The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#76: Pissing on Dean Potter's Grave

Episode Date: May 26, 2015

Pissing on the grave of Dean Potter, a Floyd update and Doug's new trailer park. Plus, Jobi from DSCDP gives away some tablets.Recorded May 23, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Jobi (@StanhopeCDP), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Doug is now on Instagram - REALSTANHOPELinks-ZIP ZOO Apparel - http://www.zipzooapparel.com/Last Supper Couch on Craigslist - http://bit.ly/1IMRfA9Stanhope's Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/user/stanhopetvIntro music "The Only One Drinking Tonight" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Happiness" by The Mattoid. The Mattoid available on iTunes. Mishka Shubaly music and Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Pass me the lampshade, I'm drunk again Blew my drug money on a quart of gin Well, I am a cultured man with tastes discriminating But I'll settle for a tall glass of anything well am I the only one drinking tonight

the only one drinking tonight the only one drinking tonight The only one drinking tonight Am I the only one drinking tonight The only one drinking tonight do this but it's i i took the day off because it's saturday here what day is it where you are call in call it up call into our hotline and let us know uh yeah we uh got uh joe b's here he's gonna give away some tablets with some uh uh confused well i was gonna throw a dart at all

these names to the uh the to the death club death people. He's giving away a tablet. So he's got these list of names, and he was going to throw darts to figure out who won. But we don't have darts. We don't have darts. No. I can't even. Did we give away those BB guns? You have a BB gun? Oh, do we have a blowgun?

I thought I gave that to Kenny, because he's the guy most likely to put out an eye. Blowgun's gone. Blowgun's gone. Yeah, I gave that to Kennyny because he's the guy most likely to put out an eye blowgun's gone blowgun's gone yeah i gave that to kenny why don't we uh we'll take the pistol what pistol bb gun pistol the one you just bought the one you almost shot the cat oh fuck yeah i thought we i was i was trying to think i thought i had something new to yeah we'll do that so we'll do one shot at a time and then the the one that gets closer to like hitting the star at the carnival right yeah right you don't have to shoot out the whole name. You know what?

Just to make it really fair, we'll let girls shoot. Not with that gun. Everyone shoots like a girl with that gun. Yeah. Yeah. But not Joby. No. Joby can shoot anything.

So, yeah. All right. So, yeah, that'll be in the second half. Yeah. Now that we have to go in the fucking crawl space and dig around for things we hid from ourselves because we drank. And Floyd update.

Floyd, his latest tweet shows him outside of the hospital. They wheeled him outside and I thought, oh wow, he really needed a cigarette. And then I thought, Floyd doesn't smoke. He just really wanted to see outside. He really does look like looking at the sky. But yeah, I was touching go for a minute. That surgery had to have his asshole taken out twice.

And I don't know. We'll find out details on that. Maybe he had two. Well, good news and bad news. My dad had an anal fissure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't know.

Like a crater. Yeah. That actually went so deep in that it connected to his colon. Side street. Yeah, he was shitting out right beneath his tailbone as well. And that was one of my dad didn't swear, and he didn't really have a sense of humor as far as jokes go. But I remember him describing it to us, and he says,

I bet you knew your dad was always an asshole, but I bet you didn't know he was a double asshole. Like, oh, dad made a joke. Jesus. Yeah, that's pretty gross. And a poop joke. Yeah. A chip off the old block.

Poop is always funny, dad. I've been writing fucking horribly. I still haven't found a rhythm. I'm just putting fucking words on paper, and then we'll fix it in the next draft. But I've been finding every other fucking thing in the world to do as I sit on that computer staring at it, including reading Facebook messages. You barely even do Facebook. That's how fucking much I don't want to be behind that. I get sick.

Anything to do. And then, thank God, that cocksucker, this Dean Potter, if you don't know who he is, he's an extreme douchebag. Bass jumper. Bass jumper, free climber. That whole extreme sports

has gotten music as, well, this is house and this is techno. It's all the same shit. You're jumping off a fucking cliff, whatever. This cocksucker dies and I look at the thing because I'm amused when

people that should die die. Who didn't want the Walenda to fall off the fucking tightrope? Nobody. Everybody wanted him to die. And this is just another one of those guys. And I don't have anything against base jumping. If that's what you want to do, I don't live a healthy lifestyle either. But this cocksucker, when I'm reading the newser story,

because that's where I get my news and I just... Is there another place other than newser that I can read news in short gulps like that? Newser is great, but they have the fucking Cinegenics guy on there. Every third time you click on a page it's that fucking look at me at 55 i was fat and then at 67 look at me again shirtless and i'm not as fat now i'm 74 and i'm oiled and i have a fake tan with no shirt on leaning against him you You're 75. Put a fucking shirt on. It's disgusting. Nobody wants to see that.

No one. And so, yeah, if there's another, I want to, yeah, fuck you, newser. Live without my business. I guess my business is clicking on ads, so you're never going to get my business. I'm probably just taking up bandwidth because I'll never buy Cinegenics. I'll be happy and fat with a shirt on. You know what? Do you ever consider that you old fucking grizzly beast with your nipples hanging like a fucking mother dog costa rican

dog with your fucking eight udders scraping against the beach so on newser i read the story that's your commercial newser you're a fucking sponsor. And so is Cinegenics. I'm going to start doing Cinegenics commercials. Yeah, well, maybe we'll tape one at the break. I don't know. Maybe they'll reach out to us. They have. They fucked with me on Twitter when I started giving them shit.

Oh, maybe someone really needs our product and is in denial. Some kid is monitoring their feed. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. It's not the 75-year-old guy. He's out getting pussy in Thailand while they cry. Yeah.

