The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Summer Evergreens: Kenny's Replacement + The Russians Stopped By...

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

A Double-header, two-parter. First up, the latest Kenny update followed by a throwback to October, the day before we left for Ukraine, when these 3 Russians stopped by...Support the show: http://www.P...atreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, welcome to the Evergreens of Summer. This is a two parter, completely disjointed. Part one is where Kenny's lost his job that allowed him to sleep on the floor, yet still he managed to get fired and then finds out someone in the room actually took his job. Then of course Lucy Breakers has a beautiful spot that I have that I present with aplomb and then part two goes back to when we were packed and leaving for the Ukraine and oddly a Russian fan and two of his Russian friends one who was in the military as a, uh, to, to be a, uh, torturer, basically, uh, they show up at the house randomly as fans.
Starting point is 00:00:51 And, uh, we thought that as kind of queer that, uh, on our way to Ukraine, Russians show up at the door, but you know what? I can't say no. So enjoy the evergreens of summer. Part Kenny part Russians, all possibly enemies, but friends as far as I'm concerned. I did. I did yesterday. They have field day ham radio field day in the park. And they have the they call it's called an Elmer that's your old guy that you find who mentors you and I need to find me an
Starting point is 00:01:30 Elmer so I went over there early and volunteered to go I did the opposite of what they do in prison I went up to the smallest guy, and I offered to help. And next thing I know, I'm putting up antennas and the newspaper people are taking pictures, so I'm gonna be in the fucking newspaper putting up antennas in the park. Thank you for a mentor. And then after a little while I was there and I said, yeah, I've been practicing.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Jenny'll put that in front of a judge one day. She's got tons of evidence. I told her to just get a hold of him if she needs any. He's really a nice guy. Totally not going to murder the neighbor. Yeah, I talked to a old guy who does Morse code. That's basically what I want to do. Morse code.
Starting point is 00:02:24 That was one of the openers that I wanted to do for the last few weeks. I've been practicing Morse code, that's basically what I want to do. Morse code, that was one of the openers that I wanted to do for the last few weeks. I've been practicing Morse code. I'm not really sure what my intention is, but I'm pretty sure it's just to further isolate myself from the rest of the group. What? Just in case you need to reach out and you're
Starting point is 00:02:39 do-de-do-do-de-do-de-do-de-do-de-do. I gotta write that down as I keep saying is that I drink Bud Light As an excuse for when you try to sell me on one of your local shit craft beers Well, I drink Bud Light to stand up for trans people I was with Andy earlier and he said you know about it I go to the you know the the brewery or the tap house what do you got that's like a Bud Light they've really fucked you very much more and more I used to say that back when they were first started I did it innocently for the longest time I had no idea that was offensive. I think that here at the ballpark Yeah, like what tastes like a shitty
Starting point is 00:03:27 shitty pills Yeah, I don't I don't like that heavy fucking shit that seems like a wheat fucking sandwich, yeah I know Hey, look they give me your worst Put it on them. That's so certain. That love that, give me your worst beer. Put it on them. That's what our lawyer would do. I look to Andy, he's that here. All right, so Kenny is gonna tell us why you were fired.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Well, inconsistencyency as he put it. Get out of town! No! He said it was the hardest thing he's had to do. Which I can understand because we're pals. But he did it pretty easy. He came over here one night during football because I have all this frozen fruit for smoothies
Starting point is 00:04:26 and he goes, I can make those, you know, a margarita. And then he did and everyone loved him. And then he said it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Not me. So pale. Now you're fucking one up us again. Kenny. But so, well, there was an incident on Friday of last week where I had decided to drink Carbombs at 10am at Elmos.
Starting point is 00:04:53 What are those? That is Guinness and then Bailey's and Irish Whiskey. And you drop it in and you chug it, it's like chocolate milk. Well, I had two and they are delicious. And they go down quite smooth as you're thirsty. Is that because there was no poppers available? The poppers in town aren't copper worthy. I just sounded gay.
Starting point is 00:05:24 It was that weekend too but so oh poppers were bought up so before noon I was already pretty drunk knowing me I don't I'm a lightweight as you can tell um and so I decided to go get a fifth of vodka with a couple other people and drink that as well with a great ghost which tasted delicious by the way it was delicious not a sponsor no it's just name of things I don't know whether the great ghost slash promo code Stan hope if you didn't have a sponsor yet, it might now. But anyways, and yeah, it was, so by two, I was hungry and I decided to go to work and get some tacos and another drink.
