The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#465: Throwing My Own Desert Party... At Home

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

The Trailles are back from the desert party and Doug can't be more thrilled that he did not attend. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Oct. 6th, 2021 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. The World Record Podcast is the third and final award winning podcast created and hosted by Brendon Walsh setting the World Record for the funniest podcast in existence. - https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast the trailies are back and there's gonna be trouble i don't know what is i before i hear any, I don't know if you've already told every story on issues. I don't know. But yeah, I didn't listen. I didn't want to know anything until you got back. But I still say I'm very happy I didn't go. Yeah, you had a nice empty nest experience.

Football in the funhouse. Football in the funhouse. Football in the funhouse. Smoking. A week off. Man, being back on the road make you appreciate fucking quarantine. You did St. Louis and what? Kansas City? Kansas City, yeah.

Did Kansas City with James Inman? Of course, Junior. Junior. Yeah, Junior was there, but James came down and did a guest spot. James for the ruin. You know, he did fine. Oh, he did a set? Yeah, he did a guest set.

Oh. Like, he was just as wound up as we get him wound up. Just, I fucking, I have to follow this, man. He was just as wound up as we get him wound up. Just, I fucking, I have to follow this, man. I don't know. I don't know. He was just like so worked up that he was going to fail. And he did fine.

But he was just in that same temperament all the fucking time. He just walks in. Always on. Yeah. Or always off. Like, everything's going wrong. James, relax. It's just a fucking guest set.

So? Yeah, he did fine, and then we hung out with Aaron Sheraton was there. Oh, wow. Remember Aaron? Yeah. So we hung out. They got fucking shit-faced early. That was the last time we were in Kansas City. She got shit-faced early.

Well, we got shit-faced after doing Johnny Dare. Yeah. We found some bar down, I don't know where it was. I think it was actually technically in Kansas. It's the entertainment area, right? No. Yeah, that's the, but last time we were there, we went to do morning radio. And then afterwards, we met her at some bar on the Kansas side.

And it was like you had to have a membership to get in. But it had a smoking patio. We were day drinking. Yeah. Which is probably why I don't remember the show. But yeah, she showed up early with a friend. It was a fucking big chatty guy. Runs up like a fireworks business.

Like black cat fireworks on the side of the highway? Yeah, something like that. Guaranteed no duds. Look, by the time we light these off, we're not driving back here. I love that. 100% guarantee. Well, come on.

Yeah, he's got one in Las Cruces. So it's a big one. Yeah. But yeah, one in Las Cruces. So it's a big one. Yeah. But yeah, she was a fucking blast. And then, yeah, we ditched out early because we had to drive the next day in Junior's super boat, his 1992 Lincoln Continental fucking dream boat. That's the one we were driving in. He's got stickers.

Yeah. I was going to totally bring that up. On the passenger side on the windshield, so it would be the upper right-hand corner of the windshield on the inside are like homemade maintenance stickers. Yeah, like Post-it, not Post-it notes, but like almost name tag size. Hello, my name is without that. And there's like 16 of them replaced you know replaced fucking axle transmission fluid you know i go what are these these look like homemade job which is all yeah maggie doesn't like those either it looks it's obscuring your view yeah it looks like well a world war ii bomber where

they put stickers for kills or every bomb they dropped their nails you have fighter pilots for every kill they had or the helmet of like a college football team but he also has the fucking dashboard velcroed with a tablet stuck with velcro to the dashboard so I could watch ESPN all day when we drove to St. Louis. See it's just like a Tesla

but I had no panic attacks with Junior behind the wheel. Oh great he loves that vehicle too yeah but I had no panic attacks with Junior behind the wheel. Oh, great. Very safe driver. He loves that vehicle too. Yeah. Well, as evidenced by the maintenance. As evidenced by the fact that he didn't want to leave it in a parking lot and fucking-

Across the street. Yeah. And yeah, and we did St. Louis too. It was just so exciting to know nobody in a town. Like I have no friends in St. Louis. It was just so exciting to know nobody in a town. Like, I have no friends in St. Louis. St. Louis. We did the Firebird like 10 years ago, 8 years ago. Yeah, that was Cherokee.

And then we did the Cherokee Community Center twice. 2270. We did that twice, and now that's no longer. So where was it this time? Oh, Helium. Helium, yeah. Sorry, it's in a mall. Funny Bone, helium.

I don't know. Well, the helium we did in Portland wasn't in a mall. No. This one was. It was upstairs from a bike shop. But fuck it, just, I mean, especially without you. There's no's no way in fact i think i opened with that what that without you on the road i'm not doing 2270 cherokee kind of shows like we have to ask ahead of time if there's a mic or a spotlight or a toilet i was telling the story last night to we

met duran and michelle and our, Chardo, Alaska people in Vegas. That's why we stayed an extra day. And I was telling the story of when we went the first time to the peppercorn, the pepper tree in Idaho Falls. Yeah. And I walked into the showroom first. Showroom. I walked into the showroom first. Showroom.

