The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#474: Sex Worker Middle Act

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Doug and Kristine Levine ask a sex worker about her job. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at http://www.dougstanhope.com. When we know, we'll let you know. Recorded Dec 11th, 2021 at the FunHouse in BIsbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), "Jenna" (Sex Worker), Kristine Levine (@kristinelevine), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - http://amzn.to/31uwvO0 LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. The World Record Podcast - The World Record Podcast is the third and final award winning podcast created and hosted by Brendon Walsh setting the World Record for the funniest podcast in existence. - http://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - http://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - http://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - http://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - http://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo by TraceySupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast all right we're ready to go okay are we recording yeah i can't see chaley it's weird and it's wonderful at the same time hey uh this is uh doug stanhope podcast uh and i am joined of course with greg chaley and uh christine levine is with us on a beautiful saturday and uh we are with uh jenna who i don't what what do you prefer your job title to be called? Any of them are fine. Like escort, stripper, sex worker. Lady of the evening. Yeah, whatever you want to call it.

I always liked call girl. Call girl was always the romantic sounding one. I know. I agree with you. Call girl's nice. Because you're at their beck and call. And you're a girl. I like it. So, this is the easiest prep work.

I mean, we have, that's, I have a full, I almost needed another pad of paper. As well as post-it notes from last night. Our pre-game conversation when I was full of Negronis. Yeah, I remember that. Can you give a background as to how you guys got together? Yeah, no, that's where I'm going. Thanks to my producers telling me how to do my goddamn show. Yeah.

So you reached out to me, because I guess you must have heard us talking about the time we were in Montana and we were trying to get an escort out of the weekly on the show. And none of them would do it. They'd come and suck your dick, but they wouldn't come and talk about their business. Yeah. So you kindly reached out and emailed me and said that you would be happy to be on, and we're happy to have you. Yeah, exactly.

I'm glad. I didn't expect it, but I think it'll be fun to, like, tell my stories and whatnot. Do you listen to the podcast regularly? I listen. I kind of, like, binge listen to it podcast regularly? I listened. I kind of like binge listen to it when I'm doing something for like a long period of time. So I will hear like five episodes at a time. That's weird.

Cause we get a lot of emails from people that say they listen to us at work. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's like humping for a long just having the background you go ahead just don't yank out my earphones that's right yeah i wish i could get away with that all right so yeah we'll let's uh do some uh some uh background uh you started uh escorting you're in the you know southwest area and you started when you were 17 yeah i started actually in the bay area when i was 17 when i was in in college well wait you're 17 and in college so you're like in the

like accelerated program that kind of thing? Well, yeah, I was in my freshman year, so I was 17 for a good portion of it. And over the summer, actually, to be honest, I kind of started like in high school as well, but in a more or less serious way. How often have you told this story? serious way. How often have you told this story? You know,

not too often because no one in my life really knows what I've done at all. Cause I come from like a really like conservative background. Hmm. Yeah. I come from, my parents are immigrants from, from Ukraine and Russia. So, I grew up really strict, and so no one knows, which is why I try to be anonymous. Well, yeah, you would have to be. Yeah.

One of the many reasons, but that one is a big one, yeah. Like I started pretty randomly. Like my parents were really strict about school and grades. And that's one of the things that kind of drove me crazy into like the type of angst you would need to go find 50 year old men on Craigslist to take your anger out on, I guess. Huh? You you've been doing this for 10 years now. Yeah, at least. Are you more nervous doing this podcast than taking a call?

Oh, definitely. Yeah. What about your first one? Would you rather have gone on a podcast or taken that first date date do you call them dates yeah dates yeah um definitely like the podcast is more fun like i get to meet two of my favorite comedians like face to face and that's pretty sweet uh whereas the, you know, the Johns are pretty lame most of the time.

So the money is good. So it's exciting for that. All right. Well, I am up again. I have a giant list, but so take us through your first experience and what, what got you into it, how you were led down this dirty path. Well, the very, very first experiences were back in high school where i would post ads as a joke where i would say like oh give me this thing and i'll fuck you oh i never huh when i i was like you know at that point even 16 maybe I was mad at my boyfriend and I would just

put out these ads to prove to myself that somebody I was worth something and somebody wanted me which is kind of sad like saying it out loud but I would say like oh buy me this like $300 thing and I won't fuck you and people would do it. One of the first ones was I asked someone to buy me a full-powered microscope for no particular reason. So I can check

for chlamydia before I fuck you. It was one of the most stupid ones but someone did it they like literally ordered it to my house like a full like 500 like full strength microscope and I met with them and it was like this kid from Berkeley from UC Berkeley so it actually wasn't too scary because he was like younger and then we had sex and it lasted like a minute and so like it was like really easy and that was the first time I realized like wow I just like made more money than I'd like ever make doing anything just by like laying there and it wasn't scary or anything and that

like led me into like just repetitively like doing it more and more yeah the hot girl experience is way different than the fat girl trying to be a hooker experience i'll tell you that right now i did have in my notes like what's the youngest client you've ever had because i remember i was getting hookers when i was 18 oh yeah yeah uh guys, like, in their early 20s would be the youngest. Yeah. I don't know about teens, but, yeah, pretty young. Is there a preference?

For me? As far as clients go. Yeah, like... I mean, I, like, over time just started to be grateful whenever they're normal. Like, any... Like, within whenever they're normal. Like any, like within a range of normalcy,

I like, it's a relief because a lot of them are just so weird and gross that like, if somebody is just a normal human being, I'm like, Oh, thank God. Yeah. Well,

that part's the same. Yeah, no, I, I, I, I've been the, I've been the guy that just wants to talk because I know I'm too coked up to really work this out. And when they don't have a personality, it works both ways is what I'm saying.

So when's the first time you actually got money and not just parting gifts? Money? Like an encyclopedia. The first time I got money, it was still in high school. It was this random guy with kids that I met in a hotel. And I got $200. And he tricked me into doing anal I don't know

and like fucking him he had like a really tiny penis it was like a 3 inch penis so he was like oh come on it's not going to hurt because it's so small and hard to argue with that though

and then he told me he had like a vasectomy and um like had been tested and I was like at that point young and stupid enough to just straight up believe him so I did it well as long as he had a vasectomy

you can do anal oh well like I well yeah I did like other stuff with him too but like he really just lulled me into a false sense of security so i saw him a couple more times and he lied about the vasectomy again and told me he like had received it within a time period that he had said the same thing like months before oh like, oh, I had a vasectomy three weeks ago and then he said that again like three months ago. It's like his line. Yeah.

