The Doug Stanhope Podcast - *New Episode* Truth is Crazier than Fiction

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Doug is back in the crawlspace with a new online therapist, Judith, to help him outrun his past, while also promoting his future tour with Andy. Tour starts this week! Get tickets at www.dougstanhope.com/tour Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus free shipping. Use code STANHOPE50OFF at https://www.factormeals.com/STANHOPE50OFF Support the show and get 15% off your Schedule35 order with the code STANHOPE at https://www.schedule35.co  Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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So if you haven't seen the previous ones, they're a lot of fun. I think we called them proxycologists. This time what I did is I thought, why don't I take some true stories from my own life and then jam them in and whittle them down so they just have enough beats to make me sound like a raving lunatic, a delusional madman that is calling, and I picked this one therapist, Judith, from her picture because she had the little glasses and she looked like a little old lady that just wanted to talk to anyone and I knew that she probably wouldn't hang up on me no matter how crazy I sounded and I was right. I was very right. Judith delivered far more than we could have ever anticipated.

And the way she winds it up at the end, you're like, oh my god, I can't believe the battery is dying on my laptop, because I probably paid for another half an hour. Enjoy this, I call it, sometimes the truth is crazier than fiction. Enjoy. Stan Hope. Hello Judith. Hi. How are you?

Well, I'm calling you so I can't be all together right? Oh yeah well maybe you are maybe because I'm sure that I could use some good good psychotherapy too so you can give me the therapy and I'll give you the therapy. All right and we'll call it even. Yes. Yes I didn't know who to choose so I just went by the picture and they say you know a picture is worth a thousand words and your picture looked like you could listen to a thousand words. Well I love that well I said to my representative I said I want you to take a new picture of me because I don't feel it's professional enough. I said I can't do that anymore I went oh so I said you know maybe I'll go in and get a passport picture you know more

professional picture. I thought it was it was endearing. Thank you. Yes. Yes. You have such a kind face. Oh my gosh. You know that would be kind of like if I took a picture of you, you also would not be able to interpret it. It's kind of like people hate the sound of their own voice. Yeah, right. Well, I hate their names. One of my brothers said, another one of my brothers always hated his name. I went, oh, I didn't know that. I don't want to be too personal, but did he have a really ridiculous name like Gnipkinop? No, no, it was an unusual name. It was Wesley. and you don't hear

that very often. As a matter of fact I think I heard it one more time in my life and it was an actor. Yes Wesley Snipes. Oh thank you. Yes. So he always hated his name and I thought it was a neat name but they named him after an uncle it was from an old uncle so it was passed down. Well my middle name is Jean but with a G and kids would tease me because yes and that was a kids would tease me because it was kind of a females name when I grew up. Okay. With a J. Well, no, see, you know now that that's because kids have to be kids, and they think everything is funny.

Yes, they do. And they make fun of everything, and they don't have any clue that they can hurt the feelings of the people that they're teasing. It's like a lot of the stand-up comedians today. They are funny, but they're teasing. It's like a lot of the standup comedians today, they are funny but they're mean and I think that might come up in our session. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But of course when you're an adult, you know, you're more, you don't let, you've heard it enough and you've heard it about other people, not just you, which is great. Right. So you're not as sensitive. you just go okay well yeah it sometimes just depends on your mood oh sure yeah tell me thank you for saying that though about my picture that it isn't as bad as I think well your picture looks reminds me a lot of how my mother looked

when she was younger and she had the same smile and she wore some similar spectacles. Okay yes and I just took them off because I because I'm nearsighted I don't need them but I usually have them on because I need them for the distance. I take mine off sometimes if I have to be on the zoom because I need them for the distance. I take mine off sometimes if I have to be on the Zoom because I don't want to see myself because I have this wiggly neck. But yeah. Well I already solved the problem.

I have a beautiful silk turtleneck and a really nice scarf. Gorgeous. I solved that problem. I took my mother's ashes and this is really what I'm dealing with a lot. I went to Ukraine and not... You did. Yes because my mother she didn't like the Russians whatsoever and I took her ashes there and I fired her ashes at the Russian positions as far as I know. 3, 2, 1, FIRE! Holy shit!

