The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#456: Floood, Where's My Car?

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Doug catches up with Chad Shank who is still helping out his flooded out grandparents in Globe, AZ. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded July 27th, 2021 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Dave Raider (@daveraider), Tracey (@Egglester),  and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast how's that sound fixed it fixed it i guess there you go yeah that's all right all right so you want to say a few sentences before we say this is a go should we check for bugs in the system NASA before we fucking launch

taking this fucking thing back to Walmart I'll tell you that if Walmart had a nickel for every time they laughed at someone who said that and never got around to it, they'd be Walmart. The fucked up thing is that I looked at Walmart to see what they had here, and I was like, okay, that'll work. And I went over there, and they had neither of the two fucking microphones that their website said they had. And they had shittier ones that were more expensive.

Bastards. There's the feedback. I'm not complaining. You don't have a problem. All right. We're good. All right. Do you want to hear it now? All right. We're good. All right. Do I hear you?

You want me to put me on speakerphone? No, I can't hear him. All right. All right. alright you're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast and the missing T in podcast himself is here live with us via zoom And the missing T in podcast himself is here live with us via Zoom. I thought we recorded the T in there last time.

Yeah. I forgot which episode that was on. Chad Shank. Yeah, this has not come up on the podcast since the last time. And we just randomly caught it on. I've been off Twitter and there's still text messages from four nights ago. I have not checked because we went on a bender. But at some point, oh, I think it was during the bender.

Early in the bender, Chad Shank. Oh, Dave Rader says, have you heard about Chad Shank? There's evidently global flooding going on in globe. Yeah. Yeah, they burned like 200,000 acres up above my grandparents' house on the mountain. And so there was nothing to hold back the monsoons once it hit fucking flooded their whole place out and you if you're not on twitter get on twitter and go to at hd fatty and look at some of the footage of a river runs through it so you're up there mud bogging.

That's the easy part. The hard part is navigating 90 year olds emotions and feelings regarding everything they've ever owned. Yeah, it's your grandparents for the listener. It's your grandparents house got flooded out and they're in their 90s, and they're not the oldest generation of Shanks. There's older Shanks that are. Don't you have great-great-grandparents? No, not anymore. Oh, I'm sorry.

I missed that episode. My sincere condolences. So you felt a compunction. Like you think of Chad as a guy that doesn't, I'm a fucking loner. But he's still going up to fucking shovel mud. How long have you been up there? Still a lot. So 20 days

Jesus something like that it's all it all runs together here at the El Rancho that's right he tweeted or texted me I don't know a picture of where he's staying the El Rancho Motel

and it still has colored TV on the sign as a selling point. This weekend should be a real interesting one because this motel is close to the San Carlos Indian Reservation

and there is no booze allowed on the San Carlos Indian Reservation. So when they get paid in the first of the month, they'll come over here and stay several days because there's a Circle K right here. They got here yesterday. They came over.

I was outside smoking, and some guys came walking up with just cases of Bud Ice, Apache Indians guys, and they come over and just start kicking the door open the door let us in let it they're kicking the shit out of it finally the lady that runs the place Indian lady from India she comes out and starts yelling up that's not your room stop So they went in the right room after that. That's how I would be if I could only drink on payday.

And I only got paid when I had a job. So yeah, this weekend will be interesting. Even when they're not staying here Some of them like to stay behind here in the alley And drink So they'll come up and find you when you're outside smoking And talk to you and want to fight you It's been interesting

Every day is another adventure here It's like some weird amusement park for Chad he's helping family like running into like drunks that are getting all the way there for the weekend it's a it's the weirdest episode of twilight zone I've ever seen I want out so so what like all right is the flooding is stopped i assume the flooding is well like yesterday the the it rained real hard and the creek rose back up but it didn't get up into their yard we've got sandbags and stuff now protecting it the county uh one of one of the guys uh that works for the county i went to high school with him. And he came over and he was talking to me.

And I was like, yeah. I go, man, I see you guys taking those barriers up there. We could use some of those. He goes, oh, you want some? We can hook you up with that. And now I know that everybody's all pissed off that he did that. The funny part was is that he goes, yeah, my daughter just turned 18. She's all into comedy and stuff.

