The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Fighting Off a Flood with a Broom Stick

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Doug is home for a minute, while Chad is stranded out in Globe, AZ living out a lifelong nightmare of his. Video version available for Patreon and YouTube Members -  Support the show & get 20% off your first Lucy order with code: ‘STANHOPE’ at https://www.lucy.co/STANHOPE Support the show & get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with HIMS @ http://hims.com/STANHOPESupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Did you have to reshubble the same areas over and over? Save it, for Christ's sakes. Oh, I thought we were going. No, it's issues with Alex Day. Still trying to make shit work. Well, so far I can hear everybody, so that's good. Unfortunately, unlike you, Alex wasn't filming himself when he was about to break shit. It wasn't working.

Uh-huh. I was the same way I had Zoom all updated, and then I'm like, Riverside, what the fuck is? is that? Your safari's out of date. Yeah. I think we're going. Technology. We're going.

We're live. Chad, everyone at football was saying, well, yeah, it's not that bad here, but I guess it's really bad in Herford because Chad is posting video. They didn't know you were in Globe.

so everyone thought that was right down the street that tracks they're all pretty old and i did hashtag all of them globe arizona but i don't think those the crowd knows hashtags no probably not so this is yeah a globe arizona flooded out again what was the first time that you had to go up there what two weeks ago no wasn't it last year you when that went through the door That was 2021. That was years ago now. All right. Yeah.

This time it did not get up into the house. It got right up against the house. And I stayed out there pushing it into the flow. It's trying to pull up. I pushed it with a push broom back into the flow. Wow. It looked like it was, well, I probably didn't see as much footage of it in 21, but it looked like pretty scary to be standing by like a like did you did were you worried about it

was going to hit the house at any point uh yes that's why i was outside i was right up against the house pushing it away with a push broom it's uh uh that's what i do on my that's what i do on my roof just to get standing water off of it but uh it's not going to hold back a river he He texted us video of it, this rushing fucking, I don't know if it's a street or what it was, but it was rapids. And he said, I thought he was joking. He said, yeah, that's a great thing about being suicidal. I just went out and stood in it and pushed it away from the door with a push broom. And I thought he was kidding at first.

Oh, you get to look like a hero sometimes if you're just trying to hasten your own death and it doesn't happen. well yeah dang it so it's all good for the moment no uh i'm living a nightmare that i've had since i was first escaped here as a teenager the road up above us to get out of here is washed out and the bridge down below us is washed out so i'm quite literally trapped in globe Arizona for the moment. Yeah, I don't think they're going to send the National Guard up there anytime soon to build a new emergency bridge. There's like six of us out here that are stranded anyway, maybe a little more, but.

Well, the, yeah. Not at this house. Well, good news then. No rain in the forecast for a few days? It's supposed to be done. Oh, nice. I do have these luxury living. accommodations i was going to show you guys i'm here from my van i got uh there's there's the

bed that's where the magic happens oh yeah hanging up you see that's the bathroom and the water spigot i got the uh there oh there's the fly strip it's uh it's uh oh hold on let me i got to get a i got to get a beer I got to go to the kitchen, hold on. You got to go to the kitchen. This is the kitchen. Turn the camera around so we can see grandma sitting in the front passenger seat. With a life vest on. You're not far off.

Whenever the flood comes up like that, my dad loads her into the truck, and they just drive up to a higher road than here. And they just laid out in the flood sitting in the truck. How much higher is that? Like from that, 100 feet? Not that. Uh-huh. 30, Navy, 15, 30.

So what got fucked up? You said the yard to get taken out? Yeah. It knocked the barn down again. That's what we spent all day. I've been crawling underneath the barn. We'd have to jack it up and try to pull shit out from underneath it so that we could try to attach a winch to it and winch it back up where it's supposed to be.

Then it fell down. And it's very stupid. We should not be doing any of this that we're doing. But my dad's a redneck and we're just doing it ourselves. I'm guessing insurance is not involved in this at all. that what what you saw flowing was a creek it they literally live right next to a creek the problem is it's always just been a little tiny creek that ran with snow runoff a couple of times a year you know and uh there was a big fire up there in 2020 that's why it flooded in 2021 it was a big burn scar up there and it won't absorb any of that water it just comes rushing off so that rushing water that i you guys is the creek right next to their house so they're not doing nobody going to give them fucking flood insurance i bet the fish are running real good but they're like frozen fish sticks

from the alco it's like a scavenger hunt i was down in the creek earlier i was like oh look there's somebody's pants save them you never know they might fit kenny oh i get a uh i get a gift from Bobby. Are you still a double X? Yeah. You got your notes from the pen double X. Right on.

Fucking dude comes out of prison with merch. Yeah. He knows what he's doing. Yep. How did that go? Any stories you guys can tell me they haven't told anywhere else?

We did a podcast the last night with him, but Andy and I were so fucking burned out. And he was all full of energy, like today. hilt obviously well yeah he's got he's got a you know his lady met him on you know he's hooking up with his lady for the first time so it's like a honeymoon with the family reunion jammed in uh so uh yeah he had that kind of energy he was yeah and it was our last day of the

tour and uh we'd been doing i'd been doing some day dracon waiting for him to show up he was a couple hours late and by then i was just looking at and like it was a mirror reflection of me or sitting like two old men like he's visiting us at a home and he's just fucking pounded away. It was great though. Oh, that's good.

