The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#448: Short Bus Fun House

Episode Date: June 6, 2021

Doug waves the short bus into the compound and welcomes Donavan (@RealYungCripp) to the podcast.    Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0   Recorded June 2nd, 2021 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Donavan (@RealYungCripp), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.   We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.   LINKS -   Mack Weldon - For 20% off your first order, visit MACKWELDON.com/stanhope and enter promo code stanhope.   ExpressVPN - Visit ExpressVPN.com/stanhope, and get three extra months forfree.   Help Donavan Get A Short Bus - https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-donavan-get-a-short-bus?utm_campaign=p_lico+share-sheet&utm_medium=c    It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty   Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox)   Want more annoying Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023   Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/   Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant   Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, Mack Weldon. Mack Weldon welcomes spring with maximum style and comfort, especially their socks. When you wear your socks for five days in a row, you're going to want to wear Mack Weldon socks. Mack Weldon offers the best in men's basics, and you can get yours today with my special offer for listeners. For 20% off your first order, visit MackWeldon.com slash Stanhope and enter promo code Stanhope. That's macweldon.com slash Stanhope, promo code Stanhope for 20% off your first order. ExpressVPN. If you're savvy, you know that incognito mode is not nearly as safe as we're led to believe. The only way to truly go incognito online is to use ExpressVPN. With ExpressVPN, your connection gets rerouted through an encrypted server,

and your IP address is masked. Keep your data secure with ExpressVPN. Visit expressvpn.com slash stanhope and get three extra months for free. That's expressvpn.com slash stanhope to get your extra three months for free you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast hello folks we are here with uh and Tracy and Chaley. And our guest today, finally, is Donovan. Do you just go by Donovan, Crypt Daddy?

Yeah, Donovan. There are people that call me faggot. Little bitch. Little bitch. It's whatever you want in the moment. Just checking. This is just video. This is just video. I mean, this is just audio.

Are we putting this out as video? I thought we might. Oh, okay. Either way. All right, then I don't have to explain to everyone that you're in a fucking wheelchair. People do get it in audio as well. I'm in a wheelchair?

What the fuck? He's just fucking lazy. the wheelchair? What the fuck? He's just fucking lazy. I've just gone down a rabbit hole of all your videos, which are always fucking hilarious on Twitter,

especially when you're torturing your mother. Oh, those are the best ones. And you cause quite a bit of shit. I have to. I feel like it's just kind of like the instant karma, because

she... Your origin story is that you got pregnant at an obscenely early age, and she wanted to do the right thing and keep me, not because it was the right thing to do, but despite her grandmother, who was like, oh, well, you're getting an abortion, right?

And she was like, what do you mean? What? No, I can raise a child. And she was like, no, you can't. You can't do it. And so she did. Ah, I did it. Despite.

Now, was this abortion talk after they, did they know what your condition was going to be? No, no. That was the cherry on top to make her regret that decision. Shut up. It did not. No, I didn't. I didn't find out until, I mean, I knew something was up, you know, at about a year old when he was just like all like goofy limbed or whatever. But I was so young that the doctor didn't listen to me.

I'm like, yo, this something's not right. Like he uses the bottoms of his feet to hold his head up like normal kids don't do that. You know, I'm like, you can't tell, you know, and he just looked at me like I was young. And, oh, you don't know, every kid develops at their own age. And so finally I was like, oh, if you don't give me somebody to go to, I'm going to find somebody. And I found out at about 18 months old that he was never going to play football. I was physically retarded. Go ahead, Chad.

I was just going to say he was more likely to be a football than play football. Right, right. So explain your condition. So I was born with a rare genetic disease that causes my penis to be massively huge. Jesus Christ. And it puts so much weight on the lower half of my body that I just can't walk right. And so I need to be in a wheelchair

at all times. And also I was born with spinal muscular atrophy type 2. Which basically is just your brain doesn't tell the rest of your body how to move right, essentially.

Yeah, like all the little nerves from the spine don't connect right. Yeah. Anything they can do about it? They can put me down. No, and type two, like there's three different types. So type one is absolutely that's like a death sentence. And at the time when they diagnosed him, that's all the information they gave me was on type one. So I went home with him at 18 months old thinking that he's going to live like a few more months, you know, freaking out.

And and then it was until like a week later, the doctor was like, oh, no, no, no. He has type two. You know, it's OK. And I'm like, are you kidding me? You know, but so that was fun. That was fun. You'd already spent all the diaper money. Yeah, I was like, I already had this funeral planned.

I got vacation plans going on. Now I got to cancel everything. It was a light at the end of the tunnel. It just got extinguished. Hell yeah, I got out of this. Shit. I'm still convinced that I'm just being gaslit into that scenario.

What was that girl's name? It was mom. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're crippled and dying. And then she's like, okay. Your mom has the Munchausens. Yeah, she ended up killing her mom, right? Yeah. Yeah. Now, what ended up killing her mom, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Now, what the fuck was the name of that? Was it Munchausen by proxy? Yeah, that's what it's called. Yeah. That's a really weird name. Like, where'd that even come from? I have no idea, but I used to have a bit about it.

That's beautiful. Every time someone said, oh, no, women would never make this up for attention, Me Too stuff. I go, have you ever heard of Munchausen by proxy? They kill all fucking kids for attention. Women will do a lot of things for attention. Oh shit. Donovan, you have a GoFundMe

that's been going on for a while to get a, you explain it. Yeah, so, I mean, the Too On Didn't Read version is, I had an idea to just overhaul a bus or a sort of like, just big vehicle and take to the road and do some on-the-road pop-up comedy shows, you know, because I've been essentially trapped inside for even longer than the pandemic. And so I've just cultivated years of isolation that I've been doing long before the pandemic. And now I just kind of want to unleash it out on the world in its raw form and to people who, you know. Yeah, but you've surpassed your goal.

Are you getting the bus now? Yeah. We are looking at different buses because they're surprisingly a lot cheaper than I thought. But you have to be careful with the amount of miles people are selling them for. It's that you want to scope your options before picking at least one. Well, that and he also, it needs to be a certain size. So nobody has to have a special CDL license. Right.

So it's got to be like more like the medical transporting buses you know like the uh like the more i don't know how to say politically correct but you know like the short buses it's got to be a little shorter than the short bus it's like the shuttle bus that takes you from the car parking lot at the airport there you go yeah and those are for sale all the time. I used to find those on eBay all the time when I was looking for good tour vehicles. Yeah. We plan on going to look at some this weekend and hopefully find one.

And then the hunt for the, like, remodeling it and taking everything out and putting, you know, stuff for him in there is going to happen. Pussy wagon. Yeah, yeah. And maybe if you didn't piss off so many people on Twitter, you might have someone step up and fucking retrofit it for you. Donate some welding time or something. You would think.

