The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#72: The Bingo Interview

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

Doug interviews Bingo about her long awaited book, the accompanying album and her most recent video release. Watch the video "Where to Put The Flowers" here.Recorded May 03, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Links-Stanhope's Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/user/stanhopetvBingo's Twitter - @bingobingamanBingo Butter Cheek's Twitter - @AmyButterCheeksBingo's Facebook - BINGO.amy.bingamanMotern Media - http://moternmedia.com/Intro music "The Only One Drinking Tonight" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "The Doug Stanhope Podcast" by Motern Media. Mishka's music available at DougStanhope.com and on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Pass me the lampshade, I'm drunk again Blew my drug money on a quart of gin Well, I am a cultured man with tastes discriminating But I'll settle for a tall glass of anything well am I the only one drinking tonight

the only one drinking tonight the only one drinking tonight The only one drinking tonight Am I the only one drinking tonight The only one we're drinking tonight

Hey, it's a special edition of the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Chaley and I have now gone three days, both of us three days, without shitting our pants. I'm shilling applause here. I'm shilling applause here. I'm shilling applause. It's been since Thursday night or Friday morning since we last shit our pants. Now it's Sunday afternoon. I feel better.

Well, I had no idea that you were going through that. It was almost like I had a sympathy shit. going through that it was almost like i had a sympathy shit uh chaley was uh out in los angeles seeing his mother and uh spent the last night with brett erickson at the uh comedy compound there on curse on avenue and uh he went ah fuck i'm only gonna have one day to spend with the bretchels and i go we did one night and it was enough we fucking couldn't wait to just get out of los angeles all together and distance ourselves from the shame but then it was like oh man i only have one night that'll be plenty yeah and uh so the next day i get a text from Chaley, all misspelled. Several, oh, sorry.

I'm backing up at both ends. I might have to leave to take a shit or break my stellar record of 72 hours. So, yeah, you texted me. You were fucked. You guys stayed up all night. I know Hennigan called me, and Hennigan says, oh, yes. Oh, I was up, and I tried to. Was it an Irish exit?

Is that the. Yeah. Tried to do an Irish exit. Where you just slip out without saying goodbye. Yeah, yeah. We call it a Hedberg. Yeah. Hedberg was fucking notorious for doing that. I'll be right back, and you never see him again uh and he said you guys were so fucked up and engrossed in each other's conversations that he just stood up in the middle of the room and walked

right out and no one even made eye contact with him leaving and i went oh that's that's definitely a coke or adderall thing and it it was. It was Adderall. Yeah. Everyone waiting for the other guy to finish his sentence so they can start talking. They don't give a fuck about you, Brian Hennigan. Well, he was in the corner plucking away on his phone or his iPad or something. He wasn't really engaging in what was happening. Yeah, he does that a lot.

It makes you feel really fucking boring. All right, just leave the party. You know what? Yeah, he does that a lot. It makes you feel really fucking boring. All right, just leave the party. You know what? One element of the festivities you forgot to mention was Hennigan showed up before we went to lunch and handed me a sack. And it had three 750-milliliter bottles, the three ingredients to Negroni's. And that's how we started. Oh, all right.

You said 750. I thought you were saying airplane bottles. No, no. They have Campari in airplane bottles? That'd be fucking awesome. No, he handed me basically the makings for the night that we had. And that was the Negronis. Did you sell Negronis to other people? Were they drinking them?

No. Just you? No. I like that. It's like smoking menthol cigarettes. No drinking them? No. Just you? No. I like that. It's like smoking menthol cigarettes. No one's going to fucking bum them from you. I like it. Oh, actually, I did.

I got everyone to try one. You know, Patty, she's a bartender. She knew what it was. And she, what is it? Henning was like, oh, and tasted it. And I don't think he finished it. I think I finished his. And then, yeah, Erickson and I were don't think he finished it. I think I finished his.

And then, yeah, Erickson and I were on the Nagorny train. Finished everybody's. Yes. You were like the fucking nephew in Caddyshack. Spalding. Yeah. Drinking the drinks with the ashed cigarettes in it. Exactly. So, oh, man.

Yeah, this might be a shit. Oh, God damn it. I'm holding it. I'm this might be a shit. Oh, God damn it. I'm holding it. I'm good. I'm good. I've been sick, but we'll get to that. So I'm getting texts from Chaley where he's out at the airport, and he was tweeting that he had my credit card

and was telling everyone the bar he was at in that terminal saying, Doug Stanhope's buying. Come down for drinks. It was what they call a tweet-up, but I forgot to even mention that in there, like hashtag tweet-up or something. I don't even know what a tweet-up is. A tweet-up is when you say, hey, I'm at Gate 8 in the Southwest Terminal, LAX. Anyone else around? I'm here for an hour and a half.

But I sweetened the pot because I was pretty fucked up. And I realized I had your credit card. And people showed up or didn't? No one showed up knowing that I was there. Not from the tweet, but the people that you met at the bar. You were buying them drinks regardless. For fuck's sake. They were buying them drinks regardless.

For fuck's sake. One group – that must be – wasn't Gretchen coming over? Oh, all right. So yeah, at one point I had two ladies that worked for a school system in Sacramento. Beverly was one gal and then both cancer survivors. I was very chatty. Both cancer survivors. We were talking about Floyd because we've got the upcoming party.

And then – You haven't slept all night. No, no, no. Adderall and fucking 24 hours of cocktails. It was a lot of drinking. And that was – it was great. All your texts are so fucked up and misspelled. I could figure out what you're saying. But Tracy called and said, yeah, there's no way Greg's going to be able to drive home.

