The Doug Stanhope Podcast - EPISODE #27: Ultimate Legendary Melt Down Insane Comic James Inman

Episode Date: April 29, 2014

Doug invites long time friend James Inman for a pre-show podcast in the green room of the KC Improv to discuss hate crimes, kinds of homelessness and being 86'd from gigs and Greyhounds. James is featured in the indie film The Unbookables and wrote The Greyhoud Diaries.Links:  Check out James Inman in action -- The UnBookables Movie - http://www.theunbookablesmovie.com/- James Inmans snaps at city council meeting - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXSWjVzdaF8- James Inman - Uncle JDs Funeral - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twkCSyPPFqM- James Inman - Feminist vs Comedian  - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8Pg8hLUUwE- James Inman - The Greyhoud Diaries - http://www.amazon.com/Greyhound-Diary-James-Inman/dp/1411649222Recorded Apr 24, 2014 in the green room of the Kansas City Improv with Doug Stanhope, James Inman, Bingo and Greg Chaille. Produced and Edited by Greg Chaille @gregchaille. Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Take a moment to signup for the mailinglist at dougstanhope.com.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. The potato peelings in the sink Did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores are closed I heard you changed your name again But don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end

La la la My life's about you in the end. La, la, la. What? Tell me when we start. Oh, we're always talking. We're always on, so keep that microphone near you. Okay, all right, all right, all right. And this podcast is not over.

People listening, the podcast is over when the mattoid plays party time. Because too many times we go, all right, that's it. I think we got enough. That's the podcast. And then we pause, and then we start talking again, and it ends up 20 minutes longer. So I don't know if people shut it off going hey you said it was over no wait till because we might get fucked up after this podcast you don't want to do another 20 minutes of drunk stupidity uh-huh so people yeah it's not over

until you hear the mattoid sing party time look up some other mattoid shit Mattoid's got Fucking great stuff On YouTube What's Where he does The Yes Google search The Mattoid

Love boat He does a cover Of the love boat Theme song That's fucking great And it's a video He also does Lionel Richie

Oh yeah Hello Yeah And Dancing Queen And I like Funeral Power Yeah Funeral Party Funeral Party. Funeral Party?

Yeah. And Mishka's got some of my favorite songs ever. Mishka Shubali, who opens the podcast. Oh, I know. Well, you know, I started a podcast right around the same time you did, and it turned out we chose the same song accidentally. No shit? Yeah, because I was like,

man, this would be a good song to start on. And so then I was like, oh, Doug's got a podcast now. And I listened to it. I'm like, that's the same goddamn song. It was between that or the other one, which is the best opening line of all time, is the potato peelings in the sink.

Right, exactly. I know, I love that album. Which is now the opener. Is that what we used now? Yeah. I don't listen to my podcast, people. It's only I love that album. Which is now the opener. Is that what we used to have? Yeah. I don't listen to my podcast, people. It's only been four months. Not a fan.

Not a fan. You know, can someone keep James Inman here in a hard cider? Will you order him another hard cider? Oh, God. Get him two. Yeah, might as well get it. Bingo, can you go grab like... Yeah, just grab like four of them

because the crowd's going to start filling up in there and we don't want to open the door. If they got a six barrel, just wheel it back here. Is it only on tap? Well, here it is only on tap. Okay, that's fine. All right. Yeah, James Inman is here with me in Kansas City pre-show.

A fucking 7 o'clock show. It just doesn't seem right. Does it really start at 7 or are they just trying to get people in early? No, it's improv. They don't fuck around. What the fuck does a 7 o'clock show? People that want to leave. Don't you have like...

I've always said that. That's the problem with the improvs is there's no Mr. Improv that's counting the receipts in the back afterwards. No one here gives a fuck if the club makes money, so they want to get it started, get the fuck out, get their tips. I don't blame them. Yeah, but can't

you ask them for some kind of greener If you're working for the guy, if you're that guy that's making the money is in the room, he wants to make people wait and drink and he doesn't want the show to start until two hours late and he wants you to go long and fuck off because that's more drinks in the till. Yeah, but you're like a rock star now, so you can order stuff for your green room like jelly beans. But what you do is...

I'm talking about the quality of the show. I'm not talking about me. I saying that right right oh i thought you're going down at 35 minutes in oh yeah people to get the fuck out yeah can't you tell not to do that i do to an extent yes but i also don't want the fucking staff to hate me yeah well you got fired from the improv years ago didn't you ah there's a gray area they canceled a date i think didn't they cancel a date they canceled some dates and uh yeah and i again you don't really know again because you don't know who the guy is you don't know who mr improv is so you hear a lot of stuff and then it gets filtered through your management and they just soft touch it yeah i know well they they rarely book me but they have my bio and headshot still

on their goddamn website so if you type in james inman into google you'll get improv here's one of the comics that plays here i'm like you guys never fucking booked me what do you got my bio on your goddamn website for who does book you anymore james i don't know fucking i have to i book myself and i use a fake name that's how i get bookings do i mean do you still work for the creepy guy here in kansas city uh not i did a while ago but i didn't stanford yeah it left a bad taste in my mouth, so I haven't really been there. But they're moving out of the place and going across. On Broadway, he's moving because the rent went up or something. I don't know. But last time I went out and did something with Brett,

he had a fucking goddamn... It was a country club. James Inman is legendary he's legendary in the business he started here in Kansas City then moved to Seattle basically made a name for you or that's where I met you was in Seattle

no we met in Vail alright but I mean you were in Seattle at that time and you would just legendarily go up and we'd feed you shots on purpose before you'd go up. Because we know you'd fucking break down and lay on your back and kick and scream about the fucking, you know, all this socialist shit and killing the landlords. I remember the first time I worked with you in Little Rock, Arkansas. I know.

We had to stay on some in the owner's condo with the owner. And you were fighting with your wife at the time on the phone, screaming and yelling because your landlord had deemed it necessary for you to pay the rent.

It was something like we're day late and she fucking... No, you were weeks or months late. It was Christmas Eve and she called me for the rent. I'm like, bitch, it's Christmas Eve. It wasn't Christmas Eve. Yes, it was. She called me on Christmas Eve once for the rent. Oh, once. I was going to say, I wouldn't spend...

I've had some bad times in this life, but I was never spending a fucking Christmas Eve in Little Rock, Arkansas. Yeah, but that's when I realized you were fucking with my head because we got in some argument about, I don't know what it was, but it was like racism or something.

And you're like, I don't see anything wrong with the Ku Klux Klan. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? But it's so easy to wind you up like that. And you would believe it every time. I didn't know that you were fucking with me. And it's just like constant with you

it's like constantly what can we do to fuck with James Inman it's endless and all your friends are like hey Doug fucks with James let's fuck with him too it must be cool to fuck with James and so then I got all your fucking fans that are constantly pranking me

and doing all kinds of shit it's driving me crazy. But you're so ripe for it. I mean, in Little Rock, you were yelling at your wife, not at her, but on her behalf, because the landlord was asking for the rent, which you were, like, so late that you go, how do people get away with that?

Because, yeah, I'm a week late on a fucking gas bill. As a decent customer, they shut my shit off. I go, oh, fuck, I never get the note. There's a procedure, though, where people who know how to game the system go, look, if we're here for a certain amount of time, it's going to take them two years to get rid of me. And if anyone knows how to game the system, it was Inman. In Seattle, no.