Starting point is 00:06:14 At the place you work. At the place I work. But I was by myself. I was- Wait, what time are you supposed to work? Let's- Well, I work- Get some parameters to see where you're at.
Starting point is 00:06:22 To see where you're at at the late night hour. I'm not lying. Oh, alright. So you weren't scheduled for work. No, I was not scheduled for work at this point and I had not called off or not. No show. No call either. Alright, the next early morning to a...
Starting point is 00:06:33 I was doing good for like two days straight. So... Wow. Shit. You know, Ro? No, I mean I'm glad. Yeah. You said you were.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Those were my days off, Christine. I'm telling you! She made it like, good for off, Christine. She meant it like good for you, buddy. No, no, no, no, there was no condescending. Not at all. He didn't come out that way. Full house on that one. But it's okay.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Anyways, I deserve it. So I go into work, I get a drink that which I was in a great mood I'm like, you know chatty It's only three people in there and I knew everybody the lawyer guy that's dating that's alright We get to the point so and then I go back to the kitchen I can do that with Andy I go back to the kitchen and I I don't even all I say is hello to the cook and the guy that's on his phone always back there and he
Starting point is 00:07:27 Says to me he says to me. I am NOT here for your amusement, and I'm like the fuck and I'm drunk now. I don't Really take kindly to dumb shit when I'm drunk I don't understand why he was being a dick and he'd said it again And I'm just like bro I didn't what the and I just I don't know if I said anything to him at that point but I did turn around and I go back out to the bar and I sit down and I looked at Mike he was talking to Gabe and I told him I said you should probably tell the cook to have some kind of respect for me pretty much all drunk and he told me to
Starting point is 00:08:00 calm down so I was like okay I took a sip of my drink put money on the bar and I fucking walked outside and got in a fight with the wall and lost as you can see. Oh yeah you were trying to show me that earlier and I you left me with more questions than interests which made me go get access by the way which I still haven't gone to the doctor because of this yet I'm I feel like it's a little late but that is very swollen and and a
Starting point is 00:08:29 week and so I might knew that I had shown sent him a picture showed on my hands that I'm gonna miss tonight I'm not no show no no call and he says I kind of got that and I called I made sure the next day to message and he said I seen that in the foreseen future so on and so forth and then I Get a text the other night saying he hired somebody else which I kind of expected Which you know who could ever take your place? Oh, I feel like it's my friend Josh Who's in a band with me? Well what what if we knew who took your place? That's okay? I kind of expected it. We're gonna gloss over the Kenny's in a band
Starting point is 00:09:06 Very the fucking lead here. Yes. I am in a band. Sorry monkey keg. We perform tomorrow night at Icing Can can you do us a little acapella know your greatest hits no no no it's very heavy We need like heavy guitar and stuff of that nature. All right, we'll do it. Oh boy. Oh, no, no.
Starting point is 00:09:30 I don't know. I'm doing it sweetly for you. That definitely don't work. But it consists of a lot of like Rob Duke yelling, stuff of that nature. It's fun. Oh, so it's like, is that? Oh!
Starting point is 00:09:44 So they can't understand a word you're saying? You should do comedy like that too! That's pretty much what I'm doing. Understand a word you're saying. That's pretty much what I'm doing on stage, which works. But so, yeah, anyways. So yeah, Mike felt regretful for firing me. He says I'm still the taco servant to Caleb.
Starting point is 00:10:03 Hey, we we get to the How did he fired you that night? No, no, he fired me like a week later. But did you work in between? Uh-uh. I couldn't really lift too much. For a week? Well, you... Hey, I can't mow if I punched your wall. And the wall is on. Wow. So I knew instantly when I hit the wall like an idiot, which I know better than to do that
Starting point is 00:10:33 nowadays. I haven't done that in years. And I heard it and then I looked down at my face and it had this bubble that had instantly shown up right in the middle of my hand like like a golf ball size hematoma thingy majiggy and all I could do was walk around down the street to back to the golf like an idiot showing people and asking them is it broken because I couldn't look at it because I feel like I'd pass out if I did and which they almost passed out every time they looked at it so I I mean it is what it is So no one bids me for you know, the intellectual hub that it is
Starting point is 00:11:08 Did you give me pussy? based off of Yeah, did you spin that? My first thought I would try to it's not like you have I'm not really good thinking of those things as you can ask Christine Gary, I'm not good at coming up with good excuses. I know I wasn't driving my vehicle when I... We tricked you as much as we could. We told you what to say.
