The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Episode #60: Mr. Heads Pre-Comedy Show Podcast

Episode Date: February 10, 2015

The Doug-Less Stanhope Podcast hosted by Brett Erickson with Mishka Shubaly, Jay Whitecotton and JT Habersaat. Check out the Altercation Punk Comedy Tour dates at JTcomedy.com. Stanhope will be back for the next podcast.Links:Mr. Heads Art Gallery and Bar - http://www.fourthavenuetucson.com/mr-heads.htmlJTComedy.com - www.jtcomedy.comMishka Shubaly - www.mishkashubaly.comStanhope T-Shirts and tour posters are now available online at www.dougstanhope.com and supplies are limited.Recorded Feb 03, 2015 in the storeroom at Mr. Heads in Tucson, AZ with Brett Erickson (bretterickson68), Mishka Shubaly, JT Habersaat, Jay Whitecotton, and Joe the Camera Guy. Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Intro music Mishka Shubaly “Don't Cut Yr Hair” (LIVE), Closing song “Your Stupid Dreams” from Mishka Shubaly’s new CD ‘COWARDS PATH’. Both available on iTunes.Get on the Mailing List! Doug is heading back to Bisbee and he may or may not be ready to start booking some road dates. Wouldn't you like to be one of the first to know if he does jump out of retirement?  Mailing List members will be the first to know what his next move will be.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

The potato peelings in the sink did not turn into vodka as I had hoped. Turn into vodka as I had hoped I only start to need a drink After the liquor stores have closed I heard you changed your name again Darling Don't you change your hair. It was the only thing I liked about you in the end. La, la, la.

Yes. Mishka. You say my name right and Chaley doesn't. It's Mishka. Mishka. What's he say, Mishka? Yeah. That's so fucking annoying. I say Puma. Yeah, wrongly.

Puma. Wrongly. You're Puma, Karen. That's how you say that. But now that you've pointed that out, I'll probably start saying it the wrong way because I never thought about it before. Now you've planted the wrong way in my head.

Mishka Shubali on the Doug Stanhope podcast. Where is Doug Stanhope? I don't know. Why would you listen to the Doug Stanhope podcast without Doug Stanhope? I don't know. Don would you listen to the Doug Stanhope podcast without Doug Stanhope? I don't know. Don't oversell it, man. Well, it's kind of like watching The Man Show without Adam Carollo or Jimmy Kimmel.

That's the way I look at it. You'd have to be a fucking retard to do it. So we're here on the Doug Stanhope podcast and rolling through the Bisbee area recently was the Altercation Punk Comedy Tour with J.T. Haberset, Jay Whitecott, and Mishka Shibali. Gentlemen!

Howdy. How are ya? What's up, man? Thank you. We had fun in Bisbee and went to war in Sierra Vista. Well, right. Yeah, that was also, that was different. We're not going to talk about that.

We're here in Tucson tonight at, where are we? Mr. Heads. Mr. Heads. Ballroom Gallery. Which is a pretty good, a pretty cool place. Now, I want, here's where I want to start. Because you guys, you set up your tour to roll through Sierra Vista, to roll through Bisbee, to hit Tucson right around the time of Doug Stanhope's big Super Bowl party. That's weird.

Yeah. And no Doug Stanhope. What happened? It's fucked, man, because he's been inviting me to come to you know come down to bisbee to hang out for years and uh and every time he invites me he's like yeah just come down whenever let me know and i'll be away that weekend yeah you can't you can't set a joke up like that nine times over the course of four years and then fucking do it yeah basically uh the last time i worked with doug was in austin back in late september and uh we've been doing these things the last two years of the

super bowl party's called the uh i think it's just called the the stanhope comedy kickoff where we've had christine levine and stopka and andrew and everybody that's down there, myself and Jay Wycott and Joe Stats do comedy. And Doug would host because he never gets to host. Who wants to fucking stand up a show when he could just headline? So that he said, yeah, you know, come on down and do it. I said, we can do it again. Yeah, absolutely. And then so we booked the shows.

We brought him. We told Joby and Joby's like, I'm on it. Joby Death Pool. And then two weeks later, Doug said, no Super Bowl this year. So relieved. It's like he's canceling the entire game. Yeah. And I'm like, motherfucker, we just routed a three-week tour,

Mishka and I. And he's like, oh, cool, still do that. I'm like, OK. So that was, yeah, we're coming anyway. Yeah, you can still come by. He just won't be there. Well, originally it was just like it wasn't going to be the insane party. And then last week, I think he called you and I both.

He's like, yeah, I'm going to be in the islands. Yeah. Yeah. Now, originally we were going to record this. It's Tuesday. We were going to originally record this podcast on monday the day after the super bowl an off day for you guys and i was all set to go uh yesterday and then i find out you're leaving the stanhope compound early yeah because uh well and to uh play into the stereotypes we all know

the musician in the group is uh got a date with a girl while the two pasty, ugly, white comedians sit around and watch movies. No, no, we totally fucked. Oh, each other. Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. I go with the sure thing. That's awesome.

Miska, tell us about that date. That's exactly where I was going with this, J. White. I think my mic just stopped working. That's not all that stopped working. Uh-oh. We actually had a betting pool in Joby's house last night as to what time he'd get dropped off. Well, first of all, he got picked up by this chick, which is hilarious. He's not going to show up in a tour van.

