The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#446: This One Will Do

Episode Date: May 22, 2021

Trust us, this is better than the first attempt. Doug catches up with Chad and Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded May 19th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Raider, Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Freshly - Go to Freshly.com/stanhope for $40 OFF your first two orders. BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/STANHOPE It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - twitter.com/hdfatty Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Want more annoying Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-…st/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - @scottyconant Photo Credit - EgglesterSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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hold on what happened i'm still trying to figure out this ipad how everything works start video there you are hello beautiful what do you see there? I see Chad. All right, good. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay. Fuck. I don't want to see. How do I? Go to speaker view. What the fuck did I not do?

Okay, gallery. Okay, I see. I see. Yeah, this is. What? We're all drunk. No, this is our second hour of issuesues with Andy, but Andy felt so bad that... Oh, man.

What do you mean, flamed out? A guy that is a producer on the DVD that's going to come out showed up during... Andy arranged this hour, these two hours to podcast, and yet this guy shows up during

the second hour. An hour in. It's like, Andy, you picked this time. Wait, he showed up in the shot? Yes. Andy got flustered and dropped Gatorade all over the floor. And it's like, oh, the lady's going to be mad. He's like, Gatorade's hard to get out. And I'm like, at the time, I'm trying to show a joke that it's only funny if you do it.

This Bill's Place is a bar that he grew up in that he delivered papers to that had porno magazines. It's kind of a trigger thing when he was a kid, right before he got molested. And I'm like, I got the coin that they used to give out for free drinks. And Andy's like, the stain's not coming out. There's a guy in here! And I'm like... I was so pre-Andy that he only randomly talked about being molested

and now that's his go-to. Yeah. His headphones were all askew off and he's trying to tell a story and he's on his knees cleaning Gatorade. He's popping up like a meerkat. He's like, dude, what are you doing?

He's like, the Gatorade. You know, Harvitz is getting to get out. He's like, no, I don't spill Gatorade. Oh. So, yeah. So we decided to continue on. I'm glad you did. Erickson just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

Oh. Yeah, I know about the Erickson fucking the guy that said the bad thing. Oh, no, not the bad. He has to get hernia surgery. Erickson's getting hernia surgery

on, like, Tuesday. Oh. We've had so many people come by. Oh, I have to get the hernia surgery. One of Bingo's sister's husband. Oh, yeah, I gotta get the thing. Oh, I get the thing. Quit lifting heavy things, man.

Go ahead. I would say all you lucky motherfuckers getting that laparoscopic hernia surgery. I have an 8-inch scar on my groinopic hernia surgery. I have an 8-inch scar in my groin from hernia surgery from the Army. And this was not during a time when they didn't

have laparoscopic surgery. They did. It just was the Army didn't give a fuck. Slice them open. They say it was a war wound. Bite on this stick. You're gonna feel it. Medic! We have a guy with a hernia.

Off, soldier, off! I always wonder about that, because when we were kids, Chaley's my age, they would make you get a hernia test, where they would fucking touch your balls and everyone would make jokes about it but i'm like that's the most pedophilic thing like oh you know

i'm gonna hold your balls and you cough like why why would you do that randomly of all the things that you could have as a child, a hernia is not really one. At that age, you're right. What are you? It's a fucking... That seems weird until Andy's story of

sawdust checks after... Yeah, wood chip checks. I guess for a sports physical, checking your prostate was a little too far over the line so they had to go with just balls. What if we said they were checking them for a hernia? That's reasonable.

Who has a hernia? Nobody. Please. What's the address? Stanhope Comedy at Gmail or whatever. StanhopePodcast at Gmail.com If you've had a hernia when you were fucking nine,

please tell us. Well, you'd be in the Guinness Book of World Records. We can look it up there. Everyone was terrified of hernia checks. Did you have that, Chad? Definitely. Turn your head and cough is a common joke. If I'm not

mistaken, because I'm not mistaken, because I probably blocked it, they're not grabbing your nuts. They're grabbing the perineum in between perineum. In between the dusty road. Kind of. They go up from the scrotum up into the fucking front wall

area is what they do. They enter you? Yeah. Well, I mean, to a degree, your scrotum is pushed inside you. Yeah. It seems very pizza-gate. Yeah.

No, it is very weird to just arbitrarily pick. We're going to do a physical on children. What are we going to check? I don't know. This? This? I don't know. This, this. No, I don't even remember what else they check. That's the only part I remember.

And your breath. Yeah. Who has fucking hernias when they're children? I think maybe it was during the industrial revolution where kids worked. Like they're lifting bales of hay. I guess maybe I thought the only time i had to get it was for like wrestling uh we'd have to do a physical for wrestling for school and then you

know i maybe i guess i just wrote it off as uh you know they don't want to exacerbate a hernia that i might have at that time i never had to take one just for general, only for sports. I remember Bobby Shane, who killed himself later on in his early 20s, maybe. And I don't know what it meant, but he told the doctor, put it on a plate, Pop. Put it on a plate. told the doctor put it on a plate pop put it on a plate that was his joke about when he got his hernia surgery uh not hernia hernia check and he's he told him put it on the plate pop put it on the plate and we all laughed and i still remember that wait this is being done in front of no no i still don't get it though back to the schoolyard, and that's what he had told the doctor.

