The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Leave Lumpy Alone (The Kenny Saga #2)

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

VIDEO VERSION FREE on YouTube. Donate bus fare for Kenny via Cashapp to $KENLAWRIE  Doug and Andy sit down with Kenny to discuss his precarious housing situation, while recounting tales of catching the bus and jello wrestling Episode first aired May 19 on Patreon. Sign up there or as a YouTube member for early content Stanhope living estate sale - www.ebay.com/usr/stinkchicken If you’re 21 or older, get 25% OFF your first order + free shipping@IndaCloud with code STANHOPE at https://inda.shop/STANHOPE#indacloudpod Get 15% OFF @MANSCAPED with code STANHOPE athttps://manscaped.com #ManscapedPartner #TCSocietySupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

We're going live in 3, 2, 1. Welcome to the Doug Stano podcast. What happened with Kenny? What's up with Kenny? Everyone wants to know what's the latest with Kenny? He took the bus. Now he takes the bus on the regular. Spoiler alert.

That's what I've been hearing. Kenny's a regular on the public transit, which I think that's great for the public and for you. It's usually the same three people on the bus every time I get on the bus too. It's one guy who gets on the bus with me. Today was a new experience. It was a tweaker lady that rolled up to the bus stop and sat right next to me like it was nothing. It was interesting. Then she put in 67 cents, which the bus driver looked at. He looked at the thing. he's like counting it,

looked back at her, looked at me like I was gonna cover it and I'm like, mm-hmm, here's my change and sat down and that was that. But that's common, I mean, if I were a tweaker and had a tweaker girlfriend, it's like when your dog's out and poops in somebody's yard, you act like it's not your dog. It wasn't my girlfriend.

Yeah. So that's, I It wasn't my girlfriend. Yeah. No, Terry. But yeah, so that's why I'm guessing that would be a standard. Then she got her first. Did she sit right next to you? No, no, she sat on the bench at the bus stop. I mean, I went to the one by the tennis courts. That's what I usually do.

I walk down there to wake up, you know, because it's early as fuck in the morning. And so I sit and I'm by myself. Breaking news. Mornings are early as fuck. So so you're still keeping your early shift hours? Yeah, on the weekends I go I don't even ride the bus because I got to go in at night. So that's because they open earlier. Okay, so do you get recognized on the bus now because you were against the bus and then we took you on a bus ride for fun Then I think the bus driver knows who recognizes who I am because he'll still drop me off at the Grand You know the other the guy that we didn't ride with he's still a little he plays music though on the bus

So it's like on it's rocking some 70s or 80s rock. You're like, yeah cool 70s or 80s rock and you're like, yeah, cool. I would dare you if we could get footage to next time you get on the bus, if there's one person on the bus sit right next to them on an empty bus. That was something I tried to challenge myself to do as a teenager. I don't know, man.

This is kind of very awkward. The three people sitting on the bus, I mean, the one dude's like, I think he's from Mexico and he don't speak English and I don't know if I want to sit Right next to him. He might you know, he was just up in town to work Who knows what he's doing on the side? but I would assume that people would recognize Kenny on the bus not yet because You are the Suzanne Walsh of needless entertainment

where you won a hot dog eating competition that we were there for. And then when we found out you were jello wrestling. Wouldn't say it was jello, but it was some sort of. It was, it had jello consistency. Yeah. It was green and it was... Who did you wrestle? I wrestled Carly Boy at first and he was dressed up as...

Carly Boy is Becker's deck. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Becker was there. Okay, so... I won that fight. I mean, I had a helper, but then I beat up the helper for helping. And then I had to wrestle some fucking ginormous dude named Ian, I think. Gus. Gus, with a...

Yeah, with the nipple rings. I told you, go for his fucking nipple ring. Yeah, but I couldn't even move the guy. I fucking jumped in. He was... Really? Wow. Well, someone was... When he was fighting, someone jumped in on, I thought, on Carly Boy's behalf,

because Carly Boy was classically outmatched and wearing the worst thing. I'm trying to picture that scene in Stripes, where they're at the gym, but it was... Exactly like that. Yeah. Kenny and Carly Boy. Lee and me.

Fight machine. I had Carly boy hand up. I didn't really need the help. But yeah, but then I noticed, okay, well, it's okay for a third party to come in like world wrestling. Yeah. Like I should have been a DQ right on that on my on his on my behalf. But you know what?

It was 420. Was it an option to wrestle women or there weren't that many there was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. wrestle women or there weren't that many there was Yeah, yeah Rachel sky versus Suzanne Suzanne and then there was a two lesbians that were that was actually an entertaining fight Yeah, they put some effort in yeah, and then then fucking are you kidding the ginormous judge? No right over there. Oh wait. I've been He was mingis over there the silent champion. Yeah, Mimsy is over there, the silent champion.

Yeah, Mimsy, she was ready to go again. Yeah. She came back. She did come back. She went back hoping to get back in the ring. She fought flapping lips. Oh, wow. Yeah.

She beat flapping lips. Yeah, flapping lips at some point, like, did the presentation of her putting her legs up in the air. Uh-huh. She's like, uh, I don't of putting her legs up in the air. She's like, uh, Oh, okay. So she was, yeah. Elbow dropped her instead. Yeah. That's a strategy, I guess.