And then I was like, oh shit, like what else is he lying to me about? Fucking a bear back. So. Wait, why were you in a motel at 17 years old? Well, I lived with my parents so. Yeah. In a motel. Oh, oh. So I lived with my parents, so. Yeah.

In a motel. Oh, oh, okay. So I had to go somewhere, yeah, private. So, like, it was always motels at first. I thought you were saying you were in a motel anyway, and a guy happened to be. Oh, no, no. All right. No, I had a very normal upbringing, unfortunately. I'm glad to know that men lie to regular women, too, and prostitutes like it's all they just do that.

The same thing. So, yeah, I get it. So so where do you go once you leave the house? When does this become like, all right, I'm doing this for a living? Well, when I went to college, I got my own apartment. Um, well, when I went to college, I got my own apartment. And that way, I was just starting to invite people over or I would just drive wherever they so i stopped doing that like through craigslist like when they shut it down but it started that way yeah you've been doing this for 10 years and i haven't gotten a prostitute for far longer than you've been a prostitute so i i don't know the timelines of what matched up with what. Like, again, I was going out of the fucking back of a weekly Houston Chronicle or whatever.

Wow. Yeah, I can't even imagine that. It's so much anxiety. Like, it's just so like, from my perspective, it was just so legal, and I was always so close to being caught, even through, like, ambiguous ads online. That's, you know, that's a question we didn't even write down. Have you ever been arrested? Oh, yeah.

No, never. I always made sure to play this, like, sugar baby, consensual, like,ual boyfriend type thing so that I could always defend myself. Were you ever dumb enough to do the you have to tell me if you're a cop? Oh, yeah.

Maybe a couple of times I got really paranoid and asked for ID or work ID from the guy. Christine was And asked for, like, ID or, like, work ID from the guy. But. Christine was asking pre-game, like, what are red flags that you go, all right, I'm not doing this or I'm going to ask for ID. Like, really overt questions about, like, exchanging sex for ID. Like really overt questions about like

exchanging sex for money. All right. Oh, so he acts like he's talking into a shirt like, okay, so I'm going to give you this $50. And for that $50, you're going to fellate me.

Yeah, basically, like if somebody is doing that, I just immediately like, really freaked out. Usually, guys understand not to, and like, you can sort of tell. Yeah. It should operate like a drug deal.

Yeah. We're all talking in code. Y'all kind of know. I got it. Hey, how much sausage can you swallow? Yeah. How long is much sausage can you swallow? Yeah. How long is it going to take you? That's right. I can eat three cheeseburgers.

3.5. So you left the Bay Area at some point. The Bay Area seems very pro-sex worker. Yeah. Yeah, it is. But still, like, I don't know. It's still really crowded and there's, like, a lot of cops. And a lot of people pretend that they're okay with sex work or want to promote it.

But then they're just, like, also horrified of it and don't understand what it is so i don't know so you moved out of the the safety nest of san francisco well sort of for college i moved to san jose hmm yeah more money yeah like tech guys you go oh they get shit loads of money and they're probably pretty boring but they're probably the weirdos like patrick bateman an american psycho yeah definitely yeah except it's really competitive so girls are like lowering their prices. So in the Bay, people are doing stuff for like $60 and I can't do that. So it really doesn't work for me there anymore.

It's just like people are so competitive and prices go down when that happens. We were wondering that whole cliched expression, a sailor's payday. Is there an event or any events that you travel to where you go, all right, I'm missing out. If I don't go to Super Bowl or the fucking Consumer Electronics Convention in Vegas or are there. Sturgis. Yeah. Are there places that you travel to like going, I'm going to fucking make mad cash.

No, I think other girls do like sometimes in high season in Hawaii, I have coworkers that will go there and sometimes like walk the line where like tourists will pick up prostitutes. Um, but I personally don't do that just because I'm lazy and antisocial.

See, this goes into two other things. Someone here was saying that there's a study done that prostitutes with pimps make more money than they do on their own.

And I said, I said, well, yeah, if I didn't have Hannigan, I would just, I wouldn't book dates. I'd be lazy as fuck.

All right. Yeah. Did a pimp put out that study? Cause no economic economists did. I don't know that the money actually gets back to the girl, but they bring in more money because they're pushed to work, the same as I am pushed to work by Brian Hennigan,

where I'd be slothful on my own. They get booked more. Yeah, it's definitely true. Pimps know where all the places to go are, but they do take all of your money and give you very little. So I kind of hate them.

Are there situations, like Heidi Fleiss situations, where there's someone that you can trust on a business level? Yeah. You don't need a pimp. You need a manager. A talent.

At strip clubs, definitely. I've had managers and bartenders that were, like, kind of in charge of everything. And I trusted them. And it went well. But, like, as far as an actual pimp that's propositioned to me, no. Those have all been super sketchy. Just wanted to take all of the money and then like, you know, be violent because that's what they do still.

When you say coworkers. Yeah. I picture a break room. Oh, there's a dressing room. Oh, so you work out of a club? Well, I've worked in so many places, like dozens of places. And a lot of them are strip clubs that are actually brothels. So we have a dressing room and everybody's fucking and there's broken cameras in the back with tape on them.

And it's like just a full on brothel. But it's also a strip club. So the coworkers, they speak over the girls that are in the back room with and competing with and working with. Do you like to talk about this when you have a coworker? Like, cause I know comics, there's such a rarity. Yeah.

Do you like, do you like, do you have anyone that's on par with you intellectually that you go, Hey, let's just fucking talk about this is such bullshit. Yeah. Camaraderie. Almost never. There was like one really coked out girl that like really liked to talk to me,

but it wasn't necessarily about what I wanted. Yeah. She was like, you know, really liked to talk to me, but it wasn't necessarily about what I wanted. Talk at you. She was into communism and kept saying we should unionize and was a little delusional. I think she's my favorite person, though.

I love her. Bless her heart. Oh my god. That's so cute. I mean, annoying for you, but I kind of think she's adorable also for trying to even having the idea. Cocaine is really when you get your best ideas. It really is. But you don't have any follow through.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she was, like, sort of the closest sort of friend i had and then she randomly disappeared and that's pretty normal so like well where do you think she went like rehab or got out of the business people told me that she had a night where she made a thousand dollars and she was just taking the time off. So I don't know what actually happened, but I don't know.

