The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Pt. 16 - Ten Minute Podcast - Daytona Beach, Florida

Episode Date: April 11, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble The final 10 Minute Podcast from Daytona Beach, Florida with Sean Rouse, Andy Andrist, Junior Stopka, Chad Shank, Chaille and local Daytona comics Peter O'Keefe and Mike Pantzer. This is the third day of Doug recording 10 minute podcasts in Daytona Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2016.   Recorded March 27, 2016 in Daytona Beach, FL with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Andy Andrist (@andyandrist), Junior Stopka (@JuniorStopka), Sean Rouse (@RouseMouth), Peter O'Keefe (@DeathsquadFLA), Mike Pantzer (@MikesLosers), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I know, but you've been eating the last piece of that for the last piece of that. How many last pieces are there? Let it go. Let's talk about it. You're stealing money from me. It's a ghost. You want a beer or a hard cider? Don't worry.

It's coming. No, it's coming for you, honey. There's your microphone right there. Honey sugar. Oh, he still has the rouge on. Yeah, I saw him in the bar. I'm like, son, did you not get the makeup off? He goes, oh, shit, I forgot about that.

And the people sitting next to him are like. The nice lady. Listen, we shaved the nice lady, and I bet the nice lady, in return for us shaving her, will get a wet rag with some soap and wash his face. If we do it, he'll try to fight us. But if you do it, he'll see a maternal instinct. Can you get a wet rag with some soap, hot, and just... Can you still get the puppet makeup on from last night. He doesn't know it.

This is more of a – it's a courteous thing, like when I made out with the retarded kid last night. Or shaved your armpits. Yeah. Retarded. Now, when you say retarded, how retarded? Andy, it's – What? Say what, Junior?

High-level autism. Oh, okay. High-level autism. Oh, okay. High-level autism. Was that the big guy with the blue, oh, was wearing all blue and he was running around in the lobby? His face was like an under-inflated balloon. Bloated like a balloon, but squishy. Yes.

Squishy. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Like a tit job that was half full. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I saw him run into the bathroom at one point. Probably throwing up after I plunged my tongue into his mouth.

He goes, I've never been kissed by a boy or a girl. You still haven't. Here it's going to happen. It's going to be a long crowd. Alright.

Panzer. We're actually podcasting now. Just letting you know. I love it when women do stuff for me. Here we go. You got to live tweet it. Narrate it. Periscope it.

The hot chick. The only chick. I don't know if. Periscope it. Well, the hot chick, the only chick. I don't know if we described. Is now. But hot. Yeah, yeah. She's wiping down Sean Rouse's face. She wants to be known as ugly.

We've established that. She wants to be known as a human being that's ugly. Well, Sean is suppressing his boner right now for that very reason. It's not suppressed. Oh. It's not suppressed. Oh. It's not suppressed whatsoever. It's going to take a lot more than a hot towel to get this thing hard. After the fucking booze

that's been pouring through it. Don't worry, I got pills for that. You just have to have a commitment. Thank you, Junior. Appreciate it, buddy. We have the on this podcast. You're going to be on the next one. We'll switch out.

We're doing 10 minute. OK, yep. So Peter O'Keefe, who put this thing together. Thank you, Mama. Sean Rousey. We're just happy to have come back over here. You pissed the bed again? I made it.

No. Just once this whole tour. Those are pretty good numbers. Fantastic. It's good. Yeah. It's been five days. Peter O'Keefe, how did you get into this?

Oh, what happened, Sarasota? Oh, yeah, tell us. Did I piss on something? No. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. arizona oh yeah tell us did i piss on something oh oh yeah yeah no we're just andy talking partying a bit hard but like i say smoking heroin thing it's a travel day you know those are rough you gotta relax after it that was a suicide benefit it's not a travel day when a kid's dead and they're selling merch with his blood splatters on it if there's three of you getting a 300 guarantee that's a travel day

we weren't working that day oh i i think i i think i might have done five minutes and then but you bottomed out cleared the fucking girl that did the header. That was Tampa. Oh, alright. That was day two. I took care of that. That was good. You're moving around. We spent your joke

We made allusions to you talking about, now I'm going to have to jerk off with this hand. Oh yeah. That was so funny when you said that that night. I had to turn around and leave the room. That was fucking hilarious.

And again, you had to be there but we described it on an earlier podcast. Be there next time. Yes. Pete will do it Yes. Yeah. Pete will do it again. Yeah, we'll do it again for sure.