You know, I mean, there was no padding underneath this, this pool that we were wrestling in and you do anything kind of, uh, any moves that were going to be detrimental to your health, they were going to hurt. So you have to think twice. I heard buckle jumping or any of it No, no the turnbuckle was the most utilized weapon in the thing where they just bashing on the side of the pool Yeah, but then it was emptying out and by the time it was in I said Yeah, I say you a lot of video stuff my face was I could feel my nose touching the concrete every time Four was bashing my face into the foot yeah

that happened yeah you didn't open up your old wounds from a couple of weeks ago no no no no those those have been yeah set back my my truck it's I've gotten fine since the last time you guys have heard a sixteen hundred and eighty dollars that's just that's just the first set. Well you went back to court. Yes And he just I just straight find out because I couldn't get into my I can't find my title So much shit in the truck and I couldn't so I couldn't get my registration renewed and Prove that I got six months worth of insurance on my truck. So basically- I'm gonna give you my CRV. Listen, let me finish.

So now I'm sitting at Derek's, I get wake, Derek's like, do, do, do. The man's here and I'm like, the man, wait, what? The police are here? The man's here. We were getting ready to go to the police station, as a matter of fact. And he shows up and he's I'm not

what he's he shows up to give me a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident I said okay so is this a felony or misdemeanor he's like it's a misdemeanor then he asked me for my phone number again and I'd help I don't I told him I hit my head something I don't remember shit so I give him my phone number and then I do you remember your phone number I didn't that's part of this little so I'm sitting next to Derek one night and I'm trying to do something on my phone and as I'm waiting for the response for my text messages and I'm like fuck and I'm I was like dude Derek what's my phone number? And he goes, five, two, zero, two, two, seven.

Bro, and oops, I mean, X. Don't, you can edit that, please. Let's start using Kenny's phone. I don't know if I'm still paying for Kenny's phone or not. Yeah, you're paid for the year. All right, I'm paid for a year. So we could, you're paid for the year. Alright, I'm

paid for a year. So, we can, you know, next time we do telemarketing, let's just use Kenny's phone and I don't have to block it and then people will actually answer it. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, someone write that down. So,

in your brain. Kenny's phone. No, you, you, well, yeah, actually, you're're probably you remember to show up today He's got a legal pad because he uses it for writing down legal sit, you know And so I'm so I'm sitting there and I get said and I go wait a minute I think I looked at the ticket that the cop gave me and I gave him Oops, I Mean, I'm not I didn't do it on purpose It's not like I fucking meant to because I was giving everybody that phone number for at least a week and a half.

I was like, no wonder why nobody's calling me. So what happened with my car? Jury's in that. I'm hoping not. Give me a, give me that fucking lighter. I'm going to smoke the other half of you. I'm not perjured. I'm not committing perjury or I'm not under oath at this point, but I will fix that mistake when I go back to court on the 30th for this

fucking leaving the scene ticket. But I can't, I can, I'm not, I'm like, really? You guys are going to, he's going to give me that, that, that ticket when I was there for a good 15 minutes before I have good witnesses. You went to Gary Lucy's house. I walked to them and walked in and then when we rolled back hospital when we drove back there still was nobody on the scene because if there would have been I remember saying to them I will stop I mean I have a I can't remember if I would have said that but I think I'm gonna send that but stopped and said this wasn't me but then again I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut and just said somebody stole my

truck oh my god I'm such an idiot yeah you should have said kept my fucking mouth shut and just said somebody stole my truck. Oh My god, I'm such an idiot. Yeah, you should have said a white guy took your truck. That's what our lawyer did when he Had trouble. I mean there was no way I took my car And they kept giving him a chance to rework his story and he stayed with it Because that's what they want. They don't care if you're telling the truth. They just want you to be consistent Well, I'm fucking consistently stupid Yeah, no, I remember Occasionally there was a bar in town that had a back room that had like two or three slot machines That only Kenny frequented. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And but he would tell me that I won

$500 but you but every football Sunday, he's a Bengals fan, but he's a fan of the fucking scratch tickets more than football because we're all watching football. Your team is instant payoff and not the Bengals. He gets the time-consuming-est scratch tickets. So they're like this big, and he's got to do math and stuff. You've seen me win. Yeah, yeah. The point is, you.

What are you making this? What is the point? All of your stories are. Like, I just saw the. What was wrong with my story? The default photo, I guess you call it of our last podcast with you and it just the just the the your face looked like such defeat. Well it was defeated at that point.