Put it on a plate, Pop. I still have no idea what that meant, but I know it was funny to everyone because it was a weird name. I've never heard that name before. You never brought him up. Yeah, Bobby Shane. Bobby Shane and Bubba Shane were my brother's best friends. And they had a- Your older brother.

Yeah, my only brother. Well, he's older than you. So they used to- Shaylee made me think you had another brother for a second there. I was confused. I was thinking more of like people that don't know. You have an older brother. Right, right.

They would come pick up my brother for school they had cars and I was younger we've established that Bubba Shane see it worked even though we're from New England

Bubba fit the image of a southern Bubba he was a big, glutinous, fat fucking... And they would try to fart in my brother's face because he always slept too late to wake him up. And then one time

Bubba Shane, the older brother of Bobby Shane, spread his ass cheeks and farted in my brother's face. No, no, no. He drew mud. He drew

golden spicy brown mud onto my A golden fart? Yes, onto his face. And my brother woke up and vomited. In his butthole? onto his face and my brother woke up and vomited. And then they went to see...

It is butthole. Bubba Shane, the young man. That's horrible. Was your brother ever late again? Or did he not wake up? No, we just stopped going to school. Bobby Shane went out

in Charleston somewhere. He blew his head off with a shotgun in his grandfather's old broken down truck in the fields. Anyway, he blew his head off. And they had a younger kid, Monique Shane. That's odd. Bubba and Bobbyby very and monique this is this is where it gets into weird pedophilia but i was what their age too so yeah i was 16 she was 14 kind of thing but she had tits and i had one fucking oh uh bu Bubba and Bobby Shane,

they're the ones that drug up reel-to-reel pornography. Oh, fucking like Stag Girls? The first time, yeah, like black and white. Yeah. It's just. You need a projector. And the jism on the pubic hair. There was no, like, no like before plot was before that

and everyone like, oh, I have to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom first. Man. All right. Hey, it's great to be drunk and going deep diving into your own memories. I like it.

I've heard that story about the reel-to-reel, but I've never heard Bubba and Bobby. Bubba Shane. C-H-E-N-E. We really need to get fucking... We have so much need for private investigators

back in our lives. Like a Rockford Files, James Garner type? Yeah. Or more loose. Like Kenny and Derek. The guy that found my French teacher from 1979.

I like that these guys were so committed to the joke that they pulled their pants down to fart in his face. I'm not pants down to fart in his face. I'm not just going to fart in your face. I'm going cheek to fucking hole fart in your face.

Well, they wanted him to wake up to the brown eye. Like, you spread your cheeks and he wakes up seeing your brown eye fucking winking at them. Shocking. Yeah.

But yeah, he pulled hard, turned left. Oh, man. And my brother vomited. I love it. The bum was probably like walking up the stairs going, God damn it, waiting for him all the time. Right. This is it. This is it. Going up the stairs stairs he was churning butter right there i'm doing it he made it seem like it was a surprise to him

he knew i went i had to go to the urologist a couple of weeks ago and uh as i i drove to tucson and i get there i'm going up the elevator and as i'm getting on the elevator i feel my guts just churn and do that thing where it drops from your higher gut to your lower gut where you're like all right you can go ahead and dump all this liquid out if you want and uh i was like oh wait i have an appointment where a guy's probably gonna put his finger in my ass i don't know what to do. Do I go blow mud now? Do I do? I don't.

So I just waited. I was like, fuck it. We'll see what happens. Yeah. Make it feel like you just popped a water balloon. I went in and first he examined my balls. And not like a hernia test. He just felt my balls for knots and different stuff.

And for some reason, he looked up at me. He looked up at me and he goes, your testicles are of normal size. And I had already determined that he didn't really have much of a sense of humor before this. So I didn't really have much of a sense of humor before this so i didn't say anything but the first thing that came into my mind was to tell him well thanks because i haven't really had anything to compare them to this whole time so i didn't know you know do i have big balls i don't know i've never i've never held them next to another ball so i'm not real sure but i did not say it because i didn't think he'd uh care for it and then he said all right well now put your elbows on the thing we got to check your prostate and i said hey doc that might not be a good idea right now and he goes well we're gonna we have to do it so

go ahead i go all right well we'll take a shot then we'll give it a chance i warned him and um luckily i noticed right away when I walked in that he had real small hands. And I was like, all right, I'm not threatened by this guy at all. And what I didn't like was that he wasn't willing to, like, wink, wink, fucking nudge, nudge the finger in the ass test. But what he was willing to do was just stick an obligatory finger up my ass that never reached my prostate at all and go you're good well you didn't even

need to do that man that was you didn't even check anything at all i know how this works that was that was short you were short a bit. And then he kept telling me to sit down. Sit down. I'm like, I'm good, sir. I'm good. Sit down. Sit down right here.

