The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Episode #47: James Inman, LittleMikee and Banjo Randy

Episode Date: October 29, 2014

Doug takes another dive into the mind of comedian James Inman. This podcast sponsored byJames Inman’s reading suggestion - “The Three Christs of Ypsilanti” Saxx Underwear - http://www.saxxunderwear.com/Cafe Roka in Bisbee, AZ - http://caferoka.com/"Oh Up Above" by Nowhere Man & A Whiskey Girl With Amy "Bingo" Bingaman - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwNIi7Q6vKcBingo is now on twitter - @bingobingamanRecorded Oct. 14, 2014 at Deja Vu Comedy Club in Columbia, MO with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), James Inman (@jzenman), LittleMikee, Banjo Randy and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille. Intro music "Don't Cut Yr Hair" by Mishka Shubaly available on iTunes. Closing music by Banjo Randy. Check out Banjo Randy on YouTube.com - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjFhKMAl6fkCheck Doug's tour dates at dougstanhope.com. Take a moment to register for 2014 Stanhope Tour news in your area, including the USA, UK, Europe, Australia and more. Additional dates added all the time.Thanks for listening.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. The potato peelings in the sink Did not turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores have closed I heard you change your name again But don't you change your hair It was the only thing I liked about you In the end

La la la I liked about you in the end. La, la, la. Are we going? Oh, Jesus. Well, you weren't. That's why you should always be talking into the mic. This table's funky. Yeah, we need some spill rags.

No, you have to say when this thing starts. You didn't say it started. Inman brings up a good point. Or a point. He said, with all the podcasts, is it overexposure? But it's not the same. Talking. We listen to Bill Burr on the road. When we do a, you know, three weeks

on the road. You listen to his podcast. We are catching up on, you know, three or four months of his podcast, and we listen to him because he's funny to fucking listen to. But you still want to see him on stage, too. Right, because he's not doing his act when he's talking. We listen to him as an old one from July because we were just getting caught up,

but him and Norton talking fucking old road stories, and it was brilliant. About the comedy seller and all them, you know, Patrice and Keith Robinson. Yeah, I don't know what that is, but busting balls.

So, yeah. I don't think you have to worry about overexposure. When's your last paid gig? Stop with the fucking table. Jesus Christ. Don't touch the table. How do you think this started? Do not touch the table.

It's all right. It doesn't matter. It'll evaporate. That's how I clean shit up. I let it evaporate. It'll evaporate. That's how I clean shit up. I let it evaporate.

But what you were saying about being overexposed, when we listen to Jim Norton, Bill Burr, I find them funnier offstage because you know it's not an act. You know there's a reality to it. It's extemporaneous. It's not an act. You know that there's a reality to it. It's extemporaneous. It's in the moment. There's comics that I enjoy that I don't even find funny, but I know that they're just talking on stage. And you go, really, that's your act?

But I'd prefer that to watching someone who's canned and, okay, I see the jokes coming. I see the angles. I'd rather hear someone talk that's the problem about playing to yourself well the other problem is if you do a podcast before you actually go on stage it's it's like you've already like sometimes i don't even like to talk to anybody before i go on stage i just like to you know hang out in the hotel room and sleep and then wake up and just do the show without talking

to anyone. I hate talking to people before the show. It's almost like they're stealing your fucking energy because anything I would say to them that you front load your brain with shit you want to say to a crowd and if you come up to me behind a dumpster while I'm smoking, that's

the shit that's already in my head and they say hey how's your tour and you want to tell them the thing you're about to say on stage and you fucking talk to me afterwards. Right, right, but when you do these podcasts, I mean does it take out, take some of your energy away from you? Yeah, it must

because I don't have, I have like two good hours in a day where I feel like any kind of life flowing through me. It's either hungover, repentant, frivolous for a minute, then sad and angry and combative. I always felt like I had my best shows when I slept all day long, when I just dreamed and slept all day. And when I woke up right after I was sleeping for like 10, 12 hours,

it was like everything was funny. I'm the opposite. The more sleep deprived, the funnier. Oh, really? And usually the more, not pressure like I have to perform, but like. Oh, so that explains the staying up for like two, three days. You,

you're just, you have no problem with that or when, when you get fucking loopy, it's the only time I'm funny. Like in person when I'm fucking loopy and sleep deprived. And then we start doing like prank phone calls. And the only time I giggle, like we did was when you're,

you know, that weeping laughter of just pounding on the table and crying snot bubbles have you ever stayed up like two days straight without sleeping without drugs just like reading books or just like yeah uh what fuck i've driven that long oh 34 hours once i know you start madison to bisbee after like uh, the only time that I did it once for four days. Four days I was on the Greyhound bus from Seattle to Toronto. And it was basically four days or three and a half days. And I couldn't sleep.

And I seriously, I started hallucinating. Yeah, I did on the drive. Yeah. Things are jumping out in the road in front of you. And there's no drugs involved. No, it's just Bingo has the record I think six days with the mental illness of not sleeping

no drugs. Out of her fucking tit. But you go through the whole cycle. Weeping and then fucking hilarity. Alright, well that was a recap with James Inman. Things that maybe he needs to put this in somewhere.

Maybe we need to kill time. Maybe throw it to a commercial, and then I can get us back in. James, have you ever used Eros Guide for hookers on the road? Eros Guide, that sounds interesting. What is it? Eros Guide is where, in my later stage of getting hookers via computer, I would go to Eros Guide. They have hookers in every major metropolitan area.

So is this like Craigslist? It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of going to Craigslist, finding these skanky hookers. Is there a better place to go? Hey, your face isn't really pixelated. Get out of my Motel 6. How much to just talk for three months?

All right, I'll give you $250 an hour, but I get to live on your couch for a year and a half. And believe me, you'll be paying me that back. Did you say no? I like what you did. I respect that. Can I do some laundry at your house? It's just this jacket and cap.

All right, that's a plug from James Inman. And now back to the podcast, already sort of in progress. I don't think I've ever seen a place that James Inman lived. Now, we got Banjo Randy and Little Mikey here, along with James Inman, one of our most requested, hey, have that guy back. That was a great fucking podcast. No, I don't believe that. Well, yeah, because you're a fucking idiot.

You're an insane person. Well, I see. No, you think that I'm insane and you make fun of me. But there's other people that don't think I'm insane. I'm insane and you make fun of me, but there's other people that don't think I'm insane. These are your best friends sitting at the table and they would dare to differ. James, you're pretty insane, but you're lovable at the same time, which I just I find infuriating because you get away with so much shit in your life. So much shit in your life, James.

Not on a daily basis, but just overall, the ledger reads in your life, James. Not on a daily basis, but just overall, the ledger reads in your favor. Maybe you're jealous because I'm so lucky and good things happen to me constantly. Well, I'm jealous of you the way I'm jealous of lottery winners. Like, why can't that happen to me? You think I won the lottery?

In what context would you put James Inman in any type of lottery winner positive light? You live like a scabey. You're only lucky in that you just get by without doing anything. I'm lucky by not having worse things that would happen to me, which would happen to a normal person if he did the same things that I do. Yeah, you get away with it. I get away.

