The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#479: Sex Worker Dia

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Doug fields another report from an active sex worker in the field, Dia. Kristine Levine co-hosts.  Recorded Jan 19th, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Sex Worker Dia,  Bingo (@bingobingaman), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Contact Dia - [phone]. Text with a brief introduction of who you are and where you got the number (promo code: STANHOPE). She won't answer phone call, start with a text. She is located on the central coast of California. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. Keep the ear party pumping with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo by ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Big shout out to BetterHelp. Listeners get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Stanhope for 10% off your first month. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. We, I think we found a niche market now. We're here, Chaley's here with Christine Levine. And our guest, Dia, emailed me after our last sex worker podcast and said, hey, I'm a sex worker. I want more sex worker podcasts.

I do this and that and this. And I go, fuck yeah. I don't care if we do all sex workers for the rest of our life as a podcast. It's endlessly interesting. Prisoners and sex workers I find endlessly interesting. Me too. And a lot of prisoners are sex workers. There's a problem.

Do what you gotta do. Wait, there's a problem with that? With a lot of prisoners being sex workers. Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hmm. The fact that it's such a witch hunt. Jenna, who was our last sex worker, was kind of waffled. I think you thrive on things she's disgusted by.

Yeah, that's probably fair. Yeah. But she's a different kind of sex worker, right? There's so many. There's so many. There's so many. There's so many shades, right, of the work. It's like community. There's genres.

And it's all about attention and release. Yeah. Prop comic. This one. Gotta have her stuff. No disrespect, Carrot Top is very funny. To misquote you in your email, you said that you specialize in FBS, Adam, and I looked at the keyboard to see if there was a possible typo,

but I think, did you coin that acronym? I didn't coin it. No, it's a popular one. It's full of bodies and full of massage. Close. I was close. There's so many acronyms, right? I don't keep track of them all.

Not when I do, just because of one. Full of bodies and full of massage. I have a background in massage therapy. Whatever meaning that I don't have to fuck people unless it's with a strap on my fist, my foot

or That sounds so funny. Of course I do it for you. So we're going to have to start at the beginning. I'm going to have to go more into it because I also have a background in BDSM, which is another acronym. I know that one.

Yeah, yeah. The FB I was not familiar with. So BDS, yeah. It's like she's got two degrees. It's like, well, I minoredored in ddsm but i actually majored magna cum laude the heavy load it was a heavy load but i managed to get through it so so let's let's go back to how how long have you been in it and how old were you

you when you started in any kind of sex work? So I've been in FBSM probably for about three years and then coming into BDSM probably for two. So

as a point of focus. So I've done sex work things kind of throughout my teenage years, coming into my early 20s, but it wasn't a focus. I can't imagine many people started with cock and ball torture. Yeah. Right. Kind of work your way into that, I guess.

I started more with I'm going to foam it off. I got distracted. Even doing art modeling at colleges. Right? Sitting and doing nude modeling for that. And also it happened. One gig I had was

an art student who wanted me to paint a picture while he ate me out. He paid me good money to do it. I'm a no artist, but I certainly had a big time. If it was any good, it would have been a doodle and you'd be done. That's right. If it was any good, it would have been a doodle and you'd be done. That's right. I know.

It would have been. Because that's something I've realized is there's another pandemic that's happening. That's a pandemic of severely under-talked women. Every time you lean towards the screen, your audio sucks. Under-talked women. Hang on. Every time you lean towards the screen, your audio sucks. Hang on. Every time you lean towards the screen, your audio sucks. So move your drink and your ashtray close. So don't move?

Yeah, but just get your cocktail, though. I missed that part. What? Grab your glass of wine. I'm assuming that's what you keep leaning over your computer for. So, yeah, just keep that in your hand. I know. I'm a fidgeter okay so now i'm getting a little thing saying that my internet connection is unstable um so yeah so the work i do now is is it kind, so I pick and pull from a lot of, of different

ideas. You know, I, I, I dive into certain ideas and I study certain things and then I pick and pull and kind of create my own intuitive approach. Um, and what I was saying before is there's, uh, another pandemic that's happening and it's the pandemic of severely under-fucked women. So one of my motives in life is to make sure that women are... Well, now, hold on. Hello.

Okay, hold on. Hello. Huh. That's interesting. So do you do the full body massage? That's a happy ending one that you do? Yeah, generally. So that's a good thing.

Pardon? No, asking for a friend. I just want to know. So you do the full body massage? Yes, send them my way. On women and men both? I do, but I have I have more

men as clientele I mean because it does become very emotional and psychological work and you work through a lot of trauma and I've had beautiful... I think you did it.

I know you did a Blort skit, right? Like, what's so great about Blort? Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, the Blort. Right. The Blort. What's so great and intimate about that?