I walked into the venue first, and I saw the owner rolling out eight top wedding banquet tables. And I turned around and put my hand out and go, Doug, don't come in here. I was just saying, yeah, I run interference when it's that bad. Just don't. The anxiety will just be too much. And that's what you're talking about. Yeah. Cherokee. bad just don't the anxiety will just be too much and that's what you're talking about yeah and i love those a lot of those gigs but it's also refreshing to show up have a green room everyone

knows what the fuck is going on it's a comedy club they know how to work it people know how to work it and you just yeah everyone is very cool yeah that's your you've got a bunch you're doing three more of the uh of the uh helium venues yeah no oh i know indy's helium philly philly's helium and omaha is a funny bone oh and that's in the never been there The stable We haven't worked Omaha in forever So you got Omaha coming up on the 12th Then you got Indy At the Helium on the 13th

Then the 18th, 19th, and 20th Is the Philly Helium So Then it goes to October Get those miles baby October 26th and 27th, House of Comedy in Minneapolis. And then it's not updated right now because I just got home and we cracked the mics. But I'm going to update it by the time this goes out.

I'll have the, is it Plano or Plano, Texas? Wait, no, that's not it. What? No, we're not doing the Helium in Dallas. We're doing something else. No, no. It said there's a Plano, Texas. I'm not saying Helium. I'm saying that I'm updating the helium in Dallas. We're doing something else. No, no. I said there's a Plano text. I'm not saying helium.

I'm saying that I'm updating the tour date stuff. All right. Well, then Hannigan gave me some. It'll all be updated by the time this goes out. Yeah. Yeah. I thought, all right. Yeah.

Hannigan bookings. Still stuff being updated. I've decided to do this. No, it's not that club. All right. You talk to Chaley. He'll it's not that club. All right. You talk to Chaley. He'll be home. You guys figure it out.

Sorry if that's confusing. But that should be all the dates. For the rest of the year? Yeah. We'll do the usual takeoff Thanksgiving, except for Vegas for New Year's, takeoff Thanksgiving through Super Bowl. Plaza's got a regular

comedy works? Honolulu shit the bed. Did it really? Yeah, they're booked till forever. Yeah, making up for it because they were closed down hard. We could still go to Honolulu. We just won't make any money. So the Plaza for New Year's,

they have a regular once a month. They've got two nights, Gilbert Godfrey in October and Nick DiPaolo for November. So they've turned that, the room where you did your special and where we've done the shows there, they've turned

that into a comedy works basically like a room that is just comedy once a month. I'm also doing Skank Fest right after my Houston show. That's that weekend. And I have no idea what I'm doing, but I looked up their website. And if you go to skankfest.net or.com. Skankfest.net or.com. Skankfest.net and it's south.

Click on comics. Oh, it's November 5th through 7th, Houston, Texas. I have no idea what I'm doing there, but look at the amount of comics. Oh, my God. There's between 80 and 100 comedians. That's every comic alive, basically. I went through the ones that I know or think I know, and they were like 34. But I mean, that's not surprising.

I don't know any new comics. Bob Saget. Bonnie McFarlane. Joe DeRosa. Yeah, Joe DeRosa. Joe List. Ari Shaffir. Ari Shaffir.

Gilbert Godfrey will be there. Nice. Eddie Pepitone. A kid named a little up-and-comer, Doug Stanhope. Soder. Dan Soder will be there. Of course. Obviously.

Shit, that's right. Yeah. Rich Voss. Wow. Fuck, dude. Robert Kelly. I'm just running through things that I recognize. So, yeah.

That's awesome. And I found out Tim Dillon. So, is Tim going to be there? Tim Dillon's going to be there. And I found out Tim Dillon. So, yo, is Tim going to be there? Tim Dillon's going to be there, but I found out. Running the light, Sam Talent is opening for Tim Dillon on some dates coming up. Yeah, and Kyle Kinane. Nice. Yeah, I think he already finished those.

Oh, shit, I didn't call Kyle back. Yeah. So, yeah, check. Anytime you can get a chance to see Sam Tallent do it Yeah, he's doing one of the shows He's doing the middle show in Philly With Junior We'll work that out

We did a lot of I know, I know I have no stories compared to you You know what? You're going have no stories compared to you. You know what? You're going to have to talk to other people for the stories. I do remember. We had Super Shaley today at that party.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking A. Brad, Shaley was like, I just sit in my fucking room and read a book. And he goes, that's what I do. I just get a hammock and I don't do any, I just read books. Not this time. Not this time. Not this time. This time, I did one of my

36, 40 hour things. He had his party jersey on. I commandeered a four-wheeler. Commandeered as in stole? Took it. Rode some people around on it.