There's a two-part question that leads into this. What's the most money you made on a call? And what's the most amount of, I don't want to say tricks. It just sounds fucking cheesy. Dates. Yeah. How many men have you had in a 24-hour period the most,

and what's the most money you made on one? Jeez, okay. So, like, the most in a day is probably around, like, 10 guys. Oh, that's so much work. That's some turnaround. Ooh, such work is work. Yeah, because it's, like, really fast,

and that's, like, working in the actual brothel where there's a lot of guys. It's almost a couple of minutes each time. I would think that that would be the benefit because there seems to be a hierarchy with

strippers who say, yeah, I'll do this, but I'd never be a hooker, but a hooker will say, yeah, I'll do this, but I'd never be a hooker. But a hooker will say, well, yeah, I'd never do porn. Right. But that's like a middle act. I think a prostitute is a middle act in comedy has the least pressure because a local shitty open mic goes up and warms up the crowd. That's true.

You do 25 and the show's not on your back. Oh, I love it. And then the headliner has to fucking carry it. Wow. Horno, you have to work. You're on set. A hooker, you just make them come as quick as possible and leave. They don't have a market for that kind of porn.

Oh, no. No, you just get a heave suck. Time. Time, people. Time is money. Yeah. Have you considered porn or have you done porn? I haven't really done porn.

It's so little pay for so much work. The people in it really like to have people looking at them. They like the fame. Definitely not for the money. You make way more money stripping and hooking by a lot. Have you been... First of all,

10 years. How much has changed in the 10 years you've been doing this? Because that's a long stretch. You're only... I'm 20, so I'm in my 20s. That's it.

Yeah. It's quite a bit of time, but like, well, a lot has changed. Cause like you said, like Craigslist has gone tits up. We have only fans now,

you know what I mean? Like the digital age changed everything. Didn't that kind of rot up only fans in that they stopped paying people or stopped letting you do shit. Almost. And then they went back to it. All right. Yeah.

But you, psychologically, how you go about the business now versus when you were first starting out. What are some of the mistakes that you would tell, let's say, 18-year-old you? Because it sounds a little less displeasing yeah i would say do as little as possible for the most amount of money is the traceable thing that you didn't know at the beginning yeah i did not know at the beginning i actually worked hard in the beginning i i really put out and tried to really show myself as so slutty and willing to do whatever. Big mistake because then guys think they can take advantage of you

and not pay you and stuff like that. So it's just like being a regular woman. That was my closer question was what advice would you give to a young girl that's trying to get in your business? Yeah. You have to learn to read people, pick your clients carefully. Like,

you know, yeah, it's like a game, you know? Yeah. Are you, are you, are you tired of it at all

um i'm semi-retired at the moment um so when covid started it kind of forced me and like my club closed and it sort of forced me into retirement i learned and i've been saving my money I learned to invest it so like I was able to pretty much I don't really have to go back to work now well that's great because that's why we had you on do you have any stock market tips yeah

I was actually one of the people that got in on the GME. I don't know if you heard about that. GameStop. Oh, wow. Yeah, I got in on that when it was like $20 and $40, and then it went up to like $400 or something.

Did you cash out? Somewhat. or something. And, uh... Did you cash out? Um, somewhat. I cashed out a little bit, and I put more money back into it, and I'm, like, um, been basically just milking it. It's been going up and down for a while now, so, yeah.

See, you need a manager. Yeah. Hey, can we get, uh, pandering charges if we're in management for her as entertainment? We have a lawyer on site who's going to look into it. Yeah, I don't want to get... Really interesting.

If we steer business your way and they use promo code Stanhope, I legally understand. steer business your way and they use promo code stanhope listen you might not feel like you're completely down and out at the end of your rope suicidal out, out of your mind, clock tower, rifle. But you know what? Every day we're on this awful, awful planet, there's something that's probably holding you back that you need to unload. Unload that stress and get it out. Talk to someone who's completely unbiased about your life, someone who isn't going to

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See if it's for you. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and Doug Stanhope podcast listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash stanhope. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash stanhope for 10% off your first month. That's bingo. Bingo and Raider and Tracy are all here in the background.

Hey. Hi. Nice. We're all very excited to talk to you. Let me go to some of my dumb questions. Did you? Oh, wait. Oh, no.

She said the most money was. What was the most money? Oh, I didn't say the most money. Yeah, that's probably around four thousand dollars in a day oh man wow from one date oh no from like two in a day yeah uh the other uh have you ever been an actual escort? Because I know sometimes the girlfriend experience, have you ever had dates that didn't want to have sex at all? They just, hey, I'm going to the company Christmas party

and I want to look cool. Never like that. I've just had, I've had clients at strip clubs that just wanted me to sit on their lap and talk. And I've done that like quite often or just had dinner like i had a client who was this like 75 year old rich guy who just wanted to go to dinner a lot and take me shopping so i just done that yeah so pretty woman type of shit yeah yeah Yeah. That's the question. What is the most accurate representation about sex workers that you've seen in a movie? Oh, never.

They're all so fake. All right. Then what's the worst? I'll let you think. But stand-up comedy, almost every movie about standup comedy is fucking wrong from punchline with Tom Hanks to like, this is not at all how standup comedy is. So I,

but we still watch them because it's about standup comedy. So I would assume it's the same with you where you go, I'm going to watch this, but I know it's going to be dog shit and I i'm gonna be yelling at the screen never happened there's no lockers in a brothel or comedy club green room yeah there was like that the recent one with jennifer lopez hustlers strippers yeah that one i don't know what they're thinking. That was really dumb. And then like really old movie showgirls had an interesting portrayal of strippers too.

I remember that existing. I never saw it. I never saw it. But yeah, like Pretty Woman is the only one that comes to mind. Yeah, Pretty Woman. Oh, wait. Leaving Las Vegas. That's a fucking great movie.

I don't know how accurate it is, but it seemed pretty accurate. I don't think I've ever seen that. You're going to watch it tonight. I'll pay you by the hour. You have to see Leaving Las Vegas.

Or what about the Sasha Gray girlfriend experience on Showtime? That was a real thing. Did you see that? I don't know. I've watched a lot of Sasha Gray stuff. I'm not sure. She had a movie

where she played a girl with a clit in her throat. Oh, no. That's not what I mean. That's a remake of Deep Throat. That's different. The kids don't even know Deep Throat anymore. But good job. Yeah.

Have you ever considered Nevada legal brothels? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've applied to a few, but you have to give half of what you make to the house. So I don't know. That's what put me off of it. I calculated what my day might have to look like. And then you have to make, I think, above a certain amount to keep your room for free.

Yeah. Well, the good news is you don't have to fuck Dennis Hoff for the job anymore. Yeah, I was really into the idea of going to the Bunny Ranch when it was super popular and I really fantasized about it, but then, I don't know.

