The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#461: Brendon "Bee Man" Walsh and Thaddeus Russell in Cobb's Green Room

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

Doug brings it in hot right after the set at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco, CA with his opener and good friend Brendon 'Bee Man" Walsh and author / podcaster Thaddeus Russell.  Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Aug. 25th, 2021 in Cobb's Comedy Club green room in San Francisco, CA with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brendon Walsh (@atBrendonWalsh), Thaddeus Russell (@ThaddeusRussell) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - The World Record Podcast -  https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast. Support the Bee Man through his Patreon Channel - https://www.patreon.com/worldrecordpodcast  Thaddeus Russell's UnRegistered Podcast - https://www.thaddeusrussell.com/podcast and https://www.thaddeusrussell.com/  Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Chaille  Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. It's recording. Are you okay for a drink? That was brilliant today. That was a funny ass. You were fucking on fire. I had a sip. Are you okay for a drink? I don't know. Yeah, well. Can I bring the Jameson in here maybe? Sure. One in the back.

Quicker for everyone else. Thank you all. Yeah, tomorrow will be good too. I'm glad you called me a couple days before. Hey, buddy. Come on. I've been on the fence about whether or the uh i want to keep doing it jim s well have you uh done uh i haven't done a set that's the but i mean have you done your prank

calls on stage like that as a set like two or three times so good yeah well i was getting into that because i was getting bored with comedy before coving and i was, what do I like to do? And I'm like, live prank calls. Can you kill that music there? And I don't think anybody's done live prank calls. And it's also, I like the I like

the chaotic. I like not knowing. Because, you know, it could all be duds one night. I know. Or you get the spider guy tonight where the best compliment is when people think that it's a setter that the call is so good

we're recording we're recording this is actually part of the podcast just because there's no Chaley here doesn't mean we're not recording. I know. No, I was telling Brian. But I think this is fucking... I think it will blow up.

Thanks for making me come up here. But you didn't make me, but thanks for the invite. Because this is also... But the first night you were panicked. Like, I don't know, the material and the invite. Because this is also... But the first night, you were panicked. Like, I don't know, the material and thing, and the equipment. But... I mean, I wasn't panicked. I mean, the first night was great.

The second night, you were like, all right, I fucking got this. Yeah. Yeah, that's... And once people know what's going on... Right. Once you, like... Oh, my God. I'm fucking jealous as shit.

It was a better crowd tonight but I like the chaos or the X factor of like the calls like you could do a whole set could be a call if you get the right person yeah I think

people don't know exactly where's the goof where's the line of where he's lying to us. I'm from San Francisco. But no, obviously, when you actually make the prank calls, they know these are real people. Yeah. Because they go sideways and it's hilarious. Yeah.

The one where you just yelled at go sideways and it's hilarious. Yeah. The one with the, where you just yelled at the end, it's a wheelchair. People were fucking so into it. Tonight went well. It was a better crowd maybe. But the children's hospital, I think,

worked better tonight. Tracy is the children's Hospital lady. But tonight I feel like a good amount of the audience believed it because even when I called back to apologize. Just for the listener, he was making legit prank calls and then Thaddeus Russell's here.

Hello. What's up, man? Sorry, I just came directly from stage because I want to go right from the stage to the podcast where I'm still in the mood to talk. And that is Russell is here. And I wanted to meet him after the show. But I also wanted to be immediately on a podcast.

So we'll get with you in a second. No problem. Yeah, all the prank calls are legit. And you had one at the end, which is that you need the legit ones because then everybody's like, this guy's making real prank calls. And I go, I don't know if I should. I blamed it on you. I was like, Doug told me to do this one. I don't know.

And then I call and then Tracy answers San Francisco Children's Hospital. And people were like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, what? No, see, I knew. And then I just like at the end, I go, oh, I put a bomb in there anyway. So people are like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, what? No, see, I knew. And then I just like at the end, I go, oh, I put a bomb in there anyway. So people are like, what? And my argument is like, come on. It's an obvious joke.

The cops aren't going to. Who would do that? It's not. Thaddeus, have you ever? Thaddeus wrote the Renegade, the history of the United States. And I've been on your podcast and fantastic book. And then you guess I caused a bit of fucking kerfuffle on the Twitter today. I'm so I'm output only on Twitter.

Like it's just one bad comment will fuck up my whole set. It's like that guy that was rolling his eyes when he's eating his nachos fucked up a whole bit in my head. Because you have to be vaxxed. We're playing Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco.

Yeah, move a little closer. I was pissed, man. Well, I didn't know if... He had just found out. They just instituted you can't come to Cobb's if you don't have your vaccination card. Well, you can't go anywhere. You're supposed to show it at all restaurants. Although not...

Is that California or is that just San Francisco? No, just here, just San Francisco. LA, I had it. Because that's when Pentagon told me I had to bring my Vax card. I like... Either way, I'm like, well, I have never had to show it, show it anywhere. Cause I don't fly. I haven't flown or anything.

And in LA, you don't have to. I, the first time I had to show it was at a taqueria here where you go. Indian restaurant. Yeah. Like the authentic Mexican where you have a knuckle in it and you have to take that out of your mouth to chew the rest of the meat

in the taco bite. Yeah, that was the first time I got to use a vaccination card. But, yeah. So, yeah, this is the only place. Is it? Well, you've been in L.A. You don't have to show it anywhere.

