The Doug Stanhope Podcast - People of Bisbee: Shirtless Cowboy

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

Doug and Bingo have always wondered about the shirtless hunk in a cowboy hat who'd often walked past their house. In this evergreen, recorded 2024, Doug and Chad hang out with and hear life stories from local photographer, Jon Linton, aka "The Shirtless Cowboy" VISUAL CUTAWAY: 40m12s Doug and Chad recreate a "Day in the Life" of Andy in Bisbee... breaking into people's houses to use their shit. To Watch: You can find this episode for free on YouTube  Join Doug's Mailing List - http://www.DougStanhope.com Support the show & get 20% off your first Lucy order with code STANHOPE at https://www.lucy.co/STANHOPESupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, Biggo, will you go? There's a yellow, there's a pad of paper with notes. Yeah. The one that says stupid questions. Higin counter? Awful questions. Kitchen counter? No, it's a dining room table.

Okay. Where I sit in. I got it. We're just, yeah, it's just, we're just talking, and it's always recording. If it's clunky, there'll just be a time where we start playing back. which should be pretty quick. You're new to the listeners. You're not new to us.

And if you heard us talk about shirtless cowboy. Yeah, you know, it's interesting because I've always told Ariel that, well, in recent, at least in the last year, she'll, I'll fuck around and I'll tell her I'm still visiting. And she said, you're no longer a fucking visitor. Doug Stanhope gave you a nickname. So you're a resident now. I just want to say I'm glad to hear that that's a nickname that Stan Hope gave you and not a moniker that you were just going by or maybe it is. I don't know.

But no, and then after we started talking about that, that shirtless cowboy bullshit, I said, wait a minute. I know Doug's nice to his neighbors. I get that. Do you think he was punking me? Do you think he was fucking with me? Because I can't tell. I don't know.

And she's like, no, I think he actually, yeah, he invites you over. You've got a nickname. I don't think he was fucking with you. I said, we can't be sure of that. We can't be sure of that. That was so cute. I always assume he's fucking with me on top of. Yeah, I mean.

Yeah. Ingo and I would, we have, our favorite hobby is to lay in bed and watch security cameras in the morning. So you would like always have in the summer, you would have overalls and shirtless otherwise and walk in a little dog around with the cowboy hat. And we had this whole plan that we knew we'd never actually do, but where we'd all get overalls, and

anytime you were spotted, we'd have like a flash mob from the neighborhood, because we know at least eight people in the neighborhood that would all go out in their overalls and cowboy hats and just walk like Truman show style. And I would have known

for sure I was being fun. Oh, that would have been great. No question. question mark at all. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Is neighbor Dave shirtless and overalls? It's 350,000 years old? Yeah, no, I mean, it's an interesting street, right? So.

But I do remember the first time you pulled up and stopped in front of the house because I think we only talked for a few minutes. He introduced yourself. Was it in the fucking truck that I just had a nightmare with? Yeah, we're going to get to that if you don't mind. No, not at all. I was going to go, like, we'll mention your career as a photographer, but I... No, I don't even care about that.

Yeah. No, no, no. If we, if somehow we can bring some displeasure to that asshole down the street. Yeah, yeah, that's why I was going... He's really a jerk. Yeah, this is the guy... I'm in the dark on office. I'm looking forward to this.

This guy is a major cunt. That's all I can tell you. You can say that, right? Yes, yeah, no, I was hoping that you were, since you're not going to go litigious, No, no, not at all. You can't sue a book. I'm getting ahead of myself. So I stopped out here.

Yeah, you stopped and you introduced yourself and you talked for just a few minutes. You're in drive. Your car is running. But I immediately clicked with, you gave me such a brief but compelling rundown of where you were mentally in your career. And it was basically where I was. was where you had done, like he did a lot of really dark street photography, street people, like, and had this whole, like, I have a name. That's why I'm here.

I mean, that's why I'm Bisby in short. Yeah. Because of that. Because I quote, I refer to this book a lot. It's called The Comedian is Confidence Man, a study in irony fatigue, where you get to a place where you burn out because, yeah, I'm kidding. I have to wear the mask. of a comedian, but I'm not kidding.

I'm saying serious things. And it goes through all these people that got to a place where I'm like, fuck this. And you had just come off of this touring that show with the street photography, Skid Row, Phoenix, and doing all this dark shit. And you were just, you're not blathering at me, but you, like, just made a very... Sucinctly, you said. Yes. Yeah, I mean, I just want to take pictures of fucking flowers is basically what you were saying to me. Pretty much. And now I'm tired of taking pictures of flowers, which is interesting. But, yeah, it was a little bit more than that. I mean, it was sure that, you know, the arc of the photography. And incidentally, I would describe myself as an accidental photographer. I mean, you live long enough, you do a few things. So I started out in fashion with Ralph Lauren, owned an art magazine in Arizona for 15 years. The economy crashes in 2008-09. And it was,

Well, they didn't really want me at the country club that I belong to in Phoenix anyway because I'm full of tattoos. And so when I had to give up that membership, the membership didn't care that I was gone. They probably fucking threw a party. But it was either, you know, do this or lose your home. And so the magazine goes away. And a friend of mine dies of, you know, he relapsed on drugs. And he and I were colleagues. And he owned a magazine.

We did kind of that co-working thing or that workplace, that communal workplace thing before people were doing communal workplaces. So we office together with another magazine. And I'd known him, you know, namely as somebody that was, you know, always sober. And then suddenly, like, fuck, he's off the rails. And then he's dead. Wow. So it wasn't a slow elevator right at the bottom. It was a free fall.

and I decided then, because I'd always fucked around with a camera, that I'd use a camera and then marry art and this kind of word advocacy loosely together and take pictures of people on the street. And then I was up in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and I was with a friend of mine that was, he's a painter, and he was also mutual friends with this friend of ours that had passed away.

and I said, you know, Dave, I'm going to put a, I'm going to do this art project. And he said, yeah, fuck, you've been talking about that for four years. He said, I don't even want to hear it anymore. And you probably don't even want to hear it now. But he said, I don't want to hear it anymore, man. Just put a fucking camera in your car and take some pictures. I've dealt with this so much, especially since we started filming shit where I get creepy. Like, you had to deal with, all right, you're going to go out and film.

I know you hate to use the word homeless, but all I've studied about you, you don't give a good alternative to that. And I've even caught you saying homeless. Well, I mean, you can be politically correct. You can say houseless or unhomed. Is that what you're looking for? No, no, I just thought, I know you are.

They say, I try to avoid the word, but I'm like, well, give me another word. No, I mean, unhomed. Yeah, I mean, it's, so, you know, street. It is what it is. It is. It is what it is.

But he, like, how do you do that? How do you take, photographs of people without feeling like you're using them. I can tell you how. And that's where the complication came from. That's why for a number of years, I couldn't figure out how to do it. And then not only could I not figure out how to do it, but then if you do figure out, how the fuck are you going to do it?

And do it with a measure of dignity that doesn't put this person in a place where they feel examined or exploited or observed and where you feel like an asshole. we've done. So there was this guy, and, you know, I'm really bad with names. I mean, I can remember everybody's names here, but usually names get lost on me very easily. I could, oddly, the irony is that the people that I photographed, it's fucking weird. I never forget their names. And I've photographed hundreds and hundreds of people. Tell us about Chuck Ridgeway. Chuck Ridgeway, first person I photographed. So Chuck was at the corner of 32nd Street in Thomas in 2008. and seven. I had

volunteered at a homeless shelter for about six months so that I could immerse myself in the community. That's what it is. It's a community of people living on the street so that I could understand the nuances of everything. And not look like an outsider like you talked about.

Well, you know, the thing is that the people around the street, they know. They know immediately if you're full of shit. Right? They know if you're, they know if you're, They know if you're the dickhead that's there just to take a photograph to put it on social media for likes or shares. So I got out of the car. The guy was holding a sign. The sign indicated that he was a Vietnam vet.

And I approached him with a camera and I said, hey, look, a friend of mine died out on the street. I said I'm a photographer. And I wasn't even a photographer. I was a hacked photographer at that time. Still probably am. but I said I'm a photographer. I've been in the art business a long while, which was true. That part was very accurate.

And I said, I'm going to take, my endeavor is to take photographs of people that are living out on the street that are in need. I didn't use the word homeless. In need. In need. And I said, and I'm going to take pictures of folks that are out on the street. in need and I'm going to have an art exhibition in downtown Phoenix and we'll do a book that will accompany the art exhibition and it'll be a way to pay honor to a friend's memory and then at the same time give a voice to people that don't have a voice and the guys said you can take my picture man

I'm in need and and then I felt like an asshole because I didn't even introduce myself so I said hey man you know, my name's Johnny. You know, what's your name? And he started to weep, man. And if you have any, like, soul at all, like any place, you know, that feels, I mean, we were both in tears. And I knew what was coming. And he said, you have no idea how long it's been since somebody's asked me who I am. So in that moment, this project that had, you know, no construct, really, or no shape or no form, in that moment, it was I have a name.

and the intention was then my intention, ironically enough, was just to have the single one-off exhibition in downtown Phoenix. I called a friend of mine that's, that he's a doctor that lives on the reservation up in northern Arizona, and he's been providing help. He's called the saddest man in the world. Oh, he might be. I didn't even have a doctor for this. On the other end of it, he's this amazing artist.

And what he's done is he created this project called the Painted Desert Project. And he ended up collaborating photographically with artists that were on the reservation that were in Navajo. And they would do these amazing pieces of art on buildings that were in decay. So it was this project that was there to beautify buildings that were in decayed at the same time, give beauty and life to a culture that was in the gay. And he had a massive social media following. So I called Chip and said, you know, what, I had all these photographs. And there was, there was a bank in Scottsdale that was going to underwrite the whole project for me.

And then the housing crisis happens. Economy collapses. And the funding, the founder of the bank called me. It was a community bank. And I'm not going to mention the name of the bank. Yeah, don't mention it. We're going to fucking out everyone. That asshole at the foot of the street that fucked you over on your truck.

We can out here. We can out him. I'm not going to out this family because it's a prominent Arizona family. And I've been friends with the granddaughter for years. And it wasn't necessarily even. Their name was on the bank only by. Not the Dylans in Minnesota, not the Seagrams, the Canadian Jews. Which ones are they?

The Goldwater. The Goldwater family. All right. That would have been my guess. But the bank was only Goldwater and name. It was privately held somewhere else. Larry Sheffield was the CEO of the bank, and he called me, and he said, John, we've got to pull the funding. And I said, what do you mean we've got to pull the funding?

I've been taking photo rest for a year and a half. You know, I'm doing a book, and we're doing a show. And he said, the funding is gone. He said the economy. And this was before actually before I think anybody. knew about it and I was like, what the fuck does he mean? There's a credit crisis. What the fuck is that about? And then suddenly, you'd learn about it pretty soon.

So I called Chip in a panic and said, what do I do, man? And he said, well, just put a compilation of the photographs on Facebook. And if it means something, you'll find out. And I said, I have a complete disdain for social media. I can't stand Facebook. I've got 50 friends. And that's because I just went through and got rid of 200 of people that I don't know. And I don't use the thing, man.