Maybe I was making him nervous because I was standing up. Pretty soon I had to point to my asshole and be like, I don't want to sit down right now, sir. And he was like, oh, okay. So he didn't have a lot of awareness of his own power. Oh, I get it. Chad, I stretched you out. oh, okay. So he didn't have a lot of awareness of his own power. Oh, I get it. Chad, I stretched you out. Yeah, you don't need to sit. I get that from a lot of the boys. It was mostly because he didn't give me a cloth or a towel like all the other polite doctors do to shame wipe the lube out of your ass.

So I didn't really want to smear it all around by sitting on it. I wanted to wait until I can get out to the bathroom and clean my lube ass out. I like the way you said all the other doctors. Are you sure these are doctors? Are you stopping

at a van that says free prostate exams over there by Fort Huachuca? This picture does not have an on-call urologist. The first time I had to do this was to get a job at the mine. And it's the same thing that you were talking about earlier with the fucking kids physical. Like, you don't need to stick your finger in my ass to work at the mine. That doesn't make any sense. Sorry, we're all

watching in... I thought that was a bottle of whiskey you were just chugging. It's a beer. Beer and spicy V8. Hey, sir, look at this spicy. I don't like this spicy V8. Dave Rader is here here He wants to chime in

No I'm good Dave Rader already If I have something to say I'll say it otherwise carry on Hey No I can't do that What? We're on lockdown

Can't talk about it We don't talk about it shouldn't talk about it oh no no no we're good we just got back into town uh we miss you that's the other point i miss you guys as well i'm in bisbee once a week or so and every time i've been driving by the other day and i told jenny i go every time i'm like a block away from you guys, I go, I should just stop by and see what everybody's doing. She goes, you should. And I go, yeah, I'll just go home.

When you tweeted that, that was fucking beautiful. Yeah, I was gonna say, I was in Bisbee. I thought I should stop by. Then I realized I don't want to. It's such a horrible, conflicting thing. I really do.

I love hanging out with you guys. But you know what? I could also just go home and then not talk to anybody. Yeah, let's do that. Well, I've been trying to come to terms with, and you ain't the only one, trying to come to terms with and you ain't the only one where i go i i'm tired of wondering if everyone's okay if i say hey do you want to come over i don't want to think well maybe they don't want to anymore i everyone's getting to the end of the fucking rope. After, okay, now we're all homogenized with the fucking vaccine.

If someone doesn't want to come over, I don't want to make them on the spot where they have to. So everyone knows that they're okay to come over here. So I'm just going to let people come over when they want. I'll come over when you got...

Bring their own fucking drinks. I'll come over when you got things going on, I probably... I don't just stop, but... We're hooking up karaoke this week. Karaoke? That's definitely gonna... I'm saying it now because now I

have to do it this week. Before all the COVID, Stan Hope was talking about doing more open mics at the Funhouse. That's also part of it. Yeah. I would love to come over and do stuff like that. Oh, wait. We're going to see you tomorrow night, I heard. Oh, yes.

Oh! Yes. Remember? Yes. Bingo's doing open mic. We are torturing her so badly. Did you Yes. Remember? Okay, okay. Yes. For certain. Bingo's doing open mic. We are torturing her so badly. Did you guys do it? A version of it.

What? The thing you were going to do? Well, we went to, today we went to the Grand, the first time we went to a bar in Bisbee. Dave Rader's idea, let's go to the Grand, take a picture of ourselves and then at six o'clock when tomorrow night she's supposed to perform her first live thing and say hey we're here we tweet her the picture text her the picture and uh say hey yeah we're we're here waiting for you they just announced you fuck you that's tomorrow night i go no tomorrow night is suzanne's hot tub party at 6 p.m which is legit that is happening right she asked the same thing

is that a real thing good so yeah we've been fucking Bingo, when she has to do anything, write a Christmas card. So tomorrow she's doing this thing that we'll all be there for the exact duration of their thing and then we'll bail out of this. I think we have a ride from here, right? You got Derek driving? Oh, shit. We never called.

Yeah, that's why. Text Derek. Since you don't want to talk, you text Derek. Well, it's tomorrow. We have a day. Yeah, but Derek might have plans. Freshly. Dinner time can be chaotic, but with Freshly, it's easy. Their chefs take care of your meals a few nights a week and take the pressure off you.