I came home injured. I'm limping on the left. I was trying to piece together what happened. And I'm like, oh, that's right. That girl gave me that pill. And I'm not, look, I had a blast. And we had a lot of fun. But I do trace it back to a couple of decisions that were made while I was very intoxicated.

But it was fun. I do remember, wait, did you know whose four-wheeler it was? Yeah, it was the maintenance guy there. The camp. At one point, I am riding Guy, Andy, and someone else on the back of it. Will. Will. And we're cruising up to the store where he's sitting

on the out in front of the gas station yeah he's sitting there going is that shaley and i've got the thing loaded like a like a mumbai bus cruising this thing and i've already been up a long time and it was yeah it was like 10 in the morning yeah it was pretty funny wait the guy whose carton he stole was sitting there? Yeah. He was super cool. Super cool. Yeah. He didn't give a shit. So that was fun. Did Annie

Lederman show up? Yeah, she was there. They were only there for like, they weren't there very long, like a day and a half, but we had a fun night with them. Yeah. I felt bad because I told her, all right, well, if you're canceling a date, I'll go. Yeah.

And then at the last minute, yeah, I'm not going. She's like, you got to go. This is going to be the party. And then I saw she's going to be at Skank Fest. Oh, cool. We did break out the merch booth Doug Stanhope cut out. So, Kai, you were there, Doug Stanhope cut out. So, Kai, you were there, Doug.

Oh, yeah. Zach Wynn. I don't know who that is. Zach Wynn Taylor or something. Oh, James. James, yeah, whatever. He tweeted a picture. I've been very good about trying not to be on Twitter. The fucking

DEA agent that gets shot on the Amtrak, maybe you're not caught up with the news. I saw you wrote something about Amtrak. Yeah, that's one of those times where I was high and drunk and went, don't do it, don't do it. Did it, then had to double down on it. But it was just one story about it, a newser story. A newser is this dog shit fucking website that i

get my news from because it gives you the short versions of everything with a link if you want to read the long fucking form cliff but in the fucking newser it said uh whatever it was during a routine joint federal and uh state task force doing routine dog searches of amtrak customers for illegal uh uh drugs weapons or illegal money it uh it said uh routine common referring to the searches and a third word like how is that fucking routine a joint federal and state task force to go through a fucking train and fucking search your bags and put dogs on you how is that routine you fucks i've seen nazi movies like that where they get on the train make everyone get off and they they have german shepherds going through the whole thing that's what i thought of when when you when you said yeah the video clip showed a fucking cop going on with a dog and then running running his ass

off with the dog out when the gunfire started then i thought about like the dude who does a key bump off of a rental car key right does it keep he keep up of it? And then eventually throws it in the ignition. There's fucking coke all over that car. And, you know, that might not even be in his key. Yeah, no, they say that about money. Almost every bill that you have would test positive for cocaine. And these guys had weed. From what I read today, the update, yeah, they had a bunch of weed,

which is legal here. It wasn't legal for them but there's no different than it's you know illegal to have a fucking dairy queen without a license you need running water to own this dairy queen exactly to be open yeah that was kind of cool the gauntlet running arizona nevada and then californ, it's all recreational. You just need to be your P's and Q's with the speed limit. They're not going to hassle you.

Different from times in the past. Yeah. Amtrak always... I love the fucking train. I absolutely love it, but they more and more ran it like greyhound where you know they're just yelling at you yelling at people over the microphone i we have complaints

that someone in the fucking car three is drinking their own alcohol that's illegal do you remember the time tracy and i went from Union Station in Los Angeles to Benson? And Bingo picked us up at the platform, which is just basically a platform. Yeah, it's a bus stop. Yeah, it's a bus stop with no walls and nothing, just a floor, right? When we were at a bench. It takes a while. A park bench.

Yeah, I think 6 p.m. they depart Union Station. And it's great. It's very romantic and you we're sitting in this thing i remember uh it definitely felt like if you closed your eyes you'd go and and and woke up without opening your eyes you're like you're like stirring and you're like you would think you're on a bus right and then some guy behind us yelled who the fuck shit his pants at like two in the morning and it's like well just follow your nose dude you just woke up everyone in this car because you have a problem everyone shit their pants because you yelled like that wait

how many of you shit your pants probably would have been more accurate yeah and i'm like well i've only done that with sleeping cars i mean i when i was a kid i took amtrak back when you could there was a smoking car that whole viewing car was a smoking car as well and everyone got along because smokers are like that when smokers are like that. When smokers are segregated. Yeah. And when you're 25, you talk to people. But yeah, in my adult years I never went without the dining car

and the sleeping car. Amtrak evidently a couple years ago got rid of the dining cars altogether and just replaced them with fucking vending vending machines for chips and Red Bull. Something. Something. Yeah, our trip across Canada was fucking magical. Oh, yeah. We were like 48 hours late and we're like,

oh, all right, we still get three meals a day. Then we had to go from the platform. I had to go right to the venue. Yeah, Halifax. Yeah. Was it Halifax? Wait,. Because we were- Halifax. Yeah. Yeah. Was it Halifax? Wait, no.