At the front lines but it was not a sanctioned event and I didn't tell the Zelinsky fella I was coming and but she lived in her later years in a Russian neighborhood and she hated the Russians and I thought that was a fine farewell. Yeah but this was you have to understand this was before the election and that's when Putin was an enemy of sorts, and I thought, what the heck? What the heck? And now there's been a turn of events. There's three parts to what I want to tell you.

Trump is trying to make a turn of events. Dealing with Putin, I can't imagine anybody being able to deal with Putin. Right, and that's why I'm afraid of being poisoned or exterminated or even arrested by Putin now that he's some ally because I was there and the forest people helped me launch this heavy artillery at the Russians and then I I was just as like a lone wolf. You took a chance. Yeah and you know mother of God rest her soul she deserved to be flying through the air at an unpronounceable town's name where the Russians don't even belong if you ask me but I'm not political this was about

this was a heart thing. Yeah right. Would she have liked what you did? Would she have appreciated that? Yes. Would she have wanted that? did? Would she have appreciated that? Yes. Would she have wanted that? How would she have felt about that? Yes. Oh, she would have definitely enjoyed it, but she would not want, now that there's a turn in the political tides, what if that Putin is gonna try to have me assassinated or thrown off a building like an oligarch or even poisoned. Because I'll be honest with you, Judith, I've been drugged before.

You know, the Joe Rogan communicates with me sometimes and tells me to come to do his podcast. come to do his podcast so I drove halfway across the country and I got to the into Texas and I got a hotel and I took an uber drive to his studios and it was like he didn't even know me I know I was lucid in the uber because they were filmed a game show that I was the star of in the back of the uber okay here I have a comedian he's a stand-up comedian here this dog he wants to guess where I'm from let's see if he can make it and I know I was witty because I won the questions and I got the questions right

but this is the last guess yeah Turkey yes I'm Turkish. Good job. And then when I drank, then I got dizzy and delusional and the next thing I know I'm being taken by a security staff to the sidewalk to be put I had to figure out how to get Back into an uber and to the hotel. What you got to say honey? Where you been? I've never been this fucked. Okay. I drank the two drinks. It's fucking Whiskey I've never been have you ever seen me this fucked Honestly, no, I really Maybe we shouldn't have Know this three hours, but like you're gonna yell at oh, three hours, I'm going to be fucked,

but I was like halfway through, I had never been this fucked. Okay. No, you don't get fucked like that. I'm asking you to film this for a reason. Okay. Because, like a reason. Okay. Because, like, fuck. Well. The guy that drove me home was working for Rogan.

He's like, no, no, no. And I was dizzy and I was seeing double. All by yourself. All by myself and I vomited for eight hours in the hotel room. Oh no. But if you listen, this is where people think you're crazy and that's why I had to call you. If you put the pieces together, Joe Rogan supported Donald Trump, Donald Trump supports Putin and... Well, there's a, you would understand this, there's a, there's a, you would understand this, there's a good reason, a good strong

reason why Donald Trump is currently supporting Putin because we may never, you know, you and I am talking about, right? Right. We may never know what he really thinks of Putin. That's true and that's what I hope for because the last thing mother would want is for me to be tied up in some Russian gulag because I visited Norway or Sweden I've always wanted to visit and they're right there at the border and you you know how he works that Putin has his claws and everything like like one of those games where you pick up a stuffed animal and he'll get you.

Right. Right. And who am I gonna call? My senator is Mark Kelly. Oh, sure. I once made some jokes about... You've had some really bad press lately. Yes, but I once made jokes about his wife, Gabby Gifford. If you don't know the story, her husband was an astronaut and after she got shot mentally retarded she's still in a rehabilitation facility when he had to take his last space mission

and you know he was hoping to get lost up there like George Clooney in Gravity. This is Major Tom to ground control. Is my wife still shot recharging? Is she still making those awkward personal appearances. I remember I was in Arizona when that happened. Can you believe that? I am a Safeway Rewards member and I was scared to go back. Okay. She was assassinated in front of a Safeway even though she lived. You know, I remember that because I think I lived close enough to that area in,

let me think a moment in, I think, I think I lived close enough to that area in let me think a moment and I think I think that was no Tucson it was Tucson Arizona that's right yes it was on TV like mad so I remember seeing it right now and a little girl that was killed in that thing and it may not have only been one little girl but there was a little girl and I remember I remember her I remember what she looked like at the time we the public did not know anything about Mark Kelly. Right. Yes. You know we came later. Yeah and so I would I imagine this when I get scared at night and I have the night terrors. I think it's called insomniac narcolepsy where you're too afraid to sleep.

