The Doug Stanhope Podcast - EPISODE #34: Back In Bisbee With Chad Shank

Episode Date: July 16, 2014

Doug and Chad Shank detail how to scam your way to Stanhope's Vegas show at The Plaza, Sept. 27, 2014.This podcast sponsored by -TV-B-GONE (Available at amazon.com)- http://amzn.to/1mg2TEsMeetCarrot.com (Fat Shaming app) - http://meetcarrot.com/fit/Altercation Punk Comedy Tour with Junior Stopka and JT Habersaat. Tour begins Oct. 7th, 2014. Check dates at http://jtcomedy.com/If you have a story for Doug you can leave a message on the Burner Phone,[phone].Recorded July 13, 2014 in the Funhouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty) and Greg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Greg Chaille. Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Check Doug's tour dates at dougstanhope.com. Take a moment to register for 2014 Stanhope Tour news in your area, including the USA, UK, Europe, Australia and more. Additional dates added all the time.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. The potato peelings in the sink Did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores have closed I heard you change your name again But don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end

La la la I liked about you in the end. La, la, la. It's probably the fan, but it sounded like bugs. Sounded like crickets in the distance. Windows open. Yeah, no, but I like that. I like that ambient noise.

It's monsoon season in Bisbee. Fucking amazing downpours. We went to the Bisbee Blue game last night, and it was probably my favorite game I've ever watched because it lasted an inning and a half. We were up 3-0, and the monsoons came in in such a violent fashion that even when the lightning started hitting close the ball players that were already, they'd already come off the field, but they ran from under the stands into the dug,

like downstairs into the locker rooms. They didn't even want to be under the roof. And we just sat there, kept chanting, Bisbee blue, Bisbee blue, Bisbee. Half an hour after the game's been called, and we just sat there kept chanting Bears Bay Blue Bears Bay Blue half an hour after the game's been called we're still the only people drinking in the stands there was a puddle

home plate was under like a lake you couldn't even see it Bears Bay Blue Bears Bay Blue they're trying down there. Yeah, no, the fucking team is fantastic, and it's a lot of fun. Occasionally, it gets to be too much pressure where they're like,

hey, if you guys don't come down, no one's going to be there, and they all suck. It's the worst fucking. I stopped heckling the other team at one game before that last tour, and I just started heckling how shitty our audience was. Like, there's no, like, just corpses of, you know, stragglers. Walkers. They have fucking walkers for the other eight people that would be there

if we didn't show up. And then I feel like it's my fucking responsibility. I want to go there to be entertained. I'm not supposed to be the entertainment. All of a sudden it's my fucking responsibility. I want to go there to be entertained. I'm not supposed to be the entertainment. All of a sudden it's work for you. Yeah. And then you feel bad because they come over to the house and go, you guys coming down tonight?

We could really need a boost. We're in second place and we're playing our rival. And I just get off the road. I can't fucking drink like that every night. Baseball's only fun. The old Simpsons episode where Homer quits drinking and is sitting in baseball going, oh, I never realized how boring this game is.

You have to drink at baseball. Good thing is you can smuggle in your own beer. It's too late for me to be talking about this because the next game is only two home games left. Friday, Saturday, July, whatever, against our big rival, the dreaded Douglas Diablos. So, yeah, we're going to beat the fuck out of those games Friday, Saturday. I don't even know what date today is. It's World Cup Final. Fucking Germany. Deutschland, uber alles.

As the thunder crackles in the background. World Cup was fucking fantastic to the point where Chaley and I are going to start watching MLS. It'll probably be short-lived, but we have our favorite teams. I'm a Portland Timber man. Through and through, and I will have fisticuffs with anyone who says anything bad about the Portland Timber.

Timber! That's their record. Timber! Yeah, I guess they suck, but that's... I'm glad about that. I don't want to walk in picking a favorite. Well, we both picked based on cities. We didn't look at the standings. Right.

And then I just picked Seattle because my brother's out there, and I've lived out there, and I thought, I know the area. You just happened to pick the best team in the league. Turns out, number one. And we'll be watching that game in about an hour and a half. Chad Shank is with us today. Hello. On a tear, on a rare trip out.

Chad Shank's moods go with the moon. Can I go out without killing people? I feel good this weekend. I'll come out for some World Cup, so long as the game's over when I get there. More random than the moon, I'd say. More random, but as unlikely as a full moon super moon oh that's right we just had a super harvest moon maybe maybe that's what's going on uh so uh so last we left you in the podcast world we had had just finished up that West Coast leg of the last gasp

tour and we were on our first days of vacation in Montana. And then what the fuck did we do? The last one was at Bozeman Inn where we had the Mexican restaurant. Oh, we went to Wyoming. Yeah, and we were

on a kind of loose, but we had certain dates we had to be somewhere, but we didn't have to be anywhere. Bingo had to be places. Bingo filmed a video. It looks fucking awesome. I want to use – oh, you saw the footage? Multiple times.

I want to use that guy for my next – I was saying, why can't a comedy special look like this why do they all have to look why can't you have that kind of fucking artsy look to and i don't know i i don't i never know the nomenclature to say well it should look like this i got but what did he say when you asked him that he said he's's in. He's in for anything. He lives in fucking Riverton, Wyoming. I go, how does someone that's this good at film live in the fucking middle of nowhere? Well, he works at the university. It's Whiskey Girl, who, if you know the podcast, it's her brother-in-law.