He said, just put it on and see what happens. I was like that when Dane Cook was like huge because of MySpace and being somewhat of, and every comedian is like, fuck MySpace because they hated Dane Cook. Like it's not the platform that sucks. So I was like the last guy to get on MySpace and it changed. Well, yeah, I mean, I got on. I mean, I put it on there. And suddenly, you know, the compilation of photographs and, you know, I put like a little soundtrack.

underneath. It was a really sad soul in music. And it did. I won't say that it went viral, but it got pretty large, and there was a lot of, there was a lot of engagement. And then we did a crowd fund. That was enough to pay for the prints, for the exhibition, and the book that was created. So initially, that was it, it was just going to be this one-off exhibition. And I wasn't even going to have it. I mean, this is an interest in caveat as well. I remember it was right. It was September, sometime in September and maybe 2012. And I thought I could probably get all this work completed. The book I knew was going to take a period of time to do. And I thought we can have the show in Scottsdale because I knew several gallery owners in Scottsdale that would have pulled the

trigger immediately. And then I got a phone call from some woman that owned us. small little gallery in downtown Phoenix on Grand Avenue, which is really like, you know, it's the kind of gallery space that I actually enjoy. I mean, it's off the beaten path. It's gritty. It's urban. It's up-and-coming artists. Starving artists are showing down there. It's raw. And so she called me and she said, hey, I saw your compilation of the video on Facebook. and she said, could you come down and check out my space? I'd like to talk to you about doing a show. And I was initially, I was going down there.

I was just going down there to be kind. I was just going to tell her no. I didn't want to be an asshole and say, no, I don't want to do this. So I went down and I'm listening to her. She said, you know, I'd really like to do a show. You had no shows until this point. No shows of any kind. And that wasn't your intention.

And you were ready to turn down your first one. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I had no shows at all of no, nothing. But you, no, not so much. No. I start somewhere, just not here.

Yeah, I mean, that's what it was going to be like. I mean, it was really kind of a, I really was thinking, you know, we need a bigger platform, a better platform, a platform that's going to be more visible. Yeah, yeah, in Scottsdale, if there was one. So I listened to Laura, her name's Laura. a dragon and she's a fucking badass. So, you know, I said, you know, I've got a venue that I'm thinking about in April. I don't know that I can get the work done by, you know, November. That's only three months away. You know, I'm probably going to have to say no. And I said, you know, but why did you really call other than, I mean, is there what motivated you to call me?

There had to be something other than just the Facebook video. You know, he had to get my number, you know, what the fuck? How did this? And she said, um, I thought you were hot. You want to fuck me for a show or not, honey? That's where I thought this was going. That's where I thought that was going. No, no, but there was a lot of that that came afterwards. Not from, not from Laura, but when the Facebook page blew up, I mean, if, if there was a gay man in town that thought he could get a straight guy to turn homosexual, I was getting a call, if there was a middle-aged woman that hadn't been laid by her husband, I was getting a call. If there was a 20-something or even younger, I was getting, so it got weird.

Dano told me when we first started hanging out. He said, because I'm a married guy, I've been married a long time. And he said, be careful. He says, because I don't understand it. He says, but for some reason, even if you're only standing on a two by four, if you're standing that much taller than everybody else in the room, there'll be some sort of attraction that women have you. You'll get women. Yeah. You're on any kind of stage. You would know that, man. Yeah, that's true.

No, that's fucking... You at a gallery is a stage. He thought he was Haas, Stan. Hope I just busted his bubble. Yeah, no, no, no. Listen, I'm 60 years old. I wasn't the... I wasn't the most attractive guy

in the room at 28 and not at 60. You're probably one of them guys that looks better with age, though, but I wouldn't have guessed you were 60. That's, you know, for sure. No, I mean, we saw that just the other night. Gravity, you know. Yeah, Father time gets everybody's undefeated.

The only good part was I announced early, any money on Tyson? I'm taking here. I'll be the bank. I'll give you the draft king odds. I just couldn't. I just couldn't go with Jake. I couldn't.

I mean, you knew he was probably going to hurt him, but you just, I couldn't bet on him. You got my money. So, Laura, you know, I asked Laura, you know, really what motivated her to reach out. And she said, I was homeless for five years. And then she went on to tell me. Oh, wow. I didn't know that. Yeah.

So I didn't see that coming at all. So she went on to tell me that she had been homeless on the streets for five years, that she'd been a former heroin addict, that she'd been sober for, you know, and you know that I'm a sober guy and had been for 26-ish years or something. So now I know the woman's sober, so there's, you know, there's some connectivity there. She's been homeless. This is a project about the homeless. And I said, we're doing the show in November.

So I did six months of work in like two months. Yeah. And the best way to do it. And did the fucking show there. There was like 18 other artists and theaters. Did any of your subjects show up? No, man. You know, and that's the, it's weird.

They didn't answer their phone. Yeah. No. You know, it's, it'll be interesting that you could turn this into a comedy show. And that only you and your brilliance, you know, in terms of comedic brilliance could do that. But no, they didn't show up. No. No.

And we had thought about that. There were people that actually sincerely asked, do you think some of these people that you photographed might? And I said, no, man, they don't have a fucking address. I don't have a phone. Now you speed up some years, and Obama's an office, and then people do have Obama phones that are on. And there have been people that we've helped.

I catch myself being your age old, where you revert to that, like, grown up, where you see a homeless guy with a phone. Oh, you're fucking homeless, but you got a fucking cell phone because half of my brain still lives in the pre-cell phone era where it's a luxury item.

Yeah, but you know that it's interesting because I know you're friends with Rogan, right? And I remember, I remember, you know, I would give, you know, I ended up painting a school bus and with the collaborator with several artists. Yeah, trying to be a better huge. Human. Yeah, let's be better humans.

Painted on the side of the bus. You know, painted part of the bus red, part of the bus blue on the second bus we had. We're doing another bus right now, although I'm not participating in the way that I used to participate. But the work, you know, had lived on without me being plugged in. They would drive this bus around and feed people. And, like, the first day they had it out, Phoenix cops threatened to arrest them for feeding homeless. Oh, I got threatened with arrest probably every second or third time out. They're giving people food.

Yeah. Yeah, and I would tell. And the cops were so fucking tone deaf, man. Like, I remember on one occasion, like, okay, Bronfman, you brought up Bronfman. Did we miss something, though? Was there something that I didn't? I don't know, but I want to say, you know what? You shrink me as a really charismatic guy.

That's all I rely on. And I always think I can talk my way out of getting arrested. And you tell me. Oh, no, no, no. I'd be like, dude, I'm just feeding fucking... No, no, no. I'm trying to be like, I can talk a cop. Like, that was speeding and I'm spoken to Joey.

I'm all right. You get it. No, they would pull... I get pulled over, man, and these guys, uh, I would just say, what do you pull me over for this time, man? I mean, there's a tail light out. I meant I make a blinker. But they, they'd stop me either when I was traveling in the bus or when I was parked. And what they did in Phoenix around the blighted area were most people that were living.

on the street called home. And if you throw a picture of the bus up here, you can find it online, the better humans, it just screams, fuck with me, fuck with me, fuck with me.

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Now, if you made that a Department of Corrections, white bus with those fucking... Oh, Doug, you're going to love this because this goes right into what you're talking about so that it's 100, fucking 18 degrees out in Phoenix, right? And I've got Bronfman on the bus who's the heir to the Seagram's fortune.

Yes. Right? And he's got a guy that he brought with him that's Harvard educated, who's a Jew, and it doesn't deliver a message in a synagogue. This guy's like a social justice beast. And, I mean, just brain power that was on steroids. And he's on the bus. And then we've got a DACA recipient on the bus.

and this is like right in the height of COVID, incidentally. So the cops pull up. And we're handing water and hamburgers out. And I always hand it out. I used to smoke for a bunch of years. I haven't for a bunch, a bunch of years, probably as many as. Smoke pot. I have to clarify that out.

I did. I did everything. All right. So. But I had thought when we were using the bus, like, fuck, man, I used to smoke cigarettes. and if I didn't have money for cigarettes, I'd really be fucked. Like, I'd be Jonesing right now.

So I always had five or six cartons of cigarettes on the bus. That was the first thing anybody asked for. You got cigarettes today? And I'm like, of course we do. So handing out cigarettes, handing out hamburgers, water. Wait, this is COVID? You were smoking cigarettes as recently as COVID? No.

He was handing them out to the homeless. No, no, no, no, no. I stopped. He just knew the value of them. I knew the value of the cigarettes. I remember that. I mean, just like the drink there. I mean, I remember how much I used to.

of, you know, I'd start with a double. So, um, so I, um, I'd have cigarettes. Uh, flashlights on your phone. I've been waiting to try to tell you a whole time. You should have told me a long time. Well, you're the most interesting podcast I've been a part of in a day. Well, it's still might hit, it's not a bit. It's in a long time.

It still might hit the, you know, the floor here. It may not make it past the edit. Um, but, but when you're, but when you're, Liars remorse, when we get to the neighbor. Oh. I wasn't being sarcastic. This is fucking fantastic. Oh, and we're in as Sean Payton as well.

So, I mean, there's that. That was the story that I go, I, all right, that's, like, I've wanted to have you on the podcast anyway. But then I, like, okay, that fucking Sean Payton's story. I almost want to save that for a, oh, it's, it should be a story. Oh, it's doing it tonight. I have so much admiration for somebody like that's empathetic. So, I'll let you add. So we are.

So the cops pull up. And, you know, and I'm used to the interaction with the cops. So the cop comes, and they're all cut out of the same cloth. They're just like the border cops. They're just like the security guards at the mall. They're all dickheads. And I don't like them. Not any of them.

So the guy comes up and he's puffed up and I know he's ready. You know, he's looking for a confrontation. I said, so what is it today? And he said, you need to move this bus. Do you see the sign right there? I said, oh, the no parking signs. you put up so that I can't park here. Yeah, they're all over.

I said, I'm handing out water, it's 118 degrees out. And he said, you need to move this bus, and I mean move it right now. And I said, you know, listen, you're a little tone deaf. And I said, I wonder if your brother or your uncle, or your sister, or your niece, or a relative, if they were out here for some God unfortunate reason, and they needed a cold drink.

I wonder if you'd be pulling me over. And he said, I should have arrested you years ago. And impounded this Partridge family bus. And I said, listen, man, the first time that you arrest me, I actually was almost begging him to arrest me. I said, the first time you guys arrest me, do you realize I've got almost between Instagram and Facebook, and I don't give a shit about this stuff anymore,

but at the time it was highly charged. I said, I've got like almost 100,000 followers between both pages. I said, the city of Phoenix will get a... First of all, you need to know how to lie because no cop is going to be able to fact-check that. That's where you say, I have 13 million followers that are bored and just looking at your address right now.

Well, I didn't go that far. You know where your kids go to school? My fans do. I didn't go that far. I love the standoff goes right. I make veiled fans. You know, sometimes people's house is burned down. when they're asleep.

Like, I go a little further. Well, I save the veiled threats for the second part of this podcast. The real, the neighbors. The real thing that I did, though, I mean, I didn't have to exaggerate anything. I told him, I said, I'm actually, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to actually take your picture. And I'm going to put you on my social media page, and I'm going to describe this interaction today.

You don't have to arrest me. This city's still going to get a black eye. and I said, so just hold still. And he said, make sure you get my good side. And I said, I don't think you have one. So what we ended up doing, you got to learn to be a diplomat. No, I'm not real diplomatic. That's not true.

I mean, I'm actually a decent guy. I wouldn't be out there doing this kind. I just, you know, it was just, you couldn't imagine that you're, that they want to put you in handcuffs and impound upon us. Did they have a logical reason behind it? Oh, yeah, they sure. You're on private property. That's the one that I'm assuming they're going to say.

I think they just want with the no sign. No, we just don't like homeless people, because they're not going to say, we just don't like all these homeless people. We deal with them all the time. We know their mental illness. They get on our nerves. We don't have the empathy that you have. That's exactly what they want to say. That's not what they say.