She likes Stan Hope and Bill Burr and Joe Rogan and all them. He goes, so I showed her your picture with all those guys, and I told her, yeah, he's famous. I went to high school with him. So I didn't tell him I'm not famous because I wanted those concrete barriers. Famous in Globe. Globe famous. You're famous here in the fun house

yeah we have uh what's your name on the twitch chad's twitch stream the honey badger is here in the house what's up honey badger how you doing with his dad and the glistening gal as well as a British. Jonathan is here and Randolph is here. So yeah. You guys are having all kinds of fun now that I'm stuck. I know I was going to fuck with you. Like I do Bobby and tell you how much fun I had over the weekend, but I don't remember it.

That's how much fun I had. What do you have left to do? Right now, we're just cleaning up some of the stuff we found outside, but we kind of made it to a standstill because I convinced my grandparents to put

everything in totes. Right now, they still refuse to take everything off the walls. They don't understand why they would need to take everything off the walls they don't understand why they would need to take stuff off their walls that doesn't make sense to them also when i try to need a foundation to hang pictures when i when i try to talk to my grandpa about black mold and he goes i've never heard of that and i go well it's really it's it's really toxic. And he goes, then why isn't everybody dead? I don't know. But right now, we've got all the mud out, carpet out. The whole

house is basically stripped out. They let us put everything in plastic totes and put it in the garage. Did I freeze? Yeah. You're back. It's kind of like an episode of Hoarders. Yeah, it is very much like an episode of Hoarders

because you have to watch out for their feelings. And, you know, Grandma didn't want any of her yarn thrown away so we had to wait until she was in the other room and throw all the yarn that was growing mold in a black plastic bag so she couldn't see it and then run it up the road so she couldn't go through the bag

that isn't like every episode of hoarders from the viewers perspective why don't you just fucking wait till she's not looking? She can't remember all this shit. Throw it away. The easy part is next week she's going to Texas for a family reunion and my grandpa's

solution just is we should have just burnt the whole fucking thing down, Chad. That's what he keeps saying. And I was like, yeah, that would have been a nice solution since you have fire insurance and not flood insurance. Yeah, now it'd be a little bit of a tip off. Well, I told him because he goes, he doesn't know any better.

He goes, I'll just dump gasoline all over this place and light it up. I go, no, you can't do that. They'll know that you used an accelerant. I go, you got to be smart about it. You're an electrician. We're going to short this shit out in the wall to make the fires look like it started naturally. He says, no, you got to look at this logically as he says it on a podcast. That's just so I won't do it.

Right now, we're waiting for a company to come in and uh test the walls for mold and uh possibly probably cut out all the drywall that you know two and a half feet of drywall that got soaked with mud and water and then they'll have to run a dehumidify dehumidifier machine in the house and i don't know what all it is. We're waiting on other people right now, though. We did get it all sucked out. Hey, why don't you read my first book while you're sitting around there? Chad,

were you able to fix the sewing machine? Yes, the sewing machine is... I don't know that it's working, but the sewing machine cabinet got fucked up. But I got that all cleaned out. It took me like 45 minutes shaking one drawer. Like, come on, don't break, don't break.

You can feel it getting loose. I shake it, push it back in, brush it out like a fucking archaeologist. I want to go home so bad. I love these people. They're really good people, but this is nightmare. Salt of the

earth, and that's where they belong. The earth. My grandpa came out today today we're cleaning up all of his tools and he just walked over and he goes my dad goes you think we can save any of this and he goes i don't give a shit if you guys want any of it take it with you i don't care so his attitude is quickly matching mine. I like it. I'm just hoping now, like, just randomly, a bolt of lightning burns that down right after this podcast goes out, and it's going to be like a game of Clue.

Who burned the place down for the insurance? So they have no flood insurance? Flood insurance is hard again. Especially if you live in an area that floods. Yeah, where they burn down 200,000 fucking acres on a hill above you. Yeah, and I can't get them to sign up for FEMA. I asked them again yesterday. You guys want to go on the computer?

We can, you know, apply for FEMA help. Well, I don't understand it. Well, you don't have to understand it. I can just help you do it. I don't know. We have to wait. Let me guess. They haven't been vaccinated either.

