The Doug Stanhope Podcast - EPISODE #20: Quinn and Sal from Impractical Jokers Pt.2

Episode Date: February 18, 2014

Doug and Quinn pick up where they left off in pt. 1 as Sal finally shows up to the party. Doug has plenty of questions about the stuff the network won't air. Road Pussy to Elephant Piles, it's all covered in pt. 2 with the better half of the Impractical Jokers.Impractical Jokers airs Thu. nights 10pm on TRU TV.This podcast sponsored by The Shady Dell (http://www.theshadydell.com/)Recorded Feb 02, 2014 in the Fun House in Bissbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope, Brian Quinn and Sal Volcano from Impractical Jokers, Brian Hennigan and Greg Chaille. Engineered and Produced by Greg Chaille @gregchaille.  Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. All right. This is the Doug Stanhope Podcast with the impractical jokers at the Super Bowl party here in Bisbee, Arizona. Goes on for a long time. There's two parts. Sal didn't show up the first night because he's a, well, he's not a cunt like that, but he's a, yeah, what a fucking cunt for not being here the first night. All right.

The potato peelings in the sink Did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores have closed I heard you change your name again But don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end La, la, la This is the most sober I've ever been after a Super Bowl.

Is it really? By the end, I'm usually just... I almost feel like... This is amazing, right? We'll probably have a shot as well I think anyone would you like one? I mean I'm not going to let him do one and not me have one he would never do that to me

I'm a true friend I'm so glad that you're here for this because I had to do it solo last night and I was drunk beyond my mind and I felt like I let everybody down but just you being here, I feel just some of the energy flowing into me. Who is here?

Who is here, Doug? Where are we? I was driving from Tucson to here last night. I don't know what happened to my mom. She had a conniption. She texted me 30 times. She was so worried I was going to get stuck in the desert. And she was like, I need to know your location. Who are you going to visit?

The address, the hotel, the location? What car rental do you have? Stay on, Mike. Oh, you just won a fucking award? Are we on? Oh, I didn't know it was up and running. You're not supposed to touch that. Okay, I didn't know it was up and running.

Don't touch that. It's up and running. It always starts as soon as we're in here. Oh, okay. So tell us about your mother So your mother She's home and her name is Adele And she's very worried

And then I told her I'm going And she said well who's your friend And I said Doug Stanhope mom And she said fine And she said are you staying at his house I said no I'm staying nearby And then I said where are you staying I said the shady Adele

Look it up Her name is Adele Does she know how to work Google? She looked it up. She looked it up, and she texted me back. It's a trailer park. I said, yeah, it's a really cool one. And she goes, I said, look up Bisbee, Arizona.

That's where I am. She looked it up, and in the, I guess, Wikipedia or whatever, it says notable. You're like the mayor or whatever. And she's like, your friend is mentioned when they mention Bisbee or whatever. And I was like, yeah, I know. And she's like your friend is mentioned When they mention Bisbee And I was like yeah I know And she's like your friend is a comedian I said

What can we do to move on Ma do you read my diaries too What can we do to move on Bisbee's in Arizona Sal That's near Mexico Where all the drug wars are being fought You're going to get kidnapped by a cartel. Are you going to do the shot with me or what?

Yes. We're going to sit here all night? What are we doing? Oh, my God. Brian went ahead and did his already. Take that one. Take that one. Scottish.

I got vodka shots with a vodka back. I'll be drinking from the bowl for a minute. Excellent. To the most super bowl I've ever. Yes. Shitty game. Jesus. Jesus.

Where's the vodka that's meant to be coming? Yeah, no, you were... Wow. Yeah, I was asking if you could bring it like a bottle for the crew. Oh, good.

Thanks. Fucking Meatwig, my cat, heckled last night's podcast. Meatwig made me happy, though. No, no, you can leave him in. He'll just cry at the door otherwise. It wasn't the cat meowing. It was Junior sitting on the floor making fart noises for two, three minutes straight.

That really, I think, might have interrupted the flow. Where is he? How did we open the podcast last night? By saying who's here and what we're doing? Right. Okay. No, I think it was something else. I don't remember the podcast last night, so you'll have to inform me.

You said something about, I thought you were saying to throw this to him, but it was, fuck Sal. Well, first it was fuck Murr. First it was fuck, well, they were talking about punishments and increasing punishments. Yeah. And I said, you made me teach my parents sex ed. That's right. Murr will never listen to this, so he can go fuck himself. You see how it works, Doug?

He'll never listen to this, ever, in a million years. I won't either. I might as well tell you everything about him. If it's fuck Sal, that's fine, because you know what? You can't win them all. Murr was my original favorite beetle. That's crazy. If only you knew how he was in real life.

But then it was Quinn, because Quinn talked back to me on Twitter. Oh, there you go. See? There's a lesson for the rest of the world there. Now I think Sal's growing on me as my favorite beetle. I can tell. I can tell. I can tell the two of you.

I watch you two across the party chatting a lot together. Well, no, because Sal seems the most squeamish of everyone on the show. Well, we get here, and I don't want to say

you're playing favorites off the bat, Doug, but there's a bathroom ripped off for Sal. That's right. It says, only Sal can use this bathroom. Because the place is a shithole.

Is it not a shithole for all of us? There's a lot of, but I'm saying it's dirty and dusty and we're not clean people. It's painted bright. But yeah, Bingo went in there and disinfected because she knows you have the fucking germaphobe thing. So she went in. It stank like bleach in a

new nursing home and went in every crevice and corner to make sure that place was germ free for you. I have... I don't know the last time I've been more honored. That was the sweetest nicest thing. There was a hundred people here tonight and maybe

I'm just guessing. There might have been 3,000 people here tonight. It's a quick estimation. There was a bathroom that had my name on it. It said, I'm only allowed... I have the pictures. Then I went in and there was towels. It said, just Sal's towels.

The toilet said, Sal's toilet. Which I think really went the extra mile because the door said Sal's Bathroom. So no one should have gone past that door. But there was added layers of protection inside the bathroom. In case someone forbade the door, they went and they were like,

oh, I'm going to piss in here. It's Sal's Bathroom. Oh, I can't. It's Sal's Toilet. That whole house is off limits anyway. And only Greg and Chaley, our producer here, he and his wife stay in there. And that's like the safe house away from the party if you have to do coke or something. Well, I stuck in a pistol over the seat, so I hope you didn't use it.

You wouldn't have it? Yeah, I went right into your bathroom, pissed all over the seat. All over it, out of spite. Like, I could have aimed. I could have hit the water, but what I did was I pissed on the sign that said Sal, soaked that, and then right on the seat.