We were late for- I don't think you were with us for the Halifax. I think that was me and Bingo. No, this is when we were going across. We were going west. And the train, something had happened, and the passenger trains are second. Moose. They're second to freight and stuff.

Because they're the ones on the lines so we had to wait because there's two tracks that run parallel east to west and one of the tracks there was a landslide or something under it so the there was only one line so they so we would move and then we would stop for hours and then we would read fall asleep and go oh it's time to dine and we would go and it's like it didn't matter for the first four meals. But after a while, it was like, we might not make this trip. And I remember us getting off in the station and then everyone queuing up. It had to be Winnipeg.

I think that's what it was. Yeah, it had to be. Everyone in the know was like, we're standing in line because we're going to get a free trip out of this. And we're like, just get us to a fucking taxi stand that's all we want to do is get to the venue and it's like you'll get you can get 100% off it's like we don't give a shit we just want to get out of here yeah the one

time I played Halifax we'd taken the train like Nova Scotia yeah way up and it was the same thing where we showed up the fucking booker is get the car running kill the headlights and put it in neutral out right to the stage, like directly. The middle act is stretching from what I remember and right up. And I had to do two shows and I was already fucking wrecked from the train.

Yeah, the one I was talking about, I went right there and within – I mean, I couldn't even put the tablecloth on the merch table, and they had to open the doors. And then, yeah. Yeah, it was Winnipeg because the second time we went there was when we went to the whiteout for the – Yeah, that was an all-lit gig. That was the problem with doing Canada in the fucking summer.

You'd have a gig that's all windows and it's light till 10.30 at night. So you're doing that fucking 8pm gig like holding your hand from the glare of the sun going down in your fucking face. Should we bring your eye

mask next time? One with the eyes on the outside? Wow, he looks weird, but he's hitting it. I've been thinking, well, I want to get back to the fucking Death Valley party. Alright, let's take a break, and then we'll do that. We'll do a baby shot.

When Tracy comes back. I'm in. Yeah, please hold. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Check out betterhelp.com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month. Life is full of stressors. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have. Your life is probably stressful. Betterhelp.com.

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And Doug Stanhope podcast listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash stanhope. That's betterhelp, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash stanhope for 10% off your first month. dot com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month. I forget that Delta is still one of the few airlines that serve alcohol. Wait. Southwest and American Airlines still won't serve alcohol until now, January of 2022. Yeah, 22, whatever. American Airlines, they're still in business?

I don't know how, but they're getting junior around. I had a lot of fucking miles on United and American, so I've been using those for Junior. And I have to take one. It's only from Dallas to Houston. But still, just the idea of no alcohol. Are you bringing a change of clothes when you get off the plane?

Junior God damn it. He's so much fun. He's so polite. He's so zero pressure. And when he drove us to St. Louis, and I had ESPN going, and they were just talking about, you know, football picks and shit. In the car? Yeah.

It's like a four-hour drive, three hours, 45 minutes. And I go, yeah, I was just, I wish I had the old USA Today. Like the USA Today, I would spend this entire time, just the same way I can look at a road atlas and just fall into it. It never gets boring. The USA Today sports section would always have the lines, like the paper version. Box scores, right?

No, you're talking lines. Lines and things coming up. Yeah, it's the only thing that made it worth picking up, other than the fact that they shoved it under your hotel room door. It was free. Yeah. And I had no idea. The last time I saw a paper version of the USA Today was when Bingo called me in Tucson and told me that Ichabod had lymphoma. And I remember because I started crying, but my face was otherwise emotionless at the breakfast counter.

and i remember that when i had the first you know incarnation of that bit i was talking about the guy next to me must have thought oh yeah he's taking this trade of antonio brown really hard because he's reading the sports section of the usa today and that's the last time i remember seeing him even the best western there doesn't carry them anymore. And we showed up at the hotel in St. Louis, paper version of the USA Today. And because we had talked about it so much, I was reading everything. When we were kid comics, me and Becker, we would go through the news from all the states. All the states, yeah. And they would have 50 single line- Like a blurb. Yeah. Like two or three sentences at the states. All the states, yeah. And they would have 50 single line- Like a blurb.

Yeah. Like two or three sentences at the most. And we would, as a writing exercise, try to write one joke for every one of those news items. No matter how dumb the joke or benign the story, just fucking find some joke in there.