And it's true. So how can you build that energy to really start to get to deeper levels of intimacy with each other and with work? Have you ever been approached to work at Guantanamo Bay? Torture. You know, I'm still working on that sadistic streak

right I'm a bit more of a clown than an authoritarian although I do know women who collect toenails during their sessions right they rip toenails off of people and collect them in little jars and go on the shelf

the screams are exquisite. That sounds exhilarating. Yeah, or taking somebody's man, right, and wrapping the skin of his scrotum around his cock and then stapling it shut to create a... Oh, that's a spoiler. That's a spoiler. But it's just...

So I'm not that... I'm just not that extreme in the cane department, although I do love impact, and I do love caning, specifically caning and belts, leather belts, paddles spanking. It kind of ties into

the massage work. You mentioned that in your email that you're into the contact sports and with Dominate Shredder your email that you're into the contact sports. And with dominating, like when it comes to that, do you have any kind of even like school ground back alley medical knowledge of, you know, the movie Pulp Fiction,

where the dealer Eric Stoltz has to plunge the fucking needle through the chest plate because he needs to know this. Do you know, like, okay, what's an acceptable amount of blood during this? And when do I call 911? Yeah, that's right. I mean, and that is not that you get trained on when you do apprenticeships and dungeons. Which I've done. I don't get into

blood play, so it's not something that I would specialize in. But you did a fisting and foot-fucking someone. How do you know when you go, oh. Yeah, they may say, yeah, more, but you're the one in charge. So you have to be the one that goes, I got to call this fight.

You cannot go on. No. Right. Right. Right. You're the guy. And that's the trust that's developed right and that's where where somebody's actually really able to surrender to uh to you knowing that

you'll be able to read when they're surrendering and submissive or to read when they're they're disembodying themselves yeah that's yeah You want to pull it back because then more harm is done. Has that ever been an issue? Prolapsing, prolapsing, doctor. No, then we get into the blossoms, right?

And we take pictures and there's a whole network of blossoms that people share. Blossoms. This is where Chaley's going to duck out on this podcast. When you start talking pro-lap. I mean, there's something for everybody. Come on. Yeah, I have a question.

Kind of connected to that. Do you have like, I mean, I don't know a question. Kind of connected to that. Do you have like, I mean, I don't know about the medical history and stuff like that. You know about any of that stuff. But do you have like a crash kit or like something to revive someone? Or like something handy nearby that would come in, you know, like scissors? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, how you can get yourself out of a predicament. Yeah, scissors. Yeah, I mean, how you can get yourself out of a predicament. Yeah, scissors,

band-aids, and their mama's number on speed dial. Yeah, I mean, you set it up for them to win, right? And then you pretend like they will never be able to. But you do set it up to them. Oh, nice. So where does the transition come between you're painting a beautiful landscape while a man's eating you out to you're wearing a strap on with stiletto heels and stomping on someone's nutsack.

Hmm. Yeah, it was a beautiful, blossoming feeling. I think all the work that I was doing before was informing the work I never imagined that I would be doing this for work I'm really happy that I am because I enjoy it and I see

the benefit of it but it's really energetic in its nature so it's less about the physicality. I mean, there's a lot of impact, and I like high impact. But it becomes more psychological, and it becomes more of giving attention to somebody.

People are really coming to me for attention. One thing you said early on is you said you study different things which with contact I imagine batting cages. But the fact that you really work on your craft, something we didn't hear from Jenna.

No, but she did have lots of practice. I'm not downing Jenna. There's different paths to the same house. Yeah, there's different paths to the same house. Part of it, like we were talking about, is that it is more of a

high-risk thing. I do an intake of the people that I see. I have questionnaires that I have them fill out, and I get as much information as I can. How deep is your asshole? Can it fit a size 10

because I'm coming? So I send out the questionnaires and I try to get as detailed and you can get some medical history because it has happened, right? where people have collapsed on the floor. And then you even died while in session with the dominators. And then you have that whole, not with me, you know. Not yet.

Then you'll be on. No, but like. That's right. What did you say? I said, then you'll be on her podcast because she's she's starting a podcast about people who found dead bodies oh interesting my parents used to pick up dead bodies when i was a kid and i remember wandering out of um they drove like the staging wagon that had a gurney in the back and they would just go to all these places and it worked for the coroner's office so they'd pick them up

and haul them to the morgue wow and it was also the car that they would use to pick me up from school you can eat the corpses yeah if you need to. Yeah. If it's roadkill. I do have a question about a dominatrix's whole aesthetic. Why do all dominatrix seem to look like either Dita Von Teese or Elvira?

Vampyra. Vampyra. Is there no market for vampire like um they look like like is there no market for like let's say a chubby middle-aged

housewife absolutely absolutely there is yeah there's a market for it I'm just gonna

tap into it there's a market for everything um but I think a lot of it is there's a lot of clothing fetish that goes with like the latex and the rubber.

And, you know, I have some people that just want to clean a latex suit, a latex hat suit. And some people say because it looks like a vet horse. Do you have the latex? Pardon? What do you wear? What's your outfit? I tend to I mean I have a few

latex pieces because I really enjoy them. I tend to wear bigger jewelry pieces. I have gorgeous like necklace pieces that I wear. And I have a lot of like flowy robe wear. And I have a lot of like flowy robe things.