Oh, yeah, they have. They have. So FEMA would come in, and then if they qualified, they would be able to get a low-interest small business loan. Well, what it is is right now there's no funds in FEMA to assist them. We had the state representative come by and talk to us, and he basically said, we're trying to get people to apply for FEMA so that we can then lean on

Congress to give some funds to FEMA to help these people out. But my grandparents don't really comprehend that. And they don't, they need help, but they don't like want help. So I don't know. My mother went through the same thing because we grew up in a, where welfare was a stigma.

And she's like, I'm not going gonna get on any kind of welfare well it's called assistance now but same rules your tax dollars paid for that it's your money yeah but she still remembers you're all welfare you get government cheese yeah yes that's part of the same thing though like my grandma told me a story the other day about somebody and part of the story goes and she was on welfare continued the story so yes also my poor grandma i i usually you have to listen to her stories you know more than once she'll tell you the same story now i gotta listen to the same story eight times in 30 minutes it's getting it's just taking their toll on them it's rough to see uh it's fucking brutal yeah you're heroic for going up there and thank you for all the killer

termites that uh fucking kicked in some dollars to keep chad in the El Rancho Motel with his fancy color television. That's right. And my refrigerators only quit twice in here. I mean, this is... Because you're using it for air conditioning. No, I keep the air conditioning on 64. That way I don't hear all the fights going on in the parking lot. I just...

That's all I hear in here. Thank you to everybody. I would be sleeping in my grandparents' filthy house right now if it weren't for you because I can't leave. When the state representative came over here

to talk to us, he's trying to add up, like, how much money. He's like, okay, so how many people have you had working here? And we're like, eight. And then he goes, well, how long did they work? And I go, like, 10 to 12 hours a day. And my family's going, like, eight hours? And then he goes, well, what about you going making dump runs, right? And I said, yeah.

And he goes, that takes you about two hours, right? Total round trip. I go, yep, two hours. That sounds about right. My dad goes, I can do it in 45 minutes. I had to smack him while the guy was looking at me. Who's doing the sandbagging around here? Oh, man. I had to explain to them. My grandma

was mad. She's like, why is he asking us how much we were working around here? My dad goes, I know. Why does he need to know how long it takes us to go to the dump? And I go, you guys, he's trying to calculate how much money the government owes you. Stop fucking shooting yourself in the foot.

I'm trying to help you with this. Well, we don't. And they go, well, then why do you say two hours? And I go, probably so he gets a bigger chunk of money. He can give us a bigger chunk of money. He can keep a little chunk of money. They go, we don't even think that way. I go, I know. That's why I want you to shut up. I do think that way. And that's why I'm here. I'm trying to help you navigate these waters that you don't understand. Don't open your mouth if you don't know this shot. There you go.

Oh, man. It's, uh. Do you have an ETA for your extraction? Yeah. No. I mean. This is like the worst episode of the show. And I have been watching Twilight Zone,

and yesterday, one of the episodes that I watched was a guy who went back to his hometown, and then he went back in time, and everything was the same, and I fucking started getting really freaked out. I was like, no, no, I don't want this to happen. I hate this place. I'm checking

out your room in the El Rancho and because I'm not wearing reading glasses and the screen is so small, I'm like, what's that picture above the door? Oh, that's me in Zoom. Yeah, there's not very much to it. There it is. Hey, that toilet looks like it's been used.

That's going to cost you your security deposit. Well, that's the toilet. You have to stand facing sideways to piss in it while i was in the shower one day jenny goes do you lean on the wall when you pee right here and i said no and i was getting condensation on the wall and she goes well somebody does there's a handprint above the toilet that was that was when I had her go get me a bunch of cleaner and sponges and I fucking douched this place out myself

so I could be comfortable living here. Where is Jenny? She is at home right now. She's back home? I was thinking that if your grandparents, if the place does burn down or they realize it's deadly to live there, well, they can come back and live with you with the grandkids.

And then they can take care of them and you can come over here all the time. I don't think they'd be taking care of anybody at this point. We're lucky. My grandma fell trying to get the mail not long ago. It's a bad scene. Well, no, you're looking at it in a negative light. If they're taking care of toddlers, we can bet on them like turtle races. Which one drowns in a bucket?

Who makes messy in their pants first? They're solid like that. They're tough old people, man. My grandpa's still fucking... He was in the kitchen just shoveling the shit out of all the... Shoveling all the mud out the back door, 90 years old. Then his hip gave out, and I didn't want to catch him because it would make you feel you're a man.

