The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep#476: A Las Vagrant's New Year

Episode Date: January 7, 2022

Back from his New Year's Eve show at the Plaza in Las Vegas, Doug wants to know what everyone else did because he never left the hotel. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Recorded Jan 5th, 2022 at the FunHouse in BIsbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Andy Baker (YouTube - Another Fat Guys Cooks), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo by ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Big shout out to BetterHelp. Listeners get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month. You're listening to the doug stanhope podcast hit it again just the whole thing chad you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast there we go i have it i just i didn't put it on this device all right well he's just making fun of me with that i knowdo-the-tee. Well, I always think, why don't we just do that from scratch?

Have you been playing this the whole time? We did. We did do it from scratch. I have it. I put it on the last three episodes. You just didn't hear it on this because I do it in post-production. All right. I don't listen to this fucking podcast.

I have shit to do. Post-production to you is like Bigfoot. It doesn't exist, but it does. I don't know why I don't get the post-production on my end. You a Patreon subscriber? No. No, I'm

not, as a matter of fact. I subscribe to your Twitch stream. Aw. And that's about it. And Andy Baker, Hack Oddity, is here from Another fat guy cooks is that the that's what it's called yeah yep that's his podcast he's here from the uh jolly old nottingham

it's lovely to be here yeah we we all uh we all made it back from vegas i have no idea why we didn't podcast in vegas and it didn't even really come up. I think on the drive up we just assumed we'd podcast and we never did. You said we were going to podcast the day after the show and I'm anxious to hear

everybody's stories because I went to fucking bed early all the time, but at 1.30 in the morning, I noticed the next day I had texted you and said i'm going to bed and about three o'clock the next day you said uh i wish i had done that yeah i think that was why we didn't plug yeah the last time uh we did cocaine uh that i've done in recent history uh was in san francisco And I remember Brendan Walsh saying, yeah,

it's weird. You won't do a merch booth, but you do cocaine with a stripper in a fucking public toilet. And yeah, same stripper. Different toilet. No, it was in the room.

As shithoused expecting you guys were showing up and uh she came Bingo's trying to sleep and uh I remember trying to snort cocaine quietly because I know Bingo can't do

cocaine and I didn't want to rub it in but I'll do a pump. I'll just, okay. And my nose has always rejected cocaine. I just have, so I usually have to do the, you know, put some fucking liquid on my thumb and I couldn't do that. So standing on my head, I couldn't do that so standing on my head hoping it goes and I know it was just like the same in San Francisco I did fucking two bumps and I

fucking up until 7 in the morning and yeah not feeling good about myself we had yeah stuff we had. Yeah. Yeah, we had some stuff that I picked up in Phoenix that was like, we did a couple of lines and then we slept like fucking babies. It was lovely. It worked for the time I needed it to work just fine. And when I was ready to go to sleep.

Well, this was evidently, it was one of those, a lot of this might be Molly. I don't care at that point. The fact that I'm snorting anything off a fucking... Pretty easy to tell, because your nose hurts like a motherfucker if there's any Molly in it. I mean, that stuff's brutal. Well, I get that. Well, I'll do the bump, and then I won't feel it

for, you know, ten more minutes before it finally gets into my sinuses. But, yeah, that was about it other than I broke my not gambling streak by losing money. I didn't lose money. It was my idea.

It was my idea to go and gamble to try to make up the tip money. I had a system. Hack showed me there was a uh craps table that was uh like just mechanical like a slot machine but it was craps and it had big dice in the center of it yeah and uh that one is uh i mean i lost 40 bucks but i sat there bullshitting with everybody for like a good hour and a half yeah they have like that which is is so much better because you get your own seat fucking nothing worse than reaching over people at a

especially in a fucking covid crisis we had so many people that uh hey i have tickets i can't use Ziggy Rees hey Ziggy I wanted to retweet the people who had tickets to sell because you had COVID but don't put I can't go because I have COVID I'm not going to retweet I have COVID and put COVID in people's heads I'm viral. I shouldn't go, but maybe.

None of these people are going because they have common sense, but you should. God damn it, that crowd sucked. Tap it. Yes. Yeah. Usually, the reason you don't work New Year's is the opposite, Because people are out of their minds, shit-faced and yelling. No, this was a flatline fucking audience. I still blame Brian Hennigan.

We put Brian Hennigan out first to do announcements as fucking Saltpeter in a GI's fucking rations. I thought he did good last time. In 2019? Well, it was a better crowd, maybe. They could withstand as well. This was a COVID crowd, though. I didn't leave the room often, and when I did, I lost money.

But it was fine. I didn't leave the hotel at all. It was fucking freezing in Vegas. Oh. Yeah, we took a wander down onto Fremont Street and found, like, me and Hoot Looney and found a couple of people who realized that I had cocaine, so then made some friends who then wouldn't leave us alone

and followed us around Fremont Street for, like... Wait, how did they... People you didn't know found out you had cocaine? Yeah, because I was being incredibly subtle and turning under my jacket on Fremont Street. I don't want to go back home. It's better here. Well, that's... You know, that's a good idea

you just stand in one of those little circles and you have a sign that says I'm pretending to do cocaine like it's a bit and no one will ever even know it's not like you can just find a bathroom on Fremont Street it's like I don't know where you go you have to walk like fucking 20 miles into a casino to get

oh yeah they don't put where you go you have to walk like fucking 20 miles into a casino to get oh yeah they don't put they don't put anything convenient no exactly so you want to take a shit in our place you have to walk past a lot of temptations yeah a lot of tables and found one guy who was like taller than me and stood next to him and used him as a natural barrier and sort of did it there yeah so there was a few of uh Hoot Looney and Linda Allen were there. Seth. Oh, yeah. Brashears. Chicken fucker.