And I imagine what if I was in a Russian gulag, who do you call? You call your state senator. And what would he say? Oh, you made jokes about my wife. I'm gonna leave you there to rot like Brittany Greiner yeah oh my god so I thought and this is your problem is your mind is too active well I thought if I if I have no country if both sides are against me where do I go when I've gotten myself into this prison

that I've built out of my own, I thought Johnny Depp. Now, listen, Johnny Depp has his own private island where I could go into exile. Yes, and I thought I could go into exile there because Johnny Depp, I think he should consider me a friend as well as an ally, because you remember when Amber Heard made those allegations about him, I went immediately to my internet and I blogged

about, I thought he was innocent so I thought well of course now when I need him he makes himself completely unreachable and I've been to the island and we've we've we've danced around in the sand in our underpants and now he's just acts like he doesn't know who I am. Yeah. Well, you know, when you're dealing with, now he's dealing with, and you were dealing with it too. When you are dealing with celebrity, that's a totally different ball game. Yes.

Whoa, whoa. My friends on my message board, they, yeah, they say some, a lot of the celebrities are just assholes if I can pardon my no that's okay in other words here is a place that you can tell it like it is thank you Judith well it like it is and actually I think unfortunately that is the case because they are just other human beings that happen to have a talent. Right and is it even a talent? I mean you just pretend to be other people. Well sometimes you know don't forget now think you know think it'll think further along the line they want to be other people

to cover the trauma in their lives you have insight but I think that's true it's my mother called it the shining oh okay yeah yes well actually you know what truthfully we all have it to one degree or another. Right. Because we can tell look at that look at the dogs they know right away when somebody's nice or not and they bark at the one that's not nice and they and they accept the one that's nice or go up to the one that's nice maybe wag their so like they know yeah but if it's a if it's a terrible kid of pitbull just tear his face off yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we also have in things some of us just have it a little

stronger and because I I believed I'm not sure about this I think because I've been working with people long enough. But instead of dogs so you work with dogs too? No I would like to and horses I would like to because there is equine therapy with the horses. Right, some of those horses are crazy. They kick you right off. I've been to a rodeo once. Okay, okay. They can. They can. Yes. Yeah. Some of those might be I don't know. I don't know all the terminology because because I've had the panics, I have the anxious anxiety disorder and maybe because of the Ukraine and firing rockets, I have the anxious anxiety disorder and maybe because of the Ukraine and firing rockets, I have the posthumous traumatic stress disorder or

restless person syndrome. When did your mother pass away? It's well when I accepted it is by law she passed away a long time before. I kept her with me. Okay. And then... You did what you wanted and needed to do. Yeah, and then I finally donated her body to science, but it was a bit too late. She was kind of far past even Jean Hackman's state. Okay, so they did not want her?

Well, she... Or they did not want her? Well, she had decomposed enough that the organs were, she wasn't looking, she didn't age well. Yeah, right. Right. But then they burned her all up and they gave me the ashes. Yes, right. So, I don't know. When was it that you took her ashes? I took her ashes before the current administration and then I tried to auction them off and then I,

you know, but I didn't know. I had, but it felt like I was doing a proper gesture and worse comes to worse. Johnny Depp will just save me. And now I have, I'm on a message board with some people and one of them said I have a neuro-prioprism, a neurological prioprism, which is a paranoic thought that lasts for more than four hours okay well four hours it's not very long zeno yeah well four weeks i'd go whoa uh oh that's not good i bet it's yeah it's uh it it comes in a repetition and and then i just i I talk to myself it's a early onset hysterical verbatim is what one of them friends on the message board said. What it sounds like to me is what they call do you know the term rumination?

Rumination that's that's running thoughts running thoughts you can't get the thought out of your head. It keeps coming back. It keeps coming back. I think that's a Rod Stewart song. A rumination, rumination. It could be. It's a very real, it's a real psychological psychological situation and it is connected also to PTSD which is from trauma. Yes, yes post-traumatic stress disorder. Losing your mother and the grief of losing your mother and all of that all that was connected to that. This served as a trauma for you and it would not be unusual at all if you also had the rumination. Paranoia comes with it, there's other things that come with it, but rumination is one of them. And what I think I need to do is just get on the other side of it and no matter.

