The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Tour-Bus Enemas and Vegas Debauchery w/ Annie Lederman

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

Doug celebrates 35 years in comedy with a show in the city where it all started, bringing the podcast along for the whole (bus) ride. Stick around for a little stand up at the end + a secret bonus pod! Support the show and get 20% off your first Lucy order with code STANHOPE at https://www.lucy.co/STANHOPEIf you’re 21 or older, get 30% off your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code STANHOPE at https://inda.shop/STANHOPESupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Already in progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she's just walking in late. I wonder if those people know how dingy that pool looks. Yeah, no, no. Down there, it probably looks all right. You can't see the bottom of the... Oh, this one, ours.

Yeah. Ours is completely in the shade and the circus is all fucking lit up. Perfect. All right, and we're on. We're just waiting for Annie Letterman still. She was supposed to be here at one in the morning. It's now four in the afternoon. Yeah, yeah.

She is a little late. Did her bus get delayed? She's like me and Doug or, you know, we get two. Oh, it's almost sure. We got to get some sets in. We've got to find an open mic. We've got to run over our hour. Very dedicated.

Did that lighter? Yeah. Bust out our sets, as we call it. Is that what you call it? I don't think I've heard that before. Bust out your sets. Bust them out. Bust out your sets, guys.

I fucking wrote and rewrote a set list today. I'm like waiting for it to stick. I was kind of clear of head. I'm the only one who enjoyed the bucket 10-hour bus ride, whatever. it had its flaws yeah there's a this is the bottom floor of the tour bus upstairs discotheque waterbed

uh massage chairs Dale Earnhardt Jr it's not true and among other celebrities screech oh wait not screech screech is dead but boner from that other show

is here uh And you know what? It's dry bus. That's right. We're doing this 10 hours sober. How about it? You know what? Try something new. Look at that view behind us, Andy. I can't. My seatbelt's too tight. You don't get this on a plane. You don't get a view of the clouds on a plane, do you, honey? Well, I guess if you have a window seat. It's great because usually you just get to Vegas and you're ready to party. But now I'll have like a game. plan on gambling.

I'll have, you know, just there's a lot of time to think. Yeah, strategy. We're going to have a system by the time we get there. I brought a book to learn math. I'm going to count road science. When I counted on having room to hold it in front of me. So I don't have room for me and a book. I'll buy a couple more seats.

I will. I want to buy two more seats. Wow. We already own the whole bus because they're our corporate sponsor, but that's... Yeah, and those are all paid extras. Also, we haven't mentioned, and we told them, the bus driver told them not to cheer loudly, so they're going to keep a subdued, but all the golden ticket winners in back, yeah, they're all waving.

They're very happy. Oh, yeah. Everybody's very happy on this past. I think Alex just cut in some applause. Yeah, yeah. Right there. Yeah. People are going to dole out snacks, and I'm going to try not to crinkle the bags too much

because it makes Andy crazy. But I have crinkle-proof snacks. Like bananas, grapes, oranges. Not every snack has to involve here abusing a neighbor. Yeah, we don't have a... We're going to have to plan our stops for, like, things like trash, because we're going to create quite a bit of it. I wish you had a choice colostomy bag on for this trip.

Bingo, have you pooped? I'm terrified. I'm going to have to take a dump on this tour bus. Well, that's one of the... It's probably ugly. That's one of the things about tour buses in general. The law of the land is you never take a number two on a tour bus. But this is a Flix bus, and they have an asterisk.

I took two doses last night and today, double doses of Dulclax. Well, let's not cause sponsor. Yeah, they're not a sponsor. Let's mention just a generic brain. Yeah, just He took two poopies. Sure, that's not an accident. But you also have some help there if you need it

in the form of an enema. You know, when on an airplane are you going to pass a Fred Myers? What's the equivalent? I know people having sex in an airplane's called the Mile High Club. would her giving herself an enema in a bus toilet be rock bottom rock bottom i think that's what i think that's what we're searching for there chat there you go there you chat i'm going to find some snacks oh all right Doug is a dollar store hunter he finds he finds the right snack and then he matches sometimes they'll spend the same always the right snack chicken and a biscuit and flicks bus

Two great tastes that go great together. Right, like there isn't time on a bus sometimes to combine a chicken with a biscuit. So it's nice to just be able to open a box and have that option. You know, you get upset if you got to eat tuna fish on a plane, but no if the plane's on a flight bus, so I brought Peterbread,

and I got tuna back to the Kula Bragg, and we're going to make tuna salmon from Peterbox. Well, but to be fair, most buses on the way to Vegas have a bit of tuna smell in them. Can I go just Did you shake a fist? Yeah, that motorcycle guy had an issue with our bus.

He didn't like a chicken in a basket. Maybe he missed the bus, and he's just mad that he has to. Pull up beside him, and I'll offer him a cracker. All right. All right, well. But you got to get... I found the tuna.

Oh, and I have hummus and pretzel crack. How about we start with hummus? Hummus and pretzel crackers? All right, please hold. Oh, hummus and tickets for a bag. You could put hummus on chicken in a basket. It's the same. Well, I have turkey for, I have turkey to put on chicken in a biscuit,

and I don't know if that's heresy. Yeah, it's a, it's pretty foul of you. You're a double, pretty foul. Get a double burden. All right, well, I would do cream cheese, too. I would do turkey on chicken in the baskets right now because of the edible. Well, you have a turkey sandwich. Why don't you eat your turkey sandwich?

Get that out of our space. big you found they look like graham crackers are you a sore this is gonna get this is you're gonna get crash is that's my friend that's a nice turkey sandwich from schlotsky's we like schlzlzky's uh one of my favorite places

when i'm not at home eating sandwiches i think i gotta get to sloskies to get a sandwich because they're not a sponsor but i did want a jimmy johns for the road because they have the great uh those uh hot peppers but they didn't open until 10.30 and that was past our deadline. I don't know. I think I wouldn't save this sandwich

because this bus ride's going to go on for days. Yeah. And I'm going to be at a hungry point, like desperate. Do you remember Midnight Cowboy? Ratso Rizzo and John Void on the bus and Ratso Rizzo dies of the consumption right before

they get to Florida. Did he say I can do the coffin or hear the coughing? Both. All right, we're going to put this, we're going to have to stop filming for a while so we can have our first meal flix bus. That's right. And we'll be doing our meat and greed with some of our favorite, the greyhounds, broke down. It is a beautiful bus from the outside.

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some support for the show please enjoy responsibly and huge thanks to indeclad for sponsoring today's episode hey welcome back to the flicks bus um i just um on the other side of the hill of that pineapple I ate and the other side of that hill just faces down and you can just see how far down I found the point it was right now that it was officially not funny so I mean I still I still have pineapple in the can but I don't know this this is just a third of the way through and we're in the outskirts of Phoenix at least we have the beautiful parts to look poor too I have not had to blow up an ass cushion it.

Chad, how are you in? I think we have three and a half hours before I could smoke weed again. But that lady that got off at the airport gave me her really fruity tasting bait, but it's saved me. I took one hit off of it, and I'm doing much better. All right. Did you make any product when you tried to poop? Zero. I'm fucked.

All right, well, yeah, this is officially not full. And, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I think we did a great, well, we're doing a great thing. We haven't done it. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. It's definitely funnier today. Yeah, yeah. Than it was on the bus.

Honestly, I felt like I crippled not only you and you, but Alex O'Meara. Yeah, yeah. All seem like, oh, your blood clots and you're fucking just. Well, you did that bit about Dr. Drew taking Stephen Adler. on a boat with Gary Busey, and that's sort of like the hospice version. You got three old broken. You were doing this on the little tiny tray and the bush. Oh, yeah.

I was, yeah, I was a, if that was a flight, I might have swung at somebody. I was a bus. I was as comfortable, I was happy. I loved my seatbelt. I was high as shit. Oh, yeah. We did not film, like the whole idea, which, again, was just what I imagined for. filming on the bus would be like versus the reality of the fucking noise and sitting right over

the driver and yeah and bingo just like getting busted vaping before the first bus even left immediately that was the whole and i on the drive up i said all right everyone your first ingratiate the bus driver right after bat and that was impossible i don't know that we could have got to the fun no no but bingo first of all bingo's line when I said that in the car, she said, practicing, no, sir, you're not fat. Like, all right, that's good. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

And he was very bad. But then she just randomly hits her vape pen as we're sitting down. And he's like, who is vaping? And not like a discreet vape pin. Like the whole boss smelled like bananas or something. Who is vaping? And bingo raises her hand like she won a prize. Oh, that was me.

