The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#443: Allay Your Tarmac (Hennigan's Special Cup)

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

Hennigan wants to unveil his new cup, offers Kristine $400 for a night with her dog and receives a raise in commissions from Stanhope.  Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclu...sively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded April 11th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Kristine Levine (@kristinelevine), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).  Edited Chaille We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Freshly - Go to Freshly.com/stanhope for $40 OFF your first two orders. BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty  Ask Vodka Juicebox - askvodkajuicebox@gmail.com (@vodkajuicebox) Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:24 and they're always delivered fresh, never frozen, ready to heat and enjoy in just three minutes. Right now, Freshly is offering our listeners $40 off your first two orders when you go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope. Stop stressing about dinner. Go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope for 40 bucks off your first two orders. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Doug Stanhope Podcast waiting on Brian Hennigan. We have Christine Levine here.
Starting point is 00:01:06 We have Chad Shank. We have Chaley. And we have a cast of people who might finish their barbecue and chime in. But in the meantime, hi, Christine. Hi, honey. Oh. Sure, sure, sure. It was sitting right up there.
Starting point is 00:01:26 You're right. Wait, your cup? Yeah, you brought it out there. I know. What are you, cunts? No. Hey, I ain't James Inman. I might disagree.
Starting point is 00:01:41 I'm James Inman. I'm James Inman. Oh, James Inman. I'm James Inman. You're not worthy of'm James Inman. I'm James Inman. I'm James Inman. You're not worthy of being James Inman. I want to let the listeners know we have a bunch of folks
Starting point is 00:01:57 here. Hennigan's very jealous that Chad Shank and Joby have their own special glasses that no one's allowed to touch. But not jealous in a nasty way. I know. Envious.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Envious. So Brian Hennigan shows up. Yes. And he's like, oh, I have my own cup. Now I'm like them. It's like I'm listening to myself. When we just walked out because of the cacophony of fucking
Starting point is 00:02:29 sound in here is deafening when there's a bunch of people eating fucking barbecue. All the best cacophony. Basically a sports bar where people are drinking. Yeah, but it's a box. The sound reverberates when we have nine people in here.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Hennigan takes his glass out. I can't get far enough away from that fucking sound. I'm with you, Brian. And he goes, oh, I go, is that your glass? Yes, but I'm saving it for the podcast. No one gives a fuck. No one's like sitting here with bated breath waiting for you to disclose your
Starting point is 00:03:08 cup. I know. It's out there. It's out there, Brian. You're just drunk. Your cup is out there. I beg to differ. Will someone look? It's a cup in a box. In a box? Yeah, it's cellophane
Starting point is 00:03:24 wrapped. Itane wrapped. It's wrapped. You know when this bar was first built, Stanhope said, if you have a favorite glass, bring it over and we'll put it on the shelf. And I had a glass that I drank out of at home, but I drink more over here.
Starting point is 00:03:37 So I said that, I'm going to give you to a new home. And I brought it over here. I've been continually envious of that. Couldn't you have just brought your own glass at any time? Well, I did! Just throw! I know, but couldn't you have done that before? Alright, everyone has to just step off. Everyone, empty your pockets.
Starting point is 00:03:53 There is a boxed cup in this vicinity. Oh my god, everybody needs to calm down. A boxed cup? Can you describe it? Is that a UK? Listen, listen, listen, everyone, everyone, listen. Everyone, everyone. Let's bring this back to the beginning of a podcast. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:10 I know we've been here for a while, but let's pretend this is starting. So they will find Brian's glass. So he stops throwing a temper tantrum. I sincerely doubt it. Oh, my God. If I could remember Dashiell's name, I would have dropped it. That's his name. That's it.
Starting point is 00:04:28 That was his name. Zing. Bean and Hope coming soon. I feel I need to join the search. He doesn't trust them to find his glass.
Starting point is 00:04:41 I believe that Hennigan, you didn't leave the fucking... No, it was sitting over here on the table. He thinks someone... No, no, he brought it out with... Oh, he did?
Starting point is 00:04:51 Yeah, but we only went to the patio. Yeah. It's up there. Yeah, exactly. It's just there's a lot of clutter up there now that we've had all these people. Like sands through the hourglass. These are the days of our lives.
Starting point is 00:05:05 But this one isn't it. No, that's a nice glass. That's a good one, too. Maybe I'll take this one. That's from the Makers Mark Christmas set. That's a goddamn great glass. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been drinking for quite a while. Hannigan is going to be on tilt.
Starting point is 00:05:22 So let's focus. No, he already is. But we can't over talk him. We need to let him get himself wound up like a James Inman. And go tits up. We can hear him caterwalling at the fucking whoever else is out there. Oh, my God. He has me fucked!
Starting point is 00:05:45 He returned. Oh Oh my God. He has me fucked! Oh, he returned. Oh my God! Isn't this the best podcast ever? It certainly is. It certainly is. Talk about a cliffhanger. Let me see that goddamn Christmas glass.
Starting point is 00:05:57 What is it? Beat it, pudgy. What is it? So, go on. So, let him go so ever since
Starting point is 00:06:08 so every now and then when I would come down to the funhouse in Dogstown Hope's residence and
Starting point is 00:06:15 Chad's glass would be vacant I would use it without realising it was Chad's glass because it was a cool looking glass it was the biggest
Starting point is 00:06:24 and then one day it was explained to me oh no that's Chad's glass because it was a cool looking glass. And then one day it was explained to me, oh no, that's Chad's glass. And I was like, oh that's fantastic because I was kind of simultaneously appreciative and envious and jealous at the same time. And it reminded me
Starting point is 00:06:38 of how in Japanese bars is a kaiya. Like when you go into a bar, one thing in Japan is you can actually buy a bottle of spirit or whatever and it's left behind the bar and when you walk in they bring it down it's your bar and it it creates an instant contact like it's like cheers for everyone so so something I always aspired to was a glass that would be good for that situation in the
Starting point is 00:07:07 Doug Stanhope Funhouse, right? So, but it had to be a decent glass. And then one day I was in the thrift store and I found this glass, right? Okay, I found this glass. The decent glass store? No, yeah, yeah. So what it is, is this. It's from a promotion in 1991.
