The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Pt. 13 - Ten Minute Podcast - Daytona Beach, Florida

Episode Date: April 10, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Doug talks Tattoos and Comedy with Comic / Tattoo Artist Kyle Ruse. Check out Kyle Ruse on Instagram @bndk727. This is the third day of Doug recording 10 minute podcasts in Daytona Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2016.   Recorded March 27, 2016 in Daytona Beach, FL with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Kyle Ruse (@kyle_ruse). Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Junior Stopka (@JuniorStopka), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Get in here, lady. Come on. If you want to take a minute to have a drink. Maybe like a few minutes, yeah. Get Kyle in here. Kyle, you're fucking wound up. Ten Minute Podcast

not our name. The Doug Stanhope minicasts from Daytona. We'll call it that. Because there is a Ten Minute Podcast that someone got upset that we kept saying, we're doing 10-minute podcasts all week. Well, there's a 10-minute podcast. That's the name of their podcast.

So we're not trying to adopt them. Short podcast from Daytona after the weekend is done on a bloody Easter Sunday. Sunday, bloody Kyle Roos. Hey, I still don't have my fucking voice back yet. But it's good. It's good for the podcast. I just woke up next to Rouse, so it's been a rough morning. Doug, do you remember making out?

In the same bed? Do you remember making out with that autistic kid yesterday? Yeah, the retarded kid, yes. I go, wow, that would be the weirdest bust. Because we keep thinking, we don't want to get busted in Daytona. And that would... This morning, I go, I kind of

raped a retarded kid's mouth with my mouth. And he goes, I've never kissed a boy or a girl. You're going to kiss me right now. I raped a tart of Dyskinesian.

Didn't you guys rinse your mouths out with vodka and spit it right on the floor? Wow, jeez. You have a better memory than me but i i do have recall i think i videoed it i do remember him going in for the kiss the third time so maybe you turned him uh gay retard hey you know what i'll back my play if that guy needs to get married to get into the Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Delayed reaction. Tart of dyskinesia is actually not retarded at all. That's the fucking mouth thing. Oh, my God. That's the one that makes me crazy. Heath Ledger and Batman. We talked about it. Anyway, Kyle Ro ruse comic and

tattoo artist that's a fucking hook yeah that's a great one tattoo you and then make you laugh he told me he made more money off his tattoos here than in his whole career in comedy that's why i had drugs yesterday it's because i worked it's. I can support a habit and ruin lives. Andy told me about you in Andy Andrist terminology. There's a guy and he's tattoos and abortion, you know, the fucking, you know, Eric Clapton. I have no idea what he's talking about because he talks in these loops of circles like he's coming out of a lucid dream all the time.

But then you tweeted the tattoo. It's a bit from no refunds about if I saw my abortion in heaven. Yeah. Would you know my name? I know that was a punchline. If I saw you in heaven. It's got a scowl, too. You made a tattoo of a dagger through an abortion's head with a banner that says, would you know my name?

Yeah, it's a dude from Gainesville that came out here for the weekend. I saw that last night, right? That's the one you showed me. He met us in Gainesville and was like, we were just talking and he's like, I want to get tattooed by. I was like, you should get this just fucking around. And the dude was like, yeah and I'll pay ya.

So I was like, oh wait, now okay, creeper memory. I remember I asked you, where's that dude? And then I don't remember seeing him until now where he goes, and I put the year of the abortion on the banner. 1999. I still don't remember seeing him until now where he goes and I put the year of the abortion on the banner. 1999. I still don't remember him.

Oh, okay. Chat out a picture. Chat showed me that. Oh, you want to see how fucked up you were last night? He showed me that picture of me, but you cropped me out of it in that one. Thank you. That's a lot better than the actual picture of the baby on your chest. I think I have a picture of you holding that one. Thank you. That's a lot better than the actual picture of the baby on your chest.

I think I have a picture of you holding that guy's bloody leg. Yeah, no, that's the picture. He just popped me out of it. Oh, god damn. The only way to Photoshop Stan who's more sober in that picture is to put X's over his eyes.

Alright. Obviously, or not obviously, but I would assume you've been doing tattoo work longer than you've been doing comedy.

Yeah, I've been doing tattoos for like 10 years and comedy for like five. All right. How does a tattoo artist get started? Like, that's a tough open mic i was funny at the office

he's funny at the office i had the best doodles in the cubicles nah i just fucking who's the first guy were you in prison the first guy that let you do a tattoo because that's the only place i can oh it's it's your first time? I'll be... Hey, go ahead and try me. It's weird, like tattooing, people try to get shit for free all the time. And when you start, you basically can just... It was a MySpace at the time. Like, who wants to get free tats?

Because the dude who taught me finally said I was ready and your fucking friends just line up. Never thought free. Oh, okay. Yeah. Free. No refunds. Basically. Never thought. Free. Oh, okay. Yeah. Free. No refunds. Fucking perfect.

I always thought, like, who would be willing to, oh, it's free. Fuck yeah. Don't you, like, start off. On the beach, we'll do it for free. But don't you, like, start off on, like, a navel orange or a canned ham or something? Pig ears, yeah. Yeah, I used to have to go to the south side of St. Pete to the hood and get pig ears.

Sounded expensive. And you would practice on that until, because it's like an apprenticeship, right? Yeah. You get into a shop. That was very funny. Sounded expensive. That was very quick.

But you get in with someone who, hey, hang around. Yeah, they just go to toilets for months and hang out and fucking walk their dogs and wash their car. And then they're like, hey, you want to learn something? Basically, there's somebody's prison bitch at a shop for a couple of years and you start learning. But it's hard, though. We have people that try to come in all the time. They're like, I want to apprentice. And we're just like, leave, fag.