And we're always confounded as to how this happens. How does such a loser steal? You were on film in the bookables stealing a girl's pain medication. And how did I not get arrested? She needed it for her pain. How did I make that funny? You're scolding her, going, how much pain did you be in as you're driving away? I will tell you, I've told you that fucking story a million goddamn times.

She was supposed to give me a ride back to the fucking condo. Oh, so she deserved what happened to her. No, no, she fucking wouldn't wake up. She would not wake up. I said, look, I'll hang out with you. If you promise, you wake up at 9 o'clock and give me a ride back to the fucking condo, right?

And she's like, alright, I want to hang out with you. We want to fuck, blah, blah, blah. I'll give you a ride back. I wake up at 9. She will not wake up. I'm pushing her. I'm fucking smacking her. She would not wake up. Remember, people, this all ends up in why it was okay for Jamesames inman to steal

her pain medication no no no no fresh out of surgery no and then i'm like all right fuck it she's got a roommate i knock on her roommate's door right her roommate doesn't answer the door i know she's in there i knock on the door again i know it's rude i know you're in there and she opens the door she goes what i'm like do you guys got a phone in here? I mean, your roommate won't wake up. And she slams the door in my face. And I'm like, all right, I'm fucked. I have no way to get back to the comedy condo. We're filming the Unbookables.

And I turn around in the kitchen. The only thing sitting on the goddamn counter is a bottle of hydrocodone. What would you do? Fuck that bitch. I'm taking her hydrocodone. What would you do? Fuck that bitch. I'm taking her hydrocodone. Now, James, I would look at it and say, how is this bottle of hydrocodone going to get me home? That's what I would say to my...

I wouldn't even look at it as a way to get home. But you... Mikey, we covered this on the last podcast. The last time he came to my house for Fourth of July or Super Bowl... Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, he brought pills, and that was his... I go, you got a one-way ticket?

No, no, no. And he said, well, I had these pills. I had these pills. I was going to sell them to get a bus ticket home. We don't even have a Greyhound bus in Bisbee, Arizona. No, no, that's not how it went. You said, James, how are you going to get home? And I said, I don't know how I'm going to get home.

You told me just to get here. You said, James, know how I'm going to get home you told me just to get here you said James just fucking get here any way you can we'll find a way for you back and then you started fucking with me because you knew I had no way back and you said James how are you going to get home how are you going to get home and I was like I would get a ride to fucking Austin

I'll take a grand bus and he's like no no and I'm like I'll sell my fucking pills I'll just shut up, will you? And you just, that turned into a story because you like to spin everything. Oh, James is trying to sell drugs to get back home. No, it's because you're fucking with me. That's how everything starts.

Everything starts by you fucking with me. Absolutely not. Name me anyone that would invite fucking James to their house on a one-way ticket. You fucking do it all the time. The first time I got to Panama, you're like, look, I'm having this party out in the middle of the desert. Do you want to come? I'm like, I'm broke.

You go, I'll fly you down there. Remember that? You were going to get down there on whatever ticket, and then you were going to leave with the Austin kids and then get a bus from Austin back to... And after those desert parties, seems no one from the Austin contingent wanted you as a fucking guest in their car all the way back to Austin. Whatever. But James, my point is you have the confidence. And that's built upon years and years of getting away with this.

I don't have any confidence. I love Doug. He's a friend, but I would never presume to just show up and go, well, he's going to fly me back. No, that's not it. I would never do that. Banjo Randy would never do that. Nobody would ever do that

it's a constant theme that you guys always have to bring up just because you have more shit than I do you always have to act like I have nothing and I'm a leech that's his whole stick that's what made him famous he became the libertarian comedy

comedian whatever because he was like oh I'm to make jokes about leeches. And so I'm the fucking go-to leech guy that Doug always makes fun of. Okay, let's just cover a few things. When is the last time you made any money? On a gig? I'll tell you. On a gig?

I'll tell you. Anywhere. I went down to Fort Leonard Wood a week ago, and that's like two hours south of Jeff City, and I had to work the Z loft. It was a bar, restaurant, grill. When's the last time you made it? Yeah, that was a week ago, and it was $200. When's the last time you made enough money in a year that you had to file taxes? Oh, I don't know.

Probably before I started, before I got into comedy. Which is like, what, 25 years ago? I did have the IRS. 30 years ago. No, the IRS sent me a letter. After I won the San Francisco Comedy Competition, I got $10,000. Yeah, the IRS sent me a letter and I was actually audited and I didn't open the letter. Yeah, the IRS sent me a letter, and I was actually audited, and I didn't open the letter, so fuck them.

Who was the guy on Howard Stern that started saying, yeah, I won that money, and I fucked the IRS, and then he went to jail? No, no, I don't know. It's like one time in my life. Crazy cabbie. Look, no, fuck, no. I don't have anything. There's nothing for the IRS to take from me. Yes, I'm under the poverty level.

So you don't have to do taxes if you don't make fucking $600 a year. That's my point. The point is you still survive year after year making absolutely no money. Yet when I say that somehow there might be a leech side to that, I'm the bad guy. Banjo Randy is here. You lived in his closet. Mm-hmm.

And, yeah, I gave him a computer, which fucking changed his life. And it ruined his life. So now he's got a computer. How long did you live in Banjo-Randy's closet? A year and a half. For a computer? Is this going to turn into your fucking libertarian spiel? I'm not.

You know, you're going to get us. You immediately went off on a tangent. I wanted to talk to you about things. I got off on funny. I'm talking about funny things. You're making fun of me again. James, you living in Banjo-Randy's closet is funny. Now, to clarify for the people listening, when we say closet, it's a closet big enough to hold a mattress.

Right. And like a table, I think. Yes. You can put a computer in there. Uh-huh. Exactly. So it's not like you're scrunched up, you know, like a mummy. No, no.

It's a big closet. And at one point in time, Randy left to go back to Jeff City to take care of his poor mother. And you were living across the hall with Brenda, your girlfriend. You're going to tell this story? And I think I'm going to pass the baton to Banjo Randy to tell everyone what happened next. Okay, it started out, I got a call in the middle of the night from Seattle. Randy, I'm getting on a bus. My girlfriend just kicked me out. Can I move in with you?

And I met this guy like twice. We stayed in a hotel together on the way to the second Panamint. I thought, okay. And he moved in and he was living in the closet. Yeah. But he was actually paying rent, helping out utilities. So I was thinking somehow I'd beaten the curse. I was working. I was the only person that ever got fair and good from James. Things were going fine. Things went along. Then I had to leave town for a while.

And then the man who's caretaking my apartment, I get ready to come back up for a visit. And he's like, oh, yeah, these homeless guys, they didn't have a place to go. So I gave them the keys to your apartment, okay? No, that's not how it happened. And I go in there. The place is literally up to my ankles in cigarette packs, potato chip bags, other kinds of filth, dirt, ashes. And then I start noticing all kinds of stuff gone. And I get a call from a friend that works in a used record store.

Randy, there's this guy. He just brought in a whole bunch of your records and stuff. That's not how it happens. And Banjo Randy is an encyclopedia. He used to collect records. He worked in a used record shop. Yeah, when I had a record collection. These were vinyl records. These weren't CDs.