I, um, one day at a time or what is the, I was just going to say that. Thank you very much. Say it again. Right. One day at a time and one day at a time. And what I can't control. Right. I was, anybody can handle that they just have to remember it and pay attention to that. Right. One day is enough for human beings. See you have the second sense. Yeah yeah you can handle it and I have even told people if you need to take it an hour a time. You don't have to do a day at a time. Do an hour and get through that. I wish I had a pen because I could even take it a step further and do half an hour at a time. Sure. Right. Sure. And one

of the biggies, one of the things that you can do and you can get creative and then you can you know when you're thinking about it you can write it down. Any kind of a distraction, any type of a distraction going to the grocery store, going out for a walk, calling a friend or a neighbor or somebody that you know, all kinds of things, watching a movie or a TV show that you happen to like, or the news. Oh the news is the worst don't say that Julie that's where that Putin is trying to put me in the gulag. I have gotten addicted. I'm addicted. Yeah. I was thinking as a distraction, I thought if I wanted to just go out and just smash

this in the face, I thought I should give my hand a shot at stand up live comedy because it seems like everybody's doing it and I could maybe like they say laughter is the best medicine and yeah yeah honestly I can't afford to keep doing the the better helps I was I'm glad I get to spend you know 35 minutes or so with you, but I thought laughter is the best medicine. Maybe I go on a worldwide standup comedy tour of the United States of America and maybe Norway and Sweden, which I've always wanted to see.

Are you in the Phoenix area? I know. Where are you? I'm in an undisclosed location as you can see but I'm down by. What town or general area? Yes, I'm near the Mexican border. Oh you are? Right. Okay. Because in case, I thought if things get Carlos and no do you know knock oh or Douglas Douglas thank you I guess okay so I wanted to be like a college there oh I don't know anyone that went to college well it was she's only like 21. Okay. You know. Right. I'm here because I thought I want to be near the border before they build a wall in case I have to race out of here and go south or go to a place that has no extradition. Okay. first of all, Stan Hope, you need to work on your fear. You have too much fear going on, it's not fair to you, that is not fair to you. So see you know all

about your breathing exercises. You know that. Right. You need to work on your fear because that has settled into the pit of your stomach and the pit of your core. Yeah. It's down there. It's locked in there. Right. Stretching is a big help but it's not everything. Judith that is exactly, it's almost like you know my thoughts before I know them. They say the biggest fear, and I watched a YouTube video, is public speaking. And that's what made me think to address my fear would be to do this stand up comedy because I've made jokes, I've written some down, like there's no reason for cold butter and everyone it's relatable. Okay are there any clubs or bars or whatever because of the fact that there is a college there. Are

there any clubs that would have comedians you know? Well they have open mics but that's where I'm afraid of. Bars is where they poison your drinks and I don't know how deep Putin's tentacles are that can get to me. He doesn't know you. I believe, that's just my belief. He will never come after you. You need to set him aside. You know, whatever happens to him, with him, for him, anything at all with him anything and also drink drinks that have a cap on them okay you're a beautiful woman you know that when you walk into a bar you're afraid what they can put in your drink and I am afraid in the same way because I've been drugged after that

game show in the uber. Okay was that from a drink that you had? I had a drink at the hotel. I had a drink at the hotel before I left because I was afraid Joe Rogan would act like he didn't know me and didn't communicate these right right invitations. Okay to relax you. Right. Okay. And did that work for you? Well, it relaxed me into a dizzy haze of a blackout. Wow, Adrian should not have done that. That's why I thought maybe because of the Rogan, Trump, Putin triumph. Right, etc. Yeah, you were thinking that. But that's why I thought maybe I could be funnier than Joe Rogan and go out and go in your face and go on a worldwide tour of America.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And take back me. You can't denigrate me with your attempts at assassinations. Well, you have to build the me from within you. You have to be kind to yourself, you have to be forgiving to yourself, you have to be grateful for a whole bunch of things that have to do with you, you know, including your, the memories that you have of and with your mother. I mean you have some wonderful history there that you can enjoy, and remember, and think about. Yes, I could make some, I could

probably write some jokes about it too. I would imagine, I would imagine, you know, and then if you continue to be interested in that if the interest is still there you need to find somewhere anywhere somewhere that you can do that where you can be like the one-man show that's how all these comedians ever started they just started in these little funny out of the way. Well, sometimes I come down here, Judith, I come down here into the crawl space