Whatever. She picked him up and we're like, okay, the over-under, what was it, 10.30 to 11 p.m.? You had 10 to 10.30. Joby had 10.30 to 11. Joe, the camera guy, had 11.30. But I had the later. I had Faith in me. You had 10 to 10.30. Joby had 10.30 to 11. Joe, the camera guy, had 11.30. But I had the later. I had Faith. You had the.

I had Faith. Thank you for that. It was like coming home to my, like, three abusive stepfathers. Like, ah, you ever think about going gay? But then he shows up at 9 o'clock. No, he showed up at 10. JT won the pot. But the date wasn't over.

Where's my money? Well, here's what happened. The date didn't end until 12.30. So I ended up winning.. JT won the pot, but the date wasn't over. Well, here's what happened. The date didn't end until 1230, so I ended up winning. Oh, a technicality. So how does that work? Wait, you get back. She was still with you? My headphones must not be working.

I'm having a hard time hearing you. Really? Is that a problem? Yeah, it's a trade secret, man. Never tour with a musician. Ever. But you know that you're talking to comedians on a podcast and we have to find this shit out because we never get laid on the road

well he walks in he's like hey fellas he's got like a to-go bag in your hand and we're like you know i won the pool and then this chick she wading in the wings and she comes in behind him. We're like, oh, awkward. She had her skull shirt on because she was hanging out with a rock star. Oh, man. She was slumming it up. Don't fucking drag me down with you guys. She definitely bedazzled those titties. If this time next year I'm wearing a fucking down vest

and I have a full beard, we have you to blame. Next year? I say by fucking august why did you bring her there what if you didn't expect this but hey i'm gonna go uh let's go hang out the crash pad with a bunch of dudes see if i can get my dick inside you does that work for you i want them to hear it yeah what a dick they need to know what real love sounds like, baby. And then he takes her to his bedroom and shuts the door. That's like a Brady Bunch.

You were like a 17-year-old kid. Yeah. I almost told you to leave the door open. Mishka, Mishka, Mishka. Brady Bunch motherfucker. After dinner, we just got in the car and she started driving. And I was like, I have no idea where we are. But I know I can overpower this girl if she attacks me.

Oh, I'm glad you said that at the end. And then I was like. We'll all sleep better tonight. I was like, oh, cool. We're going back to our place. And then I was like, this looks awfully familiar. That looks just like Jovi's truck. You're like the dog going to the vet that's like wait a minute i know this place

yeah what'd you say during the trade secrets man trade come on man i can't why didn't why didn't you go back why didn't you go back to her place what's the deal there she lived with her parents she was driving her kids a lot of kids yeah she was is thanks for playing you'd make a good dad no he'd make a good stepdad you know you you just chucked this whole this rock and roll thing is not working out maybe you could you know you post up in sierra vista with this gal make a life out of it that might be why why didn't you drop this on me when i was on the psychedelics because that's when i really needed the fucking the head fuck well speaking of head totally she said she just wanted you for your conversation it turned out yeah i i felt like i'd been used she just you know she's just you know she's like a you know an intelligent girl

thought raped but go on i'm just i'm tired of being used for my brain oh i hate you oh it's so i'm like i'm more than that i'm i'm now also a sober beer gut i have a beer gut without drinking which is like the fuck up svelte svelte runner guy will you see how winded we were coming up the cafe roku steps the other night you went for a five mile run today i don't hear about your guts jt it's okay he still looks like shit don't well that that's that's not what i'm not yeah i agreed anyway so this young lady in sierra vista must have wanted to know some of the uh deep dark mishka shibali thoughts. Is she like an aspiring musician herself? Does she, you know?

Honestly, she wasn't like a fangirl. She hadn't read my stuff or listened to my music or anything. She wanted to talk about Screeching Weasel and I was that listening ear. Oh, you should have thrown a cup of ice in her face and then hit her. She must have been into that dark Screeching Weasel stuff.

No, she likes their earlier material. Not their later woman beating a South by Southwest material. She might have been dropping clues for you, buddy, is what I'm saying. I don't know about screeching weasel. They did

South by Southwest in Austin and Ben Weasel, their singer guys, on video. He freaked out and threw ice. Some girl threw ice at him. Some girl was throwing ice at him. Throwing ice at him and he punched her. Yeah. And it turned out to be the owner of the venue.

And it was this infamous scandal. It was like a good three, four years ago at South by. When you said that, I thought it was going to be the band where they turned out to be pedophiles. And they were like, oh know what I'm talking about? That's Lost Prophets who are in my death pool as my spite pick. Yes, that guy is in jail for having sex with a baby. Yeah, he's a terrible person. And the drummer from Cake.

Oh, that's true. The old drummer from Cake. Well, they have a new drummer. Wait, are you guys going to start your own rock and roll pedophile death pool? No. It'd be just a rock and roll pedophile pool. Yeah, the over-under is on the- Don't go in.

We were in that last night with Joby. Don't dip your toe in that. Okay, so you come to the Doug Stanhope Super Bowl party, Sans Doug Stanhope. Yeah. And here's how it went down. I'm hanging out with my wife, Carrie Mitchell, and Greg Shaley, and his wife, Tracy. Yay. And originally our plan was, all right, there's not going to be –

maybe for the Super Bowl what we want to do maybe is find our own little private little place, get our own little shenanigans going on, and we'll just chill ourselves, just the four of us. And then I said, well, I don't want to do that because JT and Jay and Mishka are going to be there and I think it would be rude if we were hanging out all weekend and then a Super Bowl party comes around and then we're not there. So we'll just stay at Doug's house for the Super Bowl and then I hang out there through the entire Super Bowl

and you guys eat a bunch of mushrooms and hide in the house the whole time. I never see you once. We did get yelled at. What the fuck? Well, first of all, I blame Joe. I think Joe, the documentary guy.

