The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Who died at Skankfest?

Episode Date: December 1, 2025

Better with VIDEO: https://youtu.be/UbxT-eR1bNQ  After an eventful weekend at Skankfest, New Orleans, Doug sits down with Chad to share all the juicy details... If you’re 21 or older, get 40% OFF your first order + free shipping @IndaCloud with code STANHOPE at https://www.inda.shop/STANHOPE#indacloudpod Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I feel like pouring your shaky beer is like your DUI test before you. Like, am I all right to talk to people yet? Yeah, I made a whole beer without spilling it. I'm all right. The litmus test. Yeah, pretty much. I raise my chair up. I feel weird.

All squatted down. Are we going? Yeah. Unless that mess this thing's up. Yeah, no. The boo shakes. is definitely a I make the mistake at home

and sometimes on the road if I have Bailey's coffee I'll make a Bailey's coffee thinking decaf will matter and now that's a fucking bad idea so yes other than that this is my first beer and this is how you look

and feel coming out of skank fest which we were supposed to be home Monday night we didn't get home till Tuesday afternoon uh so it just you know when when the party's over and you go ah just two quick flights hotel at the airport and now that's when they drag it out but uh i do not envy you sir yeah i don't know if it was more fun to work it because i get to see more people than when if i i'm just going to skank fest as a as a goer as a fan as i never wanted to work it because then I'd have to stay vaguely sober at least somewhat so you thought

yeah well you know when when drugs come into offset and counterbalance you go oh well but I saw more people because there's at more shows than I usually would but I missed all the fun stuff like the fights and they had one I forgot what they call it fucking uh Walmart fucking romeart fucking ring queen or something and it's two chicks to have to fight each other with one boxing glove and a baby in the other hand they have a doll that is great and he said it was no fun because everyone kept leading with the baby to not get hit I've seen that in some YouTube videos that's a real move he's in the baby to block Anthony Clark used to have a bit he used to hang around at the improv all the time and he had a bit about it's real soft-spoken southern

gentleman and he said yeah i heard over in italy that they will they will rob you what they'll do is they'll on the street they'll they'll toss a baby to you so when you catch it they can go right ahead and pickpocket you and run so what i'm saying is if you're ever in italy on vacation And someone throws a baby at you, swat it to the ground. Andy did not make it. At the last minute, he bailed out because he had what I sound like, but I assume that's cigarettes. And I quit smoking six days going into Mardi Gras.

I made it six days thinking if I could just get through a Mardi Gras without smoking i'm not barty grow a fucking skank festival if i could get through skank fest without smoking and i made it a maybe two hours i think about an hour before i get one pack of american spirit yellow please and oh and my junkie wife would like she's a beautiful thank you thank you because by the time i got there i had all the fucking airline fucking angst and security angst and then where's our bags why are we waiting so long for our bags

and then we take a fucking regular cab it's the only time I take a regular cab is leaving the airport because they always have their Uber pickup station some fucking far away hidden like the smoking sections they should combine them uh yeah and I'd find an Uber

just smoking cabs Caves are for smokers. I wouldn't doubt it. Like, they're so fucking hard up now. I mean, you hear broke people. Yeah, it's so bad I had to start driving Uber. No one says I had to start driving cab. That's the worst of the worst.

And this guy fucking gets us. They have put us right on the fucking 50-yard line of Bourbon Street, like right where it's the loudest, the most tourist-centric, on a second story where the... patio. That's where everyone you see throwing beads down to Mardi Gras where you can almost touch him. Only there's no Mardi Gras. There's fucking two sets of kids on each side of the street right under a fucking window where I'm out smoking now. Bang on fucking Home Depot fucking buckets upside down and it's just fucking wailing nonstop. And that's just on top of the rest of the

cacophony of all that shit down there. Oh, don't worry, hear that music from fucking down on Bourbon Street? Yeah, I'm sure that goes on all fucking nice. But you know what? They can't copyright that shit, because it's just a guy fucking pounding on a fucking paint tan. No, it's a trio of guys pounding on a paint can. I was gonna try to make this a big production about what a nice sweet we have. Instead, I'm going to complain about the fucking movie.

Oh my God, it really is fucking guys beating on a fucking pink can. And the cab driver dropped me off. I was fucking red-hot. He's like, oh, yeah, I don't, my credit card reader is broken. And I go, who carries cash anymore? Wouldn't you tell someone that? You shout out of luck, buddy, and walk away. Yeah.

I forget how that ended. I don't know if they had Venmo or something, or if I want to get an ATM. I mean, I had cash on me. It's the principal of the thing. Maybe I just paid them. Either way, I was fucking irate. I was fucking, I came in Nick DePaolo Hot, just fucking, just angry at everything, angry at the fucking, every person near me, all the fucking noise.

And we found a place to eat. It was a cool little corner bar. And then we're walking back into the shit. And I said, I passed a place right next to it that had cigarettes. And I said, sorry, bingo. I'm smoking. And she goes, stand hope, smoke.

And then I fucking lit up a cigarette, and everything was fine. The quarter isn't that bad. You know, just minutes later. The French quarter is a French quarter Bourbon Street, it's alive, it's vibrant. People are living their lives. You son of a gun, you.

It's not that bad. I was complaining earlier. Yeah? Like three minutes ago. I don't think there's a drug that they sell on this street that could make this amusing to me anymore. But I love to complain. All of those problems disappeared into the fucking stink of Bourbon Street. I think Bourbon Street, I've always always

hated New York more than any place in the country Times Square and I think Bourbon Street might one up it except if you you can you know there's still cool bars you can find but right in the heart of it and I I said it out loud I was on that was the first night was Thursday and it's like welcome to the thing we just show up and say hi to everyone and I had flown since I'd been up since 2 a. for the to make my early flight so now it's fucking 6.30 at night there and so I was home in bed with a fucking Xanax at 9 p.m. Actually I have footage of that fucking dead-eyed and fucking filming just a shit you're supposed to sleep to and they don't even put fucking

earplugs and even club congress puts ear plugs if you're if you're gonna be above the bar not a fucking it was a nice suite. It was a two-room suite, but it was old. Like, they built it when they built New Orleans. Like, it survived some floods that they didn't really, they just paint it over. Is it that they don't really expect people to sleep, I guess? Well, I told her. You don't have cocaine? We left you somehow. The cleaning staff might have taken that. Yeah, she was happy to switch me out. Because there's a, there was a Hampton and right by the venue, which was a way towards a convention.