Yeah he was having a bad day. I remember I mean I remember kicking him when he was down thinking I don't know that hurt my foot. I thought like we at Jello Wrestling, at Jello Wrestling, everyone was a winner. Mimsy won. I won. I won by cheating and he won and all right, we're a team of winners. But then you look back at that poker game. I kind of went a little tilty. I was again that was the same day as the face. Is that the same day as the bus? No, that was after the bus. Maybe it was the same day as the bus. Yeah. It was a bit defeated day as a taco and a poker player. Maybe I was just defeated that day. I think next time we play poker you have to wear the taco

suit. Oh, that's gonna be hot. Well Well you because you can't go on tilt when you're wearing a taco suit. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. I'm don't know. I'm fine. I'm going to go get access. I hope you just see you. We asked about a kid. Oh, I did pass another kidney stone. That was fun. Interesting. How's that thing on your head? What? This one? Oh dear. It's gotten worse. Eventually, Kenny's going to have no head and it's all going to be Kenny's head goes into the lump, and then there's going to be just a shriveled old Kenny head, like a bulbous baby Kenny. Kenny's giving birth to himself. Yeah, maybe he'll become.

Shed his body, and then the lump will grow little legs. What if we get to go to get my teeth cleaned? I'm going to go get my teeth fucking pulled. You seem like you might have lost a tooth since I saw you last. Yes I did. What I I I there was you said you passed a kidney stone I was gonna say maybe you just swallowed that. No I didn't swallow it I bit it and it fucking almost took out another tooth. It's what wait. Yeah that's that sounds like there was a tooth that was infected. A blue goldberg machine of teeth falling out. It's what? Wait. Yeah, that's, that sounds like there was a two goldberg machine of teeth falling out. It was the machine. It was the tooth.

It was infected and it broke. Kenny, I was the only one there when this happened and I've, I, I, I. What there where are you saying you had an abscess that you were, did you put it under your pillow? No, I didn't. I left it at the taco shop for Mike. Okay. Because it was his chip that broke it. Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Sounds like we have a lawsuit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, shit. Kenny was... Kenny had an abscess. Yeah. And he's toying around in his mouth, and it's just me and him. Thank God I wasn't I even told bingo and the Australians the story You fucking burst a fucking thing and you saw that same bit burping Plus I didn't burst and it was morning

You know, you're you're here to you know help out and stuff. It wasn't like You know, you're here to help out and stuff. It wasn't like... You guys just want to make fun of my abscess, it's gone. No, no, I'm just saying it was rather disturbing. It was disturbing. It wasn't a big abscess, it was a little abscess. It wasn't like the ginormous ones you see in some of these videos where you see them fucking explode. No, it was a little bubble. Well, you were, you were

spitting it out. So I didn't swallow it. That's it's poisonous. I mean, I'm still alive. Don't you have health care of any kind? No, not yet. No, I don't. I'm not a very what would they call that? What's that one that they have? Your pre-existing condition. That's your album title. Let's film Kenny's first comedy DVD. Double disc, two hours of Kenny.

You're a pre-existing condition. Yeah, I'm writing it down. I've got to write stuff down. Yep. Cause I forget everything. Well, like my phone number. How about if I give you a CRV that doesn't run, it's in Oregon and you'd have to, I would, that'd be an adventure to go get it.

I've recorded stolen. Wait, you haven't heard it all. You're trying to get me to film in prison, aren't we? Is this what we're going for here, you guys? You guys trying to get me to do a live one in prison? Kenny's first day? You know, you do have a fuckable ass. No, I don't.

Remember when we saw Kenny's ass back in the days we had a pool over there at Hazard? We saw Kenny's naked ass and you're like, oh my God, what a beautiful lady's ass. Look, Johnny took a fucking centerfold amount of pictures for a calendar that never fucking You could that first episode of the gemstones you would have been great in that that's the guy just I passed gemstones We just have that Handsome Civil War look to you. Yeah, especially with a tooth falling out Thank you. I'll go to Mexico with you and I'll see how much it'll cost them to knock them all out and then put fake ones

in. Yeah, I'd probably sponsor that. Well, just getting all the other'm done. It's half. I'll pay half. Don't you have a Venmo, Kenny? No, I have Cash App. Cash App. Why don't you send some Cash App? Kenny's denture face. Life gets serious way too quickly.

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So go ahead, grab a gummy and show and keep IndyCloud sending you good stuff. So go ahead grab a gummy and vibe out with IndyCloud. Can I say this? There's a lot of things you can't say in this spot but can I just say that these are the one gummies Andy doesn't seem like he has to boof to get on an airplane? Alright. laughter Yeah, oh in fact I got seven dollars in donations. Oh wow! I'm going to round it up

to ten. Yay! My first ten dollars. And the CRV. No, the CRV I don't want to accept because it's gonna be stolen and I'm not gonna be that guy to get fucking grand theft charge I don't have a lot of experience with trannies but this one's acting funny you have more experience with trannies than I avoid. Don't be trying to buy me a tranny for Christmas. I mean, you could, I don't know. Maybe Derek could fix it for you.

He's not too busy fixing Lane's car. Oh yeah? Yeah, no, we did see him over there with Lane fixing his car. He became besties with Lane now. He went camping with Brandy. I'm kind of interested to know what happened with Brandy. Who's Brandy? She's the ex-roommate of our house. She's the girl that lived at our house for a while with her kids. So Derek's developed a romantic interest? No, I don't

know what Derek's developing a romantic interest in. I'm not camping, but he took Brandy and Lane and I was kind of, when I came out the door I was like, oh that's Brandy's trip. Oh that's the Brandy he went camping with. Maybe they're starting it. I thought, I thought it was the very tall lady. That's, that's Andrea. Andrea. I don't, I don't, yeah, he's, you know.