Starting point is 00:07:29 This is the person that represents me. It was, yeah, yeah. All over the country, other comedians are going, I wish I had a manager who had this appreciation for detail. And was so obsessed with glassware. Yeah, exactly, so obsessed with glassware Yeah exactly so obsessed with glassware We're going to send Brian Hennigan To Austin to poach people
Starting point is 00:07:49 To come to Bisbee Don't even joke about that Don't even joke about that because Rogan will be furious Because he'll be like What the fuck Anyway so I found this glass And it's from 1990 And it was given away Wait did you say 1919 fuck? Anyway, so I found this glass, and it's from 1990, and it
Starting point is 00:08:05 was given away. Wait, did you say 1919? Yeah. For the listener, that's called the olden days. Yeah. And it was given away on the top of some Seagram's liquor, right? Like cellophane wrapped to the top of a bottle. And I
Starting point is 00:08:21 found one that had never been unopened. You can't open it yourself. So here's the thing. It features, this magnificent glass features the three fake signatures of legendary quarterbacks.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Now I did want to make this... I thought you were going to say Led Zeppelin. This sounds like if Drunk History QVC had it. Drunk QVC! gonna say led zeppelin this sounds like the like uh if the drunk history a qvc had best ideas so it has the fake the fake signatures of three legendary quarterbacks. And I want somebody in this room to identify who they played for. Back to our mic.
Starting point is 00:09:13 We'll do it. Okay, here's the first one. Sonny Jorgensen. Jorgensen. Motherfucker. Washington football team. Wait. No, not at that time.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Mike, come over here. Get on mic. Sonny, hang on. Washington football team. Wait. No, not at that time. Mike, come over here. Get on Mike. Sunny, hang on. Wait, wait. Quick fact, pop-up video. Sonny Jurgensen and fucking the other guy. He's Dutch. Jurgensen.
Starting point is 00:09:38 They were at one of my earliest shows at Knuckleheads. What? In Phoenix, the Phoenix Knuckleheads. Wow. Kilmer.. Kilmer. Not Kilmer. What's the other quarterback after Sonny Jurgensen? Billy Kilmer?
Starting point is 00:09:52 Billy Kilmer. Okay. They were at my show. So, okay. Okay. Next signature. Earl Morrill. Harold?
Starting point is 00:10:02 Spell it. E-A-R-L. Earl. Morrill. Earl Morrill. M-O-R. I'm going to say Baltimore Colts. hmm herald or spell it a r l earl oral earl moral m o i'm gonna say baltimore colts that sounds good i like that yeah baltimore did i get it really possibly we'll never know next one he just opened it i can remember the one, and you were right about that. But the next one, I have no idea. Okay, here's the last one. Ken Anderson.
Starting point is 00:10:32 Oh, Cincinnati Bengals. Okay, so here's the trick aspect of that. Guess which one of those three was black. You're a trick aspect. Oh, the one you couldn't remember. Oh, boom. Wow, you didn't believe that.
Starting point is 00:10:49 They didn't have black quarterbacks in the 70s. So anyway, this is now my glass. Okay. That is absolutely your glass.
Starting point is 00:10:57 Seagram's Veal Golden Quarterbacks Challenge Number Two. Oh. You got it. You got it. Yay. Do you want to have my ice and vodka in there right now? Yes. It looks a little Challenge number two. Oh. You got it. You got it. Yay!
Starting point is 00:11:06 Do you want some ice and vodka in there right now? Yes. It looks a little dusty. Hang on. He brought his own. I'm going to wipe it out. He brought his own bottle. Yeah, he brought his own spirits as well.
Starting point is 00:11:15 I just want to say for one second that the non-usage of my cup when I'm not here had nothing to do with me. I was somebody else making that decision. They were so respectful. That's odd to hear. Yeah, most of them. A couple that said, fuck them. Well, yeah. If I'm not using it,
Starting point is 00:11:38 what the fuck difference does it make? If I'm here and you're using my glass, I might say, hey, can I have my glass? But I probably wouldn't. I'd probably just let you use it. I don't know. Hey, hey, hey. Breaking news. Breaking news.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Earl Morrill. Backdoor Mike is just bringing in a picture of Earl Morrill. And he is not black whatsoever. He's not black to you. Because Stano doesn't see color? So racist. Babe, you grew up where? What is going on?
Starting point is 00:12:18 Please. A moment for the listener. Hey, listeners. Thank you for drinking with us. I hope if you haven't been drinking, you paused this podcast, had several drinks, and then rejoined it in progress. Brian Hennigan didn't want to be on earlier podcasts because he wasn't ready. Now he's hot. Oh, I'm ready.
Starting point is 00:12:43 Oh, I'm ready. Woo. Ha ha. Woo hoo. Oh boy. You're so ready. So Christine went and sold me her dog for $400. No. She bought it for me.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Hang on. Hang on. Christine Levine is here. If you forgot the opening of this, Christine Levine is also here as a guest and she's been overshadowed by a cackling hennegan. This is fucking fantastic. Some feet. So Christine Levine has a dog named Honey. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:13:13 That's so good. Did you name your dog Honey after Lenny Bruce's wife? No. Well, I didn't name her Honey after anything. I just kept calling her that because I didn't know what else to name her. That's simply not true. You named her, at the very least, Honey after a sticky substance produced by bees. Yeah, at least that.
Starting point is 00:13:32 No, well, I mean, I just... Or a colloquialism, meaning... Let's all try to use big words at this hour. That was her mistake. No, I just kept calling her that because I didn't have a name for her. I was going to name her Mabel or Helen or something like that. And then Pebbles. I didn't know.
Starting point is 00:13:50 Pebbles? I wanted to name her Butter because I love butter. It didn't even occur to me to name her Honey. But then when I kept saying it, she kept turning her head, and I was like, oh, fuck yeah. Okay, fine. And then she got switchblade because, to be honest, she just was abusing me for a very long time.
Starting point is 00:14:08 You're always the victim. I am. Well, she's super fucking bitey. So Christine Levine's dog, Honey, is a basset hound that is very big and very long, but very short. She'll drink when she comes to the house. She'll drink from the dog water dish, and her ears are literally floating on either side of her head
Starting point is 00:14:37 because they hang past her snout. Yeah. That's how I want to go. You're almost doing that with the microphone. Well, let's get back to this indecent proposal situation that
Starting point is 00:14:56 was brought up. So you offered her $400 for one night with your dog. Oh, well. But it was, at first, it was $300, which I laughed $400 for one night with your dog. Well, he wants to buy her. But at first it was $300, which I laughed at because I got a job now, bitch. I fucking work.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah, and Hannigan does it for a year. Yes. Oh, Hannigan, hang on. Hannigan, we wanted to promote you because you... Why? I wanted to give you the Manager of the Year Award. Oh, yeah, good. Because Hennegan, we have a unique business agreement
Starting point is 00:15:39 where he only works for me, and he gets a larger percentage than other fucking cunts in the industry. only works for me and it gets a larger percentage than other fucking cunts in the industry. So I want to take that percentage that I have
Starting point is 00:15:52 paid you over our career and increase it just for the year of COVID to 100% commission of my road work. Thank you. Congratulations. I am the fun house Rogan.
