do. I got stuff to do. Leave me alone. I've already used that. Please do that.

I'll use that. I've used that a few times i'm so good at making up excuses for other people to leave you alone that i can do it for other people there's nobody better at being left alone than chad shank i i have no idea like hennigan's here, and we're going to work out tour dates. One of the things Hennigan drove down here for was business. And I'm like, okay. I really had in my head that, okay, now I've got my second shot. We can book a tour.

It's wide open, right? They were already talking about maybe shutting down Michigan again because it's... And Illinois and New York. My daughter is an ICU nurse, bragging, but in Peoria, Illinois, and they're having one of the biggest surges in the country right now. They went from heading out of it like everything else to somehow randomly, for whatever reason, no one can figure out why because Peoria is not doing anything any different than Springfield

or Rockford or Davenport. No, but I mean just the area, the little towns around it that are like it, they're not doing anything differently. But her ICU is already jam-packed back up to as bad as it's ever been with only covid people they were already transitioning out of that and and that's been the thing for me is like i wasn't worried about getting covid personally and having it harm me but i've been talking to this woman every day almost and she's been talking to me about being an ICU nurse and what she sees and she's head to toe. It's like, that shit is real.

And I know my daughter's not exaggerating or lying. It's like, holy fuck. Yeah, Doc Marks since the beginning. The ICU emergency. Emergency room. The guy that saved fucking bingo and did a couple of surgeries for both of us uh you mean robin robin shore's ex-boyfriend yes yes exactly oh yeah that's right shout out robin shore how you doing yeah we would check in with him and he would like he he wrote these prolific text messages

oh yeah all these people that think this is bullshit. Yeah. Hey, come sign these death certificates for me because I'm really busy because someone else is dying. And I am filling out paperwork on someone else who's dead. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know medicine, but I know Doc Mark isn't fucking lying like your daughter. Right.

The places that have like you say they don't do anything different as i know what it is i can solve it and all of them it people keep fucking their side pieces nobody's gonna stop going and then you don't know about that because nobody you know i've been here ask my wife he's been here all right yeah because you don't know either dumbass that's why's why. Everybody's out getting laid, spreading the goddamn coronavirus. That does sound like pure hell. After some hippie show.

Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I think we brought this up with, I don't know, this fucking Dr. Hook or who. I want to see what it's like on the outside now it's the b side of frank zappa joe's garage i want to see what it's like on the outside now is i something fucking easter egg and easter hay or whatever the fucking song is nobody

knows the song so why am i but yeah I want to know what the fuck is going on with the rest of the world. Yeah. And then that one trip I made to Austin, I didn't talk to anyone except for Joe Rogan. But it's pretty open in Austin. We went to three shows every night. Each night, one show where I was like,

my God, I haven't left the house in a fucking year. I'm exhausted. I still have not been to a bar since March of 2020. It was weird to be in a bar. Was it your first time? I mean, it was a bar show. It was a bar show. It was like a clubby vibe.

Yeah. Fucking nuts, man. It wasn't packed. It wasn't shoulder to shoulder or anything like that. But it wasn't reduced capacity or anything like that. I was going to say, was it not packed because of- I mean- I think it just was.

Well, I mean, it was still full. The number. It just wasn't shoulder to shoulder people like you're fighting people at a bar at a spring break fucking thing or something. But it was a full bar of people right i mean ish because we went to another show a couple nights later where it was straight up capacity where they had everybody social distance you know seating where it was yeah the kill tony shows were you know reduced capacity there were and then bar shows are. There were empty seats on purpose around you and all that.

But it's taken just to even be there in Austin to experience this because L.A. has been shut down since March 11th for most of us. I know where you live in L.A. So were you just stuck

in that apartment building? Yes. You didn't go out anywhere? Were you just stuck in that apartment building? Yeah. Yes. You didn't go out anywhere? Where did you get groceries? Delivered? I'll lend this question to this guy. Much like the online rental applications and 90% of the driving.