I blame my ex-wife because she turned me on to Marx. Karl Marx? He would live with no electricity for months. I had my electricity turned off one time. All right? And that was just to see what it was like. You lived in a Buddhist monastery just because it was free? That is not true.

I went to a Buddhist monastery because I was studying Buddhism and I wanted to meditate. And you happened to be homeless at the time. So it worked out. No, it wasn't technically. It was in between couches. All right.

So I was like, fuck it, I'm going on a spiritual quest. So I went to a Buddhist monastery. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got anything wrong with that, Mr. Atheist? No, it was, again, one of those perfectly timed things.

Well, I was kind of homeless as this story, as he was telling. I took something that sucked and turned it into lemonade. Well, how is your explanation of what happened different from what Doug said? Because he always spins it to where I'm the fuck up. Oh, he cut to the chase. No, no. He exaggerates how fucked up my life is. I'd like to see how that ended.

Like the Buddhist monastery thing. How do Buddhists tell James Inman, you got to get the fuck out? Bald guys in gold robes throwing his few possessions out the second story window that sucked man that was two months of not jacking off it was like oh my god it was hard finally i mean it was it was really really weird when i finally got back into normal society i couldn't do it see i don't think you've ever been part of normal society. Because we're talking 20 years back, and your life is not that much different. Right. You've just been kind of a wandering...

Right. Vagabond. Don't we all wander? What do you mean? Who doesn't wander in life? We're all, like, born, and we wander around on the planet, and then we fucking die. I mean, it's not like you actually think you know where you're going. I mean, I'm just saying, we knew each other in those kind of situations.

We were younger men. We were young guys. And it's a whole lot different living on someone's couch or in their carport when you're 28 than it is now that you're over 50 now, right? I lived in Randy's closet for a year and a half. I remember that. It was a big closet, but it was big enough to put a bed in there, and that's the only...

The whole bed took up the entire closet. So you walk in my room, there, you're on the bed. That's why I think it's kind of fantastic and horrifying that you've never really changed. Sounds more like a swingers sex dungeon. Yeah, it was,

it was wall to wall mattress. I remember Inman and I, I think we were working in either Portland or Seattle and you were doing a San Francisco comedy competition. So you had done the first week and you moved on. But the second, there are two preliminary weeks. So you had that middle, that second week off

you were coming up to work with me right or I was working the week after you at Harvey's either way you had the week off

so you're coming up you're going to take the Greyhound bus after the last night in Sacramento, California and oh fuck you're going to tell

this story I was I was kind of leading you into it. So I, what the fuck? Well, you get on the bus, and they said you couldn't get on the bus because you're drunk. I was coming, I was going to Portland. I was on the bus.

Sacramento to Portland. No, no. It was kind of like I was coming up from L.A. or something, and the bus stopped in Sacramento. And they said I had a five-hour layover. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm going to go get something to drink. So I got a bottle of gin, and I started drinking it. And I wasn't too drunk.

I was just standing in line. I mean, I could function. But the guy smelled my breath, and he's like, sorry, sir, can't let you on the bus. Your breath smells like alcohol. I'm like, fuck, the entire bus smells like a heated turd. Who gives a fuck? It's a goddamn bus. It's not like you're flying a plane, you know?

And he's like, sir, we can't let you on. And whatever, they kicked me out, right? And it's the last bus of the night. It was the last bus of the night, and so that's when I realized, oh, fuck, I'm going to have to, well, I didn't have money for a hotel so I'm like I'm gonna have to sweep on the fucking street so wait wait you're missing a part what because you figure hey fuck it I I'm stuck out all night I might as well go get another

bottle oh right but you're gonna so you're gonna yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So you finish the first bottle of gin. Right, right. So I had like $20 left. And I go in to buy another bottle of beer. And the guy goes, sorry, sir, I can't sell you alcohol. I'm like, why? He goes, because you're homeless. I'm like, I'm not homeless.

I just got kicked off the bus. This is how I dress. I dress this way. Like, it's, I'm, you know, like, fuck it, you know? So then he had to tap beer outside like a 16-year-old. So then I see this guy walking down the street who looked normal. I didn't know he was homeless because he was dressed nice. Nicer than you. Dude, here, here's 20 bucks.

nice nicer than you dude here give here's 20 bucks go inside and buy buy some booze and uh you know and we'll drink or whatever he goes in and buys a goddamn fucking uh slim jim and takes off running with my 20 bucks and i'm like that was my last 20 dollars and so like, I'm fucked. So now you have no alcohol. No alcohol, no money, and I'm on the fucking street. And so I went up to another homeless guy and go, where the fuck do you guys sleep around here? Ooh, we sleep in the park. I go to the park. The park is being re-sodded.

So it's just dirt. So I slept in an unsodded park on the fucking dirt and rocks. Fluffy dirt. Yeah, it was fucking dirt. So I woke up, you know, like, fuck this. Wait, now you...

Oh, yeah, I couldn't find a bathroom. Wait, no, you're sleeping in the park, and then the cops approach you. Right, and they say... They go, okay, you can sleep here but i just want to tell you that there's a there's a guy on the loose in the neighborhood and he's stabbing homeless people you see a guy with a green shirt on you know that looks like this give us a call i'm like i'm they want to have a phone i'm kidding anyway so i'm sitting there going i'm gonna get stabbed in the fucking park because i got kicked off the goddamn bus

this is not i was not homeless i got kicked out of the bus station if you were homeless it was for hours it was really just it was enough hours that when he went to take his shit oh they considered him homeless because that's customers only. And if you're not a customer, you don't have money to be a customer. You're homeless. So when he couldn't take a shit in any of the local establishments. Theoretically, you did buy the Slim Jim. No, no.

No. So I was broke. And so I went to this gas station and I said, can I use your bathroom? He goes, no, you have to buy something before you use our bathroom. I'm like, fuck it. So I went back outside.

I couldn't find a place to take a dump so I fucking shit on the sidewalk and I was like, well, if I'm going to shit on the sidewalk, I went up in front of a Masonic temple

and I took a dump right in front of the goddamn Masonic temple because the Freemasons secretly control the world and they really wanted to make a political statement. Quite a commentary. And wipe my ass on a thrifty nickel.

And then I found out later that the Freemasons are actually pretty cool. And you know what? You ended up winning the San Francisco comedy competition. Yeah, I did. Yeah. And then, yeah, I had some money for a little while. Not very, very long.

No. Ex-wife spent it all. So. Did you ever have, like, a good paying job? Yeah, before I got into comedy, I worked at a factory. I can't imagine a flush Inman. Dude, I used to... The drinks were all my friend's brand of Inman.

He's looked like this. This outfit. From the Kenworth hat to the... He swears that's the same Kenworth hat that he's had for 27 years. I bought it. I got Asperger's or something. I have to have the same clothes.

Why do you have to have something to be sensible with your clothing choices? Because I'm just stuck. It's like a good luck charm or something. Then why do you blame it on some kind of a disease? I don't get it. I don't know. My girlfriend told me. An affliction.

I'm sorry. I was told I was diagnosed with Asperger's or something. Didn't I have to mail that hat back to you from somewhere? Yes, I left it at your party because I was out there and I fucking left my hat somehow. I probably was holding it hostage as a security deposit. You guys were hiding my goddamn chewing tobacco. And I started going, who's hiding my chewing tobacco? And everyone's like, quit bitching, James.