Starting point is 00:11:32 We're the first ones. And I'm still going to court for that still. Oh my God. At least the lawyer lady's nice and she's trying to knock it from 9,000 to 2,000. Just let us. Why can't we talk for you? Well, you can't come in.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Yeah, because that's his representative. August 5th. I have another hearing Is not here they're very inconsistent themselves They've lost their right I haven't paid them yet. They've lost their ride. They're a big job. We'll be able to afford a car again soon.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Can I use chat GPT? Yeah. I have that. I just was about to point out all of the late and yeah. Yeah, it's not on camera. Oh, it is? Yeah. It's kind of looking weird at the end.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Well, if someone did take your job. Here's my pal. He took your job. What if they're in this room right now? I needed the money. I took Carrie's job. I took Carrie's job. Gary Lucy. I just I just was informed on my earpiece. Gary Lucy, is that true? Yes, Jerry. It's, yeah, yeah, it's true.
Starting point is 00:12:50 Mike said it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. Oh, it was Gary, Gary, Gary's little- Really? Wait a minute, I thought you- Don't they just give you notes as they're stars? Wait, is this- Ah, I had to do it in the experience. Wait, is this real? I had two-wheel experience! Wait, is this true?
Starting point is 00:13:08 It's fucking true! It's about time one of you guys got a fucking job. It's like I'll be doing yard work at your house while you're up there saving the day. So if you think about it, thanks to Kenny, Gary's gonna get his car back. Long high remains an Inbound all crashed. Yes. I can't believe this. Oh, my Lord.
Starting point is 00:13:32 Like sand through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives. I'm being recorded. We'll tell you later. Okay. We'll say it's your worst form of money, but you probably are, so. No.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Wow, we... He does have previous janitorial duties. Oh, that's hilarious. I can't believe this. What a twist. I thought you all were fucking with me. We haven't seen a twist like this since... Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Pull up back door and give me a hand. Pull up back door. I me out of there right now. I need to get some guidance on it. There was a debate between that one and the cliffhanger. Get back door up here right now. Oh my god. He's probably working. It's Sunday.
Starting point is 00:14:15 I'm going to go swim in his pool while he's at work. He's got the pool back? Fuck yeah he does. Alright, let's go all crash his pool shall we? Oh my god, we should. I don't know how that new pit bull is towards strangers. Is it their house? We got him, he's great.
Starting point is 00:14:31 He's just an ugly fucker. I know, he's like a little bulldog. He's so cute. Sweet. Alright, as this trail's off, we'll say goodnight. That's your update from Kenny get fired from the job where he got to sleep on the floor. Hey, I still have the key. You still might find me on the floor. Oh yeah, because at night...
Starting point is 00:14:52 That's why Gary's makingbs. Oh shit. Nice. Beautiful. Thank you. That was good. What a twist. What a twist. The Ethan Schaft. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:13 That was a piece of soul say shit. I was trying to get everyone to know. Gary did, Gary did try to tell me. Yeah, Gary did was like that. Like, oh I can't. We all expected Kenny to lose his job. We didn't expect him to stay in the family. You guys missed it. The first podcast Kenny found out that he stinks.
Starting point is 00:15:36 The second podcast he found out that... I'm saving you from the very saddest summer monsoon stink. Look, I took a shower and put on the odorant today just so I didn't stink. You're doing great. I did not whiff you at all, sir. I know. I refute that. I know. I can't.