No shit. So we got you a hotel at the airport that you could walk to. Well, the people that were meeting up with me, one group of people, they actually knew who you were. It was funny. So I had them sign your credit card. were it was funny so i had them sign your credit card but uh yeah i just i made all of them uh they had to take a picture with me if i was buying drinks so that's what i was tweeting as well or instagramming all right so you get on the plane i talked to you right before you get on the plane saying just stop talking don't talk to anyone oh did you say that yeah just sit down and don't say a word don't breathe towards anyone

which you didn't do no not at all because when you landed you go this is how fucked up i was i talked to the guy next to me for the entire flight yeah which is yeah that's a good guy in in as a traveling comic next to stealing jokes that's one thing you just don't do is talk to the person next to you on the plane. And you've talked to him the entire time, repeating yourself. Yeah, it was animated on my part and boring probably from his standpoint. But, you know, I was fucked. I shouldn't have been on the plane. I'm going to see you.

Let me see what I got. You're looking up on your phone? Yeah. Hang on. Up all night, drink and Adderall, all misspelled. Up with two Ps. I love LA. And then that's at 1.56 p.m. before the flight.

And then the next one is at 5.17 p.m. I walked out of the cab and just shit my pants. Should I get room service? I said, cab, how shot-faced are you? Auto-correct. This is how shot-faced i am it's ian i talked it talked the guy the the guy me the entire flight i do remember giving adderalls away at the airport bar i said nice good podcast material write it down don't assume you'll remember

duck off this is my life my is MR I'm busy with a V at the end I'm washing underpants they'll dry nice over the railing I say indeed thanks for the room and the next picture is

a picture of a Negroni that you got at the bar. Yeah. So you get out of a cab. First of all, the fucking airport bar, the Sheraton Four Points that we stay at, at Tucson Airport, is a couple hundred yards from the baggage claim. It's that close. Tom Brady could hit it with a rock literally absolutely and you got into a fucking cab you're so so shit-faced and it's not like this is your first time there

you know how close it is yeah i do but you had a bag that you couldn't it was a backpack it wasn't even a like a roller bag or anything that was cumbersome it was with me but the the sad part was this guy was the front of the line oh, the bag that you left at the airport bar to get on the plane. Well, it was with my phone, so they were safe together. Those are the people I gave the air roll to. They were alert. When I got to Tucson, I just had to get to the curb. That was it. I'm done. I made it.

And yeah, the cabbie did not want to give me a ride. He said no. He said no. He gave me four points and he said no. But he can't say no. Because I said, well, I'll go in another one. He goes, no, I have to. Because he's at the front of the line at 5 o'clock, 5.40.

That's such a fuckover to a cab driver. And I've had to do it where it's a shitty hotel or motel and their shuttle just never shows up. And you're like, fuck you. And then you do what you did is overpay them, going, hey, I'm sorry to fuck you over, but they're not sending a shuttle. Because anyone in the area that is going to stay in the hotels

would just wait for the shuttle. I couldn't. And this was before I felt any kind of yearning to get going. I just needed to get out of being around people. I just wanted to go to the hotel.

So you drive 40 to 50 seconds and then show up at the hotel front door. It was 45 because you had to wait to make the left. No lights. No lights. No lights. Oh, not at all.

So you pull up, and not only is the cab driver mad, now you're shitting your pants. Well, I mean, how lucky was he? Yeah, if you were a long fare, he's happy to get back in line at the queue at the airport. Well, he would have had to go to the car wash. Yeah, I popped out and it did. That was it.

And it was one of those things. It wasn't I was thinking that something was going to happen. I was just like I took a spirited step. And my body said, hold on now. I'm going to ruin your morning. And that was it, man. I was like, now, oh, fuck, what do I do? What the fuck?

Yeah, when you texted, I just shit my pants should I get room service, I didn't think for a second you were kidding. No, no, and I'm standing there going. If you're that drunk, you don't take the time to try to figure out how to text, I shit my pants, unless you just shit your pants. But the great thing was I could just beeline it right into the front desk, and then I just got a room key and went right up. Because you guys saved my ass on that one.

Because there was no, I could not have stood there. I almost, if my plane's later than like 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I just assume that I'm going to be drunk when I get off the plane and I stay there. So, yeah. Yeah. We know the bartender. This is that thing where, like, you thought you sat in something, and then you've got to walk, like, down through the mall parking. And you're like, is there something?

But you can't. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're not going to stick your finger between your cheeks and smell it. It's not the first time you finger-banged a 13-year-old. I don't know what that means. When you're 13 and you finger-banged a girl, and the first thing you did is smell your finger. Or after she left, if you're a gentleman.

All right. Anyway. a gentleman all right anyway sorry i'm i'm fighting one off i don't know if it's because you're talking about it you're sweating and i wonder why so yeah you shit your i shit my pants three times in in that 24 hour period which is a fucking record. Aisha, I've been sick since four or five days ago. At first, I thought it was discount 50% off tilapia. That's what I think it is. I didn't even puke until 24 hours later.

First, I get the... You guys know my fetish for discount meats at the safe way. Fetish? It's your routine. Yes. The clearance rack. Well, I went shopping with Bingo, and there was no 50% off fish, but I saw one for $2.35.

That was somewhat discolored. I told you not to get that fucking fish, man. Actually, isn't that the problem? Well, that's the problem, because you said, it's brown! It's brown in the problem? Well, that's the problem because you said it's brown. It's brown in the middle.

Well, discount beef. You can tell how brown it can be. In fact, most of the time when we get filet mignon, 50% off, it's brown, and it's the fucking best filets I've ever had. Better than any Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Well, the browning is an oxidation because of the blood in the meat. That's different in the fish, though. The fish was just the center piece of it was brown and i was just discolored she's like that's gross so uh just so i knew this wasn't even 50 off so i

go okay bingo i i won't get it knowing that if i wait a day no one else is gonna buy it because it's discolored and i'll get it for 50 off so and it's a dollar 17 and a half for two nice fucking pieces of tilapia that were brown in the middle yeah and so i ate that fucking i was cranking on the book i ate that and the next morning i i shit six times in under 10 minutes just Just firing water, like sit back down, and then immediately have to jump back up, rush back to the fucking train spotting the toilet all over creation. I swear, both toilets now after four days, if I had a day job and had to call in sick,

I would just text a picture of my fucking toilet and say any questions. I haven't even bothered cleaning them up for the most part. text a picture of my fucking toilet and say any questions. You know, you know, I haven't even bothered cleaning them up for the most part. So it's over and it's not, I don't day five, whatever it was. I counted like after six shits in 10 minutes,

then I'm counting. And when I get up to 18, you know, uh, between four 30 in the morning and, uh, three in the afternoon, whatever. I couldn't even wipe my ass after like 13. I'm like, oh, my ass is like a fresh burn.