Whose real name I don't know. That's Seth. Oh, is that Seth? Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah. Well, the two nights I did edibles and that puts me in a different place. But that fucking Oscar's Steakhouse is so good.

And I eat so little unless I'm high. So I got high and then it lasted two nights in a row. Yeah, we got a great like fucking big ass seafood tower with massive fucking crab legs and oysters and shit. And you paid for it. So it was even better. No, the first night I paid uh that was on the house and uh so i tipped rather large and then the second and then i go and i tip big enough as i get all paranoid the second night as one does on the on the wacky weed on the mary jane as one does on the wacky weed, on the Mary Jane gummies.

And I go, all right, I'll tip 100 more tonight. And now the second night wasn't on the house. I tipped more like we're getting it free and then paid for it. Retrospectively that meal tastes better now. Yeah, that's why I thought maybe I'll go back down and win it all on roulette. Because I fucking, Bingo and I were walking through the casino and I looked at a roulette wheel and we walked past it and I went, hang on, 35 is going to hit on this wheel. And I made her come back to watch and 35 hit.

And I went, I get the eye of the tiger. No, I didn't. It was interesting to watch the variety of different people at your table when you're buying dinner like i jenny and i and hack hack ordered the thing and i'm like he's like how many people usually eat that like three or four we're like yeah well i'll just eat that one thing and then you see other people ordering three and four course fucking meals i was like jesus christ there's a lot of food coming to this table. It's worth it. It's such a...

I mean, just the location of it. During the fireworks, you can look right up. Yeah, look straight up. Yeah, look straight up. I got a picture of it. Yeah, pretty cool. Yeah, Hack said he already bought a room for next year.

Yeah, I bought one the other night and just thought, fuck it. It was like 300 bucks for two nights. And I thought, I can always have another night later on, but might as well just get it down now. Yeah, there were rooms that... You gotta sell it to somebody. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, they were fucking for downtown Las Vegas.

What's the name of that hotel they put in there? Circa. Yeah, that's the future of downtown. It's going to be the strip. All the cooler days are going to be gone. It's going to suck. Binions, California,

Main Street Station. Yeah, all the old school. Yeah. It's not long long unless they go retro with it and they just make you like retro retro yeah no they make like the horseshoe as the centerpiece of the new horseshoe which is all like the circa but you could go down as a an attraction like you go to, you know, old tombstone. They gentrify the hotels, I guess, but I don't know how you would gentrify the people that hang out.

That's my favorite part over there is watching the different grifts that people have in those circles and the fistfights that are going on between the homeless people. Well, they moved the bus station. The bus station used to be like right next door to the plaza. So all the vagabonds would walk through to the food court of the plaza to get some shitty fucking McDonald's. As far as they could get until someone would ask them out. And then they're cracked out and fucking screaming and yelling. It was better than the entertainment.

Most people go somewhere. Yeah, they go back to the bus with their McDonald's. But no, where are they now? I mean, now that the bus station is gone. The bus station had to move somewhere because Vegas doesn't exist without a bus station. That's the new Fremont. Follow the bus. Follow the bus.

Follow the bus. Well, I have to say, I was in an Airbnb over next to the courthouse right down the street from the jail by the transit station. So that's like two blocks over from Fremont Street. Yes. Two or three. Like two or three blocks. And then north on Las Vegas Boulevard, just a little bit. It was right off of Main Street.

I was not even a half a block down off Main Street. And it was like apartment complex. And it was shady looking. What, like there wasn't a lot of sun? Well, there was a guy throwing up right over by, you know. It's next to the fucking bus station. And not the one that gets you to another state. The one where you're stuck there and just have to get around in that city.

Late for work. Yeah. stuck there and just have to get around in that city late for work yeah so it was but the inside of that airbnb was the nicest nicer than the nicest hotel i've stayed in in a long time and dead quiet in there that's the way to go it was it was great 327 bucks for the whole stay wow all the money that we spent on the fucking dumb shit and the palm trees, that should have gone on the inside and just left this house as dilapidated looking as when I bought it

my fucking taxes would be half. I had a place that was fucking, you know where the container park is? Yeah. Yeah, with the big fucking praying mantis. Just past the Cortez. Yeah, so big praying mantis outside, huge fucking thing.. Yeah, so big praying mantis outside. Huge fucking thing.

It works too. It blows fire out of its antenna like every hour and fucking makes the biggest noise you've ever heard in your life. That's like nine feet from my bed. That thing. I was like waking up

at fucking three in the morning hearing this like... And looking out the window and there's fucking flames like coming out of a giant frame where the fuck

am I so you're not as quiet as the Airbnb what is that container where is it like a like an arts

thing I think but like there's bars and bands and stuff in there so there's a lot of little nonsense going on yeah and then

they kept playing they had this massive speaker system set up that played in time with the fire coming out of the mantis. And the only two songs I ever heard them play was Mr. Grinch and the Super Mario fucking song. No, the theme song. Yeah. And they just played those two at different times of the day.