Well, why don't, sometimes when he comes home late, he doesn't, well, that's right. Do the, let me smell your dick. No, not do it there. Why not? Yes. How else are we gonna get solid info? He won't, he won't, he won't tell I'd have to go

and witness and guarantee I ain't gonna, he ain't gonna do anything if I'm around. What if you guys did like Fargo and you just both fucked in beds in the same room with different ladies? Dude, that ain't happening. That'd be very uncomfortable. I'd make this thing work. There ain't a girl in this world that I know that would want to... ...in front of Derek. They might want to behind closed doors but not right in front of Derek.

Well... I mean... You're gonna pretty good do something. Bingo! We could rekindle our love life and we knew Derek was leering If you had a fuck in front of Kenny or Derek Oh my god, I'm gonna leave the room. So both. You can't put the question or... If you try to leave the room, you gotta fuck in front of both of them.

You gotta fuck both of them to get out. Yeah, I'll sit right here and shut up. Oh. I didn't know if you meant the hypothetical situation you'd leave the room or you're leaving the room because I asked the question uh I think uh yeah I'd probably I'd probably fuck someone in front of Derek because Kenny wouldn't be able to stop talking and narrating oh and she's all like dang that's not my clitoris and he's all like dang I was about to come why'd you keep talking man he's like dang, that's not my clitoris. And he's all like dang, I was about to come, why'd you keep talking, you know? He's like dang. So yeah, he's a good color man, yes.

He's really working it over there, huh? Well, you have that, that is actually a thing, like on the very untouched, untapped, in on the joke level of Patreon, the dirty deeds. One of the things is we will watch you fuck on zoom and critique it Speaking that's yeah You can pay for that. That's a higher level of cameo that It's an untapped resource

But yeah Or or just watch you jack off if you if that's your thing We'll watch you jack off male female elderly doesn't matter We'll watch you and critique you on zoom Uh, so you keep that in mind Uh, I actually know a couple that would probably Would have done that but they they they left our patreon once they realized Oh, yeah, that hurt feelings. Yeah, the hurt feelings folks. I don't know that they would fuck on camera.

Whose feelings did you hurt this time? They like to fuck my time on camera. Hey, I hate to ask. That was the Mishka Shibali. Yeah. That's where that falling out happened was when it was too many times. He said, hey, I hate to ask Well, you do it often and always for years I hate to ask candy, but Anyway, never mind. Can we watch you jack off? Can we watch you jack off? What if it were what if we were the judge in your case What if we were the judge in your case? Oh, who was he? I don't want you to say a name.

The judge that you had. We know. We know? No. I talked to him. He screamed. And I'm looking at new vehicles. I'm looking at new vehicles.

What would you recommend for living in? I'd get one of those utility vans. Yeah, yeah, I like those. The murder windows? No, those are the ones without windows. Yeah, yeah, murderless windows. You've got to get one with windows so you don't look so creepy. Well, that's going to be difficult. If I'm dehydrated, I definitely look creepier.

That would be today. Yeah. Your eyes are like fucking... Someone might... Hello? Hello? No, no, just... You're just glassy.

Yeah, okay. Glassy. Glassy, yeah. Did you do a bunch of blow before you got on the bus? No. On the airplane? No, I don't do buses anymore. Not since, uh... Not since I got a motorized scooter.

Hey, I can't find the charger for mine or I'd be riding that thing. Oh, you guys, do you have, you don't have the scooters you can rent, do you? Uh-uh. Not the rentable ones, but we got, I got my own. I just can't, I can't find the fucking- Do you get a lot of your t-shirts from giveaways at bars? No, why? This one's not, this one's- What's it say at bars? No, why this one's not this was saying

I'd be yeah, yeah, I'm gonna give away sure I mean it was given to me, but not Not in that sense I might be able to hook you up with any did you give the people your cash app It's it's um dollar sign Ken Lorry law rie It's dollar sign Ken Laurie la WRI e Dollar sign Ken it's just Larry Law or I a Laurie which is a like the same as the spice Lowry spices. I don't know no It's la WRI e yeah, send it to you because people I've gotten a few people that sent me money And it says for Kenny, but I you know he's not I wasn't even in the same town with him when I got that money

So yeah, so there was more than seven dollars so So but yeah, if you want it if you want to be sure that the money goes to Kenny you gotta cut me out of The ARS. Yeah, I say a lot of stuff online. Sure, I'll see that the young man gets it. Yeah, dollar sign Ken Lorry. Okay, so there you can do it.

Dollar sign Ken Lorry. They like the seasoning. You heard it here first. It's great, that's great. It sounds like you're really getting things back on track. Well... That's a throw to commercial. Kenny, your living relationship with Derek...

Oh, yeah. ...derek seemed strained at times, since I've been away on the road. No, I guess I have to leave at the end of the month, but that's fine But he's gonna supposedly go on the road and take off at the at the beginning of the month. I'm like, okay Okay. So yeah, all you got to do is just hide in the cabinet Yeah that fucking Nazi book I'm reading right now. It's about the Yeah, that fucking Nazi book I'm reading right now, it's about the... I can go up into the attic.