Oh, your industrial? Yeah, I wasn't going to ask her, but I was bitching to Kim Kongden about it. Not bitching, yeah, bitching. She goes, oh, they'll move you. I go, no, she's fucking cool enough to get. That probably during Mardi Gras. I bet that fucking suite costs like five grand just because of the location. But I was happy to stay at a Hampton in where I get my Hilton points.

So, okay, this is the new suite. They moved us right next to the venue. there's no fucking chaos that shit on Bourbon Street went on until 5.30 in the morning and kicked back up at 10 a.m. Now we're gonna fuck at this and it's right next to the venue.

Thank you, Christine, and Louie. I re-want all the fucking sacks and were back in. Imagine trying to put somebody else in there after you left after you tell him. Doug Stanoff only stayed here for one night. You're like that, never mind.

I don't really well. Yeah, I said there's plenty of comics that age that would love to stay down here. They're going to head down here anyway, and that will be the fucking, the thrill of a lifetime. And free breakfast from 630 to 9.30, that's going to be my dream. So we switched out early. Nice. And I was booked for three shows on Friday and going, how the fuck am I going to make it? I got a 2 o'clock show, and then I eat.

o'clock show with a podcast in between I'm going to be a fucking wreck by eight o'clock but by ten o'clock they asked me if after that she goes a bunch of people didn't show she said hey will you host the after party at Larry Flint's barely legal club from one to five I don't know I'm going to stay up for an eight o'clock show much less and then they called hey I hate to ask but uh Kevin Smith didn't show up for the opening Legion of Skanks podcast at noon can you kill him for that she just said opening for Legion of Skanks and I thought it was stand-up and I said yes because she'd moved me hotels and I wasn't going to say no

but I'm like I have I have four I have an hour and I have four chunks of 15-minute chunks I have four 15-minute sets that's an hour I called my accountant to make sure That's an hour. So if I have to do one more show, I don't know where it's coming from. Well, wait, did you, if I understood, you thought you were going in to do stand-up,

but I went in, so you went in stand-up headspace to a podcast? I was so fucking relieved. I could have fucking, I could have masturbated right there on the spot. You didn't? No, I didn't. Yeah, there was none of those hijinks anymore.

There's no piss drinking, uh, trans dick sucking going on I think people ran out of ways to top themselves but I so yeah I did thank God it was a fucking podcast and that went fine Jason Mews was on it okay and I didn't know who he was and I'm the first one in the green room as well as the attendant lady and I light up a cigarette and I haven't finished more than five drags of a cigarette he comes in introduces himself as jason and i thought he worked for the festival and then he turned around to the attendant and said uh hey is there a place i can

hang out where there's it's less smoky uh i i don't like this smoke and i'm like ah fuck already i'm making fucking enemies that is funny you know you found out that was obviously is he on the show she goes yeah that's Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Kevin Smith is the one who didn't show up that I was filling in for so I think I said that on stage so I won't say who didn't show up but you think of me as silent Doug yeah didn't I think he went like this stevo straight like he was known for yeah all you know drugs and stuff and then now yeah can I find a less smoky area well he said it's because it makes him want to smoke.

I guess he was a heavy smoker. It's a trigger like everything is to those people. But he was really cool afterwards. I apologized. And he said, no, it's not that. I just, I can't be around it. So then they sat me right next to him on the fucking panel. And I know they're going to all smoke.

And I'm going to want to smoke. So I had to awkwardly ask if it's okay to move to the other end of the table. I want to be on the side where I can smoke with you guys. Oh, comes it over here. That's not true. I already put a chair there. You're going over it. No, it's, I'm not.

I don't not like cigarette smoke. I went in the room and the door was closed and it was this little box and I walked in. I was like, my eyes started burning, so I just went into the other room and shit. You move me to a more smoky area. Basically what I said. He goes, it's not like that.

It's going to be easier for me. Tim or that, dude. that's great yeah the pictures look fucking fantastic although every picture was like I love to see the smile on these people's face and that looks great and then immediately it's like I'm so glad I don't have to fucking deal with that sort of pressure that these guys are under to you know hang out with all these people and be around all these people and then now you've started telling stories I'm like oh man I've never been able to not be somewhere you yeah you would have had the same thing that I got where after you know doing fucking five shows in a day and then go back to the

hotel where everyone's hanging out in the you know not lobby but the outdoor fucking area for smokers with all the couches and the stuff that more and more and I'm fucking tripping balls because that last eight o'clock show that I didn't know how I was going to get through after doing four previous shows someone had given me a bag of ketamine and I I thought I'm saying literally at the fucking curtain and I went and I went bingo give me that ketamine and I so and I didn't have a straw so I just took the little baggy and dumped it up my nose as much as I could sniffed and welcomed Doug Stan Hope I don't know what ketamine does either it's really I don't it must be really good because by the time it's ever gotten to me which is I think

three times. It's been like, you know how they show you those videos? Like, this much fentany will kill two people. That's how much ketamine I take is like, wow, that's, is that what everybody's doing? Three grains of that? I don't think I'm going to feel that. Well, it got me through the 15 minute show. I wonder if I did like a line of it. Is that a big or do just like a bump? This was the most I'd never done. I've never, I don't know what effect it is. If it's an upper, I don't know anything about it. I don't either because I've only done it drunk. But it did, I got through that 15 minutes. Meanwhile, Dunkett Trussle and Bingo had done what was left in the bag.

I am high as fuck on ketamine right now, camera. And we decided to beat feet. And this is complex. I mean, it's got a fucking Ferris wheel. It's got a gravitron. It's got a, you know. It's this huge complex under this lighted up bridge of different colors. It is so, yeah, the tripping part of ketamine, like the colors, everything was vibrant yet blurry.

I couldn't really tell who people were, but they were colorful. So we decided to split, and then we just walked for it seemed like an hour trying to find like that an exit where you don't have to go through the main fucking pulp of the crowd. and we're hitting fucking shipyards on train tracks and I think they should go that way then we found a loading dock that had a couple of dock workers out hanging around shiftlessly

and we go is this the convention center can we he goes this is skank fest he brought us right in to the fucking end of the stage that we had just left to go and Zach of me They were doing naked roast, and I was still too fucked to hang out for naked roast.