Silent Joe. He fucked us on that one, man. Really? Explain. It started with Joe. He's only 24 years old. He's he fucked us on that one, man. Really? Explain. It started with Joe. He's only 24 years old. He's making this documentary on the road with us, and he had never seen the movie Bloodsport with Jean-Claude Van Damme. It seems like you've gone too far back in the story,

but I want you to keep going. I'm not sure how the movie Bloodsport could possibly play into this. We started watching Bloodsport in the main house. It was at like 3, 3.30. So people start showing up and they're like, when are you guys going to come out and hang out? The locals are starting to show up. And we're like, we need to see how this ends.

Because you couldn't figure out the Van Damme wins in the end. Yeah, so we had to finish this movie and then we went out. And then you motherfuckers, I couldn't find you either, because you were keeping a low profile. Well, at one point, I decided, oh, look, there's people up on top of the funhouse. I didn't give a fuck about the game. I didn't give a fuck about the game. So I'm like, oh, look, there's people up on the roof of the funhouse. Let's go up there and see what's going on. And then Shaylee and I walk up there with Carrie Mitchell.

And immediately, it's hey we're doing a podcast up here and i'm like well you're doing a fucking you two are in the van together 24 hours a fucking day and now you've got to sit on top of the funhouse during the biggest party of the year and do a goddamn podcast. There's a reason for that. Quiet on the set! This is part of the problem. We've been on the road together long enough now that we have the tour illness where you can't bear

to hang around anybody except the assholes who piss you off all day long. Yeah, exactly. No, that's not true. I could ditch you guys in a heartbeat. And he does! And then Super Bowl, I was just looking for a warm Kenny free zone. Yeah. And I found it in the house.

Yeah, that was a popular sentiment. Kenny's everywhere. Shrimps didn't hit me until the halftime show. We didn't kick off until kickoff. Yeah, it hit me fairly early yeah well you're being a little pussy no i was not uh but but then you were i saw you up there looking like uh some sort of like vape spokesman on top of the roof like in your beach chair i said this is the perfect time i'm gonna go catch this podcast while we're both uh yeah i don't know i i yeah i wanted

to be just goggle eyed and stumbling around and not remembering my name but it was it was more of just a sort of it was just a happy flow yeah it was just fun i pleasant i hate it when drugs are just fun i want everything to be a regrettable they're not good for your songwriting had a great time it was right. I'm sick of fun. Well, we got more shows coming, buddy. How long have you guys been doing this road tour thing this time around? See the way I said that professionally? Road tour thing.

This road tour thing. How long have you guys been what? That's a fellow wacky joke teller. I didn't know you spoke ESL. How long have you guys been together? Well, we actually, it's weird. We're not going to marry until everybody has the right to marry. That's it.

We discussed this many times. I mean, Mishka and I didn't meet in person because every time he came through with Doug. How long have you been on this tour? Now he got it out. Now he was able to spit it out. Like what, a week? A week. About a week.

And you're already sick of everybody else and you only want to hang out with each other. It's kind of weird. Weird. Yeah. It's gross. Yeah, it's weird when they're in the band and they're holding hands. That kind of creeps me out a little bit. JT has kind of clammy hands, too.

I think I have athlete's foot on my fingers now from his hands. Yeah, because you run on your hands like a bipedal werewolf man. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Well, we had weird... So how were the mushrooms? Were they good? Fun.

Yeah. Not particularly strong. yeah i don't know well we had weird so how were the mushrooms were they good fun yeah yeah they were not particularly strong so what but so during the uh while you were tripping you had to go back into the house to watch blood sport no blood sport was over by that point so where the fuck were you guys why were you hiding in the house this was the original question i wasn't here i was coming over to this super bowl party that i didn't really want to be at because I didn't want to be rude and not be there for my new friends, JT, Jay, and Mishka. I can't fucking find you guys. You didn't share any of your mushrooms with me. You guys were seated out front in the outdoor TV setup, and I was pretty much inside with neighbor Dave for the most part, chilling on one of the –

Well, there's certainly a barrier that can't be crossed between the inside of the building and the outside. There was some way, some mechanism for transferring your person from one side of the wall

to the other. I also, all right, I will go on record. I did hide for a little bit because I had a fucking traumatic experience inside the main house

where we're sitting there watching the game and I hear on the door, I'm like, Jacob is going nuts. Yeah. And I looked i looked at jay and everybody and joe and i said should i open it oh that yeah i was in the main house that was you were there and they all said yes of course open it i opened the door and that was my date that i had lined up oh my god this fucking meth witch woman twitchy woman comes in and she's just like scratching and twitching she's like do you guys have a dollar or

two i need two bucks to get to sierra vista and just meth tastic yeah she had to get a money order and i'm yeah and i'm peaking at this point going pretty hot oh i couldn't couldn't even and i get i think joe b pretty much was like no we don't have we don't we deal in bitcoin only joe joe b was like what no, we deal in Bitcoin only. Joby was like, what's my $2 going to get me? Yeah, he did say that. Oh, man. She's very nice.