And I'm a fur person also. I like fur. And then I have a shoe. So I have here, but I have a lot of different shoes and thigh-high leather

boots. She seems like a Vontis type. I have a background in horses. I was an equestrian for years and I rode Versace horses. Which is kind of... You used to be a bottom.

Parfait foot of a bottom? You fucked horses before you were a dominatrix you used to be a bottom the joke kind of failed and then I fell through my ass I know that is the problem with zoom right

it's the delay we were trying to do music stuff on zoom and it was a nightmare because everybody had a different attack oh there it is with that cigarette again it looks delicious. Yes. When I talked to her last night, after I got her email,

I called her on speakerphone, and I said, how about tomorrow to do the podcast? And I said, what's your tomorrow like? And she said, I make music in the morning, and I make love at night.

And I immediately, I shouldn't have said right there. Sweet. Oh yeah. Please hold. I get emails all the time saying, Hey, your podcast has gotten me through so much shit, suicidal ideation, murder ideation. Listen, my podcast is not going to do as much for you as BetterHelp.com. BetterHelp.com is where people actually listen to your problems,

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All the fucked up notions that are going on in your head that keep you awake at night looking at that that drop ceiling with the brown stains, wondering when it's all going to collapse on you. Anything you share is confidential, convenient, professional, and affordable. In fact, so many people have been using BetterHelp that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. I'm not one. I honestly want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you're going to get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Join over 1 million people who've taken charge of their

mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. Now you have no excuses. So, yeah, we were talking about, first of all, dominatrix work is legal? It is, yeah. There's just this idea

that penetration is illegal. I could get done for fucking you with a strap on. Oh, yeah. Because it's penetration. Right. We talked about this on the last

Sex Worker podcast. Would it be illegal if you said, we're going to film porn and you're auditioning? Right. No, it wouldn't be illegal. It would be that you would be able to do it because porn is legal, right? As long as there's a video camera, we're good. Yeah. Although some things were excluded from porn, right?

Like the great face-sitting protest that went on outside of the Parliament in England. What? It was illegal for face-sitting women to sit on a man's face and it could be shown in porn.

Of course, men could grab women by the back of the head and skull-fuck them, which is fabulous. But women couldn't do it to men. So there was the great sit-out, and everybody wore their tweed vest, and they had their high tee, and they were sitting on men's faces,

saying this needs to change, right? Because sitting on somebody's face is as English as a cup of tea. So come on, get with the program. You do affect an accent of an aristocrat. You sound like a pedestrian. Yeah. Yeah, I was.

That laugh with that glass of wine right then. Rich parents. Yeah. Well, my mom was a movie star. Hey, don't move at all. Every time you move, your audio sucks. Oh, well. I know because it's saying my network bandwidth

is low. I don't know what that means, but it sounds ominous. Well, you should put that on your gift list for people who want to have you as a dominatrix underneath. I want

Chanel. I want Louis Vuitton. I want bandwidth. I want Louis Vuitton. I want bandwidth. And I want bandwidth. Yeah, I do. Is that about my dick? Is that about the size of my dick? What's bandwidth mean? You wish, man.

Oh, God. Obsessed with comics right now more than the domination. I do some domination and fetish right now. I'm having an issue because I don't have a studio, and I'm doing more hotel outfalls. And for me to really do in-depth domination sessions,

I need to have a permanent space. So I'm in between. What did you say? She needs to know about your mom. My mom is a fabulous human being. She's incredible.

Brain surgeon? She was a waitress most of her life. My mom is an old world merchant. My mother. And she goes to tea markets and she goes to thrift stores and she finds all these treasures that every one of us

could have passed up. She digs and she finds and they're that every one of us could have passed up right she digs and she finds and they're usually really valuable things and then she swaps them and she makes really good money oh or she gets them she has a knack for giving people things that are uniquely suited to them she's a fabulous human being so is is my father. Do they know what you do? My mother does. I, I, I haven't,

I think my dad might have an inkling about it. You mean you sent him that gift card? Christmas. Well, you think your mom doesn't tell your dad like that'd be the first thing i do oh they haven't you tell me and i'd go to my husband and be like honey guess what yeah they haven't talked in a really long time well funny uh greg chaley has your mother and father on the other camera. Oh! And here they are.

Here they are, yeah. Oh, my God, that would be so sweet to have them both in the same vicinity. Malcolm, you never kick me in the balls when I expected it. We had some questions because of the niche market that you're in. Can you profile

the same way other people have gaydar? Can you go, oh, yeah, that guy wants to be kicked in the balls. That guy wants to be peed. Oh, that's interesting, yeah. I know, I did see, I saw a YouTube video with that, and there was a woman who was guessing people's kinks and fetishes.

I can, I put people, I can spot. I think I mean it's not a conversation you're a foot guy you know

sometimes they're not easy openers so you just think about it but you're never able to clarify it Christine was

guessing that Ted Cruz is a bootlicking foot fetisher right yeah he likes it he wants to be who's is a bootlicking foot fetisher. Right. Yeah.