I mean, I don't know. Since Monday, they did the FDA thing, maybe they'll start changing it but you don't have to probably for like concerts i see i haven't done anything yet so i think in l.a you have to if you go to like a concert you you have to show wow but i feel like it's new york new york right oh right new york yeah yeah yeah um but it's just like it's a rule nobody else but they don't ask you because like restaurants, bars, restaurants

they need business they don't need their door guy checking fucking vax cards and like they want people this is how I got here Sunday because I had two days off coming from Denver so I was shit faced at the bar next door which is a great bar I got here Sunday because I had two days off coming from Denver.

So I was shit-faced at the bar next door, which is a great bar. La Rocca. La Rocca. I don't know how you pronounce it. And so I've been drinking since 10.30 in the morning at the Denver airport. By showtime, they had ladies' night comedy, funny people who happen to be women.

And I go over and I the door girl like they're wanding people like a metal detector wand and checking vax cards. And I was just shit faced. So I alright I'm going to help you work the door against your will.

And I'm like telling dudes they need pat downs it's mandatory and then i start giving them massages and stuff we're just goofing off because i'm fucking drunk we're like why are you wanding metal detector wands for a sunday night ladies comedy show is there some east coast west coast fucking women's comedy fucking beef? Sarah Silverman and Judy Gold have started that. So is this a... That was when you called for the whiskey Coke.

Oh, okay. I beat them to the stage, so that was sitting down there. All right, so that's Coke and that's whiskey. Want some ice? So that's coke and that's whiskey want some ice so that's what started it like with the vax and then when you thaddeus tweets at me and at cobs what a what a dark joke that i have to show a vax card to get in here and i stopped reading after one you said it was not the comic's fault and one guy said yes it is i go i don't want people are blaming you i was like uh you don't understand what's going on guys yeah that's what we always talk about with the uh the phones and

bags like a lot of comics require no you have to put your cell phone or fucking a lock bag the club should do that. Yeah. Don't play the comic. Of course. And make them look like assholes. You're a fucking business. They're going to hate you anyway for the drink prices. It's like it's why you have agents and stuff, too.

You know, to like make, you know, that's why you have your agent call. Yeah, to do the rule. Yeah, but it's, but if they say Dave Chappelle requires that. Right, right, right. Then a lot of people hate Dave Chappelle. Where if you say the punchline requires this, then they go, oh, fuck them anyway. Their drink prices are too much. And they just hate the fucking...

Anyway. I was calling out the club, not you. I was worried that, I was afraid that was going to happen. You were going to get some shit for it. But it's like... It's the club's policy. It's not your policy. It's the city policy. It's definitely the city policy.

Yeah, you hate the fucking city. Hate the messenger? Kill the messenger. Although, no way. The city requires vaccination. It requires masks. No, no. The car. Do you have to show it? Because I Googled it before I came. New Space is just a mask.

Yeah, Oakland, you don't have to but san francisco is uh all right i'll apologize same with uh jewel uh vape cigarettes you can't buy them here but you can buy them in oakland there's no rules smuggling there's no laws energy over there yeah yeah yeah yeah well there's explosions every night i mean it's like bagh. The fireworks. Have you heard about the Oakland fireworks? No. Is there a big Mexican population there? It's everybody. Well, because I live on the

east side of Los Angeles. You hear legitimate like window rattling. Gun shots. No, no. Explosions. Are you talking about actual fireworks? And I'm not saying it as a race. like gunshots no no explosions like big like fireworks and I'm not saying it

as a race like Mexicans are into fireworks I mean that's that's who's doing it half stick of dynamite I don't know what it is but it's like

you hear like that sounds like they just blew up a building oh it sounds like Baghdad in my neighborhood yeah like all summer long who's doing it

I don't know I mean it is there's a Mexican no you have to point out a race. I was going to say. Well, listen. It's just that it's a fact that that's...

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess fucking cancel me. I don't know. I know the hipsters aren't fucking doing it in Silver Lake. No, it's fucking where I live. It's fucking our white friends. Yeah. But you go to the Bisbee fireworks every 4th of July fucking where i live it's fucking our white friends yeah that's a whole different right of course but you go to the bisbee fireworks every fourth of july as soon as the official fireworks end that's when the mexican fireworks begin like in the park they all bring their own

and they just the families just come with all of them i didn't know it was a mexican thing i mean it makes sense maybe i'm wrong but but I think I'm not, though. It's like Fourth of July. Like one time I took I went on on Fourth of July at like two thirty in the morning. I went on my back because it was just like Chinese of like that. You started it. Two thirty. You see, I don't say Chinese.

I don't say Chinese. I don't say Chinese. I know. It's time to go to the dentist. Brendan Walsh has so many dumb fucking things that we continue to say 20 years later, and every time someone says 230, 230, time to go to the dentist.

Oh, I have a dentist appointment. Oh, I can't make it. It's at 230. I got a dentist. Oh, wait't make it. Is that tooth hurting? I got a dentist. Oh, wait. Where's my phone? Did you get my phone? But it's like... I'm trying to...

But I think the origins of it... Do I have your phone or your foam? That's it! Foam! Yeah, yeah. Hey, I can't find my phone. And Walsh would go, Did you say your phone or your foam?