I don't like it. I guess that's punk rock, but what you did really... What you did really, though, was you just shat all over the sentiment. The piss was really shitting on the whole idea, which was a very kind gesture. That was my intention.

Germaphobes generally annoy me to death. One of my biggest fears when I go on Stern is coughing because I have a smoker's fucking fleshy cough, and I know he wants to put a fucking SARS mask on any time I'm there. And generally germaphobes annoy me. But because of the show, watching them fuck with your germophobia

makes that okay. Okay, he can take it to an extent. Because yeah, if I knew you better, I'd piss all over your seat. They've humanized me. We're real people. When did you first notice you're germophobia? I'll say this like I always say it.

I don't really think I'm a germophobe to the point where people are like... Howie Mandel. Right. I don't think that. As good as it gets where he's like... Mr. Burns. Yeah, yeah.

I just think that they get on me. I think it's a little bit magnified, a little bit, but... Okay, so when did you first notice you're germophobe? Okay, it was about 25 years ago. The first time he was digging through elephant shit for his keys that was 102 degrees that day but i will tell you it's more this it's more i have a very weak immune system and so if someone's and you know how people go this is what i really like people think they know my body better than i know my body and And I really know my body, you know?

So if someone sneezes next to me, I can sense within five minutes of I'll be sick that night from it. I really can. And I'll say, I'll say, I'll literally say, well, I'll say the word.

Well, I say, well, well, I'm going to be sick in about three to four hours. And they go, ha ha ha. You're such an idiot. You're not going to be sick. That's not how it works. This has happened thousands of times throughout my life. And they go, ha, ha, ha, you're such an idiot. You're not going to be sick.

That's not how it works. This has happened thousands of times throughout my life. And I say, no, no, that's how it works. That's how it works. And in four hours, I literally started having to OD. Is this on airplanes and in the subway? Oh, it's everywhere. You live in the, that's the New Yorkers

live in the filthiest fucking place on earth and they're always hand sanitizing. Just move to a cleaner place. It makes no sense to them. You can't avoid fucking germs in New York. Oh, I don't touch anything. I don't touch anything. And everyone says this to me, too.

You know, you're doing yourself a disservice with a hand sanitizer because you're killing the good germs. Or weakening your immune system. You're not giving your immune system a chance to work out. And what you say to that is? I say, give me a break. Give me a break, he says.

I would just... I say, give me a break. Yeah, yeah. But you give me a break because I sure need one No more Cause we'll have to pay royalties But you're sick a lot right Yeah

You're sick a lot Yeah And you take all these Vitamins Yeah And you do all the hand sanitizer Yeah So it doesn't work

Yeah So either you would stop Taking that stuff And you would die Yeah Like that's the only thing Keeping you alive Is hand sanitizer

And vitamins Yeah Or You would stop taking that stuff and you would die. That's the only thing keeping you alive is hand sanitizer and vitamins. Or you would have a healthy, full immune system. I don't know if I'm sick a lot. It's just that if I get sick, it's common cold six to eight weeks. Right. What? Yeah, by the time it really gets out of my system. Wow.

I don't really know. I don't know what happened to me. You've been fucking a lot of Haitians. By the way, Emily's here. You've been fucking a lot of Haitians? By the way, Emily's here. Emily, whose urine is cooling in a refrigerator as we speak. By the time this podcast goes out,

I'm assuming on YouTube there will be the traditional urine roulette between me and Q. Very excited about this. Because I feel like a win. When you said you'd do it, if it's Emily's piss, I go, then I have to step up. I can't have you play

a local. Yeah, that would be horrible. I wouldn't want to do it. And how's it going to work? Kenny gets no hits on YouTube. 12 pistols get laid out? No, we're going to use just six. Okay, we have six. We couldn't find squirt guns.

You can't find... I bought you a special Russian roulette gun. And it didn't work. Urine roulette is Russian roulette where five squirt guns have tequila, one has urine. And we do it Deer Hunter style with a fucking raving lunatic crowd shouting,

Didi Mao, Didi Mao. And yeah, you pick a squirt bottle. We don't have guns. They're squirt bottles. It's not. We have an added feature this year. All six of the squirt apparati have a number so people can play side bets from the beginning. Oh, there's betting.

Yes. So betting can go on in the beginning on which number overall will be it. And then you can just do a side bet on whether this is the one or not. A lot of betting going on. We'll flip a coin to see who goes first. You've played this before, is that correct? We played it once in Death Valley years ago.

Who played? The first time I played against... We had this party we used to do for like seven years in the middle of nowhere in Death Valley. And some douchebag Hollywood guy crashed it or showed up. I still don't know. But he was kind of a douche.

So we made him play. And I lost on the second gun. He got tequila. First gun, I got pissed. So we never recreated it to last year's Super Bowl party. And Bingo played against Shawnee, who built half that house. Right. And it went to the fifth gun.

To the buzzer. It's the best you could ask for. Yeah. Oh, that's right, because if that last gun was last... No, no, it was second to last. There was still a chance that... But when you went, it was 50-50. That was it. But you could see on her face when she squirted... I was actually

doing the squirting then. Yeah. Tracy's pee. That's the thing. If you have a hot chick piss in the... People are more... It's somewhat palatable. Yeah, no one's...

How could the hotness of a person affect the quality of the urine? It's psychological. It is. Obvi. You come to me, you say, do you want to play with Junior Skopka's piss? And I'm like, no, I don't.

I got to go, guys. I got to get the fuck out of here. Emily's piss, it's like, all right, I might go, guys. I gotta get the fuck out of here. Emily's pissed. It's like, all right, I might even pay for that in some countries. So, you know, here we are. So, yeah, that will be on YouTube. We'll see who wins that. I hope I win.

Battle of the Jokers. Jokov. No, no. A couple of Jokovs. Joker. Joker's wild I'm trying to reference when you do the Joker verse

Joker versus Joker Joker challenge that's what I'm trying I'm not I'm not I mean I'm not doing this yeah no no I was just trying

I was just trying to throw out a reference of your show if you want to just really good capper to the video as soon as someone has pissed, put it on me because there's going to be projectile vomit.

Bear in mind, we do have the keys to the place you're staying. Don't laugh that loud. The Shady Dell. This podcast is brought to you by The Shady Dell. TheShadyDell.com It's a vintage trailer park here in Bisbee where you guys are staying.

It's unbelievable. We look for reasons to stay there. Hey, let's get the house fumigated for termites so we have a reason to go a mile down the road and stay. It's beautiful. I got married on the boat you're staying in. I heard that. Did you consummate it inside the boat? Kind of. Yeah. All right consummate it inside the boat? Kind of.