Starting point is 00:16:06 I am very magnanimous. Spread it around, brother. Also, in that spirit, in that spirit, as I explained to Doug the other night, Aubrey, my girlfriend, who I guarantee will one day be my wife, she also... You're going to marry her on the Shadydale yacht too? who I guarantee will one day be my wife. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:27 She also... You're going to marry her on the Shadydale yacht too? Wait, wait, wait. She said to me about two months ago, she said, you know, if you loved it, you'd put a ring on it, which is something she said a lot. But then she also said, after that, she said, but don't worry because I understand that the value of the ring
Starting point is 00:16:48 is related to what your income is, so please don't do it this year. Smart lady. Yeah. And I was like, actually, I think we'll do it this year. Hey, shout out to Aubrey, who's actually working to pay the bills. And to Bingo, who's collecting disability to pay the bills and to Bingo who's collecting disability to help pay for the fun house because we ain't making
Starting point is 00:17:10 shit. Wait, you're a kept man? Yeah, in effect, yeah. You like it? I love it. Seriously, I've never had a problem with that. Listen, hang on, hang on, hang on. Everyone, slow down. Hennigan, back in his sober hours in the daytime,
Starting point is 00:17:27 was complaining. Oh, no. Complaining. You don't say. About, well, he has a dog named Doris. That's right. A wily dog. Not unlike Barnabas or...
Starting point is 00:17:44 That's not good company point being he was complaining about because they live in Vegas she's working all the night hours he had to walk the dog twice a day while yeah while at the same time five only five out of seven, while at the same time doing absolutely nothing. Managing your career. Whoa! Ow! No wonder you want one. Whoa!
Starting point is 00:18:18 Hey man, they've been making fun of me for being a loser for a long time. You'll get used to it. Just settle in. You started it used to it. Just settle in. You started it. Work your ass into that saddle. You may sound like a hardship. Back up,
Starting point is 00:18:34 Speedy Bob. Oh my gosh. I have got some facts for you that will allay your tarmac. Okay? I don't think that made any sense. Allay your tarmac. Bring it to my tarmac. Allay my tarmac. Okay. So. I don't think that made any sense. But he's sitting here with confidence. Bring it to my tarmac. Allay my tarmac, sir.
Starting point is 00:18:51 With your dossier. That's the name of this podcast. Before you call me when you edit this, you go, yeah, allay my tarmac with Brian Henneken. I'm looking for paper right now. Allay or belay? Allay. Allay. Freshly,
Starting point is 00:19:09 that's our sponsor. And they're being a new sponsor. They sent me a boatload of things that I'm out of town to not enjoy. So, bingo,
Starting point is 00:19:18 since she doesn't cook, is tearing into them. And then she started handing stuff out to the Funhaus crew. And evidently, it's turned into a soup kitchen with all of our friends coming up to bingo. Hey, you got any more of those Freshleys? Do you give away all those Freshleys?
Starting point is 00:19:36 I want another one of those Freshleys. So evidently, the response is overwhelming. Dinner time can be chaotic. But with Freshly, it's easy. Their chefs take care of your meals a few nights a week and take all the pressure off of you. Freshly offers chef-made, nutrient-packed, delicious meals delivered fresh to your door. No cooking required. Grocery shopping and cooking can be a pain in the ass, especially right now. And with Freshly, you don't have to. Your meals arrive
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Starting point is 00:20:53 Freshly brings the convenience of chef-made, nutritionist-designed classics right to your kitchen. Right now, Freshly is offering our listeners $40 off for your first two orders when you go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope. Stop stressing about dinner. Go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope for $40 off your first two orders. That's Freshly.com slash Stanhope for $40 off your first two orders. So here's the important part. I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr. Inman? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Be fair. Just let me snort. So here's the important part. I've genuinely forgotten what you said. The dog walking. God damn it. I laid my termag. Oh, no, but what's the issue?
Starting point is 00:21:42 You've been busy that he doesn't know about. Hang on, hang on, hang on. You've had jobs that he doesn't know about. Hang on, hang on. You've had jobs that he's unaware of. Brian is trying to think, and there's too much crosstalk. Go ahead, Brian. We'll give you a minute. Thanks. So the thing with the dog walking is this.
Starting point is 00:21:56 It's the same stuff. If you live in a city where it's permanently 120 degrees. No, actually, you know what? I need to defer on this. Sidebar to the dog? Is he texting on me? I mean, he's not wrong. I wanted to say that.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Hey, Brian. I'm back on. Okay. Brian, do you remember the early days of the podcast where we would give people 24 hours of whatever we called it? Buyer's remorse. Buyer's remorse. Yeah, we don't have that anymore. I know.
Starting point is 00:22:37 That's good. This is live. Yeah, but you should never have had that. I agree. I don't get it either. So keep going. I don't have had that. I agree. I don't get it either. So keep going. I don't have anything else.
Starting point is 00:22:53 You said you fucking figured out what you were talking about with honey and $400 and buying her dog. Remember, you're walking your dog, Doris, and you're mad about it because you got to do it twice a day when it's hot. No, it was twice a day. I'm playing with her. Yeah. I was playing with her. Holy fucking shit. Why don't you get rid of her? For free. Tell she's lost i i why would you even get a dog no but believe me i i tried that why would you even get a boyfriend obri was like no no she's like my baby which i can never have and uh and i said well
Starting point is 00:23:20 suck it i got dark oh penning, men can't have babies. I don't know why you think you could have that. I thought he was talking about the dog. Put the tube in the dude. Okay, how about 500? No, no, no. If you're in the hundreds for that. I already told him that.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Why do you want the dog? Yeah, because he's got this shit horse. I get it. Whoa, she's got a shit. He's going to make it walk his other dog. No, no, no. Listen. That's his plan.
Starting point is 00:23:49 I figured it out. He should have got an Australian shepherd dog that will herd another dog. He got a husky that just wants to run the line. Maybe he thinks Christine's dog will turn around earlier and want to go home than his dog, so he doesn't have to walk them as far. That's a valid argument. I got this dog because it's like her legs are so short, she gets tired before I do. And I mean, look at me.