You don't want another man to catch you while you're trying to shovel. So I just moved my big ass right in the way so he just landed on me and then righted himself. I could give him his dignity while he's falling down in the kitchen. It's sad that at 90 you don't have an 80-year-old Kenny to do all your fucking slop work. They still hold themselves to the same

standards as when they were young, so they're very upset that they can't work as hard as the rest of us cleaning their place up. And it's hard. It's, it's really difficult to try to explain to them,

you know, you have to not hold yourself to those standards. I mean, yeah, you, you earned a pass. That's, that's kind of the thing that I've been going with is right.

You, this is your golden years, man. Now you, I told my grandma, I said, you're the one that made this nice family that is willing to come do this. I said, sit back and enjoy it.

Yeah, those are like platinum years. Yeah. Those are diamond medallion years. They look back to gold and go, remember when we were young? My grandpa keeps saying, I don't even know why I'm here. I should just be dead. I don't want to do this anymore. We've been saying that for decades, too.

I tell him I get it. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Check out betterhelp.com slash Stanhope for 10 off your first month life is full of stressors it doesn't matter who you are or what you have your life is probably stressful hey better help we love better help don't we tracy chaley you know what if you're feeling stressed maybe you have too many podcasts on your plate and you just have to deal with Andy over and over again. You know what? Don't frown on me when I'm trying to express my creativity. I'm trying to, I take edibles for a reason to try to, and yes, maybe I seem caustic or abrasive,

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Unload the stress. Get it out. Talk to someone who's completely unbiased in your life. Someone who isn't going to judge you or take sides on anything. When there's things you can't tell anyone or feel like you can't unload on your family or friends, you just need to unload it. And that's what therapy can be. to unload it and that's what therapy can be. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't even have to

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At BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month. Hey, Chaz, your dad's still out there working? My dad just turned 69 last week, and he is kicking ass. He outworks me all the time. I'll stop and go smoke weed and sit down. He'll still be over there working. I told him, you work like you're getting paid hourly, man. I said, come over here with me and work like we're on community

service. Fuck you. Works too hard. You saw the Twitter picture where Dad put a chainsaw or something on the brush. Yeah. You've got a good crew out there.

You guys aren't... You're not suffering for a lack of help, that's for sure. It's me, my dad, and my aunt, for the most part. And then her daughters, two of her daughters live in Phoenix. They've come up a few times.

So it's been, we've had good help. So I asked the question, but I probably stepped on the answer. Do you have any time frame on when you might get back? No. time frame on when you might get back? No. I'm paying a week at a time here, hoping that I'll get to go back soon and then

just come back for projects. Oh, wait. Hang on. That's a serious thing. If you're staying there that long and you might be indefinite, and we will put your Venmo, PayPal, whatever in the links to this podcast.

Since you're there indefinitely, you have to sign up for El Rancho Motel Rewards because you can be earning miles. Who might upgrade you to a... I would really like to join the rewards program. I think that means you could go to Circle K and get ice when the ice machine is broken here at the El Rancho. Kick on any door you like.

Chad, the last time we spoke, you said something about you were there a week or two weeks before you knew there was a weekly rate. Yeah, the guy didn't tell me there was a weekly rate until I was here a while. All right. Let me pay the daily rate. Yeah, the guy didn't tell me there was a weekly rate until I was here a while. He let me pay the daily rate. Did you get the weekly rate going forward? Yes, now I have the weekly rate. Alright, sweet. But not, what do you call that, in reverse?

Retroactive. Yeah. I have my big words people around me all the time now. This is not a real service-oriented place. I've had a toilet paper for two days. They're just waiting to see if when they come in to clean, they put toilet paper in here. Oh, that's, yeah.

You just say, oh, I was cleaning mud. I already, I went to get out of the shower one day, and I think it was the towel or the washcloth was brown, and I was like, oh, fuck, I need to get a towel. So I went over to Walmart, and I got me a nice towel that I can just keep reusing. And then I also bought me an 18-pack of a $3 18-pack of washcloths that I could use and then toss out. So since I don't have toilet paper,

I'm using their washcloths to wipe my butt. Fair enough. It's fair. It's fair. Probably why it was brown in the first place. I figured the whole system out. Do you get lonely for women? I cried a little last night,

I will say. I'm not used to being away from my home like this. I don't know how I'm doing it. being away from my home like this. I don't know how I'm doing it. If I didn't think it would make my grandparents' life harder, I would just hang myself here in the El Rancho because I don't want to be here. I don't know.