That's the thing, though. I made friends with a lot more people than I pissed off. Because the people that get pissed off at me, they don't do shit. They don't do anything with their lives. They just get pissed off. It's working for you. You get noticed. Were you doing

a lot of stand-up before pandemic? I did one open mic before the pandemic, and it was a good time. It was fun, yeah. So, otherwise it's just strictly been on social media. For the most part, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Well, you said you're near Chicago. Yeah. So, yeah, if you want to do a guest set, I mean, call ahead and make sure the club's handy capable. I don't want to cause a fucking ADA lawsuit. Make a lawsuit. We'll get people out there protesting and everything else. Watch.

I'll burn down a few buildings. That's fine. Fuck it up. Yeah, that would be great. I'd be honored. Absolutely. You're in. You're down. You're on the list. I appreciate that.

Generally, because I'm not like a lot of people like throw fits about not having ramps and not being accessible and I've never been that mom I'm like yo you know I don't expect things to be easy for him so I have a portable ramp a light portable

ramp so like if we're going somewhere and they're not if there's a step to get in I'm like okay I got a ramp in my car whatever yeah I'm not gonna like throw a shit fit and blast them all over the internet. It's like, I don't expect you to take care of my crippled ass kid. I got this. So once you get this urban assault vehicle, mother, are you going to be the tour manager? I don't know.

I think that might be a little much for me. You got the right attitude. That's what I'm saying. You can't drive by fucking blinking at a screen. Not yet. He's got brothers too, but I'm sure I'll probably be the one that

tags along for the most part. Wait, younger or older? I'm the oldest. Oh, he's the oldest. I mean, come on, I wasn't that fucked up. Wait, you tried again after this? Yeah. She tried three come on. I wasn't that fucked up. Wait, you can try it again after this? Yeah. She tried three more times. Three.

I did it. And you know what's fucked up? I'm the only one that came out fucked up. That's not true. I am. And you know what's even more fucked up? I'm not trying to read too much into it, but I will say that I'm your only minority child. No, your brother Zane, he's got some Cuban in him.

Some? No, it's not. He's white. He's got like a quarter Cuban. He's tattooing people in Colorado. That's one of the most white people thing you can do. He is such a hippie. How old are you, Donovan? I'm 28.

I lived way longer than the doctor said. Congrats. So you're young and your mom had you young. Yeah. Is there a, forgive me, but your mom sounds like kind of sexy. So is your mom, maybe your mom's hot and you don't want to show your mom because you don't want to deal with people dealing with that. I'm trying to figure out why your mom is behind the camera.

That's exactly why. I've gotten that my entire life growing up. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. And it doesn't even set people now. I know if I showed my mom more, it would happen. But even with her and the reflection on a mirror, there's

still, like, fucking coomers that are like, dude, I want to bang your mom so bad I can see her in it. I can see her in a fucking mirror. God damn it, that's creepy. It's just so extra. So I wasn't far off. No, you're right. Just to say, I would

never bang any of his friends, just to make that clear. That wouldn't happen, ever. Not after the one time. You don't say you're friends with him, anyone. Give us who you're talking about, ma'am. We saw her the other day on the live, the happy hour Zoom. Stick your head in for a cameo there, quickly. Yeah, I have my mic set up

over here so she's coming. There you are. Oh yeah, that is it. Yep. Hello. I was right, but I hope you know that when I was young all my friends

would say shit like that about my mom your mom's hot i fucked your mom and it was the worst you don't know you can try to come back with stuff but you're still just seeming angry inside so yeah at a certain point you just like well no i'm do it and you you know that the more you show that you're angry about it, the more they're going to do it. So I found, this is something that I will only admit to you guys. I've never told my mom this, but whenever people go hard, like real embarrassing trying to get under my skin, I have to flip it on them and make them feel weird.

So I'm like, dude, you're going to have to wait until after I'm done. Oh, yeah. I'm not saying I like it. I'm not saying I like it. But it gets them to stop. Mother, how are you surprised at anything he says? You know what? It doesn't.

And that's why I stay off of Twitter and all of that because it's like I don't want to know half the time. I just don't. And that's why I stay off of, like, Twitter and all of that. Because it's like, I don't want to know half the time. I just don't. She made a Twitter account for, like, two days. And then came in my room and said, I'm done. I'm done with it. Somebody, like, put your picture.

Somebody put his picture on, like, this woman that had huge fucking tits. And they were just bouncing all over the place. And they made Donovan, like like donovan's face on there and it looked like natural but it like creeped me out i'm like yo i'm done like like i can't like twitter is not where i need to be i love i don't know if you've seen it chaley but he's doing kind of a chaley challenge thing where he's that with the noose yeah with the noose. Yeah, the noose should really be straight. I don't know why you didn't fix that. You don't have to look too real. It's not the way.

Yeah, I didn't want to concern too many people. Not that even if I was going to kill myself, how would that be the way I do it? But whatever. You're going to tie the scot. Right, yeah. Who's going to lift me up? Nobody wants to go to jail.

Grab the portable ramp. Yeah, so if you haven't seen him, his Twitter handle is at realyoungcrip, with two Ps, and young is Y-U-N-G. I don't know why you had to make that so fucking difficult for people. Well, I mainly did it because before I even did any sort of like

whatever I'm doing now, I went through a few different names and the original one was a crippled fuck but it was spelt with two C's instead of F-U-C-K and I thought it was just a little ha ha dumb immature joke and I tried doing stuff on like

Twitch or like whatever and they didn't let me use that name because it was too offensive so I had to change it Chad's on Twitch so he's always dealing with issues like that he almost becomes corporate when he's on his Twitch streams.

Oh, yeah. I've been to a few of his Twitch streams. They're fun. Yeah, Twitch is kind of funny that way. Yeah, so he took the picture on a green sheet laying down with the news. So it was basically a green screen. So now he just poses himself in all sorts of positions of hanging himself. Oh, nice.

Yes, I haven't seen those. They're fun. Yeah. You should get on Twitter. They're good. The best thing about that photo is I love my shirt that I'm wearing in that. Because it's a blue M&M and a police officer shirt that says Blue Lives Matter. It's so fucking stupid.

And not enough people compliment that shirt. I love your pride picture with him. He's wearing a MAGA hat, but his T-shirt says queer and disabled. Yes. The flag that I have on me. Recording in progress. Sorry. I ordered that flag, and it's an American flag that has rainbow print instead of regular red, white, and blue.

And instead of the stars, it has marijuana-like leaves on it. And I had my mom opened up. It's fun making my mom open up my mail. It's so much fun. Are you selling T-shirts? Right now, I have a thing of merch that's make my dick work again. In the same fashion of Make America Great Again. He makes me so proud. I mean, how could a mother not be proud?

Mother, has he always been a dark, dark soul? Always, always. And I think that's more my dad, and that's probably 80% my dad and 20% me. But, yeah, my dad definitely molded him before he drank himself to death. Yeah. Do you drink, Donovan? Oh, yeah, I'm drinking right now. Yeah, he's been drinking on the Zoom before.

Oh, all right. Yeah. I don't know if you can use your hands. No, people have to help him, and that's a good thing because the first time Donovan decided to drink, him and his cousins, while I was sleeping in the garage, they were drinking in the garage. I wasn't sleeping in there.