Starting point is 00:24:16 So it is kind of a perfect relationship. I understand his wanton one. I get it. Yeah, she's real low. It's so stupid to make a fucking bass a hound. I don't know why they would do that. Are you questioning God? No, that's humans.
Starting point is 00:24:30 We did that. Why wouldn't you take the money and just go get another dog? That's what I was about to ask, too. How much does it cost to get another dog that's newer? Adopt a rescue. Oh, well. Here in Bisbee. Get a new one.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Puppies are better. Puppies are better. Hey, you want a goat? No. Oh, my God, no. Oh, well. Here in Bisbee. Get a new one. Puppies are better. Puppies are better. Hey, you want a goat? No. Oh, my God, no. Uh-uh. I'm going to make, as a coach, I don't feel like the host of this anymore. I feel like it's gone out of control.
Starting point is 00:24:56 But I do want to make a line change, and I'm going to bring Tracy. I want Tracy over here, because Tracy has things to put in and she's always behind my back. She's Mike. I know, but I want you to stand over here. She's also making drinks the whole time. Doesn't this feel more like a group now? She's further from the ice.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Hi, Tracy. I'm very far from the ice. We don't need more to drink. We're good. I think she does. Actually, Chad does. And then you bring that one over here. I'll take a shot, by the way.
Starting point is 00:25:31 So what were you saying? I have no idea what anyone's talking about. Turn me down. Turn me down. I'm trying to shut up, and I still can't figure out what the $400 for honey. Let me tell you. Okay, just Christine Levine and I are talking. It did go to $500.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Oh, just now. Yes. Well, when I arrived, I saw Brian, said hello. He said, I want to talk to you about buying your dog. But only it was, I mean, like, sure, sure, sure. Talking about this. It was super cute. And I said, no, no, no. Talking about this. It was super cute. And I said, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Why? Wait. I said no immediately. But then I was like, but just for funsies. Like, let me hear your number. For Cleveland. Yeah, let me hear your number. Cleveland.
Starting point is 00:26:15 What would I get for Cleveland? So just open the negotiations. And then he, first of all, he fucking lowballed me with $300. But you know what? Oh, no professional negotiator ever opens with a low-ball. But that's super low. That's super low. That's disrespectful to me and my dog.
Starting point is 00:26:34 Hang on. Hang on. How many offers had you monetized the value of your dog before he said $300? So how would you know? I mean, I know what I... What do you got into the value of your dog before he said 300. So how would you know? I mean, I know what I... What do you got into the dog? Sorry. I got in a lot of money.
Starting point is 00:26:51 I mean, there's what she cost me to begin with, and then getting her fixed and all her shots and maintenance. Wait, you paid for that dog? She paid. She paid. Okay, here's the thing. She was a run. Yeah, forgive me.
Starting point is 00:27:04 That's true. Yeah, but wait. Yeah, here's the thing. She was a run. Yeah, forgive me. That's true. Yeah, but wait. You paid a professional breeder for that dog. Well, I don't know if it was professional. You know what I'm saying? It wasn't a rescue. There was a lady in Mexico. No, she wasn't.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Well, she was in Mexico, and then she moved to Phoenix. But anyway, it doesn't matter. Don't they all. Listen, no matter what? She's really nice. If you get a puppy, you still rescue the dog. That's what I'm saying. You rescued it from a life in a puppy mill. You rescued it early.
Starting point is 00:27:34 That's all. It wasn't her fault. But they didn't want her anyway because she was a runt. And she was super tiny. And she is still really small for a basset hound. They're supposed to get up to 65, 70 pounds. I know. That's a normal basset hound. I know a solid size basset hound. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:49 She is tiny. She is tiny. 525. No, I'm sorry. You know what? I know, but I don't need... Hold on a second. 525 wasn't the weight of a basset hound. He just offered you 525 for the dog.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Can I just... Let me tell you why I can't, oh God, I'm sorry, my phone, I'm sorry I didn't. Is that another offer? Is it Gashi? Is someone taking Christie's? Like, we have another offer from Ostia? Yeah, that looks so amateur. So what is, what I love about this dog is that
Starting point is 00:28:20 when I take her to the vet. They say it's worth $700. No, the vet doesn't. The vet sees me coming. Now, I have this problem with my kids. Everyone sees you coming. Yeah. That's true.
Starting point is 00:28:34 That's true. Okay. No, no. Too easy. No, it's just. Okay. So, what happened when I was taking my kids to the doctor when they were kids, it was always like, your kids are fat and then
Starting point is 00:28:46 they look at me and i'd be like yeah no shit okay like what an apple tree i got it but then the vet they see me and they go this is like the healthiest basset hound i've ever fucking seen and you don't know the pride i get that being a fat woman and having a fit dog I'm like fuck you yeah you're god damn right my dog's not fat fuck off that's priceless why would you pay for that I know but for me what you're seeing is $5.35
Starting point is 00:29:15 you're going up a $10 entrance I thought he backed down from $7 you gotta keep going up but it feels so good. Yeah, you can't pay for that, Brian. If I had known that was going to make me build my self-esteem, that kind of thing, my kids wouldn't have been fat. I would have done better.
Starting point is 00:29:33 I would have done a better job. You needed a vet to tell you that? Can I chime in? Because I still don't know why Brian Hennigan wanted to buy your dog at any price. Because they have a real connection. Let her talk. That's classified. I think she really does like...
Starting point is 00:29:55 When she saw him last time, she was like super into him. Oh, I get it. She really does love him. And I'm not sure Doris has given it to him. The likeness factor. That's what Doris is like. Believe me, Doris loves me. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:30:10 He's not getting it at home. He has to find it somewhere else. Is that what you're saying? Domo. Domo. Domo. Doris. Doris lacks no action.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Hang on. Backdoor Mike has a question. Backdoor Mike of Dots Diner at the Shady Dell. Yes. The best breakfast and lunch. Get there early because it's fucking packed. Get there early. That's for sure.
Starting point is 00:30:38 If you can't find it, look for the sign for the other place that's in front of their place for some reason. But anyway. And then go right. Yeah. My question was just how much can we get for Henry Phillips? Oh. Henry Phillips. Henry Phillips.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Shout out to Todd Glass. A lot of people thought it was. Wait. Seriously. A lot of people thought it was Tom Brady's last season. Henry Phillips at the same. Yeah. Come on. Totally true. She's still hanging on, man. A lot of people thought it was Tom Brady's last season. Henry Phillips had the same... Yeah. Come on.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Totally true. She's still hanging on, man. Yeah. She could still kill somebody we don't like. I never know. But she's... I'm in the room, she just said. She's not killing anymore.