The prisoners of the castle. And I'll just unhook the hose for the air conditioner that goes into the house, I'll just unhook it, and so it'll be in the attic with me. You gotta live off grid for a while, off of his grid. We're fine. You know, you get the key. He's helping me out. I know, you get the key... I know, Derek, he's saying, he's help me out. I know, you get the key and you press it into soap.

This is what they do on this fucking Nazi... this, uh, Colditz Castle, where they put up all the big escape artists, POWs and the Nazis, we're listening to this on the way home. By us, I mean me while he slept, and she tapped on her phone. But yeah, you get the key, Derrick's key, press it into soap,

then somehow you melt iron and pour it into soap. I don't know. It's lead. You gotta get a lesson to the book. You gotta get Audible. Hey, Audible, we're sponsored by Audible against their will because they fired us and fuck them. I'm gonna say yes, Audible is a great because they fired us and fuck them I'm gonna say yes audible is a great great source of entertainment And they don't give us a fucking nickel for saying that because one time they sent me garbage ad copy

Do we have that have we ever put out the Brooklyn and sheets is the best one did we ever put that back out? Chaley you got it to us put that back out, Chaley, you got it to us. He found it. And then the Audible one where I'm snapped, I'm like, this is dog shit. Audible literally changed my fucking life when I was touring comic. Yeah, books on tape back then, but yeah, now.

And so I go, I'm not reading this dog shit. They sent it. And so we got fired because I didn't like their ad copy and I did a heartfelt better ad copy Hear this I have fucking strep throat Yeah, you gave you strep throat I did fucking bingo gave everyone strep throat when she came to Cincinnati She Yoko Ono detour Typhoid Mary. Patient Zero.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying, that's why she's dressed like a... A cult member. Yeah. Yeah. The other day it was an Auschwitz fucking scapegoat. That's true.

Yeah, she's got those striped pajamas that could be considered offensive, depending on where you're visiting. I mean, we didn't see the colored version of those pictures. Who knows? They could have been wearing pink and purple. You don't want to say colored anymore. Yeah, you can't. You got to be real careful, because there's a lot of colors.

I meant to say, never mind. You guys know what I meant. He's so cancer. He's so racist. I'm not racist. I meant to say, never mind. You guys know what I meant. He's so cancerous. He's so racist. I'm not racist. How can you be that racist and still ride public transit? Ha ha ha.

It's true, right? No, but I'm not even racist. Do you guys sing songs on the bus? No, we don't. It takes like 12, it takes like eight minutes. The wheels on the bus go round and round. I'm at work before seven. And the bus gets at the bus stop at 640.

Yeah. And I'm at work at 648. I really hate the fact that we missed that on our bus ride. Was starting the wheels on the bus go round and round and round and yeah. And then we could have gone in the 99 bottles and beer on the wall on the bus go round and round and round and then we could have gone into 99 bottles and beer on the wall on the way back. God all the coulda, shoulda, woulda. Well but for Kenny, you probably got a bus ticket in your pocket.

No I don't. I had to scround a dollar this morning. Oh were you looking at the tweaker woman to pay your fare? Fuck no I wasn't. I had my nickels. What it what's a bus ride cost? A dollar. So if you want to help Ken, uh, with his bus fare. Yeah, just send a buck.

So that's a bus ride a day. So my license, I get two letters in the mail from the DMV and one of them. So as of tomorrow, well, midnight tonight, my license is suspended until July of this year. Then I get another letter that says three months. And then I get another letter in the mail saying that putting a stop on all privileges, whatever that means. You got to stop going to the mailbox. Definitely, definitely. Yeah, don't read the mail. It's like reading your comments on YouTube. Yeah, the better off you'll be.

Never mind. Just don't read your mail. You're getting a lot of bad shit. Hey, manscaper. Speaking of women talking too much. Manscape, you know, this is this one's all about your balls and whatnot but I want to say that I had to borrow Andy's manscaper just for my face and I'm completely sold because when when the one came in I

you know I know Andy does the whole balls and stuff and I go I told him I'm not gonna shave my balls with this it's like asking to use someone's toothbrush but then after I shaved with it and it was perfect I go wait Andy shaves his balls asshole everything man scaper when you shave your pubes wouldn't you rather be doing it with a cool as shit purple trimmer now you can't thanks tocape. Manscape partnered up with the Ball Cancer Society, testicular if you want to be accurate, to bring you the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra in a fresh purple design and the TCS Boxers 2.0. The trimmer is cordless and waterproof accompanied by a longer, wider and rounded trimmer blade and inter interchangeable foil blade for

enhanced performance it's even got a light on it so you can shave in the dark squatting over a mirror hey they're chucking testicular cancer awareness fifty thousand dollars it's most common in men aged 15 to 35. So you're probably not even my demographic. Either way, remember routine self checks matter, folks. And if you've seen that new Ohio State Wrestling University scandal documentary on HBO, yes, you'd rather self a self-check your problems than have your wrestling coach do it repeatedly over four years. So grab your balls every once in a while. So if you want to look good, feel good, and do good, grab the TCS

Ball Hero bundle while supplies last. Get 15% off your entire order with code Stanhope at manscape.com. Visit manscape.com slash TCS to learn more about how to check yourself or make a donation to TC society today and save lives and balls. Balls. Balls. Next, he'll tell you you gotta fix your car. What privileges are you gonna lose other than driving? Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question. And I said indefinitely.