Scabies. Oh, my God. Terrifying. And so she eventually went away. And I don't know if she came to the other gate or not, but that totally spiraled me into a bad place. So I went and hid for a little bit. I can understand that a little bit. I hung out outside for a while. You were out there.

Yeah, it was good because there was Chaley and Gretchen and... Shawnee was there. And Shawnee. Neighbor Dave. And Tracy. And sitting behind them, I could just watch them instead of watching the TV. And it was like the fucking Muppet Show. It was part Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the Muppet show.

Chaley playing the role of both guys in the balcony. Like, Shaylee was great because Shaylee, Shaylee is cheering for the Seahawks because he's a Seattle guy, but he also doesn't know shit about football or give a fuck about it. So at one point during the game, I catch him saying this, the Seahawks scored a touchdown and Marshawn Lynch scored the touchdown.

And he's this, if you know who he is, if you don't know who he is, he's the big beastie motherfucker. His nickname is Beast Mode, and he just runs over people and flattens them, steps on them, and then runs in for touchdowns. That's his thing. And he gets the ball, he blasts over a bunch of people, and then runs in for touchdowns. That's his thing. And he gets the ball. He blasts over a bunch of people, and he scores a touchdown. And then Shaley goes, oh, Marshawn Lynch scored. Well, good for him. I'm like, what the fuck?

He's not your fifth-grade son, you know? My Shaley quote of the night was, Tracy high-fived somebody. And he turned to her, not loud like he was delivering a joke, but like he was disciplining a child. And he said, don't high-five the enemy. Never high-five the enemy. Oh, my God. I almost dropped my drink. I was there for that.

Yeah. And then I came up next to you, and you're looking like the world's worst remake of Psycho. You're dressed in thisghan that somebody had draped over you like a decrepit old woman i was freezing well the the best thing is that i was i was cold i didn't want to wear the same pair of jeans i've been wearing for the last month so i i was gonna get changed and put on my pajama pants but i was self-conscious that i was gonna walk out of my pajama pants and people were gonna make fun of me and then i walked outside and i was like wait what am i fucking thinking everybody's dressed up like disco hobos and i have like black pajama pants yeah i'm fine yeah pajama pants are the normal attire doug's house right yeah pretty much there

yeah that's not a problem yeah so uh yeah so super bowl and then uh the next day you guys uh head back to hereford so that uh mishka can get laid oh here's a uh the one thing that we forgot wait we forgot one topic of discussion again as if to drive the nail of the stereotype even deeper as i mix my metaphors not only does the musician get laid and not the comics, but so does the guy who takes the pictures of the musician. He also got laid in Bisbee. Let's hear it for Joe, everybody. Joe. Good work.

Young buck, 24 years old. Technically a merit badge he earned as opposed to getting laid. Yeah. Good for you, young man. I wish I still had hope. The warm-up to it was so gratifying for the rest of us because he's sort of like you know warming himself up getting you know like okay you know talking himself into it yeah getting psyched up for it a bunch of meat white cotton white

cotton had the line he weighed in well i was swimming pretty good at this point, and I couldn't get the thought out of my head that she was like a giant midget. It's like she has all the proportions of a midget, but taller. Yeah, she's a giant midget. And it creeped me out. So he's all getting ready to invade the Shire. And all I can think about is just like... The most boring quest ever. It's like trying to navigate to a house like and he got lost oh i watched him all the time i went up well during uh i was i kind of i left i

went to uh stand on the roof of the clubhouse and while kenny's tripping on acid and uh uh what's her name yes like she's awful. Get in the cosmos, man. It's beautiful. And then he runs over to the house and he comes back. They're crazy. They're crazy. He can't handle these fucking pieces of shit.

Meanwhile, meanwhile, Hobbit fucker is losing. All I can hear is his goddamn footsteps in my goddamn shroom mind while I'm staring at the stars and he's just lost trying to find it. I hear dogs barking at the wrong house, and then him scurrying away, going back and forth, and then he finally picks up Joby to be his Gandalf

and his fuck guide. You can hear his hairy little feet. I'm just saying, how was it fucking a chick with hairy feet? How was that? The answer, Jay, is how was it not fucking a chick with hairy feet? You unlaid comic son of a bitch. I do well.

I like that she packed him a lunch. To go. She's totally fine. He got her animals. A juice box and a little bag of Cheetos. Some fun fruits. I think electrolytes were involved in the conversation. Yeah, she sent

you with like you're like you spent some of your energy so she sent you yeah those young bucks oh god oh what a sweetheart yeah that's the nicest adorable you should marry her also at that party i met a uh one of gretchen's friends did you guys meet Bart Bart Bart is yeah yeah he was very cool guy uh his his first time back in uh Bisbee in like 20 years he's from Martha's Vineyard which is where Gretchen is from so he knew her growing up great guy but he pulled this shit on me at the end where I was like ah fuck and because we were like buddies at that point I decided not to take the bait but he we were talking about old Bisbee and how it's all you know it's all on the hillside so it's all these steps he's talking about all these steps and these buildings and they're crazy and he goes yeah and it's haunted

over there too and i was like oh shit here it comes he goes yeah last time i was here i got like felt up by a ghost when i was in bed and i'm like i'm like he goes yeah he goes it was like a like uh sleep paralysis and then i woke up and and i was like it was like a frisking of my nervous system by this entity and at that point i realized he was first he was being completely fucking serious you know like being frisky by this uh by this entity of my nervous system and And I was like, hey, man, I got no weapons, man. I got no weapons. And then it was cool after that. And the whole time I'm like, oh, Bart, I fucking liked you so much.