Starting point is 00:31:19 She's not killing anymore. I should buy the headstone now, though. Oh, no. I was going to bring this up in front of Carrie Mitchell. Thank God she's not in the room. We talked about some exercise program where we're going to dig out Henry's grave next to Ichabod's grave. And then when she said, oh, we're coming back through on our way back to Austin, I go, oh, we could make Rooney's
Starting point is 00:31:48 her dog's grave on the other side of Ichabod and bury Henry and Rooney on the other side of Ichabod. Oh, like the photo we have of the three of them before they attacked each other. Yeah. How did that go?
Starting point is 00:32:04 That conversation with what's-her-name? I didn't bring it up. She's very touchy about Oh my God. This is a beautiful picture. How did that go? Like that conversation with what's her name? I didn't bring it up. She's very touchy about Rooney. Really? Is Rooney alive? Have you seen?
Starting point is 00:32:12 Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, the tumors on Rooney are alive. Yeah. We know that. That's what's powering them?
Starting point is 00:32:20 We think that it's like alien. We're. But she's, she's always been very helpful with me. Who? Carrie or Rooney? Oh, yeah. Been helpful with you?
Starting point is 00:32:34 Yeah, yeah. Not a sexual way. She'll tug you off. If you tip enough, she'll tug you off behind the VIP bar. Are you my old dog? Whoa! What? She is here.
Starting point is 00:32:47 What? Wow. I have thought of so many business things over this stupid COVID year. Which is why I was fearing. One was actual, hey, pet cemetery.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Your fucking pet die, you can bury cemetery. You fucking pet die. You can bury him next to Ichabod. Oh, that's great. Next to a star. That's sweet. Kind of a star. Because Brian Hennigan has not come up with a lot of business proposals. I'm like, all right, hey, let's rent out the guest house and do special shows in the fun house for six people.
Starting point is 00:33:26 One on one. No. Yeah. And bury your dog at the same time. Well, it's a package. It's a package. What are you going to do? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:33:35 You don't know? I don't know. Brian Hennigan shows up shit-faced with no answers. And looking for his cup. Yeah. I'm in negotiations with James Edmund And looking for his cup. Yeah. I'm in negotiations with James Edmund to be my new manager.
Starting point is 00:33:51 That's not even... Gotta keep your options open. I mean, you don't want to... You don't want to, like, limit yourself, Doug. I mean, that's really...
Starting point is 00:34:00 Yeah. Why don't you get Travis Lipski as well? To be his driver? Opener? Yeah. That's my joke. why don't you get Travis Lipski as well to be his driver opener yeah yeah that might get me
Starting point is 00:34:09 that might get me joke alert driver that might get me killed definitely driver I might by the time this comes out I might be dead
Starting point is 00:34:17 I might be dead also the big difference between Travis Lipski just to be clear Travis Lipski and James Inman is James James Lipski has never actually caused the death of people
Starting point is 00:34:29 or the serious injury. Well, Lipsky... Travis didn't kill anybody. Lipsky had the decency to back out of the comedy world when he shouldn't have, where James Inman is still in the comedy world. And Lipsky... Fuck Lipsky.
Starting point is 00:34:44 I'm sorry, he's a piece of shit. Oh, wow. All of a sudden, I'm alive. I'm proud of you for saying that out loud. I would never have that much guts. Yeah, I'm sorry. Lipski's a piece of shit. All right. But he had some funny bits.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Oh, wow. He had one funny bit about the fucking... Oh, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. That is pretty funny. Look at me, look at me, look at me. Right? Can't see a biker without thinking about it. Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:35:14 I did it to my parents the other day. But I remember when he cowered in Milwaukee about doing that bit. He's like, this is the home of Harley Davidson. I won't do it i'm like wow then you don't have any material back off of it on that then what are you gonna do that's a great hmm that's such a great minute yeah yeah well that was like me doing the child molester bit in spokane did not go over over at all about how your children were. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:47 And it was just total crickets. And I just, and then I go, okay, okay. So I panic, you know. And then I was like, okay, so look, complicated. It's going to be complicated. But I used to work at a porn store. And what I'm trying to say is that, like, you can get guys in the porn store that are like, you know, I don't like no fucking kid fucker. I'll kill the motherfucker that homes my kid. But then you go and you watch the porn.
Starting point is 00:36:15 But how do you think those girls got like that in the first fucking place? Like, they had an uncle that was, you know, doing talent scout. So you kind of like it on some level, right? So I'm just meeting the whole audience in Spokane and then one guy in the audience goes, oh god! I just gutted him.
Starting point is 00:36:36 I don't know. Yeah, that was great. One of my favorite bits that you've ever done, you would be the first female comic canceled. Oh, I know. I saw that. I know.
Starting point is 00:36:52 Yeah. You know the bit I'm talking about. I do, but I think I could still. Why is it? Okay, can I give the premise away? Sure, sure. At least to us. Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:37:01 It was the bit about if you fuck a woman who's too drunk. Yeah, go ahead. It was the bit about if you fuck a woman who's too drunk then that's rape. But why can't I get out of a DUI for the same reason as a woman? Like, we should be able to by that logic, we should just be able to
Starting point is 00:37:22 get out of every fucking thing we do sideways. That's bad. Oh, I didn't know. I i was drinking i said yes while i was drunk would normally do that i said yes to killing this motherfucker i was just drunk i'm a girl i don't know what i'm doing brilliant bit what do i do yeah i i did see that um there see that there is a state now that revoked that, that made it illegal. Was it Minnesota, probably? Mississippi.
Starting point is 00:37:52 Yeah, maybe. But revoked it and said that, no, it's not rape when a woman's drinking. And I was like, oh, my God, I can bring that bit back and only do it there. But there are so many feminists that are like, this is fucked up. We can blah, blah. And I'm like, well, hold on a minute. Hold on a minute. We do have autonomy over our own bodies and we can decide what we want.
Starting point is 00:38:17 I'm not stupid and useless. No, no, no. Yeah. And I know it's a shame that we have to get drunk. Well, and also from a male perspective, all of a sudden, more than half of my shit doesn't count. That was all under duress more than half the times I got laid. Now, I'm a creep, shit. Yeah, right, you are.
