The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Episode #41: Stanhope Road SwapCast with JT Habersaat and Jobi Whitlock

Episode Date: September 23, 2014

This is a SwapCast with JT Habersaat from 'The Road Podcast' recorded in Austin, TX. Jobi from 'Doug Stanhope’s Celebrity Death Pool' is also on the podcast.This podcast sponsored byThe Road Podcast with JT Habersaat - http://www.theroadpodcast.com/Doug Stanhope’s Celebrity Death Pool - https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/Check out JT Habersaat and Junior Stopka on tour in October, 2015. Dates at JTcomedy.comIf you have a story for Doug you can leave a message on the Burner Phone,[phone].Recorded Sept. 20, 2014 in Austin, TX with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), comedian JT Habersaat and Jobi Whitlock from Doug Stanhope’s Celebrity Death Pool. Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Check Doug's tour dates at dougstanhope.com. Take a moment to register for 2014 Stanhope Tour news in your area, including the USA, UK, Europe, Australia and more. Additional dates added all the time.Thanks for listening. See you at the merch booth.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night. Good night. Good night. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hey, this is Doug Stanhope. I don't know if I've already coined this term, but this is a swapcast. This is the Doug Stanhope Podcast and the Road Podcast with JT. And we got Joby Deathpool here, too.

Hey, guys. Yes. All right. So, yeah, anytime you're fucking two comics, you're doing a podcast, when you both have a podcast, don't make it one or the other. Just have it a swap cast, and it's both your fucking podcasts, and you knock that out for the week and go on with your day. So there you go.

The Stan Hope Road Swapcast. The potato peelings in the sink did not turn into vodka as I had hoped. I only start to need a drink after the liquor stores are closed. I heard you change your name again. But don't you change your hair it was the only thing i liked about you in the end Yeah, so you've done podcasts with other people.

Do you always swap or what the fuck? Like why? I think I did this once where I don't know if I actually, I know we talked about coining the term swap cast because it just makes sense. I'm doing fucking Bert Kreischer or fucking Bill Burr. I think it was Bill Burr. You said, yeah, it was both. Yeah, you should just both put it out

as one fucking thing. So I'll just send this to Chelly. Because everyone, you want to do one once a week or whatever you do. So if we're both doing the same thing, I introduce you to my audience. You introduce me to your audience.

Cross-pollination. And then we fucking knock out an hour. That's right. Quality content. It's like hiring an intern. We're having our workload. So we're sweating our balls off in my backyard right now because we first got the first rain. I would describe the weather as gamey in Austin and JT's backyard, but that's partially me.

Houston bullshit. It is partially you because you're exuding... Well, you said you pissed yourself last night. Yeah, I pissed my pants in a public five-star hotel because I couldn't find the bathroom. What's a five-star hotel like? I don't know what it's like. I say five-star. Wait, wait, wait.

It's San Jose five-star. I stayed in that fucking place. There's a bathroom in the toilet. There's a bathroom that fucking place. There's a bathroom in the toilet. In the bathroom. There's a bathroom in the toilet. There's a bathroom in the toilet. Yeah, I'm not drinking yet. There's a phone in the bathroom by the sugar.

You know what? I need a beer now. I was going to try to stop. Get a fucking beer. You know where they are, right? Joe, go grab us a beer. Drinking water like a champ. I'm drinking water.

Yeah, I'm in a fucking tough place. That hotel is pretty ritzy. They gave me some looks when I was there because I did the improv and they threw me in next door to that place. It's nice. Yeah, it's nice. Oh, fuck. I have to Yelp review this place. There's a hotel. It's a long story. Yeah, we got time. Some fucking, some elderly

negro. Like in The Shining? I'm outside they have that fucking ritie restaurant that has the out it's on like a outdoor walkway like all improvs it's like a walking mall but this is actually downtown san jose yeah so it's so some guys sitting at that little there's a little coffee wine bar outside i'm outside in the fucking sidewalk walkway and I'm checking my phone smoking a cigarette and I hear Sir! Hey!

Hey man! Excuse me! Sir! Hey man! Sir! Hey! Do you hear me? I know he's yelling about my cigarette so I just won't look and he's going fucking ape shit. And he's like Good choice of terms.

Racism. 25 feet away from me. He's within the perimeter of his little outdoor gate and I'm in the actual sidewalk-y area. And he's like, can you move that cigarette? When I finally looked at him.

Sounds like San Jose. And I'm like, I'm fucking outside. I'm already day drunk. I'm like, I'm outside. Listen, I'm not in there. The ordinance is like 35 feet.

I go, no, the ordinance is 20 feet. I don't know what the ordinance is. Way to call him on that shit though. Oh yeah, I call his bluff. I fucking went all in on that.

It's 20 feet and I'm well beyond 20 feet. You can just go smoke over there in the park. Where there's children. Across the street. He's telling me to move a block away, and I was so fucking livid, and I stopped myself from bringing up. You're telling me it's bad enough I have to smoke outside. Now I'm well outside, and you're telling me to move to the backer of the bus i did not i did not drop that such a fantastic street it's rude i go no you're rude you're

hollering at me if you're a fucking gentleman you want to talk to me polite you i love when i actually have balls to confront someone which which is usually when I'm drunk. Day drunk. Yeah. So this guy worked for the hotel or he was just some random. No, he was sitting there as a customer. Then he gets the waitress. Some 16-year-old girl comes out.

She tells me to smoke in the park. And I'm like, I'm not going to say fuck you to a girl. But yes, you know what? Fuck you. This guy, he was not asking me. He was bellowing at me. You want to fucking talk to me? And I just went on until my cigarette was out,

and then I had to, like, all right. On your way? I'm out of cigarettes, so I'm out of arguments. Yeah, not concerned citizens. That's right. Doing the forces of good. Yeah, that place was weird. I gigged at the San Jose Improv with Joe Sibb,

and they thought I was the drug connect when I showed up. So I was wearing my Dickie shorts. They said that? Well, they implied it strongly. It was this giant, again, not to get off on a weird racist tangent, but this giant black dude. You were telling me the story, and you said that they go, this guy out here, he says he's on the bill, but he's wearing shorts?

Yeah, I was wearing Dickie shorts, and they said he's wearing shorts which they strongly implied i was like he's delivering blow like it was just how they you know said it never you know 47 years old been around a lot of dark alleys in this business no short never did profile someone for wearing shorts on shorts hey he's got shorts he's got shorts you guys got shorts i mean fucking half of our crowd were skaters i'm like you gotta be kidding me uh unless they're like magnum pi shorts and then right right the shorts they run in on in rocky three at the beach uh uh no it was not that and i was half insulted and half like well that's fucking awesome and they they're like no that's jt he's allowed were like, no, that's JT. He's allowed in.