What they tell you is. And the narrative would change routinely. Oftentimes it was something as simple as a no parking sign because it's right there and you can fucking see it. and they know that you can read, hopefully. And or they'll say you're contributing to garbage on the street because they leave stuff behind. And then I would say, yeah, so I'd say, look, we're talking about garbage and we should be talking about fucking human beings.

So you know what I'm going to do next week? I'm going to put together a community cleanup. And I'm taking your picture today again or whoever it was. And I'm going to say that I just got harassed by the cops again. And that particular cop was pissed off. about the fact, and I said, we actually stay out here and clean the place up after we're done.

So that's not true either. If you give them hamburgers, they're just going to be taking shits all over the park. Yeah, yeah. And the funny thing is, there's no, and there is starve this shit out of them.

There is shit all over the streets. That's a funny part. And there is garbage, but there's no, there's no pour the potty's. There's no place to put garbage. They're micro-focusing on something there's a bigger problem.

Yeah. Yeah. This is all very interesting to me. So the bus trip, you know, the bus, and then I would take the bus around Doug with Bronfman's support and the Dillon support. I'd take the bus around the country once a year for a month and a half and go up to Seattle and back and go up to Minnesota and back through Austin. And we probably made, I don't know how many stops in a month and a half when you'd be on the road a bunch. and you go through a lot of money and at times and a documentary was actually just like break this down for me so when you go out with a bus and feed the homeless yeah what do you i mean you have financing through these families that are philanthropists yes but what do you like exactly what food do you get dan hopes picturing you throwing hot dogs at homeless people when you drive you know i i have to feed 20 people here for a football sunday and i panic about it every single week How you go out and feed the most homeless people that you can.

The food that just almost killed a bunch of people with E. coli. I don't McDonald's. We would buy hamburgers. Yeah, I was going to ask. I guess that would be the answer. It was cheap. But you know what? The interesting part, not cheap anymore.

When we first started doing that, it was, you know, like you get a cheeseburger for a dollar. Now they're 219. Andy Endress. Andy Endress goes up. I just bought a fucking egg. McMuffin was six dollars. That used to be $1.29. Yeah, so that's what we would do.

If we were feeding people for breakfast, it'd be, it'd be egg McMuffins, sausage and mcuffins, things like that. Or oftentimes we, Chipotle was a nice partner. Subway was a good partner. Andy goes out. Andy goes out and takes people, makes a shitload of tuna sandwiches. Yeah. And drop something.

I'm like, that seems like the worst thing ever to drop off. Yeah, the short shelf life? Yes. Like, make peanut butter and jelly. you, they can put it in their backpack for half a day. Not a tuna fucking sandwich. But maybe they need protein. I'm not an expert in these.

Yeah, sorry, sorry, we're drinking, so we're probably going to get more elevated as the show goes on. But I would have a moral quandary between the nutritional value of what you're giving them. Like, you're giving them the most processed shit. But, Doug, you know what you, you know what? And you know, and you know what you're really giving them. It doesn't, it doesn't matter, whether we were giving out cigarette. No, we're giving, we're giving them, we're giving them a little bit of humanity.

Yeah. One day at a time. I mean, you're so dehumanized when you're on the street. People don't see you. People, they look past you, through you, beyond you. So there, there were times. It's like being ugly. It is.

Yeah. Pretty much. It really is. Yeah. Yeah, I get a source of the whole bit about this. You've been dehumanized to the point where a little bit of free McDonald's gives you back some of your humanity. But to be fair. That is the saddest goddamn state of things I've ever heard.

But to be fair, man, I would tell a lot of the folks that were either, we had people that would obviously volunteer, not obviously, there were volunteers, people that would ask if they would volunteer. I got to the point where I didn't let anyone volunteer. because social media got weird and somebody would show up and they're showing me their tits. And I'm thinking, yeah, you can't be on this bus. Or, you know, so some weird stuff like that. Until later. Until later, right.

There's been times, I swear, I was being set up by cops in that same kind of way. Hey, but to darken your, like, what good are you doing? I would like, here's a happy meal, but it has a noose in it. You know, give people options. You know what? Here's the thing. We're actually in chat, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So a third bus is being worked on right now. And there should be some time when I drag your ass up to Phoenix. We will go. And you guys can bring your cameras. You can do whatever the fuck you want. And yeah.

And you can actually. Winners wide open. And actually, you know, the interesting thing is, we had, we had, this sounds fucking unbelievable, but there were times where we'd actually bring, there was some dude that sent me a message on either Instagram or Facebook and said, he did this with your hand as though he penned you something. Yeah, yeah, well, should I be doing this? Kindle scribe.

Should be doing this. So this guy sends me a message and said, you know, I do this drum circle. Would it be interesting to bring you? music out to the street. And then I remember, you know, having this conversation. Sure, the homeless are hardly ever annoyed by shit. Well, no. No, no, but listen to this, man. I mean, listen to the gravity of this. I mean, think about, think about, and it's, I love the humor. I really do. Because you can't, you can't take yourself too, too seriously.

I watched some interviews with you today, and I'm like, he is so good at answering bullshit questions from interviewers that I just fall apart. I crumble. I never have a... You just... What is art? And art is life and art is and everything.

You had all your bullshit cues lined up for all these... Where do you get your inspiration? Did you watch that shit? I watched a ton of shit. How do you fucking... It's awful. Why don't dropping the Dylan's name

from fucking Stephanie, Jesus. Who knows Stephanie, me? Yeah. Yeah. I do research. Fuck you guys. I thought you guys were close friends. She could buy this whole block.

Burn it down. Just for fun. Probably should. And that's a good segue into the one house in the neighborhood. You'd have burned down. You could probably guess the one I would choose. Yeah. Yeah, it's just right there.

The Watchtower. Yeah. Yeah. I wish he was a Jehovah's Witness because then you could call it the Watchtower with a double entendre. But you, hang on, let me just tell you, we went, our, our, We're going through a transitional period with the podcast, kind of melding to. But our friend, our third friend, Andy, who's not here right now,

when he stays here, he's really fidgety. Like when we're on tour, he's the most brilliant, funniest guy I've ever met in my life. But he'll go and wander. Like if we're on airport row, the hotels up at Tucson Airport, he'll wake up in the morning and he'll hit three. three or four different hotel buffets to see which one has the best free warning. He's that guy.

He's just a fidgety guy. So when he's here, there's nothing for him to do. So he'll go wander the neighborhood and hit all our friends' houses in the neighborhood. And if they're not home, he'll walk in because most of us don't have anything in my fridge, man. He probably looks. He'll smoke your pot. He'll do it. So we went on what we thought, let's recreate an Andy run.

So we went, like, to Suzanne Walsh's hot tub, her famous hot tub. And we just walked like Andy would. Just walked through people's houses that are friends. By the way, I thought you had cleared this with these people all beforehand. Otherwise, I would have never been breaking and entering on video. No. So where Andy, like, I stopped by Derek's house and he, he wasn't there. So I just walked in and there was a joint there.

So I just thought I'd participate in that. That's great. We went to Derek's house when he's not there and left a joint. This is a good guy. Like Andy always wears the orange reflective vest to get away with shit. They just, they overlook, like, him taking a sign off the side of the freeway because he's wearing a vest. I think the, uh, the camera and microphones thing also. Yeah, there was something we were talking about the other day.

And I said, like, something like that. Like, how many times if people get away with, why did I not know this was Derek's? Please know soliciting. What? He said. Seems like a tidy household. Yeah. Hmm.

Well, I didn't expect this at all. I like the, uh... No. Oh, hey. It's a cute little place. Yeah. I like the maps. The sheets...

The sheets over the, uh, recliners. It's, uh... You know what? Sheets are germ-proof. If you found that recliner on the road, you just throw a sheet on it. Exactly. And I don't doubt these came from the side of the road. That's why I'm standing.

He's got baby wipes. It's a quality toilet paper. And my pocket's not big enough. Lufus. He's got more than one lufa. Me too. If you want to imagine Derek Lufaing. Take a look at his board games.

It's like summer camp. Oh, he's got to, come on, he's got the magnifying glass and a map of the Chirical Mountains. What's he plotting? What kind of oceans 11? Fucking, I'm going to bury the loot here. Oh, geez, really? Maybe he's looking for lost treasure. The whole fucking mystery happening here, man.

Framed Junior Stopka and Maggie, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year photo. Aw. How often do you? Send out a Christmas card and have it get framed. That's sweet. This just gets sadder the more I'm in. Look, there's his SpongeBob. Christmas talking.

Oh, my God. This is horrible. I want to go. All right. Hang on. Let's figure this out. Okay. What is this?

Is that how he's trying to spell fajitas? Is F-I-G-A-T? Either that or he's eating fish. Fidgetts. Fijiots. Yeah, there's no... Yogurt with an E? Wow, we're going to have to...

I know Kenny can spell. All right. All right. He's got... Some yogurt, some tortillas, rack of eggs. Maybe he gets yogurt with a knee. Is it spelled with a knee?

Maybe it's like an off bread. He's got a picture of me on the fridge. We drove past the Baptist church today, and, you know, they try to put cute, funny face. It said, if the Lord had a refrigerator, would your picture be on it? Yeah. Well, if Derek is your God, well, I'm there right there with Whiskey Girl in Nowhere, man. Yeah. We should leave something drastically out of place.

Oh, wait, I know what to do. What? I have a joint. Oh. Ah. Yeah. Making up for Andy. Yeah.

And we went to Lane's house and he noticed, Hey, Lane's gonna, they're gonna shut off his gas. So we broke into his house and paid his gas bill. So, so

then on the way back, there's a gentleman down on the next street that I know I don't even want to give a way to, I've met him once. They, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, he doesn't have anything. I said, hello to him. How's it going? I go, hey, we're, oh, the Tyson fight. I go, we're having a Tyson fight. He goes, I can't and my wife just left me and he just went on,

like a 15 minutes, just empty, this light out, the sun is out. And he's telling me, like, every, like, the horrible thing that he's going through. I walked, I walked away because I thought they were such close personal friends. I was like, this is an awkward moment. I'm going to walk across the street. I have a microphone like this. With him filming with a camera. And the guy is just telling me every,

and I was just a small bottle of all the dirty laundry? Yes. At length to the point where I finally had to go, I get to prepare for this party. And I go, if that was anywhere else, but I live here. So I would not, like what, we'll probably put some clips up with his face blurt just to show you.

With the whole spiel. But the point is, like, anywhere else, I would go, hey, this is comedy fucking gold. I have no idea of this guy is it. Oh, sure you'd have some fun with it. But yeah, but when you live in a small town. Yeah. And then when you said that today about this neighbor who fucked you over. Hard.

And my girlfriend. He goes, yeah, why would you shit where you eat in a small town like this? Well, because you're fucking, first of all, you're fucking crazy. because we have lots of free time. This is the guy that had the signs up. We've talked about this thing on the podcast a long time ago. He has lots of lovely things to say about you. What does he say?

Really? He said, you're just a... I met him once. Yeah, he said, you don't want to hang around that guy, man. He's just a fucking drunk and a drug user and he just fucked up all the time. He's tragic and alcoholic. And I said... I mean, the guy seems solid to me so far.

Yeah. So, but at the same time, at the same time he found out I was re-apulstering the inside of my truck, and he wasn't going to get to do it. He said, who's re-apulstering the truck? George and Douglas? I said, yeah, George and Douglas is re-appeltering the truck. He said, that guy's a fucking drunk. You're not going to get your truck back for months, and then you're going to have to pay a bunch of money for it that you wouldn't have to pay if I would have done it. And I said, sorry, George is doing it. And I was thinking, anybody that he doesn't like... Is it drunk?