And then we'd go up at open mic and let people yell out states and we'd read our joke. If we had one, we'd go up at open mic and let people yell out states and we'd read our joke if we had one we never got all 50 we did i think 34 was our best ever but and then you judged the joke but it was a great writing exercise i've really had no idea until i saw that years later, a paper version, how integral the USA Today was. And I was tweeting about it. And then the USA Today got back to me and gave me a lifetime subscription online and physical copy mailed to the house, which will show up two days late.

But I'll have to cancel that for i don't i don't like to waste you know i remember at one point you said something about the usa today was great because that was kind of the snapshot of what everyone across the country would get the same paper yeah every comic is reading the same thing because we're all in hotels and it's free in a fucking hotel. If it's in there, then at least someone has access to it coast to coast. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're like, ah, fuck, everyone's going to be doing this joke now, Lorena Bobbitt or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So I went on eBay. Lewinsky. I bought a 1985 USA Today off of eBay.

10 bucks. Just to keep it and read it on planes. Get a 70s suit reading a fucking USA Today where Pete Rose just broke somebody's record is on the front page. Ask the guy next to you, do you want the sports section? And then Reagan is on the front page. Ask the guy next to you, do you want the sports section? And then Reagan is on the front page. Like, holy moly. That's the year after I graduated

high school. 85, shit. Yeah, that's the year I moved to LA. So, yeah. So, the USA Today, I will send you pictures of me reading your newspapers on planes. Most of them were like 9-11.

I'm not going to read a 9-11 fucking headline on an airplane. On an airplane, yeah. But I found the most innocuous one. Yeah, they might get kicked off for that. That might be put on the list. Oh, I got other things. I got other hijinks. Oh, the eBay.

Now that I'm actually back to work, I don't feel bad about spending stupid, not stupid amounts of money, but stupid money, like a $10 USA today to read on airplanes. I also, Junior and I, matching Domino's pizza uniforms, like the smock. Yeah, because there's a couple of times we're flying together.

We get to go to Omaha through Minneapolis to get to Indy. And so I got us matching visors, polo jerseys, and I got one of those hot bags for the pizza. And there's your order. What's going in that? We're flying first class. So we're going to go on like we don't know each other. And I'll go on a little bit after him and go, hey, oh, you're outgoing?

Yeah, because he'll have the pizza. Yeah, Hey, Oh, you're outgoing. Yeah. It's because he'll have the pizza. Yeah. I just dropped off in Maplewood. Cause we're, we're seated like one row apart on aisles. So we, we can have the conversation loudly enough.

Other people get to hear it. Yeah. Just fucking riff about it. We're first class Domino's pizza delivery guys. Can you believe the guy stiffed me? Six bucks on a $40 order. Six bucks in this economy. What color is the polo for Domino's?

Red and blue? Black with blue or blue with black. Okay. And then the... They do pizza sauce. Shouldn't it be red? I stopped myself from getting the whole apron that was stained. No.

Wait. I could just get any apron and stain it. It said it was stained in the... No, no. I stopped... Actually, the jersey I have does have stains on it. Yeah, they all do. Would you like a cocktail, sir?

No, no, I got to deliver this pizza when we land. Not on the job. Yeah, you'd probably be on their turnaround. You still work for Trevor down there is he still down there yeah that guy was a monster delivery guy so that's coming up that didn't happen no no that's

I got the I got the visors and I've got the bag, and now I just have to hope that the fucking jerseys show up before I have to leave again. Yeah. But again. It should. That's the Omaha gig, right?

That's the 12th. Yeah, that's the 12th. I got an email from the seller saying, hey, I'm back today, so I'll be shipping out your order. I'm like, oh, that's cutting it close. But we still have Texas to play the game. That's two pounds if he does. Yeah.

We have to work out how we're doing Florida. I guess I don't think there's any way of doing Florida without renting and fucking driving the whole thing. And fucking Hennigan. Well, I tried my best. But no, we have to go West Palm to Fort Lauderdale. What? And then go back up.

So we have to go back through West Palm to get to Orlando. Or no, to Tampa. We go down to West Palm. It's fucked. It's not in a row. Then the beach. Yeah, that's Fort Lauderdale. Then Tampa.

Then back down to Orlando. No, then over to orlando oh tampa then yeah then so we'll have to go through orlando probably to get to tampa i don't remember but see those are yeah we could yeah we could just stay in texas till we do it just go from there yeah we'll we'll figure this out. This is an off-air meeting. I want to hear more about goddamn Death Valley. Ask me and I'll tell you if I remember anything. Well, Tracy has to remember something.

By the way, Panama Hot Springs, they survived the COVID. Yeah. And I found out a lot of shit. 70% of their visitors in here, European. Yeah. Europeans are not coming over.

Oh, that's right. Because if they come over, they have to quarantine going back for two weeks. Yeah. So they have to double their vacation. And that's the thing is that that just stopped. So 70% of their business, gone. So we were kings out there because we basically filled up

all the cabins and had overflow and the other thing and other people came out. So it was really great because we didn't know how much they needed that and it was awesome.