And it's still 20 fucking years. Just dumb shit he says. Thiest we were he came to a super bowl party and he had a bluetooth in his ear i found a blue one of those things it didn't work found it on the street so so for four days yeah you just sit down and go play along Tracy. Go uh... Well she would talk like... I'm doing you. Hey uh, so what are you doing later on?

Oh, oh, uh, I think we're gonna go downtown. Oh hang on, some douchebag's talking to me. And he'd step over you instead of taking the clear route and step over everyone. Yeah, these assholes keep talking. What do you do? And we kept falling for it over and over again. And the fucking craziest thing is you just reminded me of this like two months ago. Like that was like, I'll have these dumb bits that I just do ad nauseum for three days.

And then I forget about them. And then like, when he brought that up, I'm like, Oh my God, that was like one of the funniest things I ever did in my life. But I forgot about it. And we've been doing it for 15, some fucking assholes talking to me.

Hold on. Let me go. You did have that, that bit. Yeah. The plums. Like you're in the produce section talking to someone.

They thought you were talking to them and it was all about plums. And you started explaining. Oh, the lady. That was a real thing. The lady was talking to someone and I thought she was talking to me. Every time we have Brendan on,

I don't want to be repetitive about his pranks, but since Thaddeus is here, he's gone to the Banksy level of pranks where one time there was a billboard off the 10

of the 405 in LA, and there was a cell phone on it was t-mobile whatever uh metro pcs yeah yeah you could google this yeah the listener can google this i don't know it had a picture of a phone on it and it just said metro pcs and i was like that phone and it just had like the time on the phone i was like it'd be funny to put some like weird text messages on the phone. So I took a picture of my friend because it was a low billboard took a picture of my friend standing under it and figured out kind of like how tall it was. Oh perspective perspective yeah and went to a vinyl place like adhesive vinyl you can get big

giant stickers printed out. Fat heads. Yeah and went to a vinyl place. Like adhesive vinyl. You could get big giant stickers printed out. Like fatheads. Yeah. And went to a vinyl place and I printed out texts. And it took me a while to figure out the texts. Because I was going to put something about like your mom dying. And I was like, oh, that's mom's too much. So the text I put on there was, there's one text that said, your father passed away last night.

And then the reply says, OMG, what? And then it's the same person. They go, what? Oh, pass. And it looked, it fucking looked great, too. Because, like, I knew about the angle, right? Oh, yeah, because it wasn't straight on. Right.

It was like a tilt. And I was like, it was so good. And I did it on a Sunday morning at 7 a.m. I put on a white coverall thing. To look professional. Just because people drive by and be like, that guy's probably supposed to be up there.

He's like 40. He's got an orange vest. Our friend Andy Andrews, he just has an orange reflective vest so he can just stop and look professional when he's stealing street signs. And a security windbreaker.

It's no good. Someone reminded me of a Craigslist ad that I put out that I totally fucking forgot about. Hoarder seeking rooming. And then the ad, or the photos were just hoarder house like stacks of newspaper but it was like 350 bucks a month for a room and so we're like tons of replies

and i totally like my manager wanted to like this was like right when i first moved to la but he was i was like yeah rent a house and let's fill it with shit and all the fucking interview people but I told him I can't find I deleted I either way my gmail is like getting full so I deleted every email pre like 2015 and I don't have any pictures of it yeah but uh I used to do uh craigslist um I had one where I was trying to sell a sack of barber's hair for fifty dollars and then uh printer paper one dollar a sheet and people would like reply they're like you could get a hundred sheets for like three dollars at staples and i'm like yeah well go to staples then mine are a dollar don't want it don't buy it I was selling a $20 bill and actually Craigslist took this one off

I was selling a $20 bill for $50 and I had like a ruler next to it and then a dime for perspective just to like show that it was an actual money there was one where you was it Hell's Kitchen or something

you did something oh yeah yeah Top Chef Top Chef yeah where you like printed out like your body

it was the first billboard and I didn't realize how big they were because it was up on a 7-Eleven near my house it was above a 7-Eleven with fucking like

razor wire you had to get over no no no I just had to climb on the roof but you had like Shawcroft and John Doerr like people came to watch me do it you had to get over. No, no, no. I just had to climb on the roof. But you had, like, Shawcroft and John Doerr.

People came to watch me do it. You had to put an Ocean's Eleven or Ocean's Three team. They just came to watch. I don't know where I got the ladder, but I climbed up on the 7-Eleven, and I printed out. It was the top chef. Yeah, top chef. And they had all the finalists.

In D.C. It was the contestants, and it took place in DC. So the billboard was all the contestants standing in the reflecting pool of the Washington Monument. So I took a picture and I was like, oh, it'd be funny if there's a bad guy behind them, like, stirring a pot, you know? So you'd be like, oh, who's that guy? And so I printed myself out with like, you know, the legs cut off at the shin. So it looked like I was standing in the water to put on like put together a chef uniform was staring upon the fedora.

And I made myself a little I was like, I should be a little bit smaller because I'll be in the background. And when I climbed up there, I couldn't get I didn't have another ladder. So I couldn't put myself up higher to look like I was in the background. So I was just right in line with the other contestants, but I was half their size. So I was like a little guy staring at the pot. Creepier. Weirder, yeah. But it didn't, but that was the first one.