Her sister and brother-in-law wanted to do a video for this unfinished song that Whiskey Girl had no lyrics to. She's just humming and playing. So go ahead. Wait a minute. If only I was also done by them. Oh, yeah. If you look up the dancing video. Yeah, that fucking.

Yeah, I have no emotions. I'm like, yeah, I'm a dead person, but that video fucking makes me cry. And her mother made us watch them doing a live acoustic at Christmas in the living room of that song. Straight off the – It was like pop-up video. She kept telling us the little tidbits. This is when I put the turkey in and listened to them all sing, and they were doing these wonderful things. And we had just shown up at Whiskey Girl's mother's place in Sheridan,

way outside of Sheridan, Wyoming, some ranch in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was beautiful, and they were fantastic. But we showed up, and we were joking and brought beer. And she goes, I don't want to dwell on this, but I want you to watch this. This is afternoon sober with people I don't know. And fuck if I was like choking down tears. It sucked shit.

But then I went out and just mocked them openly about their dead daughter. And we got along fine. You hit it right on the head with the artistry of like that video. The bingo is in. I don't usually give a fuck. I don't notice. I don't notice if things are artsy because i don't give a fuck enough but that i was moved by that i recognized the but you and someone else noticed

shit that were accidents that you thought were uh symbolism there was two crosses in the back they filmed in a landfill in sheridan wyoming well Which was good symbolism in itself. They made us say landfill. It's a fucking dump. Fucking dump. But at some point, someone caught in the background on a distant hill are two crosses that weren't supposed

to be part of it. And then you saw there was a weed plant. In the opening shot, there's a big bud of weed is the very first thing that you see and i asked bingo is that weed no it's just weeds that were in there no it was yeah so yeah uh so bingo's actually writing the lyrics because uh it was only half written out when whiskey girl died and uh so bingo's gonna write the lyrics and perform the thing and she because it was only half written out when Whiskey Girl died. And so Bingo's going to write the lyrics and perform the thing.

And they filmed the video. And I think that in September she's going to New Orleans to record it. So we did that in Sheridan. Fantastic time with the mom. Well, we also stayed at the hotel that you first met. Met Whiskey Girl at. I don't know. I cut that.

No, no, you don't have to cut it out. Add something. But yeah, if you heard the first Cliffhanger podcast, so we stayed in that hotel and met her mom and dad who or just brilliantly fucking cool. Like I'm like you, I don't want to meet new people. I feel I'm especially people who don't know me from comedy. I feel like I'm going to be a huge letdown to everyone.

Uh, so, but our mom's, uh, she's a drinker. So so yeah we were pounding back immediately yeah she's a goofball the entire family are as goofy as whiskey girl was uh except the dad who is stoic but was at the by the end of the night he hates everybody he hates everyone i can't believe he loves yeah he loves tracy chaley's girlfriend, Tracy with orange hair.

He'd be the kind of, what's wrong with your hair? He's a bull roper. He's a guy. As soon as we got there, he shook our hands and went out to the barn. And I think he was just kind of coming to terms with there's people on my property. And then as we're leaving, he's like, now, you understand. You and Tracy are welcome back here. Just passing through.

You come on in. I'm like, I was afraid of staying. We had our backup plan. We got a hotel. No, there's not room for us here. And that night, we're like, well, what the fuck? I told Tracy beforehand. I go, we're getting a hotel anyway.

But I know as soon as we show up, we're going to think, fuck, we should have stayed here. Outside of something Chester. I don't know. Ranchester. Because of the silver. Whiskey's mom told me the first day we were there

she's saying, oh, have you seen the garden? Because we get the Vitamix and we're juicing. She goes, oh, we got fresh vegetables in my garden. You know, I poured out, Amy is Whiskey Girl's name. I poured out her ashes in there. I go, I turn to everyone else. I go, wow, I guess we are having the whole family for dinner.

It was funny at the time. Well, it's funny here. So then we went to Lander, Wyoming, which is about the size of Bisbee. A little bigger, like 8,000 people there. And the fireworks were, I have never seen anything in my life. And I've been in a lot of places for 4th of July traveling where it was like nonstop fireworks. for 4th of July traveling where it was like nonstop fireworks. Just everyone in the town, every yard around you just started blowing off fireworks.

First thing, we woke up at 11 a.m. for the parade slash we'll be in the bar near the parade watching World Cup. And then we went home and we're staying at Bingo's friends, family's place. And it was just nonstop firework, literally nonstop. But, but,

but, but, but Ted offensive, but, but, but, but, but I have firefight for fucking 12 solid hours.

When it finally got dark, then they bring out the big shit after it just sounds like the mortars. They're bringing, they got the ones that go down in the sleeve, and it's got a real long fuse. And you hold it by the end of the fuse and lower it down. And it goes literally everybody's backyard. That's what I was going to ask. Everybody.

Because this is not the official fireworks show. This is just everybody's backyard going on. That's what they said. Some people go out to the rodeo grounds to watch the official ones, but you don't need to because everyone's fucking every neighbor. We sent the girls out to buy fireworks, and we gave them like $150, and they came back, and they said everyone else was spending like $800 to $1,000. $145 of what we got.

You couldn't hear the shit you're watching that you're lighting over your neighbor's fucking cannons. I think the guy at the stand goes, here we go. We're going to offload the ground bloom flowers and the snakes. Yeah.