How about reverse cowgirl? The tears dripping down your face when you have to fuck a septuagenarian. Really, you're killing my bow. That's how reverse cowgirls started. Cetogenics. Face the other way. When you're trying to hold in vomit with your two fingers. No, so Dean Potter, I'm reading the the story and it's exciting for me uh

what have you mentioned that he's dead yet he jumped off a fucking cliff and this time he died and in his little uh two paragraph memorial on newser it said he was known for taking his dog base jumping and so i just put on you know facebook twitter that uh hey if you're looking for a reason to rejoice this guy's death read no further in this article then included his dog on jumps because that's uh fucking horrible so uh this you know i get some base jumping people you know up in arms and i I'm like, this is perfect. This gives me every excuse not to write this stupid book that I hate. This was late at night.

It was later in the evening. Usually you stop. My writer's block is right out the window. That's God. Writer's block? No. I had all the fucking writer's fury. Shaley, what's a word for?

It was just you were in your unhappy place. Yeah. If I could – if I was writing a book about what a douchebag this fucking asshole Dean Potter jumping around in a space chute. You know, they jump with the human parachuting thing. Like the flying squirrel. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The flying squirrel.

I could have just written i i got i got busted out 70 000 words that night my own book i got nothing your life yeah your experience is nothing no but guy i don't know yeah the dog that is alive yeah chucking a fucking dog off a cliff in a knapsack on his back yeah yeah and and people are attacking me how dare you a man of peace and love he was trying to share no he was he threw a fucking dog off a cliff there's no way that you can be right about this and that's those are the i start shit on social media sometimes just for the sake of shit but that time no i'm right and and no one will you know uh some lady said well he stopped doing it once uh he realized that it was unsafe for the dog and then he got so i i wrote back uh that's like saying uh well he fucked kids until he realized that they bleed out of their asses

it's not the same thing it's the fucking same thing and this this is the best bingo will remember won't remember yeah you will because i brought it up to you when we played tallahassee we walk into this sushi place it's like three o'clock in the afternoon bingo goes to the supermarket chaley and i walk into the sushi place and there's only one guy in the sushi place and generally there's some kind of decorum that you like there's a sushi bar he's at the bar but he's all the way at the end and i don't want to sit next to some dude, but there's enough seats in between us. Common courtesy would dictate you would give a little space. Right.

Kind of like at a urinal. And I thought, all right, there's enough space because Bingo's not here. She'll join us eventually. And that gives him one seat privacy. And I noticed that he's settling up. They have brought the bill to him. It's post lunch rush. Yeah.

So there's no one in there. It's at three in the afternoon. Usually sushi isn't even open so we sat down we're fucking grizzled from that drive from what was it where do we play on the the cool place we play the where you almost get fucking attacked in the parking lot oh there's a pensacola pensacola yeah there was the punk rock club so we had a drive with a hangover from pensacola to Tass. I just wet my pants. Just thinking about it.

Yeah, that was a scary moment. I'll play through. Dark parking lot. That's what you get for fucking... Yeah, it's horror and merch. If we weren't horror and merch, you'd be broke, of course. But we wouldn't be. Anyway, we get.

And so I don't I don't want to talk to anyone. Anyway, the guy that we sat next to is coming to the show. And I can see I have peripheral vision and I can see you have a spidey sense that, you know, that this guy knows that. Yeah. And now he's looking for a reason. And I fuck. I don't want to talk to people, but I know he's leaving.

So he was Doug Stanhope. I just want you to know I'm coming to the show tonight. A big fan. Well, great. Thanks, man. See,

see you there. Show doesn't start till then. Thanks. That's when the show starts. And then more chitter chatter. And then he gets on his phone and he fucking calls his wife. And then he starts ordering more sushi. Like he just sat down.

I know you are fucking on your way out when I even sat here and I just chatting up a storm. And thank God Bingo came back because she gave me at least one person block and waiting for the food i and he if you remember was saying he runs a skydiving thing and he was going to give us to bring skydiving t-shirts of his company and i don't i'm not going to wear your fucking t-shirt i'll wear this t-shirt i'm wearing right now hey who is it again read the back zip zoo apparel zip zoo apparel they sent me a cool shirt and i liked it and uh the guy who sent me the rape trailer shirt i was almost gonna wear that today but we'll get to that later i'm not gonna wear fucking uh stupid parachuting company

and i told him now a lot of people a lot of people offer you stuff on the road. And, you know, I know we make and sell T-shirts. I know they cost money. So to give one away, yeah, they're not free. And I'm not going to fucking wear it. So if I were to give one away, I'd say, if you're not going to wear it, tell me. And I'll tell you, I'm not going to wear fucking Joe Blow's fucking zip out of an airplane company in Tallahassee. blows fucking zip out of an airplane company in Tallahassee. So this cocksucker fucking, he fucking emails me.

Listen, you might remember me. I was the guy that he didn't say annoyed the fuck out of you for over an hour while the slowest sushi in the world came. I forced two lunches down. Yeah. Yeah. And then brought my wife out. She probably left work she's probably like a paramedic or a nurse and left the er with some guy bleeding from the fucking

jugular to come down and she probably didn't even like me he said you gotta come down and be then i'm meeting the family so yeah he goes hey i remember me i? I was the guy. I own a parachute company, and I have to side with the base jumping community. You are wrong. That dog was not ever in a position of abuse. How can you fucking say that? I don't care if that. First of all, how do you know the base jumping community?

Do you get together? Are there so few of you left that you can actually you just know everybody's opinion because people that were in the base jumping community were even saying well yeah i'd never do it with a dog even apologists some of them and how could you defend that just because that's what your stupid little thing as i i've fucking drink myself to death i would never say well you know what it's okay you know what i have my dog drink you know one for one with me but he loves it he loves it well we do use a feeding tube yeah and i mix it with i mix it with i i use grapefruit as a mixer

meat for him yeah yeah chicken stock yeah i take fresh ground sirloin and I spike it with fucking moonshine. Turns out he loves gin. And meat. Now, take yourself out of that hole. I know that's your thing is the base jumping and thrill seeking. It's just like the old bit I did. You're doing this to get noticed. You're doing this for attention.