I mean, we all can do this all again. Well, Pete set this up through one of the worst venues we've ever played. It was a great venue. Worst outcome. Probably had as many people as we had last night. Oh, no, we had way more last night. That night that you, last year you played here, a year and a half ago, two years ago, right?

April of two years ago. I think the final count was like 105 or something. And you had more last night? Yeah, for sure. All right. Yeah, for sure. But at least 106,7 no i'm just there was there was a bunch there's a bunch yeah i i i have vague memories of both nights i know last night

the first night i was a worse heckler than anyone that was thrown out oh you were hurtling the stairs which also wasn't first of all you have me on the merch andy is selling t-shirts with my face on it i told him you might want to clear that with doggy oh yeah that i am only an audience member here this podcast we're just showing up to watch the debacle i'm just gonna be an audience guy just gonna hang out and kiss retards yep my face is on the bird i can take the weekend off you didn't hear this but since we've already said it on the podcast briefly some guy left the show last night took a picture of that t-shirt with all our faces on it and said i just want to remember who

to never see again did he yeah on that note uh i got a i got a message this morning from the guy who runs the radio station and he said that uh if he had a chance to shank andy andrews in the elevator he would. And the night before. Is he the Christian fellow? No, that was the night before somebody threatened to kill Andy. Yeah, yeah. We've been over that. Two of them.

Yeah. So, Shawnee, memories of the weekend. What? Memories? Yes. You pee to bed. getting ripped off by that yep I will

quote Sean Rouse's own bit I don't say the n word because I'm not edgy I don't try'm not edgy. I don't try to go edgy like other comics and my girlfriend

is African American. And she made me promise I'd never use that word unless we're making love. But we're divorced now so it's okay sean rouse is the most brilliant comic that angers me in that like hedberg was so imitable that everyone could kind of do Hedberg. Right.

But Sean Rouse has a thing. Until someone can come up with an impression of Sean Rouse that we can copy, like we're copying Junior's Bill Burr, like they copied so-and-so's Christopher Walken. Someone comes up with the impression, I couldn't do Henry Phillips till Mike McRae did Henry Phillips, and now we can all mimic Mike McRae, but no one can do a Sean Rouse. And Sean Rouse is a guy that if you don't know Sean Rouse,

a fucking, did we say this on the podcast or off it with Johnny Depp I made Johnny Depp watch it when he made me watch the alright I made him watch your fucking tsunami bit on YouTube and he was fucking dying

so it was this guy and I didn't even have the closer on that point the closer wasn't ready on that one it was this guy. And I didn't even have the closer on that point. The closer wasn't ready on that one. It was, why are you guys crying? Almost everyone over there is Buddhist. They're coming back. It's fine. They made it.

That's right. That's not on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember your initial version of that where you go, yeah, America. Yeah, we're helping out with the tsunami we're sending uh food and clothes as soon as they build that mall that was that was your early stages of that bit i remember uh rogan's bit one of the best bits I've ever heard. Cosby, thanks, Mom.

That kind of legendary bit about the de-evolution of man. And I saw the one that he finally put on a CD, and I go, I remember the early versions. You're missing this tag, this tag. But every bit you do evolves to the point where, all right, this is the fucking DVD version. Right, right, right. How long have you been doing comedy, Peter? Five years, May 17th.

Five years. Started here in town. You're an old dude. You're my age. 49, yep. Just turned 40. I'll be 50 this year. Yep. I used to do a lot of bands, MC festivals and things like that. My brother and age. 49, yep. Just turned 40. I'll be 50 this year. Yep. I used to do a lot of bands, MC festivals and things like that.

My brother and I used to put together a lot of festivals. So just got pushed into it one time and did it. And the funny thing is the girl who you called a cunt the other night, the first open mic I ever did, her sister, her twin sister, heckled me that night and I called her a cunt. So we got the whole family. Life's a circle. Who was it in the room

someone told me where I go, oh, it was you. Whenever you called me out on stage and when you were calling that chick a cunt and you were like, I'll have Chad Shank drag you out and I fucking went over to fuck with you and Pete's like, no, I know them.

I'm not dragging anybody out. I fucking went over to fuck with you and Pete's like no I know them don't I'm not dragging anybody out I'm just fucking around he knew I was kidding uh so start I started I was 23 how old were you Sean uh 22 and you started at 44. 44, yep. 44, 45, yep. Just decided to do it one time. I'm sorry, but when I introduced you guys the first time, I go, these are three of my favorite comics on the fucking planet, and there's two other guys that I'll smoke during. I smoke during you. Panzer.