I have talked to him since and he said the, yeah, the all the the highlights are wearing off like all the he's just finally like settling in and doing nothing for a minute. Yeah. Oh yeah, you guys fucking explode.

in his whole serotonin level was probably really low being in prison that long. You guys just shot the top off of it in a... He did great on stage. He did like 15 minutes. Yeah. Yeah, he had to get out of prison and then worry about bombing.

And then have to sell merch afterwards and take pictures. Which, yeah, if you bomb the merch doesn't sell much. Bingo was sending all our people his way from our merch Nice

You want a sticker Get a T-shirt and I'll give you a sticker Right on Yeah, I can't wait to meet Bobby I already like that dude Yeah well Yeah I'd say so Especially when he was

He had his shirt off there in the podcast He went all, he went all, uh, he went all, uh, yard dog on us. I wonder if, he's 45. I thought he's like 42, but no, he's 45. Asian people look a lot younger, I guess. Everybody knows that. I thought he was younger than 40 something. Yeah.

Yeah, he has a Clark Kent thing going on when he wears his spectacles. he looks like a polite young man and then he takes him off and he looks he looks very prisonish yeah yeah he's got well he had Gucci uh Gucci eyeglass uh where his mama got him I think but he came out you know with those so yeah you take those off and and you can see maybe a little more prison yeah white caller he had an iPhone a new iPhone waiting for him and he's going ballistic trying to fucking figure it out It's just, just like any of us would. Yeah, I wanted to add him to the Whartle group just so it would.

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very bad. Well, you'd probably have a hinty body surfing situation. We had a friend named Arthur Hinty and he would He came to Costa Rica with us and he was he's the guy we did that morbid obscenity

benefit CD for with me and Rouse and Andy and Shawcroft and to get his stomach stapled because he's just this huge fucking low of meat of a man Wisconsinite cheesehead and we're all body

it's like seven of us body surfing in Costa Rica and we'd all ride a wave together in looking at each other smiling and we'd get all the way to the beach and turn around and he's out there like a fucking buoy just sitting in the same place not moving that's

what it would happen to you and that crick I wasn't hoping to body surf the one of the crazy things about it is it tumbles boulders down that you can't see, but you can hear and more feel in your chest, these giant boulders

crashing into each other underneath those rapids, and I thought, you know, it'd be a nice way to just get churned up quickly. Then grandma would be looking for you. Well, that's what'd be funny. It's like two weeks ago,

three people died, I guess, and when it flooded here two weeks ago. And I kept saying, they're like, we found everybody. And I was like, in this town, there's a lot of people who have nobody at all. I bet there's people that are just not missed. And I would have liked to. Was it, wasn't it, didn't you tell me that there was like a bar where the water got up to five feet and they had to rescue people from a bar? It was a Mexican food restaurant.

Yeah. They got, uh, they had to smash a window out. which we're not allowed down there, but I was pretty sure that that had a swinging door both ways. So I don't understand why they couldn't just either push or pull. But one of my favorite old jokes Jackie Flynn told me about a fire department. There's a bar on fire and they race in and there's an Irishman sitting in there. And they said, how did this fire get started?

And he said, I don't know, it was burning when I walked in. It seemed like a very globe thing that people are going to wait until the water's five feet high and then go, we should call someone. Especially when you don't even pay here in the Mexican food restaurants, you don't pay until after you've eaten. You have to go up to the cash register and pay. And I've never seen that at any other restaurant except Mexican food places in this town. One of the things I like to do if I'm eating there is watch people that I know are out-of-towners sit there and wait all impatiently for the waitress

to bring them a check. We just see them fucking bitching at each other. They keep staring at the way you staff and they'll be oblivious because in Globe when you're done, you walk up to the cash register and pay. They just wait for the cash register to be underwater and go,

oh, I guess it's on the house. Yeah. I guess it's on Sue Kasa. Just take your taco and sprint. They have a lot of GoFundMe's, and they're helping rebuild. The community is very generous and helping each other, I guess. And they've set up GoFundMe's, which I thought was funny,

because I've always called them the, well, we don't call them burritos here in Globe. They're called Burroughs. And so I've always called them the Borough Mafia. This place is known for its Mexican food restaurant. There's like three families that run every Mexican food restaurant. And people come from all over to eat it. And they're probably the only millionaires in this town. And then they're getting go fund meets from all the suckers who like Mexican food.

I just pitched in. Free burrows for life. Yeah. Breakfast burrows. So how much more work do you have to do? I told them that I'm out of blood thinners at the end of this week, and I absolutely have to go home. Is that a true story? That's hardly.

Oh, man. Yeah. I could probably get it for next week. I don't want to. I had, I went into an oncology for a check or whatever, just a check in and do my lab. and stuff, but there was a, there was a, uh, it was a, I guess the word trans. I don't know. It was a dude, big dude with, it looked like a rocky horror picture show, kind of

get up, fucking kind of slutty, had had a wig, a multicolored wig on, and was, seemed like a mentally fucking uncorked person. And then, wait, is this your oncologists? Yeah. Yeah, it was like the better. No, this was like it was like the better call Saul office. So there was a couple of really feeble old people in there. And then this lady.