This is a big fucking slapping feet baby cry. That's why you film it. That's why you film it and put your fucking videos out online because you want attention. Or you want sponsorship. want you don't do nobody wrestles an alligator when no one's watching that was the bit i did a million years ago about cops but yeah you do this for fucking attention and throwing a dog on your back if if evil knievel did what he that was one of the arguments was, well, you drive around in a car with a dog and you're more likely to get killed driving in a car.

Well, that's kind of an accepted form of transportation. Your dog has to go to the vet and you're not going to walk him six miles. You don't walk him at all. You're lazy cunts. So that holds no water if evil knievel were gonna jump 16 buses for thrills and attention and he put a baby in a papoose on his back or on his chest something with stripes yeah like uh like put the american colors on i don't think you would have the same argument that that dog wasn't being abused. And I'm sure that either way I'd have to hear about it at sushi, no matter what your opinion was.

I'd have to sit there trying to enjoy my sushi with a hangover all alone. Well, you bring up a good point. You don't even need the analogy. What if Mr. Potter put a child on his back? Wait, is this Colonel Potter from MASH? I wish. Oh, Dean Potter. Dean Potter.

It's already off the fucking topic. Go on. What if he had put a kid back there? He would be arrested. Hey, it's safer than driving to the vet. Absolutely be fucking imprisoned and that kid would be somewhere in social services. A dog can communicate to you effectively as much as an infant. So how do you not know?

First of all, if there were two people at the edge of the Grand Canyon, and one of them had a dog and one of them had a baby in an arched position, like John Elway, ready to hurl a pass, I would tackle the guy with the dog. Because I don't like a fucking baby anyway. But I'd still, the argument, I mean, all these assholes from the fucking base jumping community,

everyone with a picture, everyone's fucking little picture is their parachute going down. Yeah. Well, I hope you die, you talentless fuck. I'll piss on your grave too. the picture everyone's fucking little picture is them their parachute going down yeah well i hope you die you talentless fuck i'll piss on your grave too well good you're still you're ignoring the argument that you don't throw a fucking dog off a cliff no one's responded except for that one douchebag from tallahassee with no argument just saying i agree with the rest of the community

with the community that he's involved that dog was not being abused it's the fucking by far the most dangerous sport and you can look up the statistics not a sport come on i yeah who wins there's no ball we win when you die that's the only winner it's a recreation it's a hobby it is yeah i'm sure it takes i'm sure it takes a lot of courage but that's the thing they say about stand-up comedy you know public speaking is the number one fear well it's not for me so if jumping off a fucking cliff is not scary to you then don't i don't go around and go well it's pretty brave what i did there i just walked up and talked into a microphone for an hour. And you do have people that go, I can't imagine how you do that. Well, because it's not scary to me.

So if you like to jump off of shit, that's fine. Hey, stand-up comedy is safer than driving to the vet. You should do a set with a dog on your back. Just to show how brave you are. back just to show how brave you are and he put out like a 22 minute video uh this dean potter cunt of him flying around with his dog in different places was this parachuting or was he actually doing this flying base jumping like but no but base jumping is jumping off of a structure with the fucking flying squirrels. With the squirrel suit. So he's doing that thing where they're kind of gliding. Red Bull and GoPro.

They've got tons of videos about that. So if you'd like to continue this fight, you're going to do it on Twitter. Because I'm done with the Facebook. I spent that whole night just. I felt worse about me being on Facebook than I even felt for the dog. I don't do this. I'm just so. You did put out some dude some dude when some guy said you know he had a family this and that and i i said it doesn't matter he jumped off the cliff with a fucking dog and he should die and if you defend him you should die in front

of your parents horrifically like he did and he said oh he didn should die in front of your parents horrifically like he did. And he said, oh, he didn't die in front of his parents. That's not the point. He said he died in front of his girlfriend. And I'm sorry if I made some grammatical errors that I had pointed out. That's pretty weak. But so I said I wrote back. I should be the one to apologize.

I didn't know he died in front of his girlfriend. I've had people die in front of me and it's a very traumatic experience. So I can only imagine the shit that she's going through now. She probably needs someone that she can talk to that can hold her while she cries. Do you have this girl's number? I have some time off. How's she look? I can't imagine she's a fatty dating Dean Potter.

You say she's fit. I mean, I don't have to give you weight and height and everything, but fit? Would you use fit to describe her? He didn't get back to me. Oh. So, yeah. Did you mention that?

If you have an opinion about the fucking dean potter don't make it about base jumping make it about throwing a dog off a cliff someone wrote well uh yeah you're more likely to die in a car wreck instead of uh than you are base jumping but you still drive around with a dog and i went no don't. My dogs are kept in bottomless cages on top of a treadmill 24-7 because all I'm concerned about is their safety. No reply. I wish he was famous. I wish the guy was famous because you could get another three days

out of who gives a fuck. Actually, the fact that he's not famous means you can talk about this shit whenever because eight people in the world care so if i had a bit about this i could do it forever because i go see this uh dean potter cunt that fucking dove off a rock with a dog on his back never want to go no and then i go let me tell you about it like it just happened yesterday yeah yeah it's actually better maybe i'll write that bit instead of working on my book you had uh i did have him in a death pool oh hold on that's right we're giving away a fucking doug stano podcast t-shirt if you're a listener of this podcast and you're the guy that had a solo pick

on dean potter in the death pool when i finally saw that later on. I'm like, someone had him. I want you. I don't know. His name is Chris Johnson. He's from Fargo. Oh, shit. Bleak that out. Hang on. His screen name is Deadeye Dickhole.