Panzer? Panzer. Yeah, yeah. The German tank. Panzer. Panzer? Panzer. The German tank, Panzer. Let's crank. Panzer we'll have on the next podcast, the next last 10-minute podcast. So I missed you. Fuck off. Sorry.

Well, I knock out a quick five. Let's go. Come on. We'll do it right now. Get on the coffee table. Hey, man, hey. My 15-year-old daughter is dating a six-foot-eight guy. Ever dig that bit?

No. One of the bits I have is my 15-year-old daughter, she's five-foot-two. She started dating a dude recently, and he's six-foot-eight. Big, huge, white kid. He's 15 years old. Imagine how goofy you are 15 years old six foot eight first time i ever met him i looked at him like god damn you must have a huge dick what the fuck don't you hurt my little girl the crowd gets uncomfortable and i go well look how uncomfortable it is for my daughter she should start with a starter penis or something. Something like mine. You know, a small one. Something a little... That's creepy.

Oh, you just went really creepy. Something like mine. But not mine! Not mine! It's an uncomfortable bit. But he's 15, so he's probably going to come quick. So you figure, you know, get it in and pull it out quick. It'll close back up.

Honestly, if you're... She's not going to lose any elasticity at 15. Bounces right back. Yeah. You can push a fucking baby through there. You don't smoke cigarettes, Rouse, but if you did... Early in the week, I did. There's five comedians, and one is the promoter slash comic slash booking guy. That's the guy you know.

I'm going to take a risk on missing that guy. Because generally, guys that do what you do stink. Yeah, sure. Yes. Those who can do, those who can't run a room. Sure. Oh, by the way, who ran that room last night? Was that your room too?

The Tuna Dog thing? Well, I just arranged it, that's all. That late night thing. Yeah, the Irish bar. Yeah, I just arranged it. We vaguely remember being there. We specifically remember deciding to go there. Then we went there.

Then there was a fight that broke out. Oh, yeah. Andy can't. Oh, there was a fight? Yeah, there was a fight. One of the, who's your boyfriend there? I don't have a boyfriend. Her boy who's a friend.

Yeah, my friend who's a guy that I hang out with got really drunk. And I don't know exactly what happened. Mike, get a mic. Grab a mic. Walk over and get a mic. Grab a mic. Walk over and grab a mic. There you go. You got it. There's a guy I know here in town that had gotten belligerently drunk and decided to,

and I'm not entirely sure of exactly what happened. I was smoking. This is Ambry Marine. Yeah. Amanda Michelle. It's close. I was smoking. This is Ambry Marine. Yeah, Amanda Michelle. It's close. No, I don't know exactly what happened, but from what I heard,

he got on the stage and started yelling and cussing at the comedian specifically, and a comedian that was there got very upset and told him somewhat kindly, from what I heard, to stop, and then the guy on stage approached him aggressively and he punched him right in the face.

And then he punched someone else in the face. I'm not entirely sure what the second guy did, but it might've just been like a blackout rage thing where you're just swinging on anybody close. He pushed Figgler around. Then I finally separated. He pushed Figgler around. It's good. We weren't there. Only push them around because Figgler around. Then I finally separated Figgler. He pushed Figgler around. Yeah, it's good we weren't there.

Only pushed him around because Figgler was allowing it to happen. Because the owner was standing right there and he did not want to kill the guy right there next to the owner. And I said, hey, let the owner handle this. And Figgler came over and the owner handled it. Good, good. Shawnee, I need you back on Hermite because I want to ask you. But then he went outside and went after Chris Buck. The guy who's doing the show there,

Monday night show up in Jacksonville. He went outside and went after them. Yeah, it's good we weren't there. Yeah. No, we did good. We've been priding ourselves on not making bad decisions and going home early. Even 4 a.m. this morning seemed like we went going home early. Even 4 a.m. this morning seemed like we went to bed early.

We got out. Junior, he went right to bed. Sean Rouse, do you remember us booing you offstage? When? At that. Obviously now. Do you remember doing a set show? Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Yeah. Oh, I don't remember y'all booing me off, though. No, we went on stage to boo you off stage. Oh, okay. Technically, they booed you to the side of the stage. They just scooted you over and let other people in. From behind. You were doing a seven-minute open mic set that lasted like 35 minutes.