I just lost interest just for money reasons pretty much. But again, by like volume they can get more clients for you or boost your profile so i think that's what a lot of women thought that they were getting by signing up for that yeah yeah that's true yeah i know i have gigs where i go i'm never doing this again. Like this is fuck this business. Just because of one gig,

you have to have dudes like that where you're like, uh, all the time. And Dennis Hoff. That's what brought that to mind. Like if you had to fuck Dennis Hoff and he was a, I wouldn't say a friend of mine. He'd call me a lot when i could anytime he

could get press him and ron jeremy were the biggest fucking press hound motherfuckers that anything that can get us attention and i always felt bad for the girls on that show because they could never be honest like you're being honest go on what was it called cat house or cat house yeah the hbo show and go i'm so fucking sick of this but it's the easiest way to make money i do that on stage i go i don't want to be here tonight you know what i don't even like i can get away with that you can't do that on hbo and sell tickets yeah i just lay there and I fucking roll my eyes and I fake it. But you get some dudes that like that stuff.

Wrap her in ice. Act like a body. Exactly. I had a guy tell me once that he wanted me to smell like bleach. That's not good. He's done some sex work. I forgot to bring that up. My producer didn't fucking remind me. I forgot to bring that up. My producer didn't fucking remind me.

Oh, I mean, I try. Like, my situation being a BBW fat girl. Hang on. Let me just give her some background. She was a porn clerk for many years as she was starting stand-up and in stand-up in Portland, which I think you guys have a Portland connection. Yeah. You worked at the whatever.

Fantasy Bird, also only. In Tigard, Sandy, Burnside, did all of them. So she did some side work here and again. Yeah, yeah. I tried to, well, so I had a friend of mine who was a hooker, a fat hooker, and she got me into it. And then it just turns out that all the guys like want to smell my feet or talk to me and i just was like well when is the fucking gonna start like when i'm here to

bang and nobody like these dudes were so pathetic i had one guy want to roll his dick in my belly and make like a dick belly burrito and come in my belly button like that was his whole thing and smell my feet and i was just like i can't i mean when's the dick gonna come in my pussy what are we doing so i got a little disillusioned with the whole thing because i thought this is not what i signed up for i did not sign up for to let you smell my feet and talk shit about your wife dude i didn't i'm not into it i mean you know yeah they tried to buy me stuff or whatever like shoes or panties that they want me to pee in or just like i don't understand like you are grateful for normal guys but i never met

one that wanted to fuck a fat girl. If they're paying to fuck a fat girl, they want to smell their feet. I don't... They're just weirdos, dude. They're just weirdos.

So, I mean, after like four or five times of that, I was like, this isn't for me. I don't want to be anybody's fucking counselor or burrito belly vehicle. Now you're making everyone with a fetish feel bad. Well, they should. They're disgusting.

Something's wrong with you. Go ahead. Swap stories. That sounds lucky to me. I would have been thrilled to not have to do anything other than put my feet in their face. I guess you're dealing with people who are pretty hardcore fetishists.

Yes. They're obsessed with it. They wanted me to eat too they were like i will take you i want to take you to dinner and i want like four cheeseburgers in a row or will you sit on my cake not my face oh but this oh no it was cake then the face i bet that was where it was gonna go but yeah sit on this cake oh my god it was weird i'm like i don't want sugar on my vagina i can like feel that's like kind of yeah you feel sort of weird like right i thought i was gonna get treated like a normal prostitute i thought i can understand

the jenna treatment yes i thought i was gonna get the Jena treatment. And then I just got, yeah, just totally fetishized. And I was like, I can't. On the one hand, you're right. Like, oh, at least they didn't want to fuck me. But then I was also kind of insulted. Like, why don't you want to fuck me? Jenna, have you ever had one that you thought,

I would have done this for free? Um, kind of. I mean, you get so addicted to the money. It's like, you almost just want to charge everybody all the time. So it's like, I've had some,

some work. I enjoyed it too much. And just kind of to the point where it's weird and don't feel like charging them. But then it's hard. When I was a kid in Vegas, I was living in this really sketchy trailer park. I was like 19 or 20 or something. And I was fucking with meth at the time.

And the trailer next to me supplied it. And there were a couple. And I was going to go up to, not the Bunny Ranch, the one outside of Vegas in Perum. I was going to finally go to an actual brothel. I was all excited. I cashed my paycheck and told my neighbors. I did a bump of meth, drank some beers, and then did more meth and more beers. Uh-oh.

That's bad. He's like, how much are you going to spend? Well, my wife, she'll fuck you. So then I just fucked his wife for 40 bucks or 60 bucks or something. And then later on, she's fucking banging on my trailer and she wants to fuck me again for free, which kind of felt like a rip off. You would have already. Yeah. Like now I don't want to fuck.

No, now I want my money back it's a weird dichotomy and the the morals involved versus the lead the legally the the legal versus the moral versus the right and wrong that's right am i like uh it's confusing i agree so like if somebody talks to you too long you don't you think like i could be like i should charge this guy 40 for just talking my ear off oh i do yeah i don't let people just talk that's one thing that's another like advice thing like when you're young you let people take advantage and just talk your ear off but But when you, you know, get more involved in the business, you learn that like your time is literally money and like every 10 minutes

counts and you need to like charge for it or tell them. Well, I was going to ask Jenna, do you charge for the act or for the hour? For the time for sure. Yeah. Cause I'll kick them out like if they can't come or for the hour? For the time, for sure, yeah. Because I'll kick them out if they can't come or whatever the problem. Another question, what's a good trick for coke dick? There's no trick, unfortunately. Oh, gosh, there's no trick?

I've never succeeded with someone who's too drugged out. Oh, gosh, there's no trick. You just, I've never, like, succeeded with someone who's too drugged out. Oh, no. I've had lots of guys that were way too, like, on ecstasy, heroin, meth, all at the same time, all kinds of stuff. And, you know, you just kind of hump them. That's the person that wakes up the next morning and goes, that ecstasy was fucked up. You're on heroin and acid and fucking... I didn't feel a thing. How did you know it was the ecstasy that's fucking wrong?

Yeah, that's when you go for their credit card, you know, too disoriented to notice it. Yeah, that's happened to me. Whereas I got an escort in Davie, Florida, and I was just really fucked up. And she said, okay, it was back in the day, she had to call in the credit card to her service. And she said, okay, what's the number? Okay, and then the expiration date. Okay, and what's your social security and i rattled

it off and then went wait i just gave him my social security number that shouldn't be that yeah i remember later i get a fucking uh a collection agent for some phone bill that in my name from florida i'm like i never lived in Florida. Not as... So, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've never actually stolen a card from someone. I was kind of just joking, but like I do take advantage of people who are way too fucked up and just ask them, tell them like,

oh, you said you were going to give me $20. And then I just say that again two minutes later. You know, I don't ever actually just take that. Like you say, oh, I had a vasectomy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Good for you. I would do that too. I know people that do that to me because I don't remember things about money. Same thing. They tell me I owe Tony West and I go, okay. So you've had no Substance abuse issues I have definitely Like

But not in the way You'd think so I got addicted to Heroin like two years Ago that's exactly what We would think that's actually Well because I got Into a car accident is actually the reason.