I was vaping. Can I not do that? But the way she. I did not say, can I not? do that. It was very polite. Whatever she said was very polite. It was the only way you could get out of that

was doing what you did. Yes. You did perfect. Although he then turned around after she was super sweet. It was like, I'm so sorry. I won't do whatever it was. I remember it was super.

And he's like, if I can't catch you doing that again. I'll kick your whole bro off the bus. Like he was over there grumbling afterwards. And I'm like, oh shit. He said out loud audibly. Hey, come on in. He said, what's up?

Boys. How's it going? He said audibly, that is your one warning. Hello. What bus did you come in on? I came out on the Asian driver bus. Yeah, we did a nine-hour bus.

Yeah, we took the bus from Tucson. We took the bus. Oh, my God. It seemed like, and it was still, I have, I'll defend it to. Yeah, it was a bit of a hell. When I ran it past Chad, just the idea, he goes, well, that means I don't have to drive?

Fuck yeah. take the bus. So you're taking it, nine hours. I mean, you're taking a shit on the bus. Well, it was about 13 of yours. Because we had a lot of stops. Had the new look. I love it. Oh, my God. And it just led us into that. Yes. Organically.

Someone had to take your shit on the bus. Yes. And I guess who it was? No. Can we describe the bathroom before Bingo tells her story? I went into the bathroom and it was like a like a piss sauna. Like a piss sauna. Oh yeah, that's right. I went on much later than you guys. And imagine like

a Greyhound bus except shittier. Okay. I love it. But with a nice paint job. Okay. And higher. Yeah. There wasn't dark. All that headroom really made a difference. It looked like a double-decker in the picture. So that was when every first pitched it to me was that we're getting a double-decker.

We have the whole top part to ourselves. Oh man. I'm like, I love that idea. Yeah, the, it started to fill in like steerage on Titanic. Like, oh my God. Oh, it's just got uglier and uglier and more. Oh, we aren't on Greyhound, we're not even up to that level. I went into the bathroom later in the bus ride

than these guys, right, a little bit after Bingo did. And it was so hot, and the walls were dripping everywhere. Everything was soaking wet. For as long as it took me to piss, which was pretty long because I tried to hold it to the stop. It opens up your pores so the shit stink you get right deep in. And then it covers with blankets. I didn't give it some of the bus ride is.

I put in my head, it was three words, blights. I've ever had back to back to back. Did it make you enjoy it? You're like, I was fine. Yeah, yeah. That's so fun. I miss TSA. I was fucking just hugely into the edibles

and I had like mountains of snacks. So I was happy the whole set. He had chicken in a basket. Nobody eats those. Chicken and a biscuit. What is the? It's a nice snack cracker. I'll give you one afterwards.

I don't want you chew one. I want to chew. It's for people who want chicken and a cracker don't want to go through the hassles. I love your crunch on podcast. I love to have like celery on a podcast. Apples. A carrot. Our podcast is sponsored by Bing Celery today.

Crunchy to the last. Can I be over here? Sure. Now it looks like that. Do you guys feel weird? Hot frying? That's sexy podcast. We're getting to a story because you asked. You know, Bingo had the surgery, so her pooping is still irregular. So she panicked, took a bunch of Dulclax the night before, a bunch, and she still couldn't make any product.

Oh, okay. In reserve, she bought a Fleet Enema, which she panicked and did on the bus. Bigel, do you want to come in? Yeah, yeah. Because I still don't understand. I'm terrified of this story. All I saw of it was a text message. Yeah, let me read the text message.

I have no idea. how it worked. And I didn't know how bad I felt for you until I went in there and missed because my piss was 45 seconds. What I'm right? I don't want to alarm you, but I just gave myself an enema. So I got to wait in here

with my ass up and my face in the toilet for five minutes. See in a few. And we timed stamped. That was at 4.12 p.m. It was 4.23 or it was 20 minutes later, 433 when you came back.

I was worried. And there's one bathroom on the buses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A filthy bathroom where you literally... Well, I had to wait five minutes, I had to time it. But did you put your feet on the wall or something? No, there was a handle. Huh.

It goes high, though. But you get your ass higher than... I was like this. I know, and you can't have it fall out. You can't waste it. No, you can't waste it. That's when we went from Lyft to Greyhound. Well, this going on there was totally Greyhound.

But it was all for nothing, I found out. Oh, man, your face- No, there was a fucking sea of diarrhea in that toilet that you didn't even try to flush? No, that wasn't... So, not everything was mine. Wait, wait a minute, you guys are stacking shits in here? In the fucking penthouse suite.

Come on. So you're doing a handstand on somebody else's dues? Not all that. The diarrhea, that was already there. That was not, you don't understand. what happened to me if you want to know a palli. Your face look like. Why don't you show us?

I don't know this talk-dy-talk. Let me see that asshole. Why don't you shit now? Well, okay, I have. Get a paper plate. Put it on this biscuit, chicken on a biscuit. You know, chicken and a biscuit with a special friend. Product really was just salient solution because what happened to me,

I have an imaginary prolapse rectum I do too I have an imaginary prolapse rectum What's its name? Is this like drop dead friend? No so what happens to me Is it not like hangs out

And it's imaginary Because I've never had it checked out by a professional So in my head It's just it doesn't hang out It just overlaps or something but what happens to me What happens to me

is I always think I have to shit Maybe there's not shit But I always think I have to poop But I had a grumbly belly So I also have a grumbly belly So in my head I think there's a plug But I have diarrhea, I have a grumbly belly

So I think I must have an enema right now But on the bus But in reality there was no shit at all, at all. I was already cleaned out. I did an enema for no good reason.

We're all aware of that. Well, it sounds like you may have inadvertently cleaned to the toilet then if there was already shit there. That's very nice. I don't want to sound too much like Rogan, but what if you're a multi-dimensional and you shit very well in one dimension, but you can't remember it

when you bounce back? That's a possibility. I have power. When it's prolops, does it go to two dimensions at once? It's a possibility. Swinky, slinky, watch it walk down the stairs. Slinky. But I mean, if you had something that serious going on, like they just replumbed you down there,

they would have noticed that, right? No, but the thing of it is, I've never had it checked out, so things might be my head. I don't know. Save the receipt. And maybe they wouldn't check that part out. Maybe while they're putting everything back together

and they don't just check out. You don't think they notice the butthole while they're working on the vagina? You're right, and they would charge or they'd go, we've got to charge a per hole in a that. That's the people talk about eating the ass. And I'm like, that's gross, except for when you're drunk, it's all really close together. So I know I've done it. If I had that problem, the only reason to fix it is if you were trying to get laid.

And I'm not trying to get laid. So what the fuck? And I think with the prox, you can kind of fuck yourself with it. It's kind of like, you can probably. But my prolapse is gone. Because prolapse means it's out, right? So then you can kind of like... Your fucking porn searches look like, jeezing this water balloon dog.

The coolest part of my prolapse is gone. Let's compare. She shoved a finger over out of my ass and pulled it out of the vagina. It's already done. And that was the coolest thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life. And you felt it or did they have a mirror to show you? She showed me in the mirror. It was the most...

That was the best part of my whole life. And she was like, I've got to show you the coolest thing. thing, right? No, but that's what, we already did this on a podcast, so I was like, that's the only way I can come. It was so fucking badass. You squirted her in the face? Bingo kind of looks like Sharon Stone and casino right now.

Yeah, you look awesome. This is the luck. And you're kind of shrill like that, like where she's out of control and... Oh. Getting boned up again, huh? Sharon Stone had a prolapsed asshole. He might be testing that prolapse assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I could tell just from that one movie with Sharon Stone that she had a prolapsed asshole. What would she spread it open? Yeah, most people were looking at the beaver. I'm like, oh, somebody better tell her the bad news. He had snails. Yeah, yeah. So, Annie, what brings you to town?

Oh, I'm doing a show with you tonight. All right. Good, I'm glad we could plug it. Oh, yes. It's all about you, baby. I'm here for you, Dyer. Yeah, yeah. No, I've been here before with you.

You're problematic. Yeah, I remember you guys being... I was at the... We were competing. You were in front of the sand dollar, and I probably came down to, like, eat pizza out of a deep sleep and go back to bed,

and you're like, come on, let's go out. We're doing ketamine. Ketamine and slats. Ketamine and slots. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had me at ketamine, but... Sure.