But let me clarify that. I'm clarifying. We kick it out. I got woke up. We're drinking, Mom. I got woke up at 2 in the morning, and Donovan's like gray, you know. And I'm like, what in the hell? Because Donovan, when he pukes, he can't, like, Donovan can't puke without it going into his lungs, you know and i'm like what in the hell he because donovan when he pukes he can't like like donovan

can't puke without it going into his lungs you know and i always told him and all of his friends like yo don't let him drink that much because you know i know you guys are drinking but if he pukes it could kill him like seriously he was in a freaking coma for three days yeah i was so pissed i wasn't even i wasn't even worried i was fucking pissed and like when he woke up they called me and i'm like yeah i was like okay cool i was like tell him i'll get there after football practice i'm not in a hurry you know i was so bad you know like oh i was so bad everybody at some point learns their limit when it comes to alcohol. And that night, I learned my limit is an entire

house cup of whiskey straight. Oof. Jack Daniels is not your friend. How old were you? I was like 23? No, no. I think you had just turned 21. That's why Pete brought over that bottle. Yeah, because I

remember being young. Whatever. But you know what? No hangover. A coma probably helped you with that, dumbass. That's all that matters. Oh, Mack Weldon. Shaylee, I was just going through all my unread emails yesterday,

and one of them was a picture of you at the airport showing off rocking the Mack Weldons. It was your first flight since COVID, and you sent me a picture of your shoes with the sock, the Mack Weldon sock coming out. They're awesome. I was wearing that, and I was also wearing underpants, and I was wearing an undershirt.

It's good you didn't send me a picture of the underpants at the airport. I can't take the camera out during TSA. This year's spring is going to hit a little different because we're all finally starting to get back outside and see friends again. No matter where your adventure takes you,

bring the comfort and style of Mack Weldon along for the ride. Trust me, your closet is going to thank you. Whether it's hoodies, polos, tees, or active shorts, everything in the Mack Weldon collection mixes and matches seamlessly to fit in with any other trendy product you have. Tracy is rocking the sweatpants as we spreckenzie. The Ace Sweatpants.

Tell me. Oh, yeah. No, he ordered the Ace Sweatpants, and he pulled them out of the package. Is rocking the sweatpants as we spreckenzie. The Ace sweatpants. Tell me. Oh, yeah. No. He ordered the Ace sweatpants and he pulled them out of the package. And it's not even Valentine's Day. He put them on and I saw them and he knew that if he didn't buy me a pair, I was going to end up stealing him. Well, I saw that look.

It's like, well, these are mine for a limited time only. Exactly. So he got me a pair too. I love them. for a limited time only. Exactly. So he got me a pair too. I love them. And I love when a woman wakes up

and wearing your clothes while she's tooling through your cabinets trying to find something for breakfast. It's hot, but not someone you've been married to for 20 years. Gross. The men's essentials,

socks, shirts, underwear. I'm renowned for not bathing and my hygiene is poor. But yeah, socks, underwear, and your undershirt. Yeah, you got to keep that fresh. Then you can not wash the rest of your clothes forever. And I just got the new version of t-shirts. It's just what you just said, Doug. Doesn't matter what you wear on the outside. It's what's touching your body that makes the difference. And it's of t-shirts it's just what you just said doug doesn't matter what you want on the outside it's what's touching your body exactly the difference and it's those t-shirts

to quote mitch hedberg the rest of my attire is vintage 70s dry clean only that means is dirty but my mac weldins are clean underneath they look great feel great from working out going out going to work or going on a date mac weldon for everyday life. Is there any other kind of life? I don't know. Hey, there's another thing, Doug. I just realized I'm enrolled into the Weldon Blue. They give us some product to test out, but I bought more than that when I bought the Ace Sweatpants for Trace. I did that, and that automatically put me into the Weldon Blue. The loyalty program, which you know I'm a sucker for, too. I have to be Delta Medallion. There's a lot of things where, oh, wait, I want top status.

Well, I'm at level two now just from one purchase. Level one gets you free shipping for life, and level two, by spending $200, you get 20% off every order for the next year I'm in and the guarantee Mack Weldon wants you to be comfortable so if you don't like your first pair of underwear you can keep them and they'll still refund you no questions asked they're not gonna say send the underpants that you wore back this isn't a vending machine in Tokyo. Sorry. It's not even an urban legend. It's a real thing.

All right. For 20% off your first order, visit macweldon.com slash stanhope and enter promo code stanhope. That's pretty simple, but I'll say it again. That's macweldon.com slash stanhope. Promo code also Stanhope for 20% off Mack Weldon. Reinventing men's basics. When I was a teenager, I got my jaw broken and they had to wire it for a few weeks. And I couldn't go on the school trip to the amusement park because they thought if he pukes

on a ride, he can't let it out. His fucking jaw is shut. I heard that story actually just today. I was listening to your book. That was a good one. My mom does this stuff where I'll tell her in advance,

hey, so-and-so wants to do something with us. Nine times out of ten, she doesn't know who they are. So she'll, like, okay, send me something to, like, get to know them a little bit more. Like, before you, I introduced her to my rapper friend. His name is Kill Whitey. And a lot of his shit is just vulgar obscure nonsense about like sucking dick and whatever and so she was like okay interesting i was like i know enough about him now that's fine that's good and so with you uh she had a little bit of a hard time uh like getting into something and feeling really in it.

Somebody recommended your books and she's just been non-stop listening. All day. I haven't done shit all day. Thank you. I didn't even get Donovan out of bed until like 5 o'clock. Yeah. You'll be writing Digging Up Donovan soon. Yeah, exactly.

That's the book she was reading too, yeah. Doug's book isn't a how-to. I assume that you not only must have been a fucking nightmare in school as far as a hellion, but you probably got away. When did you realize you could get away with a lot of shit because of your condition?

So early. So fucking early. But you know, I will say, I was actually a pretty decent student. I wasn't too bad. I didn't really grow into being too much of a heathen until

I graduated high school and i went through that like weird adjustment period of oh this is what real life is now and i have to find myself and so i went through like that weird depression era and at one point he was such a sad boy it was so pathetic i used to call him a little bitch all the time. I was fucking, I was just sad. And one day, he just went, like, okay, well,

fuck it. And now I'm here. So, this is more what I'm now. That was a good thing. Did you get a lot of calls from the school,

mother? Not really. I mean, the, I think the only, like, high school, well, two high school calls I got.

One, it wasn't even his fault. Like, it was ridiculous. Somebody broke a freaking thermometer or something, so they cleared the whole school out because of a mercury thing. Yeah. And they wanted me to come get Donovan because they were so worried about this mercury thing. And then they, but the funniest thing is they, you know, Donovan's in a wheelchair, but they were collecting all the kids' shoes in case they walked in the Mercury. And they wanted to take my shoes.

