The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Pt. 11 - Ten Minute Podcast - Daytona Beach, Florida

Episode Date: April 10, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Doug explains why we had to 'Boo!' Sean Rouse off the stage with Andy Andrist, Chad Shank, and Chaille. This is the third day of Doug recording 10 minute podcasts in Daytona Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2016.   Recorded March 27, 2016 in Daytona Beach, FL with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Andy Andrist (@andyandrist), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool - https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/ Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Check it one, check it two. Oh, you want to, is this going to be a full podcast? No, this is the worst 10 minutes of your life, people. Or at least ours. Last night, I got some, there already is a 10-minute podcast out there. And hey, you, that's the name of their podcast, 10-Minute Podcast. We're not trying to abscond with the name 10 minute podcast we're just using this weekend to just chuck out 10 minutes at a time it's still the doug stanhope podcast they're

just 10 minute segments of the doug stanhope podcast so i i know it was very late at night when i got that tweet and then i read my responses i like i responded to three different people about it and two of them i tried to read and i made no sense whatsoever i had like 10 podcast in so i deleted two of the three i like chuck out a quick 10 as a they're mini podcasts i'm sure there's a mini podcast if I say that. But that belongs to the little people. They have many people and they discuss many issues. Many

issues about many shit. Oh, that's the many mini podcast? Yeah, the many minis. So shout out to actually when I looked, I go, hey, 10 minute podcast follows me. Alright. Well, yeah. Well, how do we of course, that's how we got the name. I wasn't trying to fucking step can step on anyone's dick you cunts i haven't listened to their content but i would say it's probably different i drunk dialed bill burr last night and he answered i'm like oh jesus

what do you want i have john rouse over here hey now we're all doing junior's impression of bill burr yeah you know fucking yeah we're gonna get that out on youtube soon uh is the uh it was a beautiful thing yes uh junior stopka with sean rouse on his knee as bill burr as a puppet actor with sean looking like bill burr as a ventriloquist dummy he had the rouged cheeks and the little lines for the mouth. I had to call Bill Burr because I was drunk. I go, I don't even think you like me. He's like, no, I love you, man.

What the fuck are you talking about? Don't worry, I'm drunk too. The best part of it for me was watching him junior carry Sean Rouse over his shoulder like a bag of dog food and lifeless Rouse. Rouse wasn't acting. He's actually almost lifeless. So yeah, we'll get

that up on our YouTube channel. I guess what is Stan Hope TV or Stan Hope TV. There's the picture of Rouse. Yeah, it doesn't quite look like Bill Burr. No, this was this was for the makeup. This is a makeup. Yeah, you have to see in the light in the low light, though.

Hilarious. Yeah, you have to see him in the light. In the low light, though, it looked like him. Fucking hilarious. Reminds me of that movie with the puppet. The dummy? Chucky? The dummy that was going to stab you? Ventriloquist dummy. No?

That's a horror movie. It's a Twilight Zone. I know that one. Yeah. We're not going to do 10 minutes of what was the thing? That is. Let's just try to spend 10 minutes coming up with a movie no one cares about. Well, time's up.

All right. This is the grueling morning after the two days of Sean Rouse, Andy Andrist, and uh junior stopka it's not even the morning it's almost three in the afternoon but god damn it it feels like an ugly morning i left here for him i was i was up all night i walked the beach sunrise and i haven't really slept but adderall could they be a sponsor for the 10 minute podcast uh been a sponsor on previous podcasts yeah there's uh again another night actually uneventful show meaning it was they they get to do their acts without uh interruptions or violence yeah yeah it was It was pretty... After Friday night, it was just like

we just wanted to be fucked with or something. We couldn't top it. The fact that it was a good show made it underwhelming. Yeah, we just rolled out with a professional show. It was boring as fuck.

There was a point when, I think Rouse was the third one up, and right at the beginning of Rouse's set, a guy came out, we were at the merch booth, and he had his camera, and he's holding it right over the poster

of all the comics on the bill, and he takes a picture, and he goes, just so I know who not to see again. Good night, sir. Thanks for coming. Where's your notepad? see you again good night sir thanks for coming he probably has a lot of pictures in his uh on his camera of different shit he was never never going back to that restaurant chalupa there was a little bit of blow and uh chad and i decided hey let's do the same thing as last night let's just go right back to the room fuck this there's

some secret show midnight open mic thing and we get back here we were here for about five minutes and chad says yeah maybe we should go to that show and we did go and uh rouse we booed we booed rouse off stage from the stage. We went up on stage. He did the longest five-minute set in the history of comedy. It was like 25 minutes. He's like, hey, I got this. Fine. Yeah, so we booed him offstage and then left.