You already won $500. How? I went to Vegas, Matt. Do you guys know Vegas Matt? We've got to connect you guys. No, that guy's a douche. No, he's not at all. No, you guys will love each other.

I love Bill Cortez. You guys know, it's going to, everything will explode when you meet each other. Yeah, the Cortez. These guys, they gamble online. They do high limit slots and they're hilarious. It's like it's Matt, his son, his friends, and they all, no one goes, let's stop. They all just keep going, more, more, more, and it's really fun. So I went over there.

They do little side bets. How do they think of it? What's up? How do they fake it? There's no faking. Yeah, that's the thing. You got to have real estate, I've learned. If you want to be a gambler, you also have to have real estate.

Yeah, yeah. Somewhere. You have something to lose. But it's very fun. You guys would love them. But we went over there. I won a quick side bet. Nice.

And a shirt. Or do you get the shirt for the big of the big. That's what you call it. You're a woman of a certain age. You go, hey, I'm not going to be able to. It was the slot machines. I picked a square at one. one on the slot.

The slot's in front of me. I picked a square and I won. I was one of those ones where everybody in. No. I did feed 20 into the karate kid machine early, but I was like, no, I'm not going to chase money until your mojo. I just somebody,

in the dojo. I will say one of my best memories on this earth of my entire life is just me and Andy, like, it might have been 7 a.m. 7 a.m. You text me and you're like, are you up? And I was like, never slept, babe, let's go. and we're just sitting. It's one of those, like, love seat.

I would love to see a text message from Andy Andrews where he says, babe. Yeah, that's true. Did I say babe? No, I think that was her part. That made more sense. You don't read a lot of my text messages. Babe.

I just babe and alarm. Babe, question mark. Oh, my God. No, but it was so fun. We were having the bus time. Yeah, there's a little magic in a corner of a casino and I don't want to tell people where. You might find a new one, too.

I might find a new one. I got a good read off the monsters opposite corner. I just like the ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, I love Vegas. Do you miss the coins, though? You're old enough to remember ding-ee-ding. I wasn't around that point. The El Cortez has coin machines.

That's one of the cool things about it. Your hands would get filthy if you want to jog butt scoop in the quarters. Oh, it's great. And the bucket is so heavy. You give your kids the filthy. Oh, the elderly people. It's so gross. Yeah.

I wasn't around much for it. I wasn't around much. When you went on video poker, it'll go ding, ding. If you win it, like, the royal flush, it'll go ding, ding, ding. And if you just get the draw button, it'll stop the dingy, but you don't stop it. You want, everyone. Give me every day. Fuck you.

Yeah, you don't skip it. You celebrate your entire win. You look for eye contact with the guy who just left that machine because it was. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Moved to the other side of the bar and you're like, didn't you just leave here? Oh, man. Look at all this money we made, huh? Whenever I was a kid, they opened, I was in the Army.

I wasn't a kid, but I was a young dude, and they opened the Indian Casino next to my hometown. And my mom got all addicted and went crazy. So when I came home on leave the first time, she's like, come with me out here. And I wasn't old enough. That's how I wasn't old enough to legally gamble yet, but she brings me in the casino.

They're like you can fight for our country, but you can't gamble. But I lost 40 bucks in about 50. 15 seconds and was miserable. My mind just starts, you could have bought, you could have bought beer. You could have bought a fucking baseball glove. Do you need a baseball glove? No, but you'd have a baseball glove instead of fucking nothing, wouldn't you? And so I'd be rated myself.

And then the next day, she's like, we're going back out. And I go, all right, I'm going to take another 40. I'm going to put it and I'm going to try to win my 40 bag. And that's it. I know it's gone. It's 40, but I'm going to try to get my 40. And within almost the same amount of time, I won 200 bugs. That's what's up.

And you would hit the thing and it would spit tokens out and then you would take your tokens up but I couldn't cash them and I had to have go go to leave these in and get my money

and she's like oh you fuck you one so she goes and cashes it in it was back I go I'll be outside I'm not I love that I hate this shit

and children I know you guys have all young fans that's why you should always gamble never quit when you lose you just keep going

and you get it bad just double down just think about how many mits you could have Yeah, I would have been way ahead if I would have kept going, huh? When I lived here, when I was a kid, 86, I would do the same thing, but it was always, I could have gotten a hooker with that money.

Because it was, you know, hooker. I have a number of connection. I can't wait to see you with a, oh, no, I'm a woman of color later. I don't trust the business. It's like comedy that's, you know, on epical, shit, rises to the top. It says early in the day, so. sober, Andy. We'll see at the end of the night. But I caught her early in the morning when you

want her. But you would be one of those like you just have her as a friend? Yeah, yeah, no. I tell you. I just we had a line. We just had a lot. We have a lot in common. When you were an escort, did you ever have a guy like me? There was a go-go dancer. God damn it, what do we have? What are you looking at? Honey, can I get that wine? I'll just drink

stupid wine. No, I'll drink. Hang on. Yeah. Is that a The finished wine drink? What do you look at? No. I'll drink? The green can. Yeah, all right, I already have I need snacks, the after party's up at the penthouse. This is, I love this, hot fries. I love this.

I was drinking these on the bus. Pink lemonade-flavored vodka. No wonder you enjoyed the bus, right? You didn't have for me to be a little bit of the rest of us is sober as fuck the whole time. Well, I froze out. Me and Anakin barely smoked weed.

That was when, I think that's when I got woke, when I had like a moment of, and it was like, at the beach, and then I felt a jab and you go, eh, drinks. And I was like, hey, you fucking drunk. I froze water in the big torpedo size. And then, so now they're down

to like just the outside is water and the inside is ice. I'm like, oh, I can pour pink fucking pink lemonade vodka into the water and then have a vodka water on a fucking iceberg. So yeah, we pour

like four shots into that and it killed that and it just kicked that. second edible in a high year. He brings icebergs onto transportation. Yeah. He was celebrating the bus experience and the rest of us were medicating. Surviving.

Yeah, yeah, surviving. But he was in the moment. And Andy, what did you learn from that? Nothing from your cancer? I learned that I should have ran over and enjoyed my life by getting in front of the line of fucking hoopel heads lined up for a fucking sandwich and snacks. What's that hooplehead?

This bus hooplehead. Don't you watch it. Oh, it's from Deadwood. I don't remember. I watched it a long time ago. So this bus, I don't know if you've ever taken a Greyhound in your illustrious career, Greyhound, on some level, made this look fantastic because they have bus stations. This just drops you off on the side of the road like a school bus.

Like, it's not even a bus sign there. Do you think it's the same spot every time? They have a designated spot. Disney corner. Yeah, when we stopped in Kingman for the long stop. which was about twenty four minutes and it was in a convenience store so you just got truck stop yeah yeah you just got chips there's no food the whole way not one place to stop and get this was the only place i had a subway inside of it but everybody literally everybody get off the

bus except mimsy who is asleep the entire fucking yeah and she's having the most fun in this hand everyone's in line it's subway and i'm not fucking waiting in a 25 person fucking line i'm I would rather walk from the beginning of the line to the end of the line grumbling about a bunch of cunts taking up all the fucking snacks. Well, we don't like Subway. Do we, Andy? We don't participate in pedophile. Yeah, yeah, no, no.

That's why I voted for the other guy. Guys, John Reep, are you excited? John Reap. The hemie guy? Oh, yeah. You showed me that when I was asleep or Joe. And that's why you don't want to meet your heroes. Don't bring your kids.

He was my favorite meeting. Do you know, John? Yeah, no medium. Well, I don't know what we're talking about. Not for child pornography. Oh, I did not. I did not know that. Yeah, there was some celebrity deaths, too, but I can't even remember who's for her.

But I cried. I will say, the only thing is going to fuck that he waited to shave his head for you to be in remission from cancer. You're like, I'll do it a notch in solvable. I know. Everyone's bald. It's cute. I wanted to be in solidarity with Andy, but I didn't want to be in solidarity. We're in solidarity.

Yeah. I didn't lose hair in my feet. I thought he was going to die. And I'm like, I don't want to just be bald. Just because Andy's now dead and it doesn't make any fucking difference at all. Could have done a really emotional like churn shanks, like head shaving. Yeah, he shaved his head and I'm like, oh, you didn't have to do that. I could have taken money.