And I was like, what the, I'm like, you're not taking his fucking shoes. Like, what the fuck? Even as a kid, like, I'm not, you know, questioning authority at that age. But even then I was like, you know, that's stupid. I was like, you know, I was like, i could see the tires but it's fucking shoes i was like no i've had these shoes for eight years they're brand new you're not taking these shoes exactly i'm like i don't ever have to buy this i'm not going to buy my new pair of shoes fuck that it's a waste of damn money and then the other the other call I got was when one of his buddies, Tyler,

I don't remember exactly what happened, but he thought that the vice principal was talking shit to Donovan for some reason, and Tyler decided it would be a good idea to punch the vice principal right in front of Donovan. Right in the face. Right in the face. That's a fucking strong friend right there. He was solid, yeah. Tyler was solid. He's one of my adopted

troubled youth. I call him my own. Because as much as I was a good prim and proper kid for the most part, I gravitated towards the burnout kids. The stoner, fucked up people. They just weren't cool. I liked them and you know what

they were solid ass friends to him like i never had to worry about because i mean the school that the neighborhood we were living in or whatever the school wasn't it was known to be kind of rough it wasn't it wasn't the best school so i was kind of paranoid but he had a solid group of friends that that definitely looked out for him. Where do you guys live? We live in Northern Illinois, like Chicago suburb area. All right. Rockford, Illinois, basically.

Yeah, we played Rockford. Yeah. Rock Island. Rock Island, yeah. I think we might have played Rockford, too. I think so. It wasn't that memorable. No. Wait, we get a few good people out here every now and again.

Like Tom Segura is coming out here soon. And Louis C.K. played here right before the pandemic kicked off. Did you go? Oh, yeah. That was such a good time. Did you play the Make-A-Wish and fucking get backstage? Dude, I was trying to so hard. Nobody was buying it.

Nobody was getting into it. It pissed me off because that works everywhere. So I was mad. I was even willing to sacrifice my mom if I needed to. Like, really, you can have her. Wow. I mean, I know he's got his fetishes or whatever. I mean, I guess I'd watch him do his thing if I had to.

I would market you. I'd be like, all right, it's for Donovan. I'll watch you. Go ahead. Just to hold it over Donovan's head later when he's being an asshole. Like, you remember what I've done for you, you ungrateful son of a bitch? I watched that guy fucking jerk off in front of me. And I did it for you.

I do love the setup with you talking to Mother off camera because you always imagine her reacting in the worst possible way. Donovan, no! And you don't know what she looks like. So, yeah, you just assume the worst.

And that's the thing. Like, I never, like, he, like, half the time I don't even know what the fuck he's doing because he calls me all the time, you know? Yeah. And I'm just like, what the fuck? What do you want? You know? There's never, every video is unscripted.

It's never practiced or written beforehand. I never give her a heads up. I just spring up madness on her. Let her react. Yeah, I've been doing this shit for way longer than I've been recording it. This is just what I do for fun. That's what they all do. It's freaking annoying.

Have you started doing the TikToks or do you have to know how to dance? I haven't got on that one, so I'm not sure. I hated TikTok for so long. I still do. I don't get it. Maybe I'm just not that kind of person, but there was one TikTok in particular that made me, like, think, okay, maybe they're not too bad.

Because this is funny. It was just a girl, like, documenting her abortion. But she was, like, happy about it the entire time. She's like, fuck yeah! And she was, like, showing all the other people, super fucking sad and depressed in the waiting room. And she's dancing like, fuck yeah, dude, I'm getting this shit.

I can't wait for my turn, what's up? So she's got her legs up on the fucking like, I don't know what it's called, but like, she's just driving. And uh, so that made me think, like, maybe it's not all bad and i got it uploaded a few videos on my phone that i had just saved and uh overnight i had one video that went somewhat viral it got like a

million views and i was like okay so it's that hard this means nothing I asked because I would imagine that you would probably do good on that TikTok with your videos the way you have them set up well it is right now I've never even seen one I've been doing Twitch for three years and I still don't understand it

so I mean you can do stuff that you don't understand I think I'm still trying to find out what it is, like, that I'm going for. I don't know what I want from it because that video that went viral, ideally that's what people want. But as soon as it did, I hated it. Just everybody replying was just a 12-year-old just saying dumb shit. What was the video? It was just a 12-year-old just saying dumb shit. What was the video?

It was just obscured dumb shit. It was a flood. We live right across the street from a river and every now and again it'll flood, so it'll come up over and into our backyard, so it looks like

we're in the middle of Hurricane Katrina. And so I backyard so it looks like we're in the middle of hurricane katrina and uh so i was out on the back porch uh fishing and my brother my brother runs down the stairs with his xbox and he's screaming that he can't win a game of fortnite and then he just chucks it out the backyard. And I tell him, like, hey, cut it out, you're scaring the fish. It's just silly, dog. It was just, yeah, just this dumb little

video, but... And I'm not joking, 90% of the replies were just saying, oh, that's an Xbox 360. Fortnite's not even on Xbox 360. Ugh! Oh my god. Fuck, man, that killed me me and he couldn't go hard on like 12 year olds like he does on twitter you know i can i just don't like it yeah yeah that's not a good look i don't fucking care okay

fuck those kids Yeah What's the What's the best scam you've Pulled off because of the chair Like what's the best thing you've Gotten into or gotten for free A bunch of people gave me money To get a bus That I'm just not gonna do

They're fucking retarded Holy shit I can't believe I pulled that off too That was dumb on their part What is one I know like the Dallas Cowboys Like if you're in a chair They let you sit right on the fucking field and shit.

Yeah, I love taking Donovan to concerts. Oh, yeah, I go all the time. Oh, my gosh. I mean, even if he doesn't like the band, I'm like, yo, you're going. I'm like, I don't give a shit. You're going. Oh, take Rob again? No, okay, you know what? I'm gonna say it. I take him to two Godspan

concerts back in the day, and we did get backstage one time and we had like a whole meet and greet and stuff i'm like fuck yeah but godsmack fucking godsmack i'm not proud of it now but come on i totally used you for that it wasn't intentional but uh i got to get on stage with the Misfits when they played here. Yeah, that was awesome. That was awesome. Security was being a dick

that night. The arena they were playing, it's a small little theater, and they have the in-ground seats. You can't move them. So everybody was chill and let me go in the aisle up front, but security was like, hey, you can't be there. You can't move them. So everybody was chill and let me go in the aisle up front. But security was like, hey,

you can't be there. You have to move to the back. Fire hazard. As if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna fucking move. And so they made me go to the back where I couldn't see anything. And I guess somebody on stage saw that happen and they were like,

nah, fuck that. You can come up on stage. Excellent. Sweet. Yeah. I never really go out of my way to do it. People just do it because everybody wants to be that guy. Yeah, I know. You're right.

If you have a card of any kind, play it. Play it often. Like, do a thing where it looks like it's jammed, like I can't get over this hump, and then everyone helps you. Yeah, how do you control that thing? Like, can you move your hands enough to control it? Yeah, it's just an electric wheelchair, so it's just a matter of moving

a little analog stick, essentially. Do you have Fortnite on that? Dude, I do. Yeah. Yeah, I was really pissed when COVID hit, because we had tickets for Rage in Chicago and I had, you know, and of course me being mom, I totally use the wheelchair thing. And a friend of mine, you know,

knew one of the managers or whatever for them and contacted them on Twitter and he contacted me and we had backstage passes and we were going to watch from the stage. I'm like, oh, my God, fuck yeah. And then goddamn COVID. I'm like, great. What's the use of having a crippled kid if I can't be on stage with fucking Rage Against the Machine?