You got to have sparklers, ladies. Never send chicks to buy fireworks. Spend $150 on the one thing. And these guys at the fireworks stand, they were buying, from what the girls were telling me, these people were walking up and just like, give me this, give me that. And it was

the zero hour. They were saying people save up through the entire year just to buy. All of this is so foreign to me living in the desert where you can't get fireworks that i shouldn't be able to get fireworks at all but yeah wyoming i guess goes year by year it depends on how much rain they have they'll ban them completely or otherwise it was open season when we were there lander wy, big fucking shout out. It was a fantastic 4th of July.

It went until 2 a.m. That intensity went at least until midnight, and then people still kept going until 2 a.m. I passed out before they passed out. It was still just, yeah. It was something else. Anything else happen weird there? I don't think so. No, we found that.

Worst sushi ever. That bar, that B&B bar? Yeah, oh, yeah, that smoking bar. Fucking unbelievable. Slice of 1970. You called me from some bar in Wyoming. You probably don't remember. The bar we went to next was the best, for me,

the best part of vacation is in Evanston, Wyoming. We were going to Salt Lake to drop off Tracy. We had a day or two to kill. So we stopped in Evanston. And back in the early days of triple gigs, when I was starting out, you're playing like Red Lion Lounges. There was one in Evanston, Wyoming, which is on the Utah border. And I go, I think I'll remember it.

And we kept seeing the signs for the Best Western. It's in my top five favorite day drinking bars. Turned out it was not the same place that there was the Tribble gig. Oh, it wasn't? No, because that guy we were talking to next to me. Oh, okay. He's like, no, that's the Westin. And we were at the Best Western.

It was the Westin because he had lived there his whole life and he remembered when they used to do comedy. Because in Evanston, Wyoming, if you lived there your whole life, you remember when something happened once. But it was the Best Western where we ended up staying. I like to make lists of my favorite day drinking hotels slash motel bars where you can get shit faced and then stumble to your room in a cool place. And number one is the Tiki Bar at the Thunderbird Hotel. Have we already done this on a podcast?

I think you did an article for a magazine, too. Oh, no. on a podcast. I think he did an article for a magazine too. If I brought it up on the podcast, you know what? You're going to hear a lot of shit over and over again because I don't remember. You just added Best Western.

It's always been the Jupiter, which we also hit, we've talked about. Icky Woo Woo's in St. Pete, Treasure Island. Florida. And then Jupiter Hotel, the Doug Fir Lounge. And I don't know. This is in the top five.

But you just added it, though. I know. I'm adding it now. Worth mentioning. Because it's a one-level motel. Chad, you know, we like to back up the fucking van to the hotel motel room door and only have to unload four feet no luggage cart bullshit fucking bellhop fuck you bellhop i want to back my shit up to a one-story motel quick getaway

with your cache of bibles oh yeah we should bring up the bibles too uh bar within you know 20 yards. And this bar, we're going to watch in Netherlands. My team, Netherlands! Orange! Third place. Third place. Nice. And the fucking Brazilian tears you brought out again. We thought they were fucking dry. We thought they were drained after Germany

beat them fucking 7-1. But no, they had a couple tears left to shed when the fucking beautiful Dutch Mikey, I love you. It's all for you, baby. It's my girl in Amsterdam. Change your thumbnail

back to that old one. That's the picture I'm in love with. But anyway. So, not only do they have fucking World Cup on, but it's an off-track betting. So during World Cup, if the game gets a little slow, there's fucking five different horse tracks on TV.

Yeah, you're picking ponies, drinking all day. Yeah, that's the best Western in Evanston. So, yeah, meet me there. We'll drink and play the ponies. And dogs. They had ponies and dogs. All of which are boring. Soccer, which I've grown to love.

Still, the final was today. It was nil-nil going into fucking overtime. And late in the second 15-minute overtime period, Germany finally scores a goal. And we fucking came out of our seats like it made it all worthwhile. And I call it tantric sports now. Just don't come, don't come, don't come. Just worthless fucking. But when did you finally come?

Douche land. Douche land. Yeah, douche land. I have a feeling a lot of your top five places include the guy that can tell you, like you said, that circle k used to be a 7-eleven the local guy that fucking no we were actually we were actually sitting with a guy that there were two guys when we walked in and i'm like oh fuck they're doing off-track betting they're gonna be pissed if we ask them to turn one of those TVs to World Cup because it's fucking Wyoming and they're going to suck or suck.

Well, they had a weird thing where they have a local track outside, and if the track is running live, they can't bet. So these guys are all pissed off they can't bet, so we can put on World Cup. Until that track closes, they can't do any. It's like the blackout rule. They can't show the local if the cardinals don't sell out the fucking stadium then they it's a tv blackout so it's kind of that deal

they show they show the games but the otb window isn't open so really there was no one in there but the bar was like everything was happening it's just no one was in there you can't bet can't bet so they let us watch world cup and as soon as that was over the fucking track closed but that guy recognized me he goes you're a comedian and he was like a wicked nelly but he's living in wyoming he's from orange county but he's this fat queen but like what's a nelly nelly queen f Fag. Gay. Sorry, Fags. God damn it. I get that fucking Todd Glass put that in my head that it's bad to say,

and now I don't say it. He's a gay person of homosexuality. I understood right away. Yeah. I sat next to him all day. I didn't know it. That guy, when he started talking about how he used to show dogs, so he knows Yuma and El Centro. Wait, he said he showed dogs?

You didn't know he was gay? I thought he was betting on the Greyhounds. I thought he knew about dogs. I thought he was an inside guy. Yeah, he was figuring out how to primp their hair. He wasn't betting on them. He was checking out new styles. He was shaming around their assholes.