I would have rather sold that to locks of love. Hans is coming back. People are not for me necessarily, but it's very popular. And everybody wants to live. Is Vegas dead out there? Yeah. Did you notice 15% less people? Well, is it because they started taxing people on winning?

I noticed 30% less people in the plaza pool, but it probably goes 90% of people are at Circa. The Circa looks full, and that's about all I've seen of it from my room. Oh, yeah. Well, they're all napping, getting ready for the big show. Yeah. I might take Alea up there later. I have to check in with her.

Do you, so you go to the pool? You like to go to the pool at the casinos? At Circa, I don't mind. I like to trip on mushrooms there in the evening. And they lower the price and everybody leaves all the... They say dress like the drug you're going to do. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at his little mushroom hand. A little math. Is it mushrooms? It just looks like a little mushroom. When I do like it over there, you can lay on any of the VIP areas at night or, you know, take over the area. And then they wake you up and go, sir, it's time to leave. Can we see our key, sir? Yeah, no, they just asked me very politely, you know.

Alex O'Meara got thrown out of this hotel at 7 o'clock in the morning. He's the most staid, beautiful, laughable man, 55, 60. He said he went down at 7 o'clock sober, doesn't drink, just the kindest English teacher guy. One of my favorite dudes. You couldn't make this guy upset or do something wrong. and he went down at seven in the morning try to get a cup of coffee and he said he walked past

some velvet rope to nothing and someone screamed at him in his face, you can't do that you can't be here, I'll fuck you up I don't know, probably not that but uh, fuck you up then he said he goes to the donut shop thinking I can get coffee there

and I checked out how the setup is in the donut shop he said I grabbed a diet Pepsi to bring to my room and then I went to the line for the donuts, which is he went the backwards way, but he's still in the donut shop and then the guy came over another guy screaming in his face

and he told him, you have to leave. He goes, but I'm staying here. He said, I don't care. You're going to have to go. You go outside for a while. Yeah, we're going to have to talk to management about this. Oh my goodness. He better get a free cronut. I wouldn't say a first name basis, but I reckon the security guy that was here when that unfortunate incident happened with the hooker that, anyway, he goes, hey, and they, he remembered me, yeah, yeah.

That's what you get with the bucket hat. He'd be completely incognito. He kept telling me, when I come down there, he goes, he reminds, and then I hear that, and I change outfits and go back down there, he goes, now you even remind me of him more. Stephen King. Stephen King, he's got me in glasses where he looks like Johnny Knoxville. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to put some sticks of dynamite up their assholes later.

Dude, staple some butt cheeks together. Have you ever worked with any of those guys? I just stevo. I did Bert's cooking show with him. And I was just so confused because Bert is like not actually good. I thought like the joke was like he's not a good chef. And they gave the food and I was like, am I supposed to, I literally am I supposed to pretend that it's good? It was like food poisoning level.

I was like, Bert, what the fuck is this? It was all like, it was like a seafood dish, too. I was just like, oh, my God. But it was like Stevo and, yeah, it was just me, Steveo, and Burt. So check it out, guys. Something's burning. The food was so good. And the jokes were even better.

That is baffling to me because I can't cook with someone even looking at me, much as talking to me. Yeah. I can't do a toast and a egg at the same time. Like, is it done? I don't, get the fuck out of the kitchen. It's too chatty in there? No, in the new kitchen, you can see him cooking.

Oh, you can like get an island like this. I go out into the little house and watch him on the monitor. The security care. Are you a good chef? For me? He's good. He's good. He's very good.

Yeah, years ago, he made stew for me and himself or whatever. I was like, well, people do this. This guy's career would be over. They'd cancel him. Oh, you said for me. Andy waits for his wife to bring him dinner. So sometimes when it comes down, well, she'll make it.

She brings a ball and comes up. She'll say dinner's ready or text me. And then I'll come down. I'll give it a few minutes. And sometimes you're still in the kitchen and then she feels like it. She's got to be like a waiter and go today's specials are.

It's like, just get out of the kitchen and I'll scoop his shit up and eat it. Wasted on you. I know. But when he comes to Bisby, it can tell sometimes he's kind of waiting for his dinner. Is Jenner to be given? Yeah, yeah.

I don't like to get angry with men. Because they can hit you back. I haven't built up, you know, when's dinner ready, you know. I've made a stew. Todd didn't like my stew. She'll say, what time do you want dinner sometimes? And I'll say, how about, I'll just assign at time. How about 5.30?

And I'll go down in the kitchen about 515 and ain't nothing going on. They're like, what's going on, lady? What do you want to? Are you ordering out? Because I see 530. You go to schedule. Do you not enjoy the fact that you know Todd didn't like your stew? It was kind of funny, but I will say it was like if he ever wanted me to make another stew, this is the bad move.

Well, no, it's a good move because he doesn't want it to. Yeah, no, nobody likes, well, Doug stew's different, but I'm just saying, my biggest fears, people say, oh, that's real good, real good, and you make it again, and they fuck them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, still is a pretty genius where you just chop, chop, chop, chop, and you're done. Yeah, I love a little chop chop I can only make crock pot shit When I first started hanging out It was football

And we would do a big thing with And every week sound up would go all out Oh really? Stuff for football There'd be a whole lot The layers dipped Those are No I can't do it

I can't do difficult I can do easy well You wouldn't want to do something Where like for in Well it's just some of that You need something that were shut off itself Yeah some of the locals May not you know

You don't want to share something Where their hands are going in and out of the bowl That's what he doesn't want people to watch. I don't have, yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know on how much? I'm stirring it with your penis. Fucking bar rescue shuttered down levels of core sanitary conditions.

It drops on the floor, he puts it back in. I don't cross-contaminate the chicken for fuck's sake. But if, yeah, if something fell on the floor or it's part of the past expiration. It's just going to be in the crock pot for 11 hours. I don't think it's going to matter. Find it. No bacteria is going to live through. this. Sometimes we get eggs from our chickens and they'll give them and they'll have spots in it.

And I told you, I used to try to get the spots out and then I go, oh wait, hold on. Well, look, I can't even find a fucking spot. And if I didn't think eggs were gross already, why the fuck am I worried about that spot? Now, what do the spots mean? Do the spots mean something's bad or? No, it's just like a blood spot from when the American was formed. What do they call that kind of chicken? You want to sit on my latch, you can. And 10 given out. And then get another prolapse with anus going. Here's a bloody egg. Here's a bloody egg for you.

Here, stir up the spot. I'll put slightly molded fruit in the freezer for smoothies. You just scoop it out because I... Slightly molding. Yeah, no, I don't go repurposed garbage. I mean, like I threw out a piece of broccoli and I should have eaten it. It was steamed. There was nothing wrong with it.

And then he goes in a garage, piss it out, and then puts it in a freezer bag. That's why you... He puts it in my smoothie. He's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was sweet. You deserve to eat us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're so excited. I'm excited about his little. I had an oral ejaculation. He gleated. I haven't heard that word since the fucking eighth grade. Were you guys any voluntary gleaters in the crew here? What? I feel like bingo could gleam.

I practiced in junior high and learned how, but I could. Do it. Gleek? That spitting, lower spitting. It's so great. Well, you just kind of flex your tongue. It's such a joint. It's a real fine stream.

I haven't seen it in class and nobody would know. It's just P. That one is P. I remember people doing that and I didn't get, I had a big gap in my teeth so I could have just fucking

annihilated that shit if I wanted to. Well, you know, those people, the glitters grew up to be the people online going Yeah, yeah. Hey, you fat pig bitch. Yeah, yeah.

Remember that? Gleeder Gleaterman they called me Yeah Gleaterman I have a nickname for you I inadvertently said out loud I said I didn't even mean to

I was just like Annie Ketterman It was like oh wait a minute I mean let her Well the doctor that killed our dear friend Matthew Perry Yeah yeah yeah They stole that was they call her the Ketamine queen

Yeah yeah I called And I'm going hello I was like oh my God that's not even her picture Oh her mother died? That was a stretch she said princess she said queen and I said her mother died

and see us but that's not even you're all in the stage you don't become a queen because you're fucking no but you should not sexism

and thank you for bringing that up I've been my issue with the Royals is that it is very sexist why when the queen dies does the girl not become the does the princess not become the queen I'm sorry

was that your one minute I'd kill I'm glad you brought this up can you imagine Did you just kill ending? Without even a microphone, like that was your Tadda moment. Well, yeah.