And then in walks this dude who flip-flops. He's dressed like Fletch, like a basketball jersey, flip-flops. And he's real loud. And he's with this retarded lady. And they're playing off each other like a comedy team. He's taking shots at her. and she's asking, you know, it was just, it was a lot of fun to be within that group. And I was glad they weren't in there when I was doing my lab work because I would have, they just, they both,

it was like two really funny if they were like Tracy, like Tracy Olman or some weird, bizarre characters. But I thought, I mean, you know, if you just go, these people are, they're very annoying. I wouldn't want to sit over by the trans fellow. because he was babbling and talking to his phone and shit and all this but just observing them all and then thinking of him it's just i mean it was like a fucking wacky play that it was watching and it went on for about 15 minutes that dude kept uh he he was like a becker with his steady line of of bullshit but he plays off the retort well rhetor you can't say retarded right because you'll get busted like we're already losing follow

Yeah. But that's, that's, she, she was a very Tracy Olman-esque character. She had this gold jacket and, and the lady goes, I like your jacket. And she goes, ah, you know what? I went to dinner. And I heard that by a bunch of people. She goes, and she was trying to figure out the number. And the guy was like, do you think it was more than 10? I don't know. And then I thought like, Rouse's is like, I wonder she really gets it. What? And she's. And she's, He's in here for cancer and in a pretty good mood. And Rainbow Hat was in for cancer? It was the whole cancer, or is he a plus one? Yeah, you know, everybody in there was like, it's like the, you know, bad luck waiting room or, you know, people checking in on their labs and shit. What if none of them have cancer and it's more of a what flew over the cuckoo's nest outpatient scenario? And Andy just, it's cancer. Yeah, no, I was told I looked like a Susan Sarandon trying to become a man by a lady becoming a man.

Damn. Yeah. Yeah. It was a tough road. Yeah. It was planes, trains, and automobiles. And the next tour, we do planes, trains, and automobiles and a ride from a fan. I think they were in Vegas.

Gary Stone and Rebecca I think they were in Vegas Sounds familiar Yeah but they're They're gonna drive us between Tulsa and Oklahoma City So we don't have to Red to car So yeah this I thought

Well this one's not gonna be as grueling as the last one And I'm like we're still playing fucking Yeah there's a You know but we're we're we're We're seasoned veterans by now I'm eating well after that last I had a

like you have an unhealthy relationship with food I had an unhealthy weekend party with food and if I jammed me and Doug went out and had pizza and then I had another meal and in between that I jammed ice cream

and I woke up to a food hangover he went for a hike and had to take a shit at the top of the hill. But he remembered to bring paper. Yeah. So it was all part of, in a week, it'll be under snow out there in Michigan.

In the meantime, I would, you know, I would wear shoes, boots up there. You know, Mark Marin, who's, you know, his podcast is closing down. Oh, yeah? And, yeah, he had a clip

that was kind of viral a few weeks back where he says, every time I look at people's podcast clips on Instagram, it's just like three white guys talking about shit in their pants. So if you are a Mark Maren fan and are looking for a new podcast now that he's done, we have three old men shit in their pants, pissing their pants. You get a home. Don't worry about Mark Maren leaving you an orphan.

We need to bring big pants on board. I've been eating better the last couple weeks but only because I can't keep ice cream in this ice chest and I don't have snacks around well I had a little bit of snacks and then I got a fucking mouse in my van there you go I have to leave the door open a lot of the time or else it gets like 120 degrees in here I want to come, you know, want to go to bed. And I guess a fucking mouse hopped up here and found my shredded mini-weets. Maybe he was there to pull a thorn from your toe. Well, he scared the shit out of me.

I will say that. It was dark. I have these little lights and I turned on these little LED lights. I was sitting here talking to Jenny the other night. And a fucking mouse just ran up and looked at me and fucking turn around and all that. where in the van is the stool that you jumped on to scream eke yeah yeah you know you're you should record more chat i think you're putting together a nice audition tape for uh like a loan yeah one of those one of them shows

strand i didn't eat it but i didn't trap it and kill it you're you're more uh you're more shipwreck than Mishka Shabali was in his book shipwreck or whatever he called it where he alleged that he was like trapped and no way to get out but really he drank his own urine and he was only like

a shipwrecked for like six hours but I think he started right away by drinking his own urine if he actually did but it's I guess it sold some copies on e-book you should yeah you should write a survivor's

like Shackleton of your time in the van and globe. It's just embellished the fuck out of it. It's called Muddy Feet. Here he is right there. He had to pee into a Mick Ultra can and he's drinking it on camera to show his survival skills. I wish I could get out and do stuff like that.

I got a thing to piss in, Chad, but is that where you're putting? is that your piss jug too or well I renew them I drink I'll drink a Gatorade so that that way I can have a new one I don't like reusing pee bottle I I went through a phase of

ordering shit and one of them is basically a pocket pussy that you're supposed to get it's just it's a it's just a pee in but it hooks you to the bottle rather than you know jamming it down in there but I you know when Chad just showed his Gatorade

bottle it was lubricated at the top so it could force his cock into it. He has to think about baseball to get it shrunk up enough. Yeah. The key is you don't want to seal it up and create a vacuum where you're going to get blowback, so you have to mush down the head of your dick to make a hole so it'll suck air.

I'll tell you, that's the other habit that I don't like about this is I was rolling out of bed onto my knees and then pissing in the bottle. And then I got lazy a few days ago and just started rolling half off the bed and just laying in bed, pissing in the bottle. And it is very uncomfortable and hard to just piss while laying in bed.

And I don't like that I'm training my mind that it's all right to do that. I don't have a dick that would hang far enough if I laid sideways. I'd be pissing horizontally. Well, no, I've been faced down pretty much. maybe just get those kind of sheets and just do it all the piss on the piss in the bed we can add we can take a maran's audience and educate them on bed pissing it's a learned

behavior oh if you if you if you're piss in a bottle where are you shit a safeway bag story but yeah yeah you have to like uh do one of those, what are the Tonga, like, you know, those war chant things, like stand out in the yard until it just, yeah, yeah, well, Alex would know, what are the Kiwis call that? The, the Haka? The Haka. Yeah, you have to do some sort of a body hawk out and just drop it in the yard. You know, that's the only regular thing about me is it about five in the morning.