Fucking Mr. grinch is a great it's the only good christmas song it's got great lyrics i get into a fight with that raylan nelson she's like every christmas song sucks we i did her podcast it's willie nelson's granddaughter and uh i did her podcast for a second time. We were bitching about Christmas music. And I said, the only one I like, and it's not really a Christmas song, is 2,000 Miles by the Pretenders. They mentioned Christmas in it, so it gets played. Chrissy Hines.

Yeah. And then I forgot. The Grinch came on. And I'm like, I forgot. This is a fucking really funny song. You're a nasty, nasty skunk. Fucking Chad Shank could cover that song in a minute.

My granddaughter had to learn it for school this past Christmas. And we were singing it together. Isn't that Boris Karloff singing it? Wait, no. It's Boris Karloff? He sings the original one. Really? I don't know who I'm thinking of. He narrates the whole

thing, too. No, it's a black guy. Come on. James Earl Jones? Yeah. No, not him. I thought Bingo was looking it up for a second. I thought Bingo was doing Tracy's job. Tracy just showed up late for class.

Tardy. With ice? Yeah. With ice. Little red. Wait, did you Google search a fucking... It's three letters. Stop with this.

Ten. Little red hands. Red hands. Okay, sorry. We've been doing crossword puzzles for all of COVID. And then bingo. Tracy had to get her a children's crossword book so she can play. And she's Little Red Blank.

All I can think of is Riding Hood. And I like Corvette, Little Red Wagon. She knows only three letters. Three letters. I don't know Little Red Hen. The original Grinch theme song was Thurl Ravenscroft. Ravenscroft. Thurl Ravenscroft.

So Boris just narrates. He narrates, yeah. Does Thurl have any other songs? Maybe I'm a fan. I'm sure he's got a podcast. Do we have to break? That's right.

You're not on yet. Do we have to break, Chaley? All right. Jesus. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if we're doing fucking commercials. It's a new year.

It's our first podcast. It's a brand new year. Yeah, man. Happy New Year. All right well we'll we'll we'll slug out some commercials we won't forget to uh

start with uh chad shank's uh twitch stream just go to his twitter at hd fatty and all the details are there for you lonely hearts club people anyone who

spent new year's alone and couldn't go to vegas well you know what? You can spend a night a week or more with Chad Shank and another Fat Guy Cooks. How do they find you? Just Google search that. Another Fat Guy Cooks on YouTube. Yeah.

Just stick another Fat Guy Cooks in Google. You'll find it. You'll probably find three of your podcasts before it. Are we on YouTube? Yeah. We should promote this podcast on the podcast. Or the podcast you do separate from this. It'd be nice if there was a mention once in a while.

Oh, you know what? I haven't heard from Bobby in a minute because he got moved to a different prison. So, yeah, follow him at NotesFromThePen. At NotesFromThePen.com. And please hold. Better help. Hey, happy new year.

But no, it's the same fucking year over and over and over again. It's becoming Groundhog's Day. Listen, if you're losing your shit, get it back at BetterHelp.com. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. Connect in a safe and private online environment. It's so convenient you can start communicating in under 48 hours.

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life today. As a listener, you're going to get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Join over 1 million people who've taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash Stanhope. Now you have no excuses. He's on the phone. What? Did that not play? He's on the phone. I could hear it. Yeah, yeah,

no, I was trying to get this in time. Alright, now I got it. No, last night, first of all, I just want to air a grievance. All right, now I got it. No, last night. First of all, I just want to air a grievance with the city of Bisbee that took away my fucking dumpster after 16 years. No, Bingo is still here to clear things up. Sorry. It's all right. It's all right.

that fucking dumpster in front of the goddamn house for the street and now they replaced them with rolling trash cans that I have to pull by hand on a certain day it's fucked no warning no city council meeting announcement from Fred.

Fred, who sends out the Bisbee wire. This is the only time I felt like I seriously want to get involved with local politics. You took my fucking dumpster. Like, you only had to pick up fucking two dumpsters on the street and now you have to stop at every fucking house. That can't be financially feasible. And Shaylee hit it right on the head earlier. They're all going to be knocked over by Javelina.

All that garbage is going to be in the fucking street. That was why I thought they had those big metal dumpsters. I was like, oh, that's a good idea to prevent from the javelina. Well, there's phone calls to make. I have to wait until I'm morning angry. So, yeah,

that, last night, Bingo and I watched, I just looked it up. It's called Rolling Thunder. Rolling Like Thunder. It's a fucking, I think it's called uh rolling thunder rolling like thunder it's a fucking i think it's it's on showtime it's a documentary about uh graffiti artists and i wasn't even high but i felt we were just trashing this documentary they were so self-important and we're just like fucking pause nail it fucking line pause really it's the most dangerous art form you could trip over this like you're not painting fucking actual moving trains you fuck you're going in a all your art looks the same. It was just shit.