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Starting point is 00:16:26 there's a flavor for every mood you know what I use the Lucy Breakers you see like a Dave Chappelle on stage and no matter where he is he's always lighting up but you know what we don't all have that carte blanche that a Dave Chappelle has so some of us rely on Lucy breakers. That's right I count on them to get through a stressful show. I put that pouch in between my cheek and gum and when I when I feel that first walk out or standing ovation I crunch down on that capsule inside and whoo wee! Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to lucy.co. Stanhope and use promo code Stanhope to get 20% off
Starting point is 00:17:15 your first order. Lucy even has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again that's lucy.co and use code stanhope to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Nicotine is an addictive chemical! So you guys show up, I have to ask you, are you a sleeper cell? Have you been sent because you know that I'm going to Ukraine? Yes, yes, yes we are. It's actually not all coincidental.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Yeah, and you're in, what is it, human intelligence gathering? Which is a fancy word for a You know a Guantanamo Bay type of shit Abu grave. Oh my god Both said I have no you're gonna stack us in a human pyramid German shepherds attacker genitals What's the story in Afghanistan prison very very embarrassing story in American history, but... Yeah, they got caught. And mistakes were admitted, right?
Starting point is 00:18:32 They were taking... It's official, why? Yeah. Anyway, just, it's very funny. The reason that I even attached myself to the email. Visually his name is Vasily. And I thought it was Vasil our guy. And I'm like, why would it say I would really like to see you live?
Starting point is 00:18:57 Like today. Maybe he meant I would really like to see you live. But Putin won't have it. It would be nice, but I'm not gonna fight for it. As I'm packing for Ukraine, I got three Russians at my door. And I got... Great timing. That's a sign from a God I don't believe in. Right. So you, you got out, you 31. So you got out when you were 21 and that's when Ukraine first starts war in Dunbass. Yeah, basically that's a crazy story because we got out right before they went in and took the Crimea peninsula. And my family had a small summer house in there.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Is Odessa Crimea? Actually, my family had a small summer house in there. Is Odessa Crimea? No, that's not Crimea. So, yeah, basically. And we went there and spent every summer there since 2009 or so. We in 2014 we finished college and it's mandatory to go to military Either at 18 or after you finish college And we just finished we got our diplomas like we get it out Earlier he told me he said well, I have an art degree, but it's not really Oh now I understand why you have an art degree., get out of so yeah, you would have been I would write one right there right at the time
Starting point is 00:20:28 And I also got like two brothers and like we would be right on time there one is kind of he He really spent his time what you can do is go to that like a psychiatrist or somebody who? kind of go to a psychiatrist or somebody who reviews you if you have mental illness and if you are passing you wouldn't be what called as a... So would defer you from military? Yeah, a billy billet. A white ticket?
Starting point is 00:21:03 Yeah, basically you don't have to, you're too crazy to shoot anyone. Right. Billy Billy. White ticket. Yeah. Yeah. Basically you don't have to, you too crazy to shoot anyone. Right. Uh, so, and he spent like since probably 17, our mom told him to like go over and just cry and act crazy. So over time when you have to go to meals, they're like, yeah, we don't trust you. Like you shouldn to go to military, they're like, yeah, we don't trust you. Like you shouldn't go.
Starting point is 00:21:26 But then wouldn't they just put you in a mental hospital that's worse? That's yeah, that's a problem. That's the possibility. So you like, where's the line? You have to, you have to act too crazy. So you have to be consul, but you have to act crazy enough. So not go to the military. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:44 It is like, you have to know crazy enough so not go to the military. Yeah, you have to know exactly. Who knows that fine line? Yeah, there you go. Yeah, and me and the our brother, Tihon, yeah, once we... Older brothers, younger brothers? Older brothers, and they are twins, but not similar. Yeah, and we got out right like few days after we got the diploma like and yeah, now we're here and
Starting point is 00:22:10 Well, yeah, we'll be so I've had Conversations I've kept in touch with a few people in Ukraine since the war started there their fans Ones the comedian that Vasyl and other civilians, and nothing personal, they fucking hate you. Yeah, yeah, we know it. I would too if I was there, and like, that makes sense. Is there any part of the Russian populace that really gives it like no one hates Ukrainians right? Or do they? Some people do who watch TV a lot
Starting point is 00:22:55 and really buy the propaganda like that's very similar to America like if how they really got you to the point like, they hate our freedom. And they're holding. We hate Iraq if there's a war. Pretty much the same story but in there. All right. Yeah, so some populace does buy that story. I don't know what percentage, but many people don't.