And I'm like, so I just dab it. Like, do I can I get maxi pads or something? Because there's no meat to it. It's just fucking discolored water and it wouldn't stop. And then I get the acid reflux when I try to lay down really bad. Over the course of five days, it's like

I've gotten no energy. It's like I got dysentery with mononucleosis and fucking hiatal hernia and a million other bad things. It took me 24 hours before I puked. And I puked when there was nothing left

in my system to shit. And I had nothing but sips of water. I'm like, how am I throwing up? I got theories. It's hiatal hernia is definitely going on still. That's where your stomach comes up through your esophageal sphincter. It holds your stomach down.

So yeah, right around, I went to bed last night, and it felt like there was a fucking rock, like a bowling ball under my chest plate. And I'll have to wake up every couple of hours and make myself belch like I've been drinking beer. Anyway, see, I've been fucked. And that day I shit my pants three times in a day. I did your laundry.

Yep, I sharted one pair of sacks, and it's so sacrilegious to shart in sacks underwear that I went right back. I have old school fucking Fruit of the Looms, and I just wore those. If I'm going to keep shit in my pants,

I'm not going to disgrace the good name of a sponsor that's not really a sponsor. Turns out mine wasn't actually was it actually a shit. It was just – I think it was just exhaust. Ass phlegm. Yes. Exhaustion coming out of me.

Exhaustion. Oh, I'm just tired in my pants. This is your pants telling you to take a break. One more Negroni. So you washed out your underpants and hung them over the railing, and so you were free-balling at the bar drinking Negronis. Oh, yeah. Probably fucking wagging your knees back and forth going,

Nobody knows. Freedom. Freedom. So I'm still fighting with this. I still get the waterboard shits, but it's because I haven't really eaten any solid foods in five days. And yeah, I should be writing a book tomorrow.

I have to start writing a book again. I've had three days without writing a fucking thing. So I'm going to have to plow through and hope people feel bad for me that I worked through injury. We'll get back to shitting our pants because it'll probably make itself an easy callback. But we have a guest today.

Aww. Aww. Aww. Amy Bingo Bingaman is here to plug her new event. her new project she's working on. Amy Bingo Bingaman, if you don't know her, she's a singer-songwriter as well as an author to be.

Kind of a renaissance gal. Written a book, but it's not. Oh, honey. Sorry. That's all right. That's all right. Take your time. It's an unpublished book.

Bingo's book. Yes. Yeah. Does it have a name? No. Jinx. No, there's no name for it. There's no name for it yet.

And that's why it's unfinished. Because from what I've read and I've heard in the trades, the book has been written for about eight years now. Yeah, that's true. Yet you keep saying that it's an unfinished. It's a diary of your time in a Wyoming mental institution. Yes. Which we've talked about that in the podcast, but only touched on it. You've got like.

Which we've talked about that in the podcast, but only touched on it. You've got like. Yeah, listeners might recognize Amy Bingo Bingaman as being my girlfriend the last decade. Actually, before we get into your project, and we're dying to, we have some questions from listeners. Oh, no. That are familiar with your time on the podcast podcast as well as the Howard Stern show. And so I have some questions, and they're for the listeners. And what I want you to do, I'm going to ask you the question,

and I just want you to answer openly and honestly right off the top of your own bean. No, I hate those. Okay. Here's one from, let's say, Bob in Texas. And Bob says, hey, Amy Bingo Bingaman, Doug Stanhope goes on the road quite a bit, and when he's not on the road, oftentimes has other projects, like writing a book. How do you deal with your time when he's not there?

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. So go ahead and just answer that right off the top of your head into the microphone. What do I do? Yeah, that's your answer. Oh, that is a great question because I am not so bright. It is hard when Doug Stanov isn't there to help me. Sometimes I do things wrong, like tie my shoes together, eat soap, or trade my pie money

for magic beans. So Doug Stanhope will put me in a large burlap sack when he's away. It's the smart thing to do. See, I like your biting honesty. And I think the listeners appreciate it, too.

That's a good question. A couple more. Uh, yeah. Uh, Amy bingo Bingaman. I love your appearances on the Howard Stern show. Howard seems to talk a lot about your lack of,

of love life with Doug Stanhope. I'd like you to expound more upon this. Once you have the pleasure of being deep-donged by Doug Stanhope just once, you're satisfied for a lifetime. Anything more after that is a blessing. Just thinking about it makes me have a female explosion into my pants. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Okay, what's next? What's next, Doug Sano? This is a candid interview. What's next, Doug Sano? Oh, this is not for me. This is from the... Here's one last one from a listener. Let's say uh jim in wisconsin and

he says amy you've become known as bingo butter cheeks bingaman oh my god for your uh graphic weight and size i'd like to know what what is your favorite snack on a Sunday afternoon? Well, Doug's too. I like dunking for gummy worms in warm pork fat. If I don't have enough pork lard, I will use motor oil. I wish I had a trick spine that would allow me to nibble the grassy pimples off my homunculus bottom. I think you're trying to say humongous, but either way,

I'm sorry. That's all the time that we have for Amy bingo Bingham. And sorry, we couldn't get to your project and you're up. That's okay. We'll get her next time. Yeah. Yeah.

Come back anytime. just call my producer all right i'm just giving you the business i know you are all right so uh this project he wrote a book 10 years ago which is your diaries your actual diary it was it was a when i was locked up for the first time. It's the copious notes I took while I was locked up in the mental institution. I wrote down everything that happened between me and other patients. And not like in a notebook even. Any shard of paper?