Well, yeah, the guy that was working on the truck before he got a hold of it, he said, you know, the guy's a part changer. He's not a mechanic, and you know he's a needleman. And I said, pardon me? A needleman. What? I'm lost here. That's a small dick. This sounds like carnival lingo.

Well, he is. Yeah, see? He's kind of... Not a button-down guy. You need a button-down guy. A button-down guy. A button-down. So I said, I'm a little lost, man.

What's a needleman? He said, heroin. And he said, he's too happy. He's too happy all the time. I said, have you ever been around heroin addicts? And I said, he's not using heroin. Listen to their music? He's not using heroin.

Leak me up before you go, go. No, it's not. So I said, I don't know what Lalo's using, but I know one thing. It's not fucking heroin. So, yeah, not a good guy. Not the kind of introduction. So this guy for the listener, the watcher, the viewer, he lives down. He's got this giant, it used to be some kind of warehouse.

That used to be a trolley warehouse for the trolleys that ran through. That's what they used that for. And then it was for sale, and we thought about buying it when we were first here and everything was dirt cheap. and then that guy snatched it up like the fuck we should have been quicker on that and then he fills it with I heard he's like a burning

man guy this is a town of rumors especially if you live like we basically all live sheltered we're not out no we're not cabitzing at the fire no no no no um

so so this guy like I heard he's a burning man guy he has all this weird shit and old vintage signs and giant things. Doug, you know what he is? He is the finest. I mean, he is the epitome of a confidence, man. I mean, it's beautiful how absolutely eloquent he is and how versed he is. I mean, the fucking guy, I know Walmart sells a lot of vacuums and sometime in the 40s, 50s or 60s there were vacuum salesmen that went door to door. This fucker could put Walmart out of business if he went door to door. He's unbelievable. He's unbelievable.

I only met him once at a car auction, a police auctioned. And he kept telling me, I'm your neighbor. I live at the place, and so I kept thinking the schoolhouse. He kept describing his place because he said he was like right across the street from me. I'm like, well, right. I finally found out, oh, it's that guy. Well, all right. You're not close.

He's not terribly bright, but he's, I mean, he's a very, he's a very good thing. Did we reference before? We talked about him on the podcast a long time ago, but that was when he put up those giant signs saying that there were meth dealers. Yeah. The neighbor, meth house over here, giant arrow. Which we thought was funny. Yeah, it is funny.

I mean, that is kind of funny. Like, who has the balls to do that kind of shit? Him. But this guy's got the balls. And it went to, I think it went to a place where I went to almost to court. I know there's police complaints. Like, it made the. Yeah, you know, and the, what I've.

Because I've had, you know, not a real good experience with the man. And he's had, he had my truck and Ariel's Thunderbird for almost five months. All right. Let me back up. Quickly recap, you moved here just over two years ago. Yeah. And I bought the truck right when I moved here. All right.

And this truck is like 1937? No, it's, no. I mean, you know, it was beautiful. the attorney that lives in town, that's right on Main Street that's next to the Takaria. Yeah, of Malinga. Malinga, Rafa. Yeah.

So his real name's Ralph. And I never knew him as Rafa until you just said that. Ralph Malinga. If you call him, if you call him Ralph, he'll get pissed off. So he had the truck. He called him Mr. Malinga until we won our case. And then we still call him Mr. Malinga.

He's a trippy dude, though, man. So he was selling, he had. he had this truck. He had the, it's a 1958 Apache truck. I'd always wanted an Apache. The thing was for sale. It's right around the, my grandpa had one that we used to take to the dump all the time.

Yeah, this one. It still looks like. I don't want to step on your story, but whenever he died, I went home on leave and my uncles were like, let's restore this truck. And I'm like, fuck yeah. Let's restore this truck.

We can take it all apart and destroy it. They're like, well, let's fucking smoke this meth first. I'm like, well, let's do that. And then I do that. And then we had a great time fucking taking the truck apart. And then those fucking dicks never put it back together. That was what I learned about the downsides of meth. I thought it was a good thing.

Listen, you're lucky you don't live next to Mark. 58 a matchy, beautiful. You're lucky to live next to Mark. You'd have a sign. Oh, no, no. That was many years ago. So he buys this truck. Then all of a sudden he's on douchebag's fucking radar.

Dushbag shows up and pitches him. Teta. Yeah, so he tells me I'm out in my yard, probably shirtless and a cowboy hat, and he stops by, and he said, so you're the guy that bought the Apache truck for $8,000? And I thought, what the fuck kind of town am I inward? This guy knows how much I paid for a fucking truck. It's monitoring the list. That's easy.

So I said, yeah, you know, obviously I'm the guy that bought the truck. It's right here. And he said, well, you can thank me for the price that you got for that, because initially, Malanga wanted 12,500, I was going to buy the truck and I offered him 8,500 and you obviously got it for lower than that. He said, good job. I was going to get the truck. And so now he's coming over. I mean, he doesn't pitch me on anything yet. He's just warm and- fucking a car to Seinfeld for a half a million dollars. It's like 300,000, 500,000. But he's just throwing this at your face. He's trying to make, he's trying to make me, you know,

you know, he told me that he lived in Phoenix for, uh, grew up in. in Phoenix, and obviously I'd lived in Phoenix for, you know, 35 years. So he's using, you know, some common ground there and tells me where he lived in a historic part of Phoenix. And then he sold a place for a million bucks, 10 years ago. And he's just trying to impress me. He's trying to show me how big his dick is. I don't know what he's trying to do.

And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, he's, he fucking catches your week, Spock. Sounds like he's trying to get you to give him a, your truck to work on. Well, you almost fucking, you know, he's, listen, the guy's, he's done a lot of shitty things here from, you know, from after the fact. I mean, then you find some stuff out, but. So what was he initially going to help you with? What he said, what he initially said was, I think as I told you earlier today, by the time he got done massaging me, I felt like I was privileged to let him work on my fucking truck. Like it was like he was some king master mechanic. And he said, I don't usually work. on anybody's trucks or cars, you know, but I'd be willing to work on yours. I've got a special engine that I've kept aside. Sounds like a specific tile man, I know. I've got a, I've got an engine that I've had for a long time that was going to go for a personal project, but I'd be willing to sell you that engine. You know, the kid that's working on your car, the one that he called

the needleman, he said he's not, he's not a mechanic. He's a part changer. And he said, if you're ready to really get that truck running, you know, I'll do the work for you. So I wasn't ready to do it. And then, you know, I went away for three months to do an art show, three or four months. And I asked him if he'd actually store the truck. It is, you know, his property because he's got a lot of storage there. And I gave him, you know, like a $3,600 print and said, I'll give you this photograph, just to store the truck and make sure it started every week.

And he said, you don't even have to give me the photograph. You know, I'll do that for, I'd just do that because we're neighbors. And, you know, so he's, and I gave him the photograph anyway. How to win friends and influence people. He read Dale Carnegie's book. So, but I mean, he's just a cunt. So he said, he said, if you're ready to pull the trigger on the truck while you're gone, just give me a call.

And, you know, when you're an artist, you know, like, I'm, I'm a photographer, but I'm never going to be famous. I'm never going to be rich. First of all, there's no famous photographers except for two, like, as a comedian, when you, like, look for a reference, there's only two Ansel Adams and then the, what's her name, the Jewish name? Come on, you know. Annie Leibowitz.

Yeah. So those are like, someone's taking a picture of you from the audience. You go, hey, Ansel Adams, what the? So there's, you can't be a famous. No, no, no,

no. And he even says, he says, if you have an iPhone and that right apps and filters, everyone's a fucking, so you know, Stanhold sent me your website earlier and I was looking at it,

amazing pictures. I'm sure that Alex has already put your website. No, they're not that. Very cool. substrates like he is. Well, here's the thing is, I told Santa Feud. Where the fuck did you hear that? Is that something I said?

Yep. Whoa, that's awful. He got that from Hadoin-Franj. Oh, no, no. That's something I said. I knew I said it. He saw it on some interview with somebody's asking. Substrates.

Fussy about the substrates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so that I can charge five grand for a photograph. Yeah, I feel good about it. Yeah. Rice paper. But it's good texture. It's got, you know, I use gloves.

I show those people. has some tooth I think it was a special needs person interviewing you on YouTube because you were at some art gallery and you're like you just kept like all right you know what that segues into this and then occasionally the kid would talk

and the camera angle like you're up and he sounded very special needs and because you there was a nine minute interview that was a very long one for you And I think, I think, this is longer. I told, I told Aaron, I said, am I going to go over there and get punked? Is that what's going to happen?

And she said, yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah, it could happen. I'm going to, yes. Well, we're with the fucking douchebag. Yeah. So, so I tell him, I said, look, you know, I don't know whether I can commit to, you know, doing this project with you and you putting this special.

engine in this truck until I get two weeks or three weeks into the show. If the show starts out good and I know that it's going, you know, you can get a barometric reading pretty quickly. So the show started off white hat. You know, I'd sold a bunch of work pretty quickly. So I called him. I said, go ahead and put the engine in. And I get back here, I got back here, you know, maybe early April. And what the fuck month are we in? November? November. Yeah, truck's still not running. It's still not running. I mean, I have spent, I spent a bunch of money with him on the thing,

and then I kept taking it back to him, taking it back to him. I mean, at one point he tells me that, you know, I get stuck down on NACO by the fucking airport down there. Yeah. And the truck just stalled. And now I got to call him, and I said, uh, did you take this thing for a test drive, man? Because, uh, it just stalled again.

So you're going to have to... So is he starting to blow you off at this point? because he knows. Yeah, he start, now he's starting, he's pushing the work. I already know, like, the fact that he swapped out engines, I'm getting, yeah, he did do that. So he, he, he starting. Good engine and give you a shitty one, yeah.

Yeah, sold the good one. Yeah, he did do that. Someone he found out who it was. Yeah. And then the fucker had the audacity to drop an engine off in my front yard. There's still oil out there. He said, he, yeah, he told me. He goes, that's not my engine, man. This is not the engine I fucking had.

And he goes, all right, I'll give you your engine and just dropped an engine. engine that's not his. I'm starting to think we should have talked about this off the podcast. We will. I'm getting mad about. No. No.

You ought to go burn the house down? No, I mean, I'm your guy. Good. That's the, not after we've already fucking outed it. No. No, fuck that. I mean, I called a friend of mine that's a mechanic that I've known for 30 years in Phoenix. And this dude grew up in East L.A.

And half his family's dead. The other half's in prison. and I said, Eddie, this fucking guy's done like this, this, this and this. I'm going to have to fucking tow the truck up to you and have you fix it. And, God damn, and I've spent like five grand already on this thing and it's going to cost me. I don't know what to undo what the fuck he said he did. And Eddie said, why don't I just send somebody down there? And I said, fuck, man, I'm too old for that shit.

He said, well, you might be, but I'm not. So this is, first of all. Yeah, I got angry fucking second hand. I don't know. I want to go down there and hit him with a fucking baseball bat. Also, I was a parts changer. Yeah. Army.

So, you know, I take a fan. No, it happens so often where you go, in a small town like this, I always, when I get, like, really, that there's a, a quote, I bastardized from one of the fucking, not art of war, but one of those guys. If you, if you, if you, if you stand patiently by the banks of the river, eventually you will watch the bodies of your enemies float by. Sure. That's lovely. Yeah, but sometimes you go, oh, you know what, I'm going to make sure they're floating. Yeah. Right, yeah.