That means forever, doesn't it? It means in this town. It could be tomorrow. It could be... I'd like to see you behind the wheel of that CRV with the transmission out. No, I want to see Derek trying to fix it while Kenny's going, are we done? Can't we just go? It's hot out here, it's raining. That's Derek.

It has air conditioning if it fixes that. What did you do to the training? I just kept driving it after it seemed like it needed to go to the mechanics so I think I might have I don't know. Does it start? No, that's it stops.

It stopped. It dead in its tracks. Right. So I think if it disappeared... Do you mean it's stolen, is what you're saying? Or blown up? So, just wait... With my wife? You can't, I can't discuss this kind of...

I'm kidding. What? Just between you and me, Kenny. I mean... No, but that's stupid to say anything that's live. But... Oh, we'd edit that. Is it fully insured? Oh, uh... That's stupid to say anything on the that's live, but Is it fully insured?

Oh Probably not. Yeah, then it's not worth it No, it's not I think it's about worth nothing But it would be if it was fully insured if you had it still insured full but but You'd get yeah, what do they call it? But... But... You'd get, you know, what do they call it? Famous? Three hots in a cot.

I wouldn't, because I wouldn't get caught unless you'd fucking set me up with these stupid videos. Well, I'd have a GPS on it or something. That would be really funny if we, like, this was a sting operation where it's open cameras and Kenny's like, alright, I'll do it. Oh, we could do like the rehearsal but convince Kenny he's really stealing the vehicle. No, no. I'm not falling for it.

See, I'm writing it down. Not falling for it. No. No. No. No. No. But maybe that's what we want you to write.

I'm not even fucking high. And I think that doing a double disc CD of Kenny's. Cause you're never out of the two when you get on stage. Yeah. Yeah, you can bust out. I mean, getting the audience would be the hard part. Yeah. Kenny's gonna do two hours. I'll just have somebody. Two hours, I mean, that's going to do two hours.

I'll just have somebody two hours. I mean, that's all I'm getting. Ketamine. That's when I'll get heated up is about an hour and a half in. Is that little person in town? Oh yeah. That's no, that's after we get back from Buffalo. Hey, we're going to be in Buffalo. They're going to back from Buffalo. Hey, we're gonna be in Buffalo

They're gonna be in Buffalo. Remember go to Buffalo or else I die Yeah, just said go buy tickets and oh like and subscribe. I guess is a thing too. Not this late Yeah, you're supposed to say that like right at the beginning and I do have court again, which I was our friend Court again for what for the Leave on the scene But I thought they already gave you a fine that was for the hitting shit Wait hitting shit is not really no that I mean they gave me that no Registration no insurance ticket. That's what that fines were those were the fine

Then I have to go to I might have to go to traffic school or something. I don't know about that one Oh, man, my what if you flunked out? It's like 12 hours how am I gonna if I forgot a traffic school on this do if I might you forgot a traffic school though, cuz I don't have the attention span to sit there for Well, yeah, you don't even have a tension span to stay alert at the wheel or have a shirt on while driving. Exactly. Or shoes.

Shoes. Shoeless. That's why I'm wondering if that was your driving. That's what I think. I think there was a grassy, null driver. There was no grassy, null, though. OK. So AI, do you think maybe your car was run mechanically?

Your? Remotely? Your lump is blushing. I know. It's expanding. It's reaching out. It's trying to put a foot in society. Kenny, you know, we make fun of you because we hate ourselves.

Yeah. Well, I understand that. make fun of you because we hate ourselves. Yeah. Well, I understand that. That lump is our lump. Yeah. We hate ourselves for that lump. That's the dark forward. We feel like that lump is our negativity.

If anyone got that joke, I love you. He's trying to put a foot in this world. Leave Lumpy alone. Ha ha ha. Leave Ly alone I guess that's a good title for the podcast. I guess we could close on that Lumpy starts talking after a while when he comes out so I have to keep Getting get get that lump into the camera. Yeah, let's see one lumpy. You guys want to see one. They take take off the hat

There you go Lean into the cameras there because it is very red. Yeah Is it looking like Mount Vesuvius It doesn't I don't feel like I need a Facial dental screen. I've seen some videos online Then doing your shit to things like this and man, they're disgusting. I would get advice. Eww. I don't know if it would hurt or not. I bet it would fucking hurt. It's attached, it's part of your head now.

It's like your head's got another head. It doesn't talk to me all the time. It's 20 years. Like we've been here 20 years and we've known you probably the longest of anyone we know here. Lump has always been there but it doesn't seem like uh it's not going to become a white head. They didn't say anything about it when I got my head scanned recently. I thought it was a new lump. I don't think they care when they scan your head. That's like uh.