Everything, everything. Yeah, and sometimes you weren't allowed a pen and paper, Yeah, and sometimes you weren't allowed a pen and paper, so I would use whatever I could to document what was going on. And then when you get out, when you got here, you've compiled those and put them in a timeline and had your full diaries. Oh, diaries. Okay. Break time? No, no, I'm fighting through it. Okay. Break time? No, no.

I'm fighting through it. I've become a master of what is and isn't a fart at this point. A connoisseur, if you will. So you put those together, and I read it, and I liked it, which is a fucking horror show. If you have any girlfriend in the arts that says, hey, take at my work you're like oh jesus it's gonna suck and then i'm gonna what do i say because if i say it's great i'm gonna drink eventually and then say nah not so much that yeah that honesty that brutal honesty that you doesn't need to be said. And it was fantastic. I fucking laughed several times reading that.

Yeah. But it's never done in 10 years. I think when you're writing your book, I'm going to finish my book. What is it? You need a fucking spinal, what do you call it? Fucking going to put it in a folder? The thing. I'm talking about the...

I have no words. A three-ring binder. Yes, that's... What else does it need? Sorry, we're supposed to be doing this straight. So what is holding you back from putting this book out? I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that once I put it out

i will have nothing it will feel like i have nothing left to work on i don't know maybe that's holding me back yeah but then what i would think oh i all i have to do is put this out and then i can do nothing and i have to worry about it no one's banging on your door for a follow-up project. Yeah, no. I've got to go back to a mental institution. They're looking for a sequel. Hollywood's clamoring for more. Go off your meds. So that's coming out. But you also recorded an album based on this diary.

Based on the book. There's nine songs on the album. All right. And I wanted the album to feel kind of schizophrenic, so there's a lot of different styles on. We've got, like, gospel, a chain gang tune, New Orleans brass band, 80s butt rock, some opera strings.

I wanted it to sound kind of schizophrenic so I didn't have a band it does, it definitely does the song that you just put out on a video that's the song that made me fall in love with you you put it in a book at one of the desert parties with some other

weird writing like a scrapbook was that the one that she made it while she was out in the desert in her truck not able to communicate with anyone because it was her first time out yeah seeing people since the the mental institution yeah uh and then a lot of the other songs when you did it i go people are gonna have read. Like when I read the diaries, a lot of those songs that sound like nonsense, you go, oh, fuck, now I get it.

A couple of the songs you took actual dialogue that you had written down of crazy people just talking. Like Peach Pie, that song is the New Orleans Brass Band tune, That song is the New Orleans Brass Band tune, and it's all of Heather, this woman, she would verbigerate and just talk. It's like speaking in tongues, but with real words that just don't make sense. Way funnier. Right, right. But she would verbigerate, and I would write down everything she said, quotes.

I would get it exact. I would write it as she was speaking it. And then I just compiled. Then Heather would go back to her fucking room and go, that crazy chick just writes down every fucking thing you say. I'm going to just say as much as I can, as fast as I can, and just watch her frantically write. Who's the fucking court stenographer out here?

Jesus Christ. I wrote down everything. Everything. So when you read the book, you're oh fuck now that's the the record makes sense with the book i i i would hope that the record stood alone i would hope this song where to put the flowers that is just out i hope it stands alone but um but it does go with the book and it makes sense after you read the book so uh so now that you have the album completed which you uh recorded six seven years ago yeah about six or seven yeah up in portland with your friend rob robin clabby fantastic musician yeah saxophonist and he's

playing all over the record. He's amazing. You played saxophone on this. The one that just went out. What you're pitching here is you just released a video that you made with Whiskey Girl and Know Our Man's sister and brother-in-law. Yeah, which is Where to Put the Flowers. It was a song that I wrote my good friend, Genia O'Gara, right before I got locked up in the first mental institution. And yeah, I'm playing everything on it, the saxophones and the piano.

It's still, it's a song that occasionally will come on my iPod and I get fucking goosebumps and then I realize, oh fuck, that's Bingo's song. I feel like such a nitwit. I was all fucking roomy eyed at that song

and i realized oh shit this is bingo song which is kind of really cool uh because there's nothing else i really respect about you oh the book yeah the book is great uh roll bingo you're on a roll so you just released this video not to be confused with the video that we asked you all to vote for. Yeah, this is a different one. Yeah, that was Bingo finishing Whiskey Girls. Yeah, Oh Up Above was the one that you voted for and for not. It did not win. It did not win.

You got it into the top five. We got popular vote by a landslide. You pissed off some of the other contestants. Yeah. That was fun. So that was great. So when it went to the judges, you didn't win, but I'm sure you want to thank the podcast

listeners. Oh, of course I want to thank the killer termites. The killer termites. Thank you guys! Thank you guys! This is not that video. This is your own brand new video. This is the first song off my record. This is mine.

If you remember, they came down to film this in Bisbee. Bingo was at the Central School, one of the locations, setting it up for the shoot the next day. We were moving a piano. Yeah. By we, you mean all the people that you called and asked to move a piano for you. All my guys. She can mobilize, man.

She got them there. Yeah. Thank God for all my hernias. Did I ask you? No, I did not. I have way too many hernias, and I'm keeping them like fucking sick days. So you don't have to move pianos. And that's when you had your seizure, fell on your melon.

I had a seizure. Looked like a Mayweather wife. Fell on my face. It was cut up. I had stitches above my eye, bruised black eye, scrapes all over. But it was only on the right side of my face. But it was only on the right side of my face. You look like the character, like a female version of Two-Face, the Batman character.

Where one side, you know what I mean? Like one side was like, if you saw her from one side, and this is where you're going, if you saw her from one side, you'd be like, oh, hey, bingo. If you saw her from the other side, it's like, ooh, she kind of looks like bingo. Yeah, one side you're going, ooh, ugly. And the other side you're going, ooh, someone tried to beat the ugly off her. So I was pretty fucked up on the right side of my face. Two days, a day

before. No, it was the day before. This was 12 hours before they're supposed to start shooting. And Bingo completely, there's no way I can do this video. Somehow. Lindy Mindy and whatever that dude's name is. Lindy and Jeremy Nielsen.