He likes it. He wants to be that totally. Call him a maggot and he comes. You just can't let him. Yeah. So, so, so there's no profile. There's no,

I asked Jenna this if, if of the people, because I'm sure you've had people of some notoriety or level of where you go. If you could have someone canceled from your black book, like Heidi Fleiss, would it be someone in show business? Would it be someone in jurisprudence? Would it be someone, show business? Would it be someone in jurisprudence? Would it be someone, a politician? Academia. If I could have them backlisted for what, being an asshole? Is that what that question means? No, no.

I'm saying if someone that you've serviced, you go, oh, if this ever got out, this would make big news and ruin it. Oh, right, right. Right. What line of work would that be in? Oh, politicians. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I know it. I know it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, finance. And then I'm, and I think it's also, I think it's also geographical, right?

I mean, cause I'm in, I'm in, um, a place in the, in the world where, where most of my clients are middle-aged white men who are professionals of some sort.

Yeah, you don't see a lot of kids going to Vegas for the first time going, I'm going to get a hooker. Punch fuck me up the ass. I didn't know what else to say. Well, you know why? I know. What did you say? No,

it's because you don't start with that. That's why young people, you don't probably, and you don't start with that. It's right. They work up to it. Right. It's a slow boil. And it's a,

and it's a lot of controversy. Indeed. That's right. First, it's cock rings. And the next thing you know, you're getting electrocuted in your asshole. Slippery slope. I had a joke in my act for years. When I met Christine, she worked at a dildo smut shop, Jack Joint, in Portland.

And she goes, yeah. And you found a lot of money there, right? Wasn't that a story? Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. Dead people with money. She found a bad guy in the jack booth and then pilfered $35 from his wallet before the EMTs came.

Oh, right. So this is where the seed for the podcast was planted. Yep. Indeed. So when you first met me or whatever. Yeah. My wife at the time and I went into her smut shop and she goes, yeah, take anything you want. But at that point, there was nothing that I hadn't tried or.

point there was nothing that i hadn't tried or but there was on display was a hand-blown glass butt plug that would electrocute you on a knob of one to ten and and it was like giant girth no i go that's i going to save that for last. I've never tried heroin, and that's how I want to die, is impaled on the glass electrocuting butt plug while I'm doing heroin. Because you don't want to be out of ideas

when you're old. I still just have a bow around it and pause it. It's something you work up to. Something you work up to, right? Yeah. I hope you're doing your daily stretches, Doug. Yep.

Gotta have goals. Anti-K goals. Gotta loosen it up. Oh, God. But you know what? When I worked at the porn store, I could tell when people walked in what kind of stuff they were into. And one time we had a German couple walk in, and I was like, the shit shit's over there, you guys. I wouldn't even talk to them about anything else.

I kept directing them to the poop movies. I'm like, let's not fuck around. I know what you guys are into. Is that what they bought? Is that what they ordered in for? You were so irritated with me because I wouldn't talk to him about anything else. You're giving him shit. Yes.

I miss that job where have you found where you go this is too much for me yeah where you go yeah yeah

yeah I just can't I mean I've had where you feel like this person can use a little bit more fiber. And that's okay. I can handle that. I can't handle it outside.

You know. You can't. Then there's a whole smell that comes along with it. Do you stop the show when it's a whole smell that comes along with it do you stop the show when the it's a show I guess my first wife used to say

smell is 90% of love oh oh right I mean isn't that true though with the pheromones when you really fall in love the pheromones just go crazy it lasts for about two years it's nice When you really fall in love, the pheromones just go crazy.

It lasts for about two years. It's nice. Yeah, I'm not sure about that pheromone thing. Sometimes you just fucking stink. We don't bathe a lot. My armpit fetish is actually something that I get a lot of. I get a lot of people who want to sniff armpits, right? And then be smothered with armpits. And sometimes they request

that I don't shower and maybe I go for a jog or something beforehand. Armpit fetishes and panic fetishes. Did you get gang raped right before I come over? Right? I like the smell of a lot of other men's cum.

Those are the cut codes, have you ever had a man um ask you to like like actually show up with like a lot of cum on you or something like that because i did have a customer who wanted asked me if i had a recipe for like fake cum so that he could like throw it on this lady. Actually throw it on her. Yeah. Like his neighbor coming home from work. There's a recipe on the back of one of the pornos and I just happened to see it. I was like,

oh my God, I got you. I can help. Has anyone ever told you that you have Oh my God. I got you. I can help. Wow. Has anyone ever told you that you have gorgeous gums? Oh yeah. I have a lot of gums. Yeah.

I know. That gum to tooth ratio thing going on. It's very beautiful. Thank you. Not a lot of people at all. That's true. No, it wasn't sarcasm. You are pretty. Yeah. Gorgeous.

Oh, you guys are gorgeous. It's nice to be here. Thanks for having me. My wife loves people with gaps in their teeth, but not mine. Mine are just fucked up. No, she's got gums. I love the gums like that. Okay, I get it.