That was the bit. Here comes Bert Kreischer coming in for a Oh, he's bringing me a stew, a delicious. He's helicoptering in. I was like, I don't want to eat these scallets. Is that okay? That's a helicopter. How's your audio issues with that bass music

blasting out of Fremont Street? Like, if they cranked up the music, it was very funny. when we're talking to Gary, our director here, manager, he picked us up from the bus area, not the station. And he's like, I go, so what's up with Vegas is dead? And he said, you know, that's bullshit, because people just perpetuate this myth. But if you know a bar is empty,

no one's going to want to go to it. First of all, that's the only bar I want to go to. You're like, I'm on the bus, dude. I took the bus here and was happy. You're paying me as you know I'm making money. I'm on the bus. Nine hours if we want to be in a bar. No, I would go on, like, I want to go on like a cool train with you guys.

Like a fun, nice one, though. Yeah, we have to leave the country to do it. Yeah, let's go on a fun train. I'm in. The one that goes across Canada, look at the fucking deluxe suites. Is it awesome? Canadian? Oh, fuck yeah.

I would love that. Australia would be great, but it's further away. So, yeah. Canada. Keep it simple. Yep. Vancouver to You can take it Vancouver to Toronto

But then you can keep going all the way To like Halifax or something And it's fucking gorgeous I know I'm on time Alex who's wrong in the country What's that But the dewees

I'm not I'm not welcome In Canada with that Oh yeah you can't go to Canada Because all your deal on I gotta wear a Brian Adams shirt And shake hands with her Yeah I think you can get out of that I think that's a money thing

Yeah okay I think you can pay your way out of it I'm pretty sure Alex is a, he's got a birthday, but it's like, one that doesn't count. It's like 37 or 38. 27? Wait, if you can't bet your age on a roulette wheel, it's, there's no reason to celebrate. That's a 36 cut off.

Remember I said it. Let's count double zero as some kind of asterisk. When I turned 45, it's the last cool suicide with the caliber of weapon, 45. I don't think it's possible. I got to wait until 80. It's kind of like Margo. She was 86 and 86. Wait, what's the AK-45?

AK-47, yeah, yeah, I'm past all that. You know, I've got to wait for a new weapon. Do people over AK-47 themselves? I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to have him to be myself. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rick-a-haired shit. I bet you ricochet situation.

Yeah, six, me. I always wanted to try to shoot myself twice and then fuck everybody out of the investigation. Wait, hold on. How do you shoot himself in the head, too, does it? to do it. This whole Macafee. Practice.

Make your suicide look like a conspiracy theory. That's how you do it. That's fun. That's exciting. Yeah. They'll never forget you. That was a good challenge. Reddits for you everywhere.

You can find the angle to shoot yourself in the head where it's going to come out. Really, three times he shot himself in the head. And then you've got to get your wife's fingerprints on it somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a guy who, Eugene, who killed him. himself outside of the funeral home in his car.

And everybody dressed in the tuxedo? I don't know, but I was asked the around. He was already dipped him from out of it. I go, did the guy tarp up the car? And he didn't tarp up. It was almost the perfect thing. He drove himself to a funeral home, shot himself in the head, but he ruined the car. Selfish.

It's got to be so annoying when you go to work at the funeral home. You're like, oh, my God. Here we go again. Here we go. My brother had a funeral gig for a while, and I would go. What did you do? It was like a bar mitzvah? He would never be dead people around.

And I would, yeah, yeah. So it was a piano home. And he goes, he opened one casket. And he goes, you remember the old mailman? It looked like Abe Lincoln. And I said, you kind of. And then he goes, he goes, here he is. And there he is, the fucking mailman.

And he got a big dick, dead dick, too. Which I didn't think he could. Do they get bigger though? I don't know. I don't know. giant dick and I... Wouldn't that be nice of God? Just get like a big old be like that.

I feel it in my heart. It's your last, you know, hurrah where nobody has to see your little dick. You find, like, you know that it is... Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, when I die. You place my dick with a giant dick. It's gonna magically just puff up. Well, that would be nice to do.

Maybe you could swap penises if he worked at the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could give, you could kind of, like, write the world. Yeah. Take the tiny penis men the... that are so sweet. Mr. Lincoln. Such good personalities.

And those mean men with a big penis agrees, you swap them out. We're all about small penises and weaklings. Yep. The runts? Well, I was a runt of my family. Yeah, Creamy baby is something he's just come up with.

Were you preemie? Yeah, yeah. I can see it. Yeah, yeah. No, I can see it. You put me in an incubator, I'll go right out. I was an incubator baby, but I was a big incubator.

I was breached. I sucked in the pussy juice. So they had to put me in the incubator. I couldn't take it anymore. That fucking rugby scrum of shoulder she has, fucking toughen her way out of a vagina. Well, think of it. They grabbed my feet.

They'd pull me out. I had a twin brother. I kicked him out first. Yeah, that's right. But I was in an incubator. So were you incubator for a year? Yeah, yeah. I was a little baby, a month.

A month old. No, I spent a several. Three weeks or so in the incubator. Best time of my life. That is all they could afford for daycare. And they did bring him as food. I didn't really expect this baby, and I got to work a double. Yeah.

Were you annoyed when your mom would feed you her boob that she would have to still be there? My mom never offered her kit. You're like, why doesn't she get out of here? Yeah, no. My mom wasn't a tip feeder, and she'd get powdered milk in a thing. I can see that too. I'm still desperately seeking that nurturing. So ladies, if you want to come tonight

Yeah, yeah, nurture me Bottle, bottle feed him with your nipple Yeah, yeah And I don't want to pay a lot for it How are the comments so far? How are the comments on this? Oh, are we live? Moesha says, hang on, sweetie.

My mom never breastfed either And I'm really kind of glad for it now, I guess, that I think about it because I don't want to think about your mom if he's sexualizing a boob later on. Oh, man. That was one of that... It's all your mom.

Louis C.K. had that bit that I go, oh, that's so obvious, and I wish I'd have thought of it about how men, like, oh, that's why... Yeah, exactly. Men, like, gravitate towards tits, and they go, that's because you're a weaned on a tit. Yeah, so are women. Like, oh, fuck.

It's so fucking beautifully obvious. But not yours so much. Nobody, there's not... The nature. Something could happen Yeah, yeah We're in Vegas We hit one winner

And you get in No, no, it's not Your tits It's because we're queer Oh yes, yes Yeah, you're in the Queen Gammett Podcast

Oh, thank God I had that we're queer thing to get out of that one I made a social faux pa right there But I leaned into the faggot And fagot Get out of it

I was, yeah, I was pretty hurt It looked like I was really devastated. See, I threw the ice back in. Okay, good. Because I'm having wine. Okay. So who have we seen?

Have we seen any fun comedians recently? I was hanging out with, I was just going to say that on. We were just chatting online, though. I was just exchanging this. This is why I had gone before 80s, so he can't step on my dick. Oh, here's a lineup. Chad's going to open, either on stage or off stage, depending on his mood.

I'm guessing if we're drinking a little early, he'll go on stage, bring you up. Okay. You're going to bring me up. Okay. And then I'm going to do a small chunk and then bring Andy up and then go up. That's the word I call Andy small chunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you was just a little powder-fed incubator, wasn't you? That was my name. A little small chunk in that little incubator, wasn't he? I was called Andy Aikenhead by my brothers who made up story that I thought was true that they didn't, I wasn't one of them, that they found me on the Coquille Bridge with a fork in my head on Thanksgiving and this family of retarded people, Wolverhills, were going to eat me for dinner. And so I was a rescue and I thought that for years. And there was really a family called, with that name, wasn't there? Aikenhead, no, that was

I was Aikenhead because they had a fork stuck in it. But there was a family that they pointed out and said it was those ones right there. Moby Hill, yeah. And did you look like that at all? So he believed it. I wasn't a ginger. They were all gingers and a little bit of incest, though, was going on there. I'm shocked you were in the local papers, no, lore.

But they were very like a West Virginia type of people, you know, very fucking weird. My dad, my dad used to really, he enjoyed this one time. He saw the Moba Hills. Moga Hills? Mova Hills. Mova Hills. Yeah. And anyway.