But since those are all rescheduled, I would assume you still have those backstage passes. Yeah, I'm just waiting for the schedule. Yeah, I think... We haven't heard from anybody, and that's been kind of like, are they going to keep us ghosted? Because I hope not. No, because I'm really good

friends with the guy that knows the guy. So, yeah. Like, I've never met him, but... Now it's just a matter of I hope I don't die. Yeah, that's why she's rushing out to the garage to make sure you don't choke on your own puke stop you have to fucking see where you can't die this is my meal ticket baby i have plans well if he dies you can always just you'll still have the chair you're just gonna have to fake it a little bit throw one of his brothers in it yeah exactly just throw one of his brothers be like okay mom i exactly. Just throw it at his brothers. Be like, okay. Mom, I

could have pretended to be crippled. You didn't have to fucking help me. Hammering his spine. These tickets are transferable. I could have just walked in. They don't know. It doesn't say handicap VIP. Yeah. That was the great part of

touring with Christine Levine because she was obese enough that she got the handicap parking tag, and we were front row every gig. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. That's half of the reason why people ended up becoming my friend in high school was because I had that pass that let me out like five minutes early

in between classes so I didn't get swept up in everybody's shit and a lot of the times people would help me move, like get to whatever I needed to so they would show up in their class

and be like, hey, sorry I was late. I was helping Donovan. And they'd be like, oh, okay, that's fine. But so many people were doing it that they come on. It was like, oh, you helped Donovan? Really? Because Donovan's not even here today.

They were all really in the bathroom getting high. That's exactly what I thought. Yep. Or out behind the library getting high. Yep. Either way, just getting high. So you weren't partying in high school?

No, I went to like... There was never really party, but every New Year's Eve, me and my friends would get together and we'd have, like, a little mini just rager to ourselves. Did you ever do hallucinogens? No, I only just recently started doing those. All right. I meant in general, yeah. So did you have an out-of-body experience?

Yeah, I couldn't move at all. I was fucking moving. Even when you've been tripping, you don't walk around or anything? No. I did that to the people around me because people get concerned for me when I do anything. And when I see that concern, I fuck with people. Oh, he loves that. That's his favorite thing.

So when we were together, we were like, all right, we're going to do mushrooms for the first time. Everyone was really cuddling me and babying me. And I just started, like, freaking out, pretending I couldn't breathe. Oh, my gosh. The fuck? See, and this is why I won't, like, if I do, like, because I shroom often. And if I do, I stay in my room.

I will not fucking come near Donovan. I fucking won't. I won't do it. Yeah, it's one thing. You never look in a mirror when you're tripping, but you also don't want to look at fucking Crypt Daddy either. Right. Because then he would know,

and he'd start fucking with me and I would just be like, is he fucking with me or is he serious? Like, what is, you know, not happening. Yeah, it's fun. I have a good time with it. I'm tempted to go back and trip again soon. When's the last time you did? I did trip once.

I guess I forget about that one because the one where I told Dave Rader to leave. But I was pretty drunk too. Yeah. So. Oh, well, that was the night we were really drunk and other people were on mushrooms. And then we tried to catch up. And then I went to sleep and you I was underneath the

glass dining room table. It was kind of like Mother said. Dave Rader, he's a little anal. He seemed to be worried about me, I think. And he wasn't tripping. And I'm like, you got to go.

You're freaking me out. Get out of here. Under the table is where I want to be. I'm very comfortable curled up, fetal under the table. And your concern is concerning me. Maybe you should just... I love that. I love that.

You threw me out of your house last night. I was suggesting. I just couldn't make it up. It was a strong suggestion. You were yelling while I was in a glass box. Don't you understand? You wouldn't exactly be comfortable there either. And you're getting screamed at.

That didn't help. Do you fuck with weed oh yeah yeah yeah daily smoking or edibles both yeah it's it's a good he made a bowl out of a hollow pickle yeah so that's a new one on me right so like his little brother was so excited because you know he loves pickles and i buy like the big ass jars at sam because, you know, he loves pickles. And I buy, like, the big-ass jars at Sam's Club, you know, for, like, five bucks. You get, like, a huge freaking jar of pickles. And he bit into one, and it was completely hollow. And he came in to show Donovan.

He's like, look, there's nothing in here. Donovan's like, yo, leave that right here. He's like, that's mine. I saw an opportunity. That was the same day the election was happening and I thought what better way

to celebrate the fall of America than smoking out of a pickle you know it doesn't make any sense at all when I was probably 13 or something, I had a tumor in my second toe. Underneath the nail. I had to route it out down to the bone.

And my brother saw it and he said, man, that's like a perfect one hitter. Cut off your toe. I love that. Fuck. Gross. Oh, that's gnarly. I love that. It was pretty gross.

And it was benign, so I don't even know why they had to fucking cut it out. Just for the shits and giggles. They need to get paid. A hammer wants to hit a nail, dude. What are the doctors going to say? Exactly. That's why I don't go back to doctors. I feel that. I don't trust them.

They've been telling me that I've been going to die for every year since I was five. Fucking bullshit medical degree. What do you know? Express VPN. Have you ever browsed in incognito mode? It's probably not as incognito as you think. And why would it be? Incognito mode, like the Chrome browser itself, is a Google product.

And Google's made its fortune by tracking your movements online. There's even a $5 billion class action lawsuit against the company in California, where it's accused of secretly collecting user data. Google's defense? Incognito doesn't mean invisible. So how do you actually make yourself as invisible as possible online? Express VPN. Turns out that even in incognito mode, your online activities still get tracked and data brokers still get to buy your data. One of these data points is your

IP address. Data harvesters use your IP to uniquely identify you and your location. But with ExpressVPN, your connection gets rerouted through an encryptive server and your IP address is masked. Every time you connect to ExpressVPN, you get a random IP address shared by other ExpressVPN customers. That makes it harder for third parties to identify you and harvest your data. Best of all, ExpressVPN is super easy to use. No matter what device you're on, phone, laptop, or smart TV, all you have to do is tap one button for instant protection. So if you really want to go incognito and protect your privacy, secure yourself with

the number one rated VPN. Visit expressvpn.com slash Stanhope and get three extra months for free. That's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-v-p-n dot com slash Stanhope to get three extra months for free. You tweeted something about fucking with your doctors. Oh, yeah. I... They don't like... Well, it depends.

Some of them like me. The ones that are kind of new to the game and still have, like, you know, a shred of human decency in their eye. But a lot of the times they're just hollow, dead inside, because

they killed 80 people. And so whenever I try and lighten the mood, because they never come in and say good news to me. It's always like, hey, so your lung capacity is weakening and you're fucked. And so I always like, hey, so your lung capacity is weakening and you're fucked.