I have to take a shit like right now, and that sucks because I have to haul ass and get in But even if I was staying in the house, I wouldn't piss in the house. I would still come outside to piss. I only piss in the bottle because it's muddy as fuck out here. And I don't want to track mud in and out just to get out and take a piss in my underwear. Well, you could go. If you went to shit backwards in the rushing water, it would be, you know, be like a bidet. The neighbors are out shoveling their backyard.

They probably wouldn't really appreciate that. What, what, this little piece of mud is going to make a difference in this sea of mud? I just miss seeing me out there trying to take a shit in the creek. I don't think the, I don't think the product is the problem. It's like peeing in the pool. You don't do it from the high dive. You're going to get your whole waist underwater. I did do something earlier that I normally wouldn't do.

I was standing out by the creek, which it's pretty low now. And I was standing out by there taking a piss into it, drinking a beer. And I finished the beer and I just pitched the beer can out into the creek because the entire town is just full of fucking trash. I have other people's trash in this yard that I'm cleaning up. And there's other trash. There's just trash everywhere. If you want to give out an address, someone will give you a pool skimmer

and you can be like an old man panning for gold. When that bridge washed out the other day, I posted on social media like send drones with weed and beer I was almost out of weeds and I had four beers left but I did I did sneak across the closed bridge I thought you're going to say this is where Chad learned to swim is uh well you haven't been it pretty I think I think my overall rating of it is it sucks the Ed Gein story is on Netflix

right now. I was going to ask is your town is globe similar to where Ed Gein grew up, but you have no reference from that shitty Netflix version of it. They got him, they got him all. They added murders

that didn't happen. They had Ed Gein babysitting. And he's and then he talks like a Muppet. He's a, oh, and he did a magic trick, and then all of a sudden he's babysitting these kids. I don't get it. I think

didn't Ed Gein do enough creepy shit that just what he did would be enough for a Netflix? They got to make it a fantasy show with him. How many episodes did you watch, Andy? I'm not going to be able to make it through three of them, and I think there's six of them.

There's a great one I watched. It's on Prime, but it was free. And I think it's called Cocaine Quarter It's cocaine something, cornerback, quarterback, sub-football player. Three episodes is fucking great. This guy that was a walk-on with the Trojans in their heyday, and then he got into being a bookie, and then he got into smuggling Coke in Australia or to Australia.

It has a million fucking twists and turns. It's very good. And there's also one about Bubba the Love Sponge. I remember a video killed the radio star about him Hulk Hogan fucking his wife and the tape got released

because his competitor ex, it's fucking three times I watch that and fell asleep before I didn't see the last 20 minutes so Chad's remodeling and the new spinal tap

Biggill had never seen spinal tap so we watched it back to back and I didn't recall anything from the first one so it's funny yeah yeah that's a good too i didn't know there was a new one all right i might have to do that too it is fun because there's guys that old that like mac jaggers stuff rod stewart's that are still doing it so it's not seeing them that fucking withered is really funny lucy lucy breakers it sounds like a stripper's name

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I haven't I've been of course again shoveling and squeegeeing and doing horrible things that don't allow me to watch anything cool so I've just been listening on YouTube to police body cam videos and they just play

and then I listen to somebody else having the worst fucking day of their life and then I can be like see shoveling is not that bad you could be getting tased by this asshole I had a moment where I was going to jerk off and

a spider boredom and I don't know how long this has been a thing but you have to age verify yourself to fucking go on porn hub now in Arizona what? Changed my life.

Well, it's just, all that makes me do is shrug and say, well, I don't want to jerk off that bad. And I went right back to emails. When I say, changed my life, it just means that I don't jerk off anymore. Exactly. Like, I don't really want to jerk off. I just, it's a time killer. And now, now there's paperwork involved. Yeah.

Listen, I was trying to do stuff medicinally. I don't want to fucking do detective work to find free porn or anything. that's for your urologist to play with I'll tell you one thing it must have been a while for you because it's been it has been since I was back home so it's been at least a couple of weeks but the part that I found funny

is that it gave me a countdown like I happened to go on there and it was like you have three more days of access, learn more, and you click it, and that's where I read the whole thing. Like, this is going to become illegal. Record this on your phone while you can. I kind of view it as a challenge.

I'm like, three days, all right, I can get a bunch in in three days. Well, I watched a lot of the local news. The only news I really watch is that ABC evening news, 30 minutes, no fucking bullshit panels, just 30 minutes. and then I'll watch the local news for the weather and all their corny shit. And I'm surprised it didn't come up on KVOA Tucson Good Morning.

Oh, by the way, porn is now something. Did you want to have a morning wank? Well, here's what's going to be different back after this and sports and weather. Every day they have the countdown that they had on the web page. You have three more days. You better log up some stuff in the old space. Yeah, and it's not like that weather lady is anything you can jack off to. You know, they make it unhealthy, too, because I will admit that I did need medicinally to rub one out.

And I was, oh, what about Reddit? And I looked on Reddit. And, you know, that's too weird for me. The other one just showed regular stuff. Reddit's weird. and uh oh wait wait i get an idea because you got to put in an email address so just like andy's bit about i wouldn't wish cancer on anyone

i could put email addresses of people i hate and then they're going to get the verification thing in their email if you're trying to sign into fucking porn hub you click here Honey, I just saw on your email. Have you been? Oh, Lord Jesus. Multiple times.