I want to put some air into that corpse. Yeah. And as long as they think it's bad luck, that's the best revenge. Yeah, you need a guy to kick him in the fucking river sometimes. Well, you know, so yeah, what ends up happening, man, is that he does start to, I'm taking the truck back to him literally, you know, twice a week. And then I'm paying him to fix what he should have, what should have never fucking been. and happening. I get duplicates all the time, so, oh, I felt like, you know, I just felt like I was just hit by, you know.

So it's a million times I'm a mechanic and he still gets dup by the shit. No, I mean, I think my... People coming to fix your thing and the fucking solar and then the finger fucking you about that. I mean, I just felt like I should give it in my wallet and said, just take this and just keep charging it up because that's what you're going to do to me. Yeah. And that's what he did, basically. And then he would play me... But you were to call the cops to get your fucking truck back.

He, I ended up having to call the cops to talk to them about getting the truck back. The cops, I would later, where was you, your truck was still at their house? Their, their fucking barn, whatever it is? It was in there. Ariel's car was in there. And what I found out is I started to get, I started to get a feeling that. Ariel's his girlfriend, a local super smoking hot chick, the Bisbee's hot chick. I got really lucky there.

So, uh, I hit the lottery. Oh, you're 60. I yeah she yeah I shouldn't she she she knows how old I am I think probably yeah yeah hit the lottery here at least with that so maybe that makes up for getting fucked did you wait hang on did you hit the lottery before you moved here or after I've hit the lottery a few times no that lottery like were you did you did you know her before you bought the house no that was a that's a that story's wait you moved here and got the only hot chicken Vizby yeah I did yeah

Well, press and company. Available. Available hot chicks. Come on, that goes without saying. These hot chicks are all taken. We saw their breasts. Bingo was the first, Bingo was the first chick I've ever seen in Bids. Oh, wait, what's the Bingo story that Bingo said, oh, yeah.

My brother, okay. All right. Let's jump all over the back. Well, go backwards then, because Bingo needs to hear this. I didn't hear it. Because you didn't hear it. Right here, Bingo, and listen to this while I piss. Yeah.

I want to hear it. And I'm going to get some water here. That's perfect. He'll be right back, but I'm going to hear this. All right. So what Doug was talking about, I mean, to open this whole thing up, was how I ended up here. And the way that I ended up here in many ways, it had to do with the photographs, the subject matter. And I'd gone to Ukraine and took photographs in Ukraine.

Ukraine, this, this, it's getting to you, but it's going to take them. It's going to take a fucking minute. So, yeah, so, so I'd taken photographs when George Floyd was killed. I took photographs when Brianna Taylor was killed. I was assaulted by like, uh, white supremacist in Louisville for wearing a black lives matter shirt. Um, and this is all, Doug, this is all getting back to, you know, that, that fatigue and why I end up in Bisbee and then how I end up seeing, uh, bingo. So, you know, so I've done the bus and all that humanitarian work for years and then and then doing work with a camera when Floyd was killed and and, you know, they all kind of, there were so many of these senseless police killings of people that shouldn't have been killed of color that it gets conflated. And so when there was something like that that happened, it was usually the Dillon family that paid for that and they'd say, go take pictures of this, you know, chronicle this. So I'd been involved in a lot of those actions.

I met, you know, when, I mean, we can blast Trump here too, right? Yeah. I mean, unless you got, is there a flag here that says Trump political? Okay. It's almost the same as you've done. You can hate anybody here. Okay. You want to talk about MLS or.

politics, you go right ahead, but we don't have... No opinion. So I do have an opinion. Okay. But I'm in Kenosha, Wisconsin, and Jacob Blake was somebody who'd been shot. I remember the fucker that had, like, the long rifle and Kyle Rittenhouse, that bullshit. So before that. This is, well, this is, this all leads up to how I'm here.

So I end up meeting, I parked my car in Kenosha and there was, you know, when cities are on fire and buildings are burning and businesses are vulnerable, boards go up, plywood goes up to keep people out. And then artists come in and paint those things to make them look pretty. So I parked my car and I see this amazing fucking mural, you know, it was like this beautiful fucking piece of art. And I'm like, God, you know, some high school kid that's a local didn't do this. Like, who the fuck did this? And then I could see a drop cloth there. So I realized, oh, this guy, whoever, they're coming back. Yeah.

So I waited there for probably an hour. And this guy comes out of the crowd and he's walking towards me. And I instantly realized, oh, this is the fucking artist. I mean, the guy had a bandolier on. And instead of bullets in it, there were paint brushes. He's wearing a cowboy hat and he's fucking brown. and his name's Roberto Marquez. And Roberto and I became instant friends, man.

I mean, we find out, you know, I find out that he, the reason, I said, how long have you been painting, man? Like, this is fucking amazing. How long have you been painting? And he said, I'm 58. I've only been painting for two years. And I said, oh, fuck, don't ever say that again. Somebody asked you how long you've been painting.

You tell him 58 years. Because you may have only been painting for two years, but for 50 years. but for 58 years it was waiting to come out. So this guy was painting like this amazing work. And it was all predicated and responsive to Trump initially speaking about how Mexico was sending its worst. It's killers. It's rapists. It's, you know, thieves.

And this guy had come to the United States when he was 15 years old. illegally, picked fucking lettuce in Southern California. And when he was no longer needed, they fucking deported him, right? So he saved some money, has a coyote take him over the border three years later, and he's here illegally then at 18. And by the time he's, I don't know, when Reagan granted amnesty to illegals, but it would have been, you know, early 80s. So he's probably, he's a few years older than I am.

So he might have been in his 20s and now he's a naturalized citizen because Reagan understood that there was some value to what the immigrants that were here illegally were doing. Where's the part that's about me? This is like when you ask the flaming lips guy how he first came here. Oh, fuck. Except he started with the BISB. Hey, don't feel bad, man. He started with the BISBee deportations. All right, then.

Thank you, Bingo. Oh, fuck. I'm going to go home a little bit and never come back here. Ariel was right. So, you know, I end up becoming friends with this guy. And the long story long is that I would learn that what he did is this fucking guy had the balls then when there was this caravan that was coming up from Central America. He flew into fucking Mexico. he embedded himself in this caravan for three months, and he did this protest art all along the way,

and then ultimately hangs this massive fucking piece of art on the wall in Tijuana on the U.S. side, and it was an American flag, and where the stars are, he put United States of immigrants, got arrested immediately. So I end up doing actions with this guy, and we went down to Guatemala, a few years ago.

I like that. Yeah, we went down a few years ago. Better than mysticisms, which we learned about earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When Andy said, oh, yeah, that guy does wet work. It's almost like substrate, Doug. It's sort of like that. It's the same use of language.

Yes. So you get fussy about the substrate. Yeah, or the actions. So did a lot of, did a lot of meaningful things with him that were actions. And went down to Guatemala, embedded ourselves, in a caravan. They recognize him. Guatemala is probably as big as fucking Bisbee. And I look white. I thought I'd assimilate because I had a good tan and black hair. You do tan really well. I do. It's from going shirtless.

Are there any of those tattoos you regret? Because you are a checkerboard. That would be very difficult. Yeah. You'd have to remember getting some of them, probably. Yeah, there's a couple. I was getting, I wander a bit. So I was getting a massage, not with a happy ending, like a real, probably could have got a happy ending. But it was. I'm going to get my wife out of here. You just have to tell the story about your brother. That's all she wants to hear.

All right. So bingo. Yeah. So my brother, my brother lives in London. And he's lived in London for 25 years. And he was visiting two and a half years ago. and I had just gotten back from Ukraine. I got real sick with COVID.

My brother comes down to Phoenix for a visit, and he's here for a couple weeks. And so he said his wife was, his wife was going to Denver to visit a college roommate, and he said, we've got a few days to do whatever we want to do. I said, dude, it's your trip. What do you want to do, man? He said, I want to go to Bisbee.

and I said, you want to go to Bisby? I said, fuck, I love Visby. I've been going to Bisby for like 30-some-odd years. You've never been to fucking Bisby? And he said, no, man, I want to go. So we came down here for a visit, and we were here for a few days, and I said, you know what? I think I'm going to buy a house here. Really?

Yeah, so we found a realtor in town. He took me to Coach East Row first. And. Right on. As you do you? Right on. Yeah, it happens. And I thought, yeah, I could probably live here. And then he took me to a few places.

Then he took me to the street. So I, so, and you know where I live. So I bought the house that day. Oh, so it was that fast. That day, yeah, I'm impulsive, man. Yeah, I mean, I have an addictive constitution. That's why I'm drinking water. I mean.

I bought this place just taking pictures through the window. I mean, it's just, I mean, I make really irrational. decisions that sometimes bite me in the ass like the dude down here with the truck. So, but the house wasn't a bad decision. So I buy the house and, and I remember the realtor, he's like, you, do you want to meet your neighbors? And I said, why the fuck do I care about my neighbors? And he said, well, what if you don't like them? Yeah. And I said, that might not be a bad idea. So I ended up meeting the neighbor next door that's just a little bit that way. They turned out to this Uber right Christian, like, elderly couple that watch my house when I'm gone and are super cool.

They're cool. Glad that my brother, who was with me, wasn't my partner because they thought we might have been a homosexual couple. And so I end up buying the house. And then my brother, before we leave Bisby, he's like, you know what, man, I'm a big fan of Doug Stanhope. And I'm like, what's a Doug Stanhope? Yeah, what's a Doug Stanhope?

And he's like, oh, he's like this amazing intellectuals. Do you know who was down the street at that time? No. Okay. That's where it gets to you. Okay. So I said, I don't know who Doug Stanhope is. And he said, well, you've got to get to, you got to listen to this guy's comedy because he's fucking brilliant.

And I guess the English really adore you, right? Somebody's got to. Someone does. The rest of us, I'm holl. Or I can imagine. They're so, they're smug bastards. So. It's a knot-headed white evening at the Apollo over there.

So I said, all right, well, I don't know where Doug Stanhope lives, man. That's so crazy. So I'm driving up the fucking street and you come out of the gate. And I know you were fucked. Because you were fucked up. So you come out of the gate. I believe you. And I don't say that disparaging.

No, I don't believe you. I actually fucking adore you. We don't drink for no reason. No, I mean, neither did I. I didn't drink for the fucking flavor. So bingo comes out of the game. gate and you're wearing like this, you were wearing like this fucking fabulous,

like all pink velvet outfit, like top hat, velvet, pink, and green hair. And I'm like, roll the window down, man. I'll bet that chick knows where Doug Stanhope goes. So,

so, so my brother rolls the window down and he said, hey, do you know where Doug Stanhope lives? And you're like, you're like, yeah, I'm his, I don't know if you introduced, said you were his wife or his girlfriend, but you said that you, you, I knew it. Yeah, you implied something. You said, he lives right here. And I'm like,

no shit. So, yeah. And so my brother's like, you live on Doug Stanhope Street. I said, yeah. But what was really funny, Doug is like my brother. Just bought the house that day. Yeah, and my brother, I mean, the place was, I mean, it's still a hovel. But, but, but, but. But. But. But. But, you know, my brother's looking at the place and he's like, yeah. And my brother, you know, he's done really well for himself in London. And, you know, he's done well. And it has a house and like another property of rents. And it doesn't have it anymore, though, because he got, his wife left him.

I think she was probably having an affair. But he was looking at the house. He's more likely to be listening to this. Your brother or that asshole down the street. God, I wish he would listen to it. So, yeah. You were the first person I said hello to that wasn't the relator or the neighbor. Yes.

Yeah. But he lives right here. Yeah, he lives right here. That's so cool. I love that. Real estate. And we're like, does anyone ever ask to meet the neighbors? And he goes, no, that would be like, the first thing.