It would fare better with the judges. Nelly, gotcha. Taking a note from my... And then we drifted down, dumped off your baggage, your wife at Salt Lake, and then... Oh, that's the thing.

Here's the thing, because we stayed. I fucking love the Hyatt Place. They're always overpriced. Shut it! Sorry, that's my dog. Hyatt Place is my favorite hotel, if I had to choose one. Like a regular chain hotel.

Because they're always the same. They're Wicked Ikea. They have huge TVs with pay movies, which are weirdly more and more rare. Hit and miss. Yeah, trying to get fucking – that's the only time I actually watch kind of recent movies is in a hotel. Hyatt Place has them, but they're always wicked overpriced. And that bar that they have is it's kind of like it's almost like a like a like a starbucks if you're in a shitty terminal in an

airport where they have sandwiches that are pre-made and then you could get a beer but and you could sit and drink it there but it's not really a bar there's a counter that you go and this seems like i'm bothered because the counter is also at the other end of the U of the where the front desk is at one end of the drinking in the waiting lounge you're drinking at the front desk basically there's a long

front desk and you're at one end of it drinking a beer out of a the gal pulling the the sandwich out of the cooler for you and getting your beer is also checking in guests. Right. It doesn't have that hotel bar feel.

But we... I got it just knowing we're close to the airport to get Tracy out. They have a shuttle and they have food and a bar so we don't have to drive night off. We're getting fucked up. Check in, get all our shit in, empty out the entire fucking van,

which you know, Chad, there's a lot of shit in that van, especially after the tour with all the thrift store garbage we've collected. And they say, oh, the machine is down. The the computers are down so they can't sell food or alcohol only because they can't take cash can't charge for it is it's so fucked up you can't just jot you would rather lose money because again a corporation mr hyatt place isn't in the back room going we're losing money i got kids to feed yeah it's just people like uh there's no button to push so i you can't eat or drink like fuck you that's why i booked this place so and always do this uh complain very politely because if you can make like a decent person contact with that other person, that person doesn't give a fuck if Hyatt Place makes money.

The person who answers the phone at Expedia doesn't give a fuck if Expedia gets a cut. So complain and get your fucking money back, but do it reasonably. reasonably don't be an asshole to that person because that's how you can fuck the corporations until mr hyatt place gets down there with boots on the ground go listen you know what it's just really unfair because we really did book this just because we we want to be able to you know we're we're having a wrap party for our big tour as though we're someone special. And now there's no food or drink. So we ended up getting... We had two nights because we get a second night for Tracy because she had an 8 p.m. flight.

We got the fucking... Booked on Expedia. Yeah. We got a free room and all the free food and booze we wanted because if they're giving it to us free, they don't need a button to push. No booze, but that was the one thing they said. Oh, yeah, no booze. We can't give you the booze we wanted because if they're giving it to us free, they don't need a button to push. No booze, but that was the one thing they said. We can't give you the booze

because we have to charge for that because everything is measured and counted and checked against what's sold. Utah is like the UK with the measured poor. Wow. But we did get all the food that we wanted. We just had to go down and pick it up from there.

They would pull it from the cooler. I don't know if we've ever brought this up. Because you logically complained that there was no argument that they could offer. Had we known. Right. And Doug is expert at this. I definitely get a different response just because it's the way I say things, not how I say things. And, Doug, it's the best line you always got to add.

Add it in three quarters of the way through. You get hot and heavy. You make your points. You're polite. But you say, I know it's not you. I know this is not your fault, but Mr. Hyatt Place is not here to yell at me. Totally. I'm just very upset.

So don't take it personal. I just need to yell. Because then they all of a sudden feel like, that's right. It's not my fault. And you know what? I don't care about hi yet either here have a free room and they do the same shit when they're calling the fucking cable company please continue to hold your call is very important how many times do you say my call is very important before i realize my call is not important at all or you hired more people to take this fucking call i mean mean, I always yell from the Joe Lunch bucket point of view.

When I've been on the phone 40 fucking minutes trying to deal with a problem with your cell phone company or cable, where you go, if I was a regular fucking blue-collar guy, that's my lunch hour. You just fucking, I didn't eat because my call is very important to you. Please continue to hold. Hey, while we have you stuck like a fucking mouse on a nail, here, let's advertise too. Yeah. Please continue to hold. Did you know you can also get this package? Hey, you can get stars.

Now I have to listen to fucking advertising on top of this fucking dicks so uh so yeah that's uh but it's in how you do it how you approach it and like like chaley said you can say things a different way and people will interpret a different way you can also look at the other day i went my daughter wanted something to eat in the morning i took her to McDonald's. We went over. She ordered some stuff. I thought she had just ordered a sandwich.

She actually ordered a sandwich, some hash browns, a coffee and stuff. And I pulled out my wallet with my card. And the guy says, oh, you don't have cash, do you? And I said, no, I don't have cash. I don't have the card. He goes, well, my card machine is down right now and then i just looked at him and i looked at him with the intent of how is that my fucking problem and he immediately just said well i'll just let you have it this time and and we walked away with

a bunch of free shit and i had to look later said, I wonder how many people in line after me got free shit. Because they looked at them intimidated. Well, yeah, because everyone else saw what he did. And they go, oh, let's go dress up like a six foot two angry biker. Get on my shoulder. That doesn't work for everyone. That's. Oh, all right.