That was the, that was the first billboard thing. that was the first billboard thing. And also like I did that because I had moved to Los Angeles and everything was like business, you know, like comedy is a business. Oh, we should do this as a, my manager's just like this. And I'm like, I just want to do something where I'm running away laughing. Like I wanted like a 12 year old knocking on doors and running away. And I'm like, I'm just going to do this for me. And of course, like after that, like my manager was like,

there's a show in this. And I'm like, I'm just going to do this for me. And of course, like after that, like my manager was like, there's a show in this. And I'm like, really? Vandalism? Yeah. Misdemeanor? Had all these fucking meetings about break shows.

I remember, I said, at some meeting, it was around the dot com bust where everyone was hiring comedians for fucking way too much money to make original content around 2000. And I remember one writer's room thing where someone went, you know what?

Comedy is becoming a buzzword for not funny. You couldn't say it any better. Like they're just trying to monetize anything that's funny and like it's not but he came to my house and vandalized the neighborhood with just putting up printed off papers lost home lost and he had drawn like just a pocket with with a few teeth missing just a pocket comb with a few teeth missing. Have you seen this comb? I

need it. I use it to comb my hair. I lost my comb on my last visit to Visby. Anytime we ever on the road saw a comb, Jason and I would take a picture and send it to him. Oh, lots of people. Because I've lost comb loss at Gmail. Is this your comb?

People would do that. Because I've done it. I did it in Austin. I did it in LA. Oh lots of people because I have lost cone lost at gmail. Is this your cone? You have lost cone lost at gmail? People would do that. Yeah. Because I've done it. I did it in Austin. I did it in LA. I did it in Bisbee. And then I actually stole a line from you.

I think you told me. I know you gave me the line but a lady, I was tacking it up on a telephone pole in Silverlake. The lady's like looking at it and she's like, why don't you just buy a new home? And I go, what, in this economy? But you gave me that line somehow. I haven't even remembered saying it. In this economy. It's just the second thing that I would

do. But I remember asking you that because there's some catchphrases that, hey, nice lady, I always say that. And I go, did I steal that from you or did you steal that from me? And you go, I think we both stole it from Jerry Lewis. Yeah, yeah. Well, there's like, I realized that I've stolen, or not stolen, but things from the Jerky Boys became part of my... Classic.

The way I talk. I was going to say, I remember that, yeah. With my kids, I'm like, stop that, stop that, stop that. Amanda never really listened to the Jerky Boys, and we're on a road trip, and I was like, oh, let's listen to them. No one's ever disappointed when you turn them on at the Jerky Boys and we're on a road trip and I was like, oh, let's listen to them. No one's ever disappointed when you turn them on at the Jerky Boys. There were four or five things where I'm like, oh my god, I say that

all the time and I didn't even realize it came from when I was 18. Totally remind me of Jerky Boys tonight. The prank calls. Every time I do prank calls, I go, I can only do Saul Rosenberg. I don't have characters. We're going to take a quick break so I can piss and Chaley can shit.

And Tracy can make everyone drinks. And we'll be right back. Please hold. Sex! Ah! Rulers of the underpants universe! Sex! Ah!

Keep your balls off your legs and such. Sex underwear. Don't have sweaty balls. Was that good? I don't know. I do a call where I call the bridal store with the deep voice. But talk like a lady. And when you're like a giant lady. And I'd be like, I'm getting married. I need some size 13 Jordans. then they'd be like they don't make

ladies Jordans but then but the giant lady was marrying a tiny guy so I would do the low voice effect with and do my voice high so I'd be like hold on, my husband's here and he's a tiny man. Hold on. And then I'd use the high-pitched one to talk the most. I'd be like, yeah, hey, this is our husband. I'm the tiny man. I'm the tiny man. The tiny man and a giant lady.

We are back on, by the way. But I wanted to say to watch you do that on stage, do you know Phil Hendry? Oh, yeah. Phil Hendry, I watched do that live at the Aspen Comedy Festival, where he's actually using a phone and changing his voice to phone. He was calling people? Yeah. Well, you could use a handset

phone to get the sound of that phone through That's what I need. I was looking for a mic. Watching you was like watching Phil Hendry. Can the people that you're calling hear the laughter in the background? I don't know.

Not off of 58 on the stage. There's so much drop off. I have a different mic. I brought my own mic. A cardio mic is not picking a lot of that up. Also, people aren't when you're on the phone, they're not listening for it. Except last night at Maple Leaf,

I was like, there's an angry mob chasing me. I was like, ah! Tonight, you didn't do it last night, but tonight you're doing cheese dick jokes and then you started doing laugh attacks and applause and then groans

see that's where a road catcher we were talking about you would have a pad where you just hit a button rather than having a call of her effect so we can talk about it on there yeah yeah we can talk about that offline so i should get yeah i i could definitely have better more streamlined I could definitely have better, more streamlined equipment where I don't need my laptop and whatever. Just as long as you keep doing that. I think even live... I mean, World Record Podcast

is great, but even live, it's fucking... Like I said, I don't want to do stand-up comedy. Stand-up comedy is embarrassing. I don't want to fucking go out there and talk like I have something to say. I've never said anything in 15 years. Like, what did I ever say?