These were vinyl records. Yeah, no, he gave me an old copy of John Ashcroft and Max Bacon. Ashcroft and Bacon. Back when John Ashcroft, the old attorney general, was just a Missouri comptroller singing gospel. I still have that framed on my wall. Yeah. So they know your shit in Kansas City.

And it didn't help that my name was in some of the CD cases and in some of the record sleeves and stuff. See, that's not the story. You screwed up the story. Oh, do you tell us the Inman version of how you're the hero? He's got a hell of a fucking guy's apartment to junkies while he pawns their shit. So I used to live with Randy, and I met Brenda, moved out, and then me and Brenda moved back in right across the hallway from Randy. And Randy and me and Brenda,

we used to... We're friends. We'd go into each other's apartments all the time. It was like the show Friends if it was filmed in a boot house. I actually... Shut up, little man! On 4th of July,

Randy used to leave his front door open. On 4th of July, I used to leave his front door open. And so on 4th of July, I just opened up his door and I set off bottle rockets inside his house while he was sleeping. All right? This is, are you trying to use that as an example of how open a person Randy is?

No, no, it's not like, hey, they stole his stuff, but he leaves his door open. And I know I used to set off explosives in the middle of the day to fuck with him. It's his fault. So then, look, he told his story. Let me tell my story. So then Randy's mom starts getting Alzheimer's, and she's getting really bad. So Randy has to go out to Jeff City and take care of his mom. Now you were gone

for like six months. You were gone for a really long time. I'm like, Randy, what's going on? And you said, I think I'm just going to live in Jeff City. And I'm going, are you going to leave all your stuff here? He's like, well, I don't know what to do. I've got to find a way to move all my stuff.

Oh, so you found a way. I get junkies. That's helping me by getting the amount that I have to move all my stuff. Oh, so you found a way. I get junkies. That's helping me by getting the amount that I have to move down. I'm doing stand-up comedy, and I meet this guy. He's a nice guy. He's funny. His name is Anthony Robinson.

He's brilliant, but he's a black comic, and he's homeless. This is a real homeless comic. Not a comic like me that's almost homeless. This is a real homeless comic. Not a comic like me that's almost homeless. This guy was really homeless. And it was fucking January. And it was cold outside.

And I said, well, you know, look, why don't you sleep on Randy's couch? I'll give him a call and I'll tell him that you're over there. Eventually. I'll give him a call one day. And so I let Anthony sleep over there. And actually, I was doing some work on the apartment. And so we were doing sheetrock. Stripping copper.

Go ahead. And I got this guy a job. And I told my landlord to pay him as much as I got paid. We were both getting paid $15 an hour. Because I'm a socialist. I was getting $15 an hour. I told my landlord that he has to get $15 an hour too. So it was me and Anthony both working on this fucking apartment, putting in sheet rock.

It was socialism. We're both getting $15 an hour. And he was sleeping on Randy's couch. And I called Randy. I said, is it okay if Anthony sleeps on your couch? And you said, okay. And I said, he's homeless and he's going to freeze to death. And you said it was okay. It was a little bit more like I called you to say I was going to be coming up that weekend. And you said, I got something to tell you. No, that's not it. That's not true. And so anyway, Anthony is the one who let this guy in.

His name was Robert Paulson. And I remember that because that's from the movie Fight Club. And his real name is Robert Paulson. And we all made that joke. His name is Robert Wright. And so this guy was fucking sneaky and smart. And he knew that Randy had collectible records. And he's the one that stole Randy's records.

So you put a guy into Banjo Randy's apartment without his knowledge and then allowed that homeless person to sub sublet the apartment to a junkie. He wasn't a junkie. He was just a fucking pothead. It was like a. Yeah. Yeah.

He took those albums. Except for all the pills. He took those albums to a used record store, and the used record store guy knew, oh, these are Randy's albums. And he called Randy, and we got most of your albums back. Yeah, well, except for the ones that he took to the other stores that didn't call me that we didn't get there for a couple of days. And what did I tell you back then?

I told you everything's going on MP3. You might as well just get a computer. Fuck it. Nobody is collecting records anymore. Who collects records? Actually, vinyl's pretty hot right now. Oh, okay, whatever. It is the shit.

Fucking Bill Burges put out an album as an album. You can only get it on vinyl, but whatever. Yeah, vinyl's the shit. I'm the dick. I was just trying to help this guy. And yes, and Randy said something to me over the phone when we were talking about this. Fifteen bucks an hour plus benefits, evidently. Randy

goes, every good deed doesn't go unpunished. I didn't actually make that up. Yeah, I know. I remember you told me that. It wouldn't hurt so much if he had gotten anything for the shit that he stole from me. He took these records, like, you know, $200 record if you want to buy it off of eBay,

sold it at a half-price store, got a dollar. Where's that comic now? He's living in Seattle. He's still funny. Doing comedy? He's funny. He's a nice guy. I told him, basically, I told him to move to Seattle because he was living in Kansas City.

He was virtually homeless. And I said, look, dude. You mean before there's warrants out for his arrest? Move to Seattle. I told him. I said, look, you're only doing stand-up comedy one night a week here in Kansas City, right? Go to Seattle. You can get on stage five nights a week.

There's lots of people that are like your jokes. His jokes are too edgy for Kansas City. So he moved to Seattle. You can get on stage five nights a week. There's lots of people that are like your jokes. His jokes were too edgy for Kansas City. So he moved to Seattle. Now he's successful now. Now he's funny. Now he's got friends. You're a star maker. I fucking helped the guy out.

I was trying to help somebody out. Yes, Randy got fucked because he brought in Robert Paulson. Robert Paulson fucked everything up. Randy almost kicked his ass. I was on the phone and he heard he was like is that guy over there? I'm coming over right now and I was like oh fuck Randy drives over hang on the guy

after you know he's ripping you off is still in the apartment he showed up while I was in James' apartment he was always coming over he stopped by for another load he would come over and act all friendly and stuff. And we're like, oh, fuck, it's Robert Paulson. So anyway, Randy's like, is he over there?

And Randy comes over. And Robert Paulson's getting his guitar. He's trying to leave. And he's walking out the door. Randy's coming in. And I had to separate them both. Randy's going to kick his fucking ass. Randy's going to actually physically beat the fuck out of him.

And I stopped Randy from going to jail because you can go to jail for assault. So I saved Randy from that. See, this guy's a fucking hero on every level. James Inman. It is. I thank him often for stopping me that day. I had my hand back and I was going to hit him right in the face. But instead, I just held him against the wall and shook him around until he turned a little

blue. Randy was going to kick his ass. We should find that Robert Paulson and let him live with Inman for a while. Because Inman's such a giving socialist. But is it also true that the guy that moved to Seattle is now living with your ex-girlfriend?

What? No. What do you mean? I don't know. Which ex-girlfriend? What? No, what do you mean? Oh, I don't know. I was just hoping. Which ex-girlfriend? The one that you left when you moved into my life. No, Stacia, I thought she moved to New York. Is he living with Stacia? Do we need to be talking about this on a podcast? No one gives a shit at this point about Jesus.