The family, the old man had a fruit pie, and the kids started grabbing out it, and he started hitting the kids, and the fruit pie fell down. And my dad recounted that story so many times. It was like one of his better days. He runs in the family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tragedy plus DNA equals Larry. I had the snot fucking runs all the entire, the whole bus ride. I went through literally a roll and a half of toilet paper.

My nose would just keep running. The point where, yo, I hope she brings ketamine, because if I still have it, I hope that would cauterize, whatever is. I don't know, whatever is saps your snot, because I must have gone through so much snot. What part of my body was that taking away from? You have a prolapsed asshole. Hey, that's mine. It's not like you have gatorade to replace sweat on its snot. Like, what should I mean?

Maybe she put a fleet up your nose. I see. Just the idea of her doing hand stance and that's fucking, yeah. And it's swishy and it's so when you're on, you just really want to like... No room. It's a closet. You want in and out. But it's also a bus.

I don't know. Oh yeah, yeah. I grabbed my shirt because I didn't want to touch anything and grabbed onto that handle and then just pissed for... Eight seconds. Yeah. Everyone in the room besides Todd and me were on the bus. on the bus. Yeah. So you guys were a lot of the bus. So you were a chunk of the bus. Well, there's a little, there's a big chunk, little chunk, but you need the chunk.

Yeah. No, we were, yeah, we're very little chunk. Yeah, we had the first eight seats, I believe. Yeah. Oh, and the front. Leaving, there was only 15 other people out of 80 seats on the bus. Okay. So 23 out of 80. Tell everybody what you did with your peanuts and your Doritos. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was the funny part on the bus. Would you do with everything? Doug was sitting up front and then. at some point his toilet paper rolls down and is out of reach and then follow up. Down the

stairs beside the bus driver who's down here. It's a tall bus so you have the front row you can see everything as beautiful until he dropped the fucking mesh shade so I'm looking at a fucking mosquito netting until at some point he kept rolling it up a little bit and I'm like

yeah and he'd stop and then he get the fucking hard part of the visor like right in my sight line and that's when I said something. Can you please put that up more, you're right in my sight line. Like now I can see nothing but a fucking buzzer. And the guy's getting shelled with toilet paper

and peanuts. Everything's sound like, every snack fell. It sounded like one of those butter cookie tins rolled down the stairs and then the lid rolled down after it. I was like what the fuck is going on up there? It's one of these made a tin and it

as he jerks around it goes down the fucking five stairs right past him And down the other stare. It was so embarrassed, humiliating, but it was hysterical. That was the only moment I feel like I can reflect on having fun. And my toilet paper, which I counted out, because my nose is like constantly dripping. So what did you have to sleep at?

No, Alex had a packet of tissues that I, you know, but we had to leave this shit up there because you can't go and get it. Well, until they stop, which they only, there's only six stops in the whole way. Nine and a half hours. It was so fun. Are you guys going to do it again? No, I think I'm done bussing. I would have, I was telling Jenny yesterday, if she wasn't on this trip with me, when we got off in Kingman, I would have just sent you guys.

I'm going to hitchhike the rest of the way. I'm not getting back on that. It was very difficult to get back on that bus. Yeah, I didn't stretch my leg out. I mean, it's smaller than a coach. I'm glad you got those ass cushions because I blew it halfway up and put it on the side

because my, if they would have checked seatbelts, I would have been fucked because my ass was on the seatbelt. I didn't put my seatbelt on because if the bus would have rolled over that would have ended the bus right soon. Dan loved his seatbelt. I was on head of those.

You put your seatbelt on the whole way. Like, I still, yeah, it's silly. And so, yeah, my, my seatbelt is like hugging me. These two, that's the windshield, are these two windows? Yeah, that's about the size of it. Yeah. You were six foot. I imagine myself if I ran to try to jump through the front window and I sized it up.

It was about six foot. My whole body would have fit on that. It's a nice view. In Australians. Well, he knew. It seemed like a setup because I've been on a, I've been in a bus accident in Florida where. I was like the seat behind the bus driver.

And that's where my seat was right behind the bus driver. So I kept watching. Like final destination? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm definitely. Keeps coming up. But what? Why did you sit in the same seat?

Doug assigned that. No, no. I told me no. It's just like you were trying to get him thrown. What is it exposure therapy? I'm fucking good at what I do. So I say to bingo explicitly, we have the first two rows. We have to get the front row on.

the right hand side looking forward because we're going to be going north and the sun's going to be coming down on those poor pricks on that side. So we want to be safe on this side. And so they sat where they're supposed to sit. And then we get on and they say, well, for filming it'd be better if we sat over there. And I'm like, well, nah, fuck it got. And then vaping and then next thing you know, we're sitting in the bucket sun. And I'm right behind the driver going, oh, fuck, here we go again.

That driver was more like, why did they set rape on the way? Both drivers sucked. Drifted across. Oh, I hated the second driver. I couldn't hate the second driver because he's a white man. But the other guy was ruder. But the second guy played that screaming music. You could barely hear it just.

Rit, right, rid of rat. I was like, what did he listen on his headphones? And we can hear that? I couldn't make out what it was. He had a headset. Yeah. But the microphone up in. for if he wanted to make a call.

Oh, I didn't know. We're listening to Warren and fucking cherry pie. Yeah, like that. Queens-Rike. It was a good playlist, I liked it. It was like playing, name that tune. You didn't want to play as like, well, what the fuck is that song? And eventually you'd pick off, okay, it's a Warren or whatever.

It's nothing good, but it was very. You could barely hear it though. Like you said, you'd use it. For a little bit, I was like, am I just hearing music? Yeah, I feel that was. Until we got in the city, then you could hear it all. And it was like long distance dedications, coming in and this is radio you're listening to how do you get terrestrial radio outside of

kingdom i watched him snack and that i was getting irritated i could see this i could almost there was popcorn and then shits yeah because i could see the reflection in the you want them having greasy hands on the wheel you got our beautiful lives in your hands sir and it's kind of a i mean i like a pilot i'll see a pilot and go nice job on that on or whatever but the bus driver This is our emphasis. Yeah, like, what kind of pay must they get for that job? Well, and they changed it. Well, I don't know how often they change, and it seems like.

But are they on the whole trip and then they switch or someone comes? They switched partway through. It was like our Phoenix. It was like flight attendants. Like they have to live in different areas. Raleigh. I don't, did you guys see them interact when they swapped? No, I don't think that first driver likes to interact with people.

You came in like kids like, we got a substitute teacher. Like, when you came, so whoever came in and said, we got a new driver. And then when he came on, we were so used to our old driver Then I said, hey, how are you? And he's like, fine. Like, what? My other team's here. This might be the worst job.

Well, like, they get bugged all the time. I don't know. I don't think it's anybody's first choice. But if you think about it, it's a lot. So they were doing like three hours each maybe? No, no. That second guy did seven hours. Seven hours.

So then you're seven hours away from your first destination. So are you taking a bus back? I don't know. Do you have to sleep? When you see the square fucking shape and the tit pocket, you go, I have a friend. He means he's a smoker. I'm a smoke. He's going to want to get out at every stop and smoke.

So I said, how long you've been doing this? Oh, about six months. But I did 17 years in the city, I guess in Phoenix. It would have been. You must like this more. Yeah, just long stretches. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was all I got on.

Yeah. But I made a smoking buddy. Yeah, when I saw him, when I saw he was smoking, that was when I jumped out at the one and tried to hoon down a joint and then he put his cigarette out. I was like, I can do that. He still had more, most of it. And then he's on a timeline because he fucking wasted half his cigarette. So I had to.

And were you guys vaping on the bus? We weren't allowed to. We got a ghost. I did. So the lady that sat over beside me was getting, she's like, I got to go and I'm, you guys smoke weed, right? And I'm like, yeah? Yeah, and she's like, I got to go on a plane, so I'll give you this vape.

So she gives me the- Well, he stops at Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix. Okay, yeah. She had to get on a plane. So she, whenever we didn't stop for a long time, when I was telling you, I got fucking smoke. So I put the tape under my shirt and then I realized right away, it's flavored. It's some sort of horrible, sheet-y flavored weed vape. And so I've tried to blow it all out.

And then I come up and I start telling Jenny, it's like, it's just blaring out of my mouth while I'm like, I don't like the flavor. I'm like, what the fuck? It's still fucking cows. It's still coming out. I already exhaled all my air and breathed in new air. What the fuck? I know it's hard. All you did was drive.