Why the fuck are they going to scan my head then? They don't care. It's like prisoners like they have to do the most meat You know to charge me eight thousand eight hundred dollars. Yeah So they should tell me if there's something going on in there if we're gonna charge you that kind of money Which they did which I've got it. Yeah, that's another 8,000 eight hundred dollars for the me going to the fucking hospital that day stick with it a one dollar for the bus Don't try to pay off his $8,000.

Don't pay that shit, no. I don't even, no. How do you not have fucking? Dude, I'm filling, they just sent me a thing in the mail. She said don't open my mail, right? I know, I'm saying, why don't you have like, all the food stamps and shit? I am gonna, I don't know,

cause I don't know, just stop, leave me alone. Do you think you could deal poker without playing? Mm-hmm. Because we want to do another poker game. Yeah, I can do it without playing. You guys just have to play it. How fast-paced do you want it? Well, it depends.

Would you accept tips in that situation? Well, yeah, but that's fine. But not until the end. Basically until the end of the game. I thought people tip through it. No, you tip on a winning... Well, when you win. I don't know.

You work against yourself. Like, you get a hand and then you have to tip out. You don't wait until you lose lot and then you have to tip out grease it you don't wait till you lose Everything and then go oh, I was gonna tip on those winning hands that I had early Here's an I got a false sense of security Let's put all our money out right now Come on I got three dollars and seventy-five cents. No you got the ten. I owe you that's thirteen dollars and seventy five cents Okay, so you'd be double that I'd rather just flip corn

I could use that for the pool eat tournament tonight that I'm gonna go win Are you good at cutting trees? Who was that on the phone that was that was Chris my friend Chris he plays on the pool change Is that the guy you went to Vegas?? No. That's Mike Ambrose. So where are you playing pool tonight? At the 3890s. Since America loves a comeback story, are you thinking about doing the Vegas tournament this year

with better coaching? I'll go by myself. Maybe me and Doug coach you? Yeah. He fucking won at Jello Wrestling when I was his coach. It'd be different if I wouldn't meet I mean, I mean if we I learned a lot of shit and know everything I'm gonna do different and that's just go by myself Alone or with people coaches. Yeah, I'm not

You know what I mean? It's in the way that you use it Hey, thanks for joining us. Can you just get a very important text message? It was not important. It was just a... Well, we already gave him way too much shit he has to edit out. Edit, edit, edit. But I think I can feel the donations.

What he says bye? I feel like the donations, this time we told it a little more clear You know this guy's just needs help and we're just we love him to death. We want to see him get the help he needs with bus fare We'll start with Dog just a dollar if we just learn Spanish we could get a Mexican dentist as a sponsor Yeah, that's another reason why I'm scared to go down there cuz I almost oh yeah, I Don't know Spanish and then I feel like they get me cuz the first time they'll say oh no, it's cheap

It's cheap 40 bucks 40 bucks then 800 bucks. It's like wait a minute. I only brought 40 bucks Yeah, then they build a wall Mm-hmm, and then they can't send a collection agent after you. And thank you, Donald Trump, for building that wall in the Patrick. What am I supposed to do, run out of the dentist shop? Yeah. Run for freedom.

Is it Dining Dash out of the dentist? No. Listen, we can only give you the ideas. You have to implement them. I've done some basic dentistry. Hey, fucking Derek can work a car battery. A lot of it is proper tools and good lighting. And a lot of gas. No, I don't use that shit.

Fuck you. Little bit of Jack Dan. I can't even, we have dentists on the payroll for Christ sakes. Hey Rochester, Minnesota if you want some dentistry done go to copper with a K K O P P our dentistry copper dentistry and ask for Lauren and say how'd you do on wordle this morning and She'll tell you and that's where we go to get our denter feces done. Yes.

Yeah. And with all that wine you have nice white teeth so they do a fine job. I'd like to see the after photos on this this fella because right now you know I just like to see that smile come back. You're hiding it a little because you're missing some of the key players. Good thing it ain't corn on the cob season yet. mind if I grab that row that seems like you're gonna finish that the

thanks for hanging out with us Kenny here we don't deserve you lies Thanks for hanging out with us Kenny. Yep. We don't deserve you. Lies. It's all lies. Everything's alleged. Yeah, yeah. True. I thought all your problems would dissolve as soon as you got rid of that awful woman, but... No, that just made more... Yeah. Well now you to fill that position no I Just got it. Yeah, let's speak. Yeah, and he's been seeing her

She speaks sense to me Damn I She speaks sense to me. God damn it. I use the C word, it's cuddle. Cuddle that fat mouth of hers. I'm glad you came into this fucking tuberculosis ward knowing that we're all fucking dripping with fucking strep throat and you didn't even care. He's the hell, he's beyond that kind of weak ass virus. Yeah, we get the diagnosis in the car. Because when we went there, they immediately said it's not flu, it's not COVID.

They tested her and within fucking literally five minutes. Yeah, but yeah. No, it's not any. And then, oh, no, you have strep throat. So we're changing your prescription. I go, that's probably what I have, just mine's fucking lingering. So, hey, can we get a double dose of that prescription? Without me having to go. So, yeah, we start antibiotics in a second. And then show up in Buffalo. Hope we don't infect you,

but we probably already infected fuckin' Portland and Atlanta. All the people, I go, oh sorry, I spit a lot when I talk. Oh yeah, oops. Those guys are so nice to speak to. You really got that $10? Yeah, I'm gonna be.