Starting point is 00:23:15 Many people just really like. Yeah, there's some self-aware people. I can understand the, because this is, we're essentially a Russia in that no one's coming over the hills at us. We're at all our all our wars are outbound. Outside of the states. Yeah, they're they're a delivery.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Yeah. So I've never been in a position to where we're going to the Ukraine where yeah, they're probably gonna take this shit really seriously and I wonder the fine line of Where I could be making too much light of war because I'm used to it from here Because our wars are they're not tangible. You don't you don't see it. Yeah tangible you don't you don't see it yeah you don't have anybody in the crowd whose house was bombed right like yeah I don't know you guys come back with no legs but yeah you weren't there yeah and your legs are left somewhere yeah even now so I'm working like a music teacher so I do piano classes and some new
Starting point is 00:24:23 students some day parents, if they know I'm from Russia, they say I would like to have Ukrainian teacher, yeah, who speak Ukrainian, like not Russia, or sometimes they start to talk with me in Ukrainian mostly. Yeah, I'm reading a book about Zelensky called The Showman and it talks about how when that started in Donbass they started with restrictions on speaking Russian in Ukraine. For the longest time, I mean he is a president himself, he was speaking Russian language. Yeah. Well before he became a president they had this he had this comedy show called The one where he plays the president He was playing but he had
Starting point is 00:25:16 My mom used to watch this constantly. It's like it's like you would call it like a neighbor neighborhood 95 And all of that was an Russian language and up until up until he pretty much became president and I remember there was this movie he starred in It was a remake of a USSR movie Called romance and at work. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of it. No, I Absolutely loved that movie. He was also, you know, he was an actor in Russia
Starting point is 00:25:50 for a long time. Yeah. So seeing him become a president of Ukraine and, you know, it's, well, it was very shocking. Wow, you look all dreamy-eyed. Yeah, because I, you know, I've only known him, like growing up, I've only known, oh, he's this Russian actor and he's this comedian
Starting point is 00:26:09 Wow, that's crazy Yeah in general, it's like very complicated because obviously it's those countries are very intertwined just because Like many people have relatives there my dad's side is from Ukraine and they flee Ukraine when During World War two when the Nazis were coming they like fled back to Siberia and went back to Moscow I have Ukrainian last name Yeah, there you go. And so like me like just really people know each other much more it's like's probably similar to Mexico.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Well, now we're here. It was Mexico at some point. I don't know what year was it. But when it became US, a lot of Mexican people still speak Spanish, identify as Mexican. They speak the tongue of their oppressor just imagine like right now Bisbee became becomes Mexico again like obviously a lot like it would be a lot of interconnection between American culture and Mexican culture in culture. And the buildings here are, they look somewhat mixed with how
Starting point is 00:27:29 Mexico looks and how American buildings look. So yeah, that's there for sure. But also USSR obviously was oppressive towards Ukrainian like that space and like all the Holodomor and all the starvation like it was intentional intentional and just completely inhumane at the same time so like if Dina if you were forced to do compulsory service in Russia, would you choose the same MOS as you have here in America? So if I had to serve in Russia? Yes. And they gave you the opportunity to be in the interrogation? For the sake of my security clearance I will skip this
Starting point is 00:28:30 question but good work yeah good answer good answer is there a reason that you chose National Guard like because you seem I all-in you said earlier to me that hey I thought I would go with infantry because if I'm gonna do the same as when we're going to Ukraine like yeah if they said do you want to go close to the front and Yeah, if you're gonna go why not go all the way which is what you said Yeah, you know, so it's weird that you would go part time if you still wanna see some blood and guts. Exactly, but I really like the idea of,
Starting point is 00:29:11 whilst getting to do all of this cool stuff, all of the military stuff, staying in the state, because National Guard deploys more people than active military does. So, and it's more on voluntary basis. So it will feel like I have some sort of ownership of where I'm getting to go. Like all of my classmates here
Starting point is 00:29:33 who are also going through training, they don't get to say where they're going. But I can be like, oh yeah, I'll volunteer to go to Poland or I'll volunteer to go to South Korea. Oh yeah, more say. Yeah. So grab some pictures to South Korea. Oh, you have more say. Yeah. So grab some pictures from any angles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Back there. It feels like I have some sort of ownership. And with National Guard, it's also, you will have more of a chance to take care of the people within the country as well, like even with Hurricane Milton. Oh, yeah. Yeah. National Guards are the one.