Yes. If you are Deadeye Dickhole and you can email me in the next week or whatever. If you hear this podcast, Deade Eye Dickhole, and you can email me in the next week, or whatever, if you hear this podcast, Dead Eye Dickhole from the Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool, you have a free Doug Stanhope podcast T-shirt coming your way for having a solo pick on Dean Potter. Maybe something else, too.

Maybe something dog-related. I don't know if you bet in your league, dead-eyed dickhole, but I want you to win something tangible for having a beautiful spite pick of a relatively unknown Dean Potter. So get to me and tell me your real name and my website. My email is on my website. Just Doug Standup at Hotmail is the fucking easiest way. And tell me your real name, and email's on my website. Just DougStanUpAtHotmail is the fucking easiest way. And tell me your real name.

And I know who you are. I just don't want to say your real name on the radio. The radio. Is this a radio? It's the fucking radio. All right. I got Canada dates coming up. That's so fucking beautiful.

Michael Sam got signed by the Montrealreal alouettes and the cfl and uh the gay linebacker and i have a bit it's one of my favorite bits i've written in the last year he was on like uh he was he didn't make the final cut but he went to a team for the nfl draft right but then they went to st louis but he never made the cut a team for the NFL draft, right? Yeah, he went to St. Louis. But he never made the cut. And then he did a practice squad for the Cowboys, but he's playing again. And I'm like, wow, you know what? A, I love that you're playing.

B, I love that that makes that bit new again. And C, he's signed by Montreal, the Alouettes, my new favorite. Sorry, Saskatchewan Rough Riders. You were my favorite CFL team, but this guy rides a lot rougher. So I am a Montreal Alouettes fan as long as he's on the team. And that's the start of the tour is Montreal, June 10th. And then we do Ottawa, Toronto, London, Ontario.

I love that because we're also playing London, which you know in the other London, in the UK, and anytime I play Ontario, California or Ontario, Canada, I get a slew of emails.

Oh, fuck, I thought you were talking about the other Ontario. Well, we're playing both London, so relax. One sold out, one I don't know. I don't know. But, hey, thank you for fucking please Facebook and tweet my dates because, yeah, people, I'm not going to be on radio or anything. I don't have a TV show.

I'm not going to be on Letterman. They still have Letterman? No, that's done. Reruns. Yeah, so, yeah, please please I appreciate all the word of mouth you can put out there and October for the UK as far all we have on the board

right now I think didn't he put up bath or something I was gonna look but you don't like it I don't know London Manchester and I fuck I wait the same way you guys wait I don't know what else we're doing there but it's gonna be more than that yes It's Manchester, and I wait the same way you guys wait. I don't know what else we're doing there, but it's going to be more than that.

Yes, Glasgow will probably be there. You guys show up. I like you. Don't worry. Shropshire, Hampstead, Dinmouth. I'm not going to be there. Shropshire, Hampstead, Dinmouth? Yeah. That's a famous place.

The guy who invented the square in the waffle came from there. Leicester, Shearmouth, Bourne. They're all the fucking same kind of, you know. It's like Spanish names. It's a Gues or a Rodriguez. I can't think of Spanish names. You've gone to people now. I should walk out the door and yell, hey, what's your last name?

And I'll just repeat them. All my neighbors, yell your name. You didn't mention the Canadian dates? Oh, yeah, yeah. We have Merch. Edmonton, Calgary, Vancouver. I was going to say, we have Merch just for Canada. That's going to be new.

Oh, yeah. Well, the Canadian tour, we have merch just for Canada. That's going to be new. Oh, yeah. Well, the Canadian tour, I'm calling it the... Did I already say this last week? You mentioned it, but please mention it again. Yes, it's called the Weeping Lesions Tour, based on the last time I was there, being the Tiny Blisters Tour. So this is what that material has turned into, if I can remember it. Yeah, there's very little that you heard when i was there two years ago maybe some premises i didn't have anything when

i was there two years ago you don't have anything now if i didn't have it taped from yeah if you've seen me in the last uh year don't fucking travel to another country to see me someone said hey i live in i saw you in detroit just thinking about coming up to Toronto or London. How much of it's new material? Fucking none. That's why I'm going to Canada and the UK. I finally get this shit working good. I was going to come to Vancouver from Seattle.

Don't. Because if you just saw me in Seattle, it's going to be the same shit. That's why you keep going different places. Don't track me down, Dog the Bounty Hunter fan. By the time you get to June 20th, you're going to have plenty. Oh, yeah. No, I have.

I mean, someone from Seattle might be able to. No, no. No? You don't think so? I don't know. But just assume no. Just see me in the same fucking town. I don't come back to the same town without new shit what if you follow me around like an asshole don't get upset when you i fucking heard that yeah you heard it that's why i go to different places new posters why am i so angry i don't know i had to fire myself up because you know what honestly

the dean potter that's what yeah that shit uh i was angry the other night now i'm not because i I'm still angry. I don't know. I had to fire myself up because, you know what? Honestly, the Dean Potter. That's what it was. Yeah, that shit. I was angry the other night. Now I'm not because I haven't been fighting with people. So I had to drum that up. Now I'm yelling at you about don't come to my shows live. And I'm trying to say, come for the T-shirts. There's a poster.

All the way Aldrich. I guess that all ties together. So we'll save that for the break. I mean, after the break. Doug is reading off the podcast whiteboard. It's for the listeners at home. Oh, Floyd. No one except for one dude.

Someone sent some. We had the Floyd's colostomy bag decorating contest. We've received zero. And I hate you guys. I was hoping Floyd died rather than face the shame of coming home to no colostomy bags. Fortunately, he had a second surgery that almost killed him. And the contest ends June 2nd. And Floyd's going to win with just a regular sterilized hospital bag with nothing on it.