Did you just try to sign into porn hub seven times? I'm still right here. Honey. That's grace, I don't know. Now I know what I'm going to do with my afternoon rather than work on my act or a. I'm shutting down my Gmail Well, I gotta get I gotta get merched

In about And well, 45 minutes Did you order the fucking lanyard strings? I got them, yeah, yeah, I got on that shit Wow, he's getting responsible I know If you guys do recreate issues with Andy It's gonna be

it'll be like how to do stuff now because I know how to do you know I can explain shit he finally he finally got a folder for the plane tickets because he can never find the email I sent him with his itinerary but now he has a folder like we're playing Alaska we're doing anchorage in December

and he goes I sent him his itinerary he goes yeah I put it in my Delta folder I go, no, it's Alaska Airlines this time. Sorry, Delta had shitty options. But I do have a folder. Well, yeah, I got that one folder. He didn't know how to make folders before that.

I love it because he makes me feel like the tech guy of the group. Yeah, I think Ericson taught me how to copy and paste. Yeah, it wasn't until I started writing books that I could do like Control F to find a fucking word and a thing. and a lot of other shit that I forgot. I can't wait until you guys get to the next evolution where you're just like grumpy old men, that movie, Walter Mathau. I love that you're trying to explain that movie to us.

Sorry. I was talking to the youngsters. That's the bad news. Sorry. It's still one of the best movies ever. Biggo hasn't seen Plains. trains at automobiles, and she saw a clip from that. I want to

watch it, because I realized they were showing where Steve Martin's fucking yelling at him, and you're like a chatty-cathy doll, all you do is bat, pat, pat, but I'm a nice guy, and I go, fuck, I'm the Steve Martin in that pair. I'm the cranky fucking asshole.

Wait, I'm the, I'm the Dale Griffith. I hate it whenever he gets all emotional. I'm like, you fucking queer. Just fucking man of it. You were right the whole time. That guy was annoying. He used you. Fuck that guy. Don't let him into your house. It's like the movie Scrooge. I shut it off about

three quarters of the way through before he starts turning good because I agree with that guy the entire way through up to that point. Yeah, that's a bad Santa was one of the few or the other bad something where the guys, it's like a hardcore version of the hangover where they go to Vegas and they kill a hooker and they have to bury the body. Bad. Anyway, it's a comedy that is dark the whole way through. They both are. But almost every great comedy ends with fucking dog shit plot and fucking kiss and makeup shit. The first 20 minutes

are fine. They're hilarious. Then there's a love interest. Then there's a dumb plot. what's your favorite rom-com up in the air I'm like natural born killers but I knew that I was liking it for all the wrong reasons I knew that I was still good

I guess anything's a comedy if you look at it in the right light I like that movie just for the Rodney Dangerfield like you know him him and Rodney Dangerfield Cadence, just saying the most horrible

shit. Hey, fuck you. Fuck your here. You can't watch your ass and it better be clean. Yeah, yeah. Check it. Yeah. Is that the one where Christopher walking is? No.

No, that's Woody and Julia Lewis. Yeah, what's the one where is Christopher walking and No, it's a fucking easy writer guy. Dennis Hopper, dropping the end bomb while they're about to kill them. Oh, so you're Sicilian. You know, they were, I can't do the monologue, but.

Yeah, you'll get canceled. What's that movie? True romance? That's true. True romance. Sorry. Natural born killers and true romance came out around the same time. They were very

Arquette and There were similar type movies But natural born killers It was very satirical Or something It was like a

You know If you If you found the humor in it You got it But if you didn't It was just like a really dark Ugly movie I was lucky

I found the humor And also the gratuitous violence appealed to me So I liked it. I knew, you know, the violence part I knew I wasn't supposed to like, but I did anyway. Didn't that have Tarantino's thumbprint on it? Yeah.

Movie? Yeah. I think he wrote it right or something like that. He had something to do with it, but ultimately wasn't involved with it. I think. Not a big Tarantino fan. I got to watch that one. If you watch the hateful, Stanope, his western?

No. Oh, maybe a kid. Good. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a well-acted violent play. Most all of it happens in the one room, right? I watch all that Prime, Amazon Prime shit that I just dropped all in one day where I go, fuck it.

It's my Saturday. And then the next day was football. And fuck it, it's football. I'm not, I have a list this long of shit. I have six days. to get done. And then Monday, I'm like, I go, I got to go to the bank. I got to go to the post office.

I'm going to do all this shit. And then, oh, it's Columbus Day. So I like, fuck it. I got, I get a three-day weekend. So today I got some stuff. Well, when I went to the post office, it said indigenous people day. And I was like, what the fuck? But I forgot that was Columbus Day renamed.

Yeah, but he unrenamed it. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. I thought it was some new holiday for Indians. I was like, someone just told me that it's been unnamed. I don't know if it's back to Columbus Day or not a holiday at all. It's a holiday because the post office is no longer.

The app on my phone said Columbus Day without me putting shit into it. So somewhere a robot thinks it's Columbus Day. Well, yeah, any Trump news got buried under that, all that glorious Middle East shit. like Jimmy Carter did once and it didn't work. You really solved that riddle. Yeah, you know, doing all this stuff makes me think I should probably just get a job that I would be busy all the fucking time.