Yeah. She's immediately in positive attitude. And we can make it work. And how bad is it? And I texted her a picture. Not Bingo. No. Clarify.

No, I thought this was going into the garbage. The filmmakers were all, we can work around it. How bad can it be? And then they're like, ew. We're driving to the. No, I was thought this was going into the garbage. We can work around it. How bad can it be? And then they're like, we're driving to the airport now. We're still coming. And then when they got here, they pitched it and we were all we thought there was a way to do it.

I thought there was a way to do it, but I kept getting shot down angrily. I don't want to hear it fuck you i don't even care i've been dealing with this dumb project for 10 years but they did they made it work they filmed around your face they filmed around my face they yeah you only see the left side of my face in the whole video, and you can't tell that I'm so fucked up on the other side. And it looks fantastic.

And you're half naked in it. Half naked? Well, you're all naked, but most of it shows. Some people probably don't even hear the lyrics, which are fantastic. And you don't really remember filming it. Oh, I remember so little of it. Like when I saw, I thought the whole project went into the toilet and they didn't tell me they had anything for two weeks.

And then they're like, no, the video, it turned out and they showed it to me. And I didn't remember hardly any part of it. I was out of it. And then they said, oh, by the way, here's your video. Yeah. So I saw it for the first time and I'm like, okay, this will work.

This will work. And it went up on our YouTube channel, which is, do we know what that is? It's on the Stanhope YouTube. Thank you. Do we have a link on my website or something to my YouTube channel? There's got to be. I don't think there is. It's called Where Stanhope YouTube. Thank you. Do we have a link on my website or something to my YouTube channel? There's got to be.

I don't think there is. It's called Where to Put the Flowers. It'll be on the website under the podcast for this episode. Okay. That'll work. But it's Stanhope's YouTube channel. Okay. I wouldn't know how to find that.

I have no idea. So that's – and then she cranks that one out. Then she's happy. You're happy with how it turned out? Yeah, of course. I can tell by, you put it out last night and did nothing for 14 hours but stare at her phone and refresh and refresh to see how many. She was getting, every time she refreshed, it seemed like someone else had watched it. The number went up by one.

She only got one negative comment, which was a big step. I'm still against it. We're going to leave the comments up for this one. Bingo. You don't have that kind of stomach. I don't have that kind of stomach. No, it's been fine. There's been one thumbs down and all the comments

have been great. Well, good. Hopefully the listeners know that you're a fragile soul. Don't take full advantage. No, you can't. I'm sure you'll get some butter cheeks, fat jokes. Oh, I have already, actually. I've had a few of those.

You roll with it well. And immediately, Bingo says, well, I want to do videos for all of my songs. Oh. Fucking known artists don't do that. You can't have a video for every one of your songs. Put the fucking hit out. Who did? They did Tommy, a rock opera.

See, there you go. Every single one. That's not helping? Sorry. The Who? Bingo the musical. Where do I find some lard? I'd sure like to eat some lard.

And then up-tempo. So when do you plan on having the book out? I have a deadline. Oh. Your deadline is going to be in the toilet real soon. Yeah, we might have to take a break. We'll come back after this

squirting shit with a little bit more from Amy Buttercheek's bingo ding-a-ling-ding-dong-ding-a-man. Hey, faggots, listen. We have merch. We have a donation button, and I don't like to ask you to do that, but we just got some fucking numbers where we could actually do some advertising and I don't want to do it

But Chaley could actually make really good money if I start doing advertising I'd rather you buy some merch or donate when I say that I hate to be the guy that says you know what? Yeah, no, I'm going to turn down that. I would not even take. That would be for Chaley. We just get drunk in talking to microphones. It's not like this is a lot of out of my day.

But we got to keep fucking Chaley in business. So yeah, yeah. Buy merch or else. Stamps. And now back to the podcast, as I'm saying. That was the second night in a row of podcasting where I said, if I had the portable recorder and taped what just happened in that bathroom, I'd put it out as a comedy album because, as I've always said,

there's nothing funnier than farts, including wet shit farts. And that was just four solid minutes of continuous splattering air just spitting air with fucking gino and uh what's his name from across the street harley are in there watching hockey just outside the door fortunately they scored right in the middle of it fucking black box scored so there's a lot of fucking cover noise, but I wanted them to enjoy that. If I heard that, I would think someone's playing a tape. There's no possible way that that much fucking spitting wind could come out of one man that much in one sitting.

And if I wasn't terrified of what's going on inside my body, because all this air, like with the hiatal hernias, that's the inside. That's not even one of the hernias I talk about with my ventral. I have fucking four hernias. One I had fixed, the umbilical. Then I get the inguinal and the ventral. And the one inside that I've only had a problem with once before, Bingo would remember. problem with once before a bingo would remember we went to the fucking baseball game and i ate a hot dog too fast and it felt like half a hot dog was lodged in my esophagus just beneath my fucking

breastplate maybe i mean could it have been that you just ate too fast and that was a piece of hot dog why is it a hernia that makes it maybe you ate too much hot dog all at once. Well, my dad had the same thing where they had to go inside of him and plunge the – it's only if it gets really bad. But plunge – it's like having a prolapsed rectum, but it's in your fucking esophagus. Your stomach is coming up through that. It's what stops all your fucking lunch from coming up. Yeah, yeah. But then you get a pocket on the other side of your fucking neck asshole gotta like kind of push it back in yeah then my dad's was past that but when i had that and i

felt it right away but this was i had to have at least two different things because you don't get the screaming 48 hour water shits which is now you know hours, that's tilapia for a while. No, no. I disagree. For a little while. We've been talking about this. I think that was a coincidence that you ate rancid fish. Well, I do every day pretty much.

That's the thing. I mean, but it seems to me that any time that I've heard or had what I thought was food poisoning, it was quicker and it was a lot more violent. I know. That's what I'm saying. For a minimal amount of time, you can write it off as bad fish. But you don't get the hiatal hernia does not give you the liquid fire shits. And I also get flu-like symptoms until now.