And we had the most fun just trashing this documentary. And I try to not be negative on Twitter. I try to not even be on Twitter. That's a more accurate statement. We're talking about how happy we are when we don't go on Twitter and how it's immediately just annoying to a level of not outrage but depression where you're like really this is what people are talking about yeah i get the same thing i spend like 10 minutes on twitter and all it takes is finding one of your

friends that commented on one thing that was like controversial and then you're reading all the right-wing comments on it and before you know it you throw in your phone at the fucking corner of the room and I'm just like yeah I can only just handle I thought it turned into like a perfect echo chamber of just my people but no they get in there

it's a good thing I'm glad everyone sucks on Twitter but I did tweet like how much fun we it's a good thing. I'm glad everyone sucks on Twitter. But I did tweet how much fun we were having trashing and I hashtagged their documentary. Which is... But it was about how much

fun we were having. More than how much it sucked. Most artists... I bet there's... Well, now there's more comedians than there used to be now. But graffiti artists. Well, I'm curious now. What was it like?

They're going to get chased by a dog or get a ticket. Which was the part that was the most dangerous thing for the graffiti artist. Well, a couple of them had modulated their voice, not just obscured their faces wearing a fucking full skull mask, but had to have their voices modulated because they were sure that, what, you're going to get a fucking ticket.

Weirdo, it's illegal, so I can't. They probably just don't want to embarrass their parents. Was it not even those guys who, because I've seen one of the videos with the guys who just go out and like go over like Nazi shit and go over like swastikas.

No, no, these are graffiti artists that are, like, it's an addiction you know, just to get out. And I don't do it for the money. I don't have an ego involved in this. Sometimes you find money when you're out here I mean they're the reasons

we have to get someone to unlock the fucking spray paint from a booth because they steal and they suck even the good ones were like all their artwork looked the same and illegible they have a font and the wonky fucking letters.

And they're talking about somebody's, because you know these trains are going everywhere. Imagine the amount of people who are going to see my artwork and like some of these trains even go into Canada and Mexico and I might never even see my artwork again. So I'm not in it for my

ego. It was just so overbearing. That's why you're tagging your name. I left way too early last night. Sorry. Now you're Mike. That's good.

Yeah, it was fucking beautiful heckle fest i feel like i'm high now wait you're not sorry i'm not no no i might have been me and then oh yeah maybe yeah it's part of the smoke rolling out of this fucking place yeah i've been trying to keep it away from everybody but i kind of secretly like watching everybody get accidentally high.

Eventually, when this fucking debt collapses into itself, we can put a chimney up through where the ceiling fan is. It's the glory hole where you have to blow smoke out of. Like a teepee. Right up through the center. You can put a fire down here. Let's see how that's going to solve anything. Well, I mean, smoke rises. So if we had a hole in the roof... I'm spitballing here!

This is a real scientific conversation. This is how this place got built. I was going to put one of those fucking Home Depot sheds in here. And then Shawnee said, well, I could probably build you one and then I would get drunk and we would make it bigger. Yeah, I thought most of this was just you talk absolute nonsense

and then Shawnee turns up and does proper stuff. Or Chaley. Yeah. Chaley directs a Shawnee type. Do you remember Brennan Walsh was here at the original construction, like foundation pouring? He was here for a little while. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's when he put the diarrhea sign under that clock. I don't know that story. That wall of clocks that used to be there when that wall was there. Okay. And he just, you know how clocks have like Sydney, Tokyo. Oh, yeah. He just put diary. I had it printed off under one of the clocks.

That was the time for diary. It was up there forever. He would always down himself. Like, I just do silly stuff. And, you know, I just talk about diary. I'm like, that's why we love you. Diary never gets unfunny it never ages

diarrhea jokes poop straight up you know it's bad when you have to wipe your back I always hate the ones where you have to go under the toilet seat after you're done

that was his bit it's not just I always hate the ones where you have to go under the toilet seat after you're done. Yeah, that's what he was. That was his thing. It's like, it's not just, you know, that's not like splashback. That's uncut Rio. Under the seat. The weirdest thing is, is like if I go to someone's place or I go to, I'll use an airport and you lift up the seat to take a leak. Right.

And you see. What? Hold on. Just go with me here. Some of us actually think about other people. You lift up the seat and you see a speck of poo under the seat. I think immediately of Brendan Walsh. I can't help it. He introduced that whole thing.

Yeah. He broke ground in diarrhea jokes. But no, what, what, what? I was just thinking about when... On the mic, maybe. Brandon Walsh, do you remember his dog came down and we got high on mushrooms and went to the baseball field and the dog ran out into the baseball game and we were all tripping on mushrooms and they were out there.

And I thought there's nothing wrong with this. Dogs should be allowed to play baseball. It's so fun, but we were freaked out. That's when we met Babe Ruth's granddaughter. Yes. They had her there to do something like some kind of, I think she was pushing a book or I don't know. I don't know

how they got her there, but we were tripping our balls off. And they go, oh, this is a local comedian and this is Babe Ruth's granddaughter. And I go, we're tripping our balls off. She's like 65 or 70 and old and she's like, okay.

We should probably remove ourselves from the regular seats and go sit out in the bleachers where no one sits. And then make beer lady come all the way to the outfield and bring us beer. It might have been because, I mean, it's the oldest working ballpark. So they might have had something going on they tried forever to promote that and it never worked except for us we're the only suckers who fell for baseball here imagine bisbee's your destination to watch a ball game in that old ass fucking thing i mean they had other they had like uh farm teams and uh spring training like exhibition games there and stuff like that.