And we're going to awesome. Any wild cards? One of the reasons I did not go was you go, oh, Andy made it public. I'm like, oh, that's it. Not as bad as you would think it could be. Look, everyone made it public. I said, let's not. But I'm a stick in the mud. And yeah, it went a little haywire.

It's all right. I don't a little haywire. It's alright. I don't want to be rude. Everyone was nice. Alright, well, I did that once on MySpace. I was on MySpace and then I started inviting my... I didn't make it public, but I invited a bunch of people I didn't know, being new to social

media. And that was the year that really sucked because... Oh, that was the douchebag. And that was the year that really sucked because. Oh, that was the douche bag, the trial of the douche bag. Yeah. Oh yeah. Please hold.

Sir, was there, has there been a doo doo situation there this month? A doo doo situation. What do you mean by a doo doo situation? Hello everybody. It's me, Brendan Walsh, the B-Man. Listen to the World Record Podcast.

It's the funniest comedy podcast in the world. Check it out. The producers found him past the fuck out. He got cum all over his pants, and there's a constrictor around his neck. David Attenborough. David Attenborough. And they're like, David, Mr. Attenborough, are you okay?

He's like, if you tell anybody about this I'll be clean fucking kill your family me and my co-host Hellman make crank phone calls like this one

that this is a show where men try to seduce their dads I'll get my manager over here and I'll have her talk to you so listen to

the World Record Podcast watch the awesome videos worldrecordpodcast.com this podcast is insane and I'll have her talk to you. So listen to the World Record Podcast. Watch the awesome videos. WorldRecordPodcast.com This podcast is insane. You're calling the mother of your children a hoe. I'm just calling all women hoes. That's how I refer to them. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast.

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. But, uh, Panama's great, and they're, you know, hopefully things lighten up a little bit, and eventually Europeans come back, because that is the lifeblood there. Well, you would think that, uh, like, people that can't leave hereod there. Well, you would think that people that can't leave here and go to

Europe or go to wherever another country would go, well, fuck it. Let's try Death Valley. And it's still as amazing as it ever was. Totally dead silent. Except for when we start cranking shit up.

Did you have a stage? I brought a PA. I brought an acoustic guitar, an acoustic bass. Tracy brought her cello. We brought a PA. And Randall, we had rehearsed a set with him. Fucking no show. Oh, Randall was a no show.

Randall never went. Oh, and Becky was a no show, too. Who? Becky. Yes. Yeah. So she kicked out. She texted me a was a no-show, too. Who? Becky. Yes. Yeah. So she kicked out. She texted me a picture of her at the plaza.

I said, oh, so you are going? She goes, oh, no, just going to Vegas. Decided not to go to the party. I go, I hear you, sister. Well, she went to hang out with a friend who could use the company. So it ended up being a really good thing. And Randall, fuck, I don't know what the fuck happened. But so it turns out we-

Did you check the guest house? Someone rented that. Maybe he came back. But we moved people closer. No, I'm saying here. Oh, here. Yeah, he might be there. Fucking Tarek still isn't back.

Bingo has to go pick him up at a rental car place in Sierra Vista tonight. Tarek was a fucking machine. Yeah, he was great. Boobs? Yep. Incredible. We had other people showed up with guitars, and it just became all acoustic fucking jam.

Oh, wait, I thought you were just saying you brought all that shit and didn't use it. No, I brought the PA, but we never even broke it out. We just let it sit in the car. We're podcasting. Which is like basically 20 mule team taking a bunch of stuff and then it getting to the end of the line and going like, we don't want it.

Take it back. I mean, that's basically what we did with like a PA. And we just left it in the car and everything was acoustic and it was a lot of fun. That was the entertainment for the night. But there was no comedy against your will or anything like that. It was just fucking ridiculous. It was a lot of fun.

Yeah. It's a fucking hangover I didn't need. But it's all at the main cabin with the huge fire pit. And then even the fucking dude is like, Hey, man, I got a bunch of firewood the camp guy the guy that the manager he's a volunteer he lives right behind where our cabin is he goes go over to my old site there's a ton of firewood over there and he goes we can't leave firewood that people leave behind at the campsites because no one will buy it so go grab it i go but if we

grab that we're not gonna buy firewood he goes fucking take it so we had we had a bonfire's worth like like uh like the the university of texas style fucking bonfire every night if we wanted to we we never even put a dent in his firewood so he's a fucking kick-ass dude it's great yeah so it's good they got good people there still still great food uh panamint is uh if they made it through covid man yeah panamint springs resort yes look it up go give them money go away leave the fucking universe for a minute yeah it was all it was always european tourists it was always germans yeah the germans death valley who'd have thought but well i mean they've got cold beer in like different languages