I try to give that look. And they put a helmet on me and say, oh, he's special needs. That was my angry look. He's cute. But I don't know if I've ever brought this up. I probably put it on a back when I used to update my website in the days of ambition. And we used to do free groceries where we just pick up anything this can of fucking club soda right here as i put on my reading glasses that's what i'm laughing at right there store

brand point is the point is everything in your cabinet you can look at and find an 800 number for your complaints or questions or comments and you just call up and politely complain about the you know veracity is that the right word of your product and they will send you free shit you could eat for free i think i i know so many scams now i wish i was broke enough that i needed to do them but we sat down and when we first moved to bisbee and we spent about an hour and a half less than two hours calling every fucking 800 number off of every product we had in the cabinets weren't you doing it like every tuesday uh you a rhythm to where you would do it once a week. I think we tried to start doing it regularly,

but it's like quitting smoking or exercise. We did it the one time funny, and we were making them into prank calls. I can only do fucking Saul Rosenberg from the Jerky Boys. Hello, yes, I tried your Rembrandt toothpaste. I use it all the time for years, but I got this last tube and it tasted

tangential. It was stingy. I was just making up dumb complaints. I'm on a limited budget. Just to make it fun to do, just doing that and we we saw we we got i think it was 235 dollars worth of free shit in 90 minutes of phone calls just calling up and saying hey it just it you don't have to be funny just say it didn't taste right. I'm a longtime customer, but there was something off with it,

and I lived so far out of it. And they'll just send you usually more coupons than what you spent. That was the first time we did it. We got all these fucking free coupons in the mail. Then we realized what they ask for, they're going to ask for the UPC code. Then there's a stamp on you know the the usually with the expiration stamp there's like three things they're going to ask for so what you do is then we went back to safeway and went to the giant size like the 85 rolls of paper towels and

toilet tissue and the jumbo expensive shit and just wrote down what they're going to ask for without buying it. And then doubled down. You could eat for free. If you follow that, this podcast should pay for you to come to the vegas show on september 27th quit your job now just doing that if you just have the fucking an hour and a half you can take that tip go out and get yourself a thousand dollars worth of fucking groceries for you and your dumb kids and uh and then come to vegas use that money to segue into vegas because we just stayed there after salt lake absolutely the plaza we stayed at the running more smooth than if i wrote shit

down ahead of time uh the plaza hotel is always been my favorite hotel in vegas it's downtown vegas i was asking them is this where they filmed the cooler i said after i started getting on a fucking bad streak and roulette but it is it's that old school shitty still cheap vegas the plaza hotel is right next to the Greyhound bus station. So it's vagrant central. I'm not familiar with Vegas. Is it the old part of Vegas? Fremont?

Yeah. Okay. Fremont. Golden Gate. Gotcha. El Cortez. I don't know if that's still there. The Plaza is right across the street from the entrance to Fremont.

And the Golden Gate Hotel has just been repurchased. Oh, actually, it's been remodeled because the guy who is spearheading that whole thing on Fremont, he owns all the stages and everything like that. He turned the Golden Gate into a boutique hotel. So if you want to come out and you don't want to stay at the Plaza, try to get the Golden Gate into a boutique hotel. So if you want to come out and you don't want to stay at the plaza, try to get the Golden Gate. The point is, there's eight hotels down there that are fucking dirt cheap.

We got a suite for $79. I looked it up. $39. On the 27th of September, this is what we're doing. I think we've already told you, but I'm going to fucking keep plugging it because I want to sell out not just that hotel, but downtown for one show.

September 27th, we do the show on Saturday. Everyone's fucking coming in for it. I don't know how many people we can get on the bill, but Sunday following is football, and they have a fucking huge sports book lounge so i'm gonna hang out with you fucking assholes for a day all you people that want to bother me at a merch booth will have all goddamn day watching football on sunday big game saints cowboys is the night game So fuck you faggot cowboy fans And again I say faggot with all

With fucking rainbows And cocks flying out of me The plaza does have a sports book And it does have like an area A lounge area right there next to it So it's not like we have to go anywhere else And we've got a lot of people coming down Already confirmed from Alaska

Well this is what I want to do I've got a lot of people coming down already confirmed from Alaska. Well, this is what I want to do. I got to write this up as an update because I haven't updated my site in like seven years or I don't know. But the Plaza Hotel is right beside the bus station. So it's fucking vagrant central. But I was after a two-day drunk just coming out of there. after a two-day drunk just coming out of there i was just imagining a pilgrimage of my fans because uh my demographic is greyhound bus i want to like i want to give up a prize for whoever travels the furthest via greyhound to get to the plaza hotel show on september 27th the fucking idea of a fucking million all you guys who say hey why

don't you ever play fucking chestnut north dakota hey how about you get on a greyhound and make a plea a pilgrimage no to vegas and i will fucking hang out and watch football and we'll bet football put a thousand dollars,000 on fucking Germany in that sports book. Didn't even watch the game. It was the one against Brazil. Chaley's over at the lounge where I can see him. So he'd turn around and lift his arms up and go, Goal for Germany.