Yeah. All right. What does kind of mean? No. No? No, he consummated it at the Mexican restaurant down the street. Okay. Shortly after the wedding where his wife was so drunk and awful and cunty

and just really bad, angry, drunk, and yelling about everything. And at some point he goes, if you touch that again I'll stab your fucking finger with a fork, you cunt. And then most of us... I talked like that in those days. The Mexican restaurant in Old Bisbee? No, it's nearby.

It's not around anymore. Nothing in Bisbee stays open for more than 18 months. Everyone has great dreams. Really? Yeah, but the CVs never get renewed. This was an hour after the wedding and he's telling her, I'm going to stab you in the hand with a fork, you fucking cunt.

Well, that's Scottish for I love you, right? Usually in a situation like that, you go, hey, calm down Brian, and we're like, oh, I wanted to say that too so bad. People were just like, aw. Yeah, yeah, she is a cunt. Why did you marry her?

I went to Old Bisbee earlier today just to check it out. And I saw something I'd never seen before. Half the businesses were closed, but they had their hours on there. And a lot of them said, you know, if I'm open, I'm open. They open at 11-ish. But one of them said this.

Rest in peace. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Store open Friday, Saturday, 11 to 6, and 25 minutes from 8.30 to 8.55. I have the picture.

That was the emergency room. It was called like midnight, something midnight. I'm going to show you this. What did they sell? Brick-a-brack? Like obviously non-essentials. You don't get a lot of essentials in this town. Like turquoise jewelry and shit like that.

Here you go. A copper bracelet. Sweet midnight. I have no idea. Rusty piece. That's an 818 number. That's an 818 number. That's some fucking L.A. douche that moved out here and goes,

oh, I'm going to be lazy out here. If you're closed and you're dying to shop, please call our cell. We are usually only one and a half minutes away. You can call them up and they'll come and sell you shit. It's very clever though because once you've called somebody to shop, you kind of feel obliged to buy something.

Sure. But what market research went into we need to be open Friday and Saturday from 8.30 to 8.55? Like, what... Well, it's like your body. They know Bisbee. You shouldn't question them. Just let them do what they know is right.

They did market research. That's when people tend to spend the most. That's it. 8.30 to 8.55. Yeah, the first time I came to Bisbee to visit Doug, I was in one of those little shops in the main street, and I was looking at rubbish. And some kid came in and went,

hey, that guitar in the window, how much is it? And the guy said, it's $35. And he says, well, I've got some rocks I could trade you. And I was thinking, I was like, good luck with that. And the guy went, oh, let's see them. No. Please, sir, can I have some more? We've already talked about this on a podcast, I think,

but one time we were selling merch in Lexington, Kentucky, and, you know, my fan base, some fucking just riff-raff kids. He came up with a handful of loose cigarettes, trying to trade them for merch. Nice loosies. Holy. Did they do it? No, no.

They were already a problem before that. And they were, I think, doing it to be dicks. But you guys, you're on the road now all the time. Yeah. Twice a month, right? Two weekends a month. Do you do merch? We do.

Yeah, we do. Do you get psychos that come? We don't really handle it, really. We did. You don't sign shit? We do. We do. We sign it in advance, though, and just put it out.

But do you ever get people that want way more than a show? Yeah, we deal with that a lot, actually. Yeah. I mean, we used to do all the merch ourselves, and then we got a little bit of help with it. But it still is kind of like, I don't know. Like, when we meet everyone, they bring all the merch with them, and then they ask us to do stuff with it.

Yeah, I mean, other than signing and photographs do you ever have a guy that just needs to talk to you yeah we got the talkers we got can you call my can you call my son daughter wife we got that a lot of make a video for my kids who can't leave an outgoing greeting say larry hey will you say larry on my outgoing you don't want to say no but if you do one then the whole line behind season oh towards Joe Hold on it's great And you don't want to say no But if you do one Then the whole line Behind sees it And then it's a million

Larry messages Bingo I yell at Bingo A lot sometimes She'll go Oh no no Have him sign No if If

If They don't want you To sign it And you suggest it Everyone else wants it Everyone else Would just keep going They do that

One guy like They We play ourselves in the show. We're ourselves. So people feel like they know us a little bit. There's this familiarity. There's no filter. And they'll come up to us and grab our ass, really, you know,

because we joke on the show. So we must want to get our ass grabbed. Like, I'll be at, like, Target, and I'll get, like, punched in the shoulder. And I'll turn, and the wife's already on. And he's just like, talk to my wife. Hi. But one time I got into an accident.

I was driving to see my grandparents and I was at a stop, a red light and a car to a car rear ended a car that rear ended me. Right. Okay. So I jerked forward. The thing is though, is that the cops and ambulance were already on the side of the road because an accident had already happened right there. So it was fucking rubbernecker.

I was in the middle of a rubbernecking thing. And so when I got hit, literally the physical cop and EMT people were standing one foot away from my car. And I was already stopped. So they saw the whole thing. And my neck whipped forward and whipped back. And I was on the phone with my dad. And I was like, dad, let me call you back. I'm OK.

But I just got into an accident. The guy, EMT worker, comes around. I lower my window. I'm holding my neck. And he sticks his head. And he goes, is this a bad time to ask for your autograph? And I was like. That's great.

I was holding my neck. And I was like, dude, I've never been out of line with anyone. But I was like, dude, I'm holding my neck. So he goes, all right. So I pull over. And he goes, all right, you've got to go to the hospital. I said, I don't want to of line with anyone. But I was like, dude, I'm holding my neck. So he goes, all right. So I pull over. And he goes, all right, you've got to go to the hospital. I said, I don't want to go to the hospital. He goes, if you don't want to go to the hospital, you've got to fill out paperwork.

He goes, I filled most of it out for you. He puts in my name, first and last, and all this other stuff. So I said, OK, thanks, man. He goes, can I just get a picture? I said, sure. Then he says, you've got to do me one favor. The ambulance that's right there from the accident before you, the lady inside of it is a huge fan.

He goes, can you do me a favor? Can you just go in there and say hello to her and make her day? She just got in an accident. I said, I don't feel comfortable doing that. And he said, can you do it? So I said, all right. I said, I'll do it. I don't know. So I'm holding my neck. I walk over. He said, can you do it? So I said, all right. I said, I'll do it. I don't know. So I'm holding my neck.