In the olden days, yeah. There's like nothing now, though, right? I asked you. Less than nothing. For like six, seven years. The last time I came here, you dragged me down to practice fucking hitting with the Bisbee Blues or whatever it was. And you got me down into the batting cage and I fucking hit one off to the side and like nearly killed one of the team. Whiz past his face.

And they're like, okay, I think you're done. You can go now. I don't remember that. Bisbee Blue still has a merch page and I want really bad to order a hat, but I'm pretty sure I would never see a hat. Yeah, you wouldn't get it. Do we still have one? Oh no, we have a Saguaro.

Oh, we did have a blue. I've got a Bisbee blue hat, but I wore it out, you know, like I do all hats. And I like that one. I wonder if I still have one around. We always had the idea to do like a Harlem Globetrotters kind of thing. Because no one gives a fuck about sports in this town. I mean, football doesn't even fill up anymore. But do like just have, if we could get, what's it, nine players to a team?

18 players and just have one team be the Bisbee Globetrotters, basically. And then the other team is all the same people, but we change their name every week. It's just one game on Saturday evening, and it's against the North Korean. We make them all wear Moe wigs. Three Stooges. We're playing the New York Yankees.

And it's just the other team always sucks and every game ends in a brawl that everyone looks forward to. Like wrestling. This is the unification that this country needs right now and I'm in. I'll gladly play for the North Korean whatevers.

Yeah, you're the Yankees the next week and we get actual Yankees uniforms. I'm going to introduce you as fucking A-Rod or I don't know. If I shave both sides I can get a pretty good Kim Jong-un going on top. We had great ideas for this town and then they took away my dumpster.

And now everything's gonna go south. City council, whoever fucking is responsible for getting my dumpster taken out, you better rethink that dumpster. Now here's the thing. I think we might have an out on this dumpster problem.

The guy over at the Quiet House, and he was on the city council. They took that dumpster away a few years ago. That's the alien guy, right? Yes. Yeah. Just put it in a little context. Yeah, he's a very elderly UFO-ologist

that was pitching to the city council he was on the city council for a minute when someone like retired from death or something he filled in he told me long conversation he actually has property on the sticks here and he was building a landing

strip for aliens yeah he's gonna try to get that like as a tourist destination a landing strip for the aliens. Yeah, he's going to try to get that as a tourist destination. Anyway. He talks a lot. Very nice gentleman. But he did something and got that dumpster

put back. And I think it's because he's 95 years old. And he lives up a small hill. And he can't carry a fucking trash can we're supposed to roll itself is like 55 pounds. Empty. So

and our other neighbor over here David Summers is 115 at least. He can't be rolling fucking carts out downstairs. He doesn't even have where they they dropped his can, his new can, there's stairs. He can't bring that down fucking stairs.

I did see him on the security cam carry his Christmas tree to the curb. Oh, that was him? So, I mean, he's not. Gold brick here, huh? He knows there's cameras. He knows. the curb. Oh, that was him? So, I mean, he's not... Gold brick here, huh? He knows there's cameras. He knows. The sad thing is is the city, they didn't tell anybody.

Like you said, they probably made this change to save like $2,000 a year. I don't see how they can be saving money when they use... They're still going to have to send a trash truck to pick up individual cans from every house rather than you know a dozen houses worth of a dumpster they have a truck that is just for lifting those dumpsters well yeah that's i mean it's still being used

do you have the mayor's number because i only have the mayor's number you said call ken budge and i went i only have david smith's number yeah don't call him well where i live it's the same thing you roll your dumpster out and uh but they have a truck that comes by with the automated arm that comes out and grabs it and shit it's probably a lot cheaper to run that truck yeah you fucking hate it but they still have both trucks we have like three i imagine they probably contracted with somebody. The dumpster. I don't know. The dumpster.

I can't imagine why they would. Hang on. Andy, hack. Yeah, we go like fucking three bins, like one for normal trash, one for recycling, one for glass. And they're all taken on different days and whatever. So, you know, stop fucking bitching. different days and whatever. So, you know,

stop fucking bitching. It is the worst. And I've been talking about it as an example in my act was when me and Glenn Wool and Bingo were fucked out of our head. We had, it was before Airbnb

was a big thing, but it was like that where Hamburg, yeah, it was in the theater district where hennigan rented us this flat for an extended run and it was on top as like i don't know fifth story or something and uh we got face and just trash the receptacles are this big tiny and i don't even know where to because we have to bring it downstairs

and then find shit down in an alley and so we had developed this giant fucking load of track and just hurled it off the fucking balcony thinking hey we're above cctv cameras they're all facing down in the street. The most surveilled country outside of Vegas. And thinking, like, we could have fucking killed someone. I remember seeing in the news about all the random flying trash deaths around that point.

Too polite. Too polite. Yeah, no, everything's awful in the UK. Hey, buy UK tickets so you can hear me complain live. March. And when I say the UK, I mean like anything over there. Ireland to me is the UK.

Get angry about it. But yeah, I say UK, Dublin, other places. I don't know. I don't look. I have real problems. Today. Today I have problems. That's a March problem.