You can come around and look. Yeah, come look at my gums, Bingo. I want to see your gums. Yeah, well, I have okay gums. Wait, where is she at? We're in the middle. And I met Bingo. I met Bingo in Phoenix, too. Hi, sweetie!

Hi, baby! How you doing? i'm doing you're doing gonna conquer this night gonna conquer this night you look gorgeous today right now sweetie oh thank you let's see those gums girl oh my Oh, my gums. God damn it! There are some gums for you. The split in the teeth. I like those too. You got it. You look gorgeous. They got the gums.

You guys look gorgeous too. It's good to see you. We just found out that because I didn't know that Dia was at our Phoenix show and our Wyoming, Cheyenne, Wyoming show. As you know, I went to your Denver show, too. What? Jesus, you're a psycho.

What did you do? I was just visiting friends, right? I used to live in Denver, and I had a new friend there, and I thought it would be a fun trip, right? I've never been to Cheyenne before, so I rented a car and I drove up. I almost didn't make a gig. Did you guys know there's a titty bar in Cheyenne called, I think it was called Green Room? The Green Door? No. Or something like that. No, I wouldn't have. or something like that. It was right up the road from the club. So I went from the comedy club. So I went there the night before

the show. I had a great time. Talked to a lot of people, a lot of locals. Awesome bartender, Jim and I. She kept making shots. Going, oh, you know, come on, try this. This is something I'm working on. And then she disappeared. Ended up doing way too much cocaine., staying up all night.

Almost fucked a guy who started all of his sentences with actually. So sometimes my choices are shocking. But I was ill. I was violently ill the next day in bed, wired. So I almost didn't make it to the show, but I'm glad I did. I dragged myself out of bed and I lived. It was great. Junior Stopka.

Yeah, Junior Stopka. Junior and I were also violently ill after that show to the point where it's actually a bit in my act. Really? You guys got sick? Oh. It wasn't sick.

Drinking out of that leg? Yeah, it could have been from drinking out of that guy's leg. And you said you were there for that? I was there for that, yeah. Got thrown out of that bar? Well, I let you sit in here. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Oh, now. Uh-oh. Oh, man. Uh-oh. That's just like me. But that strip club, it's a cool place. They had the last brothel license in Wyoming,

which is kind of going to be going out with the guy who has it. It's like a little bit of a convenience store with a strip point in the back. So it's like a 7-Eleven in the front. You can eat potato chips and you can eat cigarettes and then you go in the back and it's a bar, a little L-shaped bar. This sounds like the next-door tavern in

Fargo. It's with a little package store. And then they have this thing in the back. I do remember seeing it now. It's on that lake. Yeah, yeah. The green door, the green room or something super low ceiling. And apparently dance poles, stripper poles are a reason to shut a place down in Wyoming. So instead of having a dance pole, they had handles on the ceiling.

And it was hilarious because the ceiling was low. All the women were in stiletto heels and it was hilarious because the ceiling was low all the women were in stiletto heels and there was a stage so they all had their shoulders to the ceiling handles so funny but it was great it was a great place if we're a nation of laws we're always looking for loopholes. That's right. I just wrote that down. Right? So you mentioned cocaine. Yes. Go on. Well, I did.

I went on all night with it and it was a problem. I was sick. I loved it. Yeah, but I mean... But it was fun while it lasted. Oh, no. I was going to ask you,

do you think you've made more poor decisions due to alcohol, cocaine, or being in love? Oh, my God. Take your time. Reflect. Yeah. I've made the most poor sexual decisions

on cocaine. Yes. I mean, I'm rarely doing cocaine and not drinking. What's that? I'm rarely doing cocaine and not drinking. Oh, yeah. But cocaine alone,

I've never done cocaine alone. No. Without alcohol. But I'd say, like, what would you do? Because cocaine, I attribute to so many bad decisions in my life. Right, you get that invincible feeling. But listen, but being in love, that's where you make your permanent fuck-ups. If you fuck up, those are temporary.

Or long-term. Yes, long-term is in love. You fuck up there, oh. Hang on. I looked at your profile that you have on the internet, and it says, I love this. That's when I knew you must have been doing this a long time because one of them said,

don't send me monosyllabic text. Hang on, because they don't know. Let me finish. They all say that, Dan. I'll let you finish. Go on. Well, that brings me back to Guantanamo Bay.

You thought I meant torture. I meant edging. You just... Let me come. Let me come. I love what I'm doing today is edging and combining that with FBSM. And that's, and I'm kind of working more with,

cause I have clients who are repeat and it's not all BDSM clients. Some of them are, are just FBSM clients who want a little bit more stamina, right. Or who want a little bit more intimate relations with their wives. So I do see married men. And make it up with the chief of police. I know some people don't agree with that. But I also, it's kind of like a sex therapist position in a way.

So I send them out to better fuck their wives, which makes me feel really happy at the end of the day. Thinking that to bring somebody who maybe come in five minutes to where they can have a 45 minute session. It's pretty amazing. You know, and then you start circulating. No,

no, not at all. When you start circulating that energy in your body, you get those creative juices flowing. It's really good. Yeah, I get to fucking write jokes. Hurry up, make this funny. And it is.