You're stupid. You're a paranoid freak. That's it. Nobody's hiding your chewing tobacco. The whole week, I couldn't find it. At the end of the week, you know what? Neat Sticks goes, yeah, Jim, James, we've been hiding your chewing tobacco.

Yeah, so you were lying to me. You were coming after me. First of all, James Zimmerman comes down for the, was it 4th of July? It had to be 4th of July. It was summer. Yes, it was James Zimmer comes down. Was it 4th of July? It had to be 4th of July. It was summer. Yes, it was. It was summer, yeah.

4th of July. So James comes down. I'm going to make it to your Super Bowl party. I found a cheap ticket. He shows up with a one-way ticket. Thinking that he's going to sell Vicodin out of his pocket. He had spare Vicodin in his pocket. And he goes, well, I'm thinking I just sell these and get a bus ticket back.

There's no bus. There's no Greyhound bus. Back to Kansas City from Bisbee? Yeah. I don't know. I thought you wanted me to come or something. I did want you to come. It was like, James, just get here.

And I'm like, all right, I'll just fucking get there, and I'll figure out how I'm going to get back when I get there. I didn't have a plan where I was going to sell drugs to fucking leave your, you know, I don't know. I don't plan shit out. You don't plan shit out. Yeah. You realize everyone who went to that party bought round-trip tickets?

Those are smart people. Look, just... Just letting you know. Just taking the temperature of the room. It's overrated to be planning shit all the time. I don't think you really have to fucking look ahead. It's like, who knows what's going to happen in the future anyway?

You don't know the future. You don't know what's going to happen, so fuck it. Why plan shit? Why plan shit? Why plan shit? I'll just show up there, and eventually if they want me to not be there, they'll have to move me.

God. You know, I can easily make fun of you. I have a Doug Stanhope story. I always thought this was funny. When you lived in L.A. before you were famous, or somewhat

famous, I'd go stay at your place, right? Because I had some I had to do an audition somewhere. And I get in your apartment and there's no fucking computer. This is right when computers first start coming out. I'm like, Doug, why don't you have a computer?

He's like, I don't need one. I'm like, Doug, why don't you have a computer? He's like, oh, I don't need one. I'm like, dude, you can send email. And he goes, I don't need to send email. And so I'm like, I'm sitting there thinking, how can I convince him? Dude, you can fucking look up conspiracy shit online. Why don't you get a goddamn computer? I don't need, I read books. I'll buy a book or something.

I'm like, so I'm sitting there going wait a second you can steal music off a Napster get a fucking computer you can download free music I don't listen to music that much and I'm sitting there going what can I say that'll make him get a fucking computer and then I realized oh you can get dog porn a fucking video of a woman fucking a dog. And Doug goes, really? I'm like, yes. And so next time I stayed at his house, he had a fucking computer. It was like doing all that shit.

That was another time I had to fly back home. I remember I was dating a girl. It was Christine Hodge from Head of the Class, and she had gone out. She would just absolutely rape the, what do you call them, the premier parties and stuff like that. She'd go to all these premier parties, and then at the end, she'd go, hey, are you going to throw away that shrimp?

She'd just take all his shit. Well, one night she got visibly drunk. She wasn't a drinker. And stole a bottle of Jim Beam from behind the bar. And it made the gossip page in the LA Times. It said, like, a B-level actress. Didn't say her name. Was spotted clefting a bottle of Jim Beam.

And so I cut that out and I put it on the bottle of Jim Beam, which she gave to me because she doesn't really drink. And I had that like sitting up on a mantelpiece and an inman comes to stay with me and I wake up and that thing is like one quarter. No way. Are you serious? No.

Yeah, you drank my fucking trophy. No, I don't remember that. No. Of course you serious? No. You drank my fucking trophy. I don't remember that. No. Of course you don't remember it. You drank three quarters of a bottle of Jim Beam. No, I wouldn't remember that. I don't even know what you were spiraling out for that time, but I think you had come out to stay with someone else, and you guys got into a big alcoholic

fight, like shut up little man, the two of you. Then you had to come stay at my place yeah it was a long story but yeah I just don't like LA you moved down there I didn't move down there I stayed in Seattle

and now you don't like it you moved to Bisbee yeah I'm not saying you should have stayed I'm trying to remember the circumstances where I had to come pick you up at someone's house because he'm trying to remember the circumstances where i had to come pick you up at someone's house because he was going to call the cops or something it was a it was a comic friend of mine from kansas city he's like uh dude you got to get down to la you got to come down here it's cool and so i'm like i don't have the money he goes dude just fly down

here i'll buy your ticket back so i was like cool so i fly down there and I'll buy your ticket back. So I was like, cool. So I fly down there and, um, uh, we get an argument. He's like, get out of my apartment. I'm like, fuck it.

Whatever. And now I'm like, thanks dude. You fucked me. I flew down here. You said you're going to buy my ticket back. Now you're being walked out by security again. No,

he was, he was a goddamn pothead. It's a long story. We're just, Chaley and I were talking, you know, the last time you played coots, which, security again. No, he was a goddamn pothead. It's a long story. Chaley and I were talking about the last time you played Coots, which up in Anchorage. You have a couple of legendary stories in Anchorage. Not only the last time he played Coots,

the last time he will ever perform at Coots. I told you the exact fucking story of what happened, and you always turn it around like I'm the asshole. No, I don't say you're the asshole. Did I ever tell you the exact story of what exactly happened?

You told me your version. Tell me. Doug's heard parts of my story, but go ahead. My version. Let me hear your version. Okay, first of all, Jesus, I don't know. Whatever I say, you're not going to believe me. No, I... Chilkoot Charlie's Is like the

The biggest bar in Alaska It's as monstrous We've talked about it 43 years old Listen to the podcast We've talked about it Alright So uh

Greg Chaley here Uh He uh Manages their books And he would book the comics up there Book the comics yeah Okay so Alright

So I'm there With Jessica Remember Messica Yeah Right She would just happen to be in Alaska So I'm there with Jessica. Remember Messica? Yeah. Right. She just happened to be in Alaska at the same time. And she came and she's like, oh, I want to watch your show. She worked for fisheries, I believe.

Fishing games. She did some stuff. So she was there and we were both drinking at the show. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't obnoxious. And it was one of those things where she you know, she buys a shot or let's do a shot. So I drink this shot. You know how sometimes it goes down your throat wrong. And I was like, oh, I got to throw up. So there was this giant trash can, not behind the bar over, you know,

just three feet away. I go over to the trash can and just kind of went like that. And I'm like, okay, I'm all right. This bouncer sees me and he goes, come here. I'm like, what? He goes, we got to kick you out because if you throw up in the bar, you're kicked out. I'm like,

all right, cool. So I follow him out. He didn't have, there was no violence. I wasn't being a dick. I get outside and I realized I'm kicked out of the bar. Cause I threw up in the trash can.

James Inman is a 50 something year old, but a longterm alcoholic. I wasn't 50. Don't think he's like some fucking pipsqueak girl at a bachelorette party that didn't expect that alcohol to taste so harsh. Right. No, you don't puke when you're not drunk.

It was a small puke. All right. Finally, you're calling it puke. Right. All right. Here. You want some more? I can't. Here, put that right there. Let him finish the story. I thought he was reaching for a beer.