But what about the thing about there aren't ghosts? Ghosts aren't real. What about that part? It was the ghost of a priest, and he named himself Repression. Well, what's he covering up? If it's not a ghost, what is he actually covering up? Yeah, see, that was my... I asked him if it was a drug-related thing and

he moved right on. He believes it really happened. I'm sure he does. The sad postscript to this tale is that that dude traveled all the way down from Martha's Vineyard to hook up with the girl that Joe snaked.

To be fair, she was kind of ghostly. She was a little ghostly. Actually, we've been too hard on Joe, so I think we should take a moment now. I want to just extend a hearty congratulations to Joe, who is celebrating two weeks chlamydia-free. Really?

Oh, congratulations. That ends tonight in Tucson. So, let's talk about... I mean, he got it again. Yeah, oh, for sure. Yeah, he had a good run. You know, they say, you know, if you love something, give it to a woman you hardly know,

and then it'll come back to you. If she gives it back to you. Jesus. All right. So tonight we're here in Tucson at Mr. Head's. And I understand you guys have been here before. Yeah, we have. We can tell that story.

That's why you're holding the fucking microphone, dum-dum. We played Tucson, uh, back in may on our way to punk rock bowling fest out in Vegas. And, the show was really cool. They treated us really well here. There were 10 opening acts,

which was, that's that by the way, uh, if you're a, if you're a young comedy club owner, that's too many. How about for the older comedy club owners? Also,

also too many. Yeah. It was, comedy club owners? Also too many. Also too many. About nine back. That's also too many. Yeah. Well, it was basically, it was sold to us like JT asked me to ask this dude. I'm not going to name him. We're not going to name him. He wanted me to set up the gig.

I was like, all right, well, I'll put you in touch with JT. So we set up the gig. Next thing I know, it's an open mic before the gig. The show, we go on two and a half touch with JT. So we set up the gig. Next thing I know, it's an open mic before the gig, the show. We go on two and a half hours after it starts. It's a weeknight. And people showed up on time to see us. And so now it's like quarter to one and we're not on yet. On Wednesday.

I'm standing on a chair berating everything just to get any type of fucking attention. Even from the apartment complex. I'm just whatever. If I get a noise ordinance violation, at least i got some validation that this fucking gig actually i lost my voice in the middle of my set because i was screaming the whole the whole content what we weren't told is uh is that he gets paid based on bar sales and an automatic thing so he comes up just hey man i'm sorry i can only get you a hundred dollars not your uh two hundred dollar guarantee which we went low ball on him anyways we're like hey it's in between

let's have fun not a big deal so he gives a hundred bucks and he goes hey it's not me it's the management I'm really sorry the owner then he texts me he leaves management comes up and goes hey I think you guys got fucked the bartender the staff were awesome to us all night the bartender calls

me over he's like did he just give you the right amount of money I was like no but you know whatever fucking comedy just knew and he was like okay because he gets uh x amount which was you know double at least i figured it was but x amount and you guys rang so much because there was such a crowd this night that he's getting a bonus tomorrow based on the ring it's like really okay and so well fuck it he fucked his knowledge his power whatever shame on him wait why are we afraid of death threat threats from him we should know we did not send we got no death threats no sir you were jumping ahead so anyway we're in the van and he starts texting me hey man i'm really sorry like i saved him i like i oh yeah he's screen

capture just so i wanted a record of how people get fucked uh-huh uh he goes hey i'm really sorry that money came out of my own pocket. The venue didn't pay him anything is what he's claiming. He's the good guy who paid us a hundred. Yeah, what a guy. He became a hero. And he wanted to endear himself as the hero of the day. And we already know.

So I'm like playing along with it a little bit. That's when I got angry. I was like, okay. And then finally I call him out on it because we get messages from Mr. Heads going, no, this is what happened. I said, yeah, you fucked us. So we send that to the venue. Like, is this correct? Because this is what he's saying.

And here's the physical evidence. They're like, no. So they start. So dude gets, well, 10 minutes later, I've decided to abandon my Wednesday night to focus on my music. That's not even close. What happened was like,

he just shifted careers. Not even close. When was like when i just shifted careers not even close what when i flipped the script on him his immediate text well did you expect me not to get paid yeah no he totally yeah went from hero to hey fuck you how dare you expect it's like no we would have if we only got paid like 200 whatever we would have probably given you a hundred bucks just for setting it up like how dare you even fucking but stanhope calls me in the van to see how the show went just to check in with us in phoenix the next day i was like well this is what's happening and he goes oh that's fucking fantastic keep me in the loop it's like so he was calling for updates every hour and then i don't know eventually the guy he got the guy got totally fired and blackballed from the venue yeah all the other comics were free you should have

come back the next day when he showed up to get this bonus he had earned. We were in Phoenix doing shows every night. It's not that far from Tucson to Phoenix. I guess. But then Doug posted a thing on his Facebook saying I've made that whole record

of the whole account. And then he shared it. And Doug shared it. He's like uh these this guy ripped off my friends jay and jt uh and i kind of vouched for them hashtag uh what do you say weasel or something like that and immediately it was like 600 comments of death threat like like where's he live i'll drive there i'll walk there i'll walk there with you we'll do it together and the dude started freaking out.