I think they said he's allowed in, not he's performing. He's allowed in. And yeah, no host that night. I featured and host, and they paid me for both, so I have no complaints. Well, there you go. It was very nice. It was good. But that place is big for an improv. I had no opener, because these gigs where I just fly in, fly out.

I'm not bringing anyone. So you just went up cold? No. Hennigan said, if you have a local guy, they can do some time. You know any local cops in California? They gave me three names.

One was something like Brandon Lynch, and then there was Keith D'Souza, and then there was Butch Escobar. You picked Butch Escobar? And I hope it was a woman. I didn't. I go, no, he's going to do all fucking Latino shit.

And then make funny jokes about how my first name is Butch. I profiled. Fair enough. Comic racially profiled. And then D'Souza, I'm like, is that going to be some Italian guy with a fucking... So I go with the fucking white-sounding guy, and he wasn't available at the last minute, so we went with D'Souza, and he was fucking hilarious.

Oh, nice. Well, there you go. So shout out to D'Souza. But eventually he did make a D'Souza joke. As they're known industry-wide now. D'Souza joke. Yeah, God, I'm fucking sweating my balls off. So, Joby, you're in town for the whole weekend, so we're going to get some quality time.

We've got a gig tonight at the Mohawk, which I think is sold out. Have you been to the Mohawk? Oh, yeah. I've been there many times for shows and stuff. It holds 900 people. It holds 800 or 900 people, yeah. But it's staggered weird because I think it'll be good for comedy. I saw, who's that fucking guy from the state who's really obnoxious?

Michael Ian Black? Yes. You got it on the first try. Michael Ian Black. He was there and I saw him. I just said his name. I didn't say he's annoying. I didn't say he's annoying. Did I say? Probably. I think you just said that

very loudly. Well, I find him a little grating. I don't know. He could be very nice. I don't know. I know Brendan Walsh has opened for him for a while. I know him and Marin got into it. I'm not mouthing anything.

Ghost mouthing. Ghost mouthing. All sorts of fucking terms. We'll talk after this. Off the record air quotes. I try to not say bad things about comedians. That's very true. You're very good with that. You've only told me one or two people that you like that guy as a comedian.

Well, offstage, yeah. Off mic, I'll trash people all the time. We all do, but... I wasn't trashing him. I was just saying he's a little irritating. Yeah, he's...

I think he would agree even. You know? He's like, yeah, it's his persona. He's the villainous... He's like the tie the fucking... I've never seen his stand-up. I remember...

Funny. I think he hosted Spy TV when I did an episode. Okay. I found him a little... He queered me a bit. Yeah. But what...

But I saw him there, and it was fucking raining. And in the winter, it was like January, where it doesn't really usually get cold in Texas, but it was kind of cold. And they had no cover, and he came out wearing like a fucking han solo hood and everything and he's just like what are we doing no roof for the listener yeah no roof no cover not it wasn't a free show right yeah no right yeah no roof thank you no cover it's outdoors you know that annoying

guy that does free shows all the time what's his name no uh that's the annoying thing about Michael Ian Black. All the free shows he does in the snow. I feel like I got... Well, did I get my money's worth? I don't know. There was no cover. I don't know. So that was... I think that was the only comedy show I've seen there,

so that was less than ideal, but for tonight, as long as it doesn't rain, it'll be good. And there's a 40% chance of rain. Yeah, but... And there's a 100% chance of no refunds. Eat a dick! I'll be out there. I won't be near any electrical equipment in the rain.

I'll be yelling. I'll be yelling for an hour. That's right. Distance from the mic. But it's kind of got like a too staggered balcony that's set up well. I think it's really set up well for comedy. For bands, it kind of sucks

because you get three people. Who gives a shit? Let's get back to comics you hate. Comics I hate. Can't wait to talk about them on your podcast. There is one comic I hate. It's my podcast. I think you like him, though,

so I won't really. Really? Yeah. Who? The Joint Podcast. Again, hate is too strong a word because I've never actually meant him, but fucking Jamie Kilstein I do not like.

You know what? I called Jamie Kilstein drunk yesterday. You called him on the phone? On the phone. You're a drunk. On the phone because he came up in conversation with our friend Laura Kimball,

the lady dying of terminal cancer. Shout out. And she brought it up. Hi, Laura. And I was drunk and I go, fuck, I'll call him right now. When you have someone's phone number. Yeah.

Well, didn't you work with him a few times, right? Yeah, yeah. I can tell my story why I think he's fucking annoying. I still argue that one day I think he'll be great.

I think he's going through... I was fucking horrible when I was his age. His material side, I don't really know. It's too preachy, whatever, but like

the first time he came to Austin and when I first signed to Stand Up Records, Dan was like, hey, this guy's coming to town. I asked him to have you open because you're my Austin guy.

I'm like, all right, right on. I have the night free. Sure. And the guy sent Dan a message and said, I checked out some of JT's clips, and I find him super homophobic because someone in my crowd said that. What's his name? It said that the comic had said that to Schlissel. Oh, Dan didn't say I was homophobic. Kilstein said that?

Yeah, Kilstein said I checked out some YouTube shit, and JT's super homophobic, and I got angry. I was like, I don't know what you saw. He saw some clip where somebody in my crowd yelled out, The hilarious part is no one knows that we're taping this podcast, the three of us with no pants on. No, just dongs to the wind. If you don't see it, it didn't happen. Yeah, I don't know. Ever since then, I've been kind of like, fuck that guy.

And I don't know. Plus, when he went on Robin's podcast, I was like, shut up. You know, the whole Tosh thing. That's where everyone turned on poor Kilstein. Oh, poor Kilstein. He's in the UFC now, right? He's a wrestler. Yeah, he's overcompensating. It's almost like when you send a kid to fucking karate.

You know, parents who put their kids in karate, and now they have a brown belt, and you're like, you're fucking four foot two. No matter what you learn, an adult can beat you up. I have emphysema, probably. Just pick them up by their ponytail. Yeah, so all the all the mma jamie kilstein can learn everyone's gonna go whatever and the last time he was in town here he charged

like 35 and i was like dude real and maybe if pb i'm sure i'm sure fucking here's the thing white people paid it you're fucking worth what you charge when we started doing barnstorming like fuck comedy clubs we're just gonna going to work rock and roll clubs. I've heard of that. We were like, $7 because it's a Monday in Fargo. No, if you say you're worth fucking $25,

you're worth $25. I guess. If people can pay it, then good. Oh shit, I guess he must have been doing something. $35? You look at shitheads that are charging like $70 a ticket that suck shit. Who charges $70? I don't think I've...