Starting point is 00:30:04 National Guard is the one who takes care of like, out there and helping people. When I was working in hotels, back during COVID, we had, yeah, we had a, we had a National Guard unit staying in our hotel, setting up all the COVID vaccination stations, everything, you know, just being out there and helping. And whilst there's a joke between all the drug sergeants, they're like,
Starting point is 00:30:31 oh, National Guard is the weekend warrior. I'm like, well, you're not out there helping people. You're just, you know, you're obviously you're doing something, but you're not as involved with the community itself. So I really like the idea of you know He smells spies Throw him up on the table He's speaking Russian. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Probably. He's trying. I'm going to try on a different level. Get him. Can you pick him up? Yeah. Or is he going to freak out? Can I get him?
Starting point is 00:31:14 Let's chuck him on the table. Did you want another beer? And did you want another drink? I'm pretty drunk. He's very nervous to very drunk. I guess all the stereotypes I did have about He went from very nervous to very drunk. I guess all the stereotypes, I drink rarely and I get drunk fast. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:31:33 So I'm good for now. Thanks. Oh, you're so cute. You're so cute. You're so cute. What's his name? Meatwig. Meatwig.
Starting point is 00:31:41 That makes sense. Oh, you're so cute. I miss my cat. I have one at home. What's his name? Meatwig. That makes sense. I miss my cat. I have one at home. I miss her so much. At home in Portland.
Starting point is 00:31:54 They live in Portland. Well, they all live in Portland, but she's here for training. So Bingo's from Portland. That's where we met. We met in Portland. At a comedy club many years ago. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Okay, so National Guard, so your weekend, what do you do on the other time in Sierra Vista? It has to be a living fucking hell. In comparison to the Pacific Northwest, it's very depressing out here, but hey. Well Sierra Vista is very depressing. If you moved Sierra Vista to the Pacific Northwest, it's...
Starting point is 00:32:35 Why did you choose to live here? Like you could live anywhere. Well, Bisby is beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, we actually, some of our instructors and sergeants, we were out here hiking on the Bisby 1000 stair challenge last weekend.
Starting point is 00:32:52 And I was like, oh my God, I never knew Arizona can be so pretty. They have space. Yeah, they do. And it was gorgeous. Oh, have you gone towards Karchner Caverns? Not Karchner Caverns, there's the other one. Anyway, yeah, there's pretty shit
Starting point is 00:33:10 between here and back to Sierra Vista. If you go the back way on Highway 90, I believe it is, and Coronado, yeah, you just go up in the hills. And I, for the first time, it's like, what, 35 minutes from here, and you're on the top of these mountains, and I for the first time it's like what 35 minutes from here and you're on the top of these mountains and I'd never been I never followed that sign that says left to a basically it's a national park not a national park but a state park yeah there's gorgeous shit all over and none of its in Sierra Vista
Starting point is 00:33:40 absolutely none of it you go there to get your shit from Target or Walmart or Big Lots and they have one good sushi place. They do have, they do have, there's this place that's like Mexican and Japanese cuisine. Yeah, Tako, Takimaki, Maki, Tako, Takomaki. What is it? Takomaki, yeah. They combine tacos and sushi. Yeah Mexican and Japanese cuisine That crazy. I've not been here for such a small town in the middle of nowhere on a border with Mexico
Starting point is 00:34:16 Yeah, there's a shit ton of Korean restaurants. Yeah. Well cuz I'm Americans marry Koreans Yeah, and you know, yeah, it was such a big surprise I'm like wow. If we had that many bases in Japan or you know you know Mali you'd have lots of Ethiopian restaurants and you know but we're in Korea. Yeah. And more a fan of the women than the food. That's fair enough. So you've never been to Ukraine? No, I've been there. Oh yeah?
Starting point is 00:34:53 Yeah. So yeah, when I said that we had a summer house in Crimea. Oh yeah. Yeah, and it was Ukraine. At the time we were there. Yeah. Ukraine at the time we were there yeah yeah we traveled through Ukraine and been to few places and as an adult were you there as ever as a teenager yeah where you could go to clubs did they have a drinking age. They do have drinking age but everyone drinks way earlier than that.
