The Doug Stanhope Podcast - *New Episode* British Jonathan Returns

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

After catching the guys at their recent Yuma show, British Jonathan returns to the podcast for some WWII, Chernobyl and boofing talk.  Australia (February) and USA live dates on sale now - https://www.dougstanhope.com/tour  See the video version of this, plus other exclusive episodes over on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast  Get a completely free hat @birddogs with code DSP at https://www.birddogs.com/DSP Support the show, download the Prize Picks app, and use code STANHOPE to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Get started by heading to https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/STANHOPE Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code stanhope to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize run your game even if it sucks. Hey, this is a podcast with our old friend British Jonathan who came back down to Bisbee and hopped in for some hijinks. I just want you to know I am booking dates for 2025 and they're coming out. I don't want to drop them a little bit at a time. Uh, I don't want you to buy.

Oh shit. He's in Tampa. Uh, I'll come from Orlando and then I book Orlando. You know how it goes. I want to drop them all at once. So, you know, this is pretty much what you get, but they're coming. So be on the mailing list at Dougstandup.com be on the Patreon, uh, at be in on the joke.

Maybe we'll hang out backstage before any of these gigs that are coming out soon. Stay tuned and enjoy this Day on the Patio with British Jonathan. Yeah, in the Second World War there was a German general who was captured by the Soviets and was taken into a prisoner of war camp for about 10 years. And they'd keep them in one camp and then like in the middle of the night they'd just have like a death march through Siberia to another camp and stuff and they'd just drop and die. But he survived like 10 years. He said like when they'd move camp they'd be like forced march through the night, like miles in freezing conditions but all the all the prisoners of war would just be like I hope there's rats because some of the camps they put them in were so contaminated that even rats couldn't live there so when they were getting marching oh god I hope there's rats I thought maybe they wanted to come to eat yeah yeah no, I'm sure they'd eat them as well. Oh, yeah.

Don't eat the rats here. They're bad. Yeah. Chewy. It's a bad place. It's not like Southern rats. This is a new fucking, this is that $3.97 Trader Joe's. Fuck Wine City.

Now I go to Trader Joe's and stock up on fucking. Is that your go-to? Well look at it, it's got a cool label because that's the most important thing in wine. Yeah. It's a cool label. It's a fucking, it's a pig,

like a pig on ties, like it's a float, like a helium filled pig. And who cares what it tastes like? It's four bucks, it has a fucking inflatable pig on it. It's gotta have a headache after though. I guess you're immune to that. Oh you know what? See I don't worry.

I've never, I can't. I don't worry about red wine. Yeah it does have sulfates. I heard that's bad. I don't know about it. It gives me a headache sometimes. The last time I had red wine was, I was staying know about it, but ladies. It gives me a headache sometimes. The last time I had red wine was, I was staying with a friend who was living

in the Haight-Ashbury area, but we opened up a bottle of Cabernet after we were already really drunk. That's always a good idea. Yeah, woke up at three or four in the morning, my head pounding, I went running to the bathroom to throw up and I got close. Into my hand Everything like yeah, like how do you all over photos?

Yeah, yeah Yes, and it's cleaned every bit of it up as much as as much as I could see through that pounding headache But I've never been able to drink what time I was shit-faced on Merlot And I was sick and there was nothing to puke in except a mesh metal wastebasket, but it was mesh so I puked into it. It's just like pouring out. Strains out all the, yeah.

It strains out all the evidence so you can still see what you threw up. Oh yeah, yeah. But without all the bile. Get rid of the soup. You could reuse that wine. Yeah. I wonder if you threw up in Slab City,

if they would repurpose it right away. It's like, oh, yeah, some of these chunks will be good for a red wine vomit's pretty nasty. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. With the headache. And I don't know, maybe. Let's see the dogs, let's see what the dogs think.

Well, last time I was here, I remember in the middle of the night, and somebody had brought very expensive wine, like $300 a bottle of wine. Oh yeah. With Ziggy. Ziggy, yeah. Because I was asking her about it.

So I was like, I paid $35 for a. Yes. Because I was asking her about it. I was like, I paid $35 for a bottle of wine and I couldn't fucking believe it, but it was 14 a glass and I really wanted to have more than one glass. Oh yeah, that was a restaurant. It's a winery in Sonoyta, yeah. So I was like, so what is this? And she was like, it's like $325. At the end of the night, I'm shit-faced drinking it straight out of the bottle

I finished it Stan hope picked up whatever wine he had dumped it into my fucking me I'm just drinking fuck. I remember getting to the bottom of that and it was all I was like coffee grounds She goes. Yeah with really a high dollar wine that happens Well, then I'll buy the fucking three dollar and 97 Great for this life Well, then I'll buy the fucking $3.97. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's shit, because I don't like coffee ground. Never seen a fucking grape in its life. Ziggy's great. She sent a few things. But she sent a, oh, she's just sent, that's why your rum is out there in the Fun House,

is she sent premixed Mai Tais. And it's mixed, and it's everything but the rum. It's got coasters, and it's a whole, from everything but the rum. It's got coasters and it's a whole from Trader Vic's. That's awesome. Well, hey to Ziggy if you listen. Yes, hey to Ziggy. That's why you want to be on the Patreon. Sometimes you spend Thanksgiving or maybe another holiday.

We won't be here for Christmas. Where you guys going? I'm going to Denver. Bingo's whole family's gonna be at one of the sisters is in Denver. Just for a few days. I'm going home for Christmas but not- To not celebrate Christmas.

To not have Christmas but yeah, the next day I'm going to my brother's, so they invited us and she said, or my sister-in-law said, it's specifically the day after Christmas, so your wife's Jehovah's Witness, like, yeah, you know, I'm one of those, I'm associated with a Jehovah's Witness, so I have to leave the classroom while the rest of the kids get to sing Santa. You're like a vegan, has to have special meals made for you.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can come the day after because we're having only salad, you fucking bastard. Can she not be around people celebrating? Nobody wants to be around her, I think. All right, well, that's, I see that. Yeah, yeah. Well, even the Jovis.

Well, they have their own things or whatever, I guess. I mean, they have their, oh, it's not Christmas, get together at Christmas, I assume, but yeah, you think she's here's the shit about I mean I really you know putting up the tree and some I did that a couple years by in my own room. And I had one she's were sending demo money quite a bit I had a really good Christmas. I went out bought my you know I had nobody else to think about my daughter stuff that I got you know just anything that everything that occurred to me

that I needed or wanted. Yeah, so here's what it gets me though, is I didn't have a discussion with her. I'm the man of the house in charge of everything as far as the religion states. And I never once had a proclamation against, we're not having pumpkin pie anymore in the fall, or, you know, Thanksgiving we just have some regular meal,

but where's the pumpkin pie? I didn't care about Thanksgiving, but she should have checked with me before. What means to assert yourself and make a proclamation that you will have pumpkin pie? I'm reinstating holidays. Yeah, just parts of it I miss. Parts of it.

But being like my daughter would invite us to Christmas, but I've got a bummer sidekick that would ruin, you know, drag Christmas down so I don't get invited. Did you guys used to like watch Christmas movies together throughout? Cause that's one of the only things I give a fuck about Christmas. I have a whole bunch of Christmas movies

that I like to watch this time of year. A Christmas Horror Story probably is my favorite. But I have all of them on the list. I just watched Scrooged. I like to watch Scrooged. I like to watch Scrooged right up into the point where he has a revelation, and that way I feel like I can relate to somebody

during the holiday. Fuck yeah, he was right the whole time. Yeah, most good comedies fall off halfway through when they... So I cut that one off right about the time he sees death and he gets, you know, he gets fucking all upset when he sees that he's gonna die. That's the only ghost that had any effect on him,

that selfish fucker. Yeah. It'd be cool to see a version where it's just one story, but it's all the different versions of it. Cause like Henry Winkler had a version of it, Bill Murray, I mean, there's been like probably 15 versions. The Muppets.