And that's what I was talking about before. Some of them are talking about the Lort thing, right? It goes beyond Lort. And it goes into these huge, minute-long orgasms and some of them are hysterical laughing orgasms some some are crying orgasms some of them are are just quiet deep surrender relaxation deep breathing orgasms it's beautiful that was an early joke of mine was, is it considered tantric sex if I'm just too drunk to cum? Right.

One time I fucked for eight hours. He was against it the whole time. God, speaking of cocaine, though. Uh-huh. Yeah. That's a crystal dick. Yeah, Crystal Dick.

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I have a friend that maybe I'll hook you up as a mentor or a tutor that she does comedy, but she goes, I think I'm going to get into domination shit. She strips and she had questions. She goes, I think I want to do that. And I got, she goes, I think I want to do that. She's in a West coast city. That's very sex worker friendly.

And is it close to me? I'm in a West coast city. Close enough. I mean, yeah, you're in the middle. She's up North. Oh, you're in the middle. She's up north. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't see how.

Anyway, sex work where you are. But you travel, evidently. I do. I mean, I'm kind of tethered here. I mean, I do go up to the San Luis or down to L.A. Or down into the Inland Empire. But I'm a little bit tethered here right now because I have some other

projects and things going on. Kids? Yeah. Hell no. No. No music, right? I'm involved with one of the community symphonies here. Wow. What do you play? I'm a bass player. the community symphonies here. Wow. What do you play?

I'm a bass player. I play the double bass. Yes. In a symphony? Oh, my God. It's so good. Is that a symphony? Yes, it is.

There's a bass player in a symphony? Hell, yes. Big, big bass. Oh. Yeah, the stand-up one. Yeah, the extreme bass. Yeah. So, oh, God, there's beautiful,

beautiful music. You can find some really solo pieces. And it's deep, right? It sounds like a whale. It's really low. Can you play the stand-up bass on the back of a horse while you polo kick some guy in the nuts?

Oh, I can try, right? I can try. That would be a good circus act. Well, it would match your equestrian background with your cock and ball torture. Tie it all together. Right? Tie it all together.

Tie it all around. Nice and tight. Until it fucking falls off. You know what I find interesting is that Dia wants to make it. It has to be something spiritual for you. You have to have something meaningful. You're getting something meaningful out of it.

I don't think you would just do it for the money. Am I right? No. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. I really appreciate the connection that I have. Uh-huh.

All right. So how do you – hang on. Let me phrase this correctly. How do you – because you're a pro-sex worker. I have the same conundrum with, all right, well, if someone's going to listen to me and be an asshole because of a joke, I said, I'm not responsible because they're stupid. But as you get older,

you go, Oh, a lot of my fans are fucking stupid and they will do anything I say. You got to reel it in a little bit. How do you, how do you balance your sex work as a smart person versus people are getting trafficked like how do you does this make sense right well i think it's more it's i well i it's more education right and it's more empowering women if they want to do this work making the choice to do it and and developing it as a real skill not something that that

is a desperate choice or something you ever been as any like kind of pimp figure try to influence you or take you under their wing like have you ever been in that position where someone who is like, not like third world fucking Eastern Europe sex trafficked, but somebody being influenced into the business because they're too stupid to make their own decisions. How much are we responsible for fucking stupid people? Wait, what was the question? I missed it. Sorry.

How much are we responsible for stupid people who don't have the business acumen that you have and the clear head to go into this? Right. Well, I don't think we are. I think we can just provide different ways of doing it, right? Provide different examples. And that's why it needs to be talked about more, right? And that's why it needs to be talked about more right and that's why it needs to be turned into more of a community and more of a thing that's that's normal because one of the other things that happened for me along my path was I started

going to a lot of sex parties um whether they were at sex clubs or swinger parties. So I ended up with a lot of married people because I was always a single person. Yeah. Done that. She said guest star. She's done that. Oh, yeah. Right.

So making it more of viable work. Yeah. Yeah. of a choice. I don't know. I lost my train of thought there. It happens sometimes and I can't always jump back on it. That's the whole motif of this podcast.

What? What was I saying? What was I saying? What was I saying? The early one was, hey, get on, eat the mic. I don't know, because your audio is so shitty. Oh, is it still shitty? I thought that I was coming in loud and clear. Yeah, it's doing all right now that you settled down.

I'm moving too much. You need to drama me. Yeah. You came to the Phoenix show. I've only done so many shows in the last six months. Cheyenne, Denver. Why didn't you just show up to do this podcast? Yeah.

Good question. I don't know. We can have a read-through. We can do it over. We'll do a parts too. Jenna wants to come out, but I think I'm going to be gone for two months or something.

Well, aren't you doing something? I'll be here all the ladies. What'd she say? I don't know. Something about I'll be here to host all the ladies. Oh, that would be great. Yeah. That would be great.