and I tell some of my jokes to Mr. Bimble's. Johnny Depp's favorite joke of mine is, I said, did you ever try to sleep when you're sober? And he laughed and we ran around the beach and he had a bruised bottom from a skateboard incident. How long ago did you first meet him? How long was that? Oh it feels like I've known him my whole life. Okay yeah. And he's got his private island. So you had an instant connection with him? Right, right. You know when you it's kind of like when I saw your picture and I go this is the person, this is the person that will not tell me I'm crazy and block

me on the message board. Well then you had a very very very strong insight. Right. You had a really strong insight. And some of those insights, just the fact that you have them or are able to have them, some of them can also hurt you as well as help you. Right, and that's why I try to watch the YouTube videos, I try to not listen to the people on the message board that are mean. Right. tried to not listen to the people on the message board that are mean and I try to but you know if people try to make communicate with me that I don't want I try to not answer those calls I say. You don't interact. Right. Well that in general it's a good thing because you're protecting yourself is what you're doing. Right. You know. That's right. It's uh you you you've spoken to

me in ways that I wasn't expecting but I was expecting. It's like I knew you were the one. Well actually I've been, not everybody you know is in the same situation, but I've been doing the therapy long enough and I care deeply for it and my own history, my own history and the reason I even started to study counseling and therapy was because of my own trauma and somewhere along the line I said I had you've heard of the aha aha moment it's the aha moment yes yes I had that and what it told me was you should be a counselor I went I had no idea so I went into a program at the University of Phoenix you've heard of them right okay they're still there doing their thing they, doing their thing and

I went into that program and got my master's degree in counseling. This is like the old saying where it's the crazy person is running the asylum. Yes. You accepted what your fate was and then you helped other people using your own trauma. Because I knew that I could because I know what trauma is. If you know what it is and you finally get old enough you know why why do you have it even you know you know what it is and you know where you got it, then you can help other people when they tell you that their mother or father was mean to them. Right. Then I go oh boy okay, okay well something's going on, something's happening, and I can help them because what what they're suffering from then as a result of that is depression and anxiety.

Yeah. Practically everyone. Would you and I'm speaking maybe too much fabulosity but would you think that I should consider based on my trauma I've explained to you that I should offer some kind of traumatic counseling to people maybe online through a website? Probably not and I'll tell you why. You know how the legal system is. Right. It just, you know, it tightens up all the time, it changes all the time. Yeah. You have to have degrees and be okayed by a state. Like I have a license from Arizona.

Well, I'm going to show you something. It's funny you should say that. This is a proclamation. Beautiful beautiful setting. Yes well I'm gonna be honest with we do have that Dr. Client privilege right? Oh sure. Yeah I made that up to say it's Doug Stanhope Day in my hometown but I just I just had it made through a website a novelty website so I could probably do the same thing with therapy. That does not hurt anyone well the thing is that the people like you you know you could very easily say

to me are you licensed? Are you licensed? Oh I thought you wanted me to say it. I thought you said I should say are you licensed? No, no, no. But I mean a lot of the clients are going to ask me more about my background. I gave you all of that information. I don't give it to anyone. Okay. I see what you're saying. I see. I felt it would make a difference for you that you needed to trust.

You needed to trust so if I gave you more information it would be easier for you to because you're intelligent and you're a little older which is very good and you know you've been around the block. Yeah, thanks. And you would say oh yeah wow, okay. Right. She's been doing this for a while. Then I can see that. Normally I'm so afraid that when I talk to strangers that said I took off my always wear a tie to hide my wiggly neck and I took off my tie because I already felt comfortable. Your wiggly neck is fine. You need to know that. Thanks.

Yeah, because it's not very wiggly. Alright, well I saw you adjust your scarf when I said that so I just wanted to know that's why. Yeah, no, no, you're a wiggly neck. Absolutely fine. scarf when I said that so I just want you to know that's why absolutely fine where I think we almost were talking as though we're one mind do you you must have to talk to you and again not to blow my own horn but you I might be refreshing for you to talk to because you probably talk to a lot of crazy people who have all sorts of strange crazy thoughts. Well first of all what I can tell you about that is everybody thinks they're crazy but nobody's crazy. Wow that's a lot to take in. Definitely

everybody thinks oh they're gonna think I'm crazy. And I'm going to go, I laugh. I go, no, nobody's going to think you're crazy. Well, I think they're going to think you're crazy. And the fact that you laugh, I see our time is running short. But the fact that you say because we're having a good time. Exactly. And this bolsters my self-confidence that, yes, I should do a worldwide tour of America and hit as many states and maybe Norway and Sweden as possible.