So get those to 212 Van Dyke Street, Lisby, Arizona, 85603. And go down to the medical supply, get yourself a colostomy bag, and decorate it with your family, with your children. Or a lunch bag. Just decorate a fucking bag. That guy sent some Spencer Gifts-y bullshit bag. Put bullshit in here and seal it, like pre-printed. He's winning.

And he's winning. Yep. And what do they win? They win the Doug Stano Merchapalooza. I go in the crawl space. I find out what I have the most of, and we put it all in a giant package. And then I find something weird that's cool and unique. And I throw that in there, and I go, thank you.

Then I never remember you. Then you show up, and you find me at Applebee's trying to enjoy fucking chicken breast right before a show. And you go, I'm the guy that you sent the thing to. And I go, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know. I send shit to everyone. Who are you?

Step away. Trying to eat a chicken breast. Personal space. Personal space. What's that place next to the hotel in Cincinnati? Is it Ruby Tuesdays that have the fucking wicked good chicken? No. Oh, it is.

No, I always confuse Red Robin as like a burger joint. So it is Ruby Tuesdays. They get a good chicken with some kind of butter sauce. Red Robin is a burger joint. I know. That's why I know it's Ruby Tuesdays. I just figured that out. Why are we doing commercials when we're about to go to commercial?

Corporate sellout. It's the only fucking thing next to the hotel. Actually, I'm never going back to that hotel because uh they threw me out last time that's where i smashed the fuck fire alarm yeah yeah that was that was my brush with rock and roll hotel trashing the fire alarm went off at like six in the morning because they were painting in there and the fumes were so thick that it was set off the fire alarm in the whole hotel and i just assumed it's a a temporary you know a disposable fire it was hardwired in oh yeah and i'm sitting there with a metal trash can trying to smash it off the

fucking ceiling a trash can what's all i couldn't reach it with my hand i'm trying to jump up like a midget smashing a fucking thing i almost get arrested and i had to move you don't have to watch i watched louis last night which i yeah i like a lot of people most of the time i just go huh uh but last night's was kind of good and i swear he was in the episode he's playing in cincinnati and i swear it's the same hotel we had to move to that you could smoke in which is i think a red roof everything's red uh i'm like yeah i fucking stay and he's like i can't stay like this anymore he's calling his little agent in the episode the kid the kid who's growing up like oh you can't replace him he didn't

expect to be on this long uh It's not little anymore. He's like, I can't stay in places like this anymore. Come on, man. And I'm like, I fucking love staying in places. I was so happy to move to a hotel. I could smoke. You were demoted and happy about it. Yeah. I was demoted.

I was fucking walked out by the police and fire department. The other option was jail. Which I remember the name of that place, and I'd shit on them. Scumbags. All right, let's go to take a break. We have a company just showed up. All right, we'll be back after this fantastic message. Hey, Berthini, why do you look so glum?

It's my wedding day and I look like a giant, stupid, ugly, fat pig with this haircut. like a giant, stupid, ugly, fat pig with his haircut. Wow, you should have called Julie at Carousel Boutique in Barrington, Rhode Island, right here at 167 Saloms Road. Do they have all the styles from New Wave to Bangs? They have all the latest styles, and they even got a five-star review from Hattie Rose Pacheco on Facebook.

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No. No. Anyway, I guess the podcast is back. It flowed in at some point. Bingo just went out and shot a BB gun that it took four of us to figure out how to use. Including Joby, who is a fucking marksman. Yeah, that's the dog. She said, watch out.

It gets under your feet. Yeah. She's right. So, yeah. So, this is. It gets under your feet. Yeah. Yeah. She's right. So, yeah. So this is for a couple of couple of tablets. So a couple of tablets. Yeah. We're going to give away two.

Why not? Yeah. You know, I don't know what a tablet is, but I think that's a substantial prize for the two. It's two 10.1 inch tablets. So, yeah. Samsung. I don't know yet. I haven't looked at it at but they're between 150 200 and this is not uh these are for uh the death pool website funeral home owner like if you're the guy that runs the league guy yep if you're a funeral director then yeah you're dead

i dickhole a funeral home director no i, I don't think he is. All right. Unfortunately. We'll give him some shit anyway. Fucking Dean Potter sucks. Yeah, so we took Bingo out. Sorry. Wait, what were you going to say about Dean Potter? Oh, you actually, when you started the whole Facebook thing, you had posted a picture.

Oh, there was a picture of him from some magazine had tweeted, and I went, hey, capture this, caption this photograph. It was a selfie with the dog on his back. Yeah. Yeah. Dog looking fucking absolutely terrified.

And so I said, hey, caption this photo from the dog's point of view. And I thought, you know, it's too late now, but I should have done a bet, like giving away a prize for that yeah again the problem is that everyone was tweeting it without the hashtag dean potter so it everyone's oh who the fuck is that i don't even get what this is about yeah i should have said hashtag dean pot. So all his friends and family are publicly shamed. Yeah, you cocksucker who said, yeah, how many people go through car windshields

versus how many people die? How many dogs? Oh, one guy said, how many dogs have died base jumping? Zero. How many people? They don't fucking base jump with dogs because they should be afraid of, if not being arrested, being socially shamed like I'm doing right now. If you fucking beat your kid in a safe way, someone's going to go, you really shouldn't hit a kid.

And everyone's going to look at you like you're a dick. If you slap around your fucking girlfriend, no one's going to be rooting for you, Floyd Mayweather. Yeah, everyone's going to think you're a dick. If you slap around your fucking girlfriend, no one's going to be rooting for you, Floyd Mayweather. Everyone's going to think you're a dick. So that's what I'm making sure is everyone knows if you throw a dog off a cliff, you're a dick. And I will mail piss to your grave. Let's get

back to this. I can't go there. I have a book to write. Okay. So the funeral home. The funeral home. Oh, my God. All right. Winner.

The first tablet winner. That bingo shot. Only one dog was harmed in the making of this. How many times did it take her shooting to actually hit the fucking list? Less than ten. Yes. Seven or eight. All right.