You and Attell fucking both have that. You talk about real things. I go, I don't want to talk about real things. I want to do goofy fucking shit like you. It's true. I mean, you know, a few jobs make people laugh. But, you know, now the older that I get, well, but I'm leaning more into juvenile behavior. Wait, leaning into now?

Well, but I'm like, I do have these where I'm like, well, if I am going to talk into a microphone, maybe I should say something about how I feel about shit. Why? Yeah, no, I don't know. Why? That's why I thought of these. That's true.

Like, the tour with Junior. I don't know. That's why I thought of you. That's true. The tour with Junior. I'm like, yeah, I need fucking ridiculous in my life. I need that. I feed off the other comics energy as much as the audience. Working with you and Junior, you're fucking

lightening me up. I don't have to be a fucking asshole all the time. I don't care anymore. I genuinely don't. I do worry about the older and fatter I get. Because like Dumb and Dumber, the sequel,

at what point does, how old can you be and be a silly juvenile? At what point is it just google ruth buzzy she's very funny on twitter i follow her she's still yeah she's still she's so funny on twitter and her oh either way she's got a million classic tweets like totally

something was like how much do you spend on a bottle of wine she's got a million classic tweets something was like how much do you spend on a bottle of wine she's like about an hour but it does like at what point is it to like to be what's the age limit well I mean when is it just like, ah, it's kind of sad. You know, when does the, like...

You know, when does, like, your... No, it becomes funny again. I mean, Neil Hamburger. Well, but that's like a full-on... He was old since he was third. Like, you know, he made that character to be an old, ageless character. Or whatever. I'm not trying to...

Just like, you know... He's growing into his character. Or whatever. I'm not trying to... Just like, you know... He's growing into his character. I was a bitter cunt at 35, and I didn't deserve it. I didn't have the life experience to be that much of a fucking know-it-all asshole, and that's what I see

in all of the comics I follow on Twitter that all became political. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're kids, basically. And yeah, I went through that phase. I thought you were a hack, but apparently you're a fucking politics philosopher and you have all these doctor and scientist friends now. Everyone is just like, I get my information from doctors and scientists that I know. You know a bunch of doctors and scientists.

Sorry. Sorry, I just have an eye contact. A bit I wrote fucking yesterday or two shows ago. I'm like, alright, that's going somewhere. Yeah, everybody's a fucking I mean, I feel bad where I go we're charging a fucking healthy

ticket price for what should be worked out. But my act has never worked out. Unless I'm filming a special, I'm still working on some shit because I'm bored with saying the shit I said fucking weeks or months ago.

That works. The cliche of some of these jokes are just for me some of them are just for you because i'm sick of fucking saying them i know you'll laugh and that'll get me to a place where it allows me a break to think of something that i've been working on in my head in the moment or yeah i've used the fuck out of my audience, but I said that on stage tonight. You're honest about it. Yeah, you're honest. Yeah, I would rather watch this show.

I would rather watch someone that doesn't know what the fuck they're about to say. Than being a well-oriented machine. Not so far as improv troops. Listen, this is all going to be based on your comment no the fucking work on something but i have worked on it well that's an andy andy kindler has a bit about like uh where he's like oh improv troops they make it up on the spot give me a uh give me an occupation give me a thing give me a place okay now we're going to do the same thing we do every night regardless regardless no they hear they hear suggestions yeah yeah who said all right give me uh give me an occupation who said gynecologist yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah nobody said that oh this side Austin. This is the Randy Macho Man's app.

That is just while we were taking a piss at the break, your book, Renegade History of the United States. Yes, sir. Okay. When you read it, it was called that. Did they change the name? No. At the break, you were saying that because Walsh was

saying, oh, is it on Audible? How long is it because I have to drive back to L.A.? And you said you didn't read it, which is weird because I wrote it? No, but because you can speak. Oh, I didn't read... People like Stephen King that

do read their own books shouldn't. Yes. Which I feel about my own books. I didn't know I could speak until after the audiobook was made because I wasn't a podcaster yet, so I didn't know I was good on the mic. So, it's some stupid Shakespearean actor doing it instead of me.

Did you have any involvement? No, that was when I was nobody. The publisher just said, this is what we're going to do. The next thing I knew, there was this jackass talking my words for me. What's his name? I don't even know. Because we're

huge into Audible books and always click the sample. even with me, because I can't imagine having to listen to me reading. Just listening to sets every day, two weeks back on the road, he records every set and I listen to them, but I have to go at 150 speed. Otherwise, I'm screaming at my own computer, get to the fucking point! Well, we've also turned off audiobooks because the

quality, not the person speaking, but the quality of the sound. Yeah, we just did that. That's how an audiobook? Oh, yeah, yeah. It happens. They can't afford a studio? Have you heard your audiobook? Yeah, they actually... Because it can happen anyway. They hired a real studio. Well,

you can actually, with Audible, people can just be a producer. Wow. Yeah. My books, I don't get reports of bad audio, but we've actually stopped listening to things. Do you

look at reviews of your own shit? Sure. I used to. I used to. The first time I was on Bergen, I actually, because it was my first time doing a big show, I actually read like every single comment on YouTube, which was like a soul-destroying experience. But, you know, I pulled myself back together, so I'm a new man after that.