I just get these waves of fever flush and sapped of all energy. So I know the hiatal hernia is in effect, but I don't know what else. Cause I'm from the beginning. I have not eaten solid food except for a few bites of scrambled egg, singular, and a little bit of a 50% off pot roast. God damn it.

Hey, it's a habit that's hard to break. It's part of his routine, man. He has to. Either way, something's creating that air inside of me. Because I'll wake up and belch like I've been hammering beers. And I'm not, there's no intake. It's like, did I eat a corpse? There's no intake.

It's like, did I eat a corpse? Because I know a corpse will eventually swell up. From the biology that's happening inside of the corpse. And it being a contained area, it blows up like a balloon until eventually it pops. Yeah, so I just keep spitting air out of both ends without anything to justify that. So who knows? I have no idea. Bingo Bingaman, I will trick into the bathroom when I've really destroyed it, and I'll find any, and she falls for it almost every time.

No, this morning I said, you don't want to come in here. Generally I'll go, honey, look at the centipede in the bathtub. I really need my tums. The one you did to me one time on tour was, and I had no idea this was a game you played. This is a game. You came out of the bathroom, which was pretty quick, or I was busy, and you're like, who the fuck would put a nickel in the toilet? Are you fucking serious?

We just checked in. You went right to the shitter, dumped the load, and came out and said, who'd put a nickel in the toilet? And I walk over and I go, are you serious? Because I was going to like, we'll complain. We'll get another room. And I go in there. If it were Hennigan, he'd be going after the nickel.

Oh, it was like a punch in the nose. oh it was like a punch in the nose so yeah do that to bingo with any just dubious excuse for why oh jesus get me a band-aid quick they're in the bathroom like I cut myself quick quick I fall for it every fucking time

I'm coming I'm coming you fucking asshole it was so bad this morning that she came in to get me Tums. And I said, fuck, I need Tums because I'm belching on the toilet. Double, you know, double ending it. I was worried about you. But you came in and I said, don't come in here right now. And then 30 seconds later, I went, oh, fuck.

No, I need those Tums really bad. And then you came in after I just like it was so bad. I wouldn't even let you in. And then 30 seconds later, you come rushing in to save me. Oh, it's awful. And then I grabbed you by the fucking hips while I'm sitting on the toilet to hold you in there. Oh, it's awful. How about a hug?

It was awful. How about a hug? Why did you need the Tums like that quick with like a suppository or something? I mean, you. Oh, yeah. Why would she believe that? Yeah. Well, when you get that fucking acid reflux.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. But she was worried about me. She's a sweetheart. Speaking of fat shaming. Okay. Yeah, this just goes nowhere. And I wish I had a clip, but it's a podcast.

Do you know what Cinegenics is? So it's commercials with the fucking senior citizen dudes who take this hormone therapy. What's it called? Fucking naked dudes on TV. They're shirtless. Oh, I started Cetagenics and now my libido. Well, and he looks at his wife.

Now he wants to do it all the time. And this is Dr. So-and-so. Of course, the guys that invented this fraud program. If you Google search Cetagenics fraud, Cetagenics scam. Actually, you don't even have to. If you put in cetogenics, the predictive text on Google will just go to fraud, scam, bullshit, etc. But they have TV commercials, and then they show age 72 and the before and after. And then afterwards, it's a 72-year-old dude shirtless. after and then afterwards it's a 72 year old dude shirtless and yes you have pecs you have fucking nipples that hang down like a like a bitch dog after a litter you're fucking disgusting shape shaming is what i'm trying to invoke here just because you're in good shape doesn't mean

someone wants to see you without your shirt on. You're 72. You're sitting there with a fucking waxed chest. Do you really think, you know, because a hooker doesn't gag as much when she sees you, that means you should be on TV without a fucking shirt on. And I remember I tweeted him once because this, I read a newser a lot for my news. It's just little clips of stuff. I don't know if you read newser. news. It's just little clips of stuff.

I don't know if you read Newser.com. It's an online aggregate. Yeah. Their slogan is read less, know more. It's really dumb. It's fucking eye candy. But you'll find out, okay, I don't need to watch 24-hour coverage with Wolf Blitzer of Baltimore. I got two paragraphs.

It's good. But they have the ads that come up. Every time you refresh or hit a new page, all the different ads come up. And fucking Cinegenics is always there with that one fucking dude with the long nipples, leaning against a Harley with no shirt on. And at one point I tweeted something about how fucking horrific they are. And they tweeted back at me like mockingly, hey, maybe someone really needs our product. You're fucking gross.

I'm trying to think of a good analogy. Shape shaming. Shape shaming. Yeah, you're a fucking old dude. Nobody wants to fuck you. Wow, my wife's so happy. I want to do it all the time. No, she's not.

No, she's not. That's all I got on that. You're writing a book. I am writing a book. And right now it's a piece of shit. Thank you for everyone who's my friends that text me or call. Hey, I can't wait to read the fucking book. It's going to be great.

Well, don't keep saying that. Lower your expectations. Because the first draft is just trying to remember shit and call people who remember shit. So you make sure it's accurate and it's not well written at all. That's the second draft. Third draft, I'll shit to make sure it's accurate and it's not well written at all. That's the second draft. Third draft, I'll try to make it funny. Then Canada. And then I'll fucking just quit and say,

you know, I can't make my deadline. Let me give you money back. That's when Hannigan tackles you. Wrestles the phone from your hand. He says he's almost done. That's when Hannigan tackles you. Wrestles the phone from your hand. He says he's almost done. That's a thing. That's an email I got today. It was someone from, he's a contributor for vice.com, which I fucking love vice.

I think it's the best news source out there for not necessarily the news, but shit you should know. And hey, can I get a plus one for your show at the Hammersmith in London? I write for this, and I'd love to do a review and get an interview if you have time. And this is where Hennigan and I, I'm sure he lies to me now. No, you don't get a fucking plus one. You write for someone. Vice.com has a fucking lot of money. A, the show is sold out.