Aside from like festival shit, but like... Look at Vegas. Okay. Yeah. Right on. Ralphie May. I'm not saying he sucks shit, but he decides what he's worth right so he i think he's getting probably 60 bucks a ticket yeah and sells out yeah yeah well vegas

though is i mean people there they go in that show mode i mean everything there is fucking it's the the ultimate prince tribute is 45 you know like but yeah uh yeah at some point we like what were the tickets they're only 25 bucks yeah that's awesome yeah that at some point we like the ticket fuck this what were the tickets they're only 25 bucks yeah that's awesome yeah that's great yeah we could have easily done 45 here yeah but yeah i know my audience are broke as fuck and i don't need the money because i don't have kids well since this is a cross-pollination uh podcast we definitely should not turn this into everybody jT hates. So we start all these beef wars on your fucking end when this airs on your crowd.

That's all I need. And there's this fucking Austin guy who hates... No, no. First of all, beating on Jamie Kilstein, that's not... Again, don't. Not a fan. I've had this argument with Hennigan since Jamie Kilstein started heaving breaths. You've seen that YouTube clip

where Jamie Kilstein on... I think he was on Conan or something. Really? He was on a late night and they cut out all the words and they just have him gasping for breaths between... Because he's known for

you birkenstock wearing thing that does lists yeah it's the same way song you know people do songs everyone claps at the end right if you say a million words as fast as you can people will clap even if it's not funny uh-huh and they just cut out all the words and just have the gasping for breath in between the words. And somebody just made a mix of that? You've never seen that? No, that's fucking brilliant. Oh, it's a wicked... So is Hennigan a fan or not a fan?

No, he's not a fan. And I think that... Cheers, Brian. Well, I went through a period where I was doing a lot of fucking horrible shit. Even Doug Benson. I just did Doug Benson's podcast. Yeah, I saw that. He was doing a lot of fucking horrible shit. Even Doug Benson. When I just did Doug Benson's podcast. Yeah, I saw that. You were smoking weed at 9 a.m.

Yeah, I remember when we... You called your Doug stand-up? Yeah. That's pretty funny. I'm like, my fucking act was terrible. And that's why on Deadbeat Hero, I put out as bonus footage my early shit where I was fucking awful. And I couldn't even watch it i just thought it was important to put out there that yes i used to fucking suck shit that bad yeah i mean again

i've never met the guy strictly because he thinks i'm homophobic apparently but also i don't think he's fucking awful obviously he's got an act and you could even accuse me to some degree you know i can't defend his act but he's a good kid. But, yeah, okay. Take your word for it. I remember when I first started comedy, there were so many people that still work in some of these fucking sewers. Shuckle huts? Yeah, fucking... That only got

booked because they were nice guys and the owner played golf with them. Ugh, brutal. And you go, and then you see that they're still working. That was 25 years ago. 24. Doing the same material. Probably, and no one cares.

They're tight 40. Well, no one's coming to see them. No one's going to see Fred Charles. Is that a real person? That's a real person. I don't know if he just made it up on the spot. He probably doesn't know how to work a podcast. But he's probably doing the same act that when I opened for him in 1991.

Because he plays comedy clubs where they're going to see comedy. Right. It's a comedy night. They have two free tickets that they won. Yeah. So, yeah. Oh, maybe they've seen him before. I think we saw this guy last time we got free tickets.

He's a fat guy. Talks about being fat. Funny. Funny guy. Yeah. But I envy that to some extent. Like, to just be able to have a thing that you say. Like, right now, I'm fucking day drinking.

Yeah, yeah. I actually asked you who has cocaine here. Which I never do. It's Austin. Someone's going to have cocaine, but tonight I know I'm going to need it because I was fucked up for two days in San Jose, and I had to get up at 4.30 in the morning to get to two flights. And put Joby and I on a fucking treasure hunt.

Wake up. You forgot your pop-off pocket. I forgot my prop. Yeah, I wake up this morning at 6 a.m. to flooding here, and I'm checking on my phones. All right, going off. Stan Hope. All all right code red emergency did i say that i saved it i should play it back fucking code red emergency i need a pop i lost my prop like fucking carrot top yeah i lost my prop my sponsor my sponsor if i don't have a 1.75 In the background I hear It must have been Hedigan The big bottle Fucking

The big bottle I don't want a 1.75 His mother Plastic Pop off It's gonna be bad Well they don't have glass pop off There's no glass pop off

Oh okay It's like Fleischmann's Or any of that I've never actually had it Because I tried to find it In Texas once It's the same shit Fleischmann's

Kamchatka But for like a bit There's something You needed like that It's my fucking Pop off is my sponsor. So I have to have them probably pronounce it. Joby saved the day.

Well, no, I get a text at 4 a.m. And luckily I'm an insomniac, so I don't sleep. You know, I've been up for an hour and a half. I could have called you like this asshole at fucking 4 a.m. my time. Yeah, but I texted you back right away. Turn my phone off for a reason. All right, I'll try to find this. I'll let you know in an hour and

a half whenever i'm on my way to the airport on the way to the airport yeah well you found it so there's a place right by the tucson airport that has it yeah no i intentionally looked because i didn't have it going into san jose and brian went and found it because he was ahead of me going to the tucson airport i'm like fuck i forgot the-off. So I forgot it twice in two gigs. And the whole deal with them is you tried to get them to sponsor you, and they said no? Because I had that experience, too, with Evan Williams. I tried that.

It's my closing bit. I'll talk about it on stage. Okay, let me not burn your closer. Some fucking cunt put it on Wikipedia. What? He's sponsored by pop-off against everyone. Oh, thank you for putting my fucking 20-minute closer. Anybody can post that?

I don't know how that works. You can't have it taken off unless it's factually incorrect. So there's all this footage of you saying I'm sponsored? You correctly fucking put out my closer on my Wikipedia page. I blame Jamie Kilstein. That's brutal. So, yeah, so we found the then uh and then what else do we have to find this morning uh you're like oh yeah blow blow like i need blow yeah what was the whole

point of that uh i don't remember oh we're just getting here and now uh fucking sweaty and day drunk i don't know i don't know i too. Yeah, you got bumped from first class. Oh, tell that. That's fantastic. Yeah, fucking... Anyone who knows me or listens to my podcast knows that I will fly...