George C. Scott, yeah, the Muppets. The Tisco scene to scene and completely changed. There's gotta be a porno up there. There's gotta be a Christmas Carol porno. Yeah, young man. What's my name? It's Barry. You there, young man.

Is that a fat goose in your pocket, young man? Are you just happy to see me? He has never seen a Christmas story. Why, from now on, I'm going to bum all the children. The leg lamp. The punchable face. That was the most punchable face on that kid's date. Until young Sheldon dethroned him. The leg lamp. The punchable face, that was the most punchable face

on that kid's. Yeah, yeah. Until young Sheldon dethroned him. Well he gets fuckin' soap shoved in his mouth. He gets, you know. What's even, well that one. It's his eye shot out almost. That one was on, like it's on Christmas Day all day

or whatever, so you can catch little parts of it or whatever, but it, oh, was I going to complain about it. Oh, they they update. They updated it just like last year. Oh, they made a sequel. I mean, just ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. They have that punchable little kid as a punchable grown man.

Yeah. In the sequel, he probably couldn't believe his phone. His agent called. Hey, it's Dusty Johnson from back in the year. Remember? I say Bad Santa too. They bring back the kid with the sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he kind of pulls it off.

It's not as bad as it does. No, it's all right. Bad Santa I just watched the other day. That's one of them. That's one. There's only three. I like Christmas Story, Bad Santa, Bad, badder Santa and the ref with Dennis. The ref was pretty good.

I've only, I haven't seen that in years, but it's a Dennis. It's too bad I had Dennis Leary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is great. Well, they couldn't get Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks was unavailable, so Dennis Leary stepped in. So I would think that you would like be studying up

if she's all into this fucking kooky religion that you would be just Looking for all the loopholes. I Go, honey. It's in here. Let me sit down. Let me read you scripture because it says but it's a I'm too inattentive to battle back You know, I could never I could never even info I thought about this because you know, they don't they're not they're against divorce But if I were to join the church and then create a schism Try to fuck somebody in the church, then they would just you just see those. We me Yeah But I'd have to join the church and then listen and and fake like I like people and all that it would be really

I mean, I just don't think I work I could fake I could get infiltrate almost any other thing But the Jehovah Witnesses are so fucking boring. Here's what you do. You join the church and the first time you come in and you're an official member, just bring in Dianetics and E-meters and just- Maybe I should go take a double dose of ecstasy and go to church one Sunday

because they come up and love bomb you. And I'm not used to being touched or anything, but if I'm on ecstasy and I went there and they start going, so good to see you, and I'm like, oh, hey, baby. Like Joe Namath on Monday night, but I'm already trying to kiss Suzy Kobler. Wow, you remember her name. Just using your heart on as a pickup line.

Yeah. Give me a kiss, baby. I'm surprised that JVs do Christmas because they tend to do things differently from all the other gut bothering. No, they don't They also don't do Christmas cookies Which is part of my crew so her quitting Christmas ruin Mike because I like getting she'd make all these different varieties of cookies and take them whatever but uh That's gone too. So I'm, you know.

Can you talk her into just making cookies that have those colors? I don't even wanna talk to her. Secular cookies? Secular cookies? Yeah, no. No, I mean, she just does it. It's just like, it's just, she's a bummer about any of it.

What if she was just sick of doing all that shit and became a Jehovah's Witness just to be a stop making cookies and shit? Fuck I hate the neighbors so I don't make a fucking cookie and one of the worst Christmas things that I is getting the tree and then getting the fucking stand and then I'd have to be the man I'm the man so I'd have to be the one tightening those things under there and the trees it would always end up and kind of in a fight of sorts just to set this tree up but now I don't have to

set tree up or do anything now you want to set the tree. I did for a couple years just because I was like I'm still going to and then it's like wait, I don't even really like Christmas. I don't like the music. I don't like my relatives so haven't Christmas canceled is a couple years I've been going I go up snow skiing or something like I just want to avoid even talking to her the whole day of Christmas is my Christmas

tradition. So yeah, but I'm I'm I'll be home getting home mid day so I'll just say hey I'm back. Yeah, we both leave Christmas. We get early we the last time we well I traveled on. I think it was Christmas when we went to court in Florida lovely Christmas. We get early we the last time we well I traveled on. I think it was Christmas when we went to court in Florida 10 years ago. I think it was New Year's well I had I left my house because

we got there in front of New Year's and we're in a holding pattern because we didn't know if it be the 28 or would be and then got pushed back but we were I yeah, cause I remember doing a really quick, like got up and Delaney was still there, but we were like, okay. And then, you know, ripped a present open, have some pie. You know, I think I had pie and grabbed some cookies on the drive to the airport. I remember I ended up at Wiener's house for New Year's Eve.

I remember, cause Bingo was on that med what made her lactate. And then there was a pregnant lady at the New Year's Eve party Yeah, they had a lactate off to see if you could I am further the the crazy or the preggart and bingo beater by I can mile I still I got a windbreaker that Christmas a Oregon duck You if you have all bright yellow Not a windbreaker a pullover. I did and then bingo lactated on it

I don't think I've worn I I can't quite throw it away because it's it's a good you know Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm waiting for somebody who needs a windbreaker There's a bag over there from one Derek left his sweatpants in the RV. And they're those fucking family dollar, like really way too thick. They're almost like special needs pants. Yeah, yeah. So in case you bump into something hard, you don't bruise.

Yeah. And with the big waistband, like a boxer's shorts sized waistband. I have some of those dollar store ones. And Andy Nail, they're like, no matter, like even if they're around my waist, they still will ride up like this far up my leg but somehow I can comfortably pull them all the way up past my tits and I don't understand how that both of those things happen. Yeah, me and Derek had the

opposite. Did he get the split on the ankle like in case you want to put it over a boot. I guess. I don't know. Boots, sweats. Me and Derek got out of the car and have different, different, but we both have pants. I had the, I have these jeans that really don't fit my torso anymore. So I got to kind of roll them up like that. And then Derek's hoisting his nuggies. He does his fucking, his dance.

He pulls his sweatpants up over it. And I was like, does that brand of pants? Does anyone remember the because I actually love them. It's a new sponsor. Public Rec. That's the name. The ones he's wearing. No, I was going to get him because of all the people. They look like like khakis.

Yeah, they look like normal, fucking fucking take them wear them to the office, but they are fucking basically sweatpants. And I wanted to get Derek a pair, but he doesn't seem to be a size. Yeah. We're talking about it the other day. It's a geometric conundrum. I said, what size is Barney? Yeah. That's funny.

Well, it sounds like Derek has made that switch, because that's what I always wondered. I was like, I guess maybe I'll know I'm fat. Like when I decide, fuck it, I'm just putting my pants over my belly. Yeah. Like there's always a guy who does that. That's a definite decision. So I went alone myself. my belly. Yeah. Like there's always a guy who does that. That's a definite decision. I won't allow myself, I won't allow myself elasticated pants because I know that's the end of me once I do that because I think try straining into some jeans every morning is eat less cheeseburgers you fat fuck. I get that every morning if I went to the elasticated pants

it's fucking down. Just give me 18 months. It was my downfall for sure. When I had when I didn't have a job anymore, all I fucking wore was fucking sweatpants. And then you don't know. The first time I quit smoking, that's what fucked me. Because I had no idea that I gained so much weight because I was just I was taking just a lot of Xanax and drinking just and staying on the couch. Like, if I don't go out in the world, I won't need a cigarette.

And for like two months, and I just wore nothing but sweatpants. Yeah. Until I'm in pajama pants. And then when I had to go back on the road, I'm like, Pingam, my pants don't fit anymore. She goes, yeah, you fat fuck. You look at yourself in the mirror.

Yeah. And honestly, at that point, I didn't have anything but the bathroom mirror from here up. It's like trying to button your pants is like that fourth and when you're measuring it with the chains, like, oh no, these were my favorite pants. So yeah, that's when I went out, that was 2008. And I went out for that first tour.