Yeah, I just made it up and it kind of flopped, so let's just forget about that. I know how you are about black guys and girlfriends. Does Inman still live in the same apartment? No, they moved up into a Jefferson apartment. No, we moved. Brenda wanted to move to a nicer place. So now we're living in a really nice apartment.

It sucks. It sucks? Yes, I hate nice things. Oh, that's right. I don't know if we talked about this on the last podcast, but we took, we tried to take you to a nice dinner in Bisbee and you fucking went ballistic.

That is not true. All I said was we were making a joke because there are two tables. There was a table with all the funny, cool people. And there's another table with all the... It was like Thanksgiving, where all the kids had a set at a fucking... The sucky table. There was not a table for ten.

I know. And I just said, class war. And you look over at me. And you got pissed because I said class war. You did not just say class war. From the beginning when I said class war. Well, is this going to be a nice place? Because I don't like nice things.

And I go, just enjoy it. I'm fucking paying for it. Just get what you want. It's a place where they serve you. Cafe Roca. Hey, you know what? That's our sponsor this week. Cafe Roca in Bisbee.

Yes, it was a nice restaurant. It's like five courses. And then they'll give you a little tiny thing of sherbet between courses to cleanse the palate. But it's not fancy. You can go in there in shorts, and still it's a cool fucking place. I don't like nice things. Yes, you're right. You're right.

I do not like nice restaurants. I don't like nice things. I don't like nice cars. I don't like rich people. But you couldn't not say that for a minute during the entire five fucking course dinner. That was after. I don't like this. I don't even understand why. This is a waste of money.

Was that after one of your friends wrote on my face? Yeah, I think it was. That was after your friend wrote on my face with that magic marker. Maybe that's why I was pissed. No, it wasn't. It was all about a nice dinner. What's that one guy's name? I built a website. I found

that guy. We talked about this on the last podcast. I built a web... All right, fuck it. It had nothing to do with that. I'm not attached. I don't care. I'm just trying to be funny.

It had nothing to do with that. He videotaped me and put it on YouTube. I know, but that was at the end of the party. This was at the beginning of a party. Everyone was comfy, cozy.

This was after they wrote on my face. No, it wasn't. After they wrote on your face, that's when the entire thing degenerated. I rarely drink. Let's get the fuck out of town. You started this shit because it was a party in Panamint, and we all got drunk for four days,

and then you had to turn the party into Bisbee at your house. That became different. At Panamint, we could do whatever the fuck we wanted. At your house, it's like, oh, all of a sudden James is an asshole because he freaks out and gets mad at this fucking guy that wrote in my face. I was just as specifically. Panamint, that wouldn't have happened. That would not have happened.

Some of us age, James. Some of us age. And now you're old and you don't want people yelling. Yeah, you can go, hey, we can go out for a nice dinner. But no, Inman has to make a giant production. I don't remember nice dinners in Panama. I remember fun, lizards, and sand, and acid. That's what I remember.

Cocaine, acid, mushrooms, sand, jets flying over. Everything was fun in Panama. How much of that did you bring? Everything was fun in Panama. And how much of that did you bring of the acid, cocaine, drugs? You brought the sand, maybe, in your shoes. Perhaps you brought that to the party. You...

Whatever. You started this whole thing. If you did win the lottery, you would complain about it. What's with the giant check? I don't have any place to put the giant check. This is bullshit. I'm not... My check-cashing place is not going to take a giant cardboard check.

No. You misspelled my name. I did not. Look. Look, you are the bane of my existence. You have ruined my life. I hate your fucking guts. I didn't want to go to Panamint.

You called me up and said, Hey, I'm going to buy you a plane ticket to Panamint. You want to come? And I fly to Panamint. You called me up and said, hey, I'm going to buy you a plane ticket to Panamint. You want to come? And I fly to Panamint. And I have a good time. And then next year and next year for seven fucking years we went to Panamint. And then all of a sudden, oh, we're having a party at Bisbee. So I have to go to Bisbee.

And you're like, oh, you don't have a plane ticket, blah, blah, blah. You're a loser. People right in my face at your house. Fucking silliest thing. You know, prep school prank. Someone writes on his fucking passed out forehead with a sharpie. And you'd think someone committed fucking sexual atrocities to him. Isn't that kind of soothing? It didn't seem like a prank like if you pranked me i know you love me and it's just in fun but when all right let's not just keep going down this

road on your then we did this last time darkness no we talked about this last time there's the edge and then there's the abyss and then there's a ledge on the edge. You're on that ledge. What are you going to do with your life, James? I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. I don't know. What are you going to do with your life? What do you do? We're going to both end up in the grave.

All right? We're both going to die eventually. All right? I do what I do. You do what you do. We're both going to end up in the same place. Why do you care? I'm just asking you.

I worry about you, James. You want shit to be nice here in this world? All I try to do is make your life pleasant. I like to go to nice restaurants. I want stuff to be nice here. And then eventually, it's not nice. Eventually, yeah. Why do you hate nice things? Because I know it's never going to be nice forever.

If it's not going to be nice forever, why should I like it? You like alcohol, don't you? Alcohol is always there for me, alright? So it never fucks up. You drink it and you're drunk. I don't know. It's simple. You enjoy drugs, don't you, James? Yes.

Yes. What's your point? You enjoy that Kenworth hat you've been wearing for the past 65 years of your life? Actually, I appreciate the fact that he has had that hat for a dozen years, 20 years, forever. I'm sorry. It really hurts my feelings. I want people to like me. I just don't understand why people don't like me. How do you know they don't like you?

I don't know. They say fucking mean things. What do they say? Tell me one mean thing they've said to you. I think you're making a lot of this up. I think these are creatures in your head that make up the bad things that they're probably saying behind your back. I've created my own enemies

in my own mind. I've created this in my mind. And it's on the internet. It's still on the internet. So tell me some of the mean things they've said and we're going to find those. Maybe it's just all in my mind. It's a paranoid thought that people are saying things about me behind my back.

That's like the CIA is right outside. There's a fucking white van. And by the way, you drove a white van here tonight. So that was kind of creepy. there's a fucking white van. And by the way, you drove a white van here tonight. So that was kind of crazy. It's a wicked cop car. Yeah. It's definitely, yeah, it works out well. I get it.

What's your latest conspiracy? Do you seriously want to hear it? Yeah, I really want to hear it. Because you've gone, you've run the gambit since I've known you of everything legitimate to fucking far-fetched crazy. No, it'll start getting creepy and then it won't be funny. All right, all right. My latest conspiracy is this flight MH370 that got lost, you know, and they talked about it for a month. And the funny thing was um i remember they were

i just want to preface this i think martin savage from cnn should never be able to broadcast the news without being in that flight simulator until they find the plane i know he's stuck in that thing no they didn't find the fucking plane. Get back in the flight simulator. Go ahead. All right. So this plane, you know, is a 777. It's got all the latest things, you know, in it. I'll get you a drink. Just talk on the mic. Get on the mic.