I did all the grocery shopping and just dealt with it. Wore a mask and stayed away from people. Yeah. But I mean, did you have people that you could hang out with? I mean, in the building. Here's the thing. Here's how the Bretchells handled the pandemic. On the second day of the pandemic, we turned our couch into a bed.

We took our mattress topper that we that we use on top of our blow-up mattress for our yes that thing and we we put it we built like like a kid's fort kind of thing where we took a coffee table and the couch and we scooted them together and we built up the pillows so that they were to an equal level the mattress topper on top of that and we scooted them together and we built up the pillows so that they were to an equal level. And then we put the mattress topper on top of that and we turned the couch into a bed and we basically sat in that bed like the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for nine months while we smoked weed and got drunk and watched everything there was on TV.

So, yes, we were locked up. We were locked up together and we like each other. So it was fucking great. Yeah, when we first built the nest, which Tracy keeps referring to, when Bingo and I first moved to Bisbee, in the first three years, we go, you know what, the TV, the big TVs in the living room,

and we had that couch that the Chalys now have, We go, you know what? The TV, the big TVs in the living room. Right. And we had that couch that the Chalys now have. And we put a queen-size mattress in between an L-size couch. So we had the dogs had their own sides of the couches and then the queen-size bed in the middle. Because we didn't know anyone here. And we would just watch fucking dumb TV back when Netflix would send you the CD or DVD,

whatever, CD, in the mail. It would wait and just sit there. And that's when we kind of met neighbor Dave and Evelyn and they would come over and it was awkward for them to like sit on either side of our bed. Because the couch bed is everything. The couch bed in the living room our couch bed is everything so you're like get in dude we're watching let's go and now we just don't know how to break it down you know what i mean so

it's still up right it's still up not but now we're at the point where we're moving so we're like do you know like we we have to take it it's also part of it's also the final phase of a plan we sort of came to just organically. And that is that, you know, we've been in a one bedroom apartment in West Hollywood for six years and it's a small space. So what we realized is that whether or not you have a one bedroom or two bedroom apartment is basically a matter of will. Definitely. You know, I can make yourself a second bedroom. You have a two bedroom apartment.

You don't have a living room, but you have a two bedroom apartment and lounge and good lounge and baby all over the place. Looking good, feeling good. General hospital at any point. I am still there. Carrie Mitchell is a huge General Hospital fan.

For real. Not ironically. Even I'm caught up on the latest in Port Charles. Oh, no. Yeah, I know all about it. And listen, so do my neighbors. You know what I mean? Because it's been a pandemic for everybody.

They walk by our apartment and they say, they wave hello. And then they'll sit there with John. Who we just saw three days ago visiting Mamu. Susanna Lee. She was out. She was coming back to LA. Yeah.

We were down at back door Mike's party and then Mamu shows up. Christine Levine, for the listeners. Oh, that Mamou. I don't know if we say Mamou on the podcast. Anyway, I'm like, fuck. I was drunk, and I'm falling down as they're showing up.

I'm like, fuck, is that Susanna Lee from the famous 1200 block of Curzon? Also a Chez Curzon resident. Oh, is that what you call it? Chez Curzon. Yeah, we upped the game. The building, you know, will live on us. Well, it actually got bought over

so we'll see how long it lives on. The number of people that have at least crashed at that place comic wise from Ralphie May Celine Hinojosa no one remembers her except for us Mitch

Joey Diaz I have a fucking picture of Joey Coco Diaz in front of my original bunk beds that with his cock out. I mean, okay. And you go, wow. I didn't notice he got fat until I see this picture from 1996.

Were you going to actually see his dick? Yeah. Boom. Oh, no, you could see his dick still. Just a tip. He's got the giant dick that his gut would just push it even further down so it looks even longer.

I'm supporting this. Supporting this gut. Yeah, and so many people just moved in and out of that or crashed there. Did you guys keep just passing that lease off to people you knew? Without my lawyer present, I can't talk. Okay, I got you. Did you guys keep just passing that lease off to people you knew? So like recommending people? Without my lawyer present, I can't talk. Okay, I got you. Who's this guy?