I was wearing overalls, like keystacks, calicoon. And you can find footage of that online. I was fucking fat. I put on like 20 pounds. I remember, I don't know what, it wasn't, it was certainly way before that, but my daughter, one time I was just shirtless and she goes, and she was probably a little kid, but she wouldn't mean it trying to be rude because she goes, man, you're fat daddy.

And I'm like, oh shit, I guess I better start walking or so you know, that's the other thing that I made the mistake is you know you start making your own fat jokes and you know, all of your fat and then it's not a big deal anymore. You know we did it is just because you're the one making the joke that you're fat you fucking. I've always considered this my dad used to do it all the time he's in a wheelchair and had a bit of fat But when you sit with your hands resting comfortably on your own fucking belly tray. Yeah, that's where I consider

That months mines dropping out. I feel my belly getting lower, but I try to put your hands there Wake up listen I used to say like when you can't suck it in and pretend in the mirror, and then I got to that point where now I can't do that. Kiev's quite pretty city, isn't it? I've been to Kiev, but it's a nice city. Yeah, yeah.

The architecture's fantastic. Kiev? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the big woman with the sword, I remember. Yeah. The big, enormous monument. That's probably where they are. Yeah, we, yeah. And then the big woman with the sword over and then the cross the leaves of the thing. The big, enormous monument? That's probably where it happened. Yeah, we were kind of, we had-

There was no monuments at the bar. Yeah, we saw it all through in the back of a limo, pretty much the drive-in. With a smoke machine. And how long was your train ride from Poland? All night. 15 hours. Okay, so just only one night.

I love those trains, I think they're fantastic. You said they had four bunks. Yeah, four bunks is great for, especially on the way back. I wouldn't do it again right now because the Ukrainians just bombed a Russian train. But back in the good old days a month ago. I was hoping you guys would have went over to Chernobyl because

yeah, you had mentioned it. And I was like because I just finished a long ass book about it. And then I watched the drama series on HBO. So I was pretty obsessed with Chernobyl for a little while. But I've been there. That's why I went to Kiev. Yeah. Yeah. To go to Chernobyl. Yeah. And then I got the train from the Black Sea in Russia.

This is about 18 years ago. I got the train from the Black Sea in Russia all the way to Kiev. So that must have driven through all of the bits that are contested areas and battlefields now. You didn't go to the big concentration camp there? No, is the one? There's one near Poland, yeah.

You haven't heard? Oh, in Poland, no, I wasn't in Poland. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. There were several in Poland. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, we were close. Chernobyl's fantastic.

I know, it's a long time, obviously, I go there. But it is incredible. I would love to check that out, just, because there's people fucking who went back to Pripyat right right after the shit like fuck it was a lot of them are dead now but it's people who would said like they'd lived there all their life and they're in their 70s are we thinking it's just like fuck that they move from actual to say fuck I'm going back well and I read to like they went to the thing they got relocated to new places and then they were ostracized. Like they'd go to the fucking grocery store

and everybody would fall ass. Like, oh fuck you, man. Cause of the radiation deformities. Yeah, the radiation. It was the COVID of its day. The deformities are, you know, it's so weird to get, to look at all the information about that and how it'll be thousand years.

It'll be this long, it'll be this. And then as soon as there's no people there, like the wildlife just goes right back to fucking normal. It's just incredible. Like no problems, oh they're thriving. What about, why is that? Because there's no fucking people here. The radiation is not half as dangerous as fucking human beings.

It depends where you are, like there's like a lot of the radiation, it's really weird there, because we're there in like a gut cancer. And there'll be like, just like background normal radiation normal radiation like hearing bits and then you'll turn a corner and it'll just go rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr well, they couldn't really understand the risk because radiation isn't something you see. So it wasn't like, oh, there's fucking tigers roaming your old village. So you can't go back something visually that you can see. It's not like Russia was putting out detailed information about what happened. Yeah. Yeah. And so as long as you don't dig into the earth, that's not a good thing to do generally and keep away from metal things. But like the story of that, you just think are stupid old village people who just think

that radiation is the thing because they can't see it. But when you're there, you start doing stupid things like picking up metal objects and things and then you just think, oh yeah, shit, I shouldn't have done that. Because it's really weird, like psychology, to understand something that's incredibly dangerous but you can't see it.

And so you're just as, you're doing the same thing. The one people, the one couple that I saw in one of the documentaries that I watched the not long ago, they were living off root vegetables. So that's basically all they could grow there. And I'm like, that's gotta be the worst. They're like 80. We're fine. Yeah.

It's you can't see radiation, but you also know it doesn't kill you by licking it. It kills you way later. Yes. So apparently you can't detect radiation. You can't feel it. But some of the people who were in the reactor building when it went off and were exposed to massive chunks of it, but you know, just blocked out of the reactor. Turned a corner and there's this blob of molten sort of plutonium.

Some of them had recorded that. Some of them felt like a sensation of pins and needles, but they're not quite sure, like it hasn't been sort of proved that you can do that. But there is one thing, which is that the smell of ozone. What that is, it's the radiation ripping apart the oxygen molecules that you're actually breathing. So that's like rather no two oxygen that's just single oxygen like ozone and so that ozone's got a very distinctive smell and yeah and it's just yes the radiation ripping the molecules apart. I read that in the book but they did not describe it like that and I wish they would have that's so much better. So do you, where do you suit up?

No, no, not at all. I mean, you have to have like permission to go. But there's like a tourist agency. I think this is about 80 minutes ago I went. And so you sign up with them and then a guy drives you there and they've put in permission for you. And there's like a 30 kilometer exclusion zone where you have to stop the car.

Can you zip you zip lines? Zip line over the elephant's foot? And then, but you have to go into like the radiation testing station and go into a buddy scanner. And then there's one five kilometers around it. But when I was there, like reactor number two was still running then. So it's right next to it.

So it's still like an active town. And the driver, he drove me there, driver sort of guide guy, and he drove me there. And there's just loads of people and then he just stopped at like a seven equivalent of a 7-eleven and bought a beer. And I thought, well, I better go buy a beer then. So it was still sort of like they're also all the reactors are shut down now. But I did, I failed the radiation test to be let out of the exclusion zone. And I remember like, there was a couple of other people

going through the test. I'm going to have to live with this 70 year old couple. I found these ball bearings. I wasn't supposed to put these ball bearings in my pocket. So you go into a body scanner, there's like an electric gate, it sort of scans you. And then some lights go like bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. And then the electric gate opens and you can go. So a couple of people in front of me went through it and I went through it.

And I went into the buddy scanner and it just went ding, ding, ding, ding. And then the fucking sirens read off and stuff. And there was like this little sort of display of a man and like this big flashing arrow pointing to one of like the feet. Yeah. And I just I just thought, oh, fuck, this probably isn't good. Yeah. But I like like wrestling. You had to sweat off the radiation weight. So I just want to get to strip to sit alone and sort of a stiff bristle brush sort of you know his mouth. What?

So I said I thought and I but I felt incredibly sort of resigned to the fact I thought well I'd make a good story you know and so on. But fortunately the man who ran the station. Same thing? Yes please yeah. He just pointed at my shoe and then he took me back out of the Testing station to a piece of grass and showed me He couldn't speak English how to rub the soles of my shoes on the grass until that particular piece of plump plutonium That used to be in a reactor sort of scuff off my shoes

And then we went through and I don't know he was pressing some buttons I thought I'm thinking I've been pressing an override button or something They were like in with and then they just do that. You do have a gloaty Hey, hey, hey, are we gonna strip this guy naked and fucking rub him with the floor brooms, right? Yeah Yeah, let's do it. I kept them as my lucky shoes for years, which probably looking back on it wasn't very a sensible thing to do Everybody in your building died of cancer, but. But yeah, and then there's the, there's the, cause like the mutations in animals,

lots of animals died and stuff like that. There's the red forest, which we drove through. And that was like a big forest and all of the trees turned red leaves and they are still now. So yeah, they just rewrote their sort of DNA or whatever. And then the Geiger counter went fucking crazy

when we were driving through that forest. But all the animals had come back like, really well, like wolves as well, I think. I think they've got like, wolves that they hadn't had there for like 150 years. And it's basically, you know, it's just people that are the problem. Those fucking dicks brought a whole bunch of wild horses in there and were like,

here, live here now, just to see how you do. I was like, you fucking assholes. But the lakes, because you need loads of like water cooling in the reactor. So say you have like big lakes around. Well, water holds a lot of radiation, like you said, metal. Yes. And we went to feed the catfish that were in the pool. But the catfish, their heads are like that wide. And they'll come up and they can eat an entire loaf of bread.