Who wants more beer? Everywhere. Just grab a bunch. Yeah, okay. Just to have the highest status because I want to get bumped up. Once you've been bumped up to first class, I want to get bumped up. Once you've been bumped up to first class,

you want to be bumped up all the time. So I have diamond status on Delta and whatever the United version of that is. So I didn't get bumped up on my leg from LAX here. And it's a small plane. The two seats on either side a small plane, you know, the two seats on either side, small plane, but they have nine first class seats,

and I'm like, really? First class is completely full days before, and, I'm a grumpy traveler. Shocking revelations. But I'm trying to keep my fucking cool, because because i know we just sold out 900 seats in austin mad arrested can't afford to miss the plane what a great headline that would be though doug stanhope argues over first class seat mrs sold out show even if they just say

y'all we think you're too drunk to fly. You're like, ah, fuck. Have you ever gotten that? One time. Where? Alaska. Wow. Yeah. Okay, not the real. Different story. Anyway, so as the people are going into first class, and I see I'm the number one guy on the bumped up list, but there's no seats.

And I'm looking at my name, and there's a fucking screaming kid with his parents going in. We're now boarding first class and this and i look at the screaming kid i go it ain't first class anymore fucking troll then i realized when i get on it's fucking charlie day and the waitress his wife from always sunny in philadelphia and their horrible kid So when I get on in the next boarding group, all the fucking stewardesses are like, oh, look at the kid. And it's so cute. And I walk. It's exactly what I said.

I walk by and I'm like, ugh. I did an audible ugh. And then I sit down and I'm looking in a first class. Fucking Keanu. I go, is that Keanu Reeves to the chick next to me? I never talk to people on planes. But I. I go, is that Keanu Reeves to the chick next to me? I never talk to people on planes. But I'm like, can I fucking Keanu Reeves? She goes, yeah.

I go, that's why I got bumped out of first class? She goes, me too. She flies twice a week. I never get. She's a pilot. And then she's like, and that's the fucking Always Sunny. And I'm like, is it? It looked like the fucking Always Sunny guy who I fucking love.

He's funny as shit. I'm going to tweet him after this and go, you fucking cunt. Don't ever put your kid in first class but here's free tickets

to my sold out show. And your wife's a looker. I love the fucking waitress. Wicked hot and she looks like Kenny's girlfriend. If Kenny's girlfriend didn't.

Wow, holy shit. Poor kids. Wait, I want, but. Talk about Bisbee Kenny. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She does look a lot like her.

The three of us know what we're talking about. Nobody else does. That's right. Hey, Kenny. So, yeah, fuck you, Keanu Reeves. I texted Johnny Depp. Ruined all the movies. You texted Johnny Depp?

Is that him now? What did you text Johnny Depp? These that him now? What did you text Johnny Depp? These people are cunts. Johnny Depp, they just... I said, I just got bumped out of first by Keanu Reeves. Have him killed. You must know a guy. P.S. The show idea is going miracles.

We'll get drunk and fly to London and give you the short pitch. P.P.Sps have keanu reeves killed tell nathan that's that's his flunky his flunky like a bodyguard flunky or like no no no his fucking his real flunkies are off-duty cops really yeah the secret service kind of yeah hennigan was saying saying He could have someone killed And they would cover it up And let you smoke while they do it That's the whole Biggie Tupac thing

They had to fucking off-duty cops As bodyguards They're not going to tell Oh shit Interesting, I never thought of that Weird It is weird So if Keanu Reeves is dead

Johnny Depp's people did it. It was Nathan. It was Nathan. His last name will go on it. No one knows his last name. The only people, I flew out, actually when I was flying out to fucking, our tour was starting the day after you were out in Connecticut. What was that club in the mall? Oh God, I was out there with White Cotton.

Oh, that was right after Whiskey Girl died. Yeah, right club in the mall? Oh, God. I was out there with White Cotton. Oh, that was right after Whiskey Girl died. Yeah, right after. The day after. Yeah, that was... We flew out there, and the rock was on the airplane in front of us, and that dude is a monster. He's fucking huge. Yes, huge guy. And the ladies were like,

you know, first moisture produced by an over-50 lady in decades, just gushing like the elevators from the Shining opened down the aisle. Oh! You know,

I've got the vapors type fucking fanning shit. But he was cool as shit, man. He was very unassuming. He like waved everybody and signed stuff, signed boobs. But, uh...

Signed boobs? That was... That would be great. That was the flight where I had to... He signed his own. His own boobs. His own man peck. Let everybody know.

You can touch it. I'm going to get this made into a tattoo. A swirly tattoo. You just signed your own tit and you're going to... My other tattoos, it's all my signatures. Why do you think I'm Conan or whatever fucking stupid... Anyway, right, the Scorpion King. But that was the flight where I had the kids

screaming in my ear the whole time, and you addressed it on stage. You said because babies' heads blow up a little bit or something like that? Like the pressure squeezes their ears or something like that. Yeah, I've got to keep doing that. I forget about that bit. I'll do that tonight if I remember anything at all.

So last night was a little rough? You just trying stuff out? The last two weeks, was like i think i texted hennigan saying uh i'm not booking anything after australia i can't drink this much and live yesterday i only day drank because i drank a cup of coffee yeah and coffee if i don't drink if i drink something other than decaf, my fucking hands are like leaving Las Vegas, where Nicolas Cage is trying to sign the check at the beginning, and he can't, and he goes to a bar and then comes back. I'm sorry.

So it took me three drinks to fucking get my hand where I didn't have to hold my cup with two hands. Maybe I shouldn't breathe so much. Yeah, the last couple weeks have been fucking brutal, and I'm going into two months on the road. It's not like this is coming out of it. This is going into hardcore touring. You and me both, buddy. Fucking dates coming up. You've got a good one coming up.

Yeah, Junior and I were just plotting world domination. Oh, yeah, fucking plug some Junior Stop Good JT Habersad dates. We're going out. Well, Junior, I'm going out starting October 7th, starting in New Orleans, and shows every night until November 8th, which is a long fucking,

I think it was like four weeks. Well, where do they go? Where do they go to find us? You go to jtcomedy.com or theroadpodcast.com that you're on right now, dot com,

or if you go to Doug's podcast, Cross Pollinated, he's talking about it right now. But jtcomedy.com has all the up-to-date. Has the dates. Has all the dates dates i get tweets every fucking day is junior gonna be with you why is junior not your shows yeah yeah i'm gonna try to i'll get the code monkeys to throw on your

dates on the death yeah well death pool's uh unofficial sponsoring the show this is joey he's the uh the guy the reaper's doug stan Celebrity Death Pool. And you already blasted it out. Thank you for that. They are sponsoring the tour. And that's why Junior Stopka is not with me because he's a fucking headliner like J.T. Habersat. So they're doing a co-headlining tour together. He shouldn't be fucking opening. And he's lazy.