Oh, really? And then finally, I got Andy to go up with me. Yeah, no, I didn't know that. And we stood behind you. We didn't actually boo, but we said, alright, you motherfucker, these kids need stage time.

You're dragging this bit into 35 minutes of you going, hang on, I got it. I got it. You're hemming and hawing. We came back in from a cigarette. He's still on fucking stage. Yeah, just pick me up

and take me off. From what I remember, and this is what this podcast is all about, correct me if I'm wrong, because I set you to the side. I go, you be the Simon Cowell. Don't get up. all about. Correct me if I'm wrong, because I set you to the side. I go, you be the Simon Cowell. Don't get up

because it's too much energy. You just stay on the stage even longer and after every comic set, you just be Simon Cowell and correct them. That's a vague recollection and that's the last I remember.

I remember being on stage and drinking a beer pretty much shut down everything went crazy it turned into fist fights and those are the best stories that's why last night sucked so much it's because nothing went wrong at their show

it went good everyone was funny. Like, eh, boring. Everyone's just the most funniest people I've ever seen. Boring. I don't want fights. Call somebody a cunt, for God's sake.

It was tried. It was attempted. So how often do you do comedy in town? We get a couple open mics in town. We try to do three, four nights a week, three nights a week at least. Mike and I do a lot together. We are road dogs together, so we're always riding together. Last week, just before this all started, we had to do a show in Naples at a pool deck with no microphone.

PG, which is always awesome. So we try to get as much in. Pool deck, yeah. I hate that I'm going to do this. Oh, boy. But I've had a long life. So when you stumble into those stories where you go, oh, I can one-up that.

There you go. Jacksonville, Florida, comedy zone. I'm not working the Friday. They canceled my Friday because they had some special event. Emo Phillips. At the same time. Fucking where's Chaley? Chaley can fucking verify this.

That cocksucker Frank, the DJ. He lived there with his whore wife that I fucked when I was visiting my death row inmate. Hey, that gets back to a book plug get the book digging up mother uh reorder it now but this story's not in it but i just happen to get in a private party uh hey frank says you want to do a private party this guy's I'm like well they just canceled my Friday so yeah it's 500 bucks

I'll do it I'll destroy that it's a dude's living room and I'm like no I'm looking for the place you know just aesthetically what's right for comedy and they had a pool so I did it on the end of the diving board. Excellent.

With everyone sitting around the pool because I wanted to smoke. And outside I can smoke. Yeah, the pool, I'll just stand and I'm yelling. There's no microphone. I'm just yelling. Same with us, no microphone. Five minutes before we get to the gig the promoter calls us like hey you got a sound equipment right i'm like no oh i didn't mention that i'm like no i definitely

would have known about that oh i have a way better story that's just like this i got molested on the banks of lake conroe what was the pa did they have a PA no I just had to scream just like you oh Jesus that's a fucking classic Sean Rouse Sean Rouse

and Andy I use as examples of people that have been molested and they just make jokes about it in the rape joke culture crisis no rape jokes are never funny well you know what andy and sean rouse were both raped as children and they make it funny and it's those people that use that, that I'm a victim thing. As soon as Sean Rouse or Andy make it funny,

that burst their bubble of wait, I get people cry for me and hold me in a support group. If they can make it funny, that just. Yeah. But there's also levels of getting raped. So it's like, if you're getting your face smashed by some frat boy, you know, and then choked out, then, you know, it's not going to be 10 new minutes.

You know what I mean? I mean, you just got to fucking. Not if you're. If it's quiet, if it's quiet, it's quiet you gotta you know you gotta preacher telling you keep it low you're a fucking getting your face smashed gone oh write

this down do you have a pen ow do you have a pen ow just write it on my back honestly when my mother was killing herself i i had in my head shit i hate feeling like this but this is good material this is yeah this is so this is the opener this is there's a callback and there there's a close-up. But Rouse's old joke. And goodnight, everybody.

I'll fuck up your joke so you tell it correctly. But it was, yeah, I was molested. No, no. I wasn't raised Catholic. Raised Baptist. Raised Catholic, molested Baptist. Which my mother would be turning over in her grave. And you know what?

For the record, it's my fault. I was jumping through a sprinkler. My wavy ass in tight shorts. Shorts to my ass. Who can blame him? There's beats missing to that, but it was a fucking beautiful bit. But it was also true. Yes, you fucking were molested by a fucking Baptist neighbor.