But that's just catfish. That's just catfish. It's nothing to do with the radio. Because catfish will just grow as big as they can. It's another thing. But yeah, no, yeah, fun fact. It's nothing to do with the radio. Because catfish will just grow as big as they can. It's another thing, you know. But yeah, no, yeah. Fun fact, too. I recommend going if things cool down, obviously.

Yeah, they seem to be. I didn't realize when you kept saying it that it was basically right there. Yeah, yeah. I didn't. Yeah. I thought it was in Russia. No, it's just on the border of it's kind of like it's border of Belarus and Ukraine.

It's about 30 miles from Kiev. And then the Russian border is not far. They didn't tell fucking Kiev people for fucking the longest time. Yeah, yeah. That should even happen. That was wild. The Belarusians suffered the most as well. And then it came. There was some evidence a few years ago, like 10 years ago that came out that the Soviets were actually seeding the clouds to make it rain,

the radioactive rain. And that's what Belarus got, which sounds a bit evil and stuff, but you've got like 15 million people living in Moscow. So it's better to just make it rain as quickly as possible so you don't, you know, like 15 million people living in Moscow. So it's better to like just make it rain as quickly as possible. So you don't like that sort of heavily radioactive rain. And they fucked up. They fucked up.

There's no sense that they had to, you know, beat themselves up over it. It's easy to make those kind of moral decisions after you've already just fucking ruined so much. Yeah, that that that whole story was that they just lied about everything. So the everybody was fucking deep into the. So, you know, about Legassoff and the story, because that's what the HBO thing was about. Yes. I read a few books about I did the I did the heavy nonfiction before I did that so that I could know what was bullshit.

And that was turned out to be all right. So yeah, there was a little breathy up front. So the first three chapters are basically a laundry list of names of all the people involved, because they want to be so accurate. But if you get rid of that, it's a bit tedious, but I really enjoyed it. I took notes.

It was a good learning. Endurance, the Shackleton one that he wrote. Like the first whatever, 100 pages, it was a good learning. Yeah, Endurance, the Shackleton one that he wrote. Like, the first whatever, the 100 pages, it seems, where it just coordinates and shit. Yeah. All right. When does anyone eat a dog? Yeah, yeah.

So Shackleton, everyone survived in that, didn't they? But then 98% of them just went back to the UK and then went to the first world war and got machine gunned coming out the trenches. Shackleford's crew? Shackleton. Oh, Shackleton. Yeah, they didn't lose a man.

I think it was like 22, 18 or 22. Yeah, he didn't lose any, did he? Didn't lose any for 18 months. Like, it's the most fucked up. Yeah, yeah. But it's that, like every survival story, which I always loved, everyone, when they finally found him, It's that like every survival story, which I always love the

everyone when they finally found them, the first thing they asked for was not food, but cigarettes. It's great. And I've read so many survival stories that the first thing they asked for is a cigarette. You know, I'm trying to wonder if I ever told you one of my favorite. One of those was 438 days where that dude was a Fisherman and he goes out gets a new guy and they go out and then ended up

438 days out he was stuck Yeah, chilly. Yeah, I think so. That was one of my favorite Books about that kind of shit. Yeah, I don't know if I got that or not, because I remember you telling me about it. You'll have to get it, because it's good. You'd love it. That one has no fluff. It's all good.

Cool. So the other one where they all died is the Terra, which was a British boat. The Terra is something that was looking for the Northeast Passage, like above Canada, to get over to Asia, over the top of Canada. Now, they've just found the ship a couple of years ago, but there's another HBO documentary

that they've turned into a bit of a sort of sci-fi horror thing that's very good called The Terror, because that was one of the ships. But they never knew what happened to them, because both ships didn't come back. They just got crushed in the ice and stuff. And then they tried to make like a land expedition, much like Shackleton, to get away. But they never did.

But now they've, and like recently, they've got some conclusive DNA from some remains of people like the captain and stuff like that. But yeah, nobody knows because it's exactly like Shackleton. Like crazy shit, you just get frozen in the ice loads of men on the ice and stuff. But nobody knows really what happened because nobody made it out alive. But like the thing that I liked was Shackleton. Yeah, that captain's DNA,

you might not have found that captain. It might have been one of those cloud boys. We gotta quit taking DNA from their buttholes, man. This is all, it's all fucking the same dude. Yeah, I'll have to look into that one that sounds that sounds right up my alley for sure suffering they found some other guys DNA in the captain's stool then the other one of the incredible love. Do you know about the story of the telemark with the Norwegian crazy bastards who went to blow up the hard water manufacturing plant in

North that from the Nazis in Norway? No, no. Christ, you've got to read into that. I'm all right. I'm so like they were like because I think Norway just went like, oh, our alone Nazis come in I think or they were neutral, but they had a heavy water plant No, they were they're in yeah, they in that place. I did you know the Oslo Special oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah was a Nazi fucking Office building or not a camp but as a Nazi fucking thing

There's a factory of some kind, because it was a chocolate factory afterwards, or beforehand, and then the Nazis decided, hey, we need your chocolate factory. Okay. So, yeah, I can't remember what the Norwegians did in the war or something, but there was the heavy water plant,

so loads of young men from Norway who'd just grown up in the mountains, freezing condition, excellent skiers and stuff, went to the UK, sort of formed up as a special forces unit, then were dropped in to blow up this heavy water factory, because heavy water is like a precursor to like the Nazi nuclear bomb sort of thing. But then they just went like, and then they couldn't attack, So they just had to wait a year in the freezing, just on the tunnel, freezing tundra, and found a shack and lived there for a year until the weather was good enough to go and do their,

their mission to blow up the plant, which they did. But it was so bad, they were just like eating lichen and moss and stuff like that. But they, yeah, they were tough bastards sort of thing. But yeah, it's a similar thing. It's well worth investigating. Wait, isn't there a documentary or a book about, because this came up with Blitzed,

about the Nazis and how they used fucking methadone. Methadone, yeah, yeah. But there was one story that, I don't know if it's because I watched that, it came up on YouTube, about a guy that survived survived for fucking two weeks like Methed out of his head fucking do you know what I'm talking? No, I don't know I'm gonna make sure the pervitin was crazy shit. Yeah, that was attached to that

This guy just kept doing pervitin and this is an amazing like survival But the guy was out of his fucking like just yeah, he survived somehow all by himself in Norway he's gonna he's gonna be intricately carved cave first wave tweakers really oh yeah yeah straight meth Yeah, that blitz you told me about that one and that was that's one of my favorites too. I love that one. So you can still get that cuz like there's loads of people on YouTube and stuff. There's one guy who opens up like really old army rations. You ever seen this?

No, he told me about this. This guy and he he he's like a big clip and it's like a big thing, fucking anything that's collectors and obsessive people and stuff. But he's got this fantastic YouTube channel and he gets like military rations. He does like new and foreign ones and stuff like that, but he's most like old ones. So the stuff that you can eat. He did eat some of the corned beef from the very first ration ever made, which was from the Boer War. So that was like 1890s, something like that or something. And it was the first ever ration. And what it was, was like basically like, you know, two like Spam tits. It was like about the size of two Spam tits put together. One of them was full

of like spams, beef, bullion, right. And it it's like, it's 140 years old. Right. And then the other one got I can't remember what was in the other one. And there's like really good, really cool stuff. And it's like, it's just like, only to be opened after the instructions of an officer, or you'll be shot. And there's stuff like this. And he actually tried some of like the beef bouillon stuff that was 140 years old. But he's eaten loads of like American Second World War ones

and loads of Vietnam ones. They stopped putting cigarettes in in 1972, which must have been a bit of a deal. Because you get like, I think it's like they mini packets of Chesterfields or Lucky Strikes. and they'd have special three or four cigarette packets. So in every meal, you know, packet like for you. That's what they were in cans, I think as well. I found that guy, the meth guy.