Well first of all, you have to start at the beginning and the beginning is local. You know, you have to pick or find a place, a club, a bar, wherever they might have or be interested in having a stand-up comedy program. Right. And get in and try it because you may find out you don't like it or you're not good at it or something else. But that's why and this is my thinking because I do have a brilliant synapse in there that fires here and again. If I do a tour, I can go to a, if they hate me say in, I don't know, in Taos, New Mexico, which is up the street, then I could just move on to Montana or South Dakota. And I just, that's why I go on tour so Putin

can't track me down where's the last place he was seen he's going probably maybe towards Austin to see he is not interested in you he is a very unusual personality let's put it right but all of them if they think I stink I just go to the next town. Very unusual personality and you're one of the humans that he's totally uninterested in and also will never get to know who you are, will never get to know your name. As long as I stay on tour exactly Judith as long as I stay on tour, exactly, Judith. As long as I stay going state to state, town to town, country to country, and just do my comedy to the people,

and my friend Andy, Andrist, I guess is his full name, but he doesn't use that on the message board. But he said he also wants to do stand-up comedy, so we could go together as a team he's the only one from the message board I trust you just don't go and do it you understand yeah I should make some phone calls no even if you were a great singer you just don't go and do it you check it out you try to get a job you know one day one night whatever so that they know you're coming and you know you're coming and you can use any

name you want anything at all they don't care. It doesn't have to be Stanhope? No no no it could be. So what what do you think is bothering you the most? What would you say was bothering you the most? I think it's always my past catching up with me and that's why I think I should stay on the run. Okay and I'm thinking that you shouldn't stay on the road. So we'll have to talk about that. I was going to call my worldwide tour of America and to Scandinavian states on the run, but now that I've talked to you, I think I should just call it simply fun. Yeah, that's true. Well, because of all the chaos that's going on and has been going on and will continue to go on in our country, that's what people need the most. What do they need the most? Fun.

Fun! Yep. Exactly. That's what they need the most. And in Norway and Sweden. Well you know what about what about just arranging is it possible for you just to arrange a tour of that of the Balkans? Well first of all I need to find the Greyhound schedule to figure out my US tour and then I don't know yeah I don't know if they still have boats or ships like they did in the Titanic days that could get

me across the sea on the cheap because I'm a man on a limited budget. Well, yes, because a lot of times you can arrange, have to arrange, right? You can arrange to jump onto one of these ships jump onto one of these ships that is carrying stuff and they do take a few people, not many, but they do take a few and a few people eat with the captain. Okay. Right? But there are lines, you know, bringing stuff around. I don't mind waiting in line at all. I've done it, you know, I I can if I'm in stowage or

whatever they call it the lower buggies on the ship. You can research a line ship lines. Right. That do go to areas that you want to go to and see if you can get on you know you have to pay but it's a fraction of what you pay to take a cruise. Like a merchant marine that's what they are the merchant marines maybe I could even earn a buck or two while I sail over to the Baltics you say? Well yeah that's getting close to Norway you know you can see their fjords and you know different things like that. How do you say a Greyhound bus in Scandinavian? Oh my god I can say it in Spanish. I speak some Spanish. Oh that must come in handy because they have a lot of crazy people down there too. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes it does. How long have you been in Douglas? Well, I kind of jump around now that I've been so sketchy and jittery. I don't want you to be that way. Yeah, but that's why it's nice to be right here at the border so I can jump across if anything goes south

I I can pretend to be building the wall and then go oh, I'm gonna check the other side fellas I'll be on the other side. I'll be right back and then next thing you know, I'm in Honduras. I'm going for coke Did you say you're going for coke no you, you are. Oh, and I stopped that in the 80s. That's what you would tell them. I just have to leave for just a little bit. I have to go. I'm thirsty. I have to go for a coke.