That would be great. I asked Jenna, are there places that you go to because like CES, the consumer electronic show in Vegas or Super Bowl where you go, oh, I'm going to travel to make a lot of money. Are there events that you go? Oh, I don't. I mean, I tend to be a bit of a lone wolf. Um, there's a lot of events that happen. I mean,

Dom con is a big deal, right? And it travels around and a lot of, a lot of people go, go to that. And there's a lot of exhibitionism and a lot of selling where's things. Jenna, I don't.

Jenna said that she doesn't really have any friends that are in the business, which for comedy, if it weren't for having comic friends, I would feel like I was a... We would have killed ourselves years ago. Do you have friends in the business that you can commiserate with? I do. Thank God for that. Yeah, because it's really wonderful to get together and just talk with somebody who knows things.

It's enough. I wanted to know so have you ever had a client that you just were like I'm not doing that like what's the weirdest thing that you were just like, no, come on. Oh. Gosh, I mean, well.

It goes it goes again to shit. People do want to get shit on. Yeah. People do want to get shit on. Yeah. And it's. And some people push at it, right? You kind of lay down what your boundaries are

and what you'll do and what you won't. Push at it. She said they push at it. Shit, they push at it. Good. Woo! They do push at it. They push at it. He pushed at it.

Yeah. Have you ever been in a position where you... A dangerous position, because that has to come up. Yeah. I mean, fortunately, I haven't ever had anything bad happen or even healing. Well, that's kind of intrinsic to your niche market, your genre. Well, if you're going with submissive men, right, they're not exactly coming at you. I had a really wonderful...

If you don't piss on me, I'll rape you. Right. I'll piss on you. Don't worry. I'm going to piss on you. Let me just finish this drink. I did have a really wonderful mentor. He was the South African masochist

who taught me a lot. He taught me a lot i mean he taught me a lot about my technique when it comes to impact play and um and also just about safety because this is sometimes with the masochistic mind the the there's a word actually masoch so venus and furs was a book that was written by this guy named Leopold Masoch. And that's where the word masochism comes from. And in this book, he goes through this whole journey of what his fantasy is. And it's come to be related to masochism as we see it today. So one of the words he uses with them is machinator super essential machinator

right so they kind of arrange things so other things will happen right so they can set up not necessarily traps but ways that they can get an invested reaction from from the dominant meaning that the dominant will have an explosive reaction not just one that goes with the uh script but one that's a provoked and and real response directed at them um and one thing he taught me was about deadbolt locks. So I always check locks when I go into a room. He had a deadbolt door. And that's kind of a scary situation to be in. When you walk into a room and you're doing outfall work and you walk into a room and when you turn around and you see a deadbolt door, that's not key. And you're locked in. This isn't what I signed up for.

There were a few other things that he just instilled in me to remember. So your mentor was a psycho? No, I don't. Hang on. This is where Chaley wants to pitch.

We're selling the Brian. What? The Brian. This is an insidealey wants to pitch. We're selling the Brian. What? The Brian. This is an inside joke just for you. It's the Brian that holds the hotel door open. All right. I have some notes from Chaley. He wants to ask some questions.

I'll ask a question. I'm just on a camera. He's not a pussy, Doug. He can do it himself. I was going to say Chaley, and now I forgot what the question was.

Oh, sorry. What were we talking about? All right. Where do you get your clients? Is one. Online, word of mouth, strip clubs. Yeah.

How do you find your clients? I thought you were going to give the list of questions. Okay, but we're starting with one. Okay. Well, the profile that I sent you is one way, right? So that's what I'm working with right now because it's given me enough volume. I don't have, like I said before, I don't have the studio to really

hold the work. I'm moved into a place that's wonderful. Pardon? Your audio just fucked up a lot. Oh. That last sentence.

I don't have the space. I'm doing a lot of whole set-ups right now. So the one profile that I use is good for me. I'm going to launch a website, which is kind of coinciding with a studio that I'm starting to build. which is kind of coinciding with a studio that I'm starting to build. I have had word of mouth, you know, sitting in bars talking to people and it comes up and then I end up making connections that way. I've had some clients, it's just a slower process. When you're, when you're sitting at the, uh, the,

the four points or whatever hotel bar, are you wearing the strap on and going, hey? I'm joking. I am. Yeah, you've got your high heels on and your corset or whatever. You kind of looked the part already.

Oh, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I had this in my notes. You have a lot of big words in your... Courtesan. What is it? Or is it a courtesan? Courtesan, yeah.

Well, she was a woman of the court, right? So she was... Maybe you would consider the western version of a haja. Like concubine? Nah. Big words. Yeah, it's so she

worked closely with the royals, right? She worked closely with kings and princes and people of the court. Alright. But she gave that feminine release to some

masculine areas. That's not a great explanation. Hand jobs to kings? No, but they were also trained. They were also for instance trained in music and trained in dance and trained in entertainment. And they were up on current events, which not a lot of women were in those times, right?