along the the highway it's a fucking highway that we have to cross and i keep remembering that time when we had a kiddie pool in the middle during a sandstorm. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, no wonder that fucking state trooper was ready to kick some fucking ass. This is a fucking highway that separates the restaurant and the old rooms from the cabins and the campgrounds. It's fucking dangerous. Yeah. Just to walk across, right? Well, yeah, just the curve up north. The other way, you can watch someone literally come

in for 10 11 minutes you can see the car when we did that naked hitchhiker gag that's not that straight away yeah and that's why like people aren't reacting to this because the the gag was it was a hidden camera thing we had hidden cameras set up We saw the car coming from fucking miles away. All right, get in your places. We had a naked girl with a fake flat tire on the side of the road. She's hitchhiking. And when someone would stop to pick her up, four of us, me, Andy, Erickson, and Brett Allen. No, it's me.

You. I was in there. And the vet with missing limbs. Anyway, we'd all jump out naked to get in the car with the naked lady who was hot. And yeah, fucking Europeans? Okay, you must.

No problem. Nudity is not a fucking weird thing to them. We found that in Amsterdam. It was you on the back of the minivan with a pink feather boa blowing behind you that pulled up that was the shot coming up to Panamint it was great do you mind if he's on the back

we don't care they don't give a shit none of it fazed them yeah so yeah desert's awesome, dude. Just to... It's awesome here. It's fucking cool at night now.

I understand. I'm just saying. Look, I told you when you say you don't want to go, that's fine. Don't go. No one missed the fact that you weren't there. Like, oh, this ruined it. It's whoever shows up shows up that's it that's the thing

and it was fun I mean I'm getting too old for this shit yeah I'll go when we have a tour bus where the ride is just as exciting as the destination I'll go when they have a fucking airstrip Where the ride is just as exciting as the destination. I'll go when they have a fucking airstrip and an airline that serves alcohol and has first class.

And I'll show up in a Domino's uniform. That's another thing I bought is a vintage 80s Delta Airlines cocktail coupons. Oh, wow. So I can just hand them a coupon. But you can't do that in first class. The point is, you know, I would buy all those vintage Delta pins to give to fucking cool flight attendants. Yeah, I could just hand them a 1982 cocktail coupon that's expired. Let's make this a double.

Make it a double. I'm going to use that. Yeah. Reading a 1985 USA Today in a 1970s suit. Oh, that's what I did today. That's why I'm having a- What's this Microsoft? What is that?

What a dumb name for a company. Yeah, that's going nowhere. Want to throw your money away? Computers, what a fad. We got cable TV. We don't need anything else. I have 18 channels of cable. What's an internet going to do?

Yeah, it says intranet. All right, I'm getting pretty fucked up. Text messaging. channels of cable. What's an internet gonna do? Yeah. It says intranet. I'm getting pretty fucked up. Text messaging? What? That's a letter, right? I have a landline. Why would I text you when I could just rotary dial? Who wants a phone with them all the time? That was an old fucking

Rogan bit. What's that? Why are you texting me? Phones having all the things that phones got rid of. Texting, back when they had walkie-talkie phones. That two-way community, yeah. Like, no, I have a phone.

Just call me. He changed his tune and then started giving me a lot of shit for having a flip phone i had that flip phone with pride until i started having to play europe too much and everyone texts over there and like all right i gotta fucking break down and get one but who are you texting over there the people that run the show or that are gonna to pick you up or the PR person or the fucking scheduling interviews and media. Yeah, I couldn't do that.

I have a flip phone. Just call me thing because I couldn't call. I still don't know how to dial internationally. It's like taxes. When I have to prep my taxes for my tax guy, every year I have to relearn it. Every time I play the uk oh wait there's a thing you do to get the plus button because you have to do plus and then they're fucking area code and i have to relearn that every time you just triggered me with taxes

so that's all right i didn't pay you anything I think you're below the poverty level no I just haven't done it and it's due next week that was the only stress I had I haven't had a computer around me for almost two weeks yeah it's not stress awesome for me

I called you because I didn't know you stayed an extra day and I called both you and Tracy when you should have been on the road coming home. And they both went straight to voicemail. I go, I bet they stayed in Vegas an extra day. Because it was like noon. Yeah, I'll check my messages tomorrow. That's how cool it was not to.

There's nothing out there. At Panamint, there's Wi-Fi at the gas station. Only. Sometimes. I think they turn it off at night. Because it's the most expensive. It's fucking satellite. So data is more expensive.

I got to do a load of laundry. Got to shut down the Wi-Fi. Run the microwave and the Wi-Fi at the same time. All the hair dryers go out. Look, I need a burrito. Shut the internet down. All right. So, yes, see me on the road.