And so I'm like, oh, shit. Does that mean I have to give up my meth there? They just left me deadpan. That's funny to you? This is a game, huh? Oh, no, no, no. When Donovan was 16, we went to the ER.

And they had just started that whole thing where, like, they have to, like, ask you those questions about your safety and whether or not you feel safe at home, you know. And we're at the ER and, you know, Donovan's freaking got pneumonia, you know, can barely fucking breathe. And this nurse is going through these random questions about, you know, do you feel safe at home? And Donovan, like, just with his eyes, he looked at her and then looked at me

and then looked at her again. I'm like, you motherfucker. Like, for real? You know? And he's like, well, define safe. And I'm like, oh, I'm like, I swear to God. I don't know if you got to that part in the book yet, Mother, but we used to do that when I got sent to a school psychologist

for just being like Donovan and we would say it was a family thing and me and my brother and my mother and we'd say mother do we have to have our beatings again tonight

what's this about beatings it's his sense of humor they do this to me all the time they do this to me in the supermarket oh yeah i hate going to the store with him absolutely but it's ridiculous so much fun you know like he was going to you know he went to mda camp every year you know when he was little and we're you know at target shopping and we're in the toy section and And then the game aisle came. I was like, hey, let's get a game.

Because it rains a lot. And you guys have to stay inside. And then you can have a game to play. He's like, yeah, mom. The aisle's packed. He's like, yeah, mom. He's like, go ahead and grab that Twister game. And get all the kids in wheelchairs around and play a good game of Twister.

I'm like, you bitch. I'm like, fuck you. You're not getting a game. Fuck you. twister. I'm like, you bitch. I'm like, you know what, fuck you. You're not getting a game. Fuck you. One of my favorite ways that we

fucked with you, because it was so, it was perfect, harmonious, just the way it worked out. There's a music festival that used to happen here, and they shut down all of downtown, and there's different stages, so it's packed.

It was me, my two brothers, and my friend. And my mom's walking in front of us. We're just walking around. But she's, like, way ahead of us. And we're trying to yell at her to slow down. And she's not listening. So finally, without communicating it, we all just instinctually started acting mentally challenged.

And we were like, ah, that was a good time. We started saying, Mom, slow down. Mom. And we started like, my brothers were like, Don't leave us again. They started limping. And I made the whole thing look pretty legit because of me in the wheelchair. So she started running even faster.

Yeah, because I turn around, everybody's looking at me like I'm an asshole. I'm like, fuck these kids, man. I'm like, where's the damn beer tent? Fuck them. I'm like where's the damn beer tent fuck them you're gonna leave us in the parking lot again I can do a pretty good cerebral palsy

that I used to do to pre-board airplanes I love that I could do a pretty good cerebral palsy that I used to do to pre-board airplanes. I love that. And then Bingo would want no part of it, but I had her ticket with my ticket as I wailed to... She could be your personal assistant. Bingo, come along. Turning fucking beet red. I love doing the way that deaf people

talk. That's my favorite. I laugh so hard at that shit. I shouldn't. I know it's funny. It's so fucking funny. One of the most unintentional, hilarious moments I've ever seen on TV was when they brought in the deaf choir

on the episode of Glee and they sang Imagine by John Lennon. Hands down, funniest shit I've ever seen. I'm judging you just because you watch Glee right now. I didn't even know you did. Up until that point, it was just a casual watch. You had fucking something on Twitter that I didn't... Something that you get a lot of shit for, and I didn't understand.

When you were accusing your mother of doing a lot of heroin, and she's like, stop it! And you had some joke about Demi Lovato, and I couldn't understand the punchline. joke about Demi Lovato and I couldn't understand the punchline. Yeah, she came out as non, they came

out as non-binary, whatever. And so I said that the, I tweeted out a picture of heroin that had the rainbow flag over it, and I called it the Demi Lovato flag.

And our fans didn't like that. People did not like that at all. Yeah, I... She's a huge music star. See, and I didn't get it either. I don't even know who she is even now. Yeah, I don't know who anybody is anymore. I've officially gotten to that place

where I still do the cover-up. We do the operation cover-up anytime I'm in line at Safeway. I just cover up every tabloid with something decent. But I don't even know the people that I'm covering up anymore. I just know they're fucking trash.

You're covering up the title. The master. Yeah, I don't... Again, I shouldn't know who a lot of these people are, and I only do because it's stuck in my fucking face. It's pornography to me. Yeah. No, it's wouldn't be.

You're better off that way, too. Not the good kind. If I could not know who Demi Lovato was, I'd be a happier person. Yeah. I still don't know. I just know she doesn't like the rainbow heroin flag. Fucking cry me a river. Have you had anyone

famous talk back to you? Give you shit on Twitter? In a negative way? Well, I mean, saying that's inappropriate. Like the actual person that you're making fun of? No, not yet. I think I'm waiting for that moment because up until now, it's just been a free range of getting away with it.

So it's only a matter of time, I think. I've gotten like small people,, internet famous here and there. But, yeah, nothing that I would... If you're internet famous, you're, like, the smartest person in the fucking special ed class, you know? Sorry, I think we just had a fan show. Hang on. What? Hang on, Chaley's back.

Sorry to interrupt, but that freaked me. I handle a lot of these things. She's still trying to get in, I think. Yeah, she's banging on it now. Oh, is it that crazy lady from up the street? Sorry, someone's banging on her door. Shut up, you got a crazy lady at your door? That's awesome.

Oh, it is Mary. I want to meet Mary Please hold this drama Yeah yeah no of course Oh this is entertaining too I love this As long as we're holding Hey Chad you have a great voice

You have like a radio voice I feel like you need to be doing like a smooth jazz At our fucking house Is it crazy Mary Or is it There's a fucking another tweaker lady that... So she was taking the whole... We have a double swinging door.

It's metal. It's super heavy. She took it and just got it rocking. And that was that noise. It sounded like she was trying to open it. The whole... The whole, like, 20 feet of fence was moving. And that's like that's

enough she goes your mother's enough i mean leaning over she goes my something about someone's carrie grant and don't let that motherfucker who was standing right and she's pointing inside the and i'm like what are you that's what are you doing here? I go, we live here. She goes, why? Why? She's like short hair, tweaky looking. Yeah. Brown hair. Sorry.

You guys keep going. I got to make sure she doesn't get in the way. Meth isn't good, kids. I like to see the cops. Meth is not good, kids. All right. kids. I like to see the cops. Meth is not good, kids. Alright. Fucking pull out of this there, fucking

young crip. Yeah. That was great. Mom, can you tell your friends to stop bothering Doug, please? Fucking meth. I swear, I was a pro-drug guy until meth became a thing, and now I have to specify which drugs,

because, yeah, fucking meth heads. If I had a logo that just said, kill meth heads, I could just stick those stickers around with a fucking wiggly tooth caricature of a tweaker with his brains being fucking blown out. Yeah. I'm telling you, they're, well, because they're unpredictable. They're scary.