As a real estate agent is, hey, I'm the guy that's going to introduce you to your neighbors. Yeah. I couldn't imagine buying. I would have to, I guess. When I moved to my place, there was no neighbors. Like we put our, we're in the middle of nowhere out there, and then there was no neighbors, and then now I have neighbors, and they all know who I am, and I have no idea who they are, and I abhor all of them.

Yeah, well, I mean, I came here to get away from people, but it's nice to actually, you know, it's actually nice to get to know your neighbors. I lived in Phoenix for 35 years to know anybody. That first time that you pulled up and talked, I said, hey, you can come over for football and you go, ah, I'm not really into hanging out with people. I go, neither are any of us. That's why we hang out. Yeah, that's it.

I mean, I'm still a little bit on, this is the first time I felt like, you know, fairly comfortable because I'm actually, in spite of Chad saying charismatic, I'm actually like very fucking shy, very private. I think a lot of creatives are. And, you know, like I just prefer to stay in my house and play with my dog Elvis. Yeah. I mean, I, yeah, where has? Elvis, but I haven't seen you walking the dog since

the shirtless cowboy. Yeah, I don't know. I think he protested. He thought he was getting fucked with just like me, so he's staying inside too. I was going to bring him. He didn't want to get a fucking nickname. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because after that, when you said, I'm a huge sports guy,

I'm like, well, football is a thing. I want to start doing more UFC things. Oh, wait. Good segue into sports. Sean Peyton. Sean Payton. The coach of the fucking

I can't believe the fucking Saints won the fucking Super Bowl. Me running around this fucking house like a crazy person on fire when Sean Payton and Drew Breeze brought the Saints to the Super Bowl and won and now he's with the fucking Broncos.

Yeah, which I have to hate now as well. It was funny because you asked me the other day what was your team. Yeah, and I was thinking you said, wait, everyone's recollection is you answer. but you had such a long buildup to who your team was because I was guessing Giants or San Francisco

and you go, no, no. And then you had a big buildup and no one, I think you said the lions. Yeah, I love the lions. And because you're an iconoclast, I believe, because you grew up in Chicago. That's right. And you fucking, oh, you know what,

I'm going to root for the other team. Well, no, I love the bears as well, but I haven't had any, not the Detroit's had anything to root. for in 30 years. 60 years. Yeah. So I'm really pulling for them because I want them to get back to the playoffs and do something

big and I think they probably can this year. But when you said... Go grab the glass. When you said San Francisco and New York, I was thinking, God, there aren't any... I couldn't think of any douchier teams to root for than those two teams. And I hate both of those two teams with the same degree of... All right, this guy is out. he's being a force of action for the homeless,

and he's doing this through art. Do you think San Francisco 49ers is... No, I mean, I could see how you might arrive there, but I was thinking, God, I fucking hate the Niners, and I hate the Giants. And the only team that I hate worse are the Dallas Cowboys, and then the biggest team that I despise is Sean Payton's... Denver Broncos, but for years, the Saints.

And I would have loved the same. Eastern. Where is North Eastern? No. It went to Eastern Illinois. So Eastern Illinois is a small little school, four-hour south of Chicago.

On the east side of Illinois? South-Eastern. I'm just guessing by the name. Yeah. You act like you know what the fuck's going on over there. I didn't tell by you. No, you just put it connecting the dots. So, yeah, it's

four-hour south of Chicago. Small school. What did I major in? English and political science. Like how are you hanging? Oh, by the way, that's for you. That is a 1954 Detroit Lion. Shut the fuck up.

Championship. What in the world? Stand up. We know how much we could have auction that off on the podcast? What the fuck? You guys serious? I have to bring a photograph sometime. Thank you for this.

This is very sweet. That means a lot. And one of them disappeared. and someone was terrified to tell me they broke it. I would rather have that in your care, so I don't worry about it all the fucking time. I'll take good care of this. I'll take good care of this.

Bring it for the Super Bowl when the Lions win. Wouldn't that be something? Maybe I'll even have a drink. You could probably handle it now. Oh, I probably could. Yeah. Yeah, but it wouldn't be worth it. Yeah. Don't even do it.

Well, it might be. I'll have a glass of ice water with you. All right. I appreciate that. Wow, you guys are actually being very sweet about sobriety. That's crazy. You think we're fucking alcoholics at my choice? I had some good times, let me tell you.

I don't regret anything. Not a single thing. In fact, there was a guy that bought a painting from me, or a photograph, rather, and he called drinking rodeoing, right? So he found out I didn't drink from his wife, and then he said, you don't rodeo anymore either, huh? I said, I'm not familiar with the term. And he said, you don't drink anymore.

And I said, he was from, he was a farmer from, I don't know, Montana or somewhere. He owned 20,000 acres. I mean, fucking amazing guy. And I said, no, I guess I don't rodeo anymore, man. No, I don't, I don't rodeo. And I said, I guess that's probably the etymology would be, this isn't my first rodeo. Do you say rodeo? Yeah, but you know what is that?

I asked him, I said, do you have any regrets, you know, about rodeoing? and he said, I wish I would have done more rodeoing. So you don't know. But Eastern, back to Eastern and then Sean Payton. So I'm going to school there. And at the time I owned a 1972 CJ5. It was a, no, it was a Jeep.

So this is a CJ5, it's a Jeep. And I bought it from some farmer in the area. for, I mean, nothing hardly, drove this shit out of it for four years, sold it to another farmer that I would learn, drove it for eight years. I don't even think I washed the thing the entire time I was in college.

Take it out in the mud, park it in the apartment. We rented the guy who owned the place with bitch about how dirty it was, and I'd make it dirtier the next day. I mean, I was an outlier in 82, and in 2024, I'm still an outlier. So my brother had this really nice,

200, Dotson 200 SX. So we went to college together and we're just... Do you remember Dotson's? Who remembers that? Isn't that fun to remember that? I don't know if Alex remembers. You don't, do you? He's Australian. Oh, then you know. Well, I was a mechanic

so of course I know Dots. Yeah, so it turned into Nissan. Turned in Nissan. So my brother had this really nice black, kept it clean, vacuumed the thing. I mean, I mean, it was his baby. He sent me pictures. So, yeah.

It was a beautiful car, man. Alex, it was gorgeous. And I'm shot Peyton at that. Wait, wait, wait. Can I miss what kind of car this was? Dots in 200 SX. Okay, 200 is it? My mom had a 280 Z that I drove in high school.

Those were fun. So. My mother had a boyfriend that drove me to a concert in Tampa in a 280Z. Yeah. I mean, they were the, I think he wanted the 280Z, but he couldn't afford it. So he got the 200 SX. but he loved the fucking cars. 80s cheaper.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he waxed the fucker. He loved it. And we would switch vehicles. You know, like sometimes I drive his 200 SX when the Jeep was too muddy to get into or something. I don't know. But I have his Jeep for a week and I went out with this cheerleader that was at school. And these cheerleaders, they were, they were,

Scratch that. Pompom-Pom girls. So they're the ones that are, no, they're the ones that are scannily clad that everybody wants to fuck, that they had their own calendar, they had their own, you know, their own jackets that said,

E, I, you know, we East Illinois, we are the best. That's it. That's it, Doug. If they didn't do that, they should have. So, and the girl would wear the shirt, the jacket all the time. it was like one of those athletic jackets that you'd expect the guys to wear, but it said,

EIU, that's it, thank you. EIU Pink Panthers. And so, like, I'd go out, like, I remember being jumped one night by five Sigma Chi's because they said, who's the homo with the pink panther? And I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm being attacked by five guys. So I hit one guy before he got out of the car and two of them held me and the other two beat the shit out of it. Imagine that's where you learn you're a homo. Yeah, that's it.

from five guys in a Camaro. So, you know, I'm dating this girl. I think that was one of my first bits. I think that's that sicker. It was like, someone gave me shit for having an earring. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God. This is all right.

Doug. This bits. Doug, no kid. So listen, this pink, that's, I'll share this with you. So the pink panther, like everybody wants to fuck them. All the guys in school want to fuck the pink panthers. And I'm a guy. that, you know, I'm still wearing black all the time. And so all their boyfriends looked like

they got cut out of a, I don't know, a calendar, you know, and then there's me. And I do these events and hate everybody there and they'd all hate me. And she'd say, you know, you have so many nice clothes in your closet and you wear that stuff from the thrift store. Why don't you, like one year, I didn't change the clothes, like for the whole fucking year, didn't change the clothes. When it got hot in the summer and I went to summer school, I cut the fucking pants off and made them shorts. So it was an interesting, you know, college is interesting. Your youth is interesting. And, but everybody, you know, really these girls were, they were all very, very, they were sexy girls. And so there's...

The kind you don't take home to mother. Or you do. You know, you do. You do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, yeah, that's, Who the fuck saying that song, man? Rick James. So here's what she does to me with your earring story, right? Yep. So I get fucked up one night and, you know, nobody's wearing earrings in 1982,

but guys that are either queer or rock stars. Or maybe guys like us. I don't know. Cool or queer. So I go out. Side do you have it on? That's back in the day. Yeah, so left is, I learned this, man.

All my piercings left side. Totally straight. Yeah. So I go out and get an earring. And then I show up, the girl that I was dating, she was this beautiful Italian girl from Chicago, Angela Sissio. I think her family was in the mob, I'm sure, but I was scared to death of her father. And so I pick her up and we go out to this bar on campus. And she doesn't see the earring right away, but she sees it when we get to the bar.

And she's like, what in the fuck did you do? And I said, I got an earring. and she's like, oh my God, an earring now. And she said, and it's in the wrong fucking ear. And so she pulled it out. You know, pulled the fucking, pulled the earring out. Or your lobe? It did, man.

You can see, where's the, you can see there's kind of a tear right here. I mean, it's. But she was wrong. So she pulled, and you know, when you first get that earring, it's a stud. And you got to leave it in there for six weeks before you. I drank a big gulp of rum and coke. I'm so terrified of where I was at the time. Needles or just to get an ear.

And I did it for a chick, like to impress a girl. And I did it to piss one off. I tripled down. I had one, two, and then one up in the cartilage. I was super not gay. Well, she pulled the earring out. Now my ears full. I mean, they're just blood everywhere.

So I go to the bathroom. I looked like Trump after he got shot. Allegedly. But yeah. Allegedly. Yeah. And I didn't even say. fucking break our numbers in by getting in the conspiracy.

And I didn't even get up and say fight, fight, fight. I mean, so she tore the fucking earring off. I went to the bathroom and you remember those, those piercings, those first ones. You could actually, so I went to the bathroom and just pushed it through, because I was super fucked up, pushed it through the right side and then left it, left it. What age are you right now? Oh, like 18, 19. So we have to, he's 26 years sober.

So we have to do the math. minus 60. So 24? You're like a Jim Norton fucking silver hat. But you did this off of bad information because definitely the left was straight. And the right was gay. No, it was left.

Left was what she said was left that's right. That's what I'm saying. That's bad info. I have three holes of my left here to prove how straight I am. Sean Payton comes into this story. Here's where Sean Payton comes in. So everybody, here's where he comes in. So the fucking Peyton

lives in this frat house. It was like this party house that was called. You say Peyton or Payton? Yeah, both. Yeah. Fuck you. Making me acknowledge that I've had to watch commercials. Come on.

First of all, Peyton Manning is the funniest guy that's ever been in sport. Yes, he is. And everyone who tries to be like him, Gronk is to the NFL fucking... He's a moron. Yeah, it's like a guy who talks in porn. You ruin this. You don't talk.

Shaq tried to bring Gronk during the Tyson fight. Dron couldn't even talk. Shack and Grunk together? Nevervite. That's a podcast that I try to listen to. Is there a conversation there? I don't know. Sorry, go ahead.