I walk over. He said, go ahead. I opened the ambulance myself, right? I opened the back door myself. I opened the doors. There's a lady in a stretcher, completely locked down, in a neck brace. And she's staring straight up in like the mummified position staring straight up and she can't even look up at me so i opened and i go hello and she goes yes and i said hey

and she goes who's this i go it's sal from impractical jokers and she goes and and I said no nothing I just hope everything's okay and I closed the door and I look at the fucking guy

and I'm like what the fuck are you talking about this lady's in a fucking stretcher and I'm like do you have channel one million

it's me how on earth did he even think he knew that she was a fan I don't know because she had no recognition

of me whatsoever. But that's the classic Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles story. Oh, yes, yes. For those who don't know, Don Rickles kept bothering Frank Sinatra at a party. Will you please? My wife's a big fan. Will you come over to our table at some point? I don't want to ask, but she's a big fan.

If you could just come over and say hello you know and they're at a different table and finally frank sinatra comes over to their table and says hi i'm frank sinatra and don rickles says hey we're eating here i might have fucked that story up, but that's a huge Chinese telephone of that story. I was not at that dinner. But you haven't got to the psycho where someone's talking like, you know what? I watch your show, but you don't get the freak. You haven't had the freak. Sometimes.

Where do you go? This guy's a troubled person. Yeah. I just try to be nice. Because nobody ever comes up to us. I'm talking about the one that know you and need, like, the one that's going to, like, live in your house, like the woman who went into Letterman's house

and they're in love with you. A couple of them once or twice, but, I mean, nothing really. Have you ever had somebody write and saying they're considering suicide? Yeah. Yeah, we get some of that too. That is like, well, what are you going to do about that? That's like just a disturbed person. What are you going to do? I can't.

I don't even know what to say. Does it creep you out? Because you're kind of new famous. Yeah. I had one where they looked up every, my address, my home address, all my previous addresses and my family members' addresses. And they typed up a letter. It was like a 7, 10-page letter. They typed it up.

And they sent a copy to like eight addresses. My mom got it. My dad got it. I got it. My old address got it. Got forwarded to me. And I opened it up, and it was a rambling letter from a person, a guy named Pat. And he wanted to,

he wanted to date me. And he told me about his life and everything and he went so far as to, in one part of the letter, he just itemized his physical possessions. So he's like, I have a PlayStation, I have two televisions, I have two refrigerators.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Two televisions, 46 inches. It was itemized. I was like, oh, man. I got really nervous. So I happen to be at the police station already. Don't answer. I had a business. I had a bar.

And I was there for doing something for the community. You used to own a bar? Yes. Do you still own a bar? yes alright keep going then so I was there because of the community board already

in a meeting with the new police head and everything and at the end of the meeting I said can I talk to you for a second? I said can I just show you this letter and you just tell me do I have any reason to just is it best if I just show you this because this has freaked me out a little bit.

And he was like, oh, it's not what we can really do, whatever. I later found out that Pat, I just, I don't know why I went to that it was a guy, but it was a woman. And she then started sending... And then Saturday Night Live stole the entire idea from you. And then she started sending invitations.

Like food and shit. Well, she sent us a, she sent all of us an invitation to her child's ninth reptile-themed birthday party. Got it. I remember this now. And it was a glorious invitation. It was in a tin. She made macaroni. She made macaroni fucking pictures on it and shit like that.

Yeah, you opened it up, and it was like a lizard, but it folded out like an accordion, and it was like this high-end lizard reptile invitation. And then in it dropped out two nudes of her. And the worst. What? The worst nudes you could ask for. I mean, God bless her, but she was pushing like 300 pounds, and she took selfies of herself in a tub.

Just wet. With just her giant pontoon tits floating in the water. And like, please join me for like Sue Ann's ninth reptile. I would have a really hard time not showing up at that party. We did. We put them up in the office. We put them on the wall in the office. We stapled them to the wall.

They might even still be there. Oh, my God. I'd go with friends. We should have went. We should have went, I know. Yeah, yeah. Again, it's probably a bad thing, but I would have gone if it was not my hometown. She was out of St. Louis.

Yeah. We're lucky. Most people are very nice to us We don't really We don't really deal with A lot of jerks Or anything like that Yeah

Well you are Nice people You show You're Again I feel like I know you from your show Right Even though

Now I know you Right But I still Feel like I know you more From your show Right I'm just gonna say Now can we talk about the bar

If you like How long we talk about the bar? How long have you had a bar? The bar is boring. I've had it for three years with two friends. In Staten Island. Not these friends? Not these guys, no. A couple of other buddies, we bought it three years ago.

I worked at a bar for eight years prior to that. And I managed a bar restaurant. And so then I had the opportunity to buy into something and I did it. Yeah, sure. Oh, no, I can order you a bar or restaurant. And so then I had the opportunity to buy into something, and I did it. Yeah, sure. Oh, no, I can order you a drink. Yeah. Cheers. Cheers.

I'd like this one. Oh, Jesus. You guys are the best. Clink, clink. Go Seahawks? Yeah, we didn't. Sorry. No, no problem.

I'm an alcoholic OCD. If we all toast and I miss someone, I go, I can't have that. Go see Ox. Yeah, we didn't. Sorry. No, no problem. I'm an alcoholic OCD. If we all toast and I miss someone, I go, oh, a battle happened. What's Staten Island like? It's fucking beautiful. It's an oasis. Uh-huh. No, it's nice. It's really nice, actually.

It's a little too much traffic, but other than that, it's kind of like nice. And you all live there? We all grew up there. Now James and Joe live in Manhattan. Sal and I still live there. We still live there. A couple of rough years that I had to dump there. And I call those rough years my childhood.

But now that the dumps closed down, it's... And is it all firemen and police? Pretty much. It's a lot. It's a heavy working class Irishman. Garbageman. Irish-Italian. Yeah.

Like that. Like blue collar. Blue collar. A lot of city workers. My dad is a retired sanitation worker. You know, like everywhere else, there's assholes. And they get a bad rap, especially in media like, you know

who I am type people, you know, that kind of thing. But just as much as that, they're the people that we've come to love and everything. It's good. It's right near the city. It's like a 10 minute drive, 15 minutes if there's no traffic. So it's like access to New York, but it's also like a bit of suburbia. It's a weird psyche to come from Staten Island because it is growing up on an island.

A lot of people – it is an island. So it like limits your radar of geography. Like everything is within the 7 by 14 mile. So that alone kind of makes you unique in In the United States, let alone New York, and then on top of that, it's very white, very Italian, very Catholic. So then that creates its own point of view.

And then on top of that, the rest of the city shits on you. Like you're the forgotten borough, kind of a joke borough like when we were growing up. So then you have a defensiveness too. Is that why you became so racist? Yeah, no, no, no. I'm racist because of other races.