An eagle went through the windshield and stabbed me in the arm. I broke my spine and actually ended up on a three-month Oxycontin prescription. After that, I started to buy drugs online and then

started to do heroin, which was really great. I mean, should have done it earlier. I don't know. I was always doing random drugs, but I get sick really easy on drugs. So, like, I'm not good at being consistent with it. I'll just be, like, puking and I don't know. Yeah, how did you get off of that?

That's so hard. She didn't say she's off of it. Suboxone. So I ended up on a Suboxone prescription which is like this legal thing that's like a half opiate thing that like helps you get off. I don't know. I got off it pretty easy.

Well, that's good. Yeah. Congratulations. Because it's hard. I've seen people withdraw from heroin and it just yeah they go straight to game stop uh-huh and then yeah it's terrifying and i was also like on fentanyl because that they add it into like all heroin so when i like did the p test it, yeah, lots of fentanyl in it. And it definitely helped because I was really numb for a lot of the work I was doing when I was addicted. But most of my career was pretty sober with occasional alcohol and random drugs. I love that you say career because that's what it is.

Yeah. I love it. It is. You don't look at your career as a misfortune or I could have done something different. But it's also a kind of social work. Like we need it. We need you to do this.

Yeah, how many school shooters did you stop? There's no way to. Probably a thousand. Yeah, there's no way to put those numbers on paper. Yeah, I definitely. That went pedophily again. Sorry. But yeah. Well, I know. Workplace shooters. You know what I'm saying. School shooters. That went pedophily again. Sorry.

Workplace shooters. You know what I'm saying. School shooters. I caught myself. He meant college. You must have been with people in a position of power or notoriety.

Yeah. Yeah. We're not going to ask you to name names, but if you could destroy someone's career that you've slept with, what industry would that be? Government, celebrity. Movies. So people are in the. Governor. Yeah. celebrity movies um so the people

governor yeah unfortunately not not that prestigious I ended up with people who were like a lot of tech people and somebody who owned a lot of jewelry shops Steve Jobs he's dead he can't sue

you for slander Steve Jobs she said it yeah. He can't sue you for slander. Steve Jobs, she said it. Yeah, I wish. I wish somebody that famous. But, like, no, just a lot of tech people and, like, business owners. Like, a lot of software engineers specifically. And, like, one really big client I had owned a lot of jewelry shops and he was really

weird, but really rich. So it was good. I knew it. Yep. Jeff Bezos for sure has had hookers. You know that. I'm still by looking at him.

Have you ever had a return client that you said no oh gosh i feel like that's all of them at some point i feel like um yeah there was yeah one guy he was a software engineer he was japanese and for some reason i thought he was a software engineer he was Japanese and for some reason I thought he was going to kill me I just became convinced probably not from the anal no he like he had really pointy teeth and was really weird like he was like half my size and was always really interested in like everything except sex he was always kind of like touching my muscles and like oh i just felt like he was gonna try to kill me i don't know why maybe maybe it was the drugs i don't know like he would always take me to these crazy like michelin star dinners and then like sort of feel me up but like in a way where it was like i was way bigger than him and he just this is before she found out michelin michelin star dinners weren't a vending

machine at a tire shop like whoa yeah i don't know he just you know he he was like really obsessed. When I said no, he just kept texting me. Did you ever have a time where you told a friend what you did for a living and then they wanted to buy sex from you? Yeah, I did. Except I went on an OkCupid date before and I didn't like the guy. And I like somehow at the end of it threw in there that I like fuck for money. And he was like, well, I'll pay you. Yeah, that's that's not a way to queer guys off the date. No, yeah, no, I fuck for money.

He'll leave now. No, he's going to the ATM. Yeah, I was surprising, though. I thought a lot of guys get really offended when you tell them anything that you would strip or anything. This podcast is brought to you by another podcast, The World Record Podcast. Hi, it's me, The B-Man.

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Just do it. You ever did Standing Doggy? Have you ever heard of it? Standing Doggy? What is it heard of it? Standing Doggy? What is it? It's a beer? No. It's a position.

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But I didn't know if that was appropriate or not. That's so funny. All right, what were we talking about? Oh, and don't forget, use promo code Stanhope. StageBad.com, use promo code Stanhope. That's the only way we get paid. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I'm asking

a lot of these questions from personal experience. What position was I in when I was courting you? I remember getting rides home to the comedy condo from a gig and just openly telling the girl that, yeah, I'm going to go

back to the hotel and get a hooker. And they're like, what? What? Yeah. No. It's just easier. How much is that? And you go, probably $400 or something. And then occasionally they go,

yeah, you just don't want to... Sometimes you just want to fuck. I've gotten laid off of that. Yeah, because she's like, well, I'll leave. I won't spend money. I'll get out. I'll leave, I promise. Because that's what they say

when Charlie Sheen said that you don't pay them for sex, you pay them to leave. Yeah. Charlie Sheen got no shit. Hugh Grant, same time. Yeah. They both got busted with hookers. Charlie Sheen went on the stand.

Heidi Flight. If Heidi Flight called you right now, would you take her as a business manager? We both got busted with hookers. Charlie Sheen went on the stand. Heidi Fleiss. Yeah. If Heidi Fleiss called you right now, would you take her as a business manager? Definitely. But just her. No, Ghislaine Maxwell? No? Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Just Heidi Fleiss. I think Heidi Fleiss is a lot older. Someone heckled right here. Oh, she's too old. That's true. Heidi Fleiss. heckled right here. Oh, she's too old. That's true. She definitely looks older. Oh, right. That's true.

I guess you know. I want to know what strip club you worked at in Oregon. Was it in Portland? Can I ask? I worked in so it in Portland? It was in Portland? I worked in so many in Portland. I have worked at anything

you're thinking of. The only strip club I've gone to willingly We don't talk about it. No. We don't talk about that. Mary's in Portland was the best. Did you ever go to Mary's? I am aware of that place.

Yeah, I never worked there because they have like a bias towards the older girls that have been there for a long time. So they wouldn't hire anyone. That's true. Jesus. Are you a fucking running back in the NFL? anyone. That's true. Jesus, are you a fucking running back in the NFL where you're in your 20s and they say,

oh, there's an age bias because I'm in my late 20s? There was. It was very, it was just like things done a certain way and had their girls. And that's it. Yeah.