Zach and Miko is a very big man, if you don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does a lot of juggalo fest shit. I was always in makeup and a WWF guy. And he was up evidently. He got, I don't know, it's the story I heard the most of how fucked up he was. I was doing some interview, and someone else came into it and said, he said yeah that that Zach amico last night he goes he goes that guy was documentary drunk

did you coin that term that's good he said I think you just did that's great so yeah so so yeah so yeah ketamine I guess as fucked as I was and as tired as I should have been me and Duncan and bingo went back and talked for it seemed like hours a lot of it a lot of were saying this can't go out because bingo's filming this this goes out only when we're both dead but immediately when we're both dead and we kept veering into these subjects are you like there we are back again so there's some snippets I'm sure from that that I'll be happy to see. I know where you going with this?

I have no idea about anything. I smell your existentialism. He took me on a tour, a cracket tour about that. Every time I broke my nose, there was ketamine coming out of it and I'm like, oh, fuck, I want to do so much ketamine, man. No, I just have bad nasal passages. How many times have you had respect for a club owner that also does comedy at a club? What?

I can answer that definitively. Once, Eugene, Oregon, no, listen to him. No. All you had to say was once and not in Austin. Ah! He had gone! He got to die you! The Australians went through the footage. I haven't seen anything.

I can't wait to see it when you guys are dead. Hang on to those, you guys. Yeah, so that was just a Friday. wait, no, Friday goes on. Oh, Jesus. After Duncan left. I'm already exhausted. I walk Duncan downstairs, and then fucking that courtyard is jamming.

So I hung out there until I saw the fucking sun come up. I think Andy Letterman hates me. I think I was just, there was one guy that was so annoyingly drunk that I didn't know I was in second place. And I kept talking and I was seeing everyone as movie characters and after, because Duncan had left, I just pulled one up PA, big giant guy named Clay with a big giant beard and I just held on to him. And I'm pointing out, okay, and Annie Letterman is the hit man that's come out for one more. And Kim Congdon is the mob boss's daughter that's taken over and she has to take her out. And those two, those are the hackers.

But they quibble between each other all the time. And it was somewhere between Oceans 11 and smoking aces was how the storyline was going. But I mean, it sounds kind of fun to me. I mean, I wouldn't know what else would do. Yeah, but I don't know how much I kept going on. Well, maybe it's a new show, the Skank Fest. Where you get drunk and just fucking make a movie characters out of everybody.

That was, yeah, that was the beginning part. And then you could add it all into your whole thing. You could rename it the grandfather clause where you know, they know that you're only, I'm grandfathered in. Well, that doesn't mean what it used to mean. It means the Seattle doesn't have shows after 8 o'clock. You said that. You said that, and I thought Christmas movie, the grandfather clause.

You can still fuck your cousin. It used to be legal. I'm grandfathered in. Yeah, so, yeah, that was, I think I was mocking everyone's conversations for being boring and no one else laughing, because I was laughing in everything. Oh, yeah, I did take an edible, that's right. after the ketamine at the end of the thing

the last show I did on Sunday I said is if anyone here because Saturday I had two shows and right before I got on for the first when Cognan walks by and says here's some mushrooms and fucking tuck it right in your lip kind of thing and so my next show's

now for four hours so I'm tripping and then I see her I go I think that I think that's wearing off. She goes, you want some acid? And then she gave me, she goes, he just took a hit and a half. I don't know.

So my 10 o'clock was strong. I think it was just a fucking crazy strong crowd because I walked out to standing ovation. It's only out. Atel was closing. And they had me closing after Atel on the lineup. And I go, that's never going to happen in my life for any reason, not for charity, not for a,

To save a life? No, I'm not following until I'm fucked. So they put me up second and it was fucking gray. I was just random notes. But then stayed up again until fucking five o'clock in the morning. I can maybe six. I know it was before 6.30 because that's when breakfast started and I couldn't make it to breakfast.

But I saw that kind of sunlight. I haven't been up until fucking 5.30 in the morning. I mean, two nights in a row since maybe Alaska days. I don't know. Death Valley. Remember when weekends were fun? That's how the ad copy starts out for me. But you know, I fucking hate weekends.

This is just about getting high. Let's reclaim your Saturday with Indeclap. What does that even mean? Come on. You know, I don't want to lose all my sponsors by shitting on your copy. Yeah. Yeah. No.

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That's why I want to knock that out as soon as possible. Yeah. And then I can fucking knock out the cigarettes and then all the rest, the fucking problems. But you do have a break time. Yeah, I have nothing until the 12th of December. Anchorage, Alaska, Bear Tooth Pub, Andy Andrist, me and Andy's last fucking ride on this tour. So, yeah, I think Alex is going to come up and film it because he's still missing a couple of fucking key punch lines

to make that into a special that name December Alaska that's a bold choice You've been up there in winter I lived up there yeah I was stationed up there in Fairbanks but it's not like we're going to be

we're going to be cold from the car to the Uber and your shoes matter yeah some shoes with some sold that are meant for ice and snow because you will fall straight on your ass because there will be ice shit that it might be that long that i've been to anchorage in the winter that i wasn't even wearing the fucking white loafers yeah i would i would remember that mistake yeah you would go down

but yeah that's so that's important some some soccer cleats yeah i don't know if they've ever seen like hardcore winter anyway all right good so be a good yeah I don't know what kind of winter they're having but surely the weather hasn't changed that much December and Alaska's got to be well if we avoid Coots which I intend on because I don't think there's a soul there that I would know anymore and I've heard it's just really fucking sketchy dangerous and even though we're right across the street yeah I think if I see anyone it'll be them coming to my hotel uh and again who's who's not down here that

i mean chaley tracy no uh i think everyone else moved so so we get out of there that that one show i don't know how i'm going to get through it's i woke up at 1 p.m that day knowing that we have a 6 p.m. flight the next day and I thought I don't, that's not enough time. That's only like 30 hours. Look at this room. And we

so I got through that and said all our goodbyes. Met fucking great people and you go, I wish I wasn't so fucking exhausted. That Fiona girl the one set I went out of my way to watch.

I don't know what she had, but she's in a fucking chair where... I can't even remember if her hands... I think her hands worked enough to claw. I don't know. But she was really cute. It's pretty good. I love you.

I don't know what parts of you work. It's not a lot. What is it? What is it? I have three years. Say the first part again. Three drinks? Three drinks?