Yeah, it was really like, cause it's like this huge, you know, like a comic focus on only the bad ones. Exactly. Oh, it's 2%. One star. Every like little mannerism,

you know, every one. Everything about my face, everything about my voice, every, you know, I didn't know. It's a double whammy because you're on video too.

Oh yeah. So they could pick you apart on that schoolyard fucking thing. And what they do to women, I was thinking, man, if I were a woman, this would be 50 times worse. But yeah, every little thing. I didn't know I had all these mannerisms. For the listeners, since this is audio only, he is a very ugly woman. He'd be hot. I didn't think someone 600 pounds could get you up those steps

into that door but you know what it's a testament you've been working out it's good my voice is still a little husky we have the B-man's modulator so I fixed it up I think we just did a podcast

I have smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. It is right now. Shocking. No, since sushi. Since sushi. Since sushi. In five and a half hours, I have smoked American spirits. That's like two packs of cigarettes.

But 20 times 25 minutes. How much of your day? Each cigarette lasts about 20 minutes. Fucking American spirit. A Marlboro Light is about 7 minutes if you're smoking it to death. This is maybe 10 minutes, 11 minutes.

They burn slower. Well, I had a lot of day free, Brendan. I wasn't of day free Brendan figure out how to modulate my fucking voice well you'll have your own fucking voice modulator in your funny voice forever Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, Doug Stanhope. Hey, how's it going, everybody? I had sushi today. I put a piece of salmon in my neck hole. Don't recommend that.

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Just before the show in the green room, Chaley says to him something about, did you work on your set? He goes, I have a visor and a wig and a voice modulator. And I'm going to ride a scooter. I was going to get a lime scooter and ride it on. He goes, how much new material do I have to write with all that?

Touche. Maybe scooter tomorrow. I don't know. It seems like a lot. I might hurt myself. You're at a risk. You're at a risk of a show. You should ride it off the stage.

There's no way to get up the steps on a scooter. Well, then I'll definitely hurt myself. You can just ghost ride it once you hit the steps going off stage. I don't know. We'll see. I'll test one out tomorrow. You can see the club for a fucking handicap like Ralphie May did. Ralphie May, you know, Ralphie May,

he's like 600 pounds or whatever. Yeah, he busted through a step on his way up to the stage and sued the club. I don't know. Can he do that in New York? He probably settled for a middle week in fucking Austin.

He probably wasn't 6'9". He wasn't very tall. First time I saw him, I was like, he's as wide as he is tall. He was only like 5'6". He used to have a joke about how he had to lose weight to do the fat guy on a TV show. He had to get down to 400 pounds.

Oh, really? I had a joke last night about that. He told me like three times over the course of knowing him that he got his first fucking bypass surgery recently. But he was like 30. Just the other day. Take care of yourself kids

yeah rest in peace he died from being fat did he even tell Shawcroft that when Hedberg died he said he died because she was fat this is it was a different day and age oh fuck

I forgot that you could remember the days when you could pick on widows remember those days the good old days widow roasting

this I think Lynn told me this that like when Mitch died you were calling her like she you guys weren't friends

you and Lynn weren't friends not close and she said you were calling her non-stop after Mitch died and Lynn weren't friends. Not close. And she said you were calling her non-stop after Mitch died and she didn't take your call. And then when she finally answered the phone like a day later

she says you said your husband died because you're fat. Great story though. I might have said that. fat. Great story, though. She was... I might have said that. I might have said that.

Actually, I was going to say, because she was never fat. And then I realized, oh, I would never say that to an actual fat woman. I'm not rude. I call skinny women fat. It's funnier.

I was woke before. Woke skinny women fat. It's funnier. Well that's nice to have a bit. I was woke before woke was a thing. You only call skinny women fat and you only call white men dinger. See? Nobody. Anybody dinger? Anybody? That was a story for half a day. And that's another reason to not worry about cancel culture. Because unless it's egregious, it's only in a news cycle for as long as it's trending on Twitter. Stop Asian hate. That was fucking brilliant. All right. Now we're going to talk too much

inside baseball tonight. We're going to wrap this up. Thaddeus Russell is at Thaddeus Russell. Actually, renegadeuniversity.com is the place to find me. At renegadeuniversity.com Yeah. It's a website.

I'm sorry. Renegadeuniversity.com is the website. You said at. No, we got itegadeUniversity.com is the website. It's the website. That's me. You said app. No, we got it. We got it. We figured it out.

Let's just move on. It'll be in the show notes. We're in a culture that's so lazy. That's too many letters. Can you do an acronym? I'll go to the website. But yes. And Brendan Walsh is worldrecordpodcast.com

And if Twitter is listening, if you could just flood Twitter with begging for some kind of to get at Brendan Walsh back. At Brendan Walsh.