You just don't die in the El Rancho Hotel. That's where I would want to die. Yeah. Yeah, I'm thinking I might have to go. I have to figure out if this is a queen or a full-size bed, but I might have to do the same thing I did for my towel and just get me a fitted sheet that I put on every night because yesterday they came and made my bed and when I pulled it back to go to bed, the sheet

was clean, but somebody definitely shit the bed before. The whole middle of the sheet was just brown. I don't know. They have cheaper motels in this town but

black and white television it's meth heads the television sucks here I don't even use it you can't even use the TV it would be funny if a motel that old only played what was playing at the time when they opened

like the Shady Dell but not on purpose yeah That old only played what was playing at the time when they opened. Yeah. Like the shady Dell, but not on purpose. Yeah. Wait, wait. Courtship of Eddie's father is on prime time here.

This is the twilight zone. They have another motor lodge almost just like this one right across the street called the El Rey. And that one has some covered parking. And it's been raining a lot here, so I thought, maybe I'll go check that one out, have my motorcycle under some covered parking. But that one has carpet in them. And that's definitely got to be worse than this. This has like new, those new floating floor type crap in it. So the carpet. You'd be sleeping in your shoes with carpet.

Yeah. You don't want to. Yeah. I guess no one here is old enough that when you first saw a shaved pussy, you thought, did she have crabs? But that's the same as the carpet kind of thing. I'll take the smooth floors for safety. It appears clean just on a cursory inspection if it's a lemon. The same amount of people have spilled beer and

pissed on the floor, I'm sure. It's just this one is not soaked in as much. So I stayed at the El Rancho. Switching to the El Rancho. Switching where you are. Plus, I knew I'd have to just go over there and clean another shower. Skis out when my arm bumped the wall. There was only one time where Chaley and I, well, we didn't even ask when we should have.

You know, people who say, can I look at the room first? And then they have to walk you over. It was that one time in Louisiana. Wait. The one that got destroyed by Katrina. And yeah, and then we just went back and said, we decided we're not staying here. And they didn't say, oh, they just said, all right. And I didn't argue. I go, I'll just charge it back on my credit card.

I'm not going to ask. You're going to charge that back. Yeah. So. And it was a key. They gave you an actual key. And we drove. Do you have a key?

This place had actual keys. The last time I stayed here, they got new doors from an old motel room. I know this because the doors don't fit in the door frame. So, like, if you want to lock the deadbolt you got to pull the door back like three inches there's about six inches of give on the door so you got to pull it back to lock also I'm in room

119 there's fucking 12 rooms why is there 119 that doesn't make sense you're the penthouse suite in room make sense. You're in the penthouse suite in room 4162 right beside the office.

They did honor me as a long-term resident. I noticed at one point after I'd been staying here a while, they put an old shitty dining room chair outside my door for me to sit on on my front porch. I think only the long-timers get those. Oh, you are titanium elite. No one's ever lived this long

in one of our rooms. Free needles. Alright. Didn't mean to bother. What do you... I'm assuming there's no room service. Based on my travel experience. Is there shit to eat walking distance? Well, there's a Jack in the Box on one side of me

and a Circle K on the other, but I have not frequented the Jack in the Box at all. I just went to Safeway here and just got a ham and cheese and bread and shit and just got ham and cheese and bread and shit and just mixed ham with cheese and stuff. And tuna-free tuna? Yeah, I did have some tuna. It's not good.

Probably not now. My refrigerator died. Yeah, Subway when I go overseas, that's my embassy. Subway is always something you can eat. In Gibraltar, you said there was a Subway. Yeah, I did not eat at that Subway because there was an option. But yeah, when I was in Gibraltar, I was just going to keep tweeting pictures of Burger Kings and Subways and McDonald's, which there was only one of each.

and McDonald's, which there was only one of each. But the only time I really went out was one morning walking around, and I go, if I was drunk, I'd do this, but sober, I don't have the fucking balls to be a guy taking pictures of Burger King in a crowd, so I did not do that. But what else are you wanting for there? Nothing. You guys are – I'm set. I mean, thank you guys all very much.