Starting point is 00:38:39 And I generalize, but men where you go, oh my God, I can't believe I fucked that lady. Like you get to an age we've talked about where you're more proud of pussy that you didn't. Oh my God. Thank God I didn't fuck that weird lady with the fucking eye looking at her meth teeth. Or that didn't result in litigation. I mean, yeah. I think that's more the point of pride. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Like, yeah. But I don't know where everyone else's head is, but I grew up thinking pussy is a commodity that you should feel lucky to get. So I didn't have a lot of standards well that was the goal when I was in a band it wasn't to pursue musical excellence I was at least self aware enough to know that I was trying to get laid and it worked a lot I checked a lot of you fucking females into doing it
Starting point is 00:39:46 but at the same time now I'm like I'm glad but they tricked you into doing it how many times hang on I have a point going how many times were you on the road as a kid Hedberg had a joke about it where the fucking limited time only
Starting point is 00:40:01 the deer chalupa or something I think it was the- Venison taco. The rib. The McRib, I think. Oh, that's another one. Anyway, the point is, you go, oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:40:14 This girl is willing to fuck me because I'm a fucking mullet-headed kid on a stage in Walla Walla, Washington at the Red Apple. I still remember you, Victoria Smith. But I can't Google you because you have a very common name. Yeah, you
Starting point is 00:40:31 fucked me. The drunkest I've ever driven where someone from the club was following me. She ran the karaoke after the comedy. And one of the most beautiful women ever
Starting point is 00:40:47 and she's like, well, just try to fuck me in the ass because I couldn't get it up at all. She's like, Is this that hard? I was so drunk. First of all, she's running karaoke after open mic or whatever
Starting point is 00:41:03 you were fucking doing. So he hung out for karaoke. The point is, I had been funny on stage. This is so admissible in the court. It's probably 1993 or two. Oh, really? And people in that town still know who you're talking about. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:41:20 Because you went karaoke. You mean the middle school teacher. Oh, yeah, we know her. It's easier to shove rope into her butthole than her vagina. I was driving so drunk that someone from the show followed me back with her in the car into the hotel parking lot. Motel, probably.
Starting point is 00:41:43 Parking lot. Like, are you okay? You were like all over the road. They ran block for you behind. I think I'm getting laid. And then I get fucking turtle dick. Perfect. That's cute.
Starting point is 00:41:59 Yeah. She's like, maybe just fuck me in the ass. Oh, my God. I remember that. And then I realized later, oh, well, that small fucking whiskey dick. I could take it. Just fuck me in the ass. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:42:14 Why is that the soft option? Just get the fuck out of here. I've been thinking it through. It's more friction. She's trying to get him out of there faster. She was in my hotel room. Get over here and you'll be done fast. I've been thinking it through. It's more friction. She's trying to get him out of there faster. She was in my hotel room. You get over here and you'll be done faster. Holiday Inn.
Starting point is 00:42:36 This podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp. You ever have one of those days where you wake up in the morning at 4 a.m., but you don't actually get out of bed to piss till 3.30 in the afternoon, but think, fuck it, it's drinking time. I've been awake for almost a day. Well, I had one of those days today, and I used the convenient and affordable private online counseling service BetterHelp.com. Anytime, anywhere, you just need someone to bloviate at. With BetterHelp, you connect in a safe and private online environment, so it's convenient. Do it at your own time and your own pace. Communicate with your therapist as often as you want and whenever you feel it's needed. Help is available at your time and your
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Starting point is 00:44:26 you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you're going to get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Did everyone notice that Hannigan left? Yeah, I did. He's looking for his glass. It's in his hand while he's looking for it. We definitely have to make him a glass, right?
Starting point is 00:45:00 Don't we? We have to make him a glass. He has a glass. Pull the screen shut and see if we can make hennigan run through the screen you definitely will and you will feel like an asshole when he does anyway bingo will you set the i don't know what's in oh she's wearing this he definitely will no the screen come on all right We don't want to kill him. Since we're going nowhere.
Starting point is 00:45:30 No, this is the best podcast ever. Bingo just showed up wearing a seal costume. The singer, not the animal. The singer. She's in blackface. Pocked barge. She's in blackface? Pocked barge? I did not say she was in blackface. I never said that at all. Just a lot of Who shot you in the face with rock salt?
Starting point is 00:45:52 Seal? So this is a beautiful story. She's actually a walrus. Whatever it is, there's a reason she has that costume. Before COVID for a couple years, Gary the Bagger at Safeway. Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:15 He's a special needs person. He's probably 58. I remember a couple years ago, it's my 57th birthday. We saw him today. Yeah. So did we. Yeah. but he had been gone for COVID did Gary get fired Gary when Bingo would show up
Starting point is 00:46:32 for some reason he would just start going slapping his hands like a fucking seal and then COVID comes and Gary's we don't know if he's been retired like everything like
Starting point is 00:46:49 no one worked there and then a year later Gary comes back in the last few weeks so Gary still remembers we have no idea why he claps like that at bingo we have no idea why he claps like that at bingo we have no idea yeah but she's a seal
Starting point is 00:47:09 so we never got like right before covid we bought that bingo's dressed as a seal or a walrus whatever it is to go fuck with Gary and she never got the chance so she just went and put that on and came in beautiful and eventually is that the one
Starting point is 00:47:32 that you put on Randall yes yeah oh the best yes he was the best and the mustache and the mustache
Starting point is 00:47:39 is fantastic that's what made her look more like a walrus than a seal because she has the mustache this is great for an audio podcast makes her look more like a walrus than a seal because she has the mustache. This is great for an audio podcast. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Somebody needs to take a picture. Whatever. We'll put that picture maybe as the default. We're wrapping up. I was going to ask you if you wanted to talk about the powder party that you don't remember. Oh, yes. I'm kind of hurt. Definitely. Please. Tracy Shaley says yes.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Yes. So you don't remember this at all? Can we get a little backstory? Because I don't remember it either. If it's the night you said Valentina was there and Bingo was there, I remember waking up. Yeah. She says yes.
Starting point is 00:48:20 I just remember waking up and having the booze shake so bad that everyone was worried for my livelihood. Well, so. Staying alive. Okay. Staying alive. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Anyway, sorry.
Starting point is 00:48:35 Go ahead. No, no, no. So I get a text from, I think, Stanhope, right? Yeah. And then it's like, we're here or whatever. You're in Tucson. At tucson and where are you yeah at the airport sheridan i think yeah and then um yeah hurry up okay so two hours later i hurry up your time yeah and then um and then ving and valentina are naked and i was like oh
Starting point is 00:49:01 are we doing this so i get get undressed. Like, what? I'm game. Christina has no problem. She's like, oh, we're naked. Okay, sorry, sorry. I didn't know that. I'm naked right now. Who wants to buy a dog?