Here's the deal. I'm a nice person. I don't become a dick until someone really becomes a dick to me alright so I was like okay cool I threw up in the bar the rule is you get kicked out if you're you know if you throw up in the bar so I'm outside it's freezing fucking cold not exactly a fucking you know

Stalinist Russia kind of rule you vomit in a bar you probably should go right go ahead so they walk you out the guy the bouncer walks me out and and I go, yeah, you know that girl I was with, could you tell her that I got kicked out of the bar so we can go somewhere else or I can walk her to her car or whatever? She's there by herself, not knowing why I got kicked out because she didn't see the whole thing transpire. And the guy looks me dead in the eye and goes, nope. I'm like, excuse me?

What? I'm like, can you just tell her that you kicked me out of the bar, that girl that I was sitting with? He's like, nope, sorry, you're kicked out. Don't have to do shit for you right now. I don't care. Not my problem. And I'm looking at the guy.

I'm like, really? And that's when I i said did you know that i'm actually the comedian here i was on stage tonight i'm gonna do a show tomorrow and the next night if you want me to be funny tomorrow maybe you better go get that girl right now if you don't fucking get that girl i'm'm not going to be funny tomorrow. And so the guy, you see this look on his face like, okay. So he goes in, gets the girl, and brings her back out. I actually pulled out my license. I go, here's my driver's license.

You see that name right there, James Inman? That's on my driver's license. That's me. You want me to be funny? You fucking go get that girl right now. Okay, I'm wondering how this leads into you getting fired That's me. You want me to be funny? You fucking go get that girl right now. Okay. I'm wondering how this leads into you getting fired from ever performing there again. Yeah.

So then I do the, oh, so it gets back to the manager. And so the manager and everyone was there watching my show because they're freaking out that I was going to suck that night. This was Friday. Keep in mind, I have comic friends that have had to be physically carried off of the stage for being so drunk that they didn't know that their show was done. And they got booked back. Right, right. Anyway, so this got back to the manager. Somehow this bouncer must have really said I was a dick or something. Anyway, the manager

shows up and he's watching my show he looks at me in the eye and he's like you're gonna have a good show tonight i'm like dude don't worry about it it's just it's no big deal i was just fucking with that guy i wanted to get my girlfriend but you know whatever i go on i have a great show he's like oh no problem that's cool and then the next day it was like well this is the last night problem that's cool and then the next day it was like well this is the last night there wasn't very many reservations there was only about 12 people in the audience and i'd kind of been drinking pretty much all day long i'm like fuck it i'm gonna just have i'm gonna dress up like a clown put on some makeup i'm going to have the worst show I could possibly have. And so just because. That guy pissed me off so much.

And so I went on stage and I just started sucking. I started saying the most outrageous shit I could think of. And they were actually laughing. But it pissed off the manager because he knew what I was doing. I was dressed in a clown suit. I had my clown shoes on. I was drunk. I was just talking stupid shit.

And they turned the mic off on me. And I'm like... After how long? About ten minutes. And they just said, show's over? Yeah. But there was only about twelve people in the audience. I'm like, what does it matter? It's fucking twelve people. So there's a lot more earlier in the week

and then the word of mouth spread? Whatever. I'm not that famous. No, it was just a slow night. But anyway, I mean, I had good shows. A slow Saturday. I had good shows the whole week. You had a good Wednesday, Thursday. What was it?

Thursday, Friday, Saturday? By Saturday, the whole town knew it was afoot. Back then, I think it was Tuesday through Saturday. Yeah. I don't know. For some reason, I wasn't thinking, you know, Shaley books the club. It wasn't like on my brain, you know? Okay, because the way I heard the end of the story

when Shaylee was talking to his gal pal on the phone was security escorted you to the condo before they drove you immediately to the airport. Well, I mean, yeah. That's not because they don't like clown seats. No, he turned off the microphone and so then I ranted another 10 minutes about him turning off the microphone.

Lights off too. Whatever. It was the man. If I can. Yeah, go ahead. You weren't there though. No, no, but I talked to everyone there. I was the manager there. You talked second hand. You're getting it first hand from me. No, your version I'm getting from you.

Correct. But I'll tell you, there's enough people there. Listen, James. All right, so what did you hear? I booked you. I wanted you to be right. Right. But it wasn't...

We all want James to be right. Tell me what you heard. It's not what I heard. It's what every story was similar, was that you were on stage. You definitely threw it in the ditch. But during the day, you came into the bar. Oh, right. I forgot about that.

Do you want to tell that? Yeah. I'll let you. Jesus Christ. All right. The bar is open at about 10, 30, 11 every day, 365 days of the year. The day bartenders, you've been a bar. You've worked in bars before, right, James?

Yeah. You've worked security. You know what that's like? Yeah. Working with day crew, working with day regulars. Yeah, you're right. I know exactly what it's like to be a bouncer. And when I was a bouncer, I wasn't a fucking cunt like that guy.

All right, we're past that. Forget about that. We're past that. All right. No one's arguing that security at Coots has a whole fucking flock of cunts. It turns out the first night I was there, there's this girl there, and

do I have to fucking... Brenda's in the room. Do I have to tell the story? Do you want me to... Did you know that I got laid in Alaska? I didn't ask you to say anything. That wasn't coming up anywhere. I didn't even know about that. That was the biggest fucking... Here's the deal. I get there. I didn't ask you to say anything. All right. That wasn't coming up anywhere. I didn't even know about that. That was the biggest fucking...

All right. Here's the deal. I get there. I do the first show. This hot chick comes up. Does Brenda have to know that I had my whole hand in my own ass in the condo? That wasn't where we were going, James. You want the story?

So the first night, I meet this girl. She's hot. We end up fucking. All right? Second night, Jessica comes. Can you edit out her name, by the way? Wait a minute. This is almost a different story.

What are you talking about? You said Messica was the girl that... Let him go. All right, all right. Messica came into town the very next night, and I fucked her. All right? So that day, I walk into the bar during the day and I was like

walking on air feeling like I was this fucking god because I just fucked two girls that week and I was happy. I had a smile on my face. I was happy. I wanted to drink at the bar. Right? I walk in there with this huge smile, being

nice and happy and I order a drink with this fucking just a girl a bartender that had a perpetual frown on her face who seemed like she was pissed at life her whole life and she sees me happy i order order a drink. I sit down and I go, I can't believe it. This is a crazy, crazy week. I fuck two women already this week. I mean, I said that. You said this to her? I don't know.

Yes, I said something like, I fuck two women this week. I can't believe it. I don't know why I said it. I just said it. All right. And so she gives me this look like, get out. Basically, you're not welcome here. And she took my drink away.

And I'm like, oh, my God, this woman's a cunt. I'm sorry I told you that I fucked two people this week. And I just like, fuck it. I think I called her a cunt. And I just walked out. You called both of the girls a cunt that were there. One of them checks the ID at the door. The other one, Whatever. It was closer

to a MILF than a perpetual sad face. I called the bartender a cunt. Yeah. Correct. Right. Was the quote not save it for your act if you're working on new material? Yeah. I think what they thought you were doing, James, I mean, in your defense, they thought you were probably trying to

be funny with the, I got laid twice, I'm walking on air. Look, let's get this out in the open. The girl's a dyke. Alright? She's a fucking lesbian. Who? The bartender! Just the way her fucking hair was cut, she looked like she could bench 300 pounds. She had fucking

dyke fucking tattoos. She was a lesbian. She doesn't want men to be happy. I came in there, I was happy. I had to smell a pussy on my face. It just pissed her off. Okay? And when she goes, you fuck two women.