What's with Mr. Questions over here? Well, I was picturing more of like a referral program. Like, you know, hey, I'm getting ready to move out, but I know who wants to move in. That did happen. You know, that was what I was thinking. Just like you said, you read every word in the thing. I still don't understand how rent control works.

Who subsidizes it? All I know is that in 1995, there's what, 12 apartments in this building? 12, yeah. Careful here. The smallest rent-to-own fucking... 10.

I have questions and now I want to ask them off the fucking podcast because you made me feel self-conscious, Shaylee. You'll know why. The comedians in Shay Kersan tradition will continue, though, because the very funny Sandro Iocolano will be moving in.

From the Issa with Andy cannabis trip. I don't know how to say it. Sandro Iocolano, we'll look him up on Instagram because his videos are fucking hilarious. Well, try.

Try and look him up. Spell it the best you can. Yeah, I'm going to put a fucking... Sandro like it sounds, Iocolano... Like it doesn't. Like it doesn't spell.

Straight down Sandro's throat. Something like that. I-O-C-A... Sancho. S-A-L-L-A-N-O. Oh, God. It's harder than I thought. I thought I had it until you did the handstand. Hey, Steelstone Industries people. That's the hot thing right now trending on Twitter.

Steelstone Industries in Holton, Maine. If you need asphalt work done and you're a municipality, because they don't really do private work. They mostly do cities. So if you need asphalt done and you're a city, go to 154 Steelstone Road in Holton, Maine. It's just past where the old dump used to be. And talk to Blake McQuaid, Blake McQuaid of Steel Stone Industries at 207.

Write it down. Tattoo it on your arm like a Holocaust survivor. 207-532-2422. We put the 22 in 2422. That's how you remember it. It's one of those things that makes you remember. Mnemonic device. Mnemonic device.

Thanks. And here's this message from Blake McQuaid. Hi, I'm Blake McQuaid. And if you need asphalt, you better be a fucking city. We don't do personal stuff. All right. And now back to the podcast you were listening to the doug stanhope podcast

So now that all the comedy store elite, both business and talent, who is going to take over the comedy store when it reopens? Eliza Schlesinger. Doesn't she already own it? Have I said too much secrets every every like I get promoted

ads from the comedy store a lot and I've noticed it's always like one female podcaster all the time like I didn't know who it was

and then all of a sudden now I'm peppered with it on all social media I mean I don't pay attention so I don't know who it is or I'd say LA is starting to wake up

and LA is starting to do things so the comedy store is supposed to open in the next couple weeks and we'll see yeah but I'm saying who are the people there that will take over

the new Joe Rogan yeah yeah there's well the new Kill Tony is the new oh yeah there were

there were a lot it's it's a misnomer to say it was Rogan because oh my god hey that's what we said in college. Wait, I never went to college.

That's how Carrie and I met. Who's the alpha comics that will go, okay. Yeah. There you go. I don't know because what's interesting is when Joe announced that he was moving to Austin, we were sitting on the beach with Tony Hinchcliffe trying to explain to him that he should not move to Austin because he will be the alpha male

at the comedy store. He can take over the comedy store. And he was like, no, I think I'm moving to Austin. And we were like, you're an idiot. And it turns out, it's like saying, but he would have been that person

because he's the kind of personality that would think that that's an important thing to do. Like that's something he would be like, I'm going to fucking own this place. And it would have been Tim Dillon, but now Tim Dillon moved to Austin too. So it's just hard to say.

I still don't know if Tim Dillon likes us or not. I swear to God, I don't know if he does. I think he tolerated us until you called him and said, hey, you left your underpants and shirt here, and now I think he hates us. No, I thought he hated us when he left. Well, then you titled the podcast about it, too.

Don't worry, it was only Patreon, though. We'll get to the bottom of it. Actually, Tracy already did. She plunged it. I did. You never want to plunge down anything Tim Dillon related. I really love Tim Dillon. And he was one of those guys that you go, oh, fuck.

You don't drink. This is going to go awkwardly. Because I was already drunk when he got here. Did his producer drink? No. Oh, so it was a teetotal. What's that? Hennigan's on the phone. He's the force of nature.