Oh, I see. Yeah, not because of me. What are you talking about? Other races. No, get out of here. I just want to point to Emily right there. Emily's every race. I'm everyone.

I was thinking the same song. Yeah. All right, let's stop this Staten Island shit. Maybe we can cut that out. I gave an insightful answer. Road pussy. Who's single of the four of you? Well, I mean, there's my road pussy right there.

Yeah, you're excluded from the conversation. Who's single? You did the show, and now you go out and you do gigs twice a month. Yeah. Improv thing. I don't know what you call it. You do a show. Yeah.

Is Joe single? No, Joe got married in September, and I was the reverend. Joe's recently married. Yeah. So Joe's the only one who's married. When you first started Road Pussy, do you

get hit on? We get hit on. We do. That happens. And I realize that it doesn't take much. If you're just on TV for a second people just have this weird obsession with a public figure. It didn't give me any more confidence.

It actually made me feel worse. Yeah, because you know, oh, eventually you're going to hate this. That's what I always felt. You're just fucking me because I was four feet higher than the rest of the room with a microphone. And eventually you're going to go, oh, I can't believe I did that. And some husband of yours is going to go, you fucked that guy? And it's like, it wasn't good. Like, I want to explain to you before you fuck me that you're only fucking me for,

has anyone got road pussy you can't talk to your friends I'll be honest with you I'm an erotic person you're talking to the wrong person about this I'm an erotic person so my brain does the inverse of what it should instead of being like oh shit what you need is

fucking this is Sal's pussy bingo cleaned it out there's a post-it note on her fucking is fucking, this is Sal's pussy. Bingo cleaned it out. There's a post-it note on her fucking pubic bone. I'd still piss on it. I'd piss all over it. I'd ruin it for him. I wouldn't let him have that pussy. And that would be ruining the whole sentiment

of that clean pussy. What I say to myself is, wait a minute. You can't just get me that easily. You don't know me me that easily I just You don't know me I just met you Now you're gonna say Let's go

Let's go fuck after this I'm not that easy That's what I say I reverse it in my head Is that a great feeling? Like I get to a place where Like hey I grew up In a world where

You have to do Every song and dance Fucking step and fetch it To get pussy. Oh, but now I can get it for free because I talked on stage. And there's a great feeling about turning chicks down and seeing that look on her face. I'm hot.

Everyone in Wichita would fuck me. And you're going to say no? I think actually if I could just cut straight through the bullshit, is after a show, we are so tired. We are the fucking oldest. We don't even go out. We don't even go to bars or anything. After it, we make a beeline for the hotel room.

We probably one out of ten times. Yeah, it's really, we're kind of lame. We probably should enjoy it more, but after shows, we're done. Yeah, no, being old, but that's the thing. With that newfound fame, well, you had fame because you're a fucking New York firefighter, so you get pussy for wearing the hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put out fires with all the pussy that I got.

I would just tunnel it towards the fire and just wave. The most pussy I got was when I was young and had no act where I feel like I should go back and go, I'm sorry that you fucked me for that act. I was two years in. Those jokes stank. It's really more me than you. I was more of a hack than you are a whore,

and I apologize on Facebook. Ten minutes more of a hack than you are a whore. And I apologize on Facebook. Ten minutes left of our show, I literally start being like, oh my God, there's five huge pillows in the bed. Yeah, we're pretty high. I'm going to have a pillow everywhere. And that's what I'm thinking about.

I really am. I'm just like, I just want to go watch cable and just lay down. Is that really bad? No, I'm just like, I just want to go watch cable and just lay down. Is that really bad? No, I'm like that now. That's what I'm saying. You guys are in your 30s? 38.

We're 37. Which is too old. So for the first time though, you're getting like pussy you couldn't get before. Well, you're really making this sound like I never got a pussy in my entire life. Well, you're really making this sound like I never got a pussy in my entire life. No, but wait. Well, you were a bartender.

Bartenders do well. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did good. All I need is a fucking can of Pabst. I'm at least getting fingered. I'm getting fingered. I know.

I liked it. I ran it through the processor. It went well. I'm not a finger. I know. I liked it. I ran it through the processor. I'm not touching anyone. What did the other two do? What were their previous jobs? James was, and still is, he was a producer for reality shows. He's the one that, like, he'll watch a reality show that's successful. Murr.

Murr. No, who's James? Are do you mean, Murr? Murr. Murr. No, who's James? Are you okay? Who's James? Murr. Like, Murr will watch a television show that's successful, and then he'll come up with, like, different versions of it and go out and sell it.

So that's what he did. We'll call him the American way now. Yeah, oh, absolutely. Don't get me wrong. Without Murray and his business ingenuity, we wouldn't have this show. So it's like we need that. There is a you and Sal.

There's a Q and Sal versus Murr and Joe kind of. I don't know if I think that because I know you do and I don't know them. I don't know if versus is the right word. Yeah, I wouldn't know if I think that because I know you, you do, and I don't know them. I don't know if versus is the right word. Yeah, I wouldn't say versus. It's just they don't drink. We do drink. We still don't stand out.

That's why you're here and they're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But we're all on the same team. There's no. No, we are. Even with my own friends, there's always the, okay, that guy. I know you understand that.

I'm just saying that in case Murray listens to this. Which he won't, so don't worry about it. But we're happy to fulfill those roles on the show. It helps promote the show. There's some truth to it. Even Murray will say that, but then we play it up for the show. I didn't know if that was from the show or just because you guys talked to me and they didn't. It's fucking real.

We play it up for the show. How close were you guys before the show? Were you always just the four of you or do you have other lives? We have other lives. Was there a fifth guy who didn't get on the show? Is there a Pete Best? Is there a Pete Best? And is really pissed off. Is there a Pete Best?

Yes, there is. He's not pissed off. Well, no, no. It's a weird... It's not like yes and no. It's not like that. Way back when we started the Tenderloins,

which is the comedy troupe that we are like outside of the show, we had another guy named Mike and he did it with us. I wasn't in. He was not in.

Oh, you're the Ringo star. You're the Ringo star. I'm the Ringo, yeah, without a doubt. Well, I like to say they didn't get successful until I joined. That's the way I like to put it. That's what Ringo says. Exactly. Ringo's right.

The first five or six years, we just did sketch and improv on stage, and it was in 2006 when Q came on board, and Mike actually, I mean we had been at this quite some time and like he had a really successful job he now has a family, a wife and it was kind of like it was, the more successful he got his other job, the harder it was for him to dedicate

to make an internet video and so, we kept making internet videos you know, and that was when YouTube first started and all that stuff and so it took off from there which is kind of not what we did with him. And so it was like a mutual thing. It wasn't anything. He's still like one of my best friends.