If you're not yelling, get the mic to your face. All right, and we're watching the news on CNN. They're taking in Twitter tweets. People are tweeting. We're going to accept tweets. And we got these experts here. One guy works for the CIA. One guy is an airline expert, blah, blah, blah. And they get this tweet.

And this guy asks, is it possible that someone could have hacked into the ACAR system remotely? And the guy goes, he pauses and it's uncomfortable he goes uh no no that's that's not possible so there's this autopilot that is on these these major airlines the seven 757 767 and the 777 after they had all these hijackings in the 1970s the smart guys with the computer said all right fuck it if somebody hijacks a plane we'll just have this autopilot thing where we can send a signal to the plane we can take the plane over remotely and the pilots can't do shit even though they're in the cockpit. So some pimple-faced kid decides to hack into the plane and crash it? No, it's not a pimple-faced kid.

I'm not, that's not. So why would they do that? Why would somebody hack into that plane? Right. Well, there must have been something very- Some high-level Malaysians on that plane? No, there must have been something very important on that plane or it was a false flag operation that went bad, and they fucking bailed on it.

And they said, fuck it. This isn't going to work. Let's turn the plane around and go out into the ocean and ditch it because we're going to get caught. All right. That's my theory. And why is that your business? Maybe there was something very important in that plane that had to be at the bottom of the ocean. You don't fucking know.

Dude, you're the one that started me with all this conspiracy shit. Don't start making fun of me. Everybody conspires, James. Yes, I know. I know. Do you remember who was the judge when you won the finals at the San Francisco? I was the fucking judge. Yeah, you were the judge.

You judged me during the San Francisco comedy competition. Yeah, in the finals. And you won. I was the fucking judge. Yeah, you were the judge. You judged me during the San Francisco comedy competition. Yeah, in the finals. And you won. I was already ahead before you were a judge. Yeah, maybe you were. I won that fucking competition. Oh, you're going to turn this around. I'm saying everyone conspires for a reason.

I totally agree with you. When I won the San Francisco comedy competition, I beat Dane Cook. I totally agree with you. When I won the San Francisco comedy competition, I beat Dane Cook. If I wasn't partying with the judges, I was partying with the people who hired the judges while Dane Cook was in his hotel room working on his act. People conspire. Yeah, but you're funnier than Dane Cook. Nothing's fair.

I mean, come on. There's no such thing. It's a matter of taste. The point is people conspire on every level you want people running around going hey what's this with doug stanhope fucking rigged james inman's win and they're like mind your fucking business uh yeah yeah i mean that that's a little bit of trivia that i don't mind hearing but i did win i won the san francisco comedy competition the year after you won it.

It was actually two years after. Well, we both met Judy Brown at the Vail Comedy Festival. And she's one of the Bilderbergs. She was your manager for a while, but you were more confident. She's Illuminati. I'm saying we're all fucking controlling your life, James. Yeah. And so you were more comfortable hanging out and talking to those important, rich people.

At the time, I was scared of those people. Because you don't like nice things. Well, I was just nervous around them. They made me nervous, so I didn't hang around them. You were over there hanging out with Bud Friedman and Judy Brown, laughing. They were ordering pizzas. And I was over at the dumb table sitting there

with the nerds, and I didn't know what to do. I stayed in Seattle. I just like, I don't know. And you had the balls to move to L.A., and you lived in your car for a while. You're comfortable with, like, homeless-y people. Well, all I know is I do what I do. You lived in your car for a while. All right, so you got the man show.

Now you're not in your car anymore, but you're still doing what you love to do. I'm still doing what I love to do. I'm just happy to be living in my car still. Living off someone's paycheck. I'm not living off someone's paycheck. You made $200 this year. That's what you just told me. No, that's not my only.

No, you asked me when's the last time I got money. I got paid last week. I did a $200 gig. Yeah, yeah. And your next gig is when? Nothing on the books? Actually, my next gig is next week, 17th and 18th. I'm going to be at the Main Street Bar and Grill in Evansville, Indiana.

So let's plug that show. High five. There you go. Yeah, two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday. I still do comedy, you dumb fuck. Why do you always have to make fun of me? You want me to live in my car. You're trying to keep me in my car.

That's why you invited me to Panamint. Oh, let's bring James here. I'll ruin his life. Well, that's that. James, can I say something to you in front of everyone? What? I love you. Stop it.

I always tell you I love you every time I talk to you. I say I love you, James. Don't you know the joy you bring in everyone's life around here? When we mention your name, unlike the people you mentioned before who, truth be told, despise you, this whole room lights up when we know you're coming. I don't know anybody else who has that kind of presence. When you say their name, it's, oh, my day's better now. See, you bring me in, you pull me in with that stuff,

and then on Facebook with your private messages, it's nothing but gay bashing. That's private, James. It's not for public consumption. Yeah, that's you, basically. You think I'm gay, is what you think I am. No one thinks of you in any sexual way whatsoever.

No, that's wrong. That is wrong because this is a bone I have to pick with you. Excuse the gay reference. But women, for some reason, as Banjo-Randy has pointed out, view you as some sort of silverback gorilla. Right.

They are drawn to you. What is weird about that? You doughy, pacey-faced loser. I don't get it. Somehow, the panties drop. Not only do they drop, but the checkbook drops. And all your rent's paid. Oh, my God.

All your bills are paid. You want me to tell you the truth? Those are some dirty panties dropping. I know you make a point, but still, the female species reacts to the pheromones coming out of you. Yeah. Yeah, that's the big question. Carl Sagan probably couldn't answer that. Okay, do you want me to tell you what the deal is?

All right, first off, you've got to actually like women. You've got to think that they're smart. You've got to listen to them. Because, look, it's like yin and yang. You're half of the truth. You're not the whole truth. Women are half the truth. They're not the whole truth.

But the thing about women is they like relationships. They know that in that relationship between the dichotomy of the sexes, it's like, what's that guy's name? The synthesis and the thesis and the antithesis create a synthesis. Women understand relationships. If I could just quit comedy and just guide Inman through writing a how to pick up chicks book. No, this is not about picking up chicks. That he's completely serious about, this is not about picking up chicks. That he's completely serious about.

This is not about picking up chicks, man. Because I don't even care if I have sex with women. Sometimes I like to go and just talk to them. Just hang out with them. Not listen to them. Here's the problem with women. If you really like a woman and you just want to talk to them, and you talk to them for a long enough time,

eventually they want to fuck you. And it's like, oh, I forgot. We're supposed to fuck. Yeah, let's fuck. Next thing you know, five years goes by. It's a goddamn relationship. I would love to just fuck around and play the field and be a player. You do fuck around.

I don't. I don't. But it's like every woman I meet, it turns into a five-year relationship because I like love. I like women. I like being in love, and I like fucking. At least five times since the woman thing came up, Tracy's on the couch has audibly gone, boop. I don't care. Like, puke in the mouth, look, boop, boop.

You've always been with a woman. Right. Since I've known you. It's not like they're dropping panties, but you glom onto one that will help. That's not it. That's not it. I just like women. I just like them. But it's been, what, three since I've known you?

The women I hang out with are usually independent. You've been with three women in 20 years. Yes, they're all independent feminists. They're all. They're all intellectuals, independent feminists. One time I had an affair with a goddamn professor that was gender studies and multiculturalism.