Deb Awesome from Olivi a la Mort. Hang on. Say it into the mic. the fucking less than 10 yes seven or eight all right all right deb awesome from uh olivie a la mort hang on say it into the mic say it one more time i don't know deb awesome from olivie a la mort funeral home all right you will receive an email and then uh laura one from brown bread laura one one laura one okay all right yeah Yeah, so follow us at Stanhope's CDP, Facebook, and yeah, dscdp.com. Play some Death Bowl. I'll be doing another giveaway with like mourners and whatever later on in the year. Yeah, I kind of drifted off that until I started writing, and now I check in quite a bit. Apparently, yeah.

Your sister fucking almost died right during trade rounds where I'm like, I'm actually going to put some effort into trade rounds. I found someone, I still don't know who it is, but I knew that you were at your

sister's bedside with the tapakata machine going waiting for her to flatline. That's actually from a movie that I saw in 1970s with my mother. I think that's from Carol Burnett.

Someone out there, Google that. Tapakata, tapakata machine that's from Carol Burnett. I don't know. Someone out there. Google that. Topock it. A topock. It a machine is stop making blip sound. I'm fucking out. One and a half Negronis. And I'm babbling like this. So they'll get a tablet in the mail. And what else do we have going on?

Death pool wise. Right now, it's just waiting for people to die. Like always, nothing big is going on. that death pool wise uh right now it's just waiting for people to die like always nothing big is going on uh you know uh the oh yeah oh the spite we right now and i i told you about the how why this wouldn't work you know a spite league spite pick league wouldn't work i don't think we set it up strongly enough that it should be just spite picks yeah but there's people that have lists where you half them, you could tell they're spite picks and the other half, they're like, oh, this person's going to die.

Oh, I really hate Betty White. No, you don't. No, you don't. You don't fucking hate Betty White. No one does. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's a free league, so it's on the honor system. And if you win by not having people that you hate,

you're a bad person. Right, yeah. You're not gambling anyway. It's not like there's money on the line. I wanted Dean Potter's dog to die. Can't even pick dogs. That's completely against the rules. I want to know what happened to the dog.

I'd love to adopt that dog and just tweet at base jumpers all the time. I don't know if hashtag base jumper gets to them. I should find out from that douchebag at sushi how he talks to all these people in the community. So I can I want to get that dog and just feed him grotesque amounts of snacks. Still, he's a big, fat fucking Yoda. Yoda dog. Oh, yeah. See, this is what makes a dog happy. He looked like jumping off a cliff. Fat fucking Yoda dog. Oh, yeah. See?

This is what makes a dog happy. Not jumping off a cliff. He looked like the Mad Max dog, the blue healer. It's the look of the dog. I mean, I can only see it from the neck up because it was cinched into that knapsack. Yeah. Very comfortable.

That's how my pets sleep. To make it comfortable. Get in a fucking tiny sleeping bag and choke themselves with it. Stuff them down into the sleeping bag sack. So they don't cascade into the rocks free falling. Because a fetal position is so comfortable as a dog. Why are you people not like me that you're aware that your pets really hate you my dogs make it apparent maybe you just overlook my fucking dogs don't want anything to do with me

except food and walks other than that they just if i slept in if i took too much xanax and looked like i might be dead they They'd start gnawing on me. I swear to God. I'm not going to bite them first. You do it. They're arguing who should poke you with the stick. Maybe you should throw dogs off a cliff now that I think about it. My dogs.

Hey, the Doug Stano trailer park is in effect. That's right. If you ever wanted to come to Bisbee and stay at the shady Dell and they're not open because they're sporadic. Well, you can stay at my fucking shady Dell. Cause that tin can rehab. I found another trailer that matches it.

Not exactly the same, but matching and very fucking close to the same. And I went, I still have room on that slab. If I have two trailers, then I have a trailer park and I didn't want to, cause it took so much work to get the last one up on that slab if i have two trailers then i have a trailer park and i didn't want to because it took so much work to get the last one up on that slab over two hours this is the same guy the former mayor that that was selling this and i saw it on craigslist and i go that has

to be jack that has to be his fucking trailer because i know he refurbishes these things and it's painted the same way except this one has a little bit of a Z stripe. I'm like, oh, now I can own a trailer park that I have to go into rehab all the time to justify buying, but he got it up there and how did that

he came to your place, Chaley's place the Suicide House. Don't we have a new name for that? Chaley Plaza? Oh, no. we did have some trailies trailies that's it yes it's the trailer park and the chiles next door to one another so they came to your door randomly they they wanted to know i'd already seen this on and i talked to you like fucking look hemming and hawing you did you wanted to do it but you know you're looking at the calendar canada's coming up bank account i'm looking at the fact i haven't worked for seven months but i know you you usually don't hem and haw like that

usually just go i'll fucking get it or don't get it but you then you move on this one was vexing to you you couldn't you couldn't really get away from it. Well, when you, when you sit there staring at a screen of a blank, open sheet of paper on your computer. Yeah. And you go,

you go, I just think, and I might have to save every penny I have because I'm worthless now. And I'll never, ever write anything funny again or even interesting. So maybe I shouldn't buy this stupid trailer that I'll never use. Then. Then they show up at your door.

Someone knocks on the door, which is really weird at our place because usually people just walk in because we know everyone is coming through. They'll park down there to walk up to here. And there was a knock. usually people just walk in because we know everyone is coming through they'll do the park down there to walk up to here and there was a knock i'm like this something's making a knot there's a branch knocking on the it wasn't a person so when i opened the door there were two people there it was like a little shocking and and and they're like oh hey uh just want to know if you could uh is d Doug around kind of thing? I mean I don't even know – Well, that's where they were when they put –

Exactly, because the trailer is there. And they wanted to know if you would broker a deal because someone bought the trailer. Wanted to buy the trailer. Wanted to buy the trailer but didn't know these people. So they said, well, we know some people that you might know. Peter Coyote, an actor, voiceover artist. I think he's an activist. I think so, too.