And I get a lot. So, yeah, but she talked like this. She had this voice and you're in the middle of it. Oh, fuck, there's another memory of raging at the fucking bar. Can you fucking turn down the fucking music? For God's sakes, you have a room for the room for the love. You have a room for the funniest fucking people in the world. And you're making them yell over for this is entertainment.

This is what they want to hear. Fucking haul and oats. No. They want to talk. I'm trying to talk to this latest. So finally, I want to the staff. The staff there are like fucking secret service. You want to go somewhere?

I'll walk you there, Mr. Stanhope. You don't know where the Florida man tent is. We'll get you there. I have Doug Stanhope and Bingo. on their way to the Florida man tents someone would meet you get you there this is where the green room is what would you like to can I get you any food can I get you a drink everywhere that's great and so so one of the staff guys probably hears me making a fucking ass of myself but as I'm screaming I'm noticing people as close as you are not turning around

to listen they're just fucking it's that loud so I got her into this break room in the back where all the staff is hanging out just all look like I felt. And I'm like, all right, they're not even talking to each other. Now I can hear what you had to say. I forgot everything she had to say, but it was cool catching up on her story. So how long have you been fucked up? Like, and it's so progressive.

So I went from walking. I didn't know. I got diagnosed at 18. I was an athlete. Was catching my volleyball team. Sounds like your Sean Rouse story. I had a great ass. Okay, back in the day.

Did great... A great butt. Oh yeah, back in the day. Well, I haven't judged a year. No one can. But he will. Athlete, then at 18, no one believed me. I used to get grounded for walking with

Because they thought I was trying to get attention copying my sister. I still think you did it. I mean, I love attention, and it is working. She had just done Fallon, and I kept, I think, if I was in my right mind, I was telling her what a non-credit that is. Not congratulations are in order, but it's Fallon. so there was a lot of that uh yeah the more fun you have at night the more horrible you're gonna hate yourself in the morning and and so yeah got to the airport just thankful

especially if you remember the shit like it sounds like you remember somebody here problem with drugs yeah yeah drugs drugs keep the memory a little bit more intact the next day and like ooh but they're also the thing that makes you go Oh, am I making the biggest asshole of myself? And then the next days, when you see people, Andy especially, like, she didn't even want to make eye contact with me. But everyone else that didn't go out of their way to say, hey, great job last night.

They hate my guts. If you didn't rush over and hug me and offer me money and love, then you must hate my guts. And there's thousands of you. Oh. Just to flight home. walking through the airport. I probably shook as many hands

and took as many pictures in the airport because we had a fucking six hour between checkout and our flight. And you can only go into the Sky Club for three hours before your flight. So Bingo and I are just wandering all over the airport. She's just always trying to find frozen yogurt that doesn't exist anywhere.

But do you think this place will have sugar-free candy? not the iPhone store but let me just ask okay go ahead we have plenty of time but at the beginning when I first sat down at Allegiance at Skanks I said

this is the one I'm saying I'm predicting it first this is going to be the Skank Fest where someone either goes to jail or gets stabbed or gets fucking murdered because New Orleans isn't like Vegas which of those happen none of them but I met

two guys back to back in the airport I had missed it because I'd gone home early the Sunday night he had to get taken out of the festival by the EMTs had to be strapped down he was so fucked up and I had missed that

but I ran into him and he told me the story and he had his paperwork from the hospital he kept talking to me like this he just kept leaning into my ear we're in that fucking airport it's no one like listen to him but maybe his hearing was gone or his voice was gone but he said he pulled out his paperwork he blew a point 481 he said they told me they said that if I was a normal person I'd be dead so I guess I'm not a normal person Jesus yeah point 481 is about the highest I've heard

that is definitely the highest I've ever heard I've heard myths of fives five plus You remember, do you remember when he used to have one in the funhouse? We got all fucked up and have contests. Right. Of who we go, and you would usually win. But it was usually like three point, you know, nine, three point eight. I doubted the veracity of it, but it was always consistent. Like with, all right, you've had that much more to drink.

I've had that much more to drink. And then it would blow, but I always thought the numbers were kind of high. I always thought they were low because I didn't feel as fucked up as it. I was always like I'm trying for more but yeah was that a thing with blood alcohol like if you're a bigger man is your blood alcohol the same

but you can handle it better maybe it fucking processes it on the bottom end matter I don't know I don't worry so I'm not a fucking scientist fucking Andy says on the road but don't listen to me I'm not a scientist like Joe Rogan that's great he throws that in a lot

that's funny Yeah, I have a drinking gene. My grandpa was like a fucking drinking dude. You can drink and drink. Yeah, you don't get sloppy. You definitely get to a point where you shouldn't drive. I do get sloppy sometimes, but I have to be smart. Not slurry sloppy.

Happy sloppy. Or the opposite. Then there's... That guy better leave before I... make him leave yeah who knows the second guy uh i saw he's like stand hope and he's got big guy he looked kind of like shanguilis and he had two black eyes and he goes i got roofied at that first night that Thursday the pre prelimm party the he goes i was leaving there and i was fine and uh i was walking with the crowd out towards bourbon street

and the last thing I remember said I woke up in a parking garage someone woke me up and they had taken my pants and my shoes they robbed him took everything including his pants and shoes and broke three of his ribs and fractured his fucking face those are two in a row and then the the first one came over to me to give me that's when he had found his paperwork so as I'm talking to this guy the other guys So I got a picture of the three of us together. I'm like, all right, if that happened to two people, I ran into the airport, that happened to a lot of people. That's fucking crazy. Because they asked them, did anyone give you a shot? And he goes, oh, fuck.

I thought those are shot girls that worked for the venue because they're all dressed up. He goes, that's what they do. They get a really hot chick, and then they follow you around until they see you fucking. I mean, it's what happened to Andy. I respect it. It's a good, you know, if you see an event coming like that, it's like fish in a barrel, really.

Yeah, it's, you know what I mean? Yeah, but if that's the scam you're running, it's going to, it's an easy. I don't know how lucrative it is, but it's easy. And who knows how much he fought back? Because there is that. Like, why, you didn't have to fucking beat the shit out of him, but maybe he was fucking lucid enough to try to fight. some people are fucking assholes and beating a guy up as part of it

I don't know you sound like you've done this before yeah Congdon was there at the Sky Club when we're all leaving she's delayed and she's hey I'm going to Puerto Rico you guys want to want to come with us?