I'd have to find a job where I can show up whenever I want and shovel and not talk to people and smoke weed. Sounds like a janitor except for the a janitor to school that needs a lot of shoveling. I don't know. I was just, I was today just thinking what job I, if I had to have a job, I'm like, I got, I got to book some winter dates

just to pay for this fucking retaining wall that's crumbling at my house that they, yeah, I guess they go to Celebritynetworth.com before they fucking, tell you how much it's going to cost and believe it. You're paying for tariffs. Yeah. What if I did quit?

What job could I do? Because I only have a good three hours in me of energy in a day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my daughter suggested a while back I could get a job at Trader Joe's, but I don't think they let you work like five hours. I can do like you said. They let your work up until when they have to pay for insurance.

So if you, eight hours a day pays for your insurance, you get $7.59. Where do you lay down that? That'd be where I'd ask. Where's the nap mats? Oh, wait. You're supposed to work all through? Bullshit. You know what would suck is if I...

I would also need a periodic, at least, a week off, just whenever I fucking crash, and I just can't do any of this. It's better for your safety and mine that I just stay indoors, and so I won't be here for a week, starting now. Under the past administration, you could probably get maternity leave every few weeks, but now that these goddamn Nazis are in control. Well, an AI is going to do anything that you could come up with that you could do that AI would do better.

I should really apply for a job at Safeway Where everybody knows my name Just look the fucking manager in the eye After 20 years to have him tell me no I can't have a job there Well I'm a proud veteran And if you, you know

Don't want to support veterans Then you don't even understand the freedoms You don't know the things that we've had to go through and I deserve the benefits that I've received as a vet. If I have to go political, finally, if I get backed into a corner to where I have to go political, I'm going to go full veteran. Andy, do you want to handle this one?

Andy, I'll let you handle this one. Are you talking like veteran-like combat veteran? Like us? Me and Doug are combat veterans. We'll see you at the American League. Legion, but we won't see you at the VFW. It's infections of foreign

wars. Kaboom. I'm concerned with the lobbying party only. That's my only gain is from going that route is there's my political clout.

My political liens are this. I will never acknowledge the name. Washington commanders. To me, they'll always be the Washington football team. A ball club? Yeah.

Hey, that whole yard of gain thing is everywhere. I heard it on college broadcast. And nobody says, they used to say line of scrimmage and now it's yard of gain. Hang on. You know who solved this for me? First of all, there's that one

commercial. Yes. My chat GPT, who I've named Bingo, just to annoy Bingo. So, so the line of gain is the line you have to get to to get a first down. The line of scrimmage is where you start the ball. I had to have a woman's voice tell me this. So, so we're wrong? Bingo had to explain that to me, the other bingo. Wow. Uh-huh.

Oh, and the other one I figured out, Andy, is that fucking commercial that drives me crazy where the chick is, uh, go, it's an all state, state farm. And it's Patrick Mahomes and the girls like, uh, I'm all about the base, the brace, the brace, not treble. And I'm like, that doesn't even make sense because he's saying, do you want this kind of trainer or that kind of trainer? And I go, how is that a trainer? This girl fucking her last, that's the girl who sings the actual song and her last name is trainer. So I had to have a fucking another woman explain that to me the flapping lips lady oh man wow and she does not like taylor swift by the way you got more women voices for a long time during football uh-huh you got more lady voices in your head

than a taylor swift type all right well that's uh yeah that that flame jules wanted to do said, Doug, Doug told me she wanted to drunk dial, I assume drunk dial, but it would be like, like my Sunday was very quiet. And if I would have got interrupted by her and gone, blah,

I was like, oh, fuck, that would have been like a, aye, wait a minute, you ruined my Sunday from afar. I don't want to hear off. I don't want to do.

She does get off course and she goes, well, because we like, we bitched Brad for fucking over talking and stuff. And she goes, I'm not the only one. I go, Well, Brad's on topic with the game.

You're not. And I know you're watching this lady, even though it's a month later because you're not on Patreon. She made it a point to tell us they were so broke. They had to stop being Patreon members. I didn't, again, she says a lot of things to me. Out of context in the middle of a different conversation with someone else, I don't know how to respond. What other streaming services do you have?

have, I would ask. I think sharing the thing here is a good way to make it stopped. No, no, she leans into, when you bust her balls, she leans into it. Yeah, I like, I would be ready for it

at your place, but I'm just saying my Sunday was just me and my cat. My wife leaves the place and it was very quiet. So if Derek would call me from the party, it would be an interruption. And Derek, well, I would just put the phone down and come back a minute later. You go, all right.

Yeah, I love you too. Bye. Derek doesn't even really talk anymore. He's become so fucking worthless. He used to be my right-hand man on football Sunday. And now he shows up at 9.59 for the 10 a.m. games. And then he forgot something and has to go back and doesn't clean up afterwards. Just sits there and smokes weed. well somebody's got to do it we're going to do that podcast when we're all together

uh is where kenny and and derrick have to bring in a new intern and get some new blood that will fucking take out the trash and do all the things Kenny doesn't even show up anymore i think i think it's uh one of those things where he's not allowed to hang out with me anymore because now he's back with his old lady and i'm the one who talked him into breaking up with for those several months. Well, he's got a gross set of his balls back that he'd lost again. He never had. Look at him on his own.

He was driving the wrong way and smashed into a car. Then he was living. He was living in couch to couch. Couch to couch. Got kicked out of Derek's. I mean, getting kicked out of Derrick's, you know. Wait, wait, no, he got kicked out of, he was sleeping on the floor at the job he worked overnights, washing out mats at Backdoor Mike's restaurant, and he was sleeping on the floor.