That's some fantastic, but yeah, elite, elite, some really rancid old stuff. But some of the German ones, the Second World War ones, they'll have a little roll of pervitin pills in there as well and you can actually buy these on Amazon no I'm not as I'm but like eBay I would eat stuff like that yeah he accidentally overdosed on the Finnish soldiers I wasn't Norway's. He got separated from his unit and survived for weeks in the Arctic, fueled by a dose of meth large enough for 30 men. That's the fucking hero right there.

Yeah, so I guess, yeah. The soldier who survived World War II thanks to accidentally doing meth is how you Google it. I looked up Norway, a man who did meth and it came up. Good. That's that easy. When they stopped putting cigarettes in rations and stopped when you couldn't smoke in prisons anymore, it had to be the most scary day for the guards. Yeah.

Like, I remember this when I had that, Victor was my death row pen pal back in the 90s. And when I went to visit him, you couldn't smoke in the guest room, but they were just starting to crack down on, I think death row they could smoke and other people couldn't smoke in the guest room, but they were just starting to crack down on, I think death row they could smoke and other people couldn't, but still. So when did smoking bans come in?

It was in California first, in like the mid-90s. I'd rather kill than not smoke. That was 97 or 98, I think. How does that lay? And that was, there was a prison bad as well. Cause in the UK when they did it late, about 10 years later, you could still, one of the places you could smoke was a prison bad as well. Cause in the UK when they did it late, about 10 years later, you could still, they, one of the places you could smoke was in prison.

So prisoners could still smoke. But yeah, I didn't realize they'd brought that in there. That's, that's not gonna work out well, is it? Is there, are there any, can you still smoke in any US prisons? I love that you can do tech work for us. Yeah. Fact checker.

We'll let you plug your podcast. I know that before, just before I went in the army, there were people that would tell me that you didn't get them in your rations anymore, but there was the gut truck would come around and you could get cigarettes and stuff from that. But by the time I was there you couldn't even do that. When I quit in like uh well the military. 94. Yes. When I played

because of the cigarettes and the MRAs I didn't mind the beef bullion but fucking no lucky strikes no me. I got that for you. What do you got? Oh wait this is from 94. I got that for you. What do you got? Oh, wait, this is from 94. So that's where I'm going. 94 was when I had quit smoking at that point for maybe six or eight months. And I was played.

I get to play open for Jimmy Walker in Korea and Japan. And you could still smoke on international flights. But I had quit. And I'm like, fuck, I could be smoking for this whole fucking 15-hour flight. And then I'm on base, and cartons of cigarettes were like, for a generic, a carton was like $3.50. It was like nothing. It was, uh, and I'm like, I'm fucking smoking.

I started smoking, like, I'm gonna be able to smoke on the plane on the way back. It was great. Maryland, Minnesota, Ohio and North Carolina permit smoking breaks. They don't clarify what that means. But Arizona, Delaware and Maine maintain designated areas where inmates can smoke. Designated areas Do they allow tobacco cuz that's like here's the smoking area, but you're not Cock-sucker that sounds like some that sounds like some Joe Arpaio shit

Yeah, Bobby I thought. Yeah, Bobby. Oh, fuck, Bobby gets out in October. And we're going to figure out. Really? OK. I can't wait to meet that guy. And I hope we do a lot of stuff with them. And I'm going to try to. I wanted to get in contact with them in prison,

but I knew that I'm not that consistent. And he was trying to do, you know, he had a specific agenda of things, but I really think that guy would be a good influence on me because I should live my life more like I have been in prison forever or like I belong there. So I think that would- Yeah, I think he's a little terrified of getting out.

Well, that's quite common. No, that motherfucker's gonna do great. Our plan is to pick him up in Michigan when he just say fucking Blues Brothers. Mama sees going to be there and he's got a gal pal that hopefully will be there. But so we're going to

need a big fucking we're going to have to look out. I don't even know what I know. He's from Traverse City. I don't know where the prison is He's in somewhere shitty fucking northern Michigan, hopefully You can use the they have inmate locators online

The point is I hope there's the nice Karen part it has like a hummer limo that they write down for fucking prom nights where we can fit everyone And make a big spectacle. Yeah And then yeah, so did he serve his entire sentence or is this in? They don't have a good time there Michigan They don't have a good time there in Michigan. They don't shave off some years for being a decent convict. You know, I really wish I could listen to the podcast.

I would listen to that one, but I just can't. But that would be one that I think would benefit me. Oh, yeah. Hello. Hello. We'll see you soon? Soon. Soon. I'm gonna go run a little laundry.

Does she know what? You don't have to be that quiet. You're good. You're on camera being quiet. Does she know to get her pills? Oh, Bingo is staying. Yeah, Bingo, do you know to get your pills? Do you need those pills tonight?

I never heard the euphemism, run a load of laundry. Do you need those meds tonight? All right, well, can you drive? Because we're podcasting. Thank you, Dan. Then why are you talking to me? Just so you know that I didn't get that with those meds. There was a huge line when we were at Safeway.

Yeah. What meds do you need? I probably have some. Well, I don't want to go there because I don't want to show my head. Oh, that's right. I thought you were going to get them. You're going to reveal it? God, that's a beautiful head.

It is. Sort of military pants match, don't they? You know, I did not have not seen... Oh, you never saw her bald? No, no. Bingo was always hairy bingo since I got here. So this is my first time. I gotta say, I like it better.

Yeah. You like it better? I do. I love it. It suits you. It looks great. Well kids with cancer can. I love it. I might be inspired. I might have to join you. I keep telling Jenny that I'll shave my head, but I tell her she's the one who has to look at me. So she's got to pull the pin on that, because if she doesn't want me to do it, I won't do it.

I mean, I'm ugly enough. You know, but. Maybe I need a twinsie, though. Yeah, I might join you. I think the thing that her thing is, is forever I've told her, is that at some point one day I'm gonna shave my head and I noticed when I was in the military I have like a spine it looks like a spine going down the center of my head

I used to raise or shave it so I Said one day I'm gonna shave my head and then I'm gonna get a tattoo of like a fucking zombie pushing itself up Yeah, pushing itself up out of the top of my head. So I think the reason why she doesn't want me to shave my head is she knows a head tattoo is soon to follow. So I love it. That's so cool.

I love it. It looks so good. When you shave your head you're like, I don't need a tattoo. Oh, it's been my plan forever. I mean, it's going to happen. So find out if you have a letter in the back of your head like she has like that.

I'm pretty scarred up, but not cool like that. Yeah. Yeah, that looks like the branding from the Yellowstone. Yeah, yeah. She's a Yellowstone cowboy. She's a super fan. Super fan. Yeah. So-huh.

So we shaved our heads in COVID, didn't we? Yeah, we went to the grocery store. And we just looked like the two people who were allowed out of the cult compound to go and stock up on rice and beans. Same way. One of you said that out there. Now you just need like four or five more girls to shave their head and get a wise.

So it looks like you have a cult. I mean a wise scarf. You can jump in over there. I mean it might be hard to edit around you. Well what do you mean? What are we talking about? Nothing and everything. Nothing.

We're making it up as we go. Fuck. We're trying to only talk about Slab City and stuff that we wouldn't say on the official. Yeah. All right. Have you got something else? Yeah, what?