You know, you're an asshole. Took my drink away. I'm like, fuck it. You're a cunt. And I walked out. Was that your first drink of the day? Probably not. So what? You had finished a bottle of wine before you came in.

Yes, but I generally don't drink before my show. Or a bottle of wine before noon. After, look, here's where I lost. This is why it's never Inman's fault.

Here's where I lost respect is when that fucking bouncer kicked me out and he wouldn't go in and get my girlfriend. I mean, it's this danger thing. It's like, how is she going to walk girlfriend. I mean, it's this danger thing. It's like, how is she going to walk home? I mean, it's

Messica. I mean, she's in a bar by herself. You know what I mean? But he did go in and get her though. After I told him who I was. Alright. This is a girl that... Tell me that is not a cunt thing to do. Tell me that is probably on a fucking list of fucking asshole shit. After someone vomits?

But wait a minute. I vomited in a trash can. Okay, but you understand that he did eventually go and get her for you. After I told him who I was. After I threatened to have a shitty show. And by the way, it was more of, do you know who I am?

No. That's my name. You just said it. That's how you spit it. You try to spit it that way. You just said it. You pulled your ID out of your wallet and pointed... This is where you're fucking with me way. You just said it. You pulled your ID out of your wallet and pointed. This is where you're fucking with me again.

You just said it. Do you want me to play the tape back? Which is more of a cunt thing to do? Kicking someone out of the bar who wasn't really drunk or fighting or violent. And when the guy goes, can you tell my girlfriend that you kicked me out of the bar so she can come out and we can go somewhere else? And he goes, no. Which is a bigger dick thing to do. That is a big fucking dick thing to do.

That's a dick thing to do. And Messicka could, who knows what could have happened to her. First of all, Messicka was up there working on the fucking fishing boat. Yeah. Like the most dangerous job in the world. She ain't no fucking. Oh, wow. It's the wallflower. You're just wilding me. Like, most dangerous job in the world. She ain't no fucking wallflower.

You're just wilding me. Let's wind James up. So I pull out my driver's license. I go, this is me. I'm the comedian. Can you please go in and get my girlfriend because I'm going to have a bad, bad show tomorrow if you don't go get her.

So they shut off the mic. This is last night. Last night. What happened was he went home if you don't go get her. So they shut off the mic. This is the last night of Saturday. Last night. Well, what happened was he went home when they kicked him out of the bar during the day. It was a Saturday. Yeah.

And when he came back, he was in full clown garb. And he was living behind the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's a short walk. Yeah, the condo's right behind the bar. He comes walking over as the clown, gets on stage, and I didn't know that he had planned to trash it, like that was premeditated,

but he basically went up and said, ask me a question. Ask me questions. And he had, now we know how many people were there because we have people take numbers to the door. There were 60 people in the room that night. Oh, give me a break. How could 60 people be

at one of your shows? I understand that. When someone sees a fucking UFO, most times people go, you're crazy. But when two or more people see a UFO, maybe there's more credibility or whatever. James, we keep track. James, I was there.

There was no fucking 60 people in that fucking room. Not at the end. Not at the end. The reason he's my tour manager, I get a hate mail, not hate mail, but a fan that was angry at the late start time of a show in Fargo, North Dakota. And I read the email.

She goes, and it was supposed to start at whatever. And we waited till whatever, and it never started. And we should get a refund. And he goes into his book. He has the amount of time every comic did down to the minute. He has how many people were there. He has every detail. You're glad you weren't there that night, because then you would have known how many people were there.

Well, all right. Which was, it was definitely not 60. I'll tell you this much. It wasn't 12. It was probably about 20. Then don't say it's 12 next time, you fucking liar. So I'm exaggerating. It's basically the room is not full.

The room has got about 20 people in there. But it's a Saturday night. I apologize. I'm sorry. James, we were just talking about this. Okay. When he went on stage, he said, ask me a question. And he was really laying it on thick.

Give me a question. And whatever, it started with, why are you a clown? And somebody's like, fuck you. You asked me a real question. And we've seen James do this. And that can be funny for a little bit. And the guy who was hosting and managing that night Was a manager That had been there for a long time From Applebee's

He used to work at Applebee's Everyone's got a past, right? So he knows comedy He's gonna, you know what, I'll let him go He also did stand up I'll let him go, we'll see where this is going After about 10 minutes It was just him doing that

And you hear the scooting back of chairs. And some people are leaving, right? No, no, no, no, no. Wait a second. First off, you weren't there. And no one fucking left. Nobody even walked out. Don't tell me you were not there.

You're hearing a secondhand story. From at least five different people. They hated me because I told the fucking. At least five different people. They hated me because I told the fucking... James. I'm just trying to get to the point where from the transition from the stage... All right, I'll do this really quick. Of course they're all going to hate me.

I called the bartender a cunt. They're going to make up the fucking worst story. Believe me. We saw him fuck a bunny. We're not that organized. We can't get people to agree on anything. So listen, he's doing this thing where he's not going to give the mic away

which I think is hilarious that he's on stage with the big floppy shoes and everything and they're doing this like trying to grab the mic and he can't get it and then they decide that they're going to turn off the power or turn off the sound. Yeah, they turn the mic off. And I think the lights went down for a little bit and that's when James

fell off the stage. You fell off the stage? Clown shoes up, yeah. Oh, so you don't remember? So then they're like, we got to kick you out, but first we're going to pay you. So they paid me. For the full week?

Right, whatever. Yeah, okay. I would have took whatever money they gave me. No, I'm just saying, I don't want you to... We still paid you, even though you really kind of ditched it that last night yeah for whatever reason yeah okay and they so then what they paid me i had my clown pants on i put the money in my clown pants and on the way back to the condo it was slick as shit because it's alaska i fell down, and the money went flying through the air. And I had to go running around in clown shoes trying to pick up 50s and $100 bills in the fucking breezing wind.

And you might not remember this, but I'll remind you because Chasey, she told me today, the bouncers, one of them, helped you gather the money. One of the bouncers that was escorting you back to pack up your things so they could fly you to the park out of Alaska. That did not happen. It's a detail that I would not have asked for. I don't really care because... I'm just saying, there's not such malice there if you got paid and the bounce staff

was helping you get up there and then they drove you to the airport. Yes, I am not... First of all, I'm not perfect. That's why you have good stories. Sometimes I get mad at people like that bartender pissed me off with her attitude. When someone's happy,

you should be happy that they're happy. The bartender at 10.30 a.mam is not welcoming as you as welcoming as you'd like, make sure that the audience at 8.45pm that it was no part of it

pays the fucking price. Save that full shot of vitriol for the late show. Well, I mean, it's like I could just tell I mean, I thought it was unfair for the bouncer. It's totally fair for a bouncer to follow the rules and kick someone out. If they throw up in a trash can, that's the rules. And I was like, no problem with that.

And then I was like, can you go in and tell that girl that I got kicked out because she doesn't know? And he goes, nope. I'm like, what? You can't be serious. Yeah, yeah. That'm like, what? You can't be serious. Yeah, yeah. That was like the height of fucking... You keep going back to that, but the fact of the matter is

you explained who you were, and then he did what you asked. And that was two nights before. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. If I hadn't have explained who I was, he would have treated me just like a fucking loser. This is the same James Inman

that called me up after he had to go to jail for egging his neighbor's car. Jail? Yeah. My neighbor lived downstairs. As a hate crime. No, she played music in the morning, 6 in the morning, every morning. I had to listen to it. Finally, I put a note on her door.