Yep. Good, this is my full entry. I think I tucked it into my underwear. I hope you guys love it. You guys love it. I love it. That's Kenny. He's a side project,

but he might turn into a full-time project. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of What the Fuck is Going On with Kenny? Not a lot. Nothing good. See you next time. Getting better sleep starts with better sheets. Until you die, and then you don't eat any sheets at all. But you're not dead. You're listening to this podcast. Brooklyn and Sheets. Let me tell you, I like to give anecdotes.

I don't just sell you a product. I'm not a fucking shill. I'm not Shaquille O'Neal. Actually, he believes in his products, too You've heard me talk about my close relationship with Rich and Vicky Fulop They started Brooklyn and Sheets in April of 2014 and their philosophy the most beautiful comfortable home essentials no crazy prices beautiful comfortable home essentials no crazy prices crazy Eddie where's that guy now in a fucking asylum somewhere they don't want crazy they want fucking legitimately sane medicated prices let me tell you a story right around the

founding of Brooklyn and sheets rich calls me I don't answer the phone I know it's him then he starts texting me crazy. Bad thing, bad thing happened. Need your help. 911 please, please. And I'm like, I know he's going to call Chad because that's your, he's the cleaner. Middle of the night. Rich shows up trembling. I'm using your description. Sweating fucking vegetable oil. Well, you know how the Fulops love the sangria, right, Becker? Oh, yeah. That many nights. I don't remember that.

Yeah. The bubbles tickle my nose. You know, there's no fucking bubbles in sangria, but Vicky, you know, she gets kooky. Vicky, evidently, she talks some smack about this and that. There's an altercation. We still don't know. I mean, who do you believe? At that point, you had to believe Rich because Rich shows up at Chad's doorstep, dragging the carcass of his deceased wife, who he's sure he killed in some domestic thing that I can't really remember. Ambien, Sangria, I don't know. I woke up and I found her. I don't... You know how to bury a body. You tell me. Well, that's why we had to take his word for it was because he was the only one conscious.

But he had Vicky in the Brooklyn and sheets drug her there. The Brooklyn and sheets didn't even have holes in them. I was so impressed. I thought she was going to be all scraped up in there. Nothing. Everything was intact. And you're cool as a cucumber. It's not the first time someone showed up at Chad Shank's door with a dead body. Well, I'm thinking blood evidence right away. I don't need blood dragged up my driveway. So, you know, but the first time they've ever showed up,

first time they ever showed up at Brooklyn and sheets. Well, to my house. Yeah. Yeah. He thought you were, what are you selling these door to door? I remember you told me you said that he's got a dead body and Chad is still jiving him with, what are you selling them door to door now? And, but he was inconsolable. He's weeping, he's asking for more drinks. He's saying, hey, what's your wife, Ty? She's hot, Ty? We were, well, we were trying to,

it's because then I tried to tell him, oh, so would you bring her for a gangbang? I was still trying to make jokes when clearly he was upset. So then he was kind of riffing. I don't mind it cold. That's what you said, you said. I don't mind it cold.

Yeah, we went back and forth a little bit. We're all right like that. I was trying to chill up. I don't mind it cold. That's what you said. You said, I don't mind it cold. Yeah. We went back and forth a little bit. We're all right like that. I was trying to chill him out. Right. He was upset. So you calmed him down. You gave him some of what I don't even remember what the weed was called.

You used to bring your weed over here and you'd always read the label from the medical place and it was always like fucking... That was when I used to get it from the white market. I get it from the black market these days. Now it's called Gary. Gary. It's called Gary. No more Madinuska Thunderfuck, it's Gary.

Always Gary. It's reliable though. So he gets Rich Fulop, God bless his soul, high enough that Rich doesn't give a fuck about Vicky right now. He just wants to eat. And of course, Jenny's right up fucking three o'clock in the morning cooking up fucking something in a wok, I assume.

Blue apron. Blue apron. Probably blue apron. Cross pollination. Get to, get to the funny part. Cause as, as rich as in a fucking giggling fit or whatever he was doing. Well, I had to do the cleanup operation at this point. And, uh, I go to open the Brooklyn and sheets with a saw. Yeah.

Well, I need to, once I saw that the Brooklyn and sheets would hold the blood and I wouldn't have blood evidence around, I was going to just chop her up inside the Brooklyn and sheets. And I take the saw and I turn it on. It's an electric skill saw and skill size, not a sponsor. sponsor. Yeah. Go ahead. Tell us. This fucking rich is going to be so bad. We told this story. Shum's out out of the Brooklyn and sheets. What's going on?

She turns out the Brooklyn and sheets were so comfortable. She slept through almost getting buried alive and in pieces. That's a Brooklinen sheet and that's why I can sell you this product with every inch of my soul. Tell them the bullet points Chad Shank with your golden pipes and your skill saw of magic. My Brooklinen sheets are the best, most comfortable sheets I've slept on. That's really true. Brooklinen.com has an exclusive offer for just Stanhope listeners. Get $20 off and free shipping when you use promo code STANHOPE at Brooklinen.com.

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