I know we drove. Those flights are not long, though. I just like to drive. I just like to drive. I hate that airport more than any. airport including like Newarker yeah L-A-S we live right near L-A-X this one oh the one here the fucking trams and there's like a hundred and fifty-five baggage claims yeah and then a line for a taxi that's like 9-11

security lines no I hate yeah I just want to I want it to be as simple when I get off the plane as possible I'm not I don't like to do are you all like I don't do layovers I don't want to do anything I want to I love flights. I hate a layer. Because you like that, because you like the skyclubs. Yeah.

I get the longer ones. Oh, yeah. No, no. Flying first level is just like having a designated driver. He just flutting it. It's Tucson, so there's really no, no layover flights. Yeah. Unless you're going to Chicago, Houston, or Atlanta, a solo.

But they have like LAX, they have a thing where when you land, you have to take a shuttle to the Uber. So I make Todd pick me up or I get a, if you get like an Uber black, They'll pick you up, but it's like, that extra shuttle is, what's L.A.? Yeah. I like him. Oh, it's fun. It's fun.

We live right for the beach. When you came down, we met her in the food court when she's checking in. Yeah. And she said, well, I was going to leave last night around midnight, but I was having so much fun at the comedy store. You know what it's like to have so much fun one place, but you know there's so much fun at the other place. and I was going, no, I was the opposite. No, you're not. I hate it here, and I hate the fact

that I have to go to that airport to get out of you. You know that you have a fun-ass life, and it's always fun. Well, in your age? Oh, my God, this is the darkest. This is your future. Yeah. This is not cooking with bird.

Oh, God, I hilarious eating it going. Am I supposed to... Time to pretend... trying to eat this um no i love that because i always say every day's my birthday i would say every day's my birthday

and you're like i always say that but no for bingo what every day's my birthday i always said that's what oh oh yeah in the theory of when like a fucking puffy or someone has a $20 million birthday parted here yeah your life is that's why you have that

posse of fucking security guys around you is to stop people from making it your birthday Yeah. Come on. That's probably the bad with the good, I guess. Did he? No, that's fun. You know who he's friends with, John Reap?

That's his favorite comedian. I want to start spreading lies. John Reeb didn't molest children. That's a lie. He wanted to do that private Epstein Island, but there you go. We looked at your tape. I wonder if the kid was like, This isn't funny.

I don't really get it. Oh. And it's dumbed down for someone like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just remember him from last comic standing and thought he was funny. He's one of the, this is what terrifies me about like Skank Fest or any festival or even the comedy store is there's so many comics, I don't know if I actually know them or just know of them through television. Yeah. or the, or the, the, the, uh, social media's like, like, I didn't know when Joe List put out,

and please check out the Tom Dustin documentary. It's a lot of fun. I don't know if you know Dustin down at Key West. Uh, I'm like, I don't know if I know Joe List and at some point is scrolling through my phone. And I'm like, I have Joe List's phone number. So I must know Joe List. You're gone? No.

That's the fucking, I'll talk about that tonight. dying art of the drunk dial at some point its ageism is what it is it makes it sad of you drunk dialing when you're almost Andy's age yeah I like both of you guys drunk dial me I love I'm so sober you should feel special if you're on that list of people we feel it's okay and appropriate it's a drunk dial one of my favorite drunk dials from St. was when he's hanging out with Johnny Depp. And him and Johnny Depp call me and have this whole drunken conversation with me.

And I was like, that was so fucking fun. That was amazing. And then the next night, they drunk dialed me again with the same fucking shit. They completely forgot that they had already drunk dialed me the night. I got a fucking toofer. That was a pretty good one.

I'm glad we had a script. I, yeah, there's a limited few people where you go when you're in the mood to drunk dial. And for us, it's usually during a reasonable hour. It's not 3 a.m. No, it's 7.30. 6 p.m. Yeah, it's a regular part of the day. Yeah, the last drunk dial I got from you guys was when you were watching Golden Girls

and wanted to finish together during it. Take it to the next level. Yeah. Yeah, they wanted me to narrate. All right. The older you get, the younger they seem. We have to do a sound check about 15 minutes. So maybe we should go to the trivia quiz round with Annie Letterman.

Do on every podcast. We don't really do that. Okay. I'm ready. I'm ready. All right, go ahead. Ask your trivia questions and we'll answer. We're not your $500 you just want and we're going to play double or nothing.

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Oh, and here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Woohoo! Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Woohoo! Did you guys see that there were these nurses?

Everyone knows it's the plaza. Gynaecologists, nurses, and they took pictures of like the like snail trail that they're they like did a tic-tok where they were like making fun of like the snail trails the patients left on the did you see this oh my god and they all got fired yeah they're like what the hell's this it was pretty hilarious that is so a while back when my you don't know you don't know if it was your snail trail what if you and if you do you got a problem yeah well that looks like yeah when my son rolled this trunk a while back my son my other son was visiting him in the hospital and he's like you're not even

They was yelling at the lady. You guys are doing fucking TikToks. They were doing TikToks in the hallway at the hospital. And he was like, my brother needs fucking shit in here. I don't what the fuck you do. It's so hard to get their attention and they're dancing. I get it. Oh, yeah.

You like the Savannah bananas. What's that? Savannah bananas. If you like dancing, it's baseball with gayness and dancing. Oh, yes. I just found that. And you were the first one I texted and the only one I texted because I didn't know anybody else that might know of that.

Yeah. Well, they're very famous, aren't they now? Savannah. It's not quite lengthy about how I used to try to sell busy on doing that same shit. Oh, really? When they'd ask me. It's like, uh, the people say it's like, Harlem Trotter's baseball. Oh, that's fun?

Yes. It makes baseball fun to watch. I would love that. We were watching a Savannah Bananas game on one TV and a Dodgers Pogers, something like, like actual rivalry game, and it was completely empty. Savannah bananas through to the fucking rafter is like a bowl game.

Yeah. Yeah, people are boring. Yeah, ridiculous. It's a good analogy for what this fucking country needs. This country needs... A little bit of levity. What we need is the Wizard of Oz

inside this spear to turn this thing around. Are we going on? I don't know. It's a little pricey. We'll have to see what the machines tell us. The machine, Burke, racer? Yeah.

You can get his text. No, we want a machine that'll pay off. No one that disappoints. All right, that's wrong. The food was good. Yeah, yeah. He's an affable gentleman.

I like Bert, right? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, Andy, what the fuck? That's coming from a guy who hates stand-up comedy. Yeah. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, you want to see its demise, so you're rooting for the underdogs, the underbelly of the big dog.

let's go smoke some weed yeah yeah the problem with Andy Letterman is you assume she has expectations for after the show where I'm just gonna be shaking a few hands getting some pictures from the people from that emailed them that's what Andy's yeah she knows where the good times are listen you're not there's stuff's happening okay I know that you're coming or not I know that's coming or not I know that's what I'm saying Party time. I think you could rally, but you don't have to.

No, I don't rally. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't like funny. We should do bingo tomorrow. Okay, I'm coming. Bingo with bingo. Well, I'm going to do football. You have to, yes, sports. Did you see the thing?

We're going to do plinko with her prolapst asshole. She'll drop. Just a bunch of prolaped assholes. Ding, yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Annie. You guys keep talking. Yes, do you want to show it to me?

Look at my outfit. Oh, I love the racist. It's so, oh, it's cute. Cute racism. Look at this little guy. I'm doing racism. That's not racist. No.

You want racist. That ain't racist. Also, you're racist. That's for football. You don't have a headdress that goes with it, do you? So usually the football hang, we do this. We've done this once before, at least twice. I remember when he wasn't.

I got a helmet. When you ghosted them. No, I was. was down there early and no one claims he was there before. I was there. I was there. I was there early and only one person came by that was even at the show. It was like New Year's morning or

something morning where no one's going to fucking be up at 9.30. Anyway, so now they're promoting it with this. Touchdowns and tirades with Doug Stanel. Oh my God. Can you make this a show? This is something like... Are you going to be standing in front of the...

And another thing about the new rules. I like the traditional kickoff. What the fuck? I like the banana guys. Yeah. They got to do banana football. Yeah, tirades would have nothing to do with football. That's so funny.

Unfiltered. Game day just got unfiltered. Yeah. Now your average lunch party. Talk about expectations versus reality. Look at that monkey run. Look at that little monkey go. That little monkey's shooting up a tree.

Not your average watch party. Probably a little bit more boring. No, it's going to be fine. Yeah, average. I bet you're not going to be down there at 9.30 a. Okay. No, we're going to be right. We'll still be there.