Starting point is 00:35:26 Well yeah. Supposedly to be 18 but it's not a hard task to find a drunk 13 year old out there. The joke is you start here at 21 officially and we actually kind of when we are a side of it like oh I'm gonna cut out at 21 that's like I'm past this date. That's my AA age. Yeah that's when I get a sponsor and a chip. Glad you came by I don't know that I have any other questions for you. I did talk to Veronica for her podcast on her camera, and I realized as I'm talking, I gave her our entire itinerary. Like we fly through LA into Amsterdam, through Warsaw, then we're be picked up by a man named Vladimir you're not filming this are you you are well don't tell anybody friend of Putin
Starting point is 00:36:37 yeah I have questions for you go ahead well like I'm a fan. So I've been watching you and seeing your specials, but I have no idea like Do you have any siblings? How did you grow up? How did you become this? Geez, I also have three books that you haven't read I haven't and I saw you promoting it very shamelessly and I like I'm not gonna buy those For these questions only the first one digging up mother addresses my entire story early life yeah but it's a but it that's my whole life I see but yeah brother I can't get it I'm not a big family man or a man of country and what I don't like all right it's in the book yeah put him on
Starting point is 00:37:28 mic you get some of that that's I saw some of this meat wig included I wanted to get him crying like that on mic so we can just anytime someone's bitching about something you can just lay that in to anytime we have someone on the podcast and they're complaining We can just play behind it All right, well I don't when do you go back back where back where Yeah 14 back to Oregon. Yeah, so yeah, what's what is your trip? Why why here just to see her? Yeah, we
Starting point is 00:38:12 We just arrived yesterday. Yeah, so basically how it worked. I wanted to get my car over here. Uh-huh Yeah, we took a trip like yeah, just drive it over for me. It's like a 12-mile Yeah, it's a 1200 mile trip. Yeah. It took almost two days. Yeah. That sucks. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:28 It's terrible. Did you go down to I-5 through Los Angeles? No, we went in Las Vegas. Oh, good. Did you go through all of Nevada? Yes. Fuck. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:38 And there's clown motel. Yes. Yes. I've stayed there. I got a photo. Yeah. Yeah. I've stayed there many times. I love the back roads in Nevada
Starting point is 00:38:46 Thank you that I got goosebumps because I like you would have cheated yourself by going through Los Angeles I took a picture and I said this is my ex-boyfriend's hotel Yeah, cuz I was like I was spending was spending so much money on different shuttles and Ubers just to go to different places on post and off. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to be here for another two months. Just bring my car over here. And the idea of also going on a road trip as I'm going back sounds cool
Starting point is 00:39:26 yeah I'm looking forward to that good Jeff follow their footsteps because this is nothing better than back yeah Nevada I do enjoy Rod trips yeah yeah we actually before kid just took it did it take camera. It's too late now. Oh no, never mind. Skateboard accident it sounds like. I skinned my knee. Womp womp. So you're here for how long? You mean in America? No, on this trip.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Until the 14th. Until Monday, yes. Well, assuming we make it back, you are always welcome over. We have football every Sunday, so you don't have to like it, but we have it. Some of those interrogation guys, if they're football fans, we have the best sports. Oh, we do have so many. Because at the end of each week, we're sitting in class and before they release us for the weekend, they're like're like okay so what's the good thing that happened to you this weekend there at least four of them they'll say my team they won you know
Starting point is 00:40:52 something like that yeah there we do have some crazy football fans yeah I guess that's a Sierra Vista that's a probably a Buffalo Wild Wings kind of place that your friends go to watch football. Probably. Like the worst, like TGI Fridays. But if you're a football fan, it's got all the necessary shit. But you're always welcome by, and I'm gonna get back to packing. I will wait for a... Vasily. Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily.
Starting point is 00:41:31 Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily.
Starting point is 00:41:39 Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Vasily. Just for Dida, not for us. I actually hadn't... When I learned that phrase, it sounds very good, but sometimes it doesn't work, because I was in a gym one time. Well, one time in a gym in a dressing room. A guy saw I had a phone and asked me to... Can I call? I need to call someone.