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variety of plans and meals to pick from that work for your dietary needs, preferences, tastes, and family size. And now, our listeners can try Freshly for just $6.16 per meal. Stop searching the internet for a healthy food near me every night and start living life freshly. Your meals are always delivered fresh, never frozen, and are ready to heat and enjoy in just three minutes. With new meals added each week, Freshly brings the convenience of chef-made, nutritionist-designed classics right to your kitchen. Right now, Freshly's offering our listeners $40 off your first two orders when you go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope. Stop stressing about dinner. Go to Freshly.com slash Stanhope for $40 off your first two orders. That's Freshly.com slash Stanhope for $40 off your first two orders. Chad, for the first time, I really think that this is affecting my mental health.

health since I got the vaccine where the other day it was just me and Jonathan and Raider sitting yet again every day on the patio drinking at three o'clock. And I'm like, I could do anything now. I'm vaccinated, but I'm doing the same thing I did when we thought we had nothing else we could do. This is the most depressing thing in the world. And that's when I put the place on lockdown. Basically, that was two days ago. So today we fucked off. But yeah, I got to fucking get the fuck out of here.

I got to do something. I sold my car. I sold the green car today in Sierra Vista. But just leaving at all, just leaving the perimeter. Okay, I'm doing something. How are you holding up i'm i i recently uh uh decided that like you know you get bored you look at your fucking phone like twitter or whatever uh over and over again on your phone so i took social media off my phone and made it so i didn't delete it i made it so that i have

to go onto a computer to look at it which then every time if you think about it like hey i should go on my computer to look at twitter then you just make fun of yourself and feel stupid you know like yeah really that is that is that the idea you just add more on and then it just easily falls away so having not really you know I don't really go places. I get to just be here on my property. I've been shooting my bow. Oh, good. Getting ready for elk season. You're getting ready for elk, right?

Yeah. Yeah. You got the bow? The bow is going well other than today when I was shooting, the string fell off and that's not supposed to happen. I don't know. Alec was happy. I don't want to admit this, but I think it's probably because I bought a $250 bow when you probably should buy at least a $400 or $500 bow.

I thought I was getting a great deal and I went cheap and I probably should not have done that. Do you know how to string it? Yeah, I have a bow, a little press I have to put on it and crank it down and then string it back up. But the problem is that it'll probably happen

again because it happened once. A $250 bow. Yeah, it's a $250 bow. We'll see. We'll see what happens. How are you getting on with your essay? I may have to get a new bow before Alex is my fucking boy.

When is your shoot? September. Alright, you got time. Yeah, I wanted to start. It takes a while to get everything When is your shoot? September. All right. You got time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to start. It takes a while to get everything amassed. It's fucking expensive.

It's an expensive hobby. One of the reasons why I don't have hobbies, aside from apathy, is because it costs a lot of money to have this. But my dad had this thing with his brother died. My uncle, Randy, we talked about died and uh my dad had a whole thing where he took care of him uh there at the end for a long time and now he's overly fucking wants to do things with me and he calls me he used to he he for years he never called me one time whenever the phone rang and they showed it was my dad, I was like, somebody died. I told Jenny, I go, my dad's never called me.

And then now he'll call me quite often. And so he wants to go hunting. And I'm trying to be into it for him. Also, it makes me walk a lot. To find your arrows? Yeah. To find my arrows. To find your string.

Dave Rader, I don't know if you know, he quit his job. I didn't even know that. Yeah, he's a free agent. Yeah, so I'm saying, hey, get your ditch bag ready because Rader and I both wake up very early and when I wake up, the only time I have any ambition is when I wake up after a good fucking Xanax sleep. I'm like,

have a ditch bag ready. We would have gone fucking forever this morning. Yeah, but I asked you. Yeah, jump in the car and we're just going to drive again because the last time I felt any type of fucking sanity, it was when I did that fucking Nevada, whatever. Your desert sojourn.

Yeah. It was over 2,800 miles. Did Raider go with you on that? Raider, were you on that trip? No, he was still working. Now he's not working. Oh. But my mistake

though was asking Doug how many days worth of clothes should I pack? Assuming that he's changing his clothes every day. Exactly. And he just looked at me like, I don't have. As funny as Junior Stopka

story is, you taking him online and then it's funny even me taking me with you guys on tour, Raider would probably be even more fun. Raider and I would be perfect on the road, except for the fact that he will be asleep at 9, so we'll have to get separate rooms. We're good in the car together because we've done

that. I don't feel the need to speak. Dave Rader actually went all the way to Sierra Vista 30 miles. No, we went to Tucson. We took the long way. You guys do it without talking? Yeah. But we took the long way.

You guys do it without talking? Yeah. It's not the long way. It's through Synoides. It's prettier. There's one way. There's just all the three ways. They're all kind of the same distance.

Yeah. All right. Through Synoides, about the same. But I'm definitely not somebody who needs to talk away every second. No. No. No, we're fine. We're totally fine. You know Raider, Chad.

Raider's the most comfortable person that we know. Definitely. One of the things that I realized the other day with doing the Twitch stream and stuff is it's really fucked me up because I don't know how to do it. So I think I have to talk the entire time on the Twitch stream because I don't know how to do it. So I think I have to talk the entire time on the Twitch stream because I don't really understand any of it. And it's really fucked me up

in real life because I'll find myself talking a lot more than I would have in the past. Shut up! Shut up! That's what I have to do for a living and I find myself not doing that. I'm trying to write comedy now, and fucking no idea.