This is – Oh, did they have a dispensary? No, but Jenny has came up and brought me some, and she's coming back up in a couple of days to bring me some more. And I might – and she's coming back up in a couple of days to bring me some more. We can send some kind of pony express out there. If there's a town that needs a dispensary, isn't it Globe? You would think, right?

It is a weird place. What do they call it? The not in my backyard people? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of Trump-Pence signs up in this town still. Under the mud? No, no. Wait, can we send you a hanger so you don't have to hang your T-shirt on the window shade?

That is my pants and my T-shirt that I wore today for working, and they're hanging up there so that I can wear them again tomorrow for working because I can't be washing my fucking clothes every goddamn day, Raider. Hey, Chad, don't listen to Raider. He's unemployed. I do have hangers for my clean clothes in the closet but only because i didn't want them to touch anything else in here so uh and the other thing that i i like to this place is filled with weirdos so you kind of have to out weirdo everybody else so i wash my underwear in the sink and then i hang them on my handlebars of my motorcycle to dry. Nobody's going to fuck with the guy's underwear hanging all over his motorcycle.

We'll hear your follow-up to that when we listen to the podcast because you talked over the laughter of your own fucking initial joke. He's frozen. That's why. You froze up. Chad, you looked like you were leaning in kind of a little angry, but

you froze on the screen. Well, I was not froze on my side, but Stan Hope froze on his side. He looked like Mr. Tudball from the Carol Burnett show for a minute. So I was leaning forward to see what the fuck he was trying to say. Have you been doing Twitch up there? Yeah, a little bit. I've done a couple times with the – I just put it out on the front porch. The El Rancho front porch stream.

And just stream what's going on out there. That's fucking fantastic. Yeah, if you do that again, text me so I can retweet it. Okay. Watch. Yeah, no, that would be fucking hilarious. me so I can retweet it. Okay. Watch. Yeah.

That would be fucking hilarious. A live Twitch from the El Rancho. I figured I'd do one this weekend because I'm probably going to have a fist fight this weekend. I'm about 90% sure because

I have to talk about this delicately because otherwise it will seem like i'm racist which i think i might be but only against these guys apache native americans they're they're very different and a different sense of humor like the the ones came over about a 400 pound guy and his wife came over to me here. And they're like, oh, nice bike, man. It's all shiny. And I was like, thanks a lot. And then his wife goes, yeah, I was going to kick it over. And I'm like, what the fuck?

So then they laugh. You know, so then you have to laugh with them. And then you have to make up another inappropriate joke to be like, I would have shot you with my pistol. So then they know, don't throw your fucking bike over. It's a weird fucking place here. I just want to go home, guys. Have you found any bar?

I grew up here. I'm deathly afraid of all the bars. There's a bar that I used to love that I go to called The Drift Inn, and I've been there a couple of times. My dad and I went there. But it's cool because it was a bar that my dad went to when he was young. My grandpa went to when he was young. It was a boarding house that had some murders in it before it was a bar.

It's a neat fucking bar. So you have gone out? Yeah. So you're fucking actually doing something you're progressive for yourself because you never go to bars otherwise but now tragedy happens you go into a bar once or twice well also i get uh stir crazy in this fucking little tiny room mostly i just come here to sleep and and that's it so yeah a couple of times we'd go to the bar, but mostly with my dad. We'd play shuffleboard.

And my daughter, I went out with her and her boyfriend once. I went during the Suns game last week. Went over there and realized that everybody was rooting for the Suns, so I just started screaming for the other team. The whole bar wanted to fight me, which was my goal. I love where Chad Shank promotes the fact that he might get

into a fist fight this weekend as though it's the other person's fault. Like, they're going to push his buttons. True. Were you yelling that during the Suns game? Yes. Go other team because you don't know who they are. No, no.

I looked on the screen. I can't remember who it was now, but I did know what that was. The Milwaukee Bucks. That's right. I was chanting, here we go, Bucks. And then whenever everybody else would groan and yell things, one guy, as soon as I walked in this bar, one guy, the game is on, and the one guy looks at me and goes,

it's just a bunch of glorified porch monkeys if you ask me. So I almost punched that guy. But then I was like, well, I just barely got here. I'm just going to go to the back of the bar where that guy isn't and see if that works. So it's fucking horrible here. I hate this place.