And if I let him be an opening act forever, he'd never write new jokes and he'd just be happy there. He's a fucking genius. So go see both of these fucking hilarious guys as they tour around in your Honda Fit. We actually have a van for most of it. The first half I'm in a van with Joe Statz

and Jay Whitecott and Dirty Charlie. Don't let Junior drive. No. Junior meets us halfway. He couldn't do the full fucking five weeks. Does he even have a license? Junior? He drove me around Chicago

last weekend, yeah. I was out hanging with him in Chicago. I thought they wouldn't give him a license. He's a good driver, actually. Oh, really? Oh, tell me something.

You know something I don't? Junior, he was staying down at the house in Bisbee and he, for whatever reason, we had to put him on a separate flight. We couldn't get him on the flight we already had booked.

The start of a tour? Yeah, the start of a tour. And so he flies out like five hours or eight hours later. So drop us off at the airport, and you can take our car and just go fuck off and do whatever. Right. fuck off and do whatever. He made it about to where the airport road hits Valencia,

got into a drive-thru and fucking rear-ended a guy. Oh, really? Oh, good. In my car. Great. The guy turns out, he's like,

he gives him the fucking paperwork and the guy sees my name. He goes, he goes, oh, it's not my car, it's my boss's car. Nice. Well played. Well played.

Well played. And he's like, Doug Stanoff, like the comedian. Cha-ching. And the guy, yeah, the guy was a fan, but a fan that thought I had way more money than I do. See the shit out of you. No, no. He just, oh, yeah. And it was a fucking ding, but it was like a Saab or a Volvo or something.

A $2,000 ding. $3,200. Fuck. For fucking letting, yeah, don't let Junior drive. ding but it was like a sob or a volvo or something a two thousand dollar ding thirty two hundred dollars fuck for fucking letting yeah don't let junior drive honda fit we my wife bumped our honda fit brand new honda fit into my parents car and it it crumpled and then like christine and the texas heat it fixed itself the next day fucking go honda i swear to god we came out the car's fixed just undid it somebody. You said Christine. I was thinking Christine Levine. No. Like if you punched her in her fat, it would just bloat right back out.

Oh, my God, no. Oh, the fucking Stephen King car. I got you. Oh, Christ. It's fucked up. Love you, Christine. All right, Joby, what do we got with it? Death pool news.

Yeah. So anyway, yeah, let me quick. Tour. Tour. So we're fucking going out to Florida. love you christine all right jobey what do we got with it death pool news yeah so anyway yeah let me quick tour tour so we're fucking going

out to florida we're going up the east coast uh in october uh we're doing two dates in

two not two shows in one night on october uh 19th in brooklyn with uh mishka

he's gonna be a guest on those shibali yeah who on this version of the podcast

will be the opening song the potato peelings in the sink he's actually opening song, The Potato Peelings in the Sink. His new record is brilliant. He's actually opening for me on a couple of dates in Cleveland and Pittsburgh that October 21st to 25 week. Yeah.

We're doing, while you're on the road, we're Midwest too. Right. DougStanhope.com, find it. We're all touring. We start El Paso going to the Midwest. El Paso, oof. Well, we're driving from Bisbee. Oh, okay.

So we had to do El Paso, Albuquerque, Amarillo on the way to the Midwest. El Paso. Well, we're driving from Bisbee, so we had to do El Paso, Albuquerque, Amarillo on the way to the Midwest. Right on. And then a fucking bunch of shit in the Midwest. Yeah. And then I go to Australia, and then after that, evidently, I'm done for at least...

Done forever? Yeah. No, I got to make it to... If I make it to August of next year, that's 25 years, and then I can quit and move on to something else. Oh, right on. And that's in play.

Nice. Maybe. By that point, maybe Johnny Depp's handler will be gone, and you can be the new handler. You can be his fucking ball boy. Yeah, no. Junior hops on with us right after we go through Manchester. We're doing Albany. There's no more Valentines, by the

way. I finally got the full Valentine story from Junior, where the guy threw the brick through the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That venue's gone. So we're in another place that Howard owns who's a badass guy up there. And then Junior hops on in Buffalo with Kristen Beckers on that show with us, too. Oh, cool. Yeah, so.

Dykes of Hazzard. Dykes of Hazzard. Fantastic. And then, yeah, we do Chicago, Nashville, Memphis on a Monday, which should be a delight. Hot Springs, Arkansas. All right, we go. No, no, no. B Monday, which should be a delight. Hot Springs, Arkansas. All right, we go. Boring! You got the extent.

It's that part of the country. Boring! We're not going to be in Vancouver. And that's about it. I want to know more about how you get kicked off the flight in Alaska, because that's tough to do for being too drunk. That was back in the Rene days, and we were at the bar right next to the gate. Your old wife, Rene. Yeah, my old wife.

For those who don't know. My old wife, Rene. Your old wife, Rene! Oh, God. Ball and chain. We're at the fucking gate right next to... I might have brought this up on every podcast. I say, have I talked about this before?

This one you haven't because I heard most of yours. At least not on your podcast. We're at the fuck, all the flights leave Alaska at like between midnight and two in the morning. So it's that late. We're at the bar right next to the gate. We don't hear any announcement. And then we look over and we see that everyone's already boarded. Like, oh, fuck, we should get on there.

Still sunny out. So we go up to the gate and they go we've been announcing your name i'm like i've been right in there in the bar and i can't hear anything in there so so we get on the plane and then i have my checked luggage or carry on luggage and there's they said uh oh there's probably no space for your luggage but you can check so i get in a first class i'm not in first class but there's they said uh oh there's probably no space for your luggage but you can check so i get in a first class i'm not in first class but there's open space and so i go to put my bag up and they say oh you can't put your bag in there it's first class and i go we're the last people on i just got yelled at for being the last people on so no one's using this space so then i go down to my seat and fucking coach and i found a

spot for my bag and the cunty just nancy steward man the alaskan matriarch asked me if i would move seats so the people's kid man well the people their kid wants to word, man. Well, the people, their kid wants to, that way, would you switch? The children. And I'm like, oh, you won't let me put my bag in first class, but now you want a favor? Well, then he walks away, and I see them teaming up,

the three flight attendants at the front. And I looked at Rene, and I said, we're not going to be on this flight. Gay Voltron, in effect, you're doomed. Yeah, we're not gay voltron in effect you're doomed yeah we're not gonna be on this one i've said get off sir we don't think that you're fit no this is a great part and i now i think i have brought this up because it's a great scam uh they said you're not fit to fly you're're too drunk. And then I went out and I started video. I had a video camera and I'm videotaping. Ferguson! It's one of those things.