But still uneventful. There was a fistfight there, and that didn't even seem like much. That happened after we left. Yeah, it had nothing to do with me. So that was cool. I like it when there's a... I like watching fucking problems. I just don't like dealing with them.

Was it a fist fight? Yeah, no, there was actual pretty good punches. It looked like thrown and landed on one guy's face. Were they comics? Yeah, one was for sure. And I don't know if it was... They were probably upset because... Sorry, Rouse did all the time. Last call.

Yeah. Yeah, I wonder how many of those people that came to the show both nights were just hotel guests that were lazy. You know, there's something in here because to come to this show, you would have to have, I don't know, it's 15 bucks, which is a healthy ticket price for guys you haven't heard of. Yeah. But they're fucking lazy. And they go, well, I'm not going to Razzles. So we'll just duck in here.

Or there's nothing else going on. Hey, there's a comedy show. It's better than HBO. A group of like four octogenarians walked in last night, and I was like, oh, shit. How's that going to go? They had coupons. They had comedy coupons.

Oh, yeah. We did a thing through Groupon. I thought it was groping, but apparently it's something different. I go, are you sure you're here for this show? And he goes, yeah, yeah. I got my coupon here, and he's something different. I go, are you sure you're here for this show? And he goes, yeah, yeah. I got my coupon here. And he's fishing around. He pulls it out.

And I go, well, sir, we're not Burger King. He had a Burger King coupon on top. We deliver, though. And then underneath had two really crumpled up Joke Factory coupons from the Circular or something. Wow. Joke Factory is the other venue where it was originally so you had to honor him yeah he let him in i saw him whenever they went in i was with brian over there and i was like oh how long is that gonna last

that fucking lasted the whole no i told him i told him i go yeah i want you to understand that this when i say adult content it's like well i think we're adults i go when i say that what i'm really saying is it's going to be dirty. It's going to, you're going to shit your adult diapers. I remember playing Zany's in Chicago, and I'm sure I've told this before, but where I was billed as triple X rated.

That's how they'd write it off in case someone got offended. It's triple X rated. Yeah. And then you'd still in case someone got offended it's triple x rated yeah and then you'd still get old people like that and you know what what were you expecting they get upset you're talking about abortion and then i you know how urinals they'll put up uh like a sports section over the urinal in a men's room or something. Here they had Playboy cartoons. Like Granny with the saggy titties doing some double entendre. And I'm going, to these people,

that's X-rated humor. It's like Buddy Hackett. So when you say triple X-rated, they go, oh, he's going to say something salty about making whoopee. They keep their Benny Hill videos in the safe deposit box and nobody can see it.

That's pornography. But I like it once in a while. They made it, but the young guys didn't. They were taking pictures of the poster. Offensive. Yeah. I miss that about working with Doug when there was people that didn't know Doug, and then they would blow up and run out and then tell me they liked me,

but they hated that guy. I always think the best comic you see is the one you saw right before the guy you hate because you go out and the guy you hate. Because you go out and go, you are so good. This guy is an asshole. That's how I got to headline. I did two tours in Korea, Japan for MWR. That's just a coke paranoia. It sounds like a maid coughing loudly because you're smoking during her

she can smell the fucking cigarette smoke coming out from underneath the door uh uh but i opened for jimmy walker on the first tour and he sucked so bad they go you're so much funnier that they brought me back to headline. I'm like, I'm only funny in comparison. Standing next to that guy. So I came back six months later with the same act. You come up with a catchphrase. I'm an M-80 explosion. Because I'm a time bomb.

I'm going to explode all over you people. Was that the time you went with Becker? Yeah, yeah. The second time I brought Becker. You brought Becker. Yeah, he still drags it I brought Becker. You brought Becker. Yeah, he still drags it around the country doing his comedy. Jimmy Walker.

Oh, I thought you meant Becker. I don't think Becker's traveling the country doing comedy. I talked to him yesterday. Jimmy Walker still does comedy, but the good times have ended. Yeah. The dynamite has not exploded in years yeah dino dino my kid uh so yeah this is the worst 10 minutes ever and we're over and it's just starting because we promised

i promised a lot of people that we'd podcast with them today because i was drinking and making a lot of i made a lot of false promises this weekend, but they've panned out where people must have seen the look in my eyes and knew I wouldn't remember. But we are going to have some people on the podcast today, the Mind Altered Podcast. We're going to do a swap cast. 10-minute one?