What's that? Have you got something else? No, we have all the stuff we filmed, but we have to film like an outro thing, which we haven't filmed yet, which we know we're going to gonna talk about half this stuff on so that's why it's okay to talk about like I already it's not I'm not saying anything behind anyone's back I told our host he yeah yeah stories never end yeah became here's something we learned I mean you know he goes we people at

slides he met us at a restaurant before we went in there people slab city or not you know we don't like we don't talk about what we did before and every conversation he had he was telling people what he used to every conversation and when I was a photographer yeah, we don't talk about it at all. We don't talk about it at all. You can Google. You can look that up.

Yeah, they were ultra sweet. Even the people I'm complaining about. Dabs. They were the sheet that we had the dabs every morning. That was the routine is gather toxic firewood that would burn poisonous. Oh my God. There was that smell of, all right,

now we're going into the fucking slab city again. That's, we're just. Stop. Stop. Okay. Can we talk about humor? Yeah. Yeah. You were at the show in humor.

I was, I came along and yeah, I've seen you perform, I don't know, three, four times, but you're almost half sober. When last night and you started, and you were fantastic. Yeah. Yeah, which was quite eye-opening. I think I would consider myself sober

when I started. And then you wouldn't leave. Right, and everyone get off the stage, and the drinks kept coming, and... Well, no, that was kind of by design yeah, that's kind of what we did yeah city so let's just yeah fuck around and if we're having fun they're going to have fun was the kind of the premise. And I hope they had fun because I would give a shit because I

had a fucking blast yeah, you. It's really good. I bet I think it's a like you sort of people's oh well old uncle. How he had that he he had his running with cancer and like, he's pancreatic and he's clear now, but he doesn't get out of the house much and you know, just putters around. And then I just saw you in a dive bar,

just flailing around with like aeroplane wings. Just sort of, and I say, that's a cancer recovery if I've ever seen one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had the adjoining room situation back in the hotel. And, yeah, he fucking... I don't remember that bar. Crawled in and jumped on Alex

because he went into the wrong room. Alex and Derek were sharing a room, but they're adjoined with a door open. Well, it was open at first. It closed quickly after Andy, at three in the morning, fucking crawled on top of Alex in bed and then started hiccuping and spitting. I think he thought I was mimzy.

Before he was doing that, he was talking to little creatures in the room. Maybe you thought he was mimzy. Oh yeah, you don't know about this. What happened? You were talking to little creatures. You were like, hey, it creatures you were like hey it's okay guys it's okay man to little creatures in the room before you crawled

on top of Alex. Yeah I'd say I'm recovered. You ate a lot of edibles. Huh yeah that did happen but I didn't eat the big one, the 250. But I was on Edible, but I don't. I gotta fucking get up. At least this is all gonna go in the fucking end of the whole trip. I was wondering if while we were doing Yuma should be attached with the other one, right? Yeah.

Yeah, but. Look, man, I tried to change the goddamn subject to Chernobyl earlier. I don't know what else to do. I did want to get his take on it. Yeah, yeah. That's never... I'll be honest with you.

I don't want to fucking talk to you guys about it. It fucking makes me upset. I was home. I had the fucking flu. I wanted to go. I got the flu two days before we had to go. While you guys were having this much fun I had to take I had a hundred and four point four temperature as a fucking fat old man

which is probably not yeah I was hoping I'd just die so I had to take a cold bath to cool down I got out didn't put any clothes on I just went into bed then I fell asleep finally had a coughing, shit my whole fucking bed up. Fuck you guys with your fucking fun stories. I don't even wanna hear them. I went to the UK to do a tour with COVID, because you know why? Fuck them.

It's a super spreader tour. the super spreader to her. The super spreader. I really, if I would have, If I would have felt halfway decent. You know what the people at my show did. They all have grammas. Yeah. That's how they get the show money.

If I wasn't still running a temperature, I would have went with the end of my flu and just fucking been laid up sick. That would have been funny. I'm telling you, we keep doing, we keep finding like a gig near whatever weird shit we're doing. That's gonna be a fucking recipe

because you hosting that show with all due respect to our host. Yeah. Yeah. It's where you wanna go up afterwards and go, he books this. So that's why, right? But if you can imagine that show with Chad Shank as the host

and just doing, like wherever we go, just doing a fucking. That was a perfect small. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you hadn't been there for 28 years or something, so I quite hungry, I think some of them. But I hadn't been there since I was a kid with a mullet that was billed as comedy night. That's great. Yeah.

I mean, I've been there as a tourist, as a passerby. Not a working. A walkabout. I think I met three people who introduced me. Hi, I'm a local comedian. It's a year. There's at least three of them and stuff. They were very pleasant. Yeah, and I love that. That's the whole point of it.

Well, like you said, if we could find that. If I could break even. In all the places where we go and find people, the tourists around and stuff. Yeah, and in Hidden Camera, it's called accomplicing. All right, you don't just do this to any guy. You get someone who's gonna set up their friend. Who knows who they are.

So then when you fuck them over and they shit their pants on camera. They'll sign everything. Or drop an in-bomb. And you run out and you go, your friend Jason set you up. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna kill you. You made me say the N-word.

You sign the release quick while you're smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's honestly how it smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's honestly how it works. Yeah, that makes sense. We have our little bald bingo intern go around and go, could you sign the release? When you see the whole crew come out

at the end of a hidden camera prank, you're like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. That's too fucking confusing. The release person is right there. Fucking. So yeah, I love the idea of. Mm-hmm, yeah, comedy was fun. Those two shows were fun without really digging into anything and trying to rework the wheel.

I love the idea of just doing Shit Towns, with all due respect. When we did the Shit Town Comedy Tour and had the poster that said Shit Town Comedy Tour, people were so happy to be listed as a Shit Town. They know it. Yeah, yeah. I had to put asterisks next to the ones

that weren't Shit Towns. So, Madison, you don't shit. You don't count. So not actually a shit. But you rounded well. You you funded the fucking shit. How is that judged whether it's got a Denny's or not? It's a well now. Well, I don't want to burn a bit, but now I judge shit states, hillbilly states

are now completely different than they used to be. And it's not about Confederate flags so much as... I judge a town by the, there's a college football show, college game day, and they're on the side of a big game each week. And then the number of Jesus signs they have signs in back but there's an account like three or four or five Jesus signs that fuck that town you know Alabama. Yeah there's more Jesus than things that start with NBC yeah yeah nothing nobody beats Clemson you you know, how they do that. You drop the fucking, well, you know,

if you had a Doug Stanhoe podcast sign. That seems like one, well, I mean, back in the day I thought that whoever's writing, like, Jesus loves you inside of toilets, was like, that's one of the lowest disciples out there. You know, but, carrying a big sign with a Bible verse on there can't be that much above that. But yeah, some of these

towns, I mean, like desert towns, well, so like places like India and Blythe, where like I've been on a road trip and just stop off and sleep. And, you know, and it's like, what happens here? You know, and like, the person working at the reception is like the only like late teenager in the entire town with no visible meth scabs. You've got the job. You know?

So like, we gotta keep up our corporate standards. We could do really shit towns, you know, like shit towns and then really, really shit towns. Well, I mean, all you'd have to do is go reconquer Dave Triple territory. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I'm gonna start booking that now. Yeah, yeah.

Because we wanna do the fucking Mountain Time Zone in the summer, I'm thinking May. If you're out there, Mount Time Zone, we, you know, what is it, Colorado? Wyoming. Well, New Mexico, if we can find a good place.

Mike Long, I can talk to him. He's my Cardinals buddy. And the guy that we did cocaine on the roof with. With roof. I did. Yeah, yeah, okay. These guys are ready to go home. I didn't know that till after I did. So in the mullet days, like of comedy of your days.

So that was like early 90s. Yeah. Is that you would go on to say you'd have a booker who would book all these little towns. They were just booked, you just get plugged into the film. Game of Tribble was, he had an agency that booked all of the Western states. He had like two or three maybe two or three different weeks. He'd get down in Arizona here and, Yeah. Oh no, he had a bunch in the early days. Yeah, so you could do like five days in a row

or six days of driving all the fuck over. There's Northwest too, there's the Montana run was, like, legendary. So all of these routes and clubs were kind of like his thing that he'd built up. And then what happened, and there was other bookers like that. Yeah, there were a few, but... So what happens to their route when they...