The fucking... Thank you. Someone sent you something there. That's just stuff to go... Oh, you already read it? Yeah, all your fan mail. You know, not only do I have Dave Rader read it to me, or bullet point it,

but then it goes out with merchandise. So if you go to the merchandise page and buy some merch, I don't know what's the hot seller. Is it that Parkinson's disease t-shirt? Abortion is green still. Abortion is green t-shirt. Well, there's a lot of stuff there. But then you, Tracy, I hand my fan mail over to her and she sends it to a random person. And if you get your own fan mail back, it's like Willy Wonka.

Yeah, golden ticket. Yup. You get to come here. No, you don't. It's not redeemable anywhere for anything. You get to come here. A double on Delta Airlines with a coupon. Annette sent us a... Oh, Annette. That's her goddamn name.

I don't know if she showed up at the Portland shows or not, but she sent us so much shit from Portland that every night I was trying to remember her name to say, hey, because we weren't going out there with the... Until you announced it. Well, that last

night, yeah, but I couldn't remember her name. I'm like, hey, where's the lady who sends us all this stuff? It's a problem with my crowd. If you try to engage them in conversation, then they reciprocate over the top. Annette sent us something fun, haunting, many blessings, one love, Annette. Yeah, we're not doing any haunt stuff this year. It's all going to Shady Dell.

So if you want to see our haunt stuff, go to Shady Dell on Halloween. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. Yeah. We're going to – he's going to do – he's booked for Halloween, but it's really low-key. So he said he was doing B-movies, like in the drive-in movie thing. Nice. I go, I'll bring all the gear over there.

So that's the plan to set that up. But yeah, he's already got a group in there. And hopefully the bar will be open by then. How'd you get the bruise? You're holding back so many stories. The bruise was a simple one. We were walking back from the restaurant at 11, 12, the next day. We had to come back to get ready for the Issues with Andy podcast.

He was behind me with Guy. Guy was the one who was supposed to have him. And I just hear, oh, no. And that was Guy. Then I turn around and Shaylee's on the ground, just crumpled over. So, yeah, he bit it. He hit his hip on a rock, solid. Old man disease. I've fallen and I don't want to get up.

I'm falling and I'm happy right here. Just leave me so warm on these rocks. Yeah. And yeah, that put a little damper, but not much. I mean, it was just one of those things where it just happened.

What are you going to do? Yeah. I remember, I remember like going through the cycle of the night like thursday night until friday morning that's when the four-wheeler got in my life and then uh at one point having food but then like buying like drinks for everyone at the bar panamint and try not to be a dick, not to be like, God, drink with us. I was like, those drinks are on me, right? That is not how he said it.

I got those. All right. I got those. But then at one point, I do remember saying, guy, here's the credit card. Oh, guy, you're my manager. Go over to the bar and do this thing.

Circle your finger in the air and go, we got these. So he did that a couple times, I think, because the next day I went in to the bar, the owner, Ben, was like, hey, Shaylee, yeah, after you drink that water, that couple from Chicago, your next four shots are on me. I'm like, I'll have no shots. As I limp in and say, can I have your largest water?

He goes, your first four shots are on me. I left them owing me three. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't go. It's like when you get to an age where you're happy you turned down a really hot chick that was gonna fuck you. And you wake up and you're like, oh, I'm so glad

because that would have just been fucking... She would still be here talking. Yeah, I'm so glad I didn't fuck that beautiful woman who probably wasn't beautiful after all, if she was going to fuck you. But yeah, I would have probably drank the shots and I would not be doing this podcast. Anytime anyone asks me about you, I go, well, he's in the middle of a tour. And the truth of the matter is, anytime anyone brought your name up, I thought, I am so happy that you are home by yourself doing nothing. Or whatever you do.

Waking up, writing down fucking more material. You can't do that in Panama. You fall down on rocks and go, leave me here. That's what you do in Panama. So you being here, as much as I have to try and tell someone, well, look, and I have to explain why you're there. To me, I'm going like, what I'm saying doesn't matter. But I'm thinking in my head, you're so happy to be here.

Because I know what it's like when it's like, oh, man. I fucking did edibles two days in a row because I knew I could wake up and fucking eat everything in the refrigerator or sleep the whole day away and I had a fucking week off. Yeah, it's great. Come on fucking new strain new strain. Get me back into quarantine. No, only

after the UK. Yeah, after the UK. All right. Well, yeah. Chaley and i have to catch up we've uh we haven't talked about a lot of things and and when you uh when you come to these dates some some of the shit's going to be a little long-winded but the one thing i miss the most about uh touring opposed to podcasting, there's a lot of shit we can't talk about on the podcast that I'm able to talk about on the road.

Chunks. Yeah, can't put that out there, but I can do it live. Well, you can't put that on the podcast, but live you're getting the behind the scenes. So. Oh, it's been so much fucking fun. Alright, come party with us. Take us out of here, Bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you.