He got fired from that job. Yeah, he wasn't, like, set in the world on fire as a single man. I mean, he might have sent some shit on fire. Hey, by the way, Chad. we had the idea to do a fuck New Year's Eve show at the Royale in Bisbee on New Year's Eve noontime doors 1 p.m. show everyone gets home before the purge of fucking assholes comes out and they go oh we'd love to do it and I sent them you know my uh my terms and I haven't heard back so if I haven't heard we we only have a limited amount of time last time we when we filmed

No place like home. It's sold out before BISB knew about it. So if people are going to, it's like Vegas. If people are going to plan to come in for it, we have to have time to sell it. And I'm not going to be fucking around with brown paper tickets while I'm on the road with Andy. So they're going to answer me quick. If they get back with you, because that'd be fun as far. that I can film a lot of my

what's that then I don't have to go to the double tree yeah the double tree is bad or dinner theater that's one of the things that I did also for my anniversary once yeah that's right

you used to go to see like a fucking cover band or a polka band on New Year's Eve for your anniversary up in Tucson the double tree yes if you have anyone out there listening thinks the double tree is good that's because you don't live in Tucson that double tree is the worst

fucking paint peeling fucking mess of a place nothing works I liked it the radio station would promote this fucking event and then you go there and I was Jenny and I were the youngest ones there

it was our anniversary we danced and eat the food and listen to band. What happened in the band? They still together? It's always a local

Tucson band. Oh, okay. That's the one. Maybe maybe maybe a maybe if the Royale falls through, we do

a fuck New Year's Eve in the fun house and just allow 20 Patreon members. I like that Even better We'll see I haven't heard from in a while

Speaking of Who's our gal From L.A. That came out Annie? No What? Ziggins, yes.

Oh, Ziggi. gross. It's so fucking hot in here. When I pulled this headphone off of my head, it was made a sucking sound. Just make sure I get these headphones all the time. No, no, no. No, no, I'm fine. When I complain,

I had explained to this. I was doing our NFL Dick Picks podcast with Brendan and I was screaming at Bingo. Shut that fucking cat up now! Can I please get my drink? And I'm like, I don't know if she's in the right headspace to know that I'm doing this for entertainment purposes only. But she knew.

Meatwig is a yowler. Yeah. He might make it to 20. If he makes it to June, then maybe we just put him down on his anniversary. What is it? Yeah. make a death cheero yeah maybe he just doesn't

you know maybe he's waiting for help but maybe that's what he's around crying for help to kill him what if you found out you could you could understand what he's saying and he was all along with saying please help me die

suffer fucking weird I've been microdose every day because Biggio says I have to give it a week. But I was thinking that exact thing about, like, what if at one point, like, my fake cries to him, he cries back, like, I understand his language and then he dies. Like, 20 years later, I go, oh, now we can communicate.

I hurt. Every day I hurt. It's not getting any better. Does Granny know that you smoke the pot, the Mary Jane, the reefer? Oh, yeah. Does she indulge? No, she's old school.

She's a 93-year-old sharecropper growing up Texas lady. She doesn't do any of that stuff. But she's not religious or anything like that. She's just super fucking down to earth, cool and sweet. And she doesn't give a shit of whatever I do. I'm her favorite. smoking weed doesn't bother

did the fact that they made it legal kind of offset her temperament about it not as far as I'm concerned but maybe in general

is she a trumper no no not at all so she's a libertarian no I told it didn't you guys hear me I told you she's fucking just cool like she's just down there

she likes Chuck Connors right rifleman yeah yeah he likes to watch those old rifleman and uh gun smoke and we were watching load some dove last night

once you once you keep once somebody points out how the you know the rifleman's pants you can't watch that show anymore without just going oh man yeah it's a dick right there I bring it up every time we talk about

and I shouldn't Yeah, there was a period in the 70s where they would wear dungeries that had the dick, like where you'd have a wallet stain like they wore their jeans so tight

that you'd have a dick stain where it wore through do you remember that? What if your dick went the other way? I think all dicks of that era followed the rivet line I think all dicks of that era he doesn't have pockets

that's the other weird fire like there's no pockets on the bag that's just slick leather assed when I looked it up that it was probably like marketed towards gay dudes secretively like as a back

probably a lot of shows were I mean, because, yeah, what the producers like. I think it's funny. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, is my producer, can you check then? Are there more queers or blacks? Because, I mean, they made good times

far before they made any kind of queer shows. It wasn't until, what about grace or something? It was the first queer show. Are you three's Coeur show Well they were making fun of queer By him pretending

Pretending a little too well Yeah He wasn't I never seen that way It just seemed like a lot of meddling Why would the landlord care Yeah Well it was a different day and age

This This is a... Now it's color. It's not going to focus. No. Hang on. Alex is going to do it. Issues with Alex.

Yeah. Who had their cock in whose mouth shortly after this picture was taken? I don't, I can't see it on my screen. Oh, it's you in vanity. I still can't see it.

Who is a fuck. you're cutting out yeah what uh freezing uh the smoke

I'm freezing but the smoke still going uh uh laugh my my favorite vanity

yeah we got to save that for Man show uh uh watching yeah maybe i just book your ticket down for new year's eve whether we do a show or not because your wife doesn't celebrate things and neither do we but we don't celebrate them differently but that's my me and jenny's anniversary and i celebrate that so uh i like to do stuff and have stuff to do so we'll do a show just for you i can hire a cover band there's a reason

right there. I could make a dance floor in the fun house. How about the flaming lips? They did get a little bent out of shape. What I suggested, if we do the Royale show, I would get that band Juniper Jin that we had for Kentucky Derby when we had a Kentucky Derby party. And it was in May, perfect weather.