Could you please turn the music down? And she never did. Or I'll egg your fucking car you chink or something. No, no, no, no. You want to hear that story? Alright, I'll tell you. There's a different egging of a car? I asked her to turn it down. She wouldn't turn it down.

Right? First of all, he has the perfect crime already in play where he leaves a note on her door saying that I'm going to egg your car again in apartment 6B. Basically, yeah. Put it in writing.

I mean, I fucking egged her car. She didn't turn it down. After he left a note he followed through. Let me tell the story. She always had loud music. One day I fucking just out of the blue egged her car then she never turned the music down even when i asked her and that's when i put the note on her door

that said if you don't turn your music down i'm gonna egg your car again and that's when she said oh you've been the one egging my car you're're the one that egged my car. And she came up and knocked on the door with the note and said, did you put this on my door? I'm like, fuck yeah. You won't turn your music down at 6 in the morning. And she had an accent. So it sounded like she's from Eastern Europe. And she's like going, you know, like that.

I'm like, look, go the fuck back to your own goddamn country and play the music as loud as you want. But here in America, come on. You know, fucking I'm like, look, go the fuck back to your own goddamn country and play the music as loud as you want. But here in America, come on. You know, fucking I'm your neighbor. It's six in the morning. And she took go back to your own fucking country as a racist slur. Told the cops and they came to my door and said, yeah, it's a hate crime. I'm like, hate crime?

What are you talking about? All I said was I can't remember the exact words but basically it was like maybe they play music at six in the morning really loud in your fucking country and he told me the story yeah that became a hate crime he told me the story and he says and then i was in jail and i don't have any money all of his stories anyway i don't have any money and so i had to call my dad for money to get me out of jail. And I go, would you get arrested for egging a car? Don't they automatically call your parents? See, half the time I don't really know if you guys are making fun of me or if you're just having fun with you, sir.

With me. Yeah. But you're never there when the shit really happens. It's fucked up. I've been there when plenty of shit happened. I was there when you swore that I had something to do

with someone hiding your chewing tobacco. Which, it turned out I was right. And you didn't know what house we were in. In my neighborhood, the quietest fucking neighborhood in the world,

and it's three in the morning, and Inman's just walking up and down these quiet homey streets screaming Stand up! Where's one of those fucking dogs stand up living? I will go to every fucking door in the neighborhood. Yes, that's when you were trying to find

us. We were at that other house. It wasn't three in the morning, Doug. It was like five or six in the morning because it was already light. Whatever it was. We already had the police called on us at that other house. We stopped playing at three in the morning. Yeah, tell that story. That's the one where you thought

I was up to something that I wasn't. I was hosting a party for 45 people and you think that I'm somehow stealing a June departure. I was at the party. I was being nice and some of the stories start with, I was at the party. Minding my own business.

I was being nice. I was polite to everyone. I put my fingers under the bartender's nose. Guess who got fucking lucky? She took my drink away. I don't know. Okay. Hold on, James.

By the way, there's nothing wrong with the equipment. James has just put a golf ball size chew in his mouth. That's why it sounds a little different on the mic. Okay, all right. By the way, everybody, Shady talks really fast, so you might want to slow it down when he talks because you're too smart. Yeah, that's really it. You talk too fast.

This is an inopportune moment to throw that hockey puck of chewing tobacco in your... No, you can keep it in there. As long as I make that distinction. This is why I snapped at your party, okay? I'm being nice. I'm there. I make friends with everybody. I don't...

Here's another thing about me. I don't talk behind people's backs, all right? I don't say... I try not to say negative shit to someone until they really fuck me over. So it's like the third day of the party. I'm passed out on the couch. I wake up to the smell of some kind of fucking

goddamn magic marker. I open my eyes and there's a guy there standing there videotaping me. I'm like, what are you doing? And they're all laughing. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, they do tend to get a little infantile with the pranks sometimes. I go, what?

And they're like, go in the mirror. I look in the mirror. The fucker drew a swastika on my forehead and painted a dick on my face, which is high school bullshit. Yeah, that's true. Kind of like egg in a car. Yeah. Which is high school bullshit. Yeah, that's true. Kind of like egg in a car. Yeah, so I snap. And that was probably wrong to do.

And I'd never really gotten that mad in quite some time. And anyway, they found a way to get it off. They got turpentine. They put it on my face. And they were able to get the fucking swastika off my head. I didn't want to walk around your party with a fucking swastika on my head. That's what I thought. I thought it was going to be on there with a permanent marker the whole party.

There's James with a swastika on his forehead. They showed him the magic of soap and water. No, it was turpentine. One girl came, and she's like, we know how to get it off. We use this. It's fucking, it smelled like gasoline or something. Was that me and you or me and Renee? One of us had to bathe you in a bathtub once.

That was in. Yeah, me and Renee had to fucking give you. Someone took pictures. Yeah, we had to actually bathe you in a bathtub. So he's had one. Yeah. So anyway, I felt like, man, that was a really fucked up thing to do. Oh, this is what really pissed me off.

No one would tell me who did it, which made me feel like, oh, it wasn't really a prank. It was done out of real hatred and malice. Because if it was a prank, they'd go, yeah, it was that guy. Ha, ha, ha. No, everyone was keeping their mouth shut because they knew they were fucking doing it for real. Let's draw on James's face because we hate his guts. All right. So anyway, I finally I knew that karma has a way of getting around coming back.

I think the only one I ever worried that actually hated you when he wasn't even at the party was Norm Wilkerson used to, I think, take it way too seriously. He did that with other comics, though, too. Him and Walsh had a thing. But Norm is just a curmudgeon. I figured that that's just his

personality. But that's kind of one of the romantic things about loving you for this many years. You're such a colossal fuck up that you just assume someone else is going to pay your way i look no i don't it's i don't assume people are going to pay my way i that was the first conversation that when i was working with you in a little rock staying and you're yelling at your wife about the landlord going why does she want money from us? She's got everything. We have nothing.

She has a brand new car. That was back when I thought I was a socialist. You couldn't understand why a landlord deserved any money from you. That was back when I thought I was a socialist. The first person they killed in the communist revolution were the fucking landlords. Right, right. And that was stupid.

I'm not a real socialist. I'm more of I don't know what I am now, but you've inspired me. Most of my friends who are libertarians have inspired me. I'm also inspired by Nietzsche. I'm inspired by the Buddha. All of those philosophies are about pulling yourself up

by your own bootstraps, alright? So I'm not a fucking socialist. I mean, I kind of am, but I'm not. I mean, I'm open minded. All my friends are libertarians. I'm not i mean i'm open-minded all my friends are libertarians i'm open i'm like you you're more of a comedian than you are a libertarian but um the thing with norm uh is he's just a fucking curmudgeon and so he hates everybody so anyway i'm sorry i didn't mean to get you off track all right all right i just uh you the people drawing swastikas on your head and again again, we've had some legendary parties in Death Valley

where things do spiral fucking way out of control. No authority figures. I overreacted and I apologize. I felt really bad about it. But you freaked the fuck out too one of those nights. The last night when you were fucking. Yeah, you were on mushrooms and you grabbed my skull and you were going to crush my skull for some reason.

Yeah. I think you were choking him. Yeah, I thought I was choking you, but either way, it got to that point. That's when you were fucking wandering around my neighborhood shrieking at the top of your lungs, tell me where Doug Stenhope lives.