And eventually, Doug took it down after like an hour because it got out of control. Well, Doug's fans are mouthy assholes like that. Horrible monster people. Yeah. But the thing that you have to know is that deep down, this guy was probably safe because they can make those threats. They can say, I'm going to fucking kill that guy. I'm going to go right up there and fucking kill that guy.

Mom, can I borrow the car? Yeah. I have to go. I got to go kill this guy. Yeah, I got to fucking kill that guy. I'm going to go right up there and fucking kill that guy. Mom, can I borrow the car? I got to go kill this guy. Yeah, I got to go kill this guy. Over a shit comedy show. But all that aside, the venue, we would not have known. Yeah, so you're back. That's the upside. This guy's out and now you're back.

The funny part is, during the comment war, he was just incriminating himself. Oh, he was incriminating himself. You should stay out of that. He just kept going until Hennigan kept talking about wanting toriminating himself. Oh, he was incriminating himself. You should stay out of that. You gotta stay out of that. Until Hennigan kept talking about wanting to fuck his wife. Oh, yeah. The guy's got a hot wife.

That's right. I forgot he did do that. God damn it. So that happened. So yeah, we're back and they're very happy to have us and we're happy to be here. And there's only nine opening comments. There's only nine opening comments and one juggler. That'll be fun. But we're stoked you can do this tonight, man.

I've been so stoked to work with you this weekend. It's been so exciting. Overdue. Can I tell you, that Sierra Vista show was so awesome. Thank you for doing that. Yes. I second that. Your casual flippant fuck yous to everything.

Your intros were amazing. Like, fuck everything here. I hope you all die of some form of AIDS. Not specific AIDS, but a form of AIDS. If you can combine Ebola with AIDS, I hope you get that. Your next comedian, JT Habersad. Oh, my God. You dug me such a fucking hole.

You're like, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Fuck your bike. By the way, you front row of bikers, you all dress like faggots. JT Habersad. Bringing the chuckles. I was like, oh, my God.

And the bikers were the well-behaved ones. They were awesome. That was the fucking craziest part. They were the ones that were getting pissed. Because before the show, you get into a place like that. And see, what I'd forgotten is that it had been a long time since I'd done a bar like that. Years ago when I was doing you're welcome triple runs yeah thanks uh when i was doing triple runs and uh yoder gigs and stuff up in the northwest montana yeah uh i took this uh kid out with me uh who's

a kid then he's not anymore sean ganant he's very funny he lives in los angeles and he's a very funny comedian but he had never featured before so the first night we were in helena montana at this bar and it was a fucking shit show and he was up there and he couldn't he just couldn't even get it finished with a joke before he had to fucking snap on somebody sure and then i got up there and i just did my show anyway and after about 30 minutes people started listening a little bit you know and then afterwards he was like wow and i told him i said dude you got to understand that that you're not at the funny bone or the improv here you know this is a fucking bar this is how they do comedy here and that's the lesson i forgot in sierra vista because it wouldn't have mattered what we did

that's how the show was going to go. The people in the back were going to be loud and rude. I think the direct quote from one of the douchebags on the side was, well, it's still a fucking bar. He's not wrong. See, that's the thing. That's why I felt bad. He's right.

It is still a bar. And then the best part of the night was that through all of this, I mean, nobody says anything to these guys. There's a whole crew of young, flat-brimmed cappers that have come in there. And they're loud, and they're talking to girls back there. And it just gets louder and louder. And then, you know, Shaylee said something to one of them, and Chad Shank was there. And he's muscling up.

He's ready to choke somebody out. This goes on and on and on all through the night. We just fight back and forth with it. The security guy, clearly marked in his security T-shirt, says fucking nothing the entire time until the end of the night when it's just us hanging around. And Greg Shaley is pretty drunk, and he's doing this thing where he's pretending to punch us. There's like a half wall. Oh, excuse me.

A half wall. No one would know what the fuck I'm talking about. It was a pony wall. The medical term. A fucking half wall. So he's standing on one side, we're on the other, and he's pretending to punch us, but with each punch, he kicks the bottom of the pony wall so that's the sound effect so it's just punch punch punch and he you know he's at about 20 punches in and we're all just

looking at him like what the fuck are you doing he's laughing his face off it's the greatest piece of comedy ever performed and then the security guard comes up at that point and he's like um could you please stop doing that and i'm'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Now you choose this fucking time to say something to somebody? That's when he woke up from his heroin nap. That dude was straight out passed out against the wall

when we went out there to check on the merch. I'm not surprised. He looked like he might be a little bit retarded. Well, whatever. The insecurity guard. Oh, fuck. You want to play another song come on i mean sitting on that all day okay but it shouldn't go on record too is that overall still a fun show aside yeah listen i had a fucking great time that was the first time oh yeah you met a you met a uh

the mother of a no i, I mean moms every night. But I mean... We had to fucking dig it out of them that night. And I had a fucking blast. I mean, it's a good night for me when I offer to fight anyone in the entire room from the stage. That's when I'm in my fucking element. I liked how Shaley attacked the media of Sarah Vista. Oh, well, yeah.