And I'm playing roulette, wasting all the money I'm winning on Germany in real time. I had him put a thousand bucks on germany i'm losing it at roulette every goal fucking germany scores i just lost more money at roulette goal i'm like really goal another one four to nothing goal five to nothing another fuck play five uh so yes get on a fucking bus or or not you can take a plane but yeah get your uh hotel reservations now there's only one show saturday night september 27th in vegas that's kind of my plug yeah that's my copy so what are you going to do for the person that comes on a great i don't know we'll figure that out it's only it's mid-july we have time to figure it out but yeah you fucking travel a long way via

greyhound i'll talk to you more than that fucking asshole i'm stuck talking to otherwise yeah and jersey up actually no fucking 70s it up find some fucking nice 70s wear because it's that kind of vegas it's old vegas this is not the strip there's no fucking dolphins or tigers or volcanoes mob owned vegas yeah this is there's walkers this is fucking walking dead las vegas it's still it's the coolest it's still old vegas you can like take your shoes off dollar 99 shrimp cocktail shit walk around in your socks fucking guy oh we saw some people yeah i was a wicked asshole at the steakhouse i remember that but anyway let's i was blacked out enough that i like i it's like how much are you down and i go i don't know because I can't remember how many times I went to the ATM

or how often they would give me money because it was after midnight and it was the same day. So I'd just rather not know. I won $1,000 on Germany. Actually, $800 because they were a bit of a favorite. But I did – you told that if you had to be careful because we were there and you were going to be drinking and that you couldn't screw up don't shit where you eat remind me tell me once i because i get in my moods especially when i'm losing and there were two times where i'm like remember i think you're gonna pull the steakhouse was one they gave me some fucking golden corral filet mignon i'm like come on fuck it well let's

go eat at the nice steakhouse and they gave me some fucking piece of dry fucking shoe leather for 38 and i'm like i didn't need it it's fucking garbage garbage. I, and I, well, let me get the manager. And I'm like, look, my fucking fork should go through this for fucking $38. And I'm hitting it. And it's my, the fork is bouncing. But wait,

but I did over tip, but it was enough that they said, okay, they took it off the bill. And I thought, Oh God, we're going to get out of here. No problem.

And as we're leaving, bingo and I were like, let's just get out of here. And you go right to the manager. Like, we're out. They took it off the bill. You don't have to do this. And whatever you said to the manager, you must have been charming because it wasn't an issue. Yeah, no.

I said, just let the waiter know that it wasn't anything personal. He's a fantastic waiter. So I over-tipped. I tipped like 100%. Well, that's good. Yeah, I didn't know what you were going to fantastic waiter. So I over-tipped. I tipped like 100%. Well, that's good. Yeah, I didn't know what you were going to say, and Bingo and I just left. But it did get, there were some shenanigans.

I think you were going to pull in the elevator, and I'm like, come on. We're going to be back here. And then the TV be gone. Oh, the TV be gone. Yeah, which I thought. Oh, yeah, that'll be a sponsor today. TV be gone.

It's a universal remote. Find it on Amazon. It shuts off or on any TV anywhere. TV Be Gone on Amazon. Why do we not have... Get fucking Chad Shank copy next time. One more time. TV Be Gone on Amazon.

You gotta tell me something different to say that. That's good. Oh, but this was, this was a, usually it's to turn off TVs where I use it because you, usually in airports,

you're stuck watching fucking Nancy Grace. And I know, no, you, no one gets to watch Nancy Grace and I'm turning this off and it's on a key chain, so no one knows why the TV's going off. It looks like a phone, doesn't it?

Well, that one, I have a new one. Oh, you have a different one. Yeah, I have a new one. I mean, that's, they're thinking it all the way through. Yeah, they have them that look like cell phones, so no one knows that you're the guy. Well, you were the one who brought it out, because they have a fucking band that was wicked awesome,

three-piece jazz trio at the Plaza. The bass player played a stand-up bass. He was the original bass player for the Mike Douglas show. And then some kid playing drums. And they're all killer musicians. And this wicked old black guy. They sang great standards, did great jazz songs. And they weren't going to shut off the TVs, which are all in the lounge.

Like that's they're flanked by the bank of them. Yeah. Widescreen TVs. And they and Chaley's like, you should have them shut off the TVs. And they go, we they won't let us. And I heard, oh, they won't. So we went up and get the TV be gone. But at that point, had uh talked the the staff

and a turning them off anyway so how can anyone say as an excuse i don't know who does that or uh that can't be done and there's someone so what somewhere in those casinos that can fucking they can move cameras everywhere they can turn shit on and off all over the place and they're basically the pit boss and the manager were telling you uh yeah those tvs they can't be move cameras everywhere. They can turn shit on and off all over the place. And they basically, the pit boss and the manager were telling you, yeah, those TVs, they can't be turned on.

They know by your magnetic room key, when you have gone in and out of your room, like they'll fucking judge your, like how long you stay in the casino versus the room on your, your player's card in casinos. They, they, they fucking watch that shit but they can't turn the tvs on or off i there were shitty gigs and you what you did the whole chad was on the montana whatever run we did last year those are the kind of gigs you start out doing but no one knows you so it's just people who get a free coupon or paid $3. And those places a lot of times would not shut off the TVs

because there's a playoff game going on. And you're trying to do comedy. Music is one thing. You can just keep playing. You don't need that full attention span like you do with comedy. You're doing comedy, and everyone's watching the fucking Portland trailblazers and the playoffs against the bulls and Michael Jordan and go, what the fuck?

And you really won't shut that off pool tables that are live and the cracking of fucking balls and shit talk on a pool table. Yeah. Oh shit. I'm going to piss. Pour a drink. Break time. Hey, if you have a great story,

especially if you're in one of the towns we'll be touring on, check DougStanhope.com on the tour dates. Hey, if you're in that town and you have a great story you want to tell us on the podcast, we probably won't use you. But the only way we're going to find out is if you call 520-366-1078. That's 520-366-1078.