She wanted me, I fucked her for like two weeks. She wanted me to move into the shack in her backyard. And she was a professor. Don't ask me why. You're the fucking Bill Murray from Caddy Shack

of Lovers. There's a lake and a pool. Maybe the lake's better for you, James. Let's move in together. You're in the shack in the back. When you say

this was an affair, were you landscaping at the time? No, I met her on Yahoo personal ads. I met her on Yahoo personal ads. She was a professor and I was like, oh, I'll tell you. Of what? Gender studies and multiculturalism.

And so I made sure that I spelled all my words correctly and I put all my commas and my periods in the right place. And I talked to her and I first met her. I just wanted to be her friend because I was like, I've never met a professor. And so I was like her friend for like two months. And she was like, we've got to fuck. Why don't you want to fuck me and i was like i

don't know well you're 65 and you're about 320 you're old too uh i was about i was 40 at the time i was 40 i was in another relationship i'm like i got another girlfriend i i just want to be your friend and she's like i don't care i still want to be your friend. And she's like, I don't care. I just don't want to fuck you. That would be a great calendar to sell at the holidays. The women of James Inman's life. Oh, I can't wait for March to be over. Speaking of. Oh, April just got worse.

Oh, it's the end of the calendar. I have a folder. Why is there a stain on the calendar? No, no, no, no. That would be the Mayan calendar. Like, all right, my world's over. Click, click, pow. You guys, with your pinup and your pornography and you're like, oh, that girl's hot.

No, I've got a folder on my computer with pictures of all of my ex-girlfriends. That's something no one's ever going to go in and pilfer. TMZ is never going to hack into that and release the public photos. I still like all my ex-girlfriends. Inman's latest ladies nudes. Oh, he sends them to us. Don't worry. Look, here's the latest one I fucked, Mikey.

I fucked her in the ass, and she loved it. I don't understand, James, is how most people, when they have a girlfriend, and you say, oh, we just talk, and then we fuck. But that's not the end of the road for James Inman, because checks start falling into your lap. I'm surprised women haven't given you cards. I'm not going to name her name, but at Panamint, you were with some gal, and she just gave you $1,000.

What are you talking about? That's a made-up story give you a thousand dollars true it's not true you're the one who told me it nobody what do you well wait that was that yeah that was the doctor yeah i fucked a doctor for a while yeah she was a real doctor to me yeah well it was a real doctor. Now, explain that to me. Yeah. Well, it was a doctor. I met her on a personal ad thing. She brought her to Panamint? Yes, I brought her. It was the bald doctor I brought to Panamint. You don't hear that? I have a lot of lost memories in that desert.

Yeah, I was fucking a doctor in Seattle for a while. But I just want to know what led up to the $1,000 check. Here you go, Fabio. Here's $1,000. All right, you're sitting here worrying about Ebola Fabio. Here's $1,000. You're sitting here worrying about Ebola and I fucked a doctor five years ago.

I already know what's going on with the medical industry. I have no idea what that means. I thought I was going somewhere. I was going to be quiet. How often, Mike?

Yes, she would tell me stories about how she would go to work at the hospital and she'd tell me stories about all these would go to work at the hospital and she'd tell me stories about all these people dying and people having disease and her job. I'd love the stories. I mean, why would you not? If you met a guy

that had stories like that, wouldn't you want to fuck him? No, I would not. I don't know how to respond to these type of questions. I know you can't answer it because you're not going to answer it. Doug gets uncomfortable when we talk about sex. We're going to try to quote your way out of it.

I just looked at my watch because you have to go on stage, which that would be the best way to close this is to get your act. Just erase this entire fucking podcast. Why? You're fucking wonderful. No, it's not. Do I have to go? No, you have plenty of time. No, that's why have to go? No, no, you have plenty of time. No, that's why I looked at my watch.

No, you have plenty of time. All right, we should go. I'm making sure that you- We got creepy. I know how you have to prepare. You have to have some- Stop it! Oh, my God.

Some tea with lemon? No. All right. Before your show? So I'm done. That was my deal. It's probably not going to be funny. Oh.

Don't worry. Chaley edits out the dead air. Did you just fart? Yes. I ate some beans yesterday, alright? I seriously made some beans, and I ate them, and yes, when you eat beans,

you do fart. I thought that was just your exclamation point on your entire... Why would you want to mock me because I farted? You're a comedian. People fart. It was just well-timed. Yeah. I'm not mocking you for farting.

We're still dudes. It's an absurd thing to begin with, all right? Unless you want to eat at a nice restaurant. We just hit dead air. I don't know where little Mikey went and then all of a sudden there was dead air and then people do all kinds of fucked up shit.

Yeah, they do. I don't do fart jokes because they're stupid. Actually, I farted. You're the one that did the fart joke. I didn't make a joke. I asked if that was a fart. It was a perfectly timed fart. You're on vinyl.

If you were a real man, you would have lifted a cheek and gotten some torque off of that and some volume. Yet you cushioned the fart, and I think that was not manly. And you laughed at me for micing that chair. I got it full blast in the headphones. All right. We should end this. No, no, I'm trying to blast in the headphones. Alright. We should end this. No, I'm trying to think of fucking more.

You have so many good stories, James. Yeah. Did you ever get fired from a club? Yes, I got fired. Did we talk about this last time? I'm not talking about coots. We talked about him not being able to walk.

You want to hear the one. Tell me this stuff. The creepiest, most fucked up thing that happened to me on the road was not being fired, but I was working in Cleveland. And I was opening. This is when I first started. I was opening. And this is back in the day when you had to travel to be an opener, right? And they put me up in the hotel room.

I'm there i'm doing my set um what's the club the club is hilarities yes and the club owner was that mafia guy i didn't say armenian guy or something no no he was italian he was really mafia but this is before i didn't know that he was like funny kind of mafia that runs comedy clubs well he yeah but he was like kind of am i funny like a clown exactly so um so the third night i get the flu or something i'm kind of sick it doesn't matter i did my show i'm laying in the comedy condo by myself because the feature act and the headliner both had to have a hotel room. So I'm there in the condo.

You just gave the hoity-toity hand sign of sleeping in a hotel room. There's comics that don't want to hang out in the condo. With you. Go ahead. All right. I always enjoyed hanging out with you, other people might all right so in the middle of the night it's like three in the morning someone's breaking into the uh the condo and somebody walks in my room and it's a really creepy feeling when you have somebody walk

in the room while you're sleeping and so i realize somebody's in my room i sit up i'm like oh my god get the fuck out of here i'm gonna kick your ass you know and i look and this guy gets on the ground he goes don't shoot don't shoot and i go what the fuck is going on he goes it's me it's me you know the club owner from hilarities uh i just like came over tonight sometimes i sleep here. I was like, oh, my God. And so he's like, look, I'm sorry. I'm like, it's okay. You just walked in the room. And, you know, I didn't know he was mafia. The mafia guy that immediately on the threat of a James Inman in his boxer shorts flops to the ground and screams, don't shoot.