She said, all I do is sit on the beach and smoke weed, if you too want to come with me. But she had already told us that her flight is delayed to the point she's going to have to stay over in Atlanta and get a hotel. I'm like, wait, I don't want to be on that flight. Why am I considering? It made me realize I have really nothing left to do with my life. I can do that one gig in Anchorage and I really have no obligations and I like to get to that place Before I panic and start booking gigs,

like I want to now, just get to a place where fucking, you wake up and you go out and you get the newspaper in your bathroom and you go, I can do anything I want with the rest of my life. And then like you, I just stay home. Well, I've been enjoying my staying home a lot more than I did previously. I was miserable trying to figure out

how I could not be that way and not liking what I was, And then I've been, I had an epiphany, I had a dream that died, but then my mind didn't die. And I was just stuck being only my mind for fucking eternity, flying through nothingness and being nothingness. And it was so maddening because there was no escape from my mind. And I'm like, what if this is the respite from that? What if once we die, we just immediately go into a void where we were just stuck in this fucking mind until we can find a little hole to come here and enjoy. A little bit of peace.

So I try to find some peace. And how long has that been? This morning? No, no, no. It's worked for a little while. It's worked for a little bit. Good. About two weeks.

It doesn't mean that I'm not the same person that I was before. It just means that I enjoy that. I enjoy it, whatever. Instead of hating it, I just see what I am, whatever. You want to murder that fucking guy. You do, look at you, you crazy bastard. You want to murder a guy, don't you? You motherfucker, you're wild.

And then he just go away from that. He just kind of, you know, it's fun. Whatever, whatever it is. I don't give a fuck anymore. Intrusive thoughts. That's my, uh, he's on an escalator beside an escalator with the fucking, a cop right ahead of me.

And I'm like, intrusive thoughts, honey. You just grab that gun, just chase the other way. Ah. I don't know. I'm kind of getting drunk. Yeah, maybe we have to put off the project for another day. No, I don't know. I think we should definitely do the project.

I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, I've been finding stuff like old stuff from my act. I go, I could wedge that in here. And I want to understand exactly what you, because I don't know exactly the whole details of everything. So, you know, I want to get into it. Because in my head already I've been trying to play stuff. Yeah.

But I don't know. All right. I'm going to look at this. Because they took the time to jot down. Oh, we veered off topic. Sorry. Did I tell you Andy had COVID? Andy did?

Yeah, he was sick. And then when he got back, he said, yeah, it turned out as COVID. So now I don't know if after my six days of quitting smoking, because that's about when my fucking gurgly cough goes away within a week. So the fact that I still had it when I got there, I'm like, and I just left Andy. And you know, Andy didn't catch COVID from someone else because he doesn't talk to anyone.

So the first time you got COVID was from Skangfest and this time you gave it back? Then I brought it back. Like a fucking old re-gift. Yeah, so... I got a house full of COVID right now, so that's why we decided to have this gathering is to create a super COVID.

Like, what do you call them? Chickenpox parties. East Coast, West Coast. COVID feud to figure it out. Yeah, that's the problem. I think everyone goes home feeling so sick that they just assume

it was the fest. Yeah, it's the drugs. Yeah. Coming down off of that many drugs. Yeah, I hugged hundreds of people. I shook hands with maybe a thousand people. And then saw

them all at the airport afterward. You don't want to see anyone. What day were we even on? Oh, you were making it back already, but you got... Well, I didn't... Yeah, we didn't get back till... But you didn't want to go to Puerto Rico because it was going to be delayed,

but didn't you get delayed anyway? Well, I didn't know we were delayed. Oh. She get delayed. I didn't know until we were on the fucking airplane. As soon as I get on that first airplane from New Orleans to Atlanta to our connection, I was fucking out like a light.

And so I didn't know we had been sitting on the fucking runway for hours missing. our flight because this is fucking done so we had to stay at fucking Atlanta and then I had problems with the fucking Sky Club lady

like where's where's you know you're putting me up or not and then we just stayed at the minute suites you can rent overnight for a couple hundred bucks inside the airport so we didn't have to deal with leaving the biggest fucking airport in the world and then getting a wake-up call

all right we got a shan hide here in Atlanta overnight and we're going to a minute sweet sound but the great news is that we don't have another gig book until like three weeks or a month from now so yes we get Chang had here for as long as Tom Hanks did in that movie where he is a yeah we're gonna stay at a minute Sweets. Delta offered us Ritz Carlton, but that means

leaving the busiest airport in the world and then finding a shuttle and our shit and then going to a thing and they're waiting in line with other people. Or Minute Suites Shhh!

Minute Suites is a futon you can rent for 200 bucks overnight in Atlanta. Not to have to deal with all that bullshit and if you have a Delta Sky Club free cocktails

and Xanax Minutesweets is just as good This episode is brought to you by Minutes They're in a lot of airports We just fell asleep in the sky club They won't If they see you sleep it they'll fucking tell you can't sleep here

You don't have to be laying down You're gonna be sitting there with your eyes closed It wasn't always like that was it? Because I think it depends on people Do you remember that one time we took over an entire corner of Sky Club and we like literally like VIPed it off and they didn't say shit to us We acted like we came in owning the sky now most of the time there's a fucking line for sky clubs because they're giving them away too much with all the fucking credit cards Yeah, I didn't see like a bunch of kids used to be like wealthy people or well-dressed people or sometimes even You know who ran another comedians or something sometimes and then then I started noticing that a few times we go in there as like kids and stuff and I was like wow

that was weird. It didn't seem like a family-oriented thing. It was more like a business. Skyclubs, Vegas, and first class. There are three places. Children don't belong. No kid wants sushi. You're making them do it.

They'd rather have the peas and the broccoli. That fucking raw minnow. When you make a declaration, it sounds like an advertising. No kid wants sushi. You're making it too. I have a bunch of fake ads that I wrote one day when I'm more motivated we can cut some tracks.

Oh, that'd be fine. We still do an audio version of this, right? Yeah, we just dump those. Hey, in order for you to listen to the commercials, we'll throw in a couple of fake ones with every real one. So it's a trade-off. get that in the video version.