For all of our listeners listeners and there are 300 listeners cross promotion yeah but you know they they did uh help me out in a jam that never happened a jam that never came to be but when i was talking shit i don't know i i god knows what we said on those first five 10 minute podcasts podcasts. Hey, this 10-minute podcast is sponsored by the actual 10-minute podcast. Listen to the 10-minute podcast. We just happen to be doing podcasts that last 10 minutes because that's the attention span we have, and it's the Doug Stano podcast.

We'll go back to full runs. We'll probably have to do a fuller run. No, fuck 10 minutes. The Mind Altered podcast we could do is a 10 minute swap cast. I don't know what they have to say. A 10 minute swap cast with a 10 minute podcast and just send it

and see if they'll cross promote with you. You know, it's 20 minutes of everybody's life. Why not, you know, get together back to back. I don't even think we're at 10 minutes now i'm trying to fucking let him finish it'll be over 10 yeah i need to go fund me for legal we could have uh sean rouse just try to tell us one story and that'd be a 30 minute 10 minute podcast still he's funny as fuck on the main show yeah it was that after show where it was

getting a little sketchy you guys didn't even kick him off the stage you just scooted him over to the side and brought up new comics no that's right yeah someone tweeted me a picture of that i go oh yeah i remember that it's almost like you could just put a bag of blow though or on a fit you know rouse it just ain't start following like a fucking walking dead or something oh yeah that's right i told him to you just sit here as simon cowell since it's hard for you to get off the stool anyway you just stay on stage and after everyone's set you just simon cowell them how well they did oh he got ripped off on he went with a an african-american comic and he came back and reported that he got ripped off on he went with a an african-american comic and he came back and reported that he got ripped off on his dealings i don't know what he was purchasing some local

powder perhaps but sean he came back and goes i got ripped off that's all right we got you we got some of that local powder ourselves yeah didn't keep me up well actually i guess we were up but we also were doing fucking liquid acid and did you try that molly no you keep talking about fucking all these drugs that some some dude came up he handed me he goes this is this as in i don't listen so uh but some of it was adderall and then there was one that would look like a little chunk of meth or something but i think that's oh i got flushed that chunk of meth or something. But I think that's what he said. Oh, I flushed that meth. Thank you.

That was a good idea. Yeah, that's right. You brought that back here. I don't know. Yeah, it was on the table when I flushed it. Was that this morning? Last night. 4 a.m.

Yeah. So Molly is pretty much meth, or is that? I've never done Molly. We picked the pillows out of it And then flushed the meth Yeah, that's what I did Into my veins I don't know, it was crack or meth He said MOLLE

I didn't want it, it was dirty looking Yeah, I only trust big pharmacy When it comes to things handed to me You know I want somebody I want to be able to look it up I want somebody, you know, I want to be able to look it up. Yeah, I want that stamp. Or I can Google.

There's no pill recognition website for a chunk of fucking something. Cloudy, cloudy shard. Yeah, it's okay to eat anything. It's like chicken, you know, it's like chicken. Sort of like chicken. Heroin. Well, that's heroin, but this is like heroin. Yeah, I'll sample it.

I'm pretty sure the Coke and Bisbee is just bad math. I've decided that already. I don't want to do Coke and Bisbee ever again. That's why you need to vote for Castle Rock Kenny. Not that shit we did that night when we were trying to pawn it off on everyone else. That was, we just, like, you have to do a bump now. But none of us, it was just keeping us awake enough to keep doing it. But there was no high.

So that's not meth. Well, not good. But there was no numbing factor. You try to rub that shit on your gums, and it tasted like electric fucking garbage. It's like, that's not cocaine. I've tasted cocaine. You said that about a 9-volt battery cut in half.

There's a punchline to some joke. This is a swap cast for my Good Drug, Bad Drug podcast. So you'd call that a bad drug. Doug, have you ever done a good drug? Anyway, that's it. That's the end of my podcast. Yeah, have you ever done a good drug? Anyway, that's it. That's the end of my podcast.

Yeah, that's 10 minutes, right? Mine is the 8-second podcast. That's a 10-minute podcast. We have to gear up for other people. We have guests coming. We'll just grill them and torture them. You give us a fucking good story now,

or we'll burn you with cigarettes. Hurry up. Hurry up. We only have 10 minutes. Yeah, we'll out-paranoid them. I'm coming up. Let's all come up. I'm going to shut my mouth.

We'll all come up with our opening question for our next guest, whether it's the comic girl or the Mind Altered Podcast couple. And just, yeah, we have to start strong. All right, that's it. Please stay tuned. Show prep.