So if there were two tickets to give out, I'd have sold them because that's what I'm in fucking business for. I don't need a review. Everyone's a critic anyway. Now that you have Facebook, everyone's a critic anyway now that you have facebook everyone's gonna give you shit everyone's on twitter 140 word review of your show at least they fucking paid to do that i'm gonna pay for you to come in and tell me what you think about me tickets are like fucking 60 bucks or something i don't know they're fucking a lot of money and you need not do you need a fucking ticket you need a plus one so what the other guy takes fucking notes while you just pontificate out loud during my set i don't know what you need a plus one for i don't do i bring my girlfriend to work yes i do because she has a fucking job at the merch booth

if she didn't would i you're gonna bring your fucking girlfriend to your job okay stop it this is not you i respect your work vice.com i love you but every fucking asshole it's it's especially in the uk where newspapers are still something that people read so yeah well i want to i want to do a review no if you want to do a review. No. If you want to do a review, get tickets while they're still available and pay for the fucking thing because your opinion is no different than an asshole on Twitter. So don't expect me to because that money comes right out of my pocket. I give you a fucking plus one and take two seats away from paying customers. That's my money. I'm not that vain where I need to hear your dumb fucking opinion in a newspaper that no one I care about reads

It's it's fucking rude like you my fans are the brokest fucking people on earth And if I was gonna comp anyone it would be someone who's desperate to see my show But they just get out of jail or they lost their legs drunk on the railroad tracks or some fucking everyone I know has a legitimate sob story. The only people that have any money that come to see me are fucking you, jerk-off reporter guy who makes money. You're going to wait. You want free tickets to make money off of what I do? Like, without me, there's no you.

If you didn't get to fucking criticize me critique me i don't care if it's positive if i didn't do this you what are you gonna write about what what's your own fucking idea and now you're gonna make money off of your opinion of me and you want me to pay for it fuck you and brian hennigan is the one who lets these cocksuckers at who it's the guardian i don't care if it's the fucking guardian or a tweet pat my balls he's gonna tweet about it we gotta get him in free no this is not specifically at you vice guy but you you're the one who emailed me today and i had to stop myself.

That's why I shouldn't even read any email. Just let any fucking business thing go to Brian. But then Brian will fucking let him in. Didn't we have a Vice guy meet us on the road? It's a contributor. Well, obviously. There's a contributor. Well, obviously. There's the thing. You don't even know what a contributor really means because one of every comic's intros for a long time in the 90s

was he writes for the Jay Leno Tonight Show. Well, anyone can submit jokes to the Tonight Show. It's an answering machine. Or at least that was the case back then. And occasionally he might buy one and you get 30 bucks or something. Credit for life. Yeah, exactly. One time Jay Leno, his team goes through the slew of facsimiles being.

That's right. There were faxes you could send in. Fax in your jokes and maybe one time and then forever oh he's a writer for the tonight show really so someone says uh i'm a contributor to vice or any other fucking magazine well he might have written one thing i was featured in hustler magazine which i just found going through old shit. No, before the big spread that just came out years ago, I found where I just did a top five list of some kind. Yeah, can you grab that bone away from Henry?

It's making Chaley's audio crazy. So I could have said, as featured in Hustler magazine, not that that would have drawn flies, but yeah, it did some kind of holiday thing. Five Things You Don't Want for the Holidays or something by Doug Stanhope, comedian. It's a bullshit credit. Or maybe it's not, but you don't know. Before podcasts were the thing, there was podcasts and internet radio, which was live streaming.

And people would email you and say, hey, will you do our internet radio, which was live streaming. And people would call you or email you and say, hey, will you do our internet radio? And if I was at home and bored and had nothing to do, occasionally I'd do them, but I had no idea what it was. And I assume nobody's listening to this, which they weren't most of the time. And like, what a great scam to just get someone to fucking call you is just, I have internet radio.

So what you're going to do is record it and then no one's going to listen to it. So it's just like, hey, will you call me so I can talk to you? No, why would I do that? I'm a fan. Well, so are a lot of other people. It's internet radio. Okay okay it's the same thing no other qualifier other than it it's internet radio yep i have seven listeners i mean uh it's internet radio i think keith and the girl was the first one i did where

then all of a sudden i just got shit loads of email i heard you on keith and the girl was the first one I did where then all of a sudden I just got shit loads of email I heard you on Keith and the girl you did one I did one before I realized any of them had any listeners I was just doing them because I was bored and it was before I realized that shit lives forever on the internet so uh so that's that what uh we gotta thank some people someone sent me a stolen bible just right here yes and i'm like i can't use that that's not stolen oh yes it is stolen he sent a note hi doug this bible was stolen from a hotel in hiroshima thought you could sell it on your site apparently it was one of the few bibles to survive the atomic blast in 45,

which explains why it's a bit roughed up. Ha ha. Also, a keychain and some matches from the hotel the book came from. Cheers. Or kanpai from Ryan. So, yeah, keep this keychain and the book of matches from the hotel because it's a New Testament, new testament it says in english and the rest is all in fucking japanese but uh as long as it's legitimately stolen from a hotel yeah we'll

fucking we'll rape someone on this in canada now this should go this this should go on uh ebay if i can however i give it to you i forget forget it exists. Someone sent that, a fucking talking Rodney Dangerfield doll. Okay, hold on. Two foot tall, talking. We don't have batteries for it yet, but if it works, you press the button and it does Rodney bits, and that's a cool thing that we'll put on a shelf. I don't see selling that, or maybe we do.

Maybe we sell that. I don't see selling that. Or maybe we do. Maybe we sell that. I don't know. We'll see how long it takes before I have to go back to comedy. I just keep writing a book and selling nonsense to stay alive. We don't know if that works. So we'll Rodney Dangerfield. The dude with the Texas cats up sent like 11 more bottles of Texas cats up. Not available

anywhere in the world except at that guy's barbecue place that he works for. Doesn't even own. And I don't even know the name of it. It's in Indiana somewhere. I wouldn't mention the name because the guy just works there and steals all this Texas cats up and sends it to us. We'll never get through all

of this. Maybe send out a couple bottles of Texas catsup in a random merchandise order. We're out down in Blacknum because I thought the Tops had that little pee hole like in Tabasco. So I had some really spicy sweet eggs. Because I did one of those double shakes before I realized that's most of the bottle that just went out. The Cadillac did get bought, and not by a podcast listener, not even a fan. Just a guy who wanted a Cadillac. So it got sold. We took a small bath on it, but that's fine.