Yeah. They were female run. It's a mother and daughter that ran the too. Yeah. Yeah. They were female run. It's a mother and daughter that ran the place. We were there. Yeah. I don't know. Did it change hands since then? I don't know.

They lost their lease. They're moving to Chinatown. And it's like, the location, location, location. Yeah. It's not Mary's anymore. You don't have to put your song on yourself with the jukebox. And that's not the same thing. Yeah. The dancers on stage would be yelling at, like, migrant workers going,

come on, I have to pay for these songs. You have to pony up enough money for the jukebox because I have to pay for these songs. Yeah, yeah. One dollar, they're peeling it. Yeah, but Mary's was the best Because it was like Your corner tavern That if you wanted to look up and see a vagina There it is

And then you go right back to your drink And chatting But what's the place in like North Portland Where it was like a Dusk Till Dawn type Devil vampire Was that Diablo's? Yeah Diablo's I worked at those too.

Yeah. Those were weird. I don't know. I had a friend of mine. We went there for her birthday, and she got a whole finger bang from a dancer. And I was like, oh, they're prostitutes. Gotcha. That's okay.

Right? Yeah. I mean, it was. You used to, I don't know if you worked there, but you brought us to some sex club. What was it called? Aces and Eights or something? There was Ace of Hearts is what it was back in the day,

but now it's got a different name. Velvet Rope, I think it's called now. But yeah, do you ever go there? I never... No, not in Portland. The only sex club I ever went to was the Citadel in San Francisco. Oh, that's a big one. That's fancy.

Yeah, and I went there. Oh, cool. Pinky out. They serve caviar at their nude buffet. That's nice. I don't watch stand up comedy

So I can't imagine What it's like for you To think oh I feel like having Sex I never feel like doing stand up comedy Just randomly No I'm not one of those people that Loves to make people laugh

No Me neither That's great i don't either yeah do you ever just like fuck for fun i mean relationships any of that how come i don't so rarely like it's ridiculous um yeah it takes me like a lot to really like somebody and really want to fuck. They have to have a really amazing personality. Really amuse me and flatter me. It's like a lot.

Yeah, I get that. Probably more than... I think you're very pretty. I'm not really good at flattery. He's terrible at it. He's trying, though. Oh, yeah, and relationships. Do you have any...

When was the last time you had a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend now. I pretty much always, on and off, have had boyfriends, but I have one now. He's pretty cool. I've known him for like a long time like the full 10 years I've been working I've known him

do you have clients uh women clients too sometimes will you take a lady um I would I'd be like really into that but almost never like I've had girls um sort of come on to me or push their boyfriend on me, but they always shy away when it actually comes down to touching. Sadly not. Every threesome

I've ever been in was a bust. Really? You're inviting the wrong people, baby. I tell you that right now. I just poked out of my head. All three of those I heard were super weird, too. Like, there was always, like, one person or something that didn't work. Well, with me, it was always the other two dudes were giggling too much.

The other two dudes. Giggling. Giggling. The other two dudes giggling. The other two dudes. Oh, I get it. I get it. But that was a problem where you'd have a threesome and it's two girls that I can't believe we're doing this because they know each other or I don't know them. So I can't believe I'm doing this. they know each other or I don't know them. So I can't believe I'm doing this.

And there's always one that's giggly. And yeah, one that won't go down on you is always there. Oh, you need to have threesomes with fatties. No, that's gross. It's a good time.

I asked you earlier what advice you would have for, uh, for people that wanted to get into your line of work, young up-and-comers. What advice would you give to Johns? Listen, I'm in Vegas for the Consumer Electronics Expo. I want to get a hooker. I'm 21 years old. I'm a fucking feeb in the business. I don't know anything

about life. I want to get a hooker, but I don't know how. Where does that guy start and how does he go throughout the evening? I would say go to strip clubs. Don't go to the most high-end ones. Go to the more seedier places if you

want a hooker and definitely like only go for the one that you're the most attracted to because the most aggressive hustlers sometimes are the most disgusting women oh and you do not want to get in that trap because they will like take advantage of you and not fuck you and just take your money. So you want to just make sure you actually really like her. And what about like like Eros guide was like the end of my hooker days. I would go on Eros guide dot com. My lawyer is fucking... He's sitting like this right now.

I thought you were trying to dream up how we can do promo code Stanhope, arrowsguide. So, did you ever do online website shit, or were you always in the back room of some filthy whorehouse titty bar? The second one because

online was just so much more terrifying to me. Gosh, online experience just sucks so much. It's so competitive and people just always want to pay you the least amount. Hang on.

Someone has to beat my wife. I can't do it all the time. I have a job. Sorry. All the hands, guys. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. That was really loud. Go ahead. I'm sorry, Sugar Plum. I just said no. I don't do online. I quit

that because guys always want to talk you down and there's always someone willing to fuck for like 50 bucks or whatever. I'm just like not about to compete with that. No. Yeah.

A lot of times they don't show up looking like the picture. That's true. And that's why another reason that sex work should be legal. So you can sue for false advertising. But that should also account for it. Your belly's not nearly as big as I thought. You're not as fat as you said.

Hey, Keto. That's right. What? Oh, no. False advertising is terrible. All advertising. It's terrible. All right. I'm going through my list right now. Do you want prostitution to be legal so they can tax you,

or how do you feel about that? Because I knew a lot of, like, legal or, you know, weed dealers that didn't want weed to be legal. Yeah, I think it should be legal. Like, if I was more selfish i would say no because i like taking all the money and hiding it and not paying tax but you know like it's for the greater good should definitely be legal how do you um hide your money like uh without getting too specific i guess but like don't you have to keep your money in cash?

I just watched a documentary on money laundering today. So there's cryptocurrency investments. There's a lot of different rules, and I read up on all of them, and I sort of move things, like distribute my money in different places. So it's all about just how you

just have to not get noticed smart about it yeah yeah so I'm pretty careful and I've worked other jobs as a thing so the IRS and whatnot doesn't really know where my money is coming from I see plausible deniability.

Did you do it for that reason? Or were you like, all right, I'm going to get out of the business and work at Popeye's fried chicken? That one. Yeah. Well, no, not Popeye's. Well, like I said, I don't know if you believe me, but I have like a bachelor's degree in chemistry. So I tried to use it. I tried to work.

Jenna? Yeah. The fact that you used like, I know you're not going to believe me, but I like have. I believe you. Because that's the system, the educational system now.

I like have, I'm like a neuroscientist. I like, I can, yeah. Yeah, we got it. That's so funny. Okay, so you have a degree in chemistry. Yeah. So I tried to do that.