They're like, Inman's going to fucking have every neighbor out calling the cops. I don't remember that. We did have the cops out earlier. Well, no. The cops did come. But then you would just...

I forget what you were relentless about where you just couldn't see. Why would... It was just one simple argument where you just couldn't see the point of how rude it was to do whatever you were doing. And I'm going, no, this is... And then I snapped and I grabbed you by the neck.

I don't do that. Sorry. When you know that someone pranked me with the magic marker on the face, how come, since you like pranks so much, how come you didn't prank them back or find a way... Inman, I was hosting a party that was in two different houses on different streets for three days cooking food.

The last thing i'm doing is sitting up at 5 30 in the morning to see who's drawn on inman's face well right but i'm or in the afternoon or whatever it was you saw i got the guy back because what happened was who was it well i was i was doing something on youtube and i see this video james inman uh drunk and i'm like what the fuck is that and it's the video of them after they drew on my face. The guy with the camera. Who was it? It was Joe Stats.

That's who uploaded the video. I was like, motherfucker, now I know who you fucking are. And you're a guy that wants to do comedy. He's just starting out in comedy, right? So I go, I got a plan. I even emailed you about this. I go, dude, I'm'm gonna buy joestats.com because it's available i buy his domain name because he didn't have an email you know i mean

he didn't have a domain name yeah and um i uh i created this uh web page of him with a swastika on his on his face and i i put a bunch of racist shit on there and everything. I figured I'd... Did you do it? Yes, dude! I left it up there for like a week and then I just basically gave him the website. I said, here you go. You get a new website of this whole deal because

I wanted to get you back for a week. He's like, thanks, James. I'm like, yeah. I'm a nice person. Here's a fucking website. Now he's got a website. He fucking uploads shit. He's got his video on James. I'm like, yeah, I'm a nice person. Here's a fucking website. So now he's got a website. He fucking uploads shit. He's got his video on there. He's got his pictures and stuff.

See, James does good. By the end of the podcast, Inman did something right. He's a nice guy. I mean, he's funny. I've seen his videos. I've seen his stand-up. Yeah, he's funny. I could talk to you all night, James.

All right. Are we... Yeah, we're getting close. I've got to check my notes. Banjo Randy is here. You wanted to have him play during the podcast. He broke his banjo. Oh, good, because we weren't going to do it anyway,

because if we needed to edit it, it makes it fucking impossible with impossible. Oh, right. Okay, all right. So said fuck that. But where do we find some good Banjo Randy? If you don't remember or don't know, Banjo Randy played the intro and outro on Deadbeat Hero. So I love a banjo. Yeah.

And he's also on. He's played live with me on stage. He's got two songs in the movie The Unbookables. Oh, yeah. We didn't talk about The Unbookables. That's right. Watch that movie. The Unbookables was a touring idea at first where I have a lot of friends that are fuck-ups

and just can't do anything except the funny part of comedy. They can't show up on time at all, or they're fucked up, or they get arrested, or they have horrific legal issues or drug problems or drinking issues. Yeah, so the idea was to try to bring out a dirty dozen kind of, what's another analogy? I think you get the point. Yeah, it's a road comedy movie. So then I'm busy doing something and Inman meets some producer and he goes, I want to make

a documentary out of the Unbookables and this guy's going to do it. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure. I don't care. Me and Norm Wilkerson pulled that off because we didn't know if you were behind it or not and I'm talking to Norm over the phone. I go, look, Doug's a libertarian. He wants us to do shit on our own

let's just fucking make this movie so me Andy Andrus and Norm put that tour together and that guy filmed the whole thing and we did it because we wanted to fucking do something and first of all when I said yes Inman

getting anything done I just assume isn't going to happen So I go yes go ahead do whatever you gotta do Yeah and it fucking he finished it Yes he did I was positive In thinking That it would never ever see

The light of day and I thought That's a good thing which I Still think would have been A good thing They make you the fucking hero of the movie. They made fun of me the whole movie. What are you talking about? Well, not the hero, but they make you look

like you're the protagonist. Thank you for the big word. It's not a bad thing. It's just people don't understand. You're the fucking Perry of our Windy City Heat. The interview you just gave. Yes, who's Perry? Don't worry, don't worry.

Yeah, but yeah, again, if you know the people in it, I enjoyed The Unbookables only because I know everyone. I know the backstory. I know how the film got made. You've toured with everything. Everyone likes Sean.

Yeah, Sean Rouse is fucking brilliant in it. He has the best bit in that movie. But it makes no sense. As a comic, it bothers the shit out of me because it doesn't make any sense why this tour would all of a sudden not have some people but have new people and be here and there and who's booking

this. It doesn't make any fucking sense. But one day, we'll redo it. They're gonna re-edit the film. There's no saving that thing. But go watch it on Netflix and see all the people talking about it. You didn't like my Greyhound Diary. What do you mean I didn't like it?

I love your Greyhound Diaries. Yeah, you like it now, but when I first showed you the Greyhound Diary, you're like, eh, this is stupid. And I'm like, no, I'm going to turn it into this thing. Whatever. When I first, you didn't think. I've offered you nothing but positive critiques. After it came out, yeah.

When you realized it was good, you know. When I realized it existed. Listen, everybody, don't listen to Dog. Just watch the movie and make up your own mind. Yeah, yeah. But now that they've heard you, they have a little bit more insight as to some of the people. They know Andy Andrist, who's in it.

They might know Sean Rouse, who's in it. Christine Levine. Christine. Brendan Walsh. Oh, Brendan Walsh. Brett Erickson. There for a minute. Brett Erickson.

Travis Lipsky. Lipsky for another reason. We made the movie for you, dog, because you created the unbookable. So we figured here's our chance to make a movie. And we made a fucking movie. You made the unbookables unbrandable. I got to pee. Can I go?

Yeah, let's shut this down. You can leave that here. We're at the end of this five-week fucking endless leg. We got six or seven more shows to go. I wanted to thank... Get the mic in there. You're not going to use that, are you? No, we're not rolling.

Yeah, some minor health issues on this tour. Just keep piling up. But we've been lucky to find doctors in weird places. Dr. Jeremy last night in St. Louis for my new vernal hernia. Vertal?

Ventral. Ventral. Ventral. Oh, I'm just a fucking giant torso of hernia. And Dr. Joe with my fucking eye lumps. Thank you for helping out.

Joby's got those new t-shirts up at the Death Pool website. Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool. D-S-C-D-P. Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool. D-S-C-D-P.com. Get the new T-shirts. They're cool as shit.

Completely. Stop it. Turn it the fuck off. God damn it. God, you're mean. Yeah, that's Inman's Seat, baby. I was just going to... There's your cider.

Oh, cool. I just put it in. Okay, wait. So the Unbookables, I think it's not on Netflix. No. Okay, so I said it was. Well, you can... It's not on Netflix. Go out

and find it. It lives in the... It's on BitTorrent and it's on the website if you want to buy it on unbookablesmovie.com. Alright. Well, there's that. We fixed that. And jamesinman.com James Inman has some really funny

shit. You have a legendary old city council meeting that you spoke at that's fucking genius uh where he snapped it yeah james inman city council you can find that and then you just did a new one where oh yeah there's the one of you getting punched by a chick on stage yeah that's at the underground right in seattle the old comedy underground punched on stage yeah and then this new one he just did. I don't know if I showed Chaley. I told you about it.