That's where your daughter lives now. That's why God tried to flood the fucking place out. And you're going to try to help God. Well, they burned it first. They burned it and then they tried water. Locusts are next. Chug that beer and you might unfreeze. I'm unfroze.

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. What are you? Hang on. I was going to ask the same thing. You're chugging what seems to be a beer, but then you seem to wash it back with a Pedialyte. No, that's what I always do. Beer.

It's like a red beer that you make in your mouth. Actually, it mixes in his stomach. So I asked for a beer at one of the bars here, and a beer and a small glass of tomato juice, and the lady brought me a red beer and uh i got incredibly mad and my dad was with me and he was like what the fuck is the matter

with you and i was like this is why i shouldn't go places because i want to throw this beer on the fucking floor because i asked well it wasn't even just they brought me the wrong beer she brought me the red beer and I go well that's kind of what I asked for and she and just being a smart ass and she goes yeah well that's what she gave me like fuck you it's your problem you deal with it the other thing that was agitating about that was that the power went out at that bar we were outside at this bar and uh they wouldn't let us leave because they couldn't cash us out so i told my dad i go fuck it they don't know us let's just go it's fucking dark you know he goes well then we can't come back i go who the fuck wants to come back so then and then so i was already aggravated then she brought me the red beer and

i was so mad so i got my phone out and i turned on the flashlight and leaned it up against it and made a giant red beer lantern so that she would know i was not drinking that beer and come back and get it as much as wait wait hang on i gotta go go back. So you drank red beer before, but you prefer to do it in your own mouth. Yes. I don't like it mixed up. They give you less beer when they pour it in the glass. That's true. That's true.

I just like a sip of it. Keeps me from eating potato chips while I drink beer. Chad makes a good point because the mix on a red beer is very personal. And Chad, like Doug, when you do white Russians, you like just a little bit of

the cream or whatever, right? Whereas I like a lot of but we would go up and ask for the same. I know. There's an R in it. That's where you learned it. Chinatown. So Chad just prefers to mix it himself one swallow at a time.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, that's you. You said that like, I know you do this all the time. Well, every time I drink beer, that's what I do. So I don't know. He says every time he's been here a million times. Every time I drink beer, that's what I do. So I don't know. He says every time.

He's been here a million times. He's never once. Never once. Well, I don't drink beer around you guys a lot, I guess. No, never. Sometimes. He'll come in. If he's not drinking and he's going to leave afterwards,

I'll just have a beer, and then he'll switch to cocktails later on when he's not leaving, or Jenny's coming to leave afterwards, I'll just have a beer and then he'll switch to cocktails later on when he's not leaving or Jenny's coming to pick him up. We'll stock V8 now when you get back from your month abroad. I hope to stop drinking beer once I get out of here. If I ever get out of

here, gonna give it all away. If you had to do another 20 days of bingo in a coma or another 20 days of shoveling mud in globe? Bingo in a coma. Without bingo being in a coma. Yes, yes. Yeah.

I just thought, you know, situation wise, if you guys were here and we were partying all the time, no, that would suck even more. Because we could leave. Well, because I actually

have to fucking work a labor job. I'm all fucking sunburned. I was going to ask you, A, have you lost weight, got into better shape? I would imagine. I don't know. I was down 22 pounds before I came here, and I don't have a scale here, so I have no idea. Wait, they don't have one in the gym there? The workout room at Los Ranchos? a scale here, so I have no idea. Wait, they don't have one in the gym there?

The workout room at Los Ranchos? This town is known for Mexican food. It has really, really good Mexican food here. I'm still just eating Mexican food. I might not be losing anyway. I'm putting out a bunch of calories., Mexican food. So I might not be losing any weight.

I'm putting out a bunch of calories. I know that. Go to Walmart, borrow one of theirs. Yeah. I don't know how to buy it. Pull it out of the thing, right? What are we going to do? We miss you, sir.

I miss you guys. Hey, we'll be in Phoenix on Friday night while you're working. Friday night in Glendale. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. What's going on over there? Brett Erickson's doing a show with Christine Levine and some local comics. What?