Once you slur, it doesn't matter if you're right. Yeah. Because you're drunk. Yeah. Well, it doesn't mean I'm not right. Yeah. My motor skills have lapsed somewhat. This is fucking great, yeah. But I'm still right. I'm not right. Yeah. My motor skills have lapsed somewhat. This is fucking great.

Yeah. But I'm still right. I wasn't right. Well, we had considered staying one more night because drugs had just showed up. And I, fuck, should we stay one more night? On a biplane? We should really go home. And it's going to be 150 bucks a piece to change our ticket.

Let's just go. So, but if you get kicked off our ticket. Let's just go. But if you get kicked off the flight, there's no charge. They just reroute you, right? That's kind of a genius. You have to wait until the next flight the next day. So we went back to the bar, did ecstasy, had a fucking blast for free, and got on Alaska Airlines. I had one close call with that, not for being drunk. It was actually in San Jose.

I was flying home from San Jose after doing that improv run. We did the Hollywood Improv somewhere in Sacramento. The Blue Lamp or something, which was dreadful. And then the San Jose Improv. And I was flying back from there, and I had all the merch cash, so I had a bunch of singles and shit. And I'm through security. I'm waiting at the gate.

And I go, I'm going to buy a fucking Snickers bar. And I take out a bunch of singles. And the one in front, somebody had handed it to me. It was coated in blow and just went, just dusted blow onto the counter thing. I'm like, holy shit. And the dollar is, like, you can see it curled at both ends. And it's, like, covered in white residue. I'm like, fuck me.

And I could see that uh the the guy selling me the snickers didn't notice but i could tell that the stewardess lady kind of wait in the wings kind of saw like wait did i just see that what wait what so i immediately paid with a different one and put that in his tip jar it's like if i could prove it prove that was my dollar and uh yeah that was sketchy i used to have a fake safe that was in an aerosol can like that with the fake bottom and we had money or for like we had like seven thousand dollars in cash and i put in the fucking fake safe yeah and then put in my checked luggage not realizing you can't have an aerosol can and she's's like, you can't have aerosol cans.

And I'm like, no. And I reach to grab it to show her. She's like, don't touch it. Like, undo the bottom. And then she sees all this cash. Well, then you're a suspect for having that much cash. You can't have money. Google it.

How many people have been fucking detained? Fucking Ron Paul. His whole campaign was detained because they had contributions. Why do you have this much money? It's not your business. Unless you're leaving the country.

It's like 10 grand. If you're leaving the country. I was going to Miami or something. Miami. Either way. Right on. But yeah, they waited for a supervisor to come over. Why do you have this money?

What, did you say there's none of your business? No, I said because I fucking make it. It's from America. Again, I was a cunty person. Yeah, well, that's why we get along. You know why I have that much money? Because I don't have a name tag on like you do. Burn.

Not me. This is a fake shirt. I just quit my job. No, I'm talking to TSA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've calmed down with the whole TSA. You got to. You fly too much.

Fucking whatever. I'll put my hands up for a second, scan my bones. I don't care. Well, you're on the pre... Brian Hennigan has still to this day not fucking ever gone through one of those.

He'll opt out every time just to be a cunt. Just to laugh. I love that about him, but I'm usually hungover or drunk. I'm just like, whatever. I don't care. I don't care anymore.

I don't want to miss my fucking plane. I just don't care. He doesn't want photographs of his junk. When I do opt out... His supposedly massive wiener. Yeah, yeah. Everyone I know has a huge cock, except for me.

It sounds like a contest. We're not wearing pants. That's what I was going to say. Chad Shank. Well say between Chad Shank just measure well fucking Chad Shank is a big dude so he's got to have

Sean Roush he's got to have Reverend Derek and Brian Hennigan I can see Reverend Derek having a big dick they all supposedly have huge cocks

so eventually one Super Bowl party I was gonna say that sounds like another fucking bet pool to be happening I'm so glad I got

one fucking hit on the death pool. That's a tough fucking fluffer. Someone that will do all four of those dudes. You get a psychopath, a misanthrope, a retard, and... He's the misanthrope.

And Sean Rouse. Sean Rouse fits into a lot of categories he's on the show tonight yes he is yeah i'm stoked i've never i've never seen sean it's fucking ridiculous fucking brilliant yeah i'm so glad he's back he's sober now though so yeah well that's the only way he'd ever fucking get booked on my show will that be good or bad you think like as far as the material oh i i know he's i think he'll fine. He was never someone who had to be drunk to perform like me. He's great.

It's just afterwards when he started biting people. Not it. Biting people? And with his arthritis, I would never take him on the road because you'd need a full-time nanny. You'd need a Nathan just to bring Sean you'd need a nathan just to bring sean rose for shit money no health-wise he said he had like a surgery on his knees or whatever he's doing better in that department and then his wrists he's yeah it's not excited to see him

it's been you know like i said i've tried to gig with him many times and he just always uh can't make it last minute or something comes up or whatever. Well, it's usually health issues. I mean, he'll wake up in the morning screaming like you think a murder's taking place. It's fucking Oscar Petorius in my fucking house. Just wailing. Just trying to straighten out his body.

Rheumatoid arthritis is so bad. He has nodules that are like devil humps on his fucking... Like Zelda from Pet Sematary? All twisted and fucking... Hey, this is the Obscure Reference Podcast. Thanks for tuning in. My crowd got that.

That's where the cross-pollination comes in. All right, let's get back to Death Pool. Yeah, Death Pool. Fucking Joby in here. Yeah, fucking... Oh, shit. I don't know. Let's see.

A lot of people have died lately. Yes. I love that Junior Stopka's in second. Yeah. death pool joe be in here yeah fucking we're gonna shit i don't know uh let's see oh a lot of people have died lately uh i love it junior stop because in second yeah i don't love that i told him if he wins i'm not paying him for the tour he'll never catch local radio uh dudley and bob here uh they brought that up to death pool and i go i'm not really into it anymore because i'm not close to winning well at least I'm on the boards this year. I got fucked because of Mr. Drummond last year. Oh, yeah. He died in the grace period between the 1st and the 15th.