But I do have fucking... Hold on. Remember that. I do want to say that we did put up some March US dates. California. All California. and then New York. Royal Park, San Jose, Ontario, Brea, Irvine, San Diego, Los Angeles, and then the New York dates in April. And Key West that I had to push.

Yeah. Because I'm a big movie star. Go to the website and go into tour dates, and you'll see them for sale right now. Starting March 5th in Roanoke Park, the triumphant sally tomatoes sally tomatoes never again again again and again every time we play well two times we played sally tomatoes it just went fucking haywire and south and awful i'm like why why are we back here and now we're back there again last time it was a sewage leak with andy andrews was with us yeah and people are going out and

it's kind of like a half of golf resort and it's kind of has that feeling like an entertainment like it feels like you're playing caddyshack special events center like where they have wedding receptions and you know they don't have to go find tables and chairs when they want to run something. They've got a warehouse full of all that shit. Yeah, when the nephew's drinking the spare drinks and vomiting in a convertible. Spalding. Yeah, people were like pissing outside. I'm like, just go piss outside.

I got to piss. There's no toilets for 400 people. All right, we're going to make do. Do do. Yeah, Andy, that was the one time I didn't record that night and Andy did it was so good Naked and Afraid

oh yeah and he has never done it since no it was so good I can't wait till he dies of cancer so I can just do all of his bits to be fucked up for charity

for charity to pay for funeral expenses we'll say I'll pretend to be doing oh wait we didn't do that on the podcast did we? you're doing cocaine under your shirt was that on the podcast?

forget it's okay it was only 20 minutes ago I'll pretend well 30 minutes ago we I'll pretend. Well, 30 minutes ago, we were still talking about Andy. StageMan Underpants, our newest, favorite,

bestest sponsor. StageMan.com promo code Stanhope. It's the whole package. Just go buy two pairs and you'll never have to buy another pair of underpants for your entire life. Just trust us on this one. That's stageman.com. Get yourself two pairs so you can wear one pair while you wash the other pair. You don't really need to

wash the other pair. You just like to look at them off your body and go oh my god i can't believe how good these make my body look when it's really not that good at all uh dm me pictures oh oh san hope i almost dm'd you a picture of me using them as a convenient place to hold my phone while i took a shit but I didn't know if that was appropriate or not. That's so funny. Oh, and don't forget, use promo code Stanhope. StageBad.com. Use promo code Stanhope. So, my resolution, we're talking about New Year's resolutions, right? Mm-hmm.

Good segue. No, I don't have any. I was just trying to carry this podcast. I remember I was the host at one point when an evil silence felt like it was creeping in, and I go, oh, I better go somewhere. And you thought one of us would come up with a New Year's resolution? Jesus, look at Hack and I. We look like we've never had a New Year's resolution in our lives.

I do. After last night, I don't even remember what we watched this morning. Was it the murder thing? No, it was actually, no, it was before we were watching anything. I was watching my dreams. She put on some fucking, one of those sleep YouTube things, but it was like a. Like ambient noise? No, it was the talking.

It was a meditation trying to tell you positive things. Yeah, it was like JOA porn, but for your mental state. You're a good person. You love yourself was yeah stewart smiley whatever it was it was it was perfect and i woke up in a dream state and i'm like yeah that's the fucking bit that i have to work on and then as i'm sitting there for two hours in and out of dream states i'm like yeah why don't i talk about this shit on the podcast well because you don't want to burn your act that that's why this podcast sucks when it could be good because i don't want to burn my act because yeah the amount of things i could talk about with

no punch lines on the podcast would kill the few things i have that do have punch lines that pay the fucking bills. Like the UK. Including Ireland. Now including Ireland. Although we do appreciate our Patreon subscribers who actually help us pay the bills too. Yeah, that's why we have Chad and Andy and you. Carry this motherfucker. this motherfucker.

But yeah, I'm very headstrong about not getting involved. That's pretty much it. Yeah, in fucking life. Everything we've been talking about. Don't look at Twitter. Don't look at the news. Bingo's been watching the fuck... I've been watching the news for seven hours. Didn't you hear about this. Don't look at Twitter. Don't look at the news. Bingo's been watching the fuck.

I've been watching the news for seven hours. Didn't you hear about this? Don't watch it. It's just going to make you fucking crazy. That's not your life. Oh, that was last night. Yeah. She watched a documentary.

After I fall asleep like a reasonable old man, she's up jumping on the bed and stuff, watching Spock documentaries and eating all my food. Spock? Yes. Like in search of from the 70s? Bingo going off her diet or switching diets, we should say. No, it's going way off. Yeah, but it's worked out with my whole,

I hate to waste food because she clears me out like a fucking gackle of stoners. I wake up and there's just empty containers of this and that. And a lot of it I'm buying as a blockade. Like, oh, she'll see this and eat this before she gets...

She'll beat it up before she gets to my... The stuff I actually want. You're right. I have nothing to say, but you are right. You should go on the Andy Baker, another fat guy cooks diet. No, I have a New Year's resolution. And I never have those. You're dumb.