He's at his uncle's eulogy funeral, giving a eulogy with his dad in the front row, talking about how much cooler his uncle was than his dad, pointing to his dad. Yeah, my dad bought us a skateboard, but Uncle Joe had four wheelers. That kind of shit. It's this brilliant fucking chunk of footage.

But find all that at jamesinman.com. Is that all those clips on your site? On my YouTube page, James Inman's YouTube page or whatever. Yeah, all right. And you wanted to promote the... The JLDS, Jesus Loves Doug Stanhope, which was a domain name that Norm bought, and he ran the forum for years.

Then he gave it up, and now little Mikey's running the goddamn thing. All right. There's a lot of unnecessary information for the people. It's the forum link on my website. It goes to this forum, which I abandoned years ago. You come around every now and then. Once every year or two, I'll stop it and go, wow, this thing doug you have some smart fans some of your fans are brilliant private prozac uh chinger uh fucking uh there's another guy on there that's a big nichi fan i'm not saying that there's not

brilliant people there it's just when it with the once myspace came and then fucking facebook and now twitter yeah i'm600 deep in unanswered emails. I can't get to all that shit. This is a place where you can't get banned or booted. The only rule is don't post kiddie porn and people let you post whatever

you want. There's giant, huge arguments on there. I know. I'm just saying, after the shit I have to do, I don't have after the shit i have to do yeah i don't have time to go to go there yeah i my my laptop is a sink full of dirty dishes that i just avoid getting to the stuff i have to do i know some of these guys are good writers no more fun like the baiting shit i when i used to do the baiting it would take like 14 hour days just to get one printable bait.

And I go, how did I have that much fucking time? How did my life change so much that I... How long did it take you to write that book, Best of Baiting? Well, I was baiting for God knows how long. And again, you do full days of that. Just trying to get... You'd get a great one that went halfway and the guy caught on to the fact that you're fucking with him and he drops out. Are you going to write another book?

No, I'm not. If I ever have fucking 14 hour days to kill baiting again, yeah, maybe I'll do a part two, but no. You have some time off. You work, you know, one thing about you is you're a workaholic. You actually work on your act. I mean, Bingo told me that, oh yeah, he's out in the football room again going over his act. You know, you actually work on your act. Well, I have to because people show up to see me now.

They want to see new material. Yeah, they're not there. It's not like the old days when we started where any asshole off the street is just coming in to see comedy. Now I have to actually deliver for people who know me. Right, right. So, yeah. That's when comedy stopped being fun. That's when you had to be good at it. But you can do it in your sleep now.

I mean, just about. No, no. Actually, the older you get, the more feeble your brain gets. Bingo sits at the back of every show, and anything that I riff off the top of my drunken head or add to a bit, she writes on a yellow legal pad and has to tell me again. I'm talking about that English monarchy bit. Are you going to do that tonight?

No. Dude, did Brian Hennigan help you write that bit? No. Does he help you write any of your bits? No, well, occasionally. Isn't he the fucking best? Banter back and forth. Like, what's a good way to say that?

He's great for words where you go, what's another word for this? He's got a big vocabulary. He's probably the greatest manager on the face of the planet. You lucked out by meeting that guy. He's fucking amazing. He's fucking great.

Yeah, I know. I love the guy, but he hates my guts. He hates everything. Oh, he hates everything. That's why we get along so good. We're both miserable, spiteful, sniping men. Exactly. All right.

What was the other thing we were going to do? I think that's it. Oh, you have a podcast. Right. I have a podcast, Drunk Idiots Podcast. I got three of them up, but I've got seven of them in the can, and I haven't posted them yet. But I'm just,

you know, I'm going to post one here pretty soon. All right. You know, so check that out. It's on my website. All right. Yeah.

Find James Inman at, uh, being walked out the back door of a club. Yes. All right. I'm sorry to chill. Cook Charlie's. Does that sound like a real apology?

You don't have to apologize. No one's upset about it. No. Do you know how bad a track record I have for every comic that I have suggested they book up there? I am about, like, two for ten. Two for ten. You're O for three in the most recent.

In the recent 0 for 3 Rick Shapiro fucking Walked the house nightly I don't think he made it through the week He made it Well part of the problem was also We had a The person that was

Doing promotions at the time Booked Rick Shapiro in a non-smoking room And thought Thought that he wouldn't smoke I mean he sees the sign that says 250250 and lights the match off of it. I mean, it's not – so that cost us a lot. We had to pay for the deposit on the room or whatever they do. I don't even think he smoked cigarettes.

It was – yeah, he did two shows and basically it was, hey, this isn't working. He goes, yeah, I don't think so either. And we paid him for the full week. And even Duran says, hey, stay at the condo that we got you in now. Stay for the week. He goes, nah, just go home. And they rebooked his flight and flew him out of there early.

Yeah. Yeah, I've sent up. It's not a good room for comics comics. And those are generally the guys I send. No, no, they'll do fine. Nope. Crickets. Crickets are walkouts.

Yeah, but I mean, you gotta admit, Alaska has a whole different vibe than the lower fucking 49. I remember Sean Rouse went up and I called ahead of time. I go, because this bar is legendary. It's just a barrage of shots coming to the stage from the minute you walk up.

And I called the bar and I said, listen, Sean Rouse, not the guy you want to be giving shots to don't give him shots and they thought I was being sarcastic oh no no like a wink and a nod like hey don't send any shots to my buddy Rouse

oh it was ugly they had to actually go up and tell him where he was and walk him off the stage by his elbows. Well, so I don't feel so bad now. Sean Rouse got walked off the stage. Well, I didn't want you to not feel bad until the end of the podcast. I wanted you to feel bad the whole podcast

and then let you down. Nice. I'm not the comic that Sean is, so... Whatever. Not many are. That's a podcast! Alright, that's it. Before the show I'm gonna go bum a cigarette Yeah they've already started

Seating the audience So it's about Time to break down Alright Alright yeah We're playing a lot of weird Fucking We played more shit towns

On this tour Than the shit town tour But some fun ones So if you live in some place That I'd never think to go But is actually cool Yeah shoot a Shoot an email With that town and the fucking name.

Fayetteville, Arkansas, I would have never known as a cool fucking town. Hattiesburg, Mississippi, I would have never known. Even Mobile, Alabama, I would have. Yeah, that was fun. That's some fun. Hey, what about your... Athens, everyone fucking knows. Give your email address.

Doug at DougStanhope.com or just go to the website and hit the business email contact. That's the same thing. And by the way, if you go to DougStanhope.com, the June and August dates are now up and they'll be adding to those.

All right. Well, either we'll come back drunk at the end of this if we come and think of stuff and have time to do it or we'll just back drunk at the end of this, if we come and think of stuff and have time to do it, or we'll just play the mattoid. You've been listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Recorded in the Green Room at Kansas City Improv

with Doug Stanhope, James Zinman, Bingo, and Greg Shaley. Recorded and edited by me, Greg Shaley. Opening music by Miska Shubali. Party time by The Mattoy. Both available on iTunes. Keep up with all of Doug's upcoming dates at DougStanhope.com. Thanks for listening. It's party time Laugh your laughs and heat your heats It's party time

Smile your smiles and do your blues It's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes It's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks It's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks It's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks It's party time

Crap your craps and fuck your fucks It's party time Everybody! Crap your craps and fuck your fuck, it's party time One more! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fuck, it's party time Here we go! Party time!

Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Party time!