He died the – they announced it the day that we started. And I was like, whoo! But, yeah, I know. He died before technically. Fucking pissed off. The first year – this is a great story. The first year I started doing this. What year was that?

When did you start? Well, back in the first couple years, it was in 2011. It was back when celebrity rehab was still on the air. It was just between our friends. I kept track of it on

an Excel spreadsheet and whatnot. Stan Hope and I were getting drunk one night, and he says, let's call some friends and try to get someone, you know, get some people. Famous people. Famous people involved, you know. We want celebrities in the celebrity death pool. Exactly.

So he calls up Nick Swardson. Do you remember this? Yes. I don't know Nick. I've never met Nick. All right. So he. This is a good story.

He calls up, and he's going through, you know, like, Ron White and blah, blah, blah. Down to the S's very quickly. In your phone? He calls up Nick Swartzen, and this guy answers the phone. And for the life of me, I can't remember his name now. But I friended him on Facebook. But this guy had gotten Nick Swartzen's phone number. Swartzen dropped his phone number, and he had just moved to LA,

got a cell phone plan, and got his old phone number just random chance. Wow, that's got to suck. And then all of a sudden, he's got celebrities calling him left and right, inviting him to parties. He went to Paris Hilton's parties. Oh, he went to all this shit? He just owned that he's nick swartz and he's like well you know what uh i i use a fake name when i show up so he gave him his real name so when they gave him fucking brilliant i heard they were at that time this was years ago so it evidently didn't happen but they they were

making a documentary about his life adam sand Sandler was involved in that documentary. This fake guy? Yeah. That's fucking brilliant. Just being Nick Schwartzen, who's not really that famous. No. No. But enough that that's fucking brilliant.

That's awesome. So what did he say? Was he like, I'm in? He's in. He was in the documentary. He was in for the pool? The first year he played. Did he send money?

Did he send in the... He sent his 50 bucks or whatever. Not that you gamble on Google in any way. You can't gamble on the site, but we gamble. For entertainment purposes only. I was going to name a CD that. For entertainment purposes only? That's a good name, actually.

It didn't make the cut. How did you two meet? Just moving to business? Because you're in Sierra Vista. Myspace. Myspace. Bunch of old men. And you knew when you wanted. How did you two meet? Just moving to business? Because you're in Sierra Vista. Myspace. Myspace. Bunch of old men. And you knew when you wanted.

These are girls and men were men. Myspace took over from Friendster. And then there was Facebook again. Chumster. Yeah. Chumster. That's Henry Phillips' joke. Chumster.

He fucks with Drew Hastings. You know Drew Hastings? I know the name. Who issues all social media just to fuck with him. He's like, oh, you use Twitter? Yeah, everyone's on Chumster now. Fuck you, I'm not getting on Chumster. Fucking love Henry Phillips.

God damn. He's recording a new record. He said he's getting ready to record. Yeah. Go check out Henry Phillips. Yeah, good for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, you met on MySpace. I mean when this was a new era already in bisbee or just a

a random uh i saw mail encounter was on uh myspace saw in bisbee a message him what the what the hell are you doing at bisbee yeah new year's eve party uh exchanged phone numbers. We talked a couple of times. All right, showed up, and I shit you not, he saw my picture on MySpace and knew what I looked like, walked up, and he came right up to me. I had a six-pack in my hand, gave me a big hug. Hey, Joby, how's it going? Hey, you want some mushrooms? I remember that right out of his mouth. The first thing he said, hey, you want some mushrooms?

Which is how you met Neighbor Dave also. He saved you. Was that the same night? No, it was not the same night, but a different trip. Neighbor Dave was not doing mushrooms. No, he saved you. He brought you a pizza or something, right? Neighbor Dave.

Neighbor Dave came here and I felt so bad. Neighbor Dave came here and stayed for a few weeks. He was so pissed he's on vacation that he couldn't be here for this he's on vacation now yeah they just went to the Bahamas because oh man okay because he came out and he spent a week with me out here and I felt so bad because uh a girl I know got beat up who says thank you very much by the way for helping us out and she's my uh I I'm not us out. And she's my connect for herbal remedies. And Dave came out, and she was beat up, so I couldn't hook up. And then Dave, I felt so bad because Dave came out, and I had nothing for him.

But yeah, Dave stayed out here for a good week with us, hanging out here. Love neighbor Dave. Well, you couldn't find weed in Austin? No, we did. I just didn't have it when he landed. I wanted to be welcoming, like we have beer here. I'm asking you for a fucking line to get through this show,

and you couldn't find weed in Austin. It's not looking good. It's not looking good, I don't know. You have the worst hookup ever in history if you can't find weed in Austin. Yeah, no, it was fine. I'm just saying, I didn't have it rolling out the red carpet welcoming when he arrived.

God damn it. What time are we at? Is it like an hour? 40, 44 minutes. Oh, all right. Then we'll fucking pound out another 16. Yeah. So did you grab the mushrooms from him or did you?

Yeah, that night. Yeah. He, yeah, he said, yeah, let's go inside, pop a few mushrooms, and then just, God, there was a bunch of people there that I know now. They were all strangers at that night. They were to me, too, because I'd only lived there for five months, and I was on the road for three of them. Exactly. Yeah, so it was great the first night to get to meet everybody, and we went to the house up the hill woke up the kids with the saxophone

i think i remember neighbors came over that we didn't know ska band that you know that big huge old school house kitty corner from yes yeah yeah yeah the guy's dead now but they lived there and they had a little kid and it was her birthday or something. Sounds like every horror movie. Storming the house. Yeah. All tripping. Nice. And woke the kid up with saxophone sounds. Saxophone and this big.

Was Bingo involved? I can imagine Bingo being there. No it's her friend that played saxophone. Anyway I just remember tripping and this is back when Joby had

the long flowing. The long locks. Fabio hair. And it's like a full moon and we're standing up front and his hair is kind of blowing in the wind and I'm like this is so fucking weird

I don't know how I feel about this right now wicked gay the last time I did shrooms was at your house and you yelled at me and Joe and Andrist because you were trying to record with the impractical jokers. We were in the podcast room.