I get it. But I'm going to do, because I don't want to kill any animals anymore. I'm going to do vegan keto because I'm fat as fuck right now. So I'm going to do vegan keto. That's my New Year's resolution. Has anyone got the over under on how long until she just bails on this completely and moves on to something else? Well, she bailed

into vegan, from keto into vegan because she watched one documentary and at three in the morning starts texting Raider, I'm vegan now. That's true. Yeah, so it just takes the right documentary. I mean, you love one dumbster,

but at least she's growing another one. Well, she... I hate that. That was a compliment. Oh, yeah. She already started buying spray paint after last night. Where's the train station? I want to be on a train.

I just want to be inspired, okay? I just want to be inspired. Okay. Okay, bye-bye now. Michael Bean. I was going through our text messages, and I think you said, like, the whole betting 50 bucks against me. Michael Bean has been, the whole football season, betting against me.

Anyone who plays my team, the Cardinals, I'm going to bet on him. Whatever the line is, I'm betting against you the entire season. And then he just keeps forgetting. And I don't pay attention. And he's like, wait, hang on. I looked through it. I think we're even. And you said you were up 50, but I think... And I'm like, I don't... I'm not gonna

fucking go through. Let's just say we're even again. You don't owe me anything. You need an app. Maybe if there was a site where you could just bet online. Or just a chart on the wall. He had texted, okay, it's a line's one and a half, and then we're even, right? And I don't know if that means if he wins that we're even, he puts a question mark, and he's confused, and I don't care. We have to have him back on the podcast just so people understand how

fucking brain dead that guy is we are so neck and neck with who can't remember what and we have a season-long running bet and someone's gonna keep track this is what we couldn't even do squares this season. It's what you're saying. But he did pay you, though, right? Which I don't understand. Well, that's what fucked me up. In the middle of it, he goes, all right. Why would you pay in the middle? I'm down $300.

I'm going to give you $200 in cash now. Plus, you spotted me on that bag, so that's $30. I'm like, don't put... I don't know. That bag bag uh no i paid for that he brings a fucking bottle of a handle of sky vodka every time he comes over and he doesn't drink i'm like that's like 60 bucks don't we drink plastic jug 999 vodka don't do that like i don't and then he paid me weirdly and then deducted a fucking mercantile credit out of it. And I'm like, I can't do the math on this.

We have a month. I don't know when I go away to Chicago yet, but it's supposed to be all of February. So we have three weeks with playoffs, and I gotta learn my fucking lines,

and then I'm out of here, and I don't know if I'd rather leave now, or just spend three weeks waiting for the inevitable shit. or just spend three weeks waiting for the inevitable shit. Chicago in the winter.

It's horrible. And then England in the summer, which is just as bad. Yeah, what, March? Yeah. No, the summer, all of it's bad. All of it's bad. Yeah, I'd rather go when I know it's going to suck rather than I hope for the best and get nothing. Mm-hmm.

Raider was counting up my dates between California directly to the UK and then to New York and Key West. And then we're going to go, then we'll be back to close to doing that whole Midwest. Running it in. The entire middle of the... So Raiders counting your travel days and tour dates, everything. You know, after a month of having to act,

I'm going to be looking forward to doing an hour on the road, no matter where it is. Even Sally Tomatoes. forward to doing an hour on the road no matter where it is even sally tomatoes i should have had you do that on this last tour it's just like make do my makeup at like 6 a.m just to get me ready the bullshit of acting is so awful you can't riff you can't try out a new bit in this scene it's it's just okay say the three lines and then we're gonna break we're gonna move you to across town to do another scene now we have to relight it now we have to shoot you from every other angle saying the same thing it's like doing the same act like if i had to do new year's eve and do that set in front of people because like as a stand-up you're

like all right there's camera people there's makeup people and all right now i'm doing the line for the fifth time because we get to get it from the other opposite angle. A three-quarter angle or something, yeah. And no one's laughing because they can't. It's the opposite of comedy. It's not, what's the term? Instant gratification. It's the opposite of that. It's instant... Disappointment.

Thank you. I knew I'd let you get a word in edgewise if I tested you. But, you know what? Misery is where comedy comes from. And a month in the winter in Chicago, I'm certainly going to get new material out of this, which is why I said yes. It's kind of like a, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, gonna put my fucking dick in a rat trap.

But my God, it's gonna pay off. Do you have a shooting schedule yet? No. Nothing. No. Still trying to shoehorn a friend into another role on the movie. That's causing consternation.

But don't you know who he is? It's silly. And I'm going to have no one there. That's why Bean asked me if you guys are coming. You and the ones with the colored hair. Friends, are they coming with you? He called and gave me a big speech.

You're probably not going to give up the booze for this movie, are you? And I said, no. I'm playing a fucking chain-smoking drunk. He goes, well, listen, you can do anything on a movie set. You can refuse to say lines. You can be the biggest asshole hard to work with.

But if you're a drunk, they're going to blame you for every problem that goes on on the set. Just warning you. Am I telling you anything? And this is a belabored conversation where he keeps saying it in different ways. And he finally says,

unless I'm not telling you anything you didn't know yourself. I go, yeah, I already know that. Thanks. I'm just looking out for you. He's a sweetheart. That's funny. He was worried that without you,

I would go off the rails. Without me? You and Tracy. With all my extensive movie knowledge? No, that I would just... Without me being watched, he thought thought you my handlers not exactly rick shapiro yeah yeah it is it is odd that it's not gonna be like other times we've gone and done a picture or something where like you have one or two days of shooting, maybe a picture.