Chad Shank was like I might put that photographer through a wall Please don't There was something sketchy about that fucking guy He's in the back of the room So not only Picture this Not only are there young guys

With their flat Of course There's young guys with their flat brim caps And they're just You know They're Joe's age people And I say that with disdain with their flat brim caps and they're just you know the young they're the they're they're joe's age people and i say that with disdain their calico vision yeah their sticks on so so they're loud so they're loud and they're you know whatever and then so there's this guy back there with a

camera and he's snapping fucking pictures of these people and he's like encouraging them oh really be crazier and weirder and then shaley's like uh you know what what's going on what are you doing he's like uh i'm i'm from i'm a photographer i'm from the paper and uh shaley's like yeah well you know there's a show going on right here you know and he's like yeah oh this guy's a firefighter so i don't know what but apparently he needs his picture taken because he's a goddamn hero give it. Give it up for the troops. But here's the part that makes it really sketchy. Earlier in the night, you had done, JT, an interview with the Sierra Vista Herald. Good callback.

A reporter and a photographer. They were at the end of the bar watching the show. So this was a different photographer? Apparently. It was the same guy. No, there were two. There were two? There was one. There was a photographer and a reporter. I was watching it. There was a different photographer? Apparently. It was the same guy. No, there were two. There were two? There was one.

There was a photographer and a reporter. I was watching it. There was a photographer and a reporter. Let's just say we pulled double presses. He was coked out of his mind being a fucking idiot trying to get everyone to dance, and Shaley was not happy. Those guys were shady. Well, see, that's what I wondered about, because then the guy that I talked to about photography

wasn't a photographer at all. Yeah, that guy was the writer of the article. And that was the guy that was trying to mack on the chick Mishka ended up going on a date with. Nice. No wonder the article didn't come out. By the way, here's why newspapers are dying. When you're doing a story with pictures about an upcoming show. Maybe don't interview that person 14 minutes before the fucking show starts

because it's not going to help. You addressed that. I just about dropped my drink. I was laughing so hard. Yeah, that story needs to come out yesterday, dumb dumb. Yeah, and it was not in the paper the next day. No. Yeah.

Well, technically it was in the Bisbee. It was supposed to be like the Bisbee highlight or whatever for the next day. It was going to be like the whatever. Oh or whatever for the next day it was going to be like the whatever oh they were going to push the push this saturday morning like i'm dead but they were there till like whatever midnight there's no way and then they were at the townie bar that we went to afterwards like you know working on the hot mom anyway i was like the photographer was from brooklyn he was like y'all see you in brooklyn bro and i was like not really not a fucking chance. He's from Brooklyn? I didn't know that.

Weird. He's from Jersey. Okay. Damn, listen to you. New Jersey, Brooklyn. Just annihilating states one by one. Jersey. Anyway.

Yeah. So what happens after Tucson? We're in Phoenix tomorrow. And then we go to... Thank you, Chili to San Diego. Yes. Yes. All those things he said. Hollywood Saturday.

Yeah. Hollywood Saturday. And then Long Beach. We do Las Vegas at the Bunk House on Monday. And then a router way back through Texas. Amarillo with Shea White is going to be awesome. She's the best. I like Shea.

Shea's fantastic. Yeah. She was on last show there and she's back in the morning show up there, I guess. Yeah. They have a big like radio push behind it. She's dog friendly. I like dog friendly people. Very dog friendly.

I got into an argument with Shea on Facebook. It wasn't really supposed to really be an argument, but she was ripping on the dog whisperer. And I was like. like you just couldn't sit down well i just i like i gotta draw a line somewhere i like the dog whisperer i like like people mistake like sometimes i'll get into a discussion with some what i think is a discussion they think is a fight and i'm just like i was legitimately curious why someone who's as deeply involved in training dogs and doesn't like the one doesn't like the yeah the guy who's like because my point was what because

she's like well he does all these techniques that are unapproved and all of this shit but basically what happened is I said something and then she hammered me back and then I got the same treatment from her people that that the Tucson guy got

you know people like get his ass, Shane! Fuck him up! I just wanted to know what the dog whisperer was. Online dog fight. It's in comic terms that the dog whisperer is their Dane Cook. I guess, maybe. He made all that money. He's a little showy

about it. Yeah, see, and that's what I wanted to find out. I was legitimately interested because I had never heard that before. I didn't know that people who were in the business thought that, you know, that it was an insult to be compared to the fucking dog. You know what, Brett,

why don't we go around the table and we can all take a swipe at Shay and see if we can do the same thing to her that you did to the promising press we had lined up in Sierra. You fucking ruin everything, you asshole. I know. I'm thorough. Oh, God. So, yeah.

So she's presenting the show in Amarillo, and then we go to Denton and Dallas, and we end on Valentine's Day night at Three Links in Dallas. We will be auctioning Joe off on Valentine's Day. Really? We might. That's true. To the lowest bidder. Chlamydia not included. Chlamydia Joe.

Hey. And then we part ways and you go to Europe for a bit. I have my birthday roast in Austin that Sunday and then I do three weeks at the end of the month with Joe Stats. So you're headed to Europe soon, right? Yeah. I go back to New York for like 10 days. Then I'm going to England to do press. Then you and I are doing, hopefully doing more stuff end of May.