He lost his blue check. No, I lost my whole account. I impersonated Donald Trump Jr. when on election day I was like, this is fucked! Me and Eric are putting on a pot of coffee. We're going to figure

this out. Sleepy Joe. We just bought the White House. So good luck. For 10 minutes he was verified so he had the blue check and i changed everything but you can change your name trick john kuzak yeah john kuzak's like eat shit motherfucker but like i did it for 10 minutes and then was like i should maybe change it back and it was like ah already it was 10 minutes the thoughts picked up well i i remember asking you because we were both verified i go can you like will they delete you because i was going to do it when i was traveling uh like the flight got canceled can i change my profile because i have the blue check to saying i am like a a

travel writer for com nast and all this where if i tweeted about this airline they would go oh this guy's this guy's got 300 000 followers he's got to be legit because he's got a blue check and you go i don't know well you could also you go well you could change you got a blue check and you go, I don't know. Well, you could also, well, you could change, you have the blue check, you could change your name to Delta Airlines, copy their picture, and be Delta Airlines

and go, you're allowed to shit in the aisles now. And a lot of people will because they won't see underneath where it says, it'll still be at Doug Stanhope, but everything else known recent and I gotta say I gotta send a shout out to Jamar Neighbors who's a crazy comic guy who

started to he would change his thing to Donald Trump and it was so funny he'd just be like he did a tweet where he's just like y'all are gay and it looked like donald trump and i like late at night i'm like dude this is the funniest thing ever and i changed mine to mike pence and me and him tweeted back and forth as donald trump and mike pence with blue check mark and people going like what the fuck is going on and so we had done this a few times like anytime i'd go on late at night and jamar changed his thing to trump i'd change it to pence and it did copy everything from their profile and we'd have these like conversations and then change them back but it would go on for an hour so like when i did the donald trump jr thing when the the day they announced that joe biden won

like on a saturday i was like oh i'll just change it to donald trump jr and like freak out and did it literally for 10 minutes and was like ah maybe this is and then like uh my biggest fucking promotional tool was taken away like trump But now I'm at at at Yes, the at symbol with A.T. Brendan Walsh. Find him. Follow him. Because you are

one of the funniest people on Twitter that I follow. According to you. Chris Cubis is I haven't seen him recently. I stopped fucking According to you. Chris Cubis is... I haven't seen him recently. I stopped fucking looking at Twitter. But yeah.

At Brendan Walsh on Twitter is at... Thaddeus Russell. Read the book. At Egg Lester is Tracy. At Greg Chaney. Besides Twitter,

at B-Hole Walsh is my Instagram, and that's where I post clips from the podcast video clips, and they're funny. At whatever. Fucking just stop the podcast. Teenage girls. No.

My TikTok is coolguy69. Bring back my MySpace. Take us out of here. Bingo. Okay. Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� All right. We got a real special treat for you guys. Okay. Our next comedian is Doug Stanhope's favorite comedian.

He has a podcast called the World Record Podcast. Give it up for the motherfucking B-man. Make it loud. Give it up. Give it up. Can you hear me? Give it up. Give it up.

San Francisco, give it up. My hometown, San Francisco, where I'm from. Oh, it's good to be home, baby, right? Woke up this morning, sold that Golden Gate Bridge. GGB, am I right? That's what we call it. Where are my locals at? GGB.

GGB. Those childhood memories are going to Candlestick Park with my old man watching the Giants play Right in a cable car. Come on It's my life Rice-a-roni Sam do we fucking ate that shit breakfast lunch dinner rice-a-roni! Sam, we fucking ate that shit! Breakfast, lunch, dinner! Rice-a-roni, San Francisco treat! Get it free here! It's free here!

A lot of people don't know that! Give it up for, uh... Chinatown! Come on! Yeah, China is the best Chinatown next to China. This Chinat China is the best Chinatown next to China. This Chinatown is the best. I love Chinatown. And on a serious note,

let's stop Asian hate, okay? Yeah. I mean, not to bring it down, but let's end all this Asian hate. And speaking of hate, Hate Street, am I right? Fucking go down there, smoke a doobie.

Listen to the Grateful Dead. Fucking trucking. I'm fucking trucking. Motherfucking trucking now. Let's give it up for Satan too. Let's fucking give it up for Satan, too. Let's fucking give it up for the Dark Lord. Let's worship Satan. Fucking Satan, baby.

Fucking love. San Francisco, anybody here drinking a craft beer? Fucking love. I don't drink craft beers. I drink arts and crafts beers. They got popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners in them. Thank you, thank you. So we got here everybody. Oh, Alcatraz! That's another... Made a whole list of the stuff that I was going to say to prove that I'm from here.

All right. What is this? What is this place? Let's see. What's your problem, sir? Pride gifts at Cedar Springs. Hey, man. Is this the condom place?

Yes, it is. I bought a pack of condoms there yesterday. I don't think it was from you, but I opened the condom and it is full of spiders. So you bought it from here? I bought it from there, and I thought it was just the one rubber. I call them rubbers. Profos.

Short for prophylactic sometimes. But I opened the one rubber because call them rubbers profos short for prophylactic sometimes but i opened the one rubber because i was going to bone my old lady and there was a spider in there so i threw that one down and i opened the next rubber and it's full of spiders and what do you remember what time you bought it what time i bought it What time I bought it? Mm-hmm. Bought it at 11 a.m. Because me and my wife always do sex at 11.15, and we live pretty close to the place.

And the spiders got out, he laid eggs in my pubes, and now what? I can't shave off my pubes. Because I'm a grown man. You remember who you bought it from? I'm a grown man with You remember who you bought it from? I'm a grown man with a fully formed adult male penis. I bought it, there was a lady. You have no life. Wait a minute. Oh.