Yeah, I'll send you the link after we get off. Oh, man. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I should go to Phoenix. That's not far from me now. Yeah. Yeah, and the monsoons. Oh, man. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I should go to Phoenix. That's not far from me now. Yeah. Yeah, and the monsoons,

yeah, they can come, they can go. Except, yeah. On a motorcycle. Oh, yeah. Motorcycle is my only transportation, so I just ride around fucking soaking wet

all the goddamn time now. I don't even care. All right, well, yeah. Did you have, you had something you said you wanted to get into this podcast Jaylee did before the show Oh I gotta bring up something I did?

Yeah and I thought you should Well figure out how to bring that up I didn't write it down Maybe you got it in I don't know but you did tell me Something that we are supposed to talk. Oh, PayPal. Whatever.

Patreon. Patreon. Yeah. All right. Oh, we just did the Patreon only. This is once a month. We do an extra episode. Sharp as a tack there, Doug.

Good job. We did the Tracy episode. Really drunk. That's the Tracy episode? Yeah. Asking Tracy questions. It went out just a couple days ago. That's Patreon only.

That's what you get when you're a Patreon subscriber. That's not live. Oh, and you know who Bingo just had before Honeydew Melon or whatever the guy's name is? Fucking Hootenanny. April from Alberta. Yes. Honeydew Melon or whatever the guy's name is. Fucking Hootenanny.

April from Alberta. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. We were supposed to hang out before this all happened. Did you not have a shovel for her? You know, I'll tell you right now. She actually messaged me before she went to visit me. And she's like, I can come to globe for a while and help you guys shovel

no no kidding same thing i've got mess everybody has been so nice um um marty uh marty shoulders yeah marty shoulders messaged me just this morning i got a message and he goes hey when it comes time that you need a carpenter i can come out for a week and help you guys. I'm like, that's not necessary, but holy shit, man. Talk about nice people. Unbelievable. You are loved. Well, they've taken away my

only part of my personality that I had, my hatred of people. And now you've left me with nothing. So I hope you're all happy you bought it. You nothing. So I hope you're all happy you bought it. You bought out everything I had. Doug, do you have any thank yous? You know, I probably do, but no.

We're good. Thank you, Honeydew Melon, for bringing us, or his dad, for bringing us a jug of Rolling Rock vodka. Oh, hey, Tracy, grab the bottle of champagne. No, it's in the fridge. I chilled it. And they just stayed at the Shady Dell. And Doug has a bottle of champagne for anyone who mentions the Doug Stano podcast when you check into the Shady Dell. Doug has a bottle of champagne for anyone who mentions the Doug Stano podcast when you check into the Shady Dell. We hadn't brought it over there yet

until they're gone. Until they're gone, yeah. They got the first one. They got the first one. Alright, beautiful. Thank you guys. Literally, thanks everybody for all the help. I mean, I don't even know how to say thanks.

I just suck everybody's dick. I do believe, I don't know if I said it to Raider or thought it, Adam, because we have that kind of relationship now where we just blink eyes and one of us either comes or has an epiphany. But I think we talked for a second about going to Globe on a road trip, where we just blink eyes and one of us either comes or has an epiphany. But I think we talked for a second about going to Globe on a road trip. And then we go, the place is flooded out. You probably can't even get in there. It was that day that it was happening.

I'm like, why would we drive to a place that's in a disaster area? We probably can't even get in. The disaster is very limited. I really wish you guys would come here and rent out some rooms at the El Rancho so these fucking weirdos would not I would have a big fucking party in my room with all the Apaches that you hate

I would be turning on you going hey yeah of course you're a little bit fucking angry they can't get alcohol and read a book. Hey, let's go kick over that shiny bike. Yeah. Impotent rage. That's not on the way, you know.

Text him that. See, I told you they wouldn't be able to stop from fucking communicating through the podcast. No, you're fine. I'm fucking with you. Yeah, you might have guests tomorrow. So, hey, let's do this. Let's sign off, and then I can get Chad the information for the Brett Erickson show with Christine Levine this weekend. And then we could maybe work a deal

to where Chad meets Honey Badger at all. Yeah. All right. Good luck fighting that chick this weekend. Hey, bingo. Bingo, take us out from your old place you used to live in. Okay, bye-bye now. Tchau, tchau! សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.