And if they don't come back, then you know they don't want it. So you're kind of an asshole. It's kind of like Fight Club. You have to spend three days on the porch before we let you in. We have an apprentice now. It's the first kid that I've ever actually helped teach. His name is Ty.

He's a little bitch. And we were fucking dicks to this kid for months, and he just kept coming back. And then we handed him a broom, and we're like, all right, you can stay. First of all, you have a tattoo on your face, which is commitment. Handling the back of my head and shit too. It's not a teardrop, obviously.

But to someone initially, it could look like a teardrop. Did you think about that? Did you have to kill a guy after the fact? Where someone called your bluff, hey, if you didn't kill a guy, no, it's an umbrella, but I'll go kill a guy just so you? Where someone called your bluff, hey, if you didn't kill a guy,

no, it's an umbrella, but I'll go kill a guy just so you don't beat me up. I could kill one. I could. I just don't want to. You have to kill a guy with an umbrella. I killed Mary Poppins.

I'm Dave Attell. Hey, you know what would be a cool tattoo? What about like a flying skull's fucking a pussy? What about Bill Burr as a firefly? That would be... I'm going to get that tattooed on me when I get back. That's commitment. In a jar with a banner that says, it's great.

So, again, Kyle Roos, R-U-S-E. Yeah. I thought Andy was fucking it up. He didn't know how to pronounce Rouse. Oh, it's another guy, Roos, because he was talking in a fumbly tone. I've been called Kyle Rouse all weekend. All weekend. And you're based out of here?

I live in St. Pete Just across the road Ah, T-Bird Yeah, we were talking about Treasure Island As our favorite place to go Yeah, I live about five minutes from there The Thunderbird? Yeah, I know that

Ricky T's Icky Woo Woo's Icky Woo Woo's Tiki Bar at the Thunderbird Icky Woo's is the beach Or the bar that's in between the beach and the pool Every time I go out there I stay a little farther up where it's cheaper Yeah Icky Bar at the Thunderbird. Icky Woo's is the bar that's in between the beach and the pool. Every time I go out there, I stay a little farther up where it's cheaper. As a tattoo artist, do you do the swastikas or do you draw the line?

I don't do any gang-related tattoos or anything like that. Does there sign up there? No. Honestly, the way it is now, it's changed a lot. I don't get to tattoo in the cool times like my boss did in the day when it was all fucking hard ass like now it's a lot of like butterflies and you know shit like that it's not like it's not tough like it was back in the day at all so you probably do more flash art than a lot like like a lot of dumb shit from p. Like, Pinterest is, like, the fucking tits for soccer moms now. Do you know any guys who do the swastikas tattoos? I know dudes that have them.

There has to be a people approved. You can get in trouble if you illegally tattoo a swastika on somebody. I like how they say it's not racist. That's my culture or something. Yeah. Well, there's the Tibetan one, which is the other way, which is good luck, which is who Hitler stole it from. Well, come on.

Because he wasn't original. Art student stole somebody else's fucking symbol. Oh, yeah. So, go ahead. Illegally? You got to have people authorized to do political ink, they call it. You can't do... Only certain people can get a swastika

or the fucking mean guys will fucking get you and you can't give people swastikas unless you've been authorized to give people swastikas that's like the biker gang tattoos and shit like if you don't have like uh like you know fucking an okay from some higher up and you get a biker gang tattoo like they will torch that shit off you i'm safe in that situation because i just did it but that guy uh the dude i worked for used to fucking be real hooked up in the biker gangs back in the day and uh he's told us some fucking stories about people like boiling knives and burning tattoos off and torching them off. Gangland. Yeah. Did you ever help to cover up a gang tattoo or a swastika?

Yeah, I actually. Which is my girlfriend's name, Swastika. Swastika. Yeah. I covered up a Crip's tat on a 17-year-old kid and, like, may have saved this kid's life. Cool. Yeah, I just put some fucking dark roses over it and, like, you know, he's no longer in a gang. But, like, he had moved, had this bad tat.

He was 17. I'm guessing black. No, he's into fucking black roses now. Way harder than the Crips. Why would you immediately guess he was black, Junior? Well, you know, the roses. You know what I hate? Black guys. Black guys with tattoos.

Otto and George. Otto and George. He goes, you know what I hate? Black guys with tattoos. It's a ventriloquist tattoo. He goes, hey brother, you want to see my tattoo? You want to see my tattoo? You want to see my tattoo? No, I can't see your tattoo.

You should have done it and white out, you filthy circus ape. You can't talk to the nice people like that. George, you got to be nice. It's a spot on, Otto and George. You do look like Otto, but. Someone, I don't know if we ever gave credit, someone sent me a George T-shirt from Otto and George. It's just George the puppet in this kind of twilight zone looking thing. And it's a black T-shirt, which I don't normally wear,

but I've been sleeping in it a lot trying to wear it out. I want it to be 10 years old quick. So, yeah, thank you you whoever sent me that. Nice person. Is that 10 minutes? That's 10 minutes. That's 10 minutes with tattoo artist and genius comic

with the umbrella under his eye. You on social media, Kyle? He's funny though. He's funny though. It says at Kyle underscore Roos and my tattoo stuff's on Instagram at BNDK727. OttoandGeorge.com if you want a shirt. It might happen. I don't like that.

That's 10 minutes. Shout out to the 10-Minute Podcast for stealing your thunder.