Starting point is 00:42:02 And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure, anytime. And I'm like, oh, really? Dude, that would be great if whenever you're here when I'm in, I can make a call. No, I didn't mean that. That's totally not what I meant. One time is enough and please don't look at me anytime when we see each other again. So I assume that's what you meant right now.
Starting point is 00:42:25 So I assume that's what you meant right now. As long as she's in that horrible Sierra Vista, Fort Huachuca, yeah, come out any given Sunday, we're here and then there and... Wanna go on a hike? No. Sunday is for football. Yeah. I don't football. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Did you have any other questions? Yeah. Like. I know you have meandering stories. I absolutely love stand-up comedy. And as a compliment to your role in Louis C.K.'s one of his episodes. Just nice. I actually was wondering, dude, did he really do it?
Starting point is 00:43:12 Did you kill yourself at the end? When I Googled you, oh, he's still alive, all right, great. Yeah, like, you really were feeling it. I'm pretty sure you have contemplated suicide, right? Yeah, yeah. So why didn't you do it? I didn't say. I contemplated all the time.
Starting point is 00:43:39 It's just the human nature. Yeah. It's not because I'm depressed. Many humans do suicide. So it's. But it's not in it's a. I think it's enough for you drunk. Oh, no, no.
Starting point is 00:43:56 His, his story is never end. I know it's a dark topic, but it's a human topic and you should have your own podcast too. It's topic but it's a human topic and you should have your own podcast to it's eventually gets to the point as a Russian spy like have you contemplated have you I'm sure you have I have a bit on the new special let's close on plugging the new special that he's been torn away from editing, but I do have a bit about Bingo and I, we look at suicide as a
Starting point is 00:44:34 business option. Like, oh, like we do in the Canada realm. He died penniless. Why is that a bad thing? That should be what you strive to do right at the that Yeah, let's uh, let's let's get out of here while we're ahead one We have no bucket list and and the bit goes from there. I won't give away punchlines But so keep your eye out for that. We had a situation a few years ago where there was a possible pull the plug.
Starting point is 00:45:07 And she's like, no, absolutely. We're not, we joke about it, but seriously, yes. Just. But ever fucking since then, every little thing she's, yo, I just did two weeks in Canada and I go, while I'm gone, can you find someone
Starting point is 00:45:26 that will do weed whacking, this fucking overgrowth, it's fire season and there's dead fucking weeds everywhere where it was parking and... But then I would have to talk to people and I have social anxiety and I don't have any money to pay them so I'd have to go to the bank and my gas tank is empty, Can't we just kill ourselves? You know, not for landscaping issues. We just got solar installed.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Why? And then when I'm at a fucking breaking point and I'm calling home from the road, I got fucking drunk last night, I think I started a cult. Now they're all staring at me, and I don't, maybe you're right, we should kill ourselves. No, we can't kill ourselves now,
Starting point is 00:46:17 because they just released a new season of Catfished. That's a fucking dumb show, it's all fake. Well, we're just waiting to, Catfished! That's a fucking dumb show, it's all fake. Well, we're just waiting to... You know when you meet up with a friend, you're like, we're gonna go out tonight, let's meet up at this bar and then we'll go from there. And you meet him at the bar and whoever's late orders a drink, you're almost done with your drink, he orders a drink.
Starting point is 00:46:43 So then he's done with his drink. When you just ordered another drink, can you just end up two hours at this shitty bar because you're both waiting to be, that's what Bingo and I are doing with suicide. We're both waiting to be done with life at the same time. Are you good? Dessert menu, anything?
Starting point is 00:47:07 All right, let's fucking wrap it up while we're on the same page. Not every suicide has to be a depressing thing. If you've... Most people go, oh, it's so sad. Well, maybe that person was fucking great with it You're just sad, but I'm sure there's others Suicides that we're not about depression. It's just fucking how about some common sense or
Starting point is 00:47:34 we look at Suicide is a business decision a lot of times like okay We could do that and then Okay, we could do that and then we'll... You know, anytime you hear the expression, he died penniless, why is that a negative? That should be your goal. This is what you strive for. That's like down to the fucking,
Starting point is 00:48:02 put the last dollar and 75 cents on a gift certificate?

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