I'm saying I'm betting you. $500. $500. You have to spend one full game. We're going to work in shifts. It is fun. Yeah, I mean, not, I'm going to be a bunch. One day of 5 p.m. our flight.

Because we're going to do... 11 a.m. 11tham. They leave tomorrow. Okay. Where do you guys live in Arizona? Where do you guys live in BISB? Cool.

Are you really just collect? Yeah, he's like Epstein. We've got them from all over the world. He's like Epstein. Yeah, there's people. Makes connections. Yeah. You, Moonsie.

Got an open house now that John Reap's not there anymore. Yeah, you know what? Repet his time there. I let him use a few computers. You know, that's probably... Yeah, no big deal. It's on him. I was out of town.

He ran the modeling. He checked the calendar I just filled out. That was out of town. The fun has modeling agency, Chad, modeling agency. So a lot of child stars have come out of Bisby. That's an old bit. Good looking kids there.

Which one? I've never... Was that... If there was... If there's child porn, there had to be child porn stars. Stars, yes. Those are the last people that want to be recognized at the airport, baseball hat, and oversized sunglasses. Don't I know you from somewhere?

No, no, just please leave me alone. No, no, you're free. And then she fucking finally burst into tears and he goes, now I remember. I remember that. I don't remember that. Yeah, maybe I'll open with it. That's a pretty good one. I go up on stage and I set Andy up so he can't fail and then and then he does it somehow anyway

He fails stand on bills I moths it up I have a doubt you guys do it. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it I'm excited. Thanks for having me. What are you gonna wear you're not wearing that are you? I'll probably wear I'll probably just wear a shirt I'm no paying me in there. That's why did you want me to dress huh? Well no no we have outfits for you. It's kind of like, you know, you know when your friend is going to go to a steakhouse and not have a blazer and I have a selection of blazers that they can rent. I was probably just going to wear this.

Sure, sure. That would, you know, be yourself, you know. Why can my new urge? No, I'm very hurt. If you could give her any advice about this tonight's audience, well, don't. Bingo wears wings and a wig just to say hi to you. But you, If you're going to go the, you know, plain Jane route? I'm going to tear your nuts off. All right. You're mean. You look great.

You look great. Oh, all right. Yeah, talk about what he's fucking wearing. This is, oh, whoa. They showed me a team. There's an ad running for a bevis and butthead, and they're old. And the one, the bevis, or, no, it was. A butthead is dropped just like Doug was dressed the other day.

Where I wanted to do the bus, if it worked out the way I imagined it, I wanted to do the bus like as an offset to Tim Dillon and his private fucking Jets. Yeah, if you can take a private jet, but that's, you're going to crash for sure. You don't get to see clouds of stuff from a jet, right? Look, you can see clouds. Construction work, it's great. I never passed to Fred Myers Passing all the places

It would be nice to stop and hang out Every Arby's Kills my guts that we couldn't stop There was a lot And you pointed them all out It was fun And they weren't taking any suggestions The drivers

They weren't like No, we didn't on a heavy schedule Yeah There wasn't a lot of conversation Between driver and customer There was zero That wasn't way down there In front of us

The first guy had earpods in and was on the phone the whole time talking. Distracted driving is talking on the phone. It's not the phone itself. The Bluetooth oh and remember that girl Sheila? And you're like, oh yeah, and you

imagine her fucking prolapse rectum. And her taking an anemone and Gus and they're jacking off. That's my shit. There's only one prolapse ass It's an imaginary prolapse assholes. It's a prolapse asshole.

Do you? Do you? Do you do it? All right, that's a podcast. Clap it out. Annie Letterman. Annie. Annie. House fun.

Vegas, honestly, this is my 35-year anniversary of doing comedy starting in this town. But I don't know that I like the crowds here anymore. Like, first of all, you're never going to see fucking me and Andy. anywhere else working a Saturday night. Weekends are fucking rum springer for rubs. There's nothing

worse than a fucking weekend. A weekend in Vegas? I stopped doing New Year's. New Year's in Vegas. It's like just it's a skull crushing. Just the biggest fucking

tools. I came here when Vegas is supposedly dead. And if the whole summer, all the news stories, Vegas is dead, Vegas, and I leaned into it, hey, come

to this show, we'll have the whole town to ourselves. If Vegas is dead, then Fremont Street is the sacred burial ground of the initial death of Vegas. This is what died

first, which is beautiful because it's still like, it's retro. And I don't think a lot of How do you know it? It's cheaper. No, it's retro. Save me, my youth.

Carl Pilkington, do you know who he is? A show called An Idiot Abroad. He was the whipping boy for Ricky Gervais, and they made fun of this guy. Who was exactly like me? When I met him, I'm like, everything. He had a quote where he said, I wouldn't want to live in a mansion.

I'd want to live across the street in a slum looking at the mansion because the people in the mansion don't understand that it's beautiful because you're stuck inside of it. And that's the analogy I use for the plaza and the circa. I have a very good view. But if you're inside it, it's just fucking chaos. And a bunch of, yeah, I'd rather be. here looking at it.

That joke will get comment cards from the owner. So Kelly Shean and I worked, as anyone who watches the podcast knows my telemarketing trophy from the Tower Group,

salesman of... Oh, the Tower Group. That's where we met. Mm-hmm. A long time ago, and it got too far, far. Oh, yeah, it was a tower group. Batman and Sandy Chapman. Sandy Chapman still email has been.

Are you shitting? No. No. That wants your email. Can I give it to them? It's all my fucking stuff. Fabian? Lewandowski.

Yeah, Dave Mendesk. Yeah. So back in the 30th. 35 years ago, roughly. Wow. Yeah? Play in the Escape Lounge, too, now called the Dive Bar. We knew each other from Telemarketing Day, so we were going to hook up, but she had some paramour.

I guess you would say. I was waiting for her. Sure. So I was very drunk, but then I played way more drunk as her making out in the bathroom. and the wind is follow my lead I believe and I go

I'm going to drive home and she's like I can't just let him drive home I better go with but she had a broken leg I did in a full cast all the way up to here

this shit was ridiculous I had a full on old school fucking begin After an automotive... Claster fucking cat. After an automotive ex.

Yep. We don't need any fucking director's commentary, sir, just because you're with her now. I was with her then back when it meant buckwhees. And so

Ron Putnam, may he rest in a beautiful bouquet of ashes. God bless him. He was... He's running the door, and he's like, oh, no, you should definitely take him home. You don't want him to risk that. No, no, you've got a drunk because he's so fucked up.

And the guy looks at me stumbling into the car with her and says, well, he's going to be feeling that in the morning. And Ron Putnam says, no, I think he's going to be feeling that tonight. And I woke up with bruises and bite marks. Sorry. It's too late to meet you now. Sorry about that. Cast at all. Cast at all.

And I drove a stick shift with a goddamn full gas on to. Whose car was it? Mine. And I drove a. fucking sticks your clutch with a full cast on all the way up to my goddamn thigh didn't matter

well like fuck it yeah when she's gonna cast from ankle to hip bone and you're still the bottom well you you recognize her when she shows up 30 years later but I got a question

yeah did you come no you didn't did you you didn't did you You didn't, did you. You're leading the witness. Sorry. I'm just...

I don't think anyone is there to come. I don't know if I came. I don't know if either one of us did. I know. I might have been just going, ow, ow, ow, ow. Well, me too. The point is, do you remember this story 35 years later? And yes.

No one remembers an orgasm. My date said, oh, you definitely need to drag him home. I'm like, you motherfucker. I should share that award with her. Oh, you should. Your trophy? Yes. You should.

I parade that trophy around so much. Salesman of the month. Salesman of the month. Yep, with a gold fucking phone on the top of the trophy. And a little plaque. So do you ever hear from any of those people? No. Yeah.

I didn't see Sandy Chapman. Did you know Tom Konopka? No, he's a different. Yeah, I did, but I don't. No, he was a network. I know who he is, but yeah, different fun. Our group was Sandy Chapman, Dave Batman, Lewandowski. Buzz Marconi.

Yeah, and what was his wife? Oh, shit. Now I can't. They moved to Dallas and became J.R. Ewing or something or... Oh, my God. No, I was like the office. I was the dialer manager at Tower Group. What's that mean?

Deller manager. So I managed all the dialers, so I managed Doug's dialer. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, I.