Starting point is 00:49:14 Yeah, that's right. So I'm like, okay. So then, like, Stanhope is in panties. These pink, they were lovely, by the way. I don't know whose panties they were, but you don't remember this. I remember they were Mack Weldon's. Well, they were lovely. Oh, that's perfect.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Oh, yeah, they were probably pretty pink Mack Weldon's. Yes, I don't, and then, but lacy, like ladies. Yeah, nice. And then, but one, I remember this specifically, like I walked in and one ball is just on each side of the panties. It's called the Indian wedgie.
Starting point is 00:49:49 My God, I hate to say it, but I've seen it. We call it split the difference where I'm from. Okay, I was going to say, why you got to make it like. That's Alaska. Why you got to make it. Split the difference. But yes. I just called it, why the fuck is your hotel door open
Starting point is 00:50:05 if you're walking around like that? Do you know you're in the hall? Everybody's trying to leave right now. Clearly, I would too. Wait, that's so much more. Please tell us. You don't know the graphic detail of Doug's balls? Well, it was so great.
Starting point is 00:50:25 So there was a split the difference. And then they're like, hey, let's have a bath. And I said, oh, God, it's one of those parties. Okay. So we're going to wash me first? Well, I know how this is going. Because you're a mermaid. Yeah, I hang out at the sex club.
Starting point is 00:50:41 I know what we're doing. Hang on, hang on. When we had the quiet house, actually had the kind of fake above ground pool. It was a pool. And I remember Mamu, Christine Levine here. Hold on, I gotta shut the, I have to shut the glass door because Henneken is on fuego out there.
Starting point is 00:51:02 He is yelling, thank you, Mike. Because it is, yeah, it's picking up on, I'm getting it through the headphones. Okay is yelling, thank you, Mike. Because it is, yeah, it's picking up on, I'm getting it through the headphones. Okay, anyway, let's go. Hennegan's fucking on tilt. That's great. So there'll be an After Hours podcast. I remember Christine Levine, like,
Starting point is 00:51:18 how do I get into the pool? Because Christine Levine is a heavy set woman. Well, I don't want to go down the stairs. She's just laid. I'm going to roll in like a walrus. Yeah. It's what you said. Like over the ice flow into the Pacific.
Starting point is 00:51:33 And then, but guess what? Guess what, motherfuckers? I just get out that way too. So I assume that's how you got into the tub in this powder party I have no recollection of. I can't believe it. I can't believe you tub in this powder party I have no recollection of. I cannot believe this. I can't believe you don't remember powder party because I do. Oh, it was so great.
Starting point is 00:51:50 So then we get in the bathtub, me and you, and you wash me. And Haviland and Ringo are there too. And they're washing and just hanging out, whatever. Everybody's totally naked. Super fun. And then we get out. Did I look fat? fat no you're so cute never baby did he feel like compared to me no no three girls no he did not because he was the as
Starting point is 00:52:15 he always is he was the mc yes he was the leader of the pack he's the instigator he's the like yeah he's ahead of it you do this you do this exactly So then we get out, but he dries me down. He dried me off with a towel. Very nice. And then literally put powder all over me on the bed. And I mean all over me. And, like, it was like. He was looking for the wet spot.
Starting point is 00:52:40 That is what, you know what? You laugh. You make that fucking joke. But. Easy joke. That is, you know what? You laugh. You make that fucking joke. But. But. You know what? You're a hack. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:52:50 Hacky, hacky fucking joke. I thought it was funny. But you're totally right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we get powdered. And then we invite Kelly Carpenter, who's a singer, a friend of Bingo's. Wait, did everyone get powdered? No, just me.
Starting point is 00:53:06 I hope he saved some powder. Okay, because you said we all got powdered. No, no, I meant they powdered me. But Stan Hope was powdering me. I have my eyes closed. I'm picturing this. He's a powderer. Yes, he powdered me on the bed and was like, powder, powder, powder.
Starting point is 00:53:21 And I mean, everywhere. And I mean, under my boobs. How did you know to mean under my boobs how did you know to get under my boobs i don't even know you're not even fat he's a sensitive metrosexual yeah i was so impressed that you knew to get under my titties and in my fat rolls and you just powdered everything and it was so sweet you're very sensitive man i can't believe you don't remember well anyway so then Yeah, it really hurts my feelings. So then we had like, when Kelly came and then we had like a little sing-along.
Starting point is 00:53:53 We tried to get her naked, but that bitch would not do it. Would not do it. Like, how square do you have to be? Like, she's Kelly. Like, we know you don't wear deodorant. We know you're a hippie. Like, come on, baby. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:05 I didn't say it. I don't wear deodorant. We know you're a hippie. Rugby player. Yeah. I didn't say it. I don't call her Smelly Kelly. Other people do. But come on, honey. Why not get naked with the rest of us? But she was not about it. So what happened? I get that, though.
Starting point is 00:54:18 I'm not naked, but anyway. Well, here's the thing. Nothing happened. It was the sweetest, most precious, innocent naked time. Powdery never. No, that's what I remember. Because I was like, oh, I'm going to get fucked. I was like, wow, I'm going to get fucked by everybody.
Starting point is 00:54:36 And then, no. I did not get fucked. Not even a little bit. You guys are rude. Terrible. Is this where you guys showed up in the morning to do a podcast and I was like leaving Las Vegas trembling? I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
Starting point is 00:54:55 You don't remember? I don't remember. I totally remember that. Listen, if I woke up with powder on my fingers, I remember. You weren't there. We weren't there. But there was powder everywhere. How could I know? I mean. You weren't there. We weren't there. I know. But there was powder everywhere. How could I know?
Starting point is 00:55:06 I mean, listen. Powder party. You guys, we did this all without ecstasy and no cocaine, no nothing. Nothing. Why are you just going off the plane? Shut up. That's why I did what they asked us to do. I was sitting there waiting, like, when are we calling a guy?
Starting point is 00:55:19 What's going on? When are we actually doing that? It'll be here soon. Certainly these horny motherfuckers are going to break out pretty soon, right? I mean, they're not just going to make me go in. They're not holding out on me. I know what's up. They rolled me in powder.
Starting point is 00:55:34 They have to give me something. Exactly. You say powder. Where's the powder? Right? Oh, you mean baby powder. Fuck. I had just come off a plane.