Oh, right. But you're really going across the border. Exactly. And they don't have to know what you're really doing. You know what I'm going to add into my worldwide tour of America making fun I'm gonna add Florida and and you're gonna see my name on a marquee somewhere and I Don't know the floor Jacksonville or Tampa Like all the other states they have dozens and dozens of little towns dozens of them, right?

Maybe I'll play Dania Beach, you know, and that's another one. Yeah. I mean you can do all of that in Arizona. I'll wait till November when it's cold to do Florida leg of the worldwide. Right, right, right. Dunstan hopes comedy premiere. Did you ever see the Joker with Joaquin Phoenix? It's a Batman installation. I know who he is and I know who the Joker is but the two of them together or him as the Joker, no I haven't. Right, that movie the Joker, that movie the Joker was my inspiration that said that's what you should do because my character is so similar to he had you know uh i wouldn't say mental illness but you know he had a quirky personality and then yeah then he's a good actor right actor yeah and his character probably because of his personality right and yeah then he went and did the bad bad in the Ukraine but I'm gonna hopefully I'm gonna try out some more and I'm gonna write stuff down that you've told me that we've shared and I hope to book another event. You can do that right after our session right through

BetterHelp. Right. But I saw somebody earlier and they already booked the same hour next week and they can do that. Yeah I have to wait for one of mother's checks to come back in. Okay sure sure that's a good idea. Yeah but it was this was worth every penny and yes I feel like like Johnnypp, I feel like I've known you my whole life. And I want you to lighten up on yourself and that's what I'm here to help you do. Well I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back and that comes from you Judith.

Yeah, there you go. You can do it with both hands. One hand and then you can do the other hand. I'll do the other hand too. There you go, there you go. Yes, I'm doing it just hand too. There you go, there you go. That's it, I'm doing it just like you. Yeah, yeah.

Judith, I can't thank you enough. It's been really a pleasure to meet you and talk with you and I hope that just through us working together and talking back and forth and making the human connection right but you can start to feel better about you right because you are the most important person in the world you're the one that lives with you 24-7 I grew up with a certain song and I'm gonna close on it the most important person in the world is you it's you and you hardly even know you the most important person in the world is you. It's you and you hardly even know you. The most important person in the world is you. Come on, I'm going to show you.

And then I forget the rest of the lyrics. I love it. I love it. That's adorable. Yeah, and so am I and so are you. And let's go out and make the most of this day because I feel like a better person and I feel like I've been helped better by better help. I'm so glad that you do and I'm glad that you picked me and thank you for saying that you liked the picture. I love your picture. You have a very good rest of

the day and you rebook whenever you can rebook. You know where better health is, you know where I am, whatever works for you. Thank you you if I'm calling from palm trees behind me That's because I'm exiled on Johnny Depp Island in on my underpants Yes, he's a good guy. I hope so. He's a good guy He's lived a strange life, but he's still a good guy right? I wish I'd lived a strange life but he's still a good guy. Right I wish I had lived that kind of strange life. He's got a big heart, a big heart and I read an article about him not very long ago about how he was helping a little orphan girl who had cancer to be able to get her treatments which were a fortune and she didn't have any money at all. Oh yeah no he lives he doesn't live on Epstein Island with little girls he has his own island. Oh yeah no no but he no he met her on the street she was just she was an orphan

yeah just walking down the street. That sounds Epsteinish. He was in a cab and she looked so sad and so forlorn and she was so skinny and she was so young he had his driver stop so he could talk to her and ask her what is your name you know where do you stay and she was out trying to collect money so that she could get her work done to save her life because she had cancer and He paid for it. He got to know her. You know, he took her where she needed to go He went to see her in in the hospital all the time while she's having her treatments. You're breaking my heart You're making me cry right now. Yeah, no, but just know that he's a good guy. I said

He's a good guy nothing I've ever heard But but you're a good guy yourself My you live like a good guy and treat yourself like a good guy I'm gonna do what you say and I'm gonna go out and look for young girls who need money and pick them up Bring them to an island. If it was Johnny Depp's island, they'd probably go. Maybe I'll see you there one day Judith. My battery's dying and you made me laugh and cry. I love you. It was a pleasure talking with you and we'll talk again soon. Yes we will. Take care, alright?

Bye now. Thanks. I'm telling you that's off. It was fucking dying, Energy Saver on, barely I shut down. How the fuck was that? Total success! Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit.