The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Our GAYEST Episode Yet...

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

VIDEO VERSION FREE (and early) on YouTube Doug got pushed over, Kenny smelt, Andy went to a Pride march and Bingos getting a date for her snatch!  See Doug and Andy perform - www.dougstanhope.com/tourSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

We were watching the last podcast live on Patreon yesterday or day before, whatever. And, uh, at some point I walk out to go get a drink and it's just Bingo and Chad Shank here and Chad goes, he's gay. You know what? I'm going to run in and get that channel. It's easier to wonder it. That's my favorite band. What? I'm gonna run in and get that wine. Channel it. Because it's easier. To One Direction. Ahem. Hehehehe.

That's my favorite band. What? One Direction. I think Stano might be gay. I think he... well, I know he's gay. Oh yeah. And Bingo said, he better be gay. Hahaha.

And then they started talking about what a good couple me and Andy are. And Bingo goes, yeah, they spend more time in bed together more than I sleep or stand up. This is all behind my back. It was so fun to watch what they say behind your back. Well, in our defense, we didn't think you were going to watch. I didn't know it was going to be live.

We thought we were talking behind your back. That's the problem with the podcast or anything. It's a problem with any hot mic. Yeah. And then then Andy called in and said he was at a gay pride parade yesterday. So he didn't watch. I went to the Saturday market and noticed a police presence and I just followed it to the gay was about a block away and the

gay parade was just kicking off and I walked along. I noticed one time a few years ago when there was a gay parade which I joined in but at the end of it there was some armed dudes down there to scare the gays. And it worked on me, because this year I didn't march. And I just walked down to the end of where the parade would be to see if there was any armed militia. So I was queer adjacent, though.

I don't think that's what those cops are for. They're just there to... we're not gonna scare you straight. We're just gonna kind of keep you in the closet with brute force. That was actually in the police beat. Well hang on Andy, that was in the our police beat this week. I got some circled for you for later Chad, was someone called that there was someone that was armed at the Pride Parade and the police responded it's legal to have a gun. But I thought, even when Andy told me this yesterday, I thought they were there protecting the Pride Parade.

So I saw in a Facebook group that there was going to be like, we've got our weapons and we're going to be out there to protect the queers. So that was a thing. But that guy was also claiming he was a comedian. And when people would, he was local here in Bisbee. And then when they were like, I've never heard of you. And he's like, well, I opened for Bill Burr pre-COVID and stuff. And I was like, who the fuck is this?

And I could never figure out who it was. So I was like, who the fuck is this? And I could never figure out who it was. So I was like, who the fuck is in Bisbee making these claims? There was a preacher guy who was in it. Well, people were getting in his face and he had another dude who was dressed more in gear for trouble, but the two of them and all these different genders were yelling in his face. He mutilated children! He saved those who cut off the genitalia of youth if they were him!

And it was just great. I mean, there was a whole mob of people yelling and no no threat of violence It was just pure stupid ribs like roasting, you know only one guy using Jesus He told me I was gonna burn in hell So he wasn't wrong. I actually have a favorite pride, I don't know what's pride, but some sort of a furry. I don't know there was a lot of weird stuff going on but one of the guys was disabled and he was starting a fight with people and then one of the furries knocked his wheelchair over and they started beating him up and he just started screaming

I suck dick for cock. I suck dick for cock And I was like, I don't I don't know what that means, but I want to use that someday I think whose dog is that is that bingo? Sounds just like a dog I Realized after all this talk, Alex is here. Alex. Alex. Oh my god. Grab a chair.

Hi, baby. Grab a chair anywhere over there. I'll sit here and you'll be able to see it, Andy. Oh, I can carry it. Yeah, Mamou and Gary are supposed to be here, but they'll be fashionably late as that's their fashion. We should have got Derek a way to call in. I told him, but he can't get on Patreon. He's on Patreon.

Is he? I know. Well, I told him we're doing this and, uh, but he has a lot to do trying to get that transmission back into that, uh, that van I gave him. Did some stuff transpire since I wasn't there? Did Derek get trapped? That old piece of shit, Tahoe that I got from the auction. Yeah. The school house Tahoe or suburban whatever

Yeah, he didn't he did not meet out the miles left on that thing and he went on that road trip and showed up at our gig And towels and then went to Missouri and then the transmission shipped the bed I remember you guys said he went to Missouri, but I didn't know his transmission. Maybe it did. I don't remember Yeah, he he took off on a road trip so he could lose as a roommate and he hasn't been back since and now he himself is homeless yeah yeah well somebody's living in his house hey hey hey it's not me my golf clubs hey you know what I picked up Kenny walking the streets yesterday, he's going to the thrift store to dump off some things.

And I saw him walking, he's got a new haircut and he looked sharp and proud. But he did steal from Derek when I pulled over to pick him up. I'm like, that's not yours. That belongs to Derek. You had some fucking stink going on. I almost brought you to that. When you said, can you drop me off at the gay 90s, which is not a gay bar, oddly, it's

down at the border. I was almost going to stop by and get you some deodorant from the house because you smelled like You know summer Derek That's what he picked up monsoon Derek you are a very humid It was but you know the gay 90s is not a bar that you have to really worry about good at all getting close to you If you didn't know better, you know, Doug. I wonder why nobody wanted to play pool with me. Kenny walking the streets and then dumping him off at a gay bar

would look suspicious. By the border. I for one am glad you saved it for the podcast. I showered, okay, I showered. So last we caught up with Kenny, I'm sure there's a lot of people in here that probably haven't heard the, I think it's a trilogy now of Kenny stories. And last we heard your wife was untreatable up in Tucson because she couldn't pass a drug

test to get her cancer treated. And she's, she's, she got it. Well she got something removed. I have a picture. I'll show you guys in a minute it's a big glob of whatever it looks like has some teeth some hair are you living with the glob and the other guy now no the glob is the glob has been globbed and thrown in the glob can. That glob does so much cocaine, they're fucking mad at it all the time. Stop doing all the cocaine, Bobby. She has had that thing removed,

so she was in the hospital last week, and I was here, like a good boyfriend would be, or not boyfriend, whatever the fuck you wanna call me. Tenant. Oh no. Just a squatter. We settled on squatter. Squatter. That's the one. Homesteader.

It sounds more play-ery like. And now they're still testing and they're still biopsing and I'm not sure if it's going to be good to go or not good to go. But she's good to go enough to be yelling at me every day about the same shit, me not being in Tucson. When I saw Kenny walking at three o'clock in the afternoon in 90 degrees with no apparent destination, because he's walking towards Warren, towards us,

and I always pick you up anyway when I see you. Oh, yes. I go, where you headed? Because I drop you off. You go I'm just walking like oh, that that's a guy who really needs to get out of the house. Our house is hot as hell. We have a swamp cooler as well. It does not work where the shit. Yeah. And so yeah, it's like a I bet Derek's place was cool. It wasn't it is a lot cooler. I mean, was's like a. I bet Derek's place was cool. It wasn't. It is a lot cooler.

I mean, was a lot cooler. Um, he left his AC on while he's gone to keep his stuff cool. You know, he did change it over and put some pads in it. I should just put some new ones in for him, but you know, I would like to see the odd couple back together. Well, you will. It'll happen. We have, he hasn't called me or texted me and I haven't texted or called him.

I don't know why. I mean, apparently we're not buddies. The Australians are, and by the way, the Australians are also super high people. So I imagine them just sitting around and fantasizing about the idea of racing Kenny and Derek across the country via Greyhound and Amtrak one on one, one on the other, but we'd need two people to film it. That's why we need to start stockpiling I mean, how about you send how about you send Kenny in another vehicle that'll break down? And see which one gets back well I think that was Alex's last idea or min Mimsy's last idea, was what if we send him via Amtrak

out to pick up or meet Derek to drive the new transmission back together? I think while I was coming in here, I had this idea because when I passed the gas station down there, that whole road was full of emergency vehicles. And I thought, you know, you could put a GoPro on Kenny's lump and cruise around when he's just out doing his walks it would be like a police beat them. That's when Clint Eastwood directs a film that he's not in you're taking the lump out of the picture

that's the one selling tickets you know. You should put it back and let the lump be of the picture. That's the one selling tickets. You know, put it back and let the lump be in the peripheral. I do have access now. I can probably go get the lump removed. You've got access. Yes, I did. Wow. Finally access is our local.

What if you remove the lump and put it with the glob and an eight ball? Lumpy mice snort that shit up real quick. It'd be like that movie, the substance. If you remove the lump and put it with the glob and an eight ball and an eight fader. Lumpy mice snort that shit up real quick. It'd be like that movie The Substance. Yay. Sorry, we just watched that heap of shit last night. There's been a lot of heap of shits on YouTube lately.

I'll tell you what, I ain't seen a good movie on there since. I don't know. Who's watching movies on YouTube? Me. We got rid of everything because I'm on the road. So we only have YouTube and crime. All right, I mean, I watch a lot of YouTube. But I guess sometimes I watch documentaries on there,

but not movies. But I mean, who's complaining that they're shitty? It's YouTube. You're not. It's like anybody can just put whatever they want on there. Why are you expecting it to be the crew with the crop? Man, this YouTube content sure is garbage. No, no, no, fuck yeah!

I feel like for the views that the movies have, and we have better content than those movies, so I'm kind of questionable on the viewing. I think that's all bots viewing their movies, because trust me, when you get a close-up of- Well, they're all narrating the documentaries I know that that fucking AI yes yeah David Attenberg and it's definitely not David Attenberg whatever as soon as I hear the first AI because sometimes I can't

tell right away but then as soon as I hear the first mispronounced AI word yeah I'm out walk off with your AI voice or the pause in between like Mount Saint Helens might wait there wasn't there's no comma needed in that sentence there is actually a pause between between those two no no want you might want to watch this recently downloaded documentary about volcanoes, Andy, because you're right in their neck of woods. So I'm just saying it's a reverent pause for those. I'm ready whenever whenever the volcanoes are ready to go. I'm

ready. I'm down with it. Good. Well, get your raft ready. I'm going to light my pipe off of the rim of it and he took his wife to a concert. Whoa. Yeah, we wouldn't I love it Well, we went to dinner first Where did you go to dinner? I thought was closer to the whole thing, so I parked and then there was a lot of walking involved. When you're with somebody who doesn't see very well,

it's better to be patient, but I'm not, so I just walk ahead a click, make sure everything's okay, and then I stop. And then she catches up and then I walk ahead. Very much like platoon Wow that surprises me I blame you Stan hope I think he's been getting 90 drunk too much And then now Andy went home and got so drunk. He tried to pick his wife up Damn you're fucking drunk, dude I did I did overthink things because I got tickets for one my daughter's visiting to go see Billy Strings with my daughter and my new son, son-in-law, and I didn't want to hurt her, so I got tickets to Lyle Lovett to preemptively.

I knew there was a fucking nefarious reason, Andy. And it was Lyle Lovett and his big band, and I know he tends to get into the gospel music. And I know Jehovah Witnesses ain't comfortable with gospel music. So it was a win-win. Oh my goodness, it's bloody. He said to me, he said, yeah, the road ended, but the alcohol hasn't.

Yeah, I've been drinking, I've been, I got, I keep a full bar up in when I got the room, so I'm doing the usual. Oh nice, we're doing, we got a mimosa bar with, shots of mimosa. Yeah, well no, it's just five different juices. You can have pineapple, peach, strawberry, I'm gonna do strawberry next, and lemonade and orange.

Doing a fly. a strawberry lemonade. You could do that. You could, you'd fuck it up. You can go crazy on this mimosa bar. I got my safely freebie and buck. You can do what you want. Yeah, I'll do a, I'll do a strawberry. Oh, fuck it.

A strawberry lemonade. He's getting nasty on the road. I ordered a flight of Pilsners. I didn't want the big beer. And I go, how about a flight? And then I go, all Pilsners. And they did not like my flight plan. That was in Montana. Did not like my flight plan.

That was in Montana. Oh, that's sweet. He's got a flight of all the same beers because he wants the cute glasses and I'm sure he stole one. Did you? I do have one I keep changing. Not like I stole it for nothing. It keeps my quarters.

So it's Andy's Fort Knox. It's managing his money. I feel like I'm a little trinket. It's like, yeah, I took those little plates in Poland and and I haven't looked back since then I've been taking thank you you like getting toilet paper I like little dish the other day I had some but the way bingo we got the Andes was better than mine. I was just gonna say, I know what you're talking about. The other day I had some cottage cheese and I realized, I'm like, I stole this plate from the mess hall when I was like 18 years old.

I still am eating off of it. That's pretty cool. That's great. At least you were in long enough to steal a plate from the mess hall. That's back when they made shit for real. You could count on a plate lasting. Now they all fucking tether, fall apart. Melt. I'm not that old.

Who else? Mm-hmm. Did Andy go on mute? No. No, I'm here. He just coughed and we didn't hear it. I think he got gun shy because of the or stepping on each other We used to do that on the zoom a lot speaking a gun shy Chad

I I know I'm no longer gunless you pulled the trigger. So yeah, yeah, I got no a Little lady there in the Did you get a little Daringer? I did. I don't know. But I went to the place I went to was in this neighborhood and there was like neighbors gone. Where do you like?

You know, they were automatically wondering where I was going. But they I think it was just like such a white neighborhood that Somebody be announced an outsider. They were like, what are you looking for? And I I didn't want to say this, you know, but is this lady sells guns like Tupperware lady You go I go in and you know, and she's got some fat there's a fat kid and she goes asked if I I look like a track coach to her, my MO or whatever. Does this gun have a serial number

or has it been ground off? No, no, she did all that for me. I like how he gave her a pump ring. He gave me the gun. I've been trying to listen to this whole story and my mind just keeps playing real scared, like Andy's got a gun like Andy's got a gun. Andy's got a gun.

I was just looking for that in the comments. I did have trouble driving it from A to B without wanting to wave it at somebody. You know, I got it right here. Don't cut me off. This is the one time you don't want to cut me off. Oh man. Chad was alluding to a violent story. Oh, violence.

That might be a segue. Yeah, that was... I only got it because the government wants to take it away from me now. Don't know what you got. It's gone. Yeah. If it's like my electric bike in the car, I won't know how to ever use it. Basics down, but when I need to use some aspect of it, I won't be able to make it happen.

Yeah. Well, so the other day I was in my yard and I have these shitty neighbors down at the end of the road and we try to ignore them, but they drive like 50 mile an hour down. It's like a little tiny dirt road, dead end. And they're gone. He's waving his gun at us. Oh, shit. That's not it.

Geez, Louise. All right. Zoom just crushed this one. That's all it. Geez Louise. All right. Zoom just crushed this one. That's all that's done. Five hundred bucks for this. Are you fucking

kidding me? It's crazy. No. This is, this is what, this is man, this is, this is a prop gun I use to scare off the neighbors. It's a lighter neighbor. All right. Go ahead, Chad. So your neighbors.

Well, their dogs get out and they go down and start terrorizing everybody's dogs up and down the neighbor of two pit bulls. And they just run them down. The other day the neighbors were screaming. They were going to call the cops on them because they can't keep their dogs in. And they're just a mess. They have the cops call on them all the time. I have that clip on Instagram that I put up. Cause I heard on the scanner, my address and they're gonna call the cops on them because they can't keep their dogs in and they're just a mess they have the Cops call on them all the time I have that clip on Instagram that I put up because I heard on the scanner my address and they're like yeah

He's gonna shoot him and they do have a gun I was like, oh fuck so I went and set my phone up on the fence So I got all the police cars rushing down my road Because I heard this fucking announcement before hand on the scanner so anyways these guys are assholes. And I happened to be out in the yard by the fence and their dogs were out and the dude chases them

down around the corner and then his old lady gets in the truck and does about 60 because they gotta hurry up and catch these dogs because they have no control over them. And I was right by the fence and I yelled, slow the fuck down. And then I hear, don't fucking talk to her like that. And before I could catch myself, come here and talk to me about it you fucking cocksucker.

Just fucking screaming and then I stood in the middle of the road until they came back around and blocked him from going home and told him to fucking get out and talk to me and he wouldn't and I called him all kinds of names and yeah it was ugly and then he talked shit like he wanted to you know like he was gonna fight me but he wouldn't get out of the truck and so then I just walked part way down to where we were in neutral territory in the middle of the road and stood there for about fucking ten minutes Just staring at him. He's going just mouth the fuck coming over. What are you?

Yeah, what are we doing over here? Any fucks of Jenny's get the fuck in the house And yeah, it was bad They didn't go as bad as I'm a good have July. Yeah The problem is is I should have let it go and now they're just gonna they're they've already done now they haul ass even more every time they go past because That's you know, what are you gonna do about it? That's cuz they're afraid to go slow enough for you to pull them out of their truck Well, I've already looked at you can get on Amazon these things

You remember when you play Jacks with the ball But you got the really fucking sharp edged ones that you can fucking pitch out there real quick and then police back up Yeah, there's a lot of things you can do You're thinking in the right direction I told Jenny my plan is right now everybody in the neighborhood knows that I actively avoid any kind of eye contact or any other kind of contact with anybody and so these guys I'm gonna be leaning over the fence smiling wait I'm gonna be extra nice like I like I'm gonna pretend like we're best fucking friends

now looking every time they come out of their house send them brownies that's technically that's the only rule Jenny's ever given me in 20 some odd years of marriage is you cannot fight any of the neighbors, which is really logical. Yeah, well, Bingo had a beef with the neighbor across the street enough to, she doesn't, yeah, she doesn't come around anymore.

It almost got physical, but. I'm not, I'm going to wait for my violent story that Andy slept through in Charleston where me and Carlos Valencia and I called the cops. And it was, yeah, it was part of pride, you know, it was tech, it wasn't, it was in pride month. Not in that neighborhood. Yeah, but there was gayness involved and. It wasn't, it was in pride month. And not in that neighborhood. Yeah.

But there was gayness involved in there was a lot of gayness. Uh, and the next day, like I called, uh, the Australians immediately. Well, I, first of all, I called. We called the lawyer. Well, that was from the airport when you woke up an hour later. Meanwhile, I got Carlos Valencia and I got shoved to the ground. By another guy who was gay. And I got right in his face.

So that sentence right there is the only fucking thing I know about this story. So I'm really anxiously awaiting the entire fucking story. Because you're just giving all these weird fucking bullet points. I was hoping Carlos would fucking jump in here, but I don't think he's here. If Carlos is around, fucking... It was a gay... Didn't you say you guys made out, but didn't you say that guy identified as gay?

As I was about to say, yeah, well we're gay Started this is one of those things where one cute girl fucking ruins the party cuz oh, yeah Yeah, and it was weird that Andy went to sleep when there was still a cute girl hanging around Carlos's friend Drove out from Alabama for the show and she's a cute girl, we're all hanging out at this patio, this great fucking motel, starlight motor in a block away from the club but in a neighborhood where after the show the doorman walks you that one block to your motel. Yeah, yeah. And you don't even and at first you go, oh no I'm alright, I'm just walking by Popeye's Chicken in

Dollar General. I taped for about 15 minutes at Dollar General parking lot, or Family Dollar, whatever it was. It was the most active fucking situation going on. There was wheelchairs coming in all askew, cars almost colliding, big dudes riding little kid bikes on wood motors. It was Juneteenth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Juneteenth. There was the thing. I expected a tiny car. I didn't watch long enough to see a guy in a tiny car, but I'm sure it was coming. Did you say Popeye's chicken? Cause I heard they put out a on their sign. They said, if you're waiting for

your plug in the parking lot, might as well come in for our two piece for 499 or something. They put it right out on the on their sign on the street. Since you're waiting for your plug in the parking lot, come on in for our two piece. Do your drug deals inside.

Yeah. You've got AC. Yeah. And I watched that parking lot before lot before the shows and after them. At one point there was a, it looked like just like four or five shopping carts in a row just left there. But in fact it was a guy, it was a person in a wheelchair sleeping behind a shopping cart with a shopping cart behind him. And then, and then he got regenerated or whatever. And then moved, moved his buddy. It was just that he's getting out of the sun.

Yeah, that whole thing was an obstruction of the parking lot that people just steered around. Like, it's Yeah, I like that. It was a cool neighborhood that way it was a fucking great club wits and comedy club if you know comics that are yeah definitely is like a hundred seat comedy club perfect size with a great bar on the other side long bar and a green room that's bigger than this fucking funhouse upstairs occasional violence, the only violence was at 3 a.m. Well, we're all just sitting out by the pool and it's all beautiful.

It's a June in South Carolina. Yeah. And this fat fucking slob pulls up a chair. Do you mind if I join you? And we're like, oh, but. And it was just Carlos Doug and then, uh, and there's one guy, there was one guy that we, cause we did three nights. And they have, they have the burgundy room above the starlight motor.

And so it's like real vintage fifties. They have a perfect pool motel and, uh, and this guy that had been there the whole time, so we had known each other. The bar has. He was kind of Bronson-esque. And he was like, this hotel's a throwback. And this guy was kind of a throwback. Like he could have been a ghost for all I know

as he was like Charles Bronson-esque. Barrel-chested. Barrel always around the pool, conversations with the ladies, and then he disappears for a while and comes back from another angle. Yeah, he was kind of like a 70s action star where he was in his 50s probably,

but looked like Gene Connors, just silver-haired, barrel-chested. Nowhere to go, like he was there for an indefinite amount of time. I pictured him in his Speedo and I want to stop doing that. No, but when I first encountered this dude, he was standing on a chair by the pool and I was looking to see if it was open and then this voice from above says, pool's closed. I'm trying to get a picture.

He was the first guy that showed up, but we knew him and he had beer. above says, pool's closed. I'm trying to get a picture. He's taking a picture. He was the first guy that showed up, but we knew him and he had beer. So he showed up with the three of us, me, Carlos, and his friend, the gal. And then this guy came over and he brought beers over. And I've known him for three days from the bar. The bar upstairs has like legitimate old jazz and R&B.

They play like fucking horns and tiny bar, but just like I said, old black people, an 84 year old black guy that has been around. It felt like that one night, well it was way wider, but it felt like that scene in Animal House where they walk into the bar. But it just felt like we were walking into the 70s. Yeah, no, it felt like we were mad men, like kind of adopting

their culture. Hey, isn't it cool? We can go to a jazz bar with black people, but we're safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you weren't because you were the next night. But yeah, we kind of we got to got to hang out in the green room of that place, which very cool right and back of the the old motel or the old, you know lounge There was a green room that was equally cool to hang in. Yeah So yeah, this is that the bar the green room of the the bar the the bar across the street at our motel Yeah, I mean there's a separate room that the owner of the comedy club

has his own private room up there, and you can smoke cigarettes back there, and the fucking owner is cool as shit, the fucking hotel was cool as shit, motel, motor inn, motor lodge. And then you still got assaulted. There we go, that's never getting back to where we started this story. Well, it all starts with a rape joke.

Yeah. So I don't know exactly how it came out, but she said she was leaving. There was no rooms at the hotel. We were staying in bunk beds, by the way. I thought it would be funny to book us. I found this motor lodge closest to the club online and they had one room that was two bunk beds, four twin beds. And I go, oh, that'd be funny to end the tour with the three of us

stuck in one room with bunk beds. But it's by the pool. You sent me that picture and I was like, that's the most Pride Week thing you've ever done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and then earlier in the day, Carlos, and that's when I did that video of Carlos and Doug, they were spinning around in the pool and singing to each other. With his legs wrapped around him.

Okay, and this is the set we were watching before the show. We were watching a really lame prank show hosted by black comedians. Oh, god damn it. All right, so yeah, it's basically, okay, we have, what's that guy from America's Got Talent? Nick Cannon and Kevin Hart are hosting this prank show that they have nothing to do with.

And they prank celebrities, and they basically have nothing better than, like, hit them in the face with a pie level pranks. And I'm gonna scare them, I'm gonna come up, but you have to go boo. But they weren't doing it, they had other people doing it, and then they would comment back and forth, and it was just so bad. So we were doing lame pranks back and forth.

It became a running joke with us. Oh yeah. I went to the bathroom and we put a napkin over his drink so we wouldn't prank him and then we put five napkins on him. When I came back, there's a stack of napkins. Oh my God, he got me. So that had become a running joke. So after that, everyone thinks everything is a joke.

So when I went in to wake up Andy to say, we just got fucking assaulted. Yeah, yeah, they got assaulted by a fat guy. Which I think we skipped over again. Yeah, yeah, we're getting there. He's giving me context. You got me, dog. Oh, shit.

So. That guy's like, I's the camera? You got me, dog. Oh, shit. I'm like, that guy's hitting me. I'm like, I'm gonna get up and get involved. I'm like, I'm on Can-X, man. No, this is what, as the cops were coming, we woke you up. So, I said to the lady, she's gonna leave, and I go, yeah, something about, yeah, because three out of four of these people

wanna rape you you or whatever and so he like he doesn't know we know her or something I don't know I don't know if he's drunk does he know you're a comedian evidently not we don't know we're not talking about funny if he does anyone even touches her, I will fucking, however, I'll fucking. He protested too much right away. She leaves and yeah, he's going ballistic. We fucking know her. We don't know who the fuck you are, but we're comedians.

That's a friend of ours. Fuck you. And then I don't know what transpires. It's all blurry, but at some point, I'm about to say we're gay. Cause it's gonna, this guy's fucking huge. And fucking fat. And I keep saying he's fat,

because that's when I think it turned. Cause it was all like in your face and it's with Carlos mostly. And Carlos is about five foot four and just with a pork pie hat. And it's like the easiest threat. Two inches shorter than you. Yeah.

Like if I was going to get in a fight that's who I would draw up. I'm not even that tall. But Carlos is pickled, but he's just, you can't stop him. And he's like, fuck you, you don't fuck you. And then I was about to say we're gay. Carlos and I, every time I bring him up on stage, Junior would be upset. Because Junior and I always kiss when we introduce I bring him up on stage, Junior would be upset, because Junior and I always kiss when we introduce one or the other on stage,

but Carlos and I get deep. Oh, Jason. And so, as I'm about to say this, I'm gay. Like, I got Carlos ready for the fucking mall, and the guy says, I'm gay. I'm like, you just stole that from me. I was about to say that. But nothing diffused it where you thought you'd think,

and the guy's going ape shit. And then I told him, well, that guy has a gun. The other guy that brought down the beers, he's like, why are you throwing me into this? Charles Bronson. Yeah, Charles Bronson. I have no beef with you. Of course you don't have a beef with him.

You have a beef with Carlos the littlest guy and Carlos said I think he was like walking away and Carlos go. Yeah, you fat motherfucker He goes he turns around he goes. Did you call me fat? You call me bad again So he definitely had an issue with his weight And then he chucked Carlos to the aster turf Yeah And then he chucked Carlos to the AstroTurf. You came in with a muscle. Yeah, I came in and I was in his face and I'm doing this and I'm just trying to line up this shot. Oh boy.

Where I could just box his ear. I don't know if I can reach. Oh no. And I was very close. That's the difference between who you were and who you are. Where were you, Chad Shane? Come on, brother. Thankfully, I was at home.

All I keep thinking about is it's all timing. Imagine if you would have got out that you were gay first, this might have ended in a threesome with you guys. Yeah. A bad spoon situation. We're gay. Me too. Everybody in the pool. And we're gay. Me too. Everybody in the pool.

She's going home. So whatever shit. I'm like this. I root beat myself before pride, pride broke out down in the turf area. Pride teeth, I call it, sir. Yeah, pride teeth. Oh my gosh. Sounds like you need security on the road again.

So and then it's just a lot of that pointless fucking jibber jabber, way too loud for the motor lodge at 3 a.m. And you push down the fucking littlest guy, you fucking, you want me to push you down too? And I go, yeah, and he fucking. Push you down. And I still have, like I bruised ribs

on the front and back, I still have a hard time fucking sleeping. And I hit the ground and I go, all right, now you're guilty of assault. And I'm fucking called 911. Are you guys going to title this podcast the gayest fight ever? Kenny's been in more fights probably than me and definitely more recently, but this is definitely the gayest fight I've ever heard. I know.

This is unbelievable. They're shoving each other down. I'll shove you down. It wasn't shoving. Oh, you're gonna shove me down? It was push. You won't get nothing. They never.

I'm gonna push you on an astroturf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Call me fat again. They didn't do it in wrestling because there was always like a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there was always a, there They never... I'm gonna push you on the astroturf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Call me fat again. They didn't do it in wrestling because there was always a wrestler that was a star. Somebody who was just a bag of dog food. But it seems like two bags of dog food went up against each other.

I guarantee Carlos did not expect him to come back and shove him on the ground when he called him a fat motherfucker Oh, I Carlos was still fucking hacking when the cops show up. They showed up for deep. Oh my yes They just showed up There was like six cop cars. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing when you call 9-1-1 what what shows up one, one, one, what shows up. In those cities. It's like, I was having a routine drugging situation in Vegas and like, you know, five, six firefighters show up, paramedics, cops.

And it's like, you know, I just got dosed by a hooker. We don't need a whole platoon. Well, they probably saw the address and it was red flagged for that neighborhood. And I, yeah, don't go in there alone. Have the boxer walk, the boxer walk the cops in. Imagine their disappointment. I would think that Stan,

I was made sure to hear your slap would have been a second too slow and an inch too short. And I would have still fallen down just as hard and hurt myself. Without him touching you. And it would have only gated up more because that's not like a strike that you do. That's, you know.

I learned some shit at the Pride March yesterday from the preacher and that other dude. We'll do that. It's like, you're touching, you can't touch us. You can't touch us. He's touching us. We'll do some defusing in battle. We'll make our weakness our strength.

So the cops come down. Go ahead. No, I was gonna say we should have a cardboard cut out our strength. So the cops come down. Go ahead. No, I was going to say we should have a cardboard cut out for attorney to set out in this situation. Yeah the cops came in and we have the direct eye contact to his door right across the way. So they go out and tap on his door and then there's a fucking slew of them going there and then they're asking us questions. Go ahead.

And what did he call you guys? Didn't he call you guys pedophiles? Oh yeah, he was screaming. After he knows I called the cops, then he starts screaming at anyone who'll listen. They're fucking pedophiles! They're weirdos. He's just trying to like get any like, Jacques? Anybody. He doesn't realize he's yelling at the guy that's already been there.

The one I said had a gun. He's yelling at that guy who went to get ice. You know, because that's what you do. Ice is right under his room. He's like, watch out for those guys. They're pedophiles. They're weirdo. I'm like, all right, this guy is going to tell cops a bullshit.

And then they're like. Save it for breakfast when kids are awake. Meanwhile, you have to understand, we have a 430 Uber to the airport. So it's good that we're like, we're getting out of here anyway, so we can, but also we're not going to bed. How many of these stories do you hear where I'm the one creating problems

and that night I slipped away early, did a little Xanax so you could go to sleep and woke up to them, which I thought was an elaborate prank, saying they were being thrown down by some big fat guy because they were gay. That's really the lead that was buried in this story is that Andy was quietly in the room.

In the top bunk, sleeping like an angel. So at one point, I remember the guy said to me and Carlos, he goes, well, you're ugly after you got called fat. He goes, you're ugly and you're a 60 year old ugly man and you're a 30 year old ugly man. And Carlos is like, I'm 45. But I got bumped up two years where now I'm an elderly person that you push down according to the cops. Oh, man.

I mean, throwing down anybody over the age of 50 is assault with a deadly weapon. Start pulling out your AARP card as defense. Stop, man. Stop. Yeah, he couldn't do that. He beat us to the gay, but he couldn't beat us. He couldn't say he's elderly and get away with it.

But they came up, all right, so I called the owner of the hotel, I have him, or the manager, whoever, the guy that's friend with the club owner that the club owner has his own private fucking smoking area green room in the jazz club. So I go, all right. And I said, hey, please, whoever was in 204 on this night, if you can get me a name.

And then I texted the owner of the club. I was like, hey, I shouldn't. So I get a text back from the motel guy. And he's like, yeah, I just watched the security footage. And I go, let me, if you can tell the other guy, I don't wanna get this guy in trouble by like ratting out, narking out who's in that room, but tell the club guy and the club guy will tell me.

And he gave me a name and a number and then they looked it up and they found a guy and I'm like unless that guy has gained incredible amounts of weight that's not the right guy so maybe we just let this whole fucking thing. I didn't press charges. Maybe that's why he was so sensitive about being called fat. Uh huh. Well that's recent. Yeah yeah.

I thought that. I mean it's just going to go down as another case of elder abuse. All right. I want to know though, are we going to request footage of you guys getting fucking pushed down? Because that's all I want to say. Exactly where it's going. Okay. Can you send me the footage? I know it's gonna you would want not want to tarnish the name of his motor lodge, which is fucking immaculately perfect. The term being thrown down like ragdoll brings to mind.

Like, you and Carlos were not assaulted so much as you were just followed your own momentum. The all-in-one flop. You just sped up the inevitable. It was gay on gay crime. Oh, fuck. It'd be a hate crime. At one point... Fag fight 2025.

When he reacted like that to being called fat and that Carlos had been pushed down at one point where like still face to face yakking, yakking, yakking, and this will tell you how big he is, Carlos is just going, are you trying to tell me you're not fat? Say it, say you're not fat. And I turned around and I go, wait, his tit is actually in my hand right now,

so I guess you're kind of fat. You know what I thought of? I thought of like the movie Cocoon and like if Steven Gutenberg had thrown down the two fucking Don Amici and anyway. Platoon? Yeah. Wilford Brimley was in that.

He must have just watched Platoon because he's referencing it a lot. But if somebody just assaulting old fat An edible earlier my wife's at church He's looking over his shoulder. We got the issues with Andy fired up again Brush off the dust, honey. It seems like it might be that time where you get to...

Sean Scove, I saw you chime in up there at some point. I got your text. I didn't read it. I just saw the trailer for your text and I was gonna say just email me and then I thought if this guy's such a super fan and wants advice about his act, why is he not on patreon, but you are so I didn't have to say it There he is there you are. Oh, yeah, we'll get to it shortly here, but we first have to get to bingo's Yeah My shit pussy, that's a big oh gotta do strengthen up your shit pussy That's shit pussy. That's what bigos gotta do, strengthen up your shit pussy.

I can't afford surgery for that. What I suspect is going on is I got it the same thing with a vest, is like I think I have it zipped up and then it's like unzipped from the bottom and the top so it's your asshole and your pussy zipper just kind of hung up. Yes. It's close, Andy, it's close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm no medical professional, but I've been watching it when you see me. If you're not up to date on the bingo situation, she has what is called recticell, recticelle, which now I've decided to pronounce recticelle. Recticelle. It sounds Italian. Recticella. Recticella damn near killedicella. Yes.

Zippers hung up. So it's, yeah, where there's a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a prolapse between your uterine wall and your vagina wall and your asshole wall. Yes Your shit pussy. Yeah, it's not strengthened So she went and get diagnosed with that Doc Mark put me in. Yes, good old Doc Mark Got her a Person that does this kind of specialty work, you know a person that does this kind of specialty work. You know.

A GYN surgeon. So she goes to get, you know, this diagnosed, like what do we do about it? And the lady has to, you know, hand vagina, whatever. And you take it, bingo. All right. Well, first of all, I go in with my shirt and my socks, they're colon socks.

Like a road map. My colon socks and she thinks, because I go through Doc Mart and so she knows there's a connection there and she thinks that I'm the comedian, not him. And she's like, you're fucking funny. And so we start talking and cracking jokes. So instead of giving me a normal exam,

she's like, shit, let me go get a mirror, hang out. So she goes, she leaves the fucking room. I'm naked under a, well, a cover, a drapery, with my shirt on, and we're getting along she's fucking awesome and she's like let me get a mirror so she goes get she goes and gets a mirror and she's like just hold this down here so you can see what I'm talking about so she proceeds to put lube on her finger. She shoves her finger in my asshole,

sticks it in the prolapse, and shoves the prolapse through my vagina so I can look at it, and then I say, that's the only way I can come. We get along great, she's fucking awesome. She's so fucking great. See, Andy, that's how you keep a tight set. She's looking right, bam!

Oh, oh my gosh. She was fucking great. But not a tight pussy. That's what happens. It depends on which direction you enter it. Sounds like the doc could have had a catcher's mitt. Ha ha ha. Anyway, I have surgery, it's not as bad as I thought,

but I'm getting surgery, and I'll be cleaned up and fine. Have you considered putting a dick on? Ha ha ha, what do you mean? Well, if they're gonna be 200. Just sew your cunt up, because it seems to be a source of infection and bebeesment. Stand up, have you considered divorce? Yes.

Have you thought about finding a new wife? Just give her a hug. Your vagina seems to be like a sauna, a sauna that doesn't heat up anymore. What about putting a pecker on there while they're doing the plumbing? I keep making eye contact with Andy on the screen as though he's going to look back.

I can't hear too far away from my digital. Shaly's down there doing yard work. I keep looking up to Andy, and I admire his goddamn teeth. Andy, your teeth are so white. I love your, I need some, I've neglected my teeth being apathetic lunatic. My teeth only look good from this distance off camera. Maybe it's a filter.

I need a white, what's your white teeth filter? That gun, that gun is my new white teeth filter. You don't think my teeth are white? What about this? Are you calling me fat? And you say my teeth are white? You're going to walk and I saw two of my queer friends get pushed over. I still would have stayed asleep. He didn't stay. I tried whenever I got whenever I was uh

the first thing I said whenever I was gonna go assault those guys I said look I tried to deescalate you gotta get back out of this and I said look there's no need for us to be violent with each other I said do it, seriously do you guys think that it's necessary for you to go that fast and both the

dude and the chick who's driving screamed yes yes and I was like ah fuck I can't reason no I saw you write that on your twitch stream by the way twitch.com slash HD underscore fatty I think so yeah yeah yeah he just in the morning he has all these fucking weird ham radio guys doing the local weather it It's so fun. It's so fun. The Cochise County Sheriff's Police, not blotter, what's it, the police scanner. Scanner, yeah. We have that on all the time now. It just chimes in randomly.

We have it on while we sleep. It's great. So. Yeah, I thought I was going to make the fucking scanner for sure. I thought that was the neighbors that were you were arguing with that said, they don't have to drive that fast. I thought neighbors were defending them. That was themselves defending them.

Yes. Yes. That was them that and I knew right then. So I was like, well, I, you know, just fucking. Did you push him down? than I knew right then, so I was like, well, I, you know, just fucking. Did you push him down? I would have struck him with a blow, I guess they would call it in the gay world.

Ear damage was the only thing I could think of. Ear damage. I can't punch this guy. Yeah, but like, my hand is touching his tit. When was the last time you punched somebody? You use that tit. You pull that throat down next to you so you can elbow it. Your move.

Your ability to punch, it has to be about equal to your ability to do a pull up. Ha ha ha. You know, I didn't think about this, but I do have my big, they call it the bob, looks like a naked dude that you beat up, which is pretty gay. But I do have that on my front porch. Is that your only option?

I do have that on my front porch. You have to find him or can you suck him up? Well, there's nothing below the waist, Andy. You're shit out of luck. He doesn't even have arms man They thought of all the angles But I didn't think about it till now Maybe that you maybe that's why he didn't want to get out because I do you should have that thing on my porch on a regular

Base it's a punch him didn't they say your address on the scanner saying he will shoot and he has guns It was no that was their Address down there at the end they they've had it that was they they were threatened to shoot each other all right I heard that wrong too. I thought they said your address. That's what I my street I might have said well I appreciate you looking out because the grandkids weren't around that street all the time and two pit bulls running around loose is kind of dangerous so They always are those fuckers those kids anyway. Let's let people in and talk to some folks. We're over an hour Yeah, I'm drunk on shots of this

Clink clink yeah, I'm sorry is that a gay drink? Strawberry, let me put my pinky out. Oh there it goes Clink clink. Yeah, I'm sorry. Is that a gay drink? Strawberry put my pinky out. Oh, there it goes That's not gay. That's classy get your shit together