Because they didn't have access to information. So they were in the court and they had access to certain things and they were able to create a counterpoint for a king's mind, right? For them to reflect. When Chaley and I first started saying fuck you to comedy clubs,

we're going to go to the Nester Tavern, for instance. How do you set your rates? I won't ask you what you're charged, but I will gladly take it if you'll tell me. But how do you set your rates? How do you say this is what I'm worth? Because I have this conversation. I know.

It's a weird thing. But it's a product at the end of the day. And I know I was all pissed off about product reviews in one of the emails I sent you. Because I really am frustrated with that. The whole system of products. You didn't notice. Yeah.

That didn't notice. The reviews. The reviews. Oh, it's a painful thing. Yeah. Especially since it's one-sided. But... They review her?

Yes. On this site they do. On this site they do. Wow. Yeah. Fuck off. Listen. Hang on.

While you're thinking, there's reviews. There's only nine reviews on the site that she's the only one she currently uses. There's only nine reviews, all five stars, but they're all truncated, a lovely experience.

And there's a few that say, uh, if we want to read more of this review, sign up for this site. Now I'm not signing up for fucking some random site to read the full review.

I'll go with the five stars. I can't get people to sign up for my fucking mailing list because it's too much trouble. Who's going to sign up? They don't trust it. They're going to get a spam or something. Right. And a lot of those sites are really frustrating

for taking information and putting it onto other sites and kind of rearranging things and somehow getting more advertising through pictures. So I mean, that's a caveat I'm putting out there if anybody's listening who is entering this type of work or maybe they already are. Just be really careful what you put out on the web because it's hard to get it back and people take it and they use it and they manipulate it,

especially sites for advertising. So just a little caveat. I'm just going to have my comment. What did you say? for advertising. So just a little caveat. I'm going to have my comment. What did you say? I'm going to have my comedian friend contact you if that's cool.

Yeah, that's cool. I'll give you her name off the air. Yeah, yeah. Because I respect what you do. Thank you. I respect what you do. Thank you. I respect what you do. Yeah, it's important work.

That's what he said in here. He's not my ear anymore. Do you ever get a client and you go, this one's boring? Yeah. I'm going to phone this one in. Oh, right. I'm sure. There's no level of danger to this one.

Oh. You want those kind of jokes? I was going to say, like, I know that you said that you're not, like, scared usually when you do a call. But, I mean, do you have a friend that you're texting going, hey, listen, I'm at the Hilton. Just FYI if I don't come home and I don't call you later. Does he look like Ving Rhames? Right.

Oh, I don't know that reference. Does he look like what? A giant black guy that's in Hollywood movies. No. Oh, right. God, I hope so. Oh, but her question was for real. Yeah. Here's my appointment schedule.

In case I die. Yeah, probably not as much as I should. What if you were in a situation I know. Well, I know. Hang on. What if you were in a situation like 127 hours where your fists are trapped inside of someone

and you have to cut off your own arm or kill them which would you do who's going to say to reach for the quaaludes on that one I mean because you do hear that, right? Like sometimes ladies clamp down with their vaginas,

right? And you get stuck inside of them. Is that a thing? It's the monkey with the penis. You get your fist in there and you won't unclench. Gotta unclench. Unclench. Alright.

Let's go full Howard Stern. What's the most girth or depth or weight that you've ever fit into a client's ass? Does Guinness recognize the record? Oh, right. I know. I wish I could go in the Guin oh right I know I wish I could

go in the Guinness I wish I had it I'm I'm going to do some sessions tonight after I have the hotel set up not phone sessions no I'm going I'm setting up

a place so so I haven't I know I did say what did you say No, I'm going. I'm setting up a place. So I haven't. I know I did save. What did you say? You're setting up a place? You do a wedding? What do you call those? No, I'm working at a hotel

tonight. So I have clients later. So I have my car packed up with my shit. Otherwise, I do a little show and stuff. I don't like seeing other people I don't is it too early in the podcast to say that? so yeah

I mean this is the size of my hand right so there you go lady fist that's the lady fist, yeah. A 5'9 lady fist. That's it. Oh, it's the long fingers. Long fingers,

right? Yeah. That's great because I have a piano in my asshole. I roll. No big deal. No big deal, right? Mm-hmm. Come over and play it.

Do you know Chopstick? Do you know Chopstick? We did a podcast. The next one, hopefully you'll come down and we can get Jenna down here that we can hire them to do awful things to each other.

That's a joke. You can't kick her in the balls. What are you going to do now? Super Bowl play-by-play. The keys to winning are in... Jenna doesn't have balls.

She can't kick them in the balls. Thank you for your service. You're quite welcome. I'm happy to be of service. We appreciate it. It was nice to be of service. I appreciate it. It was nice to talk to you guys. Thank you for inviting me on. You're making the world a better place, lady.

For sure. You guys certainly are. Thank you. I mean, yeah. Duh. Hey, Bingo. What's he saying? Stay on the phone.

We're going to close out the podcast version of this. If I'm not in Europe, I'm in my arms. Okay, ready? One, two, three. Okay, bye-bye now. Bye, sweetie. Play music. Thank you. Thank you.