He tried to copy my voice. Have no life. Oh, I have quite a life, young man. I have children. I have a grown man. I just do this on the side when Doug makes me come do things. So you guys are all vaccinated. You have to be vaccinated, right?

Oh, somebody here's not vaccinated? Oh, man. I uh oh somebody here's not vaccinated oh man where raise your hand because we got to get the guy we got the guys here we got guys here they got to get you I'm not an anti-vaxxer

I'm not a fan of uh Clarence Clemons or uh Charlie Parker so I'm kind of an anti-vaxxer I like I like paying full price for clothes and stuff Charlie Parker, so I'm kind of an anti-saxer. I like paying full price for clothes and stuff so I don't go to TJ Maxx. I'm kind of an anti-TJ Maxxer. I like it when I can't shit.

I like being constipated. I'm an anti-laxer. Who's booing? Who's booing? If you're thinking about doing stand-up comedy, here's a tip. Just get a bunch of bells and whistles. You don't even have to write any material. All together.

Generation A tattoo and body piercing. Oh, thank God. I need to come in and get a tattoo. What's that? Can I come in and get a tattoo? We're booked out for the rest of the night right now. Okay. Well, what if I give you $100? Then can you get me in there? Because I need a tattoo stat.

This girl said she won't let me kiss her unless I have a tattoo. Bro, as much as I would love to help you, we just don't have anyone available right now. Where do you get the ideas for your tattoos? Can I come in and pitch some ideas? I got an idea.

What about this one? That's not even part of the issue. We just don't have anyone who is currently available to do a tattoo for you. Do you got this one, though? Do you got this one?

What about like a snake coming out of a skull's eye? Bro. How about... What about this one? Like a third eye right on your forehead. You listen to Joe Rogan?

Yes, I listen to Joe Rogan. Have you ever done any tattoos of Joe Rogan's face on anybody? No, I have not. There's a lot of them out there. Go on Instagram. People get Joe Rogan's face tattooed on their leg. Okay, here's an idea. How about a tattoo of a guy's leg with a picture

of Joe Rogan on it? So it's like a meta. Meta is tight, but meta is not something we can accomplish tonight, unfortunately. Okay, here's another idea. And you can use any of these ideas. It's like a keyboard with musical notes coming out of it. And then

in cursive it says i love music that is deep super deep you know those s remember the s's we used to draw in high school with the three lines the s like yeah yeah yeah the three lines on top and the three lines on bottom you connect them all that yeah hell yeah dude you know how to do that they're visceral you know how to do that yeah dude did visceral. You know how to do that? Hell yeah, dude. Could you do it like... Yeah, man, I would...

Make it look 3D? Yeah, dude, I mean, I was in 6th grade, too. I could make those things look 3D as hell. That's tight. I dropped out of school in the 5th grade. I had to go work at a factory. Damn. Damn. True.

Could I get, could I get a tattoo of, like, a fictional sports team's logo? Hell yeah, dude. What's the fictional sports team? Well, that's what we're going to have to sit down and figure out. I'll come in,

I'll bring some graph paper. I imagine you have artist ends or whatever. We'll come up with maybe the flying dinosaurs, and it's a hockey team. But they play hockey with a football. Totally like Velociraptors with a hockey stick. Now we're talking. This guy knows his shit. Yeah, dude, I got the brain.

Can I get in there and get this tattoo tonight? We can't do it tonight, man. I'm just having fun with it. Listen, listen. We can't tattoo you tonight. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Listen, listen. This girl said she's going to give me a blowjay if I get the tattoo.

Listen, listen. Hear that? Yeah. Oh, dude, I'm getting a blowjay. Oh, dude, I'm getting a blowjay right now. Hey, it's me, Alvin, from Alvin and the Chipmunks. Guys, do you like blowjays? Well, of course he hung up.

What the fuck? The guy stayed on there forever. All right, let's do one last call. This is not... But then you can see your hero, Doug Stanhope, fucking drink beer on stage or whatever he does. This is Doug's idea. I don't know about this one. It's called Naked Crank Pals.

You guys are a great crowd here. This is fun, right? You guys all buy your tickets like 2018 or something. Doug has a lot of uh san francisco children's hospital no is this the san francisco is the children's hospital yes sir i uh i'm doing a uh i had uh bought condoms with i did a deal with uh i have spider eggs in my pubes and you guys don't you don't have never mind this isn't no no i put a bomb in the children's okay bye all right so we'll get out of here with uh get out of here with uh it's great nobody would do that nobody would do that for real doug that's not it's obviously a joke nobody would call a call the i'll call her back but i mean i don't think the cops would prosecute me.

Should call San Francisco Children's Hospital? Yeah, hey, it's me again. There's not really a bomb in there. I'm doing a comedy show with cops. That's not funny. This is a children in there. I'm doing a comedy show with cops. That's not funny. This is a children's hospital. That's funny. My name's Brendan Walsh.

I'm with Doug Stanton. I hope it was his idea to do that. Brendan Walsh? Yeah. You heard of me? Oh, yeah. I listen to your podcast. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. So you're your podcast. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So you're not going to call the cops? Are you going to call the cops? Yeah, not now. Okay, good, because I really did put a bomb in there, bitch. Bye. All right. Thanks a lot, everybody.

Enjoy your headliner. Thank you.