I work on a deadline. I know when I have to do comedy, I will fucking drum it up. I do know what you mean about driving, though, where if you shut off radio and stuff and just drive, your mind will come up. That's when you'll come up with things. Thoughts will occur to you that would have never occurred otherwise in that situation. And then you could have Raider to dictate them to. You know, you can just shout your shots over to... Raider is actually beautiful for that.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's a great idea. So, yeah, I see no flaw in the plan. Steal him. Steal him and run away with him. Alone in your thoughts getting into the Raider. That's basically what it is.

Raider's beautiful like that. He's non-invasive. I miss him so much. I wish he was here. He's like an iPhone that you don't have to say hey Siri. You call me beautiful many times Tonight I appreciate it I was wondering why you were here so late

Tonight Raider You're unemployed Raider continually goes Because there's other people that you have to Drop hints at And they don't get it. And Raiders like, am I one of those guys? I'm like, no, no.

We've been sitting on the fucking patio together for a year. Yeah, but I'm bad at that. Because if there is, I'll never get it. Unless you tell me absolutely directly, I'll never get it. Go ahead. Oh, no. I was just going to say, from my point of view, I would think Raider is probably perfect for Stanhope

because you're not a burden in any way, but you still like to be around side by side. In children, child psychology, they call it parallel play, where children don't play with each other. They'll just play with their own toys right next to each other. And I think that's what you guys are engaged in and work very well. Couple. Yes.

It's like Brad. It's like Brad and Angeline Jolie before they broke up. Here's what Raider loves. Raider for the last, I don't know, a thousand years of COVID. Raider for the last, I don't know, thousand years of COVID. Raider comes with a 12-pack of beer, drinks a 12-pack of beer,

and then goes home in three hours. Yeah. He's on a schedule. He brings his own beer. He packs it in. He packs it out. He doesn't just show up and fucking drink your shit. So how does that change now that you're unemployed?

No, not going to change at all. I'm a very good saver. You're up later. I'm not married. I don't have children. I can save money. We're good for quite some time. I mean, like you're drinking. Are you drinking more?

No, actually. It's just fucking just in the right. Hey, less. I rejoined the gym today. Except for tonight. Tonight is... Well, today's different. It's an anomaly. Yeah.

But last night, Raider and I went to bed early and drank less. Separately. So today, all right, we had one day where we just said, fuck off. We're going to stay at home. We watched. We texted. Yep. Like, well, you men of a certain flavor do.

Oh, what are you watching? Oh, Chad, I have to apologize to you. If you watch that thing, I said, why did you kill me? I said, watch this. Right. I go, I'm at the 50-minute mark. It seems pretty good. It fell off.

Yeah, it fell off. I did not watch it. I watched the trailer for it, and then I insisted that I had already seen it. And Jimmy told me, no, you fucking stone fucker. You only watch the trailer for it like we just did right now. You did not watch this. I watched the beginning. I watched

the beginning. The beginning kind of sucked. And I then I watched and I go, oh, this family is really fucked up. And then, yeah, so so from 10 minutes in to an hour in it's good and then the breast sucks but then have you watched the fucking formula one thing because chaley told me to watch it i watched it but i didn't do it because chaley told anyway the formula one thing we'll talk about

he didn't do it because he forgot I told him to do it, and then he remembered to do it from someone else. And then we started talking about it today, where, like, Doug and I are fucking boring everyone around us talking about Formula One. Like, we never thought... I'm so fucking into it. Like, we never thought we would talk about...

So impassioned. Like... I think Brad Erickson kicked that off. so fucking into it. We never thought we would talk about it. So impassioned. Like, I think Brett Erickson kicked that off. We're going to wake up at 5 a.m. to watch the Monaco. Monaco. I used to be very heavily

into racing. That's fucking hilarious. Raider and I were talking about, Chaley, you have to remember this because I, like everyone talks about, it's not NASCAR where it's a loop. Left turns. This guy really likes it. Road tracks. But if you remember when you played the old racing games where you sat in them.

Pole position. Pole position. And you could turn the steering wheel to decide which track you were going to play. Those are actual tracks. Which I did not know until today at 44 years old. Which I did not know until I watched that thing. And off time, those guys are on those tracks on their PS5s, fucking running through.

They're running through simulators that like a 747 pilot runs through a simulator just to keep up on things. They're running through to remember all the fucking turns. Through COVID, that's how they raced, Shaylee. I know! Through computer simulations.

Yeah, yeah. Wait, did you watch, you recommended this, the Sons of Sam. Plural. Sons. I did not watch that one yet. David Berkowitz. You have not watched it? No. It's really good.

It's basically a theory that the Son of Sam killings were by more than one person. Not just David Berkowitz. Which is amazing. It's very convincing. Yeah. And I'm... That's the Twinkie defense, right? The what? Didn't he have the Twinkie defense?

Twinkie. Twinkie. No. I thought that was him. Jesus. You got J. Lee Trump. And he got... Berkowitz was living in Yonkers, New York in 77 when all this stuff happened.

Don't look at me. I'm obviously off track. I'm from born and raised Yonkers, New York in 77. I can smell it. When all this stuff happened. Are you saying that that's your dad? I don't even know how to explain a lot of shit. Why is Google up here?

Yeah, I don't know. Oh, shit. I'm confused as well. It's on my phone. That's fine. Hey, it's Chad. Hey, Chad. Hey.

Oh, goodness. Cheers. Cheers. Chad, I feel like you must feel all the time where I go, all right, something's going to fucking change. Or I have to, well, well we are gonna go on the road August right on are you talking tour or ditch bag

no no tour tour has to happen but I have to have fucking materials where you going if you want to go on the road in the interim I'm gonna take this fucking shiny head Jew. And oh, my God, we can't put that out.

Who, Shelly? Who? He doesn't know if he's a Jew or not. I don't know who you're talking to or about. Hey, the Twinkie defense was Dan White, the guy who killed Harvey Milk. That was the Twinkie defense. I'm sorry. Yeah, it was the serial killer.

Not because Harvey Milk was a twinkie. There's no evidence to prove that he was a twinkie. It would have been the bear defense. Better help. Hey, listeners, are you feeling blue, glum, down in the dumps, sketchy, weird, paranoid, sitting up late nights in the crawlspace counting bullets and playing with figurines of people who made it better in life and further when you deserved it the whole time? Don't do the bad, bad thing. Go to BetterHelp.com. BetterHelp.com is affordable, private online counseling anytime, anywhere. Connect in a safe and private online environment, and it's so convenient. Do it at your own time and at your own pace.

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I'm going to see you guys tomorrow. And then whenever, like I said, about once a week, I'm usually in town. And I should hit you guys up and see if you're around before I come. Because I'll never just stop by. But I will hit you up and see if you're around before i come i don't because i'll never just stop by but i i should i will see if you're around and accepting folks over no no i i don't want to if you don't want to be social don't come over well no sometimes i do here's the part of the thing i explained it to jenny because she asked me she was like you know that's you know you always have a good time and you see your friends and stuff you know why don't you stop by and i said here's the thing i said i get it but i

i'm i can only see it from my own perspective and if somebody and i don't care who it is or how much i love them or what a great friend they are if they just showed up in my driveway they better need help with something that requires violence because i'm that's all i'm prepared to dish out right now you don't fucking come up like fury will come over sometimes your jovi will come over and it's always um i'm leaving the house now i'm i'm 30 minutes away i text people and let them know exactly how far away i am from their house, because I can only see it from my own perspective. Is that if if somebody didn't let me know that to be expected, then now I want to murder them and I don't care who they are. So it's a character flaw. I get it.

Next time you're in town, you just text Doug and ask him if he needs any violence. Next time you're in town, you can just text Doug and ask him if he needs any violence. And if he says, no, but I could use your company, then you could just come over anyway. That's a rational way to do it. Yeah, we don't do it like that. I'm just trying to have an easier way to get here. Yeah, I know. I know.

I just, I don't, I think of it also i think that's kind of uh i i have a hard time finding figuring out what maybe is an endearing factor that i have to be have friends in the first place so i think maybe the fact that i leave everybody the fuck alone is maybe a uh a solid quality that i have and i don't want to brand yeah yeah i don't want to lose yeah I don't want to lose that I mean that's pretty much what I think I have going for me at this point do you have a ditch bag? always

if you have a ditch bag he's military, ex-military, of course he has a ditch bag yeah we might take a fucking road trip somewhere, anywhere. As long as everyone's on board with the book on tape that we're all going to be listening to or have headphones to listen to your own shit.

I, too, am a big fan of not listening to other people's bullshit and not spouting my own. I just had a call from Hennegan last night. He was asking about Montana. Yeah. And he's like, oh, is it this gig or this gig? I told him to ask you. But he called me to ask me.

And then it triggered me to when Chad was on the road with us because we visited a comic that we we don't mention. It's not a comic. It's not a comic. And then we went to the gig after it shell shocked like

PTSD like clearly and I cannot remember but I think it was a brewery. It it a brewery? It was a brewery. Okay. So I was. And it was, it's Montana in the summer.

So I told the Hennegan, if it's that place, do not rebook us there. But that's not. Because it was all glass. Oh, yeah. I'm like. Yeah. It's because, oh, it's 8 p.m. Show, but it's Montana.