He's a lot of fun. And believe me, he's doing better than we are. Like he's got a wonderful wife. He's got gorgeous kids. He makes more money than we make. He's not looking at us like Pete Best. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.

We almost had Pete Best play at my bar. He's affordable, so I don't know. Maybe that's why. I've gotten emails where we... God damn it. Someone said, hey, will you play our dumb party we do every year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Last year we got so-and-so for $500.

Oh, fuck. Was it Hannibal Buress? No, it was a celebrity. Was it a golfer? It was Ben Johnson. Oh, yeah, Ben Johnson. It was Canada. We're doing the tour of Canada and there's an email from somebody saying, hey, I see you've got a vacant date between

London and Toronto. Can you come out and do our gun owners club or something? Whatever. Last year we had Ben Johnson for $500. Holy shit. He ain't doing too great. You could probably get

the entire US track team from the Moscow Olympics for a grand. If I could run that fast from a gig, what did he do? I don't know. He just made a celebrity appearance and hung around. This is like last year.

So they had him two years ago. Bear in mind he was a disgraced drug cheat. So income was kind of limited, imagine. You still got a job. Not when you're black mmm just saying mmm don't blame me blame society do you get or could you get people to try to book you and then get pissed off cuz no nobody tries to book us uh-huh anywhere I told you I had that fucking great idea. Nobody tries to. We get a little.

Who? Book us in what way? Like go to a party or a club or something like that? To make an appearance? Yeah. I think that we haven't gotten many. There's only a few offers here and there. When we're on the road and someone knows that we're going to be on the road.

It's not an offer. It's like after a show, come and hang out. Did you ever get representation? Last time I talked to you when I was drunk. We do. We have everything now. We have everything. Yeah, we got soup to nuts.

All right, so I'm making sure you're not getting all of your money. I want to make sure some fucking loser in a fucking cubicle at whatever CAA or PAA or ACE. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those. I wanted to make sure those guys are getting well fed. whatever CAA or PAA or ACE. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those. Yeah. I wanted to make sure those guys are getting well fed. Yeah, because it's not enough that I split every dollar I make four ways, Doug.

I also now have to give it to those guys. It's like a band. Yeah. Murray says you're lucky to get a quarter. Hey, Dr. Ken is here. He's right. He's actually right. Dr. Ken is here from The Hangover. Come on in.

Who are you? Oh, sorry. From a distance, you looked Asian. A walker. Wait, no. Come back. Get in here. No, we've been waiting for a guy to show up that no one has no idea who he is.

Yeah, who are you? I think I know who he is. Who are you? I'm talking about you, dude. Do you even know who you are? Put him on mic. Get him on mic. John.

All right, here's what happened. John looks unhinged to me. I'm not going to lie. John, do I know you? It's been a long day. Yeah, you look crazy. John, talk into the mic. Do I know you?

Well, I saw you there at Roka. You have to project. Roka. Cafe Roka. Okay. So that's a no. Last year's Super Bowl, right before it, I did Joe Rogan's podcast. Yes. And I was shit-faced. And I said,

yeah, no, anyone can come over for football at Bisbee. It's not like people... We live so far away from anything. You're not going to get party crashers. And we got probably a dozen and of a dozen,

ten of them were cool and two were fucking problems but we had Chad Shank. Well, there was one guy crying

and one guy that was had to be hoisted out. So this year we said, anyone you go, I mean, I don't know a lot of people here anyway because I don't remember folks, or I know the person they're with and they brought friends. And then we go, look for walkers, the guy that just showed up and no one knows he's hiding in the corner and looking weird. So you, I think, are a walker.

Yeah, well, I mean, Jennifer told me she's coming over here. Jennifer from the park. Jenny from the park? Jenny from Roca, yeah. Jenny from the park? Oh, Jen. Melissa Reeves and Jen.

All right, but you wandered into a house that you don't even know where the fuck you are, so I thought you were a weird walker. So, okay. You're fine. Well, you still found your way down the secret door steps down here, so you kind of are in walker territory. Yeah, but you did drop

a name. Okay, that's all. I thought you were a fucking real weirdo, and I was hoping you were a fucking real weirdo and i was hoping upstairs and then i was just like checking out the place i mean it's a nice it's a nice place to explore don't worry we'll cut all this out all right last night i asked him the fucking one bit you did on a practical jokers that like really fucking hurt where you're like, fuck you, I don't want to do this. Like the one thing that

personally, you didn't have to Johnny Knoxville and act like, oh, that kick in the balls really hurt for show business, but really fucked with you. I was asking how pissed off you were about when they had your sister getting her tit grabbed.

You looked really pissed. I don't understand why. I think that's funny. It's funny. I know. I recognize that's funny. What bit did you do on Impractical Jokers where you're like, fuck, come on, fuck you guys. You really got mad at people.

There's a couple. the elephant i don't want to go harp on the elephant stuff but that was pretty bad because you know how i am and that was 50 pounds of what the bit was where they uh hit his uh car keys in a mountain of elephant dung that he had to like search am i wrong no that No, that's it. It was 100 degrees. You could smell it from fucking 100 degrees. Isn't it like seaweed, though? Isn't it just like it's all vegetable matter, right? No, but not at 100 degrees, man.

It's like cow shit or horse shit. We eat mushrooms out of cow shit. If you make me dig through human shit, oh, that smell is different. I was breaking it apart, though, because I didn't know where the keys were. It was bad. It's like an Adobe brick, dude, which this house is made of Adobe brick. Well, I could just tell you from my personal experience. And from our housekeeping skills, it probably smells like elephant shit.

I almost threw up. And then when they broke into my house, I was pretty in shock. Hey, you know, the thing about that elephant thing, you know, that originally wasn't, I don't think we've ever said this before, that originally wasn't supposed to be your punishment. We had worked out a deal with the tiger people that we were going to put his keys just out of reach of a tiger's fucking, like the tiger was going to be on a chain,

and it was going to be prowling around, and Sal had to approach, and we didn't tell him this, but the keys were so the tiger couldn't get it, and we were going to be prowling around and Sal had to approach and we didn't tell him this, but the keys were so the tiger couldn't get it and we were going to watch him approach a tiger. Until the chain snaps. And then the day of, that day, they were like, we can't do it. Absolutely. Wait a minute. Nature always finds a way.