Don't shoot. That's the first thing out of his mouth, don't shoot. Don't shoot. That's the first thing out of his mouth was don't shoot. That should have been, that should have clued me in. He was a snitch. Right. He's a rat. So then, so then at the end of the week, I'm about ready to get paid. I'm supposed to get like $300 or, you know, whatever.

I'm supposed to get $250. I get paid by the accountant. He pays me, you know, $150. And I'm like, dude, I. He pays me $150. And I'm like, dude, I was supposed to get $300. What's up with this $150? He goes, well, you parked in the blah, blah, blah. And we're taking out the parking. And then you also did this and that.

We're taking that out. I'm like, what kind of fucking low rent mafia? Yeah, I know. He's like, he's like fucking me out 150 bucks right now i'm like out in the middle of nowhere and i snap on this guy i have a dead kennedy's t-shirt on at the time i go dude i'm like 500 miles away from home i came out here to do this shit gig and you're fucking me on 150 who the fuck are you and i snap on the guy right and and the club owner's wife is standing right next to the accountant right and she's just like oh she's like looking like don't shoot don't

shoot yeah yeah yeah and and so the guy he's like all right all right so he gives me the other 150 or whatever at the last at the fucking last night um the club owner comes up to me and he's got a black shirt. He's got a gold. He's got a gold ring on. He's got a gold necklace on. And I knew I was kind of in trouble because I snapped at the accountant. What's his name? Hilarity's club owner guy comes up to me and he he puts his arm around me and he he talks to me

and he goes look i just want you to know i heard what you did i just want you to know i respect that i respect that so we're good are we good i go yeah we're good i was like whatever so like five years later i'm on the road i'm i'm working with uh fucking somebody he goes did that happen i told him the story he goes oh that's nick nick the club owner from and i was like yeah nick he goes dude he's connected he's mafia you fucking that was the that so i was like so it was just creepy to me that this mafia guy puts his arm around me and goes, I just want you to know. What happened to that club? Hilarities?

It might still be going. I don't know. I remember hearing about one. I think it's Cuyahoga Falls or something where they like lock you in at night. You slept like in an attic. Yeah. Like under the eaves kind of thing. And they'd lock you in at night you slept like in an attic yeah like under the eaves kind of thing but and they'd lock you in overnight but you know you've seen goodfellas you've seen that shit so your

your mind is racing you're like oh my god i fucking snapped at the goodfellas accountant yeah i've i i fucked this girl as a teenager i was probably. I don't know why. Some girl I was fucking for a minute. And then you break up like you do. And then we're at Friendly's. It's an ice cream sandwich shop. And she's in there with her dad or stepdad sitting at the counter. And we're across in a booth. And I'm eating a fish in my jig sandwich.

And I kept putting up the sandwich and smelling it and referring like, your pussy smells like fish. And then we leave and we're across the parking lot and they come racing up in a van when we left and he jumps out. He's this giant guy. I'm a tiny 15-year-old kid. And he's like, you ever fuck with my daughter

or stepdaughter, I will fucking kill you. That guy got arrested like three months later for stabbing an 80 something year old woman to death during a home invasion. What? I'm like, really? Oh, fuck. He wasn't kidding. He really was.

Oh, my God. That happened to you? Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh. I looked it up. There's a Hilarities in Cuyahoga Falls. Yeah.

And there's also one in Cleveland. Yeah, I thought it was Armenians. These stories all melt together over the years. Who's the guy that's on that one game show where the survey says? Not. No. No, no. Harvey, Steve Harvey.

Steve Harvey, yeah. Steve Harvey is headlining in El Paso. I was featuring, and he was telling me stories about growing up and living in the ghetto and gangs, and then I told him a story about Nick. He goes, Nick's connected. I can't believe you said that to him i can't believe you know but the funny thing was it's right right when he broke in and i was like get the fuck out of

here he goes don't shoot don't shoot i mean who would say that who would say that maybe he's connected as like a distant relative maybe i shouldn't talk shit we're playing Cleveland. Come on. Hang on. Two times on this trip. No. I've woken up or not woken up. Got out of bed once with my cock and balls hanging out of my shorts. Walked out the front of the hotel room.

Motel. Sixth floor motel where it looks out onto the parking lot the the doors are outside walked out fortunately tracy and and bingo were still up yakking and gacking and i walked out to take a piss thinking i'm in the bathroom and they stopped me before i took a six-story plunge into the parking lot and then last nightly, I woke up on the first floor and walked outside in my underwear in the freezing cold and told Chaley that I had to... You had to blow out the candle. I had to blow out the candle. And I thought, this is the weakest, come on.

No. Oh, he's walking away from me. Okay, yeah, go blow out the candle. But were you serious when you said that? When you said, I've got to blow out the candle, was it a joke? No, I woke up sleepwalking, drunk walking, saying I have to blow out the candle. Were you serious? I have no idea.

I don't remember this. His eyes were open, and he started to walk towards twin beds, right? So we're in one hotel room. He's walking towards the end of the bed. I'm like, oh, Bingo just went into the bathroom. He might not know that he's going to walk in on her. She wouldn't even fucking care. But then he takes a turn towards the door.

And I go, oh, he's going outside. And I go, hey, Bingo's in the bathroom. If you're going to wait. And you go, I have to blow out the candle. But it was like you saying, oh, I think I left the car unlocked. You were going to go check on the candle. It was like you saying, oh, I think I left the car unlocked. You were going to go check on the candle. Alright, so have you ever had history of sleepwalking?

Well, when you're drunk, do you call it sleepwalking or are you just fucking drunk? That's one of those things where if I wasn't drunk and I did that, you go, oh, he's just going to think. But you have a problem. If you're a sleepwalking drunk, you have a problem. But a lot of times I've woken up drunk.

We probably covered them all on the podcast where I tried to go through a closet. I was tearing shelves out of a closet because I thought they were blocking my way to the bathroom. Both Henry Phillips and Brian Hennigan have stories about waking up in a hotel room, going outside to piss and locking themselves into the hallway. Yeah. In their fucking either butt naked or in their underwear. I've never done that, by the way. You've never done that. How do you know?

Like, that's I know if I'm awake or if I'm dreaming. That's the thing. You got to you got to realize that's the whole basis of Buddhism. What is your own consciousness? Are you drunk? So when you black out. You've got to know that you're blacked out. You've got to realize you're blacked out.

I've only done that on mushrooms with Andy, where we did mushrooms in the middle of a blackout, and then the mushrooms kicked in. I'm like, I'm blacked out right now. I'm aware of it. Have you been high and you said to yourself i am really high right now that's you realizing how high you are so when you black out you and you don't remember it how is that buddhist buddhist don't black out i remember everything

unfortunately yeah i i don't i'm not bragging i, it's just like I'm just talking. How are you? I don't black out. The only times I blacked out is when I mixed Valium with alcohol and I talked to a doctor and he's like, oh, yeah, that will create amnesia. That's how you cure Buddhism. Valium and alcohol. So you don't black out. But how are you so wrong about so many of your all of your stories? All of my stories you're so wrong and

you changed the factual information to make you the hero and everything no is that buddhist are you an asshole no are you lying i just like to talk about buddhism and you're this big atheist you know you know buddhism is atheist you know you, it's almost like you don't read much. I mean, what about Nietzsche? I mean, if you're an atheist, shouldn't you read some Nietzsche? Shouldn't you read some Lao Tzu? All you read is like Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris and this other fucking...