So it's like Canada in in the summer where all right the fucking this is a daytime it's like a lunchtime show no and then they go wait that was the one chad was at with fucking that guy yeah after that guy which isn't the oh spot. I'm drunk as shit. The venue didn't work. We did it and then got right to the venue right after. Shell shot. Yeah, but we must have done one since then. Yes, we have. But one of the funniest things, too, that I think maybe you guys don't realize from my perspective is that the whole thing from start to finish was so foreign to me and so bizarre

and so out of normal of anything at all that i've ever known in my whole life or even thought of and so that was just this little stepping stone and it's and then looking back i'm like yeah that was pretty fucking weird and then so you guys can know but the whole thing was pretty fucking weird. And then, so you guys can know, but the whole thing was pretty fucking weird to me. You know, the entire, I was telling, I was telling Henning it. Cause he,

he was like, I don't know what, I don't know what you're talking about. I go, you have to understand the minute we got on this guy's property, there was a, we were a hair's breadth away from a prison fight between Chad and this other guy breaking out

and there was that tension. The pipe was smoking meth. The pipe was hot. But the tension of a prison fight always. I didn't get it. That's where I learned

the phrase peckerwood. Well, also, again, from my perspective, you guys made clear to me like listen you're not security don't behave as security even because that's like my natural douchebag instinct of course so then you know but then there was several instances where i had to behave as security but that this was one instance where I was like, I think these guys are way out of their fucking league. I know what league this is, and this is out of my league.

So I know these guys. So I didn't know what stance to take in that dude's situation. So I just went very neutral. You got very lucky. You did not put your fingerprints on his gun. That's when he turned. He was mad about that. Oh my God.

Listen, that's just good business practice. I don't care who you are. Hang on, Chaley. Do you understand how many times we've just been Forrest forrest gump walking through things that we didn't understand okay that did not put his fingerprints on the gun and we didn't i don't know what that means let's go work at the brewery and then we complained about the lights coming through the windows windows at the gig.

The minute Chad said, I'm not touching your gun, I thought, do I touch the gun? Wait, did any of us touch the gun? Wait, no one should, no one touch a gun! No one touch a gun! Time is showtime.

We have a photo with all of us on the back of like a Polaris. Like a fucking... That equestrian lady was not nice to us. I wonder why. We're all trespassing at that point. So I only brought that up because I wanted you two to relive it

with me because it like the deuce chills of like we all could have died and like been buried in the shallow grave. And I get I get messages on Facebook from the dude who coordinated that podcast. I was writing a book about that guy and was like, well, that motherfucker went off the deep end. He's a scary, weird motherfucker. Like, yeah, you think I knew what the fuck we were up against.

weird motherfucker. I'm like, yeah, you think? I knew what the fuck we were up against. So get on DougStanhump.com mailing list to check out our Montana dates. Yeah. Because it looks like we're booking one. Oh, yeah. We're going into

Denver hot. We're going the opposite way. We're going to go the different way, Chad. We don't know. The opposite run of what we did when we did that back in... We're going to go up through Salt Lake. Staff and Salt

Lake and then Montana, Idaho, and then down through Fort Collins. Nice. I don't know. I don't want to know. You know enough. It's a need to know. Get in the van.

Yeah, you'll figure it out. Sorry. That's F1. Doing it backwards. Can we do some thank yous? Yeah, go ahead. Do thanks yous. Thanks yous. Thanks yous. Hey some thank yous? Yeah, go ahead. Do thanks yous. Thanks yous.

Hey, thank yous. Here we go. Hey, Doug, Shaylee, Bingo, Chad, and Tracy, there are a few drinking games in the funhouse. I expect they'll be straight. I don't know. He's writing in Scottish, so I can't understand it. They'll be straight out with next order of merch, but I thought I'd send you a few thousand miles away. I don't understand it. They'll be straight out with next order of merch.

But I thought I'd send you a few thousand miles away. I don't know. But it's a guy named Ian who sent us a postcard. Thank you very much, Ian. Oh, my God. Silverwolf. Silverwolf is the guy that you read his all his. Listen, Silverwolf.

Hey, I sent you a birthday card. Did you get it? And I didn't have the heart to tell. I'll edit this out. No. listen, Silverwolf, hey, I sent you a birthday card. Did you get it? And I didn't have the heart to tell you. I'll edit this out. No, no, we're doing No, this is a fucking thank you. Sounds grateful. The guy

does his entire opening act. He's not been on stage and he said, hey, did you get my thing? Yeah, we got your thing, and Raider read some of your... Don't send me material. We could have left it

and thanked you. We could have stopped it. Thank you. Oh, hey, I have a thank you. All right. J.T. Habershat extended me and Jenny a VIP pass to the Altercation Festival. That's very sweet. And I do believe we are going to be booking an Airbnb in that area for that time to go hang out.

So thanks a lot to JT Habersat. And that's JT. I love JT. He did invite us to the altercation thing, but it was the only thing he had left was an 11 p.m. spot. And I remember when in Austin, the first time we tried to do a live podcast

after a show. Red 7. Right after. My audience at 11 p.m. There's no fucking way they can listen to a fucking live podcast. I still have that on tape. But

Hannigan said yes and then when he called me he said 11 p.m. I went, but Hannigan said yes. And then when he called me, he said 11 PM, I went, no. And, and again, you have to call him immediately back and say,

no, you just said, yes, that makes sense. I'm saying no, no, not my audience. I wish my audience was better.