He's coming to pick it up on Saturday. Floyd's ass cancer party, kiss my asshole goodbye party is this Friday from 4 to 8. Are you invited? No, you don't know Floyd. But we're having the party. We're not doing outrageous things like we had planned. But who knows? The whole time I was thinking, well, when he gets fucked up enough, he might do all this.

Having molds made of his asshole. And I go, wait, he doesn't drink. He's got ass cancer. But you still think he's drinking. So that's that. Hairdug and bingo, this and that. Hot sauce. Oh, yeah, someone sent a whole case of their own homemade hot sauce,

which I'll let you try first. Anytime we get some food that's homemade, it's like, well, it's either hot sauce or it's semen. And I did try the caramel corn. I really like things with expiration dates, hence the fucking 50% off. That's so weird. But it has an expiration date on the thing. You can write whatever you fucking want on that thing. It christ's sake they err on the side of caution big company well

george i can't read your handwriting pay as paez whoever sent this there's no expiration date this is handmade well hot sauce joey when he leaves vinegar... It's vinegar, dude. That's what, yeah. Well, I'll try it. I'll try it once I'm back up to snuff. Once my body's working again. My fucking corpse, my carcass is not making gurgling sounds of monsoons in a distance. He sent a legend with the hotness factor of each of the hot sauces. I mean, he's serious about his fucking shit here. Dear Doug and Bingo was planning

to send this during rehab but couldn't find the right box. If you don't like toys, sign it and sell it. That was the Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, it came with the Rodney Dangerfield. Oh, it came with the Rodney Dangerfield. All right. He's trustworthy.

You're reading that thinking it's hot sauce. Yeah. The hot sauce guy has roasted jalapeno, some amadillo, which, yeah, I guess I'll try it. I've eaten squirrels. All right. So if some unlabeled hot sauce comes with your next t-shirt uh purchase from the merch yeah that's uh for lucky george paez but i'll try one when i get stomach food again and other people have sent some shit i don't know where

i don't know what that's all we got here uh i i don't know i know but it's a stuff comes in every day and i'm working and we only podcast every so often so thanks for sending shit 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona 85603 and if you want me to answer any of your questions like the lovely questions you had for amy b Bingaman. Thanks again. Thanks again for doing that last minute. Yeah, send your I only answer snail mail questions. Make them as short as a tweet. Send them to 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. And if I get around to it, I'll

answer your dumb questions. And what else we got, Chaley? Should we take a break to make sure we're not forgetting something? No, I think we're done. I think we are. Well, Canada date's coming up. They added a Calgary date. Calgary on the 17th of June is sold out.

And so Hennigan filled up that 18th with another Calgary. All right. Yeah, Canada's coming up. UK dates. You keep torturing me. What else are you going to do? I don't fucking know. Hennigan seems to be on a bender more than he is working.

Oh, no. Oh, no. It takes him so fucking long to get back with me. Really? Or have you just been hitting the hooch by the way in all this fucking research i've been doing and by research i mean plowing through only like two big tote boxes of leftover mother shit thank god she was a fucking hoarder because i'm finding shit most of it. 25 page magazine, photocopy of an article about the benefits of cayenne pepper.

Like what? But then you go through some more. I found, I found a lot of shit, but one of the things I found was my great grandmother's original work permit and birth certificate separately. 1886 birth certificate, original from Scotland, and her immigration with their picture on it to come here in the teens or the 30s.

What? Yeah. So I'm fucking Scottish. Like, I was brother in arms. Yeah, I'm like a fucking old school. So that accent I do of Hennigan is authentic. Yes, it is. That is an authentic Scottish accent.

I have paperwork. Fucking Hennigan probably doesn't even have accurate paperwork. Yeah. Yes, I'm so happy to be Scottish. You're not even doing Hennigan. That's not even Hennigan. That's a Scotsman. That's a Scotsman.

That's a Scotsman. So, yeah, like anyone else in the fucking this country, I knew. Yeah, I guess I'm like English, Scottish and German. But you don't know why or how fucking many centuries that goes back. But, yeah, 1886, my fucking grandmother, great grandmother born in Scotland. Yeah, 1886, my fucking grandmother, great-grandmother, born in Scotland. I'll have to photocopy that and see if any one of you, whatever a slang term for a Scotsman is, can figure out exactly where. Find her grave. So, yeah, go Scotland.

Fight for independence. I don't know. I'm going to have to figure out how to be a proper Scotsman now. Tweet me and give me what I should know. All right, that's it. Get the fuck out of here. Thank you. Thank you, Amy Bingo Bingaman.

You can find her on Twitter, at Bingo Bingaman, or as someone has come up with, at Amy Buttercheeks is her, what do you call that? Alter ego. Fat Amy Bingaman. And it's your Facebook, which you really use, is Facebook slash Amy underscore Bingamanaman or just amy bingaman i don't know you don't know all right amy bingaman all right yeah so and the find the youtube thing on the link on my site to this podcast okay and to close us out uh the mattoid is gonna have to take this podcast off so we can spin this one more time from yesterday's intro and i love it because uh

this uh this guy's actually made over 70 000 songs most of them uh poop related and he made one just for us so this is modern media modern with a t and there'll be a link on uh the uh breakdown of this podcast so spin it again I don't think it has a name, but it's about Doug Stanhope poop and farts. Have a great week. But all Doug Stanhope, world famous genius comedic mind. But you know, poop still falls from his behind.

That's right, just like you and me. Doug Stanhope goes poop and pee. Oh yeah. And it stinks. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Oh yeah. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast.

It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Oh yeah. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast, oh yeah. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast. It's the Doug Stanhope Podcast, oh yeah.