Sorry, there is a recording going on while you're fucking talking over there, Chatty. Those routes that they built, when these booker guys, who I should imagine are interesting characters, die of suicide or syphilis or whatever happens to them, what happens to those sort of roots? Does somebody who worked for them sort of pick it up and do it again? That's how Troubles went to Mike Jenkins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The magical negro, you know, he played a ukulele and sang. I think that Dwight Slade called him that.

I think that Dwight Slade called him that. Well, Magical Negro was one of our sketches on the Man Show before you. Yeah. Before you don't care. There was a movie. There was a movie called that with that title. He gave me a compliment of this guy. I think his name was Mike Jenkins.

Mike Jenkins, and he's just, you know, just a very hacky. And he gave me a compliment after something and Dwight Slayden heard him say it. He goes, I wouldn't take it too seriously as a smiley guy with a ukulele who sang a song about peeing at the end or something. But I was like, you know, I was new enough but being complimented by a headliner or something, but he put it into perspective. This guy ain't exactly the one you want. Someone's missing their pants. Have you come in for him?

So what are those roots like now? Sniffing them out. What would happen with the trip? Do you want to touch that to get it in the shot or what do you think? You're the director. What happened with the triple run zone? Or just turned the camera around to watch him. And you just have a dead spot in the thing or he would jam it together.

So you'd have some of these 10, 11 hour drives to get to a gig. So if you get up a little late, you're racing against the clock to get to the next gig. And as gigs drop and got more Spotty the runs became oh and last and he's he's drunk with power because Yeah, a million comics calling him a day and he's he'd pay a hundred That's the fucked up part is sliding they never changed it went down over So you get a $25 for a gig at the beginning in 1990. My first, 91 I think, my first gig, 120.

And you had to pay, like I'm driving the Montana. Yeah, you gas. It's all on you. That's cost way more than $125. Well. Did you get that? Yeah. You can keep your over-

You all right, Derek? That's a yes. Maybe I'll be on then. Did you call him? No, I haven't called him. I'll talk to him. But it gets very hard for Derek to show up on a Tuesday without calling.

But we can get him to drive us or get bingo's beds if he's, no, he's drinking. You better grab him and say, hey, if you want a drink, you better take me to safely. First. I'll get him tomorrow. All right, you're gonna be all right? I'll try and grab him because we might get him. We'll drug him.

We have other drugs. I'll just shoot you full of stuff. Like what? Animal tranquilizers. That won't help me. There's stuff, you know, pray in the gay way. There's now a new bed. I don't need animal.

I take pig enzymes to help me digest. I would like that. Yeah. Thanks. I need animal d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d We are again. I'm not a boofer. That's a new word Doug was unaware of. And it's shoving drugs up your ass to get high. I'm not a boofer. You just don't want to get high that bad. Depends on how fast you want relief. Yeah. Yeah. You could just sit in a bucket of booze

and suck it up your ass. That'd be the way to go. I'm not a boofer. What if you could smoke a joint with your butthole? Yeah I'm Sean Rouse is a fucking kid on the sewing machine my asshole just taking on bucket alcohol. Yeah it's true you just spill it as soon as you got up. Can you do a bit of taxi juicy a bit later? Are you drinking? Why are you here on a Tuesday? I left a weed soda in the fridge.

Oh, I didn't know you did. I was hoping it would still be there when I came to get the truck. Is it still there? Did you think Andy was gone? Oh no, I'm not. I knew it was there. I just said it.

What about your pants? It's just weird to see you. Did you come to get your pants? Of course. Okay. They didn't want them on the property, but I took some initiative and got a glove on and bagged them up.

He wore a plastic glove to put your pants in a bag. And then wrote. You need to go later. The pants are biohazard. Sorry? Oh, bingo. I just need to get back to JoBiz. Yeah, okay.

Oh yeah, not to, son. That's fine., yeah. Yeah, okay. Oh yeah, not too summery. That's fine. Yeah. Anywhere in town, especially if it's not past the circle you're finding. He he. No.

Well relax then. Hi Derek. Good to see you Derek, we missed you. Sit in, yeah. Yeah, I only have one fucking, Derek. I only have one seat, but I fucking give you guys a ride to Joby's on my way home in a little bit.

Oh yeah, maybe. Oh yeah, this is one. Like I said, just bring it up. I mean, this is not representative of my ability to drive at all. No, nor the two cans that I drink on the way here. So. Chad, you're adorable.

They're Nick Ultras. No, it was a commercial for that new Billy Bob Thornton show that I think is the Land Man. And I don't want to watch it, because I think it's going to be Yellowstone, like Dallas, or fucking Knott's Landing. I think that's what those are. But I turned it off after 20 minutes.

Knott's Landing. So I saw the commercial though, where Billy Bob Thornton is at the beer, or I mean at the bar, and he's drinking Michelob Ultras, and the guy's like, you might want a beer, and he's like,

it's a fucking Michelob Ultra, it's not, product placement. Well, it's still alcohol. And he goes, I'll tell you what, he goes, I'm gonna drink fucking 15 of these, and I'll come back in tomorrow,

and I'll drink 15 whiskeys, and you tell me which one. Wait that's in the show? Yeah. They fucking actually call out Mick Ultra's shit? Yeah. Well it was the trailer that I saw and I'm pretty sure that's what it is. Well that's uh that's fantastic. Yeah. I was gonna I was gonna ask like when did product placement start other than the obvious like when it's, hey, brought to you by, it's the Paul Maul Kids Hour. Wow.

Remember the Flintstones used to sell cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Oh, OK. Yes, the Flintstones. So like in movies, the first one who really was like all the James Bond franchise was the big one. They really started that. So the whole thing of Martini being shaking up stuff

was the invention of the vodka Martini where martinis before that were always gin. And it was a couple of million dollars or whatever. So you were just supposed to know that now they're talking about vodka instead of gin since they probably knew it was not stirred. Because it was just like the Smirnoff company. Yeah, it's probably more of a they gave them an equivalent of a couple of million dollars to have James Bond drink vodka.

There was probably five varieties of vodka at any liquor store back then. Interesting, because I never knew that. Obviously, you know, a ton of James Bond movies. So they never got through the 70s was Sony. They palmed a lot of money in avoiding tax, I should imagine. So like all of the monitors and like the evil there and stuff would be Sony TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then watch companies as well.

And then that's good. But like the broccoli guy who did like the whole series we did that with cocaine in the unbookables yeah but I always like that they would like spoof things would be like Bootle wiser like fuck you Budweiser you don't get no fucking love from us. But yeah I've seen a couple of films recently where it's like PBRs featured, either like clearly drinking it or referencing it as that sort of working men's cheap lager, which they've done a really good job making a lot of money by just selling it cheap and then marketing it as this sort of like no nonsense, cheap blue color beer and stuff. And they were like, what's that beer in the Simpsons? We're white trash.

No, that's that's the Simpsons, uh, uh, South park where they have the, uh, the, uh, we're white trash and we drink, but they had a specific brand, like maybe hams or whatever. But, Oh no, it's Pabst Blue Rib. Okay. That's right. Pabst Blue Rib. Yeah. Yeah. Pabst Blue Rib, you know, it's like blue rib. OK, that's right. Perhaps blue ribs. Yeah. Perhaps blue rib, you know. But it's all just a marketing. I'm in trouble.

They were just a brewery. But then in the mid-90s, they just went for this marketing thing of we'll just cut the price. We'll get it in every bar. And it'll be like, because PBR is like about 60% of the price of the cheapest other sort of. I've never had one. It really isn't.