Yeah. With a jar of candy and a little dog named happy girl and a big bulbous nose and fucking three foot wide glasses it's like how did you know he wasn't gonna fuck me mom you know Hey, Mom, Clayton's cooking dinner. Okay, honey, I'll just drink some wine. You go have fun. Jesus. You guys are just...

Good thinking, Ma. You're stronger Rex than I am Andy and Sean Rouse here. But I never got raped and I feel like I don't have any excuse to be as fucked up as you guys. Do you honestly I think this came up. Do you blame

your situation if in your intervention montage from your baby picture. You watch intervention, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They show your baby picture and they do a quick montage and they find one beat about why you're that fucked up. Is it your molestation? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. All right. Yeah, it is. Andy, Andy's andy's he's leaning i would i would agree with that because it just you're a kid and then you get fucked and then you you know everything's askew yeah and it's not even that it's just you know like uh parents too thinking about that like like you know what the fuck was my mom thinking who in their right mind would look at that motherfucker and go yeah you can take my kid fishing you know i mean who would who would fucking think that know, I just don't get it. I wish I had some fallback in my montage.

Well, their parents got divorced. No, I was a shittier kid than my parents. Like, I was the problem to my parents. They did nothing wrong. Yeah, she drank drank a lot but i don't remember it and she went to aa before i was old enough to know what it was my dad was a sweetheart and we were such fucking terrors to our parents where you go i i blame myself for their early demises. They died because of us. No, I was a sweetheart as a kid. You were also a fucking meth head, and you were a basketball star, right? No. High school?

Oh, no. When I was on roids after college, I was burying threes at the neighborhood park. But I wouldn't call it a star. I felt like one well before you get all the fucking curled up lobster claw hands you were an athlete yeah i was an athlete i wasn't a great one and i started getting high and then it was like and i was second string and they're like hey come out here and you know get lit up by the first string. Yeah. That's going to be your job. No, I'm going to go smoke some meth. You'll get two passes a year.

When I first met Rouse, we were working together. And Babbitt, who is the best comedy club guy ever, Mark Babbitt. Mark Babbitt says, you're going to see this fucking kid. He's great. We worked together. And back then in the mullet days, days yeah the first thing you do after the show is do shots so we go to this other bar like hey i'm buying him a shot he was opening for me he's like what are you drinking he goes uh i i i can't drink he says i have a lupus back then you were

diagnosed misdiagnosed as lupus it's rheumatoid arthritis but then i go he goes i have lupus back then you were diagnosed misdiagnosed as lupus it's rheumatoid arthritis but then i go he goes i have lupus i go fuck you i have radio in the morning what are you drinking so i i talked about that on stage later in the week on open mic night as there's an open mic night where i was hosting and i go this kid this kid, and I repeated that story. He goes, yeah, the worst thing is one time I had lupus and radio in the same morning. And I've been in love with him ever since. You can't do Sean Rouse. I try to repeat the shit. He's so inimitable.

What happened last night with your $60? What happened last night with his what? The $60. $60. Oh, yeah. You were about to say the N-word. Yeah. We drove to get it. It's okay.

His kids have black. Actually, one quarter black because he's so white. Half and half is pretty much one quarter. If we're going to set the killer termites out on anybody, we might as well throw the guy's name out there, right? No. No. Listen.

Sean Rouse is that drunk. He doesn't remember us booing him offstage if he takes a bad beat on a drug deal. I'll take care of it personally. You take care of it locally. I will. Trust me. Beat locally, think globally.

I will take care of it. I promise that. But it's not even a black or white issue. This is a comedian issue. Yeah. Comedians are the best people. No one's ever offended in a green room until you fucking beat someone on a drug deal. Oh, yeah. You don't ever perform.

I think that's probably part of Trump's popularity. Everybody in that room got fucking trumped by a brother on a Saturday night. That's where the racism comes from. I really hate that guy. Fuck the 10-minute thing. This is the last 10-minute podcast, so we're just going to trade you out with Panzer. Panzer.

Panzer, you fucking crushed me so hard. Right on. Thanks, man. It was a lot of fun. I quoted one of your bits, which is bad. Oh, I just burned a guy's bit, but it's my podcast. It's not like you just sold it. I'm just glad you fucking remembered it, man.