Oh, yeah. And we were tripping our balls off and you're like, and we thought it was hilarious because every, because Hennigan said, oh, my monkeys. And we fucking went down monkeys and fucking Andrist and stats. And I looked at each other at once, and we went down this fucking giggle wormhole and could not escape. We were just tripping like,

Ha! Ha! Ha! And you're going, shh, shh, shh, shh, just shushing us. And then Joe went and watched Andrist pack and then unpack his suitcase and then repack and unpack his suitcase for like an hour. Sounds riveting. Yeah, I did not. Junior, I went and took selfies and fucking texted them to Kyle Kinane. Jesus.

Yeah, I felt like a cunt when those guys were there. The Impractical Jokers? They're wicked good, but I immediately went into fucking I'm All Hollywood and shit. Just hanging out with them because they don't know anyone. Well, you got to take care of them. They don't know were nice they were cool they're fucking famous to me i love those

guys i honestly i didn't know them at all i never have you have you seen them since i don't have tv so i'm not fucking i don't have tv i know it's not i know i have a computer i should see you have a fucking million cds i walked into your house and the first i'm a music guy do is be hoard you oh fucking we can't all have garage sales motherfucker you know how much my phone blew up stanhope selling your lp that you gave him he's you text me he's like somebody else left it at the party it's not my coffee fucking don't feel bad i have so many people who are butthurt for me and i appreciate that fan base yeah how could he do that, man? Not cool.

You're a tech guy. A tech guy? How so? Not really. Shouldn't all those fucking CDs be on a... You see all the CDs? Yes, that's why I'm not a tech guy. They're on CDs.

I like CDs. I saw a picture of Stan Hope in the JFK photo. That was rad. That was pretty fucking rad. I said, tweet that out. Can I get a witness? Help me. Tweet that out.

And he said, how do I do that? I don't know how to tweet a photo. Never mind, I'll do it. I can only do it if I do it from my phone. I figured out how to do those from my phone. I remember when you wouldn't accept text messages, motherfucker. You wouldn't text. I don't text.

I don't text. I'm like, I'm going to drunk call you every time. Okay. One of you have that beer. Voxer is the thing that everyone should use. Or Chumster? No, Voxer. It's a thing where you can just...

Is that a vocal recorder? Yes. You hit send and you go, Hey, I'm at the airport. I'm at gate three. And you go, okay, I'll be there in three minutes. So you don't have to fucking tap it with your thumb, but no one uses it.

I didn't know it was a thing. I didn't know it was a thing until someone made me get it. I go, oh, this is great, except no one else is on it. So no one has it. It's fucking pointless technology. My fucking thumbs quiver so badly after a hangover. For me to make a fucking accurate text message, I just,

every space is a B. I hit fucking or an N. And then I just like, fuck it, you'll figure out what this means. Yeah.

Now that's the reason when I finally said, okay, I'll do this stupid podcast. I bought good equipment. This thing weighs like nothing. It carries easy and it exports to MP3

because I don't know how to do that either. I don't know how to export something to an MP3. It does it for me i have a thing that's probably like that in my bag and i've never i bring it with me in case but i've never taken it it's great this thing costs 300 bucks complete with everything and it's fantastic taking it on boats try to go shark diving oh yeah and then yeah that was a big fail. Dude, fucking shark diving. On the busiest great white season they've ever had in Cape Cod, we flew out there mainly for that,

and we got to drunk podcast with my parents, which is fucking rad. That's a keeper. But we get... 15-foot swells and shit like that. 12 miles out to sea, and this boat held six people, and they're like, it's too dangerous, we can't... It's too dangerous to shark dive. And the whole way, the guy's telling us these awesome stories because the the the cage only held two people at most it was a small cage he's like yeah i got in it like a week ago we put all

this blood in the water and this 20 foot mako shark rammed the cage at 30 miles an hour and almost detached it i'm like oh good all right cool still, cool. Still in. Paid my $350. And then we turned around. But he didn't charge us. He was cool. God, that sucked. It was a letdown. Here's a death pool side bet. We're going to Australia to do an Australian tour in November. Alligators, crocodiles. Alligators, crocodiles, and

beheadings. What? Yeah, ISIS. They foiled a beheading plot in Australia. Oh, it was like a public beheading. They were going to grab somebody randomly? This was Thailand, actually. Someone just committed suicide by crocodile, went to a crocodile farm. Oh, that fucking rule.

Are you kidding me? That's beautiful. That was a day or yesterday. I don't know what day. Wow. That's beautiful. That's awesome. But yeah, crocodile, shark, or beheading.

And there's poisonous snakes all over the place. I bet Laura Kimball on stage last night that I'd die before her. You with your fucking brain cancer any day. Determination. Only 46 people have you site-wide, so it's, you know. Oh yeah, people were asking if Junior and I were in there, so I don't think we're famous enough to get in there no

okay good not yet after this tour maybe after this tour maybe yeah have you ever

been to Australia before just to Sydney like 12 years ago for a show or just to hang out comedy club like the comedy

store in Sydney so it's like I could have done this locally are these theaters like when you go to the UK or what are the rooms? This one, this fucked if I know it's Brian Hennigan. It's another Hennigan production.

Right on. Yeah. All I know is Canberra is going to suck shit. I don't even know what that is. Is that a place? It's a capital. Oh, why is it going to suck shit? I don't know.

Bad ticket sales. And as soon as I booked it, everyone from Australia is going, why are you playing Canberra? Uh-oh. That ain't good. What the fuck? They're not even saying, oh,

great, you're coming to Melbourne. They're going, why the fuck would you go to Canberra? Yeah. So maybe it's

like the Topeka, Kansas of Australia. I don't know. Brutal. Hennigan's like, we'll cancel it. I go, fuck it. We're going to stick it out.

You'll get a good story out of it at the very worst. Yeah. Okay, we're almost at an hour. We should wrap this up and fucking that's it. Fucking, we're going to put this up uncut. Yeah, no, I'm not Chaley. I put it up. Chaley, we're going to send this to Chaley, and then he'll add in Mishka.

Absolutely. We'll throw it up on the Deadpool site, too. and then he'll add in Mishka. Absolutely. We'll throw it up on the Deadpool site too. And check out all the dates at jtcomedy.com, dougstanhope.com, and theroadpodcast.com.

Yeah. Yeah. If you fucking edit this, Chaley, you're just bored. See you next time. Bye. Adios. I have to close it with,

play the mattoid. Play the mattoid. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Smile your smiles and blue your blues, it's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck fuck your fuck, six party time, here we go. Party time, yeah.

Party time, yeah. Party time, yeah. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Party time!