And then they gave your name. And the person from Los Angeles said, Doug Stanhope. We trust him more than Peter Coyote. They probably didn't say that. They probably heard of me and didn't. That's what it means. Does Peter Coyote live in Bisbee? I don't know. coyote they probably didn't say that they probably heard of me and didn't that's what it means does peter coyote live in bisbee i don't know or are they just throwing out names of people because

yeah because uh because jack offered that name so he knows him somehow oh okay and the guy but at that point i was like wow this is this is that trailer doug is really sitting on the fence about so we we talked a little bit about it and i kind of i kind of wow this is this is that trailer doug is really sitting on the fence about so we we talked a little bit about it and i kind of i kind of hinted him this kind of hinted well she's doing all the talking his wife oh yeah he's had two strokes but no he's do the talk but he's like he's the guy that does all the all right mary j buttafuoco let the lady talk so he it ends up that uh i was gonna call you to let you know that they want you to broker the deal but i immediately called you and said you better fucking buy this thing they're gonna sell it to some guy in la yeah and i i still wasn't convinced but they dropped the

price five hundred dollars and told you that they'd put it on the slab. They said like, oh, putting it on the slab. That's the deal breaker. That's the selling point. Well, I knew what a bitch it was to get it before. We had three trucks show up, two different project managers. It was a fucking mess. Two hours.

And none of us are doing it. We're fucking drunk or like we run away from work. None of us are doing it. We're fucking drunk or like we run away from work. But it turned into this thing to where all – they wanted you to have it because they wanted it here, right? They didn't want to drive it to Los Angeles. Yeah, they were going to have to drive it to LA. So immediately dropped the price down. And then I said, well, does that include putting it on the slab?

And that's when he stepped up. Well, you know. And she's all, yeah yeah he'll do it perfect and that was it yeah and then they i just called and said uh yeah i heard uh drop the price 500 and you'll put it on the slab she goes uh yeah uh i go i'll buy it Do you want to look at it? No. I know your work, and I know, yeah. I don't know how many times I'll have to go into rehab. Probably a lot. So, yeah, they showed up at fucking 8.20 in the morning.

Two days in a row. Two days in a row. And it's on the slab, and now there's a trailer park. Honey, did you want to talk about your friendship camp with Mindy? Not yet. All right. But call it the Shady Ordell. We're calling it the Shady Ordell. trailer park honey did you want to talk about your uh your friendship camp with mindy not yet all right we're calling it the shadier dell i think we already said that didn't we didn't all right uh so yeah so now i got more shit i don't need and uh so if you want to go into rehab we're green it's fully sold oh yeah that's That's right. It's off the grid because it has solar power.

And except for the shitting and pissing part. Well, the new one, the suite, if I may. All right. Has a toilet. Three feet longer. Yeah. It has a toilet that's hooked up to nothing. You don't shit on the tour bus.

No, we're putting a lock on that. I like to shit on the grid i'm a i'm i'm a big grid shitter so yeah you're gonna hustle it down to the uh fucking morning's cafe how come we don't give them a fake commercial because they're real people actually our fake commercials are real people too they just don't know it that we're promoting them. So, yeah, go down. Don't take a shit on a Thursday because Mornings Cafe is closed on Thursday. But otherwise, you can rehab in the rehab trailer for an exorbitant price. I'm not sure what that is, but we'll barter.

You know who wants to do a stint? Mishka Shubali on tour. He wants to do a stint in the rehab slab yeah yeah rehab from what running and being healthy hey Cinegenics guys if you want to fucking rehab at my house and

realize you're disgusting I'll have some 12 step program for you where you can realize you know what it's great that you're 75 and you're in great shape but put a fucking shirt on you're 75 and you're in great shape but put a fucking shirt on you're disgusting and your wife is so happy when you stop fucking her she'll never admit it and if you want me to come down come down to the fucking oh the guy who sent me the rape trailer shirt i still love you if if it were any other hour than 8 a.m i was gonna wear

my rape trailer shirt while they were while they were putting the new trailer on and giving queer looks to my t-shirt going are we aiding and abetting to some i don't i mean he makes jokes but he's wearing a shirt that says rape trailer and we're you're the former mayor jack you should say should say something. You're not going to rape in here, are you? I mean, we have a sense of humor. But, you know, with this 19 children, I don't even know the name of the show. Duggars. The Duggars.

The Duggars. How dare you? I should sue. You're bringing my name down in the dirtuggars, the Duggars. How dare you? I should sue a lot. You're bringing my name down in the dirt. They don't have. Oh, I can't even rape children anymore because they just hear Doug and they say, no, you've blown my cover. How dare you?

All right, let's take a break or maybe we should should just end i don't know what time are we at plenty plenty all right good plenty i'll be uh i'll be all over the world hey joe rogan says he's gonna come visit he won't i told him not to i said you'd be bored he said i know i'll come down i can be bored for a day we got this weed down here but uh jo Joe Rogan likes to do things. I like to sit and stare at things. But he said he likes to hunt. He's into hunting now. For deals? It was very...

We've got a couple thrift stores, and, well, you know, there's always a trailer. Your thrift store, yes, you can get a great deal. Oh, Joe Rogan, yeah, come on. We were just going to head down to Penny Lane. You want to come with us? Hunting for a bargain. No, come on. We're just going to head down to Penny Lane. You want to come with us? Hunting for a bargain. No, he's been hunting. He said, he goes, I know about being bored because I've been hunting a lot and sitting in a fucking whatever.

A tree stand. Yeah. Or a blind. A blind. Thank you, Tracy. A real Alaskan. Not some transplant surfer douche. Yeah.