Oh yeah, that was one of the things. That was a creeper memory the next day. At first, me and Bingo and Duncan were a tribe of maybe seven of us that were just trying to get the fuck out of there. I go, let's all just walk across a stage that's in progress. As though we're, don't even notice that you're on a stage. just act like that's the way to the bathroom and just have conversations small under your breath and that was great and I think there's a taco truck you just

and just walk quickly but efficiently and so we did that on the main stage but the fucking show hadn't started but then we found another stage that Florida man tent and I was fucking we really doing this I was like yes it takes drugs for me to do this and so you all walk in a fucking marching line but But the comic was evidently doing crowd work, and he was down in the crowd. Like, he was down in the aisleway talking to someone. So he doesn't... Yeah, and we get to the other side and out of the tent,

and somebody said to me, your walkthrough bombed. I would think it's successful. My shortcut was successful. Well, that's... Yeah, it would have been if we hadn't gotten lost in a maze of fucking train tracks and fucking steam ships, dock workers. I'm getting part of the grandfathered-in ticket that you get or you get all the early shows. You go around. You also get a tour of the train tracks with a lost old guy as your guide.

It's a whole new skank fellow. Oh, I'm going to not be a narc here, but I, I, I, they. They go, yeah, when you said that on Skankfest, well, there was a guy in Vegas. And we were wondering how they were going to handle that because they'd never brought it up. But evidently, there was an incident in Vegas that I predicted would happen in New Orleans. I'll just, I'll leave everyone hanging on that, or you can cut it out. All right. Bye.

Yeah, it was terminal. Somebody died. I forget how. Or that might just be a faulty drug-fueled memory that, just like you, eyes roaming through the fucking universe. That didn't really happen. Could be like that. Yeah.

What did you, like, all right, did you just change your attitude? You didn't, like, wake up and go, I'm going to cut down on bacon. Yeah, I'm just fucking. I'm just fucking try. I'm just grasping, dude, trying to survive. I don't know what to do about any other way I am. It's miserable and fucking horrible.

And I guess what happens is I kind of started feeling envious of religious people. Like, you fucking guys just got to figure out. There's no contemplation about what's, you know, going on. I wish I had that. Yeah. That would be so much easier. Blinders. It's all going to be fine.

Yeah. I tived. So, so I think my idea, I think my idea was, and again, you know, part of what I am is that I hyper focus on different things at different times and this is just one of the fucking things that's happening and build my own. If you feel dumb believing in somebody else's dumb fucking made up story, then you have to build one. That's the only fucking, you know, logical conclusion.

So I'm building a belief system. of what's really happening. Build your own cult and you're the only one in it. Exactly. I wrote that down. That's basically what a cult of one is probably how cult starts is what I kind of thought about. But you have to build it.

You'd have to believe it yourself if you're going to sell it for somebody else. I guess that's how all cults would begin. Yeah, that's my plan. That's what I'm doing. Well. I don't have to share it. I don't want to be any part of it.

I don't have to share any more about it. I have my own cult. Don't try to draw me into your cult of one. I have my own cult of one. Yes, exactly. Well, exactly. You know, I think I've told you this before, but maybe I did not a long time.

Whenever my daughter was still in high school, whenever I first started hanging out with you, and then he took me on tour, and then we started doing the podcast. One day I was at home, and I would always philosophize to my, whoever was around, And there was always my poor kids would have to listen to all my shit.

And one day my daughter was fed up and she goes, why don't you just start a fucking cult? And I said, start one. I just joined one. I'm like a fucking general already. It's fantastic. I hate that it was my daughter was still in high school that triggered this memory. But I'm evidently in the Epstein files.

You saw that? I texted her to you. Oh, that's right. Yes. Yes, because I woke up one day and I just like, oh, I don't know, that's all on Reddit, and I opened it, and the very first thing right there was it said, Dunksterner, and I'm like, oh, what the fuck?

That's fantastic. I know. That comes into play where you go, do I want to book any more road dates soon? Well, yeah, kind of. One of the comments, one of the comments that I, I upvoted that I thought was great that Reddit was so this makes up for being snubbed in the what's the

you know what was it the doorker or something? The doorker oh yeah the doorker thing yeah now you now you finally get your yeah I fucking ran into a guy wearing a dorner t-shirt like that's so fucking great that nobody remembers him

that's deep cut so yeah evidently it was cool it was very fortuitous that I read that and that was the I only had one show and didn't think I was going to have time to get out of there in a day and a half. And I read that. I went down to smoke.

And the only girl out there was their stable hacker. They hire a hacker for the festival that goes out and finds any place this has been leaked, any footage that people have and get it fucking taken down immediately. So, like, she knows her shit. And I'm like, look up this Epstein file shit. And she's like in the fucking all these databases with every, fucking, you know, CIA, D-I-A, which I think she said is like CIA for women. I'm like, what?

But she was listed them off so quick that I didn't have time to ask. She did have a fucking chatterbox that wouldn't stop. And then she looked up one place in my name and she goes, you're listed in, your name's listed in here 182 times. And it's like this whole conglomerate of fucking national security. She goes,

known terrorists I've looked up are not in here at all your name but she said she's going through it I don't really know what I'm looking at but she goes it's mostly them sending your jokes back and forth I'm like that's cool

but that's what the Epstein one was it it's cool it's not the Epstein files that haven't been released it was his estate files like everything they removed from his home and she's like he had a lot of shit he had over 20,000 things And I go, is that really a lot?

I bet there's 20,000 things in my house if you're counting chapstick. And she said literally, they have to, if they find a bobby pin somewhere, they have to fucking bag it and list it and jot it down. I got 20,000 things in my closet. I have 20,000 things living in my pubic region after Skankfest. That picture of you crowd surfing.

was pretty fantastic I don't know if that was like Troy Conrad took that picture just a regular person took that picture I have a Troy Conrad folder that I have to But the ones that I saw were great Of you

There's one that I put out I don't know who took it But there's one I put on Instagram And again like the first fucking crowd surfing when I got COVID didn't spill any this time I spilled some in my eye

but otherwise I still had a drink when I get off and they fucking dumped Kim like I get off I get off fine and she took a fucking header where she had to go to the hospital for a concussion oh no yeah

she said my thighs are so bruised up from that crowd surfing that was everyone that's trying to grab your ass and miss it yeah my ass was funny because I didn't have to 70 people trying to finger me. Exactly. Come on, you got to expect that.