Honestly. Ian Malcolm over here. No, I'm with you on that one. Like in feces that is meat eater, that's another thing. that's like a human and then i did that too trusting an animal trainer just means you're trusting someone who doesn't even have a ged there's no fucking way that guy knows the tinsel strength of the chain that's you you will lose an arm you will lose an arm kind of true too is like dating uh someone's daughter

you don't know who raised her you don's the same thing. You can get your heart ripped out by a fucking tiger bitch. I don't know how tinsel strength. I was afraid of the elephant too just to just swipe me. But when my sister I think was a pretty bad one.

I don't know man. What happened to that? I never saw that one we were giving we were teaching corporate sensitivity and ethics training and they said I'm going to play a video now

to show you like some examples of what not to do in the workplace and when I pressed play my sister was a secretary I didn't know this and he walked in

and said do you have those reports and she said yes I do and then he reached in and just literally started manhandling her tits. Yeah. In my defense, this is really good looking. Yeah. So you have to

keep that in mind. And nice tits, by the way. Tell your sister. Does she listen to the podcast? I know Murr won't. But if your sister, nice like suppulent like soul. Yeah, well, she's young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to call, before we shot that bit,

we called his dad and asked for permission. We did. Like, it was an old-school time thing. If you see his dad, his dad is fucking, what is his dad, like 60-something now? Eight. 68, and he's jacked. The only word for him is jacked.

He's fucking big. So Staten Island is still some sort of patriarchal society where you can afford a man and say, can I feel your daughter's tits? Yeah. If you don't want trouble later on, it might be best to do that. I didn't ask him.

I'm not afraid of him. His dad, though, can wipe the floor. Go ahead. No, go. I just had one thought, but it's... I remember one time where I almost got threw up from nervousness because you lied to me as well. Sure. It no. I remember one time where I almost got threw up from nervousness because you lied to me as well.

Sure. It was when I had to read... I was a book author. Oh, that's right. And they had my book there, and it was a whole place full of people, and I was going to read an excerpt. The bookstore.

Yes. With an audience. What they told me before was, they said, you're going to read a passage. It's about your real life. And I said, okay. I said, just what is it about? And they literally all just looked at me and were like, look.

They lied. Joe was like, I fought them on it. But it was two against one, and they won. And we wrote some really personal shit that you don't want anyone to know about. And you're going to be upset. You're going to be really upset. And we can't say no to a punishment. We can't say no. So punishment. We can't say no.

I like fucking people that play by real rules. So I got sick to my stomach because what was going through my head was the worst of the worst. What am I going to say right now to my family, to these people? And then when I opened it up, it was blank, of course.

It was blank. Oh, I remember that. But I was visibly shaken of course. It was blank. Oh, I remember that. But I was visibly shaken on screen. You can see that. That was great. That's why you're my kind of favorite. You can say it. It's okay. You look like you always want to puke.

Oh, shit. I know I'm Bingo's favorite. That's enough for me. I'll take it. One bit that you fought to get in that got cut Oh we just had actually Last week's episode Was nothing but clips that we had fought to get on That we shot

And fought to get on We talked about that last night But something that you fought to get on That you couldn't even get on that episode. Oh, okay. Something that was so, like, this is fucking funny, you cunts. When I, the man show, I did that. And I'm like, don't open with that episode because I knew it was weak as shit.

And I knew most of them were weak as shit. But this episode had funny shit. And I laid on my back in front of Stone Stanley. And I hope you're out of it. And I screamed and yelled and did a fake baby tantrum on the floor. Please put this episode not there. Don't open with that because it's going to stink. And what happened?

They used the one they wanted to use. It didn't work. But is there a bit that you like, this is the funniest fucking thing and I can't believe you're not airing it. There was like a handful. Did Black Knot scare you? Did that ever end up airing?

No, that never aired, no. That was when we fought really hard and we lost where we were doing this thing where we went up to people in the park and we said, you know, hey, man, you went up with a camera and you said, hey,

do you mind if I take a picture of you for my blog? You're perfect for it. And then the guys would tell you what the blogs were. So there was one that killed us. And when the crew, we've been with the same crew for three years. When they come up to you and they're like, that was fucking unbelievable. That's when you know you have the gold. That's when management is going to fucking shake it.

Exactly. That's what happened. Everyone likes it. Because they had me go up to this fucking ripped black guy and his white girlfriend. Shirtless. He's just walking around. Because he can. Because if I looked like him, I'd walk around shirtless too. Absolutely. There's a reason I

wear three shirts a day. So I went up to him and I go, hey man, you're perfect for my blog. He looked like DJ from Street Fighter, like the new one, like the fucking Jamaican guy that was ripped, just kicking everybody's ass. And they go, okay, you're perfect for my blog. It's called Black Not Scary.

Black But Not Scary. Black But Not Scary. And they said it in my ear and it came out of my mouth without me even thinking. Right? I just said Black Not Scary. And then I i went whoops and if i had a hat on i would have spun in the air and i just stood back and i went oh he was two feet tall than you he was huge i mean make no mistake he would have torn me apart as if i was made of

tissue paper it would have been horrible and he and it was a tense moment and then he just started laughing this beautiful laugh and i was like i'm. And then he just started laughing, this beautiful laugh. And I was like, I'm going to live. And like, I heard them, because you could hear him in the ear going, oh, I can't believe he said it. I saw the cameraman going like this, like the security guy who normally doesn't do anything, like got at the ready, like to come at me and shit like that. So we came back and they were like, we can't believe you said it.

How the fuck did you say it? Blah, blah, blah. And everybody was so excited. And the network was just like, that's racist. That will never air on this network and we were like are you fucking kidding me it's it's what the show is at its best it's like fucking saying shit you shouldn't say that why don't he left he left he loved it his girlfriend left they they signed he let me take the picture they signed it was it was great and great. And they won't let it air ever. What about bits where you showed it, but you've cut so that you're not seeing

the full person's response or something like that? Yeah, that happens a lot. It happens a lot. We fight a lot. No, I mean, yeah, I'm talking about the way that somebody reacts to you, even though they've signed the release, you don't actually see what they actually said.

There was a time where we were at a food court in a mall and I was a janitor sweeping up and they said oh just like grab this fork tape it to the end of your broomstick

and then just spear this guy's chicken while he's eating and just take it while he's eating and I went up behind him and like

the broom it was like one of those like cartoons like a long fork just like he was eating and you just saw the fork and then he saw the fork

and didn't even move he just like watched it watched the fork and it went in and it went out and then he like slowly looked back with it

and I put it in my mouth and I chewed and I just went they don't give me a lunch break and then he got up and was like you don't know me I don't know you then he got up and was like, you don't know me.