They're, you know, generally pieces of shit anyways, but they're so unpredictable as well. And they have all the energy in the world. Yeah, yeah. What if meth was the only way I could knock them? Oh, that's a hard question. I mean, I guess I could like micro-dose it. Could I micro-dose meth?

Is that a thing? Sure, probably one way to find out. You bet. How many fathers are there for all these kids you have, Mom? Yeah, Mom. How many fathers do there for all these kids you have, Mom? Yeah, Mom. Yeah, Mom. How many fathers do we have?

Three. Three. And you said you're a minority? Yeah, she slept with a dirty Mexican. She's a race traitor. So you have two cards to play. Oh, yeah. Yep.

I did that ancestry just because my friend Valentina, she's Colombian, but she seems very white. So she, I think, overcompensates by rolling her R's way more than they need to be rolled. Oh, yeah, those people. So I did the ancestry just hoping I was like one billionth fucking Latino so I could say I'm Mexican too or I'm Hispanic or whatever the fuck they call themselves. But nope, I'm just a fucking ugly fucking UK guy. It happens. I mean,

it's, uh, I'm convinced that the half of me that doesn't like to work is the Mexican half. So, I blame my dad. I give my mom shit because she's stuck around, but I

always tell her that dad was smart enough to not, you know, be around. So, I mean, he was in prison, so. Like I said, he was smart. And mother's single now. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Thank God. Did any of the dads, were any of them relationships? Let's talk about Donovan's dad specifically. What do you call a relationship? You know, like, I mean, I was young. I was, you know, I was, what, like, 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had him. So, I mean, I wouldn't call it. I mean, at that time, I thought I knew what I was like 15 when I got pregnant, 16 when I had him. So I wouldn't call it. I mean, at that time, I thought I knew what I was doing.

I was grown up and we're going to have this whole little happy family. But that absolutely did not happen. And are you in touch? No, no, I haven't talked to him in years. I did. He was never really around. He'd pop in once in a while. And like, you know,

at one point he was around for, you know, a solid couple of few weeks. And I was like, okay, cool. You know? And he's like, oh, I'll watch Donovan. Will you go to work tonight? And I'm like, okay, yeah, that'd be great. You know? And he came over and I lived right across the street from this grocery store. And, um, apparently he took Donovan to the grocery store. Donovan was like five or six, you know, and Donovan was in his little chair. They rolled over to the grocery store. And I was over there all the time, so I knew everybody there. And then I get a call from the grocery store from the security guy, Mike.

He's like, hey, Shane. I'm like, yeah. He's like, you know, your son's here with his dad? I was like, oh, okay. What's going on? And he's like, yeah, he's like shoving stuff into Donovan's backpack on his wheelchair. He's like shoving steaks and all this shit into Donovan's. Like, he totally used Donovan to freaking shoplift.

He's like, but we don't want to scare Donovan. So we don't really, you know. I'm like, oh, my freaking God, are you kidding me? You know, like the one time I'm like okay cool you can watch your kid you use them to freaking steal steaks and deodorant it's like fuck man like christ that's your dad honey let's go home how old were you oh i was super was super young. He was five. I was like, yeah, he was in kindergarten. He was five. He had just gotten his power chair.

I only remember this incident being really awesome because I asked my dad to get me a thing of Fruit Rollers that had a Pokemon card in it. When they took me, I didn't know why. I was just in a room in the back. I was like, well, can I still have that Pokemon card there? Where are my Fruit Roll-Ups, man? They gave it to me, so I was like,

fuck yeah, this is fun. I'm having a good day. That's fucking great. Yeah, so after that, he wasn't around for, you know, ever, ever. But he, I mean, after Donovan got older, he called me when Donovan was like 18 or 19 and like crying about how, you know, Donovan won't answer my calls and won't answer any messages I send him.

I'm like, he's grown. What do you want me to do? I can't, you know, I'm like, I don't. What do you want me to do? I can't, you know. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. And then he would call Donovan. He'd do the drunk call every once in a while to Donovan. Those were fun. It's so weird. He just tried to add me on Facebook

again. It's not like I have any hostility towards the guy. I really don't care. It's just I'm an adult now. What do you want from me? It's weird. Mow my lawn. You're my

only. I just wanted to go on another steak run. Having a barbecue. We'll finish what we started chicken prices are getting out of control I need you to come to Gristart me son I know you were joking about the Mexican part of you

not wanting to work but have you ever entertained the idea of getting a job like fucking telemarketing or something you could do? Walmart greener. See, I was in a program in high school where they sent me into this mini-job, sort of to introduce what the workplace would be like for disabled people. place would be like for disabled people and all I was doing was making phone calls thanking people for like donating money to some organization that this was

for and I would call them up and say hey remember when you have a in every single phone call was met with okay thanks, thanks, I guess. And I think there I decided traditional work probably not going to be the thing for me. This is ass. Yeah, you could be almost like Chad Shank's Monday Motivations. You could probably pull off a motivational speaking slash comedy thing.

Talking to other people. I thought about being in charge of motivating anybody. That's kind of a conflicting thing. I did say at one point, like, talking to people is fun, but like, I don't...

I'm self-aware enough to know that I don't know shit. I don't know anything about anything. I don't think anybody does, really. And that's my point. Chad Shank's Monday motivations are all completely negative. Right. Are they? I'm going to have to look that up.

Can you remember one off the top of your head, Chad? No. Dude, the one you just did this last Monday was great. Like, people worrying about what other people think about you. Oh, yeah. People don't think about you at all. No one thinks about you, you narcissist as fuck.

Yeah, I gotta get out of that. I like that. I like that. That's what I was saying. You could do comedy, motivational speaking, but that's not motivational whatsoever. That's your own humor. I bet you could get booked. I think he could absolutely get booked because of the wheelchair thing and comedy. It's just the third leg of that stool is how acerbic he is on Twitter or in your face.

They would go, oh, no, we can't do that. Those other two legs of the stool, prop it up. Yeah. But it's the negativity on Twitter that would be the downfall because he could totally get booked as a, look, I can get on stage to be a stand-up. You can do whatever is holding you back. I mean, you see what I'm saying? Yeah.

Right. I tried to do this. I fuck my mom before you get to. I'd rather let that joke out, but I see where you're going. That's the opening. I see where you're going. When I get the man show, I called my old middle school in that town that I hated, and I said, listen, my dad was part of the Worcester public school system

for his entire career. And I quit school. And I would love to come back to talk to the kids about the importance of staying in school. Where I was just going to say, no, quitting. I'll talk about the importance of it. It's none. I quit school. It was the best thing I ever did in my life.

I just wanted to sandbag it. They probably looked at my website. Oh, that would have been awful. That would have been awesome, though. Fucking funny. That would have been very funny. I would definitely try to promote you to... I don't know where you'd go.

I think that's my big thing. Right now, I've never really had a goal for the stuff that I'm doing. I just kind of do it because it seems like fun in the moment. And I have an idea, and I'm like, yeah, let's do that. So it's just been a matter of figuring out what it is, whatever. So to get the gig, you can't say that.