It was the, yeah, this is a hairstyle that'll never make you, that'll exclude you from. Picking up your buddy's kid from school, yeah. And Tracy, Chaley's girlfriend, nudged me because that just happened to me where a girl that we know in town, Suzanne, said, Hey, listen, I'm stuck at work and my kid didn't bring her coat. Now it's unseasonably cold. Can you pick her up at the bus stop? And I'm like, Tracy, you're going to come with me because I cannot fucking sit outside a bus stop.

And she's nudging me. But you you have a very distinct look that we described on an earlier podcast. How long have you been doing this stupid shit? It'll be six years next month. Yeah. Fucking brilliant. All right. No, we're good.

Don't yell it out like that last asshole. We're going gonna guess your age everyone turn around do a fucking little turn around I'm pretty good at this I think I might have already asked you I'm gonna say don't say it 42

44 48 65 Chaley says where's your tongue 44 48 65 Kaylee says Where's your tongue 43 How old 43

Oh It's the tongue always gives it away Cause the tongue Brings you back Sorry I should have said $1. Fucking absolutely brilliant. It's up.

Oh, okay. Go on my, and it's called Bill Burr Puppet Act. It's on YouTube now. On Stan Hope TV is our channel. So you can see the Bill Burr puppet act. Fucking hilarious from what I remember. It did well. It did real well.

So what's your story? What's your back story? You're stuck here or you just live here or you want to live here? I moved here when my dad had some heart problems a couple of years ago. I had started in Austin. That makes sense. to live here i moved here uh when my dad had some heart problems a couple of years ago i had uh started in austin and uh that makes sense yeah i kind of i'm not i don't know that i was the best fit for that city i'm not really the hipstery kind of skinny jeans dude but no you they love weird there they do They do love weird.

I mean, I did well there, but I felt I needed to kind of broaden my horizons and we're better to do it than fucking Florida. Well, yeah. All right. Uh, and,

and chime in, grab a microphone. If you can, I, Tom Rhodes came out of Florida. Yep. Other than that, what names are Florida names?

Billy Gardell. Ryan Regan. Ryan Regan. Larry the Cable Guy. Who's still here? Tosh. Tosh is out of Florida. Yeah, Tosh is out of Florida.

There's really no one. But there's nobody. Every time we came here, we had no opener. When we were trying to find a local opener, who do you get? I'd tweet it or Facebook it or MySpace it. Pretty Paul Parsons, is he dead? Very close. You know about that.

Are we talking about wrestling now? I did open for Mick Foley a couple of months ago. Yeah. But there's no comedy scene here, which is great for a new guy is, yeah, create a scene, which is what you're doing, Peter O'Keefe. Right. Yeah. You create a scene. When I started in 1990, there were like a dozen open micers in Las Vegas.

And I was the best of them quickly because there's only a dozen open micers in Las Vegas. And I was the best of them quickly because there's only a dozen. Even Tucson, which is like 300,000 people, they have one comedy club that's only open Friday, Saturday, and they do a Thursday open mic like once a month. And there's 40 guys trying to get on stage here. There's no comedy.

You can actually grow and do a bunch of shows. I'll Brian Hennigan you after this about how you should do it. Daytona has like four or five open mics a week. And so you can get on stage and do things a lot.

If you stay away from those cunts over in Orlando, there's a lot of good open mics, but they're kind of cunty over there. So it's a little difficult sometimes. That's really not the scuttlebutt, as Junior Stopka would say in the, you know what? As Junior Stopka would say in the, you know what? Yeah. Yeah.

If you want to do stand-up comedy in the country of the United States, stay away from Orlando. They're really good. Boston and San Francisco have that, and deservedly so, that they were always snobbish. But Orlando. Clicky. Very clicky. You got Daytona.

We're happy here. We do. We really enjoy it here and Daytona's great. It gives us especially pride when we go to Orlando and crush in front of those guys and then walk out. Fuck you. See you later. Well, you fucking crushed. Thanks, man. Now we're trying to take it up a notch and get out of the state, spread our wings a little bit more,

but still build something here that we have at home that maybe builds a bigger, better scene. There are some young comics in town that they get caught up in the bigger cities. Oh, I i gotta drive to fucking jacksonville and orlando tonight to do the open mic and we're like but we got a perfectly good fucking one right here but you're gonna drive an hour for that that's that's the problem i'm gonna save till after we stop this podcast which sean close this out with something strong and then i'll fucking give you my dumb drunken opinions about how you do open mic tell us something tell us something sean rouse were you smoking heroin too

yeah yeah and meth and snorting xanax snx. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was a crazy chick. Yeah. She's just everything all ass backwards. It's always the girl's fault. It was some crazy chick. She got molested, too. I never got molested either, man. I liked that. My life has gone perfectly, and I feel so awful for just bitching about everything

because every domino has fallen my way. Everything's been perfect. I'm 49. I've been saying I'm 50 since I'm 48 because it's a round number. And then when I finally hit 50 if i die then i'm like i have nothing to bitch about other than the career i made bitching about shit i was a fucking uh republican politician and then a marketing director for dell computers and a country singer in Nashville.