It's not like when you go to sometimes when you when you train out to do a talkie. When you did that, that Chris Rock thing that ended up getting cut. Oh, yeah. You went out to New York. It was I think it was. It was. Yeah, they kept pushing the summer. when you did that that Chris Rock thing that ended up getting cut oh yeah I drank that you went out to New York it was I think it was yeah they kept pushing

it wasn't the summer yeah I was like in some kind of like fucking pen of all these extras and actors and they just kept moving my part to last

and I'm doing my mini bottles and then like I got my just a few lines and And then they go, well, just riff with it. You didn't tell me to riff with it. If you told me you wanted me to riff with it, I would have made up my riffs and

written them. I had nothing. I was drunk, intimidated, and out of bullets. I got cut out of the picture. The only thing I know about that is he did Mark Maron's podcast, Chris Rock, when the movie came out.

And he said, yeah, the only sad thing is we couldn't get Stanhope into it. I really wanted Doug Stanhope to be in it, and it just didn't work out. And Maren just went in a different direction. Oh! Didn't want to talk about me at all. Oh, shit. But them's the breaks. The podcast will go on.

I'll be giving you updates from some fucking frigid trailer on the outskirts of the Chicago loop ditching in my long johns. I gotta figure out How many pairs of long johns you need to bring? No, a wardrobe.

I talked to the I don't know who I talked to. i don't know if he's a producer or director or whoever and uh oh yeah i probably shouldn't wear like my stage garb with the stupid suits i wear but then the the only other option would be what i wore on louis which is trench coat and a fucking winter hat which is what I would wear in the winter in Chicago. And I'm like, that's what my character was in Louie, which is the same fucking character, which is the

same character as Crazy Heart, which is the same character as the same Talents book. I might have to wear jeans if I wear that. What pants? Do you think that you are in charge of your wardrobe on a motion picture? He wanted to talk about it.

Alright. Maybe he's trying to figure out what you're comfortable with. But I don't think... He wanted to make sure he wasn't wearing all of his suits. Yeah, I think suits is better. Well, then looking like the fucking Eddie character from Louis?

There's people that do this, Doug. I'm starring in this movie. Do you think they have a production budget? PJ Pants look all right. Let's just roll with it. Riff. I was looking at it right now going, maybe. Isn't there some kind of department that does costumes?

Cold wardrobe. The costume department. People go to school for it. maybe isn't there some kind of department that does costumes called wardrobe the costume i'm saying the budget on a picture as chaley calls them in a moving picture of this budget that would have me as the star they probably have a lady that will fucking iron your shirt. Or a man. Thank you. Let's be honest here. So brave, Jamie.

He's our champion. I think you should definitely bring some suits. Well, yeah, we still have a lot of, we have three weeks to discuss it. No way it's going to be suits. No way. I thought that was part of the character. He would have to have like three of each suit.

You can't just have one fucking jacket. I've done tours where I only wore one suit for weeks. And socks and underwear. Yeah. I just showered last night since New Year's.

That's a lot sooner than I assumed you would have done. Well, you just process it the way you don't stress too much because I don't think it's going to go like that. Well, I should stress about wardrobe. No, you don't stress about wardrobe. He talked to me about it. He called me.

Chad's right. he just wanted to make sure you weren't married to the suit thing you just get there they'll measure you and they'll get you a children's medium go look at the man show when i was not in charge of wardrobe and they put me in like fucking polo shirts and fucking, I don't know, khaki pants. And I just said yes. I should make strong decisions and stick with them in the morning. As long as you don't have booze on your breath,

it'll be fine. That drunk guy keeps wanting me to get it. A heavier coat. He's going to have booze in his hand. What are you talking about on his breath? Well, we'll see. In the meantime, we got football. Then we'll have playoffs.

I'll miss the fucking, I was going to say World Series. So that's how much I give a shit. The World Series of football. The World Series of Gridiron. Pigskin. Bingo, you wanna get us out of here? I don't know if we have

thank yous. If you buy merch off the merch store, someone just sent me, I get these, not a lot, but often enough uh a wedding invitation and so that that went out today in merch so california was the closest california someone got merch from california and you're invited to a wedding in february in february you have to rsvp by january 15th in the year of our lord 2022 and uh uh yeah so yeah all this shit you send me that's a nonsense all your prison letters and that

that all goes directly into merch dave raider reads it to me i put it in uh to tracy and tracy puts it in the merch that you buy and then maybe you get to go to a nice wedding in Phoenix. Or have a prison pen pal. Since this is going out soon,

you'll still have time to bid on the Brett Brock drawings that he did. 24 drawings in 24 hours. All the proceeds go to help Andy Andrus and his battle with cancer. Go to eBay, search Brett Brock eBay store, or BRB underscore 5730, which I haven't been able to find it. I don't know if you'd call it a battle so much as a standoff. Andy's cancer.

He's not really battling it so much as, all right, go ahead, take some parts out, but I'm not going to try too hard. How long will this car run without that part? Speaking of. Andy's cancer skirmish. Roustabout Donnybrook. All right.

We done? Done. No, we're not done. So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, why the long face? The horse says, anti-anxious cancer. Okay, bye-bye now! សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thanks for watching!