So you worked at like a chem lab? Yeah, so I tried that and i tried tutoring and teaching when i decided that the industry was like wait that's my fetish yeah tutor me honey oh gosh yeah i had a weird time tutoring and teaching it It was very awkward. I was not very good with children, no. I had a weird time with the teenage males. I was way too close to their age

and it was just so awkward. You still are. You still are. If you fucked a high school student, it wouldn't make the news nobody was like oh okay of course you did all right yeah i don't know they would always like try to take advantage of me because they could tell like we were just close in age they would

always that's true yeah change the subject and try to just like i don't know i was not great with that job it was also really humiliating because I hated having a boss. They were always dumber than me and mean. So why would I work a normal job? It's like us with club owners.

Same thing. Failed comics that opened a club and now Chili Dog Dave Dennison comes to mind I'll name names Gary Bynum Chili Dog was just a fucking beautiful Oaf of a guy and then once he got a comedy club He was a prick to everybody

Insufferable Not to me But everybody else Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Oh my gosh Are you going to be a Tom Brady? where do you see yourself in 10 years? Oh gosh. Yeah. Are you going to be a Tom Brady at this? Like Air Force Amy?

I don't want to know. Like, I see myself maybe like retired. Totally. Like just doing hobbies. Hopefully. Oh, I wish I had hobbies. I'd stop doing comedy if I had any other interests what is

your hobby? what do you like to do? I'm into like goldsmithing and metalsmithing she likes making jewelry Tracy yeah oh yeah She likes making jewelry, Tracy. Yeah. This is your town.

Yep. I think it's more tasty. Oh, yeah? Hey, this is a scam I always thought of. Why is it that you can't, like, you can do pornography, but you can't prostitute. So why don't you just say, we're going to film film this and we're going to make a porn movie and then... Yeah, there's no film in the camera. It's not turned on or whatever.

Yeah, if you can do porn, why can't you hook? Yeah, I don't know. You're just acting. That's why I have a lawyer here. He just keeps dipping his face in his hands going, no. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. A lot of things don't make sense legally. It's just to control women.

Just to control their bodies again, I think. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. You never really get in the political the political side of this did you um i don't know i have my thoughts like i'm a pretty hardcore leftist like anarchist in my personal like political views like anarchism communism i like those things yeah and anarchism that's you you that's all holes are available. You're everything but conservative.

An anarchist and a communist, they're not necessarily the same thing. Well, I like a lot of leftist theory. I think they're related. I think they're related. Like Karl Marx always said that the last phase of his idea of socialism would be anarchy because people would be doing it naturally. They'd be self-governing. I don't know. I love the way you say Karl Marx always said,

like he's drunk at your bar every night. He's always saying this. I read a lot of Marx in college. I guess I was brainwashed by my philosophy professors pretty well, so I'm happy about it. Carl

Marx just went on and on. Yeah, that guy. He's fine when he's not drinking. But he puts a couple shots of vodka and I guess he's not. Yeah, you get him moved up and he's all about the anarchy versus communism.

Socialism. Blah, blah, blah. Yank, yank, yank. Do you want to fuck or not? It's $100. What's with those pubes? Are you orthodox? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay, that brings me to a question. What kind of penises do you prefer to work with? You know, normal ones are the best. Normal ones? Yeah. I cannot tell you...

Not like corkscrew like a pig's tail? What do you mean normal? Normal? Like normal size, I think. Normal functionality. I cannot tell you i mean there's average but i feel like nobody's average that comes to me i always get like like really either like really tiny like clit penises or like monster penises i very rarely encounter just like a normal Oh, that's interesting.

I get so when I get one, it's like, oh, great. Like that's easy to work with. I know what to do there. Yeah, so that's great. Yeah. Why don't we have a call girl

that we can sponsor? You're in a good place. You're remaining anonymous. But if we had a call girl we could sponsor, that would be very, very funny. Yeah. Like, we were going to put my last special out on Pornhub. Oh. Pornhub.

Oh. And then they got into a bunch of shit about fucking having rape, what do you call it? Revenge porn and fucking underage girls and people that didn't know they were getting filmed. And that was a thing. And I'm like, alright, we can't do that now. Can't participate.

Yeah. But yeah, I would love to have my fucking special out on a porn yeah site here's my point very funny oh promo codes like a hooker sponsor yeah that would be good i'm trying to figure out how this could work chaleyaley. I went into Hannigan mode. How can we have her where we vet the John? I don't know. It's a terrible idea.

What if he just said, I heard you on a podcast and then they just say the word. Jack and Dino would be the first one fucking calling and then we'd have the creepy story because you know that, guys. Nothing but creepy stories with escorts.

Yeah. I don't have no factual information. I've never even talked to him about it, but you just know. You can tell by the smile that he's fucking weird. 100%. And then abusive afterwards. Not physically, maybe, but verbally for sure. He tears them down.

Oh, my God. They cry. They go away crying. I hate that guy already, and he's a good friend of mine for the things he's probably done to prostitutes. All right. I'm running out of notes here, but I'm fucking very. Yeah, that's done.

I like the most afraid. Yeah. What was the most afraid you've ever been on a call? That's done. I like the most afraid. Yeah. What was the most afraid you've ever been on a call? Definitely the micro penis guy.

When I was in college and I answered or somebody responded to my ad saying that they were like six feet tall and like have a seven inch penis and whatever and i i didn't believe that exactly but i thought okay this might be like a normal looking dude because you're from the ukraine you do you do metric yeah so i was like okay um i invited him over i was super drunk so i just trusted everybody and um he comes over and he's, he's huge and like really red in the face and just like looks really angry. Hang on, you're breaking up. You're breaking up. Oh. Hang on, once that looks like you broke up at the worst possible moment. The micro penis guy was really huge?

Yeah, like he was, he was like, I don't know, like, 300 pounds, like, really big. Oh, fat. And, like, really but, like, very angry, like he came with cocaine. We're losing you. God damn it!

Oh, no. Hang on one second. Kaylee, get on the roof and adjust the antenna. This is the best part. Shit. Are you running out of minutes on your prepaid card? Is your cricket, your boost all messed up? I really got the internet.

How come is it not working? It does. It does. Yeah. Okay, so he was really huge and fat 300 pounds yeah and he brought cocaine so i figured that's like could be why he's like acting really like angry um so we like we drank and smoked and like did drugs together and he had a really high pitched voice like a girl and um then i was like getting really nervous and sort of shaking because he's just giving off these really weird vibes and then he pulls down his pants and there's no penis at all. Like, it's blank.