I don't read at all, really. But you do. You read some stuff. I don't have time anymore. You read like one or two... I don't retain any of it. That's not the point. You don't have time anymore You read like one or two I don't retain any of it That's not the point First of all we're all agnostics

I only use the word atheist to dismiss religions You and I are polar opposites No you don't know You have no idea No one has any idea you're agnostic Everyone is whether you have faith or not That's why I'm a Buddhist I have no idea Yeah I just use the word atheism Everyone is, whether you have faith or not. That's why I'm a Buddhist. I have no idea.

Yeah. I just use the word atheism to dismiss other religions. I mean, Buddha basically said the same thing. You have no idea if life exists after you're dead or if you're born in another body. What's more likely, that Buddha ever existed or the Illuminati? What's more likely? I think the Buddha and the Illuminati both exist. more likely? I think the Buddha and the Illuminati both exist. More likely. You have to pick one.

Buddha is a word that just means awake. The awakened one. No, I think the Buddha existed. Inman, we let every guest choose a sponsor of their liking because we're sponsored by no one, but we promote things that we enjoy,

be it Buddha or Sabra Hummus or anything in the world. Okay, all right. So take a second. I'm going to sponsor a very... You're sponsored by... I'm sponsored by a very rare book. You can't assume that someone

would want you to sponsor them. Probably. This is going to be like pop-off vodka. Oh, what a stain on our record. This is going to be like pop-off vodka, right? This is an obscure book. I'm going to. I want you to take a second.

We'll kill the dead air. Yeah. Take a second because you're going to do the commercial for your sponsor. second because you're going to do the commercial for your sponsor. James Inman is sponsored by... Do I have to make it sound like some kind of commercial? Yeah. Stop it. What is this? Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. La, da, da, da, da, da, da. Stop it.

What is this? La, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, Done. Done. Boom. Boom. Okay, and now James Inman is here to present his personal sponsor. Have you ever asked yourself, Hey, this book sucks. Why can't I read a good book? Well, I've got news for you. This book is really good, and you need to read it. What book is that, James? The Three Christs of ypsilanti now ypsilanti is a small town in michigan don't ever try to say ypsilanti with a

fucking jaw full of chewing tobacco on my microphone go ahead ypsilanti the three christs of yipsilanti is a book about uh a psychiatrist who wanted to study identity let's not be a spoiler alert let's let the reader find out no i gotta tell about the fucking book shut up it's a good book. No. And so he decided to tape record three crazy people in the mental asylum. Shut up, little man! Who thought they were Christ. So he tape recorded three people that thought

they were Jesus Christ. Is this not This American Life with Ira Glass? And he wrote, he basically published a book, and it's a really cool book. Actually, it sounds very interesting, and it's a really cool book. Actually, it sounds very interesting, and I'm not even bullshitting you. All right. All right.

Well, that's James Inman's sponsor. We'll continue with the podcast. Anything you need to add, Banjo Randy? Nah, I'm good. I have dates coming up. When this comes out, who knows what it will. Just go to DougStanhope.com. I'm in Australia. After that, I might retire.

I don't know. I don't feel really strong about my future. But that might just be today. What else? When we're in the car, I think of shit to plug. Saks Underpants sponsor. I only bring that up because fucking Bill Burr has some other underpants sponsor, and he gets paid for it.

I don't. I just like Saks Underpants. They hold my big balls up. We'll get to Amy Bingo Bingaman on the next podcast. She was going to be on this one, but go to my website. See her project that she did. She finished Nowhere Man and Whiskey Girl. If you haven't listened to the Cliffhanger podcasts, listen to those. That took

a tragic turn, and Whiskey Girl left an unfinished song that Bingo finished, and then they made a video for it with Whiskey Girl's sister and brother-in-law. And that project, the clip is up at DougStanhope.com. And you can follow Amy Bingo Bingaman on Twitter now. She's now invaded my fucking personal Twitter space. At Bingo Bingaman. You'll figure it out. That's it. We've got to do a show.

We're here. Where the fuck are we? We're in Columbia, Missouri We gotta do Duluth It's not even the right state I don't know

Yeah So yeah James Inman is gonna perform His brilliance His new material From the last decade And We actually got a local opener

Too so Okay Oh you don't have to go up cold Yeah You feel strong? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm like three beers strong. Three beers strong.

I feel pretty strong. Million dollars strong. Hey, let's... Where are we at? Deja Vu Comedy Club in Columbia. They gave us a nice room to do a podcast. They gave us a nice green room here at the Deja Vu Comedy Club in Columbia. They gave us a nice room to do a podcast. They gave us a nice green room here at the Deja Vu Comedy Club in Columbia.

And by the way, Deja Vu Comedy Club has been here for years. Like 20 years. I saw Bill Hicks here years ago. So this is a great club. You said 89, so it's been here for a long time. Yeah, it's been here for a long time.

You're no mathematician. What do you think about Ebola, James? I'm funnier. I'm more recent. Yeah, you're alive. You're still alive. What's... What?

What do you think about Ebola? I don't have any conspiracy theories about it. No? But I have downloaded a couple of movies, like Outbreak with Dustin Hoffman. It really sucked. I know that movie sucks. Yeah, it sucked.

But, you know. I read The Hot Zone when it came out. That was pretty good. You know, I don't really. The things. We got to go. Don't start another subject. I think we're going.

We got to go. I was checking. What do I think? Once you said false flag operation on that other conspiracy, I go, here's the deal. No, no. I'm saying that I know that Alex Jones is blowing up about Ebola, but I don't listen to him. I don't know where to listen to him. Ebola represents entropy, the heat death of the universe.

Just like this podcast, everything eventually ends. No, I'm keeping this one going just to be a prick. There's an afterlife? There's this podcast? Already closed on the old thank and deja vu comedy. As an atheist, you're going to keep this podcast going. You're not able to face the clear light of reality that shit ends. Podcasting is the future.

Eventually, we're all going to die. That sucks. Well, I know that for you, it's going to happen in about 45 minutes on stage. That's it. We're going to close out with not the Mattoid this week, but with our dear friend Banjo Randy all the way from Jeff City.

Yay! This is Doug Stanhope, and I'll leave the light on for you. First skipped message. First skipped message. The follow-up story is actually ten times funnier than the podcast we did. But I just got off the phone with my lawyer. He told me I probably should not tell the story on your podcast. So that is a problem.

And everything was flushed down the toilet. I'm not paranoid. A little bit drunk right now, but you're not going to believe what happened since the fucking show that I did with you. We probably should do the podcast, but if there's some way we can do it without actually talking about the creepy details. Anyway, call me, because I'm going to get a camera or a microphone if you want to do Skype.

Or just tell me if you want me to send you a message, smoke signal Carrier Pigeon or email or if you want me to call you. But, yeah, it's a pretty fucked up story. Anyway, bye. End of message. Sorry you're having trouble. Please try again later. Goodbye.