Starting point is 00:55:43 You're like, oh, they're just innocent sons. But it was great. I knew you got fucked. I didn't know. I had just come off a plane. You're like, oh, they're just innocent sons. But it was great. I knew you got fucked. I had just come off a plane and I was wrecked from airplane drinking. And I remember because Valentino
Starting point is 00:55:59 brought it up several times where the next day where I just had the booze shake so bad where I like, I never want to see you like that again. Like that was scary. The next day. I got it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:15 Yeah. She says she's a sober person. She cares. And a warrior. Yes. A warrior. But that story being completed, Brian Hennigan, we're going to wrap this podcast
Starting point is 00:56:27 over Brian Hennigan came in now he's taking pictures like Zapruder Brian did you ask him something you wanted to close out the podcast I asked him to take the pictures he's supposed to be anonymous in this whole thing I didn't know he was going to
Starting point is 00:56:43 trip over everything on the way to taking the pictures. We're not talking about that. We're talking about the end of the story. I've never liked you. You better not be talking about me. He's talking about the dog. Last night, there was a conversation where I go, you know how everyone thinks Chaley hates them
Starting point is 00:57:02 when they first meet Chaley? Everybody does, yes. Because he's got a stern countenance I go With the difference between Chaley and Brian Brian actually does hate you Oh that is Accurate that's right yes he does
Starting point is 00:57:16 I'm getting t-shirts and always Backing up why No No That's a very important point because i have had this conversation with other people recently and the thing about that is this people are people don't understand in the sense that they they think and are confused because they think Greg Chile doesn't like them. And they're looking at evidence and seeing, oh, he did this or they did that.
Starting point is 00:57:55 But all Greg Chile does is he's very professional. Therefore, he will ignore you if you're not relevant to what is happening that is important. I'm about to cry right now. My mom finally in her grave says, oh, I can say my son is not an event planner. He works for Doug Stanhope. Because that is the best description. I want to give Brian Hennigan credit for being shit-faced drunk and actually making a salient point.
Starting point is 00:58:30 That's brilliant. That was very nice. And the difference is this, is that... The difference is you don't know how to not double down. It sounds like an ass-fucking-ass. Therefore, if you're like wandering
Starting point is 00:58:44 like a fucking clown into Greg Chili's world where he's doing something is there a mirror? and he's doing something that's important then maybe it comes across as he doesn't like you whereas the difference is
Starting point is 00:59:00 when you wander into my world and it comes across as I don't like you it's because I don't like you, it's because I don't like you. And that's it. I think I have a unique situation in both cases where, like, the first without Shaylee knowing anything about me or my background or who I was or anything. I can see that. So Shaylee was like, what the fuck are you doing? Who is this motherfucker?
Starting point is 00:59:37 We had a routine that was proven. And then we added someone who wasn't a comic. Yes. To a routine. As dead baggage and a wild card. To be fair. To be honest.
Starting point is 00:59:55 And no one's fucking her. Yes. Like Chad Shank was the comic that brings I just met this chick. That's right. I'm so glad we're talking about this right now because this was one of the scariest moments on tour
Starting point is 01:00:10 that Doug and I have ever experienced. Yeah. I've lost connection with reality for a while. Maybe. But the point is, you understand where a guy brings it. Oh, I met this chick. Yeah, Junior Stopka.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Oh, Maggie's on the road with us. Oh, yeah, she's here tonight. Don't drag the bag. She's here for like a week and a half. She's in the van. Mishka brought his teenage girlfriend. And I was like, oh. Clearly that was going to happen.
Starting point is 01:00:43 No. How did that sneak up on you? Wait, is that the same Mishka? Oh, okay. It's a different Mishka. Yes. So, Chad, continue with the Montana run. Well, I don't mean whatever you guys want to talk.
Starting point is 01:00:58 My point was that eventually, Shaylee and I got to know each other, and then Shaylee liked me, I think, and we got to where we're friends. And then Hennigan, much like all of us, hated me for real as well for a while. He hates everybody. Well, yeah. I mean. We're talking about perception.
Starting point is 01:01:20 Chad's perception. Sure, sure. I mean, and I could see reasons why, you know, Hennigan would hate me too. But after a while, I also grow to where Hennigan now hates me less than he hated me in the very beginning. And that's an accomplishment. I don't think Hennigan ever hated you.
Starting point is 01:01:38 He was too scared to hate you. No, no, no. Because your numbers are only a prepositive. Get on the mic. That's true. That's true. Chad's numbers were only a positive. Get on the mic. That's true. That's true. Chad's numbers were only ever positive. Numbers?
Starting point is 01:01:50 Numbers. My numbers. Yeah, my numbers go up. Doug, we register everything. There's a Q rating. He's monetizing Chad Shank's likability. It's called a Q rating. I'm down for that.
Starting point is 01:02:03 I like Chad Shank immediately because Bingo was like, trust me, he's solid. And I was like, yes. And I knew that she had been around him enough at that point because I was just visiting. She was the first one that really glommed on to you, right? Yeah, I mean, quite a bit. And then you and I had hung out and you were like, you know, kind of insecure. Where did you guys hang out? Here, you know. Oh, okay. We got to know each other and I was telling him, I were like, you know, kind of insecure. Where did you guys hang out? Here, you know, we got to know each other and I was, and I was telling him, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:02:29 you know, normally I'm kind of the muscle around here. And I'm glad. I'm the go-to gal. That is an absolute true story. And I immediately said, I defer to your authority. No, no, no. You were the muscle? Well, of course. I don't want to have to
Starting point is 01:02:49 anally digitally rape any of our guests again. But you will. But I'm glad it's you, Chad. I won't back down. I won't back down. I won't back down from the anal challenge.
Starting point is 01:03:00 That's right. Now you've got another finger right beside your finger. That's right. We should wrap this up finger right beside your finger. That's right. We should wrap this up. Oh, I forgot we're so long. Yeah, we have to wrap this up. Thank everyone of you for listening.
Starting point is 01:03:15 I hope you had as much fun as we did. We're going to continue this, and I hope you do, too. Subscribe on Patreon because that's how we actually make money. Yeah. Go to Patreon. This might only be on Patreon. Jaylee decides when he's sober. That's not for you to decide.
Starting point is 01:03:33 You don't need to bring that up. Patreon.com slash Stano Podcast. And we love all of you out there. And you get much access. Way more than we should. Wait till you hear the new Bean and Hope podcast. It's exclusive. Get on there.
Starting point is 01:03:52 Open beans. And that's it. All right. Hey, bingo. You left here with your SEAL costume, so why don't you hit that fucking, what do you call that? Your radio girl, Frank in the morning. Hit the post.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Hit the fucking. Hit the post. Hit the fucking Drop. Drop. Post is when you hit like right when the music goes into No reference to what you were saying. I know.
Starting point is 01:04:12 Get us out of here bingo quick. There you go. Okay bye bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.

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