Is it high-pitched Eric or is it extreme Elvis? Oh, yeah. It's literally, like, the size of a of a clit, like a normal-sized clit. It's like, there's, like, just a button there. And he gives me this, like, angry look, like, this is your fault, woman.

You're gonna pay. Like, like, this is your fault, woman. You're going to pay. Like, this really fucking, like, he does this all the time kind of, like, thing. And he tells me to, like, suck it. And, like, so I just listen. And I just try to do something with it. And he starts, like, really furiously trying to masturbate it. It's so gross. It's really

is a true metaphor. Now you know how every man feels when you go, just lick my clit. What? Where? Where is it? Why? Yeah, I know. Poke it. Touch it. I don't know. A lot of

300 pound folds yeah yeah what are you gonna do yeah it was like it was pretty terrifying

but like the scary part was like after when eventually after like an hour

like he can't come I don't I don't know if he's like functional at all

and I tell him like okay I really need to get going um and so he gets up and starts kicking stuff over in my apartment like angrily and refuses to pay so he just starts like kicking over my cat's litter box and just like so I just like opened the door and i stood like in the door it was just like really loud so neighbors could hear it was just like he really need to go and then luckily he did but like no money and it was i was like really freaked out afterwards yeah i don't i don't do like uh what's that, shock journalism? What do you call that when you get in your face?

But I'm going to read a review. Gotcha. Gonzo. No, it's not Gonzo. It's like. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Journalism. This is a Yelp review from that guy. Went to this lady's apartment. Obviously underage, doesn't know a fucking great small penis when she sees one. Who has a cat box in the fucking apartment where I'm trying to have sex?

Of course my penis shrunk into my big fat belly. She made me fat. All right, I was trying to riff. I should never do improv. I appreciate the terrible glasses to wear on this show. When are you coming to Bisbee?

Because we're passing the hat. Oh, yeah. When you say semi-retired, it made me semi-erect. Wow. Pat myself on the back. Yeah. I do live pretty close to you guys.

We're not giving away your location. And I said to my pimp, Mr. Hennigan, I said, he goes, where does she work out of? And I said, yeah, I don't think she's working out of there because I can't imagine. Yeah. It's like if you were a hooker in Yellowstone. Exactly. Oh, the geyser made me

so hot. I can't wait to come on some strange girl's pits. Yeah, I definitely do not work here. It's a long commute? Yeah, actually. I was driving quite a bit.

I'm doing weekends when I was working before COVID. Yeah. We asked you earlier about your first experience. What was your last? Oh, gosh.

Last, like, sex? Or last just stripping? Job. Okay. Yeah, instead of date, job. Job. Gig. Gig.

Yeah, that's perfect. Perfect. Gig. What was your last gig's perfect. Perfect. Gig. What was your last gig? Oh, okay. I remember this. It was, like, this really old guy. He was, like, a 75-year-old man.

He was the one who owns, like, all the jewelry shops. And he wanted me to give him a hand job, and he didn't know if he was capable of getting hard or not. So it was, like, he could. job and he didn't know if he was capable of getting hard or not. He could. He kind of half got hard and I was able to do it but it was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.

Taffy? He had crutches coming out of his belly button. I don't know. Something was wrong. He had stuff coming out of his belly button. It was crust't know something was wrong like he had like stuff coming out of his belly button it was like crusty kind of like poop like substance coming out and like he was just covered in sores and it was like i almost gagged like trying to give him a hand job and it was

oh gosh it was very surprising i didn't expect it to be like that. In Philadelphia. It worked. I mean, eventually he came. It was just a handjob, and I got a lot of money for it. But, like, wow. How much? Oh, I got a grand for that. We're with the IRS.

This is a sting operation. with the IRS. This is a sting operation. I guess you can write off the poop in your belly button. Oh, less sex work is work. Yuck. I don't know if it was poop or something. It was like crusty. I get one hooker

at the beginning of the night to shit in my navel. Then I get another girl. She has no idea. She pulls on my semi-hard taffy cock. I come, I go, scrape that out of the belly button. It's poop. Everybody laughs. It's killed in the cat skills.

I don't know why it's not killing with you. Oh, my God. That's so big. Yeah. As I get older, I think about doing it with an older man, and I'm just... Yuck. You just turned me so off. Listen, I

fell asleep in a night before Christmas a pajama, you know, like a onesie, but not with the legs. With the dressy kind of part. I see. And evidentie, but not with the legs, with the dressy kind of part. I see.

And evidently I fell asleep on the couch with my fucking balls and asshole hanging out. And Bingo took a close-up photograph of that. I will never masturbate again. Like, it was so disgusting that I won't, like, I shower with pants on. I don't know. And I don't even know how to delete. She texted it to me, and I don't know how to delete it from my phone. I know that if I ever fucking killed a guy and the cops are on to me,

whatever I deleted, they can bring back out of that phone. No, they'll find it. No, they'll find it. Yeah, they'll find that, and that's going to be my fucking headshot. I only said that to you in your voice. In the Bisbee Observer, it's going to say, local comedian died, and instead of

my face, they're just going to put that picture of my asshole, cock and balls, spread leg. It's fucking grotesque. I wouldn't even fuck Dave Rader with that cock and balls. I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

It can't be that bad. I have to see. I have to see it now. It can't be that bad. Oh, it's fucking grotesque. No, no one's ever going to see me alive again. Yeah, okay. She'll show me. Yeah.

Jenna, I appreciate your time. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it was fun. I hope you keep me up to date on what you're doing Yeah Glad you're off heroin Good job

What are you drinking out of that Is that actually a copper mule You're drinking out of a copper No I have whiskey And water Alright Wait you said that's it That's all you All right. Wait, you said that's it? Like, that's all you have left to eat?

Oh, I was hoping you'd have, like, soda or something, but I didn't. So, yeah. Well, we don't have a... Mimosas. What? We don't have an official call girl of the podcast, but you're it now. Well, thank you're it now. Thank you. Well done.

I appreciate that. I'm really happy to have gotten to meet you guys. Especially Christine. I had no idea you'd be here, and I think you're really funny. Thanks. I'm really happy to see you. She was the first person we called after we talked last night.

She's going to get Christine Levine over here. I thought I was like, Chad didn't show up. No. Who else could we get? I specifically researched episodes with her and Nick because she's really

funny to listen to. Thank you. That's really sweet. Thank you. Oh, thank you. That's really sweet. Thank you. Thank you. All right. We'll Venmo you the hours worth plus tip. Okay.

All right. We love you. Great to see you. Bye. Hey, Vingo, take us out of here live. Okay. Hi, sweetie. sweetie and okay bye-bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.