That's our fucking burner phone for the podcast. And that way we can figure out if you can speak. We tried this beforehand again, which is like trying to get people who have good stories when we're in fuck off Wyoming or wherever. Hey, but then they,

they, what they do is they email, email it. Oh, well you might be able to email, but then you can't talk when you get there. So that makes sense? Yeah, so that's why we got this. Did you see this? It's the new

Doug Stano burner phone. I like that. Yeah, Doug Stano podcast burner phone. What's that number? 520-366-1078. Sorry, did you say 520? Oh, 366-1078. I wasn't sure about that. You have to do it in a sing-song way.

That's how they do it in real commercials. Oh, really? 5-2-0-3-6-6-10-78-8-8-8. All right. All right. You know what? Fuck this. Do a station ID.

This message was brought to you by Doritos. What? No, your name, lady. Roseanne Barr and Doritos. Crunchy corn chips, bitch! And speaking of Vegas, Alaska is coming down. Evidently the Beckers

are coming down. Beckers opening, right? Is that for sure? No, nothing's for sure, but if he wants to, fuck yeah, I'll give him time. Yeah, he's coming down uh duran everyone knows for the podcast andy andres should be hopefully oh great well i'm hoping maybe we can get junior stopka down there hey let me plug that but i want to get back to vegas but junior stopka is going on tour with jt habersat if you've seen me on the fucking, they're doing this shit bare bones. They're

fucking counting on you. You guys have seen Junior Stopka open for me. Follow him at Junior Stopka Stop K-A. Junior Stopka. Fucking find out his dates and where they're going. I think it's

August or September. They're doing a tour with JT Habersat. It's fucking great. I September. They're doing a tour with JT Habersat. It's fucking great. I'm not even going to try to spell JT Habersat. There's two A's at the end. Fucking Google them. They're great. I can put a link up on the show notes. I'll be tweeting that shit.

Both hilarious fucking guys. Yeah. But Chad Shank will be coming to Vegas. Can we tell a story? because you just told me this story and it's hilarious Chad Shank this is July 12th or 13th

he's like yeah my wife and I we're going to make that road trip at the end of September to Vegas because we have to go anyway to check on her mother. Go ahead. Well, because her brother, we don't talk to her mother that much.

So her brother got a hold of us and said, you know, do a welfare check on mom. I can't get a hold of her. Well, short story is. Who do you call for that, first of all? The North Las Vegas Police Department. All right. story is who do you call for that first of all the north las vegas police department all right for and they i don't know it's fucked up but i guess basically both times or three times we've did a welfare check they go to the house and somebody other than my mother-in-law comes to

the door and says she's fine and then they call us back and say yeah she's fine. And then they call us back and say, yeah, she's fine. But they don't show her. No, we have no idea where she is. It's been, I don't know. It could be just cash. It's been eight months. Well, that's what I told them specifically. I'm like, she's on disability, and they could be just cashing her checks

and have her chained up somewhere or buried in the desert. So can you check on this? Bathtub full of lime. They talk to somebody who says, yeah, she's good. So I laugh at this story when Chad tells me this, and I go, wait, you're going to wait two and a half months to go check this out? He goes, yeah, we don't really care about it all that much.

And they did just call and got a check. Are we caring enough to call? My wife's not ever going to listen to this. So the big question is, will you be doing the welfare check before or after the show that is a good question because it will be after on the way to the airport it depends on if i'm down it'll listen i can't get any more money out of the atm i'm gonna go see if I can cash one of her checks.

We literally factored in the hangover after Saturday night and then watching football on Sunday into when we were going to go. So probably Sunday afternoon. Yeah, yeah. There's a couple good games. Bears, Packers is early But that's 9am That's a fucking tough one We can still put money on it

That's the beauty of it Yeah but I do want to legitimately Fucking hang out with people If you're going to make a Greyhound pilgrimage Come out to Yeah But the night game is going to be the monster Yeah

Then we got to go to that. Oh shit. Then wait Monday. We're going to go. Yeah. That's what I'm amending it. We're going to go to the mother-in-law's house Monday. I don't want to miss the night game.

Yeah. That's what I was saying earlier. Dress fucking seventies, retarded caddy shack, or just fucking suit up for football. Cause I want to know who to mock. If we're going to take over this sports book. Hennigan's working on maybe taking over a pool for a pool party during the day.

I don't know if that's going to happen. But yeah, we're going to try to make this a fun. Yeah. I'm never going to do a cruise ship where we can all actually be appropriate. But yeah, old Vegas is Doug Stanhope vegas and we ain't getting thrown out of anything so yeah jersey up because if you're a fucking steelers fan or a cowboys fan i want to belittle you publicly get some shit talking going. Is that a podcast? What else do we have?

Oh, wait, fucking Bill Burr. You know, we listened to the World Cup on the radio, and then when that started slowing down, it wasn't every day. We caught up on the Bill Burr, and he always talks about fat shaming. And Chad Shank. Exhale. He's getting high over here. Exhale. He's getting high over here.

Sorry. Sorry, I'm being outed as a fat guy as we speak. Your fucking Twitter handle is HDFatty. That has to do with my motorcycle. I was going to say, I don't know what the HD stands for. Harley Davidson Fat Boy. Fat Boy. It's bullshit.