Sean Payton. So Peyton, Peyton. Peyton. That's it. He lives in this fraternity house with all these other football players. This could get started. You're going to have. have to cut the hell out of this and edit the hell out of this because I mean I'm I'm hold up

over there and I don't talk to anyone so you let me out psychotic is the guy at the end of the street oh he's fucking nuts yeah like we're like we're yeah you've already pissed him off and you're worried about Sean Payton I'm not worried about Sean fuck coach here you're gonna say that guy is the guy that he's gonna leave a fucking dead body on our thing and then we're gonna have to respond in kind yeah we'll have well chat will that we got That's what I'm for. So, so Peyton, he's living in this house

that's like this party house, fraternity house. They called it Club Baba Louis. And Peyton, I mean, I used- That's what we called the black club across the street from us in the Army. But that was racist. Sorry. Yeah.

Go ahead. That's a true thing. Boba Louie? When I was in the Army, in Alaska, we had a club across the street from the Bears called the Arctic Oasis, except for it was only frequented

by black people, so the white people called it Club Bobblu. And I thought it was pretty racist. I went there too, though. Boba Louie is, that's a Cuban thing. You live in Cuba too, right? I don't know. I hate to Cuba. Sorry, sorry. Sorry for derailing again.

All right. No, no, I'm derailing. So, so Peyton, he's good. No, that's fine. I mean, you guys drink for me, please. So Peyton, I mean, he's, you know, he's the big man on campus. He's a quarterback for the football team. He's conventionally handsome, you know, and I'm just, you know, who the fuck am I? And no one. I'm lucky to be dating this cheerleader.

First of all, he sent me a picture of Sean Payton from that. Yeah. And he's like the cunt, the guy in whatever fraternity movie, he's the guy. He's the guy. He is the biggest fucking douche. Revenge of the nerds. Yeah. Yeah.

He's the guy that you hate just and you don't even. know him. You just have to look at him and he just reeks of just douche. He's wearing a, he's wearing you know what he was listening to? I think he was probably, I'm listening to the talking heads and, and probably the sex pistols and he's probably listening to Sean, Mike. What is it? Who the fuck would be? First of all, what year is this? This is going to be 86? No, this is 82, 82, 83. So he's listening to Madonna. I don't know. Probably shit like that.

It's a little earlier than American Psycho. So it's not no jacket required yet. No, but just a doucheback. He can just go with that. He's on that path. We can just go with that. So. He's a young Republican.

Oh, of course he was. And so I've got my brother's car. I'm at the Pink Panther's apartment. I'm holing up there for a week. and it's like 130 and... Are you fucking her? Oh, of course.

Yes. All right. Well, you're just, you're being a little vague. No, of course. So you're, you don't like the Pink Panthers, but you'll fuck one.

Well, I was dating her. All right. Yeah, I dated her. Yeah. Yeah, we were dating. Yeah. And, no, I love the Pink Panthers. All right.

Absolutely did. I mean, I think I fucked more than one. All right. Bigsey does. Let's keep the listenership on your side. Don't, yeah, because we want Sean Payton to be the bad guy in his story. That's true.

So, you know, I only fucked one. Yeah, all right. We'll back it up. Exactly. And the bad one that he won't admit. That one, too. So, Sean Payton won't admit to that one either. So it's kind of a watch.

Okay. So it's, you know, it's 1.30 on, I don't know, any given night when you're in college. And the fucking door, you know, there's a knock at the door. And I'm thinking, you know, this isn't my place. place. And so I said to Angela, I said, who is that? Like, who's at the door at 130? She said, I don't know. You should go check. So I go check. And it's fucking Sean Payton at 130, sauced up, fucked up. And he knows that I've been dating this girl, man. And he's got two of his linebackers with him that are these, you know, really large dudes. And he said,

And they're white, because it's Eastern Illinois. They weren't. They weren't. But, no, they're big dudes. And, And they were black. And he was white. You know, he is white. And he's still white. He still is.

He still is. Even though he called the place, even though he called the place Club Baba Louie, I don't know. But he, so Peyton, I opened the door and there he is and he's got two of his linebackers there. And he said, is Angela home?

And I looked at him and I said, I hope so. This is her fucking place. And then I just slammed the door in his face. Right? Like, he knows I'm going out. with her. I mean, what the fuck? And what am I

going to say, you know, these two guys? So I just yeah, it's her fucking apartment. I hope she's home. Shut the fucking door. And so she said, who was? I said, oh, is that fucking douchebag Sean Peyton? Oh, I usually fuck Sean Payton and his two linebackers at this time.

Did you let him in? What day is it? Why are you here? Oh, fuck, I need a goddamn Palm Pilot. What's happening? of you here is my caddy. Yeah, yeah.

Are the black chickens in there? She forgot that she forgot that she'd invited me over. I don't know. Fluff me up a nine-eye. From the thick-necked one. Yeah, yeah. And then go sit in the closet. I don't know, but.

So, you slam the door? I slam the door in their face, right? And I go to sleep. As you do. Yeah. Yeah. Go to sleep. Wake up the next fucking morning.

And you remember the scene, like, you remember the fucking fast. Times it riggedy on high. Yes. When one fucking Spacoli crashes that fucking, it was a firebird or a Camaro or something. And the thing is totaled. So I go out to the parking lot, my brother's car that he treats like a Rolls Royce that you borrowed. That I borrowed for a week. It's fucking totaled.

I mean, they had jumped on the fucking. hood. They had slashed all the tires. They bent the fucking, they didn't miss anything. They bent, they tore the antenna off. They tore all the hub caps off. They, they jumped on the hood. They took obviously keys and went all down each side. And I'm like, what in the fuck? Now I got to call my brother. Yeah, yeah. And I've thought for years, you know, and then, I mean, we called, we called the place. You know, we, club Baba Louie, I called Peyton and got him on the phone. And I said, listen, man, I mean, it's, it's Linton calling. And I said, so you knew him well enough to have his phone number.

Well, you could get phone numbers back then. Oh, yeah. You know, it was just like in a book. It was the college, you know, the phone book. The phone book. I think the kids are doing this thing now, right? Like this instead of this. Did you know that?

No, no. Yeah, they're actually doing this. The thing has changed. A long time ago, I knew that would happen. I was reading a book and I was like, yeah, so I got, I got Payton's number. I called him. I said, oh, listen, man, I know you,

there's no way for me to prove that you fucked my brother's car up, but you fucking destroyed it. And I said, that piece of shit Cadillac that you drive around, I'd watch it real close, Peyton. He's like, Linton, you little motherfucker. Like, if you touch my Cadillac, you're fucking dead. And I said, keep a close look on it. Like, we're not going to touch his Cadillac, you know, but,

but we would call these guys were just dumb fucking jocks. So we would, yeah, yeah. We would call to them. There might be a call to action. The old killer termites. Hey, where are you at? Yeah. You shake off some of that old fucking juice.

Just a bunch of shits taken all over a guy's car. Yeah, no, all we need is the hacker that could get his fucking cell phone number and Angela, you said her name was? Angela Sissio. Sissio, and her fucking dad was a mobster. We can make this look like it was a fucking... A mob hit?

Yeah. From 1982? Right. Exactly. We probably won't. But we like to talk about this. That would be fun, wouldn't it? No, I always thought that maybe...

No, we'll try to make it look like it was a mob hit, but it will be obviously us because they'll cut to... Evidence A, hey, can you play... there. Well, we can't play the podcast in court because we don't have a Patreon membership. Okay, well, buy a Patreon membership and this is how we get big.

Wow, fuck. I keep trying to convince Andy that there's cameras everywhere. Andy still is just catching on like, oh, I can't do the same things I used to do. Everything is... Yeah, you can't do that. One of my high notes was, I wish I'd have faked my own death when I first thought of it because now there's cameras everywhere. It's impossible.

Yeah. How do you fucking. Yeah. So, but Doug, I, yeah, I don't mean it. So, no, no, no. This is the story. This is the story. Yeah, but can you imagine, like, walking out and your brother's car is, like, just completely

destroyed by a fucking douchebag that's, you know. But when, when does it? I saw that little black kid do it on Fast Times of Rachel High. Well, it was a little. locked it up. Yeah, but he was the one who was like, it's my brother's car. He did get the car.

He was. He took a car. Yeah, how upset he was. I know what you're out. Yeah. Yeah. Two questions. One, first of all, you said,

you slammed the door in his face and then you went to bed. I would have been up pacing, looking out the window. Like, were you a tough enough kid? Oh, fuck no. Fuck, no. Because I would. Did you just get?

To this podcast, this guy is pacifist as fuck, dude. But I'm saying the fact that he said, oh, yeah, I slammed the door in his face. Like, being threatened like that, I would be like, like, I should buy a gun, but I shouldn't have a gun. And guns are bad. But I should have a gun. Like, what? I would, did you really go back to bed? And did she, like, go right to sleep?

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, some guys came over to rape you, honey. And I slammed the door in their face. Yeah. She had to go down to 7-Eleven to get on a pay phone to tell him it would be tomorrow because she accidentally had her boyfriend over. That's exactly right. That's exactly right.

And that's probably what was going on. That's probably what was going on. When is it that you go from that experience, and I don't, does this carry on? Or is that kind of that whole, which part carrying on? Like, there was no more antagonism from Sean Payton. It was just that was a thing. Oh, no, no, no. There were some fun stuff that happened, man.

I mean, I'll, I'm trying to get from where you go. Fucking Sean Payton, that Sean Payton is the Saints coach Sean Payton? Like, where is that realization? And how much, how much fuck that stuff? Like, if he came out from a football game and his car was on fire, would you know it was you? No, no, no, of course not. But I love to do that. I mean, I'd actually just like to call the Denver Broncos and say, your coach is a douchebag.

Well, we're doing that right now. He owes my brother a car. And he owes me an apology because he's... And you know what? Because he's really... And the whole of Andy Andrist... You didn't even do anything wrong in this story. He's a user.

I'm not revisiting, you were an innocent victim in this story. You know? Yeah. He does owe you. So what happens... That's right. That's two cars. You need to be cooped.

What happens between you and Sean Payton before you leave college and never hear of each other until head coach of the... Well, now there was some things that followed up after that. The Eastern Illinois, at Eastern Illinois, they had a daily paper, student paper that came out, and every Friday they would interview, a student journalist would interview. They'd pose one question, same question, to four different people. And those four people are going to be maybe a faculty member and then three students.

in this case there was a referendum that was being floated around. The referendum was a tuition hike, and the tuition hike was going to, I think the proceeds or the dollars or what was being raised from the hike was going to the football team to put improvements on the stadium. So my brother and I are coming out of the library. Why I don't know? Because all we did was get fucked up in school. So maybe it was just a pit stop. Maybe we had to take a piss or something. But we were coming out of the library.

A lot of chicks in the library. There might have been. So the... With glasses. The journalist, yeah. The journalist that was on the paper had asked my brother what he thought about the tuition hike. And the money going. And my brother said, you know, there's just a bunch of dumb jocks that are on the football team.

Instead of sending the proceeds or that additional funding to make improvements on the stadium, why don't they actually give the proceeds back to the university to hire better faculty members? So now he's pissed off the football team and he's pissed off the faculty. Both the mob and the police are after this guy. So we were actually then now we're getting, now we're getting, now my brother and I, we live off campus in an apartment and your phone numbers available. We're getting calls then from the football team that say, we're dead. Like, my brother and I actually had to go into hiding for a couple months. I shit you not.