You have to say, as young as Dr. Piss can remember, he's always wanted to help other people get their act on stage, whether they're disabled or differently abled. Yeah, you just need a little spin. Yeah, I know the MO. Trust me. Right. If I can do it, so can you.

Because that's the... That's the M.O. for a lot of disabled people anymore and it's so fucking frustrating for me personally just seeing it. Because I get it. If that's what makes you happy, man,

cool, whatever, but it's just so fucking weird. It'd be just so fun to film. Have you ever heard of the Yes Men? Yeah, yes. Yeah, the Yes Men. It was like doing something similar to that, where you've caught your

way into getting on stage to give a motivational speech, and then just go fucking completely the opposite, or fuck with them, and then just have someone film it. That would be, I mean, that would be so easy for you to do too. You could do the whole like wheelchair sympathetic thing and, you know, give them all sorts of like, feed them just a bunch of bullshit and then just get up there and.

Oh yeah. No, that that's, that's actually, and that's something you could do is yeah. No, that's actually something you could do is start another Twitter account now that is like that guy. Yes, the alter ego. And you can direct people there. I feel like your dad, like I'm fucking sticking steaks in your bag just for my own. How many T-bones can I get in here? How can we use him? And that's the thing When it was coming to comedy

I knew just being a fan of stand-up culture and whatever growing up I just picked up naturally on you talk about what you know and what you feel and the experiences

you have and so it was debating on whether or not I felt comfortable even addressing the elephant in the room because I didn't want to be the guy that was the disabled comic. I wanted to be the comic that just happened to be disabled.

Never mention it. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, just never bring it up. I remember Tanya Lee Davis. She's a dwarf comedian, and, of course, that's all of her act. Yeah. She came to Edinburgh when I was playing there.

She was doing a, I was hosting a mixed bill show, and I went up. I go, you know what, Tanya Lee, I wish you'd address her height at some point, because people are missing all the deep social commentary that she brings to the stage, wondering about the fact that she's a little person, which is completely sarcastic. And I fear about unintentionally

leaning into it too much, but I also know that it would be hard to completely avoid. So what I like to do is that one time I did the open mic. Like my mom

said, we had to bring my own ramp for me to get on stage. So they have to go out back, drag this huge fucking makeshift ATV ramp that you put up on the back of trucks and then drag it out drag this huge fucking makeshift ATV ramp that you put, you know,

up on the back of trucks, and then drag it out while it's making that screeching metal sound, put it on there, guide me up to the stage, lower the mic, get that adjusted, and it was this whole ordeal,

complete dead silence, and then just me awkwardly. So, I wish that if I committed suicide, it would be looked at as a suicide and not euthanasia. It's good. I like it. And then I move on. it's good i like it and then i move on i love the idea of like just a fucking team of roadies having to come set up the ramp and then while out as the intro music continues to play to make it really uncomfortable and awkward for everybody yeah failed attempts at getting onto the ramp and backing the chair up they have to they have to readjust it, and then you get on stage, you go, oh, I get the light.

Thank you very much. I want the whole process over again. Maybe we do that. Stage the ramp just so it's too steep and he can't get all the way up there. Somebody has to push him up there. Yeah, where the audience feel compelled to help. Oh my God, every time I go

to any place where people can drink, there's always that one guy that's overly friendly. It's like, dude, you need anything. Anything at all. I'm here, man. Just look me. I'm over here. I'll do anything you need anything anything at all i'm here man just look me i'm i'm over here i'll do anything you need oh my gosh remember that the music festival where they were acting like freaking whatever i'm not gonna say the artwork because i'm not gonna get in trouble

but they uh before that we were down at the rock stage and i was watching a band that i knew and everybody just coming up and just giving donovan all these tickets you know they're like here you go man here you go donovan's whole tray was filled with tickets i'm like what in the fuck he's like i don't know what do you what's going on i need for free but what were what were the tickets they were like food and drink tickets yeah for food and yeah because you tickets. Yeah, for food and yeah, because you had to buy tickets for food and drinks and whatever there. It was great because I had beer all night.

Yeah, and I ate for free, so I was fine. I'm like, fuck that. I grabbed half of them and went to the beer tent. I'm like, I'll see you guys in about 30 minutes. All right. Well, we're going to wrap up and go try to find this fucking tweaker lady that's trying to tear down my fucking metal fence. Yeah, probably.

Yeah, we'll keep in touch through the DMs there and figure out some fun shit to do in Chicago. Am I here for two nights? Two nights at the Brower House. All right. Go to dougstandup.com, tour dates, and everything is updated all the way through 2022 with the UK dates. Yeah, but we're adding a ton more. So everyone, make sure you get on the mailing list because a lot of this shit,

especially the smaller gigs, will sell out on the mailing list before the general public knows that they exist. So, fucking at real young Y-U-N-G Crip with two P's on Twitter. Anything else you want to plug? Instagram or anything I don't use?

TikTok? No, you can look at some cool stuff that I'm doing on Cornhub slash BBW. Any video you see on there, that's me. And I'm not filming it, by the way. My mom's a star in every video.

Oh my god. That's my crime stuff, so. Yeah, get that and check out. That's my crime stuff. Yeah, get that and check out. It's good. I look forward to hanging with you in person. I look forward to it as well. But if you have to be like spoon fed or something where it all drools down the side of your face, we'll get separate green rooms.

Yeah, he's on his own. I feel like a few drinks, I can talk you into it. Gerbers is in his rider. Who the fuck put the green bean shit? I asked for apple. That was an old joke we do in green rooms. The opener. Oh, you headlining tonight?

Oh, no, I'm just the opener. Good. Go get me a beer. But you can do it with... You're the opener? Change me. I'll be pissed. I have to pee. Are you catheterized?

Oh, fuck that. No. No, no, no. Nope. I'm all continent, baby. Do you know when you're going to piss? Or is it... Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. But that's kind of the cool thing though that i could piss myself and nobody would say shit okay oh i would i absolutely would i would humiliate the fuck out of you would i have told this story many a time but chris crazy legs fonseca who had the best album title ever which was not tonight honey i Honey, I Have Cerebral Palsy. He's also a brutal alcoholic. So he did a guest set

in Denver. He's been around for a million years, and he pissed himself at the merch booth. And he had a handler there, and he just let it fucking puddle up underneath the merch booth. booth like you can see he's wearing like khaki pants

it's the most obvious pissed himself didn't care to move just kept selling merch I can't respect that that's the kind of dedication I need I'm waiting everyone follow his Twitter because I've watched a bunch of your videos,

and I'm waiting for that cat to start gnawing on your face and you being unable to defend yourself. That is going to be a great moment. Would you, though? For now. Oh, yeah. You've got to put some Elmer's glue on him while he's sleeping and put catnip

beard on him. Bad kitty, bad kitty. Bad kitty. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Alright. Donovan,

it's a fucking pleasure. Thanks for being on. Thank you for having me, man. We'll talk to you soon Chad, Tracy, Chaley take care everybody see you guys ok bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.