Anyway, well, you have a fat shaming app. CarrotFit. I searched fat shaming app. Carrot Fit. I searched fat shaming app on Google. Carrot Fit? I thought it was Meat Carrot. Meatcarrot.com, I think, is the website. But Carrot Fit is the Google search, which most lazy stoners will just, they don't want to type.com.

Yeah, Bill Burr always talks about fat shaming. So that's another sponsor is Meatc.com or carrot fit is the app. Thank you, Bill Burr for fat shaming. It's helped me not very much, but sometimes it does temporarily help me to feel shitty about myself. Thank you. You know what makes me feel shitty about myself? Bill Burr will never listen to this podcast. That's true. No, he no he will no he's got

fucking things to do that guy's motivated he goes on hikes and stuff i just sit around looking at this equipment and doing nothing going well shit when am i gonna have something to talk about fucking chaley went bird watching at seven o'clock in the morning the other day and i was up because i haven't been able to sleep for shit. So I was up at 630 and he walks through. You want to go bird watching with me? No. It was an interpretive walk at the San Pedro River with a couple of docents, one of them training.

But still. Hey, be careful at the San Pedro River. For entertainment, I look at the Craigslist personal ads oh really and yeah and i was doing that before the howard stern show sometimes does that but i was looking at it before they mentioned it it's some funny shit look at the craigslist personal ads in your local area it's funny what does that have to do with the san pedro river the san pedro river is a very common gay blowjob meeting spot. Oh, so he wasn't birdwatching at all. Yeah, birdwatching, I think, is Craigslist code.

That's why he's complaining. It was only one other elderly couple and some other old guy. You didn't even get the hint. I go, come on. You want to go check out the Peckers? The Peckers are in bloom. Zing! All right, Bisbee Blue Baseball.

Next Friday, Saturday, Sarah Mega is going to be announcing, so that means I'll probably jump in the booth and do color. And it's our last game against the dreaded Douglas Diablos. Actually, Saturday is the last game of the season, right? Yep. That's it. Last home game, anyway.

What place are they in? I don't know. Because two of the fucking four games got rained out this weekend, and they can't make them up anymore. And they're not making them up, no. So they were in second, but they were hovering between second and third. I knew it was close. First place is they're solid, the team that's first place. I can't remember who it is.

Is it Roswell? White Sands, I think. Alamogordo. Pupfish. Pupfish. Oh, the Pupfish. That's right. I couldn't remember anything when I get back from tour.

So it'll be this Friday and Saturday will be the last games. Yeah, that's July, a week after World Cup, whatever that is. We'll see you all there. 18th, 19th, or 19th, 20th of July, 2014, if you're just catching up in some other fucking era. If you're listening to this shit centuries from now, wondering what mankind was like, well, it was like this with microphones.

Anything else? Burner phone. Yeah, call the burner phone. Our burner is 520-366-1078. Can you remember that, Chad? 366-520-1078. No, 520 is our area code. Oh, I said it backwards.

520-366-1078. That's good for a stoner. Now do it with radio voice. Call the burner phone. Call the burner phone. [phone]. That's good for a stoner. Now do it with radio voice. Call the burner phone. Call the burner phone. [phone]. And now weather and traffic. On the nines.

All right, you're going to have to provide me with some written copy and a contract. Just do the number again and then go, coming up next, weather on the nines. Wait, I'm stoned. I forgot the number again. know what that's why i said to write some shit down we probably did this the last podcast but i did want to shout out to the fucking most valuable player of world cup was the radio announcer tommy smith the irish guy oh and then he there's a header into the net and there's another bulge in the back of the old onion bag. Fucking soccer on radio is fantastic.

It's brilliant. Ross Dyer as well. Ross Dyer, yes. They're fucking, they're cruel announcers. If the game is shit, they'll tell you it's shit. You know, if you watch Monday Night Football and it's like 52 to 7 in the early third quarter they try to make it seem like it's still important these guys do the opposite oh this is terrible service it's a despicable display are you

still watching this shit they use the word that they bring this atrocious in this in the world cups you know this is uh not League. They wouldn't say that. But yes. Schoolyard. Call it schoolyard play. They just hammer them relentlessly. It was brilliant watching World Cup. We're going to try to watch.

Oh, coming up right now. Fucking Portland Timber against the Seattle Sounders. In Seattle. In Seattle. Fuck the Sounders. Fuck the Sounders. Fuck the Sounders. All right. We should get some fucking drops after this. That's that's the end of the podcast. But

then we should get some drops from fucking Chad Shank. You're listening. Yeah. That's it. Have him do play the mat. Oh, yeah. We always close on play the mattoid, so... Play the mattoid! Fucking B, how funny would it be if he gets work out of this?

I love the up inflection, too. Chad Jack is available for work, but you better have your fucking P's and Q's together because he doesn't tolerate shit. Be respectful. He's hard to work with. Be respectful. I'll punch you in the fucking head.

See? He can even do fucking terrestrial radio. Alright, that's the podcast. Follow Chad Shank at HDFatty. Harley Davidson Fatty. HD Fatty and Greg Chaley at Greg C-H-A-I-L-L-E.

And they keep you amused and updated from the road. Play the Mattoid! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do the time. Also, by the fat-shaming app Carrot Fit, available at meetcarrot.com. Also, this October, look for Junior Stopka with J.T. Haversat in the Altercation Punk Comedy Tour. Check out dates at jtcomedy.com. Get your stories to Doug on the barter phone, 520-366-1078. The tour goes on, so check out dStanhope.com for new dates. Thanks for listening. Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time

Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Here we go Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Party time! Party time! Party time!

Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time!