I don't know you. And he just started screaming like, who does that to somebody? You don't fucking know who I am. You don't know me. You don't do that. And I was just like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then I just was like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. And then he wasn't really having it. Then we had to tell him it was a thing. And then he was OK with it. But they cut it out right there. They cut all the... They don't cut it out right at like, ugh. Yeah. They cut all the- Because they don't want to make us seem like assholes. They want us to be likable, so they always kind of cut that shit out.

I can't imagine any of you fighting. Who's the least scared of fisticuffs? Probably me. I would say me. I've been in fights. I've taken punches. I say it to my real been in fights. Like, I've taken punches. I say it to my real time. I'm like, I've taken punches.

Joe is the biggest. Joe Gatto is the biggest. Joe has never been in a fight in his entire life. I know, but he seems like the least afraid of getting hit. Oh, you're talking about just balls on the show? Yeah. That's Gatto. Least afraid of getting hit.

Oh, I thought you meant least afraid of getting hit. Like, literally, like, I know I could take a hit. That's what I thought you meant. Joe is the boldiest, but Joe is the first one not to want any confrontation. Yeah, he won't. He'll back out in a second if it's that sort of thing. Murray is, I don't know if Murray could really back himself up, but also Murray.

He's so pixie-esque, he wouldn't ever, no one would ever hit that guy. You would have to be the biggest cunt in the world to hit fucking Murr. Yeah, we almost got decked. We were doing a Fiat, we were hocking Fiat cars for like a special promotion. Yeah, yeah.

And they said, there was this couple that came up and they said, just stay behind them the whole time. Only talk from behind them. So we went behind the guy and his girl and I guess he sensed something was a little off and the guy was like another big dude

and he was like an MMA dude. And we didn't even do anything. It went from zero to 60. We went right behind him and I was like, can I show you that? And I went right up to their ears and I was like, from behind them, can I show you? And it was nothing.

What are you doing? What are you doing to me and my girlfriend? I was like, I'm just showing you the Fiat. And he was like, can I show you? And it was nothing. What are you doing? It was nothing. What are you doing to me and my girlfriend? I was like, I'm just showing you the Fiat. And he was like, he literally put his hands up and was like, I will punch you in your fucking face right now. His hand was right up in my face. And I was just like, I'm just showing you the Fiat, man. And then his girlfriend was like, stop.

He's like, get off. And he was ready. He was ready. Something else bothered him that day. Yeah. I was like, did he sign? No. What was this? Was this a car convention?

Or an appearance? It was a New York Auto Show. This was live. So you got anyone walking through. We told the crew not to even try and sign him. And our crew is scary. Shay is like

4'2". She's tiny, but she's the scariest human being I've ever met in my life. She will go up to people and just be like, the fuck out of here. The fuck out of my way. Get the fuck... And you're just like, holy shit, Shay.

If they're an asshole. It takes a lot for us not to send our crew after people. But that guy, we were like, I don't even know if she could take him. He was a half a second away from laying us out. Who is Stacy Patella? Stacy Patella, how do you know that name? She's my assistant. She's my friend.

She grew up with us, actually. We're trying to shut this down. You keep fucking leaving us in the non-closers, Hannigan. He's been head down in Google with his face lit up. I was trying to get out of it, so I was just throwing it in there.

There's something there. Stacy Patella, you get your name dropped, but right now, we have to go play Urine Roulette. What time's your flight? 2.30? 2.30? No, let's go do it.

Let's go play this. Yeah, I'm hoping we can go. I don't know what the condition's going to be like tomorrow, but if we can still see it before we head out, you know, breakfast or something, take out. We ain't going anywhere. You won't be getting much sleep tonight anyway, now that we've been in your trailer.

No, you have not. I got the keys, man. Come on. Don't say that. We know the owners. They were here. Don't say that to me. Yeah.

I had to take a shower. I had to walk to the shower. I was a little freaked about that. We told you. We told you. To come here and shower, yeah. Where I was staying is probably the coolest place about that. We told you. We told you. To come here and shower, yeah. Where I was staying is probably the coolest place

I've ever seen before I got to your house. But the separate shower, I was a little bit... But I told them that we have a nice house we don't even go to up the street.

We just get a clean shower. It was fine. The shower there was fine. Totally fine. It was very clean and nice. Talking of where you're staying, this podcast has been brought to you by TheShadyDel.com

Come to Bisbee. Hang out. If I'm in town, I'll drink a beer with you and then you have to go. Between 8.35 and 9 o'clock. There's a sign on the door. The Impractical Jokers catch them on TruTV.

If you don't have a DVR, I don't even know what you do. Fucking download it. Find it on the internet. One of those things, like BitTorrent or something. Steal it. Thursdays at 10. TruTV. TruTV.

Thank you. All right. That was Sal and Quinn, the two good guys from the Impractical Jokers, always root against Joe Gatto and Murr. Murr is something you bring

people at Christmas if you're a disciple. I don't know. Frankincense. Frankincense. Frankincense couldn't be here tonight. He missed his flight because he was at the Robin Quivers table. And next week, we'll see you with Andy Andrist. Oh. I shouldn't have done shots of vodka.

That was a bad idea. Remember when I said, this is the most sober I've been after the Super Bowl. Oh, that ended quickly. Back to the party. TheShadyDell.com That is where you stay if you come to Bisbee and you're staying at the Shady Dell and I'm in town,

I will have a beer with you. I won't hang out that long. We're not going to be good friends. I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself. But if you're staying at theshadydell.com, vintage trailer park with all 50s, 60s trailers

that we live a mile away from and we look for reasons to go stay there, come to theshadydell.com. Sponsored by... I might even come in and clean your toilet. I don't know. Play the Matoid!

You've been listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast, recorded live in the Funhouse in Bisbee, Arizona, with Doug Stanhope, Quinn, and Sal from Impractical Jokers, Brian Hannigan, and Greg Shaley, engineered and produced by me, Shaley. This podcast is sponsored by The Shady Dell in Bisbee, Arizona. Opening song by Mishka Shubale. Party time by The Mattoys.

Both available on iTunes. Check out the new season of Impractical Jokers, Thursdays at 10 on TruTV. And take a listen to Quinn and Sal's podcast, What Say You? Just voted best new podcast on Stitcher. Find out about all of Doug's upcoming tour dates by joining the mailing list at dougstanhope.com. Thanks for listening.

It's party time there. Dance, dance and shoe your shoes. It's party time. Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Everybody! Grab your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Everybody!

Grab your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. One more! Grab your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Here we go! Party time! Yeah! Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time. Hey! Party time, yeah!

Party time. Party time. Party time. Party time. Party time. Party time. Party time. Party time.

Party time. Party time.