That's not a donkey snuck into the compound. Now, backdoor Mike's here. But Tim Dillon's a force. That dude, when he... He can't... He's one of those guys where they say, oh, they can't turn the comedy off.

Like, he doesn't. And it's not annoying in that, oh, that guy never knows he's, hey, show's over, bro. Calm down. You don't say that to Tim Dillon because he's always funny. It's like Andy. Right. Let him go. Let him go.

Right. It's hilarious. It's like, imagine Andy with a good business sense and his head together. Can't. My head just exploded. My head just exploded. He can't get his lighting right from week to week. Once again, I understand what the words are, but not in that context.

Every week on Issues with Andy, we're like, all right, let's get the lighting. And every week, Andy's got the sun half in his face and half not. And he's squinting, and he's trying to move a little bit week Andy's got the sun half in his face and half not and he's squinting and he's like trying to move a little bit to be out of the sun except when he did

Mad Dog Radio when he was perfectly lit and I go hey what time did you do that podcast he goes I don't know

what time was that oh like right about now it's like but now you've got a shadow across the bridge of your nose during the our podcast

mind dog tv uh i've seen so many comics here that are now going on that and he has a wide variety of people that go on that yeah it's mind dog is that tim dillon's what's mind on tv no no that's that's a dude okay so yeah we've gone off the track several times. Tim Dillon is the Tim Dillon show on YouTube. Yeah, he's not fucking with Andy. If there was one podcast that I would listen to, it would be Issues with Andy. Oh, man. Seriously.

You're just saying that. We're huge amongst people who don't listen to podcasts. Yeah. Doug, just so you know it is possible that you could listen to it it's not impossible for you to listen to Issues with Andy I can't listen to shit if I'm not on the road that's true

audible podcasts I need to do that West Texas drive without Kerry Mitchell behind the wheel. Uninterrupted. Issues with Andy. Listen to it.

When? Every Friday. Every Friday on Patreon. On Patreon. It's just $5 a month. Yeah, I think there's going to be. For less than a cup of coffee a day. Hang on.

There's probably going to be some shake-ups in the next few months with when podcasts come out because everyone's doing shit. Chaley's going away. Tracy's going away. You guys are in flux. Chad Shank, you never know what kind of... Chad Shank's rooted.

He'll still be available 100% of the time. Anyone want to get in touch with Chad? I'll carry some private Zoom meetings with y'all if we need to. Tracy, I do want to announce that Tracy is coming out of retirement. And Tracy, who has been Doug Sanho's personal bartender

and on the compound bartender for the last 10, I mean, 100 million years. When I went to Austin, one of the first things I said to Joe, because at that point, recently when you went back to Joe, I said, you have two of the best four bartenders I've known in my life. Like best in that not only the best bartenders that won't steal from you, that will run shit. You have two of them. And I go, you just missed the third.

She just left Austin to move to Portland. Lulu Monkey. Or did she? And he goes, Portland, that place is all fucked up. She'll be back. And by the time I was done doing the podcast, I get a text, Lulu Monkey's coming back. I locked her in.

Fuck you, Rachel. It's not even a live podcast. I locked her in. And the fourth one I actually called Drunk and Unsolicited is Erin Sheraton. The one that came down to bartend

during Bingo's fucking coma. Should I still come down? I go, yeah. We need you more than ever. And I called her. She goes, I can't move to Austin. I have a child. I go, but in theory, it's a great idea. Anyway, do we plug anything?

My new podcast, Mixtape Time Machine, with John Norris and Matt Collins in Alaska. We just finished our first 10 episodes, which is 1998. Well, we do it in clumps of songs. Why would I explain this to people who don't listen to podcasts?

Anyway, go find that. It's on iTunes. And I have to say... Give them the premise. This bank of songs, 10 weeks, 20 songs i get to pick each each week two songs that they have to defend which i say look i'm not i do remember i fucking hate a lot of music and 1998 i stopped listening to music because i stopped playing music in 1996 and I'm like

who's this Limp Bizkit guy? You know? So they have to explain it and I go I'm not going to judge this by what is actually really a better song it's how you two defend it.