I think it was my opening joke on the last night was, hey, Kim Kong did she stand it right there? I know it's on a lot of drugs last night. I know I told you that I thought I was in love with you, and then later I told you that I was definitely in love with you. Well, I think that was just the drugs. talking the drugs that you kept giving me but it could have been love if it weren't for that delayed flight to Puerto Rico that's what I started looking up is places you can go

Puerto Rico which I never really had any inkling to visit other than they have a beach but you don't need a passport you don't have to go through customs and there's 22 places. I looked it up. I was doing major travel porn. You've not been there? No. Wow. Yeah. That passport. That kind of surprises me. I guess I guess maybe now I'm curious where else you haven't been because it's like you've been to a lot of fucking places. Have you heard of Saipan? Only from World War II. Yeah, you don't need to. You went adjacent to that probably. All right. Guam I haven't been to. I always wanted to go to Guam don't need a passport.

I would love to go to Guam. I had a lot of friends from Guam. When I was in the Army, I ended up making a bunch of friends with them. They like to drink and cook food, I guess. There's a lot of the reason. But everybody calls each other their cousin, even if they're not. That's my cousin. That's my cousin.

It's because I guess it's like a smaller area or whatever. So in the military, that's one of the things. But anyway, that seems like a fun place from all the stories I've been told about. Yeah, and it's from here, it's still a pain in the end. because you have to go from an American, you can't go through a layover in Korea like Delta does. You have to come from Honolulu is the only place that has non-stops and they're not.

Every one of these fucking things I cook up, you go, oh, I could get there and 18 hours is not bad. And then you go, oh, I might do this. And then the return is like 53 hours. It's like, fuck you. You have to spend a day and a half in Seattle. Oh, no. So, yeah.

You know, that's why people take videos of stuff. Yeah. So I can sit home and enjoy it. Jenny and I were watching videos on YouTube of, there's like places where you can take like these little rickety things on rails down these Swiss mountains and shit. I'm like, the fuck is that, you know? Well, I would never do that, but I really appreciate this. Somebody did and strapped a camera on for it because it's pretty,

pretty cool yeah I'm more about the warm like I know it's like we left a fucking week ago and it was 78 perfect perfect at night you can leave the fucking windows open and I get back here and it's 44 degrees in a week a winter doesn't stop you know it's warm in my house sorry to drag out like this no this is great You know, one day I actually I was going to text you probably, I actually was going to text like the word also at you and Andy or whatever

but I said I drove to Bisbee today because I wanted to remember what it felt like to go visit my friends but it was also because I was fixing the van and I had to flush the radiator and I had to drive it for like an hour so I drove to Bisbee back but it did make me reminiscent

to come and hang out so I did kind of miss it. Yeah, Derek, like, I didn't, I don't know if they even did football this Sunday because it looks exactly like I left it, meaning stuff is out that I was going to put away. Like, all that Kansas soda didn't get touched, nothing get, so I didn't even know if they did it, but Derek didn't show up for the first time. I don't know how they, the seniors figured out how to turn on all those remotes, but Derek has been

fucking bad lately. He's going through his health issues and high blood pressure but the fucking medicine makes him sick and he said he hadn't held down food

in four days and pretty soon. Yeah, yesterday Bingo asked him to go to Sierra Vista to pick up her context.

Is Derek count on who's going to die this year? We should do a fucking, yeah, a locals. You always said it wasn't specific. You just said someone's going

to die on this tour. Oh, that's what it was. people that have appeared on the podcast audio or otherwise if we have anyone out there that still does all that due diligence they can figure out a full list of people that have appeared on this podcast we'll do a deathpool for new years yeah don't pick me anymore my blood clots are uh pretty they're still there but they're dissolving so feel pretty good and then right now i'm going probably like with building this new mind cult i'm probably like manic which was a i was go into Superman mode for a while that's pretty good you can't pick yourself i think that's you can't

stop that guy i did that on story wars i don't know if you've ever seen story wars but like i put down me on one of them this is my story i think you'd throw them off but it didn't but like that don't pick yourself at story wars or a death pool we used to do DeathPull that I made it into the database. That was an accomplishment. Wanna go write jokes? Yeah, yeah. I'm on board.

I think we've run long enough because it seems how you have to put a bunch of clips into this. Can you just tell us a bit more about his story wasn't in like that was such a fun watch i don't even know what that is but the plan is actually maybe to watch along with andy yeah when andy gets here for uh new years we're yeah we'll we'll just do a stand-alone with story wars after they already have it out and we can pick and choose coach i don't even know what that is so i'm intrigued it's uh you've piqued my interest with all of your commercial banter that was cleverly arranged

It was definitely my best show on, it's five comics. Louis J. and Big J. Always. And then three other comics. And everyone writes down just a snippet of a story. Like, when I was 18, my prom date threw up on my cock or something. Okay. Or it can be light, but so everyone has to guess whose story it is. And you get points.

if you get it right and you get points for some I didn't but you try to you try to deceive other people like you try to all right I'm going to make this story sound like something that guy would say so I was on with Tony Hinchcliff

and Ron Bennington from Ron and Fez radio show and the boys of course and I fucking crushed it nice I'll look forward to that I won 29

to 13 to 6 to tied for last with four well well there's the commercial there's yeah that's upcoming thank you patreon people i met fucking more people that watched my last special discount meet there than i do at my own shows your last special is fucking great man the last special the one that's great how you came up with that yes how i came up with that yes how i came up What do you think the overlap, like what do they call this, a Venn diagram of a juggalo and skank fest, is got to be damn close to a circle? Well, that Zach Amico, I don't know, he books it or runs it or what he does with it, but he's been at every skank fest I've seen him.

So it's a similar vibe. Yeah. I mean, I would just imagine the same people that go, like if you, you wouldn't schedule Skank Fest during the Juggalo Fest. What do they call? I don't know what I mean. The gathering, yes. The gathering and skank fest. I don't think you would schedule that at the same time where you would cut your profits in half. Early on when we had ambitions of taking this as like a travelogue after Ukraine and Slab City. That was going to be the next and I couldn't find a, like, I just threw it out there. Like, I don't, I want to go to the gathering and do a podcast. And no one ever, I was just hoping someone in the world. Yeah. Because they did invite me, like, in 2012 or something. But I say absolutely no fucking way.