Sitting in a blind all day. Wait a minute, is that directed at me? Yeah, that was exactly directed at you. I bet you couldn't even fucking hold a surfboard anymore. Your fucking years are over. Sad, the truth hurts. Yeah, you're 10 days, 11 months and 20 days older than me. And I don't want to wind up like you.

I'm going to start taking centigenics. I'm the template. Well, we'll both do centigenics and oil up each other's fucking testosterone fucking steroid tits. I've always wanted lead sinker nipples. So, yeah. So. So Joe Rogan, I told Joe Rogan so yeah so so joe rogan i told joe rogan that uh i will uh i will go on a hunting trip with him but i'll only do it with a paintball gun because i think that's fair i in fact bought a paintball

gun to fucking shoot javelinas when i walk my dogs because i think yeah shoot i want to shoot a fucking animal i want to hit bingo just fucking she just hit a a tablet i want to shoot a goddamn javelina but i don't want to kill the fucking thing by the way the tablets that were won there is some slight damage it's a baby gun holds it, you're not supposed to shoot the prize. This is all layout. Listen, a hole goes through the tablet. This is just surface damage.

Beggars can't be choosers. Hold on. What is he going to hunt? How does he hunt? He hunts like elk and shit. He's addicted to elk meat. I don't know if it's... I think it's a crossbow, but I didn't ask. So he's not using a gun. An elk? Elk with a fucking bow and arrow?

My Uncle Bill goes elk hunting. David and Goliath. Yes. Stone in the temple. I don't know. I told him if he comes to Bisbee, I will go hunting in a blind with him. He said he could be bored enough, live with the boredom for a day in Bisbee. If I can live with the boredom of sitting there trying to kill a fucking animal,

there's probably never going to walk by. No, I won't kill him, but I'll fucking hit him right with a. Yeah. Who, Joe? No, I don't shoot Joe with a paintball gun. Him, you use the fucking bow and arrow. I was going to say, it's just very funny because i said something to the effect of he goes i know about hunting but still i'm addicted to elk meat i eat

the meat and it and i go ahead and i said you know i just hate fucking hunters who are the kind of douches that uh they put it on like facebook and hold up the head like the guy that shot the black rhino was trying to if you haven't heard the story just google it but you know it's all about clearing out the fight they he had some actually very believable pitch about why he bid 350 000 to kill a black rhino in africa but they have specific ones targeted where they're the elder males of the herd that are not reproducing anymore but still scaring off the young bucks who can make more babies and and that sounds completely reasonable the they the government of namibia actually has all right that's the one you can kill. That one's good, good, good. Kill. One of them actually fucked that he was trailing, tracking, died of natural causes while he's tracking.

While he's tracking. And then he had to switch to another fucking on the list to kill. I should have brought my cross trainers. I could have kept up. But then Ricky Gervais tweeted a picture of that same guy and his douchebag titty dancer fucking girlfriend posing as the sun sets over a tiger they fucking killed. He goes, do you think this looks like someone who's really worried about

developing the environment? So they should put the tiger onto the black rhino and get rid of the douchebag. Yeah, I don't even remember what my fucking point of this whole story was. Joe Rogan's coming out.

You're going to sit blind and be bored to tears. Oh, no, I said to Rogan, I go, you know, it's not hunting. Like, people that hunt, Alaskans, they're subsistence. They eat the fuck. Subsistence. Yes, those people. And I said to Joe, it's just the douchebags that go on Facebook and pose

with the head and shit. He goes, yeah, I put my pictures on Facebook like that. Well, not you, Joe. I'm talking about other douchebags. You know, douchebags. Like the gal from Texas with the cat with the arrow through it.

Yes, I know what you're talking about. All right, let's get really drunk and stop this whole pointless fucking podcast. Did you want to... Oh, yeah, no. You know what? Donate to Chaley's up there. How about you fucking mention some names of people who donate to you? Thank you, those people.

We'll just thank those people next time. I'll have a list next time. See how I can fucking problem solve? I already renamed your Joby's friend's dog. I do everything around here. All the way, Aldrich. Ah, shit. We're going to have to save this.

That's a tease. That's another fucking podcast. Baseball, let's talk about it. Brody Stevens, where are you when I need you? Okay, that's the next podcast. Fun stuff. One more. Polite audios tip.

Gabriel Perboni. What does that even mean? That's the guy from Brazil. Oh, yeah. That's you. Yes. That's on your head. Chaley has something to say while I light a cigarette.

Well, during the tin can rehab, we had some audio issues. Well, it was basically the downloading issues from iTunes. And I think that's pretty much cleared up. I don't know. Oh, wait. No, there's a fucking serious issue is the podcasts are not getting on my website because the guy has been doing my website on the cheap forever. Got a fucking real job. So you have to go to Stanhope.Libson or Libson.Stanhope.

Stanhope.Libson. L-I-B-S.libsyn.com. And when I upload the podcast, that's where they go. So that's where everything lives. And then we'll straighten out something with our web guide. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sure we'll field, just by saying that, a million people who say, hey, I can do your website.

I can fix all your shit that's broken. And maybe you will. Maybe. Who knows? But anyway, Gabriel Perboni, I have to say hey i can do your website so i can fix all your shit that's broken and maybe you will maybe who knows but anyway uh gabriel perboni i just i just thank you dude that fucking helped chaley out with all this bullshit he just he he just wouldn't take money he was he's one of these guys that just like he's an audio guy he loves it and he obviously is rich because he has a business where he just sits around and like listens to things and figures out how to make them better. He's got $35 to his name, and that's your kingmaker in Brazil. Brazil.

I think he's the president of Brazil. Anyway, thank you, Gabriel. I really appreciate it. And yeah, that's fantastic. All right. If you can find something weird from the Matoid, and what else is there weird from the Matoid? Play it.

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