They, one week, because of the girl that I dated that was, you know, sharing. Angelis, Siciliano. Yeah. So at halftime, those girls are coming out to do a performance, but they've got it, they have some relationship with the foot. Because every one of our listeners is Googling her right now before we. You know what? I've Googled her and she's actually, she's, she's, she's, she's, as well, and I'm thinking, gosh. She aged two. Isn't that the worst part of social media?

You look at chicks you banged and you're like, yeah. But Chad, in this case, I looked at her. I'm like, oh my God, she's actually... I was thinking she actually, she's still a very attractive woman, but... I fucked up and fucked older chicks,

so now I'm like, oh, fuck God, now they're dying. Yeah. You could go the other way. Do you do HGH or a Testosterone or anything? No. Should I?

No, I just want to know why you look so great and young. You know, it's the... Some people are handsome, Stahe. The rest of us are ugly. It's just the way the world works. It's just exercise, man. And maybe laying off the booze and the cigarettes for 26 years. You know, I get that pretty hard.

And maybe just decent jeans. I don't know. I don't know. Do you eat well? Anyway, let's get to the end of the Sean Payton's story. So, yeah. You about your diet. So, yeah, fuck that.

I want you to play this. This podcast should start at the end. People are going to go to sleep, man. They're already going to get off. You're going to have to. No, it'll go back to it. Oh, yeah. See how boring you were when you're sober stand hope.

Fuck. You know, you know what? That's true. But, you know, people have, never mind. We're going to go back to Sean Payton. We're going to continue to get caught in this fucking rabbit hole. Yeah. We'll get done with this and then we'll put on the Monday Night Football.

Yeah. So Peyton. so my brother's all over the fucking news the eastern news we're getting now we literally fucking went out of hiding

now that it's kind of blown over right where were you hiding in our apartment like fucking cowards all right so you didn't actually go into hiding no we just stayed in our apartment and you know

looked at the fucking window basically for two months because next week we're going to have Sean Peyton on and we're going to say where did you look for him he was in his apartment the whole time you've

And they're going to cancel me for saying that. No, no, no, you. I can call him a faggot and they can't cancel anything that I do. So, but not if we all suck each other's dicks right now. He already knows the ending of the podcast, Stan. Did you tell him? So, yeah, no. That's what's happening?

Fuck, man, I don't even have any Viagra. That's how we end every Fagga. I guess your wife is. right, punked on a prison level. So, yeah, we're actually kind of... We're kind of... All right, I'll do that.

So, that sounds fine. Just put on a wig or something. Get it out of your system. I'm only here to hold people down. So you know. You can go have a wig? If you noticed, I'm not that funny. I'm just here to hold people down later.

Oh, sure. shit. Who's being held down? Hey man, we're going to flip a coin. This is not really my job. So there was this, there was this this, this gets a little here's what it is. So we're

really hold up in our apartment for a couple months, but there's a fraternity next door to us that was a black fraternity, Omega Faisi. And there was a football, a wrestler that lived in that house, and his name was Rodney Woods, and he was from Titusville, Florida. He looked like

Mike Tyson, that kind of build. Like 5-9 and just, oh, God, yeah. So he used to come over and he'd bring, and this was during that time when we were hold up because we couldn't go out to the bars. So we'd smoke weed in our apartment. We'd buy the weed. Rodney loved to smoke weed.

And then he'd bring over Purple Passion. It was some fucking drink that they'd have at their fraternity house. And I think it was probably grain alcohol and maybe grape Kool-Aid. Did your code don't? They were ahead of their time? Yeah, for sure.

man. So we're, dollar star robitessen. So we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, you know, this fucking wrestler that was built like Tyson. And, you know, somewhere like in just the haze of the, you know, I remember him saying, like, he was 31 and oh and, and, and I'm thinking 31.0, well, he's, you know, this guy's an accomplished wrestler that, you know, that's pretty impressive. And so, so we decided at one point, like, fuck this, man, man, we're going out. Like, like, we're going out. Like, like, we're going out. We're not staying in the apartment anymore. We're going out. So we went out drinking with Rodney and my brother and I and two other friends of ours. You know, a wrestler bodyguard are going out. Yeah, we did it. And so after the bars closed, after the bars closed, there was an after party. And it was not at Club Babelui, but unbeknownst to us, it was a house that was full of football players. They had the after party. So, yeah, so we get in, we walk through the door.

And this is what you got to pay, like, for the after party. You got to pay five bucks, you know, to walk in and to drink out of a keg. As much as you could drink for five bucks, I mean, it's a bargain. But five bucks in 1982 would be like 20 bucks. So, like, I'm going to, I'm not leaving. Like, I just handed this guy five bucks. I'm going to go get something out of the keg back there. So we walk in and then...

Is Big Jim still with you? You're a giant wrestler. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, Rodney. Yeah, we used to call that. He's Rodney. He's a 5'9 black guy.

Have you not been paying attention? Yeah, so, but he could have been Big Jim. So, Doug, yes, Big Jim was with us. He gave you the Rogan courage, the fucking Jan. Oh, there's no doubt about it. And, you know, you're with somebody who you think is 31. want to know on the mat, right, at Eastern. So we walk in. And now, I got to back up a minute. During one of the, you know, one of the events where he came over and were smoking weed and drinking

the Purple Passion, he was talking about how he hated bullies. And we're like, no shit. And he's like, yeah, I fucking hate bullies. And so that's lodged up here somewhere. And it's going to come out in this story. So we walk into the, we walk into this football party. And instantly, this big dude comes over and he said, if I was you and your brother, I'd be getting the fuck out of here. And so Rodney looks at him and he said, you, uh, you look like a fucking bully. And the guy looks down at Rodney because this guy's like this big fucking like six, seven white guy that's built like a tree. Yeah. And knees touch. Oh, yeah. And so he's looking down at Rodney and, and the guy's like, hey man don't I know you from like didn't you play football down didn't we play football together at

you know some inner city school in Chicago and Rodney's like fuck no man I didn't play football man I'm a fucking wrestler man and I'm not from Chicago man I'm from Titusville Florida motherfucker and he said and you still look like a bully and now this guy knows and the guy said man I don't want any trouble he said you already got trouble and then just one fucking punch and this guy fell and now it's pandemonium. My brother is so good. My brother is being held by some dude and this guy's just fucking pounded my brother's head. I literally got thrown through a window that was thankfully not a window.

It was a screen. I landed in the fucking yard and now I've just got a front row seat to the fight. And I see my brother getting the shit beat out of him. The two other guys, one of them got thrown out of the same window. he lands next to me, had glasses on, they broke. I'm like, ah, damn, you got beat up, man. And my brother ends up, my brother ends up, like somehow fishing his way out of his shirt

while he's getting pounded in a headlock, grabs his fucking shirt, hits the guy on the chin, and runs out like a coward to join us. And Rodney, in the meantime, it looked like a Batman cartoon. I mean, it was... Pow! That's it. Zing!

Boom. Pop. And Rodney literally like all these football players are coming at him. And he's just cranking one right after the next and they all drop. Rodney walks out of the fucking house unscathed. We're sitting there like a little posse of cowards. And he said, let's go back in and finish him off. And I said, Rodney, man, you might want to take an inventory.

The rest of us got the fucking shit pounded out of us. Let's go home. So do you, all right, you, you, you follow up on Angela. What about Rodney? Do you follow up with him? Oh, you don't even want to know. This doesn't, this will sound, this will sound, this will sound, you can't make this off.

He got killed. He's dead. He's in jail. Of course, he's playing. Not Rodney. Yeah, poor Rodney. He went to jail. Son of a bitch.

Um, well, fucking up a party. No, it's sort of. With white people? Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. So he had a hair trigger.

When he left and we're walking home, he said he was 32 and 0. And then we realized he's talking about fucking fistfights. Oh, shit. 32 and 0. And then when we're walking through campus, he thought somebody spit from like the third floor of some dorm room. And he wants to charge up there. We're like, Rodney, settle the fuck down, man. Let's just go smoke some weed.

We don't need to like, fuck, man, chill out. So because I had done this. I don't know why I had done this, but I had done this internship with this lawyer in town because I thought maybe I was going to go to law school, which never happened. But I did this internship with an attorney in town on campus. And they ended up, like, she ends up having me go get this file about Rodney Woods. I'm like, Rodney Woods, he's a friend of mine. What the fuck is this?

But I thought he had graduated or quit or quit. I hadn't seen him for a couple years. And so I opened the file up, and he'd been involved in some, like, petty, maybe shoplifting or some shit like that or public drunkenness. Nothing big. But now it's big. But now it's big. Got of an entire party full of white people.

They deserved it. But what somebody didn't deserve, sadly, was she said, well, I need to send his file down to Titusville, Florida. apparently your friend murdered someone. So what had happened was... They probably deserved it. He got, he, he was in a bar in Titusville. Bullies. I'm on Rodney's side.

I'm always on Rodney. I should go visit him in prison. And I'm not just trying to be like, politically correct because he's a colored. No. Or not that guy. No, no, no, no. So Rodney got involved in some altercation in a bar, went home, fucking got a gun, brought it back to the bar and shot somebody right in the fucking head,

and it wasn't even the guy that he'd been in the office. Retired, undefeated. Yeah. 33 and 0. Well done, Chad. Well done. Yeah. So, yeah, there's John.

Just for the record, Sean Payton has said, no, doesn't show up anywhere anymore. Except that first night. He wasn't there for. the fucking ass kicking. No, he wasn't there for that. No, but I do think he fucked Angela at some point. I'm pretty sure that. That's how gross. The same after you went home.

Heterosexual sex, I mean, gross. Is this when I get held down? Hey, he's got to give me the side, dude. It's not up to me. It's not personal, man. It's just anybody saying it's a warm body, right? It's not my child.

For our fans to go, like, just fuck with Sean Payton? Yeah, it was 1982? Yeah, it was 82. 1983? 1882, I know what you did last summer. Hashtag Angela. Cicio. C-I-O.

Oh, all C-Sys. Hashtag killer. Angelus Cicio. Yeah. Yeah. You made me get back on Twitter and look at what's going on. Just as vague as possible that you can get into his head on any social media or his player's head. Ask Payton.

About Angeliccio. And destroying that car. And what about 200? What about a 200 SX? What about that car? That's his name. Touched. 200 SX.

Dodson. Just don't do this verbatim. Make up your own thing that go to the players. ask Sean Payton, like, and watch their record plummet. I think they're at six and five right now. Six and five. And if you get in all their heads, it only takes, like, ten of you that are persistent on every leg of social media.

I'm just learning about betting. I don't like when you disrupted. I've been voting a lot for the, I've been voting a lot for the lions. Let's turn out of the football. Here they are. Yeah, yeah. I'm incredibly drunk.

This is one of the funest podcasts in a very long time. I don't know. I don't know. No. No, that's no bullshit. That was great. That's what you just told the lady you kicked out. No, no, no.

I didn't say a word. I didn't say a word on that podcast because it was weird, man. This one is great. Yeah, I think we're missing probably some follow-up with douchebag down the street. But anyone local knows who we're talking about. And that guy should fucking just worry. Is it really an accident? Did I just make some bad life choices?

Why would this happen to me? I don't know. Maybe you should shut the fuck up about the fucking, oh, a tweaker lives next to me. Meth available here while you're fucking people over. You fucking... Live and let live, man. People in glass houses, motherfucker.

Yep. Anyway, yeah, let's not end on hate. Yeah, no, his name's Mark. He's a Mark. He's a carnival. Mark. He's easy to find. He's sitting around.

All right. Hey, thank you, guys. All of you, we're going through changes. So please, yeah. And you're Andy. He'll be back soon. Okay. Click.

Did you hang up? No, I just said click.