Hopefully a couple of weeks in early June is the plan right now. Lots of bullshit. The schedules be nutty. Yes. To have shit planned out so far in the future, this makes me kind of throw up in my mouth. It's the only way to really do it. It's a little needy. I like to not know what I'm doing two weeks from now see that's what I love about JT is that he's even more neurotic than I am so he

will fucking book the shit out of the shit and I don't have to worry I'm a psychopath about that I like to have my life at least four or five months out because then you get the pick of the litter as far as the venues and I could just do promotion once the show is booked then it's just you know yeah that all makes sense i just never fucking did and i think you just explained the road to bisbee yeah yeah yeah right yeah good thing you booked that cafe roca gig long in advance because i'm sure the third floor of cafe roca and bisbee would have been a hot fucking ticket on the night before the super bowl they bust out these chairs that

look like they're from 18 fucking 62 that everyone's got to sit on yeah that's a popular room yeah good call i think it was technically the fourth floor there were four places all i know is the bathrooms were all broken except for the bottom fucking floor. So we had to take a leak pre-show and run down. I think Joe did both of those. God damn it. I think he ruined both those toilets. In a high elevation. It was great.

Yeah, good job, Joe. Yeah, it's fun to see comedians have to traverse three full flights of steps right before they go on stage. It's brutal. Carrying up merch. It's like Emphasima like emphysema presents. Every joke is a Jim Gaffigan bit of just heavy breathing. What is that? For real.

Gentlemen, well, this has got to be a big thrill for you guys being on the Doug Stanhope podcast without Doug Stanhope. Not as rambling as I was hoping. Really? Not as stuttering over the words. I miss old stuttering Doug. And remembrances of old gigs past. My favorite Doug move is. That didn't pertain to the plot or topic of the point.

My favorite Doug move is interrupting somebody to stutter and then forget his points. It's just like, wow. He does own that. It's a phenomenal. 1987. I'm sorry. What was the question again?

So that's it. So we're here in Tucson tonight. Gentlemen, good luck for the rest of the way. Tell Shay I said hello and I love her. Oh, actually, we have one little shout out to Doug. Yeah. Oh, right. Because we love the guy so much and he's done so much on this trip to really hook us up,

we decided to leave him a little going away present. Oh, really? Because he would probably be sad that he missed us. Oh, I'm sure of that. I think it was Joby told us Doug has a strange fear. Joby mentioned that Doug is irrationally afraid of balloons. Which is fucking weird. Yeah.

Of course, the day after Super Bowl when we're all still sort of half out of our heads on mushrooms, you see the same dudes who are wheezing going up and down the stairs, fucking blowing up like 500 balloons to fill his bedroom up. So it's from top to floor to ceiling. But in his defense, I use the same excuse not to wear a condom.

Any irrational fear of balloons? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just that squeaky noise. I was touched by a clown. And Chaley did his part to help out by, before we filled the room with balloons, he put all of Doug's mail on his desk in the far corner of the room.

So he's got to go through it. That's now just completely submerged with what will be a nightmare for him. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it's going to be good. Good for you guys. I'm sure we'll get invited back. You guys are fun pranksters. We're zany, nutty funsters. It's prop comedy.

Oh my God, I'm never working with you again finally something good prop comedy alright on our way out Jay Whitecott and JT Haberset what are we oh really see the spirit of Doug

is in the room let me interrupt you to just stutter and then shut up yeah Jay Whitecott and JT Haberset thanks for coming altercation punk comedy tour in the room let me interrupt you to just stutter and then shut up yeah uh j white cotton and jt haverset thanks for coming altercation punk comedy tour uh mishka shubali as well and on the way out mishka you have a new album it as the kids say dropped today today did you feel which is like uh 12 days ago probably by the time you right exactly uh so uh uh on the way out tell us about the new album uh it's called coward's path it's a collection of songs about my fucking drinking problem that i started recording in jesus from 2005 to 2008 and ironically i was too much of a fuck up to

finish it up and uh after five years of sobriety i finally put the fucking record out so you had to uh you had to quit drinking to actually make the drinking record that really that really does actually sound like the coward's path mic drop the album is fantastic. I stole one from you the other night, and I've heard it all. It's great. On our way out, play us one of your songs.

Instead of doing the Matoid this time on the way out, we'll do one of yours. This song is called Your Stupid Dreams. Oh, yes. Awesome. All right, let's hear it. Your Stupid Dreams, Miska Shubali. Well, there you lay in your diaper, just as cute as could be. Propped up on your elbows and smiling at me.

I drove in for your birthday, your mother drove me away. But that woman taught you how to crawl, and that'll come in handy someday. Hey kid, hang on to your dreams, your stupid, hopeless dreams. grow meeker and colder as you get weaker and older making the same money you did when you were 17 no it's never too early to throw in the towel but it's always too late To die with dignity So give up Give in, surrender Without a fight

This is your last chance To snatch failure From the jaws of defeat wild horses on the jukebox or whatever the hell it was but we were young we were in love, we were drunk and on drugs. Your mom can say what she likes about how I wasted my time. But I had so much fucking fun burning out at 29. Hey kid, hang on to your dreams Your stupid, hopeless dreams They'll grow meeker and colder As you get weaker and older

Making the same mistakes you did when you were 17 No, it's never too early to throw in the towel But it's always too late to die with dignity So give up, give in, surrender without a fight This is your last chance to snatch failure from the jaws of defeat Thank you. 12 years in public school 15 minutes of fame 8 hours 5 days a week For a parking spot with your name

Compare the man you wanted to be to the man you became and realize, man, those two guys, only their shoe size is the same. I won't have any children? I never had a career. I have no fucking regrets. I guess I'll have another beer. Hey kid, hang on to your dreams. Your stupid, stupid dreams