Well, that's just experiencing years of knowing how the fucking thing works. I mean, yeah. Jackie Mason show. I'll do a 6 p.m. Okay.

Here's a live podcast. And everyone's going, I'm not even drunk yet. Good. Hey, we want to say thank you to the person who sent us the New York Times crosswords and the Chicago Tribune crosswords. You guys. Mother. I don't know.

Yeah. It doesn't say anything on the Amazon thing. Yeah. Quote, unquote, mother. Sent. Yeah. Oh, okay. And then Wilderness Trail Distillery sent us a letter enclosed with a bottle of bourbon whiskey.

Doug, enclose us a bottle of our fine old Kentucky bourbon. I don't care how you drink it or mix it. I just hope you get to enjoy it with good people. Your craft has brought me much laughter over the years, so I wish that this bottle of our crafting brings you joy as well. Holler if you ever need any more. Holla! How do they holler at that no i just hollered so no but tell people to holler good medicine to you uh js just in case he gets in trouble for stealing liquor and sending it to us oh and that's uh wilderness trail distillery Wilderness Trail Distillery, 4095 Lebanon Road, Danville, Kentucky, 404-2422. Sorry.

If you want to become a real sponsor for real money with real whiskey, I will drink it at every show on our upcoming tour. Oh, sponsor the tour? Oh, nice. Yeah. Oh, hey, I don't think I said thanks. I've been putting it out there. The only liquor

I will be sponsored by is whiskey. So if you want to be a whiskey sponsor. I think we should get a whiskey sponsor and an eyepatch sponsor. Because half this podcast you've had one eye shut and I'm doing it now.

And it feels better for me to do that, too. Listen, we did not have to ditch this fucking podcast. I think this podcast will actually go out. This one will go out. Yeah. We'll tell you about that. Good. Good miss.

So if anyone wants to get in touch with you or Hennigan as a sponsor for the tour, especially a whiskey sponsor, how do they contact you? Give them the email address. Not the podcast one. How do they get in touch with Hennigan? The one on the website. Yes. Go to DougSandoff.com. Yeah.

Right. And they get merch there because we're about to stop selling merch. one on the website. Yes, go to DougSandoff.com. Right, and then get merch there because we're about to stop selling merch. No, we're not. You have to get it quick. I was trying to... I'm trying to stop.

Sandoff's trying to do scarcity marketing without letting you guys know. Pressure for urgency. We're not doing that. No, we're not. We're explaining for urgency. We're not doing that. This is the last chance to get merch. It's over.

Merch is over. You've got to get it right now while you're listening. Pressure for urgency. That's great. What did you call it? scarcity marketing scarcity marketing pressure for urgency

it's weird that we both come from marketing backgrounds or have that in our heads and we're the worst marketers ever Chad was a mechanic in the Army, and Doug, you're a comedian. I'm sorry, J. Lee. You're missing something, J. Lee.

Why do we both know those terms? That is true. You know, I'm only a few credits away from having my bachelor's degree in human resource management. So I had to take some marketing classes in school. I don't know that about you.

That's interesting. Remember the paper route? A paper route? I had that too. He's a manager. I just went with the focus up there. I had that too. He's a manager. I just went, what the fuck is up there? I thought there was something.

It's the reflection of the fucking hockey game. I'm like, there's a thing. Okay, this has got to end. I know. I'm going to go. Doug's seeing reflections in a window. No, I'm watching a hockey game. It looks like a

fucking plane is crashing. This is still better than the other one. Hey, Chad. Hey, Chad. Yes, sir. I'm back to kind of a good place where I've laughed a lot today. Fucking Raider and I laughed. Okay, bye-bye now.

Oh, shit, sorry. You just got played off. I'm just for real. You're done. Sorry about that. Follow at Vodka Juice Box on Twitter and say

just like load them up with fucking all sorts of compliments because Bingo's doing a thing and it's cute. It's actually good. load them up with fucking all sorts of compliments because Bingo's doing a thing and it's cute. It's actually good. I should Twitch stream Bingo's

songs or we should illegally pirate them to the internet so people can see them somehow. Yeah, Junior Stopka God bless his soul, just did their podcast. As long as Bingo is busy,

she's happy. Except it makes her miserable. Until she gets a live gig. That's what makes her miserable. Yeah, it's all in perspective. Alright, I have to go kill myself under the sheets. I love you, Chad. I hope you come over someday.

You're only welcome if that makes sense. Just show up. All right, next time I come to town, I'm going to text you and see if you answer. And then I'll stop by. We'll see you tomorrow, Nate. Karaoke will be up on Friday. All right, I will talk to you guys. I love you.

See you tomorrow on Friday. Love you. Bye. Love you guys. Later. Bye. Bingo, take us out again. Okay.

Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.