And one time John comes in fucking hot on a hole and then the next week I go where's that fire for hole you had because now you're defending fucking corn? Are you fucking you're like lazy. hot on a hole. And then the next week I go, where's that fire for hole you had? Cause now you're defending fucking corn. Are you fucking,

you're like lazy. You're being, yeah. So it is a, it's a lot of fun. And I love those guys. Those are two of the open micers that started up in, in Anchorage and they're fucking awesome. So mixtape time machine.

It's on iTunes. At HD fatty. You can hear them on every podcast with Jalee or without. I'm also on Twitch. Yep. Twitch at HD underscore Fatty playing Grand Theft Auto now. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Tracy's parents were in town and we were trying to explain what Chad does. And it just, it makes parents' heads explode. When they go, wait a minute, he just drives around in a cab?

Wait, in a real cab? No, no. It's a virtual cab in a game where he should be playing, but he's not playing, but then he's just requesting songs and he's running over fire hydrants and crushing people.

What? I've upped the game on that now. I've discovered if you play online, requesting songs and he's running over fire hydrants and crushing people and they make money? I've upped the game on that now. I've discovered if you play online, I can sit in my apartment virtually, smoke bong hits and watch the news channel of other people

running from the cops. Every player that's online that runs from the cops will show up on the news channel until they die or escape the cops. So now I'm going to watch a fake TV with other

real people playing fake games. I understand it as much as I understand fucking NFTs or Bitcoin. It's the same fucking level of I don't get it. This is fucking the Matrix. You took the blue pill. Listen, non-fungible tokens are each unique in their own

life. You can own a piece of digital art that is yours and yours alone. Non-fungible tokens are each unique in their own you can own a piece of digital art that is yours and yours alone non-fungible token people make millions of dollars on twitch and uh just wait not one of them rides around in a fucking taxi just just wait until you'll show them one of the characters on grand theft auto that you're watching in in your watching of it is gonna like attain sentient thought and like realize like oh am i real or am i part of simulation like yes there's a guy named chad who's sitting in his house watching you at all times well one of the other things is online, you can go into the casino. We just discovered this last night.

And you can bet on horse races. One of the horses, I just bet a shitload of money on a horse named Hennigan Steed last night. And I was shouting the whole time, oh, Hennigan Steed! It was fun. But you can play

roulette. It's a roulette game. My point is there was people in the chat who would say, put a thousand on this. And I would put a thousand on that. And they would bet, I'll give you five subscriptions gift subs if it hits.

And it would hit several times. And people would follow through with it. And I was like, I'm paying fake money for people to give me real money. It's fucking the weirdest. I don't understand it at all. But thanks to everybody. My pinned tweet at HDFatty on Twitter will tell you how to subscribe for free if you have Amazon Prime. From Amazon.

You don't have to pay anything. Here's the big part that I really want to promote. You don't even have to watch it. I don't even give a shit if you watch it. If you just go and subscribe with your thing, I get $2.49 of real money that you don't even have to pay for. That's already paid for by Amazon. You've already paid for it with your Amazon Prime subscription.

It's ridiculous. I'd appreciate it. And if you want to see Carrie Mitchell, wait for the grand opening of Joe Rogan's Club in Austin, and she will be behind the bar making sure that you are perfectly served. She doesn't need social media. You know what?

I was out during the whole... You're going to have a great time. She is social media. And then ask yourself, how did she get here tonight? And you will say, I'll bet it was Brett Erickson that drove her to work. Gosh darn right. And his hair.

We forgot to mention his hair. And the hair. I mean, for real. Dropped her off and then peeled out of the parking lot. Like Pegasus. Go get him, baby. He's got wings. Pegasus.

He's got wings. Did you just say pegging us? We're in. We got to go. Take us out, bingo. Okay. Bye-bye now. he's got wings he's got wings did you just say pegging us we're in we gotta go take us out bingo okay bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.