Yeah, it's all right. I've never had one in my life. Yeah, no, it's all right. Whenever, when I was drinking Miklop, so you wouldn't be a fish out of water drinker. No, tomato juice will fix anything. But it's all just marketing. When I was in, my first beer that I had with my dad

when I was a kid, he's working on his truck with his fucking buddy and I was probably 13 or so and I was probably an alcoholic by that point but nobody knew that. And my dad went, beer I'll give you a beer and he gave me a goddamn Milwaukee's best I think it was or something and I've I had to sneak around behind the truck where they're working and dump it out and pretend I drank it. You pour everybody has their first beer story with their dad. Mine was like, you cheap motherfucker, dude, I won't fucking drink this shit. Pour whiskey in the can. Now, I, I, I.

Good, son. Yeah. I mixed beer with cranberry juice to get it down. First started drinking beer. That's a that was how you knew you would. You know, you didn't have a problem. So you could drink beer that was tolerable. And if you could tolerate it, my uncle and I one time gathered cans and sold cans so that we could buy beer.

And the only thing we could afford was Meister Braille. And I was like, hey, I'm just gonna have this one and you can have all the rest of them cuz they're all Drank a Meister Brown motel six in Oceanside, California when I was 18 or 19 I moved out my brother is Must have been doing pretty good stationed out there. No mean weird're Joe Vance let lived out of a fucking old Bronco that My brother's friend was out to sea on some fucking 38 things So he had a old like the 80s for Bronco or or 70s Ford Bronco. It was in the 80s So so me and Joe Vance let could sleep, it was parked in the Greyhound station. We lasted three weeks, but I remember that first day,

fucking my brother scored us a fucking 12 pack of Meister Brown, I was taking a shower, and I said, I go, this is the best beer I've ever had in my life, and it might have been. Yeah. Ooh, undrinkable. Milwaukee's Best was, that was just every Hack Road Comics joke.

You know, it's made in St. Louis, and they're like, this is so bad, we're gonna call it Milwaukee's Best. But that's not true at all. You know, it might have been Old Milwaukee that my dad gave me, the first one. I don't think he was a Milwaukee's Best guy. I think he was Old Milwaukee.

Oh, horrible. Yeah, don't know. was a Milwaukee's best guy. I think he was old Milwaukee. Oh, horrible, horrible fucking beer. Probably couldn't tell the difference. They all taste about the same. If you just had them all in cups, minus the marketing, you know, like all just these kind of standard beers, would you be able to pick out Michelob Ultra with seven others? Like Bud Light, Coors Light.

Fuck no, they're all good for me. I can drink all of these I want and still consider myself not drinking. Yeah, and you have a preference is to just to go, I mean, it's just whatever. I don't think that you may, well, maybe you didn't get marketed by Michelob, but it's like the Coors Light or whatever it's cold Coors here and

here and I've I've I've you know but what I think if I had to get by beer was this bank was what's that right cool that's like the best one I think but they're all much of a yeah I think they're all pretty much the same but I go for these Lucky Lager, these lagers. Wait, wait, wait. I was just about to bring up Lucky Lager. Who has drank Lucky Lager? Yeah, I started with Stro's and then Lucky Lagers.

Stan, have you ever drank Lucky Lager? No, I have not. So Lucky Lager, underneath the cap, had like eye... Little puzzles. Little puzzles that you would have to figure out. And it was one of the games that you could play. And you drank more and more Lucky Logger. You were like, what the fuck does that mean?

Screw you, asshole. You're drunk. Yes. Yeah. Lucky Logger. Yeah. And then Rainier, I drank a lot of that, too. I drank some Rainier when I lived in Washington.

They had this they had cool. They were iconic, I guess, ads for at least the local market. So we had I went to a lot of minor league baseball games when I lived in Washington, and it was the Tacoma Rainiers. And Rainier beer was the main beer. That's a very that's a very blue collar cheap beer. Yeah. Region is Northwest. It's like all this.

I used to go to the Amsterdam Heineken's games. It was. You did. Amsterdam, that's that team went out of business. One of the things that I like is I go to like the brewery downtown here and I'm like, what do you want? I'm like, what do you have that's like a Bud Light that you get fucking so mad at?

I always say that. Dude, they fucking hate you so much. My entire drinking career, anytime someone brought me to a fucking, oh wait, you only have local, I go, what's the closest to a corporate shitty beer? And then they have to answer you. It feels like they- Like here at the ballpark brewery, they're very cool, they know I want the weakest shit you have, and if they don't have it they say get the seltzer

Brewery and their biggest thing is the beer and this place is a secondary Situation they are we're out of that one. It's like the brewer, whoever they're. Have you been a guy? No, where's this? Joby's. Yeah. The end of where Cochise Row hits the end coming here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it says straight across. It's closed. So what is it's a brewery with a tap hamburgers. Yes, it's got they try to brew like five or six different beers and a seltzer. They have two or three. Yeah, of the ones they try to brew. Stout never runs out.

All these IPAs and micro-brezzy. Yeah, the thicker they are, the less I want them anymore. Just tastes of aluminium to me. Yeah. Like it's just tastes of aluminium. We don't have that here in the United States. Yeah, I've never heard of it. Yep, it's just taste of... We don't have that here in the United States. Yeah, it's not even on our... Local reference.

It's not even on our elementium chart. It's not. It's not. So I realized recently, there are two different spellings of aluminium and you don't have an additional I in the American Spang. So that's why you say it. I didn't realize that. No, it's it's phonetically. You say phonetically you guys say it correctly and so do we. But yeah, we've got an additional I. Yes, because we're really good with superfluous I's. And yous. I knew that right away. So yeah. Color. Yeah. Flavor flavor But then the words

But in glamour glamour still what are you in it? Well, that's because only you guys are glamorous We're just fucking hot All right close it out with meat wig because it's getting cold and throw them up on the table Everyone wants to see. Everybody loves Meatwaves. The world is now officially in his book. You turn him towards the camera. We were trying to guess his age.

Have you got any idea? 18. He is 18. He is 35 years old. But that's 68 in human years. With a drinking problem Crying everybody's microphone Yes, 18 years old

I found this cat at a Rick Shapiro gig son I Tell the story about the club Congress and finding him at last call behind a jukebox, but I don't. I've never heard of the Rick Shapiro. Yeah, no, it was because Rick Shapiro wanted to do some gigs. So I came up and fucking hosted. He played here in Elmos and then up there or vice versa. And then he got his face punched here.

Yep. His face punched. The rest is here. Yep, he got his face punched. The rest is history. Yep, I don't know that one. No, maybe I do know that one. And you never look back. Get close up, Mimsy. There you go. That's a closer.

Sit, ubu, sit. Good dog. the door. There you go. That's a closer. Sit, sit. Good dog. What's up? You like the vape? Oh, I thought about this for uh for a podcast because you've been there with me uh to the the animal shelter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the cats just were the muck. Yeah, the cat room. Kitten room is what it was.

That's, what, yep, for, because for a donation, they'll let us buy and spend 45 minutes. Dude, we could also walk dogs at the, fuck, the place has dogs. You could volunteer to walk dogs. We could do a dog walk. Yeah, I don't know about, I don't know that dog videos get that many hits, but I know cat, kitten videos.

So just the three of us sitting amongst rescued cats and carry our people to go to. And then we can show us all go to the doctor for ringworm. Because we're down here with fucking border cats that somebody should have shot with a shotgun. We're gonna get shit eye like that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah I'm blaming their cats. Yeah, I don't Somebody said it was from makeup. I don't use makeup. So Pink guy that's not just I is different pink

I is supposed to be like if a cat sits, sleeps on your pillow or something. Anything with shit on it sleeps on your pillow. You know, if you fart on Bingo's pillow, you'll get a pink guy. So what is pink guy? I'd never heard of that until I was like- Conjunctivitis. Oh, is that? Oh, okay, okay.

Conjunctivitis. What's your functions? Impression. Yup, and... Wait, you can clap too. Why did you ask me to clap? Because you're on camera. It's about seeking the vision as well. Yeah. Oh, okay. Who's got the clap?

We've got the clap!