Not a good career choice for a Jew from New York. And now a comedian. So, yeah, I can't complain. I told you Jews run Dell. I made a deal with the devil laying in bed after a Robert Johnson documentary when I was about 11, when I still believed in God. And I think that's why I'm in pain all the time. Did you really make a deal with the devil? Yeah.

Because there's a story in my book, Digging Up Mother. Pre-order it. I'd like to figure out how to make a deal with the devil out i don't think the devil is listening but i would do it a lot of times in the casinos i'd be like yeah just once come on man just just once pop up i'll fucking sign it away never shows mike has a good story about putting off the United States government for $11,000 one time. Hang on. Mike has a good story about, first of all, don't, what was that crazy cabbie guy that bragged about,

I didn't pay the IRS shit, and he went to jail for it. Oh, no. I already paid for it. When I was in the Air Force, they had this big thing out near Vegas at Nellis Air Force Base called Red Flag, where it's like all the countries compete and shit. And they sent my squadron there, and they didn't have any room on base. So they put us up down on the strip and just bust us. Oh, you were Air Force? Yeah.

And they bust us back to base every day and back every night. So they let you have part of your hair back? Part of it. And they gave us all, instead of giving us like a per diem, they gave us all our own American Express cards backed by the United States government, and then they just set us loose in Vegas for two weeks. And $11,000 later, I was losing a stripe

and being asked to leave the Air Force. Wait. Hey, Louis. Just one stripe, but you're out of here. I only had one. They'd taken the other one earlier. Getting high behind the blast fences is apparently not authorized government business.

I think that belch means the end of a... That's the end of the... The Easter podcast session. And happy Easter to everyone. Jaylee's about to put on a for the amount of cigarette smoke that's in this room.

$200 cleaning fee. I think you're undercutting yourself. I think you're going to need new carpeting walls and ceilings. Bert Kreischer, we just tweeted a picture. Peter O'Keefe wearing a Bert Kreischer Memorial T-shirt. Oh, we're going to be selling special merchandise because the Andy Andrus Junior. Stop because Sean Rouse tour has made up merchandise with my face on it,

where I made perfectly clear I'm just coming as an audience member for my birthday, but they still have merchandise and they've been tweeting their shows as though I'm part of the entire tour, much less just this date. So all this merchandise they cannot sell from people that are pissed off that they weren't here. You can get some fraudulent merchandise that we're going to take from Andy and sell on our website that has Sean Rouse, Junior Stopka, at Rouse Mouth is, at Rouse Mouth is for Sean Rouse, at Junior Stopka, S-T-O-P-K-A,

and at Andy Andrist, not Andrews, Andrist. So, yeah, find them, tweet them, tell them you love them, tell them that you fucking hated the show that you're a Christian and you're still waiting outside inside we've covered all this Peter O'Keefe

what's your at at Peter O'Keefe one and at Death Squad Florida oh yeah your Death Squad Florida FL FLA all right yeah that makes a difference Not Death Squad Florida. Oh, yeah. You're Death Squad Florida. FL? FLA. All right. Yeah, that makes a difference. It'll get there. At Mike's Losers.

Mike's Losers spelled out Mike's no Z. Nope. Just Mike's Losers. They got it. That's my website, my Facebook, my Twitter, twitter all of it it was a pleasure to see all of you guys it's been a fucking great weekend and may we say happy birthday to you sir that was yesterday happy birthday no this is your birthday weekend i'm losing a lot it's not ending we're done that's a that's a fucking weekend of podcasts that we promised.

We will get home to Bisbee on Tuesday, a couple days from now, and we will catch up with Miss Bingo Bingaman and her Valley Hospital stories that we can now finally tell because she's got sprung from the joint and I got a list of names. I got a list of demands. List of demands written on the palm of my hands.

I want it. Good night.