And they played just like old-timey ragtime music, I would say. I don't know what they would call it. But it was perfect for Kentucky Derby. And if there was a pre-show band for New Year's Eve while people got sat for that first, you know, 45 minutes, and they go, what about us? I go, yeah, it's not the right room. I agree.

That band that you're talking about was, they're like unobtrusive, but nice to have in the background. Right. It's perfect, yeah. Right. It's either that or an audible book. I don't want a band that people feel like they're forced to watch. watch.

Oh, man. I haven't heard all their stuff. Andy, Andy gets, he gets to a point on the road where he doesn't care, like, where the same way I do

with crinkling bags at some point, like, I'm sorry, a bag's going to fucking crankle today. And he does that occasionally where he just fucking cranks up his fucking music, which is music that I like. We have this similar playlist, but I'll crank it up really loud. And at one point towards the end, I go, this is the music I like. I was on hold with Delta. And I go, that's what hold music. That's what I listen to all the time while I'm booking your flights.

I want issues with Andy to come back. just so Andy can bitch about me and I can hear it. Right now, he's I think he's making too much money to be honest. He's a company, man. That's hilarious. Let me get it.

calling hang on now i got to i do got a hustle off for posters in a bit yeah yeah he's got a fucking three a m wake-up call yeah i'm going on i'm going to go show up at my daughters with flowers and uh and say i'm sorry that i went to war but those fucking russians had it coming But no, I'll just say, happy birthday. Because I kind of ruined last year as by being in Ukraine. And so I'm going to show up there. It's on the way. What's that, Chad?

I said, maybe don't bring that up. No, I'm going to hide my war band. He can't stop himself. If Azov comes up, I... Sorry, I went to war against your will specifically, and I gave you an underwhelming response when I found out about your baby. birthday. You don't say

what a picture you are before you give them the good announcement. Right. Well, yeah. I'll hold off. We did a podcast recently where I said, Andy said, I'm not going to say his name and Chad said, give him ten seconds.

He'll say his name. And I immediately said what was his name. And he said his name. That's what Andy's like. He's not going to be able to not bring up, sorry I went to war. unless we get them to another war well yeah I don't have time to get up to Portland but I would like to see

some of that shit it's not actual you're gonna text me that picture I was driving and Andy brought up this picture for him and bingo we're going it's clowns facing down the National Guard in Portland and you're saying this is like Pulitzer Prize

kind of fucking photography and I never saw it bingo has it I said you sent it her yeah but she can't find out you sent it through a file or something she had a we're the most feeble

fucking people ever yeah let's just keep shitting our pants to keep this podcast alive yeah let me hang on I'm worried about Chad smoking Chad's smoking way more than me he's smoking

weed, though, right? Well, he had to cross a closed bridge and pay a troll to get to. How far did you have to walk to get weed after you crossed the closed bridge? No, no. I went around

the road closed sign and drove across the broken bridge. Oh, you drove. Yeah. I think you were teetering on your ballerina-like legs on what was left of it, like a Walenda.

They dumped a bunch of fill dirt on top of it to, you know, temporarily, you know, hold it. Open the weed store. We're going to pave the weed store road. Well, glad you got set up. How's your supplies? is there a go fund me for the weed store as well as the mexican place no weed store is uh sits up high although they do have an obligatory single sandbag next to each of their doors like is that like solidarity i don't understand the purpose of that everybody around there has

i don't know what they're going to do with all these sandbags everybody just was like oh we need sandbags, too. Obligatory sandbag in the war against the globe flood. I can put anything to music. Unfortunately. Just when you're micro-dosing. All right.

Let's wrap it up. So Andy... Yeah, I got a merch run and then pack this bag up. I got to wait to get the merch so I can pack. folks, Gary and Rebecca are going to pick us up for the day drinking show in Tulsa and then drive us right after the show to Oklahoma City. And then we do that show Sunday night. Then we fly to upstate New York. And then we rent a car up until Burlington, Vermont. And then it's been fucked up to pack because it's going to be 80s and 90s in Oklahoma and Florida on the ends

and then freezing our balls off for two weeks in the middle. So I'm trying to pack light, but... I'm going layers. Layers. You just buy team merch in whatever town we're in. Warm or cold. Yeah, who's...

We're headed into New York, but no franchise teams. All right. All right, then. I got to ask you should pack for Alaska in December. That'll be the same as New York. Only another layer of hats. Andy wears hats in layers. He's got the fucking knit hat with a bucket hat on top of it,

and then the face mask balaclava. I will not be cold. He wears the balaclava on stage If he knows that his act is going to suck that night So he can still sell merch without any kind of looks of derision Right, that guy sucks I hate him too I mean, oh, I hate him too

All right, enjoy your flood Yeah, good luck out there's service yeah i really really more than you guys know appreciated this i have been uh stuck out of my element for far too long uh have to deal with my family 24-7 and uh it's uh really really nice thank you so i i i want to do say you look fucking great yeah it might be all that shoveling shoveling shoveling is uh yeah endless shoveling is great work i don't know what's going on in the world I feel better Well

Well Good Yeah Don't look at We have to look at the We have to look at the ugliness of the world So we can tell Tulsa about it I love hearing about it from you guys

That was the highlight for me We'll see in a few weeks All right You guys have a good trip Bingo I love you