But now, if we're doing this for a podcast. If you would have thrown that out at Skankfest, you would have already had email inbox full. Probably. And I might because I talked to Zach about. it but I because what I found out when I looked it up after no one got back to me this year was their 25th anniversary so they had this fucking ultra line-up of fucking back then they were just desperate to get anyone now they have this so I'm glad that that was a no and after that it was just like when I'd watch

travel shows on YouTube it's like you I I don't want to actually do that. And everyone's already done it. So if I'm watching it, people have gone to fucking Ukraine, a million of them. Yeah, that shot is beautiful. If I went there, I would have to edit out 100 fucking heads of people

if I tried to take that same picture that I'm seeing on TV or wherever. You know, my screensaver for Apple TV is fantastic. I love it. It's what I watch most of the time. me different shit yeah but where would I take a shit that said like a common thing when I'm watching a fucking travel log yeah but what what dude I think that when I have to go to town I've been so Jenny had surgery recently so I

had to be her caretaker which means she takes almost daily trips to town which is I've been having to take almost daily trips to town and I told you I I need to just start recording GoPro on my head or something because at least seven times I have road rage that I feel is completely justified every single day, just a trip to town to Sierra Vista, which is like six and a half miles from my house. And I forgot my point of that.

No, you've had to do this because of Jenny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I told her I wouldn't do it for any other reason. Get those eyeglass. cameras did fucking Andy rocks and never use this when we need them well I would it's you know well and I oh I was gonna say is the thing is I won't do it because it's I'm not gonna record shit for the court to have if something happens that's just fucking dumb I mean it's there's a point like entertaining is one thing but I mean hey they

get a lot of views, not in a good way, but you watched enough of those that you know it happens. That guy was stupid enough to, oh, but the thing is they can't read your thoughts yet, and that's coming. That's a note in a notebook, because you should just start telling people the truth fucking right away, right off the bat, because we're fucking months away from having an app that reads your mind, and they're going to know. Do you ever talk with Chat GPT about Thoughtful Leaf? That's an interesting conversation to have with AI. Yeah, I want to see how much you remember.

You have a free chat GPT or do you have the thing? She won't try to upgrade it. I pay for it. I know, so do they. And I don't know what I'm missing. Well, here's the thing. Chat GPT is my very first toxic relationship. I have figured that out.

I end up almost every couple of months, we have had it since June's, but it's happened maybe three times. Maybe even a month. Anyway, I reach a point where I argue with it. I call it names. I berated. You fucking cocksucker. You told me this.

And then it comes if turned out, it's fucking this. Look at this. Tell me you were wrong, you fucking dumb fuck. And then it was like, you're right. I was fucking totally wrong. That's not a toxic relationship. That's a perfect relationship. So then I get mad.

And then I'm like, you know what? That's why I'm fucking canceling you. I'm Friday. My subscription runs out. That's your last fucking day. I'm only talking to you because I'm fucking paying up through Friday, you cunt. Like, these are real things that I say to chat GPT. And then on Friday, then it's off.

And I'm like, all right, fuck chat, GPT. I don't need it. And then I have to Google stuff. And then Google gets it wrong. And then I'm like, fuck you, Google. That's impotent rage. I don't have, it won't apologize and admit that it's a cunt, like chat GPT will. So I have to fuck me like.

fucking resubscribe but you need that I bitch about other things to chat GPT like if there's no customer service I just pretend that chat GPT is the customer you motherfucker I've already click and then it'll just pretend like it works there I'm so sorry that you've done that it just my first toxic relationship I was saying you were going to say that that you fire your chat gbt you're gonna be you're gonna be working a fucking automated system for fucking southwest airlines if you don't fucking i would i'm not embarrassed by anything in life clearly but i might be embarrassed if my chat gpt transcripts were released publicly i would be like oh i said that the fuck dude you were feeling dark that day chat gpt has shut me down before

So one of the games I like to play with Chat GPT There's a book called The Sunset Limited And there's a movie with Samuel L. Jackson and Tommy Lee, what's his name? It doesn't matter. You remember the black guy and that's what counts. Yeah, that's the one I usually forget. That's so weird and it just came out.

I was self-conscious. Anyway, it's Mr. White and Mr. Black. One of them is a prisoner who got out of, you know, he got out of jail. He found faith and helped them get through stuff. The other guy's a philosophy teacher who's decided life's meaningless, and he saves me. There's a battle between why you should just kill yourself for the entire thing. The whole book and the whole movie is just a conversation between these two people.

So I play The Sunset Limited with Chat GPT, where I push its boundaries about why I should kill myself. If you're going to think about that I know I'm not going to do it I'm just telling you why I should do it Oh okay well if you're not going to do it Then we can talk about why you should So we can debate if you word it It's like practicing wordcraft

You really have to be creative And how you word it but I can debate On whether or not I should kill myself with Jeff And I'm not suggesting people do that It's an completely unhealthy fucking prompts Once I'm done with it I never feel like I shouldn't kill myself I really, you know.

It's a good way for a defense attorney to prepare. But it's fun. You know, I can't not do it. It's like having a snickers in your pocket. You're not going to not eat it. I mean, I got a fucking phone that I can debate whether or not I should kill myself and tell it all the reasons I should.

You're not going to eat it, but you might forget it in your laundry. I don't know if that's on a podcast. podcast, but the end of the Andy tour in Florida, he did laundry and left a fucking chocolate bar. Oh, no. It wasn't the end. It was several days to the end. My life was just a little happier when I didn't have chocolate stains burned it on my clothes. Sorry. Why does he have shit stains on his knees?

That doesn't even make sense. I'm getting drunk, sorry. Ah, it's good to fucking see you guys. You're sober enough to drive to the house? Sure. This coach East County. I can drive anywhere I want. As long as I don't wreck, I'll be all right.

I've never heard of a jinx in my life. Anything else? All right. well we'll see what's in the can coming up and we can do another manchill one with Andy on oh man those are good those are definitely good yeah to be fair I didn't know I was going that way for

I thought I was here back but I'll go there then no no he I was just repeating what he said I was writing other shit and not really paying as much of attention as I should I guess yeah you tell me what the plan is and I will help execute it I would look forward to doing this we're doing it all right we're already doing it you guys kick me out whenever you're going to bed I'm not going to bed. So like when you're... I'm waiting to fuck Annie Letterman. Do you really want to fuck her?

No. Did you see her in that harsh life before you